Howard started off wondering if Artie bet the over on the big game yesterday. Gary told Howard that Artie was going to call in a little later (from California) to talk about it. Howard talked about how Artie probably bet the wrong way and lost or backed out.
Howard said he had a horrible experience during the game. He said that he made some mistakes like having sex during the game which made him tired. He said he had sex with a woman, not like everybody says. He said that's the only time you're allowed to leave the game. He said that Beth asked to watch the game naked and Howard knew if they did that he'd have to have sex.
Howard told the guys that he took out his George Foreman Indoor Grill and it worked great. He said it's like sixty bucks and Robin has to get one. He said he made some turkey burgers and mixed in some dijon mustard with onions and peppers. He told Robin that they're done in 6 to 8 minutes and grease-less. Howard said George Foreman lucked out with that thing. They discussed Foreman's Meineke muffler commercials and how everything with his name on it has done crazy.
Howard said that he got a bottle of wine from Dr. Sal Calabro and the wine was great. Robin said they all get a case of the stuff every year. Howard continued to talk about how meal and how he had a microwaved potato just the way he likes it. A listener called in during that discussion and said that George Foreman got like $100 million in a buy out of the grill company.
The guys talked about the big game a little bit and how it was on a little late. Howard got back to his experience and how he couldn't keep his eyes open during the game. He recorded it on TiVo though. He recorded the regular game on that channel and switched over to the Lingerie Bowl during half time. He said when he tuned in they were in their half time and there was a lot of standing around. He said that Amy Weber from ''Son of the Beach'' was announcing the show and it was the cheesiest thing he ever saw. The lingerie sucked according to Howard. He said it was weird and the girls didn't look that good. He said Angie (Everhart) didn't look good in her outfit. He also said that she was way into the game and was yelling about how she was going to win the game. He said that Nikki Ziering didn't seem to be playing much just like Angie was saying last week. Howard said that the whole thing was a total rip. Howard said that there were more breasts in the real half-time show than on the Lingerie Bowl when Janet Jackson showed her breast.
Howard said there was a streaker at the game but they didn't show it on TV. Howard said he got a picture of the guy though. It was supposed to be the most secure game ever but someone still managed to make it onto the field to streak. Howard said he owes Artie two hundred bucks for the Lingerie Bowl since he picked Angie's team to win.
Howard said that he tuned back into the half time show during the big game and backed up his TiVo to the beginning of the half time show. He said that Jessica Simpson was horrible screaming at the start of the thing. He went on to talk about Janet Jackson and how big her ass is. Howard said he saw it up close at the Billboard Awards one year. He said that she's built like a squash and they had her ass covered up with a towel during the game. He said that the whole half-time thing but it seemed like it was a has-been show. He talked about how they were all made to do their old songs. The only person who was relevant was Justin Timberlake according to Gary and Howard. Howard said he missed the boob shot of Janet Jackson. Robin said she saw it but didn't believe that it was her breast. Howard said CBS is now saying that they didn't know that she was going to do that and they're apologizing for it. Howard said the FCC should fine them for that since they're fining radio shows for ridiculous stuff.
Howard said in the third quarter he fell asleep and figured that his TiVo was going to catch the rest of the game for him. He woke up at 4 in the morning to watch the game and his TiVo didn't catch it. Gary and Robin both planned ahead and set up their TiVo's to record a couple of extra hours. Robin said she stayed up to watch everything and even watched Survivor after the game. She didn't go to bed until after midnight.
Robin told Howard that the game was great and she's going to give him a tape of it so he can watch. Gary explained to Howard what happened at the end of the game and how it all happened. He said he ended up yelling at his TiVo and Beth was apologizing to him for it for some reason. Howard said he was glad that he didn't bet any money on the game though.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in to talk about the game. They ended up talking about the bets that Artie was going to place while he was out in Las Vegas. Ralph told Howard about Janet's breast shot and how sloppy it looked when she did it. He also said that she claimed it was an accident but she had a tassel on it so it wasn't an accident. Ralph told Howard that Sam Simon should call in when Artie calls in because he had a whole weird rap on what was going to happen during the game.
Double A called in and asked Howard how he could say that he had a horrible Super Bowl experience when he had sex with Beth during it. Howard said he was talking about the game, not about his night. Howard took some other phone calls after that and one guy thought Janet Jackson seemed surprised when her breast was exposed. Howard said he still couldn't believe there was more boob in the game than there was on the Lingerie Bowl. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Artie told Howard he started gambling as soon as he got off the plane in Vegas. He won about two grand at the craps tables. Then he went to the Bowie concert. He was also eating and drinking the whole time he was there. He said that he was treated great at the Hard Rock. He said they had about 10 bottles of Jack Daniels waiting for him in the room. He didn't get the bowling alley room like he thought. He said some high roller had the room. Artie said that he went to sleep at like 9am on Saturday morning after gambling. Artie said all he bet in the craps game was the pass line. Howard thought he was nuts not putting money on any numbers. Artie said he's up two grand for the whole weekend.
Comedian Shuli called in and said he was at the Craps table with Artie. He said Artie was yelling out ''Give me a hard eight'' even though he didn't have money on that. Shuli said that he was winning money off a guy who rolled for about a half hour.
Artie had to do a comedy show that night so he got up around noon on Saturday after sleeping for about 3 hours. He said he's worn the same outfit the whole weekend. He said he ate, gambled and drank during the time he had between noon and when he had to do the comedy show. He just got back into the same clothes he had with him. Artie said he has an audition later today and he has to take a flight at about 7 this morning. He's still in the same clothes he was wearing on Friday. Artie said that he has to audition for Mike Judge for a movie he really wants to get but he hasn't even looked at a page yet. He said he might embarrass himself doing it. Robin wondered what he did on the flight out to Vegas. Artie said that he had a few drinks on the flight out there and didn't read the script.
Artie told Howard that he took a steam with Dennis Rodman and saw his penis. He said it wasn't all that impressive. Artie told Howard that he went down to ''sweat the booze out'' in this spa and Dennis Rodman walked in buck naked. He said he just sat right down in the steam thing completely naked. He said there was so much steam in the room that they could barely see each other. Artie said that Dennis didn't recognize him. He said that he couldn't help but look over at his package. He said that Dennis has a bigger penis than he does but it wasn't all that big. He said it was maybe 3 or 4 inches flaccid. He said he expected a lot more for some reason. Howard told him he should have pulled out a ruler. Artie said Dennis was exercising in the steam room but he was nude. Artie was wearing jeans. He said he just didn't feel like wearing a robe. He said he was wearing jeans and a shirt. Howard couldn't believe that and said that it must have looked odd to Rodman. Artie said all he wanted to do was sweat. He said he walked back out through the casino in his sweaty clothes after that.
Howard had Artie tell him about his Super Bowl Bets. Artie told him he won $500 on the coin toss and $4000 on the over. Artie said that he didn't be the field goal bet he was talking about last week. He said he did bet the over on the Patriots total amount of points which was 22 1/2 points. He said he won $1000 on that bet. He said those were all of the large bets he placed. He said he moved his party up to his suite at half time. They had chicken wings, steaks, roast beef sandwiches and a bunch of other stuff. Rev. Bob Levy and Dan the Song Parody man were there as well. Artie said that Kelly Osbourne was also brought up to his room. He said that she was so annoyed when she got there. Artie said that it was him, his buddies from Jersey, Levy and Dan the Song Parody Man. Not the usual people that Kelly hangs out with. He said she stuck around for about 3 minutes. Artie said she was out for a party and that's where they brought her. He said she had a look on her face like ''You guys are gross!''
Dan the Song Parody Man called in and said he lost Artie earlier in the morning. He said that the amount of alcohol that those two guys drink is amazing. He said that Artie only turned down one shot of tequila from a fan over the weekend. Another caller told Howard what a mess Artie was at the casino. The guy said that Artie spilled a drink at the blackjack table. Artie said it was just one beer that he spilled on the table. The caller said he wasn't even there, he just guessed that he did that. Howard said that Artie is going to crash today at some point and it'll probably be during the audition with Mike Judge.
Artie said he went to strip club hopping and didn't find the whore that he had one time out there. He said that he's looking for her like OJ is looking for the real killer. Ralph called in again and said that he loves Artie but he wonders if he thinks that his behavior reflects badly on Howard. Artie asked Ralph if he was kidding him about that. Howard also pointed out that Ralph has been the one who reflects badly on the show many times in the past. They also talked about how Ralph owes Artie money as well.
Artie said that the comedy show as huge out there and the show was sold out. He said everything was great and he won money on the big game. He said he's leaving Vegas up by $8000. He didn't even use the money he was paid for his gig. Howard let him go shortly after that. Howard wondered how he's still alive after a weekend like that. He doesn't know how he does it. He took a couple more calls and took another break after that.
Howard said CBS probably won't get in trouble for that breast thing. He said that MTV produced that half time show for CBS. Howard said that he loves Kid Rock but that song is an old song. Robin said it was kind of weird to see him performing that song since he hadn't done it in so long.
Howard complained that the Lingerie Bowl didn't play their football game during the half time show. He said that the Lingerie Bowl was in half time when he tuned in. It was toward the end of the game and Nikki Ziering wasn't playing, just like Angie said. He complained that the girls were wearing helmets that covered up their faces too much. Angie Everhart was also really amped up and was taking it very seriously. He said that he hoped to see some panties falling down or something but that didn't happen. He said the panties were too big and so were the bras. He said he's got less on this morning than the girls did.
Howard complained about some of the other aspects of the Lingerie Bowl. He also took some phone calls from people who had some complaints about it as well. Howard said the guy doing the play-by-play had Amy Weber by his side and all she was saying was that she was very impressed with the girls. She just kept using the word ''impressed'' over and over again. He said she had nothing to say. Tracy Bingham was there as the sideline reporter. He said her boobs were like pontoons and they were way too big.
Howard took some more calls from angry guys who got that Lingerie Bowl. Everyone seemed to be pissed that they paid for it. Howard said most of the girls were hot but there was one girl who had a gut. Howard said he should have put the Stupid Bowl on pay-per-view. He took a call from a guy who saw that show and liked it. Howard said he also got a lot of email feedback about the Stupid Bowl. He read through some of that email and talked about that for a short time.
Howard complained about how his TiVo didn't catch the whole game. Robin told him that it's easy to record the shows that air after the game so it will catch anything that runs over. He said that the TiVo people should be able to program it so it knows to catch the game if it runs overtime.
Howard talked about his George Foreman Grill a little more and said he's going to get one for Robin. He said it's a great grill. He described the turkey burgers he made and how he had microwaved potatoes along with the turkey burger. He had some wine, watched the game, had some sex and fell asleep later. Howard said his dog wanted to be in the room when they were having sex but they locked her out. He said the dog was whining outside the door while they were doing it.
Howard said he thinks he's going to be making turkey burgers with his George Foreman Grill for the next 4 weeks or so. He went on to talk about the rest of his weekend and how he spent some time with the kids. He also spent a lot of time at Staples trying to find just the right organizer. He said he's into organizing a lot right now. He said he's thrown out a lot of movies that he's watched already. He said he never watches that stuff anymore and just wants to get rid of that stuff. Robin said she'll take some of them off his hands. He said he got rid of everything except ''The Godfather'' since he's having a Godfather watching party with one of his friends on Sunday.
Howard said he got an organizer called FranklinCovey(R) organizer but had to call this woman Lisa Kanarek (''Organizing Your Home Business'') to find out how to use it. He said he's going to get a tutor to teach him how to use it. Robin said that he has too much money. He's purchased like 50 of these organizers already.
Howard said he took his dog for a walk in Central Park and some people are asswipes. He said a woman let her dog nip at his dog. He wondered why someone would let their dog near another dog if they know the dog does that.
A listener called in and asked Howard how Beth gets excited, by the 5000 square foot apartment in Manhattan or by the bank statement he leaves out on the counter. Howard said he ruined the whole thing but said that he loves Beth no matter what.
Howard said his cousin was in town this week for some trade show. He said he's a cousin that lives up in Vermont and owns a video store. Gary came in a short time later and said that the guy was waiting downstairs but they wouldn't let him in because they didn't know who he was. Howard told Gary he forgot to give him the guy's name and asked him to let him come up.
Paul said that his kids don't have any problem talking to other people and get along with them. They're socialization skills are just fine according to their parents. Howard said he was almost home schooled, only because he was afraid to leave his house because he was getting beat up all the time.
KC came in at one point so Howard talked to him about his gambling. KC was in Gamblers Anonymous at one point but KC said ''F-That'' and talked about how if he wants to quit, he has to do it himself. He doesn't want to do that at this point.
Howard said that he had a lot of voice mail to play but didn't have time to do it. He played Crazy Alice's latest message where she goes off on Robin for some reason. She said some nice things to KC, Howard and Fred but went crazy on Robin. Howard joked that Alice was home schooled. At the end of the call she called Robin a schwartza but said it kind of funny. Howard suggested that Benjy go out and interview like 50 black people and ask them to pronounce the word. He said some of the people might have problems pronouncing the word shrimp as well.
Howard played another voice mail he had from John the Stutterer. He said he stutters the worst he's ever heard during that message. He played it and it was about 11 seconds of a stutter. Fred did his impression of John after hearing that. John ended up getting what he wanted and was included in the Wack Pack jury bit they did earlier in the morning.
Howard said that KC told him that he thought that Steven Tyler was singing out of tune during the big game yesterday. Howard said he listened to it and it sounds like the mix was just off. Fred said that the TV audio guys always mix it wrong. Howard said now he knows why these guys lip sync on those shows.
Gary came in with some info on the Super Bowl ratings. He said at 10pm they had a 50.5 rating and a 67 share. He said the shows on against it had like single digit numbers. Howard wondered how Survivor did but that was out of prime time so there were no ratings numbers available.
Howard took a call from a listener who wondered if Paul and Grace take shrooms. Grace said that they're middle aged people now and don't do stuff like that. Howard went on to talk about how cool his cousin was when they'd visit each other during the summer. He said the only thing he didn't think was cool was that Paul used to make him scratch his back all the time.
A listener said his sister works for a cable company and she was getting a lot of complaints about the Lingerie Bowl. Shuli called in and said that the commentator was staring down Amy Weber's chest the whole time. He thought the whole thing was a waste just like Howard. He said that there were about 45 people in the stands. Gary came in and said that Angie gave them the impression that someone's panties might come off during the game but nothing like that happened. Howard told Gary he has to get some audio from that special to play on the show.
Robin said she finally caught an episode of The Surreal Life and Tracy Bingham changes a lot when they start drinking. She said she starts rubbing her boobs on the guys and does all kinds of weird stuff. Howard said he loves alcohol because of that. Gary said if it wasn't for alcohol, he would have only slept with about 2 women in his life.
Howard told Melissa to take off all of her clothes for the game. They had her behind a curtain and had her strip so they can't be scammed if Vic loses the game. Howard then moved on to the game. They play 5 songs and whoever gets the most correct wins. If Vic wins, he gets $5000. If Gary wins, they get to see Melissa naked. They have to get the name of the artist and the song name. The songs are from the 80's. Here are the songs and who got them right and/or wrong:
Vic said he could have won the game of Win Fred's Money the other day because he knew five of the answers. Howard didn't seem to think that he could have won. He let the guy get in a plug for the club he runs though. Vic said it's the Players club in South Hackensack, NJ. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard also said that Gary looks a little bit like Janet Reno. Robin said she never noticed that before but he does. Howard said that Gary can get away with touching people inappropriately because he's retarded. He knows better but it's a good excuse. KC told Howard that Gary hugged him out in the green room. Howard told Gary that he might be turning gay or something. Gary said he's not turning gay.
KC asked Gary if he has a girlfriend. Gary said that he doesn't have one and didn't know what KC was talking about when he said that a girl picks up the phone at his place sometimes. Howard heard that Gary chats on the computer os he tried to figure out that works. He can't spell so no one was sure how he can chat. Howard tried to talk to him as a girl but Gary was telling the truth and saying that he's not good looking and not well hung. Howard bailed out on that a short time later. He had Robin start her news right after that.
Howard started off the morning talking about how everyone is talking about Janet Jackson's boob from the Super Bowl. Howard said the bottom line to him is that it's just a boob and if a kid sees one, it's no big deal. He said he knows that if you're watching the show with a little kid, he understands how hard it is to explain it to them. He said this country is too uptight about stuff like that. Now Colin Powell's son Michael is calling for a full investigation of the whole thing. Howard said everyone is freaking out because it was done during a family show.
Howard said he knows that any kids listening to his show are being allowed to listen by their parents and they know what to expect. Howard said they didn't expect that during the Super Bowl. Howard and Robin talked about how it's going to turn into a huge thing and a big waste of money. Howard also said that the ''Van Helsing'' commercial was more intense than the boob was. He also said that it's tough to explain to a kid what Mike Ditka was talking about in his commercial where he threw the football through a tire.
Robin said that Howard Dean has gotten her attention now because he said the whole thing is no big deal. Gary came in and said that if the FCC fines the TV stations, they're each going to be fined $27,000. That money will go into the government somewhere and nothing will come of it. They'll just continue to spend and spend and spend out of control.
Howard said he thought the nipple thing that Janet was wearing was ugly but her breast wasn't that bad. Robin said the jewelry went on sale on eBay right after it happened. Howard said he doesn't think a woman's breast is vulgar. In Europe they have nudity on TV all the time and it's no big deal. He said he doesn't get why it's such a big deal over here.
Howard said they don't really need a half time show during the big game anyway. He said they should just discuss what went on during the game. He also suggested that they start the game earlier in the day so kids don't have to stay up so late to watch. The whole half time show was horrible so Howard suggested that they have one artist come out and sing instead of the whole thing that put together.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he heard that the players were complaining about the smoke in the stadium that was stuck inside after the half time show. The players couldn't breathe because of that stuff. Chaunce and Howard also talked about Nelly and his guys who were grabbing their crotches during their song. Howard said it looks like he's pinching his penis when he's doing that. Howard suggested that everyone knew about the boob exposure and that's where the investigation should stop. He said MTV was trying to put together an edgy show and that's what they did. It wasn't a good decision but there's no reason to do an investigation into the whole thing. He said that the director had to have known because they cut away right away after the breast was exposed. Robin said Janet wouldn't have had jewelry covering her nipple if it wasn't planned.
Robin said that Pepsi has threatened to pull out of advertising on the Super Bowl next year if they're not guaranteed that something like that won't happen again. Howard said that gut-rotting drink should talk. He said that stuff is the worst thing you can give a kid and you'd be better off letting kids watch Janet's boob all the time. Howard thought it was pretty funny that they're making moral judgements. He laughed after hearing all of that nonsense.
Howard said Janet's boob exposure also exposed that she had short, little, stubby hands. He and Chaunce talked about that and about Paris Hilton for a few seconds. The thing that made Paris big was the sex tape of her and an ex-boyfriend. Howard said if Janet was smart, she'd release a sex tape if she wants publicity for her new album. Howard said the whole thing is silly and ridiculous. Howard said that the people watching that game are drinking, farting, cursing out their kids, yelling at their wives, molesting their kids and all kinds of other stuff. He said that the whole country is not what some people think it is. He said Janet's boob isn't causing the problems in this country.
Howard said he pictures some guy down in the south watching the big game and seeing a black woman's breast on TV and then freaking out. He said he loves all of this FCC stuff though. Now there are other people getting fined like he was in the past. He said that we're busy investigating a boob shot while Osama bin Laden is still walking around out there. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Robin said that everyone that kissed Oprah's ass said that the world is a better place because she's in it. Howard wondered what evidence they have that it's true. Howard said that Chris Rock does some funny material about people with a lot of money. Howard talked about how funny Rock is for a short time. He said he went to see one of Chris' shows over the weekend with his childhood friend Dr. Lew. He said they had some dinner and then went out to the comedy show. He said they had some great seats at the theater.
Howard said there was a guy who wanted him to sign something at the show but it was really cold outside and he had people to deal with. He said the guy ended up cursing him out. Howard told him he wanted the guy to punch him so he could deck his ass. The guy was ready to fight but everyone calmed down shortly after that. Robin figures the guy hated him before that anyway and just wanted to get his autograph. Robin said that she wanted to go see Chris Rock but she had tickets for some other show. She went to see Flamenco and saw the guy that plays the King in the Lord of the Rings movies in the audience.
Howard talked about his organizing and how crazy he's gotten with it lately. He said he's trying to organize his home and business and he's throwing out a lot of stuff. He said that he was tired of not being able to find stuff when he wanted it. Howard said he had tons of skulls and bones in his office and decided that they weren't as cool looking as he thought. He had an alligator's head and a cat-looking thing in a box. He also had some other bones and stuff including a bear skull. He said he must have been trying to be weird or something but now he's going to throw them all out. He wondered what kind of weirdo is going to buy stuff like that from him. Robin told him not to throw them away because they're collectors items or something like that. Howard joked that Fred might want to add them to his collection of bones in the trunk of his car.
Howard said he had the chance to get a human skull but thought better of it. He said he wouldn't like to end up on someone's desk with a cigar stuck in the mouth. Robin said that she priced a skull for Howard one time and it was very expensive. She did end up buying him a metal skull at one point. Howard said he likes the metal ones. Robin said she's pretty sure that was about $1000.
Howard said he figures the party Robin threw for him must have cost about $100,000. She said it wasn't that much but Howard said that it must have been close. He's throwing together a party of his own so he knows how much it's costing. He said everyone but Scott the Engineer is going to the party.
Robin said that the purse was so heavy that they thought it was a bomb or something. Howard told her that she carries too much stuff with her and she should get organized herself. She said she carries a lot of change with her because she just throws the stuff in there. Robin said she only had like $40 or $50 in the purse. She said she didn't even know that the purse was gone and it was given back to her. The cops thought that something had possibly happened to Robin because the purse was just laying there. Gary said the cops were looking for Robin, wondering where she was. They thought something may have happened to her but the theater ticket taker knew that she was in the theater. KC apparently hung up on the cop a few times when he called in because he didn't believe him.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that Howard's thought's on Janet Jackson's boob is nonsense and a boob is a sexual organ that shouldn't be shown on TV. Both Howard and Robin argued with the guy for a short time. The guy told Howard that he's a retard so Howard turned it around on him and goofed on him about the job he had when he was still a working man. The guy was claiming that TV these days is tearing down society. Howard and Robin said that TV is a lot more fun today and wondered what the guy was talking about. Howard said that there were just as many problems back in the 1950's as there are now. Howard had to take a break after that so he hung up on the guy. Howard said the Jews and Blacks couldn't get jobs back in the 50s and this guy on the phone wants things to be like they were back then. Howard said that a boob isn't going to ruin children, it's the parents who get uptight and make a big deal out of the whole thing. He said the whole investigation is a waste of time. Howard said in 50 years people will be reading about this whole thing and they'll be laughing at it.
Howard said he and Robert Schimmel were working on the script for his TV show. He said that Bob sent him the script and 5 minutes later he was asking him if he'd read it yet because they have to hand it in to the WB. Howard said he read the first draft last week and was trying to figure out if he liked it or not. Howard said that Bob kept telling him that they had to hand it in by Friday. Howard said the process is crazy. He read the next draft this morning and the script was great. He said that they have to chill out a bit about it. He said Bob acts like he's got to get this thing on the air immediately. He said he acts like he's going to die and he has to get it on right away.
Howard played a Kobe Bryant commercial parody for a Broadway play featuring JJ Walker as Kobe Bryant. Howard joked that a big scene from the play will air during the Super Bowl next year. He said CBS will know nothing about it.
Howard brought up the guy who streaked at the Super Bowl. He said that his friend Pat was there at the game and said the guy has a tiny penis. Howard said he is pretty brave to go streaking because he's got such a small penis.
Howard said he loves this guy Wayne Brady who has a daytime TV show that was recently canceled. He said that Brady did a newscast as James Brown. He had tape of that so he played it and goofed on the guy. He said that Brady is a weirdo. Howard started to play the tape and had to stop it and laugh. He and Robin figure Brady must think it's good because he keeps it going. Howard wondered why he has to do it like that and not just cover the news like a normal person. He goes on and on with the news singing it like James Brown. Howard said he hopes the guy is on drugs because that's pretty wacky behavior.
Howard said that Jason and Will are the worst on the air because they're not talking about what actually happened at the party. Gary said that Will and Jason told him that John was treating his wife like crap but when they get on the air, they stop talking. Will and Jason said they had a good time at John's party and didn't seem to have anything to add to the story. John figured that Gary was just jealous of him and coaxed them into coming in to talk about the party.
John wanted Gary to talk about something that happened to him the other day. Gary said that his son Jackson puked and he had to clean it up. His wife was out playing tennis. John found that pretty funny. Howard wondered why Gary has to come home from a day's work and take care of the kids. He wonders why she can't play tennis during the day when the kids are in school. Howard said Gary has the worst deal and wonders why he doesn't say something to her when she does stuff like that. Howard said that she's got from 8:30 until like 3 in the afternoon to do stuff, why does she have to go out at night?
Stuttering John said he was getting up to go to work and his dog crapped all over the floor. He said he left a note for his wife to clean it up because he had to go to work. John said that he left the note on a napkin that he could have used to clean up the mess. John said if his kid had puked on the floor, he would have left it for his wife to clean up. John was laughing hysterically the whole time he was explaining all of this stuff.
One of the guys from E! came in and told Howard how he saw John's dog crap on the ground next to him at a party and John called his wife over to clean it up for him from across the yard. John continued to goof on Gary about the car that he's working on for his kid. John said that Gary had a friend of his router out part of his kid's car. Gary didn't think that was a big deal though.
John told Howard a story about his daughter. John said that he spent three hours holding his arms up in a contest with his 9 year old daughter. He said that they started around 8 and by 11 his daughter told him that her hands were losing feeling. John said he couldn't let her win, that wouldn't teach her anything. Howard told him he's nuts after hearing that. John tried to get back to Gary and goofed on his home life and how much time he has to spend with his kids.
Robin told a story about how Stuttering John used to ask her to kiss him when she'd drive him somewhere. She said that John used to beg her to kiss him before he'd get out of the car. Robin said she wanted to get her out of the car one day and leaned over to kiss him. She said that he tried to stick his tongue down her throat so she screamed. John had a different story. He said that they went over to kiss and she went right for his mouth. John swears that she put her tongue in her mouth. He said that she was going to give him a peck but her mouth was open. Robin said that the kiss was so quick that there wasn't much of a kiss. The two of them argued about whether or not Robin was attracted to him.
John said that some people thought that he and Robin had something going on between the two of them back in the early 90s. Howard and the guys don't think that's the case though. He said that even his girlfriend at the time thought he and Robin had something going on. Gary said that everyone is into John, Nikki Ziering and Robin.
John said that he used to spend a lot of time with Robin back when they were doing the Channel 9 TV show. He said he hung out in her dressing room while she put her makeup on and stuff like that. He said that she would kick him out of the room.
Howard was taking a couple of phone calls after that. One guy asked him what kind of sunglasses he wears on the E! show all the time. Howard said they're Serengetti brand but he's not sure if they even make them anymore. He said he should have bought like 200 pair when he got that set.
Stuttering John and Robin continued the discussion about their relationship and whether or no Robin was into John. Howard said that this stuff goes on all day there at the station. Howard said they were talking about this stuff yesterday and it's continuing today. John wants her to take a lie detector test to find out if she really opened her mouth or not. Robin said she doesn't want to take the test, John should be the one who takes it. She said she's the one who always takes the lie detector tests around there. Gary came in and said that John would probably pass the lie detector test because he's convinced himself that something really happened.
Fred said that John changed his story about 5 times during the discussion so he's probably lying. John said he didn't change it, he was just trying to figure out what really happened. Robin said she was just sick of John asking her for the kiss, that's why she gave in and gave him the kiss. John was stuttering up a storm while he was arguing with Robin about the whole thing. Howard tried to take some phone calls about the subject but he was having problem with phone quality. One woman said that she thinks that John's wife has a grand plan and will have a field day with the evidence for grounds for divorce.
Howard didn't know why he was wasting his time with that stuff. He had a bunch of great stuff to get to. He told Robin that he bets that she'd never kiss Benjy on the lips. John said that she's also said that she loves him. He took a break shortly after that.
Howard has been playing these SexxxyNoises.com clips for a while now. They're clips of a woman trying to talk sexy and create a scenario so you can whack off to it. Howard said they're bringing in three women and they're going to try and pick out which one is the woman who actually does the speaking in the tapes. Howard said that all three of the women were good looking. Gary said he thought he knew who it was after seeing the three women.
Howard said he was going to start. He played a little more of the tape and said that the first chick looked like she just stepped out of a modeling gig. He said she was making him weak in the knees so there's no way she's doing it. The second chick was kind of ''swarthy looking'' to him and he didn't think it was her. The third chick looked like she had an accent to him so she couldn't have been the chick. He said that if it's the first chick, he's going to be buying more of these tapes. Howard went with number three as the woman who does the tapes. She had big, fake boobs so that's part of why he went with her.
Gary also picked number 3. Robin also went with number 3. Fred said that number 2 looked like she could be someone's neighbor. Howard and Gary could just tell it was number 3. Fred had to pick her as well.
Howard had the woman reveal herself and it turned out to be number 1. She said she calls herself Jessy Demoaner. Howard couldn't believe it and said that she was really hot. She said she lives in Reno, Nevada and she's single. Jessy said that she dances topless at a club out there. She's only 22 and she was approached to do these tapes for the web site.
KC said that she's going to reenact one of the tapes for them. She said that the orgasms on the tapes are for real and she's going to show Howard how she does it. Howard asked her if she wants him to respond to her when she's doing this stuff. She said he can do what he wants. She said that she won't be saying much, it'll mostly be moaning and groaning.
Howard said all of this was crazy. She started to diddle herself while she talked to Howard. She was moaning and breathing heavy as she spoke to Howard. Howard asked her questions about sports and stuff while she was doing herself. Howard said it was the real thing and his ''one incher'' was doing the job on her. She said her arm was tired after she was done. Howard applauded her after she did it. He wanted to see her boobs after seeing her do that. She didn't want to show them for some reason though.
Howard said hello to the other girls that came in. One of them was in the play Birdy's Bachelorette Party (BirdysBP.com ). The other chick, the blonde, said that she messed around with this chick from the web site. The sexy noise chick said that they're allowed to have quite a bit of contact out in Nevada. She said that they don't have the rules like they do in Los Angeles. Howard and John told her that she could be in Playboy because she looks so good. She dances at this place called The Spice House (SpiceHouse.com).
A listener called in and said that he was pissed that Robin was talking during the masturbation session. Another guy said that he just made a mess in his pants while listening to the segment. Jessy said that she's never had an orgasm during sex before. She can only do it herself. Howard said something horrible must have happened to her when she was young. Her father left the family when she was young. She also had some arrests when she was in her teens. She sold pot in high school and got arrested for stealing stuff as well.
Howard convinced Jessy to take her clothes off a short time later. She wasn't into it but he gave her some money. He gave her $1000 but she wouldn't show them her ass. She showed her boobs though. She said she has a bad ass. She said she didn't want to be criticized about her ass. She was also afraid that his fans would make fun of her as well.
Howard and Gary asked Jessy about her family life and what happened when she was young. She said that she's never had anal and doesn't know if she's going to try it. She said no one has tried to talk her into it. Howard gave all of the girls some money for coming in. He thanked ''The Family Business'' for the money he gave away. He also gave the other girls a couple of plugs before he went to commercial break.
Howard read an email about the French wine he was drinking over the weekend. Howard has said that he doesn't want to support France but he was drinking their wine. He said that Dr. Sal Calabro sent him the wine so he didn't think he was supporting them. Robin said that he should have dumped it down the drain.
Howard read through a bunch of mail including some about Janet Jackson's boob. Howard said some people wanted him to talk about it more. He spent 45 minutes earlier in the morning on the subject though. He said that he thinks that everyone at CBS knew about it even though they'r denying it.
Howard got some mail about his organizing and what he should do to organize himself. Someone suggested that he get a PDA to organize himself but Howard said he likes to write stuff down and look in a book. He's tried the PDA thing and he didn't like it.
Howard said that with this FCC stuff going on lately, his name is being attached to everything. They used his picture during a report on the news last night about Janet's breast reveal. Howard said they did the same thing on AOL the other day when there was a report about Bubba the Love Sponge. They didn't show a picture of Bubba, they showed a picture of Howard even though the story wasn't about him.
Howard played tape of the head of the FCC, Michael Powell, who was talking about all of the complaints they received about Janet Jackson's breast being shown. Howard said that there are tons of spam emails hitting kid's accounts and they can log on to the web and see a fat chick's boob whenever they want. Robin said that now the FCC wants to go back and fine the Golden Globes from last year when Bono said the F-word on the air. They're not going to allow any of this stuff anymore. Howard said they might have to go after pieces of artwork that show nudity as well. He said he's seen some naked women statues that show two boobs instead of just one. He said we're out of our minds with these religious freaks in this country. Howard said they should paint bikinis on nude statues and put a banana hammock on the statue of David.
Howard played tape of Jermain Jackson saying that it was an accident when Janet's boob was exposed. Howard said that even Janet is saying that it wasn't an accident. Howard said Star Jones is doing the same thing. She thinks that Janet is saying that it was an accident but she's admitting that it wasn't. He played tape of that and wondered how people can listen to that show.
Photographer Kevin Mazur called in to talk to Howard. Howard didn't know who the guy was though. Gary told him he's famous for taking pictures of celebrities. Howard put the guy on and he said that MTV and CBS were just as shocked as everyone else. He said that everyone was flipping out back stage when they saw it. Howard told the guy that they were press releasing that there was going to be a shocking thing at the end of the show, of course they knew. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Lil' Kim did something similar at an awards show. She thought it was at the Grammys but it was the MTV Video Music Awards. Howard said that's cable and it's different.
Howard said that AOL has to be thrilled with the whole half time show. He said after Janet pushed out that stupid little boob of hers, they had tons of people logging on and downloading. Robin told him that they're thinking of asking for a refund on the ads they ran. Robin also reminded Howard about Pepsi threatening not to advertise again if they're no guaranteed that it won't happen again. Howard said that it's ridiculous that the FCC fined his company $1.7 million for talking about penis. He wondered what kid doesn't know about a penis. He had to take a break after complaining about that stuff for a short time.
Howard played tape of Jack Osbourne talking to Ryan Seacrest about self destructing rich kids. Jack said that he thinks if anyone is going to self destruct, it'll probably be Nicole Ritchie. Howard talked about her odd behavior on the TV show ''The Simple Life.'' That led to Howard talking about the ''All Star Survivor'' that he missed on Sunday night. He said he thinks he can avoid watching that stuff this season. He said he's also stopped watching ''The O.C.'' even though he liked the show. He said he feels bad watching that stuff when he could have read a book or something. Robin said she's been doing without the reality TV shows for a while now. Howard said he's still watching ''American Idol.''
Howard played some tape from ''American Idol'' where a guy was singing ''I'm Too Sexy'' in the worst way possible. Howard said they did have some good singers on the show but there were a lot of bad ones. He played another tape of a guy who was obsessed with Paula Abdul. Howard said the guy hugged her and wouldn't let go of her. After hearing the guys' voice Robin asked if it was really a guy. His voice was very effeminate. Howard also said that Paula is looking bad this season. He said she's gotten another year older but he'd still ''throw her a bang.'' He said she must be really desperate because she's wearing a lot of makeup and wearing a lot of hats on the show this season.
Howard had Robin start her news after the American Idol discussion. He also quickly mentioned that David Spade and Rob Schneider were going to be on the show soon. That led to Robin talking about how Spade is a regular on ''8 Simple Rules.'' Howard said he would have loved to have gotten John Ritter's role on that show. He said he'd get to hang out with the hot chick on that show if he got the part.
After a commercial break Howard got the girl back on the phone and told her he saw her picture. He said he'd save them the trip down there because her friend wasn't all that hot. He said she's cute but she's not hot enough for Playboy. He spent a couple more minutes talking to her and then got back to Robin's news.
Howard started off the show singing after hearing the opening of the show with the Counting Crows' ''Mr. Jones.'' Howard went on to say that he wants to produce the Super Bowl half time show next year so they can show some beaver. Robin asked Howard if he would rather be Justin Timberlake or Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows. Howard said that he thinks that Adam has more talent in his pinkie than Justin has but he'd rather be Justin because of the chicks he gets.
Howard said he can't believe how much people are talking about Janet Jackson's boob. He said he spoke to one guy yesterday who he thought was a liberal guy and he said he was shocked and outraged at her showing her breast during the Super Bowl. Howard said the guy has a young child and the kid was ''traumatized '' after seeing that. Howard said that people think they're watching family entertainment even though guys are beating the crap out of each other. Howard said that he doesn't think that kids would even notice the boob hanging out, it's the parents who make a big deal out of it.
Howard said that an 11 year old girl was grabbed right off the streets yesterday. He said while the country has been spending time talking about Janet Jackson's breast, this kid was taken right off the street. They also just found deadly poison in government buildings, we're still over in Iraq spending billions of dollars, people are dying of stress at work trying to make ends meet, people are being electrocuted on the streets of New York and many other things are going on that we should be more worried about. He said he's not saying that it was the right thing for Janet to do that but it's not as big of a deal as everyone is making out of it.
A listener called in and said that he went to strip clubs for years and even he cringed when he saw Janet's boob. Howard told him to get on with his life already. Howard talked about how Justin Timberlake lied to everyone after he pulled the stunt that day. He said that Cameron Diaz should be worried about how easily he did that. Another caller asked Howard how he can get rid of all of this stuff. Howard said that he'd make Janet get on TV tomorrow and show her beaver so everyone would forget the boob.
A listener called in and said that the most searched for item on the web right now is Janet's boob. Howard said of course it is, not everyone is upset about the exposure and they want to see it. Howard said that AOL is saying they're upset about this but they're getting more traffic due to this whole thing. Howard said that Janet is supposed to be at The Grammy's soon and they're going to be using a 5 second video delay so something like this won't happen again.
Howard talked about how he showed his butt cheeks on MTV years ago, what do people expect them to produce when they do a show like the half time show. Howard said he tried to hide the ass thing from the MTV people but they kind of knew what he was going to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he'd still bang Janet Jackson. Howard said he would so the guy asked him if he'd bang Michael as well. Howard got pissed at the guy and ended up hanging up on him. Howard said that Janet has a good face, she just has a big ass. He said they try to cover that thing up on TV but he's seen it in person before and it's huge. He and Robin both saw it at the Billboard Awards and noticed how large her ass was.
Howard said he found out about a famous guy who has like almost no penis and he told Robin about it. Now she can't think of anything but that when she sees him. Howard said the guy is a real macho guy and you'd never know he doesn't have a penis. Howard refused to say who the person was though.
A listener called in and said that Nickelback has been following him around and he can't get rid of them. The guy seemed to think that the band was following him around and leaving voice mails for him. Fred played the music from ''The Twilight Zone'' in the background as the guy was talking about this stuff. Howard said the guy must be mentally ill. Howard muted his voice so the guy couldn't hear what he was saying and then decided to bet on what the guy would say if he asked him some questions. Howard told the guy that he had a phone number for a lawyer sponsor of theirs if he wanted to try and sue Canada and the band if he wanted. The caller continued to ramble about the band following him around and all. Howard started to bet Robin on what the guy would answer. He bet Robin that the guy had been arrested at some point and had been in a mental hospital. The guy claims that he wasn't arrested and never went to a hospital. They then started asking him about all of the drugs he's done. He's done quite a few but not everything. Howard ended up giving up on the guy a short time later. He was bored with him so he hung up. He took a break after that.
A listener called in and said that Beth must have banged Howard during the Super Bowl over the weekend so he wouldn't get turned on by Angie Everhart during the Lingerie Bowl. Howard said he might be right because Beth has sex with him before he goes to Scores as well. He figures she likes to ''milk the cow'' before he goes somewhere like that so he won't be turned on as much.
Howard said they tried to get in touch with the Lingerie Bowl people to find out how many people bought the pay-per-view thing but they're upset with him talking about how much it sucked. Howard said that he promoted the hell out of it before it aired and now they're giving them a hard time. Gary tried to get the information out of them and they told him that they're not talking to them anymore. Ralph was on the phone for some reason but when he started to complain about Howard cutting out, Howard yelled at him and asked him to get off the line. Ralph hung up a few seconds later.
Howard brought up all of the horrible things that are going on in this world while people are worrying about Janet Jackson's boob. Robin said that people should get over stuff like this. Howard went on to talk about how Tom Chiusano is freaking out after all of the FCC stuff that's been going on lately. Howard said that this guy Bubba the Love Sponge was fined for some of the stuff he's done on his show and now they're going after CBS for their Super Bowl half time show. Howard said that Tom gave him a whole packet of stuff about what they can and can't do on the show. Howard said when he got his packet, he threw it right in the garbage.
Howard said Tom asked to have a meeting with him about all of that stuff after the show last week so Howard told him he couldn't talk. Howard said that he asked Tom to schedule an appointment with him later in the day. Howard said he didn't even know what Tom wanted to talk to him about at the time. He knew that if he got into a room with Tom, he wouldn't be able to function. He said he's beat after 5 hours on the radio.
Howard decided to meet with Tom on Thursday after the show and before his staff meeting. He said he figured out what Tom wanted to talk to him about a little later. Tom apparently told Gary to look at all of the stuff in the packet he got. Gary came in and said that Tom told him to read the transcripts of what Bubba the Love Sponge had done and why he was getting fined. Howard said he does not want to meet with Tom about this stuff. He said he'd rather be fired than hear Tom talking about how they're under the FCC's microscope. Howard said his therapist tells him he should come from a more loving place but he has no love for this guy.
Gary wondered if other radio stations have problems like this. Howard said that Tom has the brain of a fly and he hated to insult the fly with that. He said that Tom gave that same packet to Luis the Board Operator and he has nothing to do with what they do on the air. KC came in and said that Tom also spoke to him. He said he felt like he was being scolded. Howard said that he's the one with his finger on the button and he's the one who creates the show so he doesn't know why Tom is talking to those guys.
Tom came in a minute later so Howard asked him to fire him. He said that it would be fine with him if he did fire him. Howard said that he really doesn't want to have that meeting with Tom tomorrow. Fred had some loud music playing in the background to drown out Tom's ramblings. Howard told Tom that he doesn't have any desire to go over the ramblings of Tom and their lawyer Steve. Howard asked him what they were actually meeting over. Tom said they have a lot to go over on top of the FCC stuff. Howard said that he was so busy yesterday that he didn't have time to go number 2. He said he sure didn't have time to read Tom's packet of stuff.
Howard said he can't believe that the FCC is concentrating on all of this stuff when there are so many other things to worry about around the world. Howard went on to talk about how busy he was yesterday and how he has a problem with Robert Schimmel. He said that he's supposed to be the Executive Producer of this new show for Schimmel. He said that the guys went ahead and handed in the script to the WB without telling him about it. He said he wanted to read the script but they didn't give him time and handed it in early. He got the script yesterday and said that there were a couple of things he wanted to talk about with the writer and Schimmel. That's when he found out that they already handed it in. Howard wondered why they went ahead and did that without letting him know. They told him that they saw somebody great in casting that they wanted to show him. He said they changed the subject and didn't follow up on the question.
Howard said he was meeting with people about his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' on top of the Schimmel thing. He said that Tom wanted him to read this 50 page packet but it's pointless so he didn't read it. He said it's full of nonsense. He asked Tom to leave him alone and not meet with him. He said he's exhausted from him.
Robin told Howard that she walked in on a meeting with Tom and some of the other people from the station the other day. Howard ended up goofing on Tom and the giant office he has at the station. He said he has nothing going on in that office. He also said that Tom is doing him a favor and he's going out to lunch with Jackie (the Joke Man) to find out what his side of the story is. Gary came in and told Howard that Jackie wants to talk to Tom about what happened and why he left the show. Gary said Jackie wants to talk about it before it all gets ''fuzzy.'' jackie also wanted Stuttering John to go to lunch with them as well. John came in and said that Gary is swamped with work and might have to cancel. He said if that happens, Jackie will get paranoid and never meet with them again. John said he can't wait to see Tom explain defend himself at this lunch. Tom said that he doesn't have to defend himself, he can look himself in the mirror and not worry about it. Robin said she can't wait to hear about the lunch tomorrow.
Howard said that Tom said something very nice to him yesterday but he wasn't going to say what that was. He said Tom said it as a friendly thing so he didn't want to say it. Tom decided to tell Robin about what he said to Howard. Tom told a story that didn't seem to make much sense. Howard told Robin that he knew she'd be bored with it and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he got a copy of this book ''Belly Laughs'' that Jenny McCarthy wrote. He said that it's filled with her ramblings and it's not even hard covered. It's a paperback book and on some of the pages, there's no writing on the left side. Howard said that no effort went into the book at all. Howard read the description of the book which is about Jenny's pregnancy. Robin wanted to hear what was so funny about this book so Howard opened up the book and read a little bit. He read about Jenny's food cravings and it wasn't funny. Robin said she wasn't laughing. Howard goofed on the book and Jenny's boring ramblings about her cravings.
Howard moved on and said that Britney Spears did a commercial for Z-100 in New York City and she looks pretty hot in the spot. Howard said they take a shot of her crotch and she seems to have a bit of camel toe going on down there. Then he saw her outfit and he realized that she's like Wonder Woman. She wears really wacky outfits that make her look like a superhero. Howard said she looks like she really just wants to show off her beaver. Howard said that he has the commercial on tape so he'd show it to Robin. Howard said he'd love to bang her hard.
Howard also brought up Jessy Demoaner who was on the show yesterday. He spent a few seconds on that before moving on. He said that Playboy sent over a copy of their ''Women of Wal-Mart'' DVD. He said he doesn't believe that the woman he was looking at ever worked at Wal-Mart. Robin said the only people she's seen working there are over 60. Howard said that maybe it's women who live within 5 miles of Wal-Mart.
Howard talked about going to see Chris Rock the other night. He said that the show was really good and the NY Post write up about the show reminded him of some of the stuff Chris covered. He said he talked about Michael Jackson's situation and stuff like that. Howard told Robin about some of the stuff Rock talked about and how funny it was.
Howard said that he read a blind item in the paper today that said something like ''Which Oscar nominated actress has a cheating boyfriend'' and the guy is cheating with a man. Howard and Robin tried to figure out who it was they were talking about. Gary gave them a run down of all of the women who were nominated for Oscars. Howard gave up on trying to figure it out. He read another blind item about a cable TV news anchor who took 3 weeks off to get hair plugs. Howard didn't care enough about that one to figure it out. Howard also read another one about a star who may have killed his spouse after she caught him with another man.
Howard read an article from the paper today about a program that's been expanding in Harlem. They have an ice hockey league there so Howard seems to think that they'll be getting into hockey over the next 10 years or so. Robin said that she decided to look for white guys playing football during the Super Bowl and she found that Howard is right, there were only about 3 players that were white in the Super Bowl. Howard said ''get ready for Dwaye Gretsky'' in the Hockey ring.
Howard said that Bono wanted to do the Super Bowl half time show. He said that he wanted to do a song about AIDS awareness but they didn't want to allow that. Then it turns out that Janet Jackson whips out a boob and Nelly was grabbing his crotch during the show.
Howard read a story about a DJ that was working in New York City at another radio station. He was apparently arrested for child abuse or something like that. Howard said they kind of know the guy and he wants to get him on the phone to talk about it. Howard said he doesn't think he's met the guy but Robin said she had. Gary said he's met him a few times as well. He's been found guilty and will be sentenced to jail and house arrest. Howard said he'd love to hear the excuses while the guy is doing his radio voice.
Robin brought up David Brenner and said she heard that he's only 59 years old. Howard said he was 59 back in 1959. Robin said that they're going to pass him in age eventually if he keeps saying that's how old he is.
Gary came in a short time later and said that he spoke to that DJ's people and they told him he's not allowed to talk about anything until he's sentenced in April. Howard continued to goof on the guy for a few minutes. He said that he'd like to talk to the guy's wife Gayle as well to see if she knew what he was up to.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to complain about all of the coverage that Janet Jackson's boob was getting. She just wants them to move on and get off of that subject.
Gary said he spoke to that DJ Mark Parento's ex-wife but she didn't want to come on the air. Gary said he spoke to her for a couple of minutes and she said she didn't know what he was up to because she's been split from him for a long time. Gary also told Howard that Parento was picking up young, African American boys. That led to Howard goofing on him a little more doing an impression of him doing his radio voice.
Gary came in with David Brenner's high school year book. He told Howard that he had to be 17 or 18 at the time and he graduated in 1954. That was 50 years ago and if you add 18 to that, the guy is 68, not 59 like he's claiming. Howard went to commercial break right after that.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how everyone is so involved with this Janet Jackson thing while there are other horrible things going on in this world. He was switching back and forth between talking on the microphone to speaking through a megaphone to make his point.
Howard had Janks talk about his prank call. Janks said he called a homework helper TV program where kids can call in and ask for help on their school work. Janks called in as a 5th grader asking a math question. His question was ''What's the square root of Howard Stern's asshole?'' Howard said he didn't like Janks calling in to little kids shows. Janks said he heard a little kid laughing after he did that. Janks said this was the first time Howard has chastised him for a call. Howard got off the line with him a short time later. Janks tried to play the call again but Howard hung up on him before it got out.
Howard told this guy that he must be gay and he had no reason to be helping to bathe those kids. The guy said it wasn't a question of what the kids wanted, he said it was something they needed. Howard let a few phone callers yell at this guy about what he'd done.
Howard asked the guy what he looked like. The guy said he's 6'2'' tall and weighs about 250 pounds. He also said he's balding so Howard asked people to imagine this guy with a 12 year old kid helping them shower. A couple more callers told the guy he was wrong and he shouldn't touch other people's kids like that. The coach said that the parents should be teaching their kids how to bathe. Some callers wondered why he was even calling in to talk about this stuff on the air.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he'd like to talk to this guy to help him out. He said he'd try to find out where he's located so he can report him. Raymond Norman the ''Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman from the South'' guy called in and said that there's something wrong with this guy. He said he has no right touching people's children. Howard had a lot of guys waiting to yell at the coach. There were other guys who called in as young boys who wanted to be transferred to his school as well. Howard ended up hanging up on the Coach shortly after that. He said the guy is insane.
Howard had a game to play before bringing in the porn star. He said he had a game to play. Jimmy Kimmel had Kathie Lee Gifford on his show as a co-host so Howard and the guys bet on what Kathie Lee would say to Jimmy's questions. He asked her who she likes better, Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. Howard and Robin figured she'd pick Britney. Howard played the tape and Kathie Lee says that she'd like to spank both of them. Howard said she's the worst mother out there and she's talking about someone else's kids. Next up was who she likes more, Rosie O'Donnell or Martha Stewart. Robin and Howard were thinking it would be Rosie but Fred said he'd go with Martha. Kathie Lee said that Rosie is her friend and picked her.
Howard said he really hates Kathie Lee after hearing what she had to say during Jimmy's show. Howard played another clip where Jimmy asked her about Barbara Walters or Barbra Streissand. She picked Barbara Walters and Howard and Robin both had a feeling she'd say that. Jimmy also asked her if she liked Paris Hilton or Courtney Love. She said the same thing about them as she did about Britney and Christina.
Howard played a new bit about Vinnie Favale called ''Hello my Debbie'' and it was like a movie commercial for a horror flick. Howard moved on to the 65 year old porn star after that.
Howard asked her about the porn movies she has done and all of that stuff. She had a very odd way of speaking so Howard wondered what that was all about. She said she just has a low voice. She insisted that she was born in 1947 and she's only 57 years old. Gary came in and said that he saw some of her pictures on the web and they're very disturbing. Howard asked to see her ass so she pulled down her pants and the guys sighed with disgust when they saw it. KC thought he saw a diaper in there when she pulled down her pants as well. She said that wasn't the case.
Howard took a call from a guy who said just hearing her voice was making him nauseous. Howard asked Blue how long she's been in porn now. She said she just got into it about 4 years ago. She told Howard about how she got into it and how her son has AIDS. She said that she has also been in a mental institution. KC said he doesn't believe that she's even got a son.
Blue told Howard about how she was working in a Men's store many years ago. They found marijuana in her purse when she passed out at one point so she was sent to a mental institution for some reason. Gary asked her if she had shock therapy or something. She said they did do that and she didn't have any anesthetic. She claims that she closed them down after that.
Howard said that she must be in porno because it sounds like someone F'd her brains out. Howard wondered why she was electro shocked at this place she claims to have been at. She tried to explain it and said that she was Jewish and that's why they shocked her. Howard wanted to see her breasts but Blue wouldn't take them out for him. She just kept saying ''No!'' to him every time he asked. KC told her to show Howard her ''wrinkly prune'' but she said ''No!'' to that as well. She said she has kids and she didn't want to do that because of them. She eventually pulled them down and Howard said ''Whoa! Man, that's nasty!'' Gary said he needed a wire brush to scrub his brain after seeing that mess. KC said something like ''That's what happens to that thing?'' after seeing it.
Blue wanted to give Howard his gifts but the mood was subdued after she showed her mess to them. Howard tried to get Blue to show them her breasts after that but she refused. She showed them her nasty crotch but didn't want to do the boobs. They eventually talked her into it and they weren't as bad as Howard thought they'd be. He said if he was her, he'd only show the breasts and not the rest of her body.
Howard asked KC if he'd rather do her or an animal. KC thought about it for a few seconds and said he'd have to do her. KC said that he'd do her over his mother as well. Howard said that Blue looks kind of like Moe from the Three Stooges with the bowl haircut she has.
Howard took some phone calls for Blue after that. One caller asked why they booked her for the show after having someone like Nikki Ziering on the show. Howard was the one who approved it. The guys said they thought it would be funny. Howard gave Blue a plug for her web site ExploitedMoms.com where she's seen in many pictures. She said she's wearing an oxygen mask in one shot.
Blue brought in a wig for Howard but he tried to get her to calm down with her gift bag. She said that she had some stuff from Larry Flynt for him. Howard said he didn't want to see it. He wanted to see her perform oral on a banana. She took the banana and demonstrated for the guys. Howard said it was so vile that he never wanted oral again. A listener called in right after that and said he just vomited in his glove compartment.
Robin asked Howard if he would rather have Toula the transsexual over Blue Iris. He said he would take Toula even though she used to be a man. Howard gave Blue a couple more plugs for the web site and her movies. She asked Howard to sign her pants for her after that. Howard wanted to see her ass first. She showed it to the guys and Gary said that it looked like her ass had an ass.
Howard signed her pants for her after that. That's when he found out that she has a prescription for medical marijuana. Howard told Robin she must have that prescription because she's insane. He signed her after sticking her ass with the pen he was using to sign it. He said she put a big black stain on the crack of her butt. He wrapped up the segment shortly after that. Blue said that she appears at The Comedy Store every Sunday and Monday. She told a horrible joke as she was leaving. Howard had the guys take her out a short time later. He didn't want to see the gifts she brought in.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and told Howard that he shouldn't get rid of her, he should keep her around during the news. He couldn't get enough of her. Howard went to break right after that. Robin started her news after the break.
Howard started off the show saying it was a big day because of the 2000th E! show celebration they're having today. Artie was back on the show today after spending a few days in L.A. on auditions. Howard kept everyone in suspense with a drum roll as he announced the 2000th episode. He said they have something planned just about every minute of the show today. Gary has been working very hard on making stuff happen today.
Howard said they're going to be doing a lot of fun things during the show. He said they're going to have a bunch of mystery guests on the show but they can't have a curtain set up for some reason. They'll have to be blindfolded so they can't see who the guest is. Howard also mentioned they'll have a queefer and a farter on the show. He didn't have the name there so he couldn't say who it was. Gary came in and told him that the list he had was just a quick run down of what was going on today. Howard said the queefer and farter will be trying to get to 2000 queefs and farts during the show. He mentioned a bunch of other stuff that would be going on during the show as well.
Jeff the Drunk will be doing a musical salute to the E! show but he'll have to sing a public domain song to get it on the air. It will be something like ''I've been working on the rail road'' or something like that. Howard said they'll also be doing a special salute to Anal Ring Toss. He said they have the inventor of the game coming in and he has something new to add to the game.
Howard took a call from a guy during the 2000th episode celebration. The guy complained about how the states are making decisions about who people can marry and how ridiculous that is. Howard wanted to talk about that but the caller kept interrupting him. Howard hung up on the guy and continued to talk about how ridiculous it is that states won't let people marry whoever they want to marry.
A listener called in to talk about the Counting Crows ''Mr. Jones'' song that they played at the beginning of the show yesterday. Howard and the caller talked about how good that version of the song was. Howard had the guys replay that song again while they were talking about it. Howard kept quiet for a short time while the song played.
Howard said that Gary and Stuttering John had lunch with Jackie the Jokeman yesterday but he was going to talk about that later in the show. The caller asked about the E! uncensored video and what's going on with that. Howard said they've put that on the back burner for a little while. They'll get back to it and try to get it released. Howard didn't have a release date for it though. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard moved on to Debbie the Queefer who was in a different room to do her queefing. Howard said they wanted to do that so they wouldn't confuse the queefs and farts. Howard ended up getting pissed when the guys didn't turn off Junior's microphone. He then got back to Debbie and found out she's 33 years old. She was wearing a really short skirt so they could get the sound out of there. Howard said she was looking pretty sexy to him today. He asked her when she first learned how to queef. She said she was about 5. Howard had her start her queefing a short time later. Gary came in and said that her kid is with her in the green room today. He said she's a trooper for coming down with the kid. She said that she gave birth by Cesarian to save her talent down there. She started her queefing shortly after that. Howard listened in for a short time while she started to warm up her vagina for the queefs.
Howard switched back to Junior for a short time to hear his farting. Howard said he was already up to 169 farts by 6:35. Howard said that Junior had a big smile on his face. He kept talking about other stuff but Howard just wanted him to be quiet and fart. Howard figured that Junior could get up to 2000 farts by 9:30 or so. Junior had to take a break for a few seconds after getting to 200 farts.
Howard said he really doesn't have anything to say to Ron, even today. He said that's why he never has him on the show. He asked Ron if he can fart at will. He said he can't do that and he can't queef either. Ron said he's been up to the show many times with different people but he's never been on the E! show. Howard said he's on ''The Surreal Life'' but really didn't have much else to say to him. He asked him about dating and what else he's up to. Ron said he's working for a porn company but not acting in movies. Howard wrapped up the call after about 5 minutes.
Howard got back to Debbie the Queefer. He listened in as she was making the fart sounds with her private parts. It sounded like a respirator. Howard said she was quickly racking up the numbers but he figured she'd tire before getting to the 2000 queefs. Howard explained how she has to lift up her whole pelvis when she's sucking the air in and pushing it out. Debbie said she might have to take a break after 1000 queefs or so. He joked that they should have her at the Super Bowl half time show next year to piss off the rest of the people that weren't pissed off this year.
Junior the Farter was closing in on 500 farts by 6:45 or so. Howard said he thinks he'll be able to get to the 2000 pretty quickly. He wondered if Junior was pacing himself right to get there. Junior kept the farts coming even though he was getting kind of warm in the studio. Junior kept talking as he was farting so Howard ended up moving on to other stuff.
Artie said Mike (Judge) was really nice about the whole thing. Artie said you have to sign up when you go in for an audition and the name before his was Jolene Blalock. He said he must have just missed her because it was a pretty small audition room. Howard ended up talking about how hot Blalock is. Howard said he doesn't think he could last more than a second if he was with her.
Artie said he's met Mike before so they spent a short time talking before the audition. He said that the auditions are the most awkward things though. He said they had a little small talk going before he had to do the lines. Howard said you can always hear Beavis and Butt-Head in the room with you when talking to Mike. Artie said he does kind of talk like them so it's kind of weird. He said that it's also weird when there are a few people in the room watching him do his thing.
Artie said that Mike tried to express to him what the scene was supposed to be and how Artie should act. Artie said he just had to act like a loser. Howard said that Artie has been preparing for that role for many years. Artie said that he'd been up for about 30 hours at that point. Artie said that he had a meeting before that with another director. He might not have to audition for that part though. He said he showered before the audition with Mike. Then he had a huge breakfast and went down there.
Artie said that the place was in Venice Beach and it was a pretty nice place. He said that there were four people just staring at him while he did the audition. Artie said he had the sides (script) in his back pocket so he'd been sitting on them on the ride over. They were all wrinkled so they gave him a new set. He said he was looking at some of his lines for the first time during the audition. He said he had bomb sweat going on and even Mike noticed and asked him if he wanted to do it again. Artie said that the script is comedy and the lines were funny but the stuff wasn't making anyone laugh. He said there was silence after each scene.
Artie said Mike was being really nice about the whole thing and let him go through all of the scenes. Artie said he heard through his agent that Mike liked him but he doesn't think he's going to get the part. Howard said you can pretty much tell when a guy sucks within 3 seconds. He said he'll let someone go on and on during an audition just to be nice. Artie didn't prepare for the part at all but he said that his filmography should speak for itself. Howard told him he shouldn't even audition anymore. He should just tell people that his performance in ''Dirty Work'' should show them what he can do.
Howard talked about an audition he went on one time where he had to pretend to be electrocuted by his equipment. He said he didn't know how to do it so he just yelled and made some odd looks on his face. He spent a minute talking about that before taking another commercial break.
Robin came in a short time later and said that she thought she overheard this woman and how she won the implants so she was going to disqualify herself. Howard gave up on guessing a short time later and asked her how she won the implants. She's the one who made out with Beetlejuice to win the implants.
Sarah said that she has gotten large implants since then so she showed them how they look. Howard said ''Wow!'' when she pulled them out. She said they look and feel real to her. Howard asked if he could feel them to see how real they feel. She went over and said they do feel really good. Artie got in on the action and felt them as well. Gary and Fred got in on it too and thought they felt real. Benjy was also allowed to feel them. He said that they had nice weight to them.
The guys were feeling them over the shirt so Howard asked if they could feel them without the shirt on. She lifted up her shirt and let them feel her up without the shirt on. She let a few guys feel her up before Howard wrapped up. He asked Sarah about her job at Hooters and what she wears when she's there. She told him about the tank top and short shorts that she has to wear. She said she's just working there while she's going to school. She was a stripper for a short time but said that it just wasn't her thing. She said she makes about $200 a day working there at Hooters. Howard wrapped up and thanked Sarah for coming in a short time later. You can see Sarah's pictures at SalCalabro.com
Jeff ''the Drunk'' Curro wanted to come in to sing a song for them but the only songs they can get clearance for are ''I've Been Working on the Railroad'' and ''God Bless America.'' Howard said he heard that Jeff had a hooker in a cab yesterday so he asked him about that. Jeff said he met this chick on the street and picked her up. He said he's sure that it was a chick but Howard told him that it could have been a dude.
Jeff said he took the chick out to a bar and had some beer and shot pool with her. He also brought her back to the hotel and she wanted $40 for sex. Jeff said that he didn't have that money so he wanted to give her $20 for nothing. While he was talking about this stuff he said something that got the delay button hit. That led to Howard talking about Don Imus and how he uses the S-word on his show and doesn't get in trouble for it. Howard said Kidd Chris told him about that. He said that Don and Mike heard about that and started using the S-word on their show. Now the FCC is so fired up that they're going back two years to fine the stations that aired Bono using the F-word on a TV show.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that Imus' use of the word didn't make it out over the radio waves, it was only on the simulcast on MSNBC. Howard asked him about Don and Mike who said it on the air though. Tom said he didn't know anything about that. Howard said that the FCC has to go after everyone, they can't just pick and choose who they go after. Howard figures if these guys don't have ratings, they don't get punished for doing stuff like that. Howard said he wanted to say the S-word if they can do it. Tom said that they'd censor that out if he said it.
Tom brought up the fact that NBC cut out a scene in ''E.R.'' where they were going to show an old woman's breast because of everything that's going on with the Janet Jackson boob incident. Tom said that it was going to air in ''safe harbor'' but everyone is so freaked out by what's going on that they're cutting it. Tom explained to Howard what has been going on with some shows being fined lately. Gary cut them off because Junior was coming close to 2000 farts.
Howard got back to Junior who was up to 1983 farts at around 7:40. Howard said he was pretty impressed and wanted to see him break the 2000 mark. He broke it about a minute later. Howard wanted him to keep it at 2000 but he wanted to bring it up to 2004 to match the year. Howard let him go and he just kept farting up to 2013.
Debbie the Queefer was up to 1733 around the same time. She was still queefing consistently. Howard left her alone and got back to Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said he was going to sing ''I've Been Working on the Railroad'' for them. Howard remembered that Jeff hadn't finished his story of oral from the hooker. Jeff said she wasn't the cutest chick. He said the cab ride cost him $20 and he gave the hooker $20 as well. Howard wondered if she knew who he was. Jeff said she didn't know until after the fact who he was.
Jeff said something else that got censored out so Howard told him there are rules about what he can say. He said that the hooker ended up whipping off his condom at the end. Howard thought that was kind of weird. He had it on for most of the time.
Jeff mentioned the fact that Robin made a deuce earlier in the show so Robin said that at least she didn't go in her pants. Jeff said that he didn't go in his pants either and wanted to show them the blood blister he had on his ass one of the last times he was on the show. He showed Robin his ass and she checked out his ass. She said it looked like it had cleared up but kind of gave it an ''Ewww'' remark as she looked at it.
Jeff sang the song parody that they'd given him to sing to the tune of ''I've Been Working on the Railroad.'' The guys couldn't understand what he was saying though so Robin suggested that they have him record it in a studio. They had written lyrics for him but he wasn't up to his usual singing standards. Howard told him to go relax in the green room and went to break right after that.
Howard played the Star Trek sound effect again and asked Debbie to make her sound. She was pretty worn out after 2000 queefs. Howard played the turbo lift sound and then had Debbie try to imitate it. She was doing an amazing job of copying the sound. Fred also threw in the Star Trek theme song on top of that. Howard said that they've now gone where no man has gone before. Gary told Howard that they're giving her a $250 gift certificate to Tower Records for coming in to do that. They wrapped up that segment a short time later.
Robin thought it was funny how big of a deal Howard was making over this dog. Howard said Meatball inspired him to get his dog, Bianca, so he really liked the dog. He said he watched those little movies on Sandler's site before he got his dog and fell in love with the bulldog.
Gary said that you'll see boobs on prime time TV all the time, you just don't see nipple. Howard got fed up with the whole discussion and moved on to another Mystery Guest.
Gary had the Mystery Guest come in and say that she was on episodes 1224 and 1225. The guys asked her a bunch of questions trying to figure out who she was. Robin said she had to disqualify herself but Howard said he didn't care if she met her. He just wanted to reveal who it was and get it over with. It turned out to be Erica the Gymnast who got some of the highest ratings on E! for Howard. Gary told Howard that it was actually the rerun of her shows that got the huge ratings.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Erica who also won implants from them. Howard said that she's still got a rockin' body. Erica told Howard that she's been kind of sick trying to quit smoking and her throat is in the process of healing. She said she's having trouble talking. Howard said that she really looked good though. He said her hair was a little short but she looked really good. He said Dr. Calabro did a great job on her boobs. She said that she has a little bit of discomfort on her right side but other than that she seems to be happy with the implants.
Erica said she did a porn shoot that ended up on the web at one point. She said that was before she was on Howard's show and they did that because they needed money. Erica said she's with a new guy who's in a band called Lucid. She said she's staying with him and they're renting to own. They work for her parents at a cell phone accessory store or something like that.
Artie said he was surprised she ever smoked because she looks so healthy. Howard said she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. Robin asked her how she stays in shape. She said she runs sometimes but it's hard to stay motivated. Howard asked her to show her ass so she whipped down her pants. The guys were pretty impressed with it. Howard wanted to try and find some flaws on her but he didn't think there were any. Artie said he's seen her E! show many times but this is the first time he's seeing her in person.
Howard asked to feel her boobs. Erica let him and Artie feel her up. Artie said they feel unbelievable. Howard let her get a plug in for her boyfriend's band after that. She said she had a tape of the band for him to play. Howard said that he has to hear the band. Erica said the band is called Lucid. Her boyfriend plays guitar in the band. Howard had some trouble playing the tape for some reason. Howard said the guy blew his chance having it on tape instead of CD. Scott the Engineer came in and tried to fix it. Howard brought up the fact that Scott quit smoking after having pre-cancerous growths removed from his mouth. He said that once his mouth feels better, he'll be back to smoking.
Howard finally got the tape to play but it wasn't at the beginning. Howard listened to it and said it sounded awfully retro to him. Howard had Erica dance to the music a little bit. Howard told her that she should be a stripper. She said she was and you can go see her at The Grandview in the Poconos.
Howard started to sing along to the song since there were no lyrics in the song that Erica brought in. Fred said that the guy isn't that good at playing guitar and anyone who took two lessons could play like that. Howard thanked Erica for coming in and said that the guy who's banging her is the luckiest guy in the world. The guys said the reason the guy isn't that good at playing is because he's busy banging her.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Erica to fake oral on a banana. She didn't seem to want to do that though so Howard gave up on it. Howard thought she was a little dopey this morning and thought she might be on some kind of drug. They asked her about every kind of drug they could think of. She said ''no'' to every one they asked her about. Howard took a few more calls and wrapped up the segment a short time later. He said he just couldn't let Erica leave because she was so hot. He had to take a break a short time later. Erica thanked Dr. Sal Calabro for the surgery he did on her. Howard also thanked him. Howard asked her to do a handstand before she left. She did that and Howard said he was fully aroused after seeing it. You can see Erica's pictures at SalCalabro.com
Gary came in a short time later and said that Erica was crying again. He said that she was upset that Howard didn't like her boyfriend's band. Howard had her come back in and told her that he has to put together a whole track with a singer and a whole band. It was just him and a drummer on the tape Howard played. Howard calmed her down and told her not to be a baby. He said that the boyfriend's band is fine and he'll do just fine.
Howard brought up a story about Jayson Williams that was in the paper today. There's a guy coming forward saying that Williams blew the head off his dog and pointed the gun at a guest at his house and wanted him to bury it for him. Howard said this allegedly happened 6 months before Williams fatally shot his limo driver. Howard read the article and explained how Williams had bet this guy that he couldn't drag the dog out of the house. The guy was able to drag the dog out so Williams allegedly went up, got a shotgun, came down and shot it. The guy coming forward with the story is claiming that he was forced to bury the dog for Williams. Howard said it sounds like this guy is pretty unstable. Howard said there's also a story about Williams shooting a hubcap of a security guard's car at a stadium one time. This stuff won't be allowed as evidence in court for some reason. Howard blew off his commercial break to get to Savanna Samson.
Howard moved on to the game. He said that Savanna was going to go around the room and ask each guy a question. Here are the questions:
Howard had Savanna ask Benjy her question
Howard told Elliot that he was the most hated guest considering the e-mail and phone calls they get about him when he's on the show. KC was laughing in the background as Elliot was yelling at the top of his lungs. Howard said that he's hated so much because he doesn't let anyone interview him. He just yells and doesn't let anyone else talk.
Elliot's secretary Violet, or whatever she is, claimed to be a singer so Howard asked her to sing a little bit. Elliot kept yelling even while Violet was trying to sing for Howard. She got in a couple of lines and wasn't bad so Howard wondered why she's hanging around with Elliot. She said that he's a great guy. Howard just wanted to get them out of there so he let Elliot get in a plug for the video he wants to put together. Something happened as Howard was trying to get rid of him and the delay button was hit. After Elliot left KC said that Elliot was there since 6am yelling at the top of his lungs like that.
Howard wondered if he'd bang her. She took off her outfit to show off her body. Artie said he'd bang her... So did Savanna. Howard said that she actually did look good for a 48 year old. She said that she never had any kids which was the key to her staying good looking. Howard said he wanted to see her boobs but she wasn't going to show them. Howard figures that they're droopy but she says her husband will tell him that they're not.
Teal said that the only guys that ask her out are 20 and 30 year olds. She said that she just got married again to a 38 year old. She was married to another guy for 18 years but she fell out of love with him. Howard asked her if she has ever done chicks. She said she's never done that and doesn't have any desire to do that.
Teal said that they're launching a web site called TotalTurnOn.com. Howard asked the guys in the studio if they'd bang this chick. Most of the guys, except for KC, said that they'd bang her. KC said he's 28 and looking to bang 20 year olds, not 48 year olds. Artie said he's banged women a lot worse looking that this chick. Howard thanked her for coming in after that. She said that you'll be able to see her on that web site. She said her husband is with other women on the web site but it's not sex, it's just erotic pictures.
Artie was doing his impression of Elliot Offen during that segment so Howard told him that he should have done that for Mike Judge. Gary said even though Artie screwed up the audition, it was still the best 5 days of his life because of all the bets he won out in Vegas.
Gary brought in the last of the guests they had for the show today. They were supposed to be Mystery Guests. Jeff Levy the Vomit Guy came in along with a bunch of other people. He's the guy who likes to have women vomit on him. A woman who was there said she was one woman who threw up on him. Jeff said that the vomit thing is very under appreciated. He said that he went to a club a couple of months ago and had a woman throw up on him. He said he had to pay for it though. The woman said that she hasn't thrown up on him since then. She said that her husband, Zolar, convinced her to do it for the show. She really didn't do it for any other reason.
Howard was most surprised that Zolar actually has a wife. Jeff Levy said that he has a girlfriend as well but she doesn't like to vomit on him. Howard moved on to the next guest who was Brad, the kid who went to the prom with Houston the porn star. He said he's moving down to Ft. Lauderdale soon and hasn't spoken much to Houston. He said she called him not too long ago and asked him to do some porn with her for her web site but he turned her down. Gary said that Brad and Houston lived together for a while. Brad said she was a liar about a lot of stuff. He also said that his current girlfriend might break up with him after today because she's so annoyed that this stuff keeps coming up. Brad said that he's going to take over his uncle's business down in Florida. It's a court reporter company and he'll be managing the business.
Richie from E! came in and said that they did a shoot at Jeff Levy's house one time and it wreaked of urine. Jeff said he's got 6 dogs at the house and they might make a mess once in a while. Richie said that you could almost see the urine dripping from the walls. Jeff also said that he's on disability because people seem to think he's crazy or something.
The next guest was Solitaire who won breast implants after Howard and the guys threw baloney at her ass. She said that she needs some help from Howard now because she needs some fat sucked out of her ass. She said that she's got a wedding to go to later this year and needs to look good for it. Howard told her he'd send her to Dr. Calabro if she threw up on Jeff Levy. Howard said he wasn't even sure he wanted to see that though.
Howard said Savanna sure looked bangable today. He also thanked Dr. Sal Calabro for giving all of those women breast implants. He said after a few years the breast implants look better than they do weeks after they're put in. Howard also thanked Chester from ChesterMolestHer.com who showed up to play Anal Ring Toss. They had to save that for tomorrow's show since it had gotten so late today. Howard said that Jon Bon Jovi will be in tomorrow so maybe he'll want to play Anal Ring Toss with them. Howard had Robin start her news shortly after that.
During the news Howard brought up a story about a two headed baby that was born. Robin seemed a little hesitant to believe it but Howard said it was a real story (Click here)
Howard started off the show talking about the big 2000th E! show that aired last night. He wanted someone to figure out how many radio shows he's done. Robin said ''Oh forget it...'' when she heard that.
Howard said today they have Anal Ring Toss, Jon Bon Jovi and Valerie who slept with both Stuttering John and Gilbert Gottfried years ago. Howard spent some time talking about the guests they've had in the past who should be good interviews but turn out to be duds. He talked about Warren Beatty and a couple of others who turned out to have nothing to say when they came on the show.
Howard brought up a wrestler who has no arms or legs and is able to beat people who have arms and legs. Howard said he saw tape of this guy and said he also played football. Robin seemed to think Howard was pulling her leg but he said he saw video of it. He and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about the guy. Howard said he has incredible spirit. He said he looked at that guy like Brad Pitt looks at him. Pitt probably wonders how Howard gets through life looking the way he does.
Robin told Howard about a story she remembered about Paul Newman going to an audition with a friend of his and he got the part instead of his friend just because he was so good looking.
Howard said he was going to go to some phone calls but Stuttering John was in the back doing something on the computers that screwed him up. John came in and told Howard that Jeff from IBM came in yesterday and said he fixed the problem. It was still happening though so Howard said he's going to have to get involved.
Howard said that Beth thinks he's insane now because he's been organizing himself at home so much. He said that he's gotten so into organizing that he hardly sees her anymore. Artie asked him if he's seen any changes since he's organized so much. Howard said he has been able to remember stuff now because he's writing everything in his organizer. He said he just has to write stuff down in his book in the right place and it works out for him. He said he has this FranklinCovey organizer that he loves. Robin asked to see it but he wasn't going to show it to her at first. Then he decided to take it out and show it off. He showed Robin the thing and she started to goof on it pretty quick. She pointed out that it's a 6 ring binder. He said he was ready to put it away at that point. He kept going though and showed her what he had there.
He showed her his monthly view and everything that was marked out as vacation, important appointments and stuff like that. He showed the important dates he had in there and found that he has some important things in there. He found one thing about the Sacramento radio station he's on. The radio station out there has named the station after him with the call letters KHWD. They're playing 24 hours a day of his show according to his organizer. Howard said the reason it's in his book is because his computer is down and he's not able to enter it in there. He said the book is his backup. He said that everything is entered manually by him. Robin said he could have it printed out for him but he doesn't want that.
Howard said he has his long-term goals in a note pad that's in the date book. He can transfer stuff that he wants to put in there. The book has become his life. Howard figured Robin would be impressed but she said that she wasn't. Artie said he was surprised that Howard was shying away from computers so much. Artie said he doesn't think he's got that much to remember so he doesn't bother with an organizer. Howard told him that he probably does have a lot of stuff but he just doesn't remember them.
Howard told the guys why he had to get himself organized like that. He said he was forgetting about stuff that he needed to do and other people weren't reminding him. He said that he'd forget to tell Laura that he had a meeting or something and he'd forget about it. Now he has everything written down and won't forget. Howard predicted that Robin would have an organizer within a year because she'll be so impressed with his. Howard jokingly told Gary to put his organizer with his biking equipment... That he doesn't use anymore.
Howard said they'll be talking to Gary and Stuttering John about their lunch with Jackie the Joke Man today. They'll also be going over some other stories that they've talked about lately. He said he's got more on DJ Mark Parento and a bunch of other stuff as well. He took a break a short time later.
Howard wondered who the genius was out there who came up with that idea. The board op said that the guy's name was Byron Kennedy. Howard said that's something they should have done on his own station in New York but Tom would never come up with something like that. He said the idea there is to get that station on the top of their minds. Howard said that they could call it ''Stern 92.3'' or something like that. He said he's insulted every day by the station he works at. Howard said he's very honored by what that station did. Howard wished Ned luck out there with their new format.
Howard wanted to hear some of the promos they have running out there. Ned played a couple for him and Howard seemed blown away by that. He said he never even dreamed that someone would name a radio station after him. Robin told him to call his dad to let him know what's going on. Howard said he doesn't need to know about that. Robin reminded him that his father is the one who didn't think he could even be in radio.
Howard wanted to hear one more promo before he got off the line with the board op. He said that he wants to talk to this guy Byron Kennedy out there at that station. Ned said that Byron is the program director for two stations in Sacramento. Howard said that he's looking for someone to run his corporation and he might need that guy to run it.
Howard and the guys talked about how empty Tom Chiusano's head is when it comes to stuff like that. Howard said that Tom has an in-box but it's always empty. Tom came in a short time later. Howard asked him why he never came up with the idea to change the call letters to something with his name in it. Tom said he could see it now, WHWD... Howard said he even likes Stern 92.3. He thought that was a brilliant move on that station's part.
Howard said he has to say how glad he is to be done with that stuff now. Howard said if Jackie did come back without getting the $50,000 he was looking for, he would have resented them for the rest of his life. Howard said that most people in radio don't make half of what Jackie was making, and Jackie was a writer. Howard said the whole thing backfired on Jackie.
Howard wanted to forget Shuli's game and just had the guys talk about what went on at lunch. John said that it was kind of weird for him and he didn't say that much at lunch. He said it was more like a business lunch than a fun lunch. He said the real issue for the lunch was that Howard was saying that he left the door open for 6 to 8 months and he didn't come back. Howard said he never said he gave him 6 to 8 months and he was wrong about that.
Howard said he spoke to Jackie shortly after he left and asked him to come back. He said Jackie never told him he was leaving, he just left and didn't come back. Howard said he called him shortly after that and asked Jackie to come back. He said Jackie told him he was done with the negotiations so Howard figured he was just doing what he'd done in the past. He said he saved the guy's job for him and he didn't come back. Howard said he waited months and months for him to come back.
John and Gary said that Jackie is telling them that he only waited 2 months before they yanked the deal. Jackie said when his agent called the station and said they wanted the deal, they never got back to him. John said that no one ever called him back after that two months. Robin said there was a deadline for that contract and it was taken off the table shortly after Jackie turned it down. He's the one who turned down the deal so it's his fault according to Howard.
John also said that Jackie was bothered by the fact that Howard said that he didn't want Jackie back after he left. Howard said that Jackie did that to him all the time and he was done with it. He said it was very unprofessional of him to do that.
John said that Jackie asked Tom if he really didn't remember how long it was from the time he left until he decided to take the deal. They said it was very uncomfortable at the table after that. Howard took responsibility for letting Jackie walk all over them over the years he was on the show. He said he always stuck up for Jackie when he was going through his contract negotiations. He'd go in to Mel Karmazin and defend Jackie when he walked off the show. Mel would tell him he wanted Jackie out of there but Howard would back him up and keep him around.
Robin said Jackie didn't appreciate any of the stuff Howard did for him. She said she was livid that Jackie walked off the show that last time and she didn't want him back. Howard said that Jackie was playing hardball that last time and Tom was giving him ''the store.'' Howard said that it was a lot of money. Tom said that it was security as well.
Howard said that everyone loved hanging out with Jackie because he's so fun. He said the only person that doesn't like Jackie is Jackie. Tom and the guys also said that they had a lot of fun with him.
Gary said that Jackie was able to extract an apology from Tom during that lunch even though Tom didn't seem to be sincere about it. Tom said he really felt bad for Jackie after the lunch. The apology may not have gone over well with Jackie but Tom said he was sincere about it.
Howard said he used that money that Jackie turned down to do other stuff on the show and to hire more people to work there. He couldn't change that after they made the changes.
Stuttering John said he walked home with Jackie after lunch and Jackie couldn't get over the 2 months thing. John said that he asked Jackie why it made a difference. The amount of time didn't matter because he's the one that walked off the show. Gary said that Jackie had another problem with something Howard did but wouldn't get into details. He and John talked about how crazy the lunch was because it was supposed to be a friendly thing and it didn't turn out that way.
Howard said he thinks that he's done talking about this stuff as of today. John said that Jackie did goof on Gary's teeth and stuff like that so they did have some fun. Jackie hasn't had a drink in 3 years now according to Gary. John also said he jokingly told Jackie that maybe they could do something like ''The Apprentice'' and he could apply for an internship on the show.
Gary said that he asked Jackie to stop by the 2000th show yesterday but he turned it down. That led to Shuli talking about seeing the 2000th show on E! last night. He said that Erica the Gymnast looked good even with the short hair cut she had. John said that someone said it looked like her face was busted... Then he said that he was the one who said it. Howard thought she looked good though. Robin pointed out that she has this big mole on her face but Howard said he never saw it. They spent a minute on that but Howard had to take a break.
Howard also talked about Martha Stewart and her court case. He said he doesn't think she'll do any jail time though. He said that he thinks the FCC will look really dumb in a few years after this Janet Jackson stuff blows over. He said that if parents just stay home with their kids and raise them, they'll end up fine. A woman's breast isn't going to change the way a kid grows up according to Howard.
Howard spent a little time talking about how he's looking at possibly voting democrat this upcoming election because he doesn't like the way things are going with Bush. He said that we're in for some really bad times in the future after Bush leaves office. He said it's really creepy when Republican's say they want less government and then the FCC is doing a full investigation into the flash of a woman's breast on TV. Howard and Robin discussed that stuff for a short time before moving on to other stuff.
Howard said that David Letterman had a really hot snow boarder on his show last night. He wondered what kind of job snow boarder is when he brought that up. He said that she's 28 and looks like a model to him. They did some kind of stunt there on the show and slammed into the sidewalk when she slipped and fell off the side of the ramp they had. Howard said Letterman did the right thing and canceled the show so he could go over to the hospital to see how she was doing. Robin said they've been waiting for one of those stunts to go wrong for 20 years while that show has been on the air. Howard said that's why you watch stuff like that, you're waiting for an accident to happen.
Howard played an Onion Radio News bit where they talk about the FCC not being able to stop the use of the word ''Friggin.'' In the bit they talk about how the FCC's hands are tied because it's not even a real word.
Howard said that he heard that Jimmy Kimmel was talking about having Kathie Lee Gifford as his permanent co-host. He said that it would be a really bad idea to do that. Jimmy has other problems with the show and he doesn't need her on there to add to the problems.
Howard said that David Spade is coming in next week. They have a picture of Spade's new girlfriend Sara Foster in the paper and she's really hot. She's the chick who's in the movie ''The Big Bounce.'' Howard said he used to watch her on MTV in the past and she's pretty hot. Robin said that Howard would really like her when she saw the movie.
John said that he was trying to get another girl at the time so he knew it would be just one night. Valerie said that it was a fun night though. John went on to tell a story about how he was shopping for a gift for his girlfriend at the time and ended up getting Valerie's phone number. John had a picture of her from 12 years ago where she looked hot. Howard was in the picture as well and he was disgusted by his huge hair.
John said that he took Valerie to dinner that one night and ended up getting on stage to sing. She said she was only 21 at the time and didn't care if it was just one night with him. John never called her after that night.
Valerie said she only had sex with him that one time and they'd had drinks that night so it was kind of hard to compare him to Gilbert. She said that Gilbert was really good to her. Gary said that she told him that John was a typical Long Island screw. She said that it was just an average screw and neither of them had done anything embarrassing or anything like that.
John asked Valerie to show Howard her breasts. Valerie pulled them out a short time later. She said that they're real after showing them her D-cups. John and Howard both said they were nice.
Howard asked Valerie what it was like to be with Gilbert Gottfried. She said he was a good guy. Howard heard that she was back together with him but she said that wasn't true. Howard wondered if he would actually talk to her back when they were going out. She said he was kind of shy but they did talk. She said that they'd lay there in bed and talk about stuff. She said she didn't remember exactly what they talked about. She did remember that he would show pictures of movie sets he'd worked on.
Stuttering John said that Gilbert lives in a tenement building and it's rent controlled. Valerie said he never really paid for anything either. She said she paid for her own drinks. He never had that much stuff in his apartment either so there was nothing to eat there. She said that he never gave her anal either. She said that he might have spanked her but not in a deviant way. She said that he was very sweet to her though. She couldn't remember if she got oral from him but thinks that it probably did happen.
Howard said he had a caller on the line who had some info about the 11 year old girl who was kidnapped the other day. The caller said they just reported that she was found dead behind a building. Howard said that really sucks. He and the guys spent a minute on that before getting back to Valerie.
John asked Valerie if he was bigger in the pants than Gilbert was. She said that they were both average. She also said that she had an orgasm with Gilbert every time she had sex with him. John said she was changing her story though because he spoke to her the other day and she was saying that he was bigger in the pants than Gilbert was. She said that Gilbert seemed pretty normal while they were laying there in bed. When she'd wake up the next morning there would be no food to eat so she'd have to eat on her way home. She said that both John and Gilbert are good guys.
Howard said they asked Fran Shea about what it was like when they first put him on E! almost 10 years ago. He said that Fran sent them a bunch of facts about what happened and how there were some things that went on that they didn't know about. There were new owners that came in and wanted to cancel Howard's contract at one point. Fran also talked about the new open for the show with the pigeons had to be shot twice because the cameras didn't work right the first time.
Howard said that Fran had to call the new head of E! after Howard goofed on her on the air. After she called in and asked him to stop, it got worse. Howard also used to call Fran and yell at her a lot about screwing up the show. There was also a story about E! doing a focus group where they found out that women hated Howard. They did some other shoots up close of Howard just talking about how he loves women and the focus groups changed their minds.
Howard moved on to the Anal Ring Toss game. They had a new girl in to play the game. Howard was really impressed with the girls they bring in. This guy Chester Molester (ChesterMolester.com) was there since he was the one who invented the game. Taylor said that she just turned 21 years old. Chester said they ran into her out at a bar one night and became good friends with each other. Chester said they're out playing Anal Ring Toss just about every night at bachelor parties and stuff.
Howard spoke to Taylor a little bit and she'll be the one holding the stick in her ass. The girl they used last time, Cat, is busy doing taxes for people since she's an accountant.
KC came in and said that Jon Bon Jovi was there so he might want to come in and play some Anal Ring Toss. Howard said he may not want to come in because he's the owner of an Arena Football team.
Howard asked the 21 year old if they could feel her boobs and touch her ass if they win. Artie is the Lord of the Anal Rings of course. Gary came in and said that he explained the game to Jon and he laughed harder than he'd ever seen but he's going to pass on playing. Howard said he's pussy whipped and that's why he's not playing.
Howard talked to the girls a little more about sex stuff for a short time. One girl said she's only had about six guys in her life. She's had some girls as well. She said that she didn't get into that until she met Cat.
Howard said that Artie would be going first in the game. The 21 year old stuck the stick in her ass and got ready for the rings to be tossed. Artie got all three of his rings on the pole. Howard knew he had no chance after seeing that. They decided to move the line back and had the girl move up so there was more room between them. Gary ended up getting just one ring after the move. Artie got up again and tossed his rings. He got two rings that time. Stuttering John got up and threw his rings. He got just one ring. Howard then went up and tossed his rings. He missed a couple and gave up.
Artie got to feel up Taylor since he'd won. The guys told him to really grab her ass and smack her around a bit. Taylor played along and asked him to spank her hard and stuff like that. Artie was all revved up and doing his AC/DC impression as he yelled at her to do stuff.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Taylor about having sex with Cat the other night. She told him about Cat wanting to give her a little loving before she left for New York. They both performed oral on each other. The delay was hit a couple of times during the segment so we missed out on some of the conversation. Howard had to wrap up the segment to get to Jon Bon Jovi.
Chester told Howard they have a thing they'll do next time called Double Anal Death where they have people who tie throw rings at two girls. Howard said he cant' wait for that to happen. He let them go after that and had Jon come in.
Howard wondered why Jon didn't buy a Jersey team. He said that team moved to Vegas and they were't available. He ended up getting the Philadelphia team instead. Howard said Jon looks like a real business man now. Robin said he used to come in dressed wearing leather pants with his long hair.
Howard asked Jon about who hires the players and all of that. Jon said that he's smart enough to let the coach hire the players. He said they also have cheerleaders and he went to both tryouts for that. He said he wasn't going to miss that. Howard said he thinks Jon is banging some of those chicks but Jon said that's not happening.
Jon told Howard that he's into every aspect of the team other than the players. He said that he had to come up with the name of the team and a bunch of other stuff like that. He invited Howard to come down to see one of the games sometime. He claims that the games are sold out already.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Jon. One caller said that the NY Jets sold for about $600 million a few years ago and Jon probably couldn't afford that. Howard said that Jon has that kind of money and he could afford that. A caller suggested that Jon have an anal ring toss game during the half time show of one of his games. That led to Jon and Howard talking about the Janet Jackson boob thing. Both of them said that they should just get over it and move on already, it was just a boob.
Howard said Jon and the guys changed all of their songs and put out a new album, ''This Left Feels Right: Greatest Hits With a Twist,'' a short time ago. Howard said he got very upset over that. Jon told him that a lot of people got upset that they did that to their hit songs. Howard played some of the new stuff and said he was kind of digging it. When he played ''Livin on a Prayer'' he said that's the one that pissed him off.
Jon told Howard that he looks really skinny to him these days. He and Howard spent a short time talking about that and about each other's lives. Howard also asked Jon about who he's hanging out with these days. Jon mentioned some of the guys he's mentioned in the past. He's still hanging out with the same guys he's hung out with for years. He hasn't seen Bill Clinton in a while now but he has hung with him before.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Jon. One woman was really annoying so Howard hung up on him. Vinnie Favale called in and said that Jon just came up with a script about wife swapping that he's going to star in. Howard played one of Vinnie's love tapes and said that it was a scene from the movie. Howard asked Vinnie if he was on his way over to coddle David Letterman. He said he was on his way in to work so Howard ended up telling Jon about what Dave did when a snow boarder wiped out during his show yesterday. He didn't finish taping the show and didn't tape the second show because he was at the hospital making sure the woman was okay.
Howard gave Jon a couple of plugs for the ''This Left Feels Right Live'' DVD that's coming out next week. He took a couple more phone calls and one woman said she'd do anything to meet Jon. She said she'd even play Anal Ring Toss and hold the stick for the game. Howard put her on hold and said they'd have her in next time Jon is on.
Jon told Howard about the movie that he wrote and what the plot was. He said the movie is really about the repercussions of what would happen if a couple did swap wives. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then Howard played some more stuff from the ''This Left Feels Right'' album. Howard sang along to it as well.
Robin asked Jon what the band would sound like if they were just starting out today. He said he wasn't sure because he tunes in to MTV and sees all of the stuff they're putting on and it's not that good. Howard sang some more songs on his own. Artie got in on it as well and sang a couple of Bon Jovi Songs as Brian Johnson from AC/DC. Howard said they should do a tribute album to Bon Jovi doing the songs like that. Howard gave Jon a couple more plugs in for his football team the Philadelphia Soul and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line to play his weekly Gossip Game. He talked to Mike about his Sacramento station changing it's name to KHWD or ''Howard 93.7.'' Mike wondered why Howard never tells him stuff like this ahead of time. Howard said he didn't know it was that big of a deal.
Howard said he has some gossip about Robin that he'd love to tell him but won't. Mike said that no one would ever know what it was because Mike never tells who he gets his information from.
Howard moved on to the game a short time later so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Another caller told Howard that the hot snow boarder that crashed on Letterman's show last night is also on the cover of FHM magazine. Howard also talked about how Jon Bon Jovi wanted to produce an album with him. Howard said he's tried to sing in the past and it never worked out very well though. He didn't want to listen to any of his old stuff and had Robin get back to her news after playing about 10 seconds of his ''Great American Nightmare'' from the ''Private Parts'' soundtrack.
Debbie Schlussel called in at one point to plug an article about the movie ''Miracle'' she has on her web site DebbieSchlussel.com. Howard thought it was funny that she gives out her web site but no one knows how to spell her last name. He had Artie try to spell her name after getting off the line with her. Artie spelled it ''SCHUSSEL'' which was close but was also missing a letter. Howard had Robin get back to her news again after that.
Gary came in while Robin was talking about a guy who had his testicles bitten by his girlfriend. Gary said that he went to the doctor to get a check up and the guy thought he found something in there. They ended up doing a sonogram on his balls to see if there was anything in there. He could see the testicles on the screen as the sonogram was going on and it was really embarrassing. He said the doctor was chatting about stuff as he was doing it and it really creeped him out. He said he looked away as they were talking. Artie said that's better than having a woman doctor though. Gary said it felt really weird to have a dude messing around with his junk like that though. Howard said he's had guy doctors do stuff like that to him as well. Gary said that the doctor didn't find anything in there after doing the check.
Gary said the manual check of his testicles was kind of uncomfortable. He said the doctor was holding them like a pair of dice. Artie was doing his impression of George Takei as the doctor inspecting Gary's balls for a short time. Robin got back to her news shortly after that.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that it's even more embarrassing when you're uncircumcised and you go to the doctor. He said this is what he's heard from other people. Howard goofed on him for a few seconds about his love tapes before hanging up on him.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he'd just spoken to Tammy Lynn Michaels, Melissa Ethridge's wife, and she gave him some names of A-list celebrities that are apparently gay. Chaunce said he didn't want to give out their names on the air though. Howard said that a lot of gay people think that everyone is gay. He said that he was told about some people who were supposed to come out of the closet a while back and never heard anything about it. Howard said the guy who gave him the information was gay but it's obvious he didn't know what he was talking about.