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This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
This is Beetle,
He's as bad as can,
He knows he's the best,
He's big and he's strong
and he knows he's better
and he knows what he gets
he knows what he knows
and he knows what he have
and he knows what he gets... He gets better
and he's a tough guy
and he knows he knows win
and he knows the best I can... To be
Howard asked Johnny what he thinks of this whole situation in Afghanistan. Johnny said he had an idea to help the situation. He said we should make up millions of gallons of liquid LSD and taint the water over there. Then we could just walk in dressed as a Tele-Tubbie and freak them all out as we grab the people we want to grab. Howard told Johnny that wasn't that bad of an idea.
Howard kissed Johnny's ass a bit during the interview. He kept telling him what a great actor he was and how much he loves the movies he's done over the years. He also spoke to Johnny about why he moved out of the country and over to France. Johnny said he was there for a movie shoot and while he was there he fell in love. He now has a baby with the woman he fell in love with and that's where he lives now.
Howard told Johnny it must be great to be such a cool guy because someone like Kate Moss tries to kill herself after they broke up. Johnny said she didn't try to kill herself though. That was just Howard's take on the situation. Howard spent some time on that subject and then asked him if he ever turned down any big movies that he regrets now. Johnny said that he tried to get through the script for ''Titanic'' but he couldn't do it. He said he ''labored through 15 pages'' of the script before giving up on it. That was the only one he mentioned though.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard how ''down to earth'' Johnny is. He said he played a gig at Johnny's club The Viper Room one time and Johnny was there helping to unload their equipment.
Howard kept bringing up how Johnny must be able to get any chick he wants. He tried to find out if Johnny has ever been turned down by any women. Of course he has but Howard didn't believe it. He thinks that no woman would turn him down for any reason.
Howard also asked Johnny if his childhood was messed up. Johnny said it was kind of messed up and his parents were abusive to him once in a while. He said he was born in Kentucky and that got Artie Lange revved up doing his Southern accent as he pretended to be Johnny's parents. He made some funny jokes about that and Johnny just laughed.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and asked Johnny if he's calculated with his choice of tattoos and clothing. Johnny said he does think about his tattoos for years before having them put on. Howard then said that Ralph's questions were really gay and ended up hanging up on him.
A phone caller told Howard that Johnny really is a down-to-earth guy. He told Howard that Johnny hung out with the regular people when he flew over to England one time. Johnny said that isn't a calculated move, he just doesn't feel right taking a private jet. Howard took a few more phone calls for Johnny and started to wrap up the interview. He asked Johnny if he'd seen his movie ''Private Parts'' yet. Johnny said he was kind of bitter at the time it came out because it pretty much killed his movie ''Donnie Brasco'' which came out around the same time. He still hasn't seen it but he told Howard he'd rent it.
A short time after getting off the phone with Johnny Stuttering John came in and said Johnny called back and thanked them for having him on the show. Howard thought that the interview went pretty well.
Howard had John perform bits of some of his hit songs while he was sitting in. He played a little bit of ''Jack and Diane'', ''Pink Houses'', ''Small Town'' and a little bit of his new song ''Peaceful World.''
As Howard was getting ready to wrap up the interview he was told about this guy who used to play with John's band who was featured on America's Most Wanted. He was wanted for child molestation and they kept bringing up the fact that the guy was in John's band. John said he doesn't know why they did that because he hasn't worked with the guy since the early 1980's. John went on to tell some funny stories about how strange the guy was. One story involved a hooker. He said this guy never really looked at chicks so they sent a hooker up to his room to see what he'd do. They had a tape recorder going in his room to see what he said to her. John said that the guy ended up giving the hooker a back rub and sent her off. John said the guy was a great musician but he was really strange.
Howard had John perform one last song before he left. He played a little bit of ''Paper and Fire'' and then Howard wrapped up the interview. Earlier in the show Howard thought about having John play some ''Gay Chicken'' with KC but that didn't come up for some reason.
Howard introduced James and his girlfriend Jen. Howard said that Jen has some pretty big boobs. He asked her how large they are and she said they're a 34-D. Howard was having some trouble with hiss from the microphones so he had Scott the Engineer come in to check them out. Howard got back to James and said that James is pretty confident with this stuff. He said he used to be a DJ so he knows a lot of the stuff that Gary knows. Howard also talked to Jen about the fact that she might get fondled by the guys if James loses. Jen said she wasn't aware of that part but she'd wait to see what happens before she makes up her mind. Howard told her that he needed a definite yes on the topless thing and the squeezing of the boobs before they moved on. Jen said that her boobs are in pretty good shape since she's only 28 years old.
Howard gave Bally Total Fitness a plug since they were putting up the money for the game today.
Benjy asked Howard if he could give him $15 to get the chance to touch Jen's breasts. James told Benjy that she didn't want him touching her at all though. That isn't going to happen. Howard sent Jen off to the bathroom and had her take off her top just in case James lost. She did that and Howard got right into the game a few seconds later.
James claims that he has been able to beat Gary while playing along at home during other ''Stump the Booey'' games. Howard then got to the first song. Gary and James both wrote down their answers. They had to have both the group and the title of the song. The song was ''Once Bitten Twice Shy'' by Great White and both of them got it right. Howard played the next song and it was ''Somebody's Watching Me'' by Rockwell. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the third song and that one was ''Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You'' by Roberta Flack and Pebo Bryson. James screwed up and missed one of the artists. Gary got it right. Howard then played the next song which was ''Twilight Zone'' by Golden Earring. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the next, and last, song. Gary would have to screw it up for James to have a chance at winning. Howard played the song and James was stumped. He didn't even write anything down. Howard told him to just write down his girlfriend's phone number since they were all going to be feeling her boobs. He ended up writing ''I'm sorry Jen, I love you.'' Gary gave his answer of ''Walking the Dinosaur'' by Was Not Was. That was the correct answer so James lost. Howard wondered how he missed that after knowing so many of the other songs.
Howard had Jen come out of the bathroom and said her boobs were really nice. He asked her what size they were again and told her how great they looked. Howard told Gary that he really should go first because he won. He said they were all going to get in a line and cop their feels. Howard went over and got in line ready to feel Jen up. Howard went first and said he was going to take his time feeling her up. James told him to take as much time as he needed. Howard felt the right and then the left. Gary cut in line and said he was going to touch them both at the same time. Howard laughed as Gary felt her up. Stuttering John went next and quickly felt her up. Artie then went and got a feel. Fred ran up next and got a quick feel. Howard laughed and said this was sick. James said he was fine with it all and Jen wanted Howard to feel them anyway.
James told Howard that he just lost his job yesterday. He said he cracked a joke about his boss and how he doesn't get upset with him getting into accidents since he's a Jew. That didn't seem to make much sense to Howard so he moved on. Gary said that James is also trying to find his birth mother and he needed the money to go with the company that found Cabbie's mother. Howard decided to offer James another chance at winning some money. Howard said he'd give James $5000 and $1000 to Jen if they did something. Gary said she'd have to take off her pants. John suggested that she hug them while she's naked. Gary asked if they could get a hug and touch her boobs again. Howard told her she'd have to lose her underpants for a short time. Howard told her this is only if James loses. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to get an answer out of Jen. She went for it and said she'd do it. Howard sent her back to the bathroom and had her hand over her pants and panties to KC. She didn't have any panties though.
Howard started up the second game playing the first song which was ''Burning Down The House'' by Talking Heads. Both of them got it right. The song was ''The Look of Love'' by ABC. Both got it right. Up next was ''In a Big Country'' by Big Country. Both of them got it right. Howard said that was one of his favorite songs from the '80's. He listened to a little bit of it and said the lead singer killed himself. Howard then played the next song and James was a little stumped again. The song was ''Some Day, Some Way'' by Marshall Krenshaw. James got it wrong. Gary got it right. Howard played the last song and it was an easy one. It was Def Leppard's ''Photograph.'' Gary was having some trouble with it though. James wrote down the right answer and Gary still had a little trouble. He said he wasn't a fan of the band and wasn't sure about the answer. James got it right, Gary said it was Armageddon It and got it wrong. It was tied at this point so Howard had to play one more to break the tie. Howard played the song and Gary started to write immediately after hearing the start of the song. James had a little trouble with it. Howard started the song over again and James seemed to have a clue. James had nothing but Ray Parker Jr. on his paper. Gary had it right with ''Get Down On It'' by Cool and the Gang. Howard thought he was about to cry at this point. James said Jen really didn't want to get naked today. Howard had Gary bring Jen out and she looked really good according to Gary. Howard told her she looked fine too. Howard told Gary to go first since he won again. Gary said he was going to grab a boob and grab an ass cheek. Gary said she actually pulled him in. Howard went next and copped a feel again. He said James was staring him down as he went over. Stuttering John was next and he let out a ''yeah'' as he squeezed her ass. Artie went up next and grabbed her ass. Fred went up and tried to make up for the last time. Howard wrapped up the game after that and then took a break. Howard gave Jen the $1000 because she was a good sport. That money was courtesy of iWon.com
Two women came in to play for different things. The first woman, Christy, is 5 months pregnant and she was playing for the chance to play her husband's band's CD on the air. Howard said she was pretty attractive even though her body was distorted from being pregnant. She had 30 seconds to do her best at making out with Beetle. To make things worse Beetlejuice ate some sardines before the make out session. Christy went ahead and made out with Beetlejuice and the crew sounded stunned by they way she kissed and grabbed Beetle's package. Robin said there was no way anyone could outdo her. Beetlejuice said it was great and he really enjoyed it. They said that Christy just about swallowed Beetle's head when she was kissing him.
Next up was Sarah who was playing for breast implants. She's a 21 year old bartender/stripper who just wants an extra cup size. The guys all said that she'd be really hot with implants. She didn't seem like she was into making out with Beetlejuice but once she started she really got into it. She took her top off and rubbed all over him while she kissed him. After her 30 seconds the crew were once again amazed at her performance.
Howard had everyone give their votes for who should win. Howard and Robin both picked Sarah as the winner but Artie and Fred went with Christy because she was so into Beetlejuice. Since there was a tie they decided to have a run off to pick the winner. The girls had 10 seconds to do their best. Once again Sarah got really into her erotic dance and Howard said she took Beetle's hand and put it on her chest. Christy did something similar and grabbed his package again. Once again the vote was split so they had to have KC break the tie. This time Robin and Fred picked Christy while Howard and Artie went with Sarah. KC broke the tie when he picked Sarah as the winner because of her ''unbridled passion'' during her make out session.
Howard told Christy that he'd give her a plug for her husband's band since she was such a good sport. The band is called Loaded Poets and you can check out their music at LoadedPoets.com
Howard had Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) on the phone to talk about what he's going to do for Sarah. He said it sounds like she's a candidate for just a minor cup size upgrade.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Beetle and a phone caller told Howard that one night Beetle was making an appearance where they forced him to vomit by giving him some ipecac. They didn't tell Beet they were doing it so he was a little upset by it. Beet's manager Sean came in and said that they did that just one time and it was to liven things up at the party. He also claimed that it was this guy Joey Boots who suggested doing it. Joey called in and said Sean was lying about the story. Beetle and Sean ended up yelling at Joey on the phone a little bit. Beetle's buddy Drunken Jamie was also there yelling at Joey. It sounds like they really hate each other. Howard wrapped things up a short time later.
Best Wack Pack Fight was the first category. Howard played clips of each nominee and then announced the winner. Here are the nominees:
A short time later Howard got to the next category which is very special. It's Gayest Show Moment and we were able to vote on who the winner would be. Howard gave out an e-mail address (vote@HowardStern.com) and gave us the nominees. Everyone with e-mail was able to send in their vote and the winner was announced later in the show. The nominees were:
Howard moved on to the next category which was Best Celebrity Argument. Here are the nominees:
The next category was Best Crying which included any celebrity that has cried in a news clip or on the show. Here are the nominees:
The next F-Emmy category was Best Band Performance: Female. The nominees were:
Howard had one last F-Emmy Award to give out which was Best Band Performance: Male. Here are the nominees:
Howard spent a few minutes talking about other stuff before giving out the next F-Emmy. (Snipped)
After the break Howard gave away the F-Emmy for Worst Guest Moment and the nominees were:
Best Battle of Wits was the next Award up. Here are the nominees:
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The main reason the women were down was so that Howard could introduce the retarded mother to Gary the Retard. Gary came in and Howard tried to hook him up with Judy but Gary, even though he's a retard himself, wanted to go out with Mary. He had no interest in her mother at all. The grandmother didn't do anything for him either. He wouldn't even look at Judy. Howard kept telling him that it was the woman sitting next to him that they were trying to hook him up with but he just kept looking at Mary.
Howard was wrapping things up and mentioned Mary's web site MaryCarey.com. Gary the Retard said he has a web site also... ''WWW dot com'' is exactly what he said. He didn't know the full address.
After taking a break Howard said that was either the worst bit he's ever done or it was the most fascinating. He said they were booked for sometime in January but when Howard heard about it he rushed them in.
Best Battle of Wits was the next Award up. Here are the nominees:
Howard had Erik come in to talk about the whole thing. Erik said he can walk and run 3.5 miles faster than Artie can. Artie said he can run on the treadmill at a 7.0 setting while Erik wants to run it slower. Howard thought that Artie was going to have a heart attack. Artie said he works out every day though. Robin said Artie can run at 7.0 while Erik attempts to run at 4.0 on the treadmill. Howard kept saying that he doesn't want to sit there for an hour while they run though. Erik claims that he can walk at 5 but none of the guys believe he can. Howard quickly mentioned that the Bally Total Fitness guys loaned them the treadmills.
Ken and John the EMS guys came in and said that Erik's blood pressure was 160 over 100 which is very high. Artie's was a little better at 130 over 70. Howard spent a minute talking to them about that.
Last week Erik called in and told Howard that he took the strap-on from porn star Zana that he'd turned down the week before. Howard asked Erik if he was lying about that today and what he'd owe him if he was lying. Howard told him he wanted Erik's computer if he was lying about it. Erik swears that he was telling the truth. Howard put Zana on the phone and she said Erik was lying about the whole thing. She never did the strap-on thing with her. She said that he's a liar and he never even went to her hotel room. She said he did come to see her at the strip club she was at but she never called him and she never had him at her hotel room. Erik swore to god that he was telling the truth... and then swore on his mother's life. Zana said that he never did it though. Howard went back and forth with them and eventually found out Erik was lying. He kept up the story but when Gary told him he'd be banned for life from the show if he didn't tell the truth right then. Erik eventually broke down and said he was lying. He said he wanted to talk to the guys in private. He said that he did see her at the club but that was it. He made up the rest of the story. He swore on his mother's life that he was telling the truth. Robin asked him what kind of pitiful mess he was to lie like that. Erik explained that he was really lonely that Saturday night and he wanted to spend time with Zana. Howard wanted to know why he called in and told that lie of a story. Erik said he was trying to make Zana happy and not depressed about what happened on the show. Erik said that all girls dump him when they talk to him. He said he went on a date back in 1998 and the girl dumped him a week later. Howard told him that he's a big, fat, smelly retard and no one is going to date him. Zana told Howard that Erik came to the club and she talked to him and his friend. She said they offered her a six-pack of beer to go back to their apartment. She didn't go of course. Howard told Erik to go to a burn center to pick up women. He'll have a better chance with women there. Howard gave Zana a plug for her web site NakedZana.com and got off the phone. Joey Boots called in and said Erik lied about the story to him also. He told Howard to let him run because maybe he'd die and he wouldn't have to take him to Hong Kong with him. Joey said Erik lied about hanging out with Anna Nicole Smith also. Erik started to tell that story but Howard cut him off and had another guy on the phone who met Erik years ago and complained about how disgusting he was. Howard bailed out on that conversation also.
Howard moved on to the treadmill challenge. Cindy from Bally's came in to control the speed. They had Erik on 6 and he was ready to fall off. Gary had to slow it down before he fell on his ass. He said he was running at a 12 minute mile pace. Artie was jogging just fine at the 6 speed. Howard said it sounded like a herd of elephants. Erik had to stop about a minute in because the pace was too fast for him. Artie was still running so they asked Erik if he was satisfied that Artie was better than him at running. Erik said there's no way Artie could do ten minutes at that pace. He even said he wanted to go out on a date with Artie's girlfriend if he could do the same. Howard was done with the whole thing by this time. He just wanted to end it all but Artie was still running.
Stuttering John came in and challenged Artie to run for an extended time at 7.5. Artie took the challenge and said he could run for 5 minutes at that speed. Howard wanted him to stop 2 minutes in but Artie said he was doing fine. He kept going even though Howard wanted him to stop. They had $200 riding on it so he just kept going. Artie even said he'd do the last minute at the 8 setting. During that minute Howard played a ''World's Meanest Listener'' entry about Artie. It wasn't the one he wanted though so he cut it short. Artie ran the full 5 minutes and won the $200 they had on him. Artie thanked Erik for coming in and said it was pretty anti-climactic. Howard thanked Cindy from Bally's and the EMS workers for coming in and ended the segment shortly after that.
Howard spoke to Frank for a short time and found out what he does for a living. He also found out that Frank was born with club feet so he questioned him about that. He had a bunch of hard luck stories that he brought up too. A lot of his family members died when he was pretty young so Howard mentioned all of that. He also saw a friend of his get killed during a motorcycle race. He said his head was severed by the windscreen on his bike. Frank also races and said that he crashed and broke some bones not too long ago. He's bad luck and Robin said she was going to stay away from him.
Howard moved on to James and found out he's lost a lot of money on gambling over the past few years. He once lost $63,000 in a week! He's now in debt for $130,000 because of the gambling. He said he's paying off stuff as much as he can but it's only about $150 a week. He's living on only about $50 a week at this point. Howard said he'll never pay off his debts at that rate.
Howard said that they had Heather from Scores turning the cards for the game. Howard said she's very beautiful and recognized her knee from possibly giving him a lap dance.
Howard introduced each of the squares after that. Up in the left corner was John the Stutterer. Next to him was Porn Star Devon. Howard talked to each of them quickly and then introduced Don the Magic Juan. Raymond Norman the ''Oprah Winfrey, negro woman of the south'' guy was next. Jeff the Drunk Curro was in the center square. Sitting next to him was Porn Star Tera Patrick. Howard spent a short time talking to her and then introduced Bukake Girl. Howard said she loves bukake so that's why they call her that. Up next was Fred the Elephant Boy and Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Howard let Daniel ramble on with his racist crap before starting the game.
Frank was X and James was O for the game. Howard had Frank go first. He picked Jeff Curro to start. Howard then went on to read the question and had Frank say whether he agreed with Jeff's answer or not. James went next and got the secret square that was worth $5000 if he got it right. The secret square was Bukake girl. Her question was very easy so James won the $5000 courtesy of H2 ''Hollywood Squares 2.'' Howard said that money will probably go directly to James' bookie. Frank was up again and he went with Daniel Carver. Frank agreed with Daniel's answer and ended up getting it wrong. James went again and picked Fred the Elephant Boy for the win. The question was about the average length of a man's penis and they got it wrong so James didn't get the win. Frank went again and picked Devon the porn star. They got their answer right so Frank actually won. Howard didn't realize it at first. He was surprised to see the three X's across the board. Both of the guys won something.
Gary came in and asked Howard if they wanted to play another game for another $5000. Paul Fishbein said he'd throw in a couple more tickets to the AVN awards if Howard would read their plugs right. Howard agreed to that and let Paul give a plug. Jeff the Drunk was getting up to go take a leak but Howard made him stay there so they could play the game again. After talking to some of the wack packers Howard got to the second game. James started it off with John the Stutterer. John and James didn't agree but James got his circle. Frank was up and picked Raymond Norman. Frank got his X because Raymond didn't have a clue about the answer. James went with Don the Magic Juan next. They disagreed but James got the square. Frank went again and went with porn star Devon. Frank disagreed with Devon and lost the square. James went with Daniel Carver but Howard told him he could have won if he'd gone with Devon. James said he wanted to give Frank the chance to win. James and Daniel agreed on the question so he got the square. Frank went with Tera Patrick to block James. He agreed with her on her answer and got the square. James went to Jeff the Drunk which wasn't a winning move. Howard said he guesses that the guy doesn't care about winning. James won the square and won. It turns out the center square got him the diagonal win. Howard congratulated each of the guys and thanked all of the people who played the game and gave them some plugs for their stuff. There were a lot of plugs going on for web sites so here's a quick wrap up of those:
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Carey is legally blind and Howard thought Scott said something about him being a ''Blind F***'' during their argument. Scott said he never said that and after playing the tape they heard Carey tell Scott he could call him that if he wanted to. Scott never used the term. Howard said the fight went on way too long. After playing the tape Howard wrapped up the segment and sent them on their way.
Howard said he loves all of the hijinks that go on there in the hallways of the station. (Snipped)
After a long break Howard came back and had Fred from GoldenPalace.com on the phone to give the results. Howard had him give the third place contestant first. Tom turned out to be the person with the least amount of votes. Fred told Howard that Tom was in the lead at one point but he ended up losing out. The runner up was Selena so the winner was number one, Bianca. Fred said the voting was very close but he didn't give out the numbers. Tom was very bitter that he lost and he wasn't afraid to say it. He thought that he had a good chance of winning but obviously he was wrong. Howard said he probably would have voted for Selena himself.
Laurie told Howard about how she's a Playboy lingerie model for the book of Lingerie series that Playboy puts out. She went through her history and how she was supposed to go through law school but changed her mind and got into nude modeling. She said her parents weren't too happy with that and they didn't speak to her for about a year after she told them.
Laurie also told Howard how she used to get hit on by her high school teachers but she never went all the way with any of them. She told him one story about how her hot looking male history teacher hit on her but she thought better of it and didn't let the relationship get that far.
Laurie then told Howard about her first lesbian experience that she had while she was a cheerleader over in Germany. Howard and the rest of the guys were all getting off on the whole story and wanted her to drag it out longer and longer. She said she and the other cheerleader didn't go all the way but there was some touching over the panties going on.
Howard said he was running out of time so he let Laurie plug all of her stuff. She said that she does a lot of woman on woman movies and it's real sex, not put on for the movie. Howard wanted to find out more about these lesbian experiences so he asked her what her best lesbian experience was. Laurie went on to tell Howard about one of her latest experiences down in Miami. She was shooting a movie, not a porno but a real movie, when she met this celebrity who she refused to name. She told the story about how she went out with this woman after the movie shoot just to hang out. It eventually led to the celebrity asking about her lesbian movies. The unnamed celebrity was curious about lesbianism so the two of them went back to a room and got into some sexual stuff. Laurie described the night to everyone and Howard later said he almost had ''an accident'' in his pants while he was thinking about all of this stuff. Laurie said she had a ''very good time'' with this woman when Howard asked her if she had an orgasm. Everyone wanted to know who the celebrity was but she refused to name the other woman.
Howard had to end the interview after about 45 minutes. Laurie said that you can check out nude photos of her on her web site and all of her girl on girl movies are available there. Howard said she was one of the best guests he's had on the show. Her stories were really hot.
Howard moved on to talk to her about why she wants to meet Marilyn Manson. She's a huge fan and she's actually met him before. She has a tattoo of him above her ass too.
Howard told Theresa that she had to complete whatever came up on the Wheel of Sex that they have in the studio to get the chance to meet Marilyn. The wheel included things like:
Marilyn Manson came in after that and sat down to talk to Howard. Marilyn offered to wipe the fish guts off her ass since she was willing to go through so much to meet him.
After a few minutes Howard sent Theresa off and spent some time talking to Marilyn. He asked him about his breakup with Rose McGowan. Marilyn says he broke it off with her because she wasn't happy with his rock star life. She made it seem like she broke up with him because of his drug use when she was on the show a couple of months ago. Marilyn said he really doesn't have anything bad to say about her and he'd rather not waste all day talking about her. Howard wouldn't mind doing that though. He said he loves that stuff.
One of Howard's interns, Carrie, used to work for Marilyn and she claims that he used to make her call him ''Daddy'' when she spoke to him. Marilyn said it was true. She told Howard that she's been to 302 of Marilyn's shows. Howard said that's crazy, he's a fan of Marilyn's but he's only been to two or three of his shows. Carrie said that she was honored to be in the room with Marilyn and Howard because she thinks they're two of the greatest media marketers ever.
Howard got back to Marilyn and spoke to him about the sexual assault case that's been brought against him. Marilyn claims that it's all untrue and he never exposed his genitals to this security guard who says he was assaulted. Marilyn said he thinks this guy is just looking for a ''free ride'' so he's got this case against him now.
Howard brought up Marilyn's new girlfrined Dita Von Teese and spent a little while talking about her. Howard ended up getting back to Rose though and they spent quite a while talking about her. Marilyn mentioned his new song, a remake of ''Tainted Love'', which is featured in the new movie ''Not Another Teen Movie.'' Howard played the song and said the video looks really good. He also brought up Trent Reznor who used to work with Marilyn on his stuff. Marilyn said he and Trent have made up and he does talk to him once in a while. He said Trent is pretty reclusive and he doesn't think that he can keep up with the changing music industry.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn and then gave Marilyn a plug for his new song, available on the ''Not Another Teen Movie'' soundtrack album as he wrapped up the interview.
Howard got back to the Brittany Murphy thing and how she used to be fat. Howard said she's almost anorexic now and her head is too big for her body. Ashton said she can eat a lot and doesn't gain any weight. The guys said that maybe she's bulemic or something. He said she's not and she's just lucky like that. Ashton said she's always going at a hundred miles per hour and works it all off.
Howard asked Ashton if Eminem still calls Brittany. He told Howard that he wouldn't allow it if it was happening. He said he doesn't really worry about it and doesn't keep track of it. He said he doesn't want to say anything bad about Eminem either because he'd probably end up writing a song about him if he did.
Stuttering John came in and said he heard that Ashton was discovered in a bar in Ohio. Ashton said he won a contest out there and was discovered by a woman who flew him out to New York. He became a model overnight and his first audition was for ''That 70's Show'' and got the job. He said he didn't take a lot of acting classes. He just did a little bit of acting in high school.
Howard asked Ashton if Brittany likes anal sex but he kind of stumbled and said he doesn't know. Howard said he's a little young to be trying that anyway. He moved on to ask Ashton about some of the other chicks he's dated. He brought up Tara Reid and spent a short time talking to him about her.
Howard said he read that Ashton watched as Brittany and another chick made out in a bar one time. Ashton said that wasn't true though. He's never done that with Brittany but he has watched other chicks make out in bars.
Howard brought up some other celebrities that Ashton is rumored to have dated. Some of the names he mentioned were wrong according to Ashton though. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about what it's like to date actresses. He moved on to talk about this movie ''Just Married'' that Ashton was in to promote. Ashton gave a quick run down of what the movie is all about. Howard asked him if it's actually funny and Ashton said it's good. He promised Howard that he'd laugh out loud at least 5 times during the movie.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy claimed that Brittany Murphy was in the bathroom puking at a restaurant one time. Another guy said that Brittany was probably getting banged by Eminem while Ashton was on the show. Ashton said she's really one of the nicest chicks he's ever met. He also thanked Howard for a comment he made about him on the show yesterday. Howard said something about him having a big penis. It turns out Stuttering John was on the set of ''Dude, Where's My Car?'' and saw Ashton arguing with the director about whether or not he should be wearing tighty-whities or boxer shorts for a scene they were shooting. John said the director wanted him to wear boxers but Ashton thought it would be funnier to wear the briefs. He was wearing two pair of briefs but they could still see the outline of his schlong.
A caller asked Ashton whether or not Brittany shaves completely or not. He wouldn't give an answer though. Howard took a few more phone calls and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard thinks Gary has given up a lot since he got married. He used to get tons of women and now he's stuck taking care of his kids. Howard was feeling bad for him and said he missed the old Gary. Howard had to take a break so Gary got a plug in real quick for his appearance up in Boston. He said he'll be at The Harp across from the Fleet Center tonight.
Howard continued talking to him about the show and what he thinks Brian should have done. Howard told him he should have stuck with the show for at least another year. Brian said that he's already going to be known as ''the American Idol guy'' and if he'd done another year, he would never be able to shake that. He wants to be an actor, not the host of ''American Idol.''
Howard took some phone calls for Brian including one from Wendy the Retard. Howard did his usual bit where he has Wendy saying that this guy raped her and ''decorated her back with his DNA'' and some other stuff like that. He took a couple of other phone calls for him and tried to give him some advice about his career. Brian didn't seem to want any advice though. Howard said he could be a talk show host or something like that and make lot of money. Brian said he just doesn't want to do that though.
Brian's girlfriend told Howard that she didn't try out for ''American Idol'' even though she's a decent singer. Howard had her sing for them quickly. Howard also asked her if she's pissed that she didn't date Ryan Seacrest instead of Brian.
Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Brian a couple of plugs for upcoming comedy gigs he has coming up.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that he had a good night with his girl last night. He also had some advice for Dan. He said someone told him when he was growing up to walk the golf courses and just pick up golf balls. It's good exercise. Howard told him that this was coming from a guy sitting outside of a psychiatrist's office... but he really should just start walking to get some exercise.
This guy John from Bally Total Fitness called in and said they'd set him up with a trainer to get him into shape. Howard thanked the guy and Dan sounded pretty excited about it. He put Dan on hold so they could hook the two of them up to get him started on his training.
Howard said when they got he call today he actually had Fred end the commercials early so they could get to the call. Stuttering John said he just hoped that she'd hold on long enough for Howard to get to her. Howard took a couple of phone calls from some listeners and they loved Underdog Lady. Howard said he would have kept her on the air for an hour and a half if he could have but she hung up on him.
One listener called in and congratulated Fred on the birth of his baby daughter Tess. Howard then spent a couple of minutes getting an update from Fred on how that's gone over the past week or so. Fred said she finally slept through a night and he's enjoying the baby. He said he's learned the baby's favorite position and he knows how to keep her calm. After talking to Fred about that Howard interrupted the guy who called in because Susan the Underdog Lady called back in. She said Howard was being his usual insensitive person and was insulting her earlier. Howard told her that he was fascinated by what she did back then and she knew what she was getting into when she kept coming on the show. Howard told Susan that his father actually worked on the Underdog cartoons many years ago in his recording studio. That silenced Susan for a few seconds but then she said Howard ''maligned it'' by surrounding her with X-rated show content. The longer she was on the phone the angrier she got. She started out mellow but within a couple of minutes she was yelling at him again until she completely freaked out and hung up on him. Howard told John to try and get her on the phone again.
Benjy told Howard he didn't know exactly who she was so Howard explained her to him. Howard said she believed she was never ridiculed but he knows she was. He and the rest of the guys spent some time talking about just how odd she is. Howard said they could do 4 hours a day for a year and not run out of material.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he has a friend that wants to hire her and it could be worth up to $2500. Howard didn't want anyone goofing on her so he asked Dominic if he was serious. He said he was and asked Howard too hook her up if she called back. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and reminded everyone of who she looked like. He said Susan looked like Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. Howard finished up the Underdog lady discussion and took another break so they could get to Robin's news.
After the break Howard said he heard something odd about Scott DePace from E!. He said he heard that Scott is so against bi-lingual stuff in the U.S. That he was going to take his money to another bank because his bank offered Spanish as an alternate language on the ATM machine. Scott said he would like to do that but he didn't do it. Stuttering John said he heard that Scott was going to do it. Scott believes that there should be only one language in this country and it should be English.
Howard talked about how XM Satellite Radio just laid off 80 people and how they're not doing so well. Stuttering John asked him if he'd consider doing satellite after his current contract is up. Howard said he's done with radio after the current contract. Gary came in and asked Howard if he'd be willing to do a couple more years if they offered him the right amount of money. Howard said he might do more as long as Tom Chiusano isn't around. Gary asked him if he'd stick around if he had a 4 day work week or something like that. Howard said he'd do it if he could have Mondays and Fridays off. He went on to talk about the article he read about XM Satellite. Robin said she was asked if she wanted XM and she said no. Howard said the radios are apparently hard to make and that's why they're kind of expensive.
Howard took some phone calls and talked about a bunch of other stuff before getting to Robin's news. He talked about the movies he's executive producing. For those of you who don't know, he's remaking ''Porky's'' and ''Rock and Roll High School.'' The guys all spent some time talking about that and goofing around with some ideas for the ''Rock and Roll High School'' movie. Howard moved on to the news after those discussions.
Much later during Robin's news Stuttering John got Underdog lady back on the phone. He told Howard that the only way she'd agree to come back on the show was if Howard told his fans to stop bothering her in public. Howard did that and she also told him to stop calling her ''Underdog Lady'', she's just ''Underdog.'' Howard sweet talked her and told her he misses her and thinks he loves her. He said he dreams of getting to know her better. She wasn't taking that the right way though. Howard told her that she was responsible for his divorce in a strange way. She didn't believe that and also figured he was going to blame her for his WWOR TV show being canceled 10 years ago. Howard confessed his love to her over and over again but she just wanted him to make his fans stop bothering her. Howard told the fans to stop taunting her and continued to try and win her back over. Howard called her his ''lady love'' but she didn't want any part of that. Howard told her that he really does love her but her anger just wouldn't go away.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Underdog slapped his kid when he refused to stop taunting her. She said she never hit anyone, she just shook her fist at the kid. Howard defended Underdog lady and continued to try and win her over. She continued to repeat her plea for Howard to make everyone stop taunting her. Howard put the word out again for people to stop bothering her and ended up singing a love song to her. Underdog said she's not sure she can trust him. Howard sang that he wanted her to enter his bed but after a few minutes of that she hung up on him again. Stuttering John asked if they should try to book her for the show the next time she calls in. ''Of course!'' Howard yelled at John.
Howard took a call from boxer Shannon Briggs who called in to tell Howard to lay off of her a bit. He got in a plug for some event he was doing tonight before Howard got off the phone and wrapped up the rest of the news.
Howard asked Martin about owning guns but Martin tried to avoid answering the question directly.
Martin talked about having problems with weed in the past but now he's doing okay. He said he's still in the game though and he's doing okay. He talked about having a wife even though he's not married to the girl. Howard told him not to say that he's married to her if he's not though. Martin talked about his woman a bit and wouldn't let Howard bad mouth any of his buddies like Eddie Murphy. He kept cursing though so Howard asked him if he was doing it on purpose or not. He said it was just the natural environment he was in. He and Howard talked about Eddie Murphy a bit but Martin asked Howard to please not talk about him. Howard tried to find out who Martin hangs out with these days. He said he hangs out with people he grew up with.
Howard also asked Martin about being in a coma and what happened during that nightmare. Martin said it was some of the best sleep he ever got. He said when he woke up he had a catheter in his ''piece.'' Howard moved on to read some of the other stuff he had on Martin. They pulled some of the wacky stuff they have printed in the tabloids about him. Martin tried to convince Howard that not all of that stuff is true though.
Howard got back to the movie Martin was supposed to be plugging this morning. They talked about that a little bit and about his kids. Howard tried to get Martin to talk about the feud he had with Eddie Murphy but Martin didn't want to go there. Howard said he knows there was something going on between them at one point but Martin didn't want to talk about it. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard had Cabbie and his girlfriend Tara come in first. Cabbie asked to have Tara in with him during this very emotional time. Howard said Tara is a very beautiful woman. Howard sounded like he was ready to interview her instead of Cabbie's mother. He didn't go in that direction though. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Cabbie about his relationship with Tara and all of the tatoos they have. Howard asked Tara how the sex is with Cabbie and she said it was good. Howard wanted to concentrate on Cabbie for a while though so he got back to him. Cabbie told Howard about some of the stuff he's done in his life that he regrets and said that he's been a very mean, angry person. He said that he was a drug addict and that's the way he treated people. He said he's done everything on his own in his life and went on and on about how happy he is now. The guys told Cabbie he was going to find out a lot about this family he doesn't know.
Howard asked Cabbie if he was ready to meet his mother. Cabbie started to break down and thanked Howard for making this happen. Within seconds he was fine and talked about Tara who he says he's going to spend the rest of his life with. Howard joked and told Tara to blink twice if she was being held hostage by Cabbie.
Gary left the room to get cabbie's mother. Howard said her name is Audrey. When she came in they hugged and kissed. Howard said it was very beautiful. Robin said she was getting a little upset when she saw them hugging. Howard said Audrey and Cabbie's profiles were identical. Howard said their noses are very similar. Cabbie sounded very mellow and happy as he looked at his mother's eyes. Howard wanted to move it along a little bit so he moved on to talk to Audrey. He said she was a little suspicious of them when she got the call from Gary. She told Howard when she got the first call from Gary he knew too much. She was a little afraid to come on the show at first. Howard read some of the notes about Audrey's life and how she got pregnant by this guy she wasn't married to. She said the guy was married and she's since lost track of him. She'd had an affair with this guy and got pregnant. She said she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of him because she was going through a divorce at the time so she decided it would be best to give him up for adoption. She said when she gave him up she spoke to him and told him he was going to go to a good home. She didn't name him though. She said they did give him a name at the hospital. That name was Timothy John. Audrey went on to talk about how she met another man who she married and had two more kids with. That guy also has two kids of his own so Cabbie has a bunch of brother's and a sister.
Audrey talked about Cabbie's two brothers and his sister. She wasn't quite sure what her one son in Florida is doing but thinks that he's in plumbing or something. Her daughter works at a hospital in food services. She said they're thrilled to know that they have a brother. Howard said Audrey was holding Cabbie's hand during this whole thing and he thought that was sweet. Cabbie said he'll probably call Audrey ''mom'' if that's okay with her. She said that was great. He also said he might think about changing his last name to hers. He wasn't sure about that though. Cabbie said he was really happy to finally meet his mother and it was great to have her in his life. Audrey said she was also thrilled to see him. She said she's had a hole in her life ever since the adoption and it's finally been filled.
Cabbie wondered how different his life would have been if Audrey had raised him. Howard said he'd probably be a plumber somewhere and he probably wouldn't have all of those tattoos all over himself.
Howard wrapped up the segment and Gary gave a plug to TravelWorm.com for hooking up Audrey and her husband with the trip to New York. He also said they're all going out to lunch together and they'll be treated to that meal. Cabbie thanked Howard and the guys for helping him out with all of this. Howard told him he's happy all of this has worked out. Robin said it's one of the better adoption reunion stories she's heard. She talked about some of the wacky things that happen to some adopted kids and their birth parents. Cabbie thanked a few other people who were very supportive during this whole thing. He also thanked Howard again for everything. Howard said goodbye to Audrey, Tara and Cabbie and finally took another commercial break.
After the break Howard said he wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse to have hooked Audrey up with Cabbie. He said when they went to break Cabbie ended up getting right into how bad his life was. Howard said Audrey wondered if Cabbie had any baby pictures of himself. Cabbie ended up going right into how he had to leave home when he was 13 because he was abused and was wetting his bed. Then he told her how he was in a boys home and he stopped wetting his bed and stuff like that. Howard said he's probably going to be bringing that stuff up all the time with her. Howard and the guys also noticed that Cabbie wasn't making eye contact with her and would pull his hand away from Audrey's when she'd hold it. He'd pull his hand from hers to hold his girlfriend's instead.
Triple H said that even though he started seeing Stephanie before he and Joanie were officially broken up, he doesn't feel it was cheating. He said the relationship had already started to fall apart before that.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the WWF and the injury Triple H sustained back in May. He's gone through rehab and he's back in the ring.
Howard wrapped up the interview by bringing in a fan of Triple H's who has a tattoo of the word ''Triple H'' on his arm. The guy, Chris, came in and showed the tattoo and shook like a little girl according to Howard. He was so excited to meet Triple H that he was shaking. Howard let Chris say a few words to Triple H. Artie Lange said that it looked like Chris was crying after he welcomed Triple H back to the ring. Chris said he wasn't crying though. Howard ended the interview shortly after that. Triple H will be appearing at the WWF Cafe in Times Square tomorrow from 11:30am to 12:30pm
