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Howard went on to say that he knows more about his father's family than his father knows about his own. Howard recited some of the names of Ben's sisters and stuff like that. He knew all of his Aunt's names and the fact that Estelle was the youngest in the family.
Howard asked Ben how old his grandchildren are and he got Emily's wrong. He said she was 18 but she just turned 19 in May. Howard told his Dad to pick up the phone once in a while and get to know his grandchildren.
Stuttering John came in and said that he experienced Howard's father yelling at his mother when he called. He said he asked Ben to turn the radio down and he asked Mrs. Stern to turn it off but she didn't know how so he yelled at her. John seemed to find that pretty funny.
Howard told a story about his mother not wanting to get an answering machine. Howard said he calls his mother a lot but she's not around all the time and she complains that he doesn't call enough. Howard said that's not true but he can't leave a message because she doesn't have an answering machine. She told him that there's no room for one in their house. Howard told her that they build them right into the phone these days so there shouldn't be a problem with room. He said he tried to get her to understand that she didn't need all that much room but it was tough to convince her.
Howard spent a few more minutes goofing around with his father on the phone before ending the call and taking yet another break.
Howard also told Jerri that he didn't like the ''artistic'' pictures she did for Playboy. He told her she needs to be more sensuous and not do ''nudie pictures'' that don't turn guys on. Howard said there was one picture in there that he actually liked where she's sitting on a rock.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for her and one guy was making like he was ''rubbing one out'' while he was looking at her pictures. He kept going for about 5 full minutes so Howard put him on hold and got back to him a couple of minutes after the initial call. He was still going by the end of the interview. Howard was impressed with his stamina.
Monica continued to complain about AJ and how she didn't even think that this was a ''date''. She thought it was going to be a friendly kind of dinner or something. She said that she's most upset about AJ talking about their date on the air a few weeks ago. Howard and AJ both said that he didn't mention her name so no one would even know who they were talking about. She said all of her friends know that they dated that one time and what he said was negative. All he said was that he went on a date with a woman who brought her baby and it turned out to be pretty good after he got over the fact that the baby was there. That's not so negative.
Monica refused to talk about the father of the baby and she kept repeating the fact that she takes care of her own baby. AJ knows that it's a famous guy but he doesn't have a name. She wouldn't say anything about the father at all. Howard wondered why she had the baby at all. He asked her why she didn't have an abortion and even AJ said that wasn't a nice thing to ask her.
Some phone callers think that she's got a gag order and that's why she won't talk about the father of her baby. She said nothing like that is going on. Other callers think she got pregnant on purpose so she could get famous. She denies that also. We then found out that she was on camera for this interview. She was complaining about AJ talking about her anonymously and then she agrees to be videotaped for the show. That didn't make much sense. She said it wasn't her idea... but she agreed to do it anyway. Howard never did get why she was calling in. She just kept saying that she wanted to talk to AJ about the whole thing and how rude it was for him to talk about her on the air. Even though he never mentioned her name?
| Question | Caller | Answer | Correct? |
| How many sides does a rectangle have? | Y | Maybe 3.. | Incorrect |
| Finish this famous quote ''Give me liberty or give me...'' | N | Hope | Incorrect |
| What country was Hitler from? | N | Germany | Correct |
| What country was Napoleon from? | N | England | Incorrect |
| What is frozen water called? | Y | Ice | Correct |
| Question | Answer | Correct? |
| Where was J.F.K. Shot? | Florida | Incorrect |
| Name 2 of the Beatles. | Paul and ? | Correct |
| How many kids is triplets? | Two | Incorrect |
| Who is Batman's sidekick? | Robin | Correct |
| How many hours are in a day? | 24 | Correct |
Kathy said that she thinks that just about every actor has plastic surgery. She said the women on ''Friends'' have probably all had surgery. She mentioned Courtney Cox as one who probably had some work done. She went on to say that she went to a doctor who may have done some work on Michelle Pfeiffer.
Howard asked Kathy if she thinks Tom Cruise has had work done. She seems to think everyone has. She said Alan Thicke has to have had some work done.
Howard said he thinks he needs some work to get rid of the laugh lines on his face. He pulled his face back and said that 5 years are taken off when he does that.
Howard heard that Kathy's mother hates him but likes Robin and thinks that she's like a prisoner on the show. Kathy told Howard her mother feels sorry for the women that appear on the show. She said that it would be okay to call her mother so Howard thought about some of the things he could talk to her about. Howard also asked Kathy about her marriage and how that's been going. She said they made it past the 9 month hurdle and they're doing just fine.
Howard made the phone call to Kathy's mother Maggie who didn't know it was going to be him. Kathy told her mother that someone would be calling but didn't say who it would be. When he made the call she knew it was Howard. Her mom said that the show was actually funny this morning. Howard asked her what it is about the show that she doesn't like. Maggie talked about the judging that Howard has his wack pack members do when girls come in to get evaluated. Howard had to explain to her what it was all about and how the women know what they're getting into when they come in. Howard wondered if it would be okay if the guys were better looking who did the judging. She said that wouldn't make it any better.
Howard wondered if Maggie finds the sexual questions he asks to be wrong. He ended up asking her if she's ever had anal sex. She didn't want to talk about anything like that but laughed when he asked about it. Howard offered her $500 to answer the question. She still didn't want to answer. Howard then offered her $1000 to answer if she's ever given her husband oral sex. She wouldn't answer though. Kathy went on to tell Howard that her mother never really talked to her about sex either. She didn't talk about sex or anything having to do with her private parts. Howard had Kathy tell her mother what her favorite sexual position was. Kathy said that she likes doggie style but she gets sore when she does it. Howard asked Maggie if that runs in the family and wanted to know if she gets sore too. She wouldn't talk about it.
Howard wanted to mess with Maggie so he asked Kathy to take her top off. She pretended to do it and then pretended to get over Howard's lap to get spanked. Maggie just listened in and didn't seem to get upset. Howard got off the phone a short time later.
Kathy said that her parents once heard the term 69 and had no idea what it meant. She said she had to explain it to them and it was very uncomfortable to do so.
Howard said the guys on the show once called their parents and asked them if they've had anal and Fred's mother was the only one who admitted she had. They spent a short time on that subject before moving on to other stuff.
Howard asked Kathy about her friend Brooke Shields and what that's like. Kathy told a story about Brooke's mother getting drunk at a wedding and making a drunken toast. She said Brooke's mother also grabbed her husband and made out with him. Howard spent more time on the story trying to cover his ass saying that he's not sure Kathy was even at the wedding so he's not sure any of this stuff actually happened. Kathy ended up getting mad at Howard because she blamed him for her telling the story. She said she wasn't going to tell the story on the air, she was going to talk about Gwyneth Paltrow being a pain in the ass but Howard pressured her into telling the story. Howard said he did no such thing though. She brought it all up and told the story on her own.
Stuttering John came in and said that Kathy's got a lot of stories to tell about people like Andy Dick and some other people. She then went on to tell a story about Jillian Barberie. She said something about Andy possibly drinking again because he was acting like he was drinking at this party she was at. She said that Jillian went off with the guitar player from Marilyn Manson's band and apparently had sex with him in the bathroom. Kathy said that's just what she was told by someone else so she's not sure if it's true. Howard told her this will probably be her second lawsuit of the day.
Kathy went on to tell another story. She said the guy who was on ''The Bachelor'' was at this charity event she was at and he was wearing more makeup than she was. She said she grabbed Ray Romano and went over to talk to the guy. She said he actually put them on hold before they could talk to him. He's completely full of himself. Kathy said that Lisa Kudrow was there giggling as she spoke to The Bachelor and he ended up giving her his number so he can try to play her love interest on ''Friends.'' Howard wrapped up the interview after that story. He told Kathy that she's the best guest because she just tells everything she knows without thinking about it.
After taking a break Howard came back and said that he was trying to get Jillian Barberie on the phone to talk about the story Kathy told. He was unable to do it but Kathy was still sticking around. When they were unable to get her on the phone Howard let Kathy go so he could move on to Robin's news segment.
''Gene'' told Howard that the latest KISS product is the KISS toilet which will be a pay toilet and ''Gene'' himself will come out to collect the money from you every month. He said there will also be a ''KISS Douche'' on sale soon also.
Jessica Hahn called in and said she was unable to tell the difference between the two ''Genes'' on the radio. She said she's met the real Gene a few times and she thinks they might have had sex but she wasn't so sure they wanted to talk about that. She eventually said she gave Gene oral sex. Howard filled Gene in on Jessica's current situation. She's not married but she's got a rich guy supporting her. She hooked up with the creator of ''Married with Children'' and he's got her in an apartment. They screw each other but live in separate homes. They spent a few minutes on that subject before Jessica got off the phone.
''Gene'' told Howard that another great KISS concept is the KISS Kondo which will be a whole gated community of KISS fans. He said that they wondered how they could get even more money out of the KISS fans and the KISS Kondo community was the idea. ''Gene'' also said there's a ''KISS Kids Klub, KKK'' where kids can collect nickles and dimes until they get $10 and then send it in for a genuine KISS photo.
For some reason Gene pulled out his wallet and Howard noticed it was full of cash. Howard made him count it and he had $5,621 in checks and cash and a fake $1 million bill that Howard couldn't figure out.
Howard took a few phone calls for Gene and one guy said there was some party for Gene last night that he was at last night. Gene said it was a surprise party for the release of his new magazine ''Gene Simmons Tongue.'' This was the real ene talking about this by the way. He said the magazine will be a cross between Playboy, Rolling Stone and Maxim magazines. On the cover will be a celebrity with their tongue out like Gene does in his act. Everything in the magazine will reference tongues.
Gene also hosted the Miss Nude USA Pageant last weekend and it'll be airing on HBO in the near future. Gene said that the contest was full of young strippers and nudists. He said there are 20 winners out of 150 contestants or something like that.
The real Gene Simmons cut off his long hair and Howard wanted to know why he did it. Gene said he got an acting job that he can't talk about and that's why he cut off the hair. He said he's done it in the past so it wasn't a big deal to him.
Missy, a woman claiming that she finds women for Gene to have sex with, came in quickly to talk to Howard. Gene wasn't so sure about her claims but he let her talk about it. She had a friend of hers with her who was supposed to be Gene's next woman. The friend said she wasn't aware that she was supposed to sleep with him though. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that but not before ''Gene'' told everyone about the KISS bank account. He said now you don't have to worry about not spending enough of your paycheck on KISS merchandise. They automatically deduct 10% of your deposits out of your account and it goes directly to KISS.
You can find out more about KISS merchandise at KISSOnline.com
A few Scores girls showed up to promote some web site (GotchaGirls.com) this morning so Howard had then dance during his performance. The Losers did their thing and it sounded as good as it did earlier in the morning. Howard told Corey that he knows they suck but he still thinks they're better than his band. Howard didn't get the judges opinion until after Corey's performance. Howard had to take a break first so Corey and his band could set up and do their sound check.
After the break Corey's 8 member band was ready to perform. Corey's fiancee Susie was also there for him. Howard said that he hopes that Corey will retire from performing if he loses to The Losers. Corey said that will never happen. He said even if he never releases another album he'd still continue to write music. They went ahead and performed the title track to their forthcoming album ''Former Child Actor.'' The album comes out August 6th. The band did their thing and when they were done the judges were ready to give their final judgement. Howard first had to ask if they were awake. He didn't pick up any phone calls because he didn't want to spoil the judges thoughts.
First up was Jerry Blair. Jerry asked if they could replace the lead vocalists in the bands. He was joking. He said he liked Corey's song, except for the lyrics. He went with The Losers. Up next was Matt Pinfield who said that both bands sucked but if he had to pick one of them, he'd have to go with The Losers. He said Howard and The Losers have the right vibe on stage. Matt said that Corey's band was tight but the lyrics weren't that great. He told Corey that he needs more focus in the lyrics. Finally, Brian said that he was sorry to Corey. He also had to go with The Losers. He said that usually a band would get extra credit for doing an original song but not when it's that bad.
Corey and his girlfriend weren't surprised that they lost to Howard on The Howard Stern Show. They knew it was going to happen even though Howard says that the judges are just being honest. Corey and Susie talked about how many people come to see them when they perform at clubs around the country.
Howard said that he hopes that Corey will give up on his singing career. Corey said that's just not going to happen. Howard congratulated himself for a few minutes before wrapping up the segment. He wished Corey luck with his film career and his music career.
Robin asked Corey why he's mad at Michael Jackson but he wasn't talking about it. Howard said Corey spoke to him during the commercial break about that but he's not divulging what they talked about.
Howard gave all of the guys plugs for their various stuff. Brian has a new movie coming out called ''Knock Around Guys'' coming out soon. Matt hosts The Buzz on K-Rock in New York, Sunday nights at 10pm. Jerry has a web site at LatinAlternative.com for the bands he promotes. You can also find out more about Corey Feldman and where he'll be appearing by visiting his web site CoreyFeldman.com. The GotchaGirls.com girls described the site as being like ''hot chicks doing 'Jackass' like stunts.''
Howard told her she has a pretty face but she needs to tweeze her eyebrows a bit. KC came in and said that he doesn't believe that guys are hitting on her. Howard said guys will hit on any chick that's pretty good looking. Howard said she's got a good face and nice boobs. Artie said he'd bang her.
Howard had Rebecca refresh everyone's memory about her story. Howard asked her what type of man she likes. She eventually said that she likes a Brad Pitt-type. She said that she went out with this one guy who ''wooed her'' for about a year. Once he got her and banged her, he left. Howard said that's just what guys do.
Howard also had a theory that she may have vaginosis (stank from her privates) so he offered to take a sniff to see if she stinks. Howard said he'd put his head in her lap and let her know if she stinks. He said he'd even sit next to her and let her know if there was any smell coming off of her. She said she didn't need him to do that but he did it anyway. He sat on the couch next to her and told her not to cross her legs. He sniffed her neck and then said he was going to put his head on her lap. After doing that Howard said there was no smell coming from her. He said she was heavily perfumed but he was able to sniff down at crotch level and there was no vaginosis.
Artie's theory is that she's just really annoying. Rebecca said the guy once told her that she thinks too much but she doesn't think she's annoying.
Rebecca said that the guy didn't use a condom when he banged her and it was at the point when she could have gotten pregnant. That led to people calling in saying that maybe she sucked in bed. She said the guy was all over her every time he saw her though. Another woman called in and said that maybe Rebecca was just a ''needy bitch'' that the guy didn't want to deal with. Another caller said she had an annoying voice. The guys also said that maybe once the guy had her, the fantasy was over for him.
Howard told her she didn't smell and she looked good so she shouldn't be so upset. Guys just want one night stands. The guy was married anyway so maybe this relationship helped his marriage and he just decided not to bang other chicks.
Howard said sometimes a guy can bang a chick and they catch a whiff of a stinky ass or something and they'll never go back there. Howard said that's happened to him before. He was just trying to say that there are certain things that turn a guy off and maybe there's something about her that turned the guy off.
Wendy the Retard called in and told Rebecca that she thinks she's a nice person. She also asked Rebecca if she likes to sing and dance. Rebecca said she does so Wendy offered to make her one of her band members.
Rebecca brought her mother with her down to the station so the guys wanted to know if she discusses all of this stuff with her. She talked about banging a married man who didn't wear a condom. She said she does talk about that with her because the whole night was very strange. Wendy the Retard was still on the phone rambling about all of the guys she thinks about. She just kept going and going with names of all the guys she talks to on the radio. She was also talking about all of the music she likes. She was singing everything from Eminem to Bruce Springsteen. Howard had to cut her off in the middle of a song so he could wrap up the interview with Rebecca.
KC asked if maybe it's her grooming habits ''down there'' that chased the guy away. She got very defensive when he brought that up and said that she takes care of all of that stuff just fine. Howard wrapped it up shortly after that.
Howard said that David is great in the part and he's very funny. He said that he's really not ''Mr. Courtney Cox'' like they call him. Howard said he wants to find a movie role for David to show off his real talent.
David said that he and his wife have already seen a tape of the show and they loved it. David said that Courtney is a big fan of the show.
Howard played a quick clip of tonight's episode ''Saturday Nigh Queefer.'' Howard said David really shines in this episode and he's going to try to submit it for an Emmy award.
Howard asked David how the marriage is going. David said that it's going great and the rumor about Courtney having a psychic on retainer is completely false. He said they may go to a tarot card reader once in a while but that's it.
Gary came in and said that there was a story in the Enquirer about Courtney joining some strange church because she wants to get pregnant and she thought that would help. David said that's not true either and sounded a little upset that Gary was the one who brought it up on the show recently. Howard asked David if there's something wrong with them not being able to have a baby yet. David said nothing is wrong and they're going to try and have a baby soon. He didn't want to talk too much about it but said there are no problems.
Howard asked David how his sisters are doing and brought up Nicolas Cage who was married to one of them. David said he's not a big fan of Nicolas'.
David told Howard he's got another movie coming out on July 19th called ''Eight Legged Freaks.'' Howard told him to just stick with ''Son of the Beach.''
Howard asked where Courtney was so David told him she was sleeping. Howard asked him to describe what she was wearing. David told him that she usually wears a tight t-shirt. Howard couldn't get much more of a description out of him though. He moved on to ask about anal sex instead. David wasn't talking about that though. Howard continued to talk to David for quite a while. David ended up telling Howard that he should visit them when he's out in L.A. Robin said that he always accepts offers like that but never goes to visit any of these celebrities.
Howard moved on and said that Stuttering John asked why Anna is even doing this TV show because she's rich. That's not quite true though because right now she's broke. She has won some lawsuits that will get her some money that she's owed but that takes time. She said she needed money to get her by right now so she took this offer to do the reality TV show.
Howard brought up how Anna acts and talks like she's high all the time but she swears she's not. She says it's just her Texas slang accent that makes her seem that way. She said once she saw the show herself even she thought she looked stoned.
Howard said that Anna admits in the show that she hasn't had sex in 2 years so she pleasures herself on the show. Howard started to talk about the 90 year old guy she was banging before he died. HKS told Howard not to talk about that but Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard continued to ask her about it and whether or not the guy was able to satisfy her in every way. She said he wasn't able to do that but she made him very happy.
Howard spoke to HKS about how he's making a living since he's always hanging around Anna. HKS said that he is getting some money from E! for the show since he's featured on it a bit. He said it's not much though. He will get some money from the lawsuit settlement when that comes in but right now he's not getting much.
Howard talked to Anna about her eating and how she doesn't try to hide it on the show. He seems impressed with that for some reason. Howard also talked to her about how she sleeps until noon or so. He asked her about what a typical day is like for her too. She says sometimes she just sits around and reads and the cameras stay on her the whole time.
Howard brought up how Anna has gained a lot of weight lately too. He told her how beautiful she is and wondered if she was trying to sabotage her modeling career by gaining weight. She said that she'd gotten depressed during the litigation and put on a few extra pounds. She said that now that she has the TV show she's going to diet and lose that weight.
Howard asked Anna about her son and whether or not they'll show his friends coming over to hang out. She said that probably won't happen.
Gary came in and said that when he saw Anna on other shows he didn't see HKS sitting next to her. HKS said that Anna needs to be protected from Howard Stern. He quoted Sarah Michelle Gellar who said that she was just glad to get out of the studio alive. Howard said that's a bunch of bull though and she doesn't need to be protected from him.
Howard asked Anna if she's been with any guys since her 90 year old husband died. She said she was with one guy but that relationship didn't work out. She said she thinks the guy just didn't think he could satisfy her needs. Howard read that she sometimes demands sex 10 times a day. Robin and Howard said that no man can meet those needs but Anna thinks there is someone who can.
Howard took some phone calls and started to wrap things up with Anna. Howard was digging for some more stories when he found out that Anna goes to a Psychiatrist and they do video tape that stuff. She wouldn't say whether or not that will show up on the show or not. She said we'll have to watch the show to find out.
Gary had brought up some stories he'd read about Anna and her assistant who she really likes. Gary read that she buys her assistant all kinds of stuff and even paid off her Jeep as a birthday gift one time.
Howard took a few more phone calls and she was getting a few offers from guys who wanted to sleep with her. Howard told Anna that he's fascinated with her and wanted to know what she watches on TV. She said her favorite shows are ''The Simpsons'' and ''King of the Hill.'' HKS also reminded her that she has to watch Jerry Springer. She said she has to watch that show every night. Howard wished Anna luck and said that he really does think this show is going to be huge... That's when Benjy asked Anna the big question. Earlier in the show Anna said that she'd probably jump on any guy who is into her and asked her for sex. Benjy asked Anna if she'd let him perform oral sex on her and she said yes! Benjy said he thinks that she's one of the sexiest women they've ever had on the show and he wanted to do her. She agreed and the two of them headed into Howard's private bathroom! They didn't take a microphone in there so no one was sure what was going on. KC tried to get a microphone in there but Benjy had the door locked. After a few minutes the two of them came out and Anna's hair was all messed up. Benjy had lipstick on his face so it was obvious that they'd made out. Benjy told Howard that they did kiss a little but Anna told him she was on her period and she didn't want to do the oral thing. Benjy would have done it but he said she was nervous and didn't like the fact that they were in a bathroom. Anna said she found Benjy cute and was willing to go out with him later. She had to fly back to L.A. Today but she said he could go with her if he wanted to. Benjy said if he could just spend an hour with her it would be the greatest hour of his life.
Doug from E! came in and said that Benjy was just invited to Anna's hotel suite and the limo was downstairs waiting. The guys all told him to get the hell out of there and get to the limo.
Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said that the Anna Nicole and Benjy stuff will air on Howard's E! show tonight at 11pm. Comedian Nick DiPaolo showed up to hang out during Robin's news segment but they ended up talking more about Benjy...
In today's game Howard and all of the other players are playing for people who won on iWon.com. Each of the players, Howard, Robin, Tom Chiusano, KC Armstrong and Gary, was playing for an individual winner from iWon.com. They were playing for a minimum of $10,000 and a max of $1 million! Howard and the others told Barry which players they were playing for. Here's the list:
The winner got to spin a wheel they had set up in the studio for his chance to win up to $1 million. He gets a minimum of $10,000. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about what he's going to do with the money. He said he'd invest the money and buy a house if he wins the big money. He had a 1 in 100 chance of winning the million bucks. Alan spun the wheel and landed on a $10,000 slot so that's what he got. Someone from iWon.com was there to present him with the check. They did that and wrapped up the segment after that.
Barry got a plug in for his web site BarryWilliams.com and some phone numbers to call to book trips to Vegas and some other places.
Howard also pointed out how pissed Vinnie got about the ''David E. Letterman'' bit Howard did last week. Vinnie thinks that people thought it was really Dave and Howard should have made it clearer that it wasn't the real David Letterman who was doing racial jokes. Howard replayed some of that segment and Vinnie was still pissed. The guy that did the Letterman voice is amazing and sounds a lot like the real thing.
Howard wrapped up the segment and as they went out Joe made some comment about Vinnie being a ''company bitch'' or something like that. At least Joe is willing to let his real feelings out about this guy. He's not afraid to stand up for his hit show.
Howard mentioned some of the stuff that Henry is famous for including the Lufthansa heist which Henry says was the most successful heist ever. Howard said he saw some movie about that heist and they made it seem like Henry slept with a guy afterward. Henry said he banged a chick with another guy but he didn't do the guy.
Howard asked Henry when he last drank Alcohol. He said the last time he was in New York was the last time he drank. He couldn't come in this morning because he was afraid of blowing his parole.
Howard quickly mentioned Henry's cook book and then took a call from a guy that was in prison with Henry many years ago. This guy Paul said hello to Henry and told Howard what he was in jail for back then. Howard spent a few minutes talking to that guy finding out about the scams they used to run and how they got caught. Paul also said that Henry is taking credit for some of the stuff he did and he's making a movie out of it. Paul said he's also working on a movie about this stuff and he wants Henry to tell the truth from now on. Paul said that Henry has been lying and even during the interview he was laying about being gay. Paul claims that he was the guy in the threesome and he ended up in Henry's mouth during that encounter. Paul went on to make other claims about what Henry has done over the years and it turned pretty nasty. At first it sounded like Paul was going to be nice to Henry but he wound up burying him and telling Howard all kinds of stuff about him. He made Henry sound like a liar and a homosexual.
Howard took a bunch more phone calls and wrapped up the interview a short time later. There were a lot of people who seemed to be happy that someone was saying that Henry was gay.
Howard and Artie started off goofing around with an Indian accent as they were getting him on the phone. Howard said that Night is being called the next Steven Spielberg by some people. Howard spent some time talking to Night about his other movies and about what it was like for him growing up. Howard said eventually Night will become a big star like Steven Spielberg and he'll stop doing the show. Night said he met Steven so Howard did an impression of what he thought that conversation would have been like.
Howard asked Night what he thought of the last two Spielberg movies ''A.I.'' and ''Minority Report.'' Howard thinks he's gone all wrong even though he's still a fan of his. Night wouldn't say anything bad about him though.
Howard asked Night if he was goofed on as a child since he was an Indian growing up in a mostly white area. Night said kids did goof on him when he was growing up. That led to Howard and Artie doing more of their Indian accents and goofing around with what the neighbors may have said to him. Night just let them roll and eventually said that's the stuff that may lead to him not doing the show. He took it all pretty well though and let them do what they were doing.
Howard tried to figure out what kind of money Night made from some of his hit movies like ''The Sixth Sense'' and ''Unbreakable.'' Howard figured he must have made at least $40 million from them. Night said he's still worried about the future. Howard said if this movie fails they're sure not going to blame it on Mel Gibson since almost all of his movies do well.
Howard continued to ask Night about his dating life and whether or not his marriage was arranged for him. Night said it wasn't arranged for him, he chose his wife. Gary came in and said something about Night's wife's parents disliking him before they got married. They were from different areas of India and they weren't too happy with that. They now like him so Howard asked if he gives them money. He said they do help them out and they do like him now. Howard and Artie continued to goof on the Indian accent and Night eventually said that he couldn't wait to see this guy Artie doing his thing. He didn't know who he was when he first heard him. Artie was getting pretty racial with his material so Night said this is the most racial they've ever gotten with him in the 4 times he's been on the show. Howard laid off the racial stuff a bit after that. Artie continued to do some of his character though.
Howard took a few phone calls for Night. One guy asked if it's true that Bruce Willis is pissed that he wasn't used in this movie since he was used in the other two big ones Night directed. Night says that Bruce isn't pissed and he even showed up to the premiere of ''Signs.''
Howard asked Night why he doesn't do a movie with him. Night said he'd love to work with Howard but he can't figure out what to use him in. Howard bragged about what a great actor he is and how great it would be to work together.
Howard asked Night why he turned down the chance to work on the next ''Indiana Jones'' movie. Night said that he thinks it would be too hard to do it the right way or something like that. Howard said that Harrison Ford is too old to be playing that part anyway. Howard suggested that they rename it ''India Jones'' and have Night cast it with Indians.
Artie kept doing his Indian character which led to Night asking if he's on every day. He said next time he should call in on Artie's off day.
A listener called in and told Howard and Artie to shut up already and leave Night alone because he's a genius. He then asked Night if he's going to do a sequel to ''Unbreakable.'' Night said he's not sure if he will because he's wasn't happy with the split feelings on the movie. Howard told him he should stop thinking like that and just do the sequel already. Howard said he thinks that might be one of the best movies he's ever seen and it deserves a sequel. Robin agreed and told him to get busy working on it.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and talked to Night about working with Mel Gibson. Howard said when they went to the screening for the movie they spent a few minutes goofing on Gibson.
Howard asked Night what he thinks about all of these reality TV shows that are on. Howard said he loves them and Night said that when people get angry on shows like that they're showing real emotion which is better than bad acting. Howard wrapped up the interview after taking a couple more phone calls.
Shuli went ahead and asked questions like:
Howard wants to have a full game with everyone in the studio sometime in the near future too. That will also include Robin and her man Mr. X.
Beetlejuice was hilarious as usual just saying things that made no sense at all to anyone.
Bill asked about President Bush's ''Star Wars'' missile defense and Beetlejuice said he liked that movie. Once again, Daniel Carver was the only one competent enough to answer the question with any type of understanding.
Howard wrapped up the segment after only 15 minutes. He said that Bill looked more disturbed by the whole thing than he's ever looked before. Howard congratulated all of the guests on the job they did answering the questions. He also let everyone give their plugs. Slow Adam has his own web site at SlowAdam.com. Sal the Stockbroker designed it for him so expect some weird, funny stuff to be there. Stuttering John said the one picture they have there has a caption of ''Slow Adam's Limo'' and it's a picture of a wheelchair. Beetlejuice (JollyDwarf.com) will be in the movie ''Bubble Boy'' which is coming out very soon. Bill Maher is in town shooting a special week's worth of ''Politically Incorrect'' concentrating on the mafia. And last but not least, Daniel Carver said you can get his 80 page catalog by sending $3 to him at:
Daniel Carver
PO Box 446
Oakwood, GA 30566
Howard said he could listen to that guy all day long. The laugh was hilarious and he did it after almost every answer he gave. After that Howard moved on and played the tape of Gary interviewing Ricardo Montalban. Here are a few of those questions:
Howard ended up talking to the kids for quite a while about how great it must be to have Ozzy as a father. Kelly, who said she's almost 17, is driving around in a Mercedes Benz SUV after getting rid of her PT Cruiser because she felt it was too ''unsafe'' for her. Jack, 15, is scouting for bands for Epic Records and he's putting together his own record label with a partner. Ozzy also told Howard that his other daughter, Amy, is working on her own singing career and she's got a great voice. He was amazed the first time he heard her sing on a recording that someone played for him.
Every time Ozzy is on Howard estimates Ozzy's worth and tells the kids how they'll be inheriting the mother load when Ozzy is gone. The kids don't really seem to think much about it though. Jack says he wants to do everything on his own and doesn't want to take his father's money. Howard said it's still nice to have that cushion just in case things don't work out for him. Howard said that he's probably got trusts set up for them that will set them for life.
Ozzy said he has sex discussions with his kids because his father never did that for him. He says it's a different time now and things are much crazier than when he was a kid. He said the kids hate to hear it but he does it to be a good parent. Howard said he wants to do the same for his 18 year old but she doesn't want to hear it from him. Howard said he wanted to discuss how great committed relationships are and that if all she wants is an orgasm, he'll buy her a vibrator.
Howard was under the impression that Ozzy would head home to England when his kids were grown up but Ozzy says things have changed over there. He says he's not going to move back home after seeing how much it's changed.
This woman Janice came in to meet Ozzy this morning. She claims that she's been a fan half her life and Ozzy actually saved her father's life. She explained how her father had a kidney transplant and after he came home he was unable to get any rest. He loved her Ozzy albums so she loaned them to him and he was able to relax to his music somehow. Howard joked that Ozzy's music has healing powers or something. Gary came in and said he saw a picture of Janice's room from when she was 16 and she had Ozzy posters all over her room and even over her bed. Howard asked her if she ''touched herself'' while laying in bed to Ozzy's image. She told him that was a possibility.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls from fans and one woman brought up a recent show down in West Palm Beach. Ozzy quickly remembered the woman after she described the situation. He'd given her a harmonica for some reason. She was amazed that he remembered her and Ozzy said the reason he remembered her was because she had ''big knockers''. That embarrassed his kids of course. Howard wrapped up the interview after talking to Ozzy about the time he snorted ants off of a popsicle stick when he was hanging out with Tommy Lee one time. He said he did it because he was stoned and the ants came crawling out of his mouth.
Robin said she invited about 40 people and about 35 showed up. Howard guessed what it must have cost Robin. Howard guessed $6000 but Robin said it was $4300 or so. That included tips. Howard said it was a beautiful party.
Howard went on to say that he spent some time talking to people at the party but didn't spend much time with Fred. He said he's uncomfortable talking to Fred. Howard said he told Robin to watch as he walked past Artie's girlfriend, she wouldn't say hello to him. Howard did it and she didn't say anything to him. He later walked up to her and said hi to her. Howard said he can just read people that way. He told Artie that she looks tremendous though. Howard said Artie is kind of odd too. Howard said he was going to blame himself though.
Howard said the one person he adores is Stuttering John's wife Suzanna. She's warm and inviting according to Howard. He said he enjoys hanging out with her.
Howard then went on to talk about how strange things got for him at the party. There were no assigned seats at the part and at one point Robin told everyone to have a seat. Howard saw that no one was sitting so he went and sat down. Once he sat down everyone else started sitting... but no one would sit with him. Everyone was sitting at other tables. Howard said he felt so uncomfortable that he asked Ralph to come sit with him. Then Robin and Mr. X saw that he was alone so they sat with him because they felt sorry for him. Howard said he knew he'd end up sitting with his agent Don Buchwald like he does at every event he goes to. Howard went on to talk to people like Gary about why they didn't sit with him. Gary said he just assumed that he was going to sit with his agent and Ralph. Howard told him not to assume stuff like that. Howard told Gary he doesn't think that he likes him as a person and that's why he didn't sit with him. Howard went on to complain about everyone else who didn't sit with him. Some people said they just figured he was sick and wouldn't want to be bothered by them.
Howard said he finally realized that he's become like his father and has no friends. Stuttering John said that he tried to sit at the table but was chased away by Robin who told him the seat was taken. That one Howard excused because he was the last one in the room and everyone had already sat at his table. Robin said that there were actually people taking seats from some tables to other tables to get as far away from Howard as possible. The whole thing was very strange for Howard. He complained about Artie not sitting with him too. Artie said he still doesn't know Howard all that well and that was one reason he didn't sit there. Howard said that he'll never get to know him if he doesn't sit with him.
Howard also pointed out some kiss asses like Vinnie Favale and Mitch Semmel from CBS. He said when Mel Karmazin, one of the big guys at CBS, came to sit with Howard, Vinnie and Mitch came over to talk to him. He said they're the two biggest kiss asses there. Vinnie and Mitch called in and said they weren't kiss asses though.
A couple of other people came in and gave their excuses too. Scott DePace from E! came in and said that Doug Goodstein was going to sit with Howard but then Ronnie the Limo Driver was rubbing his nose as if to say he was a brown noser. Doug ended up leaving the table for other reasons though. There were some other people who are just intimidated by Howard who didn't want to sit with him. Howard mentioned Anne Marie who works in their office. Gary said that she is kind of intimidated by him so she sat with some of the other guys like Jason and Will from the office.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to defend his ''brown noser'' thing. He said he was just joking around and didn't mean anything by it. He got really defensive and yelled at Stuttering John for a couple of minutes. The two of them went at each other over ridiculous stuff. Howard spent close to an hour talking about all of this stuff and he sounded really hurt by it all. He ended up sitting with Fred, Robin, Mr. X, Don Buchwald, Ralph, Fred's wife Alison and Mel Karmazin.
Geraldo came in a few minutes later and spent a few minutes talking about his age and the fight he had with Frank Stallone many years ago on Howard's show. Howard pointed out how they invented the celebrity boxing thing way back then and how FOX has taken the idea and run with it.
Howard spent some time talking to Geraldo about being half Jewish and how that worked out. He also spent some time talking about the Jews and the Palestinians with Geraldo. Geraldo seems to think that those two groups fighting will go on long after we're all gone.
Howard wanted to move on to talk to Geraldo about all of his marriages. Geraldo talked about how he's staying involved with his kids even after his last divorce but they didn't spend much time on that.
Howard said Geraldo was there to promote some show called ''The Pulse'' that's on Thursday nights on FOX TV at 9pm.
Geraldo and Howard spent a bit of time discussing the marriage thing and Howard wanted to know why Geraldo would do it again. Howard said that Geraldo will eventually cheat on his newest woman eventually because that's what he's always done. Geraldo said he's not so sure about that anymore now that he's 59 years old. He seems to think that he's done and this will be the last woman for him.
At one point near the end of the interview Geraldo was telling Howard how he thinks that when women marry young their youth is worth something and they should be paid for it. Therefore they should get money if a divorce ever happens. Robin and Howard sounded pretty surprised to hear that.
Geraldo also told Howard about a segment he did for ''The Pulse'' featuring this rapper, Lurch, who cannibalized his girlfriend after taking PCP. Geraldo said they found this guy with part of his girlfriend's lung still hanging from his mouth after he chewed through her chest. He said the guy is going to now plead innocent because of insanity.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard a story about Geraldo coming on to his girlfriend one time. Chaunce said he was doing Geraldo's gossip TV show years ago and while he was on the panel Geraldo sat down next to his girlfriend and put his hand on her knee. He claims that Geraldo then moved his hand up farther as the interview went on. Geraldo said he doesn't recall doing that though. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Howard had Artie tell a story about how he failed to graduate from high school. Artie said he failed History and Algebra so he had to go to summer school. At the time they started summer school the 40 or so guys that failed were offered a special graduation. Only Artie and his buddy signed up for it though. By the end of summer school they had passing grades so they had to hold this special graduation for them. It turned out to be just Artie, his friend and their two mothers. The principal had to come off of vacation to do the ceremony and Artie said the guy looked really pissed that he had to be there that day.
Artie also told Howard about his previous drug and gambling problems he had when he was on ''Mad TV'' making $8000 an episode. He was losing money left and right and using coke so much that he was up for days at a time. Artie said the producers of the show and his manager eventually did an intervention and he ended up taking off. He got pulled over by the cops but ended up running and getting caught later when he took a swing at a cop. He had coke on him and an open bottle of Jack Daniels in his car at the time. They took him to jail and cuffed him to a gang member who turned out to be the nicest guy even though he was charged with killing someone. Artie said he lucked out when a Mexican guy recognized him from ''Mad TV'' and told the guards that he was famous. That way he wouldn't be put in the general population of the jail. He was put in his own cell thanks to that kid. Three days in jail and four months of rehab is what it took to get Artie off of coke. A few weeks later he got a call from Norm Macdonald to do the movie ''Dirty Work'' and the rest is history.
Howard and Gary ended up getting into a fight after Gary told Howard he was starting to get his father's tone when he was explaining something to him. Howard then went off on Gary's father and they yelled at each other for talking about each other's fathers.