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At 6:00am the heart beat stopped and Fred started to play a couple of sound effects as a farting song parody of the theme from ''2001 A Space Odyssey'' came in. It was full of farts... Something that they couldn't play in the final days of Howard's terrestrial radio show.
Then Howard's old theme song came on and Howard Stern started his official broadcast. He was introduced by George Takei (of Star Trek) who said he was their official announcer for the show. Takei introduced each of the crew, Benjy Bronk, Gary Dell'Abate, Richard Christy, Sal ''the Stockbroker'' Governale, Fred Norris, Robin Quivers and Artie Lange... and then Howard Stern.
Howard said they were riddled with problems this morning. His headphones were squealing, his microphone didn't sound right... and he was ready to go home. He thanked George Takei for his announcing and said that's one of the new things they'll have on the show.
Howard welcomed everyone to non-terrestrial radio and said that he'll be commercial free on this first day but they may have to take a break to fix some of their technical problems. Howard said hello to everyone who came in this morning and then talked about how he had a ton of people wishing him luck with the show today... and he's been in the business for 25 years. He won't have a problem doing the show.
Artie complained that there was no deli in the area that was open so he had to go to his old deli to get his breakfast. Howard said that George Takei will be there all week with them and will be helping out with the press conference stuff they'll be doing this week. Howard said he won't be talking to the press directly, George will do that.
Howard said that he trusts George to do his thing live on the show, unlike Stuttering John on the Tonight Show who has to pre-record his stuff. Howard was going to have George do some announcing and then they were going to take a break so they could fix some of their technical glitches. George Takei did a little more announcing and mentioned some of the stuff they had coming up later in the show. They have a bunch of stuff to get to later in the morning including Howard's discussion about whether or not he got married.
Howard asked George Takei to give them a song so he suggested ''Sentimental Journey'' and when Artie heard that he started to laugh his ass off. Howard decided to play Tom Petty's ''The Last DJ'' so he looked it up in his music library. Fred had to look it up in his system since Howard wasn't able to find it. They played the song and tried to fix their many technical problems.
Howard came back in the middle of the song and said that they seem to have fixed the problem... but it came back a few seconds later. His headphones were too loud and it kept squealing even worse than it was earlier. Scott the Engineer was there to try and help fix the problem. Scott claims that they had the same problem over at the old station but Howard said that wasn't true. Scott seemed to have fixed the problem, at least for now.
Howard heard that there were more activations yesterday than even the day after Christmas so people are rushing to sign up to hear his show. He's very happy about that and that's the good news. It's very gratifying to Howard to know that the fans are coming in. He said he really does think that this is the future of radio.
Howard is proud to be a part of this whole satellite radio thing. He said he did start to have some regrets after the old radio show ended. He worked up 20 years of an audience over there and it was weird to walk away from that. He said he woke up the day after his final show and said he was really pissed at himself. He said he was pissed that he didn't do a good job on the last show. He said he had planned the show in a certain way but changed that at the last minute. He ended up missing half of the speeches. He said he didn't hear his parents or sister's speeches and he gives himself a D minus for the final show. It could have been much better.
Howard thought about cutting back and forth but the whole plan got screwy. He should have just left the microphones on down on the street. He thinks he blew it with that. He also can't believe that he won't be able to just start broadcasting to 18 million people like he could do over there. Now he has 3.3 million at the most.
Howard said he used ''cuntie'' to describe Martha Stewart's daughter the other day. He said that it's really not that much of a curse word though. He said he's got a no cursing rule for Sal the Stockbroker because he just uses it too much. Sal came in and said that he's not going to use those words because he knows that he'll get tea bagged by Richard if he does curse. Sal said that George Takei had just used the C-word. Takei complained that Sal had pronounced his last name wrong.
Howard wanted to take some phone calls and gave out their new phone number which is 888-9-ASSHOLE. They had George Takei do some announcing for the new phone number and then Howard tried to take a call. They were having problems with the audio level.
Callers were letting Howard know that they were happy to hear him on the air again. Howard went on to say that he was really dead over at the new station and really had to get out of there. One caller told Howard that this was great and he loves everyone on the show. Howard said he could have taken off another 6 months and just done interviews for that whole time. This show has been so hyped up there's no way to live up to it on the first show.
Howard asked George if he knew about this guy Pat O'Brien and what went on with the phone sex messages. George knew nothing about it so Howard had to explain it to him. That led to the guys talking to George about how old he is. George said that he's 68 but looks good according to Howard. Howard then gave George more details about the Pat O'Brien voice mail messages and how they weren't unable to play them uncensored in the past. Howard wanted Fred to play some of those clips but he wasn't quite prepared.
Howard played a promo that Richard Christy sang to the tune of Billy Squire's ''Stroke Me'' where they give out the new phone number 888-9-ASSHOLE. Howard thinks that number is very fitting because he was never able to use that word on his show even though other DJs were using it on their shows. He said that he would get fined but other jocks wouldn't.
Fred found the Pat O'Brien audio clips so he played those, uncensored, for George. We've heard the clips before but not without beeps and bleeps. They played another couple of song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man had created with those clips. They had played them back on the old show but they were filled with beeps as well.
George Takei thought the clips kind of humanized Pat. Howard said he wants to talk to Pat about those clips and find out if he actually got the date with that chick.
That conversation led to Howard asking George if he's ever been with a woman. George said of course he has. He said that was back in the days when he felt he had to be with a woman. We then found out that George's first time was with a man and it was at a Boy Scout camp with one of the counselors. He was only 14 years old at the time. He said the counselor was very handsome. Artie was cracking some jokes and cursing more than Howard was.
Artie pointed out that George's voice sounds so great because he's gay and his mind isn't clouded by pussy like his is. The guys talked about the movie ''Brokeback Mountain'' and George said it was a brilliant film. Howard said he may watch it on DVD but won't go to the theater to see it.
Howard said that Kelly LeBrock has ballooned up to 170 pounds and she's huge. Gary watched the show and said that they have some audio clips available. Howard and Artie got back to George's story about his Boy Scout experience. Artie is a bit homophobic and was joking around about how they have George sitting right next to him. Artie said there are some guys who don't mind getting F-d in the ass and then there are guys who are terrified of that.
George said that he did sleep with a woman for the first time when he was in his late teens. He wanted to find out if he could find another aspect of himself back then. He really liked that woman. Howard said that George was telling this story to Artie and Artie wouldn't look at him. Artie said he likes George and wasn't trying to avoid him. George was saying that Artie wasn't the most attractive man so Artie responded by saying that just for that, he's going to F-him.
Gary told Howard that there are a bunch of Press trucks outside to report on this big day. Howard went on to talk about what went on the day that David Lee Roth started doing his show. He listened to Dave's show and came up with some ideas for him. He was going to call in on the second day of Dave's show to give him the advice he had but wasn't sure if he should call in. He wanted to get involved but thought better of it and figured he should get some sleep instead.
Howard figured he'd call Dave on the air instead of doing it. Gary tried to get through to Dave this morning but they changed the hotline number. Howard said that he wants Dave to confront all of the phone calls he takes because he's pretty sure that they're only taking calls from people they know. He said that Dave was saying that he's this adventurer but he's not taking any risks on the show. He also said that Dave was talking about how the job isn't all that hard but Howard thinks that he should make it hard. It shouldn't come all that easy to him.
Gary said that he was still trying to get through to the David Lee Roth show but he wasn't having any luck. Howard said they have a lot more to get to this morning like the revelations and wether or not he's married. Howard said that he's going to talk about the marriage rumors but everyone will have to wait for that. He took a bit of a break after that and played the opening song parody.
Robin asked Howard to stop for a minute and asked him how he's feeling. Howard said that he's pretty sure that there are only four people listening this morning. He then went on to talk about how there were so many people buying satellite receivers yesterday that there were none to be found in the stores. Robin said she went to Best Buy over the weekend and didn't see any SIRIUS receivers. There were plenty of XM receivers, but none for SIRIUS. Howard said he heard that SIRIUS tuners were the big sellers this holiday season, even bigger than iPods.
Howard said that there was a 9 hour wait yesterday for activating receivers through SIRIUS. Gary brought in some statistics about how many sales they had over the holiday season. He knows that the buyers will like the service wether they listen to his show or not. Robin said she gets all the radio she wants on her satellite radio and hasn't gone back to regular radio since getting hers.
Robin said it's kind of odd not doing commercials because she realized that she got a lot of her news work done during the breaks. Artie said that since they're not taking breaks, he's just going to shit himself. Howard said they were going to have George do some more announcing about the upcoming stuff and Artie told Howard that he'd better not be married. He's afraid that it will spark some conversations between he and Dana that he doesn't want to get into.
Howard was interested in finding out more about the way George would receive the anal. George said that sometimes they would do it in the missionary position and that was surprising to Howard. Robin said she learned that on ''Queer as Folk'' when they would sometimes be in that position.
Howard said that he would have told Dave that any radio show on terrestrial radio takes a year to 18 months before it will reflect audience participation. He needs more time to get the show developed. He also talked about Dave's sidekick and how he seems to be sucking Dave's balls on the air. He said it might be best for that guy to give his honest opinion about what he thinks about the show. Howard said he would suggest to Dave that he have the guy take a lie detector test to find out if he really thought the show was good or not.
Howard was also explaining how he would like to tell Dave about what to do about taking phone calls and how he should take any call that comes in. He said that if Dave is going to do ''reality radio'' he has to take the negative calls with the positive. He would have wished Dave luck with his show because he really does hope that he can pull it off.
Captain Janks called in and said that he has listened to Dave's show and it was pretty bad. He said that Howard's sound checks were better than Dave's show. Janks also said that Tom Chiusano called him and asked him if he was prank calling the show. Janks said he hasn't done that and won't do it. He has no reason to prank call Dave's show at this time. Janks said that someone at K-Rock called him this morning and asked him if it was him calling as Gary from the Howard Stern Show trying to get Howard on the air. It wasn't Janks, it was actually Gary.
Captain Janks had some phone calls that he's never been able to play on terrestrial radio that he wanted to play for Howard. Howard interrupted and said that he kept getting well wishers telling him ''good luck'' this morning as if he's just starting out as a broadcaster today. He's been in the business for 25 years and he knows what he's doing. He also mentioned that they've gone an hour and a half without a commercial break. Janks said that's great.
Howard said that he's loving that they have George Takei as their announcer. They had a meeting one day where they tried to come up with an announcer and someone suggested Takei. Robin thinks that it was Howard who mentioned his name. George is going to remain as their official announcer but he will only be sitting in this week.
Janks interrupted and said that Howard was on CNN and tried to play the report. It was over by the time he got to it. The report was about Howard's stock payoff at SIRIUS so the guys spent a minute talking about that. Howard then had Janks play his prank calls. Janks played a call to C-Span where he asked a guy if he had a big dick. Then he played another call where he asked a female host if she shaves her snatch. Howard let Janks go after that and played some audio clips to take a bit of a break.
George Takei said that it's nice that Howard got married and that they're trying to get the same rights for gays and lesbians. Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard to call him in six months when she stops sucking his dick. Gary didn't understand why he would get married after telling everyone not to get married. Artie said that this is a big surprise to him because Howard told him to please not get married. Ralph was also saying that he still doesn't believe that Howard actually did it. He doesn't know why he would mess up a good thing.
Gary said he remembers Howard saying that he didn't get his first marriage right so how could he get another one right. He just told that to David Letterman a couple of months ago.
Howard took some phone calls and let some fans give their thoughts on the whole thing. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he believes it. Another caller said that he thought it was just a publicity stunt... Then Howard revealed that he's really not married. He said that he wanted to see the reaction around the room and that's why he said that he was married.
Howard told the guys that Richard Johnson of Page Six wrote an article about how he and Beth were married. There was a rumor going on about the marriage when they went on vacation down in Mexico. Howard decided to keep the rumor going until they went on air just to see what people would think. Howard said that he and Beth have no plans to get married because they're having a great time and he doesn't want to fuck it up... as Ralph said earlier.
Howard said that the room was shocked by his revelation when he said he was married. Now everyone knows the truth, he's not married.
Richard Christy came in and told the guys that it was his idea to have George Takei as their announcer. Ralph was trying to take credit for that but Richard corrected him and said it was his. He also told George that he's a big fan of his and has had a lot of fun with his audio book. Howard had Fred play some of those clips where Richard recut his audio clips to make it sound like he was saying other things. They also played Kidd Chris' great prank phone call to George where he pretended to be Ricardo Montalban. That's the call where we learned the name of George's dog ''Le Reine Blanche.''
George said that when he got that call he wasn't that surprised because he has gotten a call from Ricardo out of the blue before. Ralph wondered how he could believe that was really Ricardo though because it didn't sound a thing like him. George said it was early in the morning so it was hard to tell.
A caller told Howard that he was surprised that he didn't appear on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Howard told the guy that he was on the cover of a few magazines like Esquire, Us Weekly and a bunch of others but he did limit himself a little bit. It was getting very overwhelming so he passed on some stuff. He said it was getting so bad that he got sick and really had to take a vacation. The caller also pointed out that Stuttering John's absence was very noticeable in the final weeks of the show. Gary said they put the offer out to him and he wasn't able to come to New York and didn't want to call in. Howard mentioned that John's wife just had a baby boy a couple of weeks ago.
Howard was going to read the revelations himself. He saw that there were 11 total revelations and no one was going to know who they belonged to. The people participating in the Revelation are... Howard, Robin, Fred, Artie, Benjy, JD, Gary, Sal, Richard, Scott the Engineer and Jason. Here are the revelations...
Howard told the guys that they do have Press out there waiting for them. Howard said that he could play two songs to kill some time while they brought the press in. Howard said this would give them time to pee and do some other things. They couldn't get off the revelations though because they were all very interested in finding out which story belonged to which staff member.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was still hearing the heart beat from the start of the show. Howard told her she was probably on channel 101 and was hearing the West Coast feed. Howard played an audio clip of Tim Sabean trying to explain how they were going to run their schedule. After that the guys were still talking about the revelations because they were so fascinated by them. Gary said that the big buzz out in the hall was that Howard was the one who got Beth pregnant and had to have an abortion.
Howard had the guys pick a song to play while they get the press in there and take bathroom breaks. Artie came up with ''any Bruce (Springsteen) song.'' He said that the first song that Howard ever played on K-Rock was a Bruce Springsteen song so he told Fred to play that one. They played a ''No more Bullshit'' song parody and then the Bruce Springsteen song ''Prove it All Night.''
They finally got a working mic so George told Penny that she could ask one question. Penny was upset about the color of her Howard 100 News team jacket that was ugly yellow. Penny went on to ask Howard if he got a nose job. She thought it looked smaller. Howard denied it but said maybe that revelation was his. Penny was also saying that she knows that Howard is married and she will uncover that.
Howard moved on to Keith Olbermann and wanted to play the clip from his show where he bashed Rush Limbaugh but he wasn't able to find it. He's still trying to get used to the new system they have there. He finally found it and played the clip... but it was the wrong one so Howard skipped it. Keith then went on to ask Howard if he worries that he may be followed by others like Rush Limbaugh who will charge for his show. Howard told Keith that this is a dream of all broadcasters who have no other place to do their show without censoring. He said that all broadcasters should embrace this technology and take some risks. He said that this will pave the way for other broadcasters. Keith told Howard that he was told years ago that no one would ever pay for TV but he's seen that's not true with his cable TV show.
George Takei introduced Maria Menounos from Access Hollywood. Howard said that she's a very hot chick and was on his show one time and got tickled in the tickle chair. He said it was one of the most erotic shows he's done. He asked her a few questions about whether or no she's had sex with Vin Diesel. Maria said she did not. Howard asked George Takei if he would like to have sex with him. George laughed and said he would love to. Maria then went on to tell Howard that she's excited about this new show and has SIRIUS installed all over her house. Maria had gifts for everyone but Penny interrupted and complained that she didn't have time. Maria then asked if his daughters would be part of this new venture of his. Howard said that he will have his family as part of the channels. The two older daughters, Emily and Debra, are both interested.
George Takei introduced the next reporter, Andrea Pyser, who asked Howard if he's excited about the new show. Howard said that he's very excited. Howard interrupted and asked George who he found to be the most attractive man in the room. George said it had to be Keith Olbermann. Andrea then asked Howard what it's like to share a studio with Martha Stewart's daughter. Howard said they don't share any studio but they do work in the same building. They're all dedicated to getting this thing off the ground though. He talked about how great it is that he's part of this new technology and that people are willing to pay to hear all of this great content. Howard was selling the service to Andrea, telling her about all of the great content they have on SIRIUS with over 120 channels of music, talk and sports. He said there's something for everyone and he knows that it's the future.
George introduced AJ Callaway from Extra! He asked if Howard is messing with them about the marriage thing. Howard explained to him that he and Beth are having a great time and he's not going to screw it up by getting married. Both of them believe that marriage would not enhance the relationship. There was a question about Howard's daughter Emily recently backing out of a play in which she appeared semi-nude. Howard said that he did advise his daughter that it might not be the best play to appear in before she did it. She went ahead and did it and backed out a few weeks in. Howard said that she was betrayed by the director and backed out of the play because of that. She was willing to do the play but didn't want to be singled out. The director apparently used video of her on his web site and that's when she backed out. The director apparently told her that he ''forgot'' that they had an agreement. Then the director started making phone calls and bad mouthing him, even though he had nothing to do with it. His daughter handled everything herself and he's very proud of the way she handled it.
Gary told Howard they had a lot more people to get to. George then introduced the next reporter, AJ Hammer from CNN. AJ joked that they tallied up the fines that would have been levied against the show this morning and it would have been about $6.9 billion. AJ then asked him if he's found any freedoms there that he didn't expect. Howard talked about how great it is to be able to speak freely without the FCC interfering. That led to him bringing up Bubba the Love Sponge who was there in the studio. Bubba starts his new show on Howard 101 this afternoon at 4pm. Bubba said a few words before George introduced the next reporter.
Kim Dean from ''Inside Edition'' was up next. Howard said she was very hot and then let her ask some questions. She asked Howard how he's going to keep the show fresh if he can curse all he wants. Howard said he doesn't rely on the shock value of cursing. He said that their line is being funny, not being shocking. He said that if the F-word works into the discussion, then it's fine to throw it out there. Artie had already used it about a hundred times. Kim then asked Howard if he's married, engaged or what. Howard explained to her why he and Beth have no desire to get married. Things are just fine the way they are now.
Maria Menounos asked Howard if he's afraid of the FCC going after satellite radio. Howard said that it's ridiculous that they're even thinking about it because there is no legal justification for censoring satellite radio, a service people have to pay for. He said that if that happens, that means that books and magazines will be next. Howard said that cable channels like HBO and Showtime can show sex filled shows because people choose to pay for that stuff. That's the way satellite radio should be. He said if it does happen, it'll probably be 5 years down the road and he'll be done with radio by that time.
George introduced the next reporter Lisa Coligrossi who mentioned that she used to work for Liz Aiello who is now the Howard 100 News director. She asked Howard about the cost of satellite radio and if he's afraid of leaving some of the fans out in the cold. Howard said that the service is only $.43 a day so he thinks that people will eventually come on board. They go to a movie that costs them $9 per person and that's not nearly as much entertainment as a month's worth of satellite radio. He said that down the road people will buy a new car and maybe switch over to satellite radio went they see the service is available. There's something for everyone in the choice of 120 channels.
George introduced Lisa Cabrerra from WNYW who had a great rack according to Gary. She works for FOX 5 News... where Penny used to work. Penny said that she actually took her job and her tits were better than hers. Howard said that Penny is a great reporter and he can't wait to find out what she uncovers for Howard 100 News. Lisa went on to ask Howard about how he's dealing with the stress of this new venture. Howard said he did get stressed out when he was leaving the old station... but it wasn't because he was leaving, it was because he was thinking about the new channels. He said he went to Mexico and got over his stress but when he came back he had another strange thing on his body. He said his chin blew up with a lump on it. The doctors didn't know what it was so he figured it was just the stress. He thought about calming down and it was gone within a day. He said that he did some Transcendetal Meditation as he's been doing for most of his life and that calms him down. Lisa asked Howard if he's married or not. He told her once again that he's not married.
WNBC's Joe Avalar was up next. He and Howard talked about Sue Simmons who has been at NBC for many years. Howard figures that she's had a lot of work done on her face but Joe didn't have any comment on that. Joe asked Howard how big the commitment is for Howard 100 and Howard 101. He also wanted to know the difference between the two channels. Howard told Joe that he has a big staff for the two channels. He said that the channels will service his audience and they don't have to worry about pleasing 10 billion people, just his audience. They will have Howard 100 News, Super Fan Round Table, Gary's Post Show Wrap Up and many specialty shows. He talked about Meet the Shrink and what that's all about. They can have The Beetlejuice Show or some animated shows. Gary pointed out Crack Whore View so Howard talked about that show. Joe asked Howard just how big the staff is. Gary said that the Stern Show is about 25, In Demand it's probably another 20... and there are many, many more working on the channels.
George Takei introduced the next reporter, Lynn, and Howard said that she was very hot. Gary remembered seeing a picture of hear while back where she was almost nude. Gary said something about Lynn not being a very young woman which led to Penny getting upset that they were picking on her about her age. She's lost jobs over her age so she's very sensitive about that. Lynn went on to ask Howard about wether or not he's a nervous wreck while he's on the air. Howard said he is nervous about pleasuring his audience but he can control it. That led to Howard talking about how he and Beth use condoms when they have sex. Penny didn't believe that so Howard told her that if he was with her, he'd use a wet suit to be with her. Howard said that he comes quickly and the rubber helps him hold out longer. Lynn didn't believe it either. George Takei said that he and his man don't use rubbers either because they trust each other.
George introduced reporter Lisa from FOX News once again. She asked Howard about all of the money that he's rumored to be getting for this new job. Howard changed the subject and said that paying for this service gets you a lot of entertainment for $.43 a day. She asked him if he could have kept his show on regular radio just by tweaking it a little bit. Howard said that he could never have done that and he was never in this business for the money. He was ready to leave Infinity and that's when satellite came along and offered him a job. Lisa asked Howard what he would do if Beth asked him to marry her. Howard said he has discussed that with Beth and he would ask her why they need to be married. Everything is good and there is no reason to change what they have. He'd be afraid to ruin things.
George Takei introduced Giovanna from WWOR. Giovanna asked Howard to tell them something new that no one knows about him. Howard didn't think there was anything that he hasn't talked about. He told her that he got an erection when he saw her for the first time this morning.
George introduced Aaron Carlson from AP but he wasn't there, he'd left. Richard Huff from the New York Daily News was there so he got to ask Howard a question. Richard asked Howard about what he thinks losing all of those fans who aren't coming along to satellite. Howard said he's in a winning situation right now and there is nothing negative about his move to satellite. Richard also asked Howard who else could come along and do what he's doing. Howard said there are people succeeding on terrestrial radio, even Imus, who has few listeners, is somewhat ''successful.'' He doesn't get what that's all about. He said that Imus must be the most blessed man on the planet. He's just bland enough not to get fined by the FCC.
George opened up the floor to anyone else who wanted to question Howard. One reporter asked Howard what he will do in 5 years when his contract is up. Howard said that his channels will be built up over the next 5 years and they will live on after he leaves. He said if he's up to it, he may sign on to do more in 5 years, he's not sure.
Another reporter asked Howard what he spends his money on. He talked about his house, going out to eat at nice places and stuff like that. He doesn't really spend money on fancy cars or anything like that. He does have some nice TV equipment though. The woman also asked Howard if he's ever approached to do a show like Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he may do a parody of it for his Howard Stern On Demand channel but he would never appear on a show like that himself. He said that they can put any of the stuff on his channels up on Howard Stern On Demand or even on the internet. The two channels will be some of the biggest content providers out there eventually.
A reporter from Billboard Magazine asked Howard if he plans on broadcasting his show on the internet. Howard said they are in talks about doing that and he's pretty sure that will eventually happen. Another reporter asked Howard about the language on the radio show. Howard said that he has thought about keeping the cursing to a minimum so they don't make people numb to it. He said that if they keep saying it all the time, it's going to be too much so he's come up with his own limits.
Howard was asked by one of the AJs what his advice would be for David Lee Roth. Howard went through that discussion once again and told him what he would tell Dave about his show. He said that the station has to give Dave at least a year to 18 months to develop the show. He also cracked a joke about Dave getting a better hair piece which could help him out. He said he's never held back on his show from letting people tell him how they really feel and Dave doesn't seem to be doing that. Howard said you have to be brave enough to open up and speak freely about anything.
A reporter from an international newspaper asked Howard what he would find to be ''indecent'' if he doesn't think his show is indecent. Howard talked about how the government is lying to the people of this country and how he finds that to be indecent.
Steve Langford from Howard 100 News was asking a question that no one seemed to understand. Howard had to have him repeat the question. Steve was trying to point out that they aren't limited in how they report their news. They may not just cover Howard Stern news, they may cover other news. Howard said they have been in discussions about that but there isn't much chance of them becoming a major news source. They will have two newscasts each day though. One at noon and one at six in the evening.
One guy asked Howard why Robin is in the booth. Howard told him that Robin has to prepare her news so she's got her own work area. She also stays out of the discussions they have during breaks so she's can be the fresh outlook on the on-air discussions.
A reporter who showed up late asked Howard if there will ever be peace in the Middle East. Howard said that will probably never happen. George Takei wrapped up the press conference after that and Howard went to a music break so he could shake everyone's hands goodbye.
Howard had George announce the new phone number 888-9-ASSHOLE and then took a call from Double A. Double A said few words about the new show and then Howard cut him off and took a call from Bobo. Bobo thanked Howard for letting him be part of that final show rally.
Howard said that the movie King Kong didn't do as well as expected during the time they were off. He said that when a huge gorilla picks up a blonde woman, he wonders why something like that would happen. Artie said something and his microphone was still not quite right so Howard said they have to work on that and make it right. Robin said that the whole premise of the King Kong story is out of whack. There was no reason for the woman to fall in love with King Kong either.
Artie tried to say some more stuff but his mic sound was so screwy that it sounded like he was yelling through a window to talk. Howard said that King Kong could be a racial movie and you could use the analogy that King Kong is a big black guy who falls for a white woman and the white people bring the black guy to New York to kill him.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked Howard for the show and told him that the whole SIRIUS experience has been great and it's a great value.
Howard mentioned that he did an interview with USA Today that's out now. He also mentioned that Martin Bashir interviewed him for ABC's Nightline but only played about 7 minutes of the interview. He said that he's in talks with Bashir to air the whole thing on his show because it was so good.
Howard repeated all of the revelations that they revealed earlier in the show.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that he's been listening to SIRIUS for 5 years now and welcomed him to the service. A woman called in after that and said that she bought the service back in October and has been enjoying it since then. Howard took a few more phone calls from fans who were all congratulating him on his move.
One caller asked Howard what the replay times were going to be for his show because he works early in the morning and goes to bed at 9pm. Howard told the guy that they repeat the show on a 3 hour delay in the morning and then it will be rerun at 9pm at night. He said that if you have an S50 tuner, you can download it and listen to it anytime.
Robin told Howard that she was able to pull up this week's top 5 songs for Howard. She gave him each song and then Howard would pull it from his music library and play a short clip. Here's the list as Robin read it to Howard:
Ralph said he didn't get why Howard hired Bubba at first but now he understands it and he likes the guy. Robin wondered what Ronnie the Limo Driver's problem is with Bubba because he's gone off on him recently. Ronnie came in and said that Bubba should have been to the final show instead of sitting home and listening from his hotel room. Bubba's producer Brent came in and Ronnie went off on him. Brent doesn't know what's going on with him, they get along with everyone else on the show, just not Ronnie.
Ronnie said that they don't appreciate them and Bubba shouldn't have come on the Super Fan Round Table show that he was part of a couple of weeks ago. Brent and Ronnie argued for a short time and Brent asked what Ronnie could do if someone really came in there to cause problems. Brent confirmed that it was Alicia Class who Bubba ate out on the air one time.
Bubba showed up a short time later to talk about his studio. Howard said that everyone is getting along except for Ronnie. Ronnie believes that Bubba started all of this but Bubba said that it's Ronnie who started it. He said that Ronnie was really cool to him when he first met him. Then Ronnie found out he's good friends with Tony Stewart and that's when things went bad. They really got into it one night on the Super Fan Round Table show when Ralph was using his studio down in Tampa to do his part of the show. Ronnie went off on Bubba that night even though Ralph asked him to say hello. Ronnie told him to go do his own show instead of getting in on the Round Table show.
Bubba said that he doesn't care about the round table show, he's got his own show. He also claims that Ronnie wanted an autograph from Tony and he got really upset when he didn't get it for him. Ronnie claims that Bubba is lying about that and he never asked for an autograph. Ronnie admitted that he did get upset when he learned that he had missed Tony's visit to Scores though.
Howard cut the guys off and had George do another announcement about the show. Bubba then told Howard that he's no sure he's going to have his guy Ned returning to his show and he may have to have Howard talk to him to get him back. Artie didn't know who Ned was so Howard explained that he's a guy who does prank calls and other stuff for the show. Howard wanted to play a clip of one of Ned's calls but they weren't able to find it.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about Howard Stern On Demand for a few minutes. Both Bubba and Brent said that it's awesome. Ronnie and Bubba were back to arguing a short time later. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's sick of Ronnie whining. The conversation changed when the guys started talking about the crazy stuff Bubba has done on his show and he mentioned that he takes Viagra. He's had a ''Chub-Off'' on his show where he had a couple of chicks on the show to give them oral to get them excited.
Bubba was also telling Howard that he shaves his pubic area. That led to Howard asking Bubba to shave his balls on the air so they can put that on his Howard Stern On Demand show. Howard asked George Takei if he prefers his man to be shaved or not. George said that his boyfriend does not shave his area and he doesn't seem to mind that. Richard Christy came in and said that he shaves his balls as well and even shaves his anal area. Howard said he wants Bubba to come in and demonstrate this. Bubba said that Hulk Hogan was the guy who actually introduced this process to him. George Takei will be the judge of the best shaved balls once that happens. Richard said that he's very confident in his size and that he's about 7 1/2 inches when hard. Robin saw his penis one time and said it wasn't all that big. Richard said he was soft that day though.
Bubba said that he shaves his balls about twice a week. His girlfriend shaves down completely so she's bald down there. Howard wanted to have Bubba and Richard have a shave off where the loser would have to shave the other guy's asshole. The guys were all over the place with their discussions about shaving their ball hair. Bubba said that down in Florida it gets really hot so shaving the hair helps.
Ronnie suggested that they hook Bubba up with Tabitha Stevens show she can bleach his asshole. Bubba said that he's actually had Tabitha but she was too skinny for him. He's been with a bunch of chicks like that and had a lot of groupies over the years... until he got his current girlfriend.
Howard finally got the Ned prank call that he was looking for earlier in the show. Bubba had his guy Ned talk to David Lee Roth one time that he didn't want to do an interview with him. Ned was very disrespectful to Dave and goofed on his career and his crazy ramblings. Dave stuck with him through the phone call and didn't seem to know that Ned was goofing on him.
Tabitha Stevens was on the phone after the break. She claims that she never had sex with Bubba. Bubba claims that she and another woman had a thing but Tabitha said that never happened. Tabitha said that she knows Bubba and she really never did have him. She said she would admit it if she did it but that never happened. Bubba claims that he remembers putting his penis inside of her. She said it may have been her sister and not her. Bubba wasn't sure at that point. Tabitha said that Bubba may have a problem if he doesn't know where his penis is going.
Howard said he may have Tabitha Stevens in to take a lie detector test one day this week. He let Bubba and Brent go after that and wished him luck with his new show that starts airing today at 4pm on Howard 101.
Fred was having some problems with his board this morning. He said he's realizing the limitations of the board and of himself. He wasn't able to get the music going first thing so Howard pointed that out. Howard then had George Takei, the new announcer for the show, do his intro for the show. Takei introduced Artie Lange, Fred Norris, Benjamin Bronk, Robin Ophelia Quivers... Howard said he thinks that she's the one whose revelation was the one about being fondled in the hospital. He let Takei get back to his intro.
After introducing Howard, George and Howard spent a few minutes talking about his big day yesterday. Takei says that he was doing press all afternoon. He was on CNN and did a bunch of interviews there at SIRIUS. Howard noticed that Artie was having problems with his microphone again today. Artie said that George had asked him ''How long have you been living this madness?'' when he came in this morning.
Howard told Fred that when they take breaks during the show today, he's got to have music to play. They will have 6 commercials per hour today and that's it.
Howard said that everyone was telling him that George Takei was a great addition to the show. He had a clip from CNN where George was interviewed so he played that for everyone. The interviewer asked to be introduced by George so he did that for AJ Hammer and now it's kind of funny how everyone wants George to be an announcer. In the interview George told AJ about his experiences on the show yesterday and how crazy things were. Takei told AJ about how he got the job. He pronounced Gary's last name as ''Dell'Abante'' instead of ''Dell'Abate'' so Howard said that he likes the new one better.
Gary pointed out that George had said that when he got the call from him, his ''loins girded.'' The guys had some fun with that as George was laughing with his unmistakable laugh. AJ asked George why he came out of the closet at such an advanced age. Howard and George talked about that for a short time. George told Howard that he came out because of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold vetoed the same sex marriage bill and that got George's dander up. That's when he decided to come out of the closet.
As Howard was listening to George, he saw that Artie had his head down reading the paper. He said he's never really seen what Artie does in the morning and that's apparently what he does. Howard decided to stop playing the clip from CNN and told everyone that George will be live in the studio all week with them. He'd like to have him live each week but George lives out on the West Coast. They may set him up with an ISDN line so they can have him live each day.
Howard said the strangest review was by a religious site that listed all of the curse words that were said on the show yesterday. He said that they listened all of the curse words from the show and how many times they were used. They don't list the full word, just F**k and stuff like that. The F-word was apparently used 77 times during the show. He read through the list that came from FamilyMediaGuide.com.
Howard read some other notes about the show. They seemed to know a lot about the show from their detailed descriptions. They even list the sound effects and what they're supposed to be representing. Robin said that if those people can listen to the show, write down everything that they hear and not have anything happen to them then there's nothing wrong with listening.
Howard said that Gary invited some people down to the press conference and the Amsterdam News people slammed down their phone when they got the call. Gary said it was actually Dan Clores' office that called them. George said that he knows some people over there and maybe he should have called instead.
Howard brought up the movie ''Brokeback Mountain'' during the discussion and said that Vinnie Favale asked him if they wanted to go see the movie with a group of like 10 Scores girls so it wouldn't be so gay. Howard seemed to think that was a good idea.
Howard asked George Takei what he would have said to the woman he knows at the Amsterdam News if he had called. Howard pretended to be the woman George knows and tried to create the conversation that would have happened if George had called. George said that the woman he knows doesn't speak the way Howard was speaking.
Howard read a list of press that were invited to the press conference yesterday that turned it down. There were people like the Parents Television Council, Afro Times and Al Jazeera that decided not to come down.
Howard talked about how he had to get out of there yesterday after the show. He had just done 5 and a half hours of show but everyone from SIRIUS was there to take his picture. He just wanted to get out and decompress. He got out of there and did some TM meditation before stopping in on the Post Show Wrap Up that aired after the radio show. That will be going on every day after the show.
Howard said that it's crazy how he's got these two channels going and he can just stop in and talk to the guys whenever he wants. Gary came in and told Howard what they discussed on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Gary also brought up how there are a lot of people who think that he's the one who pleasured himself with meat and vegetables from the Revelation list that they read yesterday.
Howard said that some people are thinking that Gary is the one who cheated on his wife. Howard thinks that Gary won't be faithful for the rest of his marriage but he's not the one who has already cheated. That led to the guys trying to figure out whose story was whose. Here's the list of revelations:
Howard said that Bubba laid out all of his stuff and thought he sounded really relaxed. Ralph stopped in on the show and Bubba was saying that maybe he and Howard could swap air shifts once in a while. Howard said that he liked it best when Bubba just talked instead of going to bits and stuff. He said he's tuning in for the second day after hearing that show.
Robin said that she didn't hear anything after about 2:00 yesterday because she was so wiped out. Howard said that he had to choose between Howard 100 News and Bubba's show. Now he's thinking that maybe they should air Bubba on Howard 100 but he thought better of it and figures it's good to give people a choice. He wasn't even sure what the exact time was for Bubba's show. He thought it was 3-7 but Artie said he thought it was 4-8.
Program Director Tim Sabean came in and told Howard that Bubba is on from 4-7 because of the way they have the schedule set up on Howard 101 for the West Coast. He's actually on from 1-5pm Pacific time. They run the Howard 100 News from 12-1 Pacific time so Bubba comes on later. Tim said that they had to have a bit of a compromise with the times and that's where Bubba's show fit in.
The caller said that he thinks that Howard should be streaming his show on the web for his fans so they can listen at work. Howard said that they're working on that but he wants to have it available through his web site and through the SIRIUS web site. He's not sure what's taking so long to work things out. He's pretty sure they'll have that worked out sometime.
Howard wondered whose idea it was to bring Scott along to SIRIUS. He said that if he had left him behind at K-Rock, Scott would have been fired by Tom Chiusano. Scott said that Tom always hated him and he's not sure why. Howard wondered which revelation was Scott's since he's part of that whole thing.
Howard said that Sal the Stockbroker is on the PDT (the scroll on SIRIUS tuners) writing up some stuff for people to read. He saw that Sal was writing up some goofy trivia and thought it might be better to have an announcement about who is in the studio or something like that.
Richard Christy came in and said that he gave Robin an oral sex book for Christmas. Robin said she threw it away. Howard said that all of Sal's Christmas gifts were horrible this year. He said he got him a John Lennon book that he already had and the book was crap anyway. He also got a history of comic books book that he didn't want. He doesn't like to read that kind of stuff. Richard Christy got him a nice journal to write in and that's the kind of stuff he likes. Sal said he also got Howard a King Kong book and he's not into King Kong.
Howard talked about the analogy he mentioned yesterday about the King Kong story and how it could be considered a racist movie. He said that King Kong could be looked at as the racist white person's black man who kidnaps a blonde haired white woman. He talked about how the whole premise of the movie is off because King Kong is this huge ape who goes after a tiny white woman. He wants to F-her but she's way to small for him and there's no way he could even use a finger on her.
Howard talked to 'Arnold' about his motorcycle accident and Arnold went off on the Mexicans and how they're all illegal out there. He said they're always too busy eating burritos and making babies to drive correctly. He said the woman who pulled out in front of him was a Mexican woman.
Howard asked George Takei to talk about his feelings about Arnold. Takei didn't know that it was a phony Arnold and went off on him about the Same Sex Marriage bill and how upset he is about that being vetoed. Howard let George go on and on about the bill. Fake Arnold said that George must be ''one of those gays'' who takes it up the backside. George said he didn't want to discuss that. Then Arnold said that a couple should have a penis and a vagina, not two penises.
Howard asked 'Arnold' about why he vetoed the bill so 'Arnold' said that he just didn't have a pen that day. George couldn't believe that Arnold was going to treat his run in office this way. Arnold told him that he's just trying to have some fun. 'Arnold' said that he's got no problem with gays and actually enjoyed ''Brokeback Mountain.'' George said that Arnold has been flip-flopping on a lot of issues and this is just like him.
'Arnold' made a joke about how Asians can't drive very well, just like the Mexicans. George couldn't believe that he was making jokes like that. Howard kept the joke going and had 'Arnold' busting George's balls. Arnold said that he will pass the same sex marriage bill if it comes through again. He also said that he's going to pass a bill that doesn't allow Mexican women or Asians to drive in California. Arnold said that he's so high on Vikodin right now that he'd take a massage from him right now. He also said that he'd take a reach-around if George wanted to give him one.
George said that he does respect Arnold's career. Howard put through some phone calls for 'Arnold' and one guy said he can't believe the way the guy is joking about the gays. George says that he's going to hold Arnold to what he said about signing that same sex marriage bill. Howard wrapped up with Arnold a short time later and George said that he thinks that they've made history here. He still had no idea that it was a fake Arnold. Arnold was about to go when he mentioned that he's going to pass that bill that will stop Asians and Mexican women from driving.
Howard told Arnold that George was stuck in an internment camp back in World War II but Arnold responded with a ''Shit happens'' statement. Howard got some laughs out of that. He let 'Arnold' go a short time later.
George thanked Howard for making that happen today and Howard continued to keep the joke going. He told George to tell everyone he spoke to the Governor himself and he's going to hold him to the claim that he's going to pass that same sex marriage bill.
Howard came back after some commercials and talked about ''Dancing with the Stars'' but that was also a commercial. He said he's been watching the new season of the show and he's enjoying it as he did last season. He and Robin spent some time talking about how wacky some of the stars are on the show. Howard figured that George Takei would be great on that show and maybe he should join.
Howard said that Lisa Renna's lips look like labia hanging from her face. He said she looks like a burn victim whose labia were transplanted from her vagina to her face. Howard reenacted the conversation that may have gone on between Lisa and her doctor about transplanting the lips.
Howard was cursing a bit more than he did yesterday and said that he's thrown out his no-cursing rule. He said he was listening to Bubba cursing yesterday and figured it's fine to do since they are on satellite now. He got back to the discussion about ''Dancing with the Stars'' and said that it airs on Thursday night's at 8 o'clock.
JD told Howard that Courtney sent him a message through his MySpace account. She said that she looked him up on there and eventually hooked up with him. Howard said there must be something wrong with this chick. He asked her how much she weighed and how tall she was. She's 132 pounds and only 5'2'' tall. Howard thought she must be chubby but JD said she's really not.
She gave out her MySpace account which is at www.myspace.com/lvcourtney. Howard checked out the picture and said she wasn't all that bad. She had big breasts and claims that they're real. JD is apparently calling her his girlfriend now. Gary said that she was at the final day party and she was there with Dennis Hoff from the Bunny Ranch.
Howard found out that Courtney used to have her own adult web site and she used to do sex shows on a web cam. Gary said she must be one of those women who does what you type to her on camera. JD said he knew that she used to do that stuff and he was fine with it. She now sells insurance so she doesn't want to give out her old web site address.
Dennis from the Bunny Ranch called in and told Howard that he's known Courtney for a long time and she's a great lover. Courtney said that she did sleep with Dennis but JD didn't know about that. Courtney said she's never worked there at the Bunny Ranch and she's never done anything like that. Dennis told Howard that JD is a very lucky man to have been with Courtney. He said that she's very bright, fun and loves to have a good time. He thought that it was great that this guy had such a great woman as his first.
Howard asked Courtney who was more fun to be with, Dennis or JD. She said they were different and wouldn't commit to either one. Howard said that Dennis is going to have a show on his channel called ''Confessions From the Bunny Ranch.'' Dennis said that they're getting some great stuff for the show out there.
Howard got back to JD and Courtney and asked JD what he thinks about her sleeping with Dennis. JD said he was going to have to think about that. Richard Christy came in and asked her if JD was big or not. She said that he was fine and his rubber stayed on when he put it on. Richard also asked how long he lasted with her. Courtney said that he lasted quite a long time... maybe five minutes. JD said that he didn't rub one out before doing it with her either.
Howard asked George if he has ever rubbed one out before being with a man so he can lst longer. George said ''Uh, yes'' in that unique George Takei way. He said it's more pleasurable when you do that. Howard welcomed everyone to Howard 100 after that and talked about how great this was.
Howard asked Courtney if JD was able to give her an orgasm. She said she really doesn't get there without a plug in the wall. She eventually admitted that Dennis was better than JD in bed but Dennis has a lot more experience. Howard asked her if she was turned off by the way he speaks. Courtney said she thought that he was very cool and treated her very well.
Howard asked JD what she was wearing when he invited her to his apartment. He wasn't able to tell a story so Howard got irritated with him and gave up on trying to find out what she was wearing. Gary said that he was looking at Courtney's MySpace account and saw that the people she'd most like to meet were Jimmy Fallon and Artie Lange. He wondered if she banged JD because she wanted to get to Artie. She claims that's not what she was doing. Richard said that she seemed to be really into JD and told him that she really wanted to bang this guy the day she was hanging out with him.
Fred played some more Napoleon Dynamite audio clips over a love song. Gary said that he heard that JD's apartment is a mess. JD said that no one from the show has ever been up there to see it so no one would know. Howard asked Courtney how drunk she got before doing it with JD. She said she had a few cocktails before that but she wasn't completely drunk. JD said he had one Jack and Coke before so he wasn't wasted either.
Howard asked Courtney and JD how this all went down. They described what went on in detail. Courtney said she took her top off after changing clothes at his apartment. Then she went over and kissed him while she was topless. The guys asked him if he sucked on her and if she tasted like Dennis Hoff. Courtney said she went over and got on top of him. As they were discussing all of this George Takei was laughing his ass of thinking about how romantic this was.
Richard Christy was asking some very personal questions about what was going on so Artie was goofing on him by doing his impression of him and making up some questions that he might ask. JD was claiming that he had fingered this chick but Courtney said she didn't remember that. Howard said that this is big for JD because he lost his virginity to her.
Courtney said that she used to do phone sex for her web site but she hasn't done that with JD. Artie joked that JD would probably put the phone up his ass thinking that meant that it was phone sex. Artie had George Takei laughing his ass off at those jokes. Howard told Artie he's going to get lucky with George if he keeps that up. George said he was exhausted from laughing so much.
JD said that his Dad knows about the loss of his virginity but he's not sure if his mother knows yet. Artie joked that when his dad found out he said ''You f'd Courtney too?'' Howard didn't want to make a mockery out of this whole thing so he stopped the joking around. He got back to the discussion about JD and Courtney's sex date.
Howard asked JD if he practiced putting on condoms before doing it with Courtney. He said he did and he got the condoms from a box they had at K-Rock when they were still there. He said they were some Durex condoms that they were giving out for free.
Courtney was talking to someone there so Howard asked her who it was. Courtney said that it was her friend that's on her MySpace page. Jessica Hahn called in a short time later and said that she knows Courtney and she's a very nice person. Howard ended up asking Jessica about the hate she was giving them a few weeks back on Howard 100 News. She said that she was just jealous about some stuff. She loves Howard.
Howard said that he wants Sal off the PDT (scroll on SIRIUS) because he was calling Courtney a ''ho.'' He told Sal to stop it and play it straight. He wants him to keep the ''ho'' comments off of there. Sal told Howard to calm down, he just added that ho comment after playing it straight earlier.
Howard found out that Courtney had gotten on top of JD and did him that way. He wanted JD to describe how it felt for the first time but JD wasn't sure because he had the condom on. Howard said that shouldn't have mattered for his first time.
Howard asked JD more about how it went and he seemed to have a good time but it was kind of hard to tell because he wasn't able to express himself very well. He did go down on her at some point. He said she smelled fine to him. Howard asked JD what he did with the condom. JD said that he just threw it off to the side when he was done. Richard asked him if he's changed his sheets since then. JD said he hasn't. Courtney was kind of upset about this because it was going so bad. Howard told her she'll forget all about it in a few months.
JD said that he and Courtney did it that night and then the next morning. Courtney said that he got behind her that morning and really hit it hard. He didn't last all that long that time. JD said that any position is a good position for him. He tossed that condom on the condom heap that he started the night before. Richard asked him if he was able to enter her himself or if Courtney had to guide him in. Courtney said she's pretty sure she helped guide him in. Howard wondered if Courtney and JD thought about anal. Courtney said ''Absolutely not.'' Howard wondered if Dennis Hoff did anal with her. She said that didn't happen with him either.
JD told Howard that he walked Courtney back to her hotel after that and really didn't just want to get rid of her like Howard thought. The guys asked JD when he'll be entering her again. Neither of them were sure but JD is still calling her his girlfriend. Courtney said that she doesn't have a lot of friends and it sounds like she's really not looking at this like a relationship. All of the guys were goofing on JD making fun of the way he speaks.
Howard said that Beth got an e-mail from JD where he basically told her that he'd gotten laid. He was going to bring that in so he could read it since JD couldn't remember what it said. Howard congratulated JD on his conquest and welcomed Courtney into the family. Robin said that JD was supposed to lose his virginity there in the studio, not at home. Howard said that he screwed them over by doing it at home instead of there.
Richard said that JD has been asking him if he's doing any shows out in Vegas so he can go along to see this chick. Courtney asked Howard if he's going to be coming out there anytime soon. Howard said that maybe JD will. Courtney claims that she hasn't done any other guys since she was with J. She's not looking for any plugs either so that should tell us something about the relationship. Howard let her go and did a commercial break.
Howard asked George if he knows how old Shatner is. George is 68 and he's pretty sure that Shatner is 8 years older than him. Howard found that hard to believe and thought that Leonard was the oldest of the crew. George and Howard spent a few minutes talking about Shatner and the way they don't get along very well. George says that Leonard Nimoy is a good guy and gets along with him. He even came and visited him when he did the Equis Broadway play recently.
Howard had George read another announcement about the show since that's his job now. Howard told George that it's an honor to have him there this week. George said that it's great to be there and it was a history making day with Arnold Schwarzenegger calling in. Howard then broke the news to George that it wasn't really Arnold, it was a fake Arnold who called in. George got a laugh out of that and said he was kind of wondering about that. He didn't even believe that it was really a phony until Howard mentioned it once again. He thought Howard was pulling his leg about him being a phony. George told Howard that he has destroyed a beautiful thing by telling him that it was a phony.
Gary came in and gave Howard a copy of JD's e-mail to Beth. Beth sent it along to him and it appears that JD writes the same way he speaks. Howard read the part where JD tells Beth about his weekend with Courtney but he doesn't actually come out and say that he got laid. Howard said that he wants to take out an ad in the NY Post where he posts a note saying that JD got laid.
Howard talked to Bubba about the first show he did yesterday on Howard 101. He said the show was good and he's looking forward to today's show. Bubba said that he was hoping that Artie would stop by the show. Artie doesn't even know where they broadcast from. Bubba is also looking for Robin and Fred to stop in. Brent said that he's a big fan of Fred's and would love to have him on the show.
Bubba and Brent told Howard about some of the news reports that were done about him yesterday and how great they all were. That led to Howard playing some of the audio clips from the news reports. One report had two guys who usually argue with each other talking about how they both went out and bought SIRIUS radios just so they could hear Howard Stern. Howard said that most of the press he saw yesterday was positive and they never get that much positive press.
Howard told Bubba about how good he felt about his show yesterday. He said it's come down to the point where he has to decide between listening to his show or to Howard 100 News. He loves both shows but he can't decide on which one he wants to listen to. He thinks that the S50 tuner is the future of the service because people can record shows like Bubba's and listen to them later.
Bubba said that he heard that Howard got over 400,000 calls yesterday. Howard hadn't heard that so Will came in and told him that was true and their phone system actually shut down because of that. Howard told Bubba that he believes that he should get a raise after hearing his show yesterday. Bubba said that he's happy to have a job there and he's looking forward to coming up with some new shows for the people and building a library.
Howard said that he's glad he got out of his last job because they were really treating him like crap over there. Bubba and Howard spent some time talking about the way both of them have gone into markets to bring a station from like 15th place up to first. Now they're doing the same thing with SIRIUS and they both seem to think that they'll be able to make it number 1.
Howard said that there are many other radio guys who are looking to come over to the new place to get out of the terrestrial radio business. He's going to keep people with the same type of humor on his channels.
Howard played another audio clip from Keith Olberman's report about his first show. Olbermann did a nice report about the first show. After that Howard and Bubba talked about how the FCC will probably start filing NALs (Notice of Apparent Liability) because it's an election year. They're holding off right now but they will come out about 90 days before the election so they can show how they're going to be against indecency. Howard said Bubba was talking about that on his show yesterday and found that it as astute of him to bring that up. Bubba was also going off on President Bush on his show so they spent a short time discussing that.
Howard played more of the Keith Olbermann audio and then took a call from Ralph. Ralph said that he enjoyed Bubba's show yesterday but he'd rather hear Bubba and his guys talking and not playing so many bits. Bubba said they were a little nervous yesterday so he actually had to take a Xanax before the show. Bubba told Artie that he's got some more if he needs it.
Howard said that Bubba's show airs at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific on Howard 101. There is no rerun of that show yet but Howard said he's going to make that happen. Bubba was also saying that Ralph has been treating them very well and he appreciates that. George Takei was also saying that he likes Bubba because he's got a lot to say, plus, he shaves his balls. Howard was going to take a break after that. He got in a few plugs for the many shows they have on Howard 100 new including The Wrap Up Show with Gary Dell'Abate and Jon Hein right after the radio show. Then there's the Howard 100 News at noon and 6pm. Howard said they'll also have some audio from an interview that he did with USA Today journalist Peter Johnson. Howard said the guy was nice enough to let him roll tape during that interview so they can play it.
Howard got sidetracked and ended up talking about the revelations they read on the show yesterday. They were talking about who they think belongs to each story. Bubba asked Howard if he's going to do a Vegas show this year. Howard said that if they do, they're all going together. Howard said he would do the first four hours and then Bubba could do another four hour show.
Bubba asked if he could dress Robin one day because he'd like to see her in some very feminine clothes. That got Howard talking to George Takei about his gay life and if he's ever gotten dressed in women's clothes. George laughed and said that doesn't happen.
Howard took a break and did a live commercial for GoldenPalace.com. He then went to a regular commercial break.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked Howard for turning him on to ''Smallville'' because he really likes it. They spent a short time talking about that TV show and then the guy told Howard that he's sounding much better on the mic now that they've straightened things out. He said that Artie still doesn't sound right though. Howard liked the guy so much that he was going to offer him the chance to come into the studio for a visit. The caller was nearby on Long Island but Howard was hoping to have someone from Montana or some place like that. Gary told him that it's fine to have someone from Long Island come in.
Howard interrupted the bit and said that he wanted to get to the point where George got into it with fake Arnold. He gave up on playing it because he wanted to get to the news. He asked the guys to pull a clip of George and 'Arnold' going at it so he could play it.
Howard took a break around 10:10am. They played some commercials and played some music to kill some time. After the break Howard did another live commercial and then took a call from Vinnie Favale from CBS. Vinnie was telling Howard that he's unable to get the show while he's on the bus because there's no antenna access for his SIRIUS radio. He told Howard that when his show is available on the web, he'll be able to pull in the show from the web on his cell phone. Howard wasn't aware of that and said he's got to get that going.
Vinnie asked Howard when his radio show is going to start airing on Howard Stern On Demand. Howard said that it doesn't really start until like March or something like that. Doug Goodstein from In Demand came in and told Howard that there will be a delay until they can get the satellite shows on the air. That won't happen until March 16th... and there will be a 30 hour turn around time. They will tape the show, edit it and upload it to the Howard Stern On Demand servers for people to see within 30 hours.
Howard let Vinnie go and had Robin get back to her news. A short time later Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening in South Dakota. The guy was looking to come in to visit the studio. Howard decided to invite him in to visit the studio. Another guy called in and said he lives in Montana and would also love to come in to visit the studio. Howard put him on the list as well. The Montana caller said he had never heard the show before but he had heard of Howard Stern. Howard asked the guy how he became a subscriber and how long he's been listening. The caller said he's been a subscriber for about a year and just started listening to Howard 100 News about a month ago.
Howard asked him some questions to find out how helpful the Howard 100 News has been for getting to know the rest of the members of the show. The caller said it's been very helpful. The guy said he started hearing about Howard on the radio and that's when he became aware of the show. Howard told the guy he's going to fly him in and let him visit the new studio.
Another caller told Howard that he's got to give George Takei his own show. He also said that he heard that Dick Clark is the runner up for that job. Howard had played a short clip of Dick doing his New Year's Eve show and he's not sounding too good since suffering from a stroke. Howard went to a commercial break shortly after that.
Howard came back from break and took a phone call from a guy in Los Angeles who said it was great to hear the show live and uncut without 20 minutes of commercials like they used to play on KLSX. Howard also quickly mentioned that you can find the Fake Arnold on MySpace.com. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:45am. He played a Joe Rogan comedy bit that they used to play on old fashioned radio. This time it was uncensored.
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Howard started off the show trying to figure out if his mic was too loud. He welcomed everyone to his third day there at SIRIUS and then talked about how Bubba the Love Sponge was complaining about the name of the station he's on. It's a very simple Howard One Hundred One and he's apparently got a problem with that. He said that Bubba was complaining that he's like a new version of Pig Vomit (from the Private Parts movie).
Howard had George Takei introduce the show since he's the new announcer for the show. George introduced each of the crew as the members of Star Trek. That led to Howard talking to George about the actors who played the Klingons on the show and how they probably didn't get paid much since they were playing just quick parts. Howard was also telling George that he's had a great time with him there this week. Artie and Robin said that they're going to miss him when he leaves at the end of the week. He'll still be the announcer but won't be live in the studio after this week.
Howard said he was up early this morning watching The Bachelor and some other shows. He's liking The Bachelor this season but he's liking another show even more. He talked about how he was so excited last night that he just couldn't sleep. Everyone on the show is liking their new jobs so much that they don't want to leave or can't sleep.
George was telling the guys how he walks around the streets of New York and has people saying ''Oh my!'' to him all the time. He can't get away from it. He told them about going to see the play ''Casanova'' and how great that was. Artie heard that and said that after hearing the review of that show and The Bachelor, he's going to get the fuck out of there.
Howard got back to his TV show discussions and brought up this guy Jeff Conaway who used to be on ''Taxi'' many years ago. He walked off that show and never made it as a star. Now he's on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and he's giving Danny Bonaduce a run for his money for having the best show on TV. Howard talked about that for a minute and then brought up Dancing With the Stars and some of the nuts on that show. He's talked about that for the past couple of days and how Lisa Renna's lips look like labia on her face.
Artie said he's been watching Danny Bonaduce's show lately and it's great to him. He said that the rants the guy goes on are great. Howard said it might be funny to have George Takei read some of those rants in his voice. Howard ended up asking George if he ever saw William Shatner banging all of the hot chicks on the show back when they did Star Trek together. George never saw that stuff so he didn't have any dirt on the guy.
Howard had some clips from Celebrity Fit Club where Jeff Conaway loses it and starts yelling. Jeff yelled at the other celebrities on the show and the guy who weighs them all in. Jeff was throwing his shoes at people and freaking out when the drill sergeant told him to sit his fat ass down. He claims that he slit his wrists at the age of 3, a pedophile at the age of 7 and rambled off a few other things he's done. Artie did his ''Wahhhh'' thing when he heard that. Howard said he was thinking of that when he heard this guy freaking out for the first time.
Jeff Conaway was yelling about his career and all of the great things he's done... like Taxi. He claims he's got a couple of movies coming out but no one knows what they are. Howard interrupted that to talk about how he thinks that Don Imus is ''fucking nuts'' after reading an article about him in Vanity Fair.
Howard and the guys were talking to George about how good he looks at the age of 68 so Artie cracked a joke about how ''that jizz does wonders'' which got George laughing his ass off. He also responded by saying ''You should try it!'' The two of them are like the new Odd Couple. They play off of each other great.
Howard asked George if he's had any famous men in his love live. George said that he has had some men who are famous to him. Howard asked him if those men were closeted. George said that they probably would be considered in the closet. He didn't want to talk about those people though.
George and Artie were joking about becoming a new couple. George made it seem like he was kind of interested in Artie and laugh with his unmistakable laugh as he was talking about that.
Howard said that he had a list of people who wanted to talk to him calling in from all over the country. He took a call from a guy who was out in Kansas but had heard the show out in Sacramento. He said he kept track of the show through SternFanNetwork.com and MarksFriggin... Thank you... Howard said it was great that fans all over the country can hear him now.
Robin asked Howard who they have on the PDT (SIRIUS tuner scroll). Gary said that they have Will Murray watching over an intern who is writing up a very simple scroll saying what they're talking about. Howard talked about how people, for the most part, hated the stuff that Sal was writing on the scroll yesterday.
Howard took a call from a guy out in Oklahoma who said that he's never heard the show until yesterday. He said that he was about ''as happy as a dog with two peters'' after hearing the show yesterday. Howard said that it was a good show and he'd be replaying some of the George Takei and Fake Arnold stuff. George said that he challenges Howard to get the real Arnold to call in to talk to him. Howard said that's funny because they may just make that happen today. He had to take a quick break after that.
Howard detailed exactly what he wanted from Fred. Fred thought that he was going to create too many breaks and it would screw things up. He said that Howard has 3 live commercials to do in this hour. Howard said he's going to do one live commercial, let Fred play the pre-records, then some music and if he has another live one, he'll do it after the music. He wanted to know if Fred was following or not. Fred said that he did but he was still agitated and complained that the breaks were going to be confusing.
Howard told Fred that they can do things differently there because they're not on a network anymore. He wants to think in a new direction. Fred was being very stubborn and said that he's got people on his ass to get things done a certain way but he will do it if Howard wants. Howard said that he was getting aggravated by Fred and Fred was getting aggravated by Howard. Howard told Fred that he was wasting a lot of time for him and for the five people listening to the show.
Howard demanded that Fred play a music bed so he could do his Heineken commercial. Fred did that for him and Howard did the commercial. After that he told Fred to just do things the exact same way he did things at K-Rock. Fred tried to play a song but there were two things playing at once. More technical problems... Then Howard complained that he hadn't heard the bumper that Fred played coming back to the show because he hadn't heard it yet.
Howard asked 'Arnold' about why he vetoed the bill so 'Arnold' said that he just didn't have a pen that day. George couldn't believe that Arnold was going to treat his run in office this way. Arnold told him that he's just trying to have some fun. 'Arnold' said that he's got no problem with gays and actually enjoyed ''Brokeback Mountain.'' George said that Arnold has been flip-flopping on a lot of issues and this is just like him.
'Arnold' made a joke about how Asians can't drive very well, just like the Mexicans. George couldn't believe that he was making jokes like that. Howard kept the joke going and had 'Arnold' busting George's balls. Arnold said that he will pass the same sex marriage bill if it comes through again. He also said that he's going to pass a bill that doesn't allow Mexican women or Asians to drive in California. Arnold said that he's so high on Vikodin right now that he'd take a massage from him right now. He also said that he'd take a reach-around if George wanted to give him one.
George said that he does respect Arnold's career. Howard put through some phone calls for 'Arnold' and one guy said he can't believe the way the guy is joking about the gays. George says that he's going to hold Arnold to what he said about signing that same sex marriage bill. Howard wrapped up with Arnold a short time later and George said that he thinks that they've made history here. He still had no idea that it was a fake Arnold. Arnold was about to go when he mentioned that he's going to pass that bill that will stop Asians and Mexican women from driving.
Howard told Arnold that George was stuck in an internment camp back in World War II but Arnold responded with a ''Shit happens'' statement. Howard got some laughs out of that. He let 'Arnold' go a short time later.
George thanked Howard for making that happen today and Howard continued to keep the joke going. He told George to tell everyone he spoke to the Governor himself and he's going to hold him to the claim that he's going to pass that same sex marriage bill.
There was a phone caller during the segment that is probably feeling just as dumb as George is today. That caller thought that it was the real Arnold as well. George said that the caller was great though because he was defending gay people when he called in to complain about what Fake Arnold was saying.
Howard said he thought George would know it was the fake Arnold when he said he was going to go smoke some weed. That didn't get his attention. Howard said his favorite line was when the Fake Arnold learned that George had been in an internment camp and Arnold responded by saying ''Shit happens... Listen, I'm Austrian, I don't give a shit...'' George was laughing his ass off when he heard that and wondered what's wrong with himself. He couldn't believe that he didn't catch that it wasn't the real Arnold. Howard told George that this may be the best thing he's ever done on radio. George was still laughing his ass off after Howard was done with the replay. He was having a lot of fun in there with them.
Howard took a call from a guy in Idaho who said he's been listening to SIRIUS for over a year now and he loves it. Another caller said that he's a truck driver and can pick up the show in all 48 states without losing the signal and he loves it. The only problem he has is going through tunnels but that only lasts a few seconds.
George said that the humiliation he has to take to be on that show is amazing. He was still laughing about the prank they pulled on him yesterday.
Howard took another phone call from a guy on the West Coast who said that the show is so much better without the rules and regulations that he has to get up and listen live. Robin said she's had a lot of feedback from people and they're really liking all of the programming they have now. Howard had to take another break after that so he let Fred do his thing. Fred was very upset with himself for not getting everything right because he didn't play a jingle before playing the music bed. Howard told him that he just needs to calm down and not take it so seriously.
During the commercial Artie was typing away on his computer. That's something he never does so it was distracting Howard. Artie told him he was trying to pull up some porno. Howard said they might need to get that thing away from him because it's going to be another distraction.
Howard moved on and said that he got an e-mail from this guy up in Canada who is trying to get his show put on up there on the SIRIUS service. Right now the Canadian version of SIRIUS does not carry Howard's channels. Howard said he doesn't understand what the problem is because it's a pay service and people have to choose to buy the service.
Howard had this guy Joseph on the phone. Joseph said that he's got a letter ready to go to the president of SIRIUS Canada trying to get the show on up there. There are also people buying grey market radios from the United States and Joseph said that people could eventually get arrested for doing such a thing up there. George said that it's very odd because up in Canada they have the Same Sex Marriage law and they seem to be very liberal.
Joseph said that you can sign his petition by going through either SaidMaterial.com or SophisticatedHokum.com. He was also talking about the reasons he thinks that they're not putting the show on up there. It could have to do with the possibility that radio stations will be losing money up there or that the CRTC might start going after SIRIUS Canada. Howard thanked Joseph for his call and let him go a short time later.
Howard read some news articles about his move to satellite. Stores are selling a lot of SIRIUS radios and a lot of stores are sold out right now. He said it's great news to him since he really didn't know what to expect when they moved there. Things are working out pretty well so far.
Howard mentioned that some of the guys there are asking for business cards and he's not sure why. Artie thought it was just for chicks. Richard Christy came in and said that it would be nice to have a card to hand out when people ask how to send in stuff for the show. Howard asked how often that happens and Richard said it's not all that often.
Howard's man purse is full of new, smaller man purses. He said that he's been carrying around smaller things within these smaller bags. He carries around mints and toothpicks in one case and he's thought about getting a business card case just because they look so cool. George told Howard that he seems to be ''one of us'' now. Howard told him that the difference between them is that semen isn't in his diet. That led to Richard asking George if a man who eats fruits tastes better than one who doesn't. George said that's absolutely true. Howard asked him if he'd suck Richard off to see if he could tell what he ate last night. George laughed.
Howard and the guys talked about the man goo thing and how each man has a different taste. George said that every man has a different chemical reaction depending on what they eat. Howard wanted to get off of that subject and on to other things.
Howard said that he doesn't think Fred was the one who had someone fondling him in the hospital even though he did pass out at Scores that time after getting really drunk.
Howard said he had to take another break so he had George do another announcement. They went into break after that.
Howard went on to play some more F, Marry, Kill games with George Takei. The next list was bands like...
Robin mentioned that she just got a news story about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It said that they're expecting a child this summer. That led to Howard talking about their relationship and how he feels bad for the adopted kids that Angelina has. He feels bad for all adopted kids because the parents can never really love those kids as if they were their own.
Howard thinks that Brad and Angelina will pay more attention to their biological child once it's born and the adopted kids will be left behind. He predicts that the adopted kids will become servants at their house.
Howard said that Eli also wrote ''Cabin Fever'' that Robin really liked. Now he's made this movie ''Hostel'' for about $4.5 million and it came out as number one this past weekend. The movie is getting rave reviews, unlike the movie Supertwink which is available on Howard Stern On Demand this month.
Howard said that the movie was supposed to be JD's project but Sal and Richard took over and made the worst movie ever. He said he only made it through the movie because it was on his channel. Most people wouldn't be able to make it through more than one minute of the movie. Richard thought that one of the scenes where Gary the Retard was under a table but Robin said that was really unfunny.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the other shows on Howard Stern On Demand and how funny they are. They talked about the ''Jeff Won't Leave'' show where he refuses to leave the station. He gets very belligerent and won't leave, he shows his ass and you see his gross ass crack. Richard said his favorite part is where Jeff swings his heavy bag at the cameraman and ends up hitting himself on the head.
Howard said that Sal and Richard should have made a movie about JD's real life, it may have been more interesting. He told the guys what they could have done for the movie but it was too late, it was already made. He said that the whole High Pitch Eric character was long and boring. Sal's character was also long and boring too. Robin and Howard don't know why Artie was there playing a plumber. The effects were bad and you don't know what's going on.
Howard asked people not to judge his channel on this movie alone because it's so bad. He told Doug Goodstein that he may want to pull the movie from the line up so people don't cancel their subscriptions because of it. Richard said that people don't have to watch it, they have a choice. Richard Roeper reviewed the movie and really panned it. Howard played audio of that review. Roeper said that it was horrible and all of the acting was really bad, other than Artie's scene stealing part as a plumber.
Howard played a clip from Artie's scene where he had to plunge out a gerbil from Elephant Boy's ass. It was just a stuffed animal that they picked up at a local store shortly before the shoot. Sal and Richard said that they wrote the movie on an Amtrak train on their way to Delaware one day. Robin said that they really didn't write anything.
Howard asked JD if he wanted to make a movie on his own since the guys stole this job. JD said he doesn't want to make a movie just to make one. He's got some ideas for movies but can't express them to Howard. He was stumbling over his words and didn't have much to say. JD eventually said that he wanted to write something about a guy who gets a BS job at a famous TV show (kind of like his real life) and the host of the show decides to retire so the guy confronts his problems and deals with his future... Huh? Howard told him there was no suspense in a story like that and he's never, ever going to be like Eli Roth.
Richard said he has a script for a horror movie but Howard told him he's out of the movie business after the Supertwink mess. He said that it was really bad and an embarrassment to his show. Howard played another clip from Supertwink where Sal calls Richard into his office and comes on to him. It wasn't funny to Howard.
Artie asked Howard what he expected the movie to be. Howard said he expected some short, funny scenes. Instead he got long monologs where nothing was happening. Artie wanted Howard to give them another chance. Howard defied anyone to get through the High Pitch Eric scene. He played some audio from that and you can barely understand what Eric is saying. Howard said Eric was gross and it wasn't funny to see him sucking on a kielbasa like he was.
Howard said, once again, not to judge Howard Stern On Demand by this one movie. They have stuff being added every day over there but this was not the thing to watch. George Takei said that it didn't sound erotic to him and it should have been. Sal and Richard claim that they only had a $700 budget so they didn't have much of a choice.
Howard said the only thing that was believable in the movie was Gay Ramone and his boyfriend making out... and that was gross to Howard too. Howard played more audio of High Pitch Eric going on and on and it was tough to listen to. The movie is only 30 minutes long but Robin said it felt like 2 hours.
Doug Goodstein from In Demand came in and said that the problem was that he gave Richard full creative freedom after seeing something else that he worked on. He didn't know it was going to be the disaster it turned out to be. Doug admitted that he did laugh at some of the stuff but he does agree that it was a disastrous movie. Howard played more of the High Pitch stuff and tried to get through it. He said that the bottom line is that the movie was ''horrible, horrible, horrible...'' and an embarrassment to his channel.
High Pitch called in to defend his acting but Howard said even that was boring so he hung up on him. Another caller said that Supertwink was funnier than Howard's TV show ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said he can say that show was unfunny but at least you could follow it and get through the show.
JD was still undecided about what to do. He wasn't sure if he wanted to make the movie or not. Artie told him that this is an amazing opportunity and he should jump on it. Howard had to take a quick break after that.
Howard said there are also guys out there predicting whether or not he can be successful on satellite radio. It's all very mind numbing to him. He said the way he's looking at it, it's already successful. More than 2.5 million people have joined since he signed on with SIRIUS last year.
George said that people are talking about Howard because he's always doing something new and he makes news doing that. Howard said he likes the job, the people he works with and the freedom he has now. He no longer has to deal with Tom hitting the button on him and doesn't have all that many commercials. He said they actually don't have enough commercials because they don't have time to rest.
George had a lot to say about this so Howard wondered what he's going to do when he's not on the show next week. He figures that George will be talking to the wall instead. George said he'll talk to his partner Brad about that kind of stuff. He said that Brad is a huge fan of Howard's and listens to the show with headphones on so he doesn't disturb him when he's sleeping.
Howard had a lot of audio clips to play from shows that covered his first couple of days of radio. In one clip a woman talked about how she believes that all radio should be free to everyone. Howard went off on her saying that they still have free radio and no one is trying to take that away from her. He even had Artie call her a ''fucking twat'' just for the hell of it. The other panelists on the show were saying that they've listened to satellite and love the service. The woman on said that Howard may have become lazy in the last year of his show. Howard pointed out that he was still number one in many of the markets he was on in. He also said that there was a lot of propaganda about how he didn't have as many listeners toward the end of his run on regular radio after he had been dropped from about 12-13 stations.
Howard said that SIRIUS never expected to be at 3.3 million subscribers at this point so they're a little behind on production. He continued to go off on the woman from the show he was listening to about her claims that he was lazy. He said she doesn't know if he was lazy or not, he may have been trying as hard as possible.
JD was about to leave the room so Howard stopped him and Artie started going off on him as Sgt. Hartman. Howard wanted to know which clips were the good ones to play from JD's list. JD told him that most of the coverage of his first day was worth listening to. He played a clip of Michael Mustow talking about the show and he wasn't bashing him as usual.
Howard read through some other mail about Sal's scroll problems yesterday. There was also some feedback about George Takei and how great he's been on the show this week. People think that he should be in the studio every day. People love his laugh, how he fits in with the crew and his honesty. A bunch of people said that George should remain on the show live, not recorded. He will be recording stuff for them but he will be doing it from California.
Howard read through some mail about his first shows and people are liking that he didn't dwell on the FCC thing and just went ahead and did his show. A woman wrote in and asked Howard to hold back on the cursing. She said her husband doesn't like Howard... He stopped right there and wondered how someone can be married to someone who doesn't like the show. That's a mismatch if there ever was one. He continued to read the woman's letter where she asked him not to curse anymore. Howard agreed that they should scroll the curses across the tuner and that Sal shouldn't be cursing on the air.
Howard said that his friend Pat told him that he sounds more like himself on the air now that he can curse. That's the way Howard (and most adults) speak in their real lives. Howard got some mail about Artie being funny now that he can curse. Others thought that he was going too far. Artie threw in a quick and quiet ''fuckyou'' to the writer of that mail.
Howard said he thinks that SIRIUS is better than XM because they have less canned announcers and more live people. He found the Elvis channel and wondered who listens to that. There's also a Bruce Springsteen channel which he doesn't understand. Artie and Gary like that channel though. Howard would like to hear an all George Takei channel. He clicked on the Gay Channel ''OutQ'' where they were doing the news. Gary said that they were looking to get a hold of George to interview.
Howard listened to a couple of minutes of OutQ and wondered if the guy was putting on some affect. George said that there are many gay men out there who lisp and many who don't. Gary said that he could walk down the hall and get on the air with that guy to find out if he was born with that impediment. Gary was going to walk down there to ask the guy but OutQ was off the air a few seconds later.
Howard and George talked about the stereotypical gay voice thing for a short time. George said that they don't have to do that to be gay though. Howard was waiting for Gary to get down to the OutQ station so he took some phone calls. One guy told Howard that he's thrilled to be able to hear the show now down in Georgia. He didn't know who George Takei was but he was liking what he heard.
Howard interrupted because Gary was down at OutQ. They had set up the studio so they could all speak together. The host of the show, Larry Flick, was able to hear Howard and everyone else and they were able to have a conversation. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Larry and his female co-host Cheryl. Howard told Cheryl that there's nothing hotter than two women getting it on. He said he loves to just watch when he sees women getting it on. They spent a little bit of time talking about that and about being gay in general.
Howard found out that Cheryl's girlfriend is hot and asked about how they hooked up for the first time. He got into detail about Cheryl's date and Gary broke in and told him that he's got a boner while listening to this. That led to Gary talking about the time Gary had a boner up on stage in front of 2000 fans one time. Howard got back to Cheryl's date and asked her if she's groomed and if she takes a bath before doing it. She said they had taken a bath earlier so they were clean.
Cheryl said that her girlfriend takes her time with the foreplay and really gets her going. She said that the other woman didn't even want to be pleasured that first time, she did all of the work on her. She talked about the other woman using her finger on her. Howard wondered if she would let the other woman put stuff in her ass. Cheryl said that she has discussed that and she may be into that. Cheryl also said that she has been involved in threesomes before as well... with two other woman. Howard said she sounds really hot and he might have to come down to meet her before her show is over.
Howard asked Cheryl how much she weighs and how tall she is. She wasn't all that thin according to Gary who was sitting in the studio with her. Gary said that he would do her if he had the chance though. Howard got back to the reason he sent Gary down there. Larry has a bit of a stereotypical ''gay lysp'' and Howard wanted to know if he puts that on or if he was born with that. Larry said he doesn't think he puts it on.
Howard let Larry and Cheryl go and said that they can do that with just about any channel there at SIRIUS now. He had to take another break so he threw it to George Takei who made an announcement about what was coming up.
Howard was going to have Robin start her newscast. Robin's news theme was new so Howard asked Fred what was up with that. Fred told Howard he thinks the company that owned that music wanted a large sum of money so they had to drop it. Howard doesn't like the new theme.
Howard stopped Robin for a minute to tell her about how they sent Cliff Pallate out to the AVN Awards show with Gary Garver. The funny thing was that none of the porn stars knew what Cliff was saying, so that was the joke. The problem was that Gary Garver jumped in and told the porn stars what Cliff was saying. Howard said that ruined it for him even after Richard said that the porn stars were still kind of caught off guard. Richard told Howard that the chick Cliff was interviewing was Christy Shakes and she's really hot. He ran back to his office to get Howard some pictures. Howard played a few more interviews where Gary inserted himself and said he doesn't like that. He wanted Cliff to do that stuff on his own.
Richard Christy came back a few minutes later with some pictures of the Christy Shakes chick. Howard said that she was really hot. They passed the pictures back to George Takei and asked him what he thought. George said that he just gets agitated when he sees pictures like that. Howard asked him about what he would do to her but he didn't have any answers since he's gay.
Howard had Robin get back to her news after that. They played some funny clips of George Lopez doing a routine on the People's Choice Awards show where he was goofing on Jessica Simpson as she was sitting in the crowd. He also goofed on Jennifer Aniston. Howard said he really likes George and they have to have him come in there soon.
Howard mentioned some of the guests they have coming in next week. They have comedian Bob Levy sitting in all week, Rachel Hunter and comedian Ant will stop by as well. He said that they'll get back to the regular type of shows starting next week. They'll start doing games and doing bits that they haven't done in years as well.
During the news Howard and the guys talked about how short the breaks are and how they don't have time to eat or use the bathroom. Howard decided that if Artie wants to go out and get something to eat, he can just take his cell phone with him and keep in touch with the show while he's gone. Howard will keep a wireless mic with him and if he has to go to the bathroom, he'll just take it with him as he pees. Gary said that he had to take a shit this morning and wondered if they should keep a mic with him. Howard said they'll be following everyone. George Takei said that he's not sure they need to hear that stuff on the air but Howard corrected him and said that's not true, they need to hear everything.
Howard said he had to go to the bathroom (a dump) in a public restroom and he hates that. He had to use the bathroom at the gym yesterday. Artie said he had to do it on a flight he took over their Christmas break. Richard Christy said that he actually likes going to the bathroom on flights because it makes the flight go by faster. Artie said that it's horrifying to him when he has to go. George asked him if he even fits in an airplane bathroom. Artie said he hates when his partner goofs on him like that. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 10:45am.
Howard said that he was on Bubba the Love Sponge's show last night for about an hour. He said he was liking what he heard on the show so he went in from about 7:30 until 8:30. Howard has been getting a lot of press lately and can't believe that they didn't just disappear when they moved to satellite. He's got a bunch of religious freaks going after him because they think that he's being obscene. Howard figures there's a lot more obscene stuff on the web than there is on his radio show and a lot more people can go on the web than can hear his show on satellite.
Howard read a story about an organization called the Adult Freedom Foundation that's actually defending him. The article says that they're trying to help defend Howard's show over what Jack Thompson is trying to do by sending a letter to the U.S. Justice Department. The AFF says that it's just ridiculous to say that Howard is doing something obscene and illegal. Howard and the guys aren't even sure what they've done that could be considered obscene.
Howard pointed out that the real obscenity is that we're in a war that we were lied to about. He said that there's also guys on the internet fist fucking an ostrich so that's a bit more obscene than his radio show. Howard continued to read the article and said that it seems that they still might have people coming after them even though they're supposed to have some freedom on satellite.
Howard said that he's tired of being on the front line after George Takei said he believes that everyone should have a battle to fight on the front line. Howard and George had some fun talking about that since Howard was doing his impression of George, making fun of his laugh. George told Howard that he's breaking new ground with this show of his. Howard said that George is getting a lot of attention as the new announcer for the show and he seems to be getting a swelled head. He said that next week they're going to have Walter Koenig from Star Trek in to replace him. He was just kidding of course.
One guy asked Howard not to play the Bubba show too much because he really doesn't like the guy. Howard said he went in to talk to Bubba last night and ended up talking to him about Brent who produces Bubba's show. He and Bubba had a bit of an intervention with Brent and tried to convince him that his weird sideburns aren't working for him.
Howard said that he's not into NASCAR stuff but Bubba apparently broke a story about Tony Stewart being in some kind of weird thing that he didn't understand. He said that Bubba's show is a real guy's show because he covers a lot of sport stuff and car stuff.
Howard said that he really likes Bubba because of something he did with the audio clip they had of this woman down in Tampa, Christy Thomas, who said that she's not sure that Howard would be successful on satellite radio. Howard played the clip and explained what Bubba did with it. He said the woman's statement about believing that radio should always be free was ridiculous. There will always be free radio, it's not being taken away.
Bubba went out and found out that the woman, who is a radio broadcaster, has a cume of only 79,000 people. That means that over the course of her whole show she only has 79,000 people listen to her. Howard said that he could yell out a window in New York City and reach more people. Bubba said that Christy Thomas and her husband do a show together and she somehow managed to get top billing over her husband. Howard really liked that Bubba went out and did that for him.
Fred was genuinely pissed off that Scott was sitting in on another radio show while he was trying to work out his technical problems. Howard said that when Fred gets pissed off he really sounds like a crazy man. Fred said that they seem to have worked things out for his equipment to make things easier on him. Howard continued to play some of the audio where Fred and Scott were going back and forth about working things out. He said that there's constantly new stuff going on with these stations of his. You tune out and don't realize that someone had a meltdown after the morning show.
Howard pointed out that Fred's microphone is much louder than everyone else's in the studio. Robin said it's also very bassie. Fred said he likes SIRIUS because of that. He was starting to get irritated again as Howard was talking about the way things work with him. Howard is kind of annoyed by the way Fred speaks but Fred said that Howard is the only one who feels that way.
Howard asked Artie if he thinks that Fred speaks in a weird way when he gets upset. Artie didn't understand what was so weird about the way he speaks. That led to Howard saying that Artie must be afraid to talk about the way he really feels about Fred because he's afraid. Artie said that's not true, he doesn't get Howard's complaint about the weirdness. Howard decided to put an end to the discussion so he could take a commercial break.
Howard thinks that Fred is finally on his side with the commercials today. Fred was playing some music that Howard would have liked during the break. Fred still didn't seem to be getting what he wanted so they got back into their discussion about how to run the commercial breaks.
Howard wants to be able to have enough time to go to the bathroom. He said that if they have two live commercials, he wants Fred to throw it to him after playing a bumper or bit. Then they go to pre-recorded commercials and a song. If Howard is busy he wants Fred to keep playing music until he takes back the mic. He has rules for when they have one live commercial and for when they have two.
Howard had George give them an introduction since he was there to do some announcing for them. Howard then went into a song parody about George to the tune of Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful.'' He sang about how he'd pound George in the ass if he were a gay man and things like that. He also sang about how sad he is that George is leaving at the end of the week. The music cut off in the middle of the song so Howard didn't know what happened there. Howard was running it himself and couldn't figure out what happened.
Richard Christy came in and said that he loaded the whole song in and he's not sure why it clipped off the last minute. He's got to work that out with their tech guy Thom.
Gary said that he thinks that Sal is still in awe of Howard and that's why he shakes so much. Howard asked him if he got him a birthday gift. Sal did so maybe that's why he's so shaky.
Howard asked Gary what the run down was. They have Eli Roth calling in later and then this chick Madison from Alt Nation (channel 21) who wants to take her top off for them. Howard tried to find Alt Nation on his feed but couldn't figure out where it was. Howard found the station but wanted to switch around to some of the other stuff. There was a FOX News feed and some other interesting music channels. Howard wondered if there was a limit to the number of channels they can have on the service. Robin wasn't sure but she thinks that they can have as many as they want.
Howard tuned into Hair Nation and heard a female DJ with a very deep voice doing a song intro. He then tuned into a comedy channel and listened for a few seconds. It was the clean comedy channel and that's not what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear the dirty stuff. He also tuned into the Maxim channel and wondered what that's all about. Then he tuned into Backspin and Garage Band. Howard tried to tune in his own station to hear himself from 7 seconds ago but he got dead air.
Gary came in and said that he likes to tune in Praise once in a while to listen to some gospel music. He said he likes to hear that sometimes. He was wondering what Larry Flick and Cheryl were up to today over at OutQ, the gay channel. Howard tuned in and listened for a few seconds. Howard couldn't take it for too long though. He went to break a few seconds later.
Howard said his mother called him yesterday and said that they were supposed to get another tuner for the house. That led to him talking about how his parents have this little bathroom attached to their bedroom so their room would always smell like shit after his dad went to the bathroom. He was also saying that he thinks his dad used to beat off quite a bit because he knew where his porn collection was and his book mark would always move. He said the book mark was actually a piece of toilet paper.
Howard said he spent the whole weekend with his parents over the weekend down in Philly because they were at a cousin's Bat Mitzvah. He learned a lot about them over the weekend. His parents told him about how they came up with his name and how they had to use an He name. The He came from Howard's mother's side of the family from a guy whose name was Hersht. The story Howard heard was crazy because the guy was apparently a bit of a scumbag. Howard said he asked his mother why she would name him after a guy who left his family to die in the holocaust. His mother told him that the guy was nice to her when she'd go to visit him even though he was a bit of a scumbag to the rest of his family. Howard said his mother wished that she'd never told him the story after Howard freaked out about it.
Howard figured that he was named after a monster and figured that people would love to hear the story on the air. The guy had a big family but Howard's mother and one sister were the only ones to escape to come over here. Howard interrupted when he saw that the real Arnold Schwarzenegger was on the phone.
Arnold told George that the reason he wasn't able to pass the same sex marriage bill was because his hands were tied because of Prop 22. He said that he believes that gay people should be allowed to marry each other and he doesn't want to stop that, but he wasn't able to pass the bill.
Arnold said that if the bill had passed, they would have been the first state to have passed such a bill. Arnold suggested that George should be much more vocal about this. He said that he would like to work with him on this to make it happen. Howard thought that was a good idea and the two of them should work together. George thanked Arnold for calling the show and he's looking forward to working with him in the future... That's when Fake Arnold let George know that he was duped once again. George said he will never again believe that Arnold is calling the show. Howard let Fake Arnold go after Arnold said that they should do this every week. Howard had to take another break after that.
Crazy Alice left a message about how great it is to hear the show uncensored. She thought it was pretty cool to hear Howard back on the air. She was also saying that she has Howard Stern On Demand now as well. She was cursing up a storm in her voice mail as she congratulated them on their move.
Howard said that George is really into that prank call they had just played earlier. George changed subjects and said that he would like to use the audio from the Fake Arnold call to do some campaigning. He said he'd like to invite Howard to his wedding which will be held at an abandoned Catholic church out in California since they're against same sex marriage. Howard said that he's been to gay weddings before and he can't get used to seeing two men dance together.
Howard said that he was ready to sing his song to George again since they finally worked out the music problem they had earlier. He started the music and sang his parody to the tune of that ''Beautiful'' song once again. George thanked him for that and said that he feels very privileged to have been there all that week. He was also happy to be there on his birthday show.
Howard didn't even remember Eli's name back then but years later he had a movie come out called ''Cabin Fever.'' Robin said she enjoyed that movie but it did come out. Eli said that he had to beg many movie companies before they got funding for it. Many studios turned him down because there was no actual killer in the movie. Howard said that the movie grossed over $100 million and only cost about $1.5 million to make. Howard said that his movie, Private Parts, only grossed about $85 million.
Eli said that he got the idea for the movie when he got an infection on his face and lost a bunch of skin from his face when he shaved. Howard said that Eli has now written a movie called ''Hostel'' that was number one at the box office last weekend. Eli said that he's not even sure how that happened.
Howard gave a quick run down of the plot of the movie and then Eli told Howard he got the basic idea from a web site that he had seen one time. Howard asked him if he's in demand right now because of the way his career has gone. Eli said that things have gotten crazy. He's been offered a bunch of movies but the scripts all sucked. He said that he gauges scripts by whether or not he gets a boner for them.
Eli said that he's getting calls from all kinds of people now and he can make just about any movie he wants. He's been living out in L.A. for the past 7 years now and realizes that once you do something great like this, you don't have to do anything as far as personal hygiene. He said that he's getting laid a lot now that he's gotten a little fame from this. He told the guys about the hot chicks that he's met while shooting the movie. He's now got a really hot girlfriend.
Howard was checking out some of the pictures of Eli up on Wireimage.com where he's got a girl on his arm in each picture. Eli said that he got to go to Lindsay Lohan's house for a party one night but she later said that she really liked Quentin Tarantino's assistant because she didn't know who Eli was. Eli said that the most famous person he's hung out with is probably Quentin.
Howard had George Takei check out some of Eli's pictures and asked him if he thought he would do him. George checked him out and said that he was hot.
Eli remembers the days when Howard was shooting the movie and hanging out with Howard and Mary McCormack who was actually a friend of his. Eli was also telling Howard that he used to clean up his room before Howard would get there and would check out the stuff he was reading and watching on his VCR. He remembers seeing the movie ''Powder'' in his VCR and seeing Entertainment Weekly magazines under his bed instead of porn.
Howard remembered one other fact about Eli. He said that he worked as an internet sex operator where he would pretend to be a woman. Eli said that was back in 1991 or so when an 800 baud modem was the fastest thing out there. Penthouse was actually paying them like 12-15 bucks an hour to do it. Howard said that guys are better at writing porn than women are so that's why they could get away with that stuff. Eli said that they actually outed themselves on their last night doing it and would tell the guys that they were dudes. The guys on the other end didn't care and wanted to hear more about their sex lives.
Eli wished Howard a happy birthday and said it was great to have him on SIRIUS. Howard said that Eli was a great guy and remembers those days when he was writing the scripts outside of his room. He let Eli go and moved on to some other stuff.
Howard had an audio clip of Mark Messier breaking down and crying during a press conference last night. He started to play that and got sidetracked a little bit when he was talking about his parents needing more SIRIUS tuners in their house so they can listen in every room. Howard got back to the Mark Messier clips and listened in as Mark wept.
Howard asked George Takei if he ever cries. George said that when he tries to hold it in it doesn't work because it builds up and then the dam breaks and he cries very loudly. Howard played a little more of that and then took some phone calls.
One phone caller told Howard he enjoyed the audio of the interview Howard did with the USA Today reporter that they played the other day. He was also telling Howard that he pays the $12.95 per month just for Howard's show but he also listens to Bubba so it's like a bonus.
Howard and the guys were talking about his parents and some of the strange things they do. Howard's dad still goes to the track and bets on horses and stuff. Howard said his father dragged him down to the track one time and it was the worst. He said his mother suggested that his father take him there for a father/son day. Howard explained how he picked a random horse and told his dad that it was going to win. His father told him to shut up... but the horse won. Then Howard picked another horse to win and the horse came in last after his father had put some money on it.
Gary asked Richie what other stars he's installed radios for. Richie has installed radios for Martha Stewart, Eminem, Tony Hawk and Bruce Springsteen. He doesn't get laid a lot so he said that he's hoping that Howard's show will help him out with that. He said the last time he got laid was about 6 months ago. Gary told him he should be able to make it happen if he claims to be Howard Stern's right hand man for installations. Richie said that was what someone else told him.
Howard said that when they worked at K-Rock he would get a ton of magazines and he could barely handle everything. Now that he's moved, they're barely getting anything. Gary said that's not true, he just hasn't given him everything yet. Howard said that they were claiming that he got over 400,000 phone calls the other day but he's looking at that like the web site guys who are always talking about their ''hits'' and how they really don't mean anything. He said he doesn't want to be like Cindy Margolis who claims to be the ''most downloaded woman'' on the internet.
Gary said that over the past 20 years Lisa has worked for most of their competition. She worked for Ed Lover and Dr. Dre as well as Don Imus. Howard asked her if he's really just a crotchety old mother fucker. Lisa told Howard that Imus actually sleeps with an oxygen tank.
Lisa mentioned that she did an in depth interview with Benjy last night and he was a real pain in the ass according to Gary. Gary said that when she asked him how he spells his last name, he told her it was ''Brosk'' instead of Bronk. Benjy started to flip out when Lisa said that he told her that his father was off limits in the interview. Benjy said that Howard lies about stuff in his interviews too.
Howard cut Benjy off and had Lisa tell them what she had coming up for Howard 100 News. She said that they have an in depth interview with Artie that Penny Crone did. They're also doing a story about some security issues they have there on the show and an exclusive interview with Denise Oliver who actually paired Howard and Robin up for the first time.
Artie was telling Howard that he was strangely attracted to Penny yesterday and he thinks that he could do her. Howard found that hard to believe but figures Artie has some issues. That led to the guys talking about menopause. Robin was telling them that she can still get wet even after menopause but it might take her a little longer to get there. The guys talked about having some women who have ''over lubricated'' for them and how they had no feeling because of that.
Robin does keep some lube by the bed just in case she can't get there. She said that she doesn't stop to get lube in the middle of things to lube up, she'll lube ahead of time if she knows it's coming up. Lisa had to get going back to the news room so Howard let her go. He had to take another break a short time after that.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how he missed Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss visiting Scores last night. He said that they were apparently giving each other lap dances and he finds that to be pretty hot. That led to the guys talking about lesbian couples. Howard thinks it's really hot but figures that George wouldn't find it hot at all. George said that he thinks it's attractive but there's nothing in it for him. He likes to see two men making out because that's erotic to him. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard brought up the Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss story again. The story came from Page Six in the NY Post. Howard read that the girls were at Scores drinking quite a bit and getting lap dances. Then Kate Moss apparently got up on stage and started to pole dance herself. The story said that the girls were also in and out of the bathroom quite a bit. Howard said he liked that story.
Howard had George Takei do another intro for the show and then took a phone call. The caller mentioned Howard's birthday so Howard played a phony clip of Paris Hilton wishing him a Happy Birthday. It sounded oddly like Michelle Jerson from Howard 100 News instead of Paris Hilton.
George Takei said that he tried to hide his homosexuality for years but he never went so far as to marry a woman. He also said that he knows a lot of African American men who are closeted though. Gary came in and told Howard that they had the audio clips set up so Howard could forward to the good parts.
Howard ended up playing Kevin Federline's rap song that was horrible. He and the guys attempted to listen but it was so bad they had to bail out on it. A phone caller told Howard that he's been seeing a lot more satellite radios in cars as he's driving in so Howard must be bringing in a lot of people. He was also telling Howard that he's sounding better and better as the week goes on. Artie's mic still needs some work but they're slowly working things out.
Howard played a phony birthday wish from Ellen Degeneres (actually a dude) and had some other discussions about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They discussed their strange relationship and how the two of them are having a baby together.
Madison said that she would be willing to go to bed with Howard and Beth if she was guaranteed a job. She also said that she would sniff High Pitch Eric's dirty underwear too. Artie told Howard to scroll down to the part where she says she'll blow him to get the job. Howard asked her if she would lick Benjy's balloon knot to get the job. Madison said she would be willing to do that if she could get the job... and if she could use a nose plug. Howard thought it was kind of unfortunate that she would have to lick Benjy's balloon knot to get the job.
Madison told Howard that she would be willing to wipe Howard's ass after he went doody if she could get her own show. Howard said he's not interested in that though. She would like Howard to play her demo but she has a feeling that he's going to rip it apart. Howard played the clip and liked what he heard in the first few seconds. He told Madison that if she would lick Benjy's balloon knot right there, he'd give her a show tonight, but just for tonight.
Howard asked George Takei to say the term ''balloon knot'' so they could have that clip to use forever. George said it but they actually already had a clip of him saying it. Howard had Madison take lift her top up but her belly wasn't in great shape so Howard told her she might want to work on that. She said she didn't come in to be evaluated. Howard said he was just pointing that out. Madison lifted up her shirt and the guys seemed to be impressed with her boobs. Even George said that they looked good and that the human body is wonderful.
Gary said that Madison's boobs made her stomach look better. She was not willing to show her ass though because she knows that it's not good. Madison put her bra back on and Howard got back to her demo. He said that she might be on to something. Robin wanted to hear more so Howard kept it going. Madison was joking around and talking about her life. We learned that she goes to the shrink every week and is on Prozac and some other drug to keep her stable. She said that it's a low dose though. Howard told her that she should get on a diet and lose 10 pounds and she'd look awesome. She said that she's 5'9'' tall and weighs just 135 pounds so she's really not overweight.
Howard took a call from a woman who went off on Madison for trying to get a job where she tries to do a show like Howard's. Howard took another call from a guy in South Dakota. He told Howard that Madison is great on Alt Nation and thinks that she'd be great at doing her own show on Howard's channel.
Howard wrapped up with Madison and let her go. She told Howard that she was happy to have been the one who welcomed him to the company the right way (by taking her top off).
Howard told Robin that he had fun on Bubba's show yesterday and now he's thinking about putting together a super group of radio guys to do a show together. He's thinking of getting like five powerful radio guys to do something. Even if he, Bubba and Rush Limbaugh did a show together it would be cool. He said he'd like to get guys who have had at least a million listeners to be part of it.
Howard mentioned Dr. Laura Schlesinger's name because he ran into her at the Larry King Show. He said that he had someone whisper in his ear as he was sitting in the makeup chair over there that she was there and he said ''She's an asshole'' and refused to turn around to see her. He didn't get up to leave or anything either. He spent a few minutes talking about what a phony she is.
Jeff the Drunk wished Howard another Happy Birthday and talked about how great the show has been this week. Robin wondered if Jeff has been seeing the Shrink they had on Howard 100. Howard said they haven't had a new show lately so Jeff hasn't been back to see her. Howard said that the Shrink told Jeff that maybe he should have his arm surgically removed since it's dead anyway. Howard said he never thought about that but it's not a bad idea. Jeff said that it would look freaky if he had it removed. It looks pretty freaky the way it is though. Howard told him that his hand looks like a steak swinging back and forth.
Howard let Jeff go after he tried to make a joke about George Takei's homosexuality that wasn't funny. He went to break after that.
Tim also had a gift for Howard. He tried to guess what it was but was just joking around. Howard opened up the gift and found a female masturbation machine that they were going to use in the studio. Howard said it's like a saddle with a big dong on it for women to sit on. Gary is pretty sure that Howard can control it remotely. Howard thanked Tim for that and asked where Madison was so she could come in and test it out.
Howard played another phony birthday wish from Dr. Phil (Richard Christy). Richard was there to give him a gift as well but George Flowers mentioned that they were working on a news story about the big birthday bash that they were having for Howard 100 News at Noon. Howard asked ''What bash?'' because it was a very small party. Howard said that Richard had given him a Batman statue and some Batman posters but he said that he may just throw them out.
Artie got Howard a gift which was a book about John Belushi's life. He said that it was actually a great book and very fascinating. Howard said he'll put that in his office to check out. Sal then came in and gave Howard a gift. He gave Howard five bucks and a card that said ''Breakfast is on me.'' Howard booted everyone out of the studio after that and let George Flowers get back to his story.
Howard said that he liked the song that Madison performed in her demo. He replayed the song and a bit more of her demo. He asked George if they will evaluate her breasts for the news. George said that they'll see what they can do, he's sure they have a few guys who would like to do that.
George said that they're beefing up security there at SIRIUS now that Howard is there so they'll be doing a story about that. Howard said he did notice that they have a metal detector there now. Gary said they also have four security guys there just waiting to use the metal detector.
Howard let George go and went on to read some stories about his first show. People are really enjoying George Takei on the show this week and he's hoping that they can get him to come on live once in a while. George said that he'd be more than happy to do that for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been able to hook up his S50 tuner with a car battery so he can listen to the show while walking around New York City. He said it weighs about 5 or 10 pounds but it makes the unit portable since the home unit he needs has been sold out all over the place. Artie said that they really have to get this stuff out there for the fans.
Howard said that he had to say a few words about the great idea that Richard Christy had to get George Takei to be their announcer. He said that Walt Sabo from SIRIUS was the one who added that they should get him in there live to do the show. Things worked out great and George has been great all week. George told Howard that he has now been taken to the final frontier and had a lot of fun doing it this week.
Howard read an email from someone who said they love the new ''Lange and Takei'' team on the show. They're so good together on the show that the writer thinks they could do a comedy tour together. That led to Howard talking to George about how depressing it must be to go on a Star Trek cruise. George said that those people are the ones who made the show what it was so it's not all that bad. Artie said that he figures the parasites around Howard's show are probably planning the Takei and Lange show as they speak.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought Howard's speech wasn't all that great on his final show. Howard said he'd like to hear some of those speeches but he's not sure they have a legal right to do such a thing. He said they must be able to play the Yahoo! tapes.
Richard Christy came in and said that he got to meet Artie's mom in those final days and she was really nice and fun to hang out with. Howard cut him off because he was afraid he was going to start talking about how he pleasured himself after meeting her. He had Robin get to her news after that.
At one point Howard said he was having a great time there at SIRIUS. He's not even sure exactly why but he's very happy now. Not too long after that the guys got into a discussion about relationships and Howard's divorce was brought up. Ralph came in and asked Howard if he was hurt after he got divorced and his ex-wife went out and got married a year later. Howard said he was actually happy for her and wasn't hurt. He prefers not to talk about Alison's business though and doesn't get into details about that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy up in Anchorage, Alaska who said he loves the new show. He said that SIRIUS isn't available up there so he's still stealing the show off the internet these days. Howard wasn't aware that the service wasn't available up there... or that the show was still available on the internet. Artie told Howard he has no idea, he has people come up to him all the time telling him that they've downloaded his DVD (It's the Whiskey Talkin). The caller said he feels bad about doing it but it's the only way he can get the show up there. Artie said that people make it seem like it's doing him a favor when they go to the trouble of downloading the DVD illegally. Howard wrapped up the show at around 11:00am.
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Howard started off the show talking about the long meeting they had after the show yesterday. He said it went until about 2:30 in the afternoon and then he had to run off to another meeting he had. Howard said he heard that Jessica Hahn called into Bubba the Love Sponge's show yesterday and Benjy was beating off to that.
Howard had George Takei introduce the show since that's what he was there for all this week. Everyone is talking about how great George has been on the show this week so Howard read some of the e-mail he's gotten about him. Someone asked if they could keep him there full time because he's so good. Others like the chemistry between George and Artie so Howard decided to write a sitcom for them. Artie thought that he wanted to just do a skit but Howard wants to do a half hour sitcom on the radio. They work that up on the radio and then work it into a TV show.
George thought that was a great idea. Howard said he and Richard wrote a 3 second bit as a test or treatment for the show and they'll be trying that out later in the show. Robin wondered if George could handle working with Artie. Howard pointed out that he worked with William Shatner, he can work with anyone after that. George said it would be easy to work with Artie after having gone through working with Shatner. George said that he's sad to be leaving the show after this week. He's going home to California after this show.
The caller said that any show with Ralph is got to suck. Gary then came in and said that Ralph is also appearing on just about every show on Howard's channels so people are complaining about that. Howard said he's going to work on having less Ralph but the channels are a work in progress.
Gary said there was a pirate radio station years ago that was located in some guy's car so the FCC could never find him. Howard said that he's glad that he's off of FM radio now and he's very happy to be on where he is. There haven't been any complaints about the stations broadcasting in the New Jersey area, on 101.5.
Howard said that this is crazy and he can't believe that there are people out there who have this much free time. He thinks that it means that these people aren't working. He said that if he was a pirate radio guy, he'd probably be dressed up as an actual pirate doing the broadcast.
Gary told Howard that Bubba the Love Sponge brought in a gift for Howard and he's pretty sure that Howard won't like them. He told him that they were Batman and Superman book ends. Howard said that he might like them if they look cool. He opened them up and saw that they weren't quite what he expected. He didn't like them as much as he thought.
Howard said he got a nice leather case for his Treo from his assistant Laura. George Takei gave Howard a gift as well so he opened that up on the air. Howard opened the gift and joked that it was William Shatner's actual head. It turned out that it was actually lion book ends like the lions at the New York Public Library. Howard also said that he liked the book that Artie gave him about John Belushi. Robin is going to take Howard out to dinner but he didn't know that until last night when he opened the card.
Fred gave Howard some chocolates for Christmas and he though that was kind of odd. Fred said that it was actually that microphone that Gary, Robin and he gave him, the chocolates were actually extra. Howard pointed out that Ralph was on the air complaining about that gift but he didn't give him anything for Christmas or his birthday. That led to the guys going off on Ralph about the way he gets out of giving gifts and stuff. Gary said that Ralph went to Stuttering John's wedding and never gave any gift.
Howard said that he went out to an event with Beth this week for the North Shore Animal League even though he's been working this week. He said that they had a puppy at the event that ended up being adopted by a photographer who was there. The dog was going to be euthanized but it was saved because of the North Shore Animal League. That led to the guys talking about a sad story about a 7 year old kid who was tortured and eventually killed by her father because he though she was the devil.
Howard said he was out at this event last night with Beth and when he was about to leave, gossip columnist Cindy Adams came walking in. He said that she looks really good for an old woman. He said that's an example of plastic surgery gone right. He talked about some plastic surgery that has gone wrong on people like Bob Grant and Bruce Jenner. He said that Cindy Adams came up to him, whipped out her note pad and started interviewing him. She asked him if he was nervous on his first day at SIRIUS. Howard said he really wasn't nervous but does feel that he has to satisfy his audience. She asked him to tell her something he hasn't told anyone yet so he told her about his sitcom idea for radio.
Howard asked Cindy what she's been up to since losing her husband. She said that she's written a book and she'd like to come on the show but she's afraid to. Howard didn't tell her that no one is looking to have her on the show though. Cindy is afraid that Howard is going to ask her to get topless. Howard said he wouldn't do that to her so she said that she would come on the show. Then she asked him to go out to dinner with her and Howard said he would go. He didn't know of any way to get out of that. He said he thought about telling her that he doesn't eat anymore but didn't go with that.
Artie told Howard that there's no way out of that. George suggested that he check his schedule but Robin said that can get you in trouble too. They'll just reschedule for six months from now if your schedule is full now. Howard said that after he agreed to go to dinner, Cindy asked him if he would come to some of her dinner parties. He said he'd probably go and figured that there might be some other celebrities there. Howard ended up giving her his home phone number because he didn't have a work number to give her. Artie said he should have given her the 888-9-ASSHOLE number.
Howard said that he blamed Beth for bringing him out in the middle of the week as the reason for why he gave out the home number. He went home after that and missed Dancing with the Stars. Robin gave him a little update on the show but he didn't want to hear it. He'd rather see it for himself.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he got laid last night after going out. Howard told the guys that Beth told him that she was going to give him a blow job but she didn't want him talking about it on the air because her father might be listening. He said that they did get it on last night so it was a nice birthday present. He said that may have been the best gift he got but then said that the leather case he got from Laura might have been even better.
Bobo told Howard that he's got a problem. He got married over the holidays and planned to take a cruise. He was hoping to hear the revelation show but he's going to be away next Monday. Howard said that they're not taking next Monday off because they just started at this new job of theirs. Now people are asking that they don't do the revelations on Monday because people won't hear it. Now Howard is thinking of putting it off until Tuesday. Howard agreed to do that since people will be off.
Howard said that he has Michelle Rooney on the phone to talk about how her husband is in the hospital after suffering a severe stroke. Sean is Beetlejuice's manager. Howard said he has a bunch of other stuff to get to but he's got to do some commercials.
Howard got Michelle Rooney on the phone to talk about how her husband Sean had suffered a stroke. Michelle told Howard that Sean got up at 3 in the morning and ended up falling down. Beetlejuice was the one who found Sean passed out on the floor. Beetlejuice went and told Michelle what was going on after putting a pillow under Sean's head. Howard said that was amazing that Beet came through for Sean like that. Howard said that Beetle actually saved Sean's life.
Howard asked Michelle how this could happen to someone at the age of 36. She said that he's actually a diabetic and he's always had a strange heart beat so that's where this stuff comes from. Michelle said that Sean couldn't move at all at first when he passed out. Now he's been moved to Devora Hospital which is a heart and lung specialty hospital. They discovered that he's had two silent heart attacks this week and he's also got some swelling of the brain.
Michelle said that Sean's heart was at just 20% and when they did some more tests, they found that it's only at 15% now. He's not doing well and they're not sure what's going to happen. Michelle said that she's gotten a lot of email from the fans around the country. She said that the fans really care and he really doesn't have a big family so it means a lot to Sean. Michelle is reading the letters to Sean and he's really appreciating them.
Howard asked if Sean what the outlook is for Sean. Michelle said that they've got him on some medication and they're thinking about putting him on a pacemaker but his heart is too weak at this point.
Beetlejuice got on the phone a short time later and talked about how he's feeling. Beet said he's not scared and Sean is doing fine. Beetlejuice said he loves Sean and he's going to make sure he's okay. Howard asked him if he's going to put the moves on Michelle while Sean is out. Beet said that Michelle is his wife so of course he is. He claims that he's been with Michelle for 5 years now so of course he'll be putting the moves on her. Howard asked Beet if he could have attacked Sean and caused all of this. Beet said that's not what happened. Howard started to wrap up with Beetlejuice a short time later. Beet was kind of subdued today but he was also very alert.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he actually performed heart surgery on Sean. Of course Beetlejuice answers yes to just about anything. Howard said that Beetlejuice is like Lassie when it comes to saving people. It's amazing that he was actually there to find Sean and to save him. Beet even knows to call 911 when there's an emergency. Howard let Beet go a short time after that.
Howard didn't give out this information but if you'd like to help Sean and his family, you can donate some money through Beetlejuice's web site JollyDwarf.com.
Howard performed his song to George Takei that he tried performing yesterday to the tune of Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful.'' He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard said that Artie might know this chick because he goes over there more than he does. That led to Howard telling a story about Artie going on vacation with Dana and how he turned on the TV to watch the old E! show. It turned out to be an episode where he was squeezing Jessica Jaymes' breasts. Howard thought that Artie got in trouble when Dana saw that but he was actually confusing that with Gary's story. Gary said that his wife got mad at him when he told her about feeling up Jenny McCarthy. His wife doesn't want him feeling up any women, even if it is Jenny McCarthy.
Howard got back to Licette and asked her more about what went on that night that Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan were there. She said that the story in the paper was completely off. They were getting some dances but neither of them were drinking alcohol. She said that they were both drinking water. Licette said that she wasn't there when Kate and Lindsay got up on stage and danced for everyone. They were just having some fun and didn't take their clothes off. They weren't making out with each other either according to Licette.
Howard asked Licette to tell him a hot story about the girls fondling her, even though it wasn't true. She made up a story about the girls messing around with her. Howard said that's what he wished the real story was. Licette said that the story in the paper wasn't quite right but some of the stuff did happen. He let her go a short time later.
Howard heard from Ronnie the Limo Driver who said that someone recently told him that he had a cold and shook his hand anyway. Gary came in and told Howard that some people are talking about the glove wearing because it looks weird to them. Howard said that he was in the event last night and shook everyone's hands and loved the fact that he doesn't have to worry about getting sick. He really doesn't want to get sick right now because he's working on this new show.
Howard said that Cindy Adams came into that party and asked him ''Why the gloves?'' He said he lied to her and said that he walked there and wore them to the party on the walk. Then he said he didn't have anywhere to put them because he was wearing a suit jacket. He said he felt like such a pussy because he didn't tell her the truth about why he was actually wearing them.
Howard doesn't see what the big deal is about wearing gloves so he doesn't get sick. Everyone else thought it was kind of odd. Gary said that Howard was carrying some of that Purell stuff for a while. Howard said he doesn't have that now, he carries baby wipes instead.
Howard said that he doesn't want some jizzy guy's hand shaking his hand. He gets this health bulletin every week and it says that people get sick because of shaking hands. That's why he doesn't want to shake hands. Everyone was telling Howard to just wash his hands before touching his face and he'll be fine. He said people are always shaking his hand and he's always washing up. Gary pointed out that they all shake hands with people but they haven't been out sick in a long time.
Robin said that Howard is not over his OCD and this proves it. Howard said he couldn't believe that Lisa noticed the gloves in the picture from the party. Lisa told Howard that they're also doing a story where they have an exclusive interview with George's partner Brad. She said they're doing a special about the mail Howard gets every day and about some of the weird stuff he gets. That led to Howard talking about the mail he gets from prisoners. He gets creeped out by stuff like that.
Artie and George are the new odd couple. Fred played a bunch of sound effects as Artie and George acted out the scene that Howard and Richard had written. Artie was in the bathroom taking a dump when George came home. George was coming on to one of Artie's buddies.
After the scene Artie said that he was getting the Supertwink feeling again. Robin thought that they did a good job and she loved the whole scene where George was asking Artie about his longshoreman buddy. Howard said he didn't think Artie was trying hard enough in the bathroom scene.
Howard moved on to do a duet with George. He had a song parody written to the tune of the Village People's ''YMCA.'' It was ''Goodbye George Takei'' since he's not going to be live in the studio after today.
The caller said that he was told by the car dealer that he needed to buy a new radio and so did the people at SIRIUS. Gary came in and read a description of an item that will do just that. Howard got a hold of the write up and said that's what he was talking about. It's called the SIRIUS Connect and it's $99. Gary said that the easiest way is to go back to the dealer and tell them about it. He also said that Circuit City and Best Buy do installations as well.
The caller also told Howard that the ''Let Freedom Ring'' billboard in Chicago is still up out there. There was a news story that said that they were going to be taken down. Howard said it was probably just the one billboard that the preacher out there asked to be removed that was actually taken down. He said that the billboard was owned by Viacom and they caved in just like they've always done when asked to remove it.
Dave asked George if he would like to do something tonight. George is going to a play tonight so he really can't do it. Howard asked him what he would be doing. Dave said maybe a Top 10 list about William Shatner or something. George said that he might be interested in doing something like that.
Howard told Dave that he's fine with George doing this and would never stand in his way. He figured it was a big deal for him even though he'd get a little jealous. Howard told Dave to fax over the Top 10 list so George can look it over. Howard thanked Dave for calling in and said they'll rehearse the Top 10 later on in the show. They were obviously pranking George again since they were able to fool him with Fake Arnold twice this week already.
Howard let Dave go but George was on to them. He asked if it was a real Dave Letterman or not. Howard then asked Gary if he got an e-mail from them yet. Gary said he'd have it in a few minutes. Howard promoted George's upcoming appearance on David Letterman's show tonight and George thought it was kind of amazing that stuff like this was going on. They may have had him fooled.
Howard got the Top 10 List from Dave so he had George read it out loud for them... ''The Top 10 Reasons William Shatner is a Jerk''
Howard took a call from Ozzy Osbourne who invited George to introduce him at Ozzfest. It was another impersonator, Billy Mira, who was doing the Ozzy impression. George asked where the concert is since he figured he'd be flying all over the place to do the phony introduction. Howard asked Ozzy to put David Lee Roth on the phone. Ozzy told him to hold on for a few seconds and then David Lee got on the line. Dave, also Billy, told George what a big fan of his he is. Howard let him go a short time later and said that Jimi Hendrix would be calling later on... as well as Kofi Anan from the United Nations.
Richie also told Howard that they're rolling out more S50s as they speak and stores should be replenished soon. Robin asked why her tuner isn't working yet. Richie said he's going to talk to her about that later this morning. Howard told Richie to pretend he's Michael Jackson and ask him to do an appearance somewhere.
George didn't believe that they were real questions because of the way he had been scammed so far. Howard swore that they were real questions from the fans. He then asked George what his parents thought about his gay lifestyle. He said that his father didn't know about it but his mother did and she had some adjustments to make in her life. He talked about how his mother got Alzheimers and he and his boyfriend Brad brought her into their home to take care of her.
Howard asked George about the strangest place he's ever had sex. George said that he and Brad went to an island called El Nido after shooting a movie and did it there. They spent the whole day completely nude because it was a deserted island. He said they became one with the island that day. George said he never did it on the set of Star Trek or anything like that.
Howard asked George if he's ever worn his Star Trek outfit during sex. George said that's never happened. He was asked if he's ever had a threesome. George said he can count more than that... but Brad was listening so he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it. He did say that it was a group of more than 10 men that he was involved with. Howard played some of the bits that they created using George's audio book and gay porn clips. After hearing that George said that he thinks a week there has been more than enough. He's ready to go home.
Howard let the caller go and then played a clip from a German porn movie where there was some peeing going on. Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard that the weird stuff like that really turns him on. He used to watch regular porn but now he watches stuff like that and gets really turned on.
Another phone caller told Howard that his show has gotten so much better since he moved to satellite. He said he really couldn't stand Tom Chiusano toward the end of his old show. He said Tom was the one who drove him to buy his satellite radio. He also talked about how bad the replacement shows have been on regular radio.
Howard was talking about how people are actually upset that they have so few commercials on satellite radio because they don't have time to do anything. Howard also mentioned that they will be having some old bands come in to re-record the songs they performed over at K-Rock since they lost the rights to all of that stuff. He's going to have Train come in and perform their songs, Bon Jovi is supposed to perform some of their songs for them too.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had an article about a guy who put something weird on his hands when going to court and got a bunch of people in the courtroom sick when he shook their hands. Gary told Howard that if he had that guy shake his hand, it could still make him sick.
Howard played an audio clip from Tony Danza's TV show where he mentioned that Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh share the same birthday... but there was no punch line. He just mentioned it was their birthday and showed pictures of them. Howard thought that was kind of odd and maybe Tony's writers are a little lazy. He goofed on that and compared Tony to Jay Leno and his lame monologs.
Howard said he had to take a break and he was going to take that chance to pee. He thought about bringing the microphone into the bathroom with him... but it would sound like that German porn clip. They played the clip again and George Takei was laughing his ass off. Howard broke for commercials right after that.
Howard told George Takei that he's really enjoyed having him there this week. George said that he's had an interesting time there but he's lost his trust in humanity after being duped so many times this week. Artie was his last shred of truth there because he was the only one being truthful with him. Howard said that having an announcer there is just one of the changes to the show that he's going to have.
Howard had a bunch of audio clips to play from his channels but he wasn't sure where to start. He had a Jessica Hahn clip from Bubba's show, some news clips and a guy who wanted to meet George. George said ''Oh my'' when he heard they had a guy there. Howard had Gary bring the guy in.
Hector came in and Howard said that he figures the guy might cream in his pants after meeting George. He was kind of subdued when he came in though. Howard thought he'd be more excited than he was. Hector told Howard that he's been a fan of Mr. Sulu's for many years because he control's the ship (on Star Trek). George told Hector that there's a big convention coming up in Las Vegas soon so maybe he should visit that. Hector has never been there so Artie added ''Hector has never been there because he's never been out of the room.''
Hector actually works at SIRIUS in their IT department. Howard asked him to ask George the toughest question he could. He asked him what Sulu's daughter's name was. It was Demora but it took George a short time to remember it. He was able to answer it though. George then asked Hector in which novel Demora appeared. George said it was ''Captain's Daughter.''
Gary came in and asked Hector if it was true that he had a Star Trek tattoo on his body. Hector said he does have one tattoo... and it's a Klingon tattoo. Howard checked it out and said it was actually kind of cool. He figures it's cool until you tell a chick that it's a Klingon tattoo. Howard told Hector that he's the bad boy of Trekkies because most of them aren't allowed to get tattoos.
Gary asked Hector if he can speak Klingon. Hector is able to say some stuff but not speak it fluently. He mentioned that his wife bought him a book about Klingon. The guys were surprised that he had a wife being a Trekkie.
Howard took a call from this guy Randy who has been on the show in the past. He's one of Benjy's friends who is a huge Star Trek fan. He asked George a long, drawn out question that wasn't Star Trek trivia. George had taken some time off during the shooting of Star Trek and had to miss out on some of the second season. Howard said that Randy is just like Benjy with the way he answers questions and refuses to give a straight answer. He hung up on him. He also let Hector go after that.
Benjy told Jessica that it was really hot. Howard wondered if he should listen to the 12 minute version of it. Jess told him to go head and play it from any part and it would be good. Howard didn't have any fast forwarding abilities with the audio clip so he either plays it all or nothing. Jessica said that she was describing her oral sex abilities and how much she enjoys it. She likes to continue to suck on it even after the guy is done.
Jessica was going into her detailed description of how she does her thing to a man. Howard said that there are a lot of women who don't know how to give it to a man. George added that there are a lot of men who know how to do it right. Howard didn't want to hear that though.
Jessica said that she crawls up between a man's legs and kind of works from there. He said that a man's legs will kind of hold the woman there. She said that she starts kissing and works her way up from the thighs and up the balls to the penis. She said she then kisses up and down the sides and all around the balls. She was talking about circling going clockwise and counterclockwise. Benjy said that when she did it on Bubba's show, she was doing it in first person like she was doing phone sex. Howard said he might be getting upset that she was better on Bubba's show. He wasn't getting turned on by this.
Jessica decided to use Howard's name and started to do phone sex with him like she did on Bubba's show. She took his clothes off and described it as it was happening. Howard was telling her that he might be smelly because he just took a big dump and might have some dingleberries. He started to get turned on as she was doing this phone sex thing. Jessica says that she still has a tight body like she did years ago. She was wearing just a black nightie in this sex fantasy she was doing with him. Howard interrupted and said ''This is weird, George Takei was kissing Artie's neck.'' Jessica continued to describe the way she was working her way up to his private parts. She was getting into a lot of detail about where her nipples were and how they were barely touching his balls.
It was taking a long time and Howard said he really wasn't into it. Benjy said it wasn't as good as it was on Bubba's show and Jessica should just get it into her mouth already. Howard said he's just going to play the tape from Bubba's show instead. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that Benjy was sending him notes about how great the Bubba show was last night but this wasn't doing it for him. The guys asked George if he and his man rub nipples. George said that they get right down to business, they don't mess around with that stuff. He said that she was very erotic in her description though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Imus was bashing him this morning. The caller said that Imus and his guy Bernard were doing some lame bit where Imus plays a catholic priest. Howard interrupted and said that all of the bits that guy does must be horrible. The caller said that Imus was talking about his daughters so Howard went off on Imus about the way he treats his own kids and how he left them behind in Cleveland. He said he's heard a lot of stories about the way Imus treated his kids and he's got nerve talking about other people's kids. Howard
Howard said that the bottom line is that Imus can't get ratings. He's on radio stations all over the country and on MSNBC and he's got just 3 million listeners. That's impossible according to Howard. He said there's no way someone can have that much coverage around the country and not have more listeners than that. Howard called Imus a ''scumbag motherfucker'' and wrapped up with the caller.
Gary came in and told Howard that he heard that Bubba was called into a meeting after his show yesterday where they were told that they were coming very close to ''crossing the line'' with the content of their show. Robin thought there were no lines to cross though. Howard said there weren't supposed to be any. That led to Howard reading an e-mail they got about Gary talking about how he had to take a shit the other day. No one wants to hear Gary talking about taking a shit. Gary said that's the way he talks to his friends though so that's why he said it. He doesn't think that he's crossed any lines talking like that but Artie crosses that line every day. Artie said that he tries not to abuse the use of curse words, he will only use them if he thinks it makes his lines funnier. Howard had to go to another break after that.
George Flowers said that they'll also be covering a story about the bad pictures they take for the web site and how they throw many of them out. Howard figures they'll be doing a story about his gloves as well since he was photographed at a party wearing the gloves inside. George said they'll be doing a story on Howard's mail as well. Howard said the news airs at Noon and 6PM on Howard 100 and Howard 101.
Jon Hein, the host of The Wrap Up Show and JumpTheShark.com, came in to talk about what they had coming up on The Wrap Up Show after the radio show. Jon said they'll be talking to George Takei and about what it's like to work with Beetlejuice off the air and a few other things that were discussed during the show today. Howard told him that maybe he'd want to take some of his phone calls but Jon said they can't take those calls in the other studio. They use the number 888-STERN-100 instead of 888-9-ASSHOLE.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it's been going for the past 10 years... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard and Mike spent a few more minutes talking after the game. Howard wondered if the National Enquirer knew that George was gay before he came out of the closet. Mike said they did know but they're not in the business of outting people. Mike said that policy may change if they ever catch Howard with a man. Howard let Mike go and moved on to take some phone calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's barely able to get any work done with all of the stuff that's available on his two channels. Another caller told a lame joke and asked if he could come up to the new studio. Howard said ''not with that joke'' and hung up on the guy.
Jessica Hahn was on the phone to play Robin a theme song on her piano. Howard told her that she should record it so they can have a nice clean version for the air. She said she would do that for them so Howard let her go and had Robin get into her news.
During the news Captain Janks called in and played an audio clip from an old Star Trek episode that they mentioned yesterday on the show. It's an episode where Spock sings along with some Space Hippies. Janks said it was pretty funny because you can see George there tapping his feet and clapping his hands. It was a really bad episode according to Howard.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard about the ''Free Radio'' promotion that so many stations are doing these days. That led to Howard talking about how crazy it is that radio stations seem to be so afraid of his move to satellite that they're changing to ''Free Radio.'' He said you get what you pay for and the content you get for $12 a month makes it worth every cent. He said that a guy will bang Pam Anderson for $12 but no guy is going to bang Rosie O'Donnell for free.
Howard wrapped up the show around 11am after saying goodbye to George Takei. Takei will remain as their official announcer but won't be sitting in live anymore. Howard was going to sing his thank-you song to George one more time before ending the show. Howard also thanked all of the fans who joined them for their first week there at SIRIUS. Howard wasn't able to find his George Takei goodbye song in his computer. He played a song parody featuring the Pat O'Brien audio clips instead... and some of the Takei audio book clips that Richard created. Howard said he's not sure if they're doing the revelation show on Monday or not since it's the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday.