Howard started off the show complaining about being tired once again. He said he went to bed early and didn't understand why he was tired. He was up at 2 in the morning to eat some shredded wheat but went back to bed after that. He went on to talk about how he just hung out yesterday. He watched some football and the two hour ''The Bachelor'' season premiere, which he loved. He thought it was very well done and there were a lot of hot chicks. He said a bunch of them were ''a little off'' but there were some good bodies on some of the girls.
Howard was supposed to watch the movie ''13 Going On 30'' with his daughter but she didn't want to watch it. She brought her friend over with her and she didn't want to do what they'd planned because of that. He said he'd like to spend some time with his daughter without her friend around but she likes to have friends around.
Howard spent time trying to get organized over the weekend. He's reading a new book about organization but he wasn't quite sure what the name of it was. It was something about the seven rules of organization (Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People). He told Robin about the book and how they suggest throwing out anything that you really don't need like books and stuff like that. Then you reward yourself when you're done. Robin said she does stuff like that but the organization never lasts. She will stick things in her purse and it just fills up with crap. Howard told her she needs to dump it out every night and just clean out the stuff she doesn't need. She told Howard that she found a piece of paper with her itinerary from a trip she took over a month ago. She wasn't able to throw it out because she wasn't in a place where she could do that. Robin wants to get herself organized on the computer but Howard doesn't think that she's a computer person.
Howard said that Artie isn't coming in this morning for some reason. He heard that from Gary so he said he was singing the Baba Booey Star Wars theme jingle all weekend. Fred played the jingle for him and some of the other Baba Booey songs that they play on the show. Howard sang along to the Baker Street version after the Star Wars theme.
Howard has Jillian Barberie calling in later in the show. He'll also be talking to a woman from Celebrity Cruises about doing a cruise. Tomorrow he has Rachel Perry from VH-1 coming in. He's heard that she's pretty hot. Eddie Murphy's brother Charlie is coming in as well as Pauly Shore. He said he feels bad for Pauly so he's letting him come in to promote his new movie. Gary said that he was so happy to get booked that he sent a giant basket of fruit. Howard also mentioned that they have Roger Waters, Kitty Kelly, Jesse Jane and Teri Hatcher coming in soon. Howard talked about the days when he and Teri used to e-mail each other years ago. Both of them were married at the time. Howard was sending her hot e-mails but she was writing back as if he were just a girlfriend of hers and he got bored with it. Howard said they're holding an Amputee Beauty Pageant soon but they need video taped entries sent to them if you want to enter. They have a $10,000 prize for the winner.
Howard brought up an article he read about Star Jones and what a creep she is. She doesn't want to pay for stuff at her wedding so they're asking people to do things for her just so they can say they helped with her wedding. He said she's like a sleazy Oprah and a ''frightening woman'' after reading about what she does.
Howard got one of the Mandonna cover songs that he was talking about. He played ''Material Girl'' and thought that it kind of comes off gay because they don't change any of her lyrics. He played their version of ''Like a Virgin'' and said that he was laughing at them, not with them, when he was on their web site.
Howard said he watched ''CSI: New York'' and thought it was pretty good. He never really watches any of them but he did record the New York premiere episode. He explained the episode to Robin and thought that it was pretty creepy. The show was very well done but he wasn't sure how many creeps out there get ideas from a show like that and go out and do the stuff that the criminals do on the show.
Howard read an article that this guy Rick Marin wrote about the sitcoms on TV these days where fat guys have hot wives. There are a bunch of shows on where the guys are fat and bald and they're getting these really hot wives.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that he proved that CBS doesn't check their sources by getting through to Dan Rather a few times. Howard had been talking a little bit about the problems CBS has had with checking their sources on information about the President that they've quoted on the air. Janks wanted Howard to play the clip where he called Dan Rather and got him to call himself an idiot but they weren't able to find it. That led to Howard and Gary talking about how they need to get organized there. Gary said he, Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy have been working on organizing that stuff lately and they're doing well. Captain Janks found his call and played it over the phone for Howard instead. Janks told Dan Rather that he thought that he'd found a part of the Space Shuttle in his back yard and some people thought that it was one of Baba Booey's teeth. Janks ended up calling Rather an idiot for not realizing that he had been fooled. Rather then said that the fact that he's an idiot doesn't matter. Howard had to take a break right after that.
A listener called in and said that he tuned into Imus this morning and heard him say something about how he was celebrating Yom Kippur by buying a new Mercedes. Howard wasn't surprised by that and said that Imus probably buys the car using money from his audience like he did with his cancer ranch. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on Imus after that. He heard that Imus just got canceled in a couple of new markets he was on in because he's so bad. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Imus for a couple of minutes. Even the phone caller was doing an impression that was pretty good. The guy kept interrupting Howard so he had to be told to calm down. They were trying to create comedy there and he wouldn't stop. The guy said he just wanted to be part of the show during that stuff. When the guy did join in, Howard told him not to because his material wasn't that good. The caller had a question for Howard about whether or not he's on in the Bay Area out in California. Howard had no idea what the Bay Area was so Robin had to tell him that it's the San Francisco area. Howard said they need to put a list of stations on his web site for people to be able to check out. Jason came in and told him that they already have that in the Show Info section of the site. Howard said it's too hard to find on there though. (I've had the list for years.) Howard had to take a break after that.
Artie showed up around 7:20 after taking a red-eye flight back from Phoenix. He said he did a gig in Phoenix but his agent also hooked him up with some people who wanted to talk to him about this movie that he and a friend of his wrote. Artie said he left last night instead of this morning from the meeting so he could get back to the show.
Howard had this woman Susan Helfrich on the phone. She works at place that does celebrity cruises so Howard wanted to talk to her about the cruises she helps put together. Howard said he gets letters from them asking him if he wants to do them. He gets insulted by them because they have names like Dirk Benedict on their list of clients that they've had on their celebrity cruises. Howard said they have these cruises and fans of these people get upset when their idol's don't fall in love with them. Susan said that's not true and the cruises go to places where the people can get off the ship and visit so they're not with the celebrity the whole time.
Howard said the celebrities have to do a question and answer thing with the fans and an autograph signing. Then they have to do one dinner with them. Jack Scalia did one where he did a bunch of extra stuff with the fans. Susan was telling Howard that they can create a special cruise for him and they could do whatever he wanted. The celebrities can do extra things to make more money on the cruise as well. He read the list of celebrities who have done these cruises. Here's the list that Howard read:
Gary came back in and told Howard that he heard that Scott the Engineer is thinking of doing one of these celebrity cruises. Howard had Scott come in to talk to him about that. Scott said he was just kidding around with Will and he has no plans to do that. Susan said that he'd need to have fans who really want to do the cruise. Scott says he has some fans and they would show up.
Susan asked Howard what he thought about doing one. Howard said it's not for him because he has a career going right now. Robin told her that maybe in a few years he'd be willing to do something like that. Howard told Susan that he'd talk to his people about it and see what they could come up with.
Howard was wondering if Susan was hot. She said she's 40 years old and has two kids but Will told Gary that he saw her and she actually is pretty hot. Howard checked out a picture of her and thought she was pretty good looking. He let her go shortly after checking her out. Artie said she had to go because she had a phone call with Demond Wilson from Sanford and Son she had to get to. The guys had some fun goofing around with that idea for a few seconds. You can find out more about these celebrity cruises at Cruise Events.net
Howard replayed the High Pitch Erik porn clip remake that they played earlier in the morning. At one point Erik is doing the impression of the chick in the porno and says ''Hi daddy'' and it was very disturbing to Howard. They goofed around with that for a few minutes.
Howard said that he got a note from Will who told Howard that they can't call their segment ''It's Just Wrong'' by that name anymore. Gary said it was an E! issue and they won't let them call it that. Howard said they'll have to call it ''It's Not Right'' instead. Gary came in and told Howard that he was wrong and E! actually has a problem with the whole thing of ''It's Just Wrong'' and they won't put any of them on their network. Howard said he'll just put them on his web site instead if that's the case.
Howard brought up an article that he read about how dogs may be able to smell cancer in people. He talked about how this one guy's dog was licking his leg where he had a mole and it turned out to be cancerous. Once the guy had it removed and the cancer was gone, the dog didn't care about the mole. They're now working on trying to train dogs to find cancer. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard said that this chick from Sex and the City, Cynthia Nixon, seems to be hotter now that he knows that she's a lesbian. He didn't find her all that hot on the TV show but now he likes her more. He had to take another break after talking about that.
Howard heard that Sal went over and knocked out a plate from Benjy's hand when he was trying to eat. He told Sal that he can't do that stuff but Sal said that the E! guys put him up to that and he was sorry that he did that. Howard told him that he's part of the staff now and he just can't be doing stuff like that. Gary told Howard that Sal is having too much fun there and he's like a little kid who doesn't know he's done something wrong until he sees him walk into the room.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said that Sal was lucky that Benjy didn't throw hot water on him when he did that. Artie thinks it's funny that they hire stalkers there at the station. Howard asked Sal if he understands this stuff and tried to let him know that this isn't going to work out if he keeps terrorizing people at work. Sal was trying to figure out where the line was and asked if he could still draw moustaches on Beth's calendar and if he can put a firecracker in Robin's tampon. Howard said yes to the first and no to the second one. Sal also wondered if he could force Tom to masturbate at gun point. That was another ''no.'' Howard replayed the song parody that Sal created about Tom using a David Lee Roth. In the song there are mentions of Tom's cancer, him being a piece of shit and a douche bag. Tom said that Sal has not earned the right to call him names like that because he hasn't worked there long enough. Howard has earned it because he's worked with him so long.
Howard took a call from Mike who calls him a ''Hook nosed Jew bastard'' every day. Today he called him a ''Hook nosed Jew douche bag'' instead just to get in on the whole conversation. Howard took a few more phone calls after that. One guy said that the indecency bill that is supposed to get passed has been modified a bit and the Senate removed the individual broadcaster thing that Howard is so worried about. Howard still thinks that it's in there and the guy didn't know what he was talking about.
Someone outed Sal about his smoking because his wife doesn't know that he smokes. Sal said that she knows that he smokes occasionally and he's trying to quit. Gary also said that Sal's wife has a germ thing and she won't even let him get in bed at night if he takes out the garbage before that. She makes him change his clothes because they're contaminated if he touched the garbage.
Howard read some e-mail they got about Sal. One guy thinks that Sal looks a bit like Beetlejuice and he has giant teeth just like Gary does so he doesn't get why he goofs on him so much. Sal said he really did have big teeth as a kid but they were able to work on his to make them smaller. They're not as bad as Gary's are.
Howard got an e-mail from someone who wondered if the role Artie turned down for a sitcom a while ago was for ''Joey.'' Artie said that was not the show he turned down. Sal said that he spoke to Artie about his career one day and asked him why he's not doing movies these days. Artie told him that he doesn't want to audition these days. He wants parts that are just written for him and he's basically given up on trying to get parts.
An e-mailer told Howard that you could see Robin's nipples in one of the pictures they had on his web site recently. They also got a lot of mail about the Hemorrhoid contest they had last week. Howard said that contest ruined his weekend because he couldn't get the images of those 'roids out of his head. Howard read another e-mail about High Pitch Erik's porn clip imitations and how funny they were. He's been very funny lately and people seem to like what he's been doing for the show. That led to Howard replaying the porn movie remake where High Pitch plays the part of the woman getting spit on.
Howard told the story about High Pitch Erik picking up this chick on the internet. She ended up bringing her two kids over to his place and dropped them off for him to babysit for the day. Gary said that Erik told him that he took them to McDonalds to eat and kept them busy the whole day. Robin said she probably dropped them off with him and went to visit some other guy. They were pretty creeped out by that whole thing.
Howard is supposed to go to a wedding down in Florida sometime soon. He didn't realize that it's only halfway through hurricane season down there though so now he's having second thoughts. Gary told Howard about his parent's who live down there. His parents were evacuated from their home and went to a cousin's house. They were stuck there in the dark because the electricity went out. He said his mother went to the bathroom and couldn't find her way back to the room so his father was lighting a lighter to guide her to the bed.
Gary said that his parents lost tiles from the roof of their house and the roof was leaking and ruining the house but the insurance company told them that they weren't going to pay because they hadn't put a tarp on the roof to stop the water from coming in. They've gone through a lot of stuff down there and now they want to move back to New York. They won't be able to sell their house and may just have to walk away from it though. Gary said the house wasn't all that bad for a pre-fab house.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that the High Pitch Erik story was absolutely true because she's heard many stories about women he's picked up. They always take advantage of him and have him fixing their cars and appliances and stuff. They always end up taking advantage of him and then run off. Erik quit his job at the Toyota dealer and now she's got to try and get him his job back. Mariann said she feels like Erik's mother and worries about him because of this stuff. Howard said he's going to talk to Erik about that stuff when he gets a chance. He had to go to commercial break again after that.
Artie told Howard that he watched ''13 Going on 30'' on his flight out to Phoenix over the weekend. He said the movie was actually okay and he got into it while he was on the plane. He told Howard that he'll probably like it. The guys talked about Jennifer Garner and how hot she looked in the movie as she was playing a 13 year old in a 30 year old's body. Artie said she seems to be acting like a 13 year old in the movie but after hearing interviews with her, he's not so sure she was acting.
Howard had some major ''bat wings'' going on with his balls this morning. He said that he's been wearing jeans that might be warming them up and making them stick to his leg. He wants to put some powder in his underwear but he's afraid to do that because he's heard things about getting cancer from talcum powder. Artie told him to just go ahead and do it because he's not going to get cancer. Robin suggested that he just get some corn starch and use that instead.
Artie was telling Howard he heard him talking about the Baba Booey Star Wars theme song parody and he has trouble getting it out of his head as well. Fred played the parody and Howard sang along for a few seconds.
Cliff Pallette called in and told Howard that he was on the Howard Stern bulletin board but no one believes that it's him because his name is not in orange. Howard said they can give that to him if he wants because he's a legitimate guest on the show. He told him he'd work on that for him. Robin thought that they were going to get his cleft pallette. He'd be giving up his whole personality if he did that though. Howard asked Cliff what his real name is. Cliff told him that it was Lann Robert Zimmerman or something like that but it took Howard and the guys a couple of minutes to figure out what he was saying.
Jillian said that she's now working for ''The Best Damn Sports Show'' and doing some bits for them. She said that she's still working on the local version of Good Day, just not the national show. She said it is kind of awkward to work there because they'll kick her out of the make-up chair when Debbie Matanopolis gets there to get her's done.
Howard asked Jillian about when she's going to do a Playboy shoot. She said that next year sometime she will probably be doing it. Howard also asked her about Jenna Jameson and what she did with her. Jenna said that she made out with her so Jillian rambled on about how she made out with her and had some fun. She also watched Jenna's movie ''The Masseuse'' and said that turned her on. Howard was a big fan of that movie as well. Jillian told Howard how she was introduced to Jenna at a club and how well they got along when they met. They got up on stage and danced together at the club. They didn't take off any clothes or anything like that though. They did feel each other up a little bit but no one's hand went down the other's pants or anything like that. Jillian said she wasn't sure she wanted to go that far that night but she isn't against it.
Howard wondered if Jillian's underwear got ''wrecked'' that night. She said that they didn't have that much going on so they weren't wrecked. Artie wondered how Jillian was able to shut up long enough to make out with someone. A phone caller told Howard to get her off the phone already because she's so annoying. Howard told the guy that she's hot and he likes her. He said if she wasn't so hot, he probably wouldn't put up with it. Howard took a few more phone calls after that. One guy told Jillian that she needs to lose about 20 pounds because he saw her recently and she looked a little heavy. Jillian said she has gained about 8 pounds and the caller was right. The caller said it's probably more like 28 pounds. Howard told her not to gain weight because that'll ruin her. She didn't think it was that noticeable and she can lose it by next week if she wants. Another caller asked Jillian if she would come down to the studio and get naked so Howard could interview her and F her hard. Howard went on to ask her what she was wearing. She was at work so she had jeans on and was having her hair done.
Jillian said that she and Jenna talked about how much they like Howard when they were hanging out. Howard told Jillian about having sex with his girlfriend last night and how he gave her two orgasms. They've been together for 4 years now so it's a pretty serious relationship. Jillian said she's been single for 3 years now and she's used to living alone. She likes it and is afraid that if she had someone living with her, she wouldn't be able to get used to living alone again. Robin still lives alone and Mr. X doesn't spend more than a few nights over at her place.
Howard asked Jillian if she's going to be showing off her belly with a belly shirt this morning. Jillian said she will be wearing one but she's worried about what the guy said earlier about her weight gain. Howard was trying to get into some sex talk with Jillian but she didn't seem to be into it. He asked her if she's shaved completely down below. She said that she's having laser hair removal done and she knows that it works because she had her under arms done 4 years ago and she hasn't had to shave since then.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Jillian before wrapping up the interview. He also volunteered to do the photo shoot for Playboy if Jillian wants him to. She said she does get to pick her photographer and the place she wants to shoot so she may have him do it. Howard didn't think that she took him seriously. He let her go after that.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the chicks he might do. Jolene Blalock was right up at the top of his list. There were some chicks like Jessica Simpson who he wouldn't waste his time with. He thought Paris Hilton's oral technique looked good on the video he saw so he might do her. Artie said he'd just go to Scores, swing a dead cat and take the first five chicks he hit there. Howard said that Beth is just too good to give up. He said she climbed on top of him last night and instigated the whole thing. He likes that because he knows guys who are still begging to get laid and they're supporting the family. Chris Rock is one of those guys. Howard said that there are a lot of ungrateful wives out there.
A woman called in and asked Howard who he would choose between if he had to pick between Alison and his girlfriend Beth in a ''Sophie's Choice'' kind of situation. Howard said he couldn't answer that one because he can't win answering either way. The woman also asked Howard about the bulletin board and when she'll be able to register to get on. Howard said he's kind of upset about that and he's going to talk to the guys today about getting that turned back on. He had to go to break but played a new song parody which was a parody of R.E.M.'s ''It's The End of the World as We Know It'' called ''It's The End of the Show as We Know It.''
A phone caller asked Howard if he thinks that Pete Rose should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame or not because of everything he went through. Howard said that Rose should be in the Hall of Fame because he had a great career. The caller was trying to compare Pete Rose to President Clinton who slept with an intern but Howard didn't want to hear it and hung up on him.
Howard brought up the Amputee Beauty Pageant again and took a call from a guy who was wondering what kind of amputations they're looking for. He knows a hot chick who had a big toe amputated but Howard said that may not be enough of an amputation for the contest. They're looking for arms and legs to have been amputated.
Howard had Robin start her news around 10 o'clock. They ended up talking about Lindsay Lohan's father for a short time because he got kicked out of Scores after he passed out there. Dominic Barbara called in a little later and said that Lohan's father is a client of his and he'll have him call in sometime.
After Robin wrapped up her news Howard had a song he wanted to play. It was a remake of John Lennon's ''Imagine'' that was done by A Perfect Circle. He said he loves the song but he didn't get the remake. After listening to a couple of minutes of it Howard said he might actually like it... He wasn't quite sure. By the end of the song Howard said he thinks he likes it. Robin was still on the fence and Artie said it was okay but he didn't sound like he was convinced. Fred said that the song caused him great despair and gave it a thumbs down. Howard liked that they took the song and made it different. Fred thought that it was different but it put knots in his stomach because it was like he was watching a horror film as he was listening to it. Howard pointed out that it's the lead singer from Tool that sings in A Perfect Circle and he's had problems with Tool in the past. Howard started the song over again but he had to end the show so bailed out after about 5 seconds. They ended the show around 10:35.
Howard was once again exhausted after not getting a good night's sleep. He was up at 2 in the morning because he has to pee a lot these days. He said that he doesn't care if he's having prostate problems or whatever because he's still banging.
He talked about how he went on the bulletin board last night but saw that there were threads about him and Beth and how people hate to hear about them having sex. He got off the bulletin board as soon as he saw that. Someone described them as two, long monsters or something like that so he got bummed out and left. Robin thought that they had weeded out those people but it's obvious they didn't. Howard isn't sure he can keep the bulletin board going because it's still so brutal. He doesn't think he's strong enough.
Howard wondered where Robin wanted to start this morning. He figured he'd start with that idiot Jay Leno and the ''fag'' Conan O'Brien. He got in the car to go home from his psychiatrist and Ronnie told him that Jay Leno is leaving the tonight show. He didn't know that it's in 2009 that he's leaving. He later found out that it's not happening until 2009 so he figures Jay is trying to get some ratings by announcing his retirement since his ratings are so low these days. Then Conan O'Brien is such a simp that he thinks he's going to get the job in 2009. Howard figures they could find someone else other than Conan to replace Jay. They probably don't want to lose Conan right now so they tell him he can have the job for now. Howard talked about Jay's stupid bits that he does over and over again and how he ripped some of them off from his show. Artie said that the Jay Walking bit is something they do very often and that looks like an obvious rip off of Howard's show.
Howard had some audio clips of Jay Leno talking about his retirement announcement. Artie thinks he won't last until 2009 to see Jay Leno's retirement. Jay was talking about how he doesn't have a manager or an agent so he does his own negotiating with NBC. He also talked about how Conan's name was brought up as his replacement. Jay will be 59 in 2009 so he figures it's time to get out because only Johnny Carson could do that show into his 60s. Jay also talked about he had personal relationships damaged after he got the job over David Letterman. Howard pointed out that's because Jay is a dick.
Howard had a clip of Garry Shandling talking to Jay about that on the same show. Shandling said he didn't know that he was going to make that announcement and thought that the segment was going to be about him. Howard figures that NBC wants Leno out and that's why he's actually retiring. Howard pointed out that no one has ever guest hosted The Tonight Show because Jay learned from that already. That's how he got the job over Letterman.
David Letterman made the announcement about Conan taking over the Tonight Show. He laughed about how that is still 5 years away. Dave also wondered if he still had time to get a tape over to the Tonight Show people. Paul Shaffer said it might be too late. He also said something about how Jay might be spending more time in Las Vegas after that but Howard wondered why they don't goof on him more than that. Howard said there could be someone better who comes along within that 5 years who could take the job over Conan. He also pointed out that we'll probably still be in Iraq in 2009. That led to the guys talking about the war over there and what a mess it is. President Bush still has no idea that the war in Iraq was a bad idea so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard was talking about this guy who taught both John Kerry and George W. Bush in a debate class. The two of them are supposed to debate on Thursday so that guy must be proud that two people he taught are going to be debating. Howard went on talking about the Iraq thing and how things will never get better over there because of the general hatred for us. Howard thinks that the debate will be a non-debate and the two of them are just going to talk about each other's looks instead of the real issues. There won't be any real answers from them and it will be pointless. The two of them are only separated by 4 points in the polls though so Howard is surprised by that.
Colin Powell says that the war over in Iraq is worse than ever and it's just going to get worse. Howard took a call from a guy who said that's what he wanted to talk about. That led to Howard talking about how people in the armed forces are spending a lot of time over there in Iraq so they want to shorten the time they're over there to get people to join. If people don't start joining, the draft will be brought back.
Howard said his contract is up in a year and a half and he's going to turn the show over to Scott the Engineer when he retires. He was goofing on the Jay Leno announcement when he did this. Scott the Engineer had come in to talk about how he has an 18 year old son and it's frightening to think that his song could be drafted. If that draft does come, he and his wife may be gone. Scott also said that he heard a public service announcement reminding 18 year olds to register so they know their whereabouts if the draft does come back. Howard said that Scott's son will still be the right age for years to come so you have to keep that in mind. Artie said there's nothing better than having people in a fight who don't want to fight. That's what the draft will bring. Howard had to take his first break shortly after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the paperwork for the draft has already been put into effect by Bush and if he gets re-elected, the draft is a go. He also said that John Kerry could slow that down but the Iraq occupation is supposed to last at least another 5 years. Howard said they'll be drafting women as well and he's got an 18 year old of his own right now.
Another caller told Howard that he's in the service and no one is going to sign back up in the armed forces because it's hell over in Iraq. The guy got a little sidetracked and Howard had to bail out on his call. The guy was talking about Artie's comedy show and how he asks people if they saw his movie ''Dirty Work'' and if they did, he offers to give them their money back. Howard said that's part of Artie's act.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that she's been on his bulletin board lately and she wants him to read her thread sometime because there are so many people worried about him. She claims that she's had 190,000 people visit her one thread on the board. She mentioned a couple of the names of the people who she has been talking to on the board but one of them was too dirty to allow on the air. Howard told Jessica that he'd ''come on her thread'' tonight. She said she'd be there waiting for him. She was apparently naked, sitting there chatting on her computer as she told Howard about that.
Howard said their first guest has already canceled on them. They were supposed to have Lindsay Lohan's father call in but he'd just gotten on a plane and flew to California. Dominic Barbara was supposed to have set everything up but he called in and told them that the guy just flew out without warning this morning.
A caller asked when the World's Biggest Hemorrhoid Contest would be on Howard's web site. Robin Radzinski came in and said that they're going to have the show air on E! next week and it should show up on Howard's web site, uncensored, sometime after that. The caller asked Howard how they decide on how to blur the women's boobs on the E! show these days because some are just covering the nipples and some are covering the whole boob. Howard never got to the answer because the guy was smoking a bong and they could hear the water bubbling. They talked to him about that for a minute before getting off the phone. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Tom Chiusano has started bringing in Dunkin' Munchkins again and Artie has been sifting through them to get to the chocolate ones. When he does that he gets powdered sugar all over the place. Artie said it does kind of look like he's been smuggling cocaine but he's also eating those powdered sugar munchkins.
Howard thought that when Cynthia Nixon came out as being a lesbian, they's find that her girlfriend was hot but in the picture he saw today, she almost looks like a dude. That led to Howard talking about Jenny McCarthy's sister in Playboy and said that she looks pretty hot. Artie said she looks even hotter than Jenny.
Howard pointed out that Chaunce Hayden has an Avatar on the Howard Stern bulletin board that shows his ''broken'' penis. He showed that to Robin and Artie but Artie wanted to go back to Jenny McCarthy's sister.
Howard got a letter from someone who thinks that CBS was in on the whole Janet Jackson Super Bowl half time show incident because they were trying to compete with the Lingerie Bowl. Howard doesn't seem to think that's the case though. He still thinks that CBS had no idea what was going to happen.
Yesterday Howard was talking about using talcum powder on his balls to prevent bat wings. He heard that talc can cause cancer but he got a lot of mail about that and about the corn starch he was going to use instead. Someone told him not to use the starch because it has acid in it and it will burn his thighs.
Howard asked Pauly why he put up his own money for this new movie of his. Pauly said that it might be the stupidest thing he's done but he can make good money doing stand-up comedy and isn't so worried about it. He has a deal with FOX to put out a DVD of this new movie and he's got a company who will be distributing the movie to theaters. Howard said that Pauly had Adam Sandler's career a few years back but something happened. He made a few movies that did pretty well. They think that the movie ''Biodome'' is the one that did him in though.
Pauly's new movie is called ''Pauly Shore is Dead'' and he wanted to do it because when people don't see you for a while, they think that something terrible happened to you. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Pauly about his mother owning a comedy club and how he grew up around all of these comedians. He asked Pauly if his mother slept with a lot of the comedians. Pauly says that a lot of guys used his mother to get on stage so that may be the case. He said that his mother was with Steve Landesburg for a while. He's heard that she was with Richard Pryor for a while as well. Pauly told Howard they could call his mother if he wanted because she was listening this morning.
Howard got back to Pauly's career and wondered what went wrong with it. They also talked about the women that Pauly has dated in the past. Howard heard that he went out with Jewel Denile but Pauly was kind of avoiding answering that one. He said he did have oral with her but didn't think of that as sex for some reason. Howard told him he finds that to be more intimate than regular sex. Pauly explained his thoughts on that but the delay was hit. Howard asked Pauly if he's ever gotten a sexually transmitted disease. Pauly said that's never happened even though he doesn't use a condom when he gets oral. Gary came in and said that he had a list of women who claim that Pauly has hit on them. He said that Mary Carey and Jesse Jane both claim that he has hit on them. Pauly wasn't sure what ''hitting on'' meant.
Howard asked Pauly what he does with his spare time these days. Pauly said he runs his dogs up in the Canyon. He did pretty well in his career and has enough money to just hang out. He also helps his mother out with her comedy club and oversees some stuff there along with his brother.
Pauly's movie has it's premiere tonight and it opens on October 1st in L.A. and New York. He's got people like Sean Penn, Britney Spears, Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton and some others in the movie kind of making fun of themselves. Howard got sidetracked when he brought up the fact that there may be more Paris Hilton home porn tapes out there. Howard asked Pauly if he's ever done her. He claims he hasn't. There were only two people who turned him down for the movie. Winona Ryder and Andrew Dice Clay both turned down the movie. He said he thinks that's because Sam Kinison is in the movie. Pauly said that Craig Gass does the voice for Sam and a look-alike is playing Sam himself so the real Sam isn't even in the movie. That's what kept Dice away from it.
Howard wished Pauly luck with the movie. The two of them spent a minute talking about how much Pauly gets laid. He said he's only had a couple of girlfriends in his life. He doesn't seem to have a problem picking up women though. Howard took some phone calls for Pauly after that. One guy asked Pauly what he thinks of MTV now. Pauly said they seem to have turned into a network and don't have much music on there anymore but they're just trying to make money and get ratings. Howard wrapped up after that and gave Pauly a plug for his web site PaulyShoreIsDead.com where you can find out more about his movie.
Gary said he read that Michael threw a baby carriage at his ex-wife according to the divorce papers. Michael said that they are separated right now and they will eventually clear those things up. Howard asked Michael if he gets an income from his daughter. He said he doesn't get money from her, he has a career of his own. His wife is Lindsay's manager so she gets an income from her.
Michael told Howard about what happened to him at Scores the other night. He's been on medication and had a couple of drinks that night. It hit him hard and made him very tired so he passed out at the club. Gary told Howard that Lindsay didn't thank her father at the Teen Choice Awards when she won an award. Michael seems to think that was because of her publicist who seems to have something against him.
Big John from Scores called in and said that he was at Scores the night Michael was there. He saw him passed out there so he woke him up. He went back a little while later and found him passed out again. Big John said that he was foaming out the side of his mouth and he was being belligerent to the bartender so they had to kick him out. Michael claims that he only had 2 drinks that night but Big John thought that he must have had 20 to have passed out like that. Michael thinks that they just like the publicity and that's why they're saying that stuff.
Michael's phone was breaking up at this point. Howard had some people on the line who wanted to ask him some questions. One guy said that he heard that Michael was an informant but Michael said that wasn't true. Another caller said that he's seen some pictures of his daughter on the web where her boobs are exposed. Michael said she was only 17 at the time and they didn't have to go there.
Howard wanted to play a little game where he played either a Hillary Duff or Lindsay Lohan song and Michael had to tell them which one it was. Michael thought the first clip was Lindsay's but it was actually Hillary Duff's. The second clip he got right away. Howard got back to the Scores incident and talked to him about that for another minute. Howard also asked him about his wife and the rumors surrounding them. Michael went over everything that they'd already gone over though.
Howard read a few other things about Michael and Lindsay's relationship. They don't see each other a lot but Michael thinks she's a good kid and they'll eventually clear things up. There was another incident that Howard mentioned where Michael is accused of not paying some hotel bill but Michael had an excuse for that. He was also accused of trying to kick in the door of his wife's house one time. Michael said that was a joke. He went to the house one day and had a handful of groceries and had knocked on the door with his foot. Nothing else happened after that.
A listener called in and told Howard that he dated Lindsay for a while. He then said that he paid for her implants so they knew that he was full of crap. Howard asked Michael if he's getting laid these days. Michael said that wasn't appropriate but he never had a problem getting women when he wasn't Lindsay Lohan's father. Howard wondered if Lindsay's mother was the one who pushed her into show business. Michael said that she never pushed her into that, she let her decide for herself. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. He thanked Michael for calling in and went to break after that.
Charlie shared some stories about mugging people when he was younger. He said that he was part of a gang called The Pythons who were located in Howard's old town Roosevelt, Long Island. Charlie said there were a few gangs there after Howard got out of there. He ended up going to jail for some of the crimes he committed. That's when he straightened up his life. He talked to Howard about his father getting killed when he was only 10 years old and how that effected his life in a way he didn't realize. He moved to Long Island after that and that's when he got into the whole gang thing. Howard said he would have joined a gang if he could have because he was an outcast there in Roosevelt. He wasn't able to find any other dickheads like him to join a gang though.
Charlie said that he is very proud of his brother no matter what Howard thinks. Howard said if he had a younger brother who was more famous than him, he'd be very envious. Charlie told Howard that he was very proud to see his brother rise above everything and he really was proud of his brother. Charlie was in the Navy at the time his brother got really big. He wasn't qualified to do much of anything else other than bodyguard for his brother. Eddie put Charlie on salary and paid him to be his bodyguard. He said that his brother offered him an amount of money that he couldn't refuse at the time. Charlie said he got a little over zealous and would jump on people for not laughing at his brother. Eddie had to sit him down and talk to him about that stuff one day. Charlie took that stuff personally back then and still feels it these days.
Howard told Charlie that Eddie was probably the best stand-up comedian he ever saw. He's kind of sad that Eddie didn't keep that up because he was so good at it. Charlie said that was hard work and anyone who can get out of it and make money in movies and stuff would jump at the chance. Howard wondered if Charlie got in trouble with the law while he was bodyguard for his brother. He said there were some issues with beatings and he had to get out of that.
Charlie said that he hooked up with Dave Chappelle after doing a lot of movies playing the mean guy. He thinks that he and Dave have made an impact with ''Chappelle's Show'' and he's getting a lot of love over that. Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy asked Charlie what he would do if he called his brother ''nig*er.'' Charlie said that he could only respect the guy if he said that to Eddie's face. The caller said he would never do that, he loves Eddie. Howard gave Charlie a plug for a comedy appearance he's making at Zanie's in Chicago from September 30th to October 2nd.
Gay Ramone called in and asked Charlie if he knows if Dave Chappelle is cut or uncut. Charlie told him he was asking the wrong guy because he had no idea. Howard talked to Charlie about his wife and asked him if she's got any ''white features.'' Charlie said that she's black and he doesn't know if she's got any white features. Howard was trying to compare her to Eddie's wife who is apparently very hot.
Charlie says that he doesn't drink or do any drugs these days. He had to chill out after years of doing that stuff. He used to hang out with Rick James so Howard asked him about the time he and Eddie beat him up. Charlie didn't really want to talk about that because Rick recently passed away.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and asked Charlie about Whitney Houston because Eddie used to date her. Charlie said he knows Whitney and Bobby Brown so he doesn't want to talk about them. Howard didn't know that Eddie dated her when she was still hot. He wondered if Eddie ever talked to him about how good she was in bed or anything like that. Charlie wasn't talking. Eddie also used to hang with Michael Jackson but Charlie wasn't around during that either.
Robin asked Charlie what he thinks of Eddie's music. Charlie said that he loves his brother's music so they told him that he really is a good brother. Eddie has two platinum albums so you have to remember that when you're goofing on the guy. Charlie seems to think that there was a conspiracy in the industry to keep his last record from being released. He said that Eddie had a bunch of famous singers on the album but it was never released for some reason.
Gary came in and said that Charlie looks a lot like Eddie sitting there in the studio so he was wondering if he ever went to bars and tried to pick women up as Eddie. Charlie said he never did that but he knew of a guy who did. Chaunce was still on the line so he asked Charlie about the time Eddie was accused of picking up a transvestite. Charlie said that Eddie is just a really generous guy and he gives out money to a lot of people when he goes out. He said one night he ended up giving about $10,000 to homeless people after signing a bunch of autographs.
Howard said people seem to really like him on ''Chappelle's Show'' and he's doing very well. Charlie said that's what's allowing him to do this tour that he's doing now. Howard gave him another plug for the gig he's got at Zanie's in Chicago and wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard asked Rachel about the DVD she hosted and then read that she had a crush on him. Rachel said she used to hear Howard's name and thing ''Yuck'' but now that she's listened to the show, she thinks he's genius. Howard also read that she takes pictures of her doody and sends it to friends. Howard said he wouldn't be into that because he doesn't even want to think of his girlfriend going to the bathroom. She says that her friends are amazed at how much comes out of her. She's only 5'6'' tall and weighs only 108 pounds.
Howard talked more about the swimsuit DVD and what we get to see. She said that the girls on the DVD are in bathing suits. They didn't spend much time on that. She's supposed to be signing copies of the DVD at the FYE store on 6th Ave in NYC today. Howard got back to her crush on him and read that she would be willing to have sex with him but she wouldn't date him regularly. She said she thinks that he's too much man for just one woman to handle. Howard tried to find out how that would work and how he could make that happen. She basically said that she just needs to get a call from him and she'd come over. Howard told her he'd have to take that pretty seriously and think about it.
Rachel talked about going skinny dipping with a couple of friends one time after they got drunk. It somehow ended up getting sexual and she hooked up with this other girl. They may have also had sex with this guy who was there but she couldn't remember all of the details. Rachel said she wasn't as good as she thought she would be at the time and she bailed out on it. She only did it that one time with the other chick. She thinks that the other girl may have watched her with the guy that night as well.
Rachel couldn't remember the last time she had sex so the guys were wondering how that could be. She could get laid 5 times today if she wanted to but she can't even remember the last time she did it. Howard asked her how she can go that long and if she uses a vibrator. Rachel said that she has tried many vibrators in her time but she's not really into using them regularly. Rachel also talked about how she has tried anal before and she made it sound like just about everyone is doing that stuff these days.
Howard heard that Rachel had to get going but even she wasn't sure what she had to do today. A listener called in a short time later and told Rachel that she looked really hot in the latest Playboy magazine and she looks so much better than any of the other chicks out there. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Rachel has a lot of sexual energy and he saw her at a Maxim Magazine party a few weeks ago. She flashed a bunch of people that night. That led to the guys trying to get Rachel in a bikini but she wasn't into it. They had some bikini's for her but she really didn't want to do it. Gary tried to convince her that the fans would love her if she got into the bikini and got into the tickle chair.
Rachel did show Howard the tattoos she has. The guys also had a school girl outfit there for her to change into and she was thinking of doing that but she backed out of doing it. Howard wanted to get her in the tickle chair too but she really didn't want to do that either. Vinnie Favale called in and told Rachel that there were a million people on Howard's bulletin board saying that they'd buy the DVD if she just got in a bathing suit. He was yanking her around like they did with Nikki Ziering recently. It didn't work this time. Gary said the only way they're going to see her naked is if they bring her to Vegas with them next year. She said if they gave her enough alcohol, they would probably get her naked. Howard gave her a plug for her web site PerryTrain.com and then went to commercial.
Howard got some mail about the remake of the song ''Imagine'' that he played at the end of the show yesterday. A bunch of people complained about it but there were also some who liked the song. Robin thought about it after hearing the song and said she didn't like it at all. Howard liked it though. He had Robin start her news after reading the e-mail.
Howard took a phone call from a guy during the news who said that he could do a better bong hit than the guy who called in early in the show. The first hit he did didn't even make it over the phone. The second one wasn't all that great either so Howard hung up on him after telling him to work on it a little harder.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Howard why he is so jealous of him. He was mentioned during one of the news stories so they were goofing on him a little bit. Dominic thought that it was about time they give up on the fat jokes with him since he lost weight. He still weighs 221 pounds. Howard said he's only about 5'8'' tall though so that's pretty heavy. Dominic claims that he's 5'11'' so it's not that heavy. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about what they had coming up this morning. They have porn star Jesse Jane and Jim Belushi coming in. Howard was on Jesse Jane's web site, JesseJane.com, last night checking her out. Artie said that she's on the cover of a band's CD and she looks really hot on there. Howard checked that out when Jason brought the CD in. Tomorrow they have Jack Lalanne and Kitty Kelly coming in. Teri Hatcher will be in later in the week as well. Howard talked about the crush he used to have on her. He said he also had a crush on AJ Benza who will be coming in after being banned from the show for a couple of years. Gary said AJ told him he'd be willing to give Tom oral for letting him back in the building after being banned.
Howard said he was up early this morning again so he went on the Howard Stern Bulletin Board to see what was going on. He saw a thread that said ''Jay Leno'' so he checked that out. It was actually people talking about Howard being hostile toward Leno and he was going to post something but ended up forgetting his password so he wasn't able to log in. He gets irritated every time he goes on the board these days. Howard talked about how some people think he has a big ego but that's not what it is with Jay Leno. He talked about how he wasn't a fan of Johnny Carson's because of the way he treated comedians. He would only let certain comedians sit on the couch if they were really good. If they sucked, he would ban them from the couch. He spent a couple of minutes on that and then talked about Jay Leno again. He said that his dislike for Leno has nothing to do with Stuttering John. He said that Leno has ripped off bits from his show for a long time even before he stole Stuttering John. He talked about the time Leno walked off his own show the time he got upset with the lesbian thing he did on The Tonight Show.
Howard said that Leno is the lamest performer he's ever seen and he's not a good interviewer. He doesn't get any information out of his guests and it's just so gay the way they do things on that show. He just doesn't like Leno or his show and what he stands for.
Howard heard that there may be as much as an addition 12 hours of Paris Hilton sex tapes out there. Howard joked that in one tape she's giving hand release to Osama bin Laden. He went on to talk about how he has a couple of movie's that he's thinking of doing. He's had a couple of scripts sent to him that he likes. He's also got a guy reading scripts for him telling him whether or not they're good.
Howard was talking about the interview Bill O'Reilly did with President Bush last night. He said O'Reilly talks about his show being ''The No Spin Zone'' but he was letting him spin all kinds of stuff during the interview. Howard said he wanted to put his foot through the TV during that interview. He had to take a break shortly after that discussion.
Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show which features Bai Ling who was wearing some really sexy clothes when she came in. Robin told Howard that he should do a list of the women who are on the show each week and list them in order of hotness. Howard said he could do that. He said that Bai Ling was hotter than Rachel Perry but he still liked Rachel a lot because she said she'd let him bang her.
Howard told the guy to embrace himself and just make himself over and go find some more chicks. The guy said that the woman is the only one he wants right now and he doesn't want any other chicks. Howard told the guy that Gary was love sick over a woman so much that he made a love tape trying to get her back. Gary ended up meeting a better chick after that and he ended up marrying her.
Howard had a chick on the phone who was claiming to be his ex-girlfriend. The woman told him that he should just kill himself because he's a cry baby. Howard gave the guy a trip for two to the new Scores in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. He said that Gary will be there and will get him all kinds of hot chicks to lap dance for him down there. The guy gets to go down there for a full day and will have the dream night of his life according to Howard. Artie will be down there the day before so he told the guy to come down and hang with him down there. This guy can't kill himself yet. He has to have some strippers give him a knee in the crotch first. The caller said that Howard probably saved his life with this stuff. Howard said he'll probably want to kill himself because he will miss Scores so much.
Howard played Gary's love tape where he's begging for his girl to come back to him. They put it to the ''Jerry Maguire'' theme song. Howard made the guy listen to the song but the caller thought it was kind of sad. Howard wanted to play the whole Gary love tape for the guy but Gary came in and told him that they had Jesse Jane there.
Artie was out working last night so he was out with Dave Attell until 2 in the morning. He was doing shots with Dave and eating pizza. Artie didn't go to bed until 3:30 and then he got up at 4:45 this morning. Howard said he can't do stuff like that because he would get sick. Howard started to play Gary's love tape where he begs his old girlfriend to come back to him after they broke up. The guys started goofing on Gary about his grammar but that was the least embarrassing part of the whole thing for Gary. He warned Howard that he was going to blow the schedule today if he continued to play the tape. Howard ignored him and continued to play it. Gary had to walk out of the studio while they played it. Howard cut it off eventually because he really did need to get to Jesse Jane.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up last night's E! show which featured Kitana Baker who was really hot and had a boyfriend who didn't look like he belonged with her. Howard told the guy to watch tonight because they have Bai Ling on the E! show.
Howard told Markee that he'd be willing to do a Ramones tribute because he could play Joey since he looks kind of like him. That led to them talking about doing a tribute for a minute and then Markee got in a plug for this new ''Ramones - Raw'' DVD he put together. Howard didn't have any more time to talk to him so he had to let him go and take a commercial break.
Howard played some clips from Jesse's movies to get an idea of whether or not she really enjoys it. The guy in the clip sounded like he was enjoying it quite a bit. Howard asked her if the guys in the movies are gross. She said the guys she works with aren't gross because she really has to be into them to get into the sex. Howard played another clip where she was getting screwed and Artie said it was ''...like hearing Brando do Streetcar.''
Jesse has been in porn for just two years. Before that she worked at Hooters and she was a regional supervisor. Howard said he might have to go to Hooters now that he knows hot chicks like her work there. Artie told him that the hottest Hooters chicks are down in the south. Howard went on to ask Jesse about how much money she makes doing the porn stuff. She wouldn't give numbers but said she is under contract and pretty much gets paid a salary to do that stuff. She lives off of that money and doesn't have to do anything else to bring money in.
Jesse said that she is on the cover of the Drowning Pool CD that Howard looked at earlier in the morning. Howard said she looked really hot on that cover. Jesse told Howard about a guy who once asked her if he could pay her to have sex. She was offended by that because it was like a prostitution thing. She talked about how she doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant because she had an emergency hysterectomy because she had cervical cancer.
Jesse told Howard that she's going out with Tommy Lee so that kind of ruined it for him. She said that he's awesome in bed and he's a sweet guy. Howard sounded like he was really bummed out after hearing that. He tried to move on and ended up asking her about how much she pleasures herself. She said that she does that a couple of times a day. She has a lipstick sized vibrator that airport security ends up picking out of her purse once in a while. The delay was getting hit a few times during that conversation for some reason.
Jesse told Howard about a girl she brought home with her to Tommy's place one time. She says that Tommy didn't do the other chick, he only did her. The delay hits were still coming around this point so the whole conversation was chopped up.
Jesse told some other stories about her lesbian experiences before Howard took some phone calls. One guy said it's really depressing that Tommy Lee gets all of these hot chicks. Howard said that Jesse's face looks great and she hasn't messed it up with plastic surgery yet. He told her not to ruin her face like that. Another phone caller asked Jesse if she enjoys anal sex. She said that she's really not into that stuff... The delay was hit a couple more times during that discussion.
Howard told Jesse that he'd let her plug whatever she wants to if she'd get into the Tickle Chair in a bikini. She told Howard that she didn't shave this morning so she couldn't get into a bikini. Gary told her that no one would even know if she didn't shave because she won't be completely naked. Gary also told Howard that Jim Belushi was in his office watching this and he was ''smitten'' with Jesse. Howard wondered if a lot of stars hit on her. Jesse ended up telling Howard about how she wanted to hook up with Britney Spears one time but it never happened. She's not sure of Britney would want to do anything with her. Howard read that she has had other celebrities hit on her as well. She said that Pauly Shore, Joey Fattone and Mike Tyson have all hit on her. Mike Tyson wouldn't take ''no'' as an answer and kept bugging her for a while. Jesse said that Vin Diesel hit on her one time but she didn't think that he was really into her that much. She said that she gets the feeling that he may be bi-sexual or something. Howard doesn't seem to think that's true though. He said he wishes that Vin was gay, it would make him feel better.
Jesse eventually agreed to get into a school girl outfit for her Tickle Chair experience. Howard had her go change and offered to help her out. She was able to do it by herself though. She came back in a short time later in her School Girl outfit. Howard and Artie sounded like they liked what she was wearing. She wasn't wearing any panties underneath the outfit. Howard went on to tell Jesse that the ads on his station cost $100,000 and she had to get tickled to get in some plugs for whatever she was going to plug. Howard started to tickle her and she squealed out some plugs for her web site JesseJane.com. Howard let her rest for a few seconds and then tickled her some more. She was barely able to speak as he was tickling her.
Gary asked her if she wanted a sip of water. She took a sip but Gary ''accidentally'' spilled it on her shirt. Howard then tickled her some more as she yelled out a couple more web sites DigitalPlayground.com and LabelWhore.com. She managed to get out of the restraints in the chair so Howard let her out. Jesse told Howard that she has a fantasy of dressing up like a school girl and having someone pretend to be the teacher who offers to give her and A after bending her over the desk and banging her. Howard said he couldn't go that far but he was willing to spank her. Jesse said that's not all she wanted so Howard gave up on the whole idea and went to break.
Howard said that Jim was upset with him for some reason a couple of months ago and he confronted him out on the street one day in New York City. Howard said he had a guy with him who could have kicked Jim's ass but Jim thinks that he could have kicked that guy's ass. Jim told Howard that he was mad at both Robin and Howard for some reason. Howard didn't let him get to that right away though. He talked to him about how all of the guys on TV sitcoms these days have hot chick wives while the guys are big fat guys. Jim said that the reason the fat guys are getting the hot chicks is because they are funny and they have some padding so they're not all bony.
Artie said that he's a fat guy and he has a hot chick girlfriend. Howard said that's because he's a celebrity though. Artie claims that he got hot chicks when he was a long shoreman. He said he banged a hot chick who needed a green card. Artie said she didn't speak any English but he was able to bang her that night. Howard told Jim about this chick that Artie picked up out in Vegas one time and she banged his brains out. Then the next morning she tells him ''That'll be $500.''
Howard talked about how mad Jim was at him in the park that day he got yelled at. Howard didn't know what the problem was at the time. Jim told Howard that he and Robin were kind of dissing him the last time he was on the show. He heard that Howard and Robin didn't like some of the movies he's done and they were saying that he didn't deserve the money that he was getting paid for some TV deal he had back then. Robin and Howard said they were wrong for what they did but Howard had a list of other people that he has problems with. Jim has a problem with his neighbor Julie Newmar but Jim said he can't talk about that on the air because of legal issues. Howard tried to get some information out of him but Jim was afraid he was going to kill his case.
Howard read an article from the National Enquirer where Julie claims that Jim breaks the law at his house all the time. The article says that Julie threw eggs at his house one time and Jim said that was true. The article said that Jim painted a red, no parking line on his curb to keep people from parking there. He said that wasn't true either. There were also some things about how Jim had to move his air conditioner unit because it was too noisy for Julie. Jim said that was also true. Howard told Jim that he should sell his house to P. Diddy and that would take care of all of his problems. Howard wondered why Jim doesn't try to work things out with his neighbor and offer her a part on his show or something. Jim said he has extended the olive branch to her but she doesn't bite.
Howard talked to Jim about his three wives. He wondered why Jim would get married a third time after two failed marriages. Jim said that he just wasn't mature enough for the first two wives and things didn't work out. He told Howard that he made some bad choices back then. His work came first back then and that didn't help things out. These days he has a couple of kids and he's having a great time with them.
Gary came in and said that he read that Jim put up a 15 foot wall at his house and may have also put an extension on his house so close to Julie Newmar's that she wasn't able to garden anymore. Jim denied having done any of that stuff. Jim asked Howard if he's ever seen his show ''Accodring to Jim.'' Howard said that he did see it one time and it was enjoyable. Robin didn't believe him but he swore on the life of his kids that he actually did see an episode. That led to Jim and Howard talking about their kids and how old they are. After going over that Howard had to wrap up the interview. Jim told Howard and Robin that he really does miss them. He enjoys their company and they've been hanging out since 1983 or so. Howard told Jim that he really misses his brother John because he was an amazing talent. He actually wanted Jim to talk to Artie because Artie kind of took his career in the same path as John did. Artie said that he does idolize John but that's not the reason he's an alcoholic.
Jim had to get out of there because he had to go over to the local WB network. Howard said they're a bunch of losers but Jim told him they bought his show in syndication so he was going to rush right over there. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that the bulletin board should be opening up for registration again either today or tomorrow. He was talking about Gary being on the board and Fred played a couple of the Baba Booey jingles they have like the Star Wars theme and the Baker Street Baba Booey song. Gary came in and said that he was talking about Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy working on the show and he was arguing some football stuff on there as well.
Howard and Gary talked about Jay Leno for a couple of minutes after that. They were talking about how Howard finally let Jay know what he really thought of him the day Jay called him to talk about Stuttering John being hired on his show. Howard read an article where Leno was interviewed about Howard's little fight with him. Leno says it's like big time wrestling and Howard just got mad at him when he hired John. Howard said that's not the case and Jay is just a ''scumbag'' and a ''con-man.'' Howard continued to go off on Jay as he read through the interview he had. Leno was talking about how he's able to keep his act clean and still entertain people. Gary told Howard that they go through Jay's whole day in the article where he makes it seem like he works on the show the whole day. Howard said it sure seems like a lot of effort for 10 or 15 minutes of material that they actually use on the show.
Howard saw that Conan O'Brien made a sappy comment about the fact that he'll be taking over for Jay Leno in five years. Howard played audio from Conan's show where he mentions that. He thinks he's taking over the Tonight Show in four and a half years but Howard seems to think that things won't work out the way Conan thinks they will. David Letterman thought he was going to get the Tonight Show gig but never did. Howard said he wishes that Conan had left NBC and got his own 11:30 show so they could watch him fail miserably. Conan talks about what a great friend Jay has been to him for the past 11 years or so. He thanks him and says he hopes he can live up to the honor. Howard seems to think the whole Tonight Show thing is just a publicity thing so Jay can get better ratings.
Howard asked Artie about this guy Pedro Martinez who has been walking around with a midget for some reason. Artie said the guy is a great pitcher but he's also crazy because he brings this midget around with him as a good luck charm. The guys spent a short time on that. Howard asked Artie if he fixed his voice mail problem because it was full when he tried to call him last night. Artie said a friend of his filled it up accidentally when his cell phone dialed his number without him knowing about it.
Howard played some audio clips of Jennifer Lopez being interviewed and talking about her relationships. Howard goofed on her for a little while as he was listening to her dopey comments during the interview. Howard said that her ass would be pretty intimidating to him if it was staring him in the face in bed. He doesn't like that big ass of hers. Artie said he'd prefer Jesse Jane's ass over Jennifer Lopez's. The E! guys played some of the tickling video for Howard to watch again. Howard said that Jim Belushi was out in the office telling the camera guys to zoom in and stuff while he was watching. Howard thought she was really hot in that tickle chair dressed up like a school girl.
A listener called in and said that he didn't like Howard bad mouthing Marc Anthony during the Jennifer Lopez discussion. Howard thinks that the two of them will be divorced in 3 months and none of it really matters anyway. The guy claimed to be Anthony's cousin but he doesn't even know where the guy lives.
Howard had a bunch of e-mail to get to but he said there's a web site he was on last night where they have college girls getting naked and political. The site was CollegeHumor.com. He said there were some girls on there who would write ''Vote for Bush'' on their boobs and stuff like that.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that Fred was nuts and the Perfect Circle remake of the song ''Imagine'' was great. Howard played it the other day and Fred was't a fan of the remake. A few other people checked in with similar comments. There were some e-mails about Pauly Shore's appearance on the show and how unfunny he was. Some people wrote in about how much they hate Sal the Stockbroker. He's been working on the show for a couple of weeks now. Some people think that Sal replaced Richard Christy but they're actually both working there now.
Sal came in so Howard ended up talking about how pussy whipped Sal is these days. He's out in the office talking about how he can't get laid these days. Gary said he felt bad for him when he hard that Sal tapped his wife on the ass on her birthday and asked if she wanted to have sex. She came back with a comment about how on her birthday she would not want to have sex with him. Sal said that he had to go into the bathroom and take care of himself after that.
Howard told Sal that he's doing a good job working there but he has to calm down when he wants to take him out of a song parody or something. He apparently got upset when Howard requested that they take Sal out of a song parody. Howard told him he wouldn't be working there if he didn't think he was funny.
Howard got back to the e-mail he had. Someone asked where Daniel Carver has been lately. Howard was wondering the same thing so Gary told him that he apparently hasn't had any new messages in over a year now. Howard read some negative e-mails about Robin as well. Some people just don't like her.
Howard is excited that ''Smallville'' is on tonight. He also said that ''Lost'' is on and he loves that show as well. Howard will be watching ''The Bachelor'' as well. He said that he watches ''Smallville'' live and tapes ''Lost.'' Robin said that she's also enjoying ''The Surreal Life'' that has been cracking her up lately. Howard had to take another break after the TV show discussion.
During the news Robin brought up a story about kids who are having plastic surgery. That led to Howard talking about teeth and how his mother wouldn't even get him braces as a kid because she had some crazy phobia about dentistry. She thought that if he got braces his teeth would get loose and fall out. She wouldn't let him even have novocaine when he had work done on his teeth. She would tell him how she doesn't believe in anything unnatural being done to her. Howard would tell her that having holes drilled in your teeth isn't exactly natural but she'd have that done.
A woman called in and asked Howard for his opinion about whether or not Bush will bring back the draft if he is reelected. Howard siad he will have to bring it back. Howard told the woman that he will lead the revolution against the draft if it comes around because he has two daughters that could be drafted. That led to Howard talking about the interview Bush had with Bill O'Reilly the other night and how O'Reilly didn't confront him on the issues that he talked to him about. Howard also thinks that the debate between Bush and Kerry is going to be a bunch of nonsese as well because everyone will be critiquing them on the way they answer questions and the way they look instead of paying attention to what they say. Howard spent quite a while talking about the upcoming debate and how it won't make any difference in the election because they won't let Bush and Kerry talk the way they really should. Howard had to take a break in the middle of the news because of the long discussion.
Howard took a call from JD's (who records shows for Howard) father during the news because he wanted to tell Howard and Robin about how he went to a Bush rally where he didn't have to sign the paperwork that was reported on in one of the stories Robin read. He said he did have to fill out a form with his name and address on it but that was it. There was no Bush Loyalty Oath that he had to sign. Howard was trying to convince JD's father that voting for Bush wasn't such a great idea but the guy is afraid that he doesn't know what he's getting with a John Kerry while he knows what he has with Bush. Howard and Robin told the guy that he might want to sit this election out. They goofed on poor JD a little bit about the way he talks as Robin got back into the news.
High Pitch Erik called in as ''Erica'' who was supposed to be in love with JD. Howard tried to play along with him but Erik didn't have much of anything to say. He was trying to show Howard he can do impressions but Howard ended up bailing out on the call and hung up on him. They played one of Erik's porn video remakes where he plays a girl getting banged and spit on before Robin got back to her news. They ended the show around 10:40 this morning.
Howard started off the show talking about Jack Lalanne coming in and how they were going to challenge the 90 year old guy to do more pull-ups than Howard. Howard is afraid he'll get beaten by the guy. Howard heard that Lalanne had to have his knees replaced one time and the day after he had that done, he was doing pull-ups in his hospital bed. If that's the case, he knows that the guy can beat him.
Howard was reading some news about Paris Hilton in the paper and he hates the fact that she's famous. He has a problem with her being famous because she really hasn't done anything. In The Daily News today they once again report that there's a 12 hour porn tape where she's having sex with this guy in the back of a car. There's also tape of a couple of black guys going up to her and asking her to be in a fashion show and when they leave, she calls them ''dumb nig*ers.'' Howard said that's got to bring her fame down a notch if it's true. Artie said in some places it'll make her even more famous. Howard wondered what reason she'd have for calling someone names like that. Howard read the article in The Daily News where they describe all of this stuff. Artie said that just makes him hate her even more after hearing the racist comments she made. Howard said you'd think people would be mad at her for making comments like that but it could make her even more famous.
Howard won't be able to watch the big debate tonight so he'll be listening to it on the show with the rest of the guys. Robin said it might be the kind of thing that he should take a nap for this afternoon and then watch it tonight. A listener called in and told Howard he can't wait to see the debate because Kerry is going to get his ass kicked. The guy was drunk and actually mean to say that Bush was going to get his ass kicked. Howard said Kerry should bring up the fact that Bush hasn't fired one person from his administration even after the 9/11 attacks. There were people who didn't do their jobs but Bush won't fire anyone.
Howard said he had to take a break after that but he ended up talking about Scott Muni, a radio DJ, who died the other night. Howard said he'd talk about his experiences with Muni after the break. Artie said he heard a eulogy for Muni where they said he was famous for playing bands from England. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard wondered if anyone checked out the pictures of Jesse Jane on his web site yesterday. He thought she was pretty smokin' hot in the pictures. Howard was trying to pick between Jesse Jane and Rachel Kerry because both of them said they'd have sex with him. He said he thinks he'd go with Rachel because she's not a porn star. Artie didn't like that she told them she sends pictures of her doody to her friends over her cell phone. Howard said that's kind of like the Jenny McCarthy thing where she says she's like a hot chick but she's like a dude. Howard said he like Jenny's sister who was in Playboy recently. Gary told him that she wants to come on the show so Howard told him to book her. He's hoping that Playboy didn't airbrush her too much though.
Howard was on his bulletin board last night talking about his least favorite guests. He and some guy were talking about how boring the Playboy chicks tend to be because they have nothing to talk about. Then they put them on E! and they get huge ratings just because they look so hot. Howard ended up talking about his old WWOR Channel 9 TV show because they used to get such huge ratings with that. Howard wants to put those shows out on DVD but he just can't come to an agreement with them over there to put them out. Artie knows a guy who has DVD copies of the shows even though they were never released. Howard said they're all over the place and he'd rather have a nice, pristine copy of them for his fans to see. He worked hard for them over there and they don't give him anything but a hard time about giving him the rights to the shows.
Howard talked about how he would do the radio show during the week and then work on the WWOR show after the radio show for the whole week. He thought that his second season was the best because they had to work things out in the first season. Artie said that he and Norm Macdonald would talk about how great those shows were back then. Howard remembered some of the bits they did on the show and how he would get dressed up in costume and do goofy interviews. Gary said the guests never knew what they were getting into and they wouldn't tell them what they were going to do.
Howard said the bit they innovated there on WWOR was a bit where they took the picture of the Zodiac killer and cut out the mouth so they could have Billy West mouth the character. Howard said that Frank Smiley took that bit over to Conan O'Brien's show and now they do that bit on his show all the time. Howard said that those guys are such unoriginal people it's not funny. Frank still works over there at Conan's show. Howard said if the guy had written him a thank-you note, he wouldn't be so upset about it. Howard said people tend to forget where those kinds of things came from.
Gary remembered the Zsa Zsa Gabor interview they did where they sent in a bunch of wack pack members to talk to her before doing the interview. Artie remembered a bunch of bits they did on that show and how great they were. The Richard Simmons bit they did where they hung food on a fishing pole in front of him was classic. They lost a few friends of the show because of some of the bits they did on the show. Joe Walsh was one of the guys who they lost because they had him perform ''Desperado'' on the show. That led to Don Henley getting pissed at Joe and that held back their reunion for another 3 years or so.
Sam Kinison and Gilbert Gottfried were on the show and did some great bits. Gilbert was ''Gilbert Dice Clay'' in one episode where he insulted a gay comic they had on. Howard said the people at WWOR turned on him and wanted to pay him even less money so he had to get out of there. Howard thinks that those shows should be running somewhere. Artie said that Comedy Central should get them and run a marathon.
Gary remembered the bit they did with Cheech and Chong doing a baby jesus bit. There were some homeless make overs and other bits that the guys brought up. Their lowest rated show was when they had Celestine the armless and legless woman showing them how she eats out. Gary brought up an episode where Howard did a Larry King impression and interviewed a bunch of people who thought that it was a real interview.
Artie thought that WWOR was owned by Viacom, the same company Howard works for, but Howard told him they're just an affiliate and aren't owned by Viacom. If they were, he might have better luck getting those tapes.
Howard asked Artie if he's doing okay since Jack Daniels lowered the proof from 86 to 80. Artie said you really can't even tell the difference and if anyone says they can, he wants to punch them. Howard was trying to figure out why they would do such a thing but Artie wasn't really sure. He said it might be their way of telling people they don't get them as drunk as you think or something like that. Howard had to take another break after that.
Kitty told Howard that she interviewed a woman who claimed to be Bush's mistress but she took back everything she said after the interview. She didn't record the interview so she doesn't have proof. Kitty said she had a witness there who heard the conversation and he backed up what she wrote about. She also said that she confirmed everything with the woman on the phone before they published the book. Kitty said she spoke to her on three separate occasions and had people there who heard her story and can back up what was written.
Howard read some of the highlights from Kitty's book. One of them was that Laura Bush smoked and sold marijuana at college in the 60's. They talked about that for a short time and then Howard asked Kitty about the retarded Bush kids. She says that they were airbrushed off of the family tree. When you ask to see the family tree for the Bush family you don't see certain things. She said they keep the divorces off the tree and the retarded kids off of there as well.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Kitty and then gave her a plug for her book ''The Family : The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty.'' They talked about a few other things that Kitty has in the book before they wrapped up the interview. Kitty said the book will give you a good picture of what the Bush family is like and how the class system works in America. The book is 700 pages long so if you're just interested in finding out how the family made their money, it's all in chapter 2.
Howard asked Kitty about her sex life before she got off the line. She said that she's 62 years old and she still has sex when she can get her husband to be with her. Howard played some of Taylor Rain's porn tape and said that it was some home video of Kitty having sex. Kitty says that the White House will tell people not to read this book but she says that everything in the book is true and she'd challenge them over it. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he's glad he's clean. He said he's had some books written about him but they made up some stuff about him. Howard had a few other things from Kitty's book. He said she claims that George W. arranged for an illegal abortion for an old girlfriend of his one time. There were some other things about how wacky that family is.
Howard saw that Jack Lalanne was there so he was talking about the pull-up challenge he wanted to do. Gary told him that Jack had to back out of that because he hurt his arm doing something. Howard thought he was pussy-ing out on the contest. Gary said Jack had another contest that he wanted to do but Howard wasn't sure he wanted to do that. He wanted to get him in there os he could call him a pussy. Howard took a break before getting to Jack.
Howard and Jack talked about the days when they first met. Jack said he was on when Howard first got on TV. Elaine said she was on the show back in 1986 when she was promoting a book. She's 79 years old so Jack got himself a young woman. Howard read that Jack invented the first nautilus machine but never patented it so he got screwed out of it. Jack told Howard that he had his first gym back in 1931 and there were no weight machines back then. Doctors back then told people not to work out because they would have heart attacks and stuff like that. Jack knew that wasn't the case because working out helped him. Elaine told Howard that it was the leg extension machine and some other pieces of equipment that he invented, not the Nautilus machine itself.
Jack told Howard that he used to have to massage people to make money back then. People thought he was a nut because of the things he was doing. Howard said when he was a kid, if you saw a guy jogging, it meant he was gay. Jack told Howard about how he would go to schools and find the fattest and skinniest kid and sign them up to work out. That led to them talking about Jack's son Danny who was there with them. Howard had him come in so they could check him out. He's got a bit of a belly and he's out of shape. Danny said that he's 56 years old and he just never followed in his father's footsteps. Jack and Elaine said they have tried to get him a personal trainer but he doesn't want to do that stuff.
Jack said that he loves people for what they are, not just for how they look. He doesn't force anyone to work out or anything like that. Danny said that he used to hide chocolate in his room as a kid. That's one thing that helped keep him out of shape.
Howard talked to Jack about this Juice machine that he sells and wondered if they're millionaires. Jack says they are but Elaine said they're not. Jack said they have a house worth a million and a half or so out in California. They live right by the ocean. Jack went on to talk about how you can use his juice machine to make juice out of raw vegetables because ''cooking kills'' and you need to eat that stuff raw.
Howard took a call from a guy (Sal the Stockbroker) who asked Jack if he ever dropped some man gravy in his juicer and gave it to his wife. Howard just laughed and took another call. The next caller (Richard Christy) asked Jack if he still uses his penis or if it's just a conversation piece. Jack and Elaine said that they do it nearly every day. Jack said he nearly does it on Monday, nearly on Tuesday...
Another phone caller said that ESPN has been running old Jack Lalanne shows and he saw him cooking steaks. Elaine said that Jack used to eat meat, he only eats fish now. Elaine told him that Jack used to drink blood from the slaughterhouse as well. Howard wondered if Jack thinks he'll live to 100 years of age. Jack said he doesn't care if he does, he just wants to live while he's alive.
Artie got a lecture from Jack about the crap he eats. Artie had a bagel, coffee and Dunkin Munchkins for breakfast this morning. Jack said that you need to feed your ''human machine'' the same way you would take care of your new car. Howard gave Jack a plug for his juicer that you can find at JacksJuicer.com. His old Jack Lalanne shows are running on ESPN Classic as well. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and went to commercial break.
Howard went over some of the other stuff that Rob has gone through over the years since then. Now he's married and he's almost a born again Christian. Rob said that only on Howard's show could getting married and getting sober be considered ''born again.'' Howard asked Rob if he ever cheats on his wife. Rob said he doesn't do that at all. He had his fun when he was younger. Howard told Rob to tell the story about how he met his wife. Howard heard that Rob stole the woman from Emilio Estevez but Rob said he'd met her first, then Emilio met her and dated her and he stole her back from him.
Howard talked to Rob about his stint on The West Wing and why he left the show. Rob said the show was starting to change and he wanted to get out. He said the whole thing wasn't about money. Howard went on to ask Rob about the women he's had over the years. He mentioned Demi Moore's name but Rob didn't want to talk about that stuff. He was afraid that his kids were listening this morning on their way to school. Gary asked Rob about taking his kids camping one time and he had rented a Big Foot costume to freak them out. One of the kids got so upset that he threw up.
Howard gave Rob a plug for his new show ''Dr. Vegas'' which airs on Friday night at 10pm on CBS. Howard figures that Rob must really want his show to succeed to call into the show. Rob said he called in because he really misses them. He said he wants to come into the studio sometime because whenever he sees his TV show he sees some insane person on. Howard wants to talk to him about all of the poon tang he's had over the years. Howard wished him luck and invited him to come in the next time he's in New York. He said they'll go to Scores the next time he's there so it'll be like the old days.
Howard invited hot chicks to come down to audition if they want to work at Scores in Ft. Lauderdale. They'll be holding that audition on Monday's show. He got in a plug for the Animated F-Emmy show that is airing on E! tonight.
Howard mentioned the Paris Hilton thing they were talking about earlier this morning. That led to Howard talking about Daniel Carver and how they thought that he wasn't making any new messages on his answering machine. Scott the Engineer was supposed to be on top of that but he apparently wasn't because Daniel had a new message. Howard played Daniel's latest message where he talks about how there are a lot of gay things going on in this country and he blamed it on the ''filthy nig***s.'' He was also blaming the Jews for a lot of that stuff because they are the Devil. He also went off on the Mexicans for a few seconds during the message. He managed to hit every group in that message which was pretty impressive.
Howard played some of the new bits that Sal and Richard have put together. They use a computer voice to be Tom since he's such a robot. The first bit was Tom coming on to Dead Air Dave who hits the dump button on Howard's show there in New York City. They didn't call Tom a douche bag in that bit but there was another one where they did. Tom threatened to go back and hit the dump button on the douche bag mentions if they continued because they've taken it too far. Howard told him to just hang in there and listen to what they did.
Howard played the bit which was supposed to be a spoof of the game ''Password'' and Sal was trying to get the robot Tom to say ''douche bag'' by saying ''Tom Chiusano is...'' The robotic Tom didn't get the password. Howard said he told Richard and Sal to stop with the bits but he continues to play them on the air. Artie told Tom that he's been there for 3 years and would never think of calling him a douche bag. Tom said that's because there's a level of respect there for him. Sal and Richard have no respect for him for some reason and they haven't been there long enough to do that.
Howard and Tom talked about the upcoming debate tonight and what's going to be involved in that. Howard ended up playing some of Bill O'Reilly's interview with President Bush where he lets Bush off the hook pretty easy. He didn't follow up on any of the answers Bush gave. He had a bunch of other stuff to get to but he was going to take a break. Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Howard if he would reconsider signing a new contract if Kerry wins the election. Howard said that there's no way he's re-signing because his days on terrestrial radio are over. The show is being censored and it's just not fun anymore. He gets crazy from what they do to his show these days. The caller also asked if they're trying to censor satellite radio as well. Howard doesn't know what the future will hold but it could lead to something where they'd be censoring cable and satellite and then the internet. He doesn't know who would stand for that.
A woman called in and told Howard that she's moving to Minnesota tonight so she was calling in to say goodbye. Her kids are there so she has to move back. Howard wished her luck and said good bye to a listener.
Howard read through some e-mail they've gotten. Someone complained about Fred playing some of the sound effects he plays every day. There are some people who love how fast Fred is at playing the sound effects. Howard got a lot of mail about him making fun of Conan O'Brien. Those people don't think that he has the right to do that. Howard went off on both Jay Leno and Conan again after reading that. There were a few other people who wrote in and complained about his bashing of Jay Leno. Howard said he's not going to just sit back and not talk about how bad Jay is on The Tonight Show.
There were some e-mails about how much the show is getting censored these days. One guy wrote in and complained about Janet Jackson because it's all her fault that all of this indecency stuff has gotten so blown out of proportion. Howard read an e-mail from a guy who was trying to figure out a song he was trying to remember the name of. He gave Howard a line or two and Fred was able to come up with the answer which was Quicksilver's ''Messenger Service'' song.
A woman called in and told Howard that she's already starting her grieving process for losing the show because she knows that he'll be gone eventually. Howard said they should be on for another 15 months so she has a little while to go.
Going into break Howard played a clip where he confronted the late Scott Muni about keeping guests off his show. He told them not to mess with his show because he was the new king in the city.
Howard talked to Heather about working on ''One Life To Live'' and the plays she performs in there in New York City. Howard thought she looked great in the mini-skirt she was wearing this morning. He talked to her about her support for John Kerry. She also talked about how she has had an abortion so she's pro-choice. Howard joked that she was 11 years old when she had the abortion. She played along and said that it was her brother's baby. Howard believes that if one of George Bush's kids got pregnant and there was no legal abortion, he'd figure out a way to get it done.
Heather told Howard that she was young and stupid when she got pregnant. She's glad she made that choice when she did. Howard found out some other stuff about Heather. He read that she was dating this guy Chad Allen when he came out of the closet. She said she never dated him, they were just good friends. She's dating a guy who likes to decorate and go antiquing so he says that he's ''just gay enough'' for that kind of stuff.
Heather talked about her work on ''One Life To Live'' and how she has to remember her lines every day for the show. Howard thought she must be pretty smart to remember all of those lines every day. She said she's been doing it since she was 14 years old so she's gotten pretty good at it.
Howard asked Heather how many guys she's been with in her life. She said it's probably about 10 and she's only 28 years old. Howard said that porn star Jesse Jane said she was only with about 10 guys. Howard also asked her if she's ever had any lesbian experiences. She said that she has kissed a chick but it didn't go much farther than that. She was at a club and ended up making out with her to impress some guys.
Howard gave Heather some plugs for the shows she's appearing in and the Planned Parenthood web site since she helps out with that. You can find out more about the Planned Parenthood stuff at PPFA.org
Howard saw that Bob had a lot of stand-up gigs coming up since their TV deal fell through. Bob said he's thinking of getting a traveling salesman gig to work as long as he's on the road. Bob is going to be appearing in Las Vegas soon so he told a story about how he wasn't aware that you're not allowed to joke about Siegfried and Roy out there. He said that they talked about how the tiger could smell Roy's stroke and had gone over to help him out. Bob said the tiger went up to help and said ''Here, hide in my stomach.'' Bob did the joke on stage one night and it got written up in the news out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him how great he was in his movie. He also told Bob that he was great in his HBO special ''Unprotected.'' Howard went on to ask Bob what he thinks of Jay Leno's retirement announcement. Bob said no one knows where they'll be in five years so it's kind of crazy to announce a retirement like that. Howard goofed on Jay for a couple of minutes. They were also talking about Stuttering John and how he's not stuttering much now that he's on Leno's show. They have John doing all kinds of goofy bits on the show these days and Howard doesn't think they're using him in the most effective way.
Bob told Howard that his daughter Jessica isn't talking to him these days because he's having another kid. His 13 year old daughter isn't too thrilled with that either. Howard was still asking Bob what he's doing having another kid. He's only got 4 more months left before the kid comes so it's a little late to be asking about that. Howard and Bob were saying that maybe they should just do a reality show with him instead of a sitcom. Bob was afraid that he wouldn't have been all that good in a sitcom anyway so he'd prefer a reality show. Howard told him he's seen him in a sitcom and he would have been great.
Bob talked about how quickly his paycheck disappears when he does a gig. Bob said that his agent gets 10 percent, his publicist gets 5 a bunch of other people get percentages that knock it right down to just about nothing. Then his wife gets half of what's left. If he makes about $10,000 in a weekend, it'll quickly get knocked down to about $1500 and that's what he walks away with. Ouch! The guys finished up the news and the show around 10:20 this morning.
Howard started off the show with quite a bit of energy. He mentioned that his girlfriend Teri Hatcher is coming in today and played a clip from a porn movie where a woman talks about being a spit covered whore. Then they played High Pitch Erik and Sal the Stockbroker's porn clip remake with High Pith as the woman getting spit on. Howard wants to have that clip animated. Artie thinks it's really funny when High Pitch says ''Hi Daddy'' at one point. They had some fun with that clip for a short time. Fred had Erik's ''Hi daddy'' clip ready to go at any point during the show today.
Howard was wondering if everyone was ready to hear his views on the big debate from last night. They ended up talking about Jim Leher for a couple of minutes and then pointed out President Bush's hair dye job. They couldn't get away from the High Pitch Erik clips either. Fred kept playing little bits and pieces until Howard started talking about the debate. Howard said that both of the guys are coming off well. He thinks that if you're watching the debates still trying to make up your mind, you've got problems. He said that President Bush does a fine job of getting out his point of view but it's very simple. He also repeats himself quite a bit according to Howard and Artie. There were no surprises during the debate and Howard is very much for John Kerry. He believes that if Bush remains in office we're going to look bad to the rest of the world. The country used to be respected and feared around the world but now we're hated and laughed at.
Howard said he thinks that Tony Blair will be voted out of office because of Bush's actions. Kerry told Bush last night that he's dropped the ball on this whole Iraq War thing. Howard said that Bush claims that he's going to turn things around and take care of all of that stuff if he's reelected. He said that you have to do more than just watch the debate though. You have to read about what's really going on over in Iraq and Afghanistan. People who watched the debate last night are going to think that their favorite candidate was the winner because they both did very well. Howard believes that Kerry won the debate hands down. He was very orderly and got his points across well according to Howard and Robin. Howard knows that his opinion is completely jaded because he believes in the guy's message.
Artie said that Kerry and Bush looked like Donald Trump and the old guy who sits next to him. To him, Kerry looked like a leader while Bush didn't. Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard he thought that Bush won that debate because he didn't make a fool of himself. He wants Kerry to win but he thinks Bush won that debate. Howard and Dominic argued a little bit about what people in this country were probably thinking when the watched the debate last night. Dominic thought that the people in the Mid-West would have found Bush to have been the better debater. Howard said that's not the case and people out there in the Mid-West don't all go for Bush and there are some that will go with Kerry.
Howard insisted that Kerry was a better debater but that's not what people's decisions should be based on. He wanted to wrap up the political discussion because he knows how much his fans dislike that. He spent a little more time talking about that stuff. He took a call from a guy who thought the debate was a draw. Another guy told Howard he was going back and forth with his views on the debate. Howard wrapped up the discussion shortly after that and took a commercial break.
Howard said he was so nervous about watching the debate that he had butterflies in his stomach. He was afraid something wasn't going to go right with Kerry but he was very impressed by the way he came across. The guys also talked about the Vice-Presidential debate. Howard thinks that John Edwards is a good speaker and should be able to beat Dick Cheney. Robin thought that there were screams for John Kerry when he walked out on stage at the debate last night. She seems to think that people are very excited about him and he may be better off than people think.
Howard talked about how Oprah Winfrey and Drew Barrymore were out there trying to get women to register to vote. He's doing the same thing with his fans and has some voter registration stuff set up on his web site HowardStern.com.
Howard took a call from a 42 year old guy who said he went on his web site and registered to vote for the first time. Howard said that you really do have to vote even if it's a pain in the ass. That led to Howard talking about how he's not sure if he'll even be on the air in November. Senator Brownback has successfully gotten this indecency bill passed. He heard that it's on the books and they're going to go for $500,000 fines per offense against individuals. Howard has received some e-mail from some group that was warning him about this stuff and how he needs to spread the word. Howard knows that he's done in radio once that bill gets signed. He will have to play music every day instead of doing his regular show. He's going to be off the air no matter what. If he retires or goes to satellite radio, he's done with this terrestrial radio. He doesn't know how it will all go down though. He would like to be able to broadcast without government interference because he's tired of the daily meetings where they talk about what they had to censor out of the show.
Howard said that Dead Air Dave, who hits the delay button on his show, is a nice guy but he's stuck in this job where he has to ruin his show. Howard said he got into radio and loved it even though he was only making $96 a week. He loves doing new stuff and entertaining people but it's hard to do it on air like he used to. There's no future in it and he doesn't want Bush and his people telling people what to do. They say that it's the children they're worried about but that's nonsense. Howard and Robin said that the only children President Bush cares about are his own.
Howard said he needs something to get the people out to register to vote. He and Robin were talking about how they could hold a contest where people would either register at Scores or they'd win a trip to Scores. Robin said they should just hold the registration there at Scores. Howard wondered what the deadline was for New Yorkers. They only have until October 8th to get people to register. Artie was wondering when he has to register in New Jersey. Gary said the date is October 4th. Howard wanted Gary to register Artie during the commercial break.
Howard did the Top 5 Songs list before going to break. He quickly went through the list which included Usher. Howard said he went up to visit his daughter at camp and all of these 11 year old girls had posters of Usher hanging up on their wall. Robin said the guy is hot and has a great body. Howard said the guy is a douche. He played a clip of Usher thanking people at some awards show. He was thanking his ''teams'' which included a German and Latin teams. Howard goofed on that for a short time and then played some phony Top 5 songs and then the rest of the real ones from Nelly, Little Flip, Terror Squad and Sierra.
Howard mentioned the upcoming Amputee Beauty Pageant they have coming up and that they're still looking for more contestants. He said he saw one woman who was missing her whole leg. He said she's not hot enough to be in a regular beauty pageant but for the amputee pageant she looks pretty good. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard said Jason has written another article for HowardStern.com where he talks about Ronnie the Limo Driver and some of the strange things he does out in the hallway. Howard said he really doesn'tt need Ronnie doing his own show out there. He just wants him to watch the door or go back to driving his limo. He read Jason's article and doesn't know why Ronnie is out there doing these things. Robin said she had to jump out of the way of Ronnie's chair being flung down the hall.
Ronnie came in and asked Howard what he's talking about. He hadn't read the article that Jason wrote yet. Howard told Ronnie that he needs a serious guy to sit out there and watch the door for him. He told Ronnie to go read the article to see what he's talking about. Ronnie tried to change subjects and told Howard that Teri Hatcher was there and she looked really good. Howard was afraid that she wouldn't look all that good today.
Howard remembered back to when he and Teri were e-mailing each other years ago. Howard said every one of his e-mails were sexual but her mails were everything but sexual. He still thinks he could have gotten her back then. Benjy asked Howard if he ever thought about what he would have done if she actually had come on to him. Howard was still married back then so he wouldn't have done anything. Gary came in a short time later and said that she really was looking good today. She wore the right clothes according to him.
Artie said he did a favor for Teri a few years ago. He said he let her go ahead of him at an audition one time and she was very nice to him after that. Artie said it was an audition for the movie ''Lake Placid.'' Howard said that Teri visited him on the set of his movie ''Private Parts'' and she watched him film a scene where he and his movie wife hooked up in Detroit. He thought she might get turned on seeing him in his wig and all but that never happened.
Howard was talking about how good looking guys never bother to learn to use their penis correctly and the women in porn who are screaming out with pleasure are getting that from the ugly guys who are banging them. He played a couple of porn clips where women are screaming out and said that those are guys who look like Corky from ''Life Goes On.''
Artie said he had a friend who banged a chick who was missing an arm. He didn't know that she was missing the arm until after they were done and she was taking a shower while her arm was laying on the bed. He said that the guy was really drunk when that happened. Howard wondered if the woman on the phone can get into any weird positions. She said she can do a ''scissors-like'' position that's good because there's no leg to get in the way. The woman asked if she could get in on the contest without sending in a video tape. Howard changed the rules for the entries just for her. She said that she already talked to him so she should be allowed up there.
Gary told Howard that the video tape will show stuff that you might not see in pictures. Gary said that they also need to see the amputation because they don't want to fly someone in who isn't actually an amputee. She finally agreed to send him a tape. Howard had to take a break before bringing in Teri Hatcher.
Howard brought in actress Teri Hatcher. She's starring in a new TV show called ''Desperate Housewives.'' When she came in Howard told her that ''time has not diminished her beauty.'' He thought she looked better than she ever was before. He thought she was going to be a mess but he was wrong. Howard said if an older woman is that good looking he might have to think about dating them. Teri was wearing a dress that was showing off the straps of her bra. He wondered where she has been all these years. Teri told Howard she's been hiding under a rock for a while.
Teri told Howard that she was afraid of him for a while. She said that he should have just called because the tone of the e-mails was all wrong. Both of them were married back then so they couldn't do anything anyway. Howard didn't know where to begin with her this morning. He talked about the e-mail a little longer and how he was sending her sexual stuff but she'd come back with something non-sexual. She just wanted to be friends. Teri said she could do the sexual stuff now if he wanted to start that up again.
Teri told Howard that she was with her husband for about 9 years and things just didn't work out. She got tired of being too sad and got out. Howard said that the guy had a TV series at the time and it failed. Howard said he read that Dean Cain thought that Teri was a pain in the ass on the set of ''Lois and Clark.'' Teri said that wasn't the case but Gary came in and said he spoke to Dean and he was told that she was the C-word. Gary said that Stuttering John heard the same thing from Dean. Howard wondered how that could be for someone so sweet. Robin wondered if Dean was jealous of Howard's relationship with her. Teri never thought that Dean would think that about her. She thought that he liked her because she liked him.
Teri told Howard she's been separated from her husband for about a year and a half now. Howard told her that she should have called him as soon as they broke up so they could have hooked up. He was already involved with Beth though. Howard asked Teri how long it's been since she had sex. She knew that question was coming but didn't really say. Howard figured it was probably about a year. She does pleasure herself sometimes to relax herself.
Howard heard that Teri and her husband would argue about her being too thin. She thought that was kind of funny because she has never fluctuated more than 4 pounds over the years. Howard asked her if her boobs got saggy after she breast fed her baby. She seemed a little surprised by that question and said that they don't look like they're filled with silicone. Howard wondered what he would see if she took her top off for him. She said they did get smaller after the baby. They went from about a C to a B-cup. Howard just wanted to find out what he was in for if he had sex with her. She said the sex would be great and her nipples are nice but that was as far as she'd go.
Howard asked Teri if she's had sex since she left her husband. She didn't want to talk about that. Howard said he waited about 2 hours after his divorce was final before having sex with another woman. Teri said she thought it was going to be like that for her but it wasn't. Howard said he was so busy banging after his divorce, he thought he might have banged his ex-wife. He was just kidding around with that. Teri said that she would like to find someone to share that (sex) with but she's not in that place right now. She isn't into the recreational sex thing and needs someone to take care of her and have some fun with. She's not sure she wants a relationship but she also needs to know the person she's going to have sex with so it doesn't look like that's going to happen soon.
Teri talked about her new show ''Desperate Housewives'' and how much fun she's having working on it. She told Howard about the other women she works with and how much fun she's having with them. Howard wondered if she's ever kissed other woman. She said she's not into that stuff and all she's done is dance with other women. Howard tried to find out what guy she let in her bed after the divorce. She didn't want to talk about that and suggested they gave back to her vibrator. She said she went to a store with a friend and bought one that has little white beads that roll around in it. She said she tried it and liked it and now she doesn't need a guy. Howard wondered what kind of positions she gets into when she's doing that to herself. She didn't want to get into the details of those positions. Teri said she thinks about different people when she's using the vibrator but none of them include her ex-husband. She said there are a couple of guys she thinks about but wouldn't say who her fantasy guy was.
Howard and Teri talked about the relationship they had back in the days when he was making his movie. Howard wondered why she never kissed him when she came to his trailer that one time. She said that nothing would have happened as long as he was married. He went on to ask her about what she does to work out these days. She told Howard about the Pilaties and the S-class where you do stripper moves. She described that to Howard and said that the teacher tells the women not to be afraid to touch themselves while they do it. Howard wanted to see some of the moves there in the studio. Teri took her headphones off and demonstrated some of the moves for him. He told her to take off her dress because that was a stripper move. She showed Howard how they move slowly and do a special stripper walk. She said they teach them how to do lap dances as well so Howard wanted to get a demonstration of that as well. Howard went over to her so she could demonstrate it. She cat crawled over to him and said that it wasn't about turning the guy on, it was about what she wanted to do. Howard was moaning ''Oh Yeah'' as she was demonstrating it on him. He said he was so aroused as it was going on. He said he couldn't get up after that because he was aroused. Teri told Howard that he was looking good today and looked better than he used to.
Teri said she hasn't done that for any other guys. Howard said he would have banged her so hard if he could have. He gave her a plug for her TV show and said that he was going to watch it. He joked that she'd be dancing at Scores tonight as well. He said if he was single, he'd actually take her there and have some fun with her.
Wayne Siegel from Legend Porsche Audi called in and asked her which model Porsche it would take to get her into a bikini. Howard knew that she wouldn't do it for any amount of money so he let Wayne go and took some other phone calls. Guys were calling in saying that they were really turned on by that lap dance stuff. Ralph called in and said he loves when hot chicks get older because they have to try harder. Howard told him that she's better looking now than she was when she was younger. The E! guys replayed the lap dance stuff so Howard could see it again. He said it looked wrong as he watched it. Howard said her hand went right near his wiener as she slid down his lap.
Howard gave Teri another plug for her TV show that premieres this weekend. She has to go on The View and Conan O'Brien's show to promote it later today. He also talked to her a little bit about last night's debate. Teri said she watched it with her 6 year old daughter and had her draw pictures and write about what she thought John Kerry said during the debate. The kid was pretty smart and wrote some interesting little things about it. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and went to commercial break.
Robert Schimmel (RobertSchimmel.com) was on the show yesterday and said that his daughter Jessica (JessicaShimmel.com) wasn't talking to him because he is having another child in a couple of months. He had both Robert and Jessica on the phone because Jessica says that they are speaking. Jessica said she got a lot of mail yesterday about what Bob had said. Jessica said that she is upset that her father is having another kid at his age but she is talking to him. Bob said she did come down on him pretty hard about that.
Jessica, who is 26, has a 13 year old sister, a 5 year old brother and a 1 year old brother... and another baby on the way in February. Jessica said that she was told that Bob's wife doesn't like taking The Pill because it makes her feel funny. Bob is supposed to be sterile after being treated for cancer but he's obviously very sterile. Jessica is trying to be realistic and doesn't think that her father will live more than 10 years. Bob said he is in remission but he will never be ''cured.'' Jessica doesn't think that he's looking ahead to his future so he really shouldn't be having kids. Even if he lives another 20 years the kid will only be 20. She thinks it would be horrible to do that to a kid.
Bob said that Jess hasn't been the same since he had his last baby. Jessica said she as also upset because she was told that the reason they're having this new baby is because Bob's wife didn't like the pill and her father didn't wear a condom. Bob said that woman is his wife and Jessica's step-mother whether or not she likes it. Jessica said that the house is like a zoo and she doesn't know where he's going to put another baby. She claims that her father wanted her to move back in the house where she could share a room with her 13 year old sister. She'd have to put a handkerchief on the door if she had a guy over.
Jessica said that she's not completely awful to her father and she is talking to him on occasion. She said she talks to her friend/step-mom quite often but doesn't talk to her father all that much but she is talking to him. Jess said her friend talks to her about her relationship with her father. They will talk about how he doesn't like to have sex in the morning and stuff like that. She thinks that she forgets that it's her father she's talking about.
Howard let Bob and Jess go and said he hears that stuff and thinks it's great. He moved on to talk about the debate again for a couple of minutes, just going over what he'd already gone over earlier in the show. He read some e-mail about the pictures of Jim Belushi and Robin they had on the web site yesterday. Someone said it looked like Jim was doing everything he could not to punch Robin in the face as he was standing next to her.
Another e-mailer told Howard how great it was that they keep Gary's face covered up when hot chicks are in the studio. A bunch of people wrote in about how hot Jesse Jane was. There was someone who complained about her look and said she wasn't that hot.
Some people wrote in and asked what happened to Roger Waters who was scheduled to be on the show the other day. Howard said he believes that they had to reschedule him for another day. Denise Richards also canceled her trip to New York so she won't be on either. Gary told Howard that they did reschedule Roger for the show but didn't say when that would happen.
Someone wrote in about a bit that Richard Christy put together using a robotic voice as Tom Chiusano asking Dead Air Dave for sex. Howard replayed that bit which was called ''The Tom Show.''
AJ told Howard about what went on over at E! when he had his show on there. He complained about Mindy Herman who was running the network for a while. He said his budget was slashed in half a week before the show was shot so he was kind of upset about that. AJ said he got paid for a year after his show was canceled.
Howard took a call from Stuttering John (it was just a tape) who said he was going to beat AJ like Chuck Zito did. They had him saying that AJ stands for ''Arrogant Jerk'' and that he was going to slap him silly as well. They repeated the clips a couple of times so you could tell it was just tape of John. AJ found that to be pretty funny.
Howard had some pictures of AJ's wife and thought she was pretty hot. She has a 14 year old son from another guy and AJ has a kid with her as well. AJ said that they had been dating for a year and he knew that he wanted to marry this woman before he knocked her up.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that one of the interns was freaked out by AJ's hair because it looked like a bad mannequin's hair. AJ just laughed as he heard that. They brought in the intern who said that about him and she said she was having a private conversation back there when she said that. AJ said something about her big ass as she was walking out of the studio. Howard tried to calm him down as well as Sal who shouldn't have outed her like that. Sal also pointed out the ugly red clogs AJ was wearing this morning as well. Howard told AJ that Gianna was a beautiful girl and she didn't have a big ass. AJ said she really was beautiful and he was just giving her a hard time.
Howard and AJ talked about the Presidential Debate for a short time. AJ thought that Kerry won the debate and he's not a big fan of Bush's. That led to Howard talking about the indecency bill that's coming soon. He read the letter he got from his union, AFTRA, who are trying to put a stop to it. They spent a short time talking about that.
High Pitch Erik and Jeff the Drunk called in to complain about AJ. Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) also called in and called him a pussy as well. He said that he's a big failure and wondered if he's proud of that. AJ said he doesn't know what Janks has done because he's just known for phone calls. Howard let a couple more guys through to complain about AJ. One guy was telling him that he sucker punched John but AJ said it was a bitch slap which is different.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that AJ is like the best guest they've ever had. He told AJ that Donald Trump called him up a few weeks ago and told him that AJ recently sent him a long letter where he apologized to him about things he's said to him in the past. AJ said that he did e-mail Trump and did apologize for some of the stuff that he's said about him. He felt it was enough of that crap and he said he was sorry for some of the stuff he's said. Trump called AJ and they made up after that.
Another caller told Howard that AJ really is the best guest they've had on the show. Dan the Song Parody Man called in to talk to AJ as well but Howard first congratulated him on his ''Ducky Doodle Dandy'' where he took clips of Aurora Snow gagging and made it sound like Yankee Doodle Dandy. Dan went on to tell Howard that he used to respect AJ but after he slapped Stuttering John he lost all respect. He said when you bitch slap someone, you look them in the face. AJ didn't do that, he was looking the other way when he reached over and tried to slap Stuttering John.
Mariann from Brooklyn also called in and yelled at AJ for a minute. Howard then gave AJ a plug for his new show called ''Cold Turkey.'' Howard and AJ talked about the reality show for a short time. AJ is the host of the show and it's airing on the PAX TV network on Sunday night. Howard took a couple more phone calls for AJ before he had to take a commercial break. Joey Boots called in and said he'd like to dig up AJ's dead mother and slap her for having him. Howard went to break so they could let everyone calm down.
Howard read some ratings from last night's TV shows. He said that ''Survivor'' beat ''Joey'' and ''Will and Grace'' but then NBC got huge ratings for the debate. The guys thought that maybe people tuned away from CBS because of Dan Rather. Howard had Mike get to his game a short time later. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a short time talking to AJ about his kids and how he should go into psychotherapy as soon as possible so he can learn how to be closer to them. That's what Howard did and he thinks AJ has issues 10 times worse than he did. He also told AJ to take it easy when they get divorced because she is the mother of his children. AJ said that's never going to happen but Howard seems to think that he will.
Gary came in and told Howard that Teri's new thing is lap dancing for guys and she did one for Jay Leno earlier in the week. Howard was kind of bummed by that because he fell for it. He thought it was natural and spontaneous but it wasn't. He was fooled by her and it really upset him. Ted told Howard that it was much better than what happened to Jay the other night.
Howard said that Ted worked at ABC years ago and he must have been bummed out when he lost his job. Ted said he didn't lose it, he had to get out when Jamie Tarsis came in over there. Howard wrapped up with Ted a short time later and Ted told Howard how happy he is with his show on E!. Howard wished Ted luck with the new job and was going to let him go. He asked him about how Mindy Herman was able to get out of the whole E! thing with a $20 million buy out and if he was able to work the same deal. Ted didn't say what kind of deal he got but joked it was like $40 million. Howard went to break after that.
Howard had Robin start her news after the Wendy the Retard voice mail. Wendy called in a short time later after another caller said that she should win an F-Emmy next year. Gary came in and said that Wendy leaves messages for Will between midnight and 4 in the morning so they wondered if she ever sleeps. Wendy said she sleeps in the morning sometimes if she stays up late. She has the life because she doesn't work or go to school or anything. She plays on her computer, listens to Howard and does that kind of stuff.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Wendy that he loves her. Howard was so sickened that he had to hang up on him. Wendy played herself off the air by performing a Karaoke version of some unrecognizable song. Fred played a clip of a guy screaming in pain while she was singing. Howard had to hang up on her because the singing was so bad.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that she knows people get upset that he talks about politics but if he didn't, she wouldn't have registered to vote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about how her child, who is 13 now, could end up being drafted in 5 years if the war in Iraq continues going the way it's going. The woman wants him to keep talking politics so Howard assured her he would do that but he'd have to slip in some audio clips (from porn movies) to keep everyone happy.
Robin finished up her news after playing a bunch of clips from the debate the night before. They ended the show around 11:00 this morning.