|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard started off the morning talking about what a beautiful fall day it was there in New York. He said they have 47 working days left on the air. He also talked about going to the Paul McCartney show on Friday night and how good that was. He said he didn't even mind the new songs that Paul played during the show. He also liked McCartney's version of ''Helter Skelter'' which he's not usually a fan of. He stayed for most of the show but got out of there a little early since the crowds were freaking him out. He showed up a little early to the show to try and get in to meet Paul but he found out his daughter didn't care all that much about meeting the guy. He got back stage around 7:00 and was brought to the back room that they had decorated nicely. McCartney was no where to be found but he was told a little while later that he would get to meet Paul. When he finally got to the room where Paul was, he was surrounded by about 50 people and was telling a story about John Lennon. Howard said he walked in and said hello to him as if he were his friend even though only met him once. Howard also thought he saw McCartney's wife there so he said hello to this woman who wasn't really his wife. He spent a short time back there but he didn't want to stay there too long so he got out of there. He was going to have his daughter take a picture with Paul but didn't want to bother him too much so he took off.
Howard said he was told that Paul was going to be delayed and wouldn't be starting the show on time so he had to hang out in this VIP room for about 2 hours. He was messing around with some pistachios that were back there and ended up throwing some shells on the floor so Beth got mad at him and went over to pick up the shells herself. Howard told her he was going to do it but he didn't do it fast enough. He figures he was sending the wrong message to his kids so that's why she did that. The show eventually started and Howard kept asking his daughter if she knew the songs Paul was playing. She didn't know all that many, only about 3, according to Howard. He said she's a fan of the Beatles but doesn't know all of their songs.
Robin brought up a show she saw about Pete Best getting booted out of The Beatles but Howard changed that to a documentary Bob Dylan wrote about his life and how there was nothing all that revealing in the book. He said the guy could have written a lot about his family life but skipped right over all of the stuff about leaving his family and changing his name.
Howard and Robin talked about some TV shows that they've been watching lately and Robin said that ''Commander in Chief'' is really good. Howard said he can't get started with even more. He said he might have to bail out on ''The Surreal Life'' because he just can't take it this season. Gary said he watched the first two shows of the season and bailed out on that show as well. He and Artie ended up talking about the NY Yankees wins over the weekend. They also talked about the NY Jets losing this weekend and what went on with them. The NY Giants won so Gary and Artie told Howard about that.
Howard wondered how Robin didn't know what Anne Marie and Lisa were wearing when they slept together. She said her house is set up in a way that she doesn't see them when they go to bed and they came up dressed in the morning so she didn't see them. She had to have Lisa and Anne Marie in the same room because her friend Bernard needed a room and she's only got two guest rooms. Howard said girls don't have a problem sleeping in the same bed but guys can't do that. He wondered if Bernard was going nuts with those two hot girls in the house. Robin said he did try to get everyone naked in the hot tub but they weren't falling for it. Robin said they just kept talking while he was trying to get them in the hot tub. She said they didn't end up in the hot tub at all. Howard told her to remind him not to go over to that place. He did say he thinks he could have gotten something going with the girls though. He said he would have pretended he was sleep walking or something and walked in on the girls. He had to go to break right after that.
Howard read some more e-mail where someone complained about the amount of time he spends talking about Superman and Smallville. They also got some mail about Tom Chiusano. Howard said that Tom is actually out this morning after getting sick while he was out on a golf course over the weekend. Howard said he had to go to the hospital so they're waiting to hear what went wrong with him. Robin told Howard about a commercial that Tom reads on the air and how it sounds like a bit that Fred put together because he really does sound like a robot. Howard talked about how the guy really does suck the life out of the studio when he comes in.
Howard asked Gary what the line up would be as far as the farting. Gary said they would have Dan the Farter from 6am to 10am, Debbie the Queefer from 10 to 2pm, Junior the Farter from 2pm to 6pm... Howard then got a note that said that Dan may not be able to get off of work to do this whole thing. They'll have to move the shifts around now. Junior and Will the farters will have mornings and afternoons. Gary said that Travis the Farter will be doing a slot and Jen the Amputee chick was going to do a shift because she can queef but that's not what Howard wants. He said he wants more farters but Gary said that they couldn't find all that many. Will Murray came in and told Howard that they've tried to find a bunch of people who have been on the show over the years and a lot of them have changed their numbers or moved. Howard told Gary that he wants to know when he needs to put the word out about that kind of thing. Gary thought he had mentioned that they needed more farters. Howard went off on him and had Gary kind of flustered. Howard thinks that he's eventually going to drive Gary to the edge and he's going to go off on him. He wondered if Ronnie could take Gary down if something like that happened. Gary isn't sure that Ronnie could take him down. He said one day Ronnie did hold Beetlejuice back but he's the only one he's really had to deal with. Robin said that she's pretty sure that Ronnie couldn't have taken down KC if KC had gone nuts on them. Artie remembered the day that AJ Benza went off on Stuttering John and KC stepped in. AJ ended up bouncing off of KC's chest that day when he tried to go back toward John.
Gary said that Ronnie has probably gone through training since starting his own security company. Howard wondered where he was because he would usually come in the studio. Gary heard he was sitting out in his chair and refusing to come in the studio to talk about this stuff. Robin said that Ronnie won't even chase anyone down if they run into the studio or something. Ronnie came in and said he has nothing to say to them. Howard asked him if he has any credentials and if he could even take down Gary. Ronnie said he's not sure if he could take Gary down or not. Ronnie said he does do some training at his house down in his basement. Howard asked Ronnie what he would do if Danny Bonaduce had gone off on him and attacked. Ronnie said he would have laughed. Howard thinks that he's actually Ronnie's security instead of it being the other way around. Ronnie was acting very mellow and kept saying that he doesn't have any skills and couldn't take anyone down.
Howard goofed on Ronnie's tight shirts again and that got Ronnie all riled up and yelling back at him. Fred also threw in the song parody that Richard Christy performed talking about Ronnie's ''tight shirts.'' Ronnie wondered what Howard's point was in all of this. Howard told him they were just talking about ''what if'' Gary went nuts. Ronnie said he took care of someone one time and he's proven himself already. Gary said he was talking about the time that Beetlejuice's manager Sean got mad at Tom Chiusano. They didn't get into details about that incident though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could be security for Howard so they asked him some questions. The guy ended up hanging up when he saw his boss coming in. The guy was afraid of his own boss so how could he be security? Ronnie got back to asking about what Howard's point was in all of this. Howard said he's not sure that Ronnie has any skills and that's what he was wondering about. He asked him if he has any skills in martial arts or anything like that. Ronnie didn't want to say. He was asked if he has any skill with guns. Ronnie said he does have skills with guns and then said that Howard must be out of material this morning if he's spending time on him. Robin asked him what security guard wears bi-focals. Ronnie said he doesn't have bi-focals but Howard thought he was wearing graduated lenses in his glasses. Ronnie said he doesn't and went back and forth over that for a couple of minutes.
Howard played a voice mail that Ronnie left for a parking lot attendant where he called him a ''dick face.'' Howard thought the guy was a nice guy but Ronnie told him that the guy at the garage is a dick and goes through his stuff in the car when he shouldn't be. Howard played a bit they did a while back where Richard called in and dicked around with Ronnie when he was answering phones back in the office. He also took another call from a guy who offered to be security for him. The caller said he was a bouncer and has all kinds of skills to take care of anyone in there. Howard kept goofing on ROnnie and said something about him wearing lifts in his shoes. Ronnie sounded like he was pretty agitated but it also sounded like he was laughing along with all of this stuff.
Ronnie told Howard about the shooting skills he has and how he does go shooting every few months. He's rated as an ''expert'' in his shooting skills. Howard asked him if he needs an assistant to work there. Ronnie said he thinks he could handle Gary himself. Artie wondered what would happen if Christopher Knight went nuts in there because he's a pretty big guy. Ronnie wasn't ready to show off any of his skills when Howard asked him to take Gary down. Ronnie ended up yelling at Jason who was taking pictures of him from the floor. He said he knows he could take him down. Ronnie told him to get out of the studio but Jason told him to ''make'' him leave. ROnnie didn't do anything. He was all talk this morning.
A caller told Howard about some guys he knows who would be great at security. He wondered if Howard feels safe around ROnnie. Howard told him that no one feels safe around Ronnie and they're more afraid of him than anything else. He got back to the SIRIUS farting discussions. There was talk about rating the farts for the station over there so they could scroll across the screen a rating of like 1 to 5 or something like that. He quickly mentioned that and then went to another commercial break.
Howard told Adrianne that he doesn't believe that Chris really likes her as much as she thinks. He said that Adrianne really seems to like Chris a lot more than he likes her. Chris said there is confusion in his life about her but there is a sweetness from her that he really likes and that's why he's trying to make it last. He said he's secure in the relationship because she's so loyal to him. Howard said she seems to be a lot of fun but she must be a lot to handle because she talks so much. He said that's tough for a guy to take sometimes but she's so hot, he'd overlook that. Adrianne said that she doesn't really even want him to buy her expensive stuff because she doesn't really need it. She told Howard about what went on with ''Ameirca's Top Model'' and how nothing really came out of that show. She made some stuff happen for herself because the show didn't do anything for her. She was also saying that Tyra Banks didn't want her to do the Surreal Life show and they don't even mention her name on that show anymore.
Chris told Howard that he really wants Adrianne to move out on her own so she can figure out things on her own. Howard thinks that he should keep her around until he gets sick of her and then kick her out. Adrianne said that she grew up in Joliet, Illinois and started having sex with other girls around the age of 12 or so. She and her friends would make out and practice kissing each other while listening to Type O Negative. She said she dated a guy for 5 years but she never ''hooked up'' with him. She said that she would really get into the lesbian stuff when she was doing the modeling thing and staying in the same room with 10 really beautiful women. Howard talked to her about that but the delay was hit at least one time while they were talking about the lesbian stuff. She said that she does have at least one picture of herself with another woman. She and Chris are living together now so Howard wondered if she brings other women in there with them. Adrianne said that she doesn't bring them in because she wants to take it slow. She also said that he can barely handle her alone, never mind having other girls in there with them.
Howard asked Adrianne more about the hot chicks she's had over the years. She told Howard a story about one Guess model that she had sex with and how they found that they discovered that the Italian men over in Italy aren't all that hot compared to the guys over here. They would hang out together and go back to their hotel room and mess around. Adrianne said that she's a chick magnet for some reason and Chris can confirm that. Chris said that she's a magnet for everyone, not just chicks. Howard found out that Adrianne had been molested when she was younger and how screwed up she got after that.
Howard asked Chris how good Adrianne is in bed and all he would say is that ''she's gifted.'' Adrianne was surprised that she was good because she didn't have all that much experience with guys. She said that Chris is great with her as well and he's plenty big for her because she doesn't like anything too big. Howard took a call from Captain Janks but he wasn't there. He was going to say something about Chris trying to have sex with Eve Plumb from The Brady Bunch one time. Chris said they were going to try but they got caught by the cops and never did. Howard gave Chris and Adrianne a plug for their show ''My Fair Brady'' which airs Sunday's at 9 on VH1. You can get more info at VH1.com. Howard wondered when they're going to do another Brady reunion show. Chris isn't sure if they'll ever do one again. That led to Howard talking about how Susan Olsen was one of the people who wouldn't do the reunion shows years ago. Chris said that she kind of got screwed years ago because they gave most of their budget to Maureen McCormick and didn't have much left over for Susan so she backed out of doing the reunion show. That led to Adrianne talking about how Florence Henderson, Chris' ''Hollyweird mother,'' seems to dislike her very much and told Chris to kick her out of his house. Howard liked the way she was so open and didn't hold back talking about stuff like that.
Howard asked Adrianne if she thinks she can be happy with a man if she gets married to Chris. She said that as long as there is lesbian porn and a Hitachi Magic Wand, she'll be fine with a man. She doesn't think that she'd fall in love with a woman because she's kind of like a guy and looks at them like objects. She said she did fall in love with one girl but she ended up getting left behind so the other woman could screw every other woman out there. Robin asked the two of them if they think their relationship can last. Both of them seem to think that it can last. Howard told Chris to just go along with it for a while and enjoy her while he can. Adrianne said that she would be willing to marry Chris even with a pre-nuptial that says she gets nothing if they get divorced. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and went to commercial break.
Howard told Robin that Beth cooked for him last night and Beth wanted Robin to know that she used the turkey cutlets she had suggested. Robin was glad she turned her onto that. Howard said he had some good sex last night and was able to get some sleep after doing it. He said that Beth wanted to talk after sex but he had to tell her that he couldn't stay up after that. He and Artie talked about how great the sleep can be after doing that.
Howard told a story about how he stepped in dog crap over the weekend when he went to the park. The crap ended up getting stuck in his Catarpillar boots and had to pick the crap out with a stick and a toothpick. He said Beth went out to walk the dog the other day and saw a homeless guy crapping on the street so you have to worry about that as well.
Howard thinks he made a bad deal 5 years ago when he signed on to stay and now he has to pay for it. He said he doesn't know why Joel has it in for him other than the fact that he's leaving the company. He said he's 51 years old and has spent almost his whole adult life working for that company and they won't let him have his tapes. It's like they think he's going to take those tapes and turn it into an empire but that's just not going to happen. It's not going to effect Joel's life and he can't imagine why he wants to hold on to them. They can't use them so if they won't give them to him, he'd rather throw them into the ocean. He said if he has to, he'll just recreate the bits that they aren't taking with them to SIRIUS.
Howard played another voice mail after that. It was Riley Martin the UFO guy who was saying that he has some interesting information about the flooding down in New Orleans. Howard said they really should call him to find out what's up with that. He loves that guy's voice and said that it's great for making phony phone calls. He played one call they made using audio clips of his voice to a guy out in the mid-west by the name of Howard.
Tom told the guys that he's on the cardiac floor there at the hospital and they have him on monitors to check his heart. Howard told Tom about what went on with the painting in the studio over the weekend and how they won't be doing anything else without his permission because if they do, he's not showing up to work for a week or so. Howard said he'd wait for Tom to get back to work before yelling at him about that. He told Tom not to worry, they'll take care of things while he's away. Howard thought Tom would be fine because he sounded fine on the phone.
Howard tried to take another call but the person wasn't there. He had the guys bring in this rapper Paul Wall who Howard thinks talks very much like a black guy and even looks very much like a black guy. Paul said that he's a white guy but he has had cops ask him if he's a mix. Paul said that he's been talking that way all his life and he's not putting anything on. Howard said that if the guy goes to court, he'd be talking ''white'' in a second. He's got the whole ''grill'' thing going on in his mouth too so Howard asked him if that's a black thing. Paul said he thinks that it's not a black thing, it's something that a lot of people do down in Houston, Texas where he's from. He said that there are Asians and Hispanic people down there who have grills on their teeth. He claims he's not putting on any voice or anything like that, he's just being ''Paul Wall.''
Howard told a story about going to a club with a black woman he was dating and how there were actually a lot of Asian guys trying to be black like ''chiggers.'' Paul said that his partner in the jewelry business is a Korean guy so a lot of people are surprised when they meet him. Paul used the term ''embraced the beef'' at one point so Howard and the guys goofed on that a little bit since it sounded kind of gay to them. Gary asked Paul if he got into the rap thing because of the whole grill thing. He said he was rapping before that and would sit at a table with kids in school and just rap with them. Howard had him rap a little bit for him and then Gary had him check out the grill he had in his mouth and guess what it was worth. Howard guessed that it was worth about $75,000 but Paul said that it was a little different when you make it yourself. The one he had was about $20,000 but he sells them for even more. Paul was also saying that his album, ''The Peoples Champ,'' is a number one album in the country right now and he's very proud of that. Gary and Howard asked him if he could ''act white'' for them and pretend that he has to go to court for some reason. Paul said that he's really not putting this stuff on and that's just the way he talks all the time. Gary said that when Eminem went to court, he was talking like a regular guy and he was unrecognizable. Howard asked Paul try to talk white but he claims he couldn't really do it without the accent.
Howard found out more about Paul's addiction to cough syrup. He said that he didn't want to bring more attention to that than he needed to. He said that he's not really addicted to it but he will mix it with soda and enjoy it. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that he hates when white people try to capitalize on what black people are up to. He said they have enough of a struggle to do what they're doing without white people doing the same thing. Sal wanted to throw some ebonics words at Paul to see if he knew what they meant. Sal asked him if he knew what omelet meant. Paul didn't know what he was talking about so Sal told him it meant ''Omelet you go...'' He threw in a couple of other things like ''Afro'' which mean ''Afro dis ball to you'' and things like that. Howard kicked Sal out of there and got back to Paul. He mentioned the CD and wanted to play some of his stuff but they didn't have a copy available. Paul said that he's got a pregnant girlfriend right now but he's going to get married.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be Asian who said he has gold teeth and even got the gold teeth for his cat. Howard played along with that for a short time before hanging up on him. Howard wrapped up after that and gave Paul a plug for his album ''The Peoples Champ'' and talked about some of his songs that he couldn't play since he didn't have a copy.
Scott the Engineer came in to tell Howard that he had one of Paul's songs to play but he ended up talking to Scott about how he heckled the band Chicago when he went to see them recently. Scott said he used to be a fan of the band but when they had some technical problems during one song, they said they weren't going to do it again so Scott started yelling at them to ''do it again now!'' but they didn't do it. Howard said that show couldn't end fast enough for him if he was stuck at it. Scott said that he paid like $150 on tickets and didn't want to come back the next night to see them again. Howard played some of Paul's song ''Steel Tippin'' that Scott had brought in and had to ask Paul what he was talking about during the song since he didn't understand most of the lyrics. Howard let the song play through and after hearing most of it, Artie told Paul that he sounds like Tony Randall compared to the other rappers in the song. Howard told Paul that he thinks he's a better rapper than the other two guys in the song. Gary came in with a CD with some of Paul's current stuff so Howard played about 5 seconds of that before wrapping up the interview. He gave Paul a plug for his album and web site DJPaulWall.com and then went to break.
Howard threw in some phone calls from listeners. A few of them basically said that Dr. Amy is a quack and doesn't know what she's talking about. Howard ended up asking her what she thinks about people who want to have sex with animals. She didn't say it was wrong so Howard went off on her about that for a minute. He let a few other callers ridicule her. Dr. Amy told Howard what she thought about him also. She said that he probably has a lot of fun when he has sex or something wacky like that. Howard wrapped up the interview a few minutes later. He also gave her a plug for her web site DoctorAmy.info. After getting off the phone with her he checked out her web site and said she's not too bad looking.
Howard gave Brown a couple of plugs for some gigs he has coming up at BB Kings in New York and at The House of Blues and a couple of other places. Howard asked him what he thinks about Eminem and how he's ripping off the Black man. James rambled off something that Howard didn't understand so he tried to get Janie to interpret for him. She told Howard what he said but it still didn't make much sense.
Howard talked to Brown about a bunch of different things and Janie had to interpret just a few of the things he said. He was more understandable that usual. Janie helped Mr. Brown explain a few things though. Brown told Howard about how his right to vote was taken away from him after he was arrested.
Howard said there was something that he didnt' know about Mr. Brown. When he was born he was stillborn. James said his great aunt took him and laid him on the side. His other aunt came over and blew some air in his lungs and revived him.
Janie and Howard continued to talk to Mr. Brown for a while. He spoke to him about his new wife and family. Mr. Brown just found out that Howard was divorced. He didn't know about that. Howard played some more of Brown's songs and gave him some plugs for his new album. He also played one of his new songs called ''Motivation.'' Howard told him that he's still got it. He also said he's going to sing that song to his penis. He wrapped up the segment after that and gave Brown a few more plugs for his appearances and album.
Stuttering John said he initially thought the show was going to be two weeks. Howard said he feels used by both ABC and Stuttering John over this whole thing. Howard said no one else can say they're taking off two weeks and stay away for three. Howard eventually kicked John out of the studio. John wouldn't leave and kept arguing about what Howard was saying. Howard said ''You're a celebrity, get out of here.'' John said that he paid Will a couple hundred bucks extra while he was away to cover his job. Howard said that he's the idiot because he trusted John. Howard told John to go suck leaches off Julie Brown's ass. John said she's a really nice person. Howard said she looks like she was hit by a bus and wondered if that was even the real ''Downtown'' Julie Brown. Howard said that he didn't want his name used on that show. John said he made them put ''Radio DJ'' under his name so they wouldn't use Howard's name though. Howard goofed on John about some of the stuff he did on the show. Gary said that John is having a party soon and Tyson Beckford and Cris Judd are flying in for it. Gary said he wants to go now.
Howard said he likes everyone when he's on a 3 week vacation too. John said that wasn't a vacation, it was hard. Robin and Gary said that they were drinking and smoking so it wasn't that hard. They even had a psychiatrist there for Alana Stewart to visit. John said that Nikki Ziering told him that she'd be ''all over him'' if he was single. Howard said none of them believe that though.
A listener called in and said that they did use Howard's name on the show. John said that when his wife saw that, she called them up and made them change it. Howard said John's not even his sidekick so he doesn't know why they would have put that in the show. John continued to defend himself but Howard didn't want to hear it. Howard said he doesn't like people who lie to him. John said he was told the show was going to be from February 15th to March 1st. It turned out to be longer than that. Howard said he didn't believe it though. He said that he doesn't have a problem with John wanting to make some money. He said if he said he was going away for two weeks and went away for two, he wouldn't have a problem. John thought that he told Gary how long he was going to be away but Gary said it was never discussed. Howard told John to get a date book so he can keep it right. Howard told John that at his next job, when he tells someone he's going to be away for two weeks, he'd better be back that week. Howard said his next job will probably be at KFC when he's done with him. Howard said John was paid $100,000 for doing that other job so he didn't get paid for that job.
Howard told JOhn to tell him about his new friends from the show. John said that Julie Brown and Cris Judd were both very nice people. He also said that Nikki Ziering was great. Robin Leach was also great according to John. Howard said JOhn was on The Tonight Show talking about how f'd up everyone was and on this show he was being nice. John said he was goofing on Bruce Jenner on that show, not everyone else. Howard told John to go back and do his job so he could take a break. John asked Howard if anything interesting happened while he was away. Howard said they got a lot of e-mail from people who said the show was better without him. John left after that.
A listener called in and told Howard to stop crying about people using his name. Howard let that guy and another woman complain about that stuff. The woman said that perhaps JOhn is trying to plan for the future by doing stuff like that. Howard said his problem was with John taking off three weeks when it was supposed to be two. The woman went on to complain about Florida drivers making left turns on double yellow lines for some reason. He had to hang up on her after that. Another guy said that John needs to make some money because he's broke. Howard said John isn't broke and owns a lot of real estate that they'll never know about. He said he's fallen for that ''poor John'' stuff before.
John came back in and said that he really thought Howard knew how long he was going to be away. Howard said he didn't want to argue about that anymore though. He kicked John out again. Artie thought it was funny that some of those listeners calling in thought that Howard was jealous that he wasn't invited to be on that horrible show. Howard said John told him some funny stuff about Julie Brown off the air but asked him not to talk about it on the air. Howard decided to take a break after that.
(Snipped) Howard got back to the woman who called in earlier. Rhonda told him about this evil spirit that entered her body a couple of years ago. Howard muted his voice and talked over some of her story saying that it was going to be great. She was explaining how this evil spirit entered through her chest and hasn't slept for 13 months. Howard and Robin ended up goofing on the woman. Howard wanted to give her an exorcism. He asked her a few questions and told her that he could put a spell on her that would get rid of all of her problems. She didn't want Howard to do anything though. Howard tried to have her repeat after him but she refused. He tried again to get her to repeat ''Biaco Bichu'' but she wouldn't. Howard said he was getting the name Franklin Graham coming to him. She said she has called Franklin Graham trying to get cured. Howard told her that he's evil though. Howard eventually gave up on trying to do the exorcism. He used a voice synthesizer to do an evil sounding voice to talk to her after that. Robin asked her where her husband was. She said he was there so Howard asked to talk to him. She said he didn't want to talk to him so Howard told her he was done with her and got off the phone.
Suge also spoke about a bunch of other rappers and how about 95% of them are gay and don't know it. He claimed that Dr. Dre claimed to be bi-sexual in a meeting he had with him one time. Howard said that we don't know if that's true or not though.
Suge spent a little time telling Howard about his time in prison. He said there are some things that you just don't talk about as far as fights and stuff like that. Howard moved on to talk to Suge about the time he hung Vanilla Ice out a window by his ankles. Howard wondered what inspired him to do something like that. Suge didn't really give an answer though. He got back to his prison stay and told Howard about how he was able to cook his own meals because he had enough money to buy his own stuff. He was also able to lose weight and clear his mind while he was there.
Howard wondered what Suge had against Snoop because he seems like such a nice guy. Suge told Howard that he was a nice kid and his record company reinvented him. He also disrespected Suge and that's why he doesn't get along with him now. Howard also asked Suge about who killed Tupac. Suge wasn't talking though. He told Howard that he'd be considered a snitch if he knew who killed him and told someone about it. So he's keeping his mouth shut.
Suge has a new record company called The Row and he says he won't be beating up people like he may have done in the past as the head of Death Row Records. He plugged a bunch of the groups he has under the new label and said they have a web site at TheRow.com.
Suge spent a short time talking about how J-Lo made P. Diddy look like a bitch when she dumped him and went off with a dancer. Suge said that would never happen to him because he knows how to please a woman in every way. He also told Howard he's seen this J-Lo sex tape. He said that compared to J-Lo's sex tape the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee tape is rated PG. Howard tried to find out if Suge has ever banged a famous chick but Suge wouldn't talk. Suge told Howard he respects women and wouldn't talk about it on the radio.
Howard took a few phone calls for Suge and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard started off the morning complaining about how much hair he has on his head and how it was getting into his eyes. He also said that his microphone needed to be fixed because it was wobbly. He asked Scott to fix it. He went on to read a quick article where they mentioned Howard's name but didn't explain what they were talking about. They said something about a club opening up with a Karaoke machine that needed to be fixed by ''Howard Stern's personal sound guy'' but no one knew who they were talking about. Howard asked Scott the Engineer if he had something to do with it but Scott had no idea what it was. Howard asked Scott to get his microphone fixed while he was in the studio. Scott told him he'd fix it during the break but that led to Howard talking about how much he drains the life out of the studio when he's in there. Robin said he also drains the room when he's not on the air so it's not just when he's in the studio. Howard told her that Scott sends him notes off the air that are kind of entertaining but he really does irritate him when he's in the studio. He believes there must be a lot of suicides around Scott when he's out and about because he's so annoying. Howard was so annoyed that he wanted to go home just because Scott was such a bore.
Howard said that when they do their impression of Scott, it's too entertaining and they put too much energy into it. The guys were doing their impressions of Scott and talking about how it's the look and sound of Scott that does it for them. Howard complained about the way Scott takes his time to get in there when they need something done in a rush. Fred did his impression of Scott and said that he watches turtles walk by him while he's heading down to the studio. They are bringing him along to SIRIUS when they move though. Howard isn't so sure that's a great idea.
Scott came in and told Howard that he's pretty sure they figured out who Howard's ''sound guy'' was and told Howard who they think it is. It's a friend of Dan the Song Parody Man's who was up there helping out recently. Howard wondered if the guy was out there saying that he's the sound guy or if that's just something they wrote in the article. Howard continued to goof on Scott and kept doing his impression of him along with Fred and even Robin who got in on doing an impression of him. They were also playing a clip of Scott testing a microphone and making all kinds of weird noises which was even more annoying to Howard than Scott's usual voice. He called it Scott's suicide dance that he performs just before people kill themselves.
Sal came back in and told Howard that he was being hounded by this guy who was emailing him and decided to tell him that there's nothing he can do about putting his image on the shirts so he told him to go ahead and do what he wants. Howard said that was great because he didn't even know what the web site was or what this shirt was going to look like. Howard told him he was a great business man and just gave away all of his rights to let the guy put a picture of him on a t-shirt. Sal told Howard that he'll go kill himself today after tattooing Howard's name on his back if that will take care of things. He said that he only has about 4 fans out there and when he gets stuff like that he responds to it.
Gary came in over his microphone and told Howard that it was actually Dan the Song Parody Man who was at this Karaoke bar the other night. He's the one they were talking about in the article that Howard had read earlier. Dan says that he didn't tell them that he works on the show, some people just knew that he worked at the show and that's how it ended up in the paper. Howard said that he's confused by how people run their lives. Dan got in on the microphone and told Howard how they knew that he worked for the show but he kept talking so Gary and Howard cut him off saying that he talks too much. Howard figured he had cleared things up enough.
Howard told the guys that SIRIUS got into the game late and started out with just 600,000 subscribers a year ago and now they're up over 3 million. He said that XM has been in the game longer and have a deal with General Motors to install radios in their cars so that's one reason they have so many subscribers. Robin told Howard that she was at a GM dealer and heard one of the sales people talking about how they ''don't have Howard.'' She said the guy had no idea who she was and was giving the customer the information.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who was talking about a deal he got with SIRIUS but the delay was hit when he mentioned it. Howard ended up talking to the guy about this lifetime subscription he'd gotten and had some fun talking to him about that. He got back to the XM discussions and how Hugh Panero is out there bad mouthing him even after they wanted to make a deal with him to work over there. He said that SIRIUS came right in, offered him a great deal and he took it. XM wasted time and didn't make an offer without going through a ton of meetings. That led to Howard talking about this moron who runs Clear Channel. He said that he's going around promoting that it's not fair that satellite radio isn't regulated but Clear Channel can't buy up every radio station they want. Howard said no one ever worried about satellite radio until he signed on to do it. Now they want a level playing field. It's a joke to him and he thinks it's funny that they're begging the government to regulate satellite. Clear Channel has had a monopoly for years and now they feel like they're being disadvantaged. Howard went off on this guy Mark Mays and goofed on him for a short time. His family's ties with George W. Bush could make that happen though. A year ago they were saying that no one would pay for radio, now they're demanding that it be regulated.
Howard played a clip of Mark Mays talking about the regulating satellite radio to give them a level playing field. Howard predicts that Clear Channel's radio stations will be worth zero in a few years and he can't wait to see that happen. Howard pointed out that Clear Channel bowed down to the FCC and didn't fight the indecency complaints that they had filed against them so it's their own fault that they can't broadcast a show like his. Howard called Mays a ''spoiled brat'' and said that they didn't have to fire him like they did. They could have gone to court and fought the indecency complaints but they didn't bother. Now they're all squirming. Howard said he can't wait to use the word C-sucker on the air when he moves to satellite.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he doesn't quit and move to satellite right now. He said he can't do that because he's under contract but there may be a way out. He read that a morning team at WKRK in Detroit had been let go after some questionable comments they made about another Deejay by the name of Tic Tac so maybe that's all he'd have to do to get fired. He said he's an honorable guy and will honor his contract unlike some people. He spent a couple more minutes with the caller. The caller asked Howard why he took the day off yesterday if he doesn't go to temple and wasn't making much sense with his arguments. They went to break a short time after that.
Howard asked Riley if he could play the prank call they made to him the other day. Riley said that was okay but also told them that he thought they were kind of childish. The guys in the back put on alien voices and called Riley off the air and told him that they were aliens and didn't think he was the best person to represent them. Riley told the ''Aliens'' that they were wasting his time and hung up on them eventually. They had Wendy the Retard call back and tell Riley that she was from a retarded planet. She asked Riley if he was dumb which is when he went off on her calling her names and hung up on her. They had Wood Yi call back a short time later but Riley didn't hang in there too long with him. Howard wondered how Riley knew they weren't real aliens. Riley told Howard that the world is in trouble but he doesn't mind them having some fun with him. Howard was laughing his ass off as he was talking to him about that.
Howard said that rebuilding New Orleans isn't anything they didn't know was going to happen so there was no new news coming from him. He asked Riley to tell him what they can expect next. Riley said that there will be new diseases that will migrate to humans from other countries. Howard gave Riley a plug for his web site and book that you can get at TheComingOfTan.com. Howard also told him that he's going to give him a half hour show over on SIRIUS once they move over there. Riley thanked him for that and got off the phone. They went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said he will also be doing some shows where they have family members of the crew from the show where they'll be taking phone calls and stuff like that. Howard's two oldest daughters will be doing their own call in show so Gary said that he'll be tuning in to hear that show. He may even call in and ask some questions.
Howard said that his friend Pat and his wife just gave birth to their first child so he spent a short time on that subject. He also mentioned that Nicolas Cage just had a kid and they gave the kid a weird name. Howard said it's actually a great name and explained how Nicolas is a comic book fan and named his son Kallel. He thinks that's cool but Gary and Robin said it's not cool in any way you look at it. The guys talked about how there are a lot of people who want to give their kids weird names. Fred told Howard that Nicolas Cage's last name is actually from a musician's name because his real last name is Coppola. Howard thinks that Nic should change his name to Jorel.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they do some F-Emmy awards toward the end of their days at the company and go over some classic bits. Howard told the caller that they can't play a lot of those old bits because of the FCC. He said that they will be going through some old bits starting today and will have some guests coming in to say goodbye. The caller suggested that they have Steve Rossi do the first show over at SIRIUS since he was the first one on the WXRK show. Howard said he's not sure they'll do that but it has been a long time since he's been on the show.
Gary told Howard that he found out where Nicolas Cage got his last name from. It's from a comic book character by the name of Luke Cage or ''Powerman.'' Howard got back to the mail and read some comments on their guests Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry. He also read some mail about theories about what the numbers on ''Lost'' stand for. Howard heard that they're on an island where Nazi experiments were taking place and that's what the ending will be. There was also someone who said that the numbers are the coordinates for an island in the South Pacific where they're actually located. There was some mail about what rapper Paul Wall was talking about the other day where he mixes cough syrup in booze. Someone wrote in and told Fred to shut up about The Beatles already.
Someone wrote in and told Howard not to make the format at the SIRIUS channels all about farting. Howard said that will just be an experiment and it won't be the format. They will be starting that tomorrow and Howard thinks that Tom may just let them listen to the first minute of it on the air. He had to take another after that.
Howard moved on to talk about how great it would to be Superman because he felt that way when he saw John the Stutterer watching him read a commercial flawlessly during the break. He's not sure he would like to be envied like that though. John was really stuttering up a storm today and could barely get a sentence out today. He said that he's very nervous on mic so that's why he's so bad today.
Howard moved on to talk about how great it would to be Superman because he felt that way when he saw John the Stutterer watching him read a commercial flawlessly during the break. He's not sure he would like to be envied like that though. John was really stuttering up a storm today and could barely get a sentence out today. He said that he's very nervous on mic so that's why he's so bad today.
Howard told John that they have two women down there who want to win breast implants. The two of them, Natalie and Karina, are going to be blindfolded and will have to feel around for some money they have taped up around the studio. They will have a helper... John the Stutterer. He'll be directing them where to go. Howard had the girls come in and the first one looked kind of like Jessica Alba according to some of the guys. Natalie was only 18 years old. Natalie's a stripper at Privilege strip club in the city. Howard told her she should be stripping at Scores but she's apparently not a fan of the club. Natalie was chewing gum so Howard had her take that out of her mouth. She said she has a kid that she had at 16 but she was able to finish up high school and is in college right now. Natalie said that she was able to finish school by doing home schooling. Howard asked her about the $5,000 and if she's going to use the money for breast implants. Natalie said she really has nothing after having the baby. Natalie had a D-cup before the kid and now she's back down to an A-cup. Howard checked out her ass and asked her to take her top off but she didn't want to take it off. Natalie thinks that she could make a lot more money if she had the implants. She said she would wear a cut off t-shirt with the bottom of her breasts exposed and wet down the t-shirt all day long. Howard found out that she likes to have sex with other women. Natalie was saying a lot of stuff that they had to hit the delay on. She said that she had just done a chick last night who was the girlfriend of the deejay at the strip club. There were multiple delay hits during that discussion. Howard asked her about the girl she was with and she told him it was actually two other girls who were with her. They smoked some weed and had some wine and then got into it. Natalie said she took a shower and came out naked. When she came out one of the other girls was naked and the other one had her top off. After cursing one too many times Howard had to cut her off and told her to come in when they move to the new place.
Howard tried to get to the game but he couldn't get off the subject of the lesbian sex she'd just had last night. He asked her more about that but the delay hits were still coming. He finally gave up and had her play The Pick Up Game which was being sponsored by PartyPoker.net. Howard told her that John was going to be helping to direct her where to go. They had the fake money hanging from the ceiling of the studio and she had to collect as much as she could. Howard had her start but she didn't wait for John's directions since he was so slow getting them out. He tried his best to help but she had a pretty good idea where everything was even though she was wearing a blindfold before she even came in the studio. Howard said that John was no help at all. She ended up with 11 100 dollar bills. Gary had to tape them back up to the wall so Howard spent some time talking to John about what he was doing. John didn't care to help her because he knows she'd never sleep with him anyway.
Gary brought in the next chick, Karina, who was going next. Howard said she was really good looking as well and had a great body. She's also looking for breast implants and the $5,000 would help her out as well. She's 21 years old and has an A-cup. She said she works for a construction company in Englishtown, NJ. She claims that she was featured in the May issue of FHM magazine and she has a boyfriend. She claims that she's only slept with this one guy and doesn't sleep with other women. He introduced her to John the Stutterer and told her what she would be doing next. He had her start a short time later. John gave her some direction but she was waiting for the directions instead of just going for it like Natalie did. Karina tried but John was so slow that she wasn't gathering up all that much. John was yelling out directions and trying to help but he got stuck for a few seconds and delayed her too much. After her time was up Howard had Gary count up her money and she managed to get 12 bills! Gary said she was able to catch up toward the end. When Natalie heard that she started to cry. Howard asked her to tell them why she was upset. Natalie said that she was so mad that she lost. Howard gave her a $500 prize even though she was so upset. Natalie told them how many bill she has and how this really sucks because she can't afford to get implants. John gave her a ''Wah, wah'' and said she reminds him of every girl that won't have sex with him so he doesn't care that she didn't get the implants.
Natalie said that she would do anything to get those implants. She wasn't willing to have sex with John the Stutterer though. She said that would be prostitution. She said she would do anything legal... except sleep with John just for the hell of it. Dr. Sal Calabro called in a short time later and offered to give her the implants. He said that he would give both girls implants and let Karina keep the money for something else. Howard wanted both of the girls to make out, topless, for at least 10 seconds. Howard asked the girls if they were up for it. Natalie said that she was up for it and so was Karina. Karina has never made out with another chick before. Natalie was ready for it and said that Karina was really hot. They went in for the kiss and were topless at the time. Howard said he was getting turned on while he watched they going for it for 10 seconds. Karina said it was alright but she'd prefer to stick to her boyfriend. Natalie was thrilled that she got to kiss Karina and that she had just won implants. Artie said he thinks that Natalie would have shived her outside for the five grand anyway. Dr. Sal got in a plug for his web site SalCalabro.com.
Howard gave John the Stutterer a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Waiting'' and let John say a couple of words before going to break. John was trying to say something to Howard but he wasn't able to get it out. He eventually got it out that he hopes his bus crashes on his way home so he dies because he felt so crappy after Natalie said she wouldn't sleep with him. John gave her an F-You and told her that deejays suck and so does club music. He stopped stuttering once he got angry enough to yell at this chick. He was going off on club deejays and talking about how great the type of music he likes is. He told Natalie that he was going to use his $500 to hire a hit man to kill himself. He was so angry that his stutter completely went away. He was going off on all of the good looking whores out there and how he hopes they all die. He eventually started to calm down and his stutter came back. He asked to stay in the studio when Victoria Zdrok came in and offered to get naked to do that. Howard thought that would be pretty funny so he said that would be fine. The weird part was that John wanted to get naked with Richard Christy. Howard gave John a plug where he said that you can book him for gigs. He said you can find out more at WeRun.biz. John said that he does classic rock trivia and other stuff like that and can do bachelorette parties. John was going to demonstrate what he could do but all of the guys were goofing on him so he wasn't able to stop stuttering. Howard and Fred goofed on him about the lame trivia he was doing for the fake bachelorette party they were pretending to have. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard talked about Bruce Willis and how he's now getting kind of upset that he's being asked about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's wedding. Bruce walked away from a couple of people who asked him about the wedding when he appeared at some event. Howard played some audio from those interviews. He also had some audio from Jimmy Kimmel's show where he talked about the hypocrisy with what can be said on TV. Dr. Phil did a show about oral sex and Jimmy played some of that on his show and said that he would suggest filing a complaint with the FCC. They let some stuff through on the Dr. Phil show that can't be said on Howard's show. Jimmy suggested that everyone go to the FCC and file complaints even though he knows that nothing will be done about it.
Howard read a note they got from a guy who says that he's got a product that you can take that gets rid of the smell of your excrement. Howard said he would never take anything like that and can't imagine who would. Howard read the note about ''Whiff'' and what it's supposed to do for people. Howard and Artie figure there's no way this pill could work.
Victoria said that her daughter has started pre-school. Howard thinks that this is not the kid's choice and Victoria is doing it for herself. Victoria told him that having her breast feed keeps her from getting horny because she really does get horny when she's not breast feeding. Howard heard that she also had an operation where she had collagen injected into her G-spot so she can get off. Victoria said she did that as an experiment for a column she writes for Penthouse magazine. She said it lasts for about 3 months and it does intensify the G-spot sensitivity. Howard thought that was kind of crazy and can't imagine doing something like that... or having a 3 year old suckling her. Robin said she has seen little kids walking around and nursing and it really is disturbing.
Victoria has done some photo shoots for Penthouse with her sister so Howard talked to her about that. He thinks that's pretty hot. Victoria said that Penthouse is going to be doing more of the sister shoots with other women as well. Howard gave her a plug for an appearance she's making at a club called Neo Gea tomorrow night and the event is called Pets for Pets. They'll be doing some pet adoption for the pets that have been saved from the New Orleans area. She said you can find out more about that at AnimalHavenShelter.org.
Victoria told Howard about her friend that she likes to have sex with and how she gets to experiment with all kinds of sex toys for her column in Penthouse. She gave Howard some stuff that she had that's supposed to be like a Viagra for women. Howard said he might just try that out. Richard Christy came in and told Victoria about something he had for her called ''Penisin.'' He also asked her about her private area and if that got bigger when she had the G-spot injection. Victoria said that he was confusing some stuff and that doesn't get bigger with the G-spot. John the Stutterer also wanted to get naked for Victoria and show off his ass to her. Victoria said that was fine with her because she's a sex therapist and sees stuff like this quite often. Howard had John hurry up and take his clothes off. Howard asked Victoria to take her top off as well so they could look at something. Howard sounded kind of disgusted by what he saw on John. He wasn't excited or anything even though Victoria was topless. Howard told Robin to look at John to see what he was talking about. She looked and said ''Oh god!'' and told him to go away. Howard told Victoria to stop talking and let John enjoy her nudity. She was going on and on even though they told her to stop talking. She was saying that she's been naked on the show before so they could show him pictures from the past instead. She eventually showed them a little more though. John asked if he could lick her but she quickly said ''no'' to that.
Howard gave Victoria a couple of plugs for her upcoming gigs and for her web site PlanetVictoria.com. He took a call from a guy who said he read that the age to wean kids off of breast feeding is between the ages of 2 and 4. Howard said that she should have weaned that kid off at the age of 2, she shouldn't have a 3 year old nursing. Victoria said that she invites companies to send her their sex toys and she'll try them out for her column in Penthouse. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial.
Howard told Robin that the guys in the back were calling Tom's hospital room to find out if he's dead yet. They spoke to the operator at the hospital and asked her if they could get some info about Tom. Richard Christy called in as the grim reaper and said he wanted to talk to Tom. Sal called and said he was upset that his friend was in the hospital and he was upset because he was still alive. The operator yelled at him, called him some names and hung up on him. Howard seems to think that Tom will be back soon and will be just fine.
A listener called in and said that Joel Hollander used to be a sales guy at WFAN where Don Imus works and that's why he's giving Howard such a hard time. The caller thinks that Joel hates Howard for what he's done to Imus over the years. Howard said that everyone's day of reckoning will come and they'll see who's left standing. Howard doesn't get what the viciousness is coming from those guys because listening to that SIRIUS channel for 1 minute isn't going to make a bit of difference. They probably think that it'll be like a commercial for the service but Howard believes he doesn't need a commercial, he's already seen that there are tons of people subscribing to the service and that's all he needs to see.
Howard said that he's going to be wearing an ear piece in his ear so he can hear what's going on at Howard Stern 100 tomorrow morning. He just won't play it on the air. He had Robin start her news after that so they could get out of there.
Howard said that they should have just nuked that country when they had the chance. Ralph said that not everyone over there was bad. He said the bathrooms over there were really clean everywhere he went. He was also talking about these celebrities who run all over the place and end up getting into trouble. He brought that up because Lindsay Lohan had gotten into an accident yesterday after a bunch of paparazzi were chasing her around. Howard didn't last long with that discussion so he let Ralph go and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show saying that he's excited this morning even though Tom took away his greatest pleasure. He said they'll be starting the farting out on SIRIUS 100 this morning as a test of his new channel over there. He figures Tom went to Joel Hollander and asked him what to do and Joel told them they can't listen. He thinks that they'll be doing the East Coast broadcast on 100 and will simulcast on 102 for the West Coast. Robin wondered if he knew which studio they were broadcasting from. He wasn't sure so he asked Gary if he knew. Gary said the last they heard they'd be in the big glass studio over at SIRIUS that everyone sees when they walk in the building. Howard said they'll have someone evaluating the farts so you can see the scores scrolling across the tuner screen.
Howard asked Gary to get his program director Nuno on the phone so he can talk to him about what's going on over there this morning. He said he can't believe that Joel is tying his hands behind his back with this whole thing. He just wanted to listen to the first minute of it and they won't even allow him to do that. A phone caller told Howard that the scroll was reading that Junior the Farter would be in at 6:30 ET this morning. Earlier in the morning it said that it would be 6:00am but they changed it. Howard told the guy that this was Nuno's idea to begin with so he had to bring him on board to help out with it.
Nuno was on the line a short time later so he talked about how this all came about. Nuno had called in about a week ago and told Howard to have some farts on the new channels. Artie suggested that they have live farters and it took off from there. Nuno told Howard that they weren't in the big glass studio this morning but they were in a studio where people could look in and see what's going on. Nuno said that there was supposed to be a band scheduled to play in that big glass studio but Howard wondered what band would be playing at that time of the morning. He said there's not band, they just lie to him over there at the studios because they don't want his guys to be farting in a studio where everyone can see them. Howard went on to say that there has been a lot of lying going on over there. They started the channels up over there without much warning and then they wanted to put something on the channels instead of dead air because they can't just put silence up there. He knew they were lying about that and told them that's what he wanted. Then they dropped that and had another reason that they can't put on silence. They told him that people would tune by the dead air and think that their tuners were broken. He said they lied to him about that as well and he doesn't want to begin the relationship like that. Now they're lying again about a band playing in that big studio.
Gary told Howard that they wanted to run some scrolls on the channels but they had to run the stuff by some lawyer or something over there. That guy never got back to Gary so the scrolls about Tom Chiusano never ran. Howard said that was a bunch of nonsense as well and they can run whatever they want on those scrolls. Nuno told Howard that he loves that he's going to be a part of history. Before today he was a construction worker. Howard gave him a prize of $500 courtesy of GoldenPalace.net. He also said he wants to give him an iPod Nano.
Howard asked Nuno if he was going to be rating the farts. He said he read that he would be doing that so Howard tested him out. Fred played some fart sounds and Nuno was giving him some low scores of 2. Then Fred played a nice, long one that he gave an 8 1/2. Howard told him it's got to be between 1 and 5. Howard had Nuno put Junior the Farter up on the phone so he could talk to him about this first shift of farting. He told him how great this was going to be and how it's the culmination of his career. Junior has a bit of an attitude but the guy is an amazing farter. Junior got in a plug for his web site MySpace.com/JuniorTheFarter and told Howard what he ate this morning. Howard told him to get some nice food from those guys over there so he's comfortable. He said that it's really killing him that he can't listen to the first sounds on his SIRIUS channel this morning. It's a big deal to him. Nuno got back on the line and told him to order this Jeremy guy around over there. Jeremy was someone who works with SIRIUS and would be helping out with the broadcast this morning. Howard decided to blast off a fart of his own this morning since he was in the mood. He let one rip that sounded kind of sloppy. Artie gave him a score of 4 for that one because it was pretty solid. Fred concurred that it was a 4. Howard said he might need a wet wipe for that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is a great day because they're actually starting to broadcast on SIRIUS. He said that he's already bought 4 tuners so far and has to buy 4 more for family and friends. It's the beginning of a new era. Howard told him he's right and read an article to the guy about this new FCC chairman who has come in to replace Michael Powell. He's going to be going after indecency even more than ever according to the article Howard was reading. He said that they say Martin is ready to ''fire some cannon rounds'' at indecent broadcasts. Howard said he wants to get out of his contract tomorrow so he doesn't have to be part of this guy's agenda.
A caller asked Howard if he wanted to listen to the broadcast over the phone. Howard said he can't do that because it's breaking Tom's rule about not listening to it on the air. He said he was lost in the fact that he couldn't listen. Howard asked Gary to tape the start of the farting so he could hear it later on. Gary said it was already done. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said he thinks that they could play it after it airs but Howard said that can't happen. He's been told there is no way around it. He got back to the FCC article he was reading and how the new chairman is saying that indecency battles will have to be taken to court but Howard knows that everyone is going to bow to the FCC and not fight them. They'll just bend over and take it like they've been doing for years. That's one reason Howard says he's moving to satellite, to escape the FCC nonsense. At about 6:30 Howard wanted to go to break so he could listen to the first sounds of farting on Howard 100. (I had my tuner tuned in to the farts and couldn't help but laugh as Junior was farting and belching away.)
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that it must be crazy for someone sitting up in Alaska listening to farts from a show they don't even know about. Another caller said that it was the greatest thing he's ever heard and it was like a train wreck that you can't stop listening to. The caller told Howard that the fart count was up to 123 at this point and Junior was still going. Howard called over there during the break and asked what was going on. Junior was apparently squatting on the floor and blasting away into the microphone. Howard wondered why it was so entertaining. Robin said that it's because it's a live person and you wonder how long he can keep it up. Howard said Gary told him he's excited because he'll have Debbie the Queefer to listen to on his drive home. A listener asked Howard to play some Douche 100 jingles since they were starting the new channel today. Fred played a few of those jingles. Howard played some new ones they had created just for ''fart day'' over there. The jingles were all about the farts.
Howard said it would be great to have a regular channel like that and he was starting to see it. He thinks that this format could beat the ''Jack'' format no problem. He talked to Gary about how it was killing him that he couldn't listen to this on his show this morning. Another caller told Howard that he wants to listen to both the farting and to Howard so he has to go back and forth. The caller told Howard about the scroll on the tuner and it's like watching a game or something. He said he doesn't want to even get out of his truck because of it. Gary said even his kids will enjoy listening to that because they think farts are funny. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Junior had just asked for a towel at that point. Another caller said that he had tears in his eyes from laughing so much. He also told Howard that they keep you updated with the score and what was going on in there. Howard said that Debbie the Queefer will be on from 11-4pm and then Will the Farter comes on from 4-9pm. Howard was afraid that Junior was going to blow himself out before his shift was up. He took a bunch of phone calls from the fans who were listening to the farts and there were a lot of people who were enjoying it.
Artie said that he believes that Junior is the perfect morning man for farting in the morning. He said he's like the Howard Stern of farting radio. Howard wanted to take another break so he could go listen to what's going on over there. He said they should be doing it there on this show but Tom won't let them do long farts on the air anymore. Howard said that this new FCC guy says he can't wait to start fining people and crack down on ''indecency.'' Howard said this is the smartest move he's ever made, moving to satellite. Artie said that it's like the end of ''Animal House'' where the dean is yelling at them that there will be ''no more fun of any kind!'' A caller said that he didn't have SIRIUS yet so he wasn't able to listen this morning. A caller told Howard that everyone at work emptied out at around 6:20 so they could go listen in their vehicles. The caller said that he works at a police station. That cracked everyone up.
Howard said he read that story about the FCC commissioner saying that he ''can't wait'' to start fining companies and he can't believe that. He was apparently pushing Michael Powell to go ahead and fine everyone they could but Powell was actually holding off on them. Now the guy is in control and is going to destroy broadcasting companies around the country. High Pitch Eric called in and told Howard that Junior is farting and burping at the same time. He also asked Howard if he could help him do some promotion when he goes out. Howard said that no one would take anything from him anyway and hung up on him. He took some more phone calls and had one woman play a fake fart before saying goodbye to him since she won't be following him to the new place. Howard heard that there are some news crews heading over to SIRIUS to cover the farting.
Howard was going to take a break a short time later because he heard that Junior was taking a break. He decided to call Nuno to find out what was going on with him. He figured that Junior had blown himself out and had to take a break just 35 minutes in. He wondered if the farters and queefers would be giving each other advice on what to do. Artie and Robin thought that it would be pretty competitive and no one would be sharing any information. Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said that he will never listen to a Viacom station ever again since they won't let Howard play the farts on his show. Howard said that Viacom isn't the enemy, they're just afraid to let him do what he wants to. Nuno was on the phone a short time later and said that Junior was back on the air farting. He said he took a 15 minute break but he's back to farting. Howard said that what he heard was pretty great.
A listener called in and said that he hadn't listened in about a month after going down to New Orleans to help out and didn't know all of this was going on. He asked if there was any way to win a satellite radio or something. Howard said they won't be doing anything like that. He took another break a short time later. (They played a great Captain Janks call as they went to break where Janks used my name as the phone caller to a news channel.)
A listener called in and said that he was listening and laughing so hard that he was going to have to buy new pants since he'd peed himself. He was going to go into Target and get some new underwear. He also asked Howard if he would be doing his show at the same time when they move to the new place. Of course they will be doing the show at the same time.
Howard said he found a ''cheat sheet'' from the Booker show where they wrote down what they were going to talk about during his show. The Booker show airs on Howard's station in the afternoons. He went through that for a short time and then took another phone call. The caller said that Howard seemed very happy this morning since his channel is live now. Howard said he is happy, especially after reading the idiotic logic coming from the head of the FCC. He said it's almost symbolic that his fart channel is live the same morning that this FCC article is out about how they can't wait to start fining. If Howard signed on for another 5 years at Infinity, he'd have a gun to his head. He said he should be able to do the farting thing on his own show but the FCC would fine them for having farts that are ''too wet.'' The caller asked if they had any games to play so he could try and win some money. Gary said he'd be in soon with something to play.
Howard got the caller, Michael, back on the line and let him choose from the games Gary had lined up for him. The caller chose a Scores girl quiz. Howard told him he could win a $500 prize if he won the game. He had to guess if the stripper would answer correctly. Here are the questions they asked the stripper:
Howard said they have this woman by the name of Aiko there this morning who needs a green card to stay in the country and she's willing to marry someone to stay. He heard that the chick was really hot. Gary came in and said she really is hot and all of the guys out in the office are willing to marry her.
Howard read that Aiko was on the show back in March to talk about dating Eddie Griffin. She said that Eddie called her and told her to never talk about him on the air again. She said she doesn't even remember what it was she talked about when she was on the show. Howard figured that's because Eddie got to her and scared her. A listener called in and asked if Aiko likes black guys because he's a black guy who's 6'2'' tall and weighs 190 pounds. Howard hung up on him and spoke to another guy who wanted to give him a name for his radio stations at SIRIUS. He suggested F'Em Radio. It sounded like Howard kind of liked that but he had other things to do so he got back to Aiko.
Howard introduced Aiko to Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer). Wood Yi had some lines to read so here are a few of them. He slipped them in throughout the interview...
Ralph called in and asked her what else she's offering in the relationship. She said that she can cook topless or something like that. Ralph was also telling Howard how great the farting turned out to be. He didn't think it was going to be all that good but it turns out it's a great format. He said they're in a break again and he's kind of bummed out now. He wasn't aware that they were scoring the farts on the scroll across the screen of his tuner. Howard told him to watch that because they give scores for each fart. Junior was in break at the time so he couldn't check it out. The guys talked about how tough it would be for these farters to do this kind of thing day after day.
Richard Christy had come in and asked Aiko if they could see her ''won tons.'' Aiko said she didn't want to do that, she's not into getting naked. She was willing to show them her thong. She also told the guys that she's 5'3'' tall and has a C-cup. Another caller told Howard how happy she is for Howard and his new channels at SIRIUS. She said she and her husband have been listening and they both love the show.
Savanna Samson called in and said that she thinks Howard is mad at her for being late to the show the other day. Howard said he's not mad at her so Gary came in and said that she may be trying to get some more promotion for her movie ''Devil in Miss Jones.'' Howard told her not to worry, he'll watch her movie one of these days. He started to wrap up with Aiko after that and mentioned that Kevin Bacon would be stopping by to say goodbye to them on Terrestrial radio. He let Wood Yi get in a few more lines and then played the prank calls that Richard and Sal made to the hospital where Tom Chiusano is staying for a few days. They were pretty brutal and got the operator pretty pissed off when they told her how unhappy they were that Tom was still alive. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Gary had another story about Sal. He said Sal was off the other day so he was home with the wife. His wife was busy doing something so he had to go up and stay in the kid's bed. He got up the next morning and fed the baby since his wife was still sleeping. He went downstairs and let the kid watch some TV. He went upstairs and his wife asked him what he had forgotten to do. Sal had to go through a list of stuff. When Howard heard that he told Sal that he shouldn't answer that and should tell her to get her ass out of bed and take care of the kids. Howard asked him if he's insane. Sal told him that he went through the list of rules his wife has for him and discovered that he hadn't fixed the cushions on the couch. Sal grabbed the cushions and put it back. Howard told Sal that what he should have done, if he were a man, was pour a can of gasoline on it and light it on fire. Now no one would have to worry about the couch. He said he shouldn't allow someone to talk to him like that.
Gary said there was another story about Sal going out to a funeral yesterday. He had Joey Boots over to his house to go to the funeral and he doesn't know that his wife doesn't allow shoes to be worn in the house. Howard said that he will walk around in his own house with dog crap on them if he wants to. If it gets that dirty, he'll replace it. Sal told Howard that Joey took four paces into the house with his shoes on. Joey said hello to Sal's wife but she got pissed and said that she was doing fine but now she had to clean the whole F'n house. Sal said she really did clean the whole house after that. Joey called in a short time later and said he saw Sal get yelled at by his wife and how pissed off she seemed as Sal was getting ready for this funeral. Howard said that it's nice that Sal pitches in at his house but when it gets to be that crazy, he's got to do something about it. If his wife ''expects'' him to do all of that stuff, he's doing too much. Gary said that he once got yelled at for loading the dishwasher too loudly. Howard said he should take all of the dishes and break them on the floor if that's what he hears.
Sal said that when his old man came in the house, everyone shut up and his mother would put on her apron. Sal was talking about how the wife thinks that the house is hers and he kind of agrees with that. Howard told him to get out of the studio because he was done getting worked up about his life.
Kevin told Howard that the first time he did the show was out in L.A. before they were even on the air out there. Howard was on in New York and Philly but they were doing a live broadcast from L.A. He wasn't even a scheduled guest but he had a great time doing the show. He went on to say that people didn't want to listen back then but now they all listen out there in L.A.
Howard told Kevin that he really liked the movie ''He Said, She Said'' that he did years ago. Kevin said he actually hated that movie. Howard wondered if he was married back then and if he could have banged Sharon Stone back when she was hot. They went through that and Kevin told Howard that he's never cheated on his wife. He talked about how he sees his wife doing movies where she's doing love scenes with other guys and it doesn't bother him all that much. Howard said that he would do full penetration with Kyra. Kevin has actually directed her in some love scenes so Howard asked him about the details of what the guys do to her. Kevin said that he might have the guys feel her up a little bit but not in her ''sweet spot.''
Howard said that when he was at Kevin and Kyra's party he was checking out Kyra's ass the whole time. She wasn't wearing a bra that day either so he was checking her chest out as well. He thought about jumping on her that day and was thrilled to be there. Kevin thanked Howard for showing up that day because he figured it might be kind of boring for him. Howard told him he was thrilled to be invited to a celebrity's home.
Kevin talked about a movie he's got coming up where there's a rumor that Kevin has sex with a woman. Kevin says that's not the case and he doesn't have sex with a man. He didn't want to give away too much about the story though. Kevin said that the movie is a murder mystery and the MCAA has given them an NC-17 rating even though it's not all that graphic. He said they tried to cut some scenes out to try and get the rating down but it didn't work. They even went to an appeals board and tried to get it lowered to an R rating but there were two members of the Clergy who sit on the board so there was no chance they were going to get it lowered. That means that the movie won't get a lot of advertising. Gary said that he read a quote from Kevin where he said something about the sex scene ending with a homosexual act, it wouldn't have gotten the NC-17 rating. Kevin told the guys he didn't want to give away the scene but he didn't do anything gay. There were some scenes where Kevin and Colin Firth were naked so Howard asked Kevin if he saw the other guy's penis. He says he didn't. Kevin said that he was scheduled for The Today Show today and they canceled that appearance when the NC-17 rating came out. There were some other shows that canceled him as well so he feels that he's in the same boat as Howard right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why these religious freaks are deciding what we can see at the movies. Howard told Kevin that he's going to take his movie and put it right on his In Demand cable TV channel since that will be uncensored. Kevin thanked him for that. Howard took some more phone calls, mostly about his Howard 100 farting, and some people asked Kevin some questions. One guy asked Kevin if he's ever gotten his wife in the back end. Kevin said that she's not into that.
Howard brought up the movie ''The Woodsman'' that Kevin was in and how great he was in it. Kevin said that a lot of people have trouble getting into a story about a pedophile so he was very happy that Howard had mentioned it on the air when it was out. Howard gave Kevin a couple of plugs for his new movie ''Where the Truth Lies'' which opens soon. Kevin said they're going to release the movie with no rating so people can pretend that it's a G-rated movie if they want. Kevin wished Howard luck with his move to SIRIUS and said he's looking forward to visiting them over there. Howard asked Kevin not to invite Donny Osmond to his next party but he was just joking around. Howard said that Donny is actually a nice guy. He went to commercial right after that.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Howard that Junior had just ripped a 22 second fart on Howard 100. Another caller told Howard that Junior is gold and pretty amazing. At 11am Debbie the Queefer would be on the air over there. Then they have Will the Farter from 4-9PM. That caller was also saying that he was going to sell tapes of Howard's last 50 shows but Howard advised him not to do that. The guy asked Howard who he thinks are the top guests that his fans would want to hear on the show. The caller thought that Jackie the Joke Man would be the top one. Howard said Jackie has an open invitation to come on the show already. That led to Howard mentioning some of the names on his ''Right the Wrong'' contest where someone can win $25,000 for getting certain celebrities to call in. That list includes the following:
A woman called in from Columbus, Ohio and told Howard that she really misses the show out there. She said they were playing a bunch of really lame stuff on the show that replaced his and it's all rip-offs of his show, done poorly. Junior was on the phone after that and he said he's still feeling fine. He said he's not tired at all but he does miss being in the studio with Howard and the guys. He said he won't be around tomorrow morning to finish off the farting. He said he was trying to get some food up there but Nuno couldn't make it happen for him. He wanted a cheeseburger pizza or something like that. Howard tried asking Nuno to make his farter happy but Nuno didn't know where to get something like that at this time of morning. Howard let them get back to work and took a call from a guy who said he looks at this channel as having the ''big bang'' theory because it started out with nothing and now it's huge with farting and explosions. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Zolar called in and told Howard that SIRIUS just saved him some money and points on his license. He was pulled over for not wearing his seat belt and when the cop heard the farting, he stood there and listened for about 3 minutes and let him go without giving him a ticket.
After a break during the news, Howard came back and said that Junior had blown a fart so impressive that he'd never heard something like that in his life. Jeff the Drunk called in and said they gave him a score of 5.0 for that fart because it was so impressive. Howard heard that during the break and told Artie about it since Artie wasn't in the studio to hear it himself. Ralph called in a little while later and told Howard about the fart he had missed about a half hour ago that was even longer than this fart that he was talking about. He said he'd like more information about the farts going on the scroll so Howard told him not to over think this. He did say that he may give these farters some shifts on his channels once they move over there. Ralph said they could do a ''Best of Junior'' thing too because he's got some great farts. Howard played some of the ''Douche 100'' jingles he played earlier in the show. They created them just for today's fart show but they weren't playing them over at SIRIUS.
Debbie the Queefer called in and said that she was ready to go for her 5 hour shift. She said she's going to do the best she can and was waiting out in the lobby at SIRIUS. She's not sure if she'll be taking her panties off or not though. Howard wished her luck and then took a call from Will the Farter who was going to be doing a shift later in the morning. Ralph told Howard they should do a cross over where they have two farters/queefers on at the same time. Howard said he may just do that and he may do some shifts for them starting in January. Will told Howard that he'll be ready to go at 4 o'clock even though he was kind of intimidated by how good he was. Will is able to suck air in through his ass and then blow it out so he doesn't have to eat anything strange to get his farts. Junior is the same way.
During the news there was a quick mention about what's up with Tom Chiusano. Tom was hospitalized earlier this week after getting ill while playing golf. A caller had asked about Tom so Gary let Howard know that Tom was back at home resting, still experiencing dizziness from his illness. Gary said that the doctors believe that Tom is suffering from some type of infection that's effecting his inner ear so that's where the dizziness is coming from. Gary also said something about Tom having trouble walking because of the instability.
Sal the Stockbroker asked if he could go get Debbie's panties today and then bring them back so he can sniff them on the air tomorrow. Howard told him to do whatever he wants. He figures Sal will be selling them on eBay or something. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard broke in during the Train performance so he and Artie could ruin the song as it was playing. They sang along while Fred played some COPS tazering and other audio clips as well. He talked about how great they were performing that song. Artie also talked about how great Train is as a band since they backed them up when they were doing karaoke out in Las Vegas last year. Howard said that he heard that the band is thinking about what their future should be and he's thinking that they might want to become a Led Zeppelin tribute band. Robin thought that was ridiculous but Howard seems to think that would be great. Fred played their cover of ''What is and What Shall Never Be'' which was another one of their great performances from out in Vegas. Howard bailed out on that discussion because he figured he'd spend all morning on that and not get to anything else. He said he used to talk to Pat Monahan from the band on the phone all the time but he lost his number. He also said that the guy is a good looking guy and he doesn't need him hanging around his girlfriend too much.
Howard liked when the farters would come back to the microphone after a break and you'd hear the fumbling with the microphone. Howard reenacted that for a few seconds and then read some mail that he got about the farting. One guy wrote in and talked about how mesmerized he was when he was listening to the farting yesterday. Another person, a woman, said that she was laughing her ass off at what she was hearing as if it was a normal thing to listen to on the radio. One writer wondered what the hell was wrong with him for listening to Debbie the Queefer at work. Howard said that he was never allowed to have that much dead air while doing a radio show and it was great to have the dead air while the farters were taking a break. Another writer said that he was going to have the farting on all day at Rt. 34 Landscape Supply Yard but Howard had to let him know that they were only doing it for 1 day. The farting would be over this morning at 7am. One writer said she got a ticket for speeding yesterday and asked for Howard to help pay for the ticket.
Sal ran into Cousin Brucie down there at SIRIUS and took some pictures with him because Brucie didn't have any idea who he was. Sal said he told Brucie he used to listen to him with his father. He was lying and ended up telling Brucie that his father is now in jail as a goof. They're going to put the pictures of Sal and Brucie up on his web site today so everyone can see them. Howard seems to think that Brucie may have had some plastic surgery on his face too. Sal said that Brucie was wondering why Howard didn't give him a shot at farting when Sal told him he was with the queefer back in the back room.
Sal took a whiff of Debbie the Queefer's panties which he had grabbed from her yesterday. He said they didn't smell all that bad either. Gary said that Sal has a weird obsession with the panties and thinks that he may have done something with them already. Sal said he used to sniff his aunt's panties when he was younger and he loves smelling them like that. Sal said he'll be keeping Debbie's panties for doing that. Jason said that he has a ton of pictures from over there and they'll have them up on the site later today.
Howard read an e-mail about this guy Grego who took over for him out in Columbus, Ohio and how he's been stealing the audio clips from his show and playing them. Howard said there was an article in the NY Times about the clones out there who are trying to get his audience. He said they were kind of insulting to him in the article so he wanted to read it on the air. He had some trouble finding it but eventually did. They wrote about the Preston and Steve Show down in Philly and they're saying that they hope that Howard's listeners will move over to their show when Howard leaves. In the article they also talk about the stations that have dropped his show and how their ratings have dropped a lot. Some of the shows claim that they've cleaned up and are ready to take over for Howard once he leaves. Howard said everyone will be fighting for his audience that doesn't follow him to satellite. Howard seems to think that the audience will eventually come over to satellite even if they don't follow immediately. Howard moved on and said that they have a lot of stuff to get to this morning. He had to take a break before getting to all of it so he went right into commercial.
Howard was drinking a bottle of water and asked the guys if they thought he could guzzle it. Robin figured he could do it but he'd have to pee afterward. Howard went ahead an guzzled most of it but left some behind when he wondered why he was doing it. Robin said she saw Danny Bonaduce guzzle the bottle of vodka and cranberry juice on ''Breaking Bonaduce.'' The guys talked about how great the editing is on that show with the cuts from scene to scene. Howard said he'd like to work with whoever that is producing the show.
Howard complained about his internet connection at home being down recently and what a pain in the ass it was. He was without e-mail for two days and he ended up getting pissed at Time Warner Cable because that's the service he uses. He then found out that it wasn't Time Warner that he was supposed to be pissed at, it was two other companies that were having a battle and didn't bother to tell their customers that they were being shut off because of this battle. Even Time Warner didn't know what was going on so they had people calling in and complaining so they were busy trying to figure out what was going on. Howard had a computer guy come in to try and help him figure out what was going on and they had no idea. He said that the government should take away the licenses of the two companies that were doing this because it screwed a lot of customers. Gary told Howard that they're still fighting and it's not over yet so who knows what will happen.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that he called FOX 5 yesterday and told them that he was the director of the FBI and they put him right through to talk about the terrorist threats that New York City has been getting. Howard played some tape that Gary had just given him. Janks was talking about the possible bombings and that they had found something in the subway but it turned out to be Howard Stern's ball sack. Janks wondered how they could just put him through like that without doing some checking. He said when he called them and told them he was Bill Gavin, they said they had been trying to get a hold of him all day. Janks asked to play a game but Howard didn't want to get side tracked so he just gave Janks a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Waiting.'' Janks was willing to play the game but he was looking for some money. He said that they didn't bother to notice that he was calling from Pennsylvania as the head of the FBI when he called FOX 5. He's been doing that for years and you'd think that they'd learn their lesson already.
Howard said he got an email from Yucko the Clown who informed them that MTV2 isn't picking up his show ''Stankervision'' for a second season even though the show got great ratings for a Friday night show on MTV2. Howard said he kind of likes having Yucko as a loser. Gary said that Yucko did change after they picked up that show and he didn't want to offend as many people. Yucko said he's really bummed about the whole thing and is hoping that Howard can help him find someone else to pick up the show. Gary thinks that means that he wants Howard to pick it up. He was also saying that when Yucko isn't Yucko, and he's out of his outfit, he's a mild mannered guy who stays pretty quiet.
There was an e-mail from someone who pointed out that all of the transcripts from the shows that Howard has been fined for are posted on an FCC web site where anyone can view them. They're not marked as adult oriented sites so they wondered how that can be possible.
Howard ended up talking about ''Lost'' for a short time and said that his inside information about what the story might be was right and he might be done with the show after seeing this week's show. He said that there's too many weird things going on with the show now and he might stop watching. He had to take another break after that quick discussion.
Howard had a prank call that the guys made using audio clips of Richard Simmons. They used his audio to make a call to a woman who ended up hanging up as he was talking about sausage, his nuts and rum balls. She ended up calling him a queer and hung up on him about 3 times.
Howard played a prank call that Jim Florentine made to Wendy the Retard as Special Ed but as he was playing it, the delay was hit at least one time. Special Ed had Wendy rubbing herself and sniffing herself after rubbing herself. Wendy was gagging after Ed had her rubbing the stuff all over her face. Robin said that was sickening when she was gagging and almost vomiting. Howard said that Wendy has been leaving messages about how she has to wear glasses now and how afraid she is that they're going to make fun of her. He played one message where she begged them not to make fun of her wearing glasses. She said that she hates herself for having to wear them. Artie said he can't wait to make fun of her. Howard said they should call her today and make fun of her since she's so afraid of it. In another call that Wendy made to them, she sounded kind of drunk. She was doing an impression of Bill Cosby and goofing on Scott the Engineer.
Chuck told Howard that all of the girls over there at Scores are in lingerie these days and they're barely wearing anything. Chuck was married for a while but now that relationship is over. He said it turned out that she had been cheating on him for about a year or so because she thought that he was away too much. He said that he was with her from the age of 17 on and it really hurt. He also said he built this house of his for 9 years and locked her out for a while until the judge gave her a protection order and kicked him out of his own house. Chuck said that the guy who she was cheating with offered to let him come out and beat him up if he wanted so Chuck told him that he might just do that. Turns out the guy tape recorded him saying that stuff and they put a warrant out for his arrest the next day. He got arrested after that and he had to go to court for 16 months but ended up beating the guy in court. It cost him $30,000 for his lawyer though. Chuck said that the guy ended up getting beat up by two guys with ski masks and baseball bats one day after he kissed his wife and went to get in his car. Chuck said he must have been sleeping with someone else's wife and that guy must have had him beat up. Chuck said that he was at a baseball game that night and had no idea that was going on.
Gary came in and asked Chuck what a guy like Ronnie could do against him if he wanted to do something to Howard. Chuck said that he could quit and go home, that's about it. Chuck told Ronnie to come in and then asked him what he could do to him if he attacked Howard. Ronnie said that nothing would happen to Howard if Chuck jumped over there because he'd jump in and take care of things. Chuck thought that was funny and said there's nothing that Ronnie could do. Chuck told him the only thing he can do is call 911. Howard took a call from Bobo who asked Chuck what kind of nut would sleep with his wife. Chuck said that the guy claimed he didn't know she was married but he thinks he was full of crap about that.
Ronnie brought up another story about Chuck where a guy tried to steal his car out in front of Scores. Howard couldn't believe that someone would have the balls to do something like that. Chuck said that he gets challenged quite a bit. He told the story about how this guy was sitting in his Corvette which was right out in front of the club. Chuck asked the guy what he was doing and when the guy said ''Yeah, what's the big deal?'' Chuck bitch slapped him and knocked him out. Ronnie said that the guy had no jaw after he got hit. Chuck said he's got some pretty big paws on him.
Chuck does a radio show so Howard played some audio from his show where he talks about Woody Allen and goes off on him about some comments he made about 9/11. Chuck was really pissed at the time and told Howard that he was really pissed off that day after reading the comments that Woody had made. Woody had apparently said something about the attacks not being big enough to be a part of history. Chuck thanked Howard for inspiring him to do radio because he really enjoys it. That led to Howard saying that this will be Chuck's final appearance on his terrestrial radio show and thanked him for coming in all of these years. He went on to give him some plugs for his stuff and you can find out more about that at ChuckZito.com. Chuck said that he's got 6 people asking him to do a reality show so he's going out for some meetings on that. Howard's agent Don Buchwald is representing him now as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who had the balls to goof on Chuck over the phone. That's the kind of stuff Chuck gets all the time though so he's used to it. Another caller asked him if he ever slept with Pam Anderson but he said she's a great chick and he never did that. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial.
Howard said it looked like their $25,000 contest was ending with no winner today. They didn't have any of the celebrities call in and they only have until the end of the show to call in. He said that Eric the Midget wanted them to extend the contest because he's trying to work on getting someone on the show for him. He's trying to get Robin Williams or Sean Penn to call in through a friend of his who used to be an NFL player. Howard said that Eric left a 2 minute long message about that subject.
Howard played some more audio clips from the Real Sports show where they were reporting on the racist rants over in England at the games. They interviewed one guy who is like the Daniel Carver of England. He was talking about what a great place it is to get people to join their ''National Front.'' Howard spent a few minutes on that and then moved on to some other stuff.
Gary told Howard about this porn site they have access to that keeps track of the minutes they use online and found that JD was the one using the most time out of all of the guys on the show. Howard wanted to hear what JD sounds like if he called a phone sex line. JD didn't want to play along but Howard did a female voice and asked him to describe what he was wearing. He said that there's no way he's ever had phone sex. He goofed on him for a short time and had some fun with that. JD is still a virgin so if he has sex with this porn star, it'll be his first time.
Howard took a call from Ralph who thinks that HD-TV is the worst thing to happen because it's going to destroy the illusion of hot chicks. You'll see every hair and skin defect that the actresses have. Howard read more from the list of people who look bad in HD and also read about some people who actually look good in HD. Howard changed subjects and asked Ralph about going up to the studio at SIRIUS. Ralph said he wished they kept it going today because it was so great. He said that Will the Farter was his favorite because he has a lot of range. Debbie the Queefer sounded the same most of the time but Will was moving all over the place and getting worn out. He was popping Advil because he was in pain from ''pulling in'' and blasting his farts. It was like a physical event for those guys over there.
Gary told Howard to read JD's profile from his MySpace account. Howard read through his profile where JD talks about what a good kisser he is but wondered how he knows. There was also a mention about how smart he is but Howard wondered why he thinks that. JD told Howard he went to a school called Full Sail which led to Howard and Artie goofing on him about that. JD said that he'd like to make a movie some day but he doesn't have an ''editing thing or whatever'' to edit the movie. Gary said that Richard Christy has made about 4 movies and showed them to him. Richard said that he gave the movies to JD and he thought he was above it and said he could only make it through about 10 minutes of it.
Howard got back to JD's profile and read more of his strange comments. He said that he would like to meet people in neck braces because he thinks they're funny. Howard saw that JD listed the bands that are on his iPod. Those bands included:
Doug Goodstein called in and told Howard that they could do some editing for JD over at the In Demand offices if he wanted to make a short one. Howard said that would be a great idea. He asked Doug how long of a movie they could make. Doug suggested 10-15 minutes so Howard agreed to let JD do that. JD said he'd try to put something together this weekend. Gary was surprised to hear that JD didn't have anything prepared already. Richard Christy has a couple of movies that he's already made so Howard wants to put those up. Gary said he'd like to see the college film that Howard made. Howard said he could do that and put up some home movies from when he was a kid. The guys would love to see that. Richard suggested putting up Gary's infamous ''apology tape'' so people can watch that. Artie has some video of himself driving in a run from back in 1984. Howard's In Demand channel goes live on November 18th so Howard wanted that stuff to go live on that day. Doug said they already have that stuff programmed so it may be after that. Howard wants it done though so he asked Doug to make it happen. They have a lot of other stuff to put up there and they're working on about 120 old shows right now. There was something that Doug said he was going to take out that Artie had said about his sister but even Artie didn't remember what it was about. Doug is re-editing a lot of the old E! shows so they'll be uncensored. Howard said he can't wait to watch the Gary apology tape a hundred times.
Gary told Howard that he has a ton of old tapes he can put up on the service. Howard said he has a bunch of old movies that he's put on tape so he'll get that stuff up as well. Howard got back to JD's profile again and read more of his comments. Richard asked JD if he would consider banging a guy if he can't get laid for the next 20 years. JD said that he would never do that, even if he can't get laid. That led to Richard talking about these guys called Super Twinks who do that kind of stuff. JD actually watched one movie called Super Twink so Howard goofed on him for a couple of minutes even though he needed to take a break.
Ralph called in and ended up inspiring Howard to write a movie for JD to produce where Ralph would be his enemy because he comes in and steals his girls away. Howard said that if he made a movie called Super Twink, he'd be sure to watch it. He went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said it would be great to hear what Noah thinks about what his father went through. Noah started off admitting that he's 40 years old even though he's tried to keep that a secret. He's appearing on this show called ''Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive'' and told Howard that it's a really weird show and he didn't know what he was getting himself into when he signed on to do it. He talked about the other people on the show and how dicky they are. He also said that a lot of people have gotten to know who he is through the show so that's kind of weird since he's been acting for many years.
Howard asked Noah about his father and some of the wacky things he has seen him do in the past. Noah told him he doesn't stay in touch with the guy these days but there were some weird things that went on when he was younger. He said that he hasn't gotten along with his father for quite some time. Howard told Noah that he's interviewed his father and he's very difficult to get along with. Noah said just imagine dealing with that 24/7 and that's what it's like to be his son. Noah said his father would threaten him a lot but nothing bad ever happened to him. Robin wondered what kind of interactions they would have that would lead to the threats. He didn't get into details but said there were things that would come up and lead to the threats. He also talked about his mother who was married to Robert Blake for 17 long years. Gary had some details about Noah's mother and some of the stuff she said that Robert did to her. Noah wasn't aware of the stuff they mentioned and wondered where they got the info. Gary said it's in the court documents that are public record.
Noah told Howard that he asked his father if he had anything to do with the Bonnie Lee Bakely stuff and his father told him ''no'' and that's where he dropped it. Howard said he had to get going because he was out of time. He gave him a plug for the season finale of ''Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive'' which airs on Sunday night. Howard told him to come back on sometime and they'd get into it even more. Noah told him that was fine and got off the line.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he had a funny story to tell about the farting going on yesterday. He told the story, which turned out to be really lame. He said that he turned up the farting really loud and his mother yelled at him asking whose motorcycle that was. Howard hung up on him and moved on to talk about Tom Chiusano who was back in the building. He said he really didn't want to be near him today because he might have some kind of virus that he could catch. Robin told him that he could have been contagious last week when he was around so he shouldn't be so worried. Tom came in the studio a short time later and told Howard he just has an inner ear infection, no spinal meningitis or anything like that. Tom doesn't know how he got it so Howard said he probably is contagious and to stay away from him. Tom was still dizzy from the infection but he had some things to do there at the station.
Tom told Howard that he had been on a candy binge in the days before the incident. He said he usually eats healthy but not last week. Howard said that Tom is a good guy even though he didn't let them listen to the farting on the air yesterday. Tom said that Howard killed him by doing one long infomercial for them during the show yesterday. Tom thought that it would have been a line that he shouldn't cross if they had simulcast the farting. Howard told Tom that he thinks that he's going to pass away soon and because he has so many health problems. Tom said he hasn't had anything other than the cancer he had 7 years ago. He said his father is going to be 91 soon and he's still around. Howard took a call from a guy who said that his father went through something like this and they later found that he had tumors in his head that they couldn't find with the MRI tests. Howard figured that the caller was just messing with him. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and they ended the show around 10:10am.