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Howard asked Tommy if he heard everything that just went on. He also asked him if he'd fight Kid Rock since he's engaged to his ex Pamela Anderson. Tommy said he loves Kid Rock and he wouldn't fight him.
Howard spoke to Tommy about who he's dating now and about Pam's claims that he gave her hepatitis C. Tommy also spoke to Howard about the law suit that's been filed against him by the parents of this kid who died in his pool a couple of years ago. He said all of the kids at the party were supposed to have been taken care of but this one kid wasn't watched close enough. Now Tommy is getting blamed for someone else's carelessness.
Howard asked Tommy about the Hepatitis C claims that Pam has made. She got it and claims that it came from sharing a tattoo needle with him. Tommy said he doesn't have Hepatitis C and even if he did, it's no one's business. He said he just wants all of that stuff to go away and he's not going to sue Pam over it. He is however, in a custody battle with Pam. He said he ants to get full custody of the kids or at least get equal custody. He said right now he only gets the kids every other weekend while she has them the rest of the time. Howard told Tommy he's going to have a tough time getting full custody because he's a guy. Plus he has a female judge. Artie said maybe he'll luck out and the judge will dislike Pam because she's so hot.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Tommy and let some people ask questions. Wendy the Retard called in and complimented Tommy's music. Howard then played a clip from Tommy's new album ''Never a Dull Moment.'' The single is called ''Hold Me Down.'' Tommy said he sings, plays guitar and drums on the album. Howard played most of the song before interrupting it. He said that MTV 2 and VH-1 are playing the video for ''Hold Me Down.''
Howard spent a few more minutes asking Tommy about all of the crazy stuff that goes on in his life before he wrapped up the interview. Tommy said he really doesn't enjoy all of the media coverage of his problems. Robin told Howard that Tommy once said that going to jail was actually good for him because he was able to relax and chill out for once.
Howard went through everything he learned about Tommy this morning and played a quick clip of Tommy's remake of David Bowie's ''Fame'' that sounded pretty cool. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jonathan about his life. He's dating a porn star so Howard spoke to him about that. Davis says that he's dating porn star Devon Davis and the sex is definitely different with a porn star. He talked about his childhood and how he was molested when he was a young kid. He said he told his parents about it and they just laughed it off at the time. Jonathan has a son of his own now but not with the porn star. He had the kid with his wife at the time but they've since broken up. Howard found out that Jonathan's porn star girlfriend lets him bang other women in front of her so he's got it made. The two of them talked about that for a little while.
Howard also read that Jonathan collects a lot of John Wayne Gasey's old clown stuff and some other criminal's stuff. He owns Ted Bundy's Volkswagen as well. Howard wondered if that's just ''Rock star schtick'' or if he's really into that stuff. Jonathan said it's the genuine deal.
Korn's new album ''Untouchables'' was just released yesterday. Howard said that the band has done so well that now Jonathan is able to produce other band's albums. That's where Elijah comes in. Jonathan's record label Elementary Records has signed the band. Jonathan said he's known about Elijah's band for about 6 years now and liked what they were doing. Howard ended up talking to Elijah for a while about his life. He talked to him about his father Greg Allman and his mother Cher. Elijah said he didn't spend all that much time with either of his parents while he was growing up. He was sent away to private school at the age of 8. He did get to hang around with them a little bit but he thinks it was probably best that he was sent away so early. Elijah said that he respects the longevity of his mother's music but he didn't sound like he was a big fan of the music.
Howard read that Elijah had dated porn star Amber Lynn at one point in his life and his mother got upset about that. Elijah said that the story was completely false though. He never even met the woman.
Howard spoke to Elijah about some of the famous women he's dated in his life including Bijou Philips and Heather Graham. Elijah called Bijou ''Three o'clock slop'' and basically called Heather a moron. Howard lost his list of women Elijah has slept with so he ended up moving on to other stuff.
Howard gave the Deadsy album a plug and said that they'll be opening for Korn when they go out on tour. He spent a little time talking to the guys about that and then played a clip of ''The Key to Gramercy Park'' which is the first single from Deadsy's album ''Commencement.'' He also played some of the new Korn album ''Untouchables.'' Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. You can find out more about Korn's upcoming tour at Korn.com
Howard read her bio and talked about her Miss Universe win as well as other things about her life. She won $250,000 in the pageant as well as the use of a posh apartment in New York City for a year. She also knows Karate and knows how to assemble a certain Russian rifle in 18 seconds. Howard eventually got around to asking some sexual questions through the interpreter. He asked when she lost her virginity and said she didn't remember as she giggled through the answer. She told the interpreter she lost it at 16. Howard also asked her if she shaves her genital area. She said she shaves most of it but leaves a landing strip. He asked her if penis size is important and she said that it's not for her. Howard told her she'd found her man then because he's small. Howard asked her if she prefers circumcised or uncircumcised guys. She said she prefers smart guys and the circumcised thing doesn't matter to her. Oxana didn't really want to answer any of the sex questions. She told her interpreter she didn't have time to think about some of the stuff he was asking. Howard joked around asking more sexual questions. He asked her if she ever had a burning sensation while peeing. She laughed and asked if he was serious. Howard continued the questioning and asked if she ever made love to another woman. She said she hadn't yet but she might.
Oxana would speak one or two sentences of English at certain points when she could give her answer in English. Howard continued to ask her a bunch of sexual questions and took some phone calls for her. The callers just asked dopey questions like ''Would you fart to blow out a birthday candle?'' to which she told Howard she would if that's what the guy wanted. Another guy wanted to know if she spits or swallows. She said ''however it works out'' to that question. Howard wrapped up the interview and thanked Faye for helping them out with the interpreting.
Howard said that Gary's breath has been really bad lately and he hasn't said anything to him. Gary said he wishes he would say something and not say it on the air. Howard doesn't seem to think that's a nice thing to do though. Howard said even when Gary eats mints the stink is still there.
Howard said he only wears a little cologne when he goes out with his girlfriend. He said the only way she smells it is if she gets up close to him. He took a whiff of Artie's cologne and said he was wearing too much. They got back to Benjy and tried to figure out where the smell was coming from. They thought it might be his clothing but they weren't really sure. Howard told Benjy that Fred isn't the type of guy who makes that kind of stuff up. He asked Artie to cool it with the cologne and told Benjy to do something with his clothes. He also told Gary to do something with his breath.
Gary said that Benjy has something going on with his skin too. He's got dry patches on his face so they wondered if that had something to do with his stink. Poor Benjy was getting picked on big time and Howard thinks that he's going to crack one day. Howard said everyone there has their problems including KC who wets his bed once in a while. He also said that when Scott Einziger worked there he had really bad breath.
Howard took another break. When he came back he complained about how one of his girlfriend's friends told her about him talking about the women he dated before he dated her. Howard thought it was this guy Eddie who is friends with Beth and he was badmouthing the guy on the air. Beth called the back office and told them to make Howard stop because it wasn't this guy Eddie who told her. Howard said that whoever it was told her that he was talking about ''the women he banged'' and didn't say anything about him talking about how great their relationship is. Howard later said that Eddie was off the hook and now he doesn't know who it was that told her about the discussion.
Gary talked about a bunch of tabloid stories that he found interesting. He shared them with Howard and talked about them for a while during the controversy with Eddie and Beth.
Fred was also in a good mood. He had an announcement to make... His wife Alison is pregnant! Fred is going to be a father! Robin couldn't believe it and said he'll be a good father in a ''Munsters'' kind of way. Howard said he thinks Fred will be a good father. Robin said she's worried the child will turn out like Fred. Howard wanted to know if Fred will introduce himself to his child as Fred or Eric since he changed his name about 8 years ago. Howard told that story again to let people know just how wacky Fred is. Howard congratulated Fred about the news and Robin threw in her congratulations too but it was a few minutes late.
Fred says that he will never molest his child but Howard predicts that he'll kill anyone who looks at the kid the wrong way. Stuttering John came in and goofed on Fred a little bit himself. Like he's any more normal than Fred.
Fred said they're thinking of using James as a name for the baby if it's a boy. They don't really have a name for a girl yet. Howard looked at Fred and said that he thinks he's going to have a baby girl... and it will look like Fred. Robin suggested that if it is a girl, they name it Erica. Robin continued to goof on Fred so he started firing back making fun of her and how wacky she is. He didn't want to hear much of anything she was saying. Robin asked if Fred can relate to the world or people. Fred said he can relate to people better than she can. Robin said she's not having a child though. Howard said Robin wouldn't be a good mother but she knows enough not to go there. They think that Fred may have problems when the child has major issues and can't relate to them.
Howard took a phone call from a listener who complained about Robin giving Fred crap whenever he has a happy moment in his life. Gary came in and said that there is a bit of joy in Robin's voice when she makes fun of Fred. She just giggled and laughed at everything they were saying.
Robin said that Gary is a great father and she's never made fun of him about that. Howard said Gary puts him to shame the way he fathers his kids. Howard said he's had to go to psychotherapy to learn how to be a better father and most people can't afford to do that. Robin said she thinks that Alison will make a good mother even if Fred isn't a good father.
Jessica Hahn called in and said she thinks he'll make a great father. She also broke the news that she used to have a crush on Fred years ago. She never told him that though.
Some people called in and started giving Fred ideas for names. They also learned that if it's a boy they're going to have is circumcised even though Fred is usually against doing stuff like that. Fred said Alison wants to raise the kid Jewish so he would have to be circumcised.
Fred said they've been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years now. Fred is 46 and his wife is 40. Howard wondered why Fred didn't come to him earlier for advice.
Howard introduced each of the Vivid Video porn stars which included Jenna Jameson, Dasha, Taylor Hayes, Savanna Samson and Kira Keynor.
Howard asked the girls if they all get along. Jenna said that they don't because their personalities clash. Gary said that Kira is one who seems very unhappy. Jenna said that she really is unhappy. Howard said he did some research on her and found out her father was very ''Military'' and a hard ass around the house. She spent a few minutes talking about that and how her parents don't even know she's in porno. She said they don't watch regular TV and will probably never find out about it.
Jenna said that she likes Kira but she can be really nice or really nasty at different times. Howard tried to find out what kind of back stabbing Jenna may have done to piss Kira off. She said some people told her about how Jenna bought her web site domain name. It turns out Kira's former boyfriend used to work for Jenna and he bought the web site name and sold it to Jenna's boyfriend or something like that. Jenna had nothing to do with it but she's taking the blame for some reason. It wasn't even the dot com, it was the dot net. Whatever... Kira said part of the issue was with Jenna and some of it was with Vivid who set up the site. Gary came in and told Howard some more about Kira. She apparently dated this guy who they were calling ''Hillbilly'' who was allegedly abusive to her because she once dated Sinbad the black comedian. Hillbilly apparently tried to push her out of a moving car after hearing that. She didn't break up with him after that either. She said it was all mind control. Gary told Howard there was even more to her story. Howard cut off the stories and got back to the introductions and the game.
Howard spoke to Savanna Samson who was wearing a mini skirt and a tank top. She has only done 2 pornos with Vivid so far. Gary also told Howard that her parents don't know that she's in porn. Her sister has apparently disowned her because she's doing porn now. Dasha said her mother just found out that she's doing porn. Gary had a couple of quick stories about her that he went through.
Howard moved on to Taylor Hayes. Gary gave Howard a couple of quick facts about her too. He said she loves anal and she's mad at the band Creed because they were rude to her at a club she appeared at. Jenna said she really likes Taylor too.
Gary had info on Kira who slept with Norm Macdonald. She said she didn't want to kiss and tell but she did give them a few details. She said that Norm liked to spank her.
Howard asked each of the girls a bunch of questions and said they'd go around 3 times and kick out the ''Weakest Dink'' each time around. He quickly went through easy questions like:
Howard came back from a break and Gary told him that Taylor was really upset that they brought up some of the things they brought up. She actually left crying. She got upset that Artie kept bringing up the anal thing and apparently she's tried to reinvent herself since the last time she was on the show 4 years ago. Howard also had to plug some of the web sites he didn't mention including Vivid.com, ClubJenna.com and SavannaSamson.com
Howard had a trip to give away to a NASCAR race in Bristol, Tennessee and he wanted to give it to Scott the Engineer and Ronnie the Limo Driver who love NASCAR. Howard said the only stipulation was that Scott had to accept the prize without contacting his wife first. Howard thinks that Scott is so whipped that he has to ask his wife about everything he does. Scott and Ronnie came in and accepted the trip. Scott said that he is going and he'll break the news to his wife when he goes home. Howard sounded surprised that he was accepting it as easily as he was. Scott said that he's not as whipped as Howard thinks he is.
Ronnie and Scott went to a NASCAR driving school one time and ended up losing each other as friends. It sounds like Scott's wife was part of the problem with that whole situation. Ronnie is afraid that will happen again. He asked Scott why his wife won't talk to him or his wife anymore. Scott didn't have a good answer for him though.
Gary reminded Howard that this trip is courtesy of the Real One player that's available at RealOne.com.
Howard said he lost respect for Scott when he heard about this. He knew it was going to happen this way. He predicted it during the conversation yesterday. Howard wanted to know what was so important that he wouldn't be able to go. Scott kept repeating that he had to ''...take care of some personal things.'' He wouldn't give specific reasons though. Someone joked that he has to stay home and watch the race on TV.
Howard said there's nothing that important that would keep Scott home. He said nothing is open on Sunday for him to go to. Howard then offered Scott's wife $1000 if she lets him go. He told Scott to call his wife and offer her the money to let him go. He said he doesn't want to pressure her into this though.
Ronnie thinks that it has to do with him. Last year the two of them went to a NASCAR race school and Scott's wife seems to think that Ronnie's wife ''swindled'' her into letting Scott go to the school. Now she won't talk to Ronnie or his wife. Scott told Howard that it's got nothing to do with Ronnie. He said he has to take care of his wife that weekend and that's it.
Mike Gange from E! came in and said that they already booked a trip to the race so they could tape it. He asked Scott if he could tell his wife that it's a business thing and he has to do it for his job. He said he'd call her and ask her about the $1000 thing and see what happens but they've already discussed it with her.
Howard pointed out how Scott was so defiant when he said ''I'm going!'' during the discussion yesterday. Today he's a completely different man.
Howard took a break and asked Scott what happened when he called her. Scott said she wasn't answering the phone so he wasn't able to talk to her. He said he left her a message for her though.
Crazy Cabbie called in during all of this and asked what was going on with the fight between him and Stuttering John. Howard said he spoke to Donald Trump yesterday and they're working on getting something together. It might happen at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Cabbie and John ended up arguing with each other again this morning.
Scott's wife Robin called in and told Howard everything is fine with her. She told him why she turned down the money and said that she was pressured into letting Scott go. Howard had her on the phone for a few minutes and said that he predicted how this whole thing was going to go because he knows how their relationship works. Robin said Howard has never met her so he really doesn't know her.
Ronnie the Limo Driver was also there and he still thinks that Scott won't be going. He's still got 7 days to back out of the whole thing. Ronnie spoke to Robin about the problem they had about a year ago with the whole Pocono NASCAR race school situation. He said that he and his wife haven't spoken to Robin since then because Scott told them that she didn't want to talk to them. Robin said she would have accepted an apology and she never said she didn't want to talk to them. Scott took the blame for speaking for his wife on that subject. Robin said that Ronnie said some mean things about her on the show last year so that's what upset her. He'd said something about how he wouldn't stay married to her if she didn't let him do something he really wanted to do. Ronnie still says that he wouldn't let his wife hold him back. He said he's got freedom in his marriage that Scott apparently doesn't have.
Howard took a few phone calls and some people said they don't see the big deal about eating dogs and cats. They said they're all animals and we eat animals here already. Zolar called in and said forget the animals, what about the Korean women's bush. He said he had a Korean woman one time who had ten foot long hair down there and she told him they don't shave over there.
Howard gave the women a plug for their web site KoreanAnimals.org. Howard asked if they ever mix cat and dog over there. Keenan said they don't do that. She also told him about how they boil some animals alive. Howard said it does turn his stomach to think about eating dog. He spoke to them for a little while longer and tried to get Keenan to say some stuff because her accent was kind of amusing. When she said ''animal'' it sounded like ''enema'' to Howard. She was a pretty good sport about it and let him goof around with her a bit. Howard took a few more phone calls from some wacky listeners. One guy called in as a Korean guy who was killing his black lab. He told Howard that ''eating black lab give you big boner.'' Howard wrapped it up and gave them a couple more plugs. Cathy also gave out the web site AAPN.org which has more pictures and stuff about the dog eating.
Debbie went on and on about everything from the Kentucky Derby to the battle going on in Israel. She even gave Howard a history lesson about Kentucky. She knew details about Kentucky that impressed Howard.
Howard figured that Debbie must read every single newspaper every day to know all of the things she knows. She said she just skims through a bunch of papers every day and reads about what she wants to read about. She said she also likes sports so she's not just into this Jihad stuff that she's always talking about. You can read Debbie's column at TownHall.com.
Howard pointed out that Eddie is really busy lately with a bunch of movies coming out. He's been in about 3 this year already. Howard also brought up some of the stuff that they spoke to Eddie about the last time he was on the show. Howard took some phone calls for him and let Eddie tell a few stories. He wrapped up the interview after about 20 minutes.
Howard told Gary that he should interview her and tape it for the show. It sounds like he'd be willing to do it too. Gary said he'd even take her back if she wanted to come back.
Gary sounded hopeless when he told Howard he's 39 years old and his wife just left him. Howard told him he's got some good times coming to him because he'll be dating again.
Gary said he now has to sell his home so he can give his ex-wife her share of the money. He said he gave her 35% of the house when they married and now she wants her share of the money. He said it's going to be about $45,000 so he can't afford to pay her off without selling the house. Howard continued to tell him that they'll both be better off now.
Gary asked Howard if he can set him up with some women when they go to Las Vegas. Howard said he'd hook him up with the Mother-Daughter prostitute team that was on the show yesterday. Gary said he's not into prostitutes though. Howard said Gary's wife was pretty hot and he wouldn't mind getting a little bit of that himself.
After 20 minutes of this Howard found out that Gary had cheated on his wife one time. He left that part out the whole time. Gary said it was 2 years ago and no one asked about it so he didn't include it. Gary then told Howard how this ''other woman'' was trying to blackmail him saying she was pregnant and sending letters to his house so he had to tell his wife about it. Two years later he's getting divorced.
Howard wanted Gary's ex on the phone and Gary said she'd be willing to get on the phone so Howard took a break and got her on. He then spent a few more minutes talking to the two of them about their separation. Gary's ex, Jeanie, said that it wasn't just the cheating that made her want out of the relationship. Gary knew what the reasons were so he rattled off stuff like his drinking, gambling and his brother who was living with them for a couple of months. Howard then asked Jeanie if her new man was satisfying her in ways that Gary never could. She was a little reluctant to say yes but she did. Howard kept asking her stuff like that which seemed to upset Gary a little bit. He threatened to hang up if he kept it up. Howard laid off the sex questions a little bit but got back to them eventually. Jeanie even said that the night before they got married she had a bad feeling about the relationship because they got in a big fight. She said that Gary is very volatile and after his father died he was always angry so she had to be careful about what she said to him.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to John's people which included Kickboxing champ Derek Panza who says that John is ready for the fight. Howard also spoke to a couple of other people who are helping to train John.
Howard said there are only 2500 tickets available for this fight which is taking place at the Trump Taj Mahal down in Atlantic City, New Jersey May 31st. The tickets went on sale at 7:30am today and by 8am they'd already sold 1000 of them.
John and Cabbie were yelling at each other and taunting the hell out of each other so much that a fight broke out. Howard had to have the guys separated. Penny Crone was almost taken out by the whole thing when Cabbie freaked out and jumped over a table toward John. Howard had to end the press conference early because of the nightmare. Penny Crone said it was the strangest press conference she's ever been to.
Howard said he was scared after what he saw this morning. Cabbie is a really angry guy and he showed just how angry he is this morning. Howard said he wouldn't hold it against John if he backed out of the fight after what had just happened. The E! guys replayed the tape of Cabbie's outburst and everyone was surprised at how quickly he moved toward John.
Penny Crone said she didn't get to interview either of the guys very much. Cabbie wasn't being nice to Penny so she said she won't talk to him at all anyway.
Cabbie was allowed back in to defend himself. Cabbie said that John had to hide behind his trainers when he lunged at him. The two of them argued with each other for a few more minutes after he came back in. Donald Trump called in and said the tickets are selling better than Britney Spears tickets. You can try to get tickets through TicketMaster.com. Just search for Howard Stern or ''The Flunkie vs. The Junky.''
Don King also called in and said that Cabbie is going to do the job. He's also thinking of backing Cabbie as a fighter. He was only on the phone for about a minute before Howard moved on. Cabbie and John continued to yell at each other for a little while. Cabbie was also goofing on poor Penny Crone who just wanted to get some interviews with these guys. Howard wrapped everything up so he could move on to talk to Tommy Lee.
Howard later came back and said that they're going to air this segment on E! tonight at 11pm.
Three women came in to judge the contest. Howard introduced the judges after telling them how they fell into this contest. The first judge was Elaine Hearns from Next Models agency (NextModelsUSA.com). The second judge was Michelle Zipp from Playgirl magazine. She gets to pick the models that appear in the magazine. The final judge was a woman Gary found on the street who had no idea who Howard was. She was Sally who was visiting from the Philippines. Howard said they gave her a $1000 prize for coming in. She has only been in the country for a year.
Howard had Chaunce walk in so the judges could see him. He had Chaunce work his magic talking to the judges. Chaunce said it looked like Howard was wearing makeup but he swore on his kids lives that he wasn't. Chaunce was wearing sandals which Howard pointed out to them. Howard also stood up so the judges could see him. He then headed into the bathroom to change into his bathing suit. Chaunce changed into his underwear since he didn't have a bathing suit to wear. Chaunce was behind a curtain doing push-ups trying to pump up his body for some reason. Howard said he wasn't doing anything like that.
Howard came out in his bathing suit and refused to put down his opponent during the judging. Chaunce also came out and showed his tatoos and told the judges that it shouldn't have any effect on the judging. Howard said Chaunce was doused in cologne and wanted the women to get a whiff.
After a short time Howard ended the competition and had Elaine Hearns give her opinion. She picked Howard's body over Chaunce's. She said he has a beautiful, nice body. The face was next and she picked Howard once again. Personality was the same thing. Howard got her vote all the way. Next up was Michelle Zipp from Playgirl. She said she was going with Howard on body, face and personality. She said Howard's face was more ''captivating.'' Chaunce said he thinks that they're caught up in his celebrity.
Sally also picked Howard and that's the one that Chaunce said counted the most. Sally said she doesn't like the ''chubby one'' (Chaunce). Chaunce said that there's no way he could have won in ''Howard's House.'' Chaunce was pointing out all of Howard's bad points but they didn't matter in the long run. All of his faults and he still beat Chaunce. Howard told Chaunce that he's fat, bald and has bad tatoos.
Gary asked one of the judges to give Howard and Chaunce a rating on a scale of 1 to 10. Michelle gave Chaunce a 5 and Howard an 8. Sally gave Chaunce a 3 and Howard an 8. Elaine gave Howard a 9 and Chaunce a 6. Chaunce was yelling that the competition was fixed.
Howard took some phone calls and people were saying that Chaunce is just a sore loser.
Chaunce continued to pick apart Howard's bad parts. Howard didn't care though because he still won. Howard wrapped up the segment after taking a couple of phone calls. One guy, pretending to be Mike Piazza, said that Howard is so ugly that it scared him straight.
Chaunce wanted Sally to say who looked older between the two of them. Sally said that Howard looked 45 or so. She said Chaunce looks about the same age. Chaunce freaked out and wouldn't say how old he actually is. When Chaunce heard that they paid Sally to come up to the studio he freaked out and said that's what made it a fix. Howard admitted that they gave her the money before he came in. Sally also picked Artie as a better looking guy than Chaunce. He continued to complain that because they paid her it made it a fix. When Scott the Engineer came in they asked Sally to pick either him or Chaunce. She finally picked Chaunce over Scott.
KC came in and said that Chaunce was born in 1959 so he was ''32'' years old... Mignon strikes again. He corrected himself after everyone goofed on him for getting the math wrong. Howard wrapped up the segment after telling Chaunce that he looks older than he is. They finally got him out of the studio but he still wouldn't admit that he's uglier than Howard. Howard thanked all of the women and took a break.
Howard played tape of that last appearance to let everyone hear what happened. Otto was upset about not being funny and Howard was trying to tell him that he was funny.
Howard noticed that George was a new puppet today. Robin said it looked like the puppet got a face lift or something. Howard said it looked a little bit like Jay Leno. Both Otto and George dislike Leno so they went off on him a little bit. Otto seemed to have gotten over his last appearance and was on a roll going off on people and telling some jokes.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Michael Skakel trial and how they're tying him to the Kennedy's even though he's not really a Kennedy. He's been called the nephew of Ethel Kennedy so he's barely related.
Howard was giving Otto and George a couple of plugs for his upcoming appearances. He mentioned that they'll be at The Stress Factor in New Brunswick, New Jersey on July 14th. Otto said that The Stress Factory is the best comedy club in New Jersey and that Rascals sucks. He said that he doesn't like the ''fat Spic'' owner of Rascals. He told Howard that the guy tells him that he has to appear on radio to get people to show up at his shows. Otto said that he was drawing 300 people to his show before he was on any radio show so that's a bunch of crap. He went off on that guy for a short time and plugged The Stress Factory a few more times.
Howard moved on and had Robin do her news stuff. While they were doing that the owner of Rascals, Ed Rodriguez, called in to talk about all of the stuff Otto was saying. Ed said that he's only spoken to Otto one time and he didn't know they'd even had a falling out until today. He said something about Otto having spit on a picture of someone at the club. Otto was still pissed at Ed and continued to complain about him and call him names like ''ass face'' and ''jerk off.'' He also mentioned something about David Copperfield during all of this so he also ended up calling in. Otto said he was pissed that David didn't introduce him to the hot chicks that he hangs around with all the time. It turns out he's really good friends with David and he was just joking around when he called him a ''cheap Jew.'' David said he wants to own George the puppet for some reason. He wanted to know how much Otto wants for it. Otto said $60,000 and he'd put it in the box for him. Howard went on to say how great the last David Copperfield special was. He asked David how he did some of the tricks that he did. David wasn't talking so Howard asked him when he's doing a show in New York so he can go see him. David said he's going to China for 7 weeks and didn't say when he'd be in New York. Howard wrapped up the call with David and let Robin get back to her news. Otto and George continued to go off on Ed Rodriguez and even comedian Paul Rodriguez who Ed apparently plays golf with or something. Otto has a problem with that for some reason and continued to go nuts through the whole news segment. You can find out more about Otto and George at MillerComedy.com
Howard said Stuttering John's people have him convinced that he's going to win the fight. Artie said he's so convinced he put another $1000 on John to win.
Howard talked up the Trump Taj Mahal saying that the rooms are really beautiful. Howard's buddy Ralph has a room there so he talked to Howard about it while the audience yelled at him.
Howard went around the arena and said hi to people like Mariann from Brooklyn, Gary the Retard, Yucko the Clown(YuckoTheClown.com) and Slow Adam. Everyone was yelling at each other while he did that.
Howard took his first break and came back saying that there was an electricity in the room with the big crowd they had there. Gary said that Stuttering John was working out last night and some of the guys thought that was a bad idea.
This guy Echo man was at the event so Howard spoke to him for a short time. The guy does an echo with no electronic help. Howard pointed out a bunch of other people who were there like Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Don King and Dan the Farter. Dan blasted out a few small farts for everyone. Beetlejuice was dressed up like Don King so Howard spoke to him but had to hit the delay because he cursed right away. Don and Beetle had a chance to speak to each other for a few seconds.
Howard introduced a few more people who were there like High Pitch Erik, Nicole Bass, Sal the Stockbroker, Spider-Man (formerly OJ Mask) and John the Stutterer who ended up yelling at Yucko the Clown about being a child molester. The Rappin' Granny was also there. She did one of her horrible rap songs for Howard and picked Cabbie to win the fight.
Howard spoke to Cabbie who was back stage. His voice was shot from talking to people the night before. He wasn't able to check in and get to his room right away because there were so many people around. He said he was ready for the fight though. He thinks he's going to knock John out in the first round.
Stuttering John thinks that he's going to be the one knocking out Cabbie in the first round. The two of them started arguing with each other after Cabbie claims that he didn't challenge John to the fight. He said John challenged him and John said that it was Cabbie who made the challenge.
Howard spoke to Cabbie's trainer Al Benini for a short time. Al said that he didn't think Cabbie had to train for the fight. He claimed that he was out eating pepperoni pizza with Cabbie last night. Howard asked Al if he trained Cabbie the tea bagging technique he's going to use on John if he wins. Al didn't even know what tea bagging was. Cabbie demonstrated what it would look like and apparently pulled down his pants to show his sack.
Howard played a fight intro that Gary did doing a wacky announcer voice. Gary went through the history of Cabbie's fight with Angry Black and how John egged him on during that fight. There were some clips from the show where the two of them yelled at each other and other bits thrown in there too.
Howard said he flew in from New York City yesterday with Donald Trump on his helicopter. Howard said he got to meet Donald's 23 year old son on the flight as well. Howard said he and Donald walked through a couple of his casinos together. Howard said Donald also let him yell at some of his employees.
Howard asked Donald about the helicopter that they flew in on. Trump said it's a Sakorski 76 and it cost about $9 million. Howard said they landed it at the Trump Marina casino.
Howard told Daniel that he thought he'd had a change of heart because he was sitting next to Beetlejuice, who's a black man. Daniel yelled about ''the Na-gers'' and how he hasn't had a change of heart at all. He's still proud to be a white man.
Yucko the clown is also a racist so he was supporting Daniel's views. He said the two of them were going to start the Ku Klux Klowns together.
Elegant Elliott Offen was in the crowd with his ''girlfriend.'' Elliott said that the woman was his fiancee and would be with him the rest of his life. He continued to ramble for a short time until Howard shut him up and asked him who he picked to win the fight. He never answered though, he just continued to ramble as he usually does.
Artie Lange was drinking, and maybe a little drunk, by 7:15. He toasted the crowd and got cheers from them all.
Howard spoke to Burt Sugar for a minute and asked him if he thinks John has a chance in the fight. Burt said the weight advantage that Cabbie has might come into play.
Announcer Michael Buffer did a couple of his ''Let's get ready'' lines for the crowd. Howard then moved on to ''Big Foot'' Matt who was in the crowd. Gary said he had an offer for Matt to fight Manute Bol but the money wasn't right for Matt. Gary said they offered him $15,000 and it wasn't enough. Matt gave him another number and Gary said he could do that. They all said they'd love to see that fight.
After another break Howard played an intro for Stuttering John featuring many of his stutters, interviews and fights. Howard said the intros will also air on the 1 hour E! special tonight.
Howard spoke to bodybuilder Nicole Bass who said she'd be a ring card girl. Howard asked her if she can really be considered a ring card ''girl'' because she's so masculine. She said of course she's a ''girl.''
Porn star Tabitha Stevens is also going to be a ring card girl. She was going to fight someone but she just had $30,000 worth of plastic surgery done 3 weeks ago. She said she had fat taken from her butt and put in her face and something done to her gummy smile so you don't see gums when she smiles. Robin said she couldn't even tell she had surgery.
Howard spoke to the guys who would be judging the fight today. Boxers John Ruiz and Dwight (didn't catch the last name) and Virgil Hill. The audience went crazy when Evander Holyfield walked in the room. Howard spoke to Evander for a short time. Holyfield is fighting Hassim Rachman tomorrow night at the Taj Mahal. Don King got up and promoted that fight for a few seconds before Hassim Rachman showed up. Howard got a few words from him and wished both fighters luck in tomorrow's fight. Both Evander and Hassim pick Cabbie to win the fight today.
Gary introduced the fight referee Rick Stigerwald so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about what he'd be looking for in the fight. The ref told Howard that he wouldn't be allowing any Tea Bagging to go on in his ring.
Play by play announcer Larry Michael was also introduced to Howard. He predicted that if John could last through the first two rounds he'd have a good chance of winning the fight. He said if he could wear Cabbie out early he'd have a great chance of beating him.
Lonnie from Scores was in the crowd with some of the dancers from the club. He introduced Veronica, Angie, Mica and Evelyn and Howard knew all of them very well. After their introduction the crowd started chanting ''SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!'' over and over.
Dan the Farter's mother was in the crowd so Howard spoke to her for a short time. Howard then had Dan blast out a few more farts for everyone. He was having some trouble but eventually squeezed out a few.
Butt Billionaire (with Tabitha Stevens) winner Jeff was introduced. He wasn't quite as drunk as he was on the Butt Billionaire show. He said he was on his way though.
The Groundhog Brothers were there too. They predicted that Stuttering John will win the fight.
Howard had them play the Cabbie introduction that will be on E! tonight. It included his many arguments with John and other people as well as clips from his fight with Angry Black.
Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' is also a ring card girl so Howard spoke to her. She picked Stuttering John as the winner. KC then introduced Kendra Jade as another ring card girl. Miss United States Carrie Stroup was also going to be a ring card girl. Last but not least, Croy the old lady was introduced. She was wearing a bikini and Howard said she was Miss United States 1923.
Michael Buffer warmed up the crowd and did some more of his lines right before he went back stage to hear the referee give Cabbie the instructions for the fight. The ref warned him about the tea bagging thing after giving him the normal instructions. Stuttering John also heard the instructions and said he was ready for the fight.
Howard spoke to more people in the audience including Jeff Levy the guy who likes to be vomited on. Melrose Larry Green got booed when he was introduced.
Howard showed off the belt that the winner will get. He said it was designed by Steven Singer Jewelers.
Dr. Sal Calabro told Howard he thinks John has a good chance of winning if he fights well. Big Black finally has a job and showed up in his security guard outfit. Gay Ramone's ass cheeks were sticking out of his outfit. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach picked Cabbie to win but said he really doesn't care who wins. He told Howard he should have him fight Beetlejuice or High Pitch Erik. Howard ignored the suggestion and moved on.
High Pitch Erik was supposed to perform ''America The Beautiful'' before the fight but he was being difficult and refused to get into his thong. Howard took a few phone calls and said that they don't really need High Pitch Erik anyway. He took a break so they could prepare for the fight.
At around 8:35am Howard returned from break and got the fight started. He had announcer Larry Michael sitting with him so he could do the play-by-play. Cabbie's people walked him into the ring as some of the crowd booed him. There were some hot women from Trim Spa in Cabbie's entourage as well as Cane who Cabbie works with on WXRK.
Stuttering John's entourage then came in. Howard said that Cabbie is 6'3'' tall and weighs 265 pounds to John's 5'7½'' 175 pound frame.
Michael Buffer introduced Reba the conjoined twin to sing the National Anthem. Reba's conjoined sister just remains silent while Reba sings. She was off key and sounded pretty bad... but still got cheers from the crowd.
Michael Buffer then did his thing and introduced all of the judges, doctors and all of that. Buffer then did his infamous ''Let's get ready to rumble!'' which got the crowd charged up. Buffer introduced Cabbie first and many boos could be heard from the crowd. He then introduced Stuttering John and the crowd cheered. The referee then got things started.
Round one was underway by 8:48. Cabbie was punching below the belt within seconds. The crowd was going nuts. The ref stepped in and had to separate them because they weren't boxing, they were wrestling. Cabbie and John were returning big right handers according to Larry Michael. Howard said John was pounding Cabbie but Robin said he wasn't. The referee had to keep breaking the two of them up over and over. The round was over and Larry said he thought John won that round. Robin said Cabbie was getting better as the round went on. Everyone seemed to be impressed with John. Evander Holyfield even thought John won the round.
Round two started and the guys had to be separated over and over again. John was throwing a lot of punches while Cabbie was just leaning on John to tire him out. The guys thought that Cabbie was just wrestling John and not throwing any punches. Howard said the ref was working harder than both of them because he had to separate them so much. John kept throwing a lot of right handers and connecting with Cabbie's face. Larry said that Cabbie was tiring and it showed. Cabbie got in a couple of punches but he wasn't going well. When the round was over Gary told Howard that John almost went down at the end of the round though. He was closing his eyes after Cabbie threw a couple of punches. Howard tried to listen to John's corner people between rounds but it was hard to hear.
Round three started and John threw a bunch of punches, pummeling Cabbie according to Howard. Robin said he wasn't getting pummeled though. The ref was still separating the two of them. Cabbie threw a couple of uppercuts and got John wobbling. Cabbie was also still just leaning on John to wear him out. John was still getting in some good punches according to Larry. He said that John was definitely scoring with all of the punches he was throwing. He wasn't sure he was hurting him though. Howard said Cabbie was almost toppling over by the end of the round. Larry said it looks like it's going to come down to who is in the best shape. Lonnie from Scores predicted that someone would pass out in the next round. Robin said it was obvious that Cabbie didn't train for this fight and he's just trying to wear John out.
Round four was off and John was still throwing some punches. You could hear the ref separating the two of them. Cabbie was fighting dirty and trying to rest during the rounds. John was throwing some great punches according to the guys. Larry's play-by-play was mostly about John throwing punches since Cabbie was just hanging on him. John continued to throw a lot of punches while Cabbie tried to wear him out. When the round was over Larry said John had the round once again. John was bleeding from his nose and had a scrape on his cheek. Gary told Howard that John looked like he was ready to lay down in the ring and go to sleep. Cabbie looked the same way. Both corners were telling their fighters that the next round is the final round and they have to do their thing to win.
Round five came around and they continued to wrestle. Cabbie was still just hanging on John. John got in a few more punches and Cabbie almost went down according to Larry. Cabbie's arms were at his side because he was so tired. John did a little bit of holding himself. The crowd started to chant ''Cabbie Sucks! Cabbie Sucks!'' as the round was winding down. Cabbie was breathing heavy according to Howard. The fight was over and it was obvious that John won the fight. The crowd continued to chant ''Cabbie Sucks! Cabbie Sucks!''
Howard had a $10,000 bet on John with Attorney Dominic Barbara with 3-1 odds so he won $30,000. Everyone seemed to agree with the final outcome... except maybe Cabbie. Even the people who lost bets were okay with the judgement.
Howard went through the audience and got some final thoughts from them. Stuttering John got on the microphone and spent a couple of minutes talking about the fight. Howard said he's seen John in other competitive things and he refuses to lose. Cabbie vanished to his dressing room and wouldn't come out to talk about the fight. All of the people who dissed John got to hear the wrath of John. He yelled at Vinnie Favale about badmouthing him earlier in the show.
Cabbie finally came out to talk about the fight. John said that Cabbie had a really hard punch and he fought a great fight. Cabbie said he still has a problem with John so the arguing may not be over. Cabbie said he's got a problem with the whole world though so it's not just John.
Donald Trump said a few words and Howard thanked everyone for the great fight as he wrapped up the non-stop fight coverage. They went almost a full hour with no commercial break.
After a long commercial break Howard returned to do a wrap up of the fight. Everyone said the fight was great. The crowd was chanting ''Artie! Artie! Artie!'' during the break and Howard said Artie didn't know what to do.
Howard thanked Don King for stopping by. King said that he wants a rematch with Cabbie and John. He's going to be promoting Cabbie for some reason.
Howard and the crew thanked a bunch of people and took some phone calls before wrapping up the show.
Cabbie still refused to admit that he lost the fight. He said he felt like he won and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
High Pitch Erik tried to explain why he didn't sing earlier in the show but he was having trouble speaking. He was supposed to sing wearing fish mittens but when they brought the fish out he ran away from it. Howard let him sing ''America the Beautiful'' but he couldn't get through it because the guys were taunting him with fish. Howard thanked a bunch of other people including Donald Trump and everyone at the Taj Mahal. He wrapped up the show and reminded everyone that the fight was sponsored by GoldenPalace.com, Trim Spa and a few other companies.
Mr. Skin eventually got around to his top ten after Fred guessed what number one was. He guessed that Phoebe Cates getting topless in ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' was number one. Mr. Skin then went on to give most of his top 10 favorites. Howard cut him short so he had to skip a few. Some of the actresses and movies he mentioned were:
Howard took a few phone calls from people who brought up even more movies for Mr. Skin to comment on. He said that he only picked one movie per celebrity for the list so there were some people who brought up women who were on the list but not for the movies that they suggested.
Howard told a story about seeing a hot Asian chick on the street the other day. As she walked by she said ''Hi'' to him. He didn't realize it until she walked by that it was Lisa Ling from ''The View.'' He said she was really hot and went on to talk about how he'd bang her if he had the chance.
Howard wrapped up the interview with Mr. Skin shortly after that and took a break.
Howard asked Robin to open her gift after getting off the script. He told Robin that he loves her and she can tell him the truth if she doesn't like the gift. Howard said some nice words to Robin as she was opening up her gift and she sounded very impressed with what she got. She said it was ''amazing'' and it turned out to be a Prada bag. She told Howard that it's something she's always wanted and would never get for herself. It was a homerun. Howard told her it was the real thing too, not something that he bought on the sidewalk.
Howard opened up the gift that Artie gave to him. He got him a Barney's gift card and Howard said he loved it. Artie admitted that he whimped out and just gave him the gift card instead of a regular gift. Howard said that Beth will end up being the one who uses the card though. Scott the Engineer also gave Howard something big. He opened it up and couldn't figure out what it was. It was some kind of crystal candle holder or a vase. Howard wasn't sure. Artie said it was classy looking and Robin said she thinks he must have spent a couple hundred on that. Scott came in and told Howard there were two in the box, not just one. Scott said that his wife helped him pick it out and he wasn't even sure how much it cost. Howard thinks he was doing that because he wants to go over to the ''new place'' when they move over there. Howard said he's 90 percent sure that he'll be going with them over there. Howard said that he likes that Scott has been nice lately because he wants to go over there so he didn't want to give him a 100 percent guarantee that he'll be going there. Scott came back in to talk about how he got less this year from Robin than he got last year. It was about 40 percent less than last year. Robin said she doesn't remember how much she gives and didn't know that it was less.
Gary gave Howard some picture frames from Dunhill. Howard liked the gift and told him it was a good gift. One of the frames you can flip over so you can put two pictures and just swap them if you have two girlfriends or something. Scott got in a plug for his son's band by saying that he's got free CDs to give away at CDPulse.com. Howard knew that Scott was trying to get that plug on the air and tried to keep it off but he managed to get it on today. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Scott had been trying to get that plug on the air all day yesterday. Robin eventually suggested that Scott has to do goofy stuff to get his plugs on the air from now on.
Howard read Gary's Christmas Card where Gary said some nice things about going to the new place. That led to Howard talking about a big meeting he had with the people over at Sirius. He went to the restaurant Daniele and sat in a part of the place that he didn't even know existed. He only spent a short time talking about the restaurant, not the meeting. Robin asked Howard to open her gift next. Howard pulled it out and found a nice letter opener. It was a sword that went into a crystal and he said it was really nice. He collects letter openers. He said he loved it and it was a nice gift. Robin begged him to open her letter. In the letter she explains that it's called Excalibur and it's from Stuben glass. She told him that it's an old piece and he should keep it in the box to keep the collector value up. Robin said that it cost her $3,000! Robin said that a new one is $4,000! There was another card in the gift but Howard wasn't able to find it. She said that she got Howard this incredible card but it was missing. Howard eventually found it though. He read the note and Robin got all sappy on him. She wrote about Howard's new energy now that he's making his move to Sirius and how she's looking forward to going there with him. She called it ''the promise land.'' Howard said he got goose bumps from the letter and didn't know what to say to her.
Artie said he got an enormous chocolate snowman. Howard said that it was solid chocolate and Artie told him it would take him at least a full day to eat it. Howard thanked Howard for that so Howard wanted to get back to the Christmas special.
Howard let Daniel Carver go after that and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She thanked Howard for everything she's done for the fans all year. She was screeching out the thanks for a few seconds before Howard had to cut her off. Another caller told everyone how much he loves them as well.
Howard mentioned that his last appearance on David Letterman's show will be re-airing on Monday night. That led to Howard talking about how weird the next year is going to be leading up to his move to Sirius. Howard went on to read some of the cards they've gotten for the holidays. They got one from Tony Bennett and one from Vivid Entertainment. That was it though. Howard and Robin talked about how well the Sirius radios were selling from what they've been told. Howard spent a little time talking about the stuff going on over at Sirius and how Mel Karmazin is busy doing all kinds of stuff over there. Howard was hung over after his big dinner with the people from Sirius last night. He didn't have much time to talk about that because he had to get through the rest of his Christmas Special. He took another break so he could get to more of that.
Howard said there was a whole scene going on out in the hall since his girlfriend was there in a special outfit. He said that she told him that she was going to wear something sexy for them. That led to Howard talking about how he had sex with her last night after he hadn't done it in quite a while. He wanted to do it but it turned out she was on her period. He said something did happen but he wasn't sure if he could say it on the air. He said it but the delay button was hit on him. Beth told him not to bring that up on the special but he couldn't resist... and we didn't hear it anyway because of the delay hit.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he had to apologize to his wife for yelling at her last night. He said he didn't hit her or anything but he may have pushed her. Another caller told Howard that the delay was hit earlier when he mentioned the thing with Beth. That got Howard talking about moving to Sirius and how making that move was his Christmas present to himself because he really is ready to leave that place.
Howard spent a little time talking to Big John before taking a break. John told Howard how great his job is being around hot chicks and booze all night. Artie said he's never seen a guy do shots like John does. John said that Chase is the one who gives the best lap dance out of the group. He said the six inch rule doesn't mean anything to her. Chase said that he's not supposed to say that. Howard wrapped up that segment and moved on to the next bit.
Howard said that they got Beth's parents some Sirius radios but he doesn't want them listening because he's going to be even more graphic over there. Howard told Beth that he's still really attracted to her. She was busy saying hello to everyone in the studio and also told Howard that the Scores girls were cute and that they have to go back over there sometime. Beth told Howard how much she loves him and Howard said the same back to her. Meanwhile, Bianca was licking Beth's leg the whole time. Robin wondered what she had on her leg because she was being licked non-stop.
A listener called in and asked Beth if she would ever leave Howard because he doesn't want to have more kids. Beth said that won't happen. The caller asked her how she's going to suck all of his money from him if she doesn't have kids. Bianca was attracting a lot of attention in the studio. She was looking at Robin as if she wanted to go say hello to her.
Howard had Cliff Palate on the phone to say hello. Cliff said that he has some bad news and that he has blood cancer (Leukemia). Howard didn't know he was going to be bumming people out today. Howard tried to get him to cheer everyone up by saying that it's something that they can fix. Cliff said that they told him that they may have caught it in time and will be keeping an eye on it. Howard said he was sorry to hear that and offered to give him a $500 christmas present. Cliff thanked Howard for that and took the gift. Howard prayed for him and asked that he be cured and that he get a tongue that he can use. Howard told Cliff to come and see them because he's worried about him.
Howard thanked Beth for coming in for the Christmas special today. Robin told Howard that she should have come in toward the end of the special because it would have been good way to end it. Beth was telling Howard that he looked hot sitting there in his chair this morning. The two of them talked about how great it's been over the past 4 and a half years being together. Beth said it's been the best 4 and a half years of her life. She thought that Howard would only be with her for about 2 weeks when she first met him. She had no idea he'd still be with her today. Howard took a break so they could move on to more Christmas special stuff.
Cristy works at a Louisville, Kentucky McDonalds and makes about $25,000 a year as a floor supervisor. She said she still works there. Howard read that Randi has made out with chicks so he asked her about that. She said she also has implants and she's got pierced nipples. She said she passed out when she got them pierced. Howard talked to each of the girls about working at the McDonalds stores. One of them said that some people get fired from McDonalds when they hook up in the freezer. She said one girl was caught on camera doing it with another employee. One of the girls said that she wants to be a TV news anchor so Howard said he thinks that Dan Rather went from working at McDonalds to doing the evening news so she should have no problem.
Howard asked the girls a couple of questions about working at McDonalds to find out if they really do work there. He had some questions about the positions at the restaurant and what they do there. They had some interesting terms for the different jobs there. The girls knew a lot of the answers, but not all. He asked the girls if they've heard about the employees doing weird stuff to the food. One of the girls heard about a guy who rubbed some chicken nuggets on his junk and then cooked them. It didn't happen at her store though. The girls said that they're on the web site now, they have a DVD coming out soon and they'll be in Playboy magazine in March. Howard asked the girls to show them their breasts but they weren't interested so he wrapped up the interview.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard that the Christmas card he created for this charity thing is up to $20,000 on eBay.com. The guy said that Carson Daly's card is only $61. Howard's is the highest priced piece on the list of celebrities. Donald Trump's is only at $900 right now. Hugh Jackman's was at $686 and Howard was wondering who would pay that amount. Howard read through some of the other cards and no one was over $1000 other than his.
Another caller told Howard that he can't give up on his radio show because he will go down in history as having given up on his career after changing the face of radio. Howard told the guy that he's doing just the opposite by moving to satellite. He thinks that FM radio will fail when he moves to satellite because it's a medium that will take over. He told the caller that a bunch of broadcasters recently got together and asked the FCC to enforce indecency standards for satellite radio but the FCC told them it won't happen. Howard said it's the first time that broadcasters have asked for censorship and it's because they don't want to compete with him. Howard said that he's going to destroy his enemies, Clear Channel and the Government, by going to this medium. Howard said he has a prediction for his station for when he leaves. He thinks that they could lose $50 million in ad revenue when he leaves, but he wishes them luck. Howard says that he plans on destroying Clear Channel and moving to Sirius is the first step. The caller wouldn't stop with his comments about history so Howard yelled at him and hung up on him a short time later so he could take a commercial break.
Another knock at the door revealed Evil Dave Letterman. Dave had done some pre-recorded stuff and they threw in some canned laughter. Dave performed ''Leno the Big Chinned Douche Bag'' to the tune of ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.'' Dave didn't stick around long after that. Fred had some saxophone music playing in the background so Howard said he wanted to kill him. Gary told him it was Kenny G and Howard killed him off by shooting him (with the help of Fred's sound effects). The guys continued their scripted special and did some more goofy stuff. Howard and all of the other guys performed another song parody where they sang about their favorite things on the show. It really was just as bad as one of those TV specials.
Chaunce told Howard that his dog had given his middle finger oral out in the hallway. Howard said she was just licking him. Chaunce was there to give Howard the best gift every in his opinion. Howard heard that he was out handing out ''Steppin Out'' wool hats out in the hall. Chaunce told Howard that Ronnie told him that his life was in jeopardy there in the hall so he wondered what that was about. Ronnie said that Big John from Scores was there and he was drunk. Ronnie thinks that if John had seen Chaunce, he would have killed him. The two of them argued for a couple of minutes and then Chaunce asked to perform a song parody about Ronnie. He wrote and performed ''Ronnie the Red Nosed Limo Driver'' with no backup music. Ronnie kept interrupting him, trying to make him stop.
Chaunce told Howard he went on this web site where you type in the vitals for a person and they suggest gift ideas. He typed in Tom Chiusano's vitals and they suggested a bible and a money clip. Chaunce then gave Howard his gift which was an Ol' Dirty Bastard CD that doesn't come out until January 4th. He also had his ''perfect gift'' that he handed to Howard. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that Chaunce really is the most annoying guest they have and complained about the lies he makes up and how he annoys everyone there. Howard opened his gift which was a DC Comics Encyclopedia. Howard said that he has many copies of it and he doesn't ever read books about comic books. He threw it right in the garbage. Ronnie went over and kicked it across the room after that. Chaunce said that was like a $100 gift. He couldn't believe that they were doing that. Ronnie got his hands on a hacksaw and tried cutting it up. Chaunce said that he hates everyone there and can't believe they did that. He was laughing as he said it though.
Howard had Mike get to his game after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Zolar called in and told Howard that Tom had hit the dump button on him earlier in the show when he was talking to Wendy the Retard. Howard told Zolar that they have a maximum of a year left before moving to satellite so they just have to stick in there for a while. He wrapped up the segment after that and told Chaunce that he couldn't stick around during the news and kicked him out as he went to break.
Howard suggested that people go to his web site to check out some pictures of Chaunce's book being sawed in half. It's in the new ''Vagina Corner'' section of his site. Howard said that Tom told him that they're going to re-air the Christmas Special on Christmas morning during Best Of.
Doug Herwitz from Howard's web site called in to talk about some of the stuff they have coming up for the web site. He said they'll have a reviews section and an Ask Fred section as well. Howard is looking forward to the Fred thing.
Sean the White Rapper was supposed to be on the phone but he wasn't there when Howard picked it up. Gary came in and told Howard that Sean is trying to get on the show so he was dropping names when he was talking to him at a pub crawl he was doing last night. He said the guy is kind of annoying but he wasn't bothering him all that much. Robin started her news a short time later. A little later in the show Sean was on the phone and said that Gary wasn't drinking all that much last night. He went on to plug his album Rugged Man which is available at Tower Records. Howard let him go after talking to him for a minute or so.
Shuli called in and wished everyone happy holidays and thanked them for some great shows. He said he can't wait for Howard to move because it's going to be great. Shuli said that he'll be seeing Artie out in Vegas the night before the Super Bowl. Vinnie Favale also called in and told Howard that today was a great show and it just shows people what they'll be missing if they don't follow him over to satellite. Vinnie thanked Howard for the gift he gave him and his wife because it was great. He thanked Howard for everything he's done for him and pointed out that today is basically the year countdown until Howard's last day on terrestrial radio. Vinnie also let people know that it's not next Monday that they'r rerunning the Letterman show with Howard on it, it's the Monday after Christmas, December 27th.
A couple of other callers gave their holiday wishes. One of them was Bong Hit Bill who sang a song about himself to the tune of ''Jingle Bells.'' Robin wrapped up her news after that and they ended the show, and live shows for 2004, around 10:50 this morning. They will return live in 2005!
Howard says he'll have the last laugh in all of this. He said when he retires in 3 ½ years, all of these guys will have to get real jobs and they won't be able to do anything like this at a real job.