Howard said that Doug made a phone call to Brother Wease up in Syracuse while he was in the green room. Doug said that Wease has been a good friend of his for quite while so he called in to the show this morning. Flutie also said that he's a very conservative guy and Howard scares him.
Howard introduced the three judges who were:
After the break Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Doug before they performed. Doug gave his prediction for the Super Bowl too. He said it'll be Giants 17-10.
The Flutie Brothers then performed a song called ''Roller'' by April Wine. Howard gave them the use of the Scores dancers to make things fair. The Flutie Brothers sounded pretty decent but the song wasn't the best one to pick. The Judges seemed to agree. Chris Schwartz said that based on presentation he'd have to go with The Losers even though The Flutie Brothers were technically better. He said if he wanted to sell records, he'd have to go with The Losers. The Fluties were pissed and said that this was a setup. Howard then let John Tita give his evaluation. John said that The Fluties' vocals and guitar were great but, once again, The Losers had a better presentation so they got his vote. Last up was Michael Caplan. He also went with The Losers even though the Fluties played better. He said that Howard has ''it'' with his charismatic personality and that's what would sell records.
The Flutie Brothers were upset over the loss but Howard insists that this wasn't a setup. He then let the record company guys plug their stuff and let Doug plug his web sites FlutieBrothers.com and DougFlutie.org which will bring you to the band web site and the autism organization that Flutie has.
After taking another break Howard took a call from some other record company guy who said that one of the judges called him and said he wants to sign The Losers. Howard said he would never do that because they're making fun of these celebrity bands so it would be hypocritical of them to sign.
Fred was having some problems with the equipment first thing this morning. He said that nothing was working correctly after their week off because everything was rewired. Howard wondered what was going on because they didn't need anything fixed. Fred said they were supposed to be making improvements but nothing was broken until they started doing that stuff.
Howard's intro music finally came on so Howard started the show and said he was feeling pretty rested after his vacation. He went on to talk about how his daughter was telling him that he's becoming ''Nation'' which apparently means that he's becoming mental. He figures she just made up the word and he caught her. She told him that it's a new, hip word that she was using. Howard spent some time with his 11 year old daughter over the vacation and went kayaking with her. They did a little bit of that and went out to lunch where they ran into Jon Bon Jovi and his son. Howard's daughter didn't know who Jon was so Howard had to explain to her that he's sold over 100 million albums.
Howard got wasted Sunday night when he held his clam bake. He passed out on his bed late that night and he's not sure what happened to anyone that night. He gets excited when he knows he doesn't have to drive and just drinks like crazy. Artie said he's thrown a few parties in his time and never remembers what happened to his guests either. That led to Robin bringing up the problems Artie has with drinking. Howard said he might have a problem himself. He's a couple of years from joining Artie at a bank robbery.
Fred played a clip of Congresswoman Heather Wilson so Howard mentioned that they had some audio of her from the Republican National Convention where she made a speech. The guys talked about how President Bush has gotten a bit of a bump up in the polls since the convention and Howard is going to take care of that over the next few weeks. He said he's going to knock him down in the polls. He said he has to tell people how to think after seeing the speeches at the convention. Howard doesn't want to get too political today but 3 days before the election he's going to spend a lot of time on the subject.
Howard took a call from a guy who confirmed the new term that his daughter had used with him. He said that ''Nation'' means ''Nation of Islam'' and it means that you're going ''militant.'' Howard also said that his daughter used the ''H-aggot'' term at one point when he was talking about how beautiful the scenery was around them when they were kayaking. He explained how he was telling his daughter to behave when she used the ''Don't go all Nation'' on him. Howard still wasn't sure how his daughter even knows what the Nation of Islam is.
Howard talked about the MTV Video Music Awards and how bad it was. He said that Will Smith was awful yelling out to the crowd the way he was. Artie said he watched about 10 minutes of the show and wanted to throw his TV out the window. Howard talked about how his old boss Mel Karmazin used to tell him how great the award shows were because they could charge 3 times the ad rate for advertising even though it's the same crap and the same people being shown on MTV.
A caller was a little upset about what Howard said about having to tell people ''how to think'' after seeing the Republican National Convention. Howard told the guy that some people on the bulletin boards have been saying that Howard is slacking off and needs to give them more information so that's what he's going to do.
Another caller told Howard about how he thought Artie was leaving the show after reading that on the bulletin boards. Howard said he saw that and squashed the rumor. Gary came in and told Howard that Sal the Stockbroker had something to do with it and told him to go along with it. He's not sure who else was involved but he heard that Shuli had something to do with it as well. Then he brought up how Chaunce Hayden posted something about how he broke down and cried when he heard the news about Laura Branigan dying.
Artie told Howard how he and Dana had a great weekend together during vacation. They went to Ocean and had a great meal and walked around the city together and had a great time. Howard went out with some people to another restaurant and had a great meal himself. Robin said she went out to San Francisco to the Massa restaurant and had a great meal as well.
Shuli called in but Howard got sidetracked for a minute while he talked about how he had Dominic Barbara over to his place over the weekend and no one was talking to him. Howard said it was kind of sad because his wife would ask people to go over and talk to him but they'd all refuse. Shuli told Howard that he got in on the Artie rumor after it had been started already. He said Sal told him that they were going to goof on people and it just got out of hand. Artie said that, unlike others on the show, he would actually tell them what he was doing if he was going to leave the show. That led to the guys goofing on Stuttering John because he denied having purchased a house out in California when they confronted him about it. Howard wondered if they're going to blame John for Jay Leno's ratings having gone down since he started on the show with him.
Howard had a lot more to get to but he had to take a break first. Fred threw in a clip of porn star Aurora Snow gagging that no one had heard in about a week or so. Fred was testing out his new digital equipment by playing that clip and things seemed to be working okay at that point. Howard went to break after that.
Robin brought up the Jerry Lewis Telethon and what went on during that event this past weekend. She said that Jerry sits during the telethon these days instead of running around doing stuff like he used to. He's still got a huge head even though he's gotten better over the past couple of years since his head expanded. She gave a few other details
Howard mentioned a few more things that they have coming up soon on the show. They have the World's Biggest Hemorrhoid contest, an Amputee Beauty Pageant and other stuff. Howard mentioned some of the stuff they've been doing on his web site. They had some Babes of Best Of that they posted on the site over the week. They also have two advertisers on there now. Howard said he has some new stuff coming soon that everyone has been waiting for. He wouldn't say exactly what that was though.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard that he can't wait for the Amputee Beauty Pageant because he did that on his internet radio show a few years ago. Howard stopped him right there and told Chaunce he did that back on his channel 9 show years ago so he didn't invent that idea. Chaunce went on to tell Howard that he was talking to Jackie the Joke Man over vacation and he found out he's dating Florence Henderson. Howard stopped him again and said that the NY Post had to post an apology because the story wasn't true. Henderson said that they don't have any relationship going on right now. They worked together in a low budget film and that was about it. Robin brought up how Chaunce was crying over Laura Branigan's death recently. Chaunce said he was really upset by that because she was only 47 years old and she had a brain aneurism. Gary came in and goofed on Chaunce a little bit about his breakdown. He wondered if Chaunce is going to kill himself when someone really important dies.
Artie was singing some of Laura Branigan's hits and goofing on Chaunce a bit himself. Chaunce said that he relates one of Branigan's songs to the death of a friend of his because he kept playing the song after she died. Howard played Branigan's song ''Gloria'' and introduced it as though he was a deejay on WNBC. That led to the guys talking about some other songs from back in the 1980's. Howard was going to play some other songs but Chaunce wanted to hear the Branigan song that made him cry. Gary said he'd go back and try to find the song so Howard could play it. Howard then found that his music library folder was missing on his computer. Gary came in and told him that they put in a new computer over vacation and that's why it was missing. Howard didn't understand why things had to change like that when they put in a new computer.
Chaunce had the song that makes him cry ready to play over the phone. He played a little bit of ''How Am I Supposed to Live Without You'' but Howard could only take a few seconds of it. Howard went on to play some other songs from the 80's like ''Shake it Up'' and ''8675309 (Jenny, Jenny).'' Howard said he had it made back at WNBC when he was introducing those songs.
Chaunce asked Howard about his movie ''Private Parts'' because it was on over the weekend on cable. He wondered if Howard can sit through the movie these days now that his life has chanced so much. Howard said he can't do that and hasn't seen the movie in years because it's filled with lies. He went on to play some more 80's songs that he had on this CD he was playing.
Chaunce told Howard that he had a gig on ABC that he blew. He was on a cable and on the internet but when he was asked to critique the Bush daughters, he couldn't remember their names and stammered through his live appearance. Howard told him that he has to think quick and come up with something when he can't remember their names. Howard still had more songs on that 80's CD that he was playing. He was also discussing some old deejays from WMCA that he remembered. He talked about Jack Spector and some of the other guys that worked on WMCA. Howard used to make prank calls to Jack Spector so he told the guys about that.
Howard said he had sex last night and his sex life has been great lately. He talked about how he had Beth over a chair one night. Robin wondered how they got there. Howard told her he just told her to get over the chair, that's how they got there. He talked about how great his sex life has been lately. Robin said sex is good when you try it in different places like he was talking about doing.
Howard spent some time talking about his buddy Booker who used to be a deejay at his station. He's hoping that he comes back and gets the afternoon shift job there at his station. He likes some of the other guys there and would like to have Booker there.
Howard asked Fred what he did over vacation last week. Fred said he spent time with his daughter and wife. Howard said some people thought they planned their vacation around the Republican National Convention. It was just a coincidence because they're not that organized to actually plan something like that. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard got back into his political discussions again. He and Gary were talking about how John Kerry finally started defending himself against some of the stuff that was being said about him at the Republican National Convention. They spent a few minutes on that stuff.
Howard was pretending to be Double A going down inside of Sunset Thomas to see what was going on with her private parts. He had an echo on his voice and was checking to make sure things looked okay ''in there.'' Howard then asked Double A what kind of stuff was on the ''menu'' there at the Kit Kat ranch. Double A said he was so drunk he didn't care what happened but he did use a condom. He claims that he lasted an hour and 25 minutes with her. He had gotten laid the night before with some chick he met at a club out there. Howard didn't believe that and asked him what she was like. Double A said she wasn't a fat chick either. He thinks that his Howard Stern tattoo helps him pick up chicks these days.
Howard asked Double A a few more things about his experience at the brothel. Double A said he was only there for Sunset Thomas and didn't want any other girls. Sunset made him put down the camera when he was with her. Howard said that the tattoo Double A has on his arm looks ridiculous on him. Artie said when Double A pleasures himself with that arm, it looks like Howard is giving him oral. The guys goofed on Double A for a few minutes about what the girls might say to him when they see him there at the brothel. They goofed on his height and how Sunset probably wanted to kill herself while Double A was with her for over and hour.
Double A said he made out with Sunset and then worked his way ''down South.'' He said she was moaning during the whole thing so she was either into it or she was doing a great acting job. Sunset went south on him as well after that. He didn't have to take any pills or anything to get him aroused. He was all natural. The whole session lasted an hour and 25 minutes. They did all kinds of positions that Double A didn't even know existed. Artie wondered if one of those positions was where Double A was in the bed and Sunset was in the bathroom shooting heroin.
A woman called in and told Howard she met Double A over the weekend and she doesn't like the tattoos and big gold chain he wears. Beetlejuice's limo driver Mike called in and said that he has nightmares thinking about Beet having sex but the stories Double A was telling might ease those nightmares because the stories were pretty funny. A couple of other guys called in and goofed on him after that. Howard let Double A go after that.
Howard read that Rush Limbaugh is dating CNN reporter Daryn Kagan so he went out and checked out some pictures of her to see what she looked like. He said on CNN.com she looked pretty hot but on WireImage.com they had some ''real'' pictures of her where she didn't look all that hot.
Howard played an Onion Radio News bit that he liked. They did a report about a psychic wasting time during a search for a lost 13 year old girl. Howard moved on and read through some news stories. He talked about Bill Clinton's heart problems and how he had to go in for an operation to clear that up. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard congratulated his movie wife, Mary McCormack, who just had a baby girl on Friday. He doesn't know what the baby's name is because they haven't picked out a name yet. He heard that she had only picked out boy names because they thought it was going to be a boy. They were going to name it Joe but that might not work with a girl, although Howard said you can use Joe as a girls name these days.
Howard read an article about Chef Ron and how he's going to be suing Don Imus' wife over her use of his recipes in her book. That led to Howard talking about Imus and his cancer ranch and what a joke he thinks it is.
Howard was trying to read some news stories but he had a bunch of new noises in the studio that were driving him nuts. He tried to figure out where they were coming from but didn't have any luck. He got back to the news stories he had about President Bush and all of the damage he's done to the country while he's been in office and how people just seem to be ignoring it. Howard seems to think that Saddam Hussein will be President of Iraq again one day because he was the only one who was able to control those people over there.
A listener called in and said that Jessica Hahn was on the bulletin board and she seems like a real sweetheart. She answers everyone's questions and she's very nice. The guy was hoping to get Jessica on a Dial-A-Date or something so he could try to get a date with her but Howard wasn't going to do that. He bailed out on the call and moved on to some other things.
Howard had tape of Gary's Mets game pitch. Gary said that the whole team was out on the field already when he came out. He expected them to let them do it 20 minutes before the game started but that's not the way it went. Howard didn't get why it was such a big deal that he had to have his father come up from Florida to watch this pitch. Gary said his father brought him to a lot of Mets games when he was a kid and they're huge fans. Howard said his father wouldn't care at all about something like that. Howard's father wouldn't help out explaining stuff to him about a baseball game when he went as a kid. His father just expected him to know how to keep track of what was going on.
Scott the Engineer said he was at the game and it was very odd how Gary was introduced before the team and then the team followed him out. Gary's pitch wasn't all that great either. He was a couple of feet off the rubber but he was still on the mound. Then he threw the ball and Robin thought it looked like he threw like a girl. Howard played more tape of the game and they introduced Gary as ''Baba Booey.'' Howard wondered if his kids call him Baba Booey yet. He said they do laugh when they hear it but they don't use that name.
A listener called in and said he saw Gary waddle out on the field to throw the pitch and it looked like he had something up his butt when he came walking out. Howard let him goof on him for a few seconds. Gary thanked the Mets for letting him do that.
Howard played some clips from the web site he was talking about earlier in the show where they have clips from the WMCA Good Guys (MusicRadio.Computer.net/WMCA/WMCAairchecs.html). The guys all ramble on and talk really fast as they're talking. There were some clips of Jack Spector not making much sense as he was talking about a bunch of nonsense. Howard played some clips of the other Good Guys and goofed on their delivery a bit. Howard wasn't sure how he picked radio as a career if he grew up listening to this stuff. The announcers were so into their jobs that they'd even make the weather and pollen count reports sound really important.
Howard moved on to play some clips of the President Bush's daughters making a speech at the Republican National Convention. Howard heard they were really bad but he hadn't hear it himself yet. As he was playing it he realized how lame it really was. The girls were making jokes that just weren't funny but they'd laugh at their own jokes. It was time for another break after the guys listened to those clips.
Howard wanted to play some clips from the MTV Video Music Awards before the news. He was going to put it off until tomorrow but he had to play Will Smith saying nothing on stage when he was introduced. He gets on stage and just yells out ''MIAMI!'' and stands there for a short time. Howard said he had the clip cut down a bit because it just goes on forever. He then introduces Shaquille O'Neil and drags that out way too long. Howard was trying to talk about that stuff a little bit but he was having more technical problems with his equipment. His microphone was making noise and pissing him off.
Howard brought up the discussion they had earlier in the morning about how Mel Karmazin told Howard how great the Video Music Awards are because they can make so much money on advertising. Howard said he was able to watch the entire Video Music Awards show in about 10 minutes on his TiVo. He said he's not racist but the rap artists on the VMAs just ''bore the piss'' out of him. Gary came in and told Howard that the party crasher Sixx managed to get on stage again. Howard didn't remember seeing that but that may have been because he was fast forwarding through the whole thing. The guys talked about some of the other entertainers on the show like Britney Spears. Howard said he's not liking that she's gotten so fat lately. He's seen pictures of her in some magazines where her fat belly is sticking out and she's got big, thick thighs.
Howard said Will Smith is really annoying and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith is even more annoying. He said he got a copy of her album Wicked Wisdom from her web site (WickedWisdom.net). He played some of that and said it was just awful. He played a couple of tracks and they were all just horrible. He threw in some song parodies that were much better than her songs.
Howard had some audio clips from the Jerry Lewis Telethon from this past weekend. Jerry can barely breathe when he talks so he was out of breath as he started the telethon. Ed McMahon showed everyone Jerry's pain button which puts a stop to the pain in his body through medically implanted wires. Jerry also breaks down and cries during one part of the telethon as he's talking. He also sings, or attempts to sing, but it was pretty awful.
Captain Janks called in and said he tried to call in to prank call them but he was told they don't take calls anymore because they've gotten pranked in the past. Another phone caller said that he doesn't think that Jerry actually cares about the handicapped kids he's supposed to be helping. Howard was going to take a break but he brought up the new season of ''The Surreal Life'' which he got an advance copy of. He said it's a great show because they have Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen on and it's pretty funny stuff. He said that Brigitte has gotten all fat and she walks around in a thong and stuff that just looks nasty. The guys had to take another break a short time later.
Howard read through a couple of e-mails but said he'd wait until tomorrow to read through the rest of them. He also said he has tape of Benjy at the Republican National Convention that he'll be playing tomorrow. Robin got her news after that.
Howard wasn't done eating when he started the show. He had four bites left of his hot meal and he just wanted to finish it before getting started. He complained about the last place that made his egg white omelets because they always smelled like bacon grease. The new place apparently makes his food the way he wants. Robin noticed how fast he finished his meal after he gulped down that last four bites of breakfast. He said that's one thing he really enjoys unlike some people who really enjoy sports. Gary has to come in and tell him about sports news and stuff like that first thing in the morning. He said he heard a lot about the Yankees and some of the stuff that's been going on with them. That led to Howard and Artie talking about the team. Howard only finds out about this stuff after hearing it from Gary so he figures he's a big homo compared to some guys. Howard spent a little more time talking about the way he eats his breakfast. He uses his fingers to push food on his fork sometimes. He wonders how some people get their food on their forks without doing that. Robin told him that they take their time and eat slow.
A caller asked Howard what his father did in World War II since he'd heard he served. Howard said that it's kind of a secret thing that he's not sure he wants that known. He went on to tell Robin about how his father was involved in the bombing of Hiroshima and was on the Enola Gay. He was just part of the mission and said that he essentially ended World War II. Robin wanted to look at Howard's face to see if he was telling the truth or not. He continued on with the story and even the caller didn't believe that he was telling the truth. Robin was laughing at him as well so Howard finally broke down and said that he's not even sure what his father did in the service. He had something to do with radio communications and morse code stuff. Robin said he had her for a minute but the caller said he wasn't fooled at all. He knew Howard was full of it from the start. Robin just laughed as she heard all of that. Howard had some fun with the phony story and said that he was actually a double agent and his mother was a whore working for the Russian army. He then said that he doesn't think his father did much of anything. Then he revealed that his sister pitched for the Mets.
Howard said that Chris Rock has rescheduled his appearance from today to Friday. His daughter's first day of nursery school is today so he's putting it off. Howard wasn't sure this was the same Chris Rock he knew. He doesn't know of any dude who goes to their kid's first day of nursery school. Gary said he heard that Chris didn't want to hear it at home if he didn't go to that first day of school. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Chris and what he's up to with all of that stuff. Howard said that Tony Danza will be on the show today even though Chris won't be on. The caller Howard had on the line said that Howard used to goof on Tony all the time. He once said that Tony was so stupid that his characters were always named ''Tony'' in every TV show he ever did. Howard said he can have people on the show he doesn't really like. He said he met Tony recently at a restaurant and he was nice to him so things should be fine.
The guys were talking about how one of the chicks from ''Taxi'', Marilu Henner, wrote a book about all of the guys she banged. That led to Howard talking about how he's glad he never slept with Jenna Jameson because she wrote a book about all of the guys she's been with. He wouldn't have liked being in that book.
Another caller told Howard he was being a douche bag about the stories he was telling about his father because he fell for it at first. Howard kept up the story and told the caller that his father was the one who actually dropped the bomb. The caller knew he was full of it and got off the line a short time later.
Howard read a few things from the book ''Where the Right Went Wrong'' about President Bush. He said that he wasn't going to read a lot of that stuff and if you want to find out more you should buy the book.
Radzinski told Howard about some of the episodes they submitted for approval. Howard and the guys had been guessing at which episode it could have been and were talking about episodes where Beetlejuice did things or Cabbie talked about doing gay stuff. Radzinski said it was actually an interview with Jim Carrey that won.
Howard was on the bulletin board last night and some people had already seen the shows and were blown away by the small penis stuff. The Lesbian Sisters show is another big one and the two of them go crazy on each other. Howard said he envisions a lot of things on his web site. Eventually there will be a full library of shows available there on Movielink.com. He talked about how great the quality is for these shows. He's also talking about how when he eventually gets kicked off of radio, he may be able to offer his show on the web.
Howard wants to turn his web site into the ''crown jewel'' of the internet and that's why he has to charge for the uncensored E! shows. He said the cost is $4.95 (to $6.95) and a couple of bucks go back to the company servicing them. Then some of the money goes back to Viacom. The final dollar he has left is going back to his web site for development. If he gets a million downloads, he gets a million bucks to go toward his web site. He says that the quality is second to none and you can rent these shows for 24 hours and watch them a few times in that time frame.
Howard doesn't want a lot of advertising on his web site. He has two right now but may go as high as six eventually. He and Robin talked about how horrible that stuff becomes when the pop-ups start. He doesn't want to do that so he wants to have a lot of content and fill the site with that instead. Some people want stuff for free but he just can't do that.
Artie said he's going to turn on his computer this afternoon and watch himself win the Anal Ring Toss thing. Howard said that you'll be contributing to making his site even bigger when you buy those E! shows. He thinks the price is low enough that you can enjoy it while they still make a few bucks for developing the web site. He eventually wants to add maybe 4 more uncensored shows a week to the list.
A listener called in and said that Howard is on the right track with this stuff and he thinks that the web is the future of entertainment. Howard talked about how he is preparing for the future with this stuff and he wants to be able to communicate with his fans when he has to leave terrestrial radio eventually. Another caller told Howard that he can get money from advertising instead of charging for the content on his site. Howard told the caller he doesn't want to do that because it just clutters up the web site. The guy on the line said that he doesn't pay for anything and he doesn't want to pay for the E! shows. Howard asked him to stop bumming him out and ended up getting off the line with him right before going to break.
Howard found out that they had to pay for that Telly award they got earlier. He also heard that the Academy Award is the same though and only one person gets the award and anyone else who wants one has to pay for it.
Howard got back to the George Takei tape and listened to some of the stuff he was talking about at this event he was at. Takei talks about how he helped develop the subway system in Los Angeles among other things. Howard found it funny that Mayor Bradley appointed ''Sulu'' to develop the subway system in the city. Someone asked Takei if he has heard the Sulu Dance song but Takei said something about how you don't hear a dance, you see a dance. Garver was asking the questions and told Takei that it was a song from the show. Takei then goes on to talk about how he doesn't listen to the show but he does support Howard's right to give his opinions on the show without being censored. He said that Howard has the right to be on the air because this is America and he is American. After making that speech there was some applause so Artie did his impression of Takei and said ''Thank you from the man in the Deforest Kelly mask...'' and some other funny lines like that. Howard said he could listen to this George Takei stuff all day.
Takei says that he didn't know who Howard was many years ago until his publicist told him about the show and put him on when he was doing a play in New York City. He explained how he went to the show for the first time and how he heard this vile and vulgar conversation was going on. He didn't know that this was the same show he was going on. Takei asked his publicist why they don't change the station and put some nice music on. That's when the receptionist came in and told him it was time to go on the air. Gary said that Takei may have been talking about him. That led to Howard making fun of Gary as he did his Takei impression. Takei went on to talk about how Howard said someone with a voice as low as his must have a ''big dong.'' Howard and the guys figure the people at this convention may not be too happy with the language he was using. Takei finished off saying that was his introduction to Howard Stern. Howard had more tape of him at this convention but they had the William Shatner CD to play.
Gary had to explain to Howard what this CD was all about. The CD which is called ''Has Been'' is a serious album and Shatner isn't joking around with this stuff. Howard started to play some of the CD and couldn't believe what he was hearing after just 5 seconds of the first song. Shatner just speaks the lyrics as the music is playing. Gary said the guy who did the music for Shatner is this guy from Ben Folds 5. Howard said he's going to read Shatner the riot act when he comes in because it's so bad. Shatner will be in soon to promote the album.
Howard listened to a little more of the album and said they have to be kidding with that stuff. Robin told him to stop interrupting it because it's so entertaining. Gary had him go to a different track that was even wackier than the first one. Howard wants to know what is on this guy Ben Folds mind. He read through some of the liner notes on the CD and Shatner talks about the recording of the album. Howard listened to a few more seconds of the album and said it sounds like the ramblings of a mad man. He thinks that insane people are going to be the ones who buy the album.
A listener called in and said that Artie's Takei impression was cracking him up. That got Howard back to the Takei tapes. Takei talks about how he got a prank call (from Kidd Chris) from someone pretending to be Ricardo Montalban. Takei said that the guy who made the call was hired by Howard Stern and it was on the radio the next morning. George said he thinks there should be some legislation that requires residuals to be paid when they use those bits on the radio because they play it so much. Howard said he didn't hire Kidd Chris to make that call, he made it on his own.
Another question was about the ''Young wet bitches'' quote he made on The Daily Show one time. Takei explained how he was bamboozled into that one as well. He thought it was a serious interview until he was asked about the ''Young wet bitches'' porn movie. Takei was laughing about all of this stuff and doesn't seem to mind that people are constantly goofing on him. He seems to have a good sense of humor about it all. Takei kept bringing up how he should be getting residuals for all of these tapes that Howard constantly plays. Howard had to take a break so he had to put a stop to the George Takei tapes.
Howard got sidetracked when he brought up an article he was reading about hurricanes and how they can be controlled. He read that they can ''seed'' the center of a hurricane and tone it down. Howard said they won't do it because people are too lazy. Gary and Robin asked him if he's out of his mind or something. Howard told them that there was a guy who wrote in to the NY Post and told them about this stuff. That's actually what he was reading.
Gary got Howard back to the William Shatner CD and had him play the song ''Has Been'' which is almost a Western movie theme song. The song was very bizarre and Howard said he's got to talk to Shatner about this stuff when he comes in. There was more tape of Gary Garver getting a one-on-one interview with George Takei. Garver asked him a question but Takei knew he was from Howard's show. He quickly answered a few questions but ran off after that. Howard also had some tape of James Doohan (Scotty on Star Trek) being interviewed. He's started to show signs of Alzheimers disease. He's barely able to understand what he's being asked so his wife has to keep asking the questions over and over again. He was asked by one reporter what his favorite memories were. The poor guy can barely remember anything and they're asking him what his favorites are. Doohan said he had a marvelous time working on the series.
Howard pictured himself being asked about the FCC when he's like 80 years old. Gary said he admires Johnny Carson because he's out of the spotlight now and never makes any appearances. The guys spent a few minutes talking about some of the other people from the series and what they're up to. It appears that Takei is handling all of this stuff the best out of all of them.
Cindy told Howard about how great the news was when she found out that he was going to be on their station out there. She also talked about how horrible the station is out there because there's a hole in the floor under the console where the chair gets stuck. They have termites swarming around in the ladies room as well. Howard said there are a lot of toilet bowl stations around the country. He said that DC 101 was a nice place to work but even his current station is a toilet bowl. Cindy said they've been working out of a production studio for the past 10 years or so.
Cindy is the only woman on the station at this time. She said that she's the only one who has lasted there at the station for some reason. Howard wondered if she has a catch phrase or anything like that. She doesn't have anything like that. She does do an all-request lunch show out there. Artie requested that she get him a sandwich if that's what she does. She said she gets that request a lot, mostly at home.
Cindy said that her husband is a comedian who works out in Las Vegas. She said he's in talks about development deals and stuff but Howard told her that every comedian has a development deal. She said his name is Mike Pace and gave out his web site MikePace.com. Howard gave her a plug and asked if she wanted to let him grab her ass. She said that her husband would get jealous so she couldn't do that. She said that she had her ass grabbed on 57th street the other day.
Howard asked Cindy if she wanted to touch him on his chest or anything like that. She said that wouldn't go over well at home so she didn't want to go there with him. She was willing to caress his face but he didn't want that. She finally said that she would suckle his breast. She went over and gave him a kiss on his nipple after telling him that his chest was bigger than hers. Howard said it was quite an honor that he'd just given her. He said he's never granted that before so she was the first. Howard had to wrap up after that and let Cindy go so they could move on to Tony Danza after taking a break.
Tony told Howard that Regis Philbin showed up to that restaurant after Howard left that night. He said that Regis just finished his album so that got a chuckle out of Howard. That led to the guys talking about the William Shatner CD and about the Telly award that Howard got earlier in the show. Tony said he's gotten a couple of those and he was just as surprised as Howard was about how you have to pay for them.
Howard talked to Tony about his big break when he got the job on ''Taxi.'' He wondered if he made enough money to retire on from that show. Tony told Howard he's got to know better than that because it was his first job. He gets like 200 $.09 checks for the syndicated shows. Howard wondered if he really hated Andy Kaufman. Tony said he didn't hate him, he didn't get along with him for a while but he eventually got pretty close to him. Tony talked about how he was in the hospital himself when he found out about Andy Kaufman's cancer. He revealed that he had an infection with his penis from over use. It was something called Seminal Vesiclitis or something like that. He was having so much sex that he had to give it a break. He was in the hospital for a short time but he took some antibiotics and was fine in a few days. Howard was impressed with that story. That's when Tony found out about Andy being in the hospital with cancer. He said that Andy didn't look good that day and it's a long shot that he was just joking around.
Howard asked Tony about banging Marilu Henner and if everyone on the show banged her. Tony said he's not sure about anyone else on the show but he did go out with her. Tony said that Judd Hirsch went out with her for a short period. They wondered which of the other guys got her but Tony wasn't sure. He said that Marilu was the greatest and he may have her help him out with his new show. Howard wondered if he'd still bang her today. Tony is married now so he wouldn't do that. He's been married for 18 years now. Howard figures he must cheat but Tony says he's not doing that. Howard and Artie could get off of the Seminal Vesiclitis stuff though. Artie said it must have been horrible because it hurt when he ejaculated.
Howard asked Tony about working with Danny DeVito and if he hated him. Tony joked that he hated him but he really loves the guy. DeVito took him under his wing when he started there on Taxi and they've been friends ever since. Howard went on to ask him about working on ''Who's The Boss'' and how that changed his life. Tony was an owner in that show and made some good money after it was on the air for 8 years. Howard asked him about Alyssa Milano and if he ever imagined she'd grow up to be so hot. Tony said it's unbelievable how hot she turned out to be. He said he'd never bang her because he was very protective of her and almost thought of her as his daughter. Howard heard that he got upset that she got breast implants but Tony said that wasn't true.
Howard asked him about Danny Pintauro, the son on ''Who's The Boss,'' who grew up to be gay. Howard said he knew that the kid was going to grow up to be gay just from the way the kid looked. Tony said that he had an inkling that he might be gay as well but it's tough for a kid growing up like that. Howard wondered if Tony thinks that the kid had a crush on him and he may have been his first lover. Tony said the kid is in New York City now trying to make a career for himself on the stage.
Tony's new show is going to be on after Regis' show in New York. They talked about how he's kind of replacing Wayne Brady who won a couple of Emmy's for his work. Howard and the guys wondered if he's going to be singing the news like Brady did. Tony said he won't be doing that but he will be making New York a major part of his show.
Howard had a list of women who Tony has banged. He showed a picture of Teri Copley and asked him about dating her. Tony talked about how he met her at a club and hooked up with her. They only spent a short time on that before getting back to Tony's talk show. He's up against people like Ellen Degeneres and Maurey Povich. He said it's going to be tough.
Howard took some phone calls and let a few people talk to Tony. One guy brought up how Tony was friends with Tupac Shakur and wrote to him while he was in jail. Tony said he did send letters back and forth to him and thought the guy was very talented. Another caller said that Tony blew him off when he asked for an autograph. Tony said that you sign 8 million autographs and the one you don't sign, the guy remembers. He said if you catch him at the right time he's usually pretty good about that stuff.
Tony gave Howard some pointers on how to punch someone and knock them out without even hitting them that hard. You just have to hit them in the right place. After that they talked about how Tony crashed into a tree while skiing one time. He ended up breaking his back when he got messed up and went down the hill backwards and slammed into a tree about 5 feet in the air. He was lucky that he didn't hit his head that day. Howard asked Tony one last question about Marilu Henner before letting him go. He asked him if he ever had anal with her. Tony didn't give an answer, he just laughed and kept his mouth shut. Howard took that as a ''yes'' of course. Howard said that must be how he got ''snuffalufagus of the penis.''
One last caller asked Tony if it was true he did some amateur porn before he was a fighter. Tony said that was not true and the video that gets sold is just a guy who looks like him. Howard gave Tony a plug for his new show ''The Tony Danza Show,'' which airs in New York at 10am, and then went to commercial break.
Howard mentioned the uncensored E! shows again. You can find out more about that at HowardStern.com. Howard talked about the small penis contest and how shocking that episode was because some of the guys barely had anything down there. The guys also talked about the other great episodes that are available there like the lesbian sisters and the Anal Ring Toss game episode. Howard said he was able to download and watch the episodes yesterday. Robin was afraid she'd download the show and never be able to find it on her hard drive. Howard told her it's very easy and it'll pop up a window where she can watch it.
A listener called in and said he was able to watch one of the E! episodes no problem. The guy also asked Howard why he has one episode where there are penises. Howard told him it's a human oddity show, almost like a freak show, that you can't believe you're seeing.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that there's a major flaw in the downloads... you can't watch them if you have a Mac. Howard doesn't know why that is. Artie thought you just needed a browser but he was just trying to get in on the conversation and didn't know what he was talking about. Howard told Chaunce to just get Windows. Chaunce said that everyone has Apple these days but Howard told him that 95 percent of the country has Windows so he doesn't know what he's talking about.
During Robin's news Vinnie Favale called in and said that people with Macs can get emulation software so they can run Windows on their Mac systems. Vinnie said he tried the service last night and it worked fine for him on his Windows computer. Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in later and said he was able to download and watch an episode on an old Apple computer no problem. That led to the guys talking about the small penis contest for a short time before Janks played his latest prank call. Janks made a call during FOX news coverage of Hurricane Frances. He called in as a woman from the Broward County area who said it was all due to Howard Stern's butt crack. The FOX news guy gave Janks a ''Baba Booey'' right back at him. Janks' female voice wasn't all that good in the call but he said he had a cold that day so that's why it wasn't that good. Janks got in a plug for his trivia game that he plays at this Tex Mex Connection restaurant in North Wales, PA.
During the news Howard noticed that Artie was limping around as he was coming back in the studio after a break. Artie sadi he hurt his ankle in a street basketball game about 3 weeks ago and it hasn't gotten much better since then. They wrapped up the show around 10:20 this morning.
Howard was wondering where his Telly Award was because he never got to bring it home to display it yesterday. He has decided to embrace it instead of goofing on it. He talked about how people like Larry King have taken a Cable Ace award and made it into a big deal so that's what he wants to do with his Telly. He has gotten some other legitimate awards from Radio and Record, FMQB and Billboard among others. Artie said it does kind of suck when your award (the Telly) is presented by the mail man.
Fred was playing some audio clips from the George Takei stuff they played yesterday. Today's guests were going to include Evil Dave Letterman and Amanda Beard so the guys talked about Amanda for a short time. She's appeared in some men's magazines lately so Howard wants to see how close she looks to those pictures.
Howard has been getting some mail from people who have been downloading the E! shows from his web site. There's a new animation special coming on E! where they have some new cartoons and stuff that they'll be showing. One of them is an animated segment from when Robin was talking about her swimming experience. The special is airing tomorrow night on E!.
A listener called in and said that some people over at Jay Leno's show are bad mouthing Howard. He was being very cryptic and saying that Leno's people are working with the Bush administration to make sure that Howard's show is taken off the air. Howard said that's fine because he wants off the air now. He would love to be forced off the air now because things have gotten so bad as far as censorship. Howard and Robin both said that all these people have to do to get them off the air is pay them. The caller had a bit of an accent that made him sound like he was a black guy from the 1800's so Howard and Artie were goofing around with him for a short time. Howard tried to find out exactly what he was saying about Leno's people since he wasn't very clear. The caller said that Leno has some people working with him that are trying to make sure Howard doesn't sign another contract when his current contract is up. He knows someone who works over there and that's what that person has heard. He said Leno hasn't said anything about that himself, it's the people working with him.
Another caller told Howard about downloading one of the uncensored E! shows from MovieLink.com. He was wondering when they're going to put more up. Howard said he's going to try and get 4 episodes per week up there for the next four weeks to see how people like it. The caller said he saw that people on the bulletin board are trying to get them for free. Howard said he's getting fed up with the bulletin board and he doesn't even go on anymore. He's sick of people calling him a cheap Jew and other things. He was hoping that it would be a place for fans to gather but it's become a place where people just bad mouth everyone for 18 hours a day. Howard thinks it's interesting but it's not something he needs right now. He knows that he will probably be thrown off the air after President Bush signs this indecency bill that's sitting on his desk. He was trying to create a network for his fans to gather once that happens but all he gets is people bashing him on the boards.
Howard told the caller he would like to eventually offer original movies to the fans eventually along with the E! shows. The caller didn't think that the $4.95 cost for the uncensored E! shows was all that bad. Howard told the guy he wanted to offer them for about $1 each but there are costs involved with getting that stuff up there and he had to charge a little more. He said there are some great shows coming up next week that people will be able to download.
The caller asked Howard about what has happened with some of the TV shows he's talked about in the past. Howard said he just doesn't have time to get to some things. He still has his ABC special deal on hold and if he gets a good guest to interview, he will do it. He offered John Kerry the chance to do an interview with him but he's turned it down. That led to Howard talking about how Bush is trying to take Kerry down by making up stuff about his military service. He went off on him for a short time and then said that Scott DePace asked him if he really believes all of this stuff he's been saying on the air lately. Of course he believes it, just like Scott believes everything he talks about. The two of them went at each other as they usually do when Scott comes in the studio. Howard told Scott that he believes all of the stuff he talks about and he believes that Bush is going to sign that indecency bill after the election. He booted Scott out of the studio a short time later.
A listener called in and asked Howard about the fans who don't have computers who were looking forward to the uncensored E! show DVD that was supposed to come out. Howard wondered who doesn't have a computer these days and explained how the DVD wasn't going to work right so that's why they're offering this stuff on the web. The caller said that he'll be getting a computer soon but he doesn't have one yet. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Howard told the guys about how his GPS was dead one day that he needed it. He had to drive his daughter somewhere and the whole system was just dead. He didn't have a radio or the GPS and it almost starts to cry when that happens. He has to talk to his friend who sold him the car about that stuff. Robin said that her boyfriend, Mr. X, has a cell phone that was telling them where to go. He has all kinds of new gadgets that he carries around. Artie said there are different discs that you have to put in when you want to go out of the area. Howard said he just has the local area in his car because he doesn't really leave the New York area. He sometimes listens to the GPS just because he's lonely and wants to hear a female voice.
Howard brought up the Uncensored E! shows again and had one of the lesbian sisters on the phone. She calls herself Jane now but back then she was known as Jade. Jane told Howard that her parents got upset with them after those shows so they've been laying low since then. Howard told her how hot she looks in those shows. Jane said that she has some new tapes that she and her sister want to send in to the show for Howard to see. Gary has some of that stuff and he said they do everything imaginable to each other.
Jane said she and her sister still do stuff with each other because they know each other so well that they can turn each other on. She doesn't have a boyfriend right now so she gets it on with her sister. Howard talked to her about how they first started getting it on. Jane said that it was Taylor who was the aggressor back then but she's not that aggressive these days. They live a couple of hours from one another so they only get it on every couple of weeks now. Howard wondered if she and her sister get it on with her sister's boyfriend. Jane is into her sister more than other guys so they just let him watch when they do their thing. They have another sister who is 19 now but they haven't corrupted her yet.
Jane got in a plug for her and her sister's web site FunSisters.com before Howard got off the phone with her. Howard talked about how he didn't believe they were really sisters when they came in but it turned out they really were. He said his sister never even used her hadn on him.
Robin had some news clips that she had Howard play while he was on the subject of Bush's military service. Howard asked his fans to at least register to vote... as long as you're going to vote for Kerry.
A listener called and asked Howard to put the Rock The Vote web site link up on his web site. Howard said he's doing something better and he's going to be registering voters on his web site once they get the software to do that. Robin said if you don't know that you have to register, we're in trouble. Howard wondered if Robin remembers when and how she registered. Robin said she's pretty sure she registered at a DMV office at some point.
Howard brought up the new NBC show ''Joey'' and how that's premiering this week. He saw a preview copy about 3 months ago and it sucked. He's heard that they went back and re-shot the show and now it's getting good reviews. Howard said the people at ABC wanted him to get his special ready to air against ''Joey'' but he told them that he doesn't want to do that because even he'll be tuning in to watch ''Joey.'' Artie said he'd rather watch Howard over ''Joey.'' Howard knows that people are going to tune in to see that show the first week. If it sucks, he could probably beat it in the ratings with his ABC special.
Howard mentioned a few guests they have coming up soon including Drew Carey, Jon Stewart and Bernie Mac. The guys talked about Bernie's new movie ''Mr. 3000'' that's coming out soon. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said that Nikki Ziering will be in soon as well. Gary came in and said that Heather Locklear wants to come in on Monday. Howard told him to book her as soon as he heard that. Gary said that she's on the cover of TV Guide and she looks great.
Howard talked about how great his sex life is with Beth these days. They had sex last night and it was really good for him. Beth tells him that he's good for her too. Howard said he thinks he has a move that he does that works on these women. He reminded the guys that Angie Everhart said he was the best she'd ever had. Howard has seen tons of porn movies and knows a lot of positions that he uses. He also said he talks a lot while they're doing it and Beth actually has to shush him. He did some ''naughty'' things to Angie when he had her. Howard watched some video where they taught him how to find a woman's G-spot and it seems to have worked for him. He uses a two-handed technique that he learned. He wanted to demonstrate it on Robin but she told him to use Artie instead. He told Artie to get on the floor and spread his legs but ended up going to break instead of demonstrating it.
A caller asked Howard how his lawsuit against Clear Channel was going. Howard said it's still in the works and he can't wait until he can haul Lowry Mays into court for his deposition. He's going to have a party with those guys and ask them questions they've never been asked. He would like to bring people like Chris Rock and Pearl Jam to the deposition as well because they've had issues with the company over the years.
Howard said Beth told him to get some new jeans because he was wearing some baggy ones that he liked. The new ones are smashing his package down there. He was wearing some nice Diesel jeans. Artie asked him what size they were and when Howard told him he had a 36 inch waist, Artie told him he's got the same size waist. Howard is 6'5'' tall though and Artie is like 5'8'' tall.
Howard played some audio from the awards show where Sixx gets on stage and plugs his web site during the award presentation. Howard said he was actually better than Will Smith who didn't do anything but yell out ''Miami'' over and over again when he presented an award. Howard seems to think that any black guy could do what Sixx does but Sixx disagreed and said he's the best at what he does. Howard told him that he should mention him when he crashes these things. Sixx told him he has something coming up soon that will be the grand finale and it'll be great.
Sixx said there was a bodyguard who grabbed him after he crashed the award presentation and some other security guys grabbed him thinking he was assaulting someone who had just been on stage for a good reason. Sixx thought that was pretty funny and laughed as he was telling the story. Howard got off the line with him a short time after that and said that he's met that guy like 20 times and he still doesn't recognize him.
While Tom was in, Artie asked him what happened to the Dunkin' Munchkins that he was bringing in every morning. Tom told him he's on a diet so he doesn't get them anymore. Artie told him he's not on a diet so he'd still like them. That led to Howard talking about how his 11 year old daughter gets a coffee from Dunkin' Donuts because it's like a soft drink the way they fill it up with sugar.
Howard said that Tom was going to make a big announcement today but it turns out it wasn't that big of a deal. He said Tom told him that they appointed a new General Sales Manager since their previous guy left the company. Howard thought Tom was going to announce that he was back to pleausring himself or something big like that.
A listener called in and told Howard that he had a homonym for his name that was ''How It's Done'' and that got them talking about how Howard doesn't believe in any of that nonsense. That somehow led to Howard talking about this guy he wrote with years ago who ended up announcing that he was going to be getting a sex change operation. He worked with the guy for like 6 months and the guy didn't have any effeminate qualities. After they worked together and things didn't work out, Howard got a letter from the guy saying that he was going to get a sex change operation. The guy was over 40 so he wondered why a guy like that would want to get a sex change operation that late in life. No one wants a 40 year old woman who used to be a man. Howard told another story about a friend of his who changed his name from Lee Masters to Yarl Moan. He just didn't feel right going along with something as strange as that.
A phone caller told Howard how happy he is to be able to see the uncensored E! shows on the web. Howard told the guy that they have four more coming as soon as next week. Another caller also told him how great the quality of the shows is on the web site. Howard had to move on to his next guest after that.
Howard and Gary shared some stories about the women they have been with and how they just do that stuff because they are guys. Howard read some more stuff from the book and then gave Chris a plug for the book which is available at DontMarryHer.com. He got off the phone a short time later.
A listener called in and added a story about a guy he knew that had a sex change operation. The guy was a 70 year old priest who had the operation. Howard can't imagine making that change that late in life. He said he'd probably live 5 more years.
Howard mentioned that Amanda Beard was going to be coming in but she almost canceled last night for some reason. He said that Gary yelled at her people and they re-booked her for the show. Howard got back to Evil Dave and had him talking about his TV show. Dave was surprised that the fat bastard ''Guinea Favale'' hadn't called in to tell them that this wasn't the real David Letterman. Dave also made some comments about Vinnie's song ''Restless, Restless'' and how he and Paul (Shaffer) made better sounds when they double dated a Hungarian woman. Artie was doing his best Paul Shaffer impression during the segment but Robin didn't know that's what he was doing right away.
A woman called in and told Howard that he's a fraud when it comes to marriage. He's living with Beth so she didn't see a difference between that and marriage. Howard and Robin explained to the woman that when they get tired of their relationship, they can just go their separate ways without the legal problems that come with divorce. Fred played a clip from the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' where Jack Nicholson yells at his movie wife about getting a job as she's complaining about not spending enough time with him.
A listener called in and said that Howard's web site was down for about 2 hours last night and it was very frustrating. Howard wasn't aware of that and said he would have to go yell at some people. Another caller told Howard that another radio show was goofing on him because they had Leah Remini on their show and she dissed them by going on Howard's show. The caller said that Leah was apologizing to the guys about going on Howard's show instead of theirs. Howard said Leah is lighting the world on fire with her career so it'll be really horrible if she never does his show again. He was being sarcastic of course. Howard talked about how there are a ton of ''Howard Stern'' clones out there and he's really sick of it.
Howard brought up Beetlejuice's DVD and how funny some of that is. Howard said he should release some of that stuff for the uncensored E! show stuff he has on his web site. Evil Dave had a joke about finally getting rid of Craig Kilborn and how he's had hemorrhoid attacks that were easier to sit through than his show was. Howard heard that they're going to have some guest hosts for Craig's show so he suggested that they get George Takei to do that. That led to Fred playing a bunch of audio clips from the Takei interview they were playing on yesterday's show.
Howard read a news report about a guy who tried to circumcise his son in his bathtub after reading a story in the bible. Howard said this is what is screwing up our country. He said that reading those stories to our kids and making them think that they'll hear some voice in your head from an invisible guy makes people go nuts. He got back to the story and read that the guy got concerned when the child appeared to be losing too much blood. Now he's up on charges but he shouldn't be, because he was just doing what he was taught with this bible stuff.
Howard talked about the tape they played of James Doohan being interviewed during yesterday's show. They got a letter from Chris Doohan, James' son, who thought that Howard and the guys had trashed them on the show. Chris was kind of upset about them goofing on his father (which they didn't do) so he challenged Howard to a Battle of the Bands. Chris has a band called The Mudflaps and he'd like to take them on. Artie said that's kind of pushing it as far as taking on a celebrity band which is what Howard usually does in these Battle of the Band competitions.
Howard replayed the James Doohan audio that he played yesterday for those people who may have missed it. James is showing signs of Alzheimers disease and can barely speak these days. Howard and Artie were just saying yesterday that the guy really shouldn't be out making any appearances. They weren't goofing on him.
Howard told Amanda that she looks very feminine for a swimmer because her back isn't all that wide like some swimmers are. He said her arms were toned and thin and she looked great. She also had some nice hair according to Howard. He told her that he loves the bathing suits they wore in the Olympics because they all have nice, tight asses. Amanda said the Brazilian women wore their suits up their asses. Howard could see camel toe when they would do that stuff.
Amanda is only 22 years old and she has accomplished a lot at that age. She has some endorsement deals with Speedo and Red Bull. Howard wondered if she really drinks that Red Bull stuff. She was kind of wired so he figures that she might actually drink it. Howard told Amanda that she looked really good in her FHM magazine pictures. He asked her about what she does for fun and if she's able to smoke some weed or anything like that. She said they get drug tested all the time so she can't do stuff like that.
Amanda told Howard that she meets a lot of athletes after he asked her about the guys she dates. Howard wondered if she would ever have sex in a pool or would something like that be sacrilege. She said that she's never thought about doing something like that. She spends so much time in there that she doesn't think about that. Howard asked her if she ever pees in the pool when she's swimming. She said that everyone pees in the pool so of course she has. Howard wondered if her tampon ever gets filled up with water when she swims. She said that those things are inside and don't get filled with water.
Howard asked Amanda if she ever gets attracted to other chicks that she swims with. She said that she thinks the other girls have nice bodies but she's not attracted to them. She talked about how she started dating at the age of 13 but didn't have sex until she was a lot older. She figured she was about 17 when that happened. She didn't have anything going on over in Athens during the Olympics because she was too busy. She's pretty sure there was some stuff going on over there but she didn't have anything herself.
Howard asked Amanda why black people can't swim. Amanda just said that they haven't been dominating the sport. Robin figures it will happen eventually though. Howard wondered if Amanda's parents put a lot of money into her lessons and stuff. She said it is an expensive sport and her parents helped her out. They didn't really push her to do that stuff that hard though.
Howard took a few phone calls before wrapping up the segment. One guy said that he used to watch Amanda skinny dip when she was about 15 years old or so but Amanda said she never did that. Zolar called in and asked her if she is really flexible and able to do the splits and stuff. She said she's really not that flexible. Amanda told Howard that she's been listening to his show for a long time now and she knows that his fans call in with the wackiest questions. Since she was a fan, Howard asked her if she'd date him. She knows that he's got a girlfriend so she wouldn't go out with him.
Evil Dave asked Amanda if she's ever dated a black guy. She did date a guy who she is just friends with now. Howard asked if he was better than white guys. Evil Dave asked if her parents are still taking to her after dating a black guy. She was kind of brushing off the questions because they were getting a little personal.
Howard asked to see Amanda's stomach to see if she had a six-pack. She didn't want to show it because she hadn't worked out in a couple of days and she had been sitting there for a while. As Howard was wrapping up the interview, Evil Dave asked if he could ''smell her taint'' before she left. Amanda didn't seem to find it all that funny. Dave also asked her where she keeps her vibrator. She says she doesn't have one and doesn't use one. Howard asked her if she would ever have sex before a swim. She said you usually rest before a meet so she wouldn't do that.
Howard told Amanda that her medal wins are quite an accomplishment. He's impressed with what she's been able to do because he's tried to be an athlete at times and knows it's tough. He was trying to end the interview but Evil Dave made another random comment about how he likes to pleasure himself in front of a funhouse mirror because it makes his private parts look bigger. Howard told Amanda that those medals she won are much more important than an Oscar or something like that because she actually worked hard for it. She thought that actors deserve those awards as well but Howard seems to think that anyone can act and win those awards while not everyone can win a gold medal. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
A listener called in and asked Howard to put up a list of radio stations on his web site because he travels across the country and would like to be able to o see where he can listen. Howard told him he'd put something up for him. He also talked about how his Sacramento radio station, KHWD has renamed their station to K-Howard and how that's the highlight of his career because there's a whole station named after him.
Howard replayed the bit he played earlier where High Pitch Erik give KC a massage and oral sex. Erik does impressions of some of the porn tapes Howard plays on the show like the Taylor Rain ''Oh Yeah!'' clip and the Aurora Snow clip where she's being choked and sounds like a duck. Howard had Robin start her news after playing that bit.
Robin reported that Scott Muni, a local, legendary deejay, had a stroke and was recovering from that. That led to the guys talking about the guy for a short time. Howard challenged him to a boxing match after he heard that he'd had a stroke. Howard did a eulogy for Muni even though he wasn't dead.
During the news Robin brought up this cartoon ''Father of the Pride'' that airs on NBC. He heard the cartoon was horrible and people weren't into it. He has a copy of it that he hasn't watched yet. He asked J.D. To pull some clips from the show so they could play them. Howard got the tapes later in the news.
Janks played a third call that he made to CNN while Daryn was on. He called in as Bob Hope's writer after he passed away. Janks strung her along for a minute and broke the news to her that she'd been scammed. The delay was hit on Janks' punch line for some reason. (Janks played the call last year and told Daryn that Hope had died choking on Howard Stern's ball sack). Janks noticed it and told Howard about that. Howard couldn't believe that just because the term ''ball sack'' was used, they hit the delay. Howard was pissed and said that the moment was gone. Gary came in and told Howard that it was Dead Air Dave who hit the button on that one. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that he approved of the delay hit so Howard told him that there's no way he's staying with that company when his contract is up in 15 months or so. Howard wanted to resign today but Tom reminded him that he's under contract and can't do that.
Gary told Howard about how Tom had to give the new set of interns a speech yesterday and he makes it seem like he's a father figure who is very immature. Tom gives the same speech to all of the interns they have go through their station there. Janks was upset that Tom had ruined his call like that and apologized for not adhering to FCC guidelines.
Vinnie Favale (CBS VP of Late Night Programming East Coast) called in and told Howard about how weird the ''Father of the Pride'' animated series is on NBC. He said it's adult humor in a cartoon so it's aimed at adults. Howard said he'd like to be invited in for a rewrite on that show. He could make it funny. Howard also asked Vinnie about who is going to replace Craig Kilborn since he left the show. Vinnie said they're just going to have some guests hosts for now. Howard had to take another break after that so he thanked Tom for ruining his show again.
Howard listened to a few clips from the NBC animated series ''Father of the Pride'' where they have a couple of guys doing Siegfried and Roy impressions. Howard and Robin didn't think the impressions were all that good. Evil Dave read one of the jokes he had written for him. He screwed up the line as usual so Howard told him that it was a really funny joke that he just screwed up. Evil Dave tried a couple of other jokes after Howard told Robin what the other line was. Dave was supposed to say ''Hey Michael J. Fox, stop whining about that Parkinson's disease, we all know you have it.'' Dave somehow screwed that up and mumbled through the line. Howard had Robin finish up her news after that and ended the show around 10:45.
Howard started off the show saying that his job is kind of weird because he has to try and figure out what people want to hear. He'll play tapes before the show and ask the guys what they think about them. He mentioned one clip to the guys today and Fred said he thought people would want to hear it but Artie said he doesn't really care about it. Howard tends to go with Artie's opinion because he used to be a listener and a big fan so he trusts what he says. Artie told Howard not to trust him and that he would go with their opinion.
The tape Howard was talking about was of Chris Matthews talking to Zell Miller during the Republican National Convention but he didn't want to play it because of what Artie had said. Scott DePace came in and told Howard that it's a fun tape and people would like it. Artie yelled at Scott telling him he heard the tape and it wasn't that good. He also told Scott to go listen to Paul Harvey instead. That led to Scott goofing on the way Artie dresses. Artie then went off on him and Jason who stand around in the halls talking politics all the time. He wants them to shut up already about that stuff. Scott believes that Artie is only into sports but Artie let him know that he's also into chicks.
Artie said that he would rather read Jason's latest article on Howard's web site before listening to that Zell Miller stuff. Artie and Fred then goofed on Jason for a few seconds about the stuff he writes in his articles. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to play the tape because he wanted to hear it. Another guy told him the same thing. He said Howard should go with his instincts and just play the tape. One guy told Howard not to talk politics today. Howard agreed to skip it after that tape.
Howard mentioned that they have Chris Rock coming in today. They also have William Shatner and Ben Folds calling in to talk about Shatner's CD. Shaggy from Insane Clown Posse is calling in to talk about why they didn't show up two days ago when they were scheduled to come in. One of them broke their neck while wrestling so they have to talk about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to tell Howard about some guy who was bad mouthing him on the FOX news channel. The guy didn't know the names of the guys that he wanted to talk about so Howard goofed on him a little bit. Howard knew it was Michael Powell being interviewed by Neil Cabuto. The guy told Howard that Powell was saying that Howard is a talented guy but he's just not allowed to say certain things on the air. Howard talked about how they let other people get away with saying the same kind of stuff and only go after him. Howard was wondering what this guy on the phone does for a living. He told them he was security so Howard dug a little deeper and found out that he guards the people who answer the 911 phone lines. Howard and Artie were goofing on him a little more so the guy said he had to get off the line before he got in trouble. Howard asked him to drop some rhymes before he went because he did say that he was a rapper but the guy hung up a short time later.
Bobo called in and asked Howard what's up with the fans who are complaining about the bulletin board. He also told Howard that the uncensored E! shows are great so Howard talked about how much people like those things. Bobo said he's going to be busy watching that stuff every week now. Bobo also wanted to help Howard out with his GPS problems in his car but Howard didn't need the help and hung up on him.
Howard thought that the board would be nice to have for guests of the show to go on to as a continuation of the show. Now he sees it as a place where about 500 hard core people go to bash other people. He didn't think things through before hand and now he's got people throwing people out off the board and if things don't work out, he's just going to shut down the board. The caller was telling Howard about how out of control some people are over on the boards and how they really do need to tame some people. The guy just wants to use the board but it's so out of control that he can't take it.
Howard said he knows that when he goes on the bulldog bulletin board that it's gay but he wants to be gay on there. He thinks that people who go on his board want to be gay about his show and don't need other people telling them that he sucks and that they shouldn't listen to his show. He will just eliminate the whole thing if he can't get it to where he wants it to be. He sees his site as a place for people who really are fans of the show, not for the people who want to bash his fans. Artie said it would be funny if, after they took out the negative stuff, there were only 4 people left. Howard said he'd be fine with that because he's not going for numbers over there.
There aren't a lot of women posting on his board and he's not surprised by that because they all get bashed so much. Howard said he went in the other day under an assumed name so people wouldn't know he was there. He saw that John Stamos was there reading some posts but he wasn't posting himself. Howard thought people would like to ask him some questions or something but as soon as they see him, they start bashing him and calling him a loser. John then gets out of there and will probably never come back. He doesn't want stuff like that to happen. People could ask the guy some legitimate questions but they have to call him names instead and scare those people away. Artie said he has to go on if that's what's going on over there. He said the reason he hasn't gone on the board before by himself because he really doesn't know how to use his computer.
Scott the Engineer goes on the board a lot and last night was the first time that he had only nice people talking to him. He said he usually goes on and gets bashed by everyone. He couldn't believe he had 30 minutes of nice people with him. Artie said he went on the board with Scott DePace one time and the first guy that wrote to him told him he'd be dead by 38. It wasn't even a question, it was just a statement that he'd be dead.
Howard said if he went on the bulldog bulletin board and had to sit through all of that nonsense, he'd never go back to the site. He knows that they monitor the board closely and keep out that kind of stuff. That's why he likes it. He said he'll keep working on that stuff but it's a huge headache. He had to take a commercial break after that.
Chaunce told Howard about this one chick Rachel Perry who was at the party making out with women and telling him that she loves Howard Stern. Chaunce had a story about her grabbing him as well but Howard warned people that he gets stuff like that wrong. Chaunce told Howard that at one point, she leaned into him and grabbed his package and squeezed it in a ''nice way.'' Chaunce also said that Avril Lavigne was there and she looked really good last night. There were a bunch of other people there yelling that they love Howard. Rappers Flavor Flav and Chuck D were there saying that they love Howard as well. Chaunce said he got yelled at when he asked Avril Lavigne what she thought about Howard Stern. He said they told him that they didn't want any political questions asked during the party. Chaunce thought that she looked at him like he had 3 heads when he asked the question.
Howard went on to talk about how he doesn't get the public's fascination with Paris Hilton. He hates the fact that people are so into her because it doesn't make any sense. Artie said that she has made comments about how the worst thing a person can be is boring. Meanwhile, she doesn't realize that she is boring herself. Howard said he'd probably be falling all over her trying to bang her if he ever met her... and he hates that.
Chaunce told Howard that he walked right into Scores last night after not going there for years. He blew about $2,000 there and didn't get thrown out. He had a great time there and said it was the best time of his life. Howard said he really should have been thrown out of there because he has said some negative things about the club in the past.
Howard had a bunch of tapes to play today so he started off with the latest one from Richard Christy. This is the one where Christy takes tapes of Robin from her book-on-tape and calls an Indian food restaurant. He has Robin asking the guy what happened to her rings that she took off and put on their counter. The Indian guy has no idea what she's talking about.
Howard asked Robin if she watched ''The Apprentice.'' She hadn't seen it so Howard told her that Gary told him that they have tons of product placement going on during the show. They have tons of commercials within the show now with Mattel, Toys R Us and other products. Howard wondered what kind of money they pay for those placements. Gary came in and told them about the many product placements he saw in the show and how much they'd push Mattel and Toys R Us and other things. Robin said she's heard that they're going to be doing that a lot with new shows because there's such a big tune-out during commercials these days. Gary also said that the crazy woman on the show is a black woman again. He said that she went nuts on the first episode when she thought that everyone was against her. He said that she's actually pretty hot but next week it looks like she goes even crazier.
Howard had a tape of Benjy interviewing some guy at the Republican National Convention. He said that Gary told him it's a great but it's over 9 minutes long. Howard told the guys to let him know if they wanted to bail out on it. Benjy asked the guy, Bill Wilcox from South Carolina, about some of the things that President Bush said in his speech and some other normal questions. Then he started to ask about hermaphrodites and abortion. Then he started to ask if gay fetuses should be aborted. The guy started to flip out a little bit at that point. Benjy kept pushing the subject and told Benjy that no fetus should be aborted. Benjy asked him if his wife's fetus had demonstrated any gay activity, would he have aborted it. The guy didn't understand his question because a fetus doesn't exhibit gay tendencies. Benjy then asked him if there were twin boys in the womb and they gave each other oral, would he allow an abortion. The guy kept telling Benjy that he couldn't prove any of that stuff because it's just not possible.
Benjy continued to question the guy about the gay fetus thing over and over again and the guy just stood there and took it. You'd think he'd walk away but he stood there for 9 minutes and answered Benjy's questions. The guy finally told Benjy that his questions were stupid and he wasn't going to answer them anymore. Benjy called him back and kept the interview going for another couple of minutes. The two of them were talking about the bible until Benjy asked the guy about a fetus stoning a homosexual. Benjy then asked the guy if he has ever had a homosexual experience. That's when the guy walked away for the final time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was Benjy's best work yet. He also asked Howard who's caps he thought were bigger, Amanda Beard's or Gary's. Howard said she did have some big teeth but Gary has her beat by a mile. Howard and the guys thought she was pretty cute.
Howard had another interview that Benjy did with Kim Claytor. He asked her about President Bush and of course she had nothing but nice things to say about him. Benjy also asked her about Kerry and Bush's military service but she didn't know enough about them to give him answers. She asked him not to ask her questions about stuff that she doesn't know the answers to. She told him he wasn't being fair with her because he knew the questions he was going to ask and she didn't. She eventually walked away because she felt that Benjy wasn't being fair.
The caller wondered if he will be thrown out for his past posts on the board. Howard told him he's not that involved with the whole thing so he's not sure. He said that he doesn't mind people calling him names but there are other people there who are making things a nightmare for the fans of the show. He kept comparing it to the bulldog bulletin board he goes on. He doesn't want to wade through all of that kind of nonsense on a bulletin board so he doesn't want his fans to have to go through that. He is going to try and create that kind of site for his fans and if it doesn't work, he may just shut it down and call it a failure. He'll move on to other things and do other things with his site. He took another break after that.
Howard gave Chris a plug for his DVD ''Never Scared'' and went on to talk about how he has a good 15 minutes in there where he talks about his bad sex life at home. Chris said there are no married guys getting laid and that's why he does that stuff. Howard said he has spoken to Chris off the air and he knows that he's not all that happy. He quoted some of his stuff from his DVD where he talks about how he does have intercourse with his wife but he hasn't gotten ''F**ked'' since he got married. Howard wondered if his wife gets upset about that material. Chris said that he shares that stuff because it's going on with everyone who is married.
Chris asked Howard how he was able to make that divorce happen so well. Howard said he waited it out and let his wife mention that she wanted a divorce. He never said anything about it to her. He also suggested to Chris that when the wife tells you to get out of the house, you have to make a deal with them. He suggested that you start planning for your divorce right after you get married. You go to arbitration instead of divorce lawyers and there's no reason to fight. Howard told Chris that he could also bump off his wife to get rid of her, but he might not get away with it. Chris said that only one guy has gotten away with that. Chris and Howard said that Bruce Willis is the guy who really had a great divorce and has made that work for him.
Howard brought up how Chris had to reschedule his appearance earlier in the week because he went to his daughter's first day of nursery school. Howard goofed on him a little bit about that. Chris told Howard that he knew that his wife would be mad at him for a year if he didn't go so it was a preemptive strike. Robin said it seems that he's been trained well and he doesn't even have to be asked to do stuff like that.
Chris told Howard about going to a hotel in Los Angeles one time. He had this woman come up to him and tell him what a fan she was of his. He ended up having wild sex with her and then later heard back from her that she was pregnant. It turns out that she had this crazy Nigerian boyfriend who was making her do this with a lot of black celebrities and they were making them pay them for the kid. Chris was married at the time so he had to tell his wife about what went on but eventually found out that the kid wasn't his. He said that was a long time ago and he and his wife are okay now.
Chris said that this girl had amazing sex with him and he was even amazed at how well he was able to perform with her. Howard wondered if he thought about how he was cheating on his wife while he was having sex with her. Chris said Howard has to know what that's like but Howard claims that he never cheated on his wife. Chris seemed to think that Howard just never got caught and he was rubbing it in his face.
Chris told Howard that this chick that scammed him cost him a lot of money because he had to pay until he found out that it wasn't his kid. He wouldn't say how much it cost him though. Howard changed subjects and asked Chris why he lives right next door to Eddie Murphy. Chris doesn't live right next door, he lives in the same area but he didn't do it on purpose. He said he thinks that Martin Lawrence lives right next to him. Howard asked if Chris' wife ever asks him why they don't have a private plane like Eddie does. Chris said that hasn't come up yet.
Howard talked to Chris about his lawsuit against Clear Channel and how long that's going to probably take. Chris also asked Howard if he thinks he'll be off the air if President Bush gets reelected. Howard knows that he's out no matter what. Chris said that Osama bin Laden killed 3000 Americans and he's considered the Devil while Bush kills 1000 Americans and is called a hero. They thought that was kind of crazy.
Howard told Chris he was going to take some phone calls and Chris knew that someone was going to call him a ''nigga.'' The first caller, Zolar, did just that but told him he was just joking around and he actually loves Chris. Howard had a new game to play after that. He had a game where they were going to read quotes and people had to guess if Chris Rock said it or if Daniel Carver of the KKK said it. Here are some of the quotes:
Howard told King of all Blacks that Chris is like the Michael Jordan of stand-up comedy and his movies are just a side thing he does. Chris said he knows he hasn't made any hit movies but he hasn't done a ''Boat Trip'' or anything like that. Artie was in ''Boat Trip'' so he took that as an insult. King was giving Chris some advice about what he thinks he should be doing but Chris isn't going to listen to that stuff. King wanted Howard to help him out there but Howard said he's a huge fan of Chris' and wasn't going to bad mouth him about that stuff.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked what color clothes Chris was wearing for some reason. Howard thought it was green suit but Chris said it was blue. A couple more callers asked Chris some questions. One guy, a comedian, asked Chris how he gets away with the racial jokes because whenever he makes jokes like that, he doesn't get any laughs. Howard said that the guy probably just isn't funny. Howard wanted to hear some jokes from the guy but he wasn't really prepared. The guy started to do some of his material but it just wasn't funny. Howard told him that he was the most boring caller and he was only on for 2 minutes.
Chris told Howard that he's working on some new material for his next comedy show. He said he's going to take it to Europe first and then bring it back to the States and hopefully, not do any Clear Channel venues. Howard gave him another plug for his DVD ''Never Scared'' and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Shatner told Howard that it's a serious album and it's not a goof or a joke. Howard asked Ben if he's sort of goofing on Mr. Shatner. Ben told Howard that they seriously listened to some other commercial albums and that's what they were trying to do. Howard said that this was a tough conversation to have because he really likes Shatner. Ben tried to explain it to Howard as being an album that isn't supposed to be normal but he may eventually come around to understand it.
Howard wondered if there is a song on the album that they think could be a hit single. Ben told Howard that ''Common People'' is one song that could be a hit. Howard played the song and still didn't get it but Robin kind of did. She said she liked it better today than she did the other day when they listened to it. Howard stopped the song a little early so Shatner told him he stopped it too early. Artie was talking back to the song because Shatner speaks the lines. He also said he was kind of digging it.
Shatner told Howard that they spent 2 weeks recording the album in Nashville. Robin wondered if someone told him how to read his lines. Shatner wondered why she would ask something like that. They also asked Shatner if there was more than one take on the songs. Shatner said there were many takes and Ben would ask him to read lines in a different way sometimes. He said it's a personal expression and he may have to listen to the album a few more times to understand it.
Howard played the title track ''Has Been'' which has sort of a Western movie theme feel to it. Howard asked Shatner who he was talking about in the song and wondered if it was the people at the Star Trek conventions. Shatner said that he was talking about reviewers out there who haven't done anything in their careers.
Artie was saying that he was kind of digging the songs but he would never actually buy the album. Howard told Shatner that the remaining members of Led Zeppelin are working with the guy who played Commander Pike in the Star Trek series. Ben told Bill that Howard and the guys were laughing at them. Artie said they were laughing ''with them'' not at them. Howard moved on to play another track that started out very good musically. It just goes all wrong when Shatner starts his spoken lines. Shatner said he can't sing so that's why he speaks his lines.
Gary said that he thinks Mr. Shatner feels misunderstood with all of this stuff. He read an article where he was asked about his old album, ''Transformed Man,'' where people goofed on him quite a bit. Shatner embraces that now but he still thinks that there's a deeper meaning to those songs. Howard asked Shatner to come on his show and do some of these songs live but he can't do that. He's working on ''Boston Legal'' now so he has to stay out there in L.A.
Howard let a phone caller through who said that he was ready to hang himself after hearing the album. Another caller said that he was laughing his ass off and he will buy a copy just to get some laughs out of it. Joey Boots called in and said that this is just Shatner's way of expressing his art... and then asked him if he has ever dabbled in gay sex.
Howard said that Shatner entered the ''Restless, Restless'' contest but didn't make the final cut. He told Bill that he didn't get in because Robert Goulet beat him out. He played Shatner's entry which was had a tango beat. Howard liked that better than the new album stuff. Howard asked Ben and Bill if they were on any kind of hallucinogens when they recorded the album. Bill said they were just on ''love'' and that was it. Artie asked what kind of drugs they should be on to listen to it.
Howard played yet another song from Shatner's album and it started out good again but Howard wasn't a fan of the song after Shatner started to speak. He thanked Ben and Bill for calling in and Ben didn't sound so thrilled with the whole conversation. Howard asked the two of them not to be mad at him for this because he likes them, he just doesn't like the album. He was about to wrap up but the guys mentioned that Henry Rollins played on one of the songs so Howard had to play that one. The song was ''I Can't Get Behind That.'' Shatner said that the record company is expecting to sell quite a few CDs. Gary wondered if they think that they can sell over 100,000. Ben seems to think they can do that many no problem. Howard wrapped up the segment and gave Bill another plug for the album ''Has Been'' and for ''Boston Legal'' which starts airing October 3rd on ABC at 10pm.
Howard got off the line with the two guys and said that he thinks that Ben was kind of irritated by the interview. He thinks Bill was okay with it even though they didn't like it. Howard wasn't even sure what songs Ben Folds has done so Fred started to play the ''Sulu Dance'' song parody as a goof. Howard and Artie did each of Sulu's lines in the song as that was playing. They had some fun with that and Howard almost has the whole song down now. They went to another commercial break after that.
Howard said they've been getting a lot of calls from people who love Shatner's album. Even Jason came in and said he likes the CD. Howard asked Jason if he wanted to come in and talk about that. He came in a minute later and said he thought that it was interesting but he wouldn't buy it. He thought it was interesting and there was some talent behind the album. Artie said he doesn't totally disagree with what Jason was saying and he kind of liked it. A woman called in and told Howard she liked it and it was just a little different. Howard said he's already heard that and hung up on the woman.
Howard got Mike Walker on the line so they could play the Gossip Game which they haven't played for weeks. Howard wondered if Mike wanted to talk about something he called Gary about earlier in the week. Mike said that he didn't really want to reveal what it was all about but did say it was about Stuttering John. Mike said that he wanted to call John to ask him about what he's heard about how he's getting along over there. Howard wanted to call John on the air and have Mike ask him what he wanted to ask. Mike was being a bit cryptic about what he was going to ask because he didn't want to spoil it. Mike said that John could prove to him that he's wrong in some way if he wanted or he could just blow him off and he'd print what he's heard. Mike said that John has been accused of not knowing people's names on the show so he could ask him about that. Howard wondered if he knows just one name... Jay. Mike said that is one thing that's been said about him and that he uses Jay's name quite a bit.
Mike asked Robin what she feels reasonable as far as the number of people whose names they should know. Robin said the staff and the office workers names are what they should know. Robin was asked some questions about the people who work there and she wasn't able to come up with names herself. Gary asked her a few questions about people who work there and she didn't know the names of the people who she was being asked about. Howard asked her if she knew the guy who played the sound effect. Robin pretended not to know Fred. Howard said he's bad about names himself and doesn't even know all of the E! crew names. Robin wasn't even sure what her news intern's name is. Gary went to fetch the intern to bring her into the studio. Robin thought her name was Krista or something like that.
Howard told Mike that he thinks that Stuttering John will be upset when he gets the call from him. He will be pissed that people are talking about him over there. Howard had Robin's news intern come in. She's been working there since May so she's been there about 4 months. Howard had Robin try and guess what her name was. All Robin knew was that her name started with a K. Her name was Katie. Howard goofed on Robin a little bit about that. She wanted Howard to give the names of some of the people who work with him. He already admitted that he's not good with names though.
The guys talked about how hot this semester's interns are. Gary said the Intern Beauty Pageant should be good at the end of this semester. Howard asked Gary to bring a couple of them in so he could check them out. One of them looked like a model to Howard. Gary asked her if he met her before because she looked familiar. She said she was out in Vegas when they were out there earlier this year. Artie and Howard had spoken to her out there and kind of knew her. Her name was Gianna. Another hot intern, Erica, came in a short time later. Howard spoke to the girls for a short time. Gianna said she's not dating anyone at this point because guys don't talk to her for some reason. Howard and Artie have seen her in a bikini already. Howard said he remembers her looking pretty good back then. Howard said they have this ridiculous rule about not banging interns. Gianna was 37 years old so Howard said he should be able to bang her. Howard told her she looks really good for a 37 year old. Artie said this is the first intern to be there that's actually older than he is.
Howard was asking Gianna about how long it's been since she had a guy and stuff like that but she had her hand down her skirt and was just about pulling it down. Howard took a call from Zolar who saw Gianna out in Vegas and thought she'd remember him. She said she really didn't remember him being there because a lot of people were coming up and asking Joey G for pictures when she was hanging out with him.
Howard wondered what kind of trouble he'd get in if he banged one of the interns. Tom Chiusano came in and said that fraternizing with other employees is against the rules and they can't let that happen. Howard wondered what would happen if Howard asked Gianna's mother for permission to bang her daughter. Gianna seemed to think that her mother would say yes to that. Howard was playing with himself under the console as he was talking to the girls. Tom came back in and warned Howard about creating a hostile environment for the girls and that he just can't have sex with the interns no matter what.
Danny the intern called in after that. He was in his 40s when he was interning at the show. Howard cut him off short and got back to Mike Walker. He said he'd try to find a loophole in the rules about banging interns. He had Mike play his game after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Wendy the Retard called in from Florida and said that things haven't been all that great down there for her because the hurricane knocked out power for 7 days. She said they just put their mailbox back up after the hurricane knocked everything down. She doesn't have any air conditioning so she hasn't been able to sleep well. Howard asked her if she got the card he sent her... She said yes and ruined the joke he was trying to pull. She was supposed to say ''No'' and he'd tell her that's because her mailbox was knocked down. She ruined it though.
Wendy revealed that her father died a couple of weeks ago from a heart attack so she doesn't have much money now. Howard wasn't aware of that until now. She said all they have now is her mother, her sister and her brother. Howard asked them if they are retarded as well. She says that they are but Gary wasn't sure she was telling the truth. She said that her brother had gone to college but then said that it was called ''Junior High.'' Howard told Wendy that he'd send her some cash if her mailbox was up. She told him it was back up so Howard gave her a $500 prize courtesy of ''Resident Evil: Apocalypse.'' Howard had Robin continue on with her news after that. They wrapped up the show around 10:40.