Howard started off the week talking about the pain he was in from the zit that he had on the side of his nose. He said he tried to steam it open over the weekend and ended up burning the skin off the side of his nose. He had to put some cover-up makeup on it to hide it. He said he was writing in pain after doing that. That led to him talking about how he saw the Olsen Twins being interviewed on Oprah Winfrey's show and they were complaining about how they're not called by their first names. Howard played a clip of that interview and said they should just deal with what people want to call them. He had another clip where they were talking about the huge decision they had to make between doing Saturday Night Live or go to their senior prom. They decided to do SNL instead of going to their prom. They said they had gone to other proms while they were in school and had gone to their Winter Formal as well.
Howard didn't go to his prom. He talked about how he ended up going to work after school and he didn't bother with the whole prom thing. He was cleaning dishes at camp. He talked about how that went and how people seemed to accept him there. There were also some girls there who hung out with them and banged them. He wanted nothing to do with his high school so he got out of there and went to camp.
Howard was talking about his meditation during the discussions about working at camp. He said he would be meditating at work and his boss would come by and whack him on the head.
Howard stayed up to watch ''The Sopranos'' last night and was feeling kind of tired this morning. That led to the guys talking about what happened in last night's episode. They were talking about some of the characters on the show and what they'll probably be doing this season.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who got them back to the Olsen Twins. He said the only way they'll want to mention them by name is when they turn 18 and you talk about which one you want to bang first. Howard said he doesn't really want to bang them anymore because they look kind of dwarf-like now. He was into them a few years ago and now they're looking kind of funny. He said they have that ''Hobbit look'' to him. Artie said there's no way he could ever relate to them either. They've been winners since they were born and he can't relate to that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked him how long he thinks his fame will last after he hangs up his headphones. Howard kind of went off on him and said that he comes up with questions about stuff he's already talked about. Howard said he already talked about that last week and he knows that Bobo heard that but he still calls in with that question. He said the guy is desperate to get on the air and he gets upset when they don't put him on. Howard told him he was kind of creepy that way. He asked him about his toupee and how that's doing because he could talk about that thing all day. Robin and Howard wondered what he does for a living that he has to try and look younger. Bobo said that he teaches driver safety.
Bobo asked Howard if he's going to have Stuttering John on the show when they go out to Vegas. Howard said he's not planning on it but he did get a phone call from John over the weekend. He said he didn't talk to John, he just left a message and he didn't call him back. He said he didn't keep in touch with John when he was on the show. He's not going to call him now. That led to Fred doing his impression of John for a few seconds. Howard said he told John there were no hard feelings after he left the show. He seems to think that's what John would have talked to him about if he had called him back. He doesn't really have anything to talk to him about now.
Artie said he heard from Stuttering John last week and talked to him for a little while. He said John told him that he'll be out there in Vegas at the same time they are. Artie is now hanging out with the other guys who are trying out for John's job. He was going out to lunch with Cabbie last week. Howard said he read about that on HowardStern.com when Cabbie wrote about it.
Artie made a $5000 bet with Stuttering John before he left the show about the baseball thing he's doing out in Vegas. Artie said that John called off the bet because he's no longer on the show. It was his bet that got the whole thing started. So now Artie is going to be trying to hit the ball for no reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who liked last Friday's show where Artie and Howard were doing their ''Hey retard!'' stuff. Another caller brought up the Spanish radio stations out there who curse in Spanish and nothing gets done about it. Howard and the caller talked about how much those guys get away with on their shows. The caller told Howard that he will file a complaint with the FCC for him.
Howard is flying out to Las Vegas over the weekend instead of flying out there on Monday after doing the show. They're going to blow off Monday's show and fly out there so they can hang out a little bit and relax on Monday. He said he has to check out the sets that E! has set up out there but that should take about a half our tops. Scott DePace told Howard that he's never quite happy with the set and he knows that they'll have some issues. Howard cut off that conversation so he could take a break and get to it later.
Artie said that he's been jogging and exercising a little bit more lately and he has an iPod that he uses to listen to music while he's working out. He loves the iPod and told them about the music he was listening to the other day. Artie knows that he'll put on all the weight that he took off when they're out in Vegas.
Artie revealed that he actually purchased a bathing suit for their trip out to Vegas. Howard told Artie that he doesn't think he looked all that bad when he got in that Superman outfit recently. He told Artie he should just take his shirt off at the pool out in Vegas. Last year he sat there in jeans and a flannel shirt. Howard said that he reluctantly took off his shoes while they were there last year. This year Howard wants him to go swimming and take his shirt off. He knows Artie will be ordering all kinds of fattening foods while they're sitting out there and then he'll be complaining about how fat he is.
KC will be sitting out there with them so Howard knows that the women at the pool will be checking him out instead of them. Robin will be down at the pool looking over KC. Robin has watched the guys from her hotel room in the past. Howard brought up some of the other things that have happened in the past where Ron Zimmerman was chasing away women wherever he went while they were there.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that. Zolar was on the line even though he's not supposed to be allowed on the air. Tom Chiusano complained about some of the calls he's been making lately. Howard said that since he heard that he wants to take Zolar's calls all the time. That led to Howard talking about how his 11 year old daughter was telling him about the local Z100 radio station that's owned by Clear Channel. He said his daughter was telling him how they play an Eminem song where they bleep out a word when he sings ''Suck my C***'' but they don't bleep it out enough and she can understand what he's singing about. Howard talked about what hypocrites they are over at Clear Channel. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Zolar was also wondering if the phony phone call he sent in to them was being kept off the air by Tom Chiusano or what. Howard didn't know anything about it but he told him he'd look into it.
Zolar told Howard that he'll be out there in Vegas next week. Howard said that Zolar is always there yelling out stuff during the show. Zolar said he'd yell less if he gets included in one of his bits out there. Howard said he'd do that just because it'll piss off Tom. Zolar was thrilled that Howard was going to let him on the show while they're out there. He told Howard he loves him. Howard said he knew that was a mistake.
Howard and Artie talked about how excited they are to get out to Vegas. Artie said he's bringing about $12,000 to gamble while they're out there. Howard talked a little bit about past years when they've been out there and how much he drinks and gambles when they're there. Artie has plans for making some conservative bets when they first get there and then he'll play some Texas Hold-em and some other stuff.
Howard mentioned some of the stuff they'll be doing out there in Vegas. They have all kinds of contests, games and a bunch of other stuff going on. You can find out more about that stuff at HowardStern.com. They have the Freaky Feud where they have gay guys VS. The God Hates Fags people. Rob Schneider is going to be out there guest judging the Miss Butterface contest.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to have helped Star Jones out one time at a hotel. He said that she smelled horrible and tipped him a dollar after he helped her out with her bags. Howard wondered what kind of tip she should have given. The guy said he would have been happy with ten bucks or so. He got a dollar. Howard said he's not even sure if that guy was telling the truth. Artie said the one thing he believed in the story was the fact that she smelled bad. Howard had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said people are asking where they can get the video of the woman falling off a platform as they're stomping on grapes to make wine. They played it a bunch of times last week. Howard described the video and talked about how funny the noise is that the woman makes when she falls. He thought they had a link to the video on HowardStern.com but if it's not there you can get it at EbaumsWorld.com. Howard played the clip and then played some song parodies that people have been putting together using that song. Dan the Song Parody Man took it and created a Led Zeppelin song parody. There were a couple of others that Howard played which included that clip and some of the other odd noises they've been playing on the show.
Howard said that he found out Kelly Ripa stays up and watches his E! show at night. Robin thinks they must have a little thing for each other. Howard said he has a thing for her, she doesn't have anything for him because her husband is perfect. He played a clip of Kelly talking about the Intern Beauty Pageant with Regis on their show. Kelly wants to do a pageant just like Howard does. She even wants Howard to come on their show and be one of their judges. Howard said he thinks he and Robin could do a show like that on network TV. He could change his image a little bit and do a safe show like that. Artie told him he could do a show like that in his sleep. They'd have no problem getting guests like Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman and others like that if they did a safe show.
Howard and Mike talked about ABC's Ted Koppel and how he read the names of the U.S. Troops that have died over in Iraq. Howard said that some group took that as being an anti-war show so they didn't let it air on their network. Howard pointed out how ridiculous that is. Howard read a letter he got from some newspaper. The network that kept the Ted Koppel report off the air was Sinclair broadcasting. The article he got said that the head of the company was arrested on a sex charge. Howard seems to think it's kind of funny that all of these really conservative companies have such weird people working for them. Howard read that they have refused to allow the airing of a bunch of anti-Bush stuff in the past as well.
Howard read the report about the arrest of the head of the company. He was allegedly arrested for committing an ''unnatural'' sex crime with a woman. Howard wondered what would be considered ''unnatural'' down there in Baltimore. He and Robin talked about that for a minute and then got back to Mike and his stuff.
The ex-lead singer of The Misfits, Michael Graves, called in and asked Mike why he didn't come on the air and debate him. Mike told him that he wasn't interested in doing that because Graves is part of a ''conservative punk'' group that he seems to think is a joke. The two of them ended up arguing with each other for a short time. Fat Mike said he doesn't want to debate people like this guy when he just wants to get his views out there. Howard wrapped up the call a short time after that.
Gary reminded Howard that Stossel sat down with him in the studio one time and did an interview. Howard didn't remember it but it was probably something negative that he did. That led to the guys talking about an interview Stossel did with a professional wrestler one time and how the guy ended up punching him because he was talking about how fake wrestling is. They spent a couple of minutes goofing around with that.
Howard and Robin talked about last night's ''60 Minutes'' and the unfunny Muslim comic that was on. Howard said she did have a couple of funny lines but she really wasn't that funny. That led to the guys talking about how messed up that culture is when it comes to women having jobs and stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't know why we're bothering with them over in those countries. He pointed out that they brought back one of Saddam Hussein's generals to help run the country over there. It's kind of crazy to do something like that but they'll probably end up putting Saddam back in control to get the country back to where they were. Howard seems to think that we should have just used nukes on them over there.
Robin said she brought up ''60 Minutes'' earlier because they did a story about people who had studies done on them many years ago. They were labeled morons and idiots and had radiation tests done on them. The people who were locked up and tested eventually sued but only got $60,000. There were also stories about people who weren't morons who were just left there by their parents os they could get rid of them. Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about that and then went to commercial break.
Howard went on to talk about the pot smoking thing and how he just can't do it anymore. He said he likes the whole pot smoking experience but the pot makes him too paranoid. He and Artie talked about some of the drugs they did when they were younger and what that stuff did to them. Howard smoked pot when he was a kid but the stuff they have these days is insane. He talked about the last time he smoked the stuff and how it really knocked him on his ass. He said he actually tried it after that because he couldn't believe how powerful the stuff was. Robin said she has no desire to take any drug at all these days. Howard doesn't either even though he's had people asking him if he wants to do Ecstasy and stuff like that.
Howard moved on and said that they have someone in for the week trying out for Stuttering John's job this week. Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) is in for the whole week. Fred had Sal's Baba Booey song parody to some Star Wars music and some of the other stuff he's put together using ''Baba Booey.'' Gary said he's going to give Sal his full cooperation this week so when he doesn't get laughs, he can't blame him. Gary pointed out that Sal is a stockbroker from his living room at home. Sal told him that wasn't true and he should check his facts. Sal then said he actually works out of his home office, not his living room.
Howard told Sal that Dan the Song Parody Man and John the Stutterer both did very well when they were in. Sal liked both of them but wasn't that big of a fan of Cabbie's last week. Sal also told Howard that he won't be going out to Vegas next week because he just had his third baby boy.
Sal told Howard that Ronnie the Limo Driver was out of control this morning when he was trying to help him get a pregnant woman up there to the studio to help him out with a bit he had to do. Sal claims that Ronnie cursed him out when he asked him to help him out. Ronnie claims that he just called down to the front desk and put the woman's name on the list when Sal told him about her. Howard told Ronnie that he has to get himself under control when it comes to that stuff. Ronnie was still denying it ever happened.
Howard asked Sal about the bit he had created for the show today. Sal said he created a game called ''Pin the Brush on the Booey'' where three kids will try to do a Pin the Tail on the Donkey type game but with a toothbrush and a picture of Gary's mouth. Howard met the kids that were there this morning for the bit. Sal said he found the kids through his comedian friend Paul Dell'Angelo. Howard spoke to the little kids for a minute. One of them was only 2 years old.
Sal spun the kids around and then had them try to pin the brush on the Booey. One kid, Tyler, asked Gary to breathe so he could smell his breath and find him. Sal then spun another kid around had her pin the brush on Booey. It seemed to actually be working out pretty well for Sal. Sal would spin them around and say ''One, two, three... Stick the brush in Booey.'' Gary thought it was bad for the radio but it was kind of original. He also thought that Sal could have written more jokes for the kids. A minute later the kids had a few more lines to say about Baba Booey.
Howard took some phone calls after that. The audience was split on Sal's performance. Gary gave each of the kids $250 courtesy of Bally Total Fitness. Tyler said he was going to buy a lot of toys with that money. He was going to buy some kind of snow command center. While Tyler was talking about that stuff Howard asked KC if he was getting turned on. KC just laughed and said that he wasn't. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who said she's the mother of 3 and she can't go a day without smoking pot. She said she doesn't think that she's addicted to the stuff but she needs it every day. Howard told her that's what an addiction is. Over the weekend she said that she didn't have any pot around but she did drink excessively. Howard didn't seem to understand what her point was but she thanked her for calling in anyway.
Howard read an article from PhillyBurbs.com that Dave McGurgan wrote about all of the radio hosts out there who sell all kinds of crappy t-shirts and other junk to their fans. The writer went through different hosts like Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh and the crap they sell. The writer also pointed out some of the crap that Dr. Phil sells. Britney Spears, Celine Dion, KISS and the Rolling Stones were also mentioned in the article. Howard said he knows he could probably sell some stuff but he doesn't think he wants to take advantage of his fans.
Howard went on to talk about how Maria Shriver is going to be interviewing Roy Horn of Siegfried and Roy. Howard thought he should have gotten the interview because he's actually met the two of them. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes on that.
Howard brought up Clear Channel again and said that they really are hypocrites. He talked about a billboard they have up in Florida where they have a picture of a woman who's half naked and it's promoting a radio station with the call letters FCUK which could easily be mistaken for the F-word. He doesn't think that they really care about stopping indecency and they actually fired him over his political views.
Howard was talking about the stuff that was mentioned in that article about the crap that celebrities sell to their fans. He wondered if Scott DePace owns one of the Rush Limbaugh chairs that sells for over $500. Scott came in and said he doesn't own one because he doesn't ''idol the guy.'' Since he didn't use the correct ''idolize'' in that sentence the guys goofed on him for a little while. Howard was picking on him about the school he went to and his SAT score which was 1080.
Howard brought up American Idol and how they're trying to cash in on their fame. They have American Idol trading cards out now. He read about the Fleer trading cards and how strange that is.
Howard and the guys talked about Joe's character and whether or not they think the story line will go any further than it has already. Howard said that's the thing about that show, you don't know if the story line will continue or if it will leave off there.
A guy called in and told Howard that he has hung out with Joe and he manages to pick up plenty of chicks out there on the streets of Brooklyn. He has three dogs that he uses to help him pick up these chicks. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Joe and then wrapped up the call. Howard then saw that he had a call from a guy who said that Joe had his stomach stapled at one time and ended up eating through them. Howard had Gary get Joe back on the line so he could ask him about that. Joe told him that wasn't true.
Howard got back to his burned nose and warned everyone that he'll be complaining about the pain for the next week because it hurts so much. A woman called in and gave him some advice on how to help it heal quicker. She suggested vitamins A and D to be rubbed on it as well as Zinc Oxide. She told him that she uses toothpaste to get her zits to pop somehow. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
During the news a guy called in and told Howard he was going to be working with his old program director who was better known as ''Pig Vomit'' when he was working at WNBC. Howard wished the guy luck working with that guy because he was a nightmare when he was there. Howard ended up talking about that guy for a couple of minutes after taking the phone call. He was remembering his days at WNBC and how much he hated working with those guys. Howard pointed out that at least they paid him after they fired him unlike Clear Channel who are holding back on paying him and making them go to court to get the money.
Howard said he's had problems with companies not paying him in the past and he went to court over that and won. They ended up having to pay him for what they owed him plus his lawyer's fees. He said his lawyers fees were like $1.3 million. Howard talked about that stuff for a couple of minutes and then had Robin get back to her news.
Howard said he tried to watch last night's ''American Idol'' but even he had to bail out on it because it was so gay. He watched about 20 minutes of it and looked over at his girlfriend who was in her panties. He decided to go to bed with her instead. That helped him go to sleep after he did her. Howard and the guys ended up talking about ''The Sopranos'' again when Artie mentioned one of the lines that was kind of funny from the most recent episode. Everyone was talking about what they think is going to happen during the season.
Benjy made a new phony phone call that Howard wants to play but he's not sure in light of the new ''standards'' that have been changing every 5 minutes lately. He said that he's probably going to have to stick it up on his web site instead. He went on to talk about the web site and some of the quotes he has up there. He said they have a quote from someone who says that man has created indecency because there is no indecency in the animal kingdom.
While he was talking about that Fred was playing clips of the nutty congresswoman Heather Wilson who went off on Mel Karmazin a couple of months back during some indecency hearings. Howard wonders what happened to her in her childhood that made her turn out the way she did. He went off on her for a couple of minutes trying to come up with things that could have happened to her when she was a kid.
Howard mentioned that he knows one woman who doesn't work and thinks the world is there for her. He didn't say who she was but it sounded like a friend of his. He can't tell his buddy that she's the way she is because he'll get pissed at him. Robin said that some of the nicest guys out there end up with the biggest bitches out there. Howard and Robin talked about that for a little while.
Howard took a call from Bobo who wanted to know how long it took for Beth's mother to accept him. Howard didn't answer him, he talked about how nutty Bobo is when he doesn't get on the air. For some reason Bobo thinks they're keeping him off the air for some reason. Howard had a voice mail from the guy calling Gary. In the message he tells Gary that he has some problems. He complained about the way Cabbie was talking to him and using the F-word with him. He actually called Tom Chiusano and complained. Howard wondered if the toupee glue he uses has been getting to his brain. Howard loved that Cabbie heard Bobo's question and told Bobo ''F-You.'' Bobo continued to complain in the message that he hasn't been getting on the air that much since Stuttering John left the show.
Howard said that may have been the gayest phone call of the century. Robin wondered why he has to be on the air so much. Bobo said that he's an Extreme Fan and he has a lot of questions for Howard. Cabbie called in and told Bobo why he actually said ''F-You'' to him. The two of them went at each other for a minute until Cabbie hung up on him.
Joey Boots called in and said that this is the funniest Bobo has ever been. He went on to tell Bobo that he usually brings nothing to the show but boring questions and if he planned that voice mail, he's a genius.
Bobo went on to ask Howard his question again about Beth's mother accepting him. Howard answered him and said that when they first started dating Beth called her mother and told her she met someone really great. When her mother asked who it was and Beth said ''Howard Stern'' her mother hung up and didn't talk to her daughter for 2 days after that. It's every mother's worst nightmare. It took her a little while to get to know him and she realized that he wasn't such a bad idea.
Gary wondered what the payoff is for Bobo to call in every day. Bobo said it's just something he loves to do. Everyone he knows already knows who he is. Howard asked Bobo what his name means. Bobo just said that it's an Italian name and didn't seem to know exactly what it meant.
Howard went on to talk about Beth's father who was even more mortified about his daughter dating him. He didn't meet the guy for about 2 years. The guy was a fan but that made it worse because he had read his books and knew what he liked as far as anal sex and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up the call with Bobo and took a commercial break.
Howard went on to talk about how lame Jay Leno is these days. He brought up how the guy doesn't want to offend anyone so he doesn't have any views of his own. He played an audio clip of Jay speaking at a Presidential campaign and he really was lame. Howard asked him not to be such a suck ass all his life. He also wished David Letterman luck in his battle with Leno in the late night ratings war.
Artie told Howard a story about a gig he did one time where he was told he could do a dirty act but he had his microphone cut off because he was doing his act outside at a resort.
Howard read an article that someone wrote about him and how out of control the government is when it comes to free speech. Howard read the NY Times article that was written by Adam Cohen. The guy points out how ridiculous the FCC fines are for one broadcast that Howard did where he interviewed the creator of Sphincterine. He pointed out how the FCC has targeted Howard over the years and how it's not clear how much longer Howard will last on the air. The guy has also pointed out that once the fight against Howard is done, the FCC will go after others. Howard didn't read the whole article because there was so much information in it. Howard thought it was great that this appeared in the NY Times because it's a popular newspaper that will get some notice.
Howard went off on the people that run Clear Channel after that. He said he's going to find out everything he can about this guy Lowry Mays who runs the company. He's not getting paid for the contracts they had with him so he has to take them to court over that.
Bruce from Sphincterine (MintyAss.com) called in and told Howard that he did about 80 other interviews around the country and the other interviews were much more graphic than the interview Howard did with him. Howard asked him to send him copies of the interviews so he can post transcripts so his audience can file complaints. He figures it can only be good for Bruce because he'll get more notice.
Howard quickly mentioned that Tom Chiusano told him that Captain Janks was wrong about the Oprah Winfrey show being ruled on by the FCC. They talked about that last week and Howard was going to read the transcripts from Oprah's show but Tom says that it hasn't been ruled on yet.
Howard told Bruce to send him everything he's got with the other interviews he's done because he needs to take everyone down with him when he's taken down. Tom came in and told Howard that in the complaints filed about the Sphincterine interview, they claim that it's a fictitious product but it's actually a real product. Bruce also said that he wanted to do an advertisement on his station but Tom told him that Howard can't do a live commercial because of the content. Howard thought that was ridiculous and wondered when farting became so offensive. Howard told Bruce to send a case of Sphincterine to FCC chairman Powell so he can try it out himself. He went on to tell Powell to just let the fines roll already and get him off the air. He wonders why he's still there. He wants them to make him a martyr already.
Howard was pointing out how Powell only got that job because his father Colin Powell helped him get it. He wondered why they don't get rid of alcohol and cigarettes because that stuff can hurt kids more than speech can. The FCC is out of control and that's what Adam Cohen pointed out in his NY Times article. Howard wrapped up with Bruce a minute later and let him get in a plug for his web site MintyAss.com.
Scott said that his wife is still smoking but she only smokes outside. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then talked about their upcoming trip to Las Vegas. Scott heads out there on Thursday of this week. The rest of the crew go out on Sunday. Howard talked about Artie's bathing suit and how they'll be sitting pool side while they're there. Howard can't wait to go out and sit in the 100 degree heat next to the pool.
Howard complained about the music they play at the pool there at the Hard Rock Hotel. They play it until all hours of the night when people are trying to sleep.
Howard pointed out how they canceled their show on Monday so they could fly out to Vegas on Sunday instead of Monday after the radio show. They're off on Monday now and don't tape until Tuesday. He talked about the fact that they have a camera there at the Hard Rock Hotel so people can see people sitting at the pool. He said he might have to hide in his cabana so no one can see him there.
Artie told the story about hanging out in a steam room with Dennis Rodman while he was out in Vegas one time. Rodman was naked in there but Artie was fully clothed because he's so embarrassed to be in anything but jeans and a shirt.
Howard mentioned a few of the things they're doing out there in Vegas. They have the Hollyweird Squares, Freaky Feud, BANGO, Artie's Baseball Challenge and a bunch of other stuff going on out there. Howard spent a couple of minutes on that and then took a call from Henry Hill.
Henry Hill called in to ask if he could come out and hang with them in Vegas. Howard asked him about what he thought about this week's episode of ''The Sopranos.'' Henry told Howard that they don't kill off mobsters just because they're gay. He mentioned that someone he knows is gay but Howard had to hit the delay on him because he was saying some negative things about one of these mob guys.
Henry asked if he could come and hang out with them in Vegas. Howard told Henry he could come out there but he doesn't want to hang out with him because he still scares him. Henry told Howard that he's shrinking and getting older but Howard pointed out that he used to club people to death when he was younger. Howard said he likes the guy but then remembers what he did when he was younger. Henry told Howard that was 25 years ago though. He left New York 25 years ago today.
Howard asked Henry if he regrets killing anyone of the guys he killed. Henry said he regrets every one. He said he wasn't a violent guy but Howard pointed out he used to beat guys with a baseball bat... That's pretty violent. He asked Henry which one of the guys he killed was the toughest. Henry keeps saying that he didn't kill anyone but then he says that he regrets all of that stuff.
Henry has a new book coming out this summer and it's a sequel to ''Goodfellas.'' Howard hasn't read it but the guys in the office have a copy they're reading. Howard took a call from this guy Paulie who calls in each time Henry is on the show. He went off on Henry again and said he wants to meet up with Henry somewhere and take him down. Howard let the two of them go at each other for a couple of minutes. Henry told Paulie he's not hard to find, he's got a web site (GoodFellaHenry.com) and it lists where he's making appearances.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Henry about the women he's been with over the years. At one point he was with another woman and his wife at the same time. They also talked about his drinking. Henry said it's been a while since he had a drink. It's been about a month and a half or so since his last drink. Artie told Henry that he'll hang out with him in Vegas if he comes out there next week.
Henry told the guys that the college basketball games are the only ones that are fixed. He used to fix them so he knows. He claims that they were the ones being shaken down though. He said they knew what they were doing and they needed the money. Howard wrapped up the call shortly after that because they had Anna Nicole Smith coming in.
Howard mentioned that their E! show director Scott DePace is at the hospital because his wife is giving birth to his new son. He heard that Scott is having her induced so he can still go out to Vegas with the rest of the guys. He doesn't want to get that call while they're out in Vegas so he's taking care of it now instead. Howard took a break after mentioning that.
KC asked if they were going to weigh Anna Nicole when she came in. Howard wasn't sure they'd do that or not. He said that she really needs to get rid of her manager because she could have a career now that she's lost a ton of weight. Howard seemed pretty annoyed that they brought a camera crew with them even after they were told not to. He said they're the only ones who have problems like that.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time while they waited for news about whether or not Anna Nicole would be coming up or not. One guy called in and told Howard he created a Baba Booey Slot machine game that he can give them to put on HowardStern.com.
Gary called in from down at the street where Anna Nicole was getting ready to leave. Gary handed his phone to Howard K. Stern who said he was never told they couldn't have a camera crew up there. He didn't know they couldn't get video from the green room. Howard asked Howard K. How long he's going to get away with undermining Anna's career. Howard K. doesn't think he's doing that and it's Anna's idea to do all of this stuff. Howard K. Said he didn't know he was on the radio after he cursed while talking to Howard. He thought Howard was going to take phone calls while they waited so he thought that's what they were doing.
Howard K. Told Howard that they just wanted to use the green room footage for Anna's show. Howard told them they don't need to create all of this drama around her appearance. Howard K. Told Howard that Anna no longer wanted to come up after all of this stuff. Anna got on the phone a few seconds later and asked him why he was being such a weenie head. She said that she didn't know that they couldn't bring a camera crew up there. Howard told Anna to come up with the crew so he could talk to her. She wondered if he was going to be apologetic to her or not. He told her he was going to be ''Howard.'' She then went off on him for calling her a big, fat, porker pig the last time she was on. He thinks that he helped her lose weight after that because he was calling her heavy even though she insisted she wasn't. That was the same day Cabbie came in with a free sample of Trim Spa and got her started on the stuff that helped her lose weight.
Anna Nicole had hung up on him by this point so Howard talked about what a liar she is and how Howard K. Stern knew that they weren't allowed to bring a camera crew up there. Howard says they never told her that he was going to apologize to her for anything. She was the one who wanted to come up there. Howard was going to do a nice interview with her but she blew it. Gary came in and told Howard that Anna was crying after she got off the phone. He said she's very disturbed and she's got a bunch of camera crews on her down there. Howard told Gary to never let her on the show again. Howard seems to think it was all a plan to come up there, bad mouth him and then leave. They never planned to do the show. He doesn't want anything to do with Anna Nicole Smith again.
Howard did apologize when he said that he was sorry that Anna can't handle the truth when he told her how fat she was the last time she was on the show. Gary and Howard both went off on Howard K. Stern and Anna. Gary said that Anna is a very irrational person. Howard said he doesn't even want to discuss that woman because she's such a mess. Gary told Howard that when he told Howard K. That they have a rule against bringing a camera crew up there, he said he didn't believe him. Howard said he doesn't have to believe him, those are the rules.
Bobby Trendy from the Anna Nicole show called in and told Howard that Anna Nicole and Howard K. really should be happy that they were going to be allowed up there. He figures that they were just there to break some rules. He said that when he was on the show he didn't give them a problem and just appreciated the fact that they let him on the show. Bobby also said he would have thanked Howard for telling him about being fat if that was him. Howard let Bobby go after that.
Issac from E! came in and told Howard how crazy it was down there on the street. He said that she drove off in her Hummer but while she was there she swore that she really loves Benjy. Howard figures that was all an act as well. Issac thought that wasn't the last they were going to hear from her but Howard said it is because he's done with her. He claims that he predicted that they would never make it up there.
Howard mentioned Sal the Stockbroker who is trying out for Stuttering John's job this week. While he was talking about him KC came in and told Howard that Sal is uncircumcised. Howard didn't seem to care about that but he let KC mention some other stuff about Sal. He said that Sal had a brother he didn't know about that had died.
Howard read some of the e-mail they got about Sal's first day yesterday. He said that a lot of people wrote in and complained that he wasn't funny. There was some positive mail about him as well. Some people thought he was very inventive. Howard played Sal's latest Baba Booey song after that.
A listener called in and told Howard about something he saw Anna Nicole doing not too long ago and what a bitch she was about it. KC told Howard that Anna Nicole still has a fat chick's head even though she's lost a lot of weight. Gary said it was kind of tough to tell when he saw her because she was wearing big glasses. The guys goofed on her for a couple more minutes after that. KC said that she's got one of those big ''retard heads'' like retards have. Howard played a few KC song parodies to goof on him as well.
Howard finally got some of Lou Reed's songs so he played them. The guys talked about Lou for a couple of minutes after that. Howard played a couple of the songs and talked about Reed for a little while. Fred kept playing clips of the many song parodies they have about KC being gay while that was going on. They have so many of them now that they can play them throughout the whole time he's in the studio without running out.
Howard said he heard that Clear Channel is now promoting their concerts as a ''CC Entertainment concert'' so that people don't know that they're Clear Channel anymore. Howard is trying to put together a bunch of venues to work with him so they can go up against Clear Channel and promote some shows that aren't any part of Clear Channel. Howard took another break after playing a few more seconds of some Lou Reed songs.
Sal the Stockbroker is in trouble with Tom Chiusano. He's trying out for Stuttering John's job all week and today he posted pictures of Tom Chiusano all over the station. He hung one on the door of the room where Tom hits the button on the show that said ''Stay out, show being ruined'' with a picture of Tom on it. Howard said Sal knows he probably won't get the job so he doesn't care about hanging those things up. Tom came in a minute later and talked about how disrespectful Sal is and how he doesn't want to deal with someone like that. Howard told Tom that the sign was funny and he thought it was good. Sal said he originally wanted to put up a sign that said ''Douche bag at work.'' He changed his mind though and didn't use that one. Sal liked the sign he made up where he had Tom whacking the dump button with one of his golf clubs. Tom didn't like any of those things and he let Sal know that.
A woman called in and said that she is used as a double for Anna Nicole Smith when she doesn't show up for certain things. She said that she has heard stories about Anna Nicole and how difficult she is to work with. The woman claims that she looks so much like Anna that she gets mistaken for heart parties she's sent to.
Howard took a call from Zolar who wanted to talk to Tom while he was in the studio. He told Howard about the call he made to Tom Chiusano yesterday and how Tom doesn't care if he likes him or not.
Howard moved on to Sal's game that he had prepared. He had quotes from people on the show who had something to say about Gary and what annoys them most. Sal read the quotes and Gary had to guess who said them. There were quotes about how he laughs and about how he monopolizes conversations in the studio with Howard during breaks. Howard liked the way the game was going and he thought that the game he played yesterday was kind of funny as well. He gave Sal a 7 or 8 on a scale of 10.
Sal got back to the game and gave Gary another quote. This one was about what an asshole Gary is. That one was from Scott the Engineer. The earlier quotes were from KC and Robin. That led to Howard talking about how Scott has no right to call Gary selfish. Scott came in a minute later and said that Sal told him what to say in that clip so it was a set up. Sal was also saying that Scott was making phone calls booking his son's band when he went in to work on this bit of his.
Sal said that he didn't set up the quotes that everyone said. He said he had to have Scott re-record the clip because his MP3 player malfunctioned and he lost the recordings he had. Scott eventually said that Sal said they had to find something negative to say about Gary and that's what he wanted to say. Sal got back to his game and read the next quote. It was about how Gary manages to hijack every conversation that they have. It turned out to be Fred who made that complaint. Fred talked about how bad Gary is about that stuff. He explained how Gary will come up to them when having a conversation after the show and he'll change subjects on them, drop his own subject and walk away.
Sal read the next quote which was about Gary's throat clearing. Gary knew it was Howard who said it so they played the clip. Howard talked about how annoying the throat clearing is every morning. Gary said he starts thinking about it when he gets close to work every morning.
Artie thought this game was great and they should do it for everyone on the staff. Sal went on to play the next one which was Ronnie the Limo Driver complaining about him not saying ''good morning.'' They quickly went to the next one which was Artie talking about how Gary repeats the same stories a lot. Artie said that Sal did coach him a little bit on that clip.
The last one was Benjy talking about how Gary is very dismissive of thoughts that aren't his own. The game worked out well for Sal and Howard says he will have to do more of this with the rest of the guys on the show.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that Sal is doing a good job this week so far. He also said that Scott the Engineer really does hate Gary and he's heard him say some stuff about him in his studio before. He said Scott has complained about Gary not really doing his job the way he's supposed to. Howard changed subjects and asked Chaunce where the tape was that he promised him where Jenny McCarthy is supposedly talking about how she lies to Howard to get him to not talk to her about certain things. Chaunce said he hasn't found the tape yet but he will and he'll prove that she really said that to him.
Sal wants to do his celebrity interview with Howard's girlfriend Beth. He said he wants her to come in live on Thursday and do the interview there. Howard told him she may be willing to do a phone interview but he's not sure she'd be able to come in live. He wrapped up the segment a minute later and went to break.
During the news a woman called in and told Howard that she's heard him talking about how he wants to do another movie. She is in the process of writing one for him and she thinks it'll be a hit. Howard told her some of his demand which included $5 million up front and sex scenes with a bunch of different women and he wants penetration during those scenes. The woman said Howard would be playing twins so he took that idea and started coming up with a bunch of ideas for the movie. He was goofing on the woman who didn't seem to realize that. He's not going to do a movie from a woman who has never written anything in the past. He told her to send her treatment to him via Bellvue.
Howard started off the morning talking about Anna Nicole Smith who was supposed to be on the show yesterday. He said that was surprising to him to begin with because she said on Larry King's show that she'd never do the show again. He explained how everything went down and how her manager booked her on the show. Howard said that she's a moron and you never know what she's talking about but it would have been a good interview to kill a half hour on the show. He and Gary talked about how weird it was that she was booked to do the show after she said she'd never do it again.
Howard K. Stern called Gary and asked if they could bring a camera crew up to the studio with them. Gary told the guy that they don't allow anyone to bring cameras up there anymore. Gary apparently told Howard K. To call Howard's agent to ask him about the camera thing. It turns out that Howard's agent told him he can't bring a camera crew up there but he just kept asking why. They ended up showing up with the camera crew anyway. Howard says he's kind of pissed off at Trim Spa who paid for the camera crew. Plus, Anna Nicole was going around with a camera crew from ''Extra'' and it was like they knew what was going on and that they'd never make it up to the studio.
Howard believes that he was used for this whole thing. Howard said they knew that they couldn't have a camera crew up there so they knew that they wouldn't get up there. He talked about how he's caught up in this whole circus now even though he wants nothing to do with it. Now they want to try and come back and leave again but he doesn't want any part of that. He doesn't need them there, he'll do fine without them.
Howard put the word out that he doesn't care about Anna Nicole and he doesn't want to be used by her anymore. He went on to play the report that they ran on ''Extra'' last night. He heard that it's Anna Nicole's ''thing'' to walk out on everything she does. The news report makes it sound like Anna made it up to the studio but she never got there. Anna Nicole tells the Extra crew that Howard kicked her out because they wouldn't let her camera crew film them while Howard's camera's filmed them. It was a really dopey argument.
Cabbie came in and told Howard that he heard that the whole thing was a set up. He has a friend at Trim Spa who told him that Anna Nicole told them she was going to milk it for everything it was worth. He also said that the people at Trim Spa are a weird crowd. He also said that they're cult like in their ways. Howard tried to tell Cabbie not to disparage them because they're good people and they're a sponsor of his.
Howard told Cabbie that he's not the focus of the show this week, Sal the Stockbroker is. He's the one trying out for Stuttering John's job. Cabbie said he thinks Sal is kicking ass this week too. Howard went on to talk about how Sal is supposed to interview his girlfriend Beth. Sal has been trying to get some questions for her so he has the guys on the staff writing questions that he'll ask her and she'll have to guess who wrote them.
Gary wondered where Anna Nicole grew up because she speaks kind of funny and he doesn't know where that's from. Howard played a clip of her talking about how Howard's people can ''camera her'' but her cameras ''can't camera him.'' He talked about how desperate this attempt is to get her some publicity. The guys goofed on her about the camera comments for a short time. Howard said they never asked her to bring a camera crew up there and they knew that. Howard thought it was good radio yesterday but he just doesn't care about Anna Nicole Smith. She's pathetic and needs help according to Howard. He talked about what a mess she is in his opinion. He has seen worse mothers.
A listener called in and said that Anna Nicole sounds loaded every time he hears her speak. Howard said he doesn't think that's the case, he thinks she's just dumb. Another caller told Howard to just stop talking about that dopey broad already. He said he'd never heard the word camera used as a verb. They also reminded people about how she called the scale in the studio a ''weigh machine'' the last time she was on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up American Idol. That led to Howard talking about what a train wreck Paula Abdul is now. He talked about the bad make up she had on and how she's got that big thing on her hand. At one point she was talking into a microphone and you couldn't hear her. He said that's the best part of the show, seeing what a mess Paula is. He was thinking about the days when John Stamos was banging Paula when she was hot. Now she's such a mess you think they're letting her out of a mental institution every week to do the show.
Howard thinks that the person who deserves to win the American Idol show is Fantasia. Robin told him that none of them deserve to win though. He and Robin talked about the Hawaiian on the show and how they're always busy with the ''aloha'' stuff every minute. Gary came in and brought up Paula breaking down and crying during a song. He said she seems to be emotionally unstable because stuff like that happens.
Howard said he had sex while ''American Idol'' was on. He watched the first chick and then did his girlfriend. He talked about how bad the wardrobe is on that show for a short time as well. He pointed out the big gut that was hanging out on one of the chicks. He then talked about how he and Beth played a game where they weren't allowed to touch each other but they could have sex. They had to put the dog away because she likes to put her head up on the bed and watch. He doesn't like that so he puts her away. Artie said he has a problem like that with Dana's dog. Her dog hops up on the bed while they're having sex. Howard cut off that story and went to commercial break.
Howard was looking at various pictures of Paris Hilton and it looks like she has gotten breast implants. He liked her when she had natural breasts because she looked kind of hot all natural. Now she looks like everyone else and it's not hot. He liked the way she looked in her sex video and in the latest pictures she looks like she has implants. Howard said she doesn't need to fix her looks, that's not her problem. Artie said she needs a little more ass on her. Howard thinks it's just fine though.
Howard was thinking about what he needs to bring to Las Vegas when he goes. He was going to bring cash but Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard to get a card from the Hard Rock. They set you up with a credit card and you can play with that and either cash in or pay off your debt when you leave. Tom had a card like that the last time they were there and it worked out well. He is thinking about getting one of those cards that Tom had. He has to think about it though. Tom and Robin were talking over each other for some reason so Howard had to tell them that they were doing it. Tom left shortly after that so they weren't talking over each other anymore.
Artie told Howard how crazy it can get out there in Vegas if you use a credit card to gamble. He's done it before and it's nuts. He prefers to bring cash and move on to the credit card after losing the cash.
Howard took a call from a woman Debbie who claims to be a witch. She was willing to cast a spell on the guy which would bring him the same things that he has done to other people. Howard figures that the guy would get fired and not get paid for contracts he has signed with people. Then the woman told Howard that she could also make his penis stop working. Howard liked that. He also asked her to cast spells to cause him to have multiple strokes.
Debbie the Witch told Howard that she has cast spells on people to kill them with cancer and that has worked. She also claims that the spells she casts can not be reversed and brought upon the people who asked her to cast them. She says that Howard will know within 30 days if the spells worked. Howard wants to try out this spell thing with her just on Lowry Mays for now. If that works, and he dies from painful cancer, he'll try it out on other people.
Howard asked Debbie to go ahead and cast the spell or whatever it is that she does. Robin asked her if she does this for other celebrities. She said this is the first celebrity she has helped. She usually just helps the locals in her town.
Howard said he just wants this guy Lowry Mays to pay him off. If that doesn't happen then he wants her to cast the spell to off him with cancer. Debbie went on to cast the spell. She had a couple of lines she said and that was that. Howard asked her what she was wearing after that. She told him that she wasn't wearing any bra or panties because witches are free. She also revealed that she doesn't shave anything on her body.
Debbie told Howard that she is also a psychic and she sees good things for him in the future. She told him he will see results within 30 days regarding Lowry Mays. Howard got off the line with her and went to commercial break. You can reach Debbie by calling (260) 352-2302
Howard read this thing in the NY Times yesterday by this guy Adam Cohen. In the article he said that he wasn't a fan of Howard's but he supports Howard's right to do what he does. He was pleased when he read it but then he realized that he always takes a beating during anything that's written about him when it comes to that stuff. He said it's kind of like the ACLU defending the Klan.
Howard said they got a call from Mayor Giuliani's office recently and they told them that Giuliani had some nice things to say about Howard plus he asked where all of Howard's political supporters are. Howard then brought up how Clear Channel is now going to ask that they not be fined for their Elliott in the Morning show because they've already fired Howard Stern and Bubba the Love Sponge. Howard said they have to be fined and they should stop with the begging.
Howard talked about how many other ''evil'' things there are on TV and elsewhere that the government doesn't bother doing anything about. He got back to the Adam Cohen thing and said that he doesn't know why he was kissing the guy's ass because everyone should be for free speech in this country.
Howard said that a fan of his wrote a letter to Senator Arlen Spector who has been on the show in the past asking him about what he's going to do for Howard. The writer got a form letter back from Spector basically saying that they're always willing to look into the indecency problems. Howard wonders where all of his supporters are. He helped out Governor Patacki, Christie Todd Whitman and others and none of them are there backing him up in this indecency thing. Giuliani is the only one out there who seems to be doing that and Howard didn't have to ask him to do it.
Howard went back in his archives and found the interview he did with Stossel years ago. They start off the interview talking about how people may find it to be offensive. Hugh Downs was the guy introducing the bit and Howard ended up going off on him when he was talking about him being offensive. Howard then played more of the interview where Stossel talks about all of the people who are after him. Stossel talks about how scary Howard's show is and then tells Barbara Walters that he does support Howard in the free speech part of his show. Howard said this is why the FCC has targeted him.
Oprah Winfrey will never get fined for her show in which she and a guest talked about some sexual stuff that he has talked about on his own show. He said that some of the letters that his fans sent in to the FCC about that have been posted at TheSmokingGun.com. He also said that the Oprah show got almost as many complaints as the Janet Jackson boob incident did. Howard read a few of the examples that were posted on TheSmokingGun.com and they were kind of funny. There was letter after letter on the site and there were some very funny ones. One woman wrote in that her kid's head actually exploded after hearing the Oprah show and asked the FCC to ban free speech so they can save all other children from stuff like that.
Howard said that the FCC will have to rule on fining Oprah because of the volume of complaints they got about Oprah's show but they haven't done anything at this point. They had no problem ruling on fines against him real quick but with Oprah, it's taking a little longer. Howard says he's embarrassed that he has to ask for his fans help in this stuff but he has no choice. Howard could read those great letters the whole day if he could.
Howard put the word out to John Stossel that he won't be doing the interview with him. He said he didn't forget the last interview plus he doesn't really need him to do a free speech report on that show. He suggested that Stossel interview Michael Powell instead.
Vinnie Favale called in and read a letter that someone wrote to the NY Times after reading that Adam Cohen article. The writer realized that it was a knock against Howard before even Howard realized it. Vinnie read the letter to Howard and they spent a couple of minutes talking about it. Howard is so used to getting bashed before he gets praise that he doesn't even notice it anymore. Howard wrapped up with Vinnie a short time later and took another break.
Howard talked about Courtney Love and how out of control she seems to be. She was in the news but she also left a few messages for him yesterday. She was calling to talk about how crazy Anna Nicole was yesterday.
Howard had an article about all of the letters that people have sent to the FCC about Oprah's show and how it's the second most complained about show after the Janet Jackson half-time breast shot. Oprah's people claim not to know anything about the FCC investigation.
A local NBC helicopter went down yesterday so Howard spent some time talking about that. They have had problems in the past with helicopter crashes. They spent a short time talking about that.
Red Peters is a guy who has done a bunch of funny songs that Howard has played on the air. Howard had him on the phone so he could talk to him about his song ''I Can't Say These Things.'' It has been censored so much by Tom Chiusano that it's not worth playing on the air anymore. He played a little bit of it so Red could hear what Tom did to it. Tom thinks that it's just as funny as it was before bleeping it even more. Howard told Red that they have the song up on HowardStern.com and they also link to Red's web site RedPeters.com.
Red told Howard that he just re-released his two CDs recently after getting involved with some bad business deals. He has the new song out that's available at CoolCDs.com. Red talked about his other CDs like ''I Laughed, I Cried, I Fudged My Undies'' and ''Old Blue Balls is Back.''
As Red was getting off the phone Howard played some of Red's classic ''How's Your Whole Family'' that they played years ago. Howard said Red could have had a legitimate singing career but he chose to do the goofy stuff. He let the whole song play through and that may have been a first for that.
Howard read some mail he's gotten about John Stossel and how he should avoid doing the interview with him. He then said he saw that Imus and his wife were on ''The View'' the other day talking about his cancer ranch.
Scott DePace called in and told Howard they didn't have the baby induced so he could go to Vegas for fun, he did it out of loyalty to the show. When they went to the hospital she was already dilated 4 centimeters so she was in labor already. He said he's going to Vegas on Saturday which is a day before Howard and the guys head out there. Fred goofed on Scott doing an impression of him the whole time he was on the line.
Howard got back to e-mail and read through some more of that. Some people were annoyed by Elliott Offen's appearance on the E! show the other night. Howard said a lot of people are annoyed with Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) trying out for Stuttering John's job this week. Howard said they have Sal's signs up on HowardStern.com so you can see them. He had hung up a sign on the door where Tom hits the delay button and Tom got really pissed. The E! guys apparently got it all on camera so he's hoping they show it on his E! show.
Howard read an article about the head of the Oxygen network who is coming out against the FCC indecency stuff saying that it's just plain censorship. He read a little bit about that and then got ready for his next guest.
Howard was trying to get dressed before Carmen Kass came in. He had a shirt that he brought in and he has a mirror in the studio now so he can see how he looks. He had a phone caller on the line as he was doing that. The caller brought up Paula Abdul and a Spanish radio station that ripped off his Miss Butterface contest. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then a female caller said that he convinced her to get a colonoscopy. Howard would like to talk more about that but he knows that it would get the dump button hit so he avoids it.
Howard saw Imus on The View and it was very disturbing. He had tape of that mess so he played it for Robin. Imus can barely talk anymore. He couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing on the show. He was chewing on gum and his clothes were hanging off of him according to Robin. They were actually watching video of the show in the studio. Howard thinks his own father looks like he's in better shape than Imus. He wondered what happened to the guy. Robin said they need to call CSI and find out what killed the guy. Howard took a break after that so they could get to their next guest.
Gary came in and told Howard that this model isn't as hot as he thought she was going to be. He and Howard talked about that for a short time. Gary said that she's very skinny but he's not finding her that attractive.
Howard had the guys bring Carmen in so he could see for himself. When Howard saw her, he said that she was his type. She was really skinny and very tall according to Howard and Robin. She's 5'10 1/2'' tall. Howard guessed she was like 110 pounds but she said it's a little more than that at 120. Howard wanted to weigh her to prove she's not that much. Robin was willing to bet him. She was a good sport and went over to the scale to weigh in. She was 124 pounds with a leather jacket on. When she took the jacket off she was 119 pounds. Robin was arguing that it was 120 because it was fluctuating between 119 and 120.
Robin noticed that Carmen had a smoker's voice so she told her she has to stop with that. Howard asked Carmen about this guy she's dating who is only about 5'4'' tall. Howard heard that Carmen is the number 2 model in the world next to Giselle Bundchen so he asked her what it costs to hire her to do something like a photo shoot. She said she could make up to $100,000 a day. Artie wondered if she does any vacuuming for that kind of money.
Howard and Robin talked about how great her bone structure was and how she had great skin on top of that. She makes a great model apparently. Howard asked her if she's done any nude shots. She did one for an art shoot one time. She didn't say where the pictures appeared though. She told Howard that she's been in the business for about 11 years now so she's been doing it since she was about 14. She said she was discovered in a supermarket and was asked if she wanted to model.
Howard wondered if she gets hit on a lot on the streets. She said she does get hit on quite a bit. She said she isn't into drugs and doesn't even smoke weed. She was into the club scene for a while but it sounds like she's gotten out of that. Carmen is going to be running for office in the European Parliament so Howard asked her a few questions about that. She didn't know who was running Austria and she had no idea. Howard said she might need to know stuff like that but she believes that it's better to know faces so when you meet people, you remember them.
Howard asked her a few more questions about Europe but she really didn't know much. She admitted she knows nothing. She said she'll be trying to prevent drug use when she gets into the European Parliament. She also wants to raise the education level for people in Europe. Howard asked her if she knows the colors of the German flag. She had no idea and didn't even know the colors of her own flag. Howard and Artie both said they'd vote for her even though she knows nothing.
Howard gave Carmen a plug for ''Point and Shoot'' (PointAndShootTheFilm.com) which is showing at the Tribeca Film Festival. It's a documentary so Howard asked her what she was wearing in it and what she does in it. She has a small part in the movie and it's just a quick discussion. She really didn't know all that much about the movie so Howard moved on.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and gave Howard a few facts about Carmen. He said that she is apparently the richest Estonian in the world. He didn't know what she was worth but that's what he's heard. He also said that her boyfriend is 5'5'' tall. Carmen said she has invested a lot in real estate back in her home country of Estonia. She also invested in a restaurant with her boyfriend. Chaunce had a few other facts about her. He said that Carmen's sister was charged with trafficking drugs to Europe. Carmen said that's kind of what got her more involved with the whole drug thing.
Chaunce said that he heard that Carmen shared a house with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey McGuire for a while and they all apparently hooked up with one another. She claims that never happened though.
Howard took a phone call where a caller asked a question that got the dump button hit. Another caller asked Carmen if she would ever sleep with a Howard Stern. She said she would have to be pretty desperate to do that. She said it's not just his height or looks, it's everything basically. She can look at someone and decide if she likes him or not. She told Howard that she actually met him once at Scores. Howard didn't remember it though. She told him that he looks better now than he did back then. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Carmen and then wrapped up the interview. He gave her a couple of plugs for the movie she's appearing in and then went to break.
Howard talked about the stories Imus tells about the kids on his ranch and how they sound almost abusive to him. They make kids work hard on the ranch so he doesn't understand why kids would enjoy something like that. He went off on Imus for a couple of minutes about the whole cancer ranch thing and the way they treat the kids there. He then moved on to Sal the Stockbroker.
Sal the Stockbroker is trying out for Stuttering John's Job this week and today he brought in his wack pack members. Howard was going to get to that but Gary came in and read an article about Rudy Giuliani where he defends Howard and what he does. Howard really appreciates that since no one else is defending him. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that and about John Kerry. Kerry won't do an interview with Howard but Howard doesn't care. He still wants him to win the election and he won't bash the guy no matter what.
Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) came in wearing a ''I Love Tom'' t-shirt. Howard saw that Sal put together some songs about Gary and Tom. Howard quickly played those and mentioned some of the other things that Sal has been doing this week. He's been busy creating games and songs for them.
Sal brought in his father and his uncle as his Wack Pack Members. His father looked like Ronnie the Limo Driver according to Howard. His uncle Paulie was also there so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them. His uncle is Sicilian and has a bit of an accent. Sal pointed out that Paul is missing 3 of his fingers because he blew them off with a cherry bomb when he was a kid. It turns out that Uncle Paulie isn't really his uncle, he's just a friend of his father's. He did some funny stuff for the guys there in the studio that sounded funny, we just couldn't see him.
Howard talked to Sal's father who was wearing a lot of gold chains and stuff. His father talked about how bad Sal was as a kid while Uncle Paulie was doing some kind of dance for the guys. Howard told him that he was even better than Beetlejuice.
Howard took some phone calls from some people who asked Uncle Paulie some questions. One guy asked him if he had a special license for fixing cars. Howard wondered if he had any contacts in the mob or anything like that. Howard had Paulie and Artie talking to each other in Italian for a short time. Howard said he felt like he was in a Felini movie while that was going on.
Howard told Paulie they're going to have him back because he was great. He also liked Sal's father Tony Lotto. Howard took another call from a guy who thought Sal was batting 1000 with the stuff he was doing this week. His Wack Pack members were very interesting. Howard had to wrap up after a few minutes with those guys.
During the news Ralph called in to ask Howard why they had to tape the shows from 2pm to 6pm. He was hoping they'd tape in the morning or something so they could sit by the pool all afternoon. Howard and Artie told Ralph he doesn't have to be on the show, he can go sit pool side if he wants to whenever he wants. That led to them discussing what they're going to do when they get to Vegas. Howard and Artie want to go sit by the pool on Sunday and then Monday they'll have more time to do that. Artie is going to be drinking a lot out there so Ralph suggested that they weigh Artie before and after Vegas to see how much weight he gains out there.
Howard had Artie get on the scale so they could weigh him in. He was at 226 pounds today. They will probably weigh him in the week after they get back from Vegas. Artie told Howard that he won't be able to fly back with them on the private jet the weekend after the Las Vegas shows. He has a gig in St. Louis, Missouri that he can't get out of so he'll be flying there on Friday instead. Howard told him to try and get out of it but Artie said it's great money and he doesn't want to back out of it.
Howard started off the show saying they're one day closer to going to Las Vegas today. The guys are flying out on Sunday. Howard told the guys he's bringing some cash out to Vegas but not as much as Artie is. Artie told him that he's bringing about $14,000 with him out there. Howard hates losing so he's not going to bring that much.
Artie said that the got a residual check in the mail yesterday for the movie ''Old School'' for $10,000. He said he was thinking of cashing that and bringing it with him to Vegas. Howard asked him why he doesn't think of putting that money in a money market fund or something. Artie seems to think he can win in Vegas with money like that. They've had some luck going to some casinos over the past year or so and they both think they may win again out in Las Vegas.
Artie said ''Old School'' did well and the money was good but he can't wait for the ''Elf'' money to start rolling in. He said he hopes that some of that money comes in before their next trip to the Mohegan Sun casino. Howard and Artie talked about investing the money as well and Artie says he does invest in some stuff and has a nice portfolio.
Howard took a call from a guy who liked the way Jenny McCarthy looked on the E! show last night. The caller sounded like he was stoned or something. He lives in Las Vegas so Howard told him to introduce himself when he's out there so he can see what goes along with the voice. Artie has met the guy and he said he wasn't that big of a mess. Howard talked about how the crowds out there stand around watching them play craps and other games and it's kind of uncomfortable for them all.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he watched American Idol last night. Howard watched it so they spent a minute talking about George Huff and his wet underarm pits. Bobo tried to talk more about the show but Howard wanted to bail out on his phone call... So that's what he did.
A listener called in and asked Howard who is going to be watching his dog while he's away. Howard's friend Laura is going to take care of her. He said she always helps her out with the dog. She has a couple of dogs herself and they all play together. Howard was calling Laura ''Princess Laura'' and stuff like that. He said she hates to be called his assistant so she has another title that he can't even remember. That led to Howard talking about David Letterman's assistant Diamond who is usually the one who makes phone calls for Dave. He said he's picked up the phone to talk to Dave and Diamond is there instead. If it's something personal he'd like the guy to make the call himself.
Artie told Howard he once did a movie with Brooke Shields and her assistant ended up calling him to ask him to go to dinner with Brooke. He said he ended up going but he didn't talk to her very much. They have the same agent so that's what brought them together but he hardly talked to her at all.
A caller brought up a show that Bill O'Reilly did last night where he compared Howard to Oprah Winfrey. Howard said he might play tape of that later in the show. The caller and Howard also talked about what's going on with our prisoners of war being humiliated by soldiers. Howard said there have to be higher-ups in the service who know about what went on there. The caller had a bunch of stuff he told Howard about and one of them was about a woman talk show host who says that she would drop her pants for Artie because she likes him so much. Howard told the guy that a lot of those women never act on those feelings though. He said if she really met Artie, she'd probably be in the corner vomiting.
Another caller brought up Jenny McCarthy so the guys talked about how hot she was on the E! show again. Howard then moved on and said that Sal's Uncle Paulie will be coming in again today. Howard's girlfriend Beth will be in as well. Sal will be asking Beth questions he got from the audience when she comes in. He knows that it's a recipe for disaster because she gets embarrassed easily. He said it really is ridiculous. Artie said that Sal doesn't know when he steps over the line either and that won't help things. Robin told Howard that he can put a stop to it if things do go too far.
Artie told Howard that his girlfriend told him that she's not going to wear a bathing suit out in Vegas because over the winter she put on 4 pounds. She actually took Trim Spa to lose that weight so Artie said he loves when a woman thinks that way. Howard has to get a new bathing suit because he had been wearing the same one for the past 4 years. He doesn't have time to go shopping himself so he asked Ralph to get hi a few a couple of months ago and he still hasn't seen them. He spent a minute on that and then took a commercial break.
Captain Janks called in and goofed on the assistant calling Howard thing. He did his female voice and told Howard to hold while he put Janks on the phone. Janks went on to tell Howard he read that the Indecency bill has stalled. Howard ended up talking about that and all of the stories he has posted on his web site HowardStern.com. He doesn't like to read them all on air so that's why he has them on his web site. He did read one from the Chicago Tribune where they talk about how Howard's ratings have been boosted since the FCC started going after him again over the past couple of months. They also talk about the Indecency Bill and how ridiculous the fines would be if it passed. They also point out that George W. Bush handed over a bunch of federal land to a mining company for $5 an acre where other properties are selling for $1 million an acre.
Janks and Howard talked about how they really have to get Bush out of office. Howard read an article about how the movie company Miramax has a movie ready to go but Disney won't release it for them because it's got some anti-Bush stuff in it. Michael Moore produced the movie called ''Fahrenheit 911'' which explores some of the ties to the Saudi Arabian government that Bush has and Disney is afraid to release it. Howard said the film is important and it shows how scary this Bush is. He said that Bush has Michael Powell (FCC) in his back pocket and that's why he thinks we have to get him out of office.
Howard pointed out that he hadn't been fined in over 10 years but as soon as he came out and started supporting John Kerry, he was canned by Clear Channel and the FCC started fining him again. He said this is the reason Disney won't release that Michael Moore movie. They're afraid of the government. Howard talked about Clear Channel and how they're trying to keep their radio guy Elliott in the Morning even though he has been fined by the FCC. They have a ''Zero Tollerance'' policy but they only used it on a couple of their employees, not all of them.
Now the people are pissed and the government is hearing about it all and that's why this Indecency bill has stalled. Howard read some notes about the ratings in some of the markets he was taken off in and Clear Channel lost a lot of listeners. He seems to think their profits will drop now that he's been taken off of their stations. He told people to tell others about his web site where he has articles about Bush and Clear Channel and a bunch of other stuff.
Robin brought up a story about a guy who ran out on the field at Shea Stadium last night and he was carrying a ''Howard Stern for President'' sign. Howard had no idea that happened. He looked in the paper and saw that the guy could face up to a year in jail because of what he did. They actually created a new law after Calvin Klein walked on to the court at a basketball game. Now they have to arrest people who disrupt games like that. Howard read that the sign didn't say Howard for President. Howard read a couple of other things and then took another break.
Howard decided to do something else after that. He had a couple of choices for Robin. Artie got a call from Melrose Larry Green who left a farewell message on his machine. Artie said he gave him his number a while back and the guy really doesn't call that much. Melrose tells Artie that he has given up with the Howard Stern show and he's moving on. He said it was great meeting him and Jim Florentine but now he's going to move on and forget about the Howard Stern Show. He claims to have been Howard's biggest supporter (even though he went on competing shows). As he was wrapping up the call Melrose said that he doesn't want to be treated like a ''low life nig*er'' and then says good bye to Artie. Artie said he actually got permission from Melrose to air that call. Howard said he's sure that's not the last they'll hear from Melrose.
A listener called in and said that Don Imus and his wife were on Larry King's show promoting her book again. Howard talked about how disturbing Imus looks these days and how old he's looking. The guy looks like he's 90 but he's only 64. He said the guy can barely move. Howard also pointed out how he always talks about how great he is for running this cancer ranch. He talked about the same stuff he talked about during yesterday's show. He also said he thinks he could get Imus' wife if Imus died. He said she'd be in his bed the next day if he wanted her.
Howard had Ralph on the phone so he complained about the bathing suit thing with him. Ralph told Howard he got him a bathing suit but he's going to have to sew in a lining for him. Howard likes to have a mesh lining to protect his penis because it gets irritated too easily. Ralph said that the board shorts he likes don't have that lining in them. Howard also talked about how Ralph made out with the girlfriend of one of his friends one time. Ralph said it wasn't like she was really his girlfriend though so it wasn't that big of a deal.
Gary came in and said that their next guest was there and he had a laundry list of guys she claims to have slept with over the years. He went on to read a list of about 30 guys she claims to have been with. Gary said he had a list of about 23 guys that weren't really that famous that were on the list. Gary said that she claims to have done a lot of the guys but not all of them.
Howard moved on to his guest Tracy Richman. She claims to have been with a lot of Hollywood Celebrities. When she came in Uncle Paulie was saying a lot of stuff to her in Italian. Artie was laughing as he heard that going on. Howard asked Paulie to calm down a little bit and asked Tracy some questions. She told Howard she has a book written and she's looking for a publisher. She's telling all about the guys she's been with in her life. She said that she doesn't mind revealing all because it's her life. If any of those guys are upset about what she writes, oh well.
Tracy told Howard she has been in some movies like ''Up in Smoke'' and ''Grand Theft Auto.'' She's not married but she does have a baby. Howard asked her who gave her that. She told Howard that it was a guy who followed her out of a coffee shop. She said he was really good looking and funny. He didn't get her immediately, it took about 7 months before she slept with him. Now she claims that he owes her a lot of money in child support.
Howard went on to ask her about the guys she has dated. She said that she didn't ''do'' all of the guys on her list. Howard saw that she dated Rob Lowe so he asked her about that. Tracy went on to tell Howard about the 1980's and how much fun people were having back then. She said she did have a few threesomes as well. Howard saw that she was with Charlie Sheen and Jack Nicolson. They spent a minute on that and then Howard brought Uncle Paulie back into the conversation. Uncle Paulie seems to think she's a bit of a whore. Tracy said she's just having fun and she loves men. Uncle Paulie thought she as beautiful though.
Howard read that Tracy dated Bill Maher but Uncle Paulie asked ''Who is that?'' Tracy went on to tell Howard that she dated Bill back in 1988. She claims that he was a very passionate man and she gave him a 10 on a scale of 10. She also gave Nicolson a 10. She told Howard that Bill was ''too big'' for her. That seemed to have upset Howard and he said he was out of there after finding that out. Uncle Paulie and Artie were going back and forth with some Italian and it was upsetting Tracy.
Howard asked her to show them how big one of the guys was in his pants. She showed them a size that was huge because it made everyone nuts. Uncle Paulie and Artie were having some fun goofing around with Italian in the background.
Howard read that Tracy was with Richard Lewis but she told him that they used to have phone sex. She also claims that his house is like a shrine to himself. He's got pictures of himself hanging up all over his house. She said she never had full on intercourse with him. They used to talk about what they would do but they didn't really do it. Lewis liked the whole fantasy thing.
Howard read some other people that she's been with like Carlos Leone. Uncle Paulie was interrupting them making comments in Italian and making fun of her a little bit. Howard went on to take some phone calls and gave Tracy a plug for her web site HelpYouDate.com. A listener called in and complained about Tracy bad mouthing Uncle Paulie. She said she liked the guy, she just couldn't understand what he was saying.
Howard read that Tracy had made out with OJ Simpson when she was 14 years old. She told Howard that was a very scary thing. She was doing a modeling shoot back then and she and her friend saw a hot black guy but didn't know who it was. She decided that she wanted the guy so she followed him and introduced herself. She found out who he was and ended up taking a ride home with him. She told him she was 18 even though she was only 14. They went back to his place and he told her she shouldn't be wearing a piece of jewelry she had on. It was a coke spoon and he said it was bad for his image. Then he took her into his bedroom and ended up making out with her. She ran out of the room after she told him she was gay. She didn't want to lose her virginity to him at 14.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and told Howard to get rid of the whore and move on to the Fred game. Howard spent a few more minutes with Tracy after that. He asked her about some of the other names that were on her list. She had Eddie Murphy's name on there but she said she didn't sleep with him, she walked out on him as well. She thought he was very boring and when she hung out with him he had no personality. She said it was like the personality of a dead dog.
Frank Stallone was on the list and Tracy told Howard that he had to do everything in front of a mirror. She didn't think he was all that smart. He was ''okay'' in bed and he wasn't all that big according to Tracy. Howard read that she went out with Bruce Willis but she didn't let him go very far. She told Howard about Don Johnson and how she didn't go home with him. He was married to Melanie Griffith at the time and she had a date that night.
Howard said she has so many names on her list that he can't even do a complete interview with her. He told her that she needs to come back in the future so he can talk to her about the other guys on the list. Before letting her go Howard asked her for one name on the list that she thought was the most memorable. She said it was Bill Maher. The delay button was hit a few times before Howard wrapped up the interview. Uncle Paulie told Howard it was too much interview and wanted him to wrap up. He jokingly told her to ''Get outta here!'' and to leave him alone. Artie was laughing hysterically as he was saying this to her. Howard let her get in a few more plugs for her web site HelpYouDate.com and let Uncle Paulie tell her to get out of there a few more times. He let her know that he really didn't like her. Uncle Paulie said goodbye to her and sang her out to an Italian song that Fred had playing. Howard wrapped it up after that and went to break.
A woman called in and told Howard that Artie is playing a Clear Channel venue next week in St. Louis. Artie said that its' a big deal to him and he doesn't like the fact that he's playing there but now he can't get out of it. He said that he just found out last week that Clear Channel may have partial ownership in the venue and his agent wasn't aware of that. He has asked his agent not to book him at any Clear Channel venues but they weren't aware that this place was one.
Sal the Stockbroker created a new game for the guys to play. The other day he had a game where Gary had to guess who said stuff about what was annoying about him. Today he had a bunch of questions to ask Howard's girlfriend Beth. This is his celebrity interview which is one of his assignments for the show this week.
Beth said that she met Sal and he was a very nice guy. Sal told her that he thinks that she should answer all of the questions, even if she is uncomfortable with them. Sal said he got 2000 e-mails from fans for Beth. Howard's dog was in the studio with Beth so when Howard said something about how cute his dog was, Sal asked ''You mean the one on the bench?'' referring to Beth. He was just joking around though.
Sal told Beth where the questions came from and how most of them are from the fans and some of them are from staff members but she won't know where they're from until after she answers them. Sal then sang Beth a song he created for her. After the song he moved on to the questions. Here's the first one:
A couple of audience member questions were:
Sal had an F***, Marry, Kill question for her. The 3 people were KC, Gary and Artie. Beth said she would kill Artie, F*** KC and marry Gary. She apologized to Artie for having to kill him. A bunch of phone callers told Howard how good Sal was doing this week with his games and stuff. He was doing a better job than Stuttering John ever did according to some people.
Sal asked Beth another fan question which was ''If you had to share one girl in bed with Howard, who would it be?'' Beth said she'd pick Angelina Jolie just because she's so beautiful. She's not into women though. Sal then asked her ''Are there any sexual partners you have not told Howard about?'' She said ''yes'' but wouldn't tell Howard who it was. It turns out that was Howard's staff question.
Sal asked Beth ''If you were forced to pick one of Howard's friends, which one do you trust the least?'' Beth said it would be Dominic Barbara. She said she'd never confide in him because she knows he can't keep his mouth shut. She said she loves Dominic thought. Sal asked her the next staff question which was ''Have your women friends ever engaged in negative conversation about Howard's show?'' She didn't remember ever talking about him before she met him. She does remember being disgusted when her brother got Howard's book as a gift years ago. She and Sal also talked about when she and Howard first met and how they fell in love that night.
Howard took a couple of phone calls. Double A called in and said he can't wait for the August issue of FHM which she's appearing in. She said the issue is all bikinis. Sal had a few more questions so Howard had him get to them. The next staff question was ''After Howard, who would you say is your second best lover?'' She didn't want to give names but it was an actor she dated. Howard knew who it was but they didn't want to say his name on the air. It turned out that was another one of Howard's staff questions.
Sal had 2 more audience questions. The first one was ''What's the worst thing your dad ever said after you started dating Howard?'' Beth said he never said anything bad before she dated him. After she started dating him he said he couldn't get the image out of his head of Howard giving her anal. Now they're good friends and her father is coming out to visit them this summer.
Cabbie called in and asked Beth about Howard's penis size. All she would say was that it was perfect. Sal asked Beth if Howard has ever made her cry. She said she doesn't think he's made her cry over anything negative. She said he has made her cry over nice things like the other night when he told her how much he loved her while in the heat of passion.
Ralph called in and said that this was riveting and Sal was doing a great job this week. He told Sal to keep up the questioning because it was great. Sal got back to his question because he wanted to know if Howard has cried over Beth. She has seen him cry but not over her for any reason. She said he has had some sad things happen in his life and that's when he has cried. Howard wondered if it was when Buffy was canceled. Beth said Howard actually turned her down last night when she came on to him while he was watching ''Smallville.'' They spent a minute on that and then let Sal ask another question. Sal said this was the number 1 question out of the 2000 questions he got from the fans. He asked ''Hypothetically speaking, if you got pregnant, would you get rid of it to save the relationship?'' Beth said she would not get rid of it because she's against abortion for herself. She wasn't sure if it would ruing their relationship. She said she knows Howard doesn't want to have kids but she hopes that it wouldn't ruin their relationship. Beth said they're fine so far and not having kids hasn't had an effect on their relationship so far.
Howard told Sal he did a good job with the interview and hit another home run with his bit. Beth didn't think it was a real ''celebrity'' interview because she's not really a celebrity. Sal said he thinks that she is a celebrity to him though. Beth had fun doing it. Sal got in a plug for a comedy show he's doing at the Borgata casino down in Atlantic City on Memorial Day weekend. Check HorseToothJackass.com for more info. Howard went to break after that.
Belzer said he has been down in Washington DC lobbying against some stuff. He works with the Creative Coalition and Benjy's sister is the head of that organization. Belzer knows her so he told Benjy she does great work. Belzer brought up this indecency bill and how even people who are against it are going to vote for it for some reason. Belzer and Howard talked about some of the stuff that's going on with Howard's show and how messed up it is.
Howard told Belzer about the article that appeared in the NY Times and how, at first, he thought it was great. Then he went home and thought about it and realized how the guy had to beat him down first before saying nice things about his show. He said the whole thing has to do with free speech, not with his show. He said he didn't want to spend a lot of time on that subject today though so he cut himself short and got back to Belzer.
Belzer told Howard he's going to be doing this Blacklist Ball this weekend and he's got a couple of dates at Carolines in the coming weeks. He'll be there on May 13th and June 3rd.
Howard and Belzer talked about this congresswoman Heather Wilson who has come out against his show because she thinks it's bad for children. Howard pointed out that she's the same person who voted for a law that cut the waiting period for purchasing guns down to 3 days. Howard didn't spend a lot of time on that because he wanted to get to Robin's news. Robin started her news and Belzer sat in to comment on the stuff she brought up.
As the show started Howard heard the song ''Right Between the Eyes'' and thought he should do that for his Karaoke performance in Vegas. He said he already picked a Led Zeppelin song though. He and Robin talked about the lyrics to the song for a minute and Howard told Artie to get the album that has that song on it.
Howard and Artie were in a good mood today because they know they're going to Las Vegas this weekend. Howard heard that it's like 100 degrees out there in Vegas. He's glad because when he's sitting next to the pool he doesn't want to be freezing his ass off. Robin asked him how his new bathing suit was. He told her that he had a very gay day yesterday packing for Vegas. He likes these board shorts that fit him just right. Ralph went out and got him some short that were the right size but they don't have netting in them to protect his penis from chafing. He tried on a bunch of shorts that Ralph got him and a bunch of the short with the lining didn't fit him. Then he found some that fit perfect but didn't have netting. Ralph claims that he's going to sew in some netting but he's not sure it'll be done before they go.
Mike Gange from E! came in and said that he has a problem with the netting when he gets shorts. He has just the opposite problem that Howard does. Howard went on to talk about a very gay thing that happened yesterday. He shaves himself down and ends up looking like a plucked chicken. He wanted to know how to shave himself down below. Ralph demonstrated on his arm how he shaves. Howard said it wasn't that gay, he didn't shave down his bush for him or anything... although Howard has seen Ralph's bush in the past. He went on to talk about how he was shaving his arm like Ralph showed him but he was doing it wrong. Ralph grabbed his arm and helped him out. They both knew it was gay looking and worried that Beth might walk in. It turns out she had walked by the room and heard the sound of razors and gigling so she kept walking. She told him he may be gay and it was like the last episode of The Sopranos where they had a gay thing going on.
Mike Gange told Howard he found a bathing suit that might work for him. Howard seemed to like the look of the bathing suit but they might be too short. He told him to leave them because he would try them on.
Artie hasn't even seen his bathing suit yet. Dana bought it for him so he hasn't checked it out yet. Artie doesn't care though. He's going to go in the pool no matter what.
Shuli was on the phone so Howard asked him what the temperature was. Shuli said it's in the 90's out there and you can even go swimming at night. Shuli was also at the Spearmint Rhino (a strip club) and the girls are looking forward to seeing the guys out there. Artie has a gig out there at the Spearmint Rhino on Wednesday night so they'll be there with the strippers. Shuli told Howard he had a drinking game he created for the guys but no one seemed interested in it. Artie said he doesn't get drinking games and would rather just drink when he wants to. Howard and Gary said drinking games are for when you have a chick that you want to get drunk.
Shuli had some questions for Howard but he didn't seem interested in answering them. He said he was more into Vegas and that's all he wanted to think about. Shuli and Howard talked about playing craps out there in Vegas. Gary was in as well. He told Howard about some of the stuff they have planned for Vegas and some of the guests they have. He said they booked the host of ''The Swan'' and they'll be playing ''BANGO'' every day on the show there. They have a bunch of other games they'll be playing while they're there. Howard will be performing Stairway to Heaven for his karaoke song. He ended up giving a preview of what he'd sound like when that happens when he sang along to the song. He was already bored with the song and said he wouldn't be covering the whole song during karaoke. He said he just wants to do the part where they sing ''Does anyone remember...'' and he'd throw in names like Jackie, Stuttering John, Billy West and others. Artie was helping out with that and threw in some other names of people who don't do the show anymore. Artie will be performing his classic AC/DC performance because the audience seems to love him. Robin said it would be funny if he covered a Dido song or something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Beth interview yesterday. Howard said he got a lot of positive mail about that segment yesterday. He said he'd read through some of that mail later on. He went on to talk about how he saw a guy hitting on her while she was waiting for him out on the street yesterday. Beth told him that the guy was hitting on her the whole time she was out there. Artie talked about seeing her yesterday after the show when they both got their hair cuts at the same place. He said you walk in a room and immediately notice that she's stunning.
Artie said he called his agent yesterday and told him he really doesn't want anything to do with Clear Channel and ended up canceling his St. Louis show. Artie said the people handling the show understood and said they'd refund everyone and would find him another venue. Artie said he promises everyone out there that he will come back and do another venue when he can find one. The place he was going to play was a 1200 seat club and it looked like he was going to sell out. He apologizes to everyone but says he will be back to St. Louis, perhaps to the Funny Bone out there. Howard thinks he canceled because he wanted to stay in Vegas another day. Artie swears that didn't have anything to do with it, it was all because it was a Clear Channel venue.
Howard said his radio station is trying to find a venue for their yearly Family Values concert but everything is owned by Clear Channel. Artie said he's willing to play the basement of firehouses if that will help him avoid playing a Clear Channel venue. Howard and Artie were talking about Chris Rock and how pissed off he is at the Clear Channel people because they sold his tickets to ticket brokers and they allegedly sold tickets for 3 times the face value of the tickets. Artie said that Rev. Bob Levy and KC were supposed to go out to St. Louis with him but when he told them what he was doing, they were right with him even though they're out a few bucks for plane tickets.
Howard quickly went over some of the things that are going on out in Vegas next week. He said that it's going to be like a ''Stern Convention'' because everyone from the show will be out there. He took a break after talking about that for a couple of minutes.
Howard talked about how bad looking everyone on the show has gotten. Howard said the whole thing just pointed out how bad the show had gotten and how it was time for it to end. The ratings for the show were good but they didn't come close to matching the final episode of MASH. Robin said she saw tape of a woman crying her eyes out after watching the last episode of Friends. Howard figured they'll see a report that some people killed themselves over the end of Friends. Gary said Artie came in and heard everyone talking about Friends and wondered if anyone watched the Yankee game. He wondered if they were all fags or something.
Howard said that Courtney Cox should have waited until after the show was over before getting pregnant. She looked awful on the show. Gary said she looked like ''Fat Monica'' without the makeup on. Artie also pointed out that Courtney got pregnant to have David Arquette's kid. They said it's like having a clown's kid.
Artie wondered what will happen to the careers of everyone on Friends. Howard basically thinks that they'll all fail. He thinks Matt LeBlanc's show will fail within a few weeks. He thinks Matthew Perry, who seems like a nice guy, will fade away as well. Then there's Lisa Kudrow. Howard would just say ''retirement'' and it's over for her. Courtney Cox will have like one movie or she'll join her husband in giant spider movies. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, who has a really gay looking movie coming out. He said that Jennifer is starting to hit the wall and she's got a butterface. She'll get a new movie with someone like David Duchovney and it'll be horrible.
Howard took a couple of calls after that. One guy said that he's a professional card dealer and wondered if Howard needed one on the plane. He said he would bring all of the cards and stuff like that. Howard doesn't think he needs someone to deal because they may not even end up playing cards on their private jet. He doesn't think that they'll have enough people into the game to bother playing. Howard said that it'll be him, Artie, Ralph, Fred and Ross on the private jet. Artie seems to think they'll have enough guys into the game. Benjy is also going to be on the plane so that will be horrible as well.
Artie asked Howard what he'd give Friends on a sale of 1 to 10. Howard gave it a 3. Both Howard and Artie gave the cast props for sticking it out for the full 10 years. None of them dropped out after the 4th year like some celebrities do.
Howard took a call from a guy who mentioned one of the stations that dropped his show. Howard ended up talking about how his show has taken off since the government started fining him and Clear Channel took him off the air. They've been getting bigger ratings in a lot of markets and stations like WCCC in Hartford have embraced the show and ended up getting better ratings on their station all day long because of it. He still thinks that things are going to get worse. He's glad they made it to Las Vegas though. The indecency bill is still pending in the Senate but he thinks it will eventually pass.
Howard brought up an article he read about what goes on over in the Arab countries and how they treat women over there. The women are sex slaves and they force them to hide their sexuality. Howard said that the reason his show is getting fined is over sex and he thinks that Bush and his administration are just like the Taliban and they are trying to hide sex from everyone for some reason. There's nothing wrong with sex. He spent a couple of minutes on that and said that his fans really are helping John Kerry's fun for President. He also talked about Howard Dean and how he helped kick start the Democrats.
Howard said he offered to have John Kerry on his ABC special two days before the election this year and he turned it down. He said that everyone is so afraid of what might happen that they won't even agree to be interviewed by him on a major network. He also brought up how Sinclair entertainment didn't let Ted Kopple's show air when he read the names of the dead in the Iraq war because they're big Bush supporters and they don't want people to know how many people are dying over there. Howard spent a few minutes going nuts over all of that and then said that was it for the political discussions for the day.
Tonight on E! they have The Wheel of Yucko. Howard also quickly mentioned that he's working on more big stuff for his web site in the coming months. He still seems to think they'll be off the air soon though. He's not over that hurdle at this point. He took another commercial break after that.
Another guy told Howard that the Spearmint Rhino is like the best strip club he's ever been to. Howard and Artie were thinking of just going right there instead of going to the Hard Rock when they fly out there on Sunday. That led to the guys talking about the trip again and how they're going to just hang out at the pool and then do the show. Howard is going to sit at the pool in the morning and then go right in and do the show while still wearing his bathing suit.
Howard had some guys, Mark and Jim, in from a company called Dream Tank. They've been helping Howard out with his web site. He said they're good at what they do. They said they can't believe the amount of traffic they get at the site. One of the guys said that they're getting 24 million hits a week at this point. Howard is talking about getting a bulletin board up on the site and cameras and other stuff. The tracking is showing that they have people coming from all over the world to check out the web site. The guys from Dream Tank are doing a great job according to Howard. He thanked them for what they're doing.
The guys told Howard that they are getting some hits from the CIA. Gary wondered if they are on a ''weird enemies'' list for the President or something. He said he probably is. He's just out to get those guys a new commander in chief though.
Howard had tape of Don Imus talking to Larry King the other night. In the clip he had Imus was bragging about having surpassed 500 kids visiting his cancer ranch. Howard seems to believe that Imus has enough property and money to have kids there all year round and he should be well over 500 kids. He played a bunch of clips of Imus talking about his cancer ranch and goofed on the guy about just about everything he said.
Larry tried to find out why Imus' wife was on his show the day she met him. She seemed to be embarrassed to tell the real reason she was on the show that day. She was on so Imus could find someone to date. Howard wanted to put his foot down her throat when he heard her talking. The two of them were going at each other's throats. Howard thought she was really annoying in the way she was responding to Imus.
Howard read that Deirdre Imus' only credits for acting are a movie and Imus in the Morning where she's credited as a cast member ''Imus' wife.''
A girl who claimed that she was at Imus' cancer ranch told Howard that they thought that it would be therapeutic for the kids to watch Imus and his wife swimming in their pool. The little girl told a bunch of other phony stories that were actually pretty funny. She said that some kids would die and the other kids would have to bury them. It was obviously a scripted bit but it was pretty funny hearing a little girl telling stories about cancer kids being treated like crap. She talked about Imus rubbing her tumor for good luck and how Imus believes that the only way to cure cancer is through hard labor. She said that when the kids hair falls out from Chemotherapy, Imus collects it and sells it to coat factories. Howard spent a couple of minutes with her and then thanked her for calling in.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Imus is a complete mess and the woman he's with looks like a cheap hooker when she's with him. He said you know she's not in love with the guy. He told Howard he has to play some clips from The View where they're talking about how Deirdre is taking credit for helping Imus get revved up to do his show every morning. Howard played some more clips from the Larry King interview where Deirdre is talking about how they never go out anywhere. The guys were talking about Imus' ridiculous cowboy hat and how he looks like Yosemite Sam in the hat. That's why he doesn't want to go out anywhere.
Howard wanted to hear more and more of the interview. There was a clip of Larry asking Imus about Howard's current situation. Imus defended what Howard does and how he may not agree with it but he does think that it's a witch hunt. His dopey wife muttered something about how his show should be on a porn channel. Imus said that she doesn't actually believe that Howard is indecent and he'd have a talk with her later.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard about how he picked up Imus' daughter hitchhiking one time and she was bad mouthing her father for like an hour with him. Howard doesn't think Imus should be around any kids.
Howard took a call from a guy who started to sing the ''Las Vegas'' song that they play on the show once in a while. Howard and the rest of the guys sang along and went through a few seconds of the song. The caller said that he'll be in Vegas on Tuesday. Howard said he thinks that they should be able to fit about 800 people in the room they're going to be taping in. The caller wanted to be put on a list to get in that room but Howard doesn't think that he's even got a list to put him on.
Another caller told Howard that he saved Don Imus' life back in 1986 when he found Imus in a phone booth passed out with vomit all over him. Howard and the guys thought that was pretty funny. Howard spent a couple more minutes with that and then said he had to take another break. He was thinking of calling in on Monday and Tuesday to give updates on what they're up to out in Vegas before they tape their first show on Tuesday afternoon. Artie knows that he'll be up at 3 in the morning anyway so he'll call in and give everyone a report live from the casino floor. They talked about doing that for a short time and then went to break.
Gary said Sal sings that stuff while looking at him which was kind of creepy to him. Howard said he had to take another break before playing Sal's ''Fred Game'' where everyone talks about what annoys them about Fred. Sal did the same thing for Gary earlier in the week and Gary had to guess who said what about him. Fred will do the same.
Sal's next statement went something like ''The most annoying thing about Fred is that he's so perfect, there's nothing to complain about.'' It turned out to be Scott the Stockbroker. Everyone thought it was Artie. Sal then read the next one that went something like ''The annoying thing is when Fred busts your chops on the air you get the feeling that he genuinely hates your guts.'' That one was actually Artie's. Artie talked about some of the beatings that he took on the show a couple of years ago and also about how he treated Julie Bowen when she was on the show. He also thought he was brutal with Carol Alt. The guys talked about that for a couple of minutes.
Sal read the next one which had stuff like ''Fred tends to take you through his thought processes and that can be kind of wordy at times. He also wears shirts that show off his belly at times. Plus, the fact that he knows so much stuff it makes him feel stupid.'' Howard said the belly shirt thing is right because he does see his belly when he yawns and stuff. That one turned out to be KC's complaint about him.
Sal read a longer one that was kind of a long rant. The person complained about a bunch of stuff Fred does and the way you think he wants to kill you when you talk about him. He complained about his chin hair and the way he chews on his pen. Then the person finally gets to the thing that annoys him most. The last line is ''The thing that annoys me the most is the way fred rambles on and over explains things.'' While Howard was playing that clip Fred was playing a snoring sound effect. Fred said that it was 100 percent true and he wouldn't hold it against him.
Fred said the one that bothered him the most was Robin's. Sal then went on to read the next one which was someone who said that the thing they hate about Fred is the fact that there's nothing to hate about him. Fred played the next one and it turned out to be Ronnie the Limo Driver. Everyone thought that it was Benjy because it was someone not being honest and ruining the bit.
Sal read the next one in which someone complained about Fred's constant grunting during the show. It turned out to be Benjy. Fred thought it was going to be Gary for some reason. Howard said that's so true because he hears him making noise the whole time. Benjy also complained that Fred gets upset too easy when people mention that stuff to him. Howard thought that was a genius comment coming from Benjy. They all thought he was going to ruin the bit.
Sal read the next one where someone complained about Fred's rambling explanations. It turned out that was Gary's complaint about him. Howard took some phone calls after that and a woman told Howard that Sal should get the job after the song he performed earlier. Sean the White Rapper called in and said he was going to bad mouth Sal but he couldn't after what he's done this week so far. A few other people called in and said the same thing. Sal told the guys he's really going to miss them. He's had a great time working with them. He was getting choked up and was crying as he was telling them how great it was to work there. Artie seemed to think he was putting it on but Sal was just letting his feelings out. Artie told him ''Hey, good week you fag!''
Zolar and Double A called in and gave Sal some good feedback. Double A said that Sal did more this week than Stuttering John did in the 15 years he was working there. Artie continued to goof on Sal for crying. Howard said they're going to have to call him Sally from now on because of the crying. He had to take another break after that.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker who was on the line ready to play his Gossip Game. Mike told Howard that Vegas for him means that he can sleep in next Friday because he won't have to get up to play the game. Howard had him get right into the game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Joey Boots called in and told Howard that he'll be out in Vegas with a new bathing suit showing off his stretch marks and all. He said he hasn't gone swimming in 5 years because he's gained so much weight and he's ashamed to show the stretch marks. Artie told him not to steal his stretch mark thunder. Joey asked Robin if she's got stretch marks on her. She said she does have a few in a couple of spots. They'll all be showing them off in Vegas next week. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
During the news Howard and the guys ended up talking about all of the stuff they're going to do when they go out to Vegas. They're going to be going to the pool to hang out and check out some strippers on Sunday if they get there on time. Artie said he saw the list of food that would be on their private jet and it looked great to him. That led to Howard having Anne Marie come in and read off the list of stuff they'll have on the fight. Each of the guys has made their own choices for the kind of food they want. Artie had a ton of italian food picked out while Howard has some healthier foods on his menu. Howard's buddy Ross called in and got in on the fun for a few minutes. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said he wished he could go but he's got to stick around to work with David Letterman next week. Howard seems to think that Vinnie doesn't have all that much to do with Letterman's show and he could leave for a week if he wanted to. Vinnie thinks they need him because it's sweeps month and he has to be there for them. After talking about all of that Howard had Robin get back to her news.