|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard started off the show talking about the stuff they had coming up on the show. He has tape of Gary Garver getting kicked or hit in the balls by James Garner during an interview. He also got an interview with Jay Leno that they'll be listening to. The guys spent a minute talking about James Garner and how he used a cane to whack Gary in the balls and Gary could have beaten him up but he would have looked like a dick if he had beaten him up. Fred played an old tape of Garner and Leno talking about Howard years ago on The Tonight Show. Garner hasn't liked Howard for quite a while since Stuttering John tried to get some interviews with him. Gary also reminded Howard that Garner had once gone off on him because he had ''accidentally'' tuned into his Pay-Per-View special and was very offended by that.
Howard went on to play the tape of Garver's interview with Garner and he thought that Garver sounds like he has marbles in his mouth so he wanted to rename him ''Gary Garble.'' Gary (Baba Booey) said that he edits his interviews quite often and finds that celebrities ask him to repeat his questions quite often. Howard ended up talking about taking some courses at Connecticut School of Broadcasting. Howard got sidetracked and said that there are a lot of big stories to talk about today and mentioned that a lot of fans won't be hearing his show after tomorrow. He said he'd talk about that later. Meanwhile, Gary Garble was on the phone so Howard spoke to him for a few minutes about his garbled interviews. He said he should make a movie about someone like that. Gary went on to talk about how Garner whacked him with his cane and threatened to do it before he actually did it. Garver said that Garner came over, grabbed his ''machine'' and then whacked him in the balls with his cane. Howard got back to the interview a few seconds later. He knows that most of his audience doesn't even know who James Garner is though. In the interview Garner said he was very nervous and was stumbling over a few of his words. Howard told Gary that he can't even sue Garner now because he'd look like a douche if he did.
Garver called Garner ''Mr. Gardener'' as he started the interview and then asked him how he's changed the world. Garner said he hasn't changed it at all. Garver asked him some other questions and Garner got really upset when he was asked about his penis shrinking with age. That's when Garner threatened to kick him right in the balls and that he'd better not ever show up to an event he's at again. Then a struggle went on and hit Gary with his cane. The recording machine shut off because he had grabbed it. Garver said that Garner gave him a hard tap in the balls with his cane.
Howard also had the audio of Garver asking Jay Leno a few questions when he showed up to some event on his motorcycle. Howard went off on Leno before he even played the audio from the interview. Gary told Howard that Leno stopped answering questions once he asked him about why Johnny Carson was never on his show. The guys spent a few minutes talking about what a douche bag Jay Leno really is. They goofed on him for a few minutes before getting to the interview. Gary (Baba Booey) told a story about Howard setting up some phony interview stuff when he's been interviewed by some interviewers because that's what they suspect Leno does when he's interviewed about his cars and stuff and ends up fixing his own washing machine in front of a reporter like he's done in the past. Howard played the tape and listened to Leno not answering Garver's questions. Leno was actually on his motorcycle at the time so he was honking his horn and not answering the questions that Gary was asking. Garver asked him how he came up with the 'Jay Walking' bit on his show since it's a rip off of a bit that Howard does. Leno asked him who he was and found out he works at Infinity. Garver then got right into the questions about Howard and how he would probably never have him on his show. Then Garver asked Jay about why he never had Johnny Carson back on the show and Jay shut his mouth. He said thought the mic was cutting out. Then Gary asked him if Stuttering John was being phased out of the show. That's when Jay started hitting his horn as he was answering his questions. Leno tried to be funny and mumbled his phony answers as Garver was asking them. Garver kept up the questioning and Leno stuck around hitting his horn at each answer. Howard said that Leno used to be funny and doesn't know what happened to him.
Gary told Howard that they have more Garver tape coming up later where he interviews Dana Carvey and it's going okay but then a French TV crew yells at Garver calling him a ''Rashist'' so Garver comes back at them and asks them what kind of ''rashist'' he is and goofs on them. Gary said he has a few more interviews that Garver did that he'll be bringing in later. They ended up playing a game with a Kirk Douglas interview where they tried to guess what Kirk was saying when he answered the questions. Howard said that once you have a stroke, you shouldn't be allowed to continue acting. He said that would be like him staying on the radio after having a stroke. Howard told Garver that he should be proud of himself for the Leno interview. Garver asked Howard to give him a job over at the new place when he moves so Gary and Howard let him know his name is on their list.
Howard said they're going to talk about the Scores party they had over the weekend and about what Howard learned about what his company is about to do to his show this week. All of his program directors are going to want to hear it because they probably don't even know what's going to be happening. He had to take a break before getting to all of that though.
Bobo asked for a show on SIRIUS but Howard told him that he's too boring for that and he can barely make it through a 2 minute phone call with him. The guys got back to the Scores party and talked about how Artie was back to his alcoholic ways and how he's back to drinking heavily even though he started out the night trying not to go nuts. Gary said that JD is now drinking and he's taking after Artie and drinking Jack and Coke. Howard thinks that they've ruined JD now and he's turning into an alcoholic. He's got no personality when he's not drinking and the drinking doesn't help things out. Ronnie said that JD has a great bathroom story to tell from that night. JD said that he has a fear of public bathrooms so he asked to use the private bathroom they have at Scores. He said he wasn't able to go because he's so freaked out by going in public. He said he sat there for about 5 minutes and wasn't able to go so he went back out to the club. He had to pee so bad that he left the club and stopped at the K-Rock studios and went there instead. He just had to go pee. JD didn't go back to the club after that either. Howard said that JD probably has no penis and that's what locks him up because he's so afraid of going in public. Howard said he has problems going in public because his penis is small so JD's must be even smaller.
Howard talked about the days when his parents would take him into the city to shows and stuff and he'd have problems going so his father would take him to the bathroom and wait for him to pee. He'd end up faking the pee just to get out of there. Artie said he was the direct opposite and remembers his dad holding him up so he could pee in the sink at Yankee stadium. Howard said that he sometimes sits down to pee because it seems to help get it out.
Gary said that the introductions that Lonnie gives for the guys who show up at these parties is amazing. He told one stripper about this guy Neal, who was wearing a Yankee had, that he was ''Warren Steinbrenner'' who is the son of George Steinbrenner. Lonnie pumps people up to make the girls like them. The whole thing was audio taped so they can play it on SIRIUS tonight. Howard said he's glad that JD had a good time before the pee thing. They also had James Woods show up to the party so they talked about that for a short time. Woods showed up with a hot chick so Howard said it was like bringing sand to the beach. It turns out she just works for him though and he wasn't banging her or anything. Howard said Woods was the only guy who was introduced to the girls at the club as himself. Everyone else was introduced as someone else. Howard jokingly said he was introduced to everyone as David Letterman.
Ronnie's age ranged from 36 to 40 at the party even though he's nowhere near those ages. The girls didn't need to know that though. Ronnie said that the girls all put together a great t-shirt for him that reads ''West Side Connection'' and ''There's Whores In This House.'' Gary said that some of the guys at the party didn't think that they'd be able to use tape from the party on SIRIUS because they were cursing so much. Gary told them that there are no rules about that stuff over there and they can play tape of anything they said. The guys were amazed to hear that according to Gary.
Howard said they'll be playing that Scores stuff on Howard 100 tonight after the Double A interview with Beth O. He played a song that Double A sang about Beth O where he sings about pleasuring himself to her pictures. Gary said that if this was any other show, they would have a picture of Double A with security where they'd keep him out of the station because he's like a stalker. Meanwhile, Howard takes his stalker's and gives them their own shows. They had to take another break after that.
Howard said that he doesn't want to have Infinity as an enemy of his. He doesn't hate Joel Hollander or Les Moonves and wants to have them on his show before he leaves. He's not even holding it against Joel that they won't give him his old tapes to take with him. He said that the company seems to be going the other way and they're letting other jocks bad mouth him on their stations. He said they can do all they want to try and do him in but it's not going to work. He said he's so up about this move he's making that it doesn't bother him.
Howard heard that as of about 8 am tomorrow morning, they are going to switch to the Jack FM format and take his show off the air. They want to do it in the middle of the show so he's going to be saying goodbye now. Right now it seems that there will be 2 or 3 affiliates that are going to be doing this tomorrow morning. He said that this is the big F-You that the company is going to give him after 20 years of service that he put in at the company. He said that he put in that 20 years and help the company become what it is today, and they're going to screw him. He said that they are just fueling him to come back and haunt them in the future when he comes back to crush the radio industry. He said there will be some other things going on this week and the company could change the day that they take him off the air. He even said that it's possible that he'll be taken off the air completely, from every market, and they'll be gone before December 16th. He's really not sure. He just wanted to say farewell and it's been a spectacular 20 years with that company. He doesn't want anyone to think that he doesn't appreciate their support. He just wanted to entertain people who are on their way to work, that's it. He said that most people aren't able to smile every day because they have so many miserable things going on in their lives and all he wants to do is bring a few laughs to people.
Howard talked about how horrible radio was when he got into it. He said that when he started at WNBC Don Imus was doing lame bits where he was blowing up schools as a giant worm and that's the kind of stuff that was going in in radio. Howard believes that he changed the face of radio once he came in and started doing things his way. He said he hopes that people will follow him over to the new place and would like to continue to make people laugh in the mornings. He's afraid that the worst case scenario is that they'll be taken off all of their stations but right now, it appears that they'll be taken off in just a few markets and replaced by the Jack FM format. Howard said that the company is probably reeling at the fact that he knows about this but who cares? There will be other stations who probably change to an all talk format to replace his show.
Robin said that the company could probably be in breach of contract if they change formats like that but Howard doesn't even do anything about that. Howard said that before he signed on to do satellite, no one cared about the industry. Once he signed on, the company he works for made all of their jocks stop working over there like they had been doing for quite a while. They're now afraid of the industry.
Howard was hoping that Shatner would say something about him when he was accepting his Emmy Awards. Shatner said that he can't believe that Howard is showing so much guilt in this whole story about him spending 20 years at the company. They talked about that for a short time and talked about how the government is going to try and regulate satellite and cable and how crazy that is. Howard tried to change subjects and asked Shatner to talk about his sex life. Shatner didn't seem interested so Howard played him some clips of George Takei that they recut to make it seem like he was talking about him. A few of them were cut out of the show by Tom and Dead Air Dave who were going crazy with the delay button. Here are a few that did make it on the air.
Gary came in and told the guys who Shatner beat out in his category for the Emmy he won. He beat out a couple of guys from ''Lost'' and Alan Alda from West Wing and Oliver Platt. Robin said that she doesn't think that he's that great of an actor and he plays the same part in every role he has. He's Captain Kirk in every role. Howard said he loves him in the old Star Trek movies and thought he was great.
Shatner said that he's done a TV show called ''''How William Shatner Changed The World'' that's airing up in Canada on the Discovery Channel on November 13th but will be on here in the U.S. eventually. The guys brought up the Star Trek cruise that George Takei has done and how Shatner would never do that type of thing. Shatner said that he has done conventions before but never went on a cruise. He's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to take all of the people coming up to him on a place he can't escape from. Captain Janks asked Bill what he thought about James Doohan dying. Shatner said that Doohan was never nice to him and didn't seem to be all that upset. Shatner said that he was told that Doohan was sick. Robin asked him if he went to the memorial service. Howard asked him not to answer and tried to figure out what he would have done if he were Bill. Shatner said he never said a bad word about Doohan and doesn't know why he was so upset with him and would go out bad mouthing him all the time. None of the guys in the studio thought that Bill went to the memorial service. Bill said that was true but he did feel very bad because he knew the guy for so long. Howard said that if he had gotten bad mouthed like Bill did, he would have held an autograph signing right across the street from the memorial service. Artie said that he could have murdered a more famous person so they could take away all of the publicity from the Doohan thing.
Howard said that Bill is one of the guests he has on the show who always has a great time and comes on even when his career is doing well. Robin said they used to think that he was only coming on when his career was floundering but he's still coming on these days. Shatner said that he didn't know what the show was all about years ago and it took some time for them to get him on the air for the first time. Shatner said that he eventually started to listen to the show and found that he liked it. Howard wanted to play the classic bit that they did with Shatner where he went to the ''homo room'' with him, but they can't play that stuff on the air anymore because of the FCC. He thanked Bill for always being there for him and thinks that he could be one of the top 5 guests of all time. He thanked Shatner again for supporting the show and being good to his fans and to him. He wasn't joking and asked Shatner to say something nice about him. Shatner told Howard that he's a ''neat guy'' and that was about it. He didn't have anything else to add to that.
Howard started to wrap up after that and played the prank call they made to a redneck using George Takei audio clips. Shatner seemed to be pretty impressed with the phony call they made because they were able to create it using Takei audio clips that they sewed together. Howard played a few other clips of the stuff they've done with the Takei tapes and asked Shatner if he ever gets aroused when he does loves scenes. As they were talking about that stuff the delay button was being hit quite a bit. Howard took a break a short time after that. Howard also gave Shatner a plug for ''Boston Legal'' which airs Tuesday's at 10pm.
Howard said that he was in his personal bathroom this morning looking at himself and thinking about talking about how he shaved himself down but Tom is in one of those moods where they chop up the show like crazy. He had a phone caller on the line that said that they went to commercial in the middle of the Shatner interview because of what they were talking about. Howard said he finds it funny that they're ''too dirty'' for Vegas.
Angry Black called in and asked when he's going on the air over at SIRIUS tomorrow night. Howard told him that he's going on after Howard 100 News which airs from 6-7pm so he'll be on at 7. He's going to have a 15 minute show alone and then he'll bring in King of All Blacks to interview for the next 15 minutes. Angry has been given the okay to go long if he needs to but he doesn't want him to explain what his show is going to be about, he needs to just go and do the show. Howard gave him some advice and asked him not to talk all over King of All Blacks when they're in the studio. Angry said that he won't do that and he thinks that King will be calm enough not to talk all over him. Tonight Double A has his shot on the air, tomorrow night he has Angry Black and King of All Blacks and they'll have more people later in the week. Then on Thursday, they have High Pitch Eric on the air for 24 hours eating and going to the bathroom. Gary came in and told Howard that they have Sour Shoes on Wednesday night.
Howard said that he was asked by one of the girls if he shaves his area and had to explain to her how he gets ''bat wings'' when he does shave down there. Artie said he has used clippers down there to trim himself but doesn't shave it all down. Howard said he doesn't shave it all down either but he does clip it down a bit. He said that he asked Ralph to draw him a diagram showing him how to shave himself down there. Howard said he's been clipping his taint lately but not so much the other area. He wasn't sure he could talk about the rest of the stuff he wanted to but mentioned he does shave down his ''grapes'' and the taint. When Beth saw what he had done, she asked him what he had done and why he did it. Gary said he's never shaved that area because he's a guy and there's no reason for a guy to shave his hair. Howard had a picture of what Ralph drew for him to use as a guide. Ralph apparently shaves down quite a bit of his area. Richard Christy also came in and said that he shaves down his area completely and likes to feel himself completely bald down there. Gary said that Richard sent them a picture of himself that was pretty disturbing. It's a shot of Richard's chair where he has sweat so much while pleasuring himself that there's a puddle left on his seat. They have the picture up on HowardStern.com under Vagina Corner. Howard also mentioned that they will keep people updated through that part of his site if he is taken off the air tomorrow like he thinks he will be.
Howard tried to tell Richard about why he needs to brush his teeth. Richard said that he hates to brush his teeth in the morning because he eats breakfast afterward and it's a waste of time. Gary said that maybe he could just brush them again. The guys said that if that's Richard's logic, maybe he shouldn't bother wiping his ass. A phone caller said that he doesn't brush his teeth every morning either when he's on vacation. He said he's lost his toothbrush while on vacation and just doesn't bother.
Howard is trying to get Richard's parents to do a radio show on Howard 100 and wondered how they should go about doing it. Richard said he could be there to guide them if Howard wanted. Howard's parents may get their own show as well so Gary suggested having Mr. Stern talk about how to fold the NY Times because his views on that are so fascinating. Howard went on to talk about how he's pretty sure that his father hated him and would never let him read the Times. One day they were on the subway and his father let him have the Times to read it so he started to fold it in a way he wanted to and his father freaked out on him and demanded that he give him the paper so he could show him how to fold it. There's also Ben's way to order in a restaurant that the guys would like to hear about. Howard talked about those days as well where Ben would instruct everyone on how to place their order in a specific order. Howard was doing his impression of his father placing his order and what it was like for him to deal with. His mother wouldn't help things by saying she didn't know what she was going to have. Richard said he'd love to see a recreation of that on Howard's In Demand channel or something like that. Howard said he actually has an episode of ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' written about that subject but he's pretty sure that Chris Rock will probably do that on his TV show before they get that on the air. Howard said he would tell the waiter that he wanted the same thing that his father did and his father would go nuts even when he did that.
Sal said that it would be great if they could have Ben talking about the old equipment that he used like where he talks about the ''green type of tube'' thing that they play on the air once in a while. Fred played some of that tape where Ben describes the proper modulation and how it shows on a ''green type of tube'' in the old audio clip they had. There was another clip where Ben asked Howard a question as a 7 year old and ended up calling him an idiot. His father would ask him ridiculous questions about news stories he knew nothing about. There was one question where Ben asked Howard if he thought the United States should remain in the United Nations. When Howard answered in a joking way, his father said he told him not to be a moron. Fred played another political question where and Howard didn't answer the right way so Ben went off on him explaining what his question was all about. The guys goofed on Ben's odd accent during the audio clips and then played some more clips of Ben singing and yelling at Howard to ''Shut up, sit down!'' Ben sings ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' but everyone ends up laughing at him during the session. Howard said his father thinks that he's lost the timber in his voice since those days. Richard mentioned that it sounds like his father has huge testicles when he's singing like that. The phone caller Howard had on the line asked him why he's so worried about his father's testicles. Howard said that's because Richard is gay.
Howard said he took his father out to dinner on Saturday night and rubbed it in that there was an article in the NY Times about him. His father didn't know that they had done that so he had to go back and read through the paper to find it. That kind of stuff impresses his father so he likes to tell them about it. Howard said that he hooked his parents up with the SIRIUS radios so they can listen to his show once he moves there. They were afraid that they might not be able to listen.
Robin said that she was really bothered by a Billy Graham show that was on over the weekend. She said that Billy is grooming his son to fill his shoes. Howard said that's the racket to be in because those guys generate a ton of money and never get into any trouble with the FCC. He and Robin think that they could do a show like that with their gift of gab. Howard said the answer is always Jesus so Robin asked him some questions about the war in Iraq and about Osama bin Laden and he was able to answer it by telling people to believe in Jesus and everything will be okay. They were also talking about how funny it is that people are saying that all of these hurricanes that are hitting the country are caused by God and we're being punished for something we did.
Will was on a cell phone and it was cutting out so Howard told him he's got to get on a regular phone. Artie thought that Will couldn't afford the phone but Will said he's doing just fine with his waiter job and can afford it just fine. Howard said that Will should turn this farting into a job and said he'd be willing to pay to see him do a 1 hour show. Will came through a short time later when he blasted out some farts for Howard over the phone. Howard and Artie said that they would prefer to see Will the Farter over a show like ''Rent.'' Will told Howard that there's one guy out there who keeps calling him claiming to be from the Stern show and telling him that he's not to come back on the show again. Howard told Will to just hang up on the guy if it's a problem. Howard asked Will if he went to see a doctor after the farting injured him but Will's phone was cutting out so Howard put him on hold so he could collect his prize.
After Robin read a story about some people who have lived to be over 100 years old, Howard talked about what might happen if he were to live that long. He said he figures he'd end up like Bela Lugosi or Johnny Weismuller thinking that he's a character he used to play. He figures he'd be in an old age home wearing a Fartman constume with the ass cut out of it and his cellulite ass hanging out of it.
Howard gave Robin a preview of what they were going to be doing on tomorrow's show. He said they're going to play some ''Dame Dat Dune'' with Crackhead Bob. That's where they have Bob sing some songs and people have to try and guess what he's singing. Howard played one clip where Bob sings a Led Zeppelin song and Robin was able to get it after just a few seconds. It didn't sound all that much like the song but it was close enough for her. He played another one a short time later which was a KISS song that Robin and Howard both got pretty quick.
After Robin read a story about rapper Cam'ron getting shot Howard ended up playing some songs where rappers and hip hop artists use the N-word in their songs and how that seems to be gold for songs these days. He played some Kanye West and some DMX songs to give examples of how great songs are with the N-word in them.
A listener called in late in the show and thanked Howard for making him laugh all of these years since he heard that Howard might be gone from the air tomorrow. Another caller asked Howard what it's like to be a celebrity and a star when he walks into a room. Howard said it's fabulous and everyone loves him and likes him when he enters a room. Years ago no one would talk to him when he entered a room, now people tell him he's good looking when he knows that he looks like a scare crow. Even guys fawn all over him now that he's a celebrity. Howard said that there are only 7 guys he knows now who aren't celebrities. The caller also mentioned that they got an interview with Robin's boyfriend for Howard 100 News. Robin said she had no idea that they did that and hadn't heard it yet. That led to Howard telling Robin that they were thinking about having a show where they have all of the spouses of everyone from the show on together. The caller also said that Howard 100 News did a report about Artie and had his mother being interviewed about the bank robbery he was arrested for. The caller said that she was worried about Artie getting fed while he was in jail instead of worrying about anything else. She had to put up her house as collateral to bail him out. The caller also asked Artie if he'd do a show all about gambling once they move to satellite next year. Howard asked Artie if he'd be willing to do that. Artie sounded interested but he's not sure it would even be legal. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show taking phone calls. The first caller said that they're running commercials out in Detroit for his replacement that's going to be announced at 7:30 this morning. Howard knew that was happening and he talked about it yesterday. The caller said he's seen the light and he'll be following Howard to the new place. Now Howard is saying that he's pretty sure that they're not taking him off today but they are going to be announcing his replacement out there in Detroit. He doesn't really care because the new place is ready for him and he's looking forward to going over there. Robin said that she heard the Howard 100 Newscast yesterday and they did a profile on Yucko the Clown that was pretty interesting. That led to Howard talking about how the news channel broke a story about how the new place is saying that High Pitch Eric can't do his doody show this week because it's a health violation. The news crew did an investigation and found that there is no health code violation and it's SIRIUS telling them that they can't do it. Howard said the news crew wasn't able to get a comment from the people at SIRIUS who Howard is still referring to as ''Eh, eh, ehh.''
Howard talked about how Gary called him the other day because the news crew was hounding him about getting a comment about Howard blowing Wendy the Retard off all day that she was there in the studio last week. Howard heard that and ended up calling Wendy in her car as her mother was driving her home. Howard made sure he let the news crew know that he made the call to Wendy to calm her down. Robin said that there was also a story in the news where they said that Howard has had the glass in his office blown up because he doesn't want glass walls since he sleeps in there. The news crew was able to track down some construction workers who said that Howard will have privacy because he's known for having sex in his office once in a while.
Howard said that Double A handled the interview like he was in love with Beth so he didn't really want to talk too much about Howard. He played some games with her and Howard says he thought they were pretty good. He said he was cracking up when he heard Double A playing the games with her and trying to cop a feel. The phones were apparently all jammed up and coming from all over the country. That's what got Howard excited. Artie asked if he would give Double A a show of his own after that. Howard doesn't think so and it was good because he was interviewing Beth O. He said that it was funny when Beth was dipping his hand into a hat and pulling out comments that were kind of dirty. She didn't want to call in so someone (Howard) called her on her cell phone and told her to go ahead and read it. Once she did, it was very funny.
Howard said that he's working on a round table show where they have a few people discuss the show and things that surround it and he will probably want Joey to be part of that. Joey said he likes to hear that because it reinvigorates him. Howard told him not to hold that to him because he may or may not be able to make that happen. Joey asked Howard about the High Pitch Eric thing and if they're going to be able to make it happen. Howard said that they're going to have to do it from High Pitch's apartment. They may need to wait a while to get an ISDN line installed there but they may be able to do it over the phone.
Double A called in so Howard talked to him about his show that ran last night. He also brought up the Scores party thing that they played on Howard 100 last night and how it didn't come out quite the way he wanted it to because so many people shied away from the microphone. Howard said that there was one funny thing with Brian Phelan who ended up talking into a plant for a while because he thought there was a hidden microphone in it at the party on Saturday. He quickly told that story and then took a call from Bobo who told Double A how great his show was. Double A said that it was pretty amazing over there and he was really impressed. Howard heard he got there at about 2 in the afternoon because he was so excited about what was going on. He said he checked out the studios and all of the other stuff over there while he was hanging out.
Double A said that Beth looked really good and couldn't take his eyes off of her boobs the whole time he was talking to her. Howard thought Double A kept the show moving along just fine and didn't waste time with calls and stuff. Double A said he held back a little bit because it was Howard's girlfriend he was interviewing. Howard told him he shouldn't have held back because he didn't tell him to. It sounded like Double A wanted to go in for more of an attack than he did. Howard told him not to beat himself up over it because he pulled it off just fine... but he didn't hear anything that makes him think he could pull off his own show week after week. He told Double A that if he comes up with another good show idea, he may give him another shot though. Double A said he can't wait for Howard to get over there. Howard let Joey and Double A go a short time later.
Gary pulled some audio clips of the stuff that Double A was doing with Beth so Howard could play it. Howard said he'd give Double A an A grade for the show he pulled off. It was that good to him. High Pitch Eric called in a short time later and asked what was going on with the show he's supposed to do. Howard told him they're working on it and they'll do a phone test today and may have to wait for the ISDN line to be installed before doing the 24 hour doody show.
Howard said that they have a mystery guest coming in at 7:30 today to say goodbye to them on terrestrial radio. It's apparently an A-list guest but it's not going to be a Julia Roberts or Warren Beatty like Howard is thinking it is. Jackie's name came up and Gary kind of steered Robin away from talking about it. Howard said that's around the time that the show may be taken off the air in certain markets so it should be pretty interesting. Howard said that he's heard that the Las Vegas station is brutalizing the show and chopping it up. Tom is chopping it up as well and editing out every little bit of the show that they can. Howard knows that there's something going on where some of his stations are going to be flipping formats and stuff so he's not sure exactly what's going to happen. They're either going to take him off the air or announce that they're changing formats. He said he heard some stuff over the weekend and knows that the company is up to something. Some markets are cutting him off at 9 in the morning and adding commercials to the show that they shouldn't be... but he doesn't care now, it's too close to the end to be bothered.
Howard played some audio from the Double A show where he asked Beth if she was excited to see him because her headlights were on. Beth said he couldn't see anything because it was a padded bra. Double A then asked to feel her breasts and Beth turned him down. Double A had her reading lines that he wrote for her when she pulled them out of a hat. He managed to get her to read the line ''Oh no Double A, that's too big for my poop chute.'' which was pretty funny. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he had some pictures from the Double A show that they're going to post on his web site today. He showed Robin the pictures and said he didn't know that he and Beth were sitting so close. He also said that he had a few audio clips to play but he had Riley Martin on the phone. Riley told Howard he wanted to talk to Stevie Wonder when he was on last week. Riley claims that the alien Tan spoke to him about Stevie in the past. Riley made it sound like Tan has the power to give Stevie his sight back but he might remove his ability to ''see'' if he were to give him his sight back. Howard did his impression of Riley and goofed on him a little bit about the whole Stevie Wonder thing. Riley asked Howard to give Stevie his web site so he can send him a copy of his book to read. Howard told Riley, in his Riley voice, that he would seem like he was insane if he were to suggest that book to Stevie Wonder. Riley said that Stevie could have someone read his book to him if he wanted since it's not in brail at this point. Riley also said that he has an audio version of the book that Stevie could listen to.
Howard played the prank call they made to Riley not too long ago where they were aliens who wanted to talk to him. Riley told them they were wasting his time while they were doing this skit of theirs. Riley hung up on them when they mentioned that he was a drunken black guy and that they shouldn't have picked him to spread their message. Howard also had a prank call that Wendy the Retard made to Riley where she asked him if he was dumb. They also had one where Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) called him quickly and pissed him off. In another clip they had used audio clips of Riley's voice to make a prank call to a talk show... and yet another one where they called a guy by the name of Howard who was very confused by the call. Howard and the guys continued to have some fun goofing on Riley after playing all of those bits but they had to take another commercial break after that.
Dave told Howard that his show won't be the same type of show that Howard has been doing. He's seen other talk shows around the country and most of them are scripted while Howard Stern is just being Howard Stern. He talked about his days touring around the country with Van Halen and Infinity is giving him freedom to do whatever he wants to do on his radio show. Howard said he heard that Dave will be making $4 million a year when he starts there. Dave said he doesn't even need to do a show like that because he can make a lot more than that touring. He's doing it because it's been a dream of his to have a radio show like that for years.
Howard asked Dave how Infinity has been able to keep him hidden for so long. Dave told Howard that his father passed away a while a go and he ended up getting involved in the Emergency Medical Technician field for a couple of years. He's still going out on calls at least once a week in New York City. He said he's only been recognized 2 or 3 times out of all of the calls he's been on. He works in the 'hoods where he doesn't get recognized all that well.
Howard told Dave about how he created this network of radio stations over years and years of hard work. He begged the company to syndicate his show to Philadelphia and they put up a fight for so long. Dave said that Howard has proven that the local deejay is a thing of the past. Howard told Dave that a local guy can be a force to be reckoned with though and a lot of guys are going to be gunning for him. Dave doesn't seem to mind that and he's looking forward to it. Howard asked Dave if it's true that he was over at Jack FM practicing his show. Dave has a way of avoiding a question and won't answer it directly so he ended up talking about Howard's board and how he had it created for himself like a guitar player would have a guitar built for himself.
Dave said that he's wanted to do this since he was a kid so he's really looking forward to doing the show. He told Howard that he still sits down once a week and listens to records, one song at a time, just like he did when he was 10 years old. Howard told him that he may have to open up his private life to make for a good radio show and Dave is ready to do that. Howard said Dave has never really opened up before because no one knows what's going on with his love live. He claims he's heard that Dave is gay before but Dave thought he was just saying that himself, not hearing it from anyone. Dave said that he has banged many hot chicks that had 2 legs in their pants and people should know that already. Dave said that his show is not a comedy show. He's not going to have a whole crew working with him but he will be taking over in markets like New York, Boston, Cleveland, West Palm Beach, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Gary said that Adam Carolla will be taking over in markets like L.A., San Diego and Portland among others and Jimmy Kimmel will be a consultant for his show.
Dave said that he's actually shooting for the Rush Limbaugh audience, not even really for Howard's audience. He's thinking that he could end up in the same markets as Adam Carolla because they'll have two different types of shows. Gary told Howard that they have this guy Rover who will be taking over in a few markets like Chicago, Detroit and Memphis. The whole Stern affiliate market is going to be split up with a bunch of these guys. Penn Jillette will also have a 1 hour show in some of the markets. Dave said he doesn't care who follows him and isn't even thinking about a Penn Jillette following him. Gary said that they have some tape of what David Lee Roth was doing over at Jack FM but it was actually comedian Billy Mira doing an impression of him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Dave he was already going to change stations to Z-100 when he heard him on the show. Robin asked Howard if he would be a guest on Dave's show. Howard said he would absolutely do that and Dave thought that would be great. Howard asked Dave what he thinks is going to happen with satellite radio. He had some round about answer about how it all depends on what the companies let their personalities do. Howard said that he needs the freedom to do what he wants on satellite radio and he just doesn't have the freedom to do it on terrestrial radio anymore. Dave said he supports him on the freedom thing and appreciates the fact that he's making that move. Howard told Dave that putting together that network of affiliates across the country was one of the greatest things he's ever done in his life. He wished Dave luck with his show and offered to get up and walk out right now if Dave was ready to take over for him. Dave asked him what he's been waiting for if that's the case. Howard said he's got a contract that he has to honor and he can't just walk away. He asked Dave if he wanted to take over the show for the rest of the morning but Dave wasn't interested.
Howard had Tom Chiusano come in to meet his new employee. He also asked Dave if he's going to keep the studio the same way it is now. Dave said that he wants to lighten it up and have some windows in there. Tom came in and told Howard that they're going to have Dave working in that studio and they will open it up so he has windows in there. Tom told Howard that he's excited about the future and he can't wait to work with him. Howard felt that Dave was being a bit odd with him this morning but Gary and Tom didn't think that was the case, he was just letting Howard know that he was going to be his own man. Howard doesn't understand how Tom can just give Dave his own studio to start off with since he had to work so hard to get one himself. Dave said he can do what Howard does so that's why they're giving him his own studio. They haven't set up his whole staff yet so there were a lot of unanswered questions.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was hoping that Sammy Hagar would take over for Howard. Howard asked Dave if Sammy will take over for him if his show fails. Dave said ''absolutely.'' The caller said that Imus has already been talking about how Infinity will have to come to him once David Lee and Adam Carolla's shows fail. The guys goofed on Imus and pointed out that he's got some really low ratings and couldn't fill in for Howard or for Dave. Dave changed subjects and asked Robin about her upcoming TV show and if she was staying with Howard. She said she will be doing the radio show and the TV show at the same time. That's coming up next fall for those who didn't know.
Howard asked Artie for his thoughts on David taking over for them. Artie said he had no idea that Dave would be in that realm of taking over so he was a bit surprised. Dave said he thinks that it's like a lateral move for him from rock star to radio show host. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that they all love Dave but just because he has been a great guest on the show doesn't mean that he'll make for a great host. Howard told Ralph that it's all about Dave keeping people listening to his show. That's what Ralph said that Howard is great at and that's why so many people have been listening to his show for so long.
Howard said that maybe he is a little bitter about the industry not backing him up against the FCC and the religious right. He said they could have done it and fought them but the industry didn't do it, they just caved in. Ralph led the guys into a political discussion about the President and how he isn't doing this country any good with the FCC. The guys were debating a little bit but Howard told Dave he'll have all the time in the world to do that stuff on his own show once that starts. He doesn't know how Dave will do on his show but he predicts that he will do great when he moves to satellite himself. Howard said he'll be happy once people start to make that move to satellite. He's wishing everyone luck in their markets but Gary said that he doesn't wish the guys luck down in Washington DC because the program director down there has been cutting off the show early to get their afternoon guys on instead.
Dave asked Howard about what happens when Howard says certain words on the air and if there's a list of the stuff they can say and can't say on the air. Howard told Dave he's in for a big wake up call and explained to him how there's a new guy in charge at the FCC and how he's going to have to really watch himself once he starts his show. He also told Dave that the government is looking to fine individuals for their indecency complains and that law is in the works now. Howard said that they will have to bow down to the FCC and their ridiculous rules, there's no question about it. He pointed out that Clear Channel's profits dropped 21 percent recently and he's so happy about that. Ralph said that all of the terrestrial radio companies are going to be losing money once people move to satellite. Ralph also told Dave that he's got to watch himself because the FCC and the religious right will have to find another lightning rod to go after and make an example out of. He's got to watch himself now.
Howard found out that all of these affiliates are going to be going to an all talk format. Tom told Howard that their new Free FM logo is referring to their talk format because every one is free to speak. That got everyone laughing because the jocks won't be free to speak because the company has to keep everyone restrained so they don't get fined by the FCC. Ralph told Tom that people get what they pay for... Tom told Ralph to stop because he was basically doing an ad for satellite. Howard said that if he wants him on his radio show, he thinks that the suits at the company won't allow it and that will be the first time Dave will have to bow down to the company's rules.
Howard gave Dave a plug for his show which will be starting up on January 3rd, 2006. Howard starts on satellite on January 9th. Gary had a whole list of what will be happening in each market and there are a lot of shows replacing Howard in all of those markets. Tom was looking kind of shaken up according to Howard and Dave. Tom told Howard that they've been together so long that it's going to be quite a change. It's like he's losing his family. Howard thanked Dave for coming in and went to break.
Howard goofed on the ''Free FM'' format that the company announced this morning. He said it was funny when Tom told them that it's their freedom to talk that they're referring to in that format name. The whole reason Howard is leaving is because he has no freedom to talk. In the press release he was reading, they announce that Jimmy Kimmel is going to be a creative consultant for Infinity and Adam Carolla's show. Howard wondered who is running that company now and what they're up to as he was reading that stuff. The guys talked about Dave's comments about how he's an honest guy just like Howard is and how they're from the same book but Howard said that remains to be seen.
Howard said the press release he had was about 5 pages long so Robin wondered who will be able to print it in the news if that's how long it is. She thinks that they should have flown all of their hosts into New York to have a big press conference. Howard said that Dave said the company didn't want him going on the show but he wanted to do it so that's why he was on. That led to the guys talking about how this is kind of like a Conan O'Brien coming in to replace David Letterman. He wasn't a big TV star but when he took over for Letterman he kind of became a big guy.
Howard thought it would be best to replay that interview without interrupting it. Robin and Artie weren't sure they wanted to hear that again. Howard ended up playing the James Garner interview that Garver did over the weekend. Howard reminded everyone that they were calling Gary Garver ''Gary Garble'' yesterday because he garbles his lines pretty often. Garver ended up getting hit in the nuts by Garner who got so mad at him that he threatened to kick him in the balls after being asked about his penis shrinking with age. Garner told him to never show up again. Garner grabbed Garver's microphone and pulled it out as he whacked Garver in the balls with his cane. Howard said his favorite part is when Garner tells Garver to never show up again and calls him an F'n A-hole. Howard replayed the whole Jay Leno interview without interruption after the Garner interview. Howard goofed on him a little more about the lame premise he had for his microphone cutting out bit. Robin and the guys said that they need to do an interview about that interview so they can find out what Leno was thinking.
Ralph called in and asked if they had video of the interview Garver did with Garner because it sounds pretty funny. Unfortunately, there is no video. He also thought that it was funny when Garner threatened to kick Garver in the balls so Howard ended up replaying that interview as well. Ralph said that Garner seems to be a really angry guy. Ralph said it would be great if he had a camera with him. Gary (Baba Booey) said that Gary does carry a camera with him when he does those things but he's not sure if he has the video or not. Howard said he's going to take that video clip and put it on his web site so people can see it over at Vagina Corner. Howard said they can set it up so they can only see it if they have their subscription number from SIRIUS. He said only the real fans will see it that way.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and pointed out some more flaws in Leno's premise about the microphone cutting out. He asked why Leno's voice didn't cut out when he was saying ''Isn't that mic cutting out?'' He wanted Howard to replay that interview over and over again. Howard was going to go to break so he asked if he should replay both of the interviews as he's doing that. Ralph thought they were both great and he should do that. Bong Hit Eric called in as he was about to go to break and said that David Lee Roth is hard to take in big doses, he really needs to be taken in small doses. Howard told Eric that Joel Hollander knows what he's doing, he used to work with Imus so he knows radio inside and out. Eric took a hit off his bong and got a few laughs out of the guys. Howard wondered why Ralph didn't show up to the Scores party on Saturday night. Ralph said that his sister was in town and he was hanging out with her instead. He wasn't all that bummed about that though.
Bong Hit Eric asked Howard about what's on this week on Howard 100. They have Angry Black and King of All Blacks on tonight and maybe High Pitch on Thursday. Ralph missed the whole conversation about Double A earlier in the morning but Howard didn't want to play the clip again because he was asked not to. Eric told Howard that he was going to do a hit of pot with a little hash on top. Eric ended up coughing up a storm as he took the hit. Howard said that he may sub in his parents on Thursday if they can't do the High Pitch Eric thing on Thursday. Tomorrow night, after Howard 100 News, they have Sour Shoes the one man band taking requests on Howard 100.
Ray was still having trouble hearing Howard and Robin so Howard would take Robin's question and yell it to his mother. Ray said she was flattered to have been asked to do it but she's still not sure about it. Fred played tape of Howard's father singing back in the days when he would record their family day in the recording studio. Howard's father just walked in as Howard was about to get off the phone.
Howard had to yell at his father and asked him what he thought about the radio show. Ben said they'll be there and it will be a way for him to get back at him for all of the stuff he's done to him on the air over the years. Ben said he's ready to go and he's going to tell people that he adopted Howard when he was 16 years old. Howard was happy to hear that they were going to do it and he knew that his father would be into it. His mother never wants to do anything like that. He did an impression of her for a few seconds and asked Gary to handle the whole thing and pass it along to Tim (Sabean). They'll put High Pitch Eric on Monday instead of Thursday. He thinks that people will have to listen to his parents. He had to take a break after that.
Howard asked Gilbert if he got the whole DVD idea from Artie. Gilbert said he found it hard to believe that Artie has a career in show business at all. He said he should be a local butcher somewhere, not in comedy. Gilbert did a great impression of Artie as he was talking about their discussion about the DVD. Artie said that Gilbert's girlfriend is running the business so he's spoken to her quite a bit as well. Howard asked Gilbert if she's going to get part of the business once they split up. Gilbert was just laughing through the whole conversation.
Howard took a call from comedian Greg Giraldo who said he worked at a place where Gilbert had worked weeks before. He heard that Gilbert didn't bother to tip anyone at the club he worked so the next time Gilbert worked there, the chef took Gilbert's steak and rubbed it all over his sack, taint and crack before serving it to him. Greg said he told Gilbert the story and it didn't phase him at all. Howard said that's probably because he's used to it and Artie added that he's probably used to the taste and only notices it when that taste isn't there. Gilbert kept laughing throughout the whole conversation of course. Howard let Greg get in a plug but the delay was hit so no one heard it. He was apparently goofing on Gilbert charging an extra ten bucks for his autograph and that got the delay hit.
Howard asked Gilbert about the extra ten bucks and why he would do something like that. Gilbert said he heard that other people have done that so he went for it. Artie told Howard that he had a lot of in depth conversations with Gilbert about the DVD. Once he mentioned that Gilbert started doing his impression of Artie again and he sounded like Christopher Lloyd from ''Taxi'' as he was doing the impression.
Howard said that the company really doesn't care that much about people like Jake. He said that if he tuned into a station and found out his job had changed like this, he'd be upset too. He was upset when he worked for a rock station in Detroit and they switched to country. He told Jake that the company doesn't have any empathy for their employees and Tom started to laugh. He said that he's very upset for Jake and things aren't fair for them. The company is just looking out for itself, not for the employees. Robin said ''what a mess'' as they were talking about the disaster that was announced earlier in the morning.
Howard said that Julie Slater is one of his favorites and he's worried about her. Tom told Howard that Julie is looking really good these days. Julie came in a short time later and she was very upset about what was going on. She was actually crying so Howard tried to get her to cry more by saying that the station is like family to her. Julie has been working there for the past 9 years and she's very sad about what's going on. She said she was listening this morning and thought it was odd that no one was going crazy that they were changing format from music to all talk. Howard thought it would have been nice if they had told her ahead of time. Tom was laughing as they were going off on them like that but Howard told him it's not funny. Julie isn't fine and she's very upset that she has no job as of January. She said she has talent and she can bounce back. Julie said that the engineers there at the station knew ahead of time what was going on and it pissed her off. Artie asked Tom when Julie's family will ''begin to starve'' after Howard asked when her last pay check will be given to her. Tom didn't have any answers for them about that stuff. Julie is supposed to do the show after Howard's show today but she doesn't know when that will come to an end.
Howard took some phone calls from local fans who were upset that Julie was losing her job. One guy said that it would be nice if Julie could stay in the New York area or maybe move to SIRIUS. Howard said he may have to turn one of his stations into a music station just to house people like Julie. Howard told Tom that he should just give Julie a date so she knows when she'll be out of work. Tom said he couldn't do that and said that she could do weekends next year. Julie said that she will be back and the ride has been great and it's not over yet. She asked her fans to follow her wherever she goes. Jake also said that it's been great working there and he's really going to miss working there. Gilbert told him to call Artie for career advice. Jake said that his life has just gone into the toilet because of this. Julie said she's never been fired before so it's kind of shocking to her. She's also very hurt by this whole thing. Another caller told the guys that this is the last time he's ever calling the station.
Howard took a call from Ben Harvey, another jock on K-Rock (WXRK), who wanted to voice his thoughts on what's going on. Ben said he doesn't think that they'll get severance because their contract with AFTRA is over. Tom said that anyone who is let go will be given severance. That means that if Julie is kept on for 2 days a week she wouldn't get the severance. Jake said he doesn't have a contract so he won't get anything. Ben said that the contract expired over the summer so they won't get anything. Tom said that they're still abiding by that contract even though it has expired. Jake said that he thought that when they launched K-Rock 2 (internet radio) they had some other deal going on but Tom said that there was no deal with that and K-Rock 2 isn't going anywhere. Howard asked Tom how much severance Julie is going to be getting. Tom said he'd have to look into it but Julie said that it should be about 20 weeks. Tom isn't sure about any of this stuff. Howard told Julie to make sure she takes the severance and not be fooled by keeping her on for 2 days a week. Gary said that every radio in the station is cranked up because this is more information than they've had until this point.
Howard said that Julie looked like she was really upset and tried to get her to talk about what she's going to do. Julie said she's trying to figure out what she's going to do. He asked her what her most memorable moments were and she came up with one time she got to hang out with Tom York from the band Radiohead. Howard said the most upset person is Gilbert who hasn't gotten his plugs today. Jake said that he'll go buy Gilbert's DVD and a (SIRIUS) radio. A woman called in and said that she's going out to buy her SIRIUS radio right now as well because of Tom's crappy attitude. She also said she feels sorry for Julie and everyone else.
Ralph called in and said that everyone should calm down because they'll all end up at SIRIUS anyway. Howard said that this is not all Tom's fault, he's just obeying the rules that the company is coming down with. Rob Cross, the current Program Director, came in and said that the death of the music format is almost 3 months away. He'll probably be gone when the format changes though. Howard asked Tom if this is the way he wanted things to go because Rob moved across the country to come there. Tom said that he's also got a pregnant wife at home. Rob said it gets sadder but didn't explain what he meant by that. Another deejay called in a short time later and said that he may have to go back up to Syracuse, NY because of this. Gary asked if there would be any Alternative music voice in New York City. Howard said there's plenty of that where they're going. Rob said that there's always fun around the Stern show and he's really going to miss them when they're gone. Howard wanted to have the guys come back to continue the conversation tomorrow because they may not have the ability to do this on their own show. Julie put the word out that she's now looking for work and said that her e-mail is Julie@krockradio.com but she's not sure how long that will be working.
Howard said he was going to let Gilbert go and come back whenever he wants since he kind of got screwed out of plugs today. Gilbert did his Artie impression a little more and then Howard wrapped up with him and gave him some plugs for his DVD that you can pre-order at GilbertGottfried.com. He was about to go to break but he had deejay Nick Carter on the phone to say that he had just moved to New York from Boston this week and now they're going and changing formats. He had some nice words to say about Howard before Howard wrapped up with him. Howard gave Gilbert another plug and then went to break.
Steven said that he gets calls from Howard's fans who ask him if he's going over to the new place. Steven thinks that it's going to be huge when Howard makes that move and it's going to blow up even bigger than he thinks it will. He told Howard how great his show is and how everything will be fine once they go over there. Howard wrapped up with Steven and thanked him again and again for what he's done with them. Robin also gave him a personal endorsement for a piece of jewelry they created for her and how great it is. By this time Howard was running out of time. Ralph called in a short time later and gave his endorsement for Steven Singer Jewelers because they've done some work for him as well. Robin quickly went over the Rosa Parks news story before Howard wrapped up the show at around 10:40am.
Howard said he couldn't wait to get on the air today because he's been talking and talking about the news that the company announced yesterday about their replacements. Gary said that the company seems to be responding to Howard's move in a weird way and some are calling it Black Tuesday because of what they're doing to their stations. Howard went on to talk about how he announced his move to satellite about a year ago and how he really didn't have anything against anyone in the company until yesterday. He said he signed on to go to satellite for a bunch of reasons. AT the time he signed, Clear Channel had blown him off the dial and refused to pay his contract. He was down about doing the show because he's so censored on the air. His company also lied to him about the amount of commercials they would run during his show. They told him they would never run more than 9 minutes per hour, they're up to 21 minutes now. He also said that Joel Hollander did a press conference yesterday and told everyone that his ratings have been dropping all over the country. He said he'd go over that in a short time. Howard also talked about David Lee Roth and wished him luck with this company. He said he has no hatred for these guys taking over in his spot.
Howard said that Joel Hollander is lashing out at him like an ex-wife or something. He said he seems really upset that he's leaving the company. Howard was also upset with Tom Chiusano for lying to him about the fact that two stations were going to be dropping him and switching to the Jack FM format. It turns out he was pulled off in two markets, just like he heard he was going to. Sacramento and another market dropped him and Tom lied to him. Tom came in and said that he was told differently and didn't know that they were going to be pulled off. Tom said he spoke to someone in programming with the company and was told that they were not being taken off anywhere. Gary told Tom that at the end of the show they said it was the final broadcast and switched to the Jack format and fired everyone there. Gary had an intern call out there to find out if Howard was going to be on or not. They told the intern that Howard was done and it was his last format yesterday. Tom wasn't aware of all of that stuff.
Howard said that Joel has really screwed him now. He said that the company has made a huge mess by changing formats all over the country, just because he's leaving. Howard said it really was Black Tuesday yesterday when they decided to fire everyone. Howard believes that he carried all of those stations in the ratings and they're freaking out now. He thinks that Joel will be gone from the company in a year because they will lose money and this will be known as Joel's stamp on the company. Joel was bad mouthing him in the press conference he did yesterday and was bad mouthing the guests that he's had on the show for years. Guests that helped them make billions of dollars for the company.
Tom wasn't too happy about being lied to about Howard's show being taken off the air. He didn't want to be part of the conversation that Howard was having because he didn't want to bad mouth anyone in the company. Howard also read that Tom hasn't sat down with any of the jocks who are getting fired soon because they're going to be changing formats soon. Gary said that the jocks are all upset about what's going on because no one has been told exactly what's going to happen to their jobs.
Howard took a call from a guy in Sacramento who said that they are on this morning. He said that he called them and they said that they will be carrying Howard until the end of his contract. Howard apologized to Tom and said that he would find out who gave them the bad information. Gary said they were told yesterday that they were off the air but they were obviously given bad information.
Howard went on to talk about Joel some more since he was telling everyone that they're taking the raunch out of their radio stations but they're going to keep the talk ''edgy.'' Howard doesn't get that and it seems like Infinity is embarrassed by what they're broadcasting on the air. Artie said that if he was still driving to work every morning and heard all of this, he'd be upset. Howard said that he can deliver with his show every morning so going out and bad mouthing his show is wrong.
Tom wanted to straighten out the Sacramento thing before moving on to other stuff. Gary said that they did call the station out there and were told that Howard was off the air. They got that information from someone they spoke to at the station. Tom said that maybe they should have gone through him to find out what was going on instead. Howard apologized to Rob Barnett who is in charge of programming for the company. He apparently let Tom know that they were still on the air.
Howard went on to read the ratings information he had from the New York City market. His ratings have been great in the city for 20 years and no one has come close to what he's done. Meanwhile, Joel is out there telling people that his ratings are dropping all over the country. He read the notes he had about the latest ratings book in New York City. He said that many of the ratings were 10 percent better than the last ratings book from Arbitron. He went through the notes that his agent passed along to him. He was pissed that the company was bad mouthing his ratings when he's number one in the New York City market.
Gary said that the ratings in Washington DC have dropped, but the station was cutting Howard's show early every morning and the people down there were probably listening to the Balitmore station because of that. Howard said his record stands on it's own and he doesn't want to explain the ratings like that. He said that Joel is putting a spin on his story and he's going to predict that the guy is out of the business in a year. The whole Joel thing is pathetic. Gary said that the guys in the company seem to be upset that Howard didn't come to them when he was in negotiations with satellite and he ended up leaving them high and dry when he signed on with them.
Howard explained how he begged Joel Hollander to replace the markets that Clear Channel took him off in. Joel eventually did that but didn't give him the full amount of his contracts for those markets. They were treating him okay but not the way they should have. They could have made him very happy by offering to pay him more. Howard claims he told Joel that he was in negotiations with the satellite companies at the time and Joel wanted to negotiate the deal for them. He figures that Joel didn't think that Howard would ever leave so he would offer to make the deal. They didn't try to keep him on and didn't offer to fight the FCC when they get fined, so he ended up going to satellite. Once Howard made his deal with satellite, he said that Joel got upset with him and said that he never came to them to let them know what was going on. Howard said that's because it would have been an SEC violation so he couldn't legally do it. He said that SIRIUS believed in him and offered him a great deal over there. He said he told Joel at the time that he had nothing against him and even wanted to make a deal to do something with his Best Of tapes but Joel didn't want to do that either.
Howard played some audio of the press conference that Joel Hollander did yesterday where he says that David Lee Roth and Howard went ''toe to toe'' during the interview. Howard said he didn't put up a fight or battle with Dave though. They had a nice conversation, that was it. In another clip they had Beetlejuice on the phone thanks to Sal and Richard. Joel said that he was happy to hear that Howard thought that the press conference was that important to pull a prank like that. Joel also made a comment about how they will never have a 24 hour farting channel at Infinity. That's right because they're not allowed to have farts on their stations thanks to the FCC. Howard didn't want to play the clips of Joel bad mouthing him and said he was going to take the high road. He continued to talk about the way the company is screwing up their business by dropping the music format on all of these stations that they're changing to all talk. Joel will have to defend his own actions once those changes happen and he won't be able to blame Howard Stern's ratings for his failure.
Gary said that the other company (SIRIUS) told Howard that they need him while Infinity wasn't bothering to do that. They screwed themselves. Howard talked about some of the deals he was supposed to have with the company he works for and how he always got screwed. He doesn't care now because he's done with them and he's moving on to better things. He went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said he listened in to Howard 100 News last night at 6 o'clock. Robin said she'd like it if they replayed it at like 3 or 4 in the morning so she could listen. Howard said they may have to do that. He took a phone call from program director Dead Air Dave (not related to Dead Air Dave at Howard's NY station) out in Sacramento who let Howard know that he had been fired yesterday. He was out with a couple of women from the station. He said that they found out about the format change when they made the big announcement at 8 o'clock in the morning. Howard told Dead Air Dave to put the girls on the phone so he could talk to them. The mid-day girl told Howard that she doesn't know what happened last night and wasn't sure if she had slept with Dave and his girlfriend or not. Howard asked her if any part of her clothing was sticking to her. She said that wasn't a problem and she didn't even know that she was in bed with Dave until she heard him talking about it. She wasn't too complimentary toward Dave. Howard apologized to Dave and Dave said it was no problem and he's looking for a job so anyone out there that needs him...
Howard let Dave go and said he spent his night listening to Howard 100 News and then listened to the Angry Black show they put on Howard 100. Angry Black was nothing like his audition tape and was shot out of a cannon. King of All Blacks came on his show and they didn't even go at each other, it was like family. Ralph had to call in and tell them to slow down and just talk about one or two things instead of rambling on and on like they were. Howard said he didn't understand much of what they were talking about but King of All Blacks said that he's HIV positive at one point. He was joking around at the time. Jason was over there and said that you could hear a pin drop in the studio when he brought that up. Howard said that they ended up hanging up on Ralph when he called in and it was too crazy. Jason said that everyone was crazed about 15 minutes before the show and they were all going nuts. Even Tim Sabean the program director was going nuts. Jason said that Tim was trying to do everything as well and had his hands on all of the boards in the room.
Angry Black was on the phone so Howard told him that his show last night was an F- after doing an A+ audition tape. Howard told him that he was talking too fast and going over too many subjects. He thought he sounded like he was on crack or something. Angry said he and King of All Blacks agreed not to talk all over each other during the show so that's why they did things the way they did. Angry said that he got nervous last night and that's why it may not have gone that well. Howard told Angry that the show was a train wreck and it was kind of fun to listen to. Howard said that he should give Angry another show and let him do it the way he did his audition. He knows that King will get pissed off. He told Angry that he did very well in his audition tape but his game plan changed last night. Howard said that he's going to let King of All Blacks do a week's worth of shows next week, all half hour shows. Howard said that Angry threw him for a loop last night.
King of All Blacks called in so Howard told him the news about giving him a week's worth of shows. He said that the two of them together were ''pure poison'' and it just wasn't working. King did show some promise during that show though. Howard thinks that Angry choked last night but Angry said he was just flustered, not choking. Howard said he sees something there with King and Jason agreed. Jason said that King is a funny guy and Howard is right about this whole thing. He does have to slow things down though, that's what Howard's advice was for him. He said he'll also give Angry another chance, but he's going to give him a break for a while. Howard said he's not even going to replay the show because it was so bad last night. He thought the two of them together were horrible together, but there may be something there if they work alone.
Angry Black and King were telling some of their jokes and talking about the bits that they did last night and they were just horrible. Howard said that Angry needs to rethink his whole life and where he wants to go with that show of his. He said he even tuned out from the show early because it was so bad. Howard said that Tim Sabean was also blaming Angry for reading the copy about their programming schedule all wrong last night. Angry said he just read what was on the copy and it was Tim who gave him the information to read. They screwed up the schedule which is supposed to be Sour Shoes tonight and Howard's parents tomorrow night on Howard 100.
Joey Boots called in and said that this bitch Shelly ''Angry Black'' was getting plugs in for this Irish John guy and how the guy seems to be just buying his way into the show. He said that Angry was ''gaying up the show'' with this guy. Angry said that Irish John is a nice guy and he's good friends with him, he's a stand up guy. Joey said that he only likes him because he buys him stuff. Joey and Angry went at each other for a short time and Angry was calling Joey a failure but Joey pointed out that Angry had just gotten an F minus grade from Howard. Howard wondered why Irish John wasn't buying him any gifts. Angry said that John thought about doing that but didn't think it would be best to do that. Angry threatened to leave Joey where he found him if he ever runs into him on the street. Joey said that he can only threaten to do that because he has no ability to just talk. Howard let the two of them go at each other for a minute before letting them go. Howard gave Angry Black a couple of digs after hanging up on him. He said that Angry ''stunk up the airwaves'' and disgraced Howard 100 when he was on. They had to go to break after that. As Howard was going to break, Gary quickly mentioned that he'd gotten some information about WBCN and how they are not changing to an all talk format, they're sticking with the rock format they've had for years.
Howard talked about what went on with the big changes at Infinity yesterday and how they're changing formats at WYSP where Kidd Chris works. Kidd will be staying there but some of the other jocks are losing their jobs. Howard talked about how great WYSP was for him and how hard he worked to get on down there. He was also talking about the way that Joel Hollander was bad mouthing him in that press conference he had yesterday. He said that Philly is his place because the fans loved him down there when he was finally syndicated down there. Chris told Howard that all of the jocks are still there so far and he's not sure what's going to happen to all of them. Chris said that he gets to play music during his show if he wants to. That led to Howard talking about how Infinity is changing the names of some of the stations to Free FM and it's all due to him leaving the company. Howard looks at that as a big compliment to his career.
Robin said that she read that Jon Stewart was approached to replace Howard but Jon turned them down and gave them some advice on not trying to replace him with just one person and not to try and hit a ''grand slam.'' Howard went on to play some tape of Joel Hollander talking about Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel having a big role in their company. Joel seems to think that the two of them will be huge. Joel said he's seen some of the work those two have done and he thinks they'll be really big. Howard said he loves Jimmy but he's got problems with his own TV show so maybe he should be concentrating on that instead of radio. He said that Jimmy is going to get a pay check for sitting on his ass, that's the kind of consulting he'll be doing.
Artie said that the company using the name Free FM is like a constant reminder that there's something available that's not free out there. It's almost like they're advertising for satellite radio. Artie said that if he was driving around in something called Free Car and it was constantly breaking down, he'd want to buy something that doesn't break down all the time. Howard also liked the way Joel was talking about him going toe to toe with David Lee Roth but they weren't going toe to toe, they were just having a discussion. He was reminded by Robin that years ago he called Dave ''David Weave Roth'' and Dave came in begging for him to stop because he couldn't take it. That's the kind of guy Dave is. Howard said he wishes Dave luck because he thinks he's a nice guy. He's not trying to ''battle Dave'' like Joel thinks he's going to. Robin said that if Howard wanted to, he could go at Dave so hard that he'd be shaking in his boots. There was none of that going on yesterday though. Howard went on to say that he's very complimented that Joel has been doing the things he's doing. It just shows that they're completely freaked out by the whole move to satellite.
Howard played the clip of Joel bad mouthing Howard after Sal and Richard got through with the Beetlejuice audio clips. Howard told Kidd Chris to give everyone a chance to prove themselves. Howard said he wasn't sure that Chris was even allowed to talk to him because everyone had to sign confidentiality agreements. Chris said that wasn't the case and he's just glad he's able to keep his show going. Howard wished him luck and let him off the line after that.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that he thinks Dave will be great and they got some secret tape of Tom and Dave talking after the show yesterday. It was a bit that Sal put together using a computer generated voice for Tom and the great Billy Mira doing his David Lee Roth impression and giving Tom oral.
Howard said they set up a call between Gary the Retard, Wendy the Retard and Daniel Carver so they could talk about the death of Rosa Parks. He played the audio from that call where Daniel spews his racist thoughts about Rosa while Gary the Retard agrees with him. Wendy the Retard doesn't go along with it until Daniel tells her that all Nig***s are handicapped. Wendy said she didn't know that. Gary the Retard starts yelling out the N-word and Wendy tells him that he's turning her on by doing that. She said that she had been drinking and messing around with herself. The two retards were easily swayed to Daniel's side. Howard had a bunch of other stuff to do but he had to take another break before getting to it all.
Howard said they have a picture of a woman up on his web site who is coming in to play ''What's My Secret.'' Howard said that she's very hot and he didn't know she was going to be that good looking. They had Sal and Richard come in to play the game because Gary already knew what the secret was. Howard started in and found out she's 5'8'' tall and was wearing a bath robe. Howard described what she looked like and how she was a little nervous because she was twitching a bit. Robin asked her if her secret was something physical. It was so she went on and found out that it was under the bathrobe. She has ''more of something than she's supposed to'' according to the woman's answer. Robin asked her if the secret was in the area of her chest. She said ''yes and no'' but then Gary pointed out that Sal had just lifted a cheek and farted. Sal claimed that he did it accidentally and apologized for it. They thought that he did it on purpose.
Howard got back to the game and asked the woman if she was an amputee. She wasn't so Artie asked her a question and found out that it's something that would turn him off sexually. She said that every man in the studio would be turned off sexually if they saw this. Artie asked her if it was something she's had from birth, she said no. Fred was up next and asked if she was a he/she. She said no. Sal was next so he asked her if it involved her body. She said yes but Howard wanted him to ask a new question since Robin had already done that. He asked her if it involved her skin, she said yes. Sal thought for a moment and asked if she's had surgery. She said she's had several. Richard asked if it involves a tattoo. She said no. Robin asked a few more questions and found out that the woman had hanging skin from being obese in the past.
Gary had her tell them how much she weighed and it was 330 pounds, now she weighs 123! She had gastric bypass surgery and lost all of that weight in a year. That all took place 2 years ago and has been at her current weight for about a year. Howard asked her if it was all worth it. The woman said it was worth it but she's not happy about the skin hanging because it's not like a normal skin now. She said it's not smooth like it was when she was fat. Howard wondered if it would have been better if she had just gotten some exercise instead. She said she tried that but it didn't work for her. Robin asked her if she's in a relationship. She said she is and the guy she's with is grossed out by her skin and he liked her better when she was fat. She said she would love to get it fixed but it would cost about $50,000 to get it fixed. She only makes about $32,000 a year so she can't afford it.
Gary finally said what her name was, Lisa, and had her get ready to drop the robe. When she did, Sal sounded like he was in shock and yelled out for her to eat a sandwich. Artie was moaning a bit as well. The guys described the skin and Richard said she looked like a circus peanut. Lisa said that she tries to work out every day but it doesn't help. Howard told her that she needs to get some help and get some implants and get that skin fixed. Sal wasn't even able to look at her. Richard said he might be able to get ''mouth'' from her but not regular sex. Gary said that there's no way he could do her. Fred was the only one who said he's pretty sure he could do her. Howard wasn't sure if Dr. Calabro could do that kind of surgery on her or not. She said she'd like to get it all done in about 2-3 surgeries, not the 6 or 7 it might actually take. Sal told her that there's another doctor who could help, not Dr. Calabro but Dr. Kervorkian.
Howard told Lisa that she probably would have been better off being a fat chick. Lisa said that they kind of skipped over that part of the process when she was preparing for the surgery. She had no idea how bad it would be. Lisa said that health care companies will pay for a breast augmentation when you have breast cancer, but they won't help out with something like this. Howard said that's because the weight is something she could have controlled on her own without having the gastric bypass surgery. He asked Gary to contact Dr. Calabro and find out if he can handle something like this. Lisa said that she's been turned down by some doctors who won't do that kind of work. Howard put the word out there that they'd like to find someone to help her out because she's in such bad shape. Lisa said that she would love to do a Penthouse or Playboy magazine shoot so she can show that it can be done. The guys all agreed her face was beautiful but the body was horrible. Richard asked to go feel the skin because he was so fascinated by it. Lisa let him feel it and said it felt like Jell-O. Artie suggested that she donate her skin to a black family so they could avoid racism by wearing her skin. The guys had also suggested donating the skin to a burn victim but she said she asked about that and that's not done anymore. Howard wrapped up after that and gave her a prize from Steven Singer Jewelers.
Artie said the big news was that Howard didn't like Angry Black's show last night. Howard said he didn't like it but he is going to give King of All Blacks a week of shows next week. Sour Shoes has a half hour show tonight where people can call in and request songs. Robin said that it'll be more of a ''How long can you take it'' show than a request show. Howard is afraid that Tim (Sabean) is going to make these guys nervous and the shows will be ruined.
Howard said that the World Series is apparently a blow out for the network that's covering it this year. Artie said that the games have been great, it's just that one team has won all of them so far. Artie said that the games are ending at like 3 in the morning so he can't stay up and watch them. He tunes in to hear the scores at 5 in the morning and they say that they just ended 2 hours ago.
Howard played a clip from Adam Carolla's TV show where he talks to Dr. Drew Pinsky about their official break up. Carolla's analogy for taking over for Howard didn't make any sense to Howard. He used Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston as part of the analogy but there wasn't much of a reaction from his audience to what he was saying. Howard says he likes Adam but he didn't get that analogy.
Howard got back to the NBC ratings discussion and how they're losing out to ABC. Howard said that his friend Lloyd Braun is the guy who put ''Lost'' and ''Desperate Housewives'' on the ABC schedule but got fired before those shows even aired. Lloyd was also the guy who wanted Howard to do some interviews for ABC news. Howard was going to do it but now that Lloyd is gone, he's not going to do it. Lloyd was blamed for the shows he had nothing to do with and now he's glad to be out of there and working for Yahoo.
Jeff the Drunk called in so Howard asked him why he's so upset. Jeff said he was just venting about not having his own show on Howard 100. Howard asked him what he would do on his show. Jeff said he would do some singing but hasn't come up with much of anything else yet. Howard said he doesn't know what to do with him either. He let him go a short time later and said he wonders how many times a day Jeff's mother cries every day.
Howard got back to the Joel Hollander discussion and said that they could have handled things much differently. He said they were just showing how much they actually need him there. They seem to just want to blast him and satellite radio. Howard said they can't blast satellite because it's already great and it's a great medium.
Howard played a tape that a listener sent in of their bird chirping something that sounded a bit like ''Baba Booey.'' Howard said the woman thought she was crazy but he's pretty sure that's what the bird was saying. Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey clips to compare the Booey bird to the actual Baba Booey stuff.
Some of the Joel Hollander clips were replayed by Howard. He played the clip where Hollander talks about how compelling the interview was between Howard and David Lee Roth. Howard said that if he found it compelling, it was because he did the interview, not because Dave was doing a great interview. Joel also thinks that Adam Carolla with Jimmy Kimmel consulting will be another great show. Howard said he really does love Jimmy but he's got problems with the TV show he does and he doesn't know how he's going to have the time to do anything else. Joel said that Jimmy wants to help develop on air talent on radio and that really perked his ears up. Howard thinks that it's insane logic that Joel is hiring Jimmy based on him saying that he wants to develop radio talent. There was another clip where Sal and Richard called in with the Beetlejuice audio clips. Joel says they won't have anymore of that kind of stuff at Infinity anymore once Howard is gone. Howard said that he will have that kind of stuff, and 24 hour channels of farting, because Infinity won't. Artie also pointed out that Joel is saying they won't have that kind of stuff but he went out and hired the two guys who created The Man Show, Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel.
Howard played an audio clip where Joel was asked about satellite and advertising on terrestrial radio. Joel seems to think that the radio business is going to thrive. He said that the people down in the areas where the hurricanes hit are all turning to radio to hear what's going on, not satellite radio. The reporters pointed out that kind of stuff isn't paying the bills though. Howard thought it was a peculiar way to send him off and he promises to have the freakiest stuff on his show since Infinity won't have it anymore. He held back on going off on Joel and said he would take the high road there. He went to commercial break after that.
Howard told the guys that he went out to dinner last night with Beth and her mother but told them he had to be home by 6 so he could hear the news... The Howard 100 News. He said he was done really fast and Beth's mother commented on just how fast he ate so she must have been watching him shovel it in. He said that he's one of those guys that eats and talks at the same time. Howard said he hates the term ''foodie'' that people are using these days. It's a term for rich guys who can afford good food. He said he used to eat junk food like Roy Rogers and Burger King back when he first started out in the business. He and Robin used to go to Roy Rogers and get burgers and milk shakes with apple pies. Robin used to tell Howard that she thought his thighs were going to start a fire because they were rubbing together so much. Artie said he's been eating less fast food than he used to and he is healthier now. If he didn't stop, he'd end up like High Pitch Eric.
Tom came in and told Howard that they love all of their advertisers too and they weren't bad mouthing them on that show. Tom was also telling Howard that they don't go over 18 minutes of commercials per hour on his show but Gary thought that they were going to do that in December. Tom wasn't willing to bet money on that number because he didn't have the spare money to give Howard. Howard said that Tom really got slammed in the e-mail yesterday but he didn't have time to get to it. Tom wanted to hear it but Howard said he'd get to it tomorrow.
Later on Robin asked Howard who was doing the 60 Minutes interview with him. Howard said that it's Ed Bradley so she talked to him about that. She thinks that Howard may be in for some trouble because she's heard that Ed has some thoughts on Howard's show and was surprised at what a nice woman Robin was when she met him one time. Howard said they'll be dealing with that stuff tomorrow on the show when the 60 Minutes crew is in to film them. Some of the crew showed up during the news to figure out how they were going to shoot the show tomorrow. They're going to have four cameras there to shoot from different angles. Howard asked to be shot from the right side since that's his ''good side.'' They ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said that he realized that he's very important this morning because they have a studio filled with guys from 60 Minutes today. He said they should have come in drunk or something to make things more entertaining. He's pretty sure they can get through the morning with the camera crews in there. Robin had a camera shoved in her face about 2 inches from her. She said she wasn't able to get through all of the stuff she had to do today because of the crews that were there.
Howard was trying to tell Robin a story about how his day was yesterday but the camera crews were distracting. He went on to talk about the 60 Minutes thing instead because they actually approached him 2 years ago to do a story about him since the FCC was on his ass back then. He didn't want to be the poster boy for the FCC at the time so he decided not to do it. As he was talking about that he said that he was trying to get the crew to laugh but none of them were laughing because they're not supposed to react to anything. They're like the guards at Buckingham Palace and won't react to anything. He said that he really wanted to do the 60 Minutes thing because it's one of his favorite shows. He knows that it will probably go all wrong though. He was going to try and do an interview like Bob Dylan did where he said nothing, but that didn't work because he's got diarrhea of the mouth. Dylan got a beautiful piece out of his interview but he knows he won't be so lucky. Howard said he had a pre-interview with this woman Ruth and it was supposed to be 20 minutes. It lasted 4 hours. He figures that she comes in and does the interview and then the real interviewer does the same thing and asks the same questions. Ed Bradley is supposed to come in next Monday for 10 minutes and that's about it.
Howard said he's tied up with 60 Minutes until about 6pm tonight and then next Monday for the whole show. Ed Bradley will be in on Monday to do his thing and to talk to the rest of the crew after the radio show. Robin had no idea that was happening so Howard told her it was supposed to be an impromptu interview. He's supposed to go to Roosevelt with the crew to visit his old neighborhood and he's afraid that he's going to break down and cry. He will be walking the streets with Ed Bradley though so maybe they won't be mugged. That led to the guys talking about Ed Bradley who some people think is gay. Howard said he found out the guy is straight and has a hot wife. They spent a minute on that and then talked more about the upcoming interview.
Howard said he got a note from Jimmy Kimmel yesterday who was kind of upset about the way they were treating him on the show yesterday. Jimmy told Howard that he's the whole reason he's in radio and kissed his ass a little bit so Howard wanted to read the letter. He said Jimmy was pissed in the first letter he sent but then sent another one where he apologized. Jimmy claims that he's had a bunch of shows that have ranged from successful to very successful and complained about the way the press treats him. Howard wrote him back and told him to hate him if he really wants to hate him. That's when Jimmy wrote him back and said that listening to Howard's show every day is the best part of his day. That made Howard feel like a dick for the way he was talking about his show yesterday during the Infinity discussions.
Howard said he told David Lee Roth the other day that he was sorry to hear about his father's death. David Lee apparently told Howard that he and his father didn't talk much but they did have one thing in common, Howard Stern. David's father listened to Howard so that was about the only thing they would talk about together. He said David broke down and cried when he mentioned that but there were no 60 Minutes camera crews around at the time.
Howard said he actually put on some make up this morning because he looks so bad these days since he hasn't been getting much sleep. He's going to let the guys at 60 Minutes walk him through the interview and not try to control it the way he usually would. He is afraid that taking him through Roosevelt might make him emotional. He said that when Ruth suggested doing that, he said he had a strange feeling shoot through him. He remembers how bad things were out there and what it was like growing up there so it could bring back some bad memories when they visit. He really doesn't want to cry on TV... ever. Robin and Artie said that would be funny if that happened.
Howard talked about how 60 Minutes has given some people great reviews on their show even though they've done nothing. One of those people was Don Imus who they made look like he was number one in the ratings even though he's about 22nd in the ratings according to Howard. He said he's not sure if he'll get treated that way or not. He told Robin that they'll be interviewing people like Beth and some of his family. He doesn't have any real close celebrity friends who will be interviewed though.
Bobo called in and asked Howard where he's going to be appearing over the next couple of months doing the talk show circuit. Howard said that he'll be doing a bunch of stuff but he doesn't want to talk about it right now. He did say that he'd be on Letterman's show on November 17th but that was it. The guys goofed on Bobo's phone connection since it was so bad. Gary asked Howard if he's going to do Leno's show or not. Howard reminded everyone that they heard Leno's comments the other day and it sounds like he won't let him come on. The guys think that Leno would let him on because it's a guaranteed win for that night in the ratings. Howard reminded the guys how Leno walked off his own show the night he brought two lesbian chicks on with him because he was so pissed. Robin wondered if Leno would get into a fight with him if he confronted him on the stuff he's ripped off from his show. Howard isn't sure how he would handle it and talked about how he wouldn't be afraid to confront the guy about the stuff that's gone on but he's not sure Leno would allow it on his show.
Tonight Howard's parents are supposed to do an hour on Howard 100 so the guys talked about that. Howard said he wants to give some information about his parents that they can use to get deep into their lives during that show. Howard said he won't be able to interrupt the interview tonight because he can't appear on SIRIUS yet. He had to go to break after that quick discussion.
Howard got back to the discussion about how he still can't get any sleep these days. He said he's stopped taking his Ambien because someone (me) sent him a note about how the stuff can cause an Alzheimer's like memory loss. He said he gets his information off the web though so he's not even sure if it's true.
Sal the Stockbroker ended up farting in front of the 60 Minutes crew in the back and they really should have thrown him out of there because of it. Sal came in and said that he did that to show the crew that they're still going to have that kind of stuff going on when Howard moves to satellite since Joel Hollander mentioned that they won't have stuff like that once Howard leaves the company. That led to the guys talking about how it seems like Infinity is trying to discredit Howard before he leaves the company. There are people saying that Howard was stringing together clips, out of order, of Joel from his press conference to make him look bad. Gary said that someone was saying that Joel really wasn't pissed about the phony Beetlejuice call they got during the press conference but it was obvious from what they could hear that he really was pissed. Howard said he really doesn't care about all of this other stuff, he's leaving for satellite and if the company wants to bad mouth him, go ahead and do it. He said that knocking him isn't going to do any good though.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up Howard's relationship with Beth. Howard talked about his sex life with Beth and how he can still give it to her 2 times in one day, no problem. He was also talking about how he had sex with her the next day and Beth had a stomach ache the next morning. AS he was describing that the delay was hit for some unknown reason. Howard ended up playing some of the Howard 100 News report from 2 nights ago where they interviewed his parents about their upcoming 1 hour show on Howard 100. His parents were interviewed by Howard 100 News and talked about their son. Ben jokingly said that he was going to audition to take over for his own son. They also said that they would be doing a spontaneous show on Thursday (tonight) since that's what their son would want. Robin said this Howard 100 News is going to ruin her because she never used to listen to radio when she got home. Now she has to turn it on every night to hear the news. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Hook Nose Mike called in and told Howard how great things are looking over at SIRIUS since he's been over there lately. He also asked Howard why he chose 60 Minutes to do a report on him. Howard said that they asked a couple of years ago and he thinks that they're the best, even if it is possible that he'll get screwed over by them. Mike told him that he could try and do his own interview on ABC since that was open to him. Howard doesn't have the time to do that though. That led to Howard talking about the process of getting his own show on TV and how he's still working on the cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' but there's a lot of stuff they have to go through to get it on the air. He said they have a season's worth of shows written but it takes so much time that he may not get more than one season on the air.
Robin seems to think that the 60 Minutes crew has Howard fooled and will end up screwing him over in the piece they do on him. Howard asked Ruth if they were going to screw him over or not. Ruth said that he's a legend but didn't really answer his question. Gary came in and told Howard that Ruth's job is to make people feel like they're the most important person in the room. She might have Howard fooled. Howard spent a few minutes interviewing her about how she got her job and found out she used to work with Walter Cronkite. Gary told Howard he has a theory on a question that Ed is going to ask him. He said he knows Ed Bradley's move where he's going to grab his neck and rub his ear before hitting him with a hard hitting question. Howard said he'll be prepared to come back at him with a question about his sexuality so he can get out of it. Gary said he thinks that Ed is going to be going after him about the whole racist thing with the Daniel Carver thing. Howard said he really doesn't want to get screwed over because his father watches 60 Minutes. Robin said they could play some of the audio of Daniel's racist rants without Howard talking over him and it would be taken out of context if they did that.
Howard said that Ruth went to Harvard and he heard that they used to make all of the students there take nude pictures. Ruth said that was true but she wasn't one of those students. Howard said that's good because if she screws him over, he could get those pictures and post them on his web site. Ruth was making it sound like they're going to go over all aspects of his career and didn't commit to anything. Mike told Howard that his record speaks for itself and he's number one in the New York market. Howard asked Ruth if they could do a piece where they celebrate the genius of Howard Stern. They do some nice interviews with certain celebrities like Hillary Swank who they made look like a saint. Howard would like to get a fluff piece but Gary thinks they would have sent Leslie Stahl to do the interview if that's what they were going to do. Gary also said that they suggested some people to 60 Minutes to talk to but they wanted to do their own thing. Ruth said they spoke to Gary and to Howard's agent Don Buchwald. Gary said it seems that they want to talk to people who are near him all the time. Howard wants them to do a piece about how he's been on the air for 20 years and has made more money for the company than even Steven Spielberg has made for movie companies.
Howard asked Ruth if they'd give him a good piece if he cried for them. Gary asked Howard when he cried last. He said it was back in college when his grandfather died. He didn't go to his funeral though. Howard said that was a delayed reaction and cried after he realized that he should have gone to the funeral. Robin said that if Howard does cry they will have a great time goofing on the tape. Howard begged Ruth not to embarrass him in this piece they're doing on him. Robin said that if Howard does cry, they need that tape and they need it as soon as possible so they can goof on it. Mike said that they should get that crying on Howard 100 News and play it in a loop if he does break down.
Gary said that Ruth interviewed Fred yesterday and she seems to be a very good listener. Howard said he noticed the same thing and she really does listen. Ruth was being very nice to all of them saying that she found everyone to be very talented. Fred played some patriotic music in the background as she was talking about them like that. Howard asked her if she was the hottest chick in Harvard at the time she was there. Ruth wasn't going there and started to get nervous with him talking to her like that. Ruth told the guys that she wants to do a fair piece on Howard and the guys and she has found a bit of a connection with them. Howard said that she was at his apartment and she had a nice conversation with him. Ruth is married and said that her husband is a broker. Howard asked Ruth about working at 60 Minutes and if Andy Rooney ever had a crush on her. She said he didn't but Howard found that hard to believe.
A listener, Scott DePace, called in and told Howard to go on 60 Minutes and just bash the President because they like to do that on 60 Minutes. Ruth told Howard to just do his regular thing. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Ruth that they should concentrate on what Howard does for the fans. Howard ended up hanging up on her though. Another caller said that he smells a hose job coming on and he knows he's going to hear Howard talking about how much he hates 60 Minutes the Monday after it airs. Howard said he may have to give Ruth's number out on the air if they do a bad piece on him, but he was just kidding. Sal called in from the back room and goofed on Ruth but the delay was hit on the call so we missed what he said. The guys asked Ruth about the Emmy Awards that she has won for the pieces she's done on the show. She has won a couple of them so she told the guys the stories that she had produced that got the Emmys.
Howard took a call from a woman who had a very deep voice. That led to Howard and Fred goofing on her voice for a few minutes. The woman said that she didn't care about how she sounds and wanted to voice her complaint. The guys were pretty relentless and wouldn't let her get to her point. She said she was pissed but Howard wouldn't let her speak. She kept trying to break in but Fred was doing his Herman Munster voice and goofing on her. The woman finally said that she's pissed about the Las Vegas station dropping his show out there. Howard couldn't let her go on, so he just muted his voice so he couldn't hear him and let her ramble on and on since she wouldn't shut up. Howard told her that he appreciated all of the words she said to him and got her all wound up again. She went on and on but said she was going to hang up and turn her radio back on. Howard told her to wait about 5 minutes so she wouldn't hear what they just did to her.
Howard asked Ruth more about this piece and if they're going to talk about what a success he's been in the radio industry. Ruth told Howard that they will mention things like that in the interview but it sounds like they're going to cover all angles. Howard had to take a break before bringing in Richard Christy's parents. He played a quick audio clip from Richard's answering machine where his father gave him a quick update on the dead squirrel they had in the yard. They went to commercial after that.
Howard said they've all heard Richard's parents on the voice mail before and now they're there in the city. Richard said they just got to the city yesterday and they're living the high life getting driven around in the car service they have. Robin was shocked at how tall Richard's father was. Howard asked them how they were enjoying the big city. Richard's father said they've been to Kansas City but never to New York. Howard then talked to Mr. Christy about being drafted into the military for Vietnam but he didn't want to talk about what he did in there. Richard said that his father got a purple heart but he didn't want to talk about why he got it. Mr. Christy said he did see some battle but didn't seem interested in telling them about it. Mr. Christy said that he was there back in 1966-67 and things changed when they moved into the 70s. Howard asked him about getting his R & R back then and if he's ever had any other women. Mr. Christy said that his wife is the only woman he's ever had but Mrs. Christy said that wasn't the case and even she's had other men. Howard wanted to know more about that but they didn't want to get into details.
Howard asked Mr. Christy if he ever had sex with animals to practice having sex when he was younger. Mr. Christy said he didn't have to do that. Richard said that he knew some guys who did that back when he was living at home. Howard got back to Mr. Christy and asked him about why he never went to the big city to live and turned to almost a survivalist. They go out and catch their own food instead of going to the stores to buy their food. They catch their own turtle and fry it up to eat. Richard told Howard that they don't sell turtle in the store so that's why they have to catch their own. Howard wondered when Mr. Christy realized he could shoot squirrels and eat them. Christy told him that he's been doing it since he was a kid so he doesn't know any different. Howard said he would have to turn to Mr. Christy to help him hunt if he had to survive in the woods like the Christys do. Howard asked if he could catch fish with his bare hands. He said he could do that and has done some ''noodling'' where you just stick your hands in a hole in a river and grab the fish. Richard said that's pretty scary because you can't see what you're grabbing.
Howard said that the Christys catch raccoon and claim that they don't have rabid ones out there. Mr. Christy said that they barbecue them up and slather a lot of barbecue sauce on them to make them taste good. They also sell the meat to black people out there. Howard heard that they have to leave the feet on the raccoons because some people will kill cats and sell them as raccoons out there. Howard asked Mrs. Christy if she ever thought about what it would be like to be married to someone other than this guy where she'd be able to have a decent meal. She just laughed when she heard that.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and asked the Christys if they'd met Richard's boyfriend Sal yet. Howard then brought up how the two of them have slept in the same bed with each other a few times. Howard asked them if they knew about that and the parents had no idea. Sal came in and lifted up his shirt and told them that their son has had some ''Sicilian snake'' as well as the other animals he's eaten. Howard said that Sal has been acting like a nut out in the hall since the 60 Minutes crew was there. He's been goofing on Gary and trying to get attention from the camera crew. Sal said he hasn't been able to goof on Gary on camera for quite a while. The guys also brought up how Benjy came in and handed them a bit this morning that he wanted to do and it was obvious that he was doing it for the camera crew. Gary said that he doesn't do that every day but Benjy swears that he does. He was getting really pissed so Howard had to tell him to calm down.
Howard played a voice mail that Richard left for Will one time that he got really drunk. He was telling Will what a sexy bitch he was and talked about taking a piss out on the street. Howard was playing that so Richard's parents could hear what their son is up to there in New York City. Richard's father wondered who Richard was leaving the message for. Howard told him that it was for this boy named Will who works in the back. Mr. Christy said that ''maybe the big city changed him, ya reckon?'' Howard wondered if he was okay with it. Mr. Christy didn't seem to have a problem with it.
Howard asked Mr. Christy if he's tried to kill anything since he got there. Mr. Christy said that he tried to grab a pigeon when he got there but they were too fast. Howard found out that Richard took his parents out to eat last night and they grabbed a hot dog off of one of the corner vendors... fancy meal. Richard said that he'll take them out tonight to a nice place but last night he just wanted to get them some authentic New York City food. Howard asked his parents about how their son doesn't bother to brush his teeth sometimes. His parents aren't sure how that happened because they brush their teeth all the time. Mrs. Christy said she lost her teeth after chewing a lot of gum when she was trying to stop smoking. She also thinks that it was her genetics that helped her lose her teeth.
The guys said that Mr. Christy would be great on the TV show ''Survivor'' since he can live off the land so well. Howard asked Mr. Christy if he's ever seen any Jews out in Kansas. It sounds like they don't see many, and they don't have a lot of blacks in their area, they have to drive into Kansas City to find them to sell the raccoon meat to. Artie asked how much they can sell the raccoon for. Mr. Christy said he can get five bucks for them so he can sell about 6 or seven and make $30. It's all profit though. Howard told the Christys that their son is now part of his family and he's very proud of him. He also mentioned that Richard is obsessed with porn and wondered if they're worried about him. He explained how he has a laptop computer filled with porn and he lives in a tiny apartment where he beats off every Friday night. He gave them the full run down of what Richard does on those nights and asked his parents what they think about it. They said that as long as he's not out on the street freezing to death, they're fine with that.
Artie asked when they found out that Richard was a great drummer. They said he's always drummed on stuff and they had some trouble sleeping years ago when he would stay up late playing at night. Mr. Christy was shot in the foot by his brother one time. He made it through Vietnam and didn't get shot until he came home. They were hunting squirrel and when he went to kick one, his brother shot the thing and got him in the foot. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Paul told Howard that they actually cut out a lot of what he said about Ross. He said he was talking about how she married a white man who likes to mountain climb and hasn't been seen since. There were some other jokes he told about her that got cut out as well and they were all just jokes. They didn't get that though. Mooney explained some of his other jokes but the delay was being hit over and over again since they were referring to Janet Jackson's boob.
Howard asked Paul what he thinks about people like Eminem. Paul said that he's offended when he sees a guy like that because he thinks that it's kind of like a guy going to a zoo and making fun of a monkey by imitating it. Howard said that Paul once bashed him in a bit he did on stage one time. He wasn't sure why he was so pissed so Paul told him that it had something to do with Robin. Howard was going to play the audio clip but ended up talking to Paul about how he used to write jokes for Richard Pryor. He also heard that Richard once asked Paul and his sister to join in on a threesome. Paul confirmed that and also said that he saw a lot of stuff went down with Richard and people like Dolly Parton, Margot Kidder and Connie Chung. Howard told Paul about an offer he made to Richard's wife recently where he said he would sit on Richard's lap and bang her while she made out with Richard. She listened and didn't get too offended by it.
Howard gave Paul a few plugs for some gigs he has at Carolines comedy club in New York City tonight through Sunday. He then played the audio clip where Paul went off on him. In the clip Paul says he can't stand Howard Stern. He went off on him and off on Robin calling her ''that maid.'' Paul said that Howard is probably scared of him and would never have him on his show. He quoted Howard as saying something about how nig***s can't even straighten out their own hair so they can't possibly invent other things. Howard wasn't even sure that he had ever said any of that stuff. Robin said that Paul made all of that stuff up for his jokes and none of what he was saying was true. Paul was laughing his ass off through the whole thing. Howard thought it was kind of funny that he made it all up because it made him seem even funnier than he actually is. Robin wondered if he's ever gotten a call from someone about making up stories like that. Paul said he did get some phone calls from Michael Jackson and didn't believe it was actually him at the time. He thought it was Eddie Murphy doing an impression. Paul let his kids hang out with Jackson about a year later though.
Howard asked Paul if he was asked by Oprah Winfrey not to talk about her in his act. Paul said that was true but he wasn't able to help himself at the B.E.T. awards because he's a comic. A caller from Philly called in and suggested that they get Paul to roast him when they do their big roast at SIRIUS. Howard gave Paul some more plugs for his upcoming gigs and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard said that his parents can talk about anything they want to tonight. He suggested that someone ask about how Ben's brothers died when they came over here to the U.S. and how they had to start the whole family over again. Robin started to ask some questions about that but Howard wanted him to wait until tonight to answer. Ben even said that he will talk about his sex life and how it's basically over. He said it ended about 10 years ago but he claims he was just kidding. He said they still do it and he doesn't have to use Viagra. He said he still gets morning wood once in a while. Ben asked that all of the audience be kind when they call in tonight. Howard had Bobo on the line to do a test question with Ben. Bobo asked Ben how he feels about something but Ben couldn't understand a word he said so he couldn't answer. Ben said that he won't be cursing just for the sake of cursing tonight, but he does curse once in a while. He said he knows every curse word and has referred to a woman's private parts using the C-word. He may have been kidding about that.
Ralph called in and asked Mr. Stern if he got upset with him the other night when he did an impression of him out in public. Ben said that he did get upset with him because there's a time and place to do that stuff. Howard said that Ralph started out doing it just a little bit and it wasn't so bad. Then he just kept going on and on calling him a moron and stuff like that. Ben was a little upset with him and didn't think that it was right. Ralph claimed that Howard was encouraging him to do it though. Howard hung up on him and let Vinnie Favale ask Ben what he thinks about the Carl Rove thing. Ben gave his thoughts on that and had a short conversation with Vinnie about that and some other political stuff. Robin got upset that Howard was letting Vinnie question Mr. Stern while he made her stop. Howard had to cut Vinnie off when he started to ask about ordering off a menu in a restaurant since that's something Howard has talked about in the past. Howard let his dad go a short time later and told him to save himself for tonight. Artie said that he would love to talk to Ben about horse racing and stuff like that because he's done that in the past. Howard said his father is interesting when he's talking about any of that stuff. He had to go to break a short time later.
During the news Howard said that Sal had taped a sign to Gary's back that read ''Monkey'' and he had been walking around with it on his back for about an hour. Gary said the was really pissed about that because he asked Sal not to goof on him today. He's trying to get some respect from the 60 Minutes crew and he can't do that with Sal goofing on him. He thinks that Sal just did it to get attention and doesn't think that any of it will end up in the 60 Minutes piece. Howard asked Ruth if there's any chance that Gary's monkey sign will end up in the piece. She said they've been there for 5 hours and she's not sure if something like that would make it to the piece. Sal said it was just a joke but Gary didn't think it was all that funny to tape a sign to someone's back on radio. Howard had Robin get back to her news so they could get out of there. Ralph called in a short time later and told Sal that he really should have some respect for Gary when they have a 60 Minutes crew there. Ralph suggested that Sal leave Gary alone since it's not his gig to goof on Gary anymore. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show talking about how difficult the show was yesterday with the 60 Minutes crew in there. He said he's been on fire lately and was up at 2:30 in the morning again last night writing down notes about what he wants to do over at the new place. He said he was laying in bed when it hit him that he knows what he wants to do over there. He can't even explain what he wants to do because it's so complicated. He said that he's finally got it all figured out and needs to talk to a bunch of people over there about what he wants to do. Beth found him up last night drawing up flow charts and stuff but she just wanted to show him a picture of herself in the newspaper. Howard told Gary to hold onto his hat because this was going to be huge. Gary is afraid that this is going to be a curse on them and not a blessing. Howard thinks that radio is going to become more important than TV and people will have to tune in to hear radio instead of TV.
Howard said that he was listening to Howard 100 News last night and thought that the Joey Boots and Irish John thing was funny but he really doesn't know who Irish John is. Robin said she's not even sure what the guy looks like and no one knows him from the show, he's just one of those guys who hangs around with other people who are on the show. Howard seemed like he was almost going with Joey Boots' thoughts on Irish John being part of the show when he's really not part of the show. Gary said that any guy who hangs around with someone like High Pitch Eric is part of the Wack Pack no matter how you look at it. Artie said he's know this guy for a couple of years and he buys those guys tickets to games and stuff and hangs out with them quite a bit.
Howard also mentioned last night's ''Meet the Sterns'' where his mother and father did an hour of radio. The phones got blown out because so many people called in so they had to change the phone lines after 20 minutes. Howard said that it was really intense and no one cursed when they called in and asked his parents questions. Jason was there and said that no one was even confrontational, they were very respectful to them. He was also impressed that they were able to speak so well without saying ''Uh'' all the time. Howard said he read a bunch of feedback about what went on over there and people seemed to like his father. Now he wants to get them a real job over there so they can make some money with that gig. Howard said that Tim Sabean told him that his parents had some tears in their eyes at one point because they were getting so emotional. His mother's face would light up each time that a fan would compliment their son according to Jason.
Howard felt really good about his parents during that but his mother did lie about some things. He said that someone asked about why Ray never let Howard have novocaine when he went to the dentist. She claimed that she never denied him that but Howard swears that she did. He said that he had to have his teeth drilled without the stuff and he'd have to stop every once in a while. Howard said his parents also claimed that he was never beaten up in school when he was living in Roosevelt. That wasn't true either. His father did admit that there may have been one incident where a couple of guys put a garbage can on him. Howard explained how that went down and how the garbage can almost took his head off when a couple of other kids threw it over a locker. He said he and his friend didn't know what had happened and they were stunned when it happened. Howard's mother would tell him that they had no problem with black people so she would feel weird about complaining about her son getting beat up by the other students there. He figures she's just blocking out the memory of being beaten up. Howard's father said that the reason they ended up moving out of Roosevelt was because Howard wasn't getting a good education.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard how great his parents were last night. He had called in and asked a question about Howard's divorce and got them to talk about how much pain they went through. They were mad at both Howard and Alison for getting the divorce. Howard's father was very quick on his feet and came back with some great answers during the interview. King also said that he's going to have a half hour show each day next week and he's planning on doing some great shows. He wants to have Beth on his show on Wednesday and he's going to be respectful. Howard said no one wants to hear that. King said that they he's going to have some good questions, they just won't be about her cup size and stuff like that.
Howard wants to get the parents of some of the guys to do a round table discussion about their kids. He also came up with a show idea called F*** Tabitha Stevens. Howard said that they can actually have their guests having sex on the air if they want so that's the kind of stuff they're going to be doing over there. He said they can do whatever they want when they go over there. Howard said that he's moving on to a whole new thing and he doesn't care about his replacements on terrestrial radio. He said that he's going to reinvent the whole medium once again.
Howard had a new logo for the channel so he showed it to Robin. He actually had six of them that they need to choose from. King of All Blacks wanted to see them so Howard told him to come on down. Howard said he has people hanging out at SIRIUS just creating stuff for him. He said that he's so free it's going to be amazing. He wished his current company, Infinity, luck with their future but he's on fire now and it's going to be an amazing thing. Gary said there are people there at the station who are begging them to take them to the new place. Howard said that his mission is to make radio more important than television and that's what he's going to do.
A caller told Howard how great the show was last night on Howard 100. Howard said it was like a love fest because everyone was being really cool about everything. Howard figures his father could do a one hour show all by himself. The caller also said that they need to have Bubba the Love Sponge use his real name instead of the made up name. (Bubba is his legal name, changed in 2000 so that name would show up on the election ballot) Howard said he doesn't care about that and he should just listen to some of his stuff and he'll think it's pretty funny. He said he laughed his ass off at the call Bubba's show member Ned made to David Lee Roth. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she had to listen to Ben and Ray on Howard 100 last night and they were really enjoying it. She said that the show was out of sight and even her mother enjoyed it.
Benjy also told Howard that his mother's greatest disappointment was that she didn't breast feed her kids. He also thought that his parents talking about Ben being well endowed was pretty funny. Vinnie said that he and some others were huddled around a radio listening like they were listening to the Lone Ranger 50 years ago. He said that someone asked a question about who they liked better, Beth or Alison, and Ben gave a quick answer and said ''next question'' in that classic Ben Stern way.
Howard heard that Ralph was confronted about something while he was down at the studios and was kind of rattled by the whole thing. Howard said he really needs to get some sleep because he's been getting so little lately. He said that Beth is going to help him get some sleep. Bobo called in during that and said that the show was amazing last night. He wanted to make a point but Howard took over and said that there was one caller last night and said that a caller had done an F***, Marry, Kill thing with his parents but the two of them avoided playing by saying that they were already married.
Gary said that all he did was stand there yesterday and Sal stuck a sign on his back. He is Sal's boss so if he wants to spar with him on the air then go ahead. He said that yesterday was all about Sal and everything he does is about him. Ronnie said he told the 60 Minutes crew to cut everything Sal did out of the show. He seems to think that they were annoyed by Sal and won't include any of his stuff anyway. Sal also farted on the producer that was there yesterday but Sal says he didn't do that on purpose. Sal ended up threatening to resign from the show because he gets killed for doing what he does. Sal told Gary that he does everything he does for the good of the show. Gary said no one told him he has to do that stuff though. If he has a problem being ''Captain Sack'' then it's his own fault. Sal said that's all for the show and Gary doesn't seem to get that. Ronnie started to goof on the size of Sal's man boobs and said he has some balls to be goofing on his man boobs.
Ronnie said that Sal really seemed to be happy when the camera crew came running in yesterday after he knocked over the cart rack in the back yesterday. Sal says that's not the case though. Howard got some tape from Howard 100 News where they had Ronnie ratting out Sal about his wacky behavior. They gave Sal some digs on the News as well and said that Sal is a phony phone caller who uses his power on the show to further his stand-up comedy career. Sal heard the report and asked Ronnie ''Who the F are you?'' Gary thinks that every incident is the end of the world to Sal and he doesn't get that it's not that meaningful. Sal said that he seems to be wrong all the time no matter what. Gary said that Sal will dwell on something all day long when they bring it up to him. Sal was leaving the studio but came back in and said that he dwells on stuff because he's obsessed with the show and his job. Howard had to take a break because they had gone almost a full hour without one.
Gary told Howard that Sal really thinks that there is some mission at Howard 100 News to make him look bad and he has no way to fire back at someone like Ronnie because he's not allowed on the air over there. Gary said that there was a bit that Bubba did where he played a bit, that Sal created, for the guys at Shady 45 that he thought was really racist. Then Sal heard that he might not want to even show up over there because there will be black guys who want to kill him. Gary said that will all be forgotten by the time they're over there.
Howard spent some time talking about the 60 Minutes crew that was there yesterday and how crazy it was to have the crew there shooting all of them. They had cameras swinging back and forth between all of them. Howard is afraid that Ed Bradley is going to have it in for him though because he heard that Bradley did an interview with Don Imus and he was apparently all ga ga over him. He thinks that it's going to be a horrible piece about him now. The producer of the segment was trying to get Howard to do his hair differently while they were shooting it yesterday and he's afraid they're going to make him look like a monster by showing his face and promoting the segment that way. He's afraid they'll be comparing him to Hitler or something on the show even though Ruth was telling him how nice his eyes looked. He figures that was just her way to get him to drop his defenses so they could get some close ups of his face. He talked about how Katie Couric screwed him over after kissing his ass a little bit before she blasted him live on the air. He said the last person he trusted was this guy Douglas Kiker who really screwed him over when he interviewed him.
Howard took a call from Beetlejuice's manager Sean who wanted to come up to the studio. Howard said that he can't come up because of what happened between him and Tom a while ago. Sean said he was just checking to find out if they had dropped the rule about not being allowed up there yet. Beetlejuice was up there already but he was hanging out in the green room. Sean said he still loves them and understands why he can't get up there.
A listener called in to tell Howard how great his parents were last night and ended up talking about seeing the new Don Imus poster that's all over the city these days. Robin has seen it as well and said that it's really frightening. The caller said he looks like that Rocky Dennis character from the movie ''Mask.''
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard how great the interview was last night so Howard said he'd play some of that after the break. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard had his mother on the phone to talk about the show that she and Ben did last night. Howard's mother Ray told him that she couldn't talk to him last night because things were so crazy over there at the studio. She said she loves him very much and they had a great time last night doing what they did. Howard said that there are a lot of fans out there who thought they did a really good job and deserve to have their own show. Ray said that the callers were very kind and they really enjoyed it all. It was very touching to Ray that people were calling in from all over the country to tell them how great their son is. Ray was having some trouble hearing Howard so he had to raise his voice. He wanted to give her a show over there but Ray said that she's an old lady and isn't sure she could do that.
Howard confronted his mother about the novocaine story and how she denied ever refusing to let him take it when he was a kid at the dentist. Ray said she didn't use it herself but wouldn't deny him the shots. Howard said she would tell him that it was dangerous and he shouldn't use it. She said that he was exaggerating the story but he doesn't believe that's the case. She thought that he had novocaine at some point but even if he didn't, he survived. Howard also brought up how she said that he never got beaten up in school as a kid. Ray said that he never had a beating that she knows about. Howard reminded his mother about how he used to be shaken down by a kid in school but she made light of that and said that it was just good experiences for him. It was the real world. Howard said that his mother and father were great last night and wanted to read something but he couldn't find the notes he had printed out.
Ray said that she got to see Cousin Brucie last night and saw Howard's new studio that's under construction for Howard over there. Ray called Ben to get him on the phone because she was having problems hearing Howard on the phone. Ben came in a short time later so Howard told him how fantastic he was. He wanted to read some reviews he printed out but Jason wasn't able to give him what he was looking for. He went on to tell his father to think about doing a half hour show a week about what's on his mind. Ben said it's best to leave while he's at the top and he's retired now. He's not sure he'd want to do that. Ben said that he usually sits in the house staring at the wall so this is disrupting his life. Ben said it was a very exciting thing last night and it was great to hear the calls coming in from all over the country. Ben told Howard that George Flowers was a great guy to work with last night as well. Ben told Howard that he met Meg Griffin last night and he was very excited to have met her. Howard used to work with Meg years ago and Ben thought that she was one of the most abused people to appear on Howard's show.
Howard let his father go and played some audio clips from their show. In the first clip Ray told a caller that Howard never got beaten up in school and he exaggerates a lot. Ben talked about the garbage can incident but made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. In another clip a caller asked Ben for his thoughts on Harriet Miers. Ben went into a whole discussion about her for a minute or so. He has opinions on everything according to Howard. He played another clip where his mother Ray denied ever telling the dentist not to give him novocaine. She also says that she didn't take his temperature rectally as long as he says.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they were going to have his parents on every week talking about the same old stories. Howard said that's all he needed to hear, he was done playing clips of his parents. The one caller ruined it for everyone else. He said that he's never going to play it on terrestrial radio again, he's leaving it for the people who want to hear it over on SIRIUS and that's that. Robin didn't hear all of that so she was pissed that the guy had ruined it for her. She wanted to hear more.
A listener called in and said that a lot of the stuff he was playing from his mother's interview was chopped out of the show. Howard said that's why he can't play that stuff on the ''Free FM'' because they're playing it so safe. Tom came in and told Howard that he didn't hit the delay, it must have been the local affiliate that must have edited the show. Howard said he was kind of shocked yesterday about something that Tom chopped out of the show. He hit the button on Sal saying that he hoped that Joel Hollander would get cancer and threw something in about his mother. Howard said it wasn't indecent though, it was a personal attack that they shouldn't have edited. Howard said that he doesn't have that kind of anger for Joel but editing out Sal's comment wasn't right. Tom isn't supposed to be involved in censoring something like that because it was an editorial and it shows the danger of censorship. Tom had an explanation for what he was thinking when he censored that out and it would never have made it out on the air if someone had said something like that about Mel Karmazin when he was still working there. Howard said he absolutely would have let something like that on the air. Howard told Tom that he can't editorialize and censor the show like that. Tom said that he thought it had gone too far and turned into a personal attack so he cut it out. Howard said that wishing cancer on someone doesn't mean that the guy will get cancer. Tom thought that bringing his mother into it was wrong though. Howard thought it was wrong as well and told Sal that after he said it.
Tom told Sal that he could have been fired for something like that because it's insubordination. Howard said he'd be doing Sal a favor if he did fire him. Sal apologized for what he did and said that he doesn't wish Joel cancer of the balls, he wishes Tom cancer instead. Tom said he's already had it... but not in the balls as Sal reminded everyone. Sal also went off on Tom about laughing as Julie Slater was crying about how she was losing her job after the big announcements were made earlier this week. Sal was going off on Tom so Howard had to calm him down but Sal wondered why everything he does is a problem. Howard had to tell Sal that he works there because he wants him there, that's all he needs to know. Fred ended up doing an impression of Sal going crazy that was pretty funny. Howard had to calm everyone down and take a break before moving on to the next segment.
Howard tried to talk to Beetlejuice about the whores and how he got them to his hotel room. Beet said he don't want to know how they did that. Robin and Howard would ask a question and Beetlejuice would say ''You don't wanna know that...'' so Howard would have to dig to get an answer. Beetlejuice said that the whores look strange to him when they see him for the first time. Howard was trying to find out if the girls are freaked out by him when they see him for the first time but Beet wouldn't know. Beet said that his secret to pleasing a woman is, well, he didn't have an answer for that, he just rambled on about nothing.
Howard gave Beetlejuice a plug for some appearances he has coming up tonight and tomorrow. You can find out more about that at JollyDwarf.com. Howard also told him that he has big plans for him and the Wack Pack for when they move to the new place. He was going to wrap up the interview but wanted Beetlejuice to demonstrate how he can put on his own condom. The guys brought one in a minute later and asked him to do it. Howard told him to go head and open it up himself. Howard described the scene and said that Beetlejuice turned his back and put the thing on. He heard that Sean had to put the thing on Beetlejuice when they do it. Gary came in and said that he may have had trouble putting it on the thing he was trying to put it on. Beetlejuice actually was able to put the thing on but then he took it off and wanted to put it somewhere they didn't want him to. They had to put it in a napkin and throw it out.
High Pitch Eric called in and got in a plug for one of the gigs they had tonight so Howard hung up on him since he had already gotten a plug in. Howard gave Beetlejuice a couple more plugs and had him making some weird noises as they were whooping it up. Howard was about to go to break but Gary brought in a tape of Yucko the Clown prank calling Gary the Retard (Click for uncensored call). In the call Yucko pretended to be a black guy by the name of Lamont. He asked Gary the Retard about using the N-word and Gary denied ever using the word and hung up on him. Yucko called back and pretended to be Daniel Carver who got him to say the word again. Gary said he didn't want to talk to any N-words and got pissed when Yucko revealed it was him by honking his horn. Howard went to break after playing the call.
Denise didn't want to keep talking about the sex stuff so she kept trying to get in a plug for her song. She brought it up over and over again and Howard would try to side track her. Denise said that she co-wrote a song with Sharon Stone called ''Come Together Now.'' Gary came in and interrupted and told Howard that he's on the board of a charity that Denise is part of so he's been up to her amazing apartment. He explained how big it is and how it's a couple of floors in an apartment building. She has Picaso paintings on her wall and claims she doesn't know how many she has. Denise didn't want to talk about all of that stuff though.
Howard talked about a party he went to where he met a bunch of Denise's friends like Stevie Wonder and Donna Summer but missed out on the part where they all went back to her apartment and sat around singing. He had a friend who went over there and saw it all going on. Gary told another story about a party that Denise held at her apartment where she had her terrace frozen up so they could ice skate up there. Denise said that party was amazing. Howard got back to the President Clinton thing and asked more about the pardon thing. Denise would only say that he's a great man. Howard asked her to invite him to some of those great parties of hers because he wants to hob knob with some of those people. He'd like to hang out with Clinton but he thinks that Clinton runs away from him when he sees him.
Howard let Denise get in some plugs for this song of hers since that's what she wanted to do. He tried to talk to her about other things but she just wanted to plug the album. Howard gave her some plugs for an event she's appearing at called The Angel Ball and you can find out more about that at GPFoundation.com. He asked her about hosting the Star Jones engagement party at her apartment but she kept bringing up her album. Howard wanted to guide the interview but she kept going off in that direction so he let her talk about that a little bit. Denise explained how she and Sharon and two other people wrote the song and Sharon helped out with the lyrics. Howard didn't believe that Sharon helped out at all other than adding her name to the list of people who wrote the song. Howard thinks that the other three people wrote the song while Sharon smoked a cigarette. Denise said that wasn't the case. She gave Howard a huge list of names of the people who sang on the song and it seemed to be endless. She said that it was the biggest group of people to come together to do a song since ''We Are The World.'' Howard played some of the song and asked about Celine Dion when he heard her singing on the song. He wondered if her head is too big for her body now and if she brings her Scott the Engineer-looking husband with her. Denise had nothing but nice things to say about everyone who sang on the song.
Howard tried to ask Denise some sex questions but she avoided answering any of that stuff. Fred was playing some Taylor Rain porn audio clips while Howard was asking her about it but Denise didn't seem to notice what was going on. He also played the We Are The Wack Pack song parody for her and asked her what she thought of that. She said it was kind of cute and thought that it could be fixed up to sound really good. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in a short time later and talked about how he has a crush on her. He's also been up to her apartment and would like to write a song with her. She said that would be kind of fun and seemed like she'd be into it. Howard let Vinnie go and gave Denise more plugs for all of her stuff as he was wrapping up with her. Robin found out that the foundation she was plugging does cancer research. Gary asked Denise if she has written songs for every one of Celine Dion's albums. Denise said it was just two songs but those albums sold very well according to Gary. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that there was a story in the news about a woman who hung herself this week and it went unnoticed because it was mistaken for a Halloween decoration or a holiday prank. They spent a minute on that and then talked about a story that's floating around about George Takei coming out of the closet finally. Howard said he was surprised by that because he thought that Takei was a cocksman just like he was. He played a song parody they created using Takei's audio clips where he sings ''Everybody Wang Dong.'' He also played the prank call they made to a Hillbilly from Arkansas using the Takei audio clips and had the guy pissed at the phony George because he was talking about gay stuff. Mike Walker asked if that kind of stuff is going with Howard to the new place. Howard said that clip won't go but the George Takei audio can go with him because it wasn't produced there.
Howard moved on to the game so here's how it goes... Each week, month after month, year after year, Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Mike got in a plug for his KABC show that will air on Sunday night from 6-9pm on the West Coast. The show will be all about who owns the restaurant that Robert Blake ate at the night his wife was shot dead. Mike said they will prove who really owns that restaurant. Howard let Mike go a short time later and ended up talking about Gary eating a ton of chocolate that was dropped off there at the station by someone. Gary said he just can't control himself when there's chocolate laying around. He can't just take one or two and stop, he has to keep eating them. Jason came in and told Howard that Gary has a drawer full of chocolates and was eating them through a meeting they held the other day. He said he eats with his mouth open and chomps on the stuff constantly. Howard had Robin do a quick newscast and ended the show around 10:10am.