Howard started off the show saying that the three day weekend they just had made him feel like a new man. He then went on to tell a story that he's told before. He said that it was a sad day and a confusing day for him. He told Robin that it was a special day for Robin as well as him. He said it was going to be a big show. He then went on to say that he started his show in college radio in 1972. His dream was to have his own radio show back then. His father never thought that it would happen for him because he was just a moron to him. He failed to realize that he was actually a funny guy because he never talked to him much. His mother was a little more loving and encouraged him by saying that someone has to do it. He went on to say that he had a dream to be this crazy nut who would say whatever came to mind. It seemed like a crazy idea but it makes for great radio.
Howard said that he's had a love, hate relationship with radio because there are times when you don't know what's going on. He ended up getting sidetracked when he mentioned that he rented ''Big Fish'' over the weekend. He didn't get into it far before he bailed out on it. He also rented ''The Last Samurai'' and enjoyed that movie. He was surprised that he actually liked it.
Howard got back to his radio discussion and talked about the aggravation with his job in radio. He sees that Bob Grant has been on the radio for 57 years now which is amazing. He said he likes Bob even though he hasn't heard him in about 20 years. He said he does have a love for radio because he can get on the air and just talk immediately whenever he wants. He loves the immediacy of it all. The worst part was being at WNBC and he remembers it like it was yesterday. Robin said they were like their ''Concentration Camp years.'' Detroit was another bad time for Howard when he was still starting out. He continued to talk about how when he got fired from NBC he thought his career was over. His agent convinced him there were other offers that would come in though.
Howard was leading up to the story about Mel Karmazin and how he was the one who came to him wanting to hire him to work in New York City. He described Mel as his Schindler if NBC was his concentration camp. Mel told him that he knew he could sell his show and they'd be sold out. Howard was number one in New York when he got fired from NBC and they just couldn't sell the show. He talked about Grant Tinker and how he didn't care about the show at the time. Mel told him he was the best he'd ever heard and really believed in him. He signed him up for afternoons at the time because Jay Thomas was the morning guy. Howard said he likes Jay but it was time for him to take over mornings there at his radio station. Mel gave him some more money and gave him the room to do what he wanted to do on the radio.
Mel used to tell Howard not to let the whole FCC thing bother him years ago when they started in on him. That led to Howard complaining about Clear Channel and how the guy that runs that company is the complete opposite of Mel because he folds under the pressure. He said that he fired him and folded under the pressure a few months ago when they had some problems with his show and now they're not paying him.
Howard talked about the amazing career he's had and how big a part of that Mel was. Mel rescued him and put him on the air and defended him when no one else would. He said he's forever grateful and would continue to praise him until he dies. This morning Howard woke up and was reading the newspaper to prepare for the show. He said he was able to get laid last night so he was in a really good mood. He talked about that and how they watched some porn before that. He got one anal movie that Cabbie gave him so he has to talk to him about that.
Howard checked his messages when he was getting ready to go to work this morning. He was shocked to hear the voice of Les Moonves who is the head of programming for CBS TV. He left the message saying that Mel Karmazin had resigned from Viacom. His Mel had resigned and it was confusing to him. He was supposed to walk out if that happened but he has a contract so he can't do that. Les is now the head of the radio division so he has to talk to him about that. This is why Howard is so confused this morning.
Howard hasn't heard from Mel yet and he figures it might have something to do with the company being a publicly traded company. He believes that no one at the company is going to back him up like Mel did so his days are really numbered now. He said that Mel told him that his show really hasn't changed and he was to just keep broadcasting like he was doing it. He talked about that conversation and how Mel convinced him to just go back to work and keep doing his show the way he was doing it. He has to work around the delay hits and stuff like that but he could keep doing the show.
Howard is in shock this morning because Mel was his backup there at the company. Now he's got Les Moonves, who he has had problems with in the past, running the company. Howard sees a darkness at the end of his tunnel with all of this going on. It can't be good for his show because Mel had his back.
Tom Chiusano came in and said he hadn't heard anything official yet so this was all news to him as well. It was a sad day according to Tom. Howard told him he's going to have to take down his huge picture of Mel and put one of Les' pictures. Howard believes that he's out as soon as the FCC comes down on him again. Tom told Howard to give whoever is in charge a chance before saying that. Tom was trying to tell Howard to give Les a chance but Howard doesn't believe that will work.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he thinks that this will all be good for Howard because Mel will end up hiring him again somewhere else. Howard said he's not even sure Mel wants to keep working. He knows that he is enjoying his free time now and he's in a good marriage so he's not sure he'll keep working. Howard sees the writing on the wall and between Mel being gone and the FCC stuff, his days are numbered.
Robin said that they've been working for Mel for 18 years now so they haven't worked for anyone else in that period of time. Howard took a call from a guy who said he felt like his grandfather just died even though he doesn't know Mel. He knows that Howard's show is through now and there's no way his show is going to last with the company without Mel.
Howard says he doesn't mind if the company gets rid of him because he's ready to leave this part of his career and move on to the next phase. He has seen his future and it's not on that station. It may just be on satellite radio. Howard told the guys to get Mel on the phone so he could talk to him. He played some music in the background and talked about Mel a little more. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard talked about how great his weekend was. He's got a friend of his who goes out fishing in the middle of the night and he caught a 20 pound sea bass that he cooked up for him over the weekend. He said he's never had fish that fresh in his life. Howard wants to learn how to clean fish and go fishing so he can cook up some of his own. He's actually going to learn how to fish with this friend of his.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he had seen Jerry Seinfeld's baseball field that he built at his home out in The Hamptons. Howard said they fly helicopters over his property all the time to see what he's up to these days. Howard said he thought about it for a little while and thought that it's fine for him to do something like that because he deserves it. He made a ton of money in show business and it's good for him. He's a little jealous but he thinks it's good for him. He made a fortune on ''Seinfeld'' and he's still making money on it.
Howard said that Jerry is going to have quite a compound when he's done with that place in The Hamptons. The caller Howard had on the line said he saw Howard and Beth running around out in The Hamptons over the weekend. He works out there and gets to see a bunch of celebrities out there.
Another caller said he saw Seinfeld at a comedy show over the weekend and someone asked him if he'll do Howard's show again. Seinfeld apparently said he doesn't need to do Howard's show anymore so he won't be appearing on the show. Howard talked about the American Express thing Jerry did with a cartoon Superman. He thought those were pretty good.
Another caller asked Howard if he was sure about the Sea Bass thing. He thought that a 20 pound Sea Bass was a little large and it may have been a striped bass. Howard said he could be wrong about it.
A caller told Howard that wherever he goes his fans will follow. That led to Howard talking about Mel a little more. More callers were telling Howard that the show has been great the past couple of months. Howard thinks that he'll be gone as soon as the FCC comes down on him again.
Another caller told Howard that Seinfeld was saying that people only do Howard's show when their careers are going downward. Howard wasn't too thrilled about that and said that they have Wilson Phillips on the show today and who's bigger than them? He was being sarcastic of course.
Howard said he really is okay if his show is ended there at the company because he has been talking to other people about jobs in the future. He's ready to do lot's of different things with his life. He said he would go work for Mel again if he offered him a job. He would like to walk out with Mel but he has a contract he has to stick to. Howard was confronted by a caller who said that he never does anything he says he's going to do. He threatened to walk off the show if Mel left but he hasn't done it. Howard said he has to stick out his contract but he's done after that... or most likely, the company will let him go. He's figuring it will be about a month until that happens. He had to take another break after talking about that.
Eric the midget was on the line so Howard replayed the voice mail he left him the other day where he complained about him bashing the American Idol stars. He said that Eric left another one for him over the weekend but they didn't have that one ready to play yet. Howard got Eric on the line and asked him what was wrong with him. Eric said that Howard doesn't listen to him because he's been telling him to stop goofing on these people since he started calling in. Howard and Artie goofed on him a little bit about being such a fan of the show even though he's 29 years old.
Howard said Eric has to get laid or something. He will never get laid with Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken posters on his wall. As Eric was telling Howard about his favorites on the show Howard was just laughing. He finally got the voice mail that Eric left over the weekend. Eric was pissed that Howard wanted to turn the whole thing into a fight. He was ready for war. Howard said that he sounds like a super villain to Howard and that's what set him off. Howard said he really does sound like one and had him say ''I'm going to get you and I'm going to outsmart you Batman...'' Howard said he could play an arch villain in a movie instead of getting a part in his Porkey's remake like he wants.
Howard tried to get him going by throwing Kelly Clarkson's name into the mix. Eric wasn't as motivated as he was in those voice mail messages he left. Howard continued to come up with some Super villain ideas for Eric. A caller told Eric that he was a faggot and he'd better shut up before he shoves him in a blender. Then he called him a Shitzu... Artie thought he was one of the funniest callers he'd heard. It turned out to be the White Rapper so Howard hung up on him a few seconds later.
Howard liked the anger that Eric had when he left the voice mail. He just wasn't showing that on the air. He went on to ask Eric about the new American Idol and if he'll support her. He said it depends on how the album sounds. He said that he listens to Kelly Clarkson's album often but not every day. The only American Idol CD he didn't buy was Justin Guarini's. He said he wasn't a fan of his. He has just about every other American Idol CD though.
Eric asked Howard if he's going to stop bad mouthing the American Idol people. Howard said Eric is the best and that's his favorite part of the show. They don't know what he looks like but Howard said he probably looks like Brad Pitt.
Howard said that Joey Boots is trying out for Stuttering John's job this week. He will be in later with some gossip for the guys. He's out answering phones and stuff like that today. Howard spent a little more time talking about Mel Karmazin leaving the company and then went to break before bringing in Wilson Phillips.
Howard asked Chynna if it was true that they broke up 10 years ago because she wanted to do a solo career thing. She said that was not true but Carnie said it was partially true. Chynna told Howard that she did it because she was having a nervous breakdown and she'd lost 20 pounds. It was the touring schedule that was getting to her. She also thought that the second album they did wasn't as inspired as their first one was. She went on to do a solo album after that but it was because of the amount of money she was offered. She met Billy Baldwin after that and married him. She told Howard that he's now doing some producing and writing.
Chynna said that Billy is doing movies and getting paid money to do them but they're mostly independent films. He's making some money for the family but Howard and Robin haven't heard about any of the movies. Robin wondered how he gets paid big money for movies that no one ever hears about.
Carnie and her husband are going to try to have a baby. Howard asked her about that and also said that she really doesn't look like she's gained the weight that the tabloids have claimed she has. She said that she fluctuates 10 pounds and she's at the height of that 10 pound gain right now. Howard talked to her about the stomach stapling for a minute and she says that it's tougher to keep the weight off than it was to lose the 145 pounds to begin with.
Carnie's husband Rob was there to play guitar for the girls so Howard talked to him. Howard thought that Rob was a chubby chaser or something since he was with her when she was at her heaviest. He was never really with heavy chicks before so Carnie doesn't think that he was one. Rob said that the sex is much better now that she has lost all of that weight.
Howard asked Wendy and Chynna about having sex outside of their marriages. The girls said that they haven't cheated but the girls have had lesbian experiences. Carnie said that she has kissed a girl and she was out in the green room. Chynna said she experimented with some lesbian stuff about 15 years ago. Howard dug a little deeper to try and find out what was up with that. She said that girls in high school were much better than guys were. Her desire for women faded after high school as she got older. Carnie asked her why she grabbed her boobs if that was the case then. Chynna said that Carnie has great boobs and she likes to feel them.
Chynna was telling Howard how sex with guys was painful for her when she was younger so that's why she was experimenting with women. She told Howard she was about 15-16 when she was doing this stuff. She told Howard that they met in their neighborhood and went to the same parties and stuff. Carnie cut in and told Howard that her lesbian days were over after the first kiss with another girl.
Carnie was telling Howard that the lesbian stuff was boring and wanted him to move on to something else. Howard wanted to hear more about it though so he continued on. He tried to find out how Chynna and this other girl would hook up. Chynna told Howard about how they'd sleep over at each other's houses and do stuff with each other. The delay was hit at least once during that discussion.
Wendy told Howard that she had experimented with that stuff herself but didn't want to get into details. She said it was in the high school years just like Chynna did. There were more delay hits during that discussion so we missed out on a bit of it.
Howard brought up the new album from Wilson Phillips which is called ''California.'' It's a bunch of cover songs. The girls said that they did that so they could get an album out pretty quick. They have some new songs in the works. Howard had them perform a song which was a cover of The Eagles ''Already Gone.'' They sang along while Rob played guitar for them. Howard told them they sounded great even though they were having some trouble hearing themselves. He said that the song was dedicated to the woman who was between Chynna's legs.
Howard asked the girls how they hooked up and started singing together. They all grew up as friends because their fathers were friends with each other. They spent a short time talking about that and how their fathers played basketball together.
Zolar called in and said that they sang like angels and they're timeless. He said he loves the way they sing and it made his morning. He wasn't insulting at all... it was kind of a let down. Another caller asked Carnie if she has problems with Melinda, who takes care of her father. Carnie said that she takes great care of him and she thinks that she saved his life. Carnie said that her mother saved him the first time and Melinda saved him the second time.
Howard took a few more phone calls from guys who wanted to tell the girls how good they sounded. Robin also asked Chynna how her sister Bijou was doing. She said she's doing well and her sister Mackenzie is also doing well.
Carnie told Howard that they're going to be on Regis and Kelly tomorrow and on Jay Leno on the 8th. They're going to be on The View soon as well. The girls were telling Howard how great he was in his movie and how good an actor he was. Howard wondered why he wasn't nominated for an Academy Award. One of the girls said they heard that Howard has a very large penis. He wondered where she heard that. She wasn't sure about that. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard had a drunken Artie Lange (tapes of him) on the phone so he talked to him for a couple of minutes. Some guy calls in with clips of Artie when he was drunk one day on the air. Howard talked to him about eating his own feces and some goofy stuff like that. Howard had get out of the call a short time later after he lost the guy.
Today Joey was in to tell everyone some gossip about Scott the Engineer. Howard had Scott come in to talk about the stuff he was going to bring up. Joey told Howard he was on the show years ago when he won a date with Leanna Heart. Joey ended up hooking up with Scott after that when he helped him out with his deejay business Rocket Entertainment. Joey told Howard that Scott has no qualms about changing clothes in front of anyone who's there at a wedding or an event like that. Joey said that he's seen him do that. Scott said that's true. Howard wondered if that was the big revelation. Joey said he was building it up.
Joey went on to tell Howard about going out to eat with Scott in Las Vegas and how he ended up yelling at the waiter who brought out his appetizer and entree at the same time. He said he had a fit and he thinks that he shouldn't do stuff like that when he's representing the show.
Joey had more. He told a story about how Scott sold his house to a Korean couple. They had some issues with the couple and the closing on the house. Scott's wife would jump in and yell about the stuff and she's obviously the one who wears the pants in the family. Howard still didn't seem that impressed with his revelations so far. Joey still had more but Howard thought it was enough. Joey wanted to go on. He told Howard about the money he gets paid to work these gigs with him. That led to Joey saying that Scott complains about Gary and Tom when they're out at these gigs. Joey said that Scott gets upset about the appearances Gary makes and how he should be able to do that stuff. Howard said that's more like it and that's the kind of revelations he wants to hear. Joey said that even he's more popular than Scott is. No one wants to see Scott make an appearance anywhere. Gary is part of the show and people want to see him.
Joey brought up Scott's son's band Vertigo Blue and how they don't have anyone coming to see the band. Scott said they're just starting out and they've only been playing for like 6 months now. Joey seems to think that they have no talent and if they did, they'd be signed already. Scott said they have a CD that's coming out soon and that's going to help them out. Joey says that Scott is upset that his son isn't getting to play at the station's Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert on the main stage.
Howard wrapped up with Joey's thing and took a call from Scott's wife who said something about how Joey tried to pick up an intern that was underage at one of the shows they did. Joey came back in and said that he would bang an 18 year old in a second if he could. He was just trying to get her a recording of a show or something like that. Howard let Boots and Scott go after that.
Another caller told Howard that the Wilson Phillips interview was great and the whole lesbian story was great. That led to Howard bringing up the anal sex movie that Cabbie gave to him. He described some of the movie to Robin. There was one story about a woman who spilled coffee in this guy's lap. She ends up driving him home and they end up having sex when they pull off to the side of the road. The guys in the movie were all shaved down and had huge members. He had to forward through it because Beth was talking about how big these guys are. He got to another scenario where Taylor Rain was doing stuff but the delay was hit so much we didn't hear any of the story. He said the name of the movie was ''Jules Jordan's WEAPONS OF ASS DESTRUCTION #2.''
Howard went on to talk about another movie that he got on his On Demand cable. He said it was a story about teenage girls (not real ones) who were telling stories about sex fantasies but that one turned out to be too boring. He fast forwarded through that and gave up on the whole porn thing because they were so bored. They ended up having sex on their own after that.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who told him about having sex with a prostitute who ended up punching him in the eye for some reason. Howard said he could never have a hooker because he'd be thinking about all of the other guys she was with. Artie said you get over that when you're horny. Artie told some stories about getting oral from some tunnel bunnies when he was younger but the delay button was hit during it so we missed out on some of the story.
Howard had to think about whether or not he would do a stripper if he had the chance. He said he might. Artie talked about the hooker he had and how she used a condom with the guys. He was only 19 at the time so he didn't know any better.
A phone caller brought up Mel Karmazin again so Howard talked about that for a little longer. He still can't believe that Mel is gone. He has a meeting with a guy by the name of Joel Hollender today. He's supposed to find out what's going on when he goes to that meeting.
Captain Janks called back in with his prank call to Larry King the other night. A caller thought that Janks was actually a woman calling the show the other night so Janks called in to prove it was him. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard had the article that he read and the infection has been spreading outside of hospitals in the New York City area. There's also no medication that will stop it. They think that the infection may have been caught at the local gym. Howard said he wants to get out of the City if that's what's going on. He said maybe it's a good thing that Mel left the company. Maybe they'll fire him and he can move away.
Gary came in and handed Howard a note from Sumner Redstone, the head of Viacom. In the letter he talks about Mel leaving the company and who will be taking over for him in the radio division. He said he hates to see this happening. He seems to think that it would be better to have a sales guy running the radio division but maybe he's wrong.
A listener asked Howard about the ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' cartoon he's working on. Howard said they have a pilot script that he'll be handing in to Spike TV today. He's also working on ''Porkey's'' and ''Rock and Roll High School'' movie remakes. Those are in the works as well as another film for himself. He said that there are a bunch of things that will be announced in the next month and a half or so.
Howard brought up Serena Williams and the fact that she's one of those people who gets nothing but praise in the news. They're always calling her good looking even when she's wearing awful clothes and her ass looks huge. Artie said they should just tell it like it is and say that she's built like Walter Peyton.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up Mel Karmazin again. Howard had more to say about that and how he's going to miss having Mel backing him up in all of this stuff. Howard says that he would go into business with Mel again if he wanted to work together again. He seems to think that Mel is going to enjoy his life not working and may not get back into the business. He isn't sure what's going to happen to his job there at Viacom but he's got many options open to him so he doesn't really care what happens there. He believes that if he did go to Satellite, he would lead a revolution against this type of radio that he's doing now. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that before having Robin start her news.
Howard put out an open offer to anyone there at the station to come in and say something about Mel if they wanted to. The first person to come in was Steve the Engineer, better known as Wood Yi. He said he's been with the company for 36 years now and Mel has saved his life on at least one occasion. Howard said that Steve is a man of few words but he said a lot when he said that Mel saved his life. Howard wondered where everyone else was and why certain people weren't coming in to say goodbye to Mel. Gary came in and said that he called a couple of people and they didn't want to come in.
Gary said that Mel has helped him out a few times over the 20 years he's been there. His door was always open when he was there at the station and he would give him good advice when he asked him a question. Gary could barely get out a word because Fred was playing some of his ''Baba Booey'' songs to the tune of ''Baker Street'' and the Empire theme from ''Star Wars.'' Artie got a few laughs out of those.
Genera Sales Manager Frank Flores came in to say goodbye to Mel Karmazin. He's been working with him for 23 years and today the company is a different company. He said he's really upset and he's not sure what he's going to do. He said he has a job to do and he's going to do it but it sounded like he might be thinking about leaving. He said he used to deal with Mel every day when he was working with him years ago. Frank also told Howard that when they were playing cards recently he told him that if he left the company, he would follow him because it would be so hard to sell ads if he was gone.
Howard and Frank talked about how great Mel was and how much things will probably change. Frank thinks Mel was used to running things the way he wanted to run them and it didn't work when they merged with CBS/Viacom. Frank found out by listening to Howard this morning that Mel had left the company. He was shocked when he heard about it. Howard seemed to think that Frank was more devastated by this than he was by the 9/11 attacks. He let Frank go after that and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard started off the show with a game. He had an audio clip of a guy talking about wanting something ''girthy and thick'' and wanted to know if it was a porn movie or a commercial. It turns out it was a radio commercial that they actually play on their station. It's for Ball Park franks. Howard played the rest of the commercial and said that it's kind of odd. Artie has seen the TV commercial as well and that's kind of weird as well.
Howard was having problems with his nuts sticking to the side of his leg so he had to adjust. He then went on to talk about how he talked to Mel Karmazin yesterday after the show. He said they talked for about 5 or 10 minutes. Howard got very sad after talking to him because he's the one who hired him at his company. Mel built up the company over the years and then merged with CBS/Viacom a few years ago. Howard went on to talk about how ungentlemanly Mel's exit was. He wondered if Les Moonves did something to throw Mel under the bus. Mel apparently told Howard that there was nothing like that going on.
Howard thinks that Mel had enough of Sumner Redstone telling the newspapers that he'd never be his successor when he left the company. Sumner was always talking about people like his daughter taking over for him instead. Howard also got some calls from Les yesterday but he didn't call him back. He was dealing with the sadness of Mel leaving the company. He's had a few instances of Les screwing him over while trying to deal with him. He had problems with the Saturday night show he had on CBS and the announcement of it being canceled. Then there were problems with the show he was developing to replace that show. There were a couple of other things that Les has done over the years that Howard isn't so thrilled about and he thinks that Les won't have his back if the FCC comes after him again.
Howard wants his company to do well so he doesn't wish Les any ill will. He went on to play tape of a news report where the reporters talked about how Howard will probably be looking for a new home since Mel left. Howard feels that all of this stuff is creepy and strange. He just wants Les to show him respect by his actions, not his words. That's why he didn't call him back yesterday.
Howard brought up the article that AJ Benza wrote about him for Razor magazine. He thought that the article was great and he never said it was an exclusive interview like Razor claimed he did. He went on to talk about how AJ pointed out that the government is out to get Howard while ignoring people like Oprah Winfrey who has broadcast stuff that's just as dirty as Howard's show. He said he has no problem with AJ and he thinks the Article is worth reading.
Howard said he was telling Mel how much he meant to him while they were on the phone but it was getting too emotional. That's why the phone call didn't last all that long. Howard said he cried after he hung up the phone because Mel has been so good to him over the years. He said it's great when someone can be a mentor to him like he was. Mel didn't want to hear it and just told him they'd go to dinner sometime. Robin said that Mel gets uncomfortable with stuff like that and that's why he ran. Howard gets uncomfortable as well but he wanted Mel to know how he felt.
Howard says he'll go on as long as he can with Viacom if they're willing to put up with the FCC stuff. He said he'll see what happens. He also said that he read some stuff that Sumner Redstone said about Mel yesterday. He doesn't see a place in any big company for Mel at this point. Howard said Mel has never bad mouthed Sumner and wouldn't even say anything bad on the phone yesterday. The guys said that they think that a lot of companies would benefit from Mel's leadership.
There were a bunch of reporters who wanted him to comment on Mel's leaving. There was also one journalist who wanted to talk to him about how he ripped off Johnny Carson. One day when Chaunce was interviewing him he was asked what he would like as his epitaph when he dies. Howard said ''We'll be back right after these words...'' and went to commercial. This reporter claims that he read an article where Carson said the same thing. Howard was just reading on his monitor that he had to take a break so that's why he said that. It wasn't some big plot to rip off Carson.
A caller asked Howard about the watch that his childhood friend Jerry gave him. He mentioned it last week and this guy wondered what it was. Howard said it says ''U.S. Army'' on it and it has big numbers on it so you can read it quickly. The guy asked another question but Howard hit the delay button for some reason.
Howard took a call from Kidd Chris who told him to cheer up. Howard and Chris were talking about the porn sites that they check out but the delay button was hit again for some reason. Howard said that he subscribes to great web sites and the last one he brought up, PartyHardCore.com, was wild. He said they have pictures of these women who look like housewives doing guys at strip clubs and stuff like that. Kidd said that his monthly pass is up on that site but a friend of his downloaded every movie he could while it was still good.
Kidd Chris has his own radio show so he told Howard about a bit they did on his show where they had a Karaoke contest and if the people sucked, they had to get shot by a paint ball gun. Howard wondered if the people get hurt when they get shot. Kidd said they wear the right equipment and they use low powered guns to shoot them. Howard would like to maybe throw food at people instead. Robin told him that the luncheon meat throwing is good and maybe they should do that. Chris said that some woman won the contest on his show. The contestants had to try and last as long as possible before getting shot. Everyone gets shot though.
Howard said he wanted Chris to come up and join them on his show but he's still got his own show going on right now. Chris wondered if there will be any radio left in the company after all of this stuff. Howard let Chris go and continued to talk about the PartyHardCore.com site for a minute and then went to break. He said you have to check out what's going on over there.
Howard has been talking about moving to satellite radio for some time now but the reporters are making it sound like it's a new idea that just came out since Mel left the company.
This guy who tried to win $5,000 while they were out in Las Vegas to get new teeth called in. He said that he just lost another tooth over the weekend when he crashed his motorcycle again. He said he's been doing that for all his life and he's had a few too many run-ins with the handlebars. He bragged that he has a 26 year old girlfriend and she's got teeth. He talked about the motorcycle racing he does on weekends. He has crashed a few times and lost teeth. He's also lost part of one of his fingers as well. The guy was calling in to talk about some of the good stuff that went on out there in Vegas. He was hanging with the Wack Pack guys. He started to tell some stories about Henry Hill confronting Daniel Carver. He was going on and on but Howard wasn't into the stories. He sarcastically said that he was fascinated by the stories so far.
He continued on and said that John the Stutterer was yelling at Yucko the Clown, and in the meantime the audience started yelling out that KC is gay. Miss Howard Stern turned around to the crowd and said ''No he's not!... He's not gay!'' and John the Stutterer thought she was sticking up for Yucko the Clown. So John the Stutterer started going off on her, saying that she probably f'd Yucko, and called her the C-word. And she looked like she was going to cry. So the guy thinks John owes her an apology. (Paragraph updated by Bob T)
After hearing all of that Howard said he's going to hire this guy on to be a reporter for his web site. He wants him to write up all of these stories for the web site because they're so fascinating. He wants him to give them a big toothless smile for the picture. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard read a story about a guy who shot this hot chick down in the subway there in New York City. That led to him talking about the latest terror plots. He read that terrorists want to rent apartments in high rise buildings so they can blow them up. Robin told Howard about a bunch of kerosene bottles that were set off in New Jersey recently and they're saying that was terrorist activity. Howard thinks all of this stuff is just weird.
Robin brought up a story about a Playboy model who just lost her twins for some reason. She apparently tried to have the kids lie about their father in court so she ended up losing them to the married guy who got her pregnant.
Howard mentioned that he saw the third Matrix movie and actually enjoyed it. He said they really should have stopped after the first one though because it would have gone down as a cult classic if they had. He was also talking about the two guys who wrote the movie and how one of them is apparently getting a sex change operation. The guys spent a short time on that and then talked about a TV show that some of the guys had seen. The show was about people who have done weird things to themselves like shooting their own leg off with a shot gun because they wanted to live as an amputee. One of the guys from E! came in and told Howard about what he saw on the show and how there's a lot of people who are doing weird stuff like that.
Howard was looking through the newspapers and reading some of the articles about himself. He saw the one article that the guy wrote about him ''stealing'' a line from Johnny Carson.
Chaunce Hayden called in to talk about Angie Everhart. He said that she just signed on to do a movie with Burt Reynolds where she'll be playing a stripper who starts a volleyball team. Chaunce was calling it a ''scoop'' but Robin and Howard didn't think it was all that big of a deal. Howard had to bail out on the call after that.
A caller told Howard that he was listening to a radio show over the weekend and they played a John Lennon song where he uses the F-word and didn't bother to bleep it. Howard told the guy to report it to the FCC.
Someone finally asked Howard about where KC has been. Howard told him that KC had some ''personal business'' to take care of and he'll be back this week sometime. The caller went on to ask Howard who he would choose to bring with him if he were stuck on an island. Howard didn't want to leave anyone out so he just said Benjy and Jason. Robin wanted him to just come out and say who it would be but he didn't want people to get pissed at him so he didn't say who he would pick. He didn't want to take a hypothetical question like that and answer it. He was talking about how he's got people like Fred who has been with him since the beginning but there's also Artie who is great on the show so he doesn't know who he'd pick.
Howard played Joey's song ''Gange'' which was to the tune of the Rolling Stones' ''Angie.'' Joey managed to get in all of the funny stories about Gange in the song. Howard jokingly told Gange to thrown Joey out after that. Joey asked Howard to finish up the song. Joey sang about how Gange can't seal the deal with chicks and stuff like that. Howard would stop the song and say he'd heard enough so Joey would beg him to continue. Howard would play a few more seconds and Joey would beg again. They went back and forth like that a bunch of times.
Howard told Joey to quit while he was ahead and calm down. Joey went on to tell Howard that if he wins this job, which is worth $25,000, he's going to give half of the money to a disabled vet organization down in Washington DC. He said he's well off money wise right now so he can afford to give up that half of the money. Joey told Howard and the guys that he's on disability for physical things as well as mental issues. He's depressed and has PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as well.
Gary came in and told Howard about how scary Joey is as far as the things he's done over the years. He said that Joey has written letters to them as a ''girlfriend'' who thinks he's not as crazy as he seems. He's done some other odd things but he seems to be very proud of them. He told Howard about the oral sex he had in the crowd during the Las Vegas shows as well. Howard wrapped up with Joey and asked him what he's going to do tomorrow. Joey really doesn't know what's going on yet because things have changed around. Howard told Joey what he liked and didn't like about what he's done so far. He then had to take a commercial break.
This caller brought up a special she saw on the Discovery channel about people who want to live as animals. The woman brought up one guy who looks like a leopard and lives out in the wild on his own.
Howard has some funny pictures of Benjy that he wants to put up on his web site. He tied up his shirt like a girl and then walked out on the street and tried to catch a cab. He did it just to do it because it wasn't for the air. Luckily Doug Goodstein had his camera and snapped some shots of him doing this. Howard said there are people like that out there who are just screaming out for attention. The caller Howard had on the line asked Howard for some prize money but he didn't have any for her. He only had tickets to a concert. He ended up hanging up on her after she started to ramble a bit too much.
Howard changed subjects and brought up the Green Party who picked their candidate to run for President this year. They announced the names of people who got nominations and Howard's name was mentioned. Howard said he thinks Spongebob Square Pants got a few votes as well.
The Wayne Brady Show had it's final airing not too long ago and the announcer ended up crying during it. Howard played the audio of that segment and told Robin that she needs to cry more on his show. He continued to play the clip and goofed on it a little bit. Fred played a crying baby sound effect in the background as the clip was playing.
Last Friday on CNBC they did a report about what the next hot stock might be. They mentioned something about satellite radio and one of the dopey reporters siad that they just gave Howard a show on satellite. This guy reporting on XM Satellite said ''I know'' and goes off on Howard like they actually did put him on the network. He said that he hopes that Howard doesn't do well and they have to take him off. Howard said that none of these guys know what they're talking about. The woman who mentioned that Howard was going to be on XM had to have that retracted. Howard said he hasn't even started there and people wanted him fired.
Howard had Wayne Brady's farewell speech to play. He said it was boring and now he knows why the show was canceled. Howard talked about how there are talk shows out there where they do ''nice'' shows like Brady was doing but they're successful. Brady thanked all of the great people who worked with him and read the names of some of the people who worked there. Howard said he was really boring and cut it off.
Julia Roberts is having twins and Howard said he got in touch with them. He said that one of them asked him if he knew who their father was because they sure didn't. One of the kids said that the sonogram of them was the best picture Julia had made in years. Howard seems to think that Julia is going to make a horrible mother. He seems to think that the kids will be good looking. Artie likes it better when good looking people's kids come out ugly. It's more entertaining that way.
Howard said if he does end up going to satellite radio, his fans better follow him. He said people are writing in about that and saying they think Artie may go on to work on the Sopranos. Robin will buy a small island and live like a queen. Fred will sit in his house and not talk until Howard calls him. Someone predicted that Gary will produce a broadway play called ''Baba Booey on Broadway.''
Howard got some mail about Wilson Phillips appearance on the show yesterday. A few people didn't like their performance and thought they were awful. Fred said that their music wasn't his cup of tea. He told Howard yesterday that he didn't think they had any soul. They can sing but so can the people on American Idol according to Fred. Robin told him that those people can't sing. Howard read through more of the mail they got about that performance and how Howard must have lost a bet to have had them on the show at all. Some people don't want them to ever be on the show again. A few people went off on Zolar for being so soft on them and not bad mouthing them.
Howard got some mail about the Taylor Rain moaning clips that Fred plays. The woman said that the moaning turns her on so much she has to turn the radio off. The woman wanted to know the name of the movie that the clip was from. Howard joked that it was signed by Shari Redsone. He never said what the name of the movie was.
Howard was corrected by a bunch of people about the fish he was talking about yesterday. He thought it was a sea bass but it was more likely a striped bass. Someone told him that the fish was probably filled with mercury as well.
Howard brought up Artie's drunken behavior out in Vegas and read some mail about that. One person wrote in about how great Artie was during his drunken night out there and how they should make the show all about him for like 2 weeks. Artie will be back out there on July 23rd for one show only. He suggested that people get their tickets now. He'll be at Beechers Madhouse at the Hard Rock.
Someone wrote in about an AA meeting that they want Artie to go to. Zolar called in and said he caught a bunch of crap for that phone call he made during the Wilson Phillips thing yesterday. He wasn't going to back down on that either. Nothing nice was said about him on the boards after that. Howard replayed the performance from yesterday so they could check it out to hear if there was something wrong with it. Howard said that he may have been distracted by Chynna because she was so hot. Howard and Robin were both enjoying it today like they did yesterday. Robin told Fred she didn't think they were soulless like he thought. Robin said she won't go out and buy the album, but it was a nice song. Howard liked it as well and his ears weren't bleeding like some people said. Fred said that maybe if he had a view of Chynna's bra, he might have been distracted as well. Howard had to take another break right after that.
Howard also pointed out how good Robin Radzinski looked in a bikini out in Las Vegas. She was with her boyfriend out there and they seem to be spending a lot of time together. He said that's good for both of them. Howard said he was pretending not to look at her out there but he was looking. Radzinski came in and told Howard that she's 40 years old and that's what one looks like. Howard said ''No it's not...'' and said she's looking good. Howard asked her if she's in love but all she would say is that she's smitten by him. Howard said that Artie's girlfriend was looking great out there as well. Howard heard that Robin Radzinski's boyfriend calls her 3 or 4 times every morning. Robin came back in and said she talks to him one time in the morning. She thinks that's Ronnie the Limo Driver exaggerating about how many calls she gets.
Howard brought up the news story about this guy who shot a hot chick down in the subway. He thought that she was targeted but it turns out she may have just been an innocent bystander who got shot. Howard said people get killed in the subway a lot but when a hot chick gets shot down there, she makes the front page of the newspaper.
Howard said that OJ Simpson seems to be better looking than ever. He said he's on the cover of the Enquirer and looks great. Robin wondered if it was a current picture. Howard wasn't sure but he went on to read the story about OJ's daughter and how she has threatened to kill herself. Howard read through the article and goofed on OJ a bit. Howard likes that she's giving her father a hard time about everything.
Howard read that John Stamos is going out and partying like crazy since he got divorced. In the article they say that Stamos' friends are afraid that he's heading for a breakdown. Howard seems to think that a guy who gets divorced and goes out partying is normal. Howard wonders why he hasn't asked him to go with him to the parties out in Las Vegas.
Howard read that Chelsea Clinton may have gone out and gotten plastic surgery. Robin seems to think that the stuff they were pointing out in the article could be just makeup covering up her bad features. Howard found another article about Courtney Love's farther who was bad mouthing his daughter because she's such a mess. The father seems to think that Kurt Cobain was driven to suicide by Courtney.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard looks like he's been working out. She saw him on the E! show and he looked good. Howard ended up hanging up on her when she mentioned she was a single mother.
Howard read some more tabloid stories about Don Johnson and how he apparently owes a lot of money to various people. As he was reading it he noticed that Gary made a mistake when he told him that Johnson owed $7 million to a hospital. It turns out it was seven thousand, not million, dollars. There were some other numbers that Gary made mistakes on as well. Gary claims he was reading it fast and screwed up. Howard goofed on him relentlessly after that. He wondered what college he went to. He goofed on him for a few minutes and then brought in Nick DiPaolo to sit in during the news.
Howard said John came to him and suggested that ''Nig'' try out for his job. He didn't know who he was talking about. Howard went on to talk about how John would use the show as a way to get comedy shows together and he'd get guys like Nick to work with him. Those guys would have to kiss his ass because he was able to fill the clubs.
Nick said he and Artie might see John out in L.A. Soon because they're doing a gig out there. Howard noticed that Nick had a tattoo on him that was hard to figure out. Nick showed it to Howard and it looked kind of like a skull or something. Fred continued to goof on John by doing his impression of him for a couple of minutes. He was relentless in his stutters and snorting. He had Artie laughing hysterically as he did his pig-snorting stutters. Howard was laughing pretty hard as well.
Howard said that John told him that Nick could use the plugs so that's why he might take that job. Nick thought Fred's impression of John was pretty funny and it was scary how close it was to the real John. Fred was pretending to be John telling Nick how to answer the phones and stuff like that.
Gary came in and said that John used to brag about how he would guide certain phone callers to talk to Howard in a certain way and stuff like that. Howard said that must be why the phone calls aren't quite as polished as they used to be. Nick wondered what his job paid because John had a really nice house. That led to Howard goofing on Jay Leno for stealing John over to his show and what a douche he was for doing that. The guys were goofing on the way John says names like Nick and Nicolas as ''Nig'' and ''nig*erless'' when he speaks.
Howard asked Nick what he's been up to lately. Nick said he's been traveling a lot doing Stand-up. He's also got a cartoon show on Comedy Central called ''Shorties Watching Shorties'' that's produced by Denis Leary's production company. Nick said the show has been getting good ratings lately. Nick was over in Japan on a USO tour as well. He said that they're very polite over in Japan and it's amazing what a couple of A-bombs will do to people.
Howard gave Nick a couple of plugs for the other stuff he has going on. He's appearing on Comedy Central's ''Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn'' and he's appearing at Caroline's on Broadway every Wednesday in June. Howard had to take a break before getting to Robin's news.
The guys continued to goof on Stuttering John during the news. Fred was still doing his impression of him during some of the news stories that Robin brought up.
Howard started off the show talking about all of the poon tang Lenny Kravitz has probably had. He figures Lenny has had more than all of the guys in the studio combined. After that he was talking about the great reviews the new Harry Potter movie has been getting. Robin told Howard that she went to see Tim Robbins in the play ''Embedded'' and she enjoyed that very much. She also ran into Joel Seagal and he told her to say hi to Howard. That led to Artie telling a story about how he was on a flight with him and the guy borrowed his newspaper and brought it into the bathroom with him. Artie thought that was kind of a weird move and couldn't finish reading the paper after that.
Howard told the guys that he was in bed with Beth last night when he realized his stomach was bothering him and he had to make a doody. He usually goes to a certain bathroom to go when Beth is over but he didn't want to wake the dog up. He had to go to this other bathroom right near Beth instead. He was making all kinds of courtesy flushes and he had to get the wet tissues to wipe himself down. Then he figured he was stinky so he had to hop in the shower. It turned into a half hour project for him.
Howard said that Beth never stinks up his place and he doesn't know how she does that. Artie said his girlfriend Dana can do the same thing and he's not sure how she does it. Howard thinks that Beth actually goes out of state to do her business. He showed the guys the picture of Beth that FHM is using to promote her upcoming layout in the magazine. It looked good according to the guys in the studio.
Howard said he's been getting calls from Les Moonves who is now in charge of the radio division that Howard works for. He said he's not answering because there's too much bad blood between them from the past. He wants to keep his distance from Les and wants to wait to see what Les is willing to do for him by seeing his actions instead of talking to him. He said the guy hasn't kept his word to him in the past and he's not going to take calls from him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the cover of Razor magazine which he's on. Howard said that he's kind of upset about that cover because that picture wasn't something that he approved of. The pictures were taken years ago and he doesn't even remember what they were for. He then went on to talk about how he's heard some disturbing things about the people who run Razor magazine. They threw this party for the latest issue in which there's an article about him. They were making it seem like Howard was throwing the party and they were asking for donations for the party according to a friend of Beth's who called her. Howard said that it's absolutely unethical if that's true. He wondered if they went out and asked companies to donate alcohol and other stuff as well. He said if that's what they're up to, they're mentally ill and it's not a way to win over friends.
Howard talked about how complimentary the article was in the magazine and how that was written by AJ Benza. He thinks that the whole party thing was the people who run the magazine. The guy who was on the phone at the time was a cop and Howard heard his radio making noise. That led to Howard talking about the guy who replaced them in Washington DC when they were fired, The Greaseman. He used to ride around with the cops down there and it was really creepy. He talked about that guy for a little while and about working down there himself. He was only making $40,000 down there when he was number one in the market.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that it's possible that Razor is committing grand larceny if they are actually asking companies to donate stuff in Howard's name. Howard sounds pissed off about the photo on the cover and about the party they threw.
A listener called in and asked Howard what he thinks Mel taught him while he was there. Howard said that Mel stuck up for him while he was there. He brings a lot of money to the company and he thinks that he was just as important to Mel as Mel was to him. Howard went on to talk about how the two of them were very good together and he introduced him to the world of syndication. Howard brought in a lot of money to the company and gave them a name and a place on the map. He pointed out that he was doing the same for Clear Channel but as soon as they had a little pressure on them, they caved and fired him. Mel believed in him and backed him up no matter what. He said that Mel taught him to have courage and to keep fighting no matter what.
Mel has been on the show in the past and the last time was when Howard signed his last contract. He believes that there was a bond there and they were pretty close after working together for 20 years. The caller told Howard that Robin was right earlier when she was telling Howard that his emotions are getting in the way of the relationship with Les Moonves. Howard brought up how Don Imus immediately got on the phone to Les after Mel left and he probably bad mouthed Mel. He said there was no loyalty from Imus to Mel.
Howard continued to talk about what Mel did for the company and how the guys who took over for him had nothing to do with growing the radio company. Howard said he had more to do with it than they did. Howard says he's not at war with Les Moonves, he's just honest. He said if they want to talk to him then maybe Sumner Redstone should call him. Howard says he has no problem with that guy.
Captain Janks called in and said that it is weird that Mel left. Janks told Howard about Razor magazine asking him to go to their party. He claims that they asked him to invite Howard to go with him as well. Howard said he'd like to hear from the Razor magazine people or from the guy from this place Ricky's that was asked to donate money to the party. He'd like to clear it all up.
Cabbie called in and asked Howard if he thinks one of the satellite companies would hire Mel to try and get him to get Howard to come work for them. Howard said he's still under contract to the company but after his contract is up, he may move on to something else. He has about 18 months left on his contract and he'll work through that. Howard says he will have the last laugh in the whole fight against the FCC and all of that nonsense. Howard had to take a break after that conversation.
Howard seems to think that he may have his music problems worked out. Sometimes he wants to play a song that they don't have on CD. They now have a music library available to him via computer that will allow them to put a song on the computer within 20 seconds or so. He tried out one song they had loaded for him and it was a little slow to load but not too bad. He played an Aerosmith song and a Blood Sweat and Tears song. Howard wanted to test Gary out by requesting a song he didn't have on the computer. Gary was able to get him the song in about a minute which was much faster than what they've been able to do in the past. He had Robin make a request that Gary might be able to get them. He searched and tried to find Joanie Mitchell's ''Woodstock'' but it was taking a little longer than another song that Robin asked for. A short time later they had both songs on his computer. Howard said it took them 18 years to get this system and he'll probably be fired tomorrow. That's just his luck.
Howard played the Joanie Mitchell version ''Woodstock'' song and then played the Crosby Stills and Nash version which Artie liked better. A phone caller asked Howard if they could get the theme to ''Foot Loose'' as a test. Howard spent a few seconds talking about some of the people in that movie and then Gary told him the song was ready. Robin said that was the only chink in the system... when Gary tells them the song is ready. Howard talked up the song that Artie was saying was performed by ''Gay McGee and the Gay Wads.'' Robin wondered if they would have the whole WNBC playlist from the days when they were working there. She was looking for a Barbra Streissand song. Howard wasn't sure if they had that though.
Howard said he watched a show on NBC last night where they have old clips from game shows where people said some goofy stuff. He talked about one black guy who was asked what his favorite type of pasta was. The guy thought he was asked about his ''posture'' and talked about how he likes to lay on the floor. Howard said that the hosts were Bob Eubanks and Chuck Woolery were the hosts of the show but it was kind of creepy to see them doing their deep voices on the show. He goofed on the two of them for a short time. That led to him talking about those guys who do those goofy radio voices. He wondered how he was ever going to make it in the business without having a voice like that. Howard would like to host a game show or do a cartoon voice. Artie told him that the animated series he was on ended up getting canceled. He said it was the best job because it was an hour of work a week.
Howard did some voices that he could do for cartoons. Artie told him to just be himself because that's probably what they'd want. Howard said he's too recognizable and he wouldn't want to do that.
Captain Janks called in and wanted to test the new music library. He requested a couple of songs that he didn't think they'd be able to find. Another guy called in and requested Vinnie Favale's ''Restless, Restless'' that they goof on once in a while. Howard said Vinnie recently sent him the full version of that song and told him they don't like the song because they don't have the full version of the song. He sent him the full version and it was still awful. Howard played some of that and goofed on it a little bit. He also said they're thinking of posting the lyrics of that song on his web site and have a $5,000 contest for the person who can come up with the best cover of the song. The contest should start sometime later this month. Gary told Howard they have to wait for the sponsor to give them the okay.
Howard had Captain Janks' requests so he played ''Billy Don't be a Hero'' for a short time. He also played some ''Seasons in the Sun'' for him since he'd requested that. As they were doing that Captain Janks' fire alarm went off because his toaster was on fire. Howard was trying to work with the song and Janks but Janks wanted to take care of his fire. Howard kept him on for an extra minute while the toaster burned. Janks had to run off to take care of that a few seconds later.
Howard told Robin that the E! people went out and got the rights to air the Karaoke contest songs on the show. They got the rights to all of them except the Led Zeppelin song that Howard sang. He said they just won't allow them to have the rights to play that one song. He said it would still be funny to play them even without his included.
Robin requested a couple of other weird songs that Howard was able to play for her. He did that quickly and then said he had to take a break because he was being yelled at through the computer.
Joey Boots brought in a couple of guests today as part of his ''Get John's Job'' tryout. He had Eleanor and her boyfriend Eric. Eleanor is a 9/11 widow who got a lot of money after that. Howard said that she was pretty hot too. Joey said that he was asking around for some freaks to come on the show with him and a bunch of people suggested these two.
Howard asked Eleanor what her husband did. She said he worked for Cantor Fitzgerald at the time. She said she was going to this place they had set up for the families that lost spouses in the attacks. She said she ended up getting quite a bit of money. Howard said she was wearing some sexy clothes and she looked hot for a 34 year old mother of 3. Eric said she was wearing too much so she started to strip down a short time later. While she was doing that she said that she got over $3 million after the attacks so her kids are all set for college and all of that.
Howard was checking out Eleanor after she stripped down. Joey Boots kept yelling out ''Joey done good!'' when he saw this woman stripping down. She and Eric have gone to Scores and she strips down there for him. She has also brought home a couple of strippers for her guy Eric. Howard tried to find out how all of that works. They've been together for about a year and he's one of the guys who ended up leaving his wife to date the widow.
Eric told Howard that he was on his way to work one day when she pulled him over to the side of the road. She claims that she didn't even have the money when they met. Eric said the money doesn't mean anything to him either. Eleanor told Howard that Eric had gotten a tattoo of her name on his shoulder when he was still married. The wife ended up finding it.
Howard wondered why Eric is no longer a cop. Eleanor told Howard that he beat her up and that's why he lost his badge. She said he broke a few of her ribs when they got in a fight down in Florida at one time. His badge was taken away from him after that. He spent two days in jail after that. It turns out he was on coke at the time as well. He was sent to a psych ward after that and they found that he's also bi-polar.
Eric and Eleanor said that they are married but the marriage doesn't sound official. Eleanor said that he's not entitled to any of her millions. Eric said she takes care of him very well though and recently bought him a new car after her nanny crashed up his old one. Howard asked them about the other girls they bring home. Eleanor talked about how they both do the women.
Gary told Howard that Eleanor had also robbed a bank at one time. She said that was way back in 1992 before she met the guy who died in the 9/11 attacks. She said that she was given immunity in the case because she just told the truth about what happened. Gary said there was even more. She also robbed someone at an ATM at one point. She claims that her mother and father were in on that as well. She claims that she would force people to the ground and steal their money. She would steal like fifty grand or so doing that because she was getting the people who refreshed the ATMs. Eleanor said they were stupid because there would be like one woman going to the machine alone.
Eleanor and Eric talked about how they like to smoke crack. Eric told Howard that he has shot guns at the police department while on crack. He was shooting machine guns and stuff like that while on the stuff. Howard was impressed with Eleanor's body because she didn't have any stretch marks. She's had 3 kids and there were no stretch marks on her. Eric said that he's giving it to her like 3 times a day. Eleanor claims that they once did it 25 times in one day. She said that he didn't finish 25 times but they did stuff together 25 times in one day.
Eleanor told Howard that her 18 year old daughter was there and she wants to meet him. She said that she smokes crack as well. Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that he's surprised that they haven't taken her kids from her yet because anyone who smokes crack is neglecting her kids. She said she doesn't neglect them and he needs to get educated. Dominic asked her where she lives but she didn't answer him.
Howard had the guys bring in Gigi, Eleanor's daughter, so they could talk to her. Gigi came in and said that her mother is a good mom. She said that her mother is a ''mad chill'' and she's down with her. She told Howard that they get along ''really good'' and they hang out together. Howard spent a short time talking to her. A short time later Howard was asking Eleanor to take her top off. Gigi told Howard that she's seen them before because she's seen her mother and Eric banging each other. She admitted to having done crack once in a while as well.
Eric said sometimes he'll take a hit of crack and then blow it into Gigi's mouth. It looks like they're making out but he's really just giving her a hit. Howard thought that was kind of a sexual thing but Eric didn't think it was. He said it's just a way of taking it easy on the crack when you're running low.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that these people shouldn't come on the air using 9/11 as a way to get on. She was going off on them saying that there are a lot of people out there suffering from losing people in the attacks. Eleanor and Eric both defended themselves and gave their own versions of what has happened to them since 9/11. Eric worked down there picking up body parts for a month so he knows what suffering is.
Eric told Howard that he has been running from the cops for like 3 weeks now. It turns out Eleanor has an order of protection from him that's supposed to be good for 2 years so it's still in effect.
A listener called in and said he can't believe that he donated money to the 9/11 fund if people like this are getting the money. Eleanor told them that she donated money to that fund as well. Robin asked Eric how he told his wife he was leaving her. He said they were on their way to a wedding and he asked her not to go. He went to the wedding with Eleanor instead.
Benjy was asking Eleanor if she ever got arrested for robbing those ATM people. She said she was never caught so Benjy tried to find out when and where it happened so maybe she'd get caught. She wasn't giving that up though.
Joey told Howard that he was just asking around town about finding some wacky people to do the show and every bar he went into had the same answer for him... Eleanor and Eric. There were a few people calling in and complaining about the way these two act but Eleanor and Eric say that Eleanor is just getting over what happened on 9/11. Eleanor said that she grieved after 9/11 and was just about in a coma for a while after that. People had to feed her and take care of her after that but Eric pulled her out of that and now they're having fun.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people ask some questions. One woman called in and said that Eric is still married to her sister. She called Eleanor a crack whore and there was some cursing going on so the delay was hit a few times. The woman said that Eric is an embarrassment to her family. Eric said that there comes a time when you have to enjoy your life and that's what he's doing.
Gigi was referring to Eric as her father even though he's not her biological father. She said she can go to him when she gets in trouble and stuff. She has gotten in some trouble with the cops. It turns out that Gigi was adopted by Eleanor when she was 16 years old.
A few more people called in and wondered how Eric ever got on the police force. One guy said he didn't think he was ever a cop. One guy called in and said that these guys sound like they're fun people. Other people were saying that she should have been the one in the buildings when they were attacked on 9/11.
Howard told Joey Boots that he did a good job with this assignment bringing these people in. Dominic Barbara called in and said that he did some investigating and the cops are going to be in her home town today. He also claims that they never adopted Gigi and blowing crack in her mouth is a felony in New York. He told her to just wait and see what happens today. Howard had to wrap up a short time later but Eleanor and Eric weren't done. They had a lot more to talk about but they'd have to save that for a future show. Howard told Robin she could die now because she'd seen it all after seeing these people. He went to break after that.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy wondered when Howard is going to be back on down in Miami. Howard told him he doesn't know how to answer that. The guy who backed him there at Infinity (Mel Karmazin) isn't there anymore so he doesn't think the company will put him on down there. He still thinks that he could lose his show any day now. He mentioned his web site and how that's how he'll keep in touch with the fans. He said the bulletin board will be up soon and they're going to get everyone's name so no one can steal someone else's identity. The site will still be there if he's taken off the air for any reason.
Howard read some e-mail he had. There was some feedback about the clothing that he was wearing out in Las Vegas. The shirts he was wearing were too big and Ralph wasn't doing a very good job picking out the clothes. Howard likes the way they look though so he's sticking with it.
Another person said that they should never crown a new Miss Howard Stern because the current one is great even though she's so depressed all the time. Someone else wants to see pictures of Robin Radzinski on his web site. Another person said that Robin seems to be a bit racist and doesn't hesitate to use terms like ''gook'' and ''chink.''
Joey Boots has been getting some negative e-mail but Howard thinks he may have redeemed himself today when he brought in Eleanor and Eric. A listener called in and asked if the woman was actually hot or not. Howard said that she really is hot and she has a great body. The voice didn't go along with the body. Artie said you'd bang her if you had the chance to. Howard read through some of the mail about Joey and it wasn't very kind. There were some negative mails about his song parody about Mike Gange and stuff like that. There was at least one positive one for Joey though. Howard quickly read that and moved on to some other mail.
Howard read some mail about Nick DiPaolo and there was some negative stuff in those. Some people think that he's a bigot and they will avoid his shows now that they know that. Some people complained about the guys kissing Wilson Phillips ass by replaying their song yesterday.
Some people thought Fred's impression of Stuttering John late in the show yesterday was great. They thought it was some of the funniest stuff they'd heard. Howard went through some other mail and read one about how his show could be coming to an end and how great it has been. Howard thinks that the show could be coming to an end and it has been a nice run for 23 years in New York City alone. He said the show drives the establishment nuts for some reason. It would be hard to walk away from the show but something will happen, something will go wrong, he just knows it. If that does happen, he'll start posting stuff on HowardStern.com so he can keep in touch with the fans.
Howard talked about Clear Channel and how they're taking over the radio business and it's in a negative way. He talked about how the company is screwing him over and not paying him for the contracts they owe him. Howard is going to be suing them and he's not going to shut up about it either. He's already getting hit with legal bills because of it.
A listener thought that Dominic Barbara was trying to ruin the show earlier when he was threatening the guests. He thought it was wrong for him to do that.
Howard had this guy Dominic on the phone who runs the store Ricky's. They apparently got a call from someone at Razor Magazine and asked them if they wanted to donate anything to this party they were throwing for the magazine and they were using his name. Dominic said that they gave his people the impression that Howard was going to be at the party. He said that his people told him about the party but he ended up checking into it more and fond out from Beth that Howard had nothing to do with it.
AJ told Howard how he came up with the article and about how they were going to put the line ''Howard Stern Speaks'' on the cover of their magazine. He wanted them to change that because it wasn't an interview with him. Howard wanted AJ to wait on telling the inside story until he finds out exactly what it is. He thanked Dominic for calling in and let him go.
Howard said that all of this stuff is free advertising for the magazine and what they did just wasn't right. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he went to the party last night and they had a giant cardboard cutout of Howard there. People were taking pictures standing next to the cut out and even the paparazzi was shooting pictures that way as if Howard was there taking pictures. Howard let Chaunce go after that.
Howard and Artie talked about how strange things have been for the past few months. Howard is ready to get off the air and he doesn't know why he's even still on after the FCC stuff that's been going on. He spent a few minutes on that before taking some more phone calls.
A woman called in and said that there was this guy Michael Savage going off on him the other day about exploiting the retarded and blaming Howard for what Al Queda does. Howard stopped her in the middle of the discussion and told her that none of those people like Michael Savage will be remembered in the future but he will. He said that he has opened up a new era in radio and he's made radio exciting again. He's the one who gets the praise and other people are jealous. Howard said that he is ''the chosen one'' who changed radio and other people know it. He said that what these other deejays say on the air doesn't matter. He was saying that there are actually people who don't even call radio ''radio'' anymore, they call it ''Howard.'' He told the woman on the line to just watch him because if he does get taken off the air, he will set a new standard somewhere else. He had to take a break a short time later.
This guy Jon Hein runs a web site called JumpTheShark.com where you can talk about shows that suck. Artie told him he'd better be smoking crack this morning to follow their earlier guests. Jon said he had to follow Fred Durst one time after he revealed that he'd banged Britney Spears and he thought that was tough. This show was even tougher.
Howard and Jon talked about The Sopranos and what's been going on with that show. They've had a few things going on that have sucked on the show but he Jon has high hopes for the season finale. He talked about some of the rumors he's heard and then gave his prediction about what he thinks will happen.
Jon and Howard talked about American Idol and how people continue to watch the show no matter what. They talked about this past season and how they all knew who was going to win and she probably won by a landslide. That led to them talking about ''Survivor All-Stars'' and how lame it was to give another person a million bucks in an episode after the final.
Howard brought up Smallville and Jon said that they have turned that show around and it had a great finale this season. They talked a little bit about Angel and how people aren't too upset that the show is gone. ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' came up as well and Jon said that it never gets bad mouthed. He thinks that the final season is going to be stretched out and they're going to milk it for everything it's worth.
Howard asked Jon about The O.C. and Will and Grace. He said they have jumped the shark as well as The Shield. He said The Shield jumped when they had a male rape scene.
A listener called in and told Howard that he heard on Ryan Seacrest's show they had an announcer saying that he is the ''new king of all media.'' Howard said he's a no talent and he hasn't had books, movies and hasn't had much of a presence on TV either. Howard talked about how lame Seacrest is and how he admits he goes out of his way to be bland and not offensive. Howard seems to think that once he gets taken off the air on American Idol, he'll move to gay porn.
Howard wonders what's going to happen this coming season with The Apprentice. Jon isn't sure how that will do in it's second season. He said it's tough to have a good second season. He mentioned the ''Friends'' spin-off ''Joey'' which Howard has seen. Howard said he saw it and it was horrible. He knows that it will probably do well the first couple of weeks but that won't last.
Joan of Arcadia came up and both Jon and Howard thought the show was very good this season. Jon said that it was well written and well done. Howard thinks the lead in the show needs to lose some weight and if he was talking to Les Moonves, he'd tell him to do something about that. That led to them talking about CSI and how CBS is going to keep bringing out new ones until people stop watching like Law and Order did.
A listener told Howard that ''24'' was a great show this season. Howard thought they jumped the shark when they brought the daughter into the office and didn't torture her. Jon talked about ''Enterprise'' and how strange the final episode was. He told Howard he has to see the final episode because it was so odd.
Howard gave Jon a couple of plugs for his web site and his paperback book ''Jump the Shark'' is out now. He wrapped up after that.
Ralph called in and complained about Howard having Jon on the air because his opinions are horrible. Howard ended up hanging up on him because he was so annoyed with him. Robin then asked Howard if he's concerned about Ralph because she heard he might be slipping back into his old ways (drugs). Howard said he's actually cleaned himself up and that's not the case. He had to take another break after that quick discussion.
Howard got a call from Craig not too long ago and he left a message on his machine telling him that Eddie Van Halen wanted his number and if he didn't call him back, he'd just give it to him. Howard said he doesn't believe anything Craig tells him. He doesn't believe that he knows Eddie and wanted him to call him right then. Craig said it was too early and he'd call him later. Craig went on to tell Howard about how he has a friend who is Eddie's assistant and he ended up crashing at Eddie's house for a while. He sleeps on a couch in his studio.
Howard had a story about Craig making a doody there at the station. He said that Craig did that and came out and didn't wash his hands when he came out. He said he had 20 witnesses who saw that happen. He told him to go out and wash his hands because he was contaminated. Howard changed his name to ''Craig Ass'' while Fred played fart sounds. There were guys who saw him go in and make his doody and when he came out he didn't wash up. Craig apologized for that while doing his Sam Kinison impression. Howard couldn't take his eyes off Craig's hands. He said he was wiping his face with them and stuff like that.
Robin was noticing some of the stuff he was doing as well. He was picking up his bottle by the neck really close to the top and he obviously didn't care. He did impressions of Adam Sandler and Christopher Walken as if they were complaining about him not washing his hands. Howard had Robin start her news after that. Howard still couldn't stop watching Craig's hands while Robin was reading her news. He saw him picking something off of his thumb and wondered what it was. He also thought he saw him smelling his fingers a little earlier but Craig said he didn't.
Howard gave Craig a plug for a comedy show he'll be part of along with Artie Lange and Baba Booey. They're going to be at The Canyon in Aguora Hills, California on Friday and Saturday, June 11th and 12th. You can check Craig's web site IHateComedians.com for more tour dates.
Howard started off the show talking about the marathon show they do every day. He then talked about all of the weird stuff going on at his company with Mel Karmazin leaving and how Oedipus up at WBCN in Boston quit his job as Program Director after working there for 23 years. That led to Howard talking about this guy they worked for who used to call himself Lee Masters but that was just his radio name. He had some very Greek sounding name that he was born with. Howard isn't sure what Oedipus' real name is. He remembers that guy working at WBCN when he was in college up there. He talked about handing in a tape to WBCN when he was still in college and how nervous he was when he did that. They never called him back though.
Howard knew he sucked back then. He waited for someone to call him back from the station but they never did. He went on to talk about this guy Oedipus and how cool he was when he talked to him back then. He said he sure didn't look like and Oedipus though. He looked more like Oedipussy. Howard went on to talk about how impressive he was at doing his job and how they built that station into what it is today. Howard read an article about Oedipus leaving his post as the Program Director but he will stay on with the company for a while. Howard thinks that he's going to eventually leave the company though.
Howard talked to Oedipus on the phone yesterday and he told him that it's just not as much fun there as it used to be. Howard said the guy also had a direct line to Mel while Mel was still there. Artie brought up the fact that the last time he saw Oedipus, he showed him his Super Bowl ring. They spent a few seconds on that and moved on to other stuff.
A woman called in and couldn't get to her point so Howard bailed out on the call. He then said that someone was spelling Oedipus ''Etipus'' out in the office. He spelled it for them so they could get it right. Howard thought the name was a pretty cool radio name and that led to the guys talking about people who change their names. Howard seems to think that some people are embarrassed by their ethnic background and change their names to hide that. Gary came in and told Howard about a neighbor of his who has a very ethnic name when he's in New York City but when he's up in Connecticut, he changes it to something non-ethnic like Smith. Howard knew a Jewish guy who changed his name because he was embarrassed by his family.
Robin brought up Fred's name change and how weird that is because he doesn't even use the name he changed it to. Fred went off on Robin about her ''Robin Ophelia'' name that she tried to force on everyone years ago. He doesn't make people use his ''Eric'' name like she tried to do with hers. The two of them went back and forth about that for a few seconds while Robin just laughed.
Howard brought up this guy Michael Savage and how he changed his name for radio. He can't accept his ethnic background and had to change his radio name. Howard was told that the guy was going off on him yesterday but he said the guy is just a pussy.
A listener called in and told Howard that he watched Jay Leno last night and he saw that he's doing shows from Las Vegas just like Howard did. He thinks that Leno is ripping him off with that. Howard didn't have much of a response for that though. The caller also told Howard that they were bleeping the word ''fag'' on his E! show last night. Howard said he knows why they do that but it might change very soon. He didn't want to get into the reasons for it but he's hoping it will change. The caller also brought up an old phony phone call that Captain Janks made after a parking garage collapse. Howard wondered how long the guy had been listening to the show because that was old news. The guy claims he's been listening for over 20 years.
Howard said the parents of the prom date came over as well. He had his camera there with him but it filled up pretty quick because he didn't change the settings on it. He got a lot of pictures though. It was almost like a wedding because the parents of the date were there. He said the kid was a nice kid who took his daughter out. He was a nice guy, not a douche bag. They all went over to another kid's house were a lot of the kiss congregate before going to the prom. He believes that his daughter has gotten in with a pretty decent group of kids from what he could tell. Howard was never accepted into a group like his kids have been. He wasn't even part of the geek group, no one accepted him. He talked about the other kids and how nice they were.
Howard said the other house he went to was really nice so he wondered what the parents do for a living but he never did find out. They had a pool in the back yard but no water in it so he was afraid he was going to fall in. He thought about how he might not be paying attention and he'd accidentally fall in. He was getting really creeped out by the whole thing.
Howard was getting sad as he watched his daughter walking away with her prom date. It was a beautiful day out so he was looking at the leaves and stuff like that. Fred started to play some sad music as Howard was talking about that stuff. He said he had a flash of his daughter when she was a little girl and how seeing her with this guy going to the prom made him think ''Oh crap...'' He didn't say anything to her that night but he told Robin he has said stuff to her before. Howard said he doesn't know how these kids do this stuff because they're up all night for this prom thing. They had their own bus to take them to the prom and they stay up all night.
A woman called in and told Howard how anti-climactic these proms turn out to be. She told Howard that he has nothing to worry about with her and her date. Howard said he wasn't worried about her because she's her own person and she can do what she wants. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Artie said the kid looked like someone getting a sobriety test on the side of the road. He was also doing his impression of Jeff the Drunk while he was goofing around with the whole thing. Howard said there's a lot of pressure on those kids in the spelling bees. He and Artie continued to goof around with the Jeff the Drunk thing for a short time.
Later in the show Howard said they'd be playing Beat the Juice with Beetlejuice and a grandmother who is willing to do anything to get a date for her grandson. The guys talked about some of the wacky stuff they were thinking about doing with her but she's an old woman so they're going to take it easy on her. Howard said they'll have this porn star Tyler Faith in for that game as well. He played some audio from one of her porn movies that was pretty intense. He had another clip where you could hear the slapping sound of her getting banged.
Howard mentioned some of the guests they have coming in next week. They have Kid Rock, Dennis Rodman and porn star Tera Patrick coming in. The guys talked about Dennis for a few seconds but Howard had a lot of other stuff to get to so he moved on.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who brought up the Larry King show. He said that it might have been the best show ever. He said Larry had Bree Walker on the show and it looks like she may have had a lot of plastic surgery on her face and she's barely recognizable. He said she looks Asian because her eyes have been pulled back so far. Howard said she's got to be in her 50's now so he's not surprised she's had some work done. She has claw hands and feet but she used to be super hot. He said he'd do her. Howard said he would have done her twenty five years ago. Chaunce told Howard that she's got a kid with the claw hands and feet as well. Howard doesn't get that and he wonders why people would want to pass stuff like that on to their kids.
Chaunce said that Bree is bitter because she can't get on TV anymore. She can't do a lot of stuff so she talked about that with Larry King. She can't even type on the computer because of her hands hitting too many keys at once. Howard said she's a really nice lady that he's met before and he didn't have anything bad to say about her. He spent a short time goofing on Larry King though. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard goofed on OJ for a couple of minutes and said that he was actually on the Board of Infinity Broadcasting back before his wife was killed. They couldn't throw him off until he was found guilty so he was on it through the whole trial. He went on to talk about some of the other celebrity trials that OJ talked about. He thinks that Michael Jackson is just affectionate toward kids. And on the Kobe Bryant case, he made a comment about how almost all women say ''no'' at least once, otherwise you'd think they were a slut according to what Howard read. There was also talk of a new TV show that OJ wants to do that would be similar to Punk'd but they'd call it ''Juiced.'' Howard did his impression of OJ and said that they could do a show called ''No Survivor.''
OJ talked about Marcia Clarke and how he thinks she was a slut. Howard said he'd like to talk to OJ about this whole thing since he seems to be interested in talking about it so much. He said if they got bored during the interview they could just pick up a metal folding chair and hit OJ over the head with it Jerry Springer-style. He said he'd roll him in the studio on one of those carts like Hannibal Lechter.
Howard said Fred Goldman was contacted about OJ's crazy talk and he just said that it wasn't worth commenting on. Denise Brown also wondered why Greta was doing an interview with OJ and said ''Shame on you...'' to her. Howard also pointed out that someone like Katie Couric will treat OJ Simpson better than she treated him on the air. She's supposed to be interviewing him sometime in the near future.
Howard had another article to read. He said over in Japan they're into really weird porno. They have these movies where they spread butter on women and have dogs lick it off of their private parts. Howard read through that and found that they actually worry about the dogs getting fat from eating all of the butter so they've switched to yogurt. The women are apparently doing stuff to the dogs as well so they talk about how it actually shortens the lives of the dogs if they do that too much. Artie said there are probably a lot of people in the city who do that stuff to their dogs but no one knows about it.
Ralph called in and said he knew a woman that did that with her dog. He spent a short time talking about Star Jones on ''The View'' and what a mess she is. Howard bailed out on his call and then brought up how Scores is in the news again. They have another case of a guy going there and acting like a big spender and running up a $129,000 tab but he's not going to pay. They had a similar thing happen in the past couple of weeks. The guy is claiming that he passed out at the club and they took advantage of him.
Lonnie from Scores called in and told Howard that his web site is amazing. Howard said it really is great. He was on it checking out some interesting and funny stuff about George Bush. He talked about some of the videos that they have links to on the site and how great they are. Howard also has a ''web site of the week.'' They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then got to the story about the guy who isn't paying his bill at Scores.
Lonnie told Howard about the guy who isn't paying his bill and how he's actually been there a few times since that one time when he was there and didn't pay his bill. Lonnie said that happened back in October and they actually got their money. Now he's changed his mind 8 months later. Lonnie doesn't know what's on his mind but he knows they'll win when they go to court. Howard said he's going to throw a party at Scores to support them.
Gary told Howard about going to the Yankee game and how they had great seats. Stuttering John was there as well because he's off for the week. He took Jason and Will with him to the game. They all went to a bar called Stan's to start off the day. Gary said a bunch of people yell out names of people he may have gone to school with. It happened like 5 or 6 times yesterday. He went on to talk about Artie's drinking and how he had a couple of Jack and waters at Stan's. Then they gave their food order while they were at the game and Artie ordered 4 Jack and waters along with his food. Gary said this was about 7 Jack and waters by the 7th inning of the game. He had a few more drinks after that and Gary doesn't know what he did after he left early.
Gary said that it gets funny after that. He said they were about 6 rows off the field. They see the third base coach standing there but they don't even know who he is. Artie starts yelling out his name and asks him where his ass is. Gary said he was yelling out ''Hey Triplehorn, where's your ass... You have no ass..'' and stuff like that. Gary said that Will from the back office also likes to drink and yell out stuff as well. Will was yelling out stuff like ''A-Rod, HOMO!'' and stuff like that.
The guys also talked about Artie and Will betting on the game as well. Gary told Howard and Robin that Stuttering John is name dropping a lot now. He's been meeting a lot of people while working for the Tonight Show. He also talks about the people who live in his neighborhood out in California and stuff like that. Gary did his impression of John and goofed on him a little bit. Fred got in on that as well. Gary said that John was wearing shorts and he had no place to put his wallet and stuff so he was asking Will to hold it for him. He said he's got a huge wallet but he never has any money with him. The guys spent a few more minutes on that and then went to commercial break.
Howard played a clip from one of porn star Tyler Faith's porn movies for Grandma and Max. Grandma didn't think it was that big of a deal. She's been married for 53 years and she's still having sex. She said she likes to have fun but she never was a swinger or anything like that. She wasn't even sure why she was doing this for her grandson. Howard tried asking Grandma some sex questions but Max didn't want him to do that. He just wanted to let her know what was going to go on between Max and the porn star. She said he asked her to do this and she's doing it as a favor.
Howard was making Grandma a little nervous talking about this stuff. Howard brought in porn star Tyler Faith (TylerFaith.com) a short time later. He said she was dressed kind of conservatively. Howard had her show off her body a little bit. She said she doesn't wear panties because it's not health. Howard asked Grandma about that but she didn't want to talk. She said she didn't think it was a bid deal though. Tyler said that Max is a good looking kid so she has no problem going out with him but having sex with him isn't a sure thing. Gary told Howard that once the alcohol comes into the mix, she'll want to do him. Tyler said she doesn't drink though so that's not going to work.
Howard said that he's a real man and could give it to Tyler real good, unlike the 18 year old. Howard asked Tyler about doing anal films which she has done. Gary saw one of her movies and she had 3 guys working on her, one in each orifice. Grandma told Howard that she is going to go on the date with her grandson.
Howard wondered if Tyler is going to run off with this kid like Houston did with Brad years ago. He brought in Beetlejuice (JollyDwarf.com) a few seconds later so they could play Beat the Juice so they can get this kid his date. Artie was laughing when Beet came in because he was in a bad mood and wasn't smiling. Howard heard that he was kind of angry this morning for some reason. He was in a foul mood and told the camera man to get the F*** away from him out in the hall. Gary said that Beet was pissed because they woke him up at 2 in the morning to get him there.
Beet said that he really doesn't care what this guy's name is when Howard started to tell him. Max told him he needs him to work with him today but Beet kept saying that he really doesn't care.
Beet didn't even care about checking out Tyler. He was in a really bad mood and it was obvious he wasn't going to cooperate with them. Howard introduced Beet to Grandma and he just kept saying that he didn't care about any of this stuff. Howard said that Grandma had 3 minutes to get Beetlejuice to say the sentence ''I came, I saw, I conquered.'' Howard started the clock and let Grandma try to get Beet to say the line. She told him to put down his beer and repeat after her. She tried to convince Beet to say the line but Beet said that he doesn't know what that line means and refused to repeat after her. Howard reduced the line to just ''I came, I saw'' but Beet wouldn't even say ''I.'' He just laughed when she asked him to help her out. Max was begging Beet to help him out but there was nothing happening.
Howard had even reduced it to just two words, ''I came,'' but Beetlejuice wouldn't even say that. Howard tried to get him to do it as well but it wasn't working. Beetle said he doesn't care who came. The last time they played Beat the Juice they actually got him to say the line. Artie joked and told Beet he ruined this kid's chance to get AIDS. He was just kidding of course.
Howard wanted to give this kid the prize so he told Grandma that if she made out with Tyler, she'd win him the date. She told him to ''Forget it buddy!'' Tyler thought that might be kind of weird for the grandson.
Grandma thought that Beet had set this up and didn't want her grandson going on this date. Howard and Gary told her that Beet doesn't even know what state he's in so there's no way they could have set this up. Howard heard that Grandpa was upset and wanted to come in. Grandpa came in and said he was upset that Howard asked his wife to make out with the porn star. He said it was over and that was enough. Howard was afraid that the 74 year old Grandpa could beat him up and it would look bad. Grandpa said that he was kind of relieved that he didn't win.
Max asked Beet what they could do to make him happy. Beetlejuice said there's nothing anyone can do to make him happy. Howard then took a call from a guy who was engaged to Tyler at one time. He's a boxer by the name of Vinnie. He told Max that he was lucky that he didn't win the date because she'd rip his heart out. He said that she's the only girl that ever ripped his heart out. He gave her a diamond ring one day and the next day he heard a message on her answering machine from an ex-boyfriend. Tyler said that she had the boyfriend before he proposed to her and she had to break up with him. Vinnie told Howard that he calls her C.A. (Con Artist) because of what she does. Tyler also told Howard she caught Vinnie banging some chick outside of a club one time. He said that was true but Artie defended him saying that he's a guy and guys will be guys.
Howard thought he had Brad on the phone. Brad is the guy who won the porn star date with Houston a few years ago. He thought he was going to tell Max that he's better off not going on that date. Howard took some other calls after that. A guy told Beetlejuice that he should have thrown the guy a bone and helped him out. Another guy called Beetlejuice some names but Beet didn't get much of a chance to defend himself. He got to go off on some other people though. Some callers thought that Howard should just let the kid have the date. Howard asked Grandma and Grandpa what they thought. Grandma said they should give him the date but she is to go home after the date without sex. Howard said that's like giving someone a Ferrari and limit them to only 30 miles per hour. He said Tyler is like the Ferrari. Grandpa said they could kiss on the cheek and that was it.
Howard decided that out of the goodness of his heart, he was going to let him take Tyler to his prom. Howard told Tyler to behave at the prom and not to seduce him like Houston did to Brad. She said she will behave.
A few more phone callers tried to get Beetlejuice going by bad mouthing him. He was defending himself and telling off the callers. He was saying some stuff that was getting the delay button hit.
Howard wrapped up the game and thanked Tyler for coming in. He also thanked Grandpa and Grandma for coming in to play the game. He told Max that he was giving him something that he probably can't handle. He said that she's a full bodied woman, not some 18 year old. Robin told him not to ''go over 30'' with her. Howard took a break right after that.
Joey Boots came in but didn't have his bit ready to go because it all fell apart. Joey said he was going to do a game called ''Dopes on Dope'' and he was going to have a few guys who are on drugs play a game. Howard and the guys would have to figure out who was on what. That fell apart though and it won't be happening.
Howard read some of the mail they've been getting about Joey about his week trying out for John's job. A lot of positive mail has been coming in since yesterday's show with the crack smoking mother, daughter and boyfriend. People were going nuts about the behavior of those people who were on the show yesterday. Some people thought that the whole thing was faked and they weren't the real thing. Some people thought they were actors. Joey said they deserve an academy award if that's the case.
Joey said that there were police at the people's house yesterday and they are being investigated about the crack smoking and stuff. He said that Dominic got all of that started but Howard said that Dominic told him it was all fake and he wasn't able to find the woman's name when he tried to look it up. Howard said that if it was faked then they should give Joey the job right now. He said that Joey has lied about a few things in his write up about working on the show. Joey swears that there were 6 cops and child protective services showed up at Eleanor's house to investigate yesterday. There are holes in Eleanor's story but that's because she's a crack smoker.
There was a lot of negative mail about Eleanor, her daughter and her boyfriend. People are pissed that Eleanor got any of the money from the 9/11 fund. They caused quite a stir in the e-mail. Some people were upset that Joey even got to try out for the job for the week.
Howard said that Dominic wasn't able to find anything on the family that came in so it did seem that it was faked but Howard and Robin were both fooled if that's the case. Joey said he's surprised that there's not any news stories about the family and what they were talking about on the show yesterday.
There were some people who wrote in about Craig Gass not washing his hands after making doody there at the station. There were some e-mails about Jon Hein and his JumpTheShark.com stuff and how they've had enough already. Howard ripped through some other mail they've gotten lately as well.
Howard got one nice mail from a woman who told Howard how his show helped them get through some tough times with their kid being in the hospital. Howard was reading part of it as if he were Casey Kasem doing a dedication. He went through that and then took a call from a guy who said he was a cop and there was an investigation going on about that Eleanor chick. It turned out to be Angry Black though so it was a phony call. Joey had this great game planned for today but some of his guys got arrested and blew it for him. Howard had to take a break right after that.
Howard had Mike start his game right after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard took a call from a woman who is the sister-in-law of the guy Eric who was on the show talking about his crack smoking yesterday. She says that their story was absolutely true. She told Howard about what a liar Eric is and claims that Eleanor is using the money she got from the 9/11 fund for her boyfriend. Another guy called in and said he knows the guy as well and backed up the story that the other woman just said. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Captain Janks called in and wanted to see if he could stump their new music system by requesting some obscure songs. He requested ''Fox on the Run'' by Sweet. Howard had it a short time later. Janks then requested ''Lover's Concerto'' from Toys. Howard played some Boston first while he waited for that song to come through to his computer from Gary's computer. It came through a short time later so Howard introduced it as if he were a lame deejay from WNBC. Janks requested ''Disco Duck'' from Rick Dees next. Howard continued to play some songs and did his deejay impression as he introduced ''Disco Duck'' on WNBC.
Vinnie Favale was the one who put together the music library so he knows that they'll have a hard time stumping it. He requested a song himself and of course they had that. Howard was impressing everyone by being able to hit the post when he was doing the intros for the songs. Howard played a bunch of the old songs they used to play there at WNBC back in the mid 80's. Gary was coming through with just about all of the songs they were talking about. Howard would play a short clip of each one that they talked about to remind everyone how horrible the songs were back then.
Al Rosenberg called in and got in on the conversation since he worked with Howard back at WNBC. Howard had trouble with the phones when 3 people were on though so he had to bail on his call. Howard wanted to get out of there so he was going to give up on the song playing but said they'd have to do it again sometime. Janks said he'd put together a list of songs and call in with them next week.