Howard was tired once again this Monday morning. He said that Monday's are rough for him. It was cold there in New York City so the guys wondered what happened to summer this year. Howard was ready to go home because he had nothing to say after just 2 minutes of show. He went on to say that they have guests Selena Vallentine, Jason Alexander, Steve O and Patton Oswalt coming in this morning. He played some of Oswalt's comedy routine for Robin to give her a taste of his comedy. Artie said he was a writer for Mad TV when he was working there so he's known him for about 10 years.
Howard got some of the promos that they run on his Sacramento, California affiliate KHWD. They call their station ''Howard 93.7'' which is what he thinks his station in New York City should have called themselves. He liked the announcer's voice and wondered where they find guys like that. He listened to a bunch of the promos and said he didn't know what they were saying in a bunch of them but he did hear the ''Howard'' mentions. That led to the guys talking about this guy who did the NFL film announcing but when he died, a bunch of other guys started doing the same voice trying to imitate him.
Howard said he went out for a drive in his car yesterday because it was so nice out. He was listening to his radio station, K-Rock, while he was driving. He had to spell out the name of the station because other affiliates like his L.A. Station have to bleep it out because they have competitors in their cities with the same name. Howard ended up telling Gary that he couldn't stay on the air today because he had a phlegmy voice. Gary left the studio but Howard wondered if he had gained back the weight he lost in the Trim Spa weight loss challenge. Gary came back in the studio and hopped on the scale. He weighed in at 196 pounds. He was down to 178 after the Trim Spa thing. Gary didn't think that was the right number because there's no way he weighs 196. Howard said he looked like he'd gained about 20 pounds and he was right. Gary told him that he doesn't feel any fatter because he's still wearing the same clothes he was wearing after the Trim Spa thing.
Artie said that he has a scale in his bathroom that gathers a lot of dust because it doesn't get used. Howard weighs himself every day and couldn't believe what he weighed this morning. Robin said that he was looking a little too thin in his Diesel jeans the other day but Howard told her that he got a lot of good feedback about the picture of him with his shirt off with Brigitte Nielson. Fred said they got a lot of mail telling them that he looked really good with his shirt off.
Howard said he was listening to Dead Air Dave there in New York yesterday and he thought he was a really good DJ. He doesn't know why he has to take the job of hitting the dump button on him. He talked about how good Dave was on the radio and how he shouldn't be dicking around with hitting the button. That led to the guys trying to figure out how that whole dump button thing works every day. Howard said that Tom spends some time in the room with Dave but if he's not there and hears something that Dave doesn't dump out of, he goes into the room and yells at Dave. Gary came in with his phlegmy voice and told Howard about what goes on in there. He said Tom will read the paper while sitting back there. If something comes up on the show he'll close the paper and concentrate on the show to make sure they hit the button on the stuff he thinks they should.
Tom came in and told Howard that he sits back in that room most of the morning with Dave to make sure they hit the button on the right stuff. Howard said he's really sick of working there with stuff like that going on and he's going to make an announcement in about a month about something. Dead Air Dave's real name is Ashouk or something like that so the guys were wondering when anyone calls him by his real name. They all call him Dave when they see him around the station.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he wanted to rip off Nikki Ziering's bikini when he was tickling her. He saw the E! show that they put on the same day on Friday. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about the show and what went on. Howard liked Artie's line about how Nikki had been kidnapped by the land of the ugly people. Howard said he got some complaints about Gary's teeth and gums showing through his beekeeper's mask that he was wearing. Gary told Howard that those people can die.
Howard brought up the fact that Britney Spears got married over the weekend. The guys talked about that and how nutty she is and how her mother had to make sure that her husband signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Howard said that's a good thing because she'd be throwing away her money if she didn't have one.
Howard talked about how Nikki's interview was going in the toilet on Friday but Vinnie Favale called in and saved the day when he told her that her movie would be number one if she got into a bikini. Howard said her movie didn't come close to number 1 and Gary said he wasn't able to find it in the top 20 movies of the weekend. Another caller told Howard how great the Nikki interview was. Howard said he got a lot of mail about the show and women seemed to find it boring but guys loved it and were pleasuring themselves to the episode. Howard said he felt like a monster standing over Nikki tickling her there in the studio. Artie talked about how disturbing he and Jon Hein looked sitting there on the couch watching Howard tickling Nikki. Artie also pointed out how Mike Gange was there with a microphone helping out and how he had a rubber glove on his hand. Howard had to take a commercial break after that quick discussion.
Al Pacino was one guy they didn't cut off while making a speech. They were afraid to cut him off after his 30 second time limit. Howard played that was as well. Howard said it's better when Pacino doesn't talk though. He was kind of rambling while making his speech. Howard listened to about 30 seconds of the speech and cut it off himself.
Howard said he tried to watch the E! coverage from the Red Carpet with Star Jones taking over for Joan and Melissa Rivers. Howard and Robin talked about her for a couple of minutes. Robin said that Star should have chapped lips this morning from kissing so much ass last night. Howard said she's still fat as a cow and she was wearing a tight dress. Robin told him she also had a chinchilla wrapped around her neck and she probably offended a bunch of people with that.
Eric told Howard that he was calling in about the permission for playing the prank call. Howard heard that he also wrote to Michael Powell from the FCC so they're done with him. Howard told him this is his last call to them because he doesn't want anything to do with him. Howard told Eric that this would be his last appearance unless he got an apology. Eric apologized to him and said he won't write letters to anyone like Star Jones again. Artie told Eric that maybe next year, Star Jones will wear him around her neck at the Emmy Awards.
Howard played the prank call High Pitch made to Eric the Midget. High Pitch told him that he wanted to help him change his name on the show. He told him he could call himself ''Frank the Midget'' instead of Eric the Midget. Eric hung up on him so High Pitch had to call him back over and over. He kept apologizing but then he'd ask him to take his clothes off or tell him what he was wearing. Erik asked him to talk dirty to him but Eric wasn't into it. Eric told him he doesn't have a gay bone in his body. High Pitch told Eric that he would spit on him and started to make the duck choking sound effect they play on the show. Eric kept hanging up on him. High Pitch called him back and did a his Kelly Clarkson impression. He got hung up on again. Then Erik did his KC impression by making his voice deep. He was even more insulting as KC. He asked him how many of those midget fingers he could shove in his ass. Then he did his Gary impression and it didn't sound any different than his regular voice. He kept asking Eric to drop his pants or tell him what he was wearing. Erik did his Artie impression but that sounded exactly like his regular voice as well.
Eric the Midget told Howard that the one thing that hinted him into the fact that it wasn't really Artie was that he said he was drinking ''Jack and wine'' instead of Jack and Water. He wasn't even aware that Erik was the one doing the KC impression. Howard and the guys told Eric that they can't talk to him and have fun with him anymore because he wants to sue them over getting goofed on. Eric isn't happy that they goof on him even when he doesn't call into the show. Artie told him that he's a midget with a weird voice calling into the Howard Stern Show, what does he expect?
A caller told Eric that this was some funny stuff and he should just go with it. Howard told him that if he doesn't want to get goofed on, he should stop calling in. If he wanted them to leave him alone, he just has to stop making the phone calls. Howard told him he's insane for wanting to sue them when he's the one making the phone calls to the show. Howard asked Eric if he was on the bulletin board. Eric said that he was on the board until last Monday but he got kicked off for some reason. Gary told Howard that his name on the board was ''Kelly's Biggest Fan.'' Howard said he'd give him an orange name on there if he wants but it would be something like ''Eric the Midget.'' Eric said he and Zolar came up with ''Eric 'Wheels' Lynch'' but Howard thinks it should be ''Eric the Litigious Midget'' or just plain old ''Eric the Midget'' as it has been for a long time now. Howard told him they'd get him that orange name today. During all of this Fred was playing the alien ''Gak, Gak'' sounds from the movie ''Mars Attacks'' since Eric does kind of sound like that when he's talking. It was time for another commercial break after that.
Howard asked Selena about her book and said he's surprised he never had her dance for him because she really is hot. Selena said that 99 percent of her boyfriends have been from the strip clubs that she's worked at. The best way for her to meet guys is at these clubs so why not date them. Howard asked her what guys need to do to get girls like her. She said that girls hate when guys ask ''Are those real?'' so don't ask and just know that you're going to enjoy them. Howard liked her implants and asked her to show them to him. She didn't want to whip them out so quick after coming in but Howard wanted to see them.
Selena said that she went to Toronto and did the Naked News. So many people liked her that she was offered a job up there so she'll be moving up there at the end of October. Howard eventually convinced her to take her top off for them. She was a short girl so Howard asked her how tall she was. She's only 5'3'' tall. She took her top off and he was impressed. He thought they looked pretty good. Artie thought they looked good as well.
Selena doesn't have a boyfriend right now so Howard asked her if her boyfriend ran out of money. Artie asked if he ran out of crystal meth. She's always around guys and she gets naked in front of them all the time so it's going to be tough to have a boyfriend who doesn't get jealous. She said that she used to bring chicks home for her boyfriend and he'd get to have sex with them. She said she wouldn't get jealous because it was just sex. She said one of the rules in her book is for guys not to act jealous around their stripper girlfriends.
There were some other things in Selena's book about what to say to a stripper you want to date. You don't ask them to give you a lap dance but you should tell them their hair smells good and stuff like that. Howard showed Selena how he gets into conversations at clubs with the strippers. He makes the conversation about them and they'll stick with him.
Selena says that you should never ask a girl ''Want to go out?'' and that you should romance them. She also says you should never ask them for their number. Just wait for them to offer it to you or offer to give them your number. She says that guys shouldn't ask if the stripper has a boyfriend or kids. Howard went through a few more things and said that you should try to act like you have something going on and not just talk about yourself.
Howard told Selena that he was going to give her an orange name for his bulletin board so she can go on and promote her book. He asked her to give them a sample of her dancing which she did while Fred played some music in the background. Howard then gave her a plug for her book and her web site HowToDateAnExoticDancer.com. He asked her how many guys from strip clubs she's actually dated. She said she dated about 7 guys like that. Howard asked Selena to show him her stripper shoes so she lifted up her leg and realized that her panties were showing. Howard asked her to just show him her panties after that. Howard wrapped up the segment after that and went to break.
Howard said Jason plays a sports guy on his new show but he must not really need to know a lot about sports to just play the part. Jason said that's true and he doesn't know all that much. Howard had Gary ask Jason a bunch of questions about sports and he didn't know the answers to them. Artie knew the answers so Jason said that this was a new game... ''Win Artie's Money.'' Howard said he really doesn't know that much about sports himself and wasn't able to answer the questions either.
Howard said Gary interviewed Jason out in the green room and found out that he had gone to a party and people were attacking Howard. Jason said that Howard's name was brought up and people just started attacking him. Jason said that Howard would be proud of him because he did defend him. The people were saying that the FCC is right for going after him because Howard is creating these horrible people that he shows on his show. Jason said he defended Howard by telling those people that Howard doesn't create these people, he just showcases them. He also told them that if Howard is breaking some law, the FCC should take him to court and prove their case. There is no defined law though so that won't happen.
Howard told Jason that he's now a fan of his new TV show and must watch it. They spent a short time talking about the new show. Howard asked Jason if he's spoken to Jerry Seinfeld lately. Jason said he will be seeing Jerry next month because they will be doing some stuff with the new ''Seinfeld'' DVDs that are coming out. Jason said that they were offered nothing to do the DVD stuff and they felt they should be getting something. Jason said that he, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Michael Richards don't participate in the syndication deals so they don't get money from that. They should get something from the DVD sales though. Jason said that the extra materials in the DVDs should make it worth the purchase. You'll get to see an extra 3 minutes of each episode and some other extras.
Howard wondered if Michael Richards will work again or if he's been pigeon holed as ''Kramer'' since ''Seinfeld.'' Jason said that Michael worked over in London doing plays and he is working. Julia is also working according to Jason.
Howard heard that Jay Leno won't have Jason on his show to help promote his stuff. Jason said that he doesn't know if it was Jay who turned him down but it could have been him and you wonder about that stuff. Howard heard that Jason helped produce the movie ''Cody Banks'' along with Madonna but he ended up getting screwed on that deal. Jason explained to Howard how that project got approved and how he got screwed after contracts were breached. He ended up taking a fee after he helped to develop the script. He said suing them over stuff like that just doesn't work.
Jason told Howard that he went on his bulletin board and people were very nice to him while he was there. He said that they were very pleasant and wished him luck on the show. Howard wondered if he was on the right bulletin board because people usually bash his guests.
Howard asked Jason about why he and Malcolm Jamal Warner aren't doing promotion together on ''The View'' today. Jason told Howard that they claim that they only do one person interviews but he has seen the cast of Will and Grace on there so he doesn't get that. Howard had to rush though the interview because Jason had to get going. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Jason if he ever banged Elaine on ''Seinfeld.'' Jason jokingly said that he did her off the air all the time. A couple of other callers told Jason that they will watch his show tonight. One guy said that Jason doesn't deserve any money from ''Seinfeld'' because he was just an employee of the show at the time. Jason took that well and didn't seem to mind those types of calls.
Gary came in and told Howard that Jason should have been able to do Letterman's show but John Kerry is doing the show tonight instead. Jason wondered why he can't be the second guest on the show if that's the case. Jason changed subjects and told Howard that he ran into Stuttering John recently and he told him to say hello to Howard. Jason did a ''Celebrity Blackjack'' show that John also did. Howard had to wrap up a short time after that.
Howard told Robin that Kidd Chris sent them a new version of his ''Sulu Dance'' song parody so people can try to sing along without George Takei's voice in the background. Howard played the song and did all of the Takei parts in the song. He had to stop after a short time because he knows he'll eventually screw it up.
A homeless caller told Howard that he ran into Artie outside of Starbucks the other day and wondered if there was anything he could do to win some money. Howard told him that if he could sing along to the ''Sulu Dance'' song, he'd give him a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers. The guy had no idea what was going on so Howard bailed out on the call. He tried another caller but this guy had some suggestions about how to keep people on and off the HowardStern.com bulletin board. He came up with a whole point system for the bulletin board. Howard doesn't want to make more work for them over there. He told the guy that he didn't think he'd be able to make that work but thanked him for the suggestion.
Artie tried the ''Sulu Dance'' karaoke and did his best to recite the Takei lines that were missing. He missed out on a couple of the smaller ones so even he wasn't doing it that well, and he's heard it many, many times.
A caller asked Howard about the World's Biggest Hemorrhoid contest. He wondered how he can get in on that. Howard told him to just show up at the station on Friday by 7am and they'll be picking people to play for the $10,000 prize.
Howard replayed the High Pitch Erik prank call to Eric the Midget since it was such a big hit earlier in the morning. The delay was hit during the bit both times Howard played it. He apparently didn't know that was happening though. Howard goofed on Eric the Midget a little bit after listening to the call.
A caller told Howard that his buddy Corey (Feldman) had a baby recently. He named it Zen Feldman or something like that. Howard quickly moved on to some other stuff and played some clips from the Oprah Winfrey show where she talks about the stuff she sells to her audience that's kind of lame. Then there was a clip of Gwyneth Paltrow being asked by one of Oprah's audience members why she named her baby Apple. Gwyneth told a story about how her husband came up with the name. Howard said that he heard a story about how they actually stole the name from her husband's tour manager who had named his baby Apple. Howard said that's the story as he heard it but he could be wrong.
A listener called in and asked to play the ''Sulu Dance'' game. He said he knew how to play and could repeat the George Takei lines. The guy actually did very well and was able to repeat all of the lines that he was supposed to. He won the watch from Steven Singer Jewelers and he got in a few shout outs to some people on the HowardStern.com bulletin board.
Howard saw that Steve's teeth looked kind of odd and found out that he's getting new ones. He has some temporary plastic teeth in now so they looked kind of odd. Steve said they'll look normal when he gets the real ones. Steve said that he had problems from chewing on glass and stuff and had to get them taken care of. Robin wondered if he was changing because of this new girlfriend of his. Howard said it looked like Steve got too many teeth put in his mouth or something because it looked very odd. Robin took a look and agreed that it looked kind of crowded in there.
Howard got back to Steve's girlfriend May Anderson and asked him about her. Steve said he's been going out with her for 3-4 months now. Howard and Robin were afraid that the new girlfriend was going to make him change. Steve says that won't happen and she's been hanging out with him on the road for a while now. The other night he stapled his balls to his leg and she loved it. Nothing that he does now bothers her so he doesn't seem to think he's going to change because of her. Steve said that May has appeared in Victoria's Secret and in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Steve pulled out some pictures of her and showed them to the guys there in the studio. Artie said he should have gone to clown college like Steve did after seeing those pictures.
Steve said he's been with May for pretty much the whole time now but he hasn't gone to any of her shows yet. Howard wondered if her agent is upset about her dating him. Steve said there might be a little bit of that going on right now. Howard asked Steve about banging some chick on an airplane one time. Steve told Howard about how that all came about and how he banged her in the bathroom on the plane.
Howard wondered if there's anything that Steve won't do to entertain people. Steve said he didn't do any of the anal stuff in the Jackass movie. He won't do that or testicle stuff like getting kicked in the balls. Howard wondered if he'd eat his own excrement. Steve said he doesn't see any reason to do that.
Steve told Artie that he had a great stunt to do today but that scares Howard. Steve told him that he was going to tatoo himself in the studio. Howard wanted to see what he had there to tatoo himself. Steve had some tattoo ink and a knife. He was going to slice himself open and pour the ink in. Steve first demonstrated how he could balance the knife on his nose. Then he told Howard how he was going to do an upside down cross on his arm with the knife. Howard yelled at him saying ''STOP NOW STEVE!'' over and over again but Steve just sliced himself open. Howard said it looked like he was turning green as he cut himself. He was making some odd grunting noises as he was cutting himself. Howard continued to ask him to stop but Steve just kept going. Artie was egging him on saying ''DO IT!'' Steve just laughed and continued to grunt as he cut his arm open. He wiped the blood from his arm and smeared the tattoo ink on the carving. Howard wanted Steve to look at him but he just kept up with the cutting.
Howard said that he really carved into his shoulder and then just stuck his finger in the ink and smeared it on. Howard figured he could get an infection from doing that but Steve told him the knife was clean. Howard looked at some of the other tattoos he had on him and then gave him a plug for his new DVD ''Steve-O: The Early Years'' which is available now. Steve says that they have pictures of him drinking alcohol at the age of 2 or so. He's also got video of something called a Butt Chug where he sets up a beer bong to his ass and farts to make it go to his mouth somehow.
Howard explained what Steve had just done with the knife and asked him if he's afraid that it might get infected and he could lose his arm. Steve said he doesn't worry about that kind of stuff. Steve changed subjects and told Howard that he will be voting for John Kerry this November and he has some stuff on his web site SteveOVideo.com about that. Howard said that Steve is obviously thinking clearly after slicing open his arm with a knife. He went on to talk about the things that are going on with the Bush administration and how Bush really does need to be voted out.
Howard took a few phone calls for Steve. One guy from Seattle said that Steve trashed the studio at KISW out there when he was on promoting the DVD. Steve apologized for that but proudly said they got it all on video. Another guy said Steve did his biggest stunt ever when he went to Gary's dentist for his new teeth. Howard joked that Steve will do his biggest stunt ever when he come back next time, cooks his foot and eats it. He wrapped up the interview after that and asked Steve how his arm was. He was just fine after carving himself up and smearing ink into it. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Patton about his comedy and how he worked with Artie years ago on Mad TV. Patton now works on ''The King of Queens'' and he said he loves it. He said he's probably spoiled by it because there are no bad politics there so everything goes pretty smoothly. He said he only works every third episode or so and he gets a lot of time off.
Patton told Howard he's been dating a girl for about a year now and he's starting to get the hints from her to get her a ring and stuff like that. Howard asked him about working on ''The King of Queens'' and if he has to do any writing or if he just goes in and reads his lines. Patton said that the writers over there are so good that he just goes in and reads his lines.
Patton told Howard about his web site and how he has a blog on his web site about his life but he keeps it pretty short and only writes about interesting stuff that happens to him. Patton also told Howard about the day that they fired Artie because of his coke use. He said that they brought the guys down to a room and told them that Artie was going to be leaving the show for a while. They were being kind of sensitive and didn't just tell them that Artie had gone nuts on coke. The way they explained it made it sound pretty ominous and people were thinking that maybe they found box kites made out of human skin in his apartment or something.
Patton told Howard he worked for two seasons on Mad TV and he's not surprised they didn't ask him back for more. He used to play Doom 2 all day and just messed around. Artie told Howard that he and Patton did write a few good things for Mad TV like a ventriloquist dummy bit and a bit where Artie played a deejay who was giving a eulogy for another deejay and he couldn't get out of his deejay voice.
Artie remembered the days working on ''The Norm Show'' where he had like one line and got paid $35,000 a week to do it. Patton didn't want to say what he's making on ''The King of Queens'' because he didn't want to upset anyone over there. Artie said he announced his salary on Conan O'Brien one time when he was still working there and almost got fired. He said they told him that there are accomplished actors out there not making that kind of money.
Patton told Howard about a gig he did one time where he was chanted off stage because he was doing some anti-Bush material. He said that the people there were chanting ''Bush Rocks!'' while he was doing his material. That led to Howard and Patton spending a few minutes discussing the election. Howard said he's going to really push for Kerry about 3 days before the election.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard about what's going on with the bulletin board these days. He said there are girls on there who give out their cell phone numbers and put them on vibrate. Then they have the guys on the board call them and put the phones near their private areas and tell the guys how it feels as they're doing it. Howard said that the ''girls'' are probably people like Gay Ramone but it's still an interesting idea. He likes what's going on with the bulletin board since they started ''cleaning it up.''
Howard had Robin start her news after that. Patton stuck around to comment on some of the stories that Robin brought up. They wrapped up the show around 10:40am.
Howard had been up since midnight when he started the show this morning. He went to bed around 9:30 and was up by midnight but wasn't able to go back to sleep. Now he's wasted and thinks he's going to end the show at 10 o'clock today so he can get out of there. He says he's only doing 4 hours of show. Artie understood exactly where Howard was coming from and knew what he was going through. Howard said he had a lot of personal stuff on his mind and said it was kind of personal but also business related. He's trying to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life.
Howard told Robin he gets his best sleep there at the station back in his office so that's where he'll be heading after the show. Howard said he has fantasies about not working but he does want to keep working. He just doesn't like the daily grind of doing the radio show. He's really not sure what he wants in his life.
Howard changed subjects and said he saw a picture of Bill Maher's date to the Emmy's the other night. Howard said there's no way that guy is banging that chick because she was a 20 on a scale of 10. He said something about her maybe being an escort. Howard had the guys bring up a picture of the chick so they could check her out. They goofed on Maher looking like George Washington or something in the picture. Artie seems to think that Maher could be banging that chick because he's seen him with a lot of hot chicks.
The cartoon reference got Howard talking about other cartoons like the ''Justice League'' cartoons that are airing these days. He likes them even though he isn't a fan of Wonder Woman. Howard doesn't really like The Green Lantern and gave Robin a history lesson about that character and how he was always white in the comic books he read but now he's black. He talked about some of the other characters in The Justice League. There's Hawk Girl who is apparently dating The Green Lantern. They talked a little bit about her and Aquaman.
Artie talked about how he brought Dana to Scores once and one of the strippers wanted her to spank her. Dana spanked her once but wasn't into it. Artie had to get out of there because he got so turned on seeing that. Howard told a story about how he blew his load while standing behind his girlfriend at Scores while she was there with him. He was there watching Beth have some fun and he lost it. He said he had to go into the bathroom and clean up a bit after that. He said he was wearing cargo pants and lost his cargo. He thought it was hot seeing his girlfriend get a dance there at the club.
Robin said she really hates going to strip clubs. She said she hates getting tortured there at the clubs so she has no desire to go. That led to the guys talking about how much fun Pam Anderson is at Scores. Howard said he had the chance to bang her and he should have taken it. The caller said he got the chance to ''smoke herb'' with Pam. The guy also told Howard that he needs a job and he'd like to work there with him. Howard said he's really not looking for anyone right now though. The guy was smoking weed while he was talking to Howard so they started talking about that. Howard found a big bag of weed in his apartment the other day and ended up giving it away to a friend of his. He wouldn't say who that person was because he's a prominent guy. Robin said she once found some cocaine in her place after having some people over.
Howard announced his World's Largest Hemorrhoid contest that's taking place on Friday. Howard also mentioned some of the guests they were having in later in the morning. He then let the caller play the Sulu Dance Karaoke game they played yesterday. The guy had no idea what he was doing so Howard had to demonstrate it for him. He sang along to the song doing the George Takei lines that Kidd Chris put in the song.
The caller asked Howard about registering to vote so Howard reminded him that he can now register through his web site HowardStern.com. The guy kept taking hits off his bong as he was talking to Howard. He was hoping to get a prize from Howard but the only thing he had was a 1 year membership to Bally Total Fitness. The guy wasn't interested so he got off the line and Howard went to commercial break.
Howard said there are some guys out there actually naming their kids Espn after ESPN. He played tape of a guy and his wife who were interviewed about their kid's names and how they came up with it. There were actually a couple of couples who did the same thing and named their kids after ESPN. Howard said they found 20 people who did this to their kids.
Howard took a call from a guy who drives a limo and drove Angie Everhart and her mother and got a hug from Angie just because he told her that he was a huge Howard fan. The guy told Howard that Angie was wearing a pant suit without a shirt on underneath. She and her mother looked great according to the caller. Howard never met Angie's mother when he was dating her. The caller told Howard that he downloads his uncensored E! shows to get to sleep at night and he loves them. Howard said he was told that one of the women on the PETA episode used to be a man so now he has to go back and watch that episode uncensored. The caller thanked Howard again for everything they do for the fans out there.
Howard said he thinks that Angie (Everhart) may have moved back to New York. The reason they split up was because Angie was living out in California. After they broke up Howard says he went on a binge and dated a bunch of women. He did as much dating as he possibly could after that. Howard was talking about how he was able to hold out a long time with some of the women he dated, then there were some he just couldn't last with. He said he was apologizing for finishing up quick. He said that inside, he really doesn't care either way. His biggest problem is trying to figure out a way to get them out of his apartment when he's done.
Howard mentioned that Erica Durance was there. She plays Lois Lane in ''Smallville'' this season. He was wondering how they're going to make that work because the show is supposed to be about when Clark Kent was a young man. Howard figures that Erica must be hot because that character has to be hot in the show. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about her before moving on.
Howard had some tape of Jimmy Swagert trying to talk about gay marriage. He says that if a homosexual ever looks at him in a way that he doesn't like, he's going to kill them and tell God he died. The guy was wheezing and could barely talk but he was yelling about the ''abom-nation'' of homosexuality. Howard doesn't even know how the guy got back on TV but he's back out there.
Actress Erica Durance came in to promote the new season of ''Smallville'' in which she plays the part of Lois Lane. Howard had her stop as she was walking in so he could check her out. Howard said she must like her co-star Tom Welling who plays Clark Kent. He wondered how old she is because she's supposed to be playing a teen. She's 26 but she does play a younger woman. Howard said he can't wait for the new season of ''Smallville'' to start tomorrow night.
Erica doesn't know a lot about the Superman character so Howard filled her in on some of them. He told her about the different Kryptonite colors and what each one does to Superman. She wasn't aware of all of that stuff but Howard knows quite a bit from reading the comic books as a kid. Howard told her about the many pets Clark had as a young man. He also told her that his cousin painted the covers for a lot of the Superman comics. Howard said he was just trying to impress Erica with his Superman knowledge.
Howard talked to Erica about Tom Welling, who he called a douche bag, and how tall he is. She says he's about 6'4'' or 6'5'' tall or so and Kristen Kreuk is only about 5'4'' or so. Howard said he's heard stuff about Kristen on the set and she appears to be kind of a bitch if you believe what you hear. He said he's heard she's got quite an attitude. Erica said she has had nothing but nice experiences with her so far.
Erica told Howard about how she got the job on the show. She has done a bunch of roles on various sci-fi shows before. He asked her if she ever did a guy to get a part. She said she hasn't done that at all. Artie told her that will start when she hits 30. Erica is supposed to be in 13 episodes this season. Erica kind of spoiled the show for Howard when she told Howard that Chloe dies. Howard didn't know that she was being killed off but Erica didn't think that was still a secret. Erica told Howard that she goes back to Smallville after her character's cousin Chloe is killed off. She then runs into a naked Clark Kent in a corn field.
Howard read that Erica got married at 18 after only dating one guy. She said that she was kind of nerdy back then. Howard asked her about what she would do with her boyfriend before she got married. She said that there was some kissing and ''petting'' going on but that was about it. She said that anal and oral were out of the question for a Baptist. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that she's only slept with two guys in her life, the guy she married and the new guy she's going out with. She said it's possible that she used her hand on her guy before they got married. Artie asked her if that mouth of hers is only used for yapping then. Fred was playing the Aurora Snow gagging sounds while they were discussing this stuff.
Howard asked Erica about how their first time sleeping together was. She said it was actually kind of romantic. He had seen her topless before but he hadn't seen everything. He hadn't seen anything below the waist but he had put a hand down there once before the wedding. Howard tried to find out the rules they had before they got married. She thought the whole thing was making her sound kind of strange. Erica wanted to know when Howard had sex for the first time. Howard said he was 16 but he wasn't married at the time. Erica waited until she was married. She continued to tell him about how their first night was. They eventually got divorced because they grew apart. The first time she had sex wasn't all that bad according to Erica. She was divorced by 21.
Erica said that she has done one topless scene in a movie. She did that for the movie ''House of the Dead.'' Howard said he's going to have to rent that movie now that he knows that. Howard asked Erica why she wants to marry this new guy she's dating. She likes the marriage thing so that's what she wants to do.
Howard took some calls for Erica and one guy said she looks really hot from the previews he's seen for ''Smallville.'' That led to Howard talking about Superman's powers again because the caller wondered if Superman had sex with Lois, would he kill her when he shot his load. Howard said that Superman can control his powers and woudn't kill someone like that. Another caller corrected Howard on some of his facts about Superman's pets. He said that a bunch of them were actually Supergirl's pets. Howard said that's technically right but the animals were all from Krypton so they weren't really owned by either one. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Fred was asked who is the most talented and least talented on the show. Fred says that Howard is the most talented on the show and started to say that Scott the Engineer was the least but wanted to change his answer because he didn't want Scott mad at him. Scott came in a short time later and asked Fred what he was talking about. Fred said he was just kidding around. Someone asked Fred what race he would get rid of if he had to, Blacks, Puerto Ricans or Jews. Fred couldn't answer that question so Howard had him answer as Kurt Waldheim Jr. Fred, as Kurt, said that the Jews would have to go.
Robin mentioned the Sophie's choice thing they did last week and how it seems to happen more often than they think. She told a story about a guy who was stuck in flood waters and had to let one of his two daughters die to save the other. Howard said tomorrow they'll have Robin's mother and Artie's mother on to do the same thing his mother and Fred's mother did last week where they had to choose between their two kids. Howard said if you want to read more about the Ask Fred stuff, just head to HowardStern.com.
Robin wondered what else Andrea has had done on her. She had every tooth done at $700 a pop. She also had her lips done to make them a little fuller. She thinks they look good but Howard told her to leave them alone. Gary said that Andrea seems to have an unlimited amount of money but they're not sure where it comes from. She has genuine Gucci luggage that cost her $1,800. Andrea told Howard that if she cries enough her father will buy her just about anything she wants. That's where she gets this stuff. She said that he doesn't have as much money as he used to. Robin said that's because he buys her all of this stuff.
Howard said that Andrea had a secret boyfriend who died back in August in a car accident. She said she was best friends with him from the age of 17 and it eventually became a little more. She said he was her ''bestest'' friend in the whole world so she really misses him now. Howard asked Andrea why she doesn't talk to her mother these days. Andrea said that she went crazy so she couldn't live with her anymore and moved in with her father.
Andrea is thinking of going to college just so she can say that she can get in. She doesn't actually want to complete the courses or anything. She was home schooled and had people help her out with her work so she could mail it in. The guy who died helped her out with that stuff.
Howard read that Andrea hates kissing and sex these days for some reason. Andrea said that maybe she just hasn't been with the right people or something. She hasn't had sex in 3 months or so. She said that she went out with a guy who took her to a tanning booth on their date. He took her back to his place and the sex ended up being horrible according to Andrea. She didn't give him oral, they just did it real quick. She said she isn't even sure why she did it because she didn't really want to.
A caller asked how old Andrea is because she sounds like she's 12. She said she's actually 21 years old. Zolar called in and said that he has a bunch of questions about her so Howard let him come in from the green room. Gary wondered if Andrea really is that old because he thought that she was 21 when they first met her like 4 years ago. She said she was told to lie about her age back then so she said she was 21 even though she was only 18. She also has a 5 year old daughter. Zolar came in and told Howard that he has been helping Andrea out because she gets screwed on a lot of business deals. He hasn't banged her because he's married. He says his wife thinks he had sex with her so she wants a divorce now.
Zolar told Howard that Andrea slept with a guy because his name was KC. She's so in love with KC that she actually slept with a guy because of his name. Andrea said that wasn't true though. There was another story about her giving a guy drugs to make him pass out so he wouldn't want to have sex with her. Zolar told Howard a bunch of stories about Andrea and how he's helped her out with a bunch of stuff.
Zolar told Howard that Andrea's husband is a ''nig*er'' because he's a guy who doesn't help pay for his kid and has allegedly tried to punch Andrea out. Zolar was all over the place with that stuff. He was telling Howard the guy is a ''nig*er'' and then he tried to show them his new tattoo. Andrea told Howard that her daughter is white. The father of the kid is light colored and only half black. His father's side of the family is black. Andrea tried to explain that to Howard and Robin but Zolar kept interrupting and doing his racist impression of the guy.
Zolar's wife Tara called in and asked Andrea if she called her and told her that she slept with her husband. Andrea said that she is just friends with Zolar. Zolar told Howard that Andrea and her friend had it in for him and they made up the story. Howard had Andrea swear on the life of her child that she didn't have sex with Zolar. She did that but Tara said that Andrea hasn't stopped calling Zolar and her since they were out in Vegas. Zolar says that his wife has served him with divorce papers already and he's getting kicked out of the house. Zolar says that he didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't think that he should be kicked out. He believes that Andrea's friend put her up to making that call to his wife because she wanted revenge on him for some fight they had.
Zolar believes that he could have had sex with Andrea but she told him that wasn't the case. Zolar claims that he has seen Andrea naked and he has spanked her but he has not had sex with her. Zolar swore that he didn't cheat on his wife and would never do that to someone he's married to. Zolar went as far as to tell his wife that he would leave the Stern show if she took him back. She told him to go F-himself. Zolar knows that people on the bulletin board are going to start bashing him now that they know this stuff.
Zolar got in a plug for his web site XYZolar.com where you can find out more about Andrea's new poster. Robin said it sounded like Andrea was being forced into some of this stuff but Andrea says that she makes her own decisions about that stuff. She'll also be appearing at a comedy show at Miracle East in Abington, Massachusetts on Friday and Saturday, October 15th and 16th with Rev. Bob Levy, KC and Beetlejuice. Andrea says that Bob Levy will be writing her some dumb blond jokes that she'll be telling at the comedy show.
Howard wondered if Bai was wearing underwear because it looked like she wasn't. She wondered how they knew that because she wasn't. Howard liked the shirt she was wearing as well because her boobs were exposed and you could see her belly as well.
Howard introduced Bai to Wood Yi and had him ask her a few questions like...
Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in and started to give his chinese food order. Howard cut him off and took some other calls. Another caller told Howard that she was nude in ''The Crow'' and she was the one in the shower and looked really good. Double A called in and asked when they could get this ''chink broad'' naked in the tickle chair or something. Howard didn't like that question so he cut him off as well. A couple more callers got through and asked some racist questions.
Howard had Bai dancing a little bit in the studio before they wrapped things up. Bai also told Howard that she's got a part in the next ''Star Wars'' movie. Howard wondered if she had seen him in his movie ''Private Parts'' but she hadn't even heard of the movie. Howard went on to ask her if she's fully shaved. She wasn't willing to show it though. Bai told Howard that he was very charming and looked much different than she thought he would.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Bai Ling that there are people on Howard's web site saying that they'll make her movie number one if she lets Howard take a picture of her in a bikini. She wasn't into doing that though. She said it didn't matter to her if they made the movie number one. They showed her a bunch of bikinis but it just wasn't happening. Howard told her that Julia Roberts was in there in a bikini the other day. He was pulling her leg but she seemed to be convinced that he was telling the truth. Howard gave up on trying to get her in the bikini and wished her luck with the new movie. Wood Yi had a few parting words so here are some of the lines he read before the end of the interview...
A caller told Howard that Rodney Dangerfield has been in a coma for a few weeks now since his heart operation. Howard was hoping that was a rumor but the stories were all over the news. Howard has heard that Rodney hasn't been doing that well lately and he feels bad about that. He has been able to speak to Rodney in the past and he made sure Rodney knew how he felt about him before all of this went on.
Howard had Robin start her news after the Rodney news. During the news Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in and told Howard about a question he found in the 20th Anniversary edition of Trivial Pursuit. It said something like ''Which celebrity gave her Celebrity Jeopardy winnings in the name of Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.'' Of course the answer was Robin Quivers who gave her winnings to Hank's family who gave it to the 9/11 victims fund. Janks said he'd send the card to Howard to see for himself. Howard and Robin wrapped up the show around 10:30am.
Howard started off the show singing some ''Sulu Dance'' along with Artie. They were quoting George Takei's lines from the song and some other lines of his that aren't in that song parody. They were imitating his laugh and having some fun with him. Howard asked Gary to bring in a copy of Herman Munster singing ''Dem Bones'' from ''The Munsters'' so he could have that ready to play when he wants. He was also talking about the Alanis Morissette song that they played at the start of the show and how much he likes that version of it.
Howard's favorite TV show was ''The Munsters'' so he was comparing it to ''Smallville'' which is his current favorite TV show. He said that sometimes they'll have a bad episode of ''Smallville'' once in a while so that's not the best TV show as far as he's concerned. He had the clip from The Munsters where Herman sings ''Dem Bones'' so he was trying to remember what was going on in that episode. He couldn't remember exactly why he sang the song but tried to describe what was going on. Howard played the clip and got a few laughs from it remembering how funny that show was. Howard remembered the great Fred Gwynn and the interview Stuttering John did with him. He was also talking about the other people in the show and what happened to them.
A listener called in and told Howard how Herman (Munster) got the tape of his song to the radio station. He said that one of Eddie's friends heard the song and sent it into the station because it was so ''out there.'' The guy said that the episode really was a great one. Gary came in and said he's been watching old episodes on TV Land and saw the episode where they showed how Herman got his car. Gary's son has been watching those shows so he was telling him how Marilyn on the show thinks she's ugly even though she's actually very pretty. The kid didn't get it though. Artie said that's what they were like when Nikki Ziering came in the other day. Howard named each of the guys in the studio as one of the Munsters. He said that Benjy is the monster under the stairs, Spot.
A caller told Howard that his favorite episode was one where the family were digging in the back yard and found a treasure chest. Then they started singing and dancing around the treasure chest. Howard didn't remember that one for some reason. The guys went on to talk about how no one recognized them for how great they were back then. Howard was also talking about how great the Beverly Hillbillies were back then as well.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that the guys who created The Munsters actually created Amos and Andy as well. The two of them shared some memories about the show for a couple of minutes. Vinnie said that the show only aired for two seasons. He told Howard they have some stuff on The Munsters DVD(The Munsters - The Complete First Season) that he might have to check out. Howard said he's going to get it and watch it this weekend. That led to Howard talking about how he tried to watch the new Star Wars DVD the other day but he was bored by it. He said the movie just doesn't hold up these days.
Howard hadn't been on his own web site to check out the pictures of Bai Ling yet. He said that the song ''You Were Always On My Mind'' must have been written about her because she was so hot. The E! crew put up the pictures so Howard could check them out. He said she looks good even in the pictures they took with their junky camera. Howard also checked out the picture of Erica Durance whose dress you could almost see through because of the camera flash.
A listener called in and corrected Howard about an episode they had been talking about. They weren't sure if Eddie or Herman had been turned into a girl in one episode. The guy said that it was Herman who drank something that turned him into a girl for a short time. The caller also asked the guys to play Chyna Doll's song when they went to commercial break so he could get the Herman Munster song out of his head. A couple of other callers remembered their favorite episodes with Howard.
Howard mentioned a few of the guests they had coming up later in the morning. Jon Stewart, Bonnie McFarlane and others were mentioned. Howard said that they have Stefani, a jock from his Sacramento station, coming in. She claims to be hotter than all of the hot deejays out there.
Howard said a caller suggested that he have his father remake that Herman Munster song. That led to Howard having Fred play some of his father's recordings he made for him when he was a kid. Another caller told Howard they were leaving out the best episode where Herman was dressed up as a baby. Howard cut him off because Gary came in with some plot descriptions from the show. Howard told him he had to take a break so he couldn't get into it. He had Fred play a couple more clips of his father singing. They were also playing the clips where Howard got yelled at by his father before he sang ''Never Walk Alone.'' Robin said that he wasn't even singing it right. Howard had Fred replay the part where Ben yells ''SHUT UP, SIT DOWN!'' at him while he's talking before he went to commercial break. They played the Ben Stern Megamix from the Private Parts soundtrack as they went to break.
Howard played a new ''Tom Chiusano Home Bleeping System'' bit that Richard Christy put together. The home bleeping system automatically bleeps out words that you find to be offensive. He finally got the Chyna Doll song re-cued so he played that after the Bleeping System bit. Fred was doing his impression of Herman Munster as they listened to that song since she does kind of have a ''Herman Munster'' quality about her. Howard said he didn't know what to do the day she was singing that song in the studio. Artie said that's the good part of sitting in the back where he sits. He can hide from her while she's singing. Howard said she looked at him when she sang his name at one point. He didn't know what to do then.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he saw Fred down in Baltimore over the weekend. He saw his band and said it was a good show even though only 6 people showed up. Other than that the show was great according to the caller. Howard said he went to see Fred play in Brooklyn one time and about 3 people showed up. The caller thought that more people showed up for the opening band than for Fred's band. He said a bunch of people walked out before Fred's band played.
Another caller asked Howard if he knew the name of the bird in The Munster's clock. Howard said if he could pull that out, he'd be a huge geek. He actually knew that the bird's name was Poe. He claims that he didn't even need any help with that. Howard went on to talk about what he would do if he ever retired from radio. He could sit around and watch TV all day but that wouldn't work for him. Artie said he would just put a big chair in front of his TV and watch. Howard said he read a story about a woman who didn't leave her couch for 5 years so she actually became part of it. When they tried to remove it from her, she died. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard read through a few more of The Munsters plot descriptions and thought they were pretty funny. Then he got to the Sophie's Choice-like decisions they were making on the show last week. Howard had called his mother and Fred's mother to make they choose between their kids about who they would save if they were forced to save only one. Howard said that there was a story in the news recently about a father who was stuck in a flood with his two kids and had to let one of them go. Howard thinks that his mother would really choose him if she was forced to do something like that. He replayed the tape of him asking her about what she would do if the Nazis came to her and forced her to make a choice about saving either Howard or Ellen. She didn't want to play along and gave him a hard time about the question. Here's what I wrote last week about it:
Howard's mother Ray was on the phone a short time later. She was having trouble hearing him on their phone system. She got on a different phone and was able to hear a little better. Howard then told his mother that the Nazi's had just invaded and she has to make a decision about saving one of her two kids. One had to go to the gas chamber. If she couldn't make the decision, they'd both be sent to the gas chamber. Mrs. Stern said ''How dare you call and ask me that question...'' She didn't want to be any part of that and it was a very depressing thing to do. Howard asked her to just play along with it. Howard told Robin that he thinks if his sister had to save one of their parents, Ellen would pick her father. Howard would pick his mother. He told his mom that he loves her more than her father and he thinks Ellen loves their father more.
Howard told his mother about a story that Robin had read that led to this discussion. A Chechen mother was forced to make a decision like that and chose to save her son. The daughter ended up living so she has to live with that choice now. Howard's mother didn't want to think about this stuff anymore and told Howard that she's very upset with him for asking her such a question. She got off the phone a short time later.
At one point in the conversation Ray told Howard to ''Put that in your pipe and smoke it.'' He didn't get the reference and wondered what she wanted him to put in his pipe to smoke. Her words? She has said that in the past so Fred played and audio clip of her saying it in another phone call. Howard had Robin get back to her news for a short time.
After that Howard called Fred's mother to ask her to do the same thing with Fred and his brother. Fred's mother got upset about the whole thing and Howard felt really bad about doing that to her. Here's what happened last week:
While Robin was finishing up her news Howard asked Gary to get Fred's mother Val on the line so he could ask her the Sophie's Choice question about Fred and his brother. She was on the line a little while later. Howard then asked her a similar question to what he had asked his mother. If she had to choose one of her sons to save from the gas chamber, which one would it be. She said that she would give up her life to save them but Howard said that wasn't one of the choices. Mrs. Norris refused to make a choice between the two so Howard told her that they'd both go to the gas chamber. Howard told her that they were both shot in the head because she couldn't make that choice. She told him it was terrible and started to cry. He really upset her with that. Howard said it was just a hypothetical question and it was just made up. Fred told his mother that the right answer would be him. He's four years younger and has a baby. Howard told Fred's mother that she failed the test but it was just a make believe question. Howard got off the line and said that Fred's mother was from Latvia so she might have been in charge of the ovens if he was sent to be killed.
Howard didn't know that he was going to freak her out so easily. Fred said that his mother is very fragile and he had a very interesting childhood because of that. Howard decided to call Robin and Artie's mom's today to find out the same thing from them. First up was Louise Quivers, Robin's mother. Howard quickly got to the hypothetical question. He told her that the Nazis were back and they took her and her children captive. They were asking her to choose one of her kids to live and one to die. She said ''Oh dear!'' after hearing that question. She didn't have an answer immediately so Robin didn't think things were looking good for her. Louise was unable to make that choice so Howard told her that they would both die. Robin said she thinks her mother would choose her son to live over her. Louise said that's not a choice she could make though. She was unable to give Howard an answer so Howard told her that she'd have lost both kids if she couldn't make that decision. Louise said she couldn't live with either choice.
Howard says that Louise would probably make the choice if she was really confronted with it. Robin told her about what happened to a Chechen family when they were forced to make a similar decision. A mother of two kids had to choose between the two and chose her son. The daughter ended up living but the woman had to make her choice. Howard thinks that Robin's mother would chose to get rid of Robin because she's a tough one to live with.
Howard got Artie's mother Judy Lange on the phone next. He quickly told her to make the choice between Artie or his sister Stacy. She told Howard that if they got rid of Artie, Jack Daniels and a few pizza places in town would probably go out of business. She was also unable to make a choice between the two of them so Howard gave up on the whole thing. Judy asked Howard what he would do... but he told Judy that maybe they should do an intervention with Artie while she was on the phone. Judy told Howard that Artie has been doing well lately and doesn't think that they need to do that. Will came in and asked Howard to choose between his daughters but Howard didn't want to do that either. He went to commercial right after that.
Jon thinks that the Gay Dance Party changed everything for the guys who were involved. Howard said he was dancing with Jackie that day and he didn't think that he should be with just one guy so he switched off with other guys. Artie wasn't working there yet but he remembers listening while he was living out in Los Angeles.
Howard asked Jon about the Emmy Awards that he won the other night. He said that he seems to be kind of uncomfortable accepting awards like that. Jon said that it's all a crap shoot and you don't feel that different when you win. He hadn't prepared a speech that night but he knew he had to thank certain people. Howard asked him what he meant when he asked people not to ''poach his writers'' while making that speech. The two of them tried to figure that out but the just ended up joking around.
Howard asked Jon what his work day is like over there at The Daily Show. He gets to work around 10:30 and they shoot the show at 6:30 in the evening. John said he's usually home by 8:30 or so. Howard was serious about the questions but Jon thought it was kind of boring or something. Howard really was interested in finding out what they do over there though. Jon said he is kind of a perfectionist about the show and he is a hard ass about some things over there.
Howard asked Jon about who goes out to the Emmy Awards with him. Jon said that the whole crew gets to go with him out there and they bring about 70 people. Scott DePace's wife works on Jon's show so Jon told Howard how Scott showed up looking like he was ''going to camp'' the night they were going to the Emmy's. Jon said he asked him what he was doing and Scott said he decided not to go.
Howard asked Jon about the celebrities he met out there at the Emmys. Jon said he gets a lot of feedback about the show out there and a lot of people say they TiVo the show so they can watch it. He finds that hard to believe. Howard said he's never seen the show himself because he doesn't even know what time it's on.
Jon talked about the interview he had with John Kerry recently. Howard said he would like to have Kerry on now to shamelessly plug him to help him win the election. He was offered Kerry during the primaries but turned him down because they thought that Howard Dean was the guy. Jon is a Kerry supporter so he and Howard spent a short time talking about that.
Jon talked about some of the people he sat near at the Emmy Awards show on Sunday. He mentioned James Spader so Howard said the guy did a good movie that was really weird. It was called ''Secretary.''
Howard said that Artie was kind of mad that Jon won the two Emmy awards. Artie said he's not mad about that, he just doesn't get why they get so much positive press. Howard told Jon that he's going to start TiVo'ing the Daily Show now that he's won the Emmys but Jon told him it's not worth learning how to TiVo just to watch that show. Howard told Jon that he knows how to use the thing already and he wouldn't believe the kind of crap he records on his TiVo. He jokingly said he's got so much gay stuff on there that the TiVo people sent him a letter that said ''Fag'' on it.
Artie said that it's funny that Scott DePace's wife works for a show that has been called the best TV show on while Scott works on a show that has been called the worst. That led to Howard talking about how people treat him because so many people dislike him. Jon gets nothing but positive press. He talked about the time TV Guide put him on the cover but didn't put him on every cover that week because they didn't want to offend people.
Jon and the writers from his show have put out a book, ''The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) : A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction,'' and that's what Jon was in to promote today. He told Howard about it and said that Wal-Mart won't carry the book because there's a picture in the book of the Supreme Court Justices naked. Howard told Jon how Wal-Mart did something like that with his book that was a best seller. They actually changed the best seller list to make it appear that his book wasn't on there.
Howard took a few phone calls for Jon after that. A couple of people told Howard how good The Daily Show is. Zolar called in doing his female voice. He told Jon that he went out with him years ago and they had a baby together. Zolar eventually broke into his deep voice and let Jon in on the joke. Howard took a couple more calls and gave Jon some plugs for the book and a book signing he's doing at Borders books at the Time Warner Center tonight. Jon also told Howard about his 11 week old baby. Jon talked about how his wife was in labor for like 40 hours or something like that. He spent his time up by her head and didn't watch the other end. They want to have another one now but Howard thought that he shouldn't ruin his life anymore than he has already. Jon said that the two of them are like the same losers who go to work and don't do anything else. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and went to break.
Howard had some audio of Stephen Baldwin on some Sunday morning religious program. He said that it appears that Baldwin has come up with a great idea to get noticed again. His acting career seems to be over so now he's going the religion route. Baldwin went on this show and the minister on the program talked him up like he was a big movie star saying that he's been in 60 movies and now he's delivering the message of God. Howard had some fun with the tape and Robin said she hopes that some of those people watch some of Stephen's 60 films and see him in movies that are like soft-core porn. They played some clips from Baldwin's extreme sports DVD that they're using to attract kids to preach the gospel to.
A caller told Howard about an episode of The Munsters that he liked where they had the Fergozzi diamond. Howard remembered that one and said he really does have to get that first season DVD set. Another caller told Howard he watched the uncensored E! show with the PETA girls on it. He said it was hard to believe Howard got those girls to do what they did. The caller also asked Artie when he was coming to his town to do comedy. Artie said maybe next year but that led to Howard talking about how he gets ratings reports from Joel Hollender at CBS all the time since he gave him his e-mail address. He said he's neurotic about that stuff and doesn't like when he gets reports like that.
Stefani has a boyfriend but he lives in Colorado and she doesn't get laid very often. She said it only happens like once every 2 months or so. Fred was playing the Taylor Rain audio clips where she's saying ''Oh Yeah!'' over and over again. He played a new clip where a guy is banging a chick and telling her to say hello to her mother and father while he's doing her.
Howard asked Stefani about what they play on the station out there in Sacramento. She said it's an alternative station but they also play some ''gold'' like Nirvana and Pearl Jam. Howard said he thinks there are some stations out there that play too much Nirvana and Pearl Jam. Stefani thinks that they've cut back a bit lately on that stuff and play more of The Cure and stuff like that.
Howard told Stefani that she had a good voice for radio. She said she does a lot of appearances for the station out there to help them out as well. Howard let a couple of phone callers ask some questions. One guy asked what her feet looked like and if she has to pleasure herself since her boyfriend isn't around. She said she does have to do that like once or twice a week. Stefani also showed Howard her feet since the caller asked about them. Howard thought they looked good. Artie liked her legs too because they ''glistened.''
Stefani told Howard that she doesn't think about him when she's pleasuring herself. She doesn't think about her boyfriend either. She thinks about past experiences she's had. Howard asked her how many guys she's been with in her life and she said it's about 8 guys. Howard said he had to take another break after just a few minutes of talking to Stefani. He told her that he's going to work on the Girls of Midday beauty pageant. He said the winner should have the chance to sleep with him or something like that.
Stefani told Howard that if she had to guess how old he was, she'd say he looks like he's 38 or so. Howard told her that he's only 40 but he's actually 50. They had some fun with that for a couple of minutes. Howard took some more phone calls after that and High Pitch Erik called in requesting that they replay his prank call to Eric the Midget. Howard said that he would replay that going into break.
Howard said that the girl who came in to shoot for Playboy a couple of months ago, Jillian Grace, has gone out to meet with Hugh Hefner and it sounds like she'll be in the magazine soon. He played some tape of her meeting Hef and she looks a lot different since she was on the show. Hef told Jillian that he saw her on Howard's show and she wouldn't be there if he hadn't seen that. Jillian brought Hef a jar of home made pickles from her step-father. Hef said that he thought she was gift enough and didn't expect even more. Howard wanted to just show everyone the video of her doing her photo shoot. He described what she looked like while she was doing the shoot and said even the audio sounded sexy.
Howard's buddy Wayne Siegel caller told Howard he'd contribute $200 to Stefani if she put on a bikini. She looked at some of the bikinis that they had and said she'd do it if they weren't thongs. Howard convinced her to do it a short time later so she went in and changed into the bikini. Wayne told Howard he'd pay him the $200 if Howard put it up for him today. Howard said he'd do that and made sure that he told Gary to let him know if she needed any help. He screwed up last week with Nikki Ziering and Gary got to see her breasts while she was changing.
Gary asked Stefani if she needed any help in there but she was almost ready to come out. Howard and Artie were impressed when she came out in the bikini. Howard told her that she has a great ass. Gary thought that she could use breast implants but Stefani said that's her father's worst nightmare and he doesn't want her to get implants. She said she likes her boobs anyway so she'll be keeping them natural. Howard noticed some camel toe going on there as well. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Bonnie thinks that she's the hottest looking comedian out there right now. Howard told her that Sarah Silverman is pretty hot as well. Howard thought he saw a new Comic Standing on last night but he didn't know what that was. Bonnie told him that it's a third season and she was the only one who turned it down. Howard asked her if she has a boyfriend. She said that she doesn't have one but Howard heard that she was dating Rich Vos. She said that she he did get her a couple of times but she wouldn't call him her ''B.F.'' Bonnie said that he's big in the pants which kind of upset Artie. Bonnie said she didn't want to ruin things for Rich just in case someone else comes along for him.
Bonnie has been doing comedy for about 10 years now so Howard asked her if she thought that she'd get some bigger jobs by now. She thought that after a year or so she'd be on Saturday Night Live or something like that. That's what every comedian hopes for but it doesn't happen to everyone. Howard read through some more of Bonnie's notes. She said that she doesn't think that Jay Mohr is funny and he likes to be a dick around other people. She said she doesn't ''not like him'' but he does like to make people feel uncomfortable all the time.
Bonnie said that the guy Ant on Last Comic Standing isn't really gay and he really isn't a comic. Bonnie told Howard about an incident she had with Jay Mohr where he was rubbing her waist one time. She said she was sweaty that day and she asked him to stop so he kind of got pissed when she asked him to stop rubbing her. After that he had a button to push with her because of that.
Bonnie thought that the producers of Last Comic Standing weren't that great either. She talked about how lucky she was to have gotten kicked off first on the show. She lost to John Heffron on that show and she only got 6 percent of the vote to John's 94 percent. Bonnie worked on The Man Show with Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope so she had some things to share from that experience. She told Howard that Joe would yell at the Juggies on the show sometimes.
Ralph called in and told Howard that he can't compare Bonnie to Sarah Silverman because she doesn't have that annoying voice. Bonnie can actually do an impression of Sarah. She said she used to do an impression of her when she was dating one of Sarah's ex-boyfriends and she was able to fool him. Ralph had Bonnie repeat the joke she told using the C-word on Last Comic Standing. Ralph was also wondering if Howard could ever date a funny woman. Howard said he would definitely do that because he figures she could help him out on the show. Robin said Howard didn't bother trying to find a funny woman to date after his divorce.
There aren't many funny, good looking female comedians out there. Gary came in and said he's been trying to find funny female comedians to come on the show but it's a tough search. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard that Rich Vos hates Howard because he's never been able to get on the show. Chaunce says that he talked to Vos and Vos told him that Howard is a dick because he's never been able to get on the show. Gary told Chaunce that he got an IM from someone pretending to be Rich Vos one time and he got his cell phone number. He called the cell and Rich told him that it wasn't him IMing him and he didn't care to get on the show or not. Chaunce was going nuts saying that Gary had been caught in a lie but it was just a bunch of nonsense. Gary said he thinks Vos used to do that radio show (Opie and Anthony) that was on afternoons in New York a while back and he probably doesn't like or dislike Howard either way. Howard had to take another break so he gave Bonnie a plug for a gig she has coming up this Friday and Saturday with Rich Vos soon at Bananas in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey.
After the break Howard had Robin start her news after the break. Bonnie McFarlane hung around to comment on some of the stuff that was brought up in the news. At one point Howard took a call from Debbie Schlussel (DebbieSchlussel.com) who was calling in to give them more details about a story that Robin brought up about Cat Stevens being kept out of the country. She said she has more details on her web site if you're interested in finding out more. Howard and Artie spent a couple of minutes doing their impressions of Debbie's unique voice and accent. Robin finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 10:40 this morning.
Howard said that he came in his building this morning and heard the name Judy Deangelis mention her name on some radio station that the front desk guy was listening to. Howard remembered that she used to work with him at WNBC when Robin wasn't doing the news. Gary came in and told Howard about how he used to hear stories about him from her and she really disliked him. Howard said she used to avoid getting close to him so she couldn't smell him for some reason. He also said that she was against him until his show really took off. When it did start to take off, she was his friend again. Robin had some bad experiences at WNBC as well and people would turn their backs on her because they wanted to force them out of there. People just loved to torture them there according to Howard. Robin described WNBC as being Vietnam and they were prisoners there.
Gary said that they used to get grievances filed against them all the time by the union. They had like 300 filed against them and one of them was just because Gary had adjusted his headset volume himself without having an engineer do it. Gary and Robin talked about some of the other people who worked at WNBC with them who were real pricks. The two of them goofed on Judy and said that she doesn't write her own stuff at the station she's working at now, 1010 WINS. Fred said that she pretty much ignored him there at WNBC. He didn't have any stories to share.
Gary told Howard that Judy and others came to him and told him that working with Howard was a bad idea. They warned him against working with him because they thought he was trouble. Gary was only 22 years old back then so he was just trying to find a job. He was told by someone that working for Howard would be a career ending move.
Sal went into the green room yesterday and insulted Jon Stewart by calling him Ben Stiller. He was just goofing around with him. Sal said he thinks that Jon stinks in his opinion but Howard doesn't want him insulting his guests like that. Sal also told Jon that his bit on the Emmys sucked and he should fire his writing team. That's a major insult as well and that's setting Jon up for a really bad day. Sal said that his intentions are good because he taped that bit he was doing. Howard and Robin told him he can't do that kind of stuff because they could chase away guests.
Gary asked Sal if he taped Bonnie McFarlane when he was talking to her in the green room. He said he didn't do that because Gary was in there at the time. Richie from E! came in and told Howard that Sal IM's him every day with stuff he wants to do to people there and he wanted to put Wasabe in the Dunkin' Munchkins that Artie eats every morning. Howard told him he can't do stuff like that. Howard was still on the subject of Stefani. He couldn't figure out why Sal was bothering her like that. Sal was still insulting her while Howard was talking about that and it was obvious that he just wasn't getting it.
Sal tried to explain what he wanted to do to Artie with that Munchkin thing. Howard didn't want to hear it and told Sal that if someone ever messed with his food, he'd have them arrested. He told him that if he wants to do a bit there, he has to go through Gary who will then come to him with it. He also told Sal to stop going to High Pitch Erik with everything that goes on there. Sal said that Erik comes to him. They're just giving Sal a tryout there at the station so he has to be careful in everything he does.
Sal says that if he tells Gary stuff that he wants to do, he'll run in and tell Howard the idea and take it as his own. Gary and Howard both said that the ideas are always credited to the person who came up with them. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal is his new favorite person on the show. He loved that he was obsessing on Stefani's camel toe.
Sal followed Fred into the bathroom yesterday and wanted to record a play-by-play of what he does in there. Fred wanted nothing to do with that. Sal also asked if he could get into this Lotus Notes group that Fred and Will are part of and Fred told him that he doesn't want him to be part of it because he doesn't like him. Gary said that Sal came up with a bit where he asks Robin questions about spitting or swallowing or something like that and they were impressed with the stuff he comes up with... but then he also insults Howard's guests. Howard told him that it doesn't do any good to insult his guests like that. Gary told Sal that his guests have to feel like that place is a safe haven and they shouldn't be attacked there.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that he's been good to Sal but he did something to him on Monday that wasn't nice. He taped a sign to his back that said ''Ass Kissing Homo'' while he was there with Jason Alexander promoting the new TV show. Vinnie told Sal that he can't trust him anymore because of that. He told him that he'd Jumped the Shark after that. You can read Sal's story and see pictures of that at HowardStern.com.
Sal says that he's just testing people out there to see what he can get away with. Howard said that he has to be more careful with that stuff though. He told Sal that he doesn't want a show going on when they're off the air either. He only cares about what's going on when they're on the air.
A caller told Sal that sometimes he just goes too far with his bits. Sal said that's what he does though. He's always stepped over the border a little bit. Howard told him that if things work out he could be there for the long term. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched at Sal about not screwing up this job. Howard wondered how long it'll be before he really screws up and they have to let him go. Robin gave him 30 days, Howard gave him 2 weeks. Artie said Sal had an idea for a bit he wanted to do but he warned him that it might be a bad idea. Sal said that idea had something to do with Gary but he didn't want to talk about it. Howard said he heard that Sal wanted to quit last Friday for some reason. Sal said that he didn't think he was delivering for them, even though he was. Howard cut him off there and took his first commercial break.
Howard said he will be commenting on the fact that the FCC just fined CBS $550,000 for the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident. He was going to get to that later, after talking about this awful Dr. Phil special that was on last night. Dr. Phil had these parents on the show with their 9 year old kid. Dr. Phil told the parents that their child is showing 7 of 9 traits of a possible serial killer. Howard said the kid's face was all over TV last night and there's no reason for that. The kid is an innocent child and putting him on TV is going to lead to the kid probably killing himself because he won't be able to make friends in his life. Gary said that they did show the kid rubbing feces on the wall and he does kill frogs and stuff. Howard said that might be true but they shouldn't be showing the kid's face on TV. They should have blurred out the face at least.
Howard got back to the FCC fines against CBS and he thinks that it's definitely based on politics according to him. He said that CBS was not responsible for what Janet Jackson did on that Super Bowl show. She did that on her own. Howard seems to think that the FCC is trying to teach CBS a lesson for their politics because Clear Channel is not being fined for anything they're doing on their airwaves.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that the Dr. Phil thing really was child abuse and the kid's life will never be the same after that special. Dominic said he got sucked into watching that show last night. He thought that the kid was more normal than the parents who were the ones who put the kid in this special. Dominic believes that the parents and Dr. Phil will be investigated for child abuse because of the show. Dominic believes that the child could have a case against Dr. Phil for malpractice because of what went on. Dominic told Howard that he can complain about the show if he wants. Howard said he'd look into doing that because it was very disturbing to see.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard he likes that urination stuff done on himself. He likes to watch it in porn as well. They spent a minute on that but the delay was hit and Howard told him he couldn't spend much time on stuff like that. King told Howard that Mary Povich does some horrible things on his show with kids similar to what Dr. Phil does. Another caller brought up Dr. Phil so Howard got back to him for a short time. Artie said that he wants to see the show after hearing about it. Howard said it was quite a show but Robin said it was real and that's what the problem was.
Ken told Howard that this house that Britney owns is worth about $7.5 million and this guy is supposed to get half if they get divorced. Britney married to another guy not too long ago and that guy didn't ask for anything after they got their marriage annulled. Ken told Howard that there is some mentions of Clear Channel in her pre-nup because they're so involved with her career. Ken told Howard about the stuff that he saw in the pre-nup but it appears that she's perpetrating a lie about being married. He seems to think that she's making a big story out of something that was not that big. They held a faux wedding because the pre-nup wasn't ready to sign so they couldn't really get married. Howard wondered if it's some type of mental illness or mental breakdown or something. Ken said that's not in the pre-nup so he's not sure about that.
Howard thought that this was just a technicality and all Britney has to do is go back to where they live and file their paperwork and then they're married. Ken said that the wedding they held was not real and People magazine is publishing pictures as if it was a real wedding. Howard said it sounds like People got scammed and got pictures of a wedding that wasn't real. Ken said that the paperwork he saw said that Britney and her boyfriend said that the day they allegedly got married was not to be an official wedding day. They made it look like it was a real wedding and if they sold the pictures from the wedding as real wedding pictures, People could have a case against her.
Howard had some clips of some voice mail they get there over night. Gary gets calls from this guy Matt who leaves a ton of messages. You can hear Gary deleting the messages over and over again but the guy keeps leaving more and more messages. Gary deletes a message and you hear this guy Matt still talking. Each message is about 90 seconds long and he deleted about 10 before he was finally done. Artie thought he might know who the guy was. He said it might be this guy who plays his instruments out in front of the building. Gary told him that's not the guy though.
Howard said there's an FCC member going around congratulating himself about the fines they just brought out against CBS. The guy is actually kind of upset they didn't fine them even more than $550,000. That led to Howard saying that he's really sick of the censorship he has to go through on his show now and he's not sure he wants to stay in ''open air'' radio. He doesn't understand what the big deal about pee-pee and doody discussions is.
Howard played tape of this FCC commissioner Jonathan Adelstein being interviewed about the whole thing. Adelstein believes that CBS should just pay their fines and get on with it. CBS says they're going to fight the fines though. Howard once again pointed out that this was not something that CBS planned, it was Janet Jackson who flopped that breast out herself. Adelstein doesn't think these stations were fined enough for the incident. The interviewer also asked Adelstein how they figure out what's decent and what's indecent. Adelstein says that they take everything on a case by case basis. He was asked about the things that air on daytime TV and why certain things are not found indecent. The ''rules'' that the FCC has are very vague and Adelstein's answers were retarded. Howard still believes that all of this is like a witch hunt and all of the stations that aired the Super Bowl should have been fined if they're going to fine any.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that Adelstein's numbers were interesting. They claim to have gotten over 500,000 complaints about the Janet Jackson incident but over 135 million people watch it so that's a very small percentage of complaints. Howard wants them to just take him off the air already.
Sal the Stockbroker came up with a new game for the guys to play using Robin's answers to ''This or That'' questions. Sal asked her simple questions like ''Longer or Wider'' and she had to answer. The guys had to figure out what Robin's answers would be. Here's what Robin answered to the following questions:
Trump likes some of Bush's policies but he doesn't like that he's against stem cell research and, of course, the war in Iraq. Trump went on to talk about New York City Mayor Bloomberg and how he'd gone out with him the night before to a Barbara Walters going away party. That led to Howard talking to Donald about his girlfriend Melania. He asked Trump if she's good in bed and Trump said that she is great in bed but she wouldn't like him saying that on the air.
Trump says that he and Melania will probably get married next year sometime but they have not set a date yet. He will have her sign a pre-nup before that happens. He said it is kind of tough to approach a woman with something like that but he has to do it. He talked about how some relationships can be ruined by things like that. He said his father, who was 93 when he died, actually asked his wife for a pre-nup before they got married and she kicked him out of the house. Their marriage ended up lasting 63 years. Trump also told a story about a friend of his who has had a couple of failed marriages and his last wife took him for about $50 million. Now he has another woman who he thinks is ''the one'' and the guy doesn't think that he needs a pre-nuptial because he thinks that she's the one for him. They just got married a week ago and things have already gone bad and now he's going to go through another divorce.
Trump knew another guy who had a pre-nup that was to expire after 10 years of marriage. The guy stayed with her for 11 years and she sued him for $500 million. He had to have known things were bad before the 10 years were up but he stuck with her a year too long. Trump also reminded everyone that Howard destroyed him at his wedding when he predicted how long his marriage to Marla Maples would last. He was right and their marriage didn't last more than 3 months. Howard told him that he believes this new marriage will last for 6 years. Trump said he turned on TV the night of his marriage to Marla. He saw Howard being interviewed and saying ''There wasn't a wet eye in the house'' and that he gave the marriage 3 months. Marla cried for a week after that.
Howard got to hang out with OJ Simpson at Trump's wedding so Donald ended up talking about him. He said that OJ was the guiltiest guy he's ever seen. He told a story to Howard about OJ coming up to him and talking to him before the murder. Nicole was with him that night and she was screaming at him for some reason. He said that she really was tough on him and that's probably why he killed her... according to Donald Trump.
Howard told Donald about a friend of his who told him he was getting married. Howard didn't understand why the guy would get married and ruin his life but the guy told him that his girlfriend was there every morning giving him oral. He then understood why the guy would marry the chick. Trump talked about how Andre Agassi married Brooke Shields and his career just went downhill until he met Stefi Graff. Howard said that he probably doesn't want to stay home with a girl with her face. Donald said that she's a great girl and she's got a great body. He said you never get to her face because her body is so good.
The last time Trump was on the show Howard asked him if Melania had any cellulite. Donald told Howard that Melania didn't even know what cellulite was so the newspapers picked up on that and did a whole story about how she doesn't know the meaning of the word. Trump was just pointing out how bad things go for him whenever he does the show.
Howard asked Donald about his show ''The Apprentice'' and how he's got a couple of other guys who are kind of ripping him off. He had the number one show last week and Mark Cuban's show is not doing well at all. Trump says that they started off the season with a couple of 90 minute shows but they will be going back to the 60 minute format later. Because of the good ratings, Trump asked NBC for more money and they gave it to him. He claims that he's getting more than a million bucks per episode. He talked about how he demanded more money after the first season and demanded ''Friends'' type money. They told him that they were getting about $2 million per episode. Trump said that there were six of them though so he wanted that kind of money because he was getting better ratings than that show was plus, he has an hour long show. He asked for $24 million per episode but he didn't come close to getting that kind of money. He wouldn't say exactly how much he's getting.
Howard told Donald that Mark Cuban claims that he lies about how much he's worth. Trump said that he thinks Cuban just says that kind of stuff to get ratings for his show or something. He's not sure exactly why he does that but it's probably for publicity. Donald said that Trump has had a few failed things like his Trump Ice water and a Trump Online University. Trump says that the water thing is very successful and it just launched recently. The online university hasn't even started yet so it can't be a failure yet. Trump said that Cuban's show ''The Benefactor'' is a failure because the ratings have been going down since it started.
Trump talked about his casinos and how he has to get rid of them to get rid of some debt. Robin said that he's always claiming that everything he touches is ''the greatest'' or ''the best.'' She said that even when his casinos were filing for bankruptcy, he was saying that it was the best thing.
Vinnie Favale called in and said he can't believe that Trump is saying this stuff because a repeat of ''CSI'' beat ''The Apprentice.'' Donald said that the rating that matters is the 18-49 demographic and his show was rated the highest in that. Vinnie, who is the VP of Late Night Programming East Coast, was calling in from the bus he takes to work every morning. His cell phone reception wasn't all that great so he kept talking over everyone so Howard had to bail out on the call.
Trump talked about his children and what they're up to these days. Howard brought up Trump's hot daughter Ivanca and told him to hook her up with him. Trump said that would be pretty tough for him to take. He'd be impressed if Howard could make that happen. That led to the guys talking about what the kids will get when Donald passes. He said that they'll be just fine with what they get.
Gary asked Donald about all of the product placement in this season's ''The Apprentice.'' Trump said that they are getting a lot of money for those product placements. Tonight they have Crest introducing a new flavor toothpaste on his show. High Pitch Erik called in and asked if he could make a guest appearance on the show. Howard didn't even let him get an answer because the question was so ridiculous. Howard gave Donald a couple of plugs for the stuff he has coming up. He's releasing a talking Donald Trump doll but even Donald wasn't aware of that.
Chaunce Hayden and Dominic Barbara called in and asked a couple of quick questions. Dominic told Trump to video tape his pre-nup because that way the wife can't say she doesn't know what she was getting into. He also suggested telling her that the bank, and his partners, demand that he has a pre-nup. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard said he and Donald Trump shook hands after the interview but he realized that he doesn't like to shake hands. Howard doesn't like to shake hands either so he went right into his bathroom and washed up. Artie said that Trump even shook his hand which was surprising. Artie is also going to be roasting Trump at a Friars Club roast.
Howard took a call from a guy who was down in Miami saying that he wasn't able to pull in his show for some reason. He said he had a 2004 Acura and there was no signal on the 560 AM station that Howard is on down there. Howard tried to get him to get another signal but the guy was giving him a hard time so he hung up on him.
A woman called in and told Howard that her daughter is suffering from a genetic mutation that will kill her if stem cell research isn't allowed. She was saying that Bush also signed a bill that prevents her daughter from getting health coverage. Howard and the woman spent a couple of minutes talking about Bush and his policies that are screwing a lot of people.
Another Miami caller told Howard that his show is getting chopped up a lot down there. Howard told him that they have to chop it up because they have people filing complaints just about every day down there. He had to decide whether to put the show on all chopped up or not at all and he chose to put it on all chopped up as an ''F-You'' to the people who file complaints and to the FCC who pays attention to that nonsense. He went on to tell the guy that he's tired of the censorship he has to go through on his show and he's in the process of trying to figure out a way to stay on the air and not have to put up with that nonsense anymore.
Howard read an article about a woman in New Jersey who claims that she lost her job because she had a John Kerry bumper sticker on her car. Howard said that if that is true, this country has gone berserk.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of hers and enjoyed a show he saw. Zolar called in and said something about her smelling bad but the delay was hit for some reason. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked her when she'll be up in Albany. She said she should be there soon once her tour starts. You can find out where Lady Saw is appearing through her web site LadySaw.net or VPRecords.com. Howard played some of Lady Saw's songs and they're pretty graphic. She sings about ''Pretty Pussy'' in one song. She said she sings about how to make it pretty so it's irresistible to guys. She said she likes to shave hers down because her man likes that.
A Jamaican guy called in and had his own conversation in another language with her. She was talking about how sometimes she'll demonstrate how she likes it doggie style on stage and she'll have a fan come up on stage and demonstrate it with her. Double A called in and asked Howard to get this chick naked but she wasn't going to do that.
Howard let Lady Saw's friends come in before ending the interview. They came in giggling and laughing about everything they were talking about. Howard spoke to them for a short time and found out that they don't let guys touch them on stage like Lady Saw does. Artie asked if they could make out with them while they were in there. That wasn't going to happen. Howard had the girls dance to Lady's song about pretty pussy. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard mentioned one of the threads they have on his bulletin board where guys and girls are hitting on each other. The thread, known as Kelmonster's Bar, is supposed to be like an online bar where people can meet and hang out. He said it has a ton of posts and it's under the Hot Topics section of the General Discussion area on his bulletin board.
Howard had Robin start her news after that but he interrupted and said he missed the show ''Lost'' that was on last night. He had to watch ''Smallville'' and he had problems with his cable system and his TiVo for some reason. He heard that it got good reviews but he missed the show. Ralph called in later in the news and wanted to talk to Howard about ''Smallville.'' Howard said that Beth is getting into the show now but Ralph says that's because Clark is running around half naked. Howard said he wasn't that happy with the episode. Ralph said that he didn't think it was all that great because they wrap things up too easy. Howard wasn't even sure that there's such a thing as black Kryptonite like they had on there last night. Howard and Ralph weren't too thrilled with Lois Lane. Howard hates actresses who can't shed real tears when they do crying scenes. Howard said he's into the show and will stick with it. They were talking about how Clark finally flew on the show but then it turns out he wasn't the one who flew, it was Kal El, his alter ego. They didn't explain that stuff enough on the show according to Howard.
Howard was also complaining about how Margot Kidder was on the show and she's not hot anymore. She has a voice deeper than a man's and she was barely able to talk for some reason. Howard had to get back to the news so he let Ralph go and had Robin continue on.
Wendy the Retard called in and asked Howard if she could put him on her web site that will be up soon. Howard said that he knows she's not smart enough to put up her own site so it must be someone taking advantage of her. She said it's this guy Frank in Daytona Beach who is helping her out. Howard said her retarded web site is probably at w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w...
Wendy performed a Karaoke song for Howard before he hung up on her. As she was singing Howard asked the guys if they would have an abortion if they knew the kid was going to come out retarded. Robin said she wouldn't abort any child no matter what. Artie said if they turned out like Wendy, he wouldn't want an abortion. Robin got back to her news and they wrapped up the show around 10:50.
Howard was eating his breakfast as he started the show. He said they had a huge show coming up including the World's Largest Hemorrhoid contest. They didn't have a problem with people showing up for the contest. Artie said there were guys there with their dogs who have hemorrhoids. Howard also mentioned that a guy coming in was claiming to be Charles Manson's son and he was looking forward to that until he started to read some of the notes on the guy. Now he thinks that he may not be barking up the right tree and he may not actually be his son.
Howard called Artie last night and Dana was over. He thought that he may have interrupted the two of them having sex. It turned out Artie was just resting while Dana was making him a sandwich. They were also looking for flights for Dana so she can go hang out with him at a gig he has in Phoenix. Artie said he's going to be slowing down with the comedy shows from now on but he had a few things booked that he still has to take care of. He said the money is good and he's afraid that he could be back to loading trucks in 2 years. Howard told him he could go back to making bad movies again if anything happens with his show. Artie said maybe he could play the fat neighbor on ''Joey.''
Howard was talking about how bad ''Joey'' has been getting as the show goes on. He was also complaining about Drea de Matteo's skin condition on her arm. They don't cover up this rash-like condition that he's noticed. Howard the guys were also talking about how Drea really isn't that funny in the show. Matt Leblanc is okay according to Howard and Robin but they preferred him in small doses when he was on ''Friends.''
Howard watched ''Survivor'' last night and some of ''The Apprentice.'' He said that Survivor is okay but not all that great. He didn't like that they voted off the person they voted off because she was a hot chick that he wanted to watch through the show. Robin said they vote off the good looking guys too. Howard told the guys that he watched the ABC show ''Lost'' that was on a couple of nights ago and it was really good. Some people are involved in an airline crash and they're off course by 1000 miles or so and it turns out there's some kind of monster on the island they're stranded on.
A listener called in and told Howard that he really needs to raise the tickle chair in the studio because he looks like a giraffe when he's tickling people. Howard knows that he's very odd looking and he's been told that over the years. He also said that the studio is very, very small and the E! cameras are not raised up high enough. The caller suggested getting a barber chair or something to raise up the tickle chair. Howard said he feels like Richard Nixon walking on the beach in a suit when he's doing stuff like that.
Artie asked Howard what he was doing when he called him last night, it sounded like he was making a turn or something. Howard was at a meeting last night and when he got out he was being driven home by this guy Gary. Gary the Limo Driver was trying to make a left turn at an intersection where they weren't allowing left turns. He said that Gary is an ex-cop and he tried to make that left but the cop wasn't allowing it. Howard stuck his head out and tried to get the cop's attention but the guy wasn't paying attention to him either. There weren't allowed to make that left.
Howard talked about how he went for a jog one time and ran into some cops who let him run where he wasn't supposed to run. Then he came upon some black cops who told him they couldn't let him go where he was going. He figures that the black cops can't do stuff like that because they might get fired while the white guys are left alone. Howard said he's always defended the cops in the city no matter what happens with them.
A caller told Howard that the movie Nikki Ziering was promoting the other day was just awful. He was waiting for something funny to happen in it and nothing funny ever happened. The caller also asked Howard about ''Smallville'' and what he thought about this season's opener. Howard said they just didn't explain everything in the episode. He complained about the black kryptonite and some of the dopey plot lines they had in the show this week. Howard said it's time for him to become Superman or they're going to miss the mark and blow it. Howard seems to think they won't kill the show if they just make the guy become Superman already. Robin doesn't like that they give everyone superpowers on the show. Howard gave it a B- grade because it was a little lame this week.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard how much she loves him. She said people are talking about the Nikki Ziering episode where he tickled her and the women on the board love him. Fred played the crow cawing sounds as Mariann was screaming at Howard about her love for him. After she was off the line Artie was doing his impression of her a little bit. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard got back to the stuff that the show is really about and played a porn clip from some movie where a woman gets spit on and has other things done to her that you kind of have to imagine when you hear it.
Howard said he got a letter from a friend who tells him that Congress is close to finalizing the indecency bill that they've been talking about for months now. Howard said that this bill will force him off the air because fines will be filed against individuals, not just the companies that broadcast the shows. The letter had some facts about the people who back the two guys who are really pushing for this bill to be passed. He read through the stuff that was in the letter about this guy Senator Brownback and another guy. Brownback has backing from some people that are connected to Clear Channel Entertainment and some other large oil companies. Howard also said that Brownback is also good friends with Bush. He believes that the bill will be signed into law before the election and Howard will have to walk off into the sunset.
A woman called in and told Howard that President Bush has the lowest IQ of any President. She said that his IQ is 91 and his father's was 99. Howard said that's absolutely true and the guy is almost retarded. He joked that when Bush was in school, he took that little yellow limousine.
Howard said there was big news today about Cynthia Nixon from ''Sex and the City.'' She claims that she's gay and it made headlines. Howard doesn't know how a story like that gets on the front page of the newspapers but he was kind of fascinated by the story. Howard read another story about Rosie O'Donnell's band leader who is also gay. Robin said she always thought that he was gay but couldn't really say anything without knowing it for a fact.
Howard pulled out the story about Rosie O'Donnell's band leader and read through that. The story is appearing in the National Enquirer this week so Howard wondered why it wasn't included in the Gossip Game. Gary felt that there were better stories that Mike had that would work with the game. That story was too easy to believe. Howard read through the story about Cynthia Nixon after that. Howard wants to see a picture of the chick that Cynthia is dating.
Howard said he farted last night and his girlfriend ended up walking into it and stood there laughing at him about how bad it smelled. He didn't want her to stand there smelling it so he told her walk away but she just stood there.
Chaunce said that Nikki Ziering was on that same show getting some fat sucked out of her. They talked about Nikki for a minute but then Howard took a phone call from a guy who was pissed that Howard doesn't just fart in front of his girlfriend. Howard said he does fart in front of her but he doesn't like to because she's so hot. The caller also asked Howard if he sits down when he pees. That led to Howard talking about how he does sit when he pees because it's just easier. Artie and Fred do the same thing sometimes. Fred said when he goes at night he doesn't want to wake himself up so he leaves the light out and just sits down to pee.
Howard said since he heard about rats crawling up the sewer pipes he has been kind of afraid of peeing sitting down. He said that Doug Goodstein has had mice coming into his apartment and they end up getting stuck in the bathtub in his apartment. Doug told Howard about how the mice have gotten into his pantry and ate the stuff in there.
Howard took a phone call from an angry guy who said he was told last week that he could bring his dog down to participate in the World's Largest Hemorrhoid contest. Howard said they never said that dogs could be in the contest. Howard told him he couldn't win the contest but if he wanted, he'd let the guy come up and see the dog's hemorrhoid. Gary came in and told Howard that this whole thing is going to be grosser than he thought it would. The people in the contest aren't very hygienic. They have close to 50 people, including one chick, who came down for the contest. Howard said they're going to narrow it down to 5 people and bring them in later in the morning. High Pitch Erik and Gay Ramone are going to be judging the contest. Artie said that this is the grossest thing they've ever done in all of his years of watching / listening to the show. The contest is being sponsored by Hemorrelief.com.
Howard went into break as he was playing a new Onion Radio News bit. The bit was about an anti-spam bill that would put penis enlargers out of business. Howard thought it was pretty funny.
Howard talked to a guy by the name of Paul. He found out that he's been suffering for about 20 years with his hemorrhoids. He had him bend over and show the doctor his 'roids. Dr. Andrews only gave him a rating of 3 on a scale of 10. They had to slim down the crowd so that's how they were doing it. The guy came all the way down from Boston to get in the contest. He told Howard that his 'roids were much bigger last week. Howard also found out that the guy is a self-described mental case. He suffers from depression and schizophrenia. Gary said ''all that and we told him to come right up.'' Howard told the guy that he was very brave to come up for the contest.
Howard asked to see the next contestant before bringing in Charles Manson's son. The guy has been listening for about 8-9 years or so. He's been suffering with the 'roids for about 16 years. Howard had him show the doctor his ass and the doctor gave him a rating of 4. The doctor said that it was actually moving when he saw it. Gay Ramone asked to see it again just to see it move.
Howard had Matthew come in after that. He said that the guy looks kind of like Charles Manson but he's trying to. Howard seems to believe that the guy is just doing this for publicity because he's got a band. Matthew told Howard about how he didn't really try to go after this whole thing at first. He asked Manson to do a DNA test to find out of they are related but even Manson thought that he was trying to use his name to live off of.
Howard asked him if this is something that would just help propel him into fame since he's in a band. Matthew said that could help with that but that's not what he's trying to do. Matthew said he may never know if Manson is really his father. He has names of some of the other guys who banged his mother so he could have them do DNA tests as well.
Howard said there was one guy who really was Charles Manson's son but he's been trying to keep it secret. Howard thought that's who Matt was but it wasn't the same guy. Howard asked him about the letter that he got from Manson after he wrote to him. Manson wrote back a 4 page rambling letter to Matthew but there are some things he told him that make it sound like he was in the area around the time that his mother claims she had sex with him. Artie thought that Matt looked quite a bit like Manson in the face. He had similar bone structure and stuff like that.
Howard talked to Matt about his band and said that he would contact the guy who really is Manson's son and find out of they could do a DNA test with him trying to link him to Charles. Artie told him if he wants to really convince people, he should get the Swastika tattooed on his forehead. Howard played some of Manson's bad music and then asked Matt where his stuff was. Matt said he sent some music to them but Howard didn't have any to play. Matt got in a plug for his web site NewRisingSon.com where you can check out the band. Howard eventually got some of his music so he played his song ''Welcome to the World.'' Howard told him he was too normal and he should go out and just start talking jibberish like Charlie did.
Matthew said that he works as a DJ in strip clubs so he gets to date some of the strippers. Howard told him he doesn't even care about the Manson stuff after hearing he gets to date strippers. He asked him couple of questions about that because he never had a cool job like that. Howard said he'd bring home a bunch of strippers and bang them all at once. Howard thought that Matt was a loser like them but now he feels different. He said that if he was a chick and some dude that was banging him told him he might be Manson's son, he'd get the hell out of there. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Gary came in and gave Howard an update on the hemorrhoid contestants. They have three guys who were rated 10's, four guys were 9s and one guy was an 11. Gary said when he pulled down his pants, everyone was blown away by what they saw. Artie wanted no part of the judging of the contest but Howard and Robin told him he had to be part of it. They went to commercial break a short time later.
High Pitch Erik isn't liked by many people and he's not sure why. Howard said that he has bleeding gums and he's extremely fat. Gary wondered what he weighs now so Eric said he thinks he's between 290 and 300 pounds. Howard had him get on the studio scale and it shot right up to 316 pounds! Howard said that Erik did get a lot of positive e-mail the other day when he made a prank call to Eric the Midget. Howard replayed the call so everyone could hear it. High Pitch goofed on Eric the Midget by making a few calls to him saying that he was going to sue him for using his name. He also asked him what he was wearing and to talk dirty to him. High Pitch did impressions of Kelly Clarkson, KC and Gary when he called him back.
Howard moved on to the World's Largest Hemorrhoid Contest. Howard got pissed again when they brought the contestants in at one time. Both Gary and Doug from E! said that's what he said he wanted though. Dr. Andrews told Howard he can't believe that people let their hemorrhoids get as big as some of these people have. The first guy dropped his pants and everyone was amazed at how large it was. Artie said that he would be affected for the rest of his life because of that. They weren't ready to judge the contest yet because they had nothing to compare it to. Howard had the second contestant drop his pants to show his 'roid. It was even more shocking than the first one was. Howard said he didn't know what that was. High Pitch said it looked like a creature living in there. The contestant said that he has to go through a whole ritual every day because of the 'roid. Dr. Andrews hasn't even seen things this bad before and he was prepared for the worst.
The next contestant got up and pulled down his pants. Howard sounded just as shocked with that guy's 'roid as he was with the others. High Pitch said that this guy cried earlier after showing them his problem area. He said it's extremely painful and that's why he was crying. Howard said that these guys need to wipe properly and not strain to go to the bathroom. He doesn't understand how these things get out of hand like that.
Howard had the next guy get up and show his 'roid. Robin asked him to ''stop it'' after seeing that guy. Howard got up out of his seat for some reason. Robin said something about him looking like a girl down there. Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if it was going to air on E!. Howard said it might be better if they just put it right on his web site where they have uncensored shows available for downloading. The whole thing was unbelievable according to Howard and the guys.
Howard had the next contestant get up. He's been suffering for 10-12 years with his 'roids. He pulled down his underwear and the guys were even more freaked out by his hemorrhoid than they were by anyone else's. Robin said she couldn't take it anymore. Even Dr. Andrews wasn't sure what he'd just seen. Robin said it looked like liver. Howard described it as looking like the Rolling Stones logo. The guy has no insurance so he can't get it fixed. Gary told him it looked like a fetus.
The only woman to enter the contest made it to the finals. She's a pregnant woman who is due in November. She said that the hemorrhoids are very painful. She dropped her pants and the guys were grossed out once again. Fred said he saw someone waving. Gary said that is Howard's official ticket to hell for making her do that. Artie said he thinks she's having twins.
That was it for the contestants so they had to do the judging next. Howard gave each of the contestants names (Patrick, Doug, Greg, Steven, Richard and Ann) and tried to figure out a way to judge the contest. Howard said he feels bad for all of them but only one person was going to win $10,000 courtesy of Hemorrelief.com. Howard said if he knew this many people were going to show up, they would have gotten a second and third place prize. One guy asked to get a plug for his art web(TheMangina.com) site just in case he doesn't win. Howard told him that would be fair and said he could get a plug if he doesn't win.
A few people called in and said that this was a very disturbing show today with this stuff going on. Howard said that this is the most disturbing show he has done since the small penis contest. He said it's even worse than the beheading video that he watched on the web one time. He then wrote down the person he wanted to win. Fred was the first to give his vote and he gave it to Richard. Artie, Robin and Howard all went with him as well just because it was so disturbing looking. High Pitch Erik, Gay Ramone and Dr. Andrews also gave their votes to Richard. It was a unanimous vote for him.
A bunch of women from Hemorrelief came in to present the winner with his $10,000 check. They hadn't seen the guy's ass yet so they put a picture up of it so they could see. They were pretty freaked out by it and said that they'd never seen anything like that. The girls gave Richard a trophy and his check. One of the girls from Hemorrelief showed Howard her ass before they wrapped up the segment. She told Howard that she just did a Playboy Lingerie shoot but never gave her name. High Pitch got in a bunch of plugs for his upcoming comedy gigs he has going on. He got in too many and Howard said he just had to get him out of there. Dr. Andrews gave out his web site which was DevilsReaper.com before Howard went to commercial break.
Howard said he felt so bad for all of the other contestants that they gave them all watches from Steven Singer Jewelers. Artie was surprised that some of the guys were pretty thin because he associates the hemorrhoids with fat guys for some reason.
Comedian Doug Stanhope called in to get a plug for something. He said that he has nothing interesting to talk about this morning and the pre-interview made him realize that. Artie asked him if he had a hemorrhoid or anything like that. Doug doesn't have them but it was funny that they were given watches because when people ask them where they got their watch, they're going to have quite a story to tell. Howard says that he's going to have to put that contest up on his Uncensored E! show section of his web site.
Howard gave Doug a plug for his new DVD ''Deadbeat Hero'' which is available through his web site DougStanhope.com. Doug said he wanted to name it something like ''Doug Stanhope Turns the Gun on Himself'' but the publishers didn't think that would fly in regular stores where they might sell it. That led to Howard talking about how he had some other names for his book ''Miss America'' but the book company turned him down. Howard said that his father used to call him Miss America and his whole life growing up was a mess. Artie told a story about how his father once told him that he ''swung like a C-word'' when he struck out during a baseball game one time.
Howard said that Tony Danza took the same stance on Dr. Phil that he did about his special the other night. Danza managed to get some newspaper coverage about it but Howard didn't. Howard played some tape from Tony's show where he was talking about that and about the FCC fines against CBS for the Janet Jackson thing. Danza talked about how wrong it was for Dr. Phil to have put this 9 year old kid on national TV and basically saying that he might turn out to be a serial killer. Howard was annoyed by Danza's sidekick so he bailed out on the tape.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Howard if he'd be willing to do a telethon for the people who don't have health coverage for their hemorrhoids. Howard said he might be willing to do something like that after seeing what he'd seen in that contest. Howard said he's given wiping advice in his books and people can help avoid getting them if they follow his advice. Howard said that he has to wet his toilet paper when he wipes. As he was describing that and singing his own version of ''Never Walk Alone,'' Dominic Barbara was cracking up laughing. Howard was singing ''Never Wipe Alone'' with lyrics about wiping of course.
Howard was talking about how he never really talks to people who leave the show. Artie asked him if he'll ever talk to Stuttering John again. Howard said he doesn't dislike John and he would talk to him if he ran into him. He said he probably wouldn't go out to dinner with him if he was in town because he'd rather spend time with the people he works with because they're so important to him. He insists that he's not mad at John but he doesn't think that he'd want to spend time with him. Robin said she would have spent time with John after he left if he hadn't been such a dick before he left. Gary said he's spoken to John since he left and they're not really talking like they used to. It's very different now that he's moved out to California.
Howard said he avoids going out with everyone he can. Fred said he's given up on trying to get together with Howard because of that. Howard won't go out with Gary either because he has nothing to talk about with him. Gary wondered if he finds it odd that Jason Alexander doesn't talk to the other guys from ''Seinfeld.'' Howard told Gary about how great all of the people were who worked with him on his movie ''Private Parts'' but he never talks to any of them. He said he's spoken to director Betty Thomas about 2 times since then. He just doesn't go out of his way to keep relationships going. He even thinks that, when the show ends, the people on the show will stop talking. Robin said that she will stay in touch with people like Gary because she likes him and would want to know what he's up to.
Gary said that Howard stayed in touch with Dan Forman who worked with him at WWOR for years. Howard said that he worked with that guy and he really liked him. The guys were talking about how Howard just wants to have a quick conversation when he's on the phone. He called Artie last night and just quickly kind of brushed him off. Artie said that Dana was yelling for Artie to tell Howard something but he knew that Howard just wanted to get off the line and told her that it wasn't a long call. Howard said he would have been fine if she had picked up the phone and said hello to him.
Gary said that he has five good friends from when he was a kid and he stays in touch with them. Howard has one friend who he's stayed in touch with since he was a kid but he doesn't really talk that much to him.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard some ratings information. He said that Donald Trump shouldn't be able to say that his show is number one again because last night's CSI wiped his show out. He gave the ratings and CSI got amazing numbers for the overnights that he had. Gary asked him how Survivor did against Joey. He basically said that the overnight ratings didn't matter as much as the national ratings would when it came to those ratings. Joey beat Survivor slightly so he was saying that they were basically tied. He was bragging about CSI beating The Apprentice though with the same ratings information.
Vinnie asked Howard if he's going to put pictures of the hemorrhoids up on his web site today. Howard isn't sure he can do something like that so don't count on it. Vinnie and Howard say that they keep in touch with each other so Howard said that he does have friends and he didn't want to come across as a jerk because he doesn't keep in touch with everyone. Gary said there was a time when it seemed like Howard and Robin talked more than they do now. Robin said that they really haven't talked as a friendly thing in about 12 years now. They talk about business according to Robin but they don't talk about personal stuff. Howard said that's not true and they do talk. Howard told everyone that he would keep in touch with everyone from the show if it ended tomorrow. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard said he was starting to think that Kathie Lee Gifford wasn't all that bad on TV but now he's seen her out pushing her daughter Cassidy into show business and it's really just horrible. Howard said that it does look like Cassidy is going to grow up to be good looking though.
A listener called in and told Howard that his bulletin board has been going pretty good lately. He also told Howard that there's a Munsters marathon on TV Land this afternoon starting at three o'clock. Howard said he's going to have someone record them for him so he can watch them with his kid. Gary came in and said that he has been watching them with his son and they're great. He's still going to buy the DVD box set.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and asked Howard about his friend Booker who he used to talk about a lot in the past. Howard said he just went out with him the other night and there's no problem with that relationship. Chaunce won't become one of his close friend's though. Chaunce wondered if Howard would come to his funeral when he dies. Gary told Chaunce that he didn't go to the funeral of much more important people, so there's no chance he's going to his. Chaunce said that Howard was asked that question by a caller one day and he said he might go. Howard really wasn't sure and said that he might go depending on when it was. Then he thought about it a little more and said that he probably won't go. Howard didn't even go to his grandfather's funeral and he loved him more than anyone else on the planet. He said his mother told him he really didn't have to go and he does kind of regret it.
Gary said that Howard didn't even want to travel to New Jersey to go to Ted the Janitor's funeral and he really loved that guy. Chaunce said that he's not even sure why he wants Howard there at his funeral. Gary said that he's going to be a Star F'er right up to the end, that's what it is.
Howard read through the descriptions for ''The Munsters'' marathon episodes. The guys remembered some of them and how great they were. Howard said they're all great. He had Robin start her news after that so they could wrap up the show. They were done with the show by 10:25 this morning.