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Howard thanked Korn for that ''stirring rendition'' of ''Another Brick in the Wall'' when he started the show. He went on to complain about how cold it was in the studio this morning. Robin said that the lights in there will warm it up quick enough but the winter weather is on it's way to the area and they may be getting some snow around the area. Robin told Howard and the guys about her Friday night introducing Korn at their concert. She said she had to ice her knees after that but it wasn't because she was giving the guys oral, she hurt her knees when she fell over in England.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Bill who said that Robin was drunk on stage Friday night. Robin said she wasn't drunk at all though. Bill said that the crowd booed her when she mentioned her new TV show deal. There was some confusion about exactly what she said on stage. Howard mentioned that Tommy Chong would be in later in the morning to talk about going to jail. They're also having Mark Harris in to try out for Howard's job. He seems to think that he'd make a good replacement for him when he moves to satellite. Howard played one of Mark's songs and said that he's right in tune with the audience... if you're doing a radio show in the 30's. They asked Mark to send them a tape of any sound effects he might want for his radio show but he ended up sending a tape of what his actual radio show would be. Gary told Howard that it's Mark and his daughter doing the show together. The few seconds of the show that Howard played sounded awful. Gary said there were some creepy things on the tape so Howard continued to play it. Mark was asking his teenage daughter and her friend if they are still virgins. Howard thought that was pretty creepy. Howard said he's never heard a guy who can take sex and make it boring. The guy is convinced that he can replace Howard and Howard would love for them to actually hire him. He said he might actually listen. Mark was also on Larry King Live the other night so Howard played tape of that. There was a woman filling in for Larry and she asked Mark about what he's doing these days. Mark claims that he's been writing a lot and conceiving shows. He was rambling about a gay talk show he wants to do for Viacom and how he has a meeting with them about that. Gary pointed out some of the shows that Mark has ''conceived'' and none of them have gone anywhere.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard to play a certain bit from the Mark Harris radio show. Vinnie was telling Howard about what Mark will be doing when he comes in today as well. Howard said he's not sure he'll be able to sit through it though. Howard played more of Mark's stuff and his daughter just screams out for no reason during the show. Vinnie said that's their signature and Mark will also scream. Mark did a song parody about Michael Jackson that he played during the radio show bit. The daughter was laughing at it but Howard sounded like he felt sorry for that poor kid. The guys goofed on the tapes for a couple of minutes as Howard played the awful Michael Jackson song parody. Vinnie had to get going after helping out with that. Howard had some new jingles that they put together for Mark's radio show so he played a few of those. They threw in a gagging clip from a porn movie at the end of each one and said that should be the signature sound for the radio show. Howard said he's going to keep it to a strict 10 minute radio show but Gary told him that he can bail out at around 5 minutes because he already told Mark he's going to have between 5 and 10 minutes to do the radio show thing.
Howard got back to the tapes of Mark's radio show and continued to goof on it all. Fred was doing an impression of Mark and goofing on him as well. A phone caller asked Howard if he was seriously going to let Mark do a radio show. Howard said they had a meeting where Vinnie suggested letting him do it and they thought it was a good idea. Now that Howard has heard these tapes, he's thinking it might be a bad idea. The caller said he's going to have to tune out for a while if that's the case. Gary said he wouldn't be able to listen to Mark's show at all if it was actually on the radio. It's only interesting for Mark and his daughter.
Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Howard if he saw Bob Dylan on ''60 Minutes'' last night. Howard saw it and thought it was pretty good. Chaunce thought it was kind of odd. Robin said she liked the interview so much that she had to rewind it and watch it a second time. Howard likes Bob Dylan and thought he was cool in that interview. Chaunce didn't think that someone could write so many hit songs and still be that miserable. The interview was a bit short according to Robin and Howard. They both said that they would have liked to have heard more. Howard had to cut that discussion off so he could take a commercial break.
Howard took a call from a guy up in Syracuse and they're still playing clips where they're bad mouthing his show and talking about how he's spending too much time talking about his future in satellite radio. The caller suggested that the fans up there stop supporting the station's sponsors after they cut Howard's show off at 10am. Howard said he doesn't really want to say that because they've been good to him up there for years. The sponsors have supported the show up there for years and he doesn't want to just screw them. Howard told the guy that he believes it's this woman Judy at Citadel Communications who is making them do that stuff up there. He and the caller talked about how lame it is that they're cutting the show off like that. Howard understands why people are upset that he's leaving radio to go to satellite but he just can't do his radio show like he used to and he had to make the move. Howard played the tape of the announcement they're playing up there in Syracuse to let the other markets hear what's going on. Howard picked apart each part of the message as it was playing. They point out that you have to buy new equipment to hear Howard's show on satellite so Howard said you have to pay for regular radios as well. Howard said that you get no commercials with the service and that's what you're paying for when you pay the monthly service. Howard was also pointing out that the sponsors on the Syracuse station are paying for the radio shows and they expect the listeners to buy their products. Howard had a second message that they've been playing up there where the GM comes back with a rebuttal to Howard's complaints about them. They're still complaining that Howard is spending too much time talking about his move to Sirius. Howard can't believe they're playing that stuff because it's like they're telling their listeners to go listen to another station. Howard wished them luck up there and said that he's a better man than that and won't bad mouth them. He said that they're the ones making a topic out of this whole thing, not him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the easiest Christmas this year and bought about 30 guys some Sirius equipment. Howard said he's been offering up all of these stations the chance to party for another year and get great ratings during that time. It's getting his show a lot of attention and all of the stations can take advantage of that for the whole year. The Syracuse station isn't taking advantage of that, they're just punishing the audience and cutting the show off at exactly 10 in the morning. The fans want to hear the whole show so the station is doing nothing but hurting themselves.
Another caller was telling Howard about how he has his Sirius system set up at home but the delay was hit because he must have been talking about it a bit too much. The caller also brought up the uncensored E! shows that they have on Howard's web site and how great one of them was. Howard said he always forgets to mention those shows. He's seen some of them lately and has forgotten about them since they happened. The caller ended up asking for an Apple iPod since he heard Howard talking about them earlier. Howard gave the guy one as a prize.
Another caller told Howard that the whole Mark Harris thing is a great idea and it's going to lead to them having a bunch of great things to goof on for a while. Howard played some more of the clips he was playing earlier and said he's not going to be able to make it through the whole ten minute radio show. He said he can only get through a few seconds before he wants to whack the guy in the head.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard what they hit the button on with the previous phone caller. Howard said it probably had to do with the Sirius discussion he was having. He doesn't even know what they're chopping out of the show anymore. King was telling Howard that he's going on a local urban station, WBLS, to promote Howard's move to Sirius. Howard wondered why they would have him on for something like that and he thinks that they're doing it just to be part of his whole thing. He said that's kind of lame. King said he may not do it if Howard thinks it's lame. Howard told him he can do what he wants but he does think it's lame. Howard said they got a letter from King about what he wants to do on his Sirius radio show if Howard will give him one. Howard said it was filled with typos and misspelled words. Howard had to read it on the air because it was so funny. It started off with ''I perpose 'ask that nigga' alive call in talk show.'' There were many other mistakes that Howard pointed out but King swore that he didn't write it himself. He had a friend write it for him over the phone. King said that he knows how to spell and he wouldn't have sent that in himself. Howard said he knows that King had to have written it himself.
Howard told Tommy that he can't believe that he was busted for what he did. Tommy said it wasn't even his business, it was his son's. The day they came to his house to search the place, they told him he wasn't under arrest. He said they found a bunch of money in the house and took that. Luckily he didn't have any weapons in the house, otherwise he'd still be doing time. Tommy said they banged on the door that day and came rushing in wearing helmets and stuff. They charged him with just selling bongs and shipping them across state lines. That's what he got charged with even though they found about a pound of pot in his place. Tommy claims that he doesn't smoke all that much, he never did. He told Howard he had the pound because he grew it himself and would give it away to friends. Tommy was led to believe that he would never go to jail for the whole bong thing. He heard that the worst charge that anyone got for something like that was house arrest. Tommy was ready for house arrest but that's not what he got.
Howard talked to Tommy about the old Cheech and Chong movies and how well they did financially. Tommy said he and Cheech made out pretty well back then. Tommy also told Howard that they weren't making all that much money with the bong business. He said his son would only sell the finest bongs out there and they were actually losing money on the whole thing. Howard thought that a bong was a legitimate thing to sell because people use them for tobacco smoking as well. Tommy said they threatened to charge his wife and son in the whole thing so Tommy took the hit for the whole thing instead. Tommy pointed out the hypocrisy of the whole thing and how busting him for selling bongs isn't going to stop people from using the drug. Howard told Tommy that he doesn't care if people smoke pot as long as they don't get in their cars and kill him. He thinks that all drugs should be legalized. He can't believe that there were't more outraged celebrities out protesting when Tommy was charged. Tommy says that he could still be charged if he is even around people who have drug paraphernalia.
Tommy said he has a bunch of jail stories to tell Howard. He shared one about his cell mate who was an actor who had some financial problems which led to his sentence. Tommy said he got such an education in there that he couldn't get anywhere else. Tommy said he actually loved the time he spent in prison. He joined up with an Indian group that had a sweat lodge in the prison. Tommy said that the worst part being there was the first day when he was in the dormitory and there were 250 guys eating beans in the cafeteria. He said it was like a symphony. Tommy was able to play guitar and all of the toilets had doors so he didn't have to crap or even shower in front of other guys.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Tommy could have gotten up to 12 years in prison for doing what he did. He said that his lawyer actually did a good job and got him off easy. Howard let a couple of other callers through to talk about how there are still tons of other web sites doing what Tommy was doing. There are also head shops in his area that sell that stuff every day up in his area.
Tommy said that he had to get a job after getting out of jail so he's working in the Marijuana Logues and it's great because he's doing something he enjoys. You can find out more at PotShow.com. Tommy said that he and Cheech Marin have gotten back together and will be working on some stuff in the future. He said that they're writing a great movie that Howard will like. Tommy also said that Cheech came and visited him while he was in jail. He said that Cheech had to go through a lot to get in there but he eventually made it there. Howard was glad to hear that Tommy and Cheech made up and are back together now. He gave him another plug for the Marijuana Logues and wrapped up the segment a short time later. You can also find Cheech and Chong stuff at CheechAndChong.com.
Mark and Howard argued about President Bush for a short time but Howard cut Mark off and told him he would bring him back in at 8:30 to do his 10 minute demo show. Howard said that he can bring his daughter in if he wants because the 5 minutes is all for him. Howard told Mark that he can use the jingles they created for him if he wants. Mark wasn't interested in that because they all say stuff about him being gay. Howard also asked Mark about this show he wants to do for the new gay channel that Viacom has coming out. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she watched Mark on Larry King's show the other night and she found a new respect for him after watching that show. Howard said he doesn't believe that Mark was in love with Martha Raye, who he was married to, and the whole bonus for marrying her was the money he got in the end. Howard said he thinks that Mark may be bi-sexual but he prefers men. Mark said that he had two women last year and only one man. Howard asked Mark how many times he had sex with Martha Raye in the years he was married to her. Mark said he doesn't remember exactly how many times it was because they were married for 3 years. Howard said he believes that Mark only did her one time to consummate the marriage. Mark said there is no law about consummating the marriage in Los Angeles so he wouldn't have to do it just for that.
Howard believes that the only reason Mark gets on the air at all these days is because he gave him the first shot on radio. Mark said that Mancow has let him on his show many times and they've had some great times there. Gary wondered if Mark is done doing Howard's show because it certainly sounds that way from the way he was talking this morning. Mark said that Howard is the original but the days of the shock jock are over.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Mark that he should get his daughter up there for his radio show. Vinnie said this is not what they talked about and she's the whole show. Vinnie said this is not what they discussed but Mark said that he will not let Vinnie dictate to him how to be a parent. Mark said that he's not going to let his daughter come up there today and he doesn't appreciate Vinnie trying to tell him what to do. Mark got kind of hostile toward Vinnie who is the guy who stuck his neck out and got him this chance. Vinnie said he was stunned that Mark was turning on him like this. Mark's radio show is called ''Life with Father'' but his daughter is supposed to be part of the whole thing. Vinnie kept telling him that this is not what they discussed but Mark didn't care. Mark says that he will not bring his daughter into ''this arena'' with them. Howard said if Mark wants to ruin his audition, that's fine with him. It's his 5 minute show and he can do whatever he wants to. Howard said that he doesn't care either way if she's on or not, he just wants to hear the show.
Howard took a couple of calls after that. High Pitch Erik called in and said he thinks he'll have a radio show before Mark Harris does. A woman called in and said that she likes when Mark is on the show and she wants him on even more. That led to Gary saying that Mark calls them very little to get on the show these days. Mark said his ex-wife actually has cancer and he's been helping her out with that. Mark said he changed his number and went into seclusion after that happened, that's why he disappeared for a while. Howard sent Mark off to calm down in the green room for short time before he lets him do his 5 minute radio show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice was turned away from that show on Friday. Gary came in and said that Beetlejuice and his manager were given tickets but then they were taken away because of some things that went on at the station last Friday. Howard was being kind of cryptic but it sounds like there were some misunderstandings there at the station. Howard said he's sorry to hear that because Beetlejuice is his little buddy. Gary said that the ticket takers at the concert were actually given pictures of Beetlejuice and told not to let him in because of what happened with his people. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard had Mark Harris come in after that so he could do his 5 minute radio show demo. Howard asked Mark if he wanted him to control the phone calls for him but didn't want Howard to talk during his show. Howard turned over the microphone to Mark after that and let him do his 5 minute show. Mark had an intro featuring his daughter but she wasn't there to do the show because of some things that happened earlier in the show. Mark introduced his comedy writer Dennis Donohue and his guest Dr. Gilda. She had a book to promote so she got that in and then Mark and Dennis attempted to interview this relationship doctor Dr. Gilda. They took a phone call from Rod Stiffington (Richard Christy) who said he saw Mark at a Gerbil fest somewhere. Mark knew it was a phony phone caller. Wendy the Retard called in next and told Mark to ''Shut up you retard!'' Mark didn't want to take the call so Howard moved on to Shuli who asked Mark if he thinks that his protective behavior will lead to his daughter getting rebellious. Mark ended up getting a little upset with Dennis for a comment he made during that discussion. Mark took some more phone calls after that and most of the calls were people who didn't want Mark on the air. Vinnie Favale called in and told Mark that he's very upset that Mark has lost control of his show. By the time he was done with the phone call, Mark's five minutes were up.
Howard took some phone calls and asked people if they thought that Mark could replace him when he moves to Sirius. Mark brought in his daughter's date, Bret, so Howard asked him if he's going to be Mark's son-in-law some day. Bret said that he wasn't able to do much on this set-up date because he's 23 and he found out that Mark's daughter is only 17. Howard had Rebecca, Mark's daughter, on the phone after that. He pointed out that Mark is so protective of her that he won't let her come up to the studio, but he will allow her to date a 23 year old guy. Howard said he thinks that Mark kind of blew it and should have had Rebecca up there. Howard told Mark that his show needs some work but he gave it a shot and he loves when he comes in. Howard told Rebecca that he would have been respectful if she had come up.
A board operator from San Diego called in and said that Mark's show was the worst 5 minutes of radio he's ever heard. He said they never cut anything out of Howard's show but they were thinking about cutting out that five minutes. A few more people called in but the delay was hit on quite a few of the calls. One caller said that this guy (Mark) has been down to ''Browntown'' on more than one occasion. Other callers told Howard that Mark was just horrible. Sal the Stockbroker called in as someone from Viacom who told Howard that they wanted to give a show to Dr. Gilda, ''...not that salad tossing fag Mark Harris.'' There were a few other guys who called in and goofed on Mark. Mark managed to get in a plug for his web site AKAMarkHarris.com. Gary pointed out that Mark kept his daughter out of the studio because he was afraid that Howard was going to insult her but his joke writer, Dennis, was the one insulting her instead. Howard let Dr. Gilda get in a couple of plugs for her books ''Teen Talk With Dr. Gilda: A Girl's Guide to Dating'' and ''Don't Bet on the Prince!: How to Have the Man You Want by Betting on Yourself'' since she was such a good sport. He took a break a short time later.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up the story about Pat Tillman and how it was just revealed that he was killed by friendly fire over in Afghanistan. Howard and the caller talked about the coverup around the whole thing and what a shame that is. Howard said that every President should be honest about that stuff and he learned that when Nixon was in office. The guys spent a little more time talking about that before Howard took some phone calls.
Wendy the Retard called in and asked Howard if he could give her some money for a web cam. Howard said that if he does that, he wants her web cam stuff on his web site HowardStern.com. Wendy said that's what she wanted to do. Howard wondered if she would get naked and stuff like that but then thought better of it and said that he doesn't want her naked. Howard told her he will do that and that he needs about a week to hook that up.
A phone caller told Howard he heard the Mark Harris radio show and if that's what they're going to replace Howard with, he's going out to buy Sirius today and he's going to throw his regular radio out the window. Howard played some more audio clips from the pre-recorded Mark Harris show and goofed on that a little more. Howard said there is nothing normal about Mark and he feels bad for his daughter.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had tape from up in Syracuse where they cut out every mention of Sirius or satellite. Howard played the tape and they literally just cut out the word from the conversation. Howard said it really does not bother him that they're doing that. They're bringing more attention to the whole satellite thing. They're also going to drive away their listeners. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that. They spent a few minutes goofing on Joe Piscapo after Robin read a story about him getting upset about the way Italians are portrayed on TV and movies.
Another caller from Syracuse told Howard that they're still on the air up there. It was about 10:10 when he called in. The guy said they'll probably take Howard off the air when he takes another break so Howard said he'll just run long then and not take another commercial break. He put the guy on hold and said he'd check back every few minutes to find out if they're still on the air up there. At around 10:15 Howard said he was going to take a break so he checked back in with the caller to find out if they were still on. The caller said as soon as Howard mentioned taking a break, they cut him off and that was it. He told Howard that from now on, they need to get in a break before 10 and then run the show long past 10 so they won't cut him off.
Howard took a break and when he came back he took a call from a guy up in Syracuse who claims that on the Syracuse radio station web site, they have a link to a web site that was advertising a certain service;s equipment (satellite radio). Howard thought that was kind of interesting. Captain Janks called in and said that he called the Syracuse station and they forwarded him to a voice mail message that explains why they're not playing Howard on the air. He played that for Howard and then told him that he's heading to Syracuse himself and he's going to rally the fans together to get them to protest. Janks said that the fans up there deserve to hear the show and he's going to do something about it. Howard thought that was pretty funny. There was another caller who said that the Rochester station, WNZE 94.1, actually comes in pretty good up in the Syracuse area. He just wanted some fans to know that you can hear it on that station if they want to. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off talking about the big show they had coming up. They have Wood Yi coming in to light the Hanukkah candle and porn star Tabitha Stevens coming in to get spanked by the RoboSpanker. She's going to attempt to keep an egg from breaking while she holds it in her ass while the machine spanks her.
Artie told Howard about the Seahawks/Cowboys game last night and how he bet some money on the game and won. He said he got a call from a friend who was out in Vegas at a sports book and took the bet from Artie. Artie said he bet $2500 on the game and won $2500. Artie said his buddy may not make it back with that money because he's still in Vegas and he's driving across country to bring the money to him. Artie also talked about the drinking he did when he did a show down in Delaware. He hadn't had a drink in about a week but started drinking at that show. Artie told Howard about the concert hall they did the show at and how there were about 1000 people there. The owner came up to him and told him that about 200 people went up to the bartender and tried to buy him drinks. Artie had already started to drink back stage with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach and Scott Depace. He told the owner to just let a couple people buy him drinks and he'd try to appease the crowd. About 20 minutes into the show two hot chicks brought him a carafe of Jack Daniels. He felt compelled to drink it because he can't turn that stuff down when he's on stage. He said he ended up kicking the poinsettias that were laid out on stage as well. He eventually chugged the Jack Daniels drinks that the people bought for him. He had only been on stage for about a half hour at that point and he had another 15 to go. During that last 15 minutes he decided to try a new bit but got stuck on Gisele Bundchen's name because he was so drunk. He said he couldn't get past her last name. The bit was about how he would pick up her crap like a dog if she was dating him. He said that the name thing was killing for some reason and then closed the show with his homophobic rant. He brought up High Pitch Erik at the end of his set and gave the mic to him. Erik has a lot of confidence now for some reason so Artie said he got up and did his ''Hi Daddy'' bit and ''Who's High Pitch?'' Then he wanted to do some impressions and the crowd turned on him. They all booed him and started calling him names. Artie said that Erik should have stopped there but Erik refused to give him the mic back. Artie said that he should have stopped but did his Robert De Niro impression. He had to chase Erik around trying to get the microphone back. Erik had agreed to give him the mic back earlier but he was running away from him on stage.
Artie tried to end the show mentioning all of the other comics (Rev. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine, Paul Dell'Angelo) and almost fell off stage. When he got off stage he said he didn't remember some of the night. He woke up the next morning and Jim Florentine was driving him home. He got four bacon double cheeseburgers from Burger King... at 4 in the morning. He said that nothing tastes that good at that time of the morning. He said that's when he realized that he was in public speaking and he didn't remember what went on. Howard wondered if Artie ever tells himself to just have a couple of drinks and stop. Artie said it's the gig that encourages the drinking. Howard suggested that he just have a couple of dummy drinks on stage to make it look like he's drinking. Robin wondered if he can make it through a weekend without drinking. He says he can but no one believes him. Captain Janks called in and said that the people down there in Wilmington can drink like you can't believe. Artie said they also have a lot of hot chicks down there. Really hot chicks.
Howard talked about how George Carlin was out in Vegas doing a show and he went off on the crowd about flying halfway around the world to spend all of their money, giving it to big corporations and then they fly home happy. He told them that and walked off the show. Howard read the story from Page Six and they said that Carlin had ended his run at the MGM Grand and told the crowd he was ready to go home to New York but he is doing shows at The Stardust starting in February. Howard tried to take a call from High Pitch Erik but ended up hanging up on him. Bobo called in next and tried to do some trivia about Artie. He had a couple of multiple choice questions and asked for a prize. Howard told him he didn't have anything for him though and hung up.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he's afraid that Sirius is going to be around in a year when he makes his move over there. Howard said he's not afraid of that and they have some big plans for the company but no one really knows where they'll be in 2 year or 5 years. He believes that it will be around and will be big some day. The guy wasn't letting Howard talk so he had to bail out on the call. Howard said that there are a lot of people who believe in the company and that's why they have the NCAA, NFL and they're bringing him on board. There's always a risk in a business like that and that's what they're doing.
Another caller asked Howard if he's going to be able to say whatever he wants when he moves to satellite. Howard said that he will not be restrained in any way but he's not just going to curse for no good reason. He's going to be able to say what he wants as long as he doesn't liable or slander anyone. The guy was going on a little too much so Howard told him he had to move on. That led to Howard talking about how Gary was talking to Tom about the upcoming Best of Stern stuff and they're chopping it up quite a bit. Gary didn't want to call Howard and upset him by telling him about what they were cutting. Howard doesn't like the fact that Tom is sitting there cutting up his show. They're cutting out entire sentences instead of just bleeping words. Gary said that in the old days, Scott the Engineer would dub the tapes down and tell them what they might need to work on. They would go over it and argue about whether or not it needs to be bleeped. Howard said that none of it should be bleeped and if they get fined they should take this stuff to court. Gary said that's apparently not going to happen. No one is going to fight this stuff for some reason. Howard said they could have taken their $3.5 million that they just gave to the government could have been spent on the fight. Gary said that any and every reference to sex in the Best of stuff is being cut now.
Howard said that he feels funny not having his show on the air while they're on vacation but then again, he doesn't want to play the show if they're going to cut it up. Howard says that he fought to have Best of on the air back when he first started there, now he's not sure he wants it played at all. He wonders if a little bit of them is better than none at all. He said that if he was a listener, he'd want to hear something. Howard thinks that Tom is cutting out the best parts of Best of and it's ruining it.
Gary told Howard about one bit that they edited out yesterday. It was a reference to humping a girl or something. It was a ridiculous edit that Gary thought was wrong. Tom came in and told Gary that he changed his mind on that yesterday and they're leaving it in. Gary said that's the first thing that Tom has put back in. Howard said that there's no way they could lose a court case against something like the word ''hump.'' Gary said that he's been editing himself in what he picks for Best of because he knows that they're going to cut stuff. Howard told Tom that they have his replacement already, Mark Harris, and they should just let him out of his contract already. He said he's ready to start this new thing already. He doesn't want to be a lame morning zoo show. He wanted to play a Warren Zevon song for the audience because he smells the beginning of the end of his show. Robin wondered what kind of time line he sees with the whole thing. Howard said the show might last a couple more months.
Howard said he had a dream of making the final year a big party. He wanted to make appearances in each of the markets having some fun with his fans. Now it's looking like that's just not possible. He said that they managed to prevail over the years through all of the fights with the FCC and all of that. He didn't want to go on anymore with that discussion until he found out if they had that Warren Zevon song he wanted to play. Fred played the Star Wars Baba Booey song as they were waiting for a response from Gary. Gary called in from a back office and said that they had to open a locked storage case where they store all of the CDs. Howard told Gary to forget what he was going to say because the moment was lost. Gary also said that there are many things going on there that hold them back from getting a music library set up for him.
Gary came in a few minutes later with the CD that Howard wanted. Howard put the CD in and said he wanted to make a dedication to his audience. Howard said he doesn't know when they're actually going to be leaving there. Things have gotten nuts as far as the editing and the higher-ups at the company are pissed at him because of what he's been saying about Sirius. He doesn't know who will be following him to Sirius (meaning the audience) because they think it's too complicated or something like that. The song he was playing was for the fans who are not going to follow him to Sirius. He played Zevon's ''Keep Me in Your Heart'' from his last album ''The Wind.'' He went right to break after that.
Paris Hilton won an award on some show for ''Best Slogan'' of ''That's Hot.'' Howard played a clip of her accepting the award and wondered who else was nominated. He figured that Ryan Seacrest would be nominated but he wasn't. The other nominees included Donald Trump for ''You're Fired!'' Dave Chappelle for ''I'm Rick James, Bitch!'' and Arnold Schwarzenegger for ''Economic Girlie Man.'' Howard was also thinking that Vivica A Fox should have gotten a nomination for her ''Drop it like it's hot'' mentions during the B.E.T. Source Awards the other night. He replayed the clips that he played last week where she used that term in every single interview she did.
Howard had a phony phone call that their David Lee Roth impersonator, Billy Mira, made to a she-male sex line. David Lee was trying to explain who he was but the she-male hung up on him after he asked if he could get a discount. The dude told David Lee that he made him want to jump out the window. The she-male hung up on him at least 4 times. Artie thinks that Billy's impression is the best one he's heard.
Steve was going to say a prayer as he was going to light the first candle. A listener called in and asked Steve to speak up because he couldn't hear what he was saying. Steve told Howard that he got more religious when he was out sick for a little while. He said the prayer and lit the candle after that. Howard let him go after that because he was so nervous on the air. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Howard said that Richie from E! found a great site on the web where they show this woman who has a great ass, maybe the best ass he's seen on a woman. He's never seen a more perfect ass on a woman before. He gave out the site which was Astroxxx.com/wow.htm and had the E! guys show the pictures they had. Artie sounded like he was really impressed with that ass as well. Robin doesn't think that the ass would look that good in person. Howard wants to get her on the show now that he's seen her ass.
Howard read a story about John Travolta and how he just bought an air ship. He didn't know the guy had that much money. He read through the story where they talk about how he saw the air ship and wanted it for Christmas. John already owns a $80 million 707 jet and another one. Howard quickly mentioned another web site, ZooAss.com where they have a game called ''Escape from Neverland'' where you try to keep kids on Michael Jackson's ranch. He then mentioned that he saw some pictures of Jessica Simpson dressed up as Daisy Duke for a new Dukes of Hazard movie and she looks really hot. Artie said he was offered a part in the movie but had to turn it down because they weren't shooting in the New York area. You can check her picture out at FilmRot.com
Howard read through some e-mail that they've gotten lately. There was a bunch of stuff from fans who were at the Claus Fest concert. People were talking about how great Korn was and about how weird Scott Weiland looked. There were a few e-mails from people about Mark Harris' awful radio show yesterday. Some people are complaining about Robin getting a big head now that she has a TV show in the works.
Tabitha said that she got sick one night and had a 107 degree fever. She was throwing up and hadn't gone to the bathroom for 4 or 5 days. She ended up throwing up doody. Doug from E! got a call from her and went over to help her out. Most of that conversation was dumped so we missed most of the details. Howard had Tabitha get into the RoboSpanker after that. She left her shoes on but that was about it. She got into the RoboSpanker and Robin was the one with the best view of her from behind.
Howard had Tabitha's boyfriend Nick Manning on the phone to talk to him before they did the spanking. Howard said that Nick had something to ask her. Nick quickly blurted out that he was calling in to ask her to marry him. She said ''yes'' within a few seconds and it all sounded kind of planned but Tabitha said she wasn't expecting it at all. She asked if she could still have sex with other guys and Nick wondered if she wanted him to be faithful. They're cool about that stuff and they will work things out after. Tabitha told Nick to go to work today (as a porn star) and once he's done with that, he's done. She said the whole thing is kind of weird. Nick said he'll be having sex with Jennifer Love today at work. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Nick about this engagement thing before getting to the RoboSpanker.
Tabitha was going to be holding an egg in her buttocks as they spanked her. The guys were going to bet on how many smacks it was going to take to smash the egg. Doug Goodstein tried to place the egg but Tabitha had to take it and put it in the right spot. Howard and Robin guessed that it was going to break on the first spank. Tabitha was afraid that it was going to hurt. Howard counted down from 3 and hit the remote spanker button. The spanker cracked the egg on the first spank. It broke open on the second spank so Howard took a couple more whacks. Tabitha seemed to be enjoying the whole experience.
Zolar called in and told Tabitha that she and her new fiancee can't have kids. He said that they're degenerates and can't ruin the world by raising kids. The dump button was hit after that for some reason. Howard wrapped up the segment and was about to go to break. Gary noticed that there was a pretty big welt on Tabitha's right ass cheek from the spanking. Tabitha said that the egg actually helped a little bit in cooling it down. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard told Joe to sit down and play some of his hit riffs. Joe wanted to play some of his solo stuff but Howard wanted to hear the stuff that people know. Joe went over and played some of the more well known Aerosmith riffs for him. Joe was going to play one of his new songs but didn't want to play the whole thing because the album isn't out yet. He asked Howard to talk all over it so no one will steal it. Howard wondered why Joe is going to do a solo album because Steven Tyler might get upset. Joe was having some trouble trying to find a place to sit. Howard asked him if he's had a face lift or something because he looks good. Joe said he hasn't done that and it's just rock and roll that keeps him young. Joe told Howard that his son runs the hot sauce business. The guy is 31 years old so that kind of surprised the guys. Joe has a 31 year old kid! Howard had the son, Aaron, come in so they could talk to him as well.
Howard talked to Aaron a little bit and asked him if he was the coolest kid around having Joe Perry as a father. Aaron said that's not the way it worked out. He was able to get laid being Joe's son though. Joe said that Aaron is doing all of the work getting the hot sauce to sell. They've been selling the stuff at the Hard Rock Cafe and even have it on the menu as part of a dish. Howard wondered if Aaron ever saw his father when he was at his worst on drugs. Aaron said he only saw that a couple of times. Joe was able to keep it hidden pretty well. Aaron said he did some experimenting on his own and he knew that if it went too far it could really screw him up. Howard wondered if it's tough to have a father like Joe around because he's so cool. Aaron said that it can be tough at times. His father never stole any girlfriends or anything like that though.
Howard wondered what Joe is worth and how much he's leaving the kids. Joe said he's splitting his money up evenly between the kids. Howard wanted Joe to give his son an idea of what he'd be worth if he was to come into some inheritance. Joe wasn't giving any numbers though. Howard asked Aaron if he ever put the moves on Liv Tyler since they must be pretty close. He said she was more like family and he never did anything like that.
Howard gave Joe some plugs for his Joe Perry's Rock Your World hot sauces. The stuff is available at all of the Hard Rock Cafe's around the country. You can find out more about that at JoePerrysRockYourWorld.com. Howard also asked Joe about the selling out stuff that they were discussing earlier in the show. Joe doesn't see it as selling out and it's just another way to get their music out there. He said they don't just let the music be used in just anything, they do pick and choose where they want it used.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he heard that you can actually get high off of this hot sauce. Joe said that some people can get a rush from the pain involved with the burning from the hot sauce but it's not a real high. Joe asked Howard to just play some of his new solo record that isn't out yet. Howard played a couple of song parodies as a goof first. Then he played some of Joe's solo stuff. Howard jokingly said that it would make for a good song in a tampon commercial. Joe asked Howard to put on another track that was a little slower and completely different than the rockin song he'd just played. It was a remake of a Doors song that Howard liked. Howard played another track and asked why Aerosmith didn't do the songs. Joe said they were just songs that the band never finished.
Vinnie Favale and Jeff the Drunk called in and asked a couple of questions. Jeff was wondering how many chicks Joe has banged. That led to Howard asking Aaron about when he first got laid. Aaron said he was 14 at the time and got laid while he was on the road with the band. He said a couple of the guys who worked with Joe hooked him up with this girl who was probably about 21 years old. Artie said he got to help his father install an antenna when he was 14... but nothing happened when they went to hot chick's houses. Joe said he knew the story because his road crew tells him everything. Aaron is now married and has a child of his own so Joe is actually a grandfather. Jeff the Drunk was upset that Joe wasn't giving him an answer. Joe said he really didn't have a number and he was pretty committed to women back then and didn't do a lot of chicks. He said he found the right woman and stuck with her for a long time. Howard told Joe that he doesn't want to be known as Grandpa. He said that the kid should be calling him Joe instead. Joe said he might be called Pap-pap or something like that. Howard also suggested ''Dude'' or ''Joe'' instead of the grandfather stuff. Even a ''JP'' or something like that would be better than Grandpa.
Gary said that there were some girls who drove up from Philadelphia to meet Joe. Howard said that they have to lick some of Joe's hot sauce off of Tabitha Steven's body if they want to get in there. Gary told the girls what they'd have to do and they both passed. They said that they'd lick it off of Howard or Joe, but not Tabitha. Howard told the girls they had to make some kind of payment to get what they want. The two girls passed on it so Howard told them he was sorry and didn't let them come in. Joe said he'd take care of them down on the sidewalk later on.
Jason came in to thank Joe because he lost his virginity to an Aerosmith song. He said he's been a huge fan of the band for his whole life and said some nice words to Joe. Joe thanked him for the nice words. Howard wrapped up the segment and played another quick clip from Joe's solo project before he took another commercial break.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news so he got his computer up and running to play the audio clips. Howard killed some time talking about the Christmas specials that have been on lately. He was telling Robin about the Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson special. Jessica looked really hot on the show os Howard and Artie were discussing that a little bit. Howard doesn't think that relationship is going to last long either. The guys were talking about hot chicks so Howard asked them who they would pick between Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan. Fred said he would have to pick Lindsay because Jessica has a ''man's face.'' Artie said he would have to go with Lindsay as well because he thinks she'd be a dirty girl. While the guys were talking about that the delay was hit for some reason.
Howard mentioned the upcoming $20,000 contest they have coming up soon. They have people set up for the contest already so they don't need people to call in. Zolar called in after that and said that he was pissed because Tom hit the delay button on him earlier when he called in because he said the word ''whore.'' Zolar then did something pretty creative and cursed but hit the buttons on his phone to block the words out. He was doing pretty good until he kind of missed one and they had to hit the delay. Zolar went off on Tom who had come in to defend himself. Tom said that they didn't hit the delay on the whore thing earlier and he was wrong. Zolar said that he listened to the radio and that part was cut out though. Howard let Zolar go after that and had Robin start her news.
During the news a couple of phone callers told Howard that Lindsay Lohan isn't all that hot and he should think about picking her over Jessica Simpson. He said he went to school with her and she used to be a real mess back then.
A phone caller from Syracuse called in and told Howard about the message they're playing during his show where they bad mouth him and his show. Howard played an audio clip from up there in Syracuse where they cut out any mention of the word ''satellite'' or ''sirius.'' Today they did the same thing so Howard played a clip of that as well. Chaunce Hayden called in and told the guys how hot Lindsay is. He's seen her in person and she looks really good. Howard agreed and thinks that she is hot.
During the news Howard took a call from a guy in the Lancaster, Pennsylvania area who said that he will be hopping on the Sirius bandwagon when Howard makes his move. They cut the show off out there just like they do in Syracuse. Another caller from Syracuse wanted to get the word out that some people in the Syracuse area can pick up the Rochester station, 94.1, in the Western suburbs of Syracuse. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about what's been going on and how he had nothing bad to say about that station or terrestrial radio. He doesn't think that they've made the right decision up there. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show playing some clips that came up during their F-Emmy awards. Chaunce Hayden broke down crying during his tryout for Stuttering John's job earlier this year and Howard replayed that. Then he replayed Lawrence Taylor crying on ''60 Minutes'' and Zenita the ''Star'' chick crying on the air. He sadi that Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy took those clips and called a Pet Cemetery and pretended that each of those clips were their family members trying to talk about their dead pet. He's played the clip before but loves it so much that he had to play it again. Howard ended up replaying the Zenita crying clips again as well because they are funny on their own. Robin wondered if they were ever able to find her again after that appearance. Howard said they hope to find her again but they haven't been able to find her again. Howard also replayed the Chaunce Hayden crying clip because that's pretty funny on it's own as well.
Howard took a call from a woman who thanked Howard for cheering her up first thing this morning. She was up all night with her kid who had a fever. Howard told the woman to punish him for that. Artie started doing his ''Wah, wah'' bit with her as she was talking about her disabled child. She was laughing though so she was a good sport about that. She sadi that he's on a feeding machine at night so Artie had some fun with that. The woman is also a single mother so Artie was goofing on her about that. She said her husband ran back to Lebanon when the baby came. The woman sadi that her son can't talk but he does laugh when he hears Howard's voice. She said she's a teacher's assistant but she is able to cover his bills. Howard told her that if she's good looking, she should get into stripping to make some good money. She said she is good looking but didn't sound interested in doing that. Howard gave her a $500 prize courtesy of the WWE. She sounded very happy to have won the prize. Howard let her go and took a commercial break a short time later.
Howard has been saying that it's a good idea for his company to keep him around for the year. He read a story in the news about how Joel is supposed to be his ''boss'' but Howard doesn't agree with that. He said his ''boss'' was Mel Karmazin and Mel isn't there anymore so he doesn't have a boss. Mel is over at Sirius now and Howard isn't planning on having a boss when he makes the move. Howard read that Hollander has been commenting on him and he's not thrilled with that. He said that he's heard that Hollander may be out of there come January and that would make him happy. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he could try to replace the microphone during the break to fix the audio problems they were having. Howard said he'd take a break soon because it was driving him nuts.
Howard read through the rest of the article in which they talked about the Citadel stations cutting off his show at 10am sharp. They also talk about how tough it's going to be for Howard to make his move to satellite from terrestrial radio. Howard agrees and knows that it's going to be tough. Joel Hollander also says that it's going to be tough to replace Howard but everyone is replaceable. Howard said that he is happy to sit there for the next year if that's what Infinity wants him to do. If Sirius wants to buy out his contract, that's fine too. He's ready to do whatever comes his way.
Howard said that they have American Idol reject William Hung coming in today. He played a clip from his tryout performance. Howard said he always thought that the guy was retarded but he's apparently not. He read some stuff about him and found out he came over to this country and learned the language at the age of 4 or 5. Robin said that's pretty young and he should have learned the language better than he did. Howard read that his album ''Inspiration '' sold 380,000 copies! He doesn't drink or smoke and he doesn't have a girlfriend at this time. He claims to love women though. There were some notes about how his parents manage him and keep photographers from picturing him from the waist down. He also turned down a job in Las Vegas where he could have made $10,000 a week because his management said he can make more in other places.
Howard said they have their own William Hung there on the show... Fred the Elephant Boy. They had him trying to sing R.E.M.'s song ''It's The End of the World.'' Howard played a promo for William's ''Hung for the Holidays'' which sounds like a goof but it's actually the album name. He played some quick clips from the album. He had to take a break a short time later.
Gary ''Baba Booey'' came in and asked Gary the Retard if he even knows what sex is. Gary said that sex is when you take all of your clothes off and have fun. He also told Howard about his jail visits and how his girlfriend's mother is the one who drives him up to visit her. Some of the guys thought that she might be retarded herself but Gary the Retard says that she's not. He has a picture of her so Robin said that she'd like to see it. Gary talked about what happens when he goes to visit his girlfriend. He doesn't have conjugal visits because he's not married to her. He's not planning on marrying her anytime soon either. Howard was kind of bummed that Gary wouldn't be in to judge their Intern Beauty Pageant which is coming up soon. Gary said he needs more time to plan for taking time off.
Howard said he went out last night to dinner with his cousin Stacy and his man. He said they went to this place Michaels and had some desert after dinner. He had a couple of glasses of wine even though he doesn't usually drink during the week. Artie said that a couple glasses of wine isn't ''drinking'' it's just hanging out.
Yesterday Tabitha Stevens gave Howard a Hanukkah present which was a nice Monte Verde pen. He thought it looked like a pretty expensive pen so he went online and looked it up to see how much she spent on it. He found that it was like a $40 pen. He didn't like it as much when he saw that. He was thinking that it was a $400 pen. Howard said it's a nice pen and he'll be keeping it anyway. He said that it was probably wrong to look up the price of the pen but he was curious. He said that he was just pointing out how shallow he is. Artie said he got a nice pen from Howard one time and he still has that. Howard loves getting nice pens as gifts these days even though in the past he would throw stuff like that away. Howard told Robin that he got her a nice Christmas present that she's going to love. Artie said that Robin and Howard have this insane gift giving competition. They always try to out do each other all the time.
Howard said he took his daughter and Beth to this restaurant Citrus where they had this one man show going on in the basement. He said that the owner asked Howard to come see it. It was actually pretty moving but he didn't think that the guy was going to go anywhere. Then he was out in his limo driving around and saw that the guy, Floyd Stearn, is actually doing his show off Broadway now. He was surprised to see that he's actually gotten his own show.
A lawyer by the name of John called in and said that it's possible that the woman is insane, but not retarded. She could be in a minor security jail if that's the case. He's thinking that it could be that or that the woman is a man or something. John asked Gary if he's felt down there for the ''gooses neck.'' Gary said that he knows that she's a woman. Howard just wants to make sure that she's okay. Gary told Howard that the woman is about his height and used to have blonde hair. Now she has red hair after dying it. Artie asked him if she's got a nice goatee. Gary said she has one on her arm and a tulip on her chest. He confused a goatee and a tattoo for some reason.
Gary wondered why they keep people like that in jail so long because she's been to court a bunch of times and they won't let her out. He said she's been to jail before and she's back now for that forgery thing. She's also apparently not allowed to drink because she's on probation. Artie thinks that she's got Gary smuggling heroin for her or something. Howard told Gary that he's going to look into her a little more for him to make sure she's okay. He went to break right after that.
Howard talked to William about how people seem to think that he's retarded and wondered why that is. He also wondered if his singing is supposed to be a joke or not. William said it's something he takes seriously and he does the best he can when he's performing. William said that the chances of becoming a Kelly Clarkson are not good. He said he went down to perform for American Idol because he'd won a talent contest at UC Berkeley. He believes that he's a legitimate singer and he puts a lot of effort into his singing. William told Howard how he grew up for a short time in Hong Kong before his family moved to the United States.
Howard asked William about whether or not he's had sex yet. William said he would talk to Howard about that later. Robin asked him if he's kissed a girl yet. He said he did do that once he got famous. Howard said that some people think that William is not a smart guy but he's actually a smart dude. He was studying to be an engineer when all of this fame hit him. Howard had a few questions to ask him about engineering. He first asked him what type of demolition is used to collapse a building inwards. William didn't know but Robin knew it was Implosion. Howard asked him another question about GPS that he didn't know the answer to. Howard asked him a question about the longest bridge and William said that he wasn't ready for a test this morning. He was able to answer a question about how many degrees a right angle is so Howard kind of let him off the hook after that.
Howard talked to William about his girl situation. William said that he has to find a girl that likes him for who he is, not because he's famous. Howard wondered if he would date Paris Hilton if she wanted to date him. William said he's not sure but he is able to make his own decisions about stuff like that. He's 22 years old and his mother just helps him and guides him in his career. Howard wondered why he didn't want to kiss Jenny McCarthy on stage at some award show. William wasn't familiar with that event so Howard had to fill him in. William said that was actually a rumor and it wasn't the reason he refused to do that show. He said that it had to do with him not wanting to make people think he gambles.
Howard was asking William about what he wears to bed but that was getting a little too personal. Howard asked him if he's ever touched himself. William said that was a little too personal and he didn't want to go there with Howard. Howard asked him what chicks he thinks about. He said that he likes Kelly Hu and Michelle Kwan but he also likes all kinds of other women. He would like to be married and have kids some day, when it's time. Howard wondered who the first girl was that he kissed once he got famous. William said that it's usually the women who kiss him first, he doesn't do it himself. Howard figures that he's never tongue kissed a girl and he was right. Howard said they need to bring him to Scores. He asked William about watching porn and William said he has seen some porn but he just watches it and enjoys it in his mind. Howard figured he was lying about that though. Fred played some porn audio clips and William asked him to stop. He asked Howard to change subjects because there are so many other things to talk about.
Howard asked William about a deal he could have had in Las Vegas where he would only have to sing two songs on stage and he'd be making $10,000. William said that was true but the rumors about him getting death threats were not true. William is trying to maintain a healthy image and he didn't want to perform at certain night clubs out there in Vegas. Howard wondered what kind of deal William has with his mother because there have been kids who get ripped off by their parents in the past. William says that all of that stuff is personal and confidential. He said he trusts his mother and it's a family business. He said there are not many agents out there that he'd trust.
William said that he has done some commercials for Wal-Mart and some other places. That's one reason he has to keep a clean image. Howard asked him if he's ever seen a Playboy. William said that he's only seen it on TV and that was about it. Howard asked him if he's ever seen a woman's private parts. William asked ''What do you mean?'' and asked Howard to stop there. He wasn't comfortable with those questions. Howard told William that he watches porno all the time and he pulls his pants down and has some fun. He was just being honest with William and he can't believe that William doesn't pleasure himself. William said he wants to stop talking about that stuff to protect his image.
Howard gave William a couple of plugs for his new album ''Hung for the Holidays'' and for the William Hung bobble head that's also out today. Artie told William that ''Hung for the Holidays'' is the name of a porn movie. Howard told him that it is a play on a sexual term. William doesn't believe that's the case though. They also pointed out that the song ''She Bangs'' is also about sex so they are surprised that he would sing about something like that. William will also be signing copies of his new CD at the FYE on 6th Ave. This afternoon.
Howard took some phone calls for William. One guy said he'd rather see William perform over all of those other American Idol people like Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken. Howard asked William if he thinks that Clay Aiken likes girls or boys. William said that was it and he didn't want to talk about other people like that. William said that he likes girls himself and only has guys as friends. Sal the Stockbroker called in as a listener and asked William how much it would cost to launder a couple of shirts. Howard hung up on him and told him that was wrong. Howard asked William to say a few things in Cantonese but he refused to say a couple of the suggested lines. Zolar called in and asked William if he's ever been tested for mongoloidism because he is a retard. Howard hung up on him a short time after that.
Howard asked William which song he'd like played off of his new album. William said that he would like to hear ''Winter Wonderland.'' Howard played the song and Artie laughed as he heard it. Howard told William he should remake the song ''I Like Bukkake.'' William said that's one he will not do because he's trying to become a legitimate singer. Artie told him he had a perfect name for his band... ''Chink Floyd.'' Howard asked him if he would do a porn movie if he was offered a million bucks. William said he would never do anything like that for any amount of money. Howard asked him what his favorite TV show is right now. William said that he likes ''The Amazing Race.'' Howard and William also talked about a few other shows including ''American Idol.'' William said he watches the show to see what else they're going to come up with on that show. Howard asked William what his real name is because William is his American name. William said that his real name is Hung Hing Chang. The guys said they'd rather have him go by that name.
Howard asked William for his thoughts on Fred the Elephant Boy's cover of ''It's the End of the World.'' William said that he's not a judge and he doesn't play the role that Simon Cowell plays. He said that everyone has different styles and he just wouldn't bad mouth Elephant Boy. Hook Nose Mike called in a short time later and told Howard to give William his own radio show on Sirius. Howard said he would do that and said that he will talk to his mother about that. Howard said they could call it ''Hanging out with Hung'' or something like that. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after giving William a few more plugs for his new album. Howard tried to get him to come over and sit on his lap but William passed. Howard had a little bit of fun making gay jokes and coming on to him as if he were attracted to him. William seemed kind of uncomfortable so Howard told him he was just joking around. He took a break a short time later.
Howard also said he liked that William Hung guy. He's thinking about actually putting him on one of his Sirius channels. A listener told Howard that he really should give him a show. He also asked for a prize so Howard gave him a 20 gig Apple iPod. Howard said he got his youngest daughter an iPod Mini and his other two daughters he got some (Sirius) radios for their dorm rooms.
Howard had another wacky guest who just showed up at the station. Roller Ruby, who came in on roller skates, claims to have a psychic connection to Howard and the two of them have a web site together but she doesn't know where it is. Howard let her come in and she was saying that she wanted Howard to take it easy on her because she wants to leave there liking him. Howard asked her if she's been drinking or anything. She said all she had was coffee. Ruby said that she can't even explain why she's there but did say that she has media watching her through her window. She said that she hears Howard's voice sometimes and he tells her to come down to the station. Ruby was asking what she's supposed to do about all of the media following her around. Howard asked her if she has ever been locked up in a mental institution. She said she's not crazy and she's never been locked up. Howard asked her what exactly it is that she's looking for. Ruby wants to get a record deal or something. Howard asked her to sing but she didn't have her guitar with her today. She wasn't prepared to sing today at all so Howard and Robin told her this was her only chance. She started to sing a little bit but she started to laugh. She also said that it may have been a bad idea to come up there.
Ruby said that she might go see some other people about her problems. Howard suggested that she go see Regis. Ruby was telling Howard and Robin that they can't pretend not to know what she's talking about because everyone knows what she's talking about. Howard told her he has no idea what she's talking about but wishes her luck with whatever it was. She said that she heard something on WNEW in New York one day where they recited everything she did one day. She also said she heard Howard talking about her but Howard told her that she might want to see a doctor about all of this stuff. That's when Roller Ruby rolled out of the studio. She didn't want to talk about that and just left.
Chaunce said he went to Nobu, which is kind of hard to get into, and just said that he was friends with the owner and they sat him right down next to Willem Defoe. He talked about that for a minute and then brought up how Montel Williams thanked him for standing up for him when Howard was interviewing his ex-wife. Chaunce said he got a nice basket of teas from around the world. That led to Howard and Chaunce talking about some of the stuff that the ex-wife was saying when she was on. Chaunce also brought up actor Paul Giamatti who was in Howard's movie ''Private Parts.'' He said that Paul is great in this new movie ''Sideways.'' Howard said that they all knew that Paul was going to be a big star when they saw his audition tape for ''Private Parts.'' Artie said he saw the movie twice already and he really was great in it. Howard said that Paul ranks right up there with Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino. Chaunce said that Paul should be thanking Howard for putting him in his movie because it was great exposure for him. Artie told a story about how he was up for a part that Paul ended up getting in the Andy Kaufman movie that Jim Carrey did. He said his agent told him that he didn't have a chance though.
Chaunce asked Howard what he thought about the Tabitha Stevens proposal that happened on yesterday's show. Howard thought that it was kind of sad and neither Tabitha or her new fiancee were all that thrilled about the proposal.
Howard read through some of the e-mail they've gotten lately. There was one suggestion from a listener who said that they should have a shower in the studio so when women get food smashed on them, like Tabitha Stevens did yesterday, they could shower off. Captain Janks called in and said that he was laying there and Artie contacted him psychically and told him that if he called in he would get Roller Ruby's Apple iPod. Howard ended up giving it to him.
A listener from Syracuse called in and said that they're still chopping out the satellite mentions up there. Howard talked about how bad a job they're doing over there and how he thinks that it's all going to backfire on them. They don't seem to care about their listeners or their advertisers. The caller said he's already gotten his ''Hey Now'' (Sirius) equipment and it's great. He can't wait for him to make the move.
Howard read through some more mail. There was quote a bit of mail about Joe Perry and his son's appearance on the show yesterday. Some people think that the band Aerosmith are sell outs. Howard also got an e-mail from a guy who asked for the web site that he mentioned yesterday where they had this chick with a great ass. Howard couldn't remember it so he asked Gary to get it to him. It was Astroxxx.com/wow.htm. There were also some e-mails about the Jessica Simpson vs. Lindsay Lohan conversation Howard and the guys had on the show yesterday. People are split on who they like better. Someone wrote in about a mistake Artie made while talking about sports the other day. Artie defended himself and said he'd take that guy on in a sports trivia contest any day. Howard had to take a break after that.
Nick brought up Artie's drinking and how a bottle of Jack Daniels barely effects him. Artie said it does effect him, by the third show of the night. Nick has seen Artie get really drunk on the road because he's done some shows with him. Nick doesn't think that the booze hurts his performance though. Nick said that he can't make a judgement on if it actually effects Artie because he's never seen Artie do a gig sober. Artie has a new DVD coming out and he claims that he stayed sober for the shoot they did at a comedy club.
A listener called in and told Howard that he hung out with Artie before the show and got bombed with him. He said that Artie didn't drink all that much back stage but once he gets on stage, that's when he starts drinking. Artie said he feels guilty when the crowd buys him drinks and he feels he has to drink them because they paid for the drinks. Artie also said that he has a drinking problem but he has no plans to do anything about it. Howard said that he wants Artie to go talk to someone about his problem but Artie hasn't done that yet. Howard is really concerned about him and he wants him to get some help. He thinks that if he went to a shrink, he'd start to feel better about himself. Artie is hoping that this DVD will sell well and he'll be able to get off the road. Howard told him he can't plan something like that around DVD sales. Both Nick and the phone caller told Howard that Artie is much happier when he drinks. Howard wondered why that is. Artie said that he gets happy when he drinks and that's why he likes it. Howard told Artie that the drink is like a baby bottle for him and if he could get in touch with those feelings of needing a mommy, he might be able to cut back on the drinking.
Artie said he loves these crowds in the cities that he appears in and the shows always turn into parties. Robin told him he could have just four drinks instead of 15 if he wants to party. Artie said that four drinks would be kind of a lame party though. Howard said that he doesn't want Artie to be one of these ''sober a-holes,'' he'd just like him to cut back on his drinking a little bit. Nick said he's talked to Artie during the day before and he does seem a bit depressed. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about that before Howard had to move on to Robin's news. Artie said that his new DVD ''It's the Whisky Talkin'' will be available through his web site Artie-Lange.com on December 13th.
Robin started her news but a caller told Howard that Don Imus was kind of kissing Howard's ass on his radio show this morning. The caller said that Imus is happy that his Sirius stock has gone up lately and he believes that Howard will be successful when he makes the move. Howard had a few nasty things to say about Imus from when they worked together and how Howard wiped the floor with him when he made the move from AM radio to FM. Howard said that Imus believes in him because he knows from experience that he's a winner. Robin finished up her news after that and they ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard wondered what was going on with some guy who was shot at a rock concert. Robin said that there was some singer of a band that was shot to death at a concert and two members of the band were from the band Pantera. Robin said that the lead singer was killed. Artie told a story about going to hang out with the band Pantera on Saturday night and he thinks that he talked to this guy Dimebag Darrell Abbott. He said they had all kinds of hot chicks hanging out with them and the guy was a big fan of the show. Artie said the guy was a real nice guy and it's really weird that he's dead now. He also said that Jim Florentine was pretty tight with this guy. Robin said that the news reports are saying that a few people were killed in the shooting. Howard thought it was kind of creepy. He doesn't know a lot about that story. Robin was getting bits and pieces of the story as they were talking about the story. The concert was apparently in Columbus, Ohio. Howard said that Dick Clark had a stroke yesterday as well so he was bummed out by that. Robin got the full story of the shooting and read the story to Howard. A gunman apparently ran on stage as the show was starting and shot the lead singer, Darrell, who was in this new band Damageplan. A couple of other people were wounded in the shooting.
Howard talked about Dick Clark and how he defended him when he was on Larry King's show not too long ago. Howard said there aren't a lot of people who will do that but Dick was one of the good guys. Dick would always call in and play along with all of their crap as well. Howard played the clip of Dick defending him on the Larry King show. Dick basically said that he's a big fan of Howard's even if he may not agree with everything he does. He does believe that Howard has the right to do what he wants on the air. Howard talked about why he's leaving terrestrial radio to move to satellite because of what's been going on with the FCC and how they're chopping up his show because of it. Howard said that other broadcasters don't understand why he's leaving but they haven't been backing him up in his fight. He also talked about how he may have to start playing music on the show next week because he's got things going on with the show that he just can't take. He said that people in the company think that he's putting them down when he talks about satellite but he's not, he's just talking about the freedom that he's going to have when he moves to satellite. Howard said it seems like the company is setting him up to take the fall for them with all of this stuff that's going on. He said that the company isn't taking responsibility for what goes out over the air even though they're the ones in charge of the delay button. He said they're leaving a paper trail that is going to lead to him taking the fall if they get fined again.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he was at the Damage Plan concert last night. He told Howard what he saw and how there was no metal detectors or anything at the concert. The guy who shot the band was killed by the cops after he shot and killed the lead singer. Howard wondered if it seemed like it was supposed to be part of the show. The guy said it was too real to have been mistaken for something other than what it was. The caller also backed up the story Artie told about how cool that guy Darrell was. Howard wondered what was up with the guy who did the shooting. He was wondering if he was psycho or if he just had a grudge against the lead singer for some reason. The caller said the club wasn't all that big and there were only about 80 people in there. Howard lost the call for some reason. Another caller told Howard that CNN was saying that the drummer was also killed. He also said that he heard that the guy shot the guys because he was upset that they broke up the band Pantera. Howard sarcastically said ''So he had a good reason (for the shooting) then.'' Artie said that this is something he fears when he performs at comedy clubs. There's no protection when you're on stage like that. He once had a glass bottle thrown at him by an audience member. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard mentioned that Amputee Jennifer would be in later to talk about her Playboy.com photo shoot. He also said that they have pictures of her on his web site as well as pictures of Tabitha Stevens who was on the show yesterday. Gary told Howard that Tabitha released a statement about the Damageplan shooting.
Comedian Jim Florentine was on the phone to talk about the shooting because he knows a lot about the band. He actually opened for the band up in Canada while they were touring up there. Jim told Howard that Dimebag was the guitar player in Damageplan and he was the one who was shot. Dimebag was in Pantera. He left the band with his brother because the lead singer of Pantera was the one who broke up the band. Dimebag and his brother formed Damageplan. Jim isn't sure who else was shot in the band but he knows all of those guys. Jim was going to go open up for them on the last night of their tour but now that won't happen. Artie and Jim said that the band were all fans of Howard's and so were their fans.
Howard let Jim go after that and wanted to play one of his phony phone calls after that. Howard said he loves what Jim does to torture telemarketers. Sal the Stockbroker brought in a couple of Jim's calls so Howard could play them. Howard played one call where Jim jerked a telemarketer around by putting his roommate ''Steve'' (Don Jamieson) on the line. Don then jerks the guy around and the telemarketer gets pissed and threatens to come over and shoot them with a sawed off shotgun. Jim keeps going off on him and gets him even more pissed off. The guy hangs up but calls back later and makes more threats toward Don and Jim. Artie mentioned Don since he and Jim work together on a lot of those calls.
Another caller asked Howard if he's going to bring Tom Chiusano over to Sirius when he moves. Howard said he won't be going at this point but in the future something could happen. He has a lot of things to set up over there. The caller said that he's afraid that the FCC is going to manage to get in and regulate satellite radio. Howard said he doesn't think that will ever happen because it's a pay service. Howard has started to call satellite ''Uh UHHH!'' since that's what it comes out like up in Syracuse when he talks about it. Artie and Howard had some fun with the ''Uh UHHH!'' stuff. They were talking about satellite without using the words, they'd just make those sounds to replace them. Howard said he bought his daughters some ''Uh UHHH!'' for the holidays.
Howard has a lot going on after the show today. He's got a meeting with Tom and the lawyers, meetings with Ralph and one with his shrink, then he has to go back to his apartment and meet with someone about stuff he's got going on over there. He said he'd like to just go home and watch TV. Last night he was trying to watch ''Lost'' but realized his girlfriend was laying there and he hadn't had sex with her in 4 days. He turned it off and did that instead. That led to Howard talking about the shows he loves on TV. He said if there was just one show he couldn't give up it would probably be ''Smallville'' right now. He also loves ''The Sopranos'' but it's never on.
Howard said his 11 year old daughter comes before any of that stuff and he cares more about her than anything else right now. He loves his other daughters as well but they're away at school right now. He talked about how she comes first in everything in his life but Robin pointed out that he left her at home the other night when he went to Scores. She said that Howard comes first in Howard's life. That led to the guys talking about Dick Ebersol and how he lost his 14 year old son. Howard said he can't imagine the pain they must go through after something like that. Howard talked about how he was eating dinner with his daughter last night and how he realized that she means more to him than anything else. He hates the feeling he gets when he has to kiss her goodbye when she's going home. Howard said he pretends that it doesn't bother him but he'll actually get into his car and cry. Robin said that Howard might have problems if that's what he's really doing. Howard knows he has problems.
Howard brought up Dick Clark again and said that there are so many other people out there who should have strokes instead of a great guy like Dick. He said that Michael Powell should have one. Howard read a story about laptop computers and how they can destroy sperm because they get so warm. Howard said he's going to keep his laptop on his lap because he doesn't want to have any more kids. He was thinking of having a vasectomy but it just freaks him out. He has a friend who had a vasectomy and then had it reversed when he got divorced and remarried.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard if his girlfriend ever gets jealous of the time he spends with his daughter. Howard said she's never verbalized anything to him. King wanted Howard to be honest with all of that and interrupted Howard. Artie asked him if that's the way he's going to run ''Ask That Nigga'' on Sirius. Howard said that show is going to happen when he moves to Sirius. He's putting together a show for King, Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard as well. Howard got back to his discussion about Beth and how she handles how much time he spends with his daughter. Beth handles it well but if the roles were reversed, Howard wouldn't put up with it. Howard said Beth puts up with a lot and that's pretty amazing. King said that he thinks that Howard is going to have to make a really hard decision one day and he's going to have to either marry Beth or break up with her. Howard said that she doesn't want to get married though. He had to cut King off and let him go.
Robin said that King of All Blacks walked up to her when she was shooting some video for her upcoming TV show pilot. She's taking some stuff to a convention out in Las Vegas. Howard said Robin is actually going to miss a day of work to go out there. Howard said he'd go out there if he doesn't have to work. Artie said he'd go out there as well but he may miss the convention. Robin said they shot some footage out on the streets of New York that they'll be taking out there. Howard took a break shortly after that.
A woman called in and told Howard she used to love him but now she has realized that he knows nothing. She told him that he knows nothing about black culture so he shouldn't be commenting on the Source Awards. The woman said she can't understand why she listened to his show for so many years. She told Howard that he's two faced. Howard started to ask the woman some black history questions and she wasn't able to answer them. He asked her who the first black senator was and she had no idea. He asked her a couple of other questions and she didn't know the answers to any of them. She went off on Howard about how he doesn't know anything about black culture but she didn't know any of the answers to his black history questions. She figured that the guys in the studio were writing the questions for Howard and he didn't even know the answers. Howard and the woman went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes. Howard was going to hang up on her but she called him a moron and stayed on the line a little longer. She claimed to know a lot more about black culture than Howard does but it certainly didn't come off that way.
After playing the call Howard said that he thought the Tom and Zolar fight was going to take the win. He said the Black History call was good as well though. He replayed the Tom and Zolar thing after that. Here's how that went earlier this week:
Zolar called in after that and said that he was pissed because Tom hit the delay button on him earlier when he called in because he said the word ''whore.'' Zolar then did something pretty creative and cursed but hit the buttons on his phone to block the words out. He was doing pretty good until he kind of missed one and they had to hit the delay. Zolar went off on Tom who had come in to defend himself. Tom said that they didn't hit the delay on the whore thing earlier and he was wrong. Zolar said that he listened to the radio and that part was cut out though. Howard let Zolar go after that and had Robin start her news.
Howard said that was a good call but Robin agreed with him that it wasn't the call of the week. Howard played an edited version they created using a computer generated robot voice to replace Tom's voice. That was even funnier than the original. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard tried to take a call from someone called Crack Boy but he wasn't there. He moved on to talk about last night's E! show which featured the porn star auditions with Jeff the Drunk and High Pitch Erik. Tonight is the second half of that episode.
Howard said that Jennifer the Amputee was there but he's afraid that they've ruined her life. She won the Amputee Beauty Pageant and won some money. After that she was contacted by Playboy.com and asked to do a layout for them. Howard had the guys bring her in because he had some things to say about how her wackiness is starting to come out. Jennifer was happy that they let her finally sit on the couch today. Last time she was in she was on the RoboSpanker. Howard talked about how she's getting kind of carried away since Playboy contacted her. After Playboy.com contacted her she quit her job and she's decided to be ''Miss Amputee'' and she's been asking Richie from E! to replay her episode on E! tonight because she's on the show today. Jennifer said that she's not trying to make a living being Miss Amputee even though this last month has been a whirlwind. Her not working has nothing to do with the pageant. Gary asked her if she would still be working her job if she'd never been on the show. She said ''not necessarily.'' Jennifer said she works with the mentally disabled and she was losing all of her feelings toward people.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that he blames Chaunce for some of this. He called Chaunce her ''pimp'' because he's been setting her up with the people from Entertainment Tonight who covered her Playboy shoot. Jennifer said that she would like to be able to help people out and be a role model for amputees. Robin told her that getting in the RoboSpanker is not the way to do that though and that's what she did last time she was on.
Jennifer told Howard that the Playboy.com shoot went well and they shot her with and without the prosthetic arm. Howard said they have some of her pictures on his web site today. Howard said that he thought she was dressed in the pictures but in one, you can see that she's bottomless. Howard had the guys showing him the pictures on his TV screen so he could check them out. Artie said that he likes the pictures where she has her arm on. He likes to leave a little to the imagination.
Howard and Robin talked to Jennifer about her plans for the future. Jennifer said she doesn't have any real plans, she'd like to be able to help people out in some way. Howard wondered if she has ever used her fake hand to do stuff to guys. Chaunce Hayden was on the phone a short time later and wondered what Doug's problem is with him. Doug told Chaunce that he wishes that he kept every instant message that Chaunce sends him. Chaunce said that Doug sends him messages as well so he's not innocent in all of that. Chaunce told the guys that he did call Entertainment Tonight to cover Jennifer's shoot. He said that they asked for his help but Jennifer said that she never asked Chaunce to help her out. He came to her and said that he could help her out. Chaunce had her stay over at his place one night as well. Chaunce said that he thought that Jennifer was a nice girl and he got friendly with her. Doug told Chaunce that the story started on Howard's show and he should let it evolve there, not on Entertainment Tonight. Howard told Chaunce that he thinks that there's not much more that Jennifer can do with this Miss Amputee thing but Chaunce said that she can take it farther with modeling and she wants to be a reporter. Howard had to cut Chaunce off and had to say goodbye to Jennifer. He wished her luck with everything and said that they'll be following her career.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One of the callers was Henry Hill. Howard said that Henry is an ex-mob guy and a murderer. He let Henry wish them happy holidays and it sounded like he might be drunk. Henry said that he's off of parole and now he can drink. Artie and Henry went back and forth a little bit but Howard was going to let him go. Howard told Gary to have Henry in the next time they do ''Hollywood Squares'' on the show. Henry sounded pretty wasted as he was talking. Howard told him that they wanted to have Henry on the show last time they did Hollywood Squares but Chuck Zito couldn't promise that he wouldn't hurt Henry so they called it off. Henry thanked Howard for not having him on the show if that's the case.
Gary brought up how Henry's kids were on ''60 Minutes'' a while ago and it was a great interview. The kids are ashamed of their father and had to be dressed in disguises. Henry said that his kids had a great life. Gary said they were going to have the kids on the show but they didn't want to do it if their father was going to be there. Henry seems to think that Howard's kids will eventually write a book about him too. Howard doesn't think that will happen though. Henry put his step-daughter on the line to defend him but even she said that she can't stand Henry sometimes. Howard let the two of them go a short time later. He then went to commercial break.
Howard had some more details about the band Damageplan and the guys who were shot and killed at their concert last night. Three people in the audience were killed as well as the guitar player, Dimebag Darrell. Howard spent a short time on that and then took some phone calls.
A caller told Howard that the KKK would like to offer him an honorary membership because he calls people of color ''Niggas.'' It was soon apparent that the guy was calling Howard out for using racial terms on his show. The guy wondered what Howard had to say for himself about that stuff and if he thinks it's right to call Mexicans ''spics'' and the Chinese ''Chinks.'' Howard told the guy he doesn't believe in the use of the N-word but the caller wouldn't let Howard talk and explain how the ''Ask that Nigga'' mention was something that King of All Blacks came up with himself so Howard wasn't using the term. Howard had to hang up on the guy because he was so annoying and not letting him get a word in.
Comedian David Brenner came in to talk to the guys. Howard said that he read that David is dating Tai Babilonia. Brenner came in and Howard told him he had a game for him to play this morning. David knew that he was probably going to hate the game. Howard said it was going to be good. David has made love to many women and he's proud of it so Howard was going to so Howard talked about some of his experiences. David got oral from a 14 year old girl when he was only 8. At 14 he lost his virginity and he's been going ever since. David knew he was in trouble by this point. Howard told him it was going to be great though and said that David has been with many women and wanted him to guess at how many he's actually had sex with in his life. David said that he could guess at it and he'd have to say it's about 2,000 women. He said that one of them he wasn't really sure about so it might be 1,999.
Howard told David that they had a woman contact them who said that she slept with David years ago. They were going to have 3 women come in and David would have to pick out the one he had a one nighter with. David didn't have a girlfriend at the time so it was fine to do something like that. David had a feeling that Howard was going to bring in a dwarf and a 200 pounder as two of them. Howard had the guys bring in the three women and quickly spoke to each one. The first woman was having some trouble speaking and she wasn't exactly playing the game the right way. She was talking to Howard and not even noticing David. The next woman was nutty Croy who said hello quickly. The third woman played the game right and said that she had sex with David many years ago. The first woman didn't have all that much to say. Croy was playing along but she may have actually believed her stories. She said that she met him at The Improv back then and she was a singer at the time. David told Howard that this was the greatest prank he's ever pulled on him. He tried to guess at which one was the actual woman. The third woman had the same story as Croy but her story was more believable. Howard asked Croy and the third woman about what happened. The third woman would tell her story and the first contestant would agree with that story and then add stuff to the story. She was claiming that David made her do things she didn't want to do. Number 1 said that David told her that he was going to help get her into comedy and stuff. Croy said that David was not a good lover and he was very cold and militant toward her. Number 1 said that David said a lot of stuff to her that wasn't true and forced her head to a certain place. Number 3 said that David was the worst lover and was a big disappointment.
David said that he was going to eliminate number 1 because she was short. Number 3 was the one he picked at the woman he made love to. David thinks she's just bitter and that's why she was saying he was a bad lover. David said that he was sorry he didn't actually ''love'' her back then. Number 3 said that she still finds David to be funny and he looks good today. Number 1 was sticking to her story and insisted that David had sex with her and called him a liar. Howard ended up giving her a $500 prize for coming in but she kept insisting that David was ''the guy'' who did her. Howard also said hello to Croy who said she never had sex with David. Howard said that number 3's name was Sandy Cane and spent a short time talking to her about her night of sex with David. She said she asked David to have sex with her the night after and he said ''no'' to her. Sandy showed the guys her big breasts but the delay was hit during that whole thing.
David told Howard that this was the greatest stunt he's ever pulled on him and he's probably ruined his relationship with Tai. Gary asked Howard if they had spoken to Croy since Ronald Regan died. She claims to have ''architected'' some stuff for his administration. She started to ramble about how she has learned a lot from watching Donald Trump's TV show and has sent in her invention to some place in Austria. Howard spoke to number 1 a little bit and she told Robin that she loves her and thinks she's hot and has a ''nice backyard'' (ass). She also told Howard she digs him and wondered if Jackie was over there. Artie pretended to be Jackie but the delay was hit once again so we lost out on the joke.
Howard let the women go and then gave David a plug for the gig he has at The Shimmer Club at the Hilton in Las Vegas through June. Howard had Tai Babilonia come in a short time later. He spent a few minutes talking to her about David. The delay hits were numerous as Howard was trying to talk to Tai and David about their relationship. Needless to say the whole thing was hard to follow.
Howard talked to Tai about how bad she did on ''Celebrity Millionaire'' a few years back. He said that she came off as an idiot on the show but he doesn't think that she's an idiot. He wondered if she has been studying and had a few questions for her. He asked her what the name of the leaning tower is called in Italy. She knew that one and a couple of the others that he asked. Howard started to get into the harder questions and asked her to spell ''Doubt.'' She was able to answer that one no problem. Howard figured that David is so bad in bed that she started to read, that's why she was able to answer the questions.
David told Howard how horrible it was that he brought those women in earlier. He said it was his worst nightmare. Howard went on to ask David how he met Tai. David said that he was having dinner with Richard Lewis and Tai stopped over to say hello to them. David said that he told tried to get into the conversation by telling her that he was a speed skater when he was a child. Tai just looked at him and didn't say a word. David said that it's like telling Michael Jordan that you won 3 games of PIG. Tai said that she fell for David as soon as she saw him. She had a boyfriend at the time so she got in touch with David through his web site DavidBrenner.net. They went out on a couple of dates in L.A. and then he invited her to come stay with him out in Vegas. She ended up staying at his house out there after he offered to let her stay at a hotel or his house. David talked about how the first time they had sex and how that went. Tai said he was a gentleman and he was very gentle with her that night. There were more delay hits during this conversation as well. Howard said he was happy for the two of them. Tai told Howard that she and Randy are still skating partners to this day and they've been skating together for 37 years now. They're doing a show at Caesars in Las Vegas. She said that you can get a book about them on her web site TaiBabilonia.com. David also told Howard that he has been talking to Sirius about doing a radio show. He asked Howard if he would come on his show to propose to his girlfriend if he ever does that. Howard said he will never do that because he would do it on his show if he were to do it at all. Howard said that he would go on David's show and make love to Tai though. He had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard had Robin start her news after the e-mail. a listener called in during the news and asked Howard if he thinks he'll still get good guests on his show when he moves to satellite. Howard told the guy he thinks that they should be able to get good guests, especially bands, because commercial radio is tough to program because they rely on selling advertising and they have to program to get the most listeners. On satellite, they can program whatever they want. It's all one big experiment in Howard's eyes and he thinks that things are going to work out.
Another caller told Howard that he's a truck driver going through Providence, Rhode Island and they cut off Howard at 10 when he said he was going to do the news. Howard apologized for that and explained to the guy that those (Citadel) stations are cutting him off, trying to punish him for leaving in a year but the only people they're hurting are his listeners. The caller said that he can't wait for Howard to move to Sirius, he's already got his equipment.
A very distraught woman called in and told Howard how her husband killed himself on the front yard at her house. She said she doesn't know what she's going to do when Howard leaves the air in 2006. Howard tried to find out how the guy killed himself. He shot himself but it may have been because he was in so much pain from a back injury he had. She said she was over at a neighbor's house when her husband shot himself. She didn't know what was going on at the time because she was at the neighbor's house. She said that the cops never even tried to find her to let her know what was going on. She was also blaming the cops because they should have gotten her to talk to him. She said that they didn't get a mediator out there to talk him down and he ended up shooting himself before they could do that. The woman also said that she had just had a fight with him before she went over to the neighbor's house. Howard tried to calm the woman down but she was very upset as she was talking about what happened. She's known this guy since she was in 6th grade. He didn't leave her any money because he didn't have any insurance. She can't work herself because she's disabled. Howard told her that they'll be on the air for the next year and then they'll still be available when they move. He told her that it's only going to cost forty cents a day to get it so it's not that much. She wanted to know where to get it but Howard isn't allowed to talk about that on his show. He will be doing an interview for a magazine where people can find out more about the whole satellite deal.
A listener from Syracuse said that Howard's show was still on at 10:35 this morning. He also told Howard that he had a conversation with the program director up there, Ryno, and asked him who he thinks the FCC is going to go after when Howard leaves. The caller said he told Ryno that it'll be him adn the other radio stations out there that start getting fined. The caller said that he has been thinking of boycotting the advertisers on that station but Howard told him that's not what they need to do. He knew that's where it was going to lead but it's not the advertiser's fault that the station was cutting his show off early. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:45 this morning.
Howard started off the show talking about how it was actually warm there in New York City this morning. He went on to talk about the upcoming guests today which included the Mr. Gay Universe contestants. Howard said they may play ''Queer Factor'' with them but it also sounded like he wasn't all that much into the whole thing.
Howard said he read an article in the paper recently about a situation in the Central Park area. Some famous people like Mary Tyler Moore and Paula Zahn live in this building near the Park and there's a Red Tail Hawk that's causing some controversy. The hawk has been nesting on the building for the past 18 years or so. The bird is so rare because people come by and check out the bird with their telescopes. Because of that someone cleared out the hawk's nest trying to get rid of it. The nest is gone and the hawk can't rebuild the nest because they removed a metal grate that it was using. Now they're saying that it could have been Paula Zahn's husband who removed the nest. Mary Tyler Moore is upset about the whole thing because she's an animal activist. Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard had some of the story wrong. He says that the hawk is actually on 5th Ave. but the rest of the story was right otherwise. The guy also said that people were saying that the nest was causing some of the building to crumble because it was lodged into the side of the building. There are people who think that it's a beautiful thing to have the hawk living there but some don't want it living on their building. Howard said everyone is attacking this guy Richard Cohen over the whole thing. The caller also said that you can check out PaleMale.com to see some pictures of the bird. Howard said he's sorry he never saw the bird there but the caller said he can probably still see him trying to rebuild the nest. Unfortunately they removed the stuff that was holding the nest in place so it won't be able to rebuild it. The caller was a teacher up in Harlem so he gave a shout out to his students up there before he got off the phone. Howard said that maybe the hawk will move up to Harlem. Robin gave an unexciting ''I don't know...'' when he suggested that.
Bobo called in and said that Artie sounds like a ticking time bomb. He wondered when he had his cholesterol checked. Artie said he had it checked a few years ago but he really doesn't want to know what it's at. Artie said that he works out once in a while jogging and has lost about 20 pounds thanks to his Apple iPod. He takes that and gets on a treadmill to jog a couple of miles. Captain Janks called in and asked Artie how he maintains a girlfriend when he's eating that much. Janks wondered if it's because he's famous. Artie said that must be the case and told Janks that he has to get famous if he wants to look the way he looks. Janks asked Howard to put him on a dial-a-date because he's been doing the show for so many years. Howard said they'll do it next time they do a dial-a-date (never).
A caller asked Howard why he doesn't have sympathy for a great white shark while he does for a hawk. Howard told him that he doesn't like sharks because they eat humans once in a while. If hawks were eating people, then he'd want to get rid of them as well. Howard had a lot more to talk about as far as his meeting with Tom went yesterday. He said that there are still problems there but he's going to straighten things out. There are people at the company who are trying to act like Mel (Karmazin) but they're not handling things correctly. He said he'll talk about that later after taking a commercial break.
Howard said that J.D., who tapes shows and pulls clips for Howard to play, was mugged on his way into the show this morning. He was punched in the face while on the subway. J.D. came in and started to tell the story but he was having some trouble talking... as he always does. He was on the subway at about 1:45 this morning so he can get there at about 3am. It takes a little while to get in from where he lives so he leaves very early. J.D. Said there were a couple of homeless people on the train and when they came to a stop at one of the stations there were 3 black dudes who got on the train. He tried not to make eye contact with them and just kept listening to his radio. Howard wondered how hard his heart started beating at that point. J.D. Said that the guys started messing with the homeless guy in the car... Howard interrupted and said that it sounds like something out of a movie and that Bernhard Goetz is his hero and people should be allowed to defend themselves when they're on a train like that. J.D. Said he wasn't really looking or paying attention to what was going on. He had his headphones on and tried to ignore it all. The guys were kind of yelling at the homeless guy from what he remembers. The homeless guy tried to chase the guys out of the train but one of the guys came up to J.D. and just punched him in the face. There were two guys holding the doors open so the train wouldn't leave. J.D. Had no place to go so he just sat there. He said he was punched and his glasses went flying. Artie was laughing at this point and did his ''Wah!'' bit with him.
J.D. Said that the guy's hand actually came in from outside the train when he hit him. He said that the guys were demanding that he give them money but he didn't have any. The guys were running around trying to hold the doors open while all of this was going on. The guy who punched him actually came back up to him and asked him if he was okay. He then asked him for money again and when he said he didn't have any, he handed over his CD player and Probot CD. Then the guy threatened to break his face if he said anything. The guys got off the train and got into a different car. J.D. Said the whole thing made him angry but there's nothing he could really do about it. Robin wondered if it ever occurred to him to swing at the guy who punched him. J.D. Said he didn't want the other two guys to attack him so he didn't bother. Howard told him that he should wear a Superman outfit when he takes the train to scare off the guys. Howard ended up giving J.D. an iPod photo since he lost his CD player. They're afraid that J.D. will lose that as well when he gets mugged again.
Fred told J.D. That you can't wear headphones on a subway at 2 in the morning. He said he should have looked the guy in the eye and may run out of the train when the doors were opened. Howard told J.D. That he would have started to talk black and tell them that he has AIDS. Robin said they should put him in some self defense classes. Howard said he took classes and all it did was confuse him. Howard doesn't think 10 years of training would prepare J.D. for that fight. Howard wishes that he was like Chuck Zito who could take guys down no problem. Gary said that J.D. was trapped because the doors in the cars are locked between cars.
J.D. didn't even bother to call the cops after all of that. He said there was really nothing he could do about it. Howard said he's probably right because the cops can't really do anything about it now. A guy claiming to be a cop told J.D. That he was a pussy and he should have just taken the guy down. He told the guys that he should be paying attention to what's going on around him. He has to pay attention and just talk to the guys when they get on the train. Look them in the eyes and just ask them how it's going. The cop said that J.D. was probably screaming like a girl while the guys were beating him. The cop said that if J.D. isn't a fighter, he shouldn't live where he does, he should live in Queens. The cop wished everyone happy holidays as he was getting off the phone.
Howard told J.D. To carry mace with him when he travels on the subway. Benjy told him that he should ride in the first car because there's always a conductor in there. J.D. Said that he usually rides in the second car because he feels safe in there. Now he's going to ride with the conductor when he can. Howard suggested that he sit on the conductor's lap. Artie was still laughing and told J.D. That it was a great story and he was glad he heard the story. Howard had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard had some audio of some guy, Brent, from the Parent's Television Council talking about him on an interview show. The interviewer had information saying that most of the complaints coming in to the FCC are from the PTC. The guy from the PTC says that's not true and the FCC isn't doing it's job and they're moving too slowly and not giving out the correct information in their reports. Brent says that his 7 year old son recognizes ''indecency'' better than the people in the broadcast industry. Howard said that there are different views on what's indecent and there are no clear cut rules for that stuff.
Howard said he had the weirdest day yesterday. The company he works for, Viacom, just paid a $3.5 million fine to the FCC but didn't call it a fine. They admitted that some things that they were fined for were indecent. The company paid off fines for a few different things, including some of Howard's. He said that the company figured they had to pay off the fines so they could keep their broadcasting licenses. Howard said that's now the way it's supposed to work, they should be able to take the FCC to court but that doesn't happen.
In the decision that the company signed, they say that if Howard gets a notice of apparent liability, they can suspend and fire him. Howard said this was never discussed with him and he doesn't know what indecency means these days. He explained how he asked William Hung when he got laid when he was in the other day. These days they are fining over stuff like that. Howard told the company that they seem to know the rules while he doesn't so he doesn't think that he should take the fall if they screw up and don't hit the dump button when he says something that might be considered ''indecent.'' He doesn't want to be suspended or fired because the company screws up. He started to burn and called Tom up and asked him to give him a list of what he can and can't say. They gave him a letter saying that he could be suspended or fired if he says the wrong thing. He still doesn't know what the ''wrong thing'' is. The company is putting him out on a limb and they're going to let him take the fall.
Howard called Tom Chiusano up and said that he wants to finish out his year there at the company. He said there have to be some parameters there. He called a meeting with Tom, Joel Hollander, Les Moonves and their lawyer Steve. He wants to work things out and tell them why it's wrong that they're setting him up. He never agreed to the terms of that settlement they had with the FCC. Howard said that what they need to do is fire themselves if they let something get out through the dump button. Tom was the only on in the meeting yesterday. No one else was there. The lawyer, Steve, was on the phone during the meeting. Howard said that Steve is stepping up and being the ''Mel'' of the company now. Howard said that Steve told him not to do anything sexual on the show, he can be funny without doing anything sexual. Howard said he's been told that over the years and that's just not realistic. He can't do the show without talking about sex. Howard asked them if they're really going to make him take the fall for all of this crap. They basically said that they are going to make him take the fall. He never agreed to any of the stuff they agreed to with the government and he's not going to be taking ''sensitivity training'' like they may make him do if he gets suspended. Howard said they are asking him to make drastic changes on his show. He's not going to do the show like he does it now and then they said that he's not performing like he's contracted to. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He has always done edgy material and no one is telling him what the rules are. No one knows.
Howard told Steve and Tom that he refuses to operate under these operations. They want him to become someone other than what he is but he can't do that. He can't be himself but they want to keep him there for another year. It doesn't make sense. He wants to have the Mr. Gay Universe people come in and do something with a cucumber but he's not sure if that will be considered sexual. The company is basically giving power to kooks like the people from the PTC. Robin and Artie both said that they don't know what to do either. They don't know what they can or can't say on the air now.
Tom Chiusano came in to help out with this conversation. Howard said that we've given control over to lunatics and he can't be held responsible. Tom said that the cucumber swallowing thing is not sexual. Howard asked him if he will be suspended if the FCC does find that it was sexual. Tom said that as a concept, there's nothing wrong with it, as long as Howard doesn't turn it into something else. Tom said that Howard will be suspended if they are fined over what goes on during that bit. Howard wonders why he will be suspended if the company doesn't hit the delay on something he says. They don't seem to know what can or can't go out over the air so Howard doesn't think he should be suspended. Howard said the company didn't hire Howard Stern not to be Howard Stern. Tom is apparently willing to take the bullet along with Howard if they do get fined. Howard wasn't going to mention that but Tom brought it up first. Howard said that Steve is the one who should be taking the bullet because he was the one who worked out this thing with the FCC. Howard said he doesn't want to go to the front lines in a war he wants nothing to do with. He said that Tom can take the bullet if he wants, but he doesn't want to. Howard said his contract does not have anything about this stuff in it. The new rules shouldn't effect him because he hasn't agreed to what they agreed to with the FCC. Howard is going to be their sacrificial lamb.
Howard threatened to play records on his show so Steve apparently said that Howard is saying he's not going to perform. Howard said that he just can't do his show because no one will tell him what's right or wrong to talk about. He wondered why Sumner Redstone, Joel Hollander and Les Moonves weren't in that meeting yesterday. He thinks that they should be there to kiss his ass a little bit if they're going to make him take the bullet. Tom said there was a board meeting going on at that time yesterday so that's why they weren't there. Tom said that Joel is available next week but Howard doesn't think that Joel has been up front with him about some stuff. He said he will meet with Joel next week but wants Tom there by his side to be his witness. He said the whole thing is outrageous and he doesn't think he should take the bullet for the company. Robin told Howard she thinks he should just play music. She can't believe they're telling him he can take the fall for stuff on the show if they can't tell him where the line should be drawn. Howard said he's not going to do anything right now and he's not sure how to conduct the show. He's not trying to get out of his contract, he's perfectly willing to sit through another year but he doesn't know how to do his show if the company is going to make him take the bullet for fines.
Howard said that Tom told him he did nothing wrong during the William Hung interview but then they told him that if he does get fined, he will be suspended. Howard doesn't get that. He doesn't know how he can go on with his show if that's the way things are going. Howard said that he thinks Steve did a good job of protecting his own ass in the whole thing and didn't give him any answers. Tom said that the company is going to be there to protect him and back him up but Howard said that they're still going to suspend him if they are fined. Howard said that Steve basically told him to go on and do the show but not as Howard Stern. They said that Howard is going to take the hit not matter what. Artie seems to think that the company is setting Howard up to shut him up about the whole satellite deal. Howard said that this is the first time in his career that he's been stumped about what to do. He really doesn't know what to do next. Steve is supposed to come and counsel him if and when he gets fined. Howard wonders why he doesn't come and counsel him before then so he knows what he can and can't say on the air.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard about some of the stuff that's been going on with this stuff and how the company has basically said that the FCC is right in no matter what they do. They can't challenge anything or fight the fines. Howard knows that it's going to turn into a big news story where he's just ''Foul mouthed Howard Stern'' and that he was fired because of that. Howard said that if they fire him, he could get screwed out of his contract and he'd have another lawsuit on his hands. Another caller asked Howard if the E! guys are going with him when he moves to ''Uh UHHHH!'' (the new secret code for Sirius) Howard said he's not going to talk about that right now, it's still a long ways off.
Howard asked Tom what he thinks of this whole thing. Tom said that he thinks this whole thing is screwed up. Tom is willing to take the bullet with Howard but Howard doesn't think that he should. Howard asked Tom if he should come in and play music on Monday. Tom said he doesn't think he should but he should look at the standards as they've been laid out so he has an idea of what he can talk about. Howard said that he can still be suspended even if they get a fine for a Best Of show. Tom said he doesn't think that Howard should be suspended for a Best Of show. Howard said the company won't put that in writing though. Howard pointed out that Tom still hits the button on the show and they still get fined so he doesn't get why he's the one who gets suspended. They have control over what gets out over the air so he really shouldn't be fired. Tom doesn't think that the company is doing this to get Howard off the air. Howard continued this discussion for close to an hour and still didn't know what to do. Steve wants him to do the show without being outrageous but doesn't seem to think he can do that. Howard said that meeting was only an hour and a half of his day yesterday. Tom said that there are certain things that they can't do on the show and he thinks Howard knows what they are. Howard wondered if the cucumber thing was going to be a problem. Tom says it won't be... but if Howard thinks that he might get in trouble, he shouldn't do it. Howard said that it's actually sausage but Tom didn't have a problem with that either. Howard said he'd have to play music today then. Tom doesn't want him doing that and asked him to take a break. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said there were a bunch of gay guys there from Mr. Gay.com Universe. A woman walked in but she was an interpreter for the guy who was there from Spain. He was able to speak a little English but not much. The next guy was representing the U.S. and Canada. He said he's doing this to further his modeling career. Howard said that if he looked like that guy he'd be banging tons of chicks. The guy said that he gets hit on quite a bit but he is ''very gay'' and doesn't go that way. He said he has been with women before though. Howard said that there are some gay guys out there who will hook up with old, rich women and milk the relationships for all they can. Howard and Robin talked to him a little bit about his first time being with a woman. He said he was 18 at the time but he was checking out her brother at the time. He said he was in love with her for a little while until he went to college. Howard told him that you know you're gay when you're in love.
The next guy was from the U.K. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his experiences with women. He said he had sex with a woman and she turned him gay. There was another guy from Australia as well. Howard said he thinks that the guy from the U.S. and Canada will win the contest. He talked to the Australian guy and asked him why he wants to win. He said it's for the $25,000 grand prize. These guys are all finalists in the contest. There was another guy from Germany who talked about his first time in New York. Artie told him that there's a place called Tequila and Penis that he might want to visit while he's there. The winner of the contest will be announced on Sunday, the judging is all over from what the guys said.
Howard was asking the guys if they get turned on by naked guys. Some of them get turned on so they had Benjy take his shirt off so the guys could evaluate him. None of them were really into him and said that he'd have to shave down. Howard had Fred stand up to be evaluated as well. All of the guys said they wouldn't do him either. Artie was feeling good about this because they were turning down everyone. The Spanish guy said that ''maybe'' he'd do him. Only one of the other guys said he would do Artie. Howard then stood up and the Spanish guy said he'd do him ''right now.'' The American/Canadian guy said he might do him. The rest of the guys said no to him. There were multiple delay hits during that part of the segment.
Howard said that they had a $2500 prize for the winner of this ''Queer Factor'' game they were going to play. They also had tickets to a Cher and Village People concert. He said that the first round had the guys swallowing large sausages. The winners would move on to the next round. The Spanish guy swallowed it down after biting it. He took in 5 1/4 inches. Gary said that he actually beat some of the porn stars they had in not too long ago. Next up was the American guy who was gagging on his sausage. He only took in 4 1/4. The third guy, from London, took in the sausage and said he didn't have a gag reflex. He was able to take in 6 1/4 inches. The Aussie was up next, he took in more than everyone else with 7 1/2 inches. After that Artie asked Howard ''What are we doing?'' Howard told him that they were doing it because they have a love of competition. Finally, the gay German guy took the sausage and swallowed the whole thing! Mike Gange said that it was a full 8 1/2 inches.
The two finalists were the Australian guy and the German guy. They were going to be hooked up to the tickle post by Gay Ramone who was in to help out with the game. Ramone came in and said that he could beat the 8 1/2 inch sausage thing. Howard told him to calm down and do the tickling. They tied up Mr. Australia and had Ramone tickle him from behind. Ramone was wearing chaps with no underwear on. Ramone tried to tickle the guy but there was no laughter. Ramone gave it a good try but Artie was about to throw up and Howard thought that they had a disaster on their hands. Mr. Germany was next up but the station in Las Vegas had cut the show off at this point and a caller told Howard about it. He said that they were chopping up the show and then just took a break in the middle of it. And that was in Las Vegas where gambling is legal and prostitution is legal on the outskirts of the city.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted to split the winnings because the German guy wasn't laughing. They decided to split the prizes and Howard wished them luck in the contest and wrapped up the interview. Captain Janks called in and asked how they're going to be able to watch this on the E! show because it was hard enough to just listen to it. Artie told him he has no idea how bad it was. Joey Boots also called in and said that it's not gay when you're drunk at 9 in the morning. He said something that got the delay hit so we missed what he said. There were many delay hits during the segment... as expected.
Howard said that if it's true that they took him off in Vegas, then he's right about what he was talking about earlier in the show. Cabbie called in and said that they wouldn't allow him to come in the building today. Howard said that Cabbie left him some messages last night and they scared the hell out of him. Tom is apparently worried about Cabbie and that's why he won't let him in the building. Howard said he's apparently not feeling too good about himself or something. They were being very cryptic about whatever it was they were talking about. Tom wants Cabbie to go somewhere to get some help but Cabbie said his appointment isn't until 11:30. Cabbie said that his TV was talking to him by name yesterday. He says that Court TV was telling him that there's a hit out on him.
Howard said that Cabbie left him a message basically saying that he should remember the name of a certain person because something might happen to him. Tom said that Cabbie called him and stayed on the phone for 2 hours yesterday. Tom said he's trying to get Cabbie to get some help but he can't help someone who can't help himself. Cabbie wanted to come up to see Howard but Tom and Howard weren't sure they wanted him up there because he needs help. Howard said that he will talk to Cabbie though so he said it was okay to let him come in. Tom does more there at the station than people know. He's trying to handle Cabbie and all of the stuff going on with Howard's show at the same time.
Howard wanted to let Jon Hein come in but Cabbie took priority over that. Gary came in and asked if Cabbie was on his way up because he wasn't there yet. Tom suggested that they take a break first because they were behind already on commercials. Ronnie the Limo Driver told Howard that Cabbie was on his way up in the elevator. Cabbie showed up a short time later dressed in a fur coat. He had the fur coat and a bare chest for some reason. Howard talked about the message that Cabbie left him last night. He said that he left a message about how something might happen to him and gave him a name to remember. Cabbie told Howard that he hasn't gotten a good night sleep in weeks because of what's going on. Cabbie thinks that he's going to get killed and pretended that he was going to get shot last night. He freaked Howard out when he left that message.
Cabbie told Howard that this all started with a phone call a couple of weeks ago. Things started going on and his house was getting messed up while he was out. He said he'd come home and find that someone had pleasured themselves in his shirts or underwear. Then things would start disappearing. His sunglasses were replaced with a cheaper pair. Gary wondered if this was some kind of ploy to get out of going to jail. Cabbie said that it's not a ploy and that's another bit of stress he has in his life. Howard told Cabbie that he's a good looking guy and doesn't know why he makes himself look the way he does. Cabbie told Howard he hasn't been eating much lately and has lost quite a bit of weight. Cabbie went on to tell Howard, in his very frantic way, that he came home the other night and found a used condom in his apartment. He doesn't use condoms so it wasn't his. Then he was watching TV yesterday and heard a woman on Court TV saying some stuff to him directly. She said that ''Lee Mrozak is going to be whacked.'' He also heard the name of a guy he knows on the show that led to him believe that a friend of his could be the guy who's going to whack him. Howard and Tom think that this might be because he's sleep deprived. Cabbie said that someone approached his girlfriend about putting cameras in his apartment to do a show. He said no to the deal at the time but now he's thinking that the cameras were actually installed and they're watching him.
Cabbie was all over the place talking about the gifts he was giving to Howard while he was talking about all of this craziness. Howard told Cabbie that he thinks he may just need an adjustment in his medication to help him out. Cabbie told Howard he had to hear this stuff. He told Howard about how he was watching porn last night and saw that his clock said 11:15:01. He said he started to ask his TV what was going on and someone said ''Kill him'' from the TV. There was no movie playing and all he heard was the audio. Artie was goofing on the whole thing and did his Cabbie impression saying ''Kill him!'' Tom asked him to stop. Cabbie said that he called Howard when he saw a laser aiming light coming into his apartment. He thought he was going to get whacked at that point. He was still all over the place. Howard told him he had to move on and take a commercial break. He was sucking on a Now and Later candy as he was saying that. It was one of the things that Cabbie had brought in as a gift.
Cabbie said that he fell off the wagon a few months ago and was in rehab. He admits to that now. His phone rang in the middle of that so he tried to answer it. There was no one there though so he figured it was ''them'' calling him. Howard suggested that Cabbie go down to rehab right now instead of waiting for his appointment. Howard told him to just leave right then but Cabbie didn't want to just sit there waiting for his appointment. Cabbie sat there and asked Howard to give him some tax advice. He was still all over the place and was saying that's because he's so messed up from no sleep. Howard told him to go get some help already. Cabbie asked for a hug from Tom before he would leave from the studio. He finally left and headed off to his appointment.
A therapist called in and said that the psychosis that Cabbie was showing does not seem real because of the whole TV talking to him thing. The doctor seems to think that Cabbie could be making this up to get out of going to jail. Cabbie was on the phone and said that he's ready to do the time and he's not trying to get out of going to jail for his tax problems. Howard had to let them both go so he could move on to Jon Hein from JumpTheShark.com.
Howard talked to Jon about the new TV show ''Lost'' which is really good. Howard said there are a lot of rumors about what the show is really about. Some people think that the only person to have survived was the doctor (Matthew Fox) and he's imagining everything else. Some people think that all of them are dead and they're all in heaven or hell. Jon said the first thing is the coolest theory and it would be cool if that's the case. Jon also thinks that the show feels like a 10 o'clock show instead of the 8 o'clock show that it is. The guys also talked about ''Desperate Housewives'' and how he's caught up in that right now. You can tell it's go nowhere to go after a while though. Jon kind of spoiled this week's episode of ''Lost'' when he said that Charlie had died and come back to life. Gary said that was kind of lame to him as well. Jon said that's what a lot of people are saying was their ''Jump the Shark'' episode.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to get his game out of the way. Mike told Howard about how everyone is taking credit for finding out about OJ Simpson's hidden fortune but it was the Enquirer that actually did the story. That has happened with some other stuff as well and they never give credit where credit is due. Howard knows how he feels because it happens to him as well. He had Mike start his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard said that Vinnie Favale's favorite TV show is ''The Real Gilligan's Island.'' He had him on the phone to talk about that. Vinnie said that the show is great because it's so bad. Jon told him it's a horrible show. They also talked about Fear Factor a little bit and how it's not all that good anymore. Vinnie has always hated that show. Howard cut Vinnie off when he started to push the great CBS shows that are on.
Jon and Howard talked about some other shows that are getting a lot of traffic over at JumpTheShark.com. A phone caller gave another theory for the ''Lost'' show and how the island seems to be doing something to the people on the island and it may be haunting them. Jon said that there is a lot of mixed stuff coming in about ''Smallville'' and all of the ''CSI'' shows. Robin said she hasn't been watching any of them this season. The guys talked about some of the Christmas specials that have been on lately. Howard watched the Nick and Jessica special just waiting to see some camel toe. Howard had to take a break during that discussion but he had more with Jon coming up.
Ralph called in and said that Jon is a nice guy but he's really dull on the show. He also thinks that Jon has forgotten what the concept of ''Jump the Shark'' is all about. It's supposed to be about when a show loses it's audience and tries to get them back by doing something crazy, like the Fonzie Jumping the Shark episode. Jon argued with Ralph for a short tim but there's no getting through to him. Howard let Ralph go a short time later and had Robin start her news.
Double A called in during the news and said he got his copy of FHM magazine that had a 2005 calendar that had a picture of Beth in it. Howard told him that Beth was out shooting a new calendar recently and she's completely naked except for her hands covering her breasts. He said that Beth also told him that Double A is a nice guy. Howard said he was surprised by that but he guesses he's a nice guy, just a little strange. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:00 this morning.