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Howard started off the morning talking about the death of Peter Jennings. He said he was more shocked when he heard that he had cancer than he was when he heard that he died. He was prepared for his death after hearing about the cancer months ago. He was talking about how stupid cigarettes are and how he and Robin used to smoke years ago. Robin said she smoked for about 10 years. Howard said he was smoking 3 packs a day for about 3 years at one point in his life.
Howard wished Robin a Happy Birthday this morning. She turns 53 today. He was talking about how she really doesn't have a wrinkle on her face. Robin said she was getting a facial the other day and they told her that she's starting to get wrinkles around her eyes now. Howard said she really doesn't seem old to him and thinks that she looked the same when she was in her 20s. Howard played a couple of song parodies for her in celebration of her birthday. He had one from Richard Christy called ''I Just Died In Your Boobs Tonight.'' They also had Ed Torian the lie detector guy singing ''Black Angel'' to her. He had another song that Richard Christy sang for her and then played a birthday message from the old lady (Blue Iris) from the old lady porn clips they play on the show these days. She left a voice mail message for Robin where she uses some of her classic lines and wishes Robin a happy birthday.
Howard told Robin that he got her the best gift this year. He said he gave her something she really liked last year but she didn't remember it right away. It turned out that it was a vacation that she never did use. He gave her a Prada bag one year that she really liked as well. Robin wasn't sure she wanted it yet because she had a story to tell about what a horrible day she had yesterday. She said she had some friends over and they were hanging around a little long. She said they were getting ready to leave at around 4 but some other friends asked her to stop by with those people and it turned out to be a surprise party for her. She ended up leaving after about 5 minutes because it's like a work night for her and she couldn't stick around. She told the people who were in charge that she couldn't do it and ended up leaving. She said that she told them that they had ruined her weekend. Howard told her that it was crazy for her to leave something like that because they went through so much trouble. She said she really couldn't stick around on a Sunday night because it was out in New Jersey and she had to go to bed early so she could get up this morning. Gary came in and told Robin that it was really wrong for her to leave. He said that she could have stayed there for at least an hour or so, not 5 minutes. Robin said that she was already exhausted that day because she was up early and she had to get up at 3am to go to work this morning. She said it was about 10 people so it wasn't that many. The friends that she went over with had spent all Saturday with her and they spent most of Sunday with her as well. When Howard heard that he said she did the right thing. It seemed like those people were just trying to extend their stay with Robin even though she had just spent most of the weekend with her.
Howard was ready to give Robin her gift so he passed his card over to her and then the gift. Robin said she wasn't going to look at the card yet. She opened her gift and sounded surprised when she saw her new boots. She asked Howard what he had done and said they were beautiful. She seemed to really like them and thought it was a pretty unusual gift. He jokingly said they were Thom McCan boots but they were much nicer than that.
The guys got back to Robin's birthday and wondered if she actually liked her gift. She had said something about them being an ''unusual'' gift so Gary was wondering if that meant that she didn't like them. Robin said she thought they were actually very nice but it was an unusual gift. She said the boots are gorgeous. Robin was going to try them on but she didn't have the right stockings on her feet and Howard didn't want her stinking them up. He said that the brand was Manolo Blahnik but that's not what it said on the box so Robin didn't know that's what they were. She said it said ''Luana'' on the box.
Howard brought up Artie and how he's not drinking these days. He thought that Artie was off of everything including caffeine. Artie said that the big thing in rehab is smoking. Smoking is okay for some reason even though it's really addictive. He said he's really addicted to the caffeine thing too and he was drinking a lot of Coca Cola for a while. Howard said he read that soda can cause esophageal cancer so he advised Artie to stop with that stuff as well. He had to take a break after that so he sang a quick song to Robin and took a couple more phone calls for her. One of the calls was from John the Stutterer who tried to wish her a happy birthday. He was stuttering like crazy though. Howard said that he was actually calling from last year's birthday. They went to break a short time after that.
Howard said that the censorship in this country has gotten out of hand. He played an audio clip where they bleeped out the word ''sucked'' when a baseball player was explaining why his team had lost that day. They also bleeped out ''ass'' in ''dumbass'' when another player was talking about the game. Artie said that must be a pretty new thing to do because he's pretty sure that last year they were allowed to say ''suck'' on the air.
Howard played another audio clip from The Today Show where they talked about the lie detector test that Johnny Knoxville took on Howard's show last week. The 'comedians' who were commenting on the stuff weren't funny at all so Howard goofed on that for a short time. They were trying to be funny but it wasn't working.
Howard had an audio clip of Jessica Simpson making up a word when she was on the Regis and Kelly show last week. She used the word ''Iconish'' but was corrected by Kelly. He also had an audio clip of Jessica plugging a belly button fragrance on The Tonight Show. Howard said it's like America made a retard a star. She said that belly buttons stink so that's why they came out with the fragrance. Howard said he hates her, he hates Jay (Leno). He said he's not sure if he's going to do Jay's show when he goes out to do his promotional tour when the whole satellite deal starts. He said he's not sure Jay would even have him on his show now that he's said so much about him. He doesn't think he could stomach actually talking to the guy. Howard said he'd probably cover Jessica in the belly button fragrance and light her on fire. He played some audio of Ebert and Roeper talking about the Dukes of Hazzard movie and how awful they thought it was. Roeper gave it a big 'thumbs down' and talked about how awful Jessica was in the part. Ebert said the movie made ''Smokey and the Bandit'' look good. Roeper said that Jessica is so bad that it's almost like she's from another planet.
Howard replayed the Blue Iris old lady porn birthday wish that he played for Robin earlier in the morning. He also had a prank call that Sal and Richard made to C-Span where they used clips of that woman moaning in pleasure during their call.
Howard said his agent Don Buchwald came out to his house out in The Hamptons over the weekend and had a good time. He said that they had a cook out one day and went to another guy's house and saw Rudy Giuliani out there. He said the guy seems to be happy and he doesn't think that he'd ever try to run for president. Ralph thought he was a horrible mayor but Howard said he was a great mayor from the start. Ralph was going off on Giuliani and Howard was going to hang up on him because of that. He told Ralph to go back to Sam Simon's loving arms and get off his phone. He told Ralph to give them updates on what's going on out there with them. Ralph said they ended up at Andy Dick's house the other night somehow. He's not sure how that even happened but the whole night just went wrong. They were supposed to be going to Pam Anderson's house but ended up there. Ralph said he was at the party smoking some pot and he bumped into Andy's son. He cut himself off there and said it might not be a good idea to tell the story. He said he'd tell Howard about it later. Howard let him go and talked about what Ralph has been telling him about staying out at Sam's house. Robin said it seems like Sam is a lonely guy but Artie said he has friends. Howard thinks that the guy has to be lonely to want Ralph to come out and spend time with him.
Gary came in and said that he's spent some time with Sam and he's offered to let him and his family spend time at his mansion out there. Howard said that Ralph is taking advantage of the guy and using his assistant to get him food and stuff like that. Howard said he's happy for Ralph that he can do that stuff.
Howard said that the new TV show was supposed to start today but something must have gone wrong there. He said that he wanted to get Ralph and his hair dresser back so he told Ralph that he might have to show up to work. Ralph actually got mad at him for getting him some work and wasn't happy that they were starting up the show again. Ralph called back and asked him why he was giving him a hard time. He told Howard that Sam flew him out there to do some work out there. He's doing some design work for Sam including some clothing stuff. He said that they'll have an announcement in a couple of weeks about what they're working on. Robin wondered if Sam has experienced Ralph's inability to finish things. Gary said that Sam has experienced that first hadn because he asked him to design a ring for him and it took him over 8 months to do it. Howard said it really seems like Sam is lonely and that's why he wants to spend time with the guy. Robin said that maybe all of Sam's friends have jobs and that's why he can't hang out with them all the time.
Casey told Howard that he likes the homicide pictures the best but he'll also look at burn victims and stuff like that. Howard told the guy that if he runs across anyone like this, he'll pass along their number to the guy. Artie said he thinks that if there are other people out there like him, they've probably already used up their one phone call. Casey said that one woman he'd like to see in one of these photos is Jessica Simpson. Howard took a phone call from a guy but whatever he said was censored out of the show when the delay button was hit. Howard asked Casey to describe some of the pictures that have turned him on the most. He described one picture where a woman was nude and dead and talked about how much that turned him on. He was also saying that he will pleasure himself to pictures of dead guys but that's rare. He said he's never had sex with a guy in his life and he doesn't want to go down that road. Howard let him go a short time later and went to break.
Daniel said that he turned 55 back in July (pronounced Jew-Lie by him). He told Howard that he knows that Heaven is all white and there are no cats, dogs, monkey's or gorillas up there and there are no blacks either. He was starting to get kind of deep into his hatred so Howard cut him off and said he didn't know it was going to turn into that since it was supposed to be a birthday call for Robin. Daniel told Howard he's already purchased his SIRIUS radio and he's ready to listen to him when he moves in January. He was also hoping that Robin could find a job once Howard gets rid of her when he moves over there. That's not happening. Howard let Daniel go and played a birthday song that he performed for her.
Howard had a couple of other Daniel Carver bits to play after that. He played the prank call Daniel made to the gay channel on SIRIUS not too long ago. Howard played two calls that Daniel actually made to the station. They had him call live one time and that didn't go well so they had him call back on tape so they could just play him spewing his hatred. Howard played another bit they did when they had an internet relay operator repeating some of Daniel's hate.
Howard said a friend of his died recently as well. He said he knew Ileen Getz who used to appear on ''3rd Rock From The Sun'' passed away. He said he feels sorry for her family and sorry for her because she really loved life. He knew her through Mary McCormack who appeared in his movie ''Private Parts.''
Sal the Stockbroker had a gift for Robin as well. He made a mold of his genitals for her but Howard thinks that he stretched it out. Robin looked at it and said it was disgusting. Sal said he had some problems with it when he was creating it so it deflated and he may have stretched it out a little longer than it was. The thing was stuck to the paper it was wrapped in so she wasn't able to unwrap it. Gary said he heard that he went through some crazy stuff to make that thing but he didn't get to talk about it.
Howard played the Ed Torian song ''Black Angel'' that he played earlier in the morning. He also had a new bit that Richard put together using clips of Robin and Richard talking to her in a bathroom and having her pleasure him. After that Richard told Robin that she's one day younger than his mother. Robin and Artie asked him to get dressed after that. He was still standing there naked. Howard said Richard was starting to get aroused while he was standing there looking at Robin. He figured it was the headphone wire rubbing up against his private parts that was getting him aroused. Richard eventually put on his towel but took it off again when Howard played one of his songs about Robin. Howard asked him a little more about his shaved private parts and found out that he uses clippers to shave himself down there. Sal said that he shaves himself and was caught one time when he was standing over the bowl shaving himself. His wife knocked on the door while he was doing it but he told her he was in the shower and ran the water. He said the look on his face was pretty horrible. It just happened about 3 weeks ago. His son is 5 years old.
Richard said he bought a mint body wash the other day and used it on that area that day. He said that it tingled when he used it down there and he had no idea that was going to happen. Howard asked Sal where he did the penis mold at. He said he made it down in his basement and used a cereal bowl and a spatula that his wife uses. He was telling the story but he said something that got the delay hit. He went on to say that he actually had to get himself hard to make the mold and he had a happy ending at one point so he had to make another mold about a half hour later. Howard said they really have to get on satellite so they can tell these stories without the delay. Richard said he's had ticks stuck on his private parts in the past and it was tough to pull them out because it would hurt so much. He said he once had two ticks on there at once but Sal told him those were his nuts. Sal thought that Richard must have been doing something weird to get ticks on his balls but Howard said he's heard stories about ticks getting in a guys underwear. Will said he once had a tick down there and had to have his mother pull it off.
Howard pointed out Ronnie's new tattoo of his dead dog. Ronnie showed her the tattoo that was all scabbed up and Robin asked him if he was out of his mind. She told him that he's a 90 year old man... Howard pointed out a few of his other tattoos and talked about how odd they are. He said it's like Ronnie has a petting zoo on his arms. Sal was goofing on him and said that he heard that he had to give his dog an enema one time because it ate a plastic dinosaur so he had to fish it out. He said that Ronnie probably has a tattoo of the dinosaur on his other arm. Robin was goofing on him as well and said that if he gets another dog, the dog will probably be jealous of the dog on his arm. Howard thought it would have been cool if he had the dogs actual head stapled to his arm. Ronnie said they had the dog cremated.
Ronnie said that the guy who left the message about him got all bent because he didn't know who the guy was when he introduced himself. Ronnie said the guy told him he does the Rodney Dangerfield voice on the show but he didn't know who he was so he got bent and then left that message. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Howard played a voice mail they got from Riley Martin. Riley is the guy who said he has visited with aliens. Howard said the guy has a funny voice so he likes to listen to the messages. He said he doesn't know for sure but the guy sounds like he may have been drunk with this message. Riley left the message for Gary and asked him how he can prove to them that aliens do exist. He said that we don't have a lot of time to do whatever it is he wants to do. He thinks that the world is going down and he wants to do something about it. Howard and the guys did their impressions of Riley's voice and then played some prank calls they made using clips of Riley. Howard said he loves that guy (Riley).
Howard read some e-mail after the Riley stuff. He said someone was looking to see Sal fight Gary in the boxing match. Robin said they tried to get that to happen years ago but Sal won't do it. There were some other e-mails about Sal and his bass playing last week. Howard read some mail he got about his show and that led to him talking about Adam Carolla's news that he is in talks to take over for him in a few markets out on the West Coast. Howard said it's funny how the company can't seem to keep any secrets. Howard also mentioned that Sumner Redstone stepped down as CEO of Viacom and has put Les Moonves and Tom Freston in charge of the company that will be splitting up soon. Les will run one company and Tom will run the other. Howard said Redstone will still be Chairman of the Board so he's really still in charge of the company.
Howard played a prank call they made to C-Span using audio clips of Richard Simmons talking about sausage. Sal came in with another call they made to C-Span where he used clips of old lady porn and then another call where they had Wendy the Retard call in and ask the host about Howard moving to iN DEMAND TV. The host pretended not to understand what she was talking about. That led to Howard talking about the TV show and what he's going to be doing there. He had a meeting with the guys over there and now he knows what he's going to have. He'll have his own channel that people will be able to view. He explained to Robin how people will be able to get on their cable box and pull in the shows on demand, as people want to watch it. He said he's very happy about the future.
Howard played one last prank call they made to C-Span where they used some clips of the late Hank the Dwarf talking about the United Nations. He replayed the Richard Simmons prank call again because he thought it was something else. Robin asked Howard to play the Peter Jennings prank call that they played at the start of the show but Howard told her that Fred played it just before the commercial break before 9 this morning. She wanted them to play it in the body of the show, not during a break but they told her that it was in the body of the show.
Artie said that he watched an episode of ''Being Bobby Brown'' over the weekend and he thinks that he may be hooked like Robin is. Howard saw the show one time and didn't seem to like it so he's not going to be watching it. Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about the show and some of the funny stuff she saw on it. She said that Whitney Houston is on there talking like she was raised in the deep south and Bobby is always asking people if they know who he is.
Another caller told Howard that she got fired from her job for shaving her bosses brother's balls at work. She said she did it after hours and got away with it for a few years until just recently when her boss found out about it. She said that she told the guy she didn't want to do it at first but he convinced her to do it. The guy just recently bought a new house and he had some friends over who made it the talk of the party so her boss found out about it there. Howard asked her if she'd come down there and shave their balls. She said ''sure.'' Howard said that he wouldn't have wanted to go to a hair place where they use their utensils to cut ball hair. She claims that she bought new ones after she did that but the guys weren't so sure about that. Howard said when guys shave down all of their hair it can get kind of gay. He said that Beth has told him not to shave his chest hair because she likes it. She also likes when his face is kind of scruffy and has told him to leave it that way for her. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard said that Gary spoke to Crazy Cabbie, who is in jail right now, and he's doing just fine so far. You can keep up with what Cabbie is up to at FreeCabbie.com.
Jeff the Drunk called in to wish Robin a happy birthday. He also told the guys that he went to see ''The Dukes of Hazzard'' movie at a drive-in movie up where he lives. Artie asked him if he drove his house over there (Jeff lives in a mobile home). That led to the guys goofing on Jeff a little bit and Howard was saying that he pictures Jeff driving his house to the drive-in and then driving through the screen. He also played a voice mail that Jeff left for Gary where he told him that his life story was going to be on TV... ''From Ape to Man.'' Gary wasn't too happy about the message. Jeff told Howard that he won't be able to get Howard's TV show because he has DirecTV, not cable. Howard told him that's too bad and wondered if he can get cable. Jeff wasn't sure. Howard let him go and spent a minute talking about how he was listening to SIRIUS the whole weekend. He said he's been writing back and forth with Alex Bennet over there at SIRIUS. He said he's becoming friends with everyone over there and he's happy about that.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard who wished Robin a happy birthday. She sang Happy Birthday to her while playing her own drum set. Howard didn't let her finish though. He hung up on her after a few seconds of the song. He had Robin finish up her news and ended the show at around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show giving out the date to prove that it was a live show today. He then went on to play a prank call they played yesterday where they took clips of Riley Martin to call C-Span. Howard said they've had just about everyone on C-Span so far. Everyone except Daniel Carver. Artie said it's just a matter of time before that happens. Howard then played another Riley Martin prank call where they called a guy by the name of Howard out in the mid-west and used audio clips of Riley to create a conversation with the guy. They had some fun goofing on Riley's very unique voice for a minute and then Howard played the voice mail that Riley left for him recently where he asked Howard not to give him a job.
King of all Blacks called in and asked Robin why she didn't like the boots that Howard gave her for her birthday yesterday. Robin said she never said she didn't like they, she couldn't wear them because her calves are too big to fit in them. She thinks that she has ''man calves.'' King asked Howard how much he paid for them. Howard didn't want to say so he guessed that they were about $2,000. Howard told him he was in the ball park with that price. King changed subjects after that and asked about Eddie Murphy's divorce. He wondered why rich people get divorced like that so Howard spent a minute talking about it. He said the story barely got any press so he figured that he's not that big of a star these days. King figures it's because Eddie has become a ''nice guy'' and they don't like to bash nice guys. Howard's divorce was all over the place back in 1999 when that happened. Howard thought they were pretty nice to him back then and they weren't really bashing him. Howard and King were talking about how crazy people are thinking that they're going to feel the same way about someone 20 years from the day they got married. Howard said you have to laugh at people in their 30s and 40s who think their romance is going to last forever. It's like operating on the level of believing in Santa Clause. King was telling Howard and Robin that his wife knows her place right now but she's been starting to think that she's better than him for the past 3 weeks or so and he can't let that happen. Howard was going to let King go but he wanted to tell a joke. King asked if he could do it for his birthday. Howard reluctantly let him the joke that went on and on. King told a joke about a guy selling brains in his garage. He was selling Asian brains for $500 and a black brain for $7,000. When the seller was asked why the black brain was so much, the guy says ''Because it's never been used.'' Howard got a little chuckle out of that and let King off the phone after that.
A listener called in and said that he's been with his teenage love for about 6 years after splitting up with her years ago and his love is more now than ever and he thinks Howard was wrong about how relationships won't last. Howard said you never know how long it's going to last though, that's the thing. He was saying that he and Beth are getting along really well right now but he doesn't know how long it's going to last. The caller has only been living with this girl for 6 years which isn't all that long. Artie was saying that he loves booze now just as much as he loved it when he was 15 years old and he doesn't know if he'll ever get over that love.
Another caller told Howard and the guys that he likes them so much that he'd almost be willing to send them $10 each in an envelope. That led to Howard talking about how that's almost what satellite is going to be like because people are going to have to cough up a few bucks each month to listen. He said he's never going to beg people to sign up for satellite or for the cable show. He'll just let the fans decide on their own.
Artie told Howard and Robin how Jimmy Swaggert is out selling a ''new bible'' that he's got out now and it's obvious that he's just trying to make money. His son is by his side all the time now and Artie said he gets the feeling that his kid is more of a swindler than his father is. Howard said that Jimmy might be the lowest form of human on the earth. He was suggesting that they send High Pitch Eric to Jimmy Swaggert's religious camp as a goof.
A caller had some questions for Howard about his new radio show. He wondered if Howard will have the rights to his old radio shows. Howard said he doesn't have full access to those but he does have access to the E! shows so that's how he can get some of them. Howard said he doesn't know why the WWOR (Channel 9) shows are unavailable to him. He said he's tried to get them from the people who own that company now and they won't let him have them. He doesn't get why that is though. He seems to think that some people just have a strong feeling toward him and have weird agenda's toward him. They'd rather not make money and avoid working with him.
Howard saw that someone had put up a note about how long it had been since the show started and he didn't want them up on his computer screen. He said he knows how long it's been, he can see the clock. Howard said that makes him want to take even longer talking. Tom came in a minute later and said that they have a business to run there and he sends him a note once in a while as a gentle reminder. Howard said he doesn't care but went to break a short time later.
Howard told Gary that he wants to book someone on the show that he was reading about in Rolling Stone yesterday. He said he had some down time and was reading about this group of five guys who call themselves the Fab Faux. They perform Beatles songs and try to perform them exactly as the Beatles performed them. One of the guys is this guy Uncle Floyd's brother Jimmy Vavino. Another one is Will Lee from David Letterman's band. Howard asked Gary to try and book these guys for the show because he'd like to hear them. Howard said they claim that they don't cover all of their songs but they do cover quote a few. Howard read some of the article to Robin. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that they just heard that 50 Cent isn't going to make it to the show today. They got a call from his publicist who said something about ''due to circumstances beyond their control'' they wouldn't be able to make it there.
Howard read the article about the testing this guy is doing in up state New York. They're saying that the levels are much higher than they ever thought. Howard pointed out that President Clinton was trying to clean up the coal burning plants around the country because they release mercury but President Bush came in and reversed what he was trying to do. Howard ended up getting back to Riley Martin and goofing around with his audio clips and voice mails. He took some phone calls after that. One guy said that mercury is something people need in their bodies and suggested that they give some to Sal and Richard to see what happens when their levels are high. Howard hung up on him and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that the Rappin' Granny showed up at the building today but she wasn't booked. Rappin' Granny's people said they never book themselves for the show, they just show up every August. Gary had to tell them that they weren't aware of that but let them hang out in the lobby.
Howard said that Richie Wilson, from the now defunct E! show, sent him a web site where they have some video of Jolene Blalock that was kind of interesting. He said that the web site address is pretty long but he was going to give it out. The song that Jolene was singing went on a little long but she seemed like she was in love with herself in the video. There were a lot of wardrobe changes in the video and she looked really hot in the video. The video is available on ABum.com.
Gary said that last year they had a problem because some jewelry ended up in a river. Robin said that was an accident, the wind took the box from her hand and blew it into the water. Robin went on to talk about how she and Mr. X were arguing about last weekend and she was sounding rational to Howard. They didn't have sex like Robin was talking about doing during yesterday's show. She didn't pleasure herself last night either, she just went to bed so she could get up early for work. Howard said Mr. X must be hurting today after a brutal fight last night. Robin said it wasn't brutal but she didn't want to talk about it anymore either. Howard told her that she's like a dude and wants to end the conversation.
Richard Christy came in and told Robin that the best way to get back at Mr. X would be to sleep with him. Robin wondered why she'd torture herself by sleeping with him just to get back at Mr. X. Richard said that he thinks that she would be really good in bed because she's mature. Robin said he's a strange guy because he gave her a birthday card that read ''To the woman I love.''
Howard read an e-mail about the old lady porn Blue Iris and how much they liked the bit they did using her audio clips. Fred played a clip from this movie she was in where she was talking about rejuvenation. Another writer asked them to play clips of Richard Christy throwing up so they did that too. Howard talked about the porn star they have coming in who likes to do some weird stuff in her movies. She likes to sleep with midgets and do weird stuff like that.
Howard read through some other mail about Robin's birthday. Some people wished her a happy birthday and some sent some angry mail about her not being more appreciative of the gift Howard gave her. He tried to take a phone call after that but the guy wouldn't get to his point so he hung up on him and went to commercial.
Eric the Midget called in so Howard spent some time with him. Eric didn't say much when Howard put him on the air so he started to goof on him immediately. Robin wondered why he could't give them a ''Hello Howard...'' in that voice of his. Howard and Artie were doing their impressions of Eric and eventually let him speak. Eric wondered if Howard got the message he left for him over the weekend. Howard said he doesn't think he heard it but there are other great messages that he left. He said he loves the one where Eric talks about the shows he will and won't appear on. Howard jokingly told him they heard from ''Will and Grace'' and they want to hire him. Eric said he's still not interested in working for that show. Eric went on to say that this Monday's show was better than the previous Monday's show. Howard ended up goofing on him even more after hearing that. Fred even got into it and started doing an impression of him. Howard asked him what he was saying about the show but he couldn't get a word in because Artie and Fred were still doing their impressions. Eric said he got some compliments on the way he handled himself on the show the last time he was on. He didn't get to talk much before Howard started playing his song parody ''Shut the F**k Up.'' Howard said he loves that song and then played the gay bondage audio clip they created using his audio clips and a gay porn clip. Eric then asked Howard if he has any respect for him at all. Howard said of course he does and he wouldn't let him on the show if he didn't. Eric didn't want him to play that last audio clip but Howard didn't listen to him and played it anyway. Howard told him he had to get going so he could get to his next guest but Eric had more to say. Eric said that he was going to an American Idol concert and wondered if Howard could get him back stage because they apparently know the owner. Howard told Eric that he's 3 feet tall and in a wheel chair so they'll let him go just about anywhere he wants. Eric hasn't been able to get back stage at other Kelly Clarkson concerts but he hasn't really tried either. Howard put the word out that Eric wants to get back stage at this place and hopes that the Malouf brothers are listening since it's their venue that Eric is going to. Howard said he hopes that if Eric does go to the event that they don't accidentally pack him up with the equipment. Eric said that the concert is on Sunday the 21st and that's when he wants to get back stage. Howard let him go a short time later. He said that Eric is a good guy.
Howard had a new old lady porn clip to play. He said he knows that a lot of people don't like that stuff but he had to play it. The old lady was getting banged and moaning in an odd way.
Howard asked Jennifer about this movie she did where she had midgets banging her. She talked about that a little bit and talked about how they did it because they thought it would be funny. Richard Christy came in and asked Jennifer if the guy named Gary in the movie was retarded. She said he wasn't retarded but it was his first time doing a sex scene. Howard wondered what kind of education Jennifer had so he asked her about school. She said she went to college and got two bachelor's degrees but ended up doing the dancing thing because it pays so well. She said she's married and told Howard about how they have a pretty open relationship. She told a story about going to a hooker out in Las Vegas one time and how she ripped them off. The story was kind of like Artie's story where the woman took them for $500 without telling them that she was a hooker. Jennifer said that she's also an escort so Howard asked if she would have sex with him if he hired her. She said the sex thing isn't part of being an escort and if she sleeps with someone, she has to like them.
Howard checked out Jennifer's body and asked how much it costs to get her over to a house. She said it's usually somewhere above $1000. She loves in South Florida and there's actually more of this stuff going on up north than there is down there. Jennifer's father was a bank president at one point so Howard asked her about that. She said he actually died back on 9/11 but it wasn't related to the terrorist attacks. She said that he got drunk, hit his head and had an aneurism which killed him about 2 hours before the planes hit.
Howard tried to get Sal on the air but he was having trouble getting him on so Scott the Engineer ended up getting yelled at. Sal was down on the street searching for Mexicans to have sex with Jennifer. He found a guy who was willing to come up right away. Howard told the guy to come right up so Sal sent him on his way. Jennifer said that the guys she's looking for have to be full blooded Mexican and have an accent. Howard gave her a couple of plugs for her web sites JenniferSteele.com and OwnAStripClub.com. She said she's a spokesperson for the strip club web site. Jennifer said she has a tour schedule on her web site and she goes around doing fire shows. Howard said he's not a fan of the fire dancing show and he doesn't get that whole thing. Jennifer said she has a lot of nominations for awards and stuff so she must be doing something right.
Howard wondered where the Mexican guy was because he had to take a break. The guy showed up a minute later and said his name is Jorge. Gary came in and said that the guy had a tattoo on the side of his neck that said ''God Bless my Kids'' and kind of made fun of it. Howard told him he may not want to do that because the guy could be a gang member. Howard went on to ask Jorge about what he thinks of Jennifer. He seemed to think she was pretty hot so Howard had her show him something. She showed off her breasts so Howard had to check them out too. He thought she looked pretty good as well. Howard wondered if Jorge wanted to be part of this movie of hers. Jorge said he didn't think he'd want to be in it but Howard said he could wear a mask. Jennifer said he could be in if he wants but he'd have to fly himself out there. Jorge sounded like he might actually go out there after a couple of minutes. Howard gave him a $500 prize so he could use that to fly out there. The money was courtesy of the movie ''Red Eye.'' Artie is part of the promotion and they're saying that they could end up on the same flight back to New York on the red eye. They won't be sitting next to him though, they could be sitting way back in coach while Artie is in first class. Howard thought that was a weird contest.
Gary told Howard they had another Mexican guy who wanted to meet Jennifer. They brought in Raul who said he's full blown Mexican. The guy was putting on an accent and everyone knew it. Sal said that the guy sounded Mexican to him so he brought him up. The guy said he had his ''papers'' and was willing to show them. The guy was acting kind of odd and Howard didn't understand what was going on. The guy was joking around but he wouldn't stop with the accent. Sal said the guy was wearing a mechanics outfit and he really thought he was Mexican. He was able to say a few words in Spanish but he kept cracking jokes. Howard asked him if he wanted to have sex with her. He said he did but Jennifer wanted to stick to the first guy they brought in. Howard gave Raul a $500 prize and told him he had a chance to win that Artie contest just like the other guy did. Howard asked Raul where he works but he couldn't say because he works in the place illegally. Gary said he was dying to know where he was really supposed to be.
A listener called in and said that he saw Jennifer's show and it was ''weak.'' Howard let him talk about that for a minute and then wrapped up the interview. He told Jennifer that he understood why she might not want to have sex with Raul. He went to break a short time later.
Gary came in and said he felt bad because he's not that exciting to meet. Ryan said he's wanted to meet Gary for a long time now so it was an honor to meet him. He said that he just graduated from a broadcasting program and he is producing a show for a local channel. They actually had Kevin Spacey on the show he produces so Howard said that he might have to hire him because Gary can't make that happen. Ryan was thrilled to be there and could barely contain himself. Howard wrapped up after that and thanked Captain Sack and Commander Crack for coming in. Howard told Gary that maybe he could give Ryan a tour of the station or something while he was there. He also gave Ryan a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Red Eye.'' He wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard changed subjects and talked about this woman Terry McMillan who wrote ''Stella's Got Her Groove Back'' and how she got married to a gay guy and didn't know that until they were getting divorced. He has some tape of her talking about that during an interview but he was going to play it on tomorrow's show. Robin wanted to hear it today but it was getting too late.
Howard couldn't get the thought of Artie's pancakes out of his head. Artie said that the pancakes are really good from that place. Howard asked Artie what he was going to eat next. He wasn't sure but thought about having a piece of sausage pizza for lunch. A woman called in a short time later and said that Artie's pop-tarts have about 440 calories each so his breakfast had at least a thousand calories. The woman said that he should be eating fruit and vegetables. Howard said Artie is pretty thin for a guy who eats so much. Howard got some information on the hotcakes that Artie had eaten and they were at about 600 calories. The woman on the phone said that's not right and it was probably more like 1100 calories. Howard said he always eats fruits and he's still fat. He eats chicken and friggin rice for lunch and he's sick of it. Artie told him that he's not fat but Howard said he still has a belly and he can't get rid of it no matter what he does.
Howard said Norm Macdonald wanted to call in earlier in the show to promote ''Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo'' but it was too late (around 9) so he didn't let him on. He said that Eddie Griffin and Rob Schneider will be on later in the week to promote the movie though. He had Robin start her news a short time later.
A woman called in during the news and asked Artie how he can eat when he's falling apart like he is. She was saying that she's been going kind of crazy lately. After talking to her for a minute Howard asked Artie if he's still on Xanax. Artie said it wasn't Xanax, it's Paxil. He said she's still on that. He was also saying that he was staying thin with all of the stress surrounding the movie he was working on last month. Now that the movie is done, he's been eating like crazy. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
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Howard started off the show saying that he could almost like his job if he didn't have to wake up so early. Artie thought he liked it enough but Howard said it takes him a little while to get started but once he's rolling he's okay. He also likes having his work done by early afternoon and having plenty of time to do other stuff. He complained about the construction going on below his apartment and how loud that was. He said that kind of sucked. He said living in an apartment is okay until someone else starts making noise. He's hoping that the construction ends soon. Robin said she has construction going on next to her but she can only hear it when she goes outside.
Howard got a copy of the new Tommy Lee reality show where he goes back to college and it was really good. He said Tommy comes off pretty good as a likeable guy. He was also saying that the show is kind of dumb but you still watch it. The show was also edited in a way that made it okay to watch and he gave it a B+. Robin said that Tommy is saying that he and Pam Anderson are rekindling their relationship but Howard said Pam called him and told him to tell everyone that they're not getting married again. He's hoping that they've matured over the years and maybe they can keep from fighting around the kids. He doesn't know when the Tommy Lee show is airing but it's going to be on NBC at some point. Artie said that there's another reality show coming out where Gene Simmons runs a rock school. Howard said that's probably going to suck because just about everything he does sucks. He said he thinks Gene is an okay guy but he's not sure how his TV show is going to be. Howard mentioned that Tommy Lee was having trouble with drumming in the marching band at the college he was at. He's not used to drumming like that and he didn't know what to do. Howard also mentioned that there was a pretty hot chick that he liked on that show so Robin thought that's why he liked it so much. Howard said that wasn't the main reason though.
This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
He's big and he's strong
and he knows he's better
and he knows what he gets
he knows what he knows
and he knows what he have
and he knows what he gets... He gets better
and he's a tough guy
and he knows he knows win
and he knows the best I can... To be
Howard said the band has a ton of equipment there and wondered how many guys they have in the band. They spent a minute on that and Artie said that one of the guys came to see him do stand-up at a club up in Massachusetts one time. Howard said they're big fans of the show and he showed up to one of their shows one time and they were pissed that they didn't have a good set in front of him. Howard said they were fine though. Artie was at a concert they appeared at one time and they were hoping to have a good set but he was so drunk he didn't care. Howard then asked Artie how he's handling the no-drinking thing. Artie said he's been sober for about 64 days now and he's struggling with it. He said he doesn't think he can go to their friend Ross' bachelor party because it would be too tough not to drink at something like that. Howard said the party is at Scores and there's plenty of other things to do other than drinking. Artie said that's true but he's still not sure he wants to go. He thought about eating there since the food is so good.
Gary went to Ross' first bachelor party out in Las Vegas and spent a ton of money flying himself out there. He talked about all of the money he had to spend to get out there and of course, gambling. After spending thousands he got an email from the guy who arranged everything and found out he owed another $175. Gary said he spent about $2,700 total going out there.
Since they were talking about being sober, Howard played an audio clip of Courtney Love talking about how she's been sober for over a year now. She bragged about it like it was a major accomplishment and how hard it was to do. Howard didn't seem to be too impressed with that since he doesn't have a problem like that. A listener called in and said he couldn't believe that Artie had been sober for 64 days. Artie told him he started a week or so before the movie started shooting and he hasn't had any since then and it's been over 60 days.
Eric said he has some knowledge about how the hotel business runs and he'd like to get a job working in it. The guys goofed on him a little bit but Howard said he would try and help him out. A few seconds later he did an impression of Eric saying that he wanted to be a poker chip at one of their casinos. Robin said that in the hotel business you usually need to move around the country and relocate to different hotels. Eric said he could do that. Howard told Eric that he was going to try and help him out by making some calls to the Maloufs. He said he'd love to tape the business meeting between Eric and George Malouf. Robin said it would make a great reality show.
Someone called in as 'The Wizard of Oz' called in and asked Eric how he could possibly ask for a job. Howard had to cut the guy off but he got the joke. Howard said he gets mail from Mark Cuban once in a while so he wondered if Eric would like to work for him. Of course he would. Howard took another call from Zolar who called in as a woman asking Eric if he was still a virgin. Eric knew it wasn't a woman so Zolar went back to his deep voice and said he was pretty smart. Captain Janks called in a minute later and said he doesn't get why Eric calls in and complains about the show all the time and then calls in asking for help from them. Janks said that maybe he should think about doing something for the show like making some prank calls mentioning Howard's move to satellite radio. Eric said he'd think about doing something like that. Janks said he has about 250 people who are going to help him out with the prank calls this year. You can sign up at CaptainJanks.tk.
Howard found out that Eric is 30 years old and asked him what his life expectancy is. Eric said he's already surpassed it. Robin wondered how he's able to call in so often because his family didn't like it when he called in. Eric said he found ways around that. Howard let him go a short time later and asked Gary to make the call to try and get him back stage at the American Idol concert. He told him not to bother with the business meeting. They took a commercial brake right after that.
Howard read a story about this guy Hugh Panero over at XM who was saying that their company isn't feeling any heat from Howard Stern's upcoming move to their rival SIRIUS. Howard said it seems that Hugh really is worried about it because when he announced that he was going to satellite, SIRIUS only had about 600,000 subscribers and now they're up around 3 million. XM is still ahead of SIRIUS with subscribers but Howard hasn't moved over there yet. He seems to think that it will make a big difference once he moves. Howard said that Hugh Panero was trying to get him to move over to XM last year and it's funny that he's thinking that he's saying that his move isn't going to effect them. Howard said they may be over there sooner than January but their new studio isn't ready yet. Gary told Howard that they have an emergency plan for where to put Howard if he does come over early if Infinity lets him go early. They're prepared with a couple of studios. Robin wondered where Artie is going to eat when they move over there. Gary said Artie likes this place called Del Frisco that's close to that place. That led to the guys talking about how Artie has the time to run down to a restaurant during commercial breaks to get food. When they move to satellite, their commercial breaks aren't going to be as long so he may not have time to get food. Howard said that maybe they could give him a wireless microphone and have him run down to get his food while they listen.
Gary and Howard somehow ended up talking about how long they can hold in their pee but the delay was hit at least once or twice during that conversation. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody that Sal created during that conversation. Howard went on to talk about how weird it is that they cut that segment with Jennifer Steele out in Vegas. He doesn't get that. Another phone caller read a story about how well SIRIUS is doing even though they're behind XM in subscribers. He was reading the whole article to Howard but Howard didn't want to go through the whole thing. Howard is ready to move to the new place and he's going to honor his contract but the company might release him early. Howard said the people over at SIRIUS don't care one way or the other. Gary said he keeps hearing that Infinity is going to let them go on September 13th. Howard said he's heard that rumor as well.
Howard played a prank call that they made using Daniel Carver the KKK guy. The talk show host basically ignored what Daniel said and quickly moved on to another call without responding to the caller. Howard had to get to Eddie Griffin so he was going to take a break. Artie said he saw a clip from the new ''Deuce Bigalow'' movie with Eddie and Rob Schneider and it looks really good. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about other movies like ''Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.'' Artie saw it and didn't think it compared to the original. He said it was okay though. Howard said he's kind of surprised he never went out to see Star Wars this summer. He's waiting for it to come out on DVD. He also mentioned the movie ''Sin City'' which is also coming out on DVD. He loved that movie. Artie told Howard he should see ''Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'' but Howard said he could live his whole live and never regret not having seen that one. He went to break a short time later.
Eddie talked about working over in Amsterdam on the ''Deuce Bigalow'' movie. He said they'd go to a coffee shop where they don't have any coffee, just weed. He said they smoked so much over there that they don't know how they finished the movie. They have a menu of marijuana there that you can pick out and mix together stuff. He said they'll even roll it for you for an extra dollar. Howard said the weird thing in this country is that they're going after pot smokers instead of the heavier drugs like cocaine and heroin. Eddie said the worst crime that pot smokers do is steal Ho-Hos so that is kind of crazy. Howard asked Eddie about the names of the pot over in Amsterdam. Eddie said they name most of the stuff after rock stars and their songs. They were also talking about the hookers over there and how you can walk out of a coffee shop and pick up a whore. Eddie said the best looking girls are out between 5pm and midnight. He said some of the girls were like models. He said there also some girls with nice, big booties which is what he likes. Howard said he doesn't like that big ass stuff. Eddie said he doesn't like spending his hard earned money on women so he doesn't pay for it. Robin said she thought Eddie was married. Eddie said he got divorced about 11 months ago. The last time he was on he was saying that the relationship would probably last forever and now he's divorced. Eddie said she wanted him home but he doesn't have a 9-5 job so that's tough to deal with for some women.
Eddie talked about doing the Pam Anderson Roast and some of the jokes he told. He said that he didn't get too rude with her and just joked about how she learned the alphabet through bra sizes since she went from an A, B, C, D... cup size. Eddie said that Courtney Love was there and she's gained quite a bit of weight. Tommy Lee and his band played some music, Dennis Rodman was there but they didn't allow him to talk. Howard wondered if Eddie has ever dated any famous chicks. Eddie said he hasn't and he likes the regular girls out there. Howard said he can't wait to see this new ''Deuce Bigalow'' movie. He went on to ask Eddie why he almost canceled his live appearance and wanted to call in. Eddie said the real issue was some family issues. He didn't want to talk about it on the air though. Howard told him he's got to talk about it but Eddie didn't want to go there. Howard thought that maybe he had something going on with Rob Schneider. Eddie said that's not the case but Robin reminded him about how he and Rob were both making claims about what they created for the movie. Eddie said they worked that out and if they hadn't, they wouldn't have made the movie. Howard asked Eddie about the auditions they did for the hot chicks in the movie. They video taped them and Howard saw a copy of it. He wondered if Eddie took any of those girls and banged them. Eddie said he didn't do that.
Howard asked Eddie what he's up to next. He said he's going on vacation and he's thinking of going to South Africa so Robin reminded him that's where Dave Chappelle went to vacation. Eddie said he was down there a couple of years ago and he had a great time. He's also thinking of going to Puerto Rico or Hawaii. Eddie said he likes to go places where they have water so he can ride the jet skis. Howard wondered if he brings any chicks with him when he vacations. Eddie said that would be like bringing sand to the beach. He meets the women at the places he goes.
Howard gave Eddie a plug for the movie and for some comedy gigs he has coming up. He's going to be at the Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut on August 20th and at the Apollo Theater on the 21st. Howard wished him luck with the movie and found out that he had the premiere last week and OJ Simpson showed up for the premiere. Eddie said he shook OJ's hand and asked him how he's doing. He said that OJ was there talking to reporters and having a good ol' time. Eddie said he has theories about whether or not OJ did it. He said he thinks that OJ may have been there and watched as the necks were cut but he doesn't think OJ did it himself. Howard wrapped up a few minutes later after giving Eddie a few more plugs.
After the commercial break Howard talked about the local news station 1010 WINS that had a ''most influential people'' list and Howard Stern was number 35 on the list. He played the audio from the report about the show and what he's done with his career. After that Howard asked Robin if she heard the Jackie commercial that ran during the break. She missed it so Howard replayed the commercial for her. In the commercial Jackie was the announcer for a Home Bank LLC. Howard said he didn't even sound like he knew what he was talking about but that was pretty funny. He figured they must have paid Jackie a couple of G's for it. Robin said he was a great negotiator so he may have gotten more than that. Howard said they're probably not playing the commercial anywhere but on their station. Tom Chiusano came in a minute later and told Howard to play all the way through the commercial to hear Jackie's laugh at the end. Howard played it and Tom laughed and seemed to love it. Howard thought it was pretty funny too.
Howard brought up some news stories he was reading this morning. He saw the ''Runaway Bride'' in the paper and talked about her ''crazy eyes'' for a minute. He got to some e-mail after that. There was some mail about Ronnie the Limo Driver and how nuts he gets on the air sometimes. There was another e-mail about Lindsay Lohan's mother since Howard mentioned how hot she was on the air recently. There was also a bit of mail about Sal and Richard as Captain Sack and Commander Crack on yesterday's show. Gary said that Sal and Richard are doing a lot of weird stuff lately. Yesterday they were walking down the street hand in hand with their fingers interlocked just to see what kind of reaction they'd get. They didn't video tape it or even audio tape it so no one is sure why they did it.
Howard read some other mail about Artie's eating and Robin screwing up the news by reporting that the Space Shuttle had landed in Florida even though it landed in California. Howard got some mail about himself and how he's too thin and shouldn't whine about being fat. Some people wrote in about Eric the Midget and how funny the show was yesterday when he called in. There were also some e-mails about the Jolene Blalock video (ABum.com) that he mentioned on the air yesterday. Sal and Richard came in so Howard asked them about their gay behavior lately. Richard said that everyone is calling them gay so they figured they'd see what it was like walking down the street looking gay. Howard said that they should go out on the street and make out to see what kind of reaction they get. Richard wasn't interested in doing that but Sal tried to convince him to do it. Sal said he was just trying to find out if Richard would say yes.
Howard said they could play Gay Chicken instead. They agreed and got ready to play. They didn't hesitate but Howard did offer to give them a $500 prize. In gay chicken the guys put their hands on the other guy's lap and then move it closer to their package. Sal was ready to leave the studio after Richard put his hand on him while he was sitting there naked. They both put their hands on each other and moved their hands up slowly. Sal wasn't as brave as Richard and didn't moe his hand up as quick as Richard did. Sal was getting sick after he saw Richard's penis. Richard went in and grabbed Sal's package but he didn't think the game was over. Howard told him that he should do the same thing then. Sal went in and did it so Howard said they're both gay. Since both of them grabbed each other but pulled their hands away, Howard wasn't sure who won. He figured they had to play again. Artie said that they should start kissing each other's stomach's and whoever went the lowest was the winner. Sal suggested that whoever kissed the other's nipple was the winner. Howard gave both of them $500 and asked them about the holding hands thing.
A listener called in and asked Richard if he's really gay. Richard said he's not gay but he hasn't gotten laid in a couple of years now. Sal heard that Richard is afraid of disease so that's why he stays away from sex so much. A listener called in and said Richard is gay and they should put him on the gay channel over at SIRIUS.
Gary told the guys that they were thinking of having a contest with virgins so they called Cliff to find out if he would do it but it turns out he's not a virgin. Cliff was saying a few things that may have been curses so the delay got hit a few times. The guys couldn't figure out what he was saying so they were making up what he could be saying. Cliff was telling them about the hookers he'd gotten in the past but they thought he was saying something about ''Paying a faggot for four kids.'' Howard wanted to get the call over with so he asked Cliff why he was calling in. Cliff said that Gary is coming down there to Dallas this weekend and he wants to hang out with him. Gary said he's going to be at The Lodge down there. Artie warned Gary that if Cliff shows up, he probably won't leave. He said he's a good guy but when he did a show down there, the guy never left. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Sarah Silverman after Howard let Yucko go. Sal doesn't think she's all that funny but the rest of the guys seem to think that she's funny. A listener called in and told Howard that they were hitting the delay on Cliff Palette earlier even though he wasn't really cursing. Howard said that Cliff was saying something about ''sex'' but he was joking around and told him not to say the ''s-word.'' He went off on Tom about that because he wasn't saying the S-word. Tom said that if he made it sound like it was the s-word then it had to be cut out. Howard told him that he's done with him and that whole place and he wants out. Tom said that he doesn't think Howard is leaving early like the rumors are saying but Howard thinks they just haven't told Tom anything. Richard reminded Tom that they used to run commercials for the ''Meet the Fockers'' movie and that sounds like the F-word so they should have hit the delay on that according to his logic. Tom said Cliff sounded like he was saying the S-word so that's why he had to hit the delay.
Howard said that Tom has been going around telling people that Olivia Newton-John tried to pick him up one time. Tom said that he was only married for 2 weeks at the time and didn't go to the party she invited him to. He said she told him that she wanted to get to know him but he doesn't remember her exact words. He remembers how hot she was back then and exactly what she was wearing when she spoke to him. Howard asked him how many times he pleasured himself to that scenario. He said he didn't know and didn't want to talk about that stuff. Howard had to go to break anyway. He was going to do that but Blue Iris the old lady porn chick called in so Howard spent a minute talking to her. She was claiming that she was only 58 years old but no one believed that. She was also telling them that she was 5'1'' tall and 125 pounds. When Artie heard that he said he thinks she's mixing up her age and weight. Iris was laughing and wheezing while she was talking to Howard so he asked her if she's a smoker. Iris said she does smoke but not that much. Howard let her get in a plug for her web site TheDingDongShow.com and then played some audio that they play on the show quite a bit where she's having sex with a guy while walking in her walker. Iris said she doesn't actually use a walker though. Howard asked the guys who the other chick was that they gave him a clip of yesterday. He played that clip but no one knew what her name was. It was another old lady getting banged and making weird noises.
This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
He's big and he's strong
and he knows he's better
and he knows what he gets
he knows what he knows
and he knows what he have
and he knows what he gets... He gets better
and he's a tough guy
and he knows he knows win
and he knows the best I can... To be
Howard played the original version that Beet sang without any music in the background. Then he played the full version that Richard put to music. The guys in Staind were talking about how impressive it was that he was able to come up with that stuff so quick. It was the first song that Beetlejuice has ever written. Howard tried to tell Beetlejuice that he had the band Staind there to perform the song but Beetlejuice wouldn't stop talking. Howard told him that he asked the band to perform a version of the song and that's why they were there. Beetlejuice said that he was ready to hear it but Howard wanted to talk to the guys in the band for a minute. He asked the guys how much time they put into the song. They said it was maybe 10 or 12 minutes total. Aaron said that the song is challenging to sing but he was ready to do it. Howard said the band is out on tour right now and you can find out more about that at Staind.com. He then had the guys perform their acoustic version of ''The Beetlejuice Song.'' They had to have put time into the song because it sounded pretty impressive. They made it about twice as long as the original version. Howard said ''Wow!'' after he heard it. Artie said it was ''amazing.'' Beetlejuice thought it was ''perfect'' and mumbled something after that. The guys in the band said that was about the third time they played the song so they really didn't put that much time into it. They said that some day they may actually play it in concert. Howard said he'd be playing it a lot on his show. Artie told them that it was ''top notch turd polishing right there.''
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the band and took some phone calls about the song. One guy said it was amazing what they had done with that silly song. Howard said that some bands can come up with songs really quick and not even know what they have until it becomes a hit. Aaron said that he wrote their hit song ''Outside'' while he was on stage performing it with Fred Durst. Howard gave Beetlejuice a plug for a fight he has coming up soon and you can find out more about that at JollyDwarf.com. Beetlejuice said that he wants them to become ''his band'' and offered to step in and take over for Aaron if he leaves the band. Howard asked Beetlejuice if he wanted to sing a song with the band. He said he would but Howard told him to forget that. Howard was going to have the band perform a song from their new album Chapter V. The guys were thinking of re-releasing the album with The Beetlejuice Song added to it. They performed their hit song ''Right Here'' after that. Howard told them that the song was beautiful and he loves those guys. They thanked him for that and said they love him too. He was impressed with the guitar picking that the guitar player was doing. The guys in the band had something for Howard to hang up at SIRIUS when they move over there. Howard said it was really nice and he will hang it up there.
A listener called in and said they have to put up a picture of Beetlejuice in his chaps on his web site. Another caller said that he was never really a fan of Staind but he thought the Beetlejuice song was great and now he's going to go buy their album Chapter V. Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a big fan and heard they had 2 different versions of the Beetlejuice song and wondered what the other one was. The guy said that it was a little harder version but maybe they'll come back and play it some day. Aaron mentioned something about stinking up the hallways there at the station when they come so Gary told Howard that they really do stink it up with weed when they come. The guys said that they actually smoked some with Beetlejuice out in the green room. That may have been why Beetlejuice was so talkative today. Beet told the guys that he's been enjoying himself today after smoking some weed with the guys. Another caller told the guys how great they sounded when they performed. Howard wondered what the song ''Right Here'' was about and Aaron basically said it was the ultimate love song and it could be about his wife if someone wanted to think that's what it was about. He said it can be about whatever anyone wants it to be about. Howard wrapped up and gave the guys another plug for their album Chapter V as Beetlejuice was belching. He apparently had a few beers out in the green room along with the weed. He was starting to make all kinds of weird noises and impressions as Howard was reading the plugs. Gary and Robin were laughing their asses off as that was going on. He took another phone call from a woman who wanted to tell the guys how great their new album was. Another caller said they were great as well and thought their remake of the Beetlejuice song was amazing. One of the guys in the band said that after he heard Beet's song he went around singing it for days. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial break.
A listener called in and said that a friend of his had passed away recently and the guy was a big fan of the show. The caller said they would always talk about the show and he loved it. More bad news came after that. Another guy said that ''Big Foot'' Matt McGrory (who appeared on the show years ago) passed away recently too. Howard and Robin thought that was kind of sad. He had been working in a lot of movies lately too. He had a freaky look that would get him quite a bit of work. Howard said Matt had a tough life but he always had a great attitude toward it. The caller said that Matt went to sleep and just didn't wake up. The caller said he didn't even want to talk about this on the air, he wanted to let them know off the air. Robin said she had Matt on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' as her lifeline and his family came with him. Howard wondered if the guy had ever seen Matt naked. The caller said that he used to ask Matt to pull down his pants but he never would. Howard asked the guy to let them know when his funeral is so any of his fans will know where to go. Robin said that their guests are dropping like flies. First Hank the Dwarf, now Big Foot Matt and the fan that the other caller had mentioned. Howard jokingly said that Fred has been dead for years.
A woman called in and asked Howard to replay the Beetlejuice Song that Staind had performed. Howard said he would play it but Scott was taking forever to get it to him. He told the woman that he would play it if Scott ever got it in there. He had Robin start her news after that but ended up talking to her about her birthday dinner that went wrong the other night. Robin and her boyfriend ''Mr. X'' went out to dinner and ended up fighting and stopped talking to each other at some point during the night. Robin talked about that for a minute and got into her news a short time later. Howard took a commercial break at one point and played Staind's version of ''The Beetlejuice Song'' since he'd gotten a request for it from a caller.
Howard said that they still didn't have confirmation on ''Big Foot'' Matt's death. He said that Fred was going to research it but he fell asleep before he had the chance. A little later Howard had a new song parody that they had Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) perform to the tune of Nine Inch Nails ''Closer.'' Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
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Howard was singing along to ''The Beetlejuice Song'' as he started the show this morning. He said he had to thank Staind for coming in yesterday to play that song, he was laughing about it after the show yesterday. Robin also talked about how funny Beetlejuice was yesterday when he was in. Howard said he has to remember that combination of weed and booze because it was the perfect mix for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he would go straight to satellite if he gets fired from Infinity early. Howard said today he's thinking something different than he was thinking yesterday. He said he's trying to get the E! crew back to work but there are people who aren't letting that happen. He doesn't want a new deal or anything but the company doesn't want to let that happen. They're holding it up with demands that are just ridiculous so they're not back yet. He said he's trying to put people back to work and he can't make it happen. Howard said he believes that the company thinks he's going to take the show to In Demand and make billions or something so they're blocking it. He's pretty sure that the company wants him to leave early, probably by October, and he's hoping that happens. Howard said he's thinking that he should go right over to satellite if that happens so he can get back on the air and start doing his show. He'd like to be able to go somewhere and touch base with his fans immediately.
The caller also asked Artie if he's going to be going to satellite with the show. Artie said he'll be there. A few weeks ago he was saying he didn't have a contract yet. The caller was from Atlanta so Howard ended up talking about what a weird market that is. He said the company wouldn't put him on down there because they were afraid that advertisers wouldn't work with his show down there. He figures that he should just have a national show but it wasn't that easy. He said now he'll have a national show as soon as he moves to satellite and everyone across the country will be able to hear his show. He figures that he's got a lot of people subscribing already. He won't have as large of an audience as he does now so it will be a little strange.
Hook Nose Mike called in and talked about how great Staind was yesterday with ''The Beetlejuice Song.'' Mike also asked Howard if there has been discussion about him leaving early or if it's all hearsay. Howard said there have been discussions but not directly with him. He said he's willing to sit there through his whole contract if he has to. He's not walking out on his contract. He's getting jerked around with the TV show now and he's not going to make any deals with them now. He said that they are screwing over all of the E! crew, Toni the hair dresser and people like Ralph. Ralph is sitting out at Sam Simon's house in Malibu right now so he's not really getting screwed. Howard talked about how there are people in his career that seem to like to screw him over, even the people who he works with. He said he's going to start becoming a dick now that he's gotten screwed over so much.
Howard said he's been with Infinity Broadcasting for almost 20 years now and he doesn't understand why they won't let him do a farewell show and other things like that. He figures it would make for great radio and bring up the ratings before he leaves. The company seems to think that he's up to something so they won't let him do it. Meanwhile, he's made the company a ton of money and he's brought in more money than, say, the movie Titanic. He said he's probably made 3 times what that movie made for them. Howard thinks that the radio company wouldn't have been able to merge with Viacom without him there and now he's not even able to bring people like Doug Goodstein back to work. He also put the word out to Hugh Panero over at XM that they will eventually be number 2 when he's done with them. He went off on him saying that he ''cheaped out'' and he's ''lame.'' He said things are going to change.
Hook Nose Mike told Howard that he's out of work right now. He said his boss had to let him go after the company changed hands. He asked Howard if he had anything for him there. Howard told him that he should take over his radio show. Mike said he'd have to listen to Howard's show when he's off the air. Howard and Robin told him that's what a lot of radio guys do now. Howard ended up giving Mike a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Red Eye.''
Captain Janks called in and said that if Howard does leave this company early, everyone should meet over at Larry King Live and call in together. Howard said that's a good idea and if he gets canned, they should call in the first day that he's not on the air. That's when everyone will call in and say that Howard is moving to satellite. Whatever morning is the first morning he's not on, that's the night you call Larry King's show. Robin called it ''Attacking'' his show but Howard changed that to just ''calling in.'' Janks did his Kathie Lee Gifford impression and told Howard he could give out secret messages. Janks asked Howard if he could put his bulletin board back up. Howard said that won't be happening. He had to take a break after that.
Howard asked Benjy what was up with the big pillow under his desk. Benjy said that to make sure he gets there on time, he's been sleeping there. Howard told him to get it out of there because it was in Fred's way. Parts of the Real Doll are still there too but Howard said he's not touching that thing, it's staying right there.
Dino said he was talking to Levy the other night and they were thinking of having Eric do a Charity Dunk Tank event where Eric would get dunked. Gary talked about how Eric was scared out of his mind when Dino confronted him on the air and said he was going to take care of it. He still hasn't done anything. Dino heard that Eric made some money guest bar tending recently. Eric said he did make some money but he didn't make all that much. Gary told him that once he does pay off Dino, he still has to pay off the limo driver that he still hasn't paid. He owes like $2,800 to that guy.
Shuli called in and said that Eric used his phone at a hotel he was staying at and called a Red Lobster and ordered a meal for 8 people. Eric said that was wrong and it was an Applebees restaurant and it was a friend of his who works there that he asked for the food. Eric said that the guy at the restaurant told him that he could order whatever he wants. Shuli also told a story about Eric calling him and asking for weed. The next day he'd gotten some weed and told him how much it screwed him up. Howard said whenever you do a favor for Eric, it always backfires. Eric told Shuli he loves him and Shuli said that's just creepy.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told a story about doing a show with Eric one time. He got a limo, a suite and a personal table at the Hard Rock Hotel. Sal said he called the hotel and this woman told him that she was looking forward to him and Howard to show up over there. Howard wasn't anywhere hear there and it was Eric who used his name to get the limo and the other stuff. Eric was saying that he didn't do that but no one was listening. Howard told him he's not giving him a radio show if that's the case. Eric explained how he was asked by Sal to call the casino host but Sal said he never did that, it was Eric who did it. Shuli and Sal both said that Eric will call them and never have anything to say. Shuli went on to tell a story about Sal yelling at Eric in the middle of the Borgata hotel and casino. They went to their room later on and Eric was trying to whisper to him asking him where he was going to sleep and if he wanted to sleep with Sal in the bed. Shuli went to sleep on the floor and told Eric he could get into the bed with Sal. The next morning the two of them were in the bed but Eric claimed he didn't get under the covers. Sal didn't know that Eric was in the bed because he had passed out after getting drunk.
Artie said that Eric was at a show he did out in Vegas and he was eating a ton of food without unwrapping it. He would eat a sandwich that was still wrapped in paper and the paper would be sticking out of his mouth. Howard wondered what his bowel movements look like. He asked Eric if they look like a tin can. He took a call from a guy who saw Eric at Nobu yesterday. That led to the guys talking about Eric's resume. Shuli figured they could read it all in 30 seconds, there couldn't have been that much on it. Howard heard from Richie Notar that they can't just turn Eric away from the restaurant, they have to take his resume. The caller said that Eric was trying to get a job cleaning up, not as a waiter. Howard asked Eric if he saw that all of the other people there are skinny and fit, not big and fat like him.
Shuli told Howard how Eric and Double A came out to Vegas one time wearing matching Yankees jerseys with their names on them. Howard said he heard that Double A was down at Nobu trying to get a job just like Eric was. Eric kept changing subjects and asking Howard about stuff but everyone already heard about Dana Reeve's lung cancer and about some other stuff he brought up. Howard said he still finds something loveable about Eric but he can't explain it. The guys said that it's that high pitched voice of his that makes him seem nice. Eric tried talking in a deep voice and it was even creepier than the high pitched one. Howard thought he sounded like OJ Simpson. Howard let him go after that and Artie added 'The saga of High Pitch continues...''
Howard played a prank call that Fred the Elephant Boy and High Pitch made to a gay bar claiming to have been at the club a few nights before and some things had happened where their voices were screwed up. After that Howard went right to commercial.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked him which car companies are offering SIRIUS radio. He didn't want to get i to it on the air but said there's a great article on his web site that explains it. The caller said that he's a big GM fan and right now they only offer XM. Howard said they can switch it out for you if you really want SIRIUS.
Next up was Talita who has been working out 6-7 days a week getting into shape. She said she lost 25 pounds. The guys, and Robin, were checking her out and were all impressed with her body. Talita talked about how much fun she had with the workouts. Howard moved on to Keira next and said she had a rockin' body as well. The three girls so far either had boyfriends or a husband. They were all looking really good. Howard said it was going to be a tough decision.
He moved on to Leah next and said that she was the one he was really interested in because she was at 147 pounds at the start of the contest. She lost maybe 10 pounds but she put on a lot of muscle. She said that even her boobs were looking better after she tightened up her chest. Leah told Howard that she and her boyfriend broke up with each other but she didn't want to talk about what happened. Gary said that Leah is looking the way Mariah Carey should look. Will came in and told Howard that the break up must have just happened because yesterday she said she had a boyfriend. Leah said she was lying and hoping that no one would ask her about it.
The girls were wondering how Howard and the guys were going to pick a winner. Artie suggested they have a ''Who Can Give Artie the Best Oral'' contest. Howard suggested that they just try to pick the one who had the best looking body. That was going to be tough because they all improved so much. Howard said that all of the girls are going to be disappointed if they don't win because they've come so far. Kim really made a dramatic change. Howard went through each of the girls but said that Keira had the best body in his opinion. He said that Leah was the most attractive overall. He said that they were all 10s though. A listener called in and told Howard that he lost his wife to a Bally's trainer and he knows what goes on in those places. He explained how he got his wife a trainer and how he lost her to the guy. Artie said they probably go from a Hard Ass to a Pain in the Ass after that.
Howard had Gary go first and pick his favorite. Gary said that Leah looked like she was going to be the winner half way through the contest. Now he's torn between Keira and Talita because their bodies are ''amazing.'' He finally picked Keira as his favorite. Artie said that he likes his girls who are ''thick'' and went with Leah because she had a ''valuptuous'' ass. Fred went next. He said he thought Leah was going to win but he thinks that Talita is the winner today. He gave his vote to Talita. Howard went next but it was a lot of pressure for him. He said he was going to go by the ass and had them spin around for him. He said that when the contest started, Talita would have no chance to win. Today he wouldn't say that because she changed so much. He also said that Keira looked great and Kim was fabulous. He said that based on their asses though, he was going to go with Leah. He said he had no attraction to her in the beginning, now he can't think of anything else. He told all of the girls that they were pieces of ass. Robin was up next and said she looked at every girl and they were all great but she had to go with Talita because she did an incredible job. They had a tie at that point. Talita and Leah both had 2 votes. They had to do a tie breaker. Gary went first and picked Leah. Robin went next and picked Talita again. Howard stuck with Leah but said it was a very close contest. Artie stuck with Leah as well so she was the winner. Fred said he would have stuck with Talita but it was too late, Leah had won. Howard told Leah to disrobe and prepare to get her prize from him. Talita was on the verge of crying so Gary pointed that out to Howard. She said she was a little disappointed that she'd come so close. Howard told her to keep it up. Kim didn't get any votes and she was wondering what was up with that. Howard said that it was a tough contest. Artie said that they will ''...all look like John Pinnette in a week anyway...'' so what's the difference.
Howard had Matt from Bally's Total Fitness come in to give Leah her $10,000 check. The fake check they had was huge according to Howard. It was as big as Leah was. Leah thanked a bunch of people for sticking with her through this summer. Howard thanked all of the girls, and Bally's for the money, and wrapped up the segment after that.
Robin said that she read in the paper that Matt McGrory really did pass away. They got a call about that during yesterday's show but didn't have confirmation until today. Robin read the obituary about his death and it said something about his girlfriend. Howard said he's happy that Matt was getting laid.
Howard said that Artie kind of lost his mind like Dave did and they had to put Artie on Paxil to straighten him out. Howard told Charlie about what went on with Artie going nuts and then gave Charlie a couple of plugs. He's appearing at Carolines comedy club through Sunday. He's also appearing at the Cape Cod Melody Tent on August 19th and appearing in the movie ''Roll Bounce'' that opens soon. Charlie talked about the movie a little bit. Howard and Charlie also shared some stories about Roosevelt, Long Island since they both grew up there. Charlie said that the town is only like 1 square mile and they have 6 gangs there. He said it's like a war zone over there now. They talked about how crazy things got in that town since they lived there.
Howard asked Charlie what's up with his brother Eddie. He's going through a divorce right now and Charlie said that he doesn't know what's going on there, only Eddie and his wife do. Charlie said he and Eddie were talking about the problems Eddie was having starting a couple of months ago. Howard said the kids are the ones who will be going nuts when they do get divorced eventually. Howard said that Charlie's wife must be nervous now that his brother is getting divorced. Howard also talked to Charlie about his temper and how when he was Eddie's body guard, he would kick people's asses if they disrespected his brother.
Howard took a call from King of all Blacks who goes to the same barbershop as Charlie. King said that Charlie's wife is really hot and has a lot of ''white features'' that make her look really good. He said it's a compliment since Charlie didn't know what he was talking about. That led to Howard and Charlie talking about how hot Eddie's wife is. They were talking about something and Charlie ended up cursing so Howard had to tell him that they weren't on satellite yet. Charlie apologized and said he really thought they were on satellite already. Charlie was talking about going out to clubs with his wife and how she can get mad at him if a bunch of women come up to him at a club but if guys go up to her, he can't get mad at her.
Howard wondered when Eddie is going to start dating again because he's going to have a lot of choices. Charlie agreed but he doesn't know when the dating will start. Howard wrapped up a short time later and said that he hopes Eddie is okay. He said he's going to side with Eddie in the divorce, not the wife. Charlie said that he's not sure whose side he's going to be on, he's going to let his brother handle his own business. Howard told Charlie that he has to take sides and go to war, he can't just sit back and let it go. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Rob about his marriage and Rob said he's not living with his wife right now. Rob said that things happen. Howard said he hasn't been married that long though. He was over in Amsterdam shooting the movie for 6 months. Howard wondered if he was partying too hard and his wife found out about it. Rob said that's not what happened and they were actually separated before the movie shoot. Rob said they were married for 2 years before they broke up but that's a Hollywood marriage and that's like 10 years in normal people marriages. Robin said that Eddie Griffin told them that 11 months was like 10 years of marriage for him. Rob told a story about Eddie not being able to pick up a chick one night that they were out at a club. Howard also said he didn't know that Norm Macdonald was in the movie. Rob said he plays one of the Man Whores that doesn't get much business. He explained some of the scenes from the movie and the guys thought they were pretty funny. He said that they were walking around Amsterdam and Norm would see one of the whores in a window looking at him and he'd say that he thought she really liked him in that whiny voice of his.
Rob told Howard some of the plot of the new movie and how Eddie didn't want to do one of the scenes because he had to climb into a tanning booth where there was a dead gigalo and he was supposed to come out holding a burnt up dismembered gigalo penis. Eddie didn't want to hold the penis but it was just for the movie. Rob had to have him throw it down in the scene instead of just holding it. Howard said the premise of having a bunch of ugly guys becoming male gigalo's is really funny. Gary came in and asked Rob if his feud with Roger Ebert is over. Rob said that it's really not over because Ebert still seems to hate him for some reason. He talked about the past reviews he's gotten from him and how he once said that the best part of his last movie was when the film broke.
Howard asked Rob what his dating life is like. Rob said that he's back to dating his ex-wife right now because he's kind of tired of dating other women. Howard brought up the story that Eddie Griffin told about seeing OJ Simpson at the movie premiere recently and how Eddie doesn't believe that OJ actually did the killings. Rob said he didn't see OJ there and couldn't believe that Eddie thinks that OJ didn't do the killings. Howard wondered who else showed up to the movie premiere. David Spade and Adam Sandler were the two names that Rob came up with. He said there were others there but couldn't come up with any names. Howard wondered if Rob tried out any of the whores over in Amsterdam when he was shooting his movie. Rob said there's a very wide definition for whores so everyone pays in some way when they go out with a woman. He said when he was younger he would do that stuff but not now.
Howard asked Rob about the entourage that came with him today. He had a hot publicist with him and Rob mentioned that they have some really hot interns working there. Rob mentioned one of them and Gary told him that she was only 18 years old. Rob found that hard to believe. Howard told Rob that he has to come over to the new place when they move and get drunk with them again. Robin suggested that they have another ''Butterface'' contest like they did out in Vegas last year. Rob thought that was a great idea. Howard told Artie he could be the designated driver that day but Artie said he would be back to drinking by then. That led to the guys talking about Artie's black out when they were in Vegas. Artie said he remembered coming out of his blackout and he was talking to Rob and Henry Hill. They all had a great time out there.
Gary told Howard about all of the people who came in with Rob today. He had a publicist, his brother, another woman, an assistant, a manager and other people. Rob said that he had a lot of people helping him out with writing the movie and there were even writers from The Simpsons who were e-mailing him jokes to put in the movie. He said he thinks the movie is really good. Artie talked about how Norm Macdonald called him from Amsterdam and he was yelling into the phone like he thought he wouldn't be heard. Rob talked about how great Norm is in the movie and in some other movies he's been in.
Howard had the guys bring in Rob's publicist Shara. He said that she's ''way hot'' and thought that her name sounded like a stripper name. Shara said that it's her birth name though and it wasn't something she made up. Howard was wondering why all publicists are hot. Gary said that hot chicks will get you to listen unlike some fat chick. Gary said that Shara takes care of some big clients other than Rob too. Howard asked Shara if she's ever been hit on by celebrities. She said that's never happened but Gary finds that hard to believe. Shara said she's not dating anyone right now and she's married to her work. Howard said she's got to have a Steven Seagal story to tell. Rob said he had a story about Seagal and said that he knew a guy that was going to write a movie script for him so he went in for a meeting. Seagal came in and told the guy that he'd just read the best script ever. The guy asked him who wrote it and Seagal says ''I did.''
Rob told Howard that he wants to come in and do his satellite radio show on the first Friday (There won't be live shows on Friday at SIRIUS) of the first week of shows they do. They can get drunk and have a Miss Butterface contest. Howard was asking the publicist more questions and she thinks that the new movie will be number one at the box office this weekend. Rob thinks that the movie will make somewhere in the ''20s.'' Howard had the guys bring in the young intern who Rob was talking about earlier. She had to go over to his hotel room to pick up a tape and Rob gave her a hug and a kiss and said that she reminded him of an old girlfriend. She also told them that she just turned 19 yesterday so she's not 18 like they were saying earlier. That led to Rob talking about having dinner with Howard's girlfriend Beth years ago before Howard was dating her. The intern said that Rob had a drink in his hand yesterday when she went over there. Rob said that he may have had a drink in his hand. Howard started to wrap up the interview after that. Howard told Shara that he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra today and he liked that. Gary said that she looked like she was trying to crawl into a hole to get away from the discussions about the way she looks. Howard wished Rob luck and said he's looking forward to having him on the show when they move to satellite. They went to break after that.
Later on during the news Robin was talking about some dopey kid who caused some commotion at a Yankee game this week. That led to Artie talking about how he ran out on the basketball court at a Knicks game and tried to take a shot after a friend dared him to. He said he was about 17 at the time and they were warming up before the game so he ran out, grabbed a ball and took a shot from the top of the key. He said about 8 guys came rushing in and escorted him out of the arena. He was standing outside and some guy came out and gave him his front row ticket so he went right back in. His buddies saw him sitting down on the front row so he was waving to them.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and then ended the show. Artie got in a plug for a DVD signing he's doing at the Coconuts in Union, New Jersey, this Saturday, August 13th at Noon. Howard closed the show with Staind performing ''The Beetlejuice Song'' at around 10:35am.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she watches that guy and saw one show where James told this woman her husband didn't feel any pain in the World Trade Center collapse. She knew he was full of crap when she heard that. (Snipped)
Howard had Sean play the 80's Songs game first. He played a song and Sean had to name the artist of the song. Sean was unable to get the first song, Rick Springfield's ''Jesse's Girl'' but Adam was able to get it right. Howard played the second song and Adam got that one right. It was ''8675309'' by Tommy Tutone. Howard played the third song and let Sean try to get it. Adam knew it already but he had to give Sean a chance. Sean didn't know it so Adam told him it was Quarterflash and ''Harden My Heart.'' Sean wanted to know where the rest of his chances were but Howard ended up hanging up on him since he lost. Howard let Adam try a few more before spending a few more minutes talking to him about the women he's scored with. Howard brought up Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox who Adam went out with. Adam said he never banged Jennifer. They just went on a few dates and found out they didn't really have anything in common. Howard tried to get details from him about the women he dated but he didn't want to talk about that stuff. Howard tried time and time again but Adam said he wasn't going there with him. Howard took a few phone calls and tried some more to get info out of Adam but it just didn't happen. Howard brought up a couple of other names of celebrities Adam supposedly banged but Adam told Howard he never even dated Ashley Judd or Christina Applegate.
Sean the White Rapper disguised himself as a woman who wanted to bang the whole band to call back in again. Howard picked it up and Sean was there. He wanted another chance to beat Adam so Howard gave him one song. He tried to cheat and get the name of the song off the CD (Like Omigod! The 80's Pop Culture Box Set Totally!) but he wasn't able to find it. Howard ended up hanging up on him again and got back to Adam and the chicks. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Adam about Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox before taking a break so the band could get ready to perform a couple of songs. (Snipped)
Dina told Howard that they actually met one other time at a party out in Malibu. Howard didn't remember meeting her but did go to a party out there in Malibu.
Stuttering John came in and said that they had a topless shot of Dina from the movie ''Starship Troopers'' so Howard checked that out. Earlier he thought that Dina wasn't wearing a bra but she broke the news to him that she was wearing one for him for some reason. Howard moved on to talk to her about her sex life but she held back a little bit because her parents were listening. She wouldn't talk about anal sex but did say that she had a lesbian kiss one time with a friend of a friend. She told Howard a few details about that but it wasn't all that much. Howard spoke to her about her boyfriend and Dina ended up turning it around and asked about his girlfriend. Howard told her that Beth was just a ''regular girl.'' Robin pointed out that she's a model though. Howard also read that she dated Billy Joel. She said he did contact her but they didn't really date. She said he called her but she didn't return his call for quite a while. She knew it would be awkward so she held off for a while. Gary asked her what they actually did talk about when she called him. She said he was at a loss for words when she called. She said she went out with him once and it wasn't working so they didn't go out again.
Howard said he knew Dina did more lesbian stuff. He asked her if she did oral on a woman and she said ''maybe'' but Howard seemed to take that as a ''yes.''
Howard talked to Dina about the Star Trek movie and more about ''Birds of Prey'' before taking a break so they could play the Gossip Game.
After the break Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play the game. Howard asked Mike if he had any dirt on Dina but he didn't have anything. He said she's been in the National Enquirer in the section where they show what stars are wearing these days but no dirt. Mike knew her character's name in ''Starship Troopers'' which seemed to surprise her. She talked about her relationship with Denise Richards a little bit before Mike read his stories. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard took a couple of phone calls for Dina. Someone brought up whether or not she shaves her bush. Howard told her that he keeps his clipped pretty short which she seemed to like. The guys also told Howard they thought she liked him by the way she was acting while being interviewed. When Howard asked her if she shaves herself down there, she said that if things don't work out with Beth, he may find out some day. She didn't want to tell him if she does or doesn't shave because her parents were listening today. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and took a commercial break.
After the break Robin started to do her news stories. Stuttering John came in and said that Dina asked to come back up because her father wanted an autograph. Howard had her come back in and they spent a few more minutes talking to her. Howard said Artie was leering at her when they were talking to her after her interview. Stuttering John was also pretty interested in her and he thought she was really interested in Howard. She kept asking John what he was smoking while he was saying that. She said that she would definitely date Howard but she wouldn't ''bang'' him without getting to know him. Howard said she's too good for him anyway. Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be her father. He told Howard to just bang his daughter already. John kept saying stuff to Dina that she didn't like so she told him to kiss her ass. He asked her if she'd pull down her pants. She wouldn't but I believe he kissed her ass anyway. Howard had Dina come over to sign the picture she had. He wrote that he wanted to bang his daughter in the autograph. Howard got a hug from her and Dina asked for a kiss after that. She ran out after all of that.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said he read that Dina has an adult toy collection that includes dildos and stuff like that. Ralph told Howard he should keep in touch with Dina just in case things don't work out with Beth. Artie said that Dina just isn't in Beth's league. Howard told him there was no reason to say stuff like that. Robin said Artie was just glaring at Dina while she was in there. Artie said he just doesn't trust actresses. He said a lot of actresses in Hollywood need a lot of attention. Dina heard all of this and came back in to beat up Artie. She took off her jacket and went over to talk to him about what he'd just said. He told her that he thinks she's pretty and she'll have a much happier life than he ever will. He told her he wouldn't fight her or anything. Howard said that Artie had been talking about actresses in general during the break and Dina was included in that discussion. Howard said things had gone terribly wrong at this point. Artie apologized and said Dina was alright. She gave him a hug and made things all better. Artie sounded much happier after the hug. He did make a crack about her making her fifth appearance in one day on the show and of course, it wasn't for attention. Artie said she's ''smokin' hot'' but she seems like one of these chicks who's always auditioning. He said she's very chatty. Dina heard that and came running back in again. Artie admitted that he has a crush on her because she's so hot. He defended himself and said that he thinks he's going to get ''all three episodes of 'Birds of Prey' on DVD.'' Dina ended up talking about the adult toys subject that was brought up earlier in the interview. She said she had stuff like condoms, lube and porn in that collection. She said she never said anything about dildos and stuff. Howard wondered why she has lube in that collection. He said she must be with a bunch of homos or something. Gary told Howard he figures when a young girl like that has lube, she's using it for ''the other end.'' Howard didn't think that was it though.
Ralph called back in and mentioned the article he read that had the sex toys mention in it. She wanted to know what magazine that was in because she doesn't recall it. He said it was either FHM or Maxim.
All of the guys agreed that Dina was a great guest. KC had said that she looked a little ''thick'' to him. He came in and said that she's got a ''little chunk'' to her and a stereotypical black guy would love her. The guys spent a little time talking about that. They ended up goofing on KC a little bit about his tastes in women. Artie said he took back what he said about her being annoying after the hug. It was getting really late in the show by this time so Howard had Robin get back to her news so they could get out of there.
Bobby said he's going to be doing some commercials for Roadrunner internet service. He's been doing some other shows and performed at a VIP thing at the Super Bowl. Howard asked Bobby what he charges to do a show. He said he'd have to do that off the air. He doesn't want to talk about that stuff on the air for some reason. Howard asked him if he's getting laid doing this stuff. Bobby said he's having a lot of fun. Howard said he was told he did get laid. Bobby said he has met some nice women doing this stuff. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Bobby before he performed. KC said that Bobby has a TV pilot in the works too. Howard found that hard to believe. Bobby told Howard about that and how that all came about. Howard asked Bobby if he's been hanging out with John Stamos' cousin. He said she's actually out in the green room and they do hang out.
Howard had Bobby perform for them a little bit. He performed ''Hot, Hot, Hot'' to start off. The guys were laughing as he started. He was dancing around and snapping his fingers. Howard said he hates when he snaps his fingers. He cut the song off after just a few seconds. Howard asked him to do the Addams Family theme song. Bobby snapped along to that while Howard sang the theme. Howard said he was done with him after that. Howard read that Bobby is working on a hip-hop cartoon with a guy by the name of Michael Judge, which isn't Mike Judge of Beavis and Butt-Head, it's another Mike Judge. Howard had Bobby do a little more snapping to some Gypsy Kings. That only lasted about 10 seconds.
Howard took some phone calls from people who said they didn't want to hear that crap. Howard said when people see it on E! they get the full treatment. They don't get it when it's just on radio. Howard wrapped it up and gave Bobby a plug for his web site BadFingers.com.
Howard said he wanted to check out John Stamos' cousin. He had the guys bring her in. Howard said she was hot and there must be some good genetics in that family. Howard said she's no quite as pretty as John but she's right up there. She told Howard that her father and John's father are cousins, that's how they're related. Artie said that John could sleep with her and asked her if she'd done that. She said John has been like a brother to her and has been very close to her. Her boyfriend of 3 months apparently gave her a huge promise ring. She said the guy works with John as a security guy. Howard wondered how he could afford a ring like that. She said he did well out in Las Vegas. Gary said it's got to be at least 2 carats. She said it's actually 4. Gary said it must have cost at least $30-40,000. Howard asked Gary what he'd give her on a scale of 10. He gave her an 8 and said he might give her an 8.5 if she showed her boobs. She said they're not real and gave them a peek at them. Howard asked her who gave her those. She said it was Dr. Grant Stevens who did the work. Howard wondered why John was hiding her all this time. Artie asked to see her ass so she stood up and turned around for them. Howard asked her to show them her thong but she said she really can't do that. Howard asked her if she'd put on a bikini. She wouldn't do that either. Gary asked her to pull up the thong so they could see it. She did that so the guys asked her to pull her bra up too. She couldn't do that either. Robin wanted to see the boyfriend but Howard said she had to get out of there because he was getting angry. The boyfriend came in so Howard spent a couple of minutes with him. Howard was curious to know how much the ring cost. The guy said it was about $20,000. Howard thanked the guy for coming in and wrapped up the segment a short time later.