Howard returned from his week long vacation this morning. He said he loved his vacation and asked Artie how his went. Artie said he did some bar hopping and stuff like that. Howard was going to call him but never got around to it. He said he went over to Scores on Saturday night and only drank water over there. Everyone who was there couldn't believe it. He was only there for about an hour. Artie said that shows how great Scores is when you don't have to drink to enjoy yourself. Artie told Howard how he got court side seats to a Knicks game last Sunday night and how great that was. Artie said there were people like Jay-Z and David Duchovny there at the same time. Howard was trying to think about where he was at that night and why he wasn't at the game. He checked his date book to see where he was while Robin and Artie talked about how much fun those games are to watch when you're court side. Howard said he was having dinner that Sunday night but he couldn't remember where that happened.
Robin told the guys about an accident she had over vacation. She was at a Spa and tried to stay in a sauna for way too long because it was too hot for her. She wasn't able to cool off so she went in the shower and tried to cool down with cold water and ended up passing out. This was while she was over in England. She said she started to slide down and hit both knees on the marble wall as she was falling. She also thinks she broke a toe as she fell. She didn't bother going to a doctor over there. She spent the rest of the week getting driven around in a car so she wouldn't have to walk. Howard wondered if that was before or after she announced her new TV show. She said she didn't announce anything, she was on vacation the whole time. Howard said they'd talk to her about that later.
A phone caller asked Howard if he's been over to see his new studio at Sirius. Howard said he has been there a few times and it's really nice over there. He managed to get the delay hit on him a few times as he was talking about this stuff. He tried to describe how the place is laid out but the delay button was being hit on him so he couldn't spread the word about how nice it is. He was telling the caller how everyone there works together to make the service great instead of competing against each other. He said his studio is going to be next to the gay channel (149 Sirius Q:Gay & Lesbian Radio) which should be interesting. Howard said they haven't even ''broken ground'' on his new studio yet. The caller lives in Atlanta and Howard has never been on down there so the guy is looking forward to hearing him down there.
Howard said he was listening to the gay channel over the weekend and heard a funny conversation going on where someone used the F-word and they called the caller an A-hole but used the real words. It turns out Kidd Chris calls in and busts balls on that station all the time. He played a clip from the channel where Chris called in and called them f'ing faggots. They went off on him a little bit and called him names as well. Howard had to bleep the tapes but when you hear it on Sirius, they don't bleep anything. Howard said he can't wait to get hooked up into that whole thing. He said he's been prepping for that whole thing over his vacation. He didn't give any other details.
Another phone caller brought up Howard's Letterman appearance the other night. That led to Howard talking about how some people thought he looked pretty good that night. The caller also brought up the Best of Stern and how great Hank the Dwarf was on the show. The guys all talked about how funny Hank was on the show. Hank's death kind of got lost because he died around 9/11. Howard said that the tribute they had for Hank ended up getting taken away by the garbage men. The caller told Howard that he saw an E! show where Gary peed in an adult diaper so that got the guys talking about for a couple of minutes. The caller let Howard go a short time later and said ''chow'' which got Howard talking about how he had to explain that word to his youngest daughter this weekend. Howard was talking about how responsible he tries to be with his kids but he knows that they must tune past his E! show once in a while and see what he's really up to. Howard had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard started off talking about Robin's big news and how she's signed a deal to do a daytime talk show. Howard thought the whole thing sounded kind of odd to him so he has his own theories about what will happen. Robin said that she wanted to hear those theories first. She said that the story was kind of wrong and she's not leaving the show. Howard thought that she had signed the development deal for the TV show, which he thinks would be great, and he was looking forward to that. She could continue to work with the radio show until it takes off. Howard knows that she's not leaving the show and Robin said the NY Post just wanted a story so that's why they said what they said. Howard said she might leave if her show becomes as big as Oprah's or something. Chaunce asked Robin if she would prefer her own show or to keep her current job. Robin said she's been with Howard for 23 years and that's where she'd stay if she had to choose. Howard said she can have both shows, she doesn't have to make a choice. Howard was thinking about giving her a show over at Sirius as well. Robin wasn't sure what Howard was going to do for the next year so she started to look into her own thing. That's how that whole thing came about. Robin says it won't be like Oprah's show, it'll be a magazine type show where reporters will do stories for her. Howard said she could do things like bang a celebrity a week and talk about it on her show. She seemed to think that it was a good idea. Chaunce said that he saw a problem with that whole thing and that celebrities might not do her show. Robin told Chaunce that it's not a guest driven show though. Howard said that Robin could do her own thing and have a great show. Who knows how it will work out. Howard told Chaunce that Robin will get a huge audience for the first show and he thinks that the show would take off as long as it's halfway decent.
Howard also read about how ABC never got any complaints or phone calls about the Nicolette Sheridan thing on ABC a couple of weeks ago and people like Rush Limbaugh didn't talk about it until 2 days later. Howard said this is what they're calling the ''great indecency hoax.'' There are only a few people complaining about this nonsense but companies are being fined millions of dollars over it. Howard got back to talking about how Viacom paid off the fines and didn't bother to fight them in court. He thinks that the company might be doing this because he's leaving. In the paper they said that if anyone gets any kind of complaint from the FCC, they will suspend and fire them. That includes Howard. So if the company gets a Notice of Apparent Liability from the FCC, he could be fired. Howard said he called Tom and tried to find out if this was true. Tom wondered why no one else there can get fired because they're in control of the delay button. Howard said he told Tom that he doesn't know what the FCC wants anymore so he wanted a letter from the company saying who is responsible for this stuff. Howard said this is why he's leaving to go to Sirius.
Robin brought up how TV stations were afraid to show ''Saving Private Ryan'' and they bailed out on it because they were afraid of being fined. Howard said he read an article where someone asked Michael Powell about the movie and what stations could do about playing the show. He would not give them an answer and tell them if it was okay to air the show or not. It's impossible to figure out what is okay to air. Howard wanted Tom to clarify all of this stuff and figure out how to address it. Tom is apparently looking into it all so things are kind of up in the air right now.
Howard said he went shopping over the weekend and ran into the head of the radio division, Les Moonves, who was out with his girlfriend Julie Chen. He said that Julie was so hot and she had a perfect body and a perfect face. Howard said that she was there modeling clothes for Les while Beth was doing the same for Howard. Howard said that things have been weird between him and Les with the whole radio thing. He said he told Les that he's been nice through the whole thing and Les understood why he's doing the things he's doing. Howard said he told Les that there's nothing personal between them, it's all business. Howard said that they just let their chicks try on some clothes. Howard tried to pretend that he wasn't looking but he peeked over his newspaper and checked her out. He saw her in some nice, tight clothes and thought she looked great. He said that Les' divorce might be horrible but he's got Julie Chen as a girlfriend so things can't be all that bad. Howard thought the sweater she was trying on looked perfect but Les must have told her to ditch it. Both he and Beth thought she should have gotten it. Howard was in love with her after seeing her and he admitted that to Beth.
Howard said that everything has gotten out of hand there at Infinity and he knows that it's actually Joel Hollender who thinks he's the big man over there. He said that it's going to come back and bite him in the ass because the radio division isn't doing well and when Joel gets fired, he'd better not come looking for a job at Sirius. Howard said that he doesn't want to hear from him over there if that happens.
A phone caller told Howard that his local station was cutting out every reference to Sirius this morning. Howard said that's just crazy, it's part of his life and that's where he's going. Howard said that these stations shouldn't be so threatened by him talking about Sirius, it's not a threat. The caller said that they didn't even play Best of Stern on Friday up there in Syracuse. Howard doesn't know why that happened but it's probably just some dopey program director making that decision. Another phone caller asked Howard about the questions Howard asked of Michael Powell a few weeks ago. Howard said he didn't get a chance to ask him about the first amendment because he kept getting cut off. Howard was wondering if the woman looked anything like Julie Chen. That got Howard talking about Julie again and how he'd love to have a TV show of Julie just going out and trying on clothes. He and Artie talked about that for a couple of minutes and now Artie can't wait to see Julie. Howard has never had an Asian chick so he's going to ask Lonnie over at Scores to hook him up next time he's over there. Howard had a new song parody from Wood Yi called ''Sushi Smell'' to the tune of ''Jingle Bells.'' Of course the delay was hit on the song halfway through. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard talked about ''The Bachelor'' and how gay the whole proposal was. He was making fun of the woman The Bachelor picked and how she's a real estate agent in Tampa, Florida. The guy is a tournament fisherman so the guys goofed on that as well. Howard told Artie and Robin about this guy's proposal and how he had it made making out with all of these other broads on the show and now he's asking someone to marry him. Howard was talking to Beth while the show was on and told her that he didn't go to Scores even though he was asked to go. Howard said that he didn't tell her that he'd pleasured himself though.
Howard said he spent Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family and then did his own thing on Friday. He had a big deal dinner with his kids and parents. He also said that his kids are into knitting now for some reason. Howard also talked about how he pleasured himself on Thursday morning after watching some porn. He said he pulled out some Jenna Jameson movie with Belladonna. He said that it's not a movie he'd suggest getting though. There were Nazi's in the movie and some weird clowns and stuff in the movie as well. Howard couldn't even pleasure himself to it because it was so bad. He pulled out another one called ''Island Fever'' with Jesse Jane, Tera Patrick and Devin. He seemed to like that one a bit more than the other. He was able to finish himself off with that stuff. There was no audio of them moaning though so that was his only complaint.
Howard had a babysitter on Saturday night so that's when he went out to Scores. He told Fred about Guitar magazine and how they had her posing with different guitars in the magazine. There was also a DVD included where they showed the making of the Jenna Jameson thing. It was supposed to be on there but he spent an hour looking for it and wasn't able to find it. It was a total scam according to him. Artie wondered how he has time to do stuff like that. He's got 3 channels to program over at Sirius. Howard said he did that between phone calls from about 20 guys.
Howard talked about how he downloaded a bunch of Ginger Jolie videos from her web site GingerJolie.com and put them on his computer. He saw something that might be good so he downloaded it and tried to watch it. The movie dragged out for a little too long but eventually got to the good stuff. He said that a guy breaks into her house and ties her up. There was no banging though because you apparently can't do that in porn. Howard said she was getting slapped around a bit in the movie though. Howard wanted to bring Ginger and Victoria in but he had to take a break first. He and Robin spent a few more minutes talking about a few other things before he actually did take the break.
Howard ended up talking about these Alpaca animals that are always being advertised on TV. He said that it turns out, the whole Alpaca business is kind of lucrative and there are a lot of people actually rasing them. Howard watched some report about them and it's actually a legitimate business. He took a break after that.
Porn stars Ginger Jolie and Victoria Zdrok came in to promote some stuff so Howard wanted to play some games with them. Howard told Ginger that she's really hot and can't believe that she's actually in porn. He said the same thing about Victoria but he hadn't gotten on her web site over the weekend because he didn't have a password. Howard asked Ginger about the foot rubbing thing she did in the video he watched over the weekend. She said it was for foot fetish people who enjoy that stuff. Ginger told Howard that she doesn't do boy-girl porn on her site, she only does chicks. Howard also asked Ginger about why she has so much hair down below. She said she thinks that bush is back and that's why she has so much. There were some things that were said that got the delay button hit so Howard had to tell Ginger not to say certain words. Victoria tried to help and told her to say phallus instead. Howard thought her accent was kind of cute and ended up playing some audio from ''The View'' where Donald Trump's fiancee Melania was talking about getting searched at the airport. Howard wonders how Trump is going to put up with that accent. Victoria told Howard about going to the airport and how security found her Pocket Rocket and didn't know what it was. She said the security guard picked it up and smelled it. That's when she realized what it was and went to wash her hands. Howard loves that the girls are so horny they have to take their Pocket Rockets with them.
Victoria told Howard she brought her book in for Howard but he didn't like that she was plugging stuff constantly. Victoria said that she's a shameless self promotor. The two girls told Howard that they're doing a photo shoot this week that will be appearing on both of their web sites. They also have a Penthouse party going on tonight so they got in a plug for that. Howard read some stuff about Victoria and asked her about dating J.F.K. Jr. She said that she does not talk about that stuff because she promised him that she would never talk about that. Howard said he'd give her a plug if she talked about that with them but she refused. She was willing to take her top off instead but Howard wanted to know more about the J.F.K. Thing. She was giving very few details about the meeting but Howard kept digging.
Howard had Victoria get into the RoboSpanker so they could spank her for being a bad girl this morning. She went over and got into it and Howard proceeded to give her a few whacks on the ass with the machine. Victoria said she'd prefer a hand over the machine because it's more erotic. Howard tried to get more information out of her about J.F.K. Jr. but she still wasn't talking. He kept giving her more spanks when she refused to talk. Howard was going to have Victoria get tied up to the Tickle Post but she was too into it so he decided to just play another game instead. Gary came in and told Howard that Victoria is such a plug whore that she had to run and get her book before Jason took pictures of her for their web site.
Ginger got in a plug for her web site GingerJolie.com which Howard checked out over the weekend. Gary said he and the guys figured it was too much of a pain in the ass to get in so they didn't even bother. Howard figured that something strange must have happened to her as a kid to get her into this stuff but she says nothing that bad happened. The worst thing that happened was that she had sex at 14 and it was so bad that she waited years before doing it again. She hasn't gotten into the porn thing that much either. She apparently keeps it pretty soft core. Victoria told Howard how great Ginger's boobs were so Ginger took her top off to show them. The two of them made out a little bit a short time later. Gary put on his beekeeper's mask to hide his face during that but the girls didn't understand why he did that. Gary told them that people think he's distracting because he's so ugly. The girls told him that he's really not that ugly though. Ginger wanted Howard to come over and touch her boobs so he made his way over to her. He felt them a little bit and then copped a feel of Victoria's boobs as well. Artie got to feel both of the girls up as well.
A phone caller told Howard that he's not into hearing these whores talking about their lesbian experiences. He used to listen to this stuff years ago and enjoyed it but he has to change the station this morning. Howard told the guy that he's probably grown up... but they haven't. Howard told the guy that if he's got better ideas, let them know because they can't think of anything else. The caller told Howard that he has suggestions and one of them was to bring Jackie back. Howard told him to just turn the radio off if he'd not into it.
Howard gave the girls a plug for the appearance they're making tonight at the Penthouse Executive Club from 9:00pm to Midnight. You can find out more at Penthouse.com. Howard wrapped up the interview and took a break a short time later. You can check out Victoria's web site at PlanetVictoria.com and Ginger's site at GingerJolie.com
Howard brought up Julia Roberts and the goofy names they gave their twins. Howard read an article about her babies and how she had to go to a fertility clinic to get pregnant. The kid's names are Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter. Howard said that Julia is probably freaking out because she has a little fat on her. He was trying to find out if the eggs used in the procedure to get her pregnant were actually Julia's or someone elses. Howard was under the impression that they weren't hers. He said he doesn't think he'd ever do anything like that with a woman. If he can't do it the natural way, he's not going to do it.
Howard read a news story about Dick Ebersol who works for NBC was involved in a plane crash and managed to survive. One of his sons also survived but his other, 14 year old, is missing. The guys talked about how horrible that whole thing is. Howard wondered how Ebersol has so much money, he's just an executive at NBC.
Howard had Kathy Griffin come in after talking about some news stuff. Kathy told Howard that she believes that she's been banned from the Ellen Degeneres show. She said that she's been banned for life from the show and explained how she found out. She said that her agent was trying to get her booked and the people over there told them that it will never happen. Howard said that when he makes his move to Sirius, Kathy will be able to call her the C-word on the air. She said that would not make her feel better though and she wouldn't do that. Howard went on to talk about how Ellen has no femininity when he sees her in pictures and on TV. She's got a hot girlfriend though and Ellen would be a great dude to hang out with to pick up chicks. Howard was thinking that maybe Ellen just doesn't think Kathy is funny. He kept calling Ellen a guy when she was talking about her. Kathy told Howard that she thinks she's also banned from David Letterman's show and Howard said he can see that happening. He probably just didn't like her. That led to Kathy and Howard talking about the Letterman appearance Howard made 2 weeks ago and how great it was. Howard was talking about that a little bit and the delay was hit for some reason. Howard jokingly told Kathy that Letterman told him that he's never having Kathy Griffin on the show again. She seemed to believe it though. Kathy says that she has been banned from Regis and Kelly as well. She hasn't been on since before Kelly was there.
Kathy told Howard that she's doing a show for Bravo now called ''The D List'' which is based on her career of being a D list celebrity. Howard wondered why she thinks she's a D-list celebrity. She went through the celebrity list going from A-list, Julia Roberts, to the B-list which would be TV stars. Kathy said that someone like Jerry Seinfeld would be on the A-list because his TV show was so popular. That led to Howard talking about how much his father loves ''Seinfeld'' and how he's always telling him about the show. Howard doesn't watch it so he doesn't know it that well though. Kathy got back to the shows she's been banned from including Conan O'Brien.
Howard wondered if Kathy is still doing product placement ads when she makes appearances. She said she hasn't done that in about a year. The last time was for Secret deodorant. Kathy said she was offered some money to just work in the product and was offered about $150,000 to do it. Howard and the guys thought that was pretty amazing that she'd get paid that much to mention the product. Howard wanted to know what shows she actually mentioned the product in but she said it was too many to remember. Kathy said the funniest thing was when John Travolta was on Letterman's show in a Quantas uniform talking about the airline. She said that they gave him an airplane to do that.
Howard thought it would be funny if Kathy went on The View and told Star Jones that she was kind of stinky and that she could use Secret to get rid of that. Kathy is in good with them over there so she's not going to do anything like that. Howard gave Kathy a plug for her new DVD ''Allegedly'' which comes out tomorrow. She'll be signing copies from 1 to 3 at The Manhattan Mall. Kathy admits that it will probably be a disaster and no one will show up. Kathy then realized that she's not supposed to call her show ''The D List'' because it might scare some people off. She said that it's supposed to be called ''The Kathy Griffin Project.'' Howard said he read somewhere that he's someone you'd consider ''B-list'' but he's actually A-list. Howard told Kathy that he went on Letterman 2 weeks ago and Dave beat Leno that night. Kathy told Howard that he's really not A-list though and argued with him about that for a short time.
Kathy was telling Howard that she's going to be going out with Joan Rivers soon so they ended up talking about Joan for a short time. Kathy also told Howard that she managed to get Ray Romano to show up to an event she has coming up after working out a deal with him. Howard said that he doesn't want anything to do with the event because Kathy always ends up bad mouthing the celebrities she has to her parties. The delay button was getting hit quite a bit for some reason during the discussions they were having. Howard ended up wrapping up the interview a short time later. He gave Kathy some plugs and then went to break.
Howard read some of the mail they got while they were on vacation. There was a lot of news about Mel Karmazin coming over to Sirius. Howard also talked about how he saw the pilot for the original ''The Munsters'' and the first ''Superman'' series. The guy who played Perry White looks a lot like Mel Karmazin according to Howard. He said ''The Munsters'' pilot was awful to him but he loves the old episodes. He said the kid who played Eddie was just awful and everyone else in the show was acting kind of funny in the show. Robin said she can't even sit through those shows these days for some reason. She likes it better when Howard just talks about the episodes instead. Howard told the guys about the old Superman episode he watched and how funny it was.
Hook Nose Mike called in and told Howard that he was all over the news this past week while he was on vacation. Howard said he had J.D. pull about 500 audio clips to play and he didn't even have time to play them today. He'll play them tomorrow instead. He and Mike were talking about the news that he might go over to Sirius early but Howard says that's just not true. He's going to honor his contract and stay at Infinity for the next year until his contract is done. He said that's like the spin they put on the news about Robin's TV show deal and how she might be leaving the radio show. Howard said that Robin's show hasn't even gotten on the air yet so she's not going anywhere. Robin said they're just beginning to put together a staff for the show so things haven't progressed all that far yet. Howard joked that he read that Robin's show is already beating Ellen Degeneres' show. Robin has a lot of work ahead of her to get the show ready to pitch. Howard wondered if she'll have a band. Robin said they haven't planned that yet but she doesn't see herself with a band. Howard doesn't see her with a band either. Robin said she will have different correspondents that will come out and do reports for her but they won't be like the 60 Minutes reports or anything like that.
Howard got back to the mail he brought up earlier. He read one piece of mail from a guy who asked Howard to do something about Clear Channel changing one of their stations to a Latino station out on the West Coast. Howard said that's what's great about satellite radio, you can get what you want and not worry about them taking your station away. There was some mail about the rumors that Robin will be leaving the show. She usually gets hate mail but after that announcement came out, she's getting love mail. People were upset when they heard that she might be leaving. Robin isn't going anywhere though. She said that she has a deal with Sirius radio as well so she'll be going along with Howard when he makes the move.
Howard read that Gene Simmons has announced that KISS has put out a bowling ball for the holiday season. Artie said that was the one thing they didn't have in their catalog of stuff. Howard said Bill O'Reilly will probably be the next one to bring out a bowling ball now that KISS has brought one out. Howard told Robin that she should call her show the Rockin Robin show or something really lame like that. They were goofing around with that name for a couple of minutes before Robin started to read her news. Captain Janks called in and asked Robin if she'll be taking phone calls on her TV show. Robin said that she won't be taking calls from him. Jessica Hahn also called in and said she wants to audition to be Robin's band leader. She played a little piano for them to give Robin an example of what she'd play as the theme song. Robin wants something a little more upbeat. She came up with something a little more upbeat and made it louder for them. Robin still wanted something more upbeat and happy. Howard said it was more like something they'd play after Robin talked to someone about something serious. Howard tried to announce Robin's show with that music playing. It just wasn't happening and even Jessica said she couldn't find ''happy'' with her tunes. Howard played a new song parody from Richard Christy instead and had some fun with that for a minute.
Howard let Jessica go and talked about how crazy that whole bulletin board was and why he had to get rid of it. It was costing him a fortune and he doesn't know why he was doing it. He closed it down and that was that. There were a lot of upset people about the board being closed but all Howard said was ''Wah, wah, wah... get over it.'' He said he tried to make it work, it just didn't work out.
Robin wondered what the difference was between a blog and a bulletin board. Howard said the blogs are like a rambling wife just going on and on about nothing and talking about stuff that bores you to death. Howard said that if you're not making money on the web as a writer, you're not a writer, it's just a hobby. Howard said that blog is the sound a guy makes when getting oral from another guy. Fred threw in some porn gagging sounds to get his point across. Robin suggested that Jessica Hahn set up her own bulletin board (Just follow me over to KingMegaSite.com). Howard said he just got fed up with all of the phone calls and the amount of money he was spending on the board. People were making him mental. Artie said he was amazed it lasted as long as it did. Howard said he'll be doing other stuff in the future. He had Robin get back to her news after that. Vinnie Favale called in during the news and told Howard that he thought Blogs were lame until he started doing his own (at RipTheMusic.com). He said it becomes addictive and there are about 80,000 people who seem to find his stuff interesting. Howard seemed to think he was nuts and got him off the phone a minute later.
Double A called in and asked Howard what he's supposed to do now that the board is gone. Howard told him that half his day was taken up with that board and he couldn't take it anymore. Double A said he had a lot of girls that he was meeting on there. Howard said they may bring something back in the future but right now, it's not happening. Robin wrapped up her news and they ended the show around 11:00 this morning.
Howard started off the show saying hello to everyone in the studio. Benjy was missing as he is quite often. That led to Artie goofing on him doing his ''Wah, wah'' bit and saying that he only lives 10 feet from work but can't get there on time. Howard brought up how he was wearing shorts to work yesterday and how weird that is. Gary told Howard that Benjy ran past the green room yesterday and Kathy Griffin asked who that ''weird guy'' was. Gary had to tell her that he works for them. Howard was also talking about how weird the shorts were yesterday but he didn't want to mention them because he didn't want to bring any attention to him.
Howard talked to Robin about the talk show deal she has. He congratulated her after the show yesterday after everyone was talking about how they thought she might leave the radio show. That led to Howard asking Fred if he would like to do The Fred Norris Show once a week once they move over to Sirius. Fred said he would do that and both Howard and Robin think they'd be riveted to the radio to hear that show. Howard was also talking about how when Stuttering John left the show, he sent out a note about how he was ''corporate friendly'' because he was hoping to get some speaking gigs like Jay Leno does. Howard said that John is a dick just like Benjy is a dick. Fred goofed on John for a couple of minutes doing his impression of him doing his stand-up comedy act. Artie told Fred to just do an impression of John for 2 hours. Fred said that he could do that but he'd do that old Stuttering John, not the new one who appears on ''The Tonight Show.'' Howard wondered how much time Fred wanted for his own show. Fred told him he'd like 2 hours and he'd play his own mix of songs over there. Howard told him he could play whatever he wants over there. Howard said that their old friend Meg Griffin has her own station over there where she plays whatever she wants. It's called ''Sirius Disorder.'' Howard said he's never heard a channel like that. Fred suggested that Artie have his own show as well. Howard said that Artie and Fred should hook up and do a show. Artie thought that he and King of All Blacks could do ''Ask the Guinea and the Nigga'' together instead. Robin was wondering if Fred would open up and tell stories about his daughter and stuff like that. Fred started to open up this morning and said that she's into puzzle books right now. Howard said he skipped over that step with his kids and never bothered to read to his kids.
Howard talked about some of the wacky stuff that his mother has done while practicing religion. She was apparently oiling and greasing herself up so much that it clogged the pipes and septic system in their house. Howard said that his father had to pay like ten grand to get the septic system cleaned out because of it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if publicist Dan Klores helped Robin get the TV show deal. Robin said that he didn't have anything to do with it, he is her publicist though. The caller was also wondering if Robin ever attends any production meetings for the show because she's always surprised when a guest comes in. Howard said that he doesn't even know when some guests are coming in so it's not that big of a deal. Howard had to bail out on the caller because he was going in weird directions with his questioning.
Howard likes that they don't have commercials over at Sirius. He talked about how nice it'll be when they don't have to take breaks. He said he gets antsy during the commercial breaks on his current radio show. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard read an article that was written about him being on Letterman a couple of weeks ago. The story was buried in the back of the Daily News today but they announced that Howard being on Letterman got him huge ratings that finally had Dave beating Jay Leno in the ratings for November Sweeps for the first time in 10 years or something like that. Howard said that Letterman's people should be thanking him for that.
Howard got a copy of George Thorogood's greatest hits CD ''Greatest Hits: 30 Years of Rock.'' He played a few clips of his songs and talked about how they all sound pretty much the same. Artie likes that stuff and wondered how the guys think that stuff isn't good. Howard told him it's just the same thing over and over again. Fred told Howard that most of the songs are just old blues songs remade. Howard said that's even worse then. He took everyone's old songs and made them sound the same. Howard asked that people not write him and complain about him goofing on them.
Howard said that he got a lot of mail about him shutting down the bulletin board. He explained why he did it yesterday. He said that it was a pain in the ass because it was costing him money and people were doing really dumb things on there. They were posting personal information and stuff like that. Howard said that he was asked to give a reason for what he did but he didn't think that was something he needed to do. Artie said he thinks it's kind of funny that people's lives were ripped right out from under them.
Howard got some mail about a story they talked about in the news yesterday where a hunter shot a bunch of other hunters. One writer explained what a tree stand was since Howard and Robin had no idea yesterday. There was an e-mail from a person who wondered if Robin is going to use her news theme song for her new TV show. Robin said she won't be using that song. That led to the guys talking about how they picture Robin doing her show. Howard is thinking that she needs a desk. Robin and Howard were talking about how Oprah Winfrey does her show and goofed on that a little bit. Artie then realized that he's never actually watched one of Oprah's shows. Artie was goofing on some of the guests that Robin will have on her show and mentioned Jeff the Drunk. Howard said that he will probably be giving Jeff his own half hour show on Sirius. He said it'll probably be just once a month for a half hour though.
An e-mailer asked Howard why he has a problem with his daughter liking a black guy like Usher. He was talking about that yesterday and how his youngest daughter has an Usher poster on her wall. Howard said he doesn't really have a problem with it, as long as it'a nice guy like Chris Rock or Colin Powell. There were other e-mails from people who didn't like Kathy Griffin on the show. There were some people who did like her and think she's hot. Someone else corrected Howard about the magazine that Jenna Jameson was in. It was Guitar Buyer's Guide, not Guitar magazine like Howard said yesterday.
A guy who raises Alpaca's wrote in and said he'd be willing to talk to Howard if he wanted to talk to someone who actually raises the things. That was another thing that Howard was talking about yesterday. Another person told Howard how the delay button was hit on them when they were talking about him putting his tongue in a strange place with his girlfriend. Howard said that he's been buying a bunch of Sirius equipment for friends and family and he's wondering if he should send Beth's parents a system. He was thinking about sending them an XM system instead of Sirius so they can't hear his show. Howard's father was also bugging him about getting radios because he has a regular radio in every room.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that he ran into a guy from George Thorogood's band and he told him they should put something new out and go on Howard's show. The guy apparently told Janks that Howard is crap and it's ''all the same thing.'' Howard played some more songs from the Thorogood CD and goofed on it a little more.
Howard said that today is the 8th anniversary of Tiny Tim's death so he was going to do a tribute for him. There were many great moments on the show with Tiny Tim so Howard was going to play some of that stuff. He read through a list of the great stuff that he did on the show and tried to figure out what to play. He also explained who Tiny was for the younger people out there who don't know. Tiny became famous for his ''Tip Toe Through the Tulips'' song so Howard played that and talked about some of the other things he's done. Then he played an audio clip of Tiny talking about pleasuring himself. Howard played another clip where Tiny talked about his beauty regimen and the many products he uses to keep himself looking the way he did. The delay was hit multiple times while Howard was playing these clips because of Infinity's fear of getting fined again. Gary told Howard about some other things from the book that he was talking about earlier. Howard played another clip of Tiny talking about paper towels that he likes to use because they're very strong. He suggested using Job Squad over Bounty at the time. Howard played another clip where Tiny went off on Del'Monte because of something they did with their raisins. He was upset that there were dark raisins in a golden raisins-looking box.
Artie said he forgot how great Tiny was on the show. Howard played him another clip where Tiny was talking about adult diapers and the type he enjoyed wearing because of the way they fastened. Howard was going to play another clip where Tiny talked about driving a motorized cart in an airport but he thought it was too long. Howard was describing it but thought that Tiny's story was better so he played the clip. Tiny told the story about having a couple of beers and then went and took this cart for a ride even though he's never driven in his life. Howard said that he would have given that guy his own satellite radio show. He died too soon. Artie said that his generation only knew Tiny from hearing him on Howard's show and he was a great guest. Howard said the guy would probably be alive today if he wasn't so kooky. He decided that he'd rather die than go in for an operation. Howard got back to the tape so Tiny could finish his story about running this cart into a bunch of people. Howard played another clip where Tiny went off on him about using Jesus Christ's name in vain. Tiny thought that Howard was mocking him and making fun of him so he went off on him for a couple of minutes.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy didn't think that Tiny was the best guest, he thought that O.D.B. was the best. The guy told Howard that this stuff was boring to him and that kind of bummed Howard out. Gary wondered if they were going to skip over ''Santa Claus has Got The AIDS This Year.'' Howard said that the caller bummed him out so much that he wasn't going to play the song. He was going to play a new song from Nicole Bass instead. Gary and Artie wanted to hear that Santa song but Howard refused to play it and played Nicole's song instead. Howard then got pissed when he heard a bleep on the song for the word ''balls.'' He said they only have 13 more months before they move to Sirius and won't have to bleep that stuff anymore. He played a little more of the Nicole Bass stuff and then took another call from a guy who asked Howard to stop with the Tiny Tim stuff. Howard said he must have misread that whole thing. Another caller told Howard he loves Tiny Tim and he was a great guest. Gary and Artie convinced Howard to play Tiny's ''Santa Claus has Got The AIDS This Year'' song. Gary said Tiny really thought that the song was going to be a big hit way back in 1985. Howard played a little bit of it as he went to commercial break.
Howard killed some time checking out some pictures of celebrities and their siblings. There were some pictures of Ozzy Osbourne in one of the tabloid magazines where they claim that he's had some plastic surgery on his face. Robin thought that Ozzy kind of looked like he'd had surgery the last time he was on the show.
Howard got Casey the Death Psychic on the phone next. She was on the show about 4 years ago and she claims that she can predict the deaths of people after hearing their voices. She claims that Osama bin Laden will die of natural causes in about 2 years. He will never be caught by the U.S. military. Howard said that she predicted the deaths of the following people...
Casey told Howard that her husband is semi-retired and basically lives off of her work. Howard said that if she is right about Jenna, he will sing the praises of her work every day. She said that she would give up her work if she is wrong about Jenna. She also predicts that Gary Coleman will die of a self inflicted gunshot wound in 2008, around Christmas. She also thinks that Ron Jeremy will die shooting a porn film in 2009 while in a moving RV. Howard is amazed that he'll still be doing porn in 2009.
Artie wondered when he'd be dying. Casey said that he'd probably die of a heart attack in about 30 years while eating in a restaurant. There are too many spices in his food or something like that. Howard said that they know she's a fake now because Artie isn't going to live another 30 years. He went on to ask Casey about what she was wearing this morning. She told Howard that she was wearing black pants and no panties which got Howard talking about how her ass must stink in those things if she doesn't have anything to absorb the sweat and all.
Sal the Stockbroker called in as John Barrymore (who just died yesterday) and asked Casey when he will die. She told him that he will die at a wedding for a family member. Howard then asked if John Barrymore was dead. Sal told her that she was a hoax and told her to get on her knees, bitch. Jeff the Drunk called in next and asked when he'd be dying. Casey told him that he'd die in 15 years after being mauled by a dog. Jeff the Drunk said something really funny but the delay button had to be pushed on it so we missed it. Howard said he can't wait to go to satellite because that question should have been heard. Casey doesn't have a web site so Howard asked her to mail him a picture so he can see what she really looks like. Howard wrapped up the interview and asked Casey to do something for him. The delay was hit again. Howard ended the interview shortly after that.
Howard said they have this woman Anna Benson coming in to talk about how she wants to become famous. Her husband is a baseball player and when she talks about him, she says ''we'' all the time. Howard said he has to talk to her about that stuff. Gary said she is hot looking though.
Hook Nose Mike was on the line and said he was able to hear the question that Jeff the Drunk asked. He said he can't wait until they move to satellite so everyone can hear stuff like that. Mike was looking to get his own radio show on Sirius but Howard didn't think he'd be able to carry a half hour show. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Howard asked Anna about why she says ''we'' when she talks about her husband signing a $27 million contract. She said that she works her ass off to help him get things organized and she thinks that she and her husband's agent are the ones who did all the work. Howard seems to think that his agent could have handled it all himself without her help. He was trying to let her know that she doesn't deserve half of her husband's money just because she cleans the house and helps him out with that stuff. Howard said that he has yet to meet the woman who is worth half of a $27 million contract. Anna believes that she is deserves it because she has helped organize a charity called Benson's Battalion where they donate money to get equipment for police, fire and EMS services. She founded the charity but Howard said that she just found a way to give away her husband's money. She said that she doesn't have to take a percentage of her husband's contract because her name is on every account they have. You could hear Artie laughing in the background after she said that.
Anna was telling Howard how she thinks that she's not qualified to negotiate a contract with the NY Mets herself, but she does put her ideas down on paper and has the agent negotiate them for her. Howard wondered if Anna knew who her husband was when she met him. She said she was introduced to him when they were much younger and he wasn't on a well known team at the time so she didn't even know the team. Howard wondered how long it took for Kris to get into her pants. She said that it took about 3 months or so. Gary came in and told Howard that she's such a dedicated wife that after he had an operation on his arms, she would hold his thing when he went to the bathroom and also wiped him. Anna told Howard that she didn't wipe him because he didn't even really go that much after the operation. She was describing some of this stuff but the delay button kept getting hit.
Howard asked Anna what she would do if she found out that her husband was cheating on her. She said that she told Kris that he can cheat on her as much as he wants, but if he gets caught, she's going to bang every single person on his team. She basically said that everyone on the team would get a chance to screw her. Howard said that Beth told him that there will be payback for him if he ever cheats on her.
Gary asked Anna if it was true that the reason Kris was traded to the Mets was because the people on the Pittsburgh team thought she was a pain in the ass. She said that might be true and she doesn't care if it is. She said that Pittsburgh doesn't have any chemistry on their team and the Mets do. She seems to think that they love her over there.
Howard was asking Anna about some more things that kept getting the delay hits. Howard asked her about her FHM Magazine layout. She didn't have much to say about that but wanted to auction off something to Howard's fans that she was wearing today. Howard said that no one could see it so he just ignored the request. Howard read some other things about Anna that got the delay hit a few more times after that. He gave her a plug for her web site AnnaBenson.net and then took some phone calls for her. One guy got Howard talking about how Anna still uses the ''we'' when talking about stuff that her husband does. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that this chick sounds like she's a pain in the ass. Ralph wondered how much this chick is worth putting up with. Anna said that's a question only her husband can answer. A couple of other callers went off on Anna and called her some names before Howard ended the interview. Zolar called in as Stu Pitt and said that for $25 this chick used to take guys in the back room of the strip club and digitally manipulate them. She says that's no true either and he doesn't know what he's talking about. Another caller asked her if she's ever had a ''back door fast ball'' or a ''split finger fast ball'' among a couple of other baseball references.
Howard said that it would seem like Anna is someone who would be tough to live with because she talks so much. She said that her husband Kris is kind of quiet so they balance each other out. Another phone caller told Howard that he likes Anna as a guest but the show was being chopped up like crazy where he's from. Gary came in and told Howard that it wasn't just in that guy's area, it was being chopped up right there at their station. That led to Howard talking about what a boring, barren, wasteland terrestrial radio is going to be once he makes his move to satellite. Another caller told Howard how much Anna would talk when she was interviewed on a Pittsburgh talk radio show. Howard let a few other callers through to talk about how annoying she is and all of that. Howard told Anna she's welcome back anytime but she wasn't so happy that everyone on the phone was so hateful. She did tell Howard that she did read Howard's book when she was 17 and it was pretty mind blowing at the time. She said she used to sneak off and try to listen to the radio show as well when she was younger. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial.
Howard said he was thinking of bringing Tom Chiusano over to Sirius with him when he makes the move but Tom somehow managed to talk himself out of the job by not sending him the memo about the edits. Tom said that his assistant was out yesterday and the memo didn't go out. Howard told him he's not impressing him with his work so he's not going to be hiring him. Tom told Howard that he hates chopping up the show like that but it's what they've gotta do right now. Howard said no one knows what to do because Michael Powell won't tell them what they can't say on the air. Howard said that it really is time to just end this whole thing so he can move on. Howard knows he made the right decision by signing with Sirius. Even Les Moonves told Howard he made the right decision. Howard said that the more they cut up this radio show, the more incentive they're giving to his fans to follow him over there.
Tom noticed that Benjy was there so he asked him when he actually showed up. Benjy claims that he was there at 6am and the show had just started so he couldn't go in the studio. Gary came in and told Howard that Benjy came in late so Ronnie sent him to green room. Benjy decided to go to the bathroom and ended up sitting in there for 40 minutes. The lights go out after 5 minutes so he sat in there with the lights out for most of that time. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told Howard that Benjy showed up at 6:08, not at 6 like he said.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that there was a big announcement on CNN about Sirius. He played the clip where they announced that they have signed on to carry the NCAA basketball tournament on their service. Gary said that's big news but he was afraid to say that because they might get edited. Howard played another clip where Les Moonves said some nice things about Howard when he was being interviewed on some talk show. Les defended Howard and the company about this guy Jack Thompson who is trying to get the company to fire Howard. Les said you can't let people like that dictate who you put on the air because if they fire Howard, next week the guy might demand that they take David Letterman off the show, or take Everybody Loves Raymond off the show because he doesn't like it.
A phone caller told Howard that the station he works for uses his name to promote everything but they screw him over. That led to Howard saying that everyone is looking at this the wrong way. He said that going to satellite is like going to make a movie or something because radio will always be radio. Satellite is like asking someone to pay for a movie ticket. They will have to pay for the service and that doesn't mean that regular radio is going to die. Howard said that the FCC wants to turn radio back to what it was like in the Eisenhower days and he just can't do his show like that.
Howard was also talking about the huge ratings that he brought to David Letterman's show. He didn't have to bring them there but he was stifled on his own radio show and wasn't able to talk about that stuff. Tom told Howard that it's free advertising for Sirius and they don't go around giving free advertising for competing mediums. Howard said that TV and books are competing mediums and they don't seem to have a problem with that. Tom said that it depends on the way it's presented and if Howard has a vested interest in it. Howard told him that he was able to promote his movie back when he did that and they had no problem with it. Tom didn't have an argument for that. The phone caller had a few parting words for Tom before he got off the phone. He said that he will not be listening anymore once Howard makes the move.
Cabbie called in and told Howard that all of these people are going to jump to satellite because it's going to be huge. Howard told Tom that he's going to give the station some plugs when he's over there at Sirius. There was also some talk about Howard promoting the person who will be replacing him when he leaves. He said he'll pass the torch to that person ahead of time if they want... as long as they cut him some slack when he talks about Sirius. Cabbie was arguing with Tom and calling him a ''Wack Packer'' who just has to get his half hour on the radio every morning. Tom said that he's stepped up and helped Cabbie out many times and he doesn't understand why he berates him like he does. He can't believe that's the way he's being repaid. Howard told him that he really is ''Crazy Cabbie'' and he can't help it. He said that Tom is nuts for actually helping Cabbie out by giving him money. Tom admitted he may have made a mistake by helping him out. Howard had to take a break after that.
Cabbie called back in and said that he would be more than happy if Tom let him out of his contract there at WXRK because he has a job offer on the table from Sirius. He has a non-compete clause in his contract so he can't go work there. Robin wondered if he can even talk to another company if he has a non-compete clause in his contract. Howard said that's Cabbie just blurting stuff out again on the air. Tom came back in and said that he's willing to talk to Cabbie about all of this stuff. Howard asked Cabbie if he really wants to leave. Cabbie said there are a lot of things he wants to do in radio so he does want to leave. Howard told him to just go talk to him if he wants out. Howard even wants him to come on the air and discuss it all on the air. Tom said that won't be happening. Tom wondered if Cabbie has a lawyer to handle all of this stuff. Cabbie is currently not represented so he has to get an agent.
Cabbie recently had some legal problems with the tax man so he will be going in for sentencing in January. He may have to spend some time in jail after that so he may not be working anywhere. Tom and Cabbie argued a little bit more before Howard had to cut Cabbie off because of something he said about ''swedish balls'' or something like that. Robin finally got to start her news around 10:40. They wrapped up the show around 11:05 this morning.
Benjy was actually in the studio this morning as Howard started the show. Fred told Howard that he would have been late if the song hadn't started a little late this morning. Howard went on to talk about yesterday's show and how it was edited 27 times yesterday! He was calling it ''Black Tuesday'' because of that. He talked about some of the stuff that got edited out and doesn't even know how people listen to the show anymore. Howard said he called Tom yesterday and asked him about the ''new rules'' there at the station since they just paid off some fines to the FCC. Howard wanted to know what indecency is because they obviously know if they admitted to indecent broadcasting when they paid those fines. The lawyers for the company called Howard's lawyers and told Howard not to talk about anything sexual or anything about Sirius. Howard doesn't know what Sirius has to do with indecency and without sex talk, they've got no show. They went back and forth with all of that and Howard still isn't clear about what he can or can't talk about.
Then there are the fans in Syracuse who have been telling Howard that his show is being cut off at 10 o'clock exactly every morning now. Howard said he never watches the clock on his show and goes over just about every day. Gary came in to tell Howard about what went on when he called the station yesterday. He said he called the station and got the receptionist who referred Gary to the corporate office to talk to their C.O.O. Gary called that person and spoke to this woman Judy. Gary asked her what's going on and she told him that they want to get their next show started on time. Gary related that to ending ''Friends'' early to get to ''Veronica's Closet.'' Gary told the woman that they're obligated to play the whole show so she told him to send them a copy of the contract. Gary ended the conversation and said that he would have Howard's agent contact them. Howard said the guy that runs the company is this guy Farid Suleman who he's known for years and he was confused about all of that. Howard's agent started calling the station and tried to find out what was going on. Howard figured out that it's the ''hurt feelings'' in the company because he's leaving radio in a year. He said they're firing back at him for leaving but it's kind of sad that they're doing things this way. He said they can yank him off the air at 10 am if they want to but it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Howard said on the radio station's web site up in Syracuse they had this letter from this guy Ryno who had an open letter to the fans about what was going on. The guy is a deejay up there and said some nice things about Howard but also said that they're not happy that Howard is moving to satellite. That's why they're cutting his show off at 10. Howard read through the whole thing and said that he's not allowed to do the show he wants to do on regular radio so that's why he's making this move. His show was edited 27 times yesterday. Ryno said that Howard turned his show into a 4-5 hour infomercial for Sirius. Howard said that none of his shows, except for maybe the two days after he announced his move, have been all about Sirius. Howard said that he can't help it when fans call in about the Sirius stuff and he's not going to cut them off and edit the show. Howard is just talking about his life on his show like he's done for the past 20-some years. He said that he doesn't have to talk about Sirius on the air, it's just a major part of his life that he's talking about.
Ryno claims that they are now ''pushing back'' by cutting his show off at 10am sharp. It only hurts the Stern fans, not Howard himself. They're trying to prove something and it's just not making any sense. Howard doesn't understand how he's abandoning anyone because he's following through with his radio contract which is up at the end of 2005. Howard said that no one is behind him in his fight against the FCC, his own company paid off the government to get out of some fines, Tom hit the delay 27 times yesterday and he just can't do the show he wants to do anymore. Howard said he doesn't do a 5 hour infomercial about satellite. He knows that his fans would tune right out.
Howard pointed out that the internet is taking away from radio but he talks about that all the time. Satellite only has about 3.5 million listeners at this point so it's not really a threat to regular radio. Ryno was blaming Howard for letting the Clear Channels and the FCC's out there win. Howard said that it's not him, it's the radio stations that aren't backing him up in his fight who are letting them win. Howard wants to fight Clear Channel and the FCC but no one is backing him up. They all just cave in, bend over and take it. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that his show has been great since he made the announcement about making his move. He's like a changed man. Howard told the guy that this last year of his radio show is his swan song for over 20 years of broadcasting. He's moving to a new medium that he doesn't believe is a direct competitor for radio. He said that it's more like selling tickets to a movie or something like that. He's walking away from an audience of somewhere between 12 and 17 million listeners to go to a company that only has about 800,000 listeners at this point.
Howard said that Gary was working on their upcoming Best Of shows and they have to edit them so much that Howard is thinking about asking the company not to play any of it while he's on vacation. He said that there was no outrage from his fellow broadcasters when he was fined. Some of them were actually the ones filing the complaints against him. He knows that they're all going to bow to their master Michael Powell once he leaves. The radio industry will be so regulated that it'll be like radio in the 1950s.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the show was also cut off in Providence, Rhode Island. Howard said that's another Citadel station and went on to talk about how no one is backing him up in his fight against Clear Channel who yanked him off all of their stations earlier this year. His own company won't back him up in that fight. Howard believes that this guy Ryno will be in his office at Sirius one day asking him for a job when his ''radio family'' throws him to the curb but he won't forget this open letter he wrote. Howard said that this guy better not try to get a job in Satellite after writing this letter of his. Howard doesn't even thing this guy Ryno wrote the letter himself. He seems to think that it came from management but they had Ryno sign his name to it. Howard went on to say that he has no problem with Citadel communications because they've been good to him over the years. He has honored his contract with them and doesn't believe he's done anything wrong.
Another phone caller said that Ryno was on the air calling Howard a punk after his show. Howard said he thinks that it's this woman Judy Ellis at Citadel who is causing the waves over there. Howard said that nothing is bothering him about this stuff at this point. He hopes that they're giving Ryno a couple extra bucks for writing that letter because he's selling out. Howard also pointed out that Ryno is talking about his move to Sirius so his letter doesn't make any sense. They don't like that Howard is moving and talking about it, but they're talking about it as well. Everyone is talking about it. Howard is only talking about it this morning because the Syracuse station is making such a big deal about it. Howard doesn't get paid any extra money for running his show long, he just does it because he's digging the show and having fun. That's what the fans want to hear so it doesn't make sense that they're cutting him off early. Howard had a caller who was all fired up about how ridiculous the whole thing was. He had to take a bong hit to calm himself down. The caller also told Howard about watching Al Roker doing a show over the Thankgiving holiday and referred to Country Fried Chicken as Country (with the ry removed) fried chicken. The caller said that he had to file a complaint with the FCC because of that. Howard had to take a break after that since he'd gone about 50 minutes without a commercial break.
Howard said his agent told him yesterday that all of this stuff is the ''beginning of the end'' for his show but it really doesn't have to be this ugly. Howard took a call from a guy who said that these people are all just jealous of what Howard is doing by making his move to Sirius. The caller was telling Howard how much he appreciates the show and, even though he's got no money, he's going to find a way to get Sirius. Howard ended up giving the guy a Samsung Napster unit that he had to give away. He wondered why radio supports things like Napster because that's a competing medium as well.
Gary came in and showed Howard some pictures of this guy Ryno up in Syracuse. Howard said he looks like Cabbie to him. He had to take a break right after that because he said he had to go to the bathroom. The pea soup he ate was going right through him.
Howard was talking about Alpaca farming the other day. He found out that it's a legitimate business and he had this guy Wayne Robinson call in who wanted to fill them in on more details about the business. Wayne told Howard that he has a farm in Hampton, New Jersey not too far from the Pennsylvania border. The animals were only imported from 1984 to 1998 so there aren't all that many in the country. Wayne said that it takes time before you make money because you have to build up the heard. He said that they can make money by selling the fur but the big money is in the breeding. Howard read that the animals all go to the bathroom in the same general place and they love the cold. Howard knew a lot about these animals from reading about them. He said that you know when a female Alpaca is pregnant when she spits at all of her suitors. That's how she tells them that she's pregnant. Howard couldn't figure out why anyone would want to get into the business because the whole business seems to be based on breeding them. Wayne told Howard that they're working toward creating a fiber industry based on their fur though. Wayne says that there are at least 40-50 Alpaca breeders in each state. Howard said that they should get into the business themselves. He gave Wayne a plug for his web site EmeliseAlpacas.com and let him go a short time later.
Howard got his girlfriend Beth on the phone after that. She had a story to tell about Fred of all people. Beth said she was coming home from her day and got in a taxi. The cab driver recognized her and said that she was the second person from the Stern show he had that day. He said he also had Robin in the cab and almost had Fred in there. The driver said he saw Fred coming toward the taxi one day but he gave it to a little old lady who was trying to hail a taxi. She thought that was really sweet but the Cab driver said that he was upset because he wanted to take Fred for a ride. Fred said that is probably something he would do but he didn't remember exactly when that happened. Howard said he heard that story and it made him angry because Fred is never in a rush to go anywhere. He's never working that hard. Howard said the story was neat because it was unsolicited.
Howard blurted out that he had diarrhea this morning. Beth wondered if it was from his salad. He said that he thinks it was from the pea soup and salad he ate plus the fact that he's got all of this stuff going on in his life. Beth said that Howard never really eats around her. Howard started to tell her about the cleanup he had to do after going to the bathroom during the last commercial break. He explained how he had to clean himself up and then Beth asked if he was sick this morning because his closet stunk this morning. He said that was him and then asked her to flush the toilet. He doesn't flush it because he might wake the dog. Howard said that he was using the bathroom there in the studio and was checking out the pictures on the back of his bathroom door while he was going. He ended up burning his ass with the hot water from the sink because he wasn't paying attention to that. Beth had to bail on the call because she had to go to work. She didn't seem interested in hearing about Howard's bathroom problems either.
A phone caller wondered why Howard doesn't go on other talk shows and go off on all of these people who are treating him like crap right now. Howard said he will be doing more TV shows and magazine articles. He doesn't want to sit and take pictures for magazine articles but he will do it to get the word out about what he's up to.
Captain Janks called in and played his latest phone call to C-Span. He said he was pissed off at Ryno so he called in and blurted out ''Ryno is a homo!'' Of course they ignored the call and hung up on him. Janks got in a plug for his weekly appearance at the Tex Mex Connection for trivia night. Janks also suggested that all of the listeners up in Syracuse just stop listening to the station after 10am since they're cutting Howard's show off then.
Jeff the Drunk called in after that. Robin asked him how life is living in a trailer. Jeff said it's not bad and he's living in the front part of the trailer. Artie was doing his impression of Jeff and said ''My room is right next to the steering wheel.'' Howard asked him if he lives in a mobile home community. Jeff said they do and the trailers are about 15 feet apart. When he looks out the back of the house he doesn't see any other trailers though. He's got woods in the back yard. It's like having the illusion of not having neighbors. Howard asked him how that all works there and if they have to buy the property. Jeff said that they rent the property and don't even have to mow lawns or shovel snow. Jeff said the trailer is pretty roomy and his room is wider than his old room. He has a brother living there with him and his mother as well but he'll be moving out soon. Jeff asked Howard to play the song that he and Wendy the Retard sang together to ''Those Were The Days.'' Howard played the song as he went to commercial break.
Howard moved on to talk about the Imus story that you can find on TheSmokingGun.com. Howard said there's another nanny who wants to come on the show and talk about her dealings with Imus but he can't prove her claims so he can't allow her on the air. Howard read through the article he had about the whole thing. He was sickened when he read that Imus has a private jet that he takes to the cancer ranch he runs. Howard said the guy has no listeners but has a private jet. The woman claims she was let go because she had a toy cap gun and a pocket knife on her at the ranch and it took her 4 weeks to get home because she didn't have her wallet after it was lost in New York.
Howard eventually changed subjects when he brought up Les Moonves and his girlfriend Julie Chen. He was talking about how hot Julie was when he ran into the two of them at Gucci the other day. She was trying on clothes for Les and Howard was going nuts over her. He said she had the most perfect body on a woman he's ever seen. Howard said he was staring at her ass, her legs and all of that trying not to let Les know that he was doing that. He said he saw Les checking out Beth as well. Howard said that Les told him he understands why he did what he did by going to Sirius. It was something he had to do and Les understood that.
A phone caller wondered what could be so bad that they have to bleep the show so much. Howard said he may post the 27 bleeps that they did on the show yesterday. He tried to explain one part that they edited out when he was talking to Anna Benson yesterday but the delay was hit again. Howard said that he does feel the end is near for him on regular radio and it doesn't have to be this way. He read through a couple of the other edits and they're cutting out conversations where he talks about things like ''bush'' and ''poo.'' Tom came in and said that it's the context in which they're used. He also admitted that some of the edits were over zealous and he apologized for that. Howard told Tom that he doesn't want to be a part of that anymore. Howard told Tom that he is creating jobs by going to satellite and he does not think that he's doing the wrong thing. The whole thing is getting ugly though and he doesn't like that.
Howard asked Tom what he thinks of the Syracuse station taking him off the air at 10. Tom doesn't get it because they would never do that because the longer Howard is on the air, the more ratings they get. Tom said one time Howard was doing the show at 11:45 so he walked in and told him it was time to leave. Howard was having so much fun doing the show that he'd missed an 11 o'clock appointment. That's how much he enjoys doing what he does. Howard also said that he doesn't know why people are turning on him and saying that he's betraying the industry. He said he feels that he's been betrayed by the industry because they haven't backed him up in his FCC fight. Robin pointed out that the show is no longer even Howard's because Tom is chopping it up so much. Tom ended up changing subjects by plugging a book he'd read. He said he read the book ''Shadow Divers'' and really enjoyed it. He was also talking about seeing ''Alexander'' and how they ruined it by making the character gay.
Howard took a call from another caller up in Syracuse. The guy told Howard that all Ryno does is play music up there and he plays the same crap over and over again. The caller said he can't wait for Howard to go to satellite. Another caller from Dallas told Howard that he once crashed his car because he was laughing so hard at the show where Cabbie was out trying to find Chandra Levy's body.
Howard said he has a $20,000 contest coming up but he's not going to give the details until 10:05 when those Citadel stations have already cut him off. That way the fans will be pissed that they don't know what the contest is during the Ryno show. That led to Howard goofing on Ryno a little bit about that letter he wrote. Howard suggested that he stop calling himself Ryno and rename himself ''Corporate Whore.'' He had to take a break right after that.
Howard was afraid to drink anymore water because that makes him have to go even more. He took a phone call from another caller who complained about what's being done to his show up in Syracuse. He also read some e-mail that he got about Anna Benson who was on the show yesterday. There were quite a few people who didn't like her on the show yesterday.
Robin started her news after the e-mail. Howard did have to sit down during the news to play some audio clips for Robin's news. He sounded like he was in pain as he sat down to play the clips. Another phone caller told Howard that Syracuse pulled the show off at 9:48 this morning. They didn't even let him go until 10. The guy said that he knows a bar where that guy Ryno goes to and he's going to tell the bartenders there to make him wait to get served. The caller actually owns the bar and said that he's not going to help that station do promotions in the future like he has in the past. He said that he's not going to leave the station on all day like he's done at his bar in the past. He's going to turn it off after the show is over. Howard doesn't know what kind of outcome that station expects to have from doing this. It makes no sense at all. Howard tried to figure out what their reasoning is. He figures that they wanted to screw him so they all sat around in a meeting trying to figure out what to do. He wonders why they didn't just pull the show completely if this is the way they're going to conduct business. The caller also told Howard that they didn't play Best of Stern last week. Howard said that doesn't make sense either because there is no mention of Sirius during Best of. That's what they claim they don't like him talking about on the air and there is none in the Best of stuff. Howard said he's going to call this guy Fahrid because he was a friend of his. Another caller told Howard that his local station is playing ''life after Howard'' promos. Howard said everyone knows that there is life after him, they don't need to play stuff like that.
A little later during the news Howard said that Gary saw the Chyna Doll sex tape and he'll never be the same. Gary came in and told Howard about what he saw on the tape and it was pretty sad from what he said. He talked about that for a minute but Howard seemed anxious to get the show over with since he was having problems with his ass.
A woman in York, Pennsylvania said that they took Howard's show off at 10 and used a clip of Howard saying ''I guess that's all we can get to today, but there's always tomorrow.'' Howard said that's kind of lame and wondered why they don't have the balls to come on the air and say what they're really doing. Howard doesn't get how that's punishing him though. It doesn't effect him, it only effects the listeners. The woman said the recording was the same yesterday as it was today so she knew that it was just a clip. Howard said things are getting really weird around there. Robin agreed and said that someone told her that someone went back to an office and asked for something and the person responded to them with ''Why should I help you, you're leaving?'' Howard doesn't understand the hostility with all of this stuff. They still have a full year left on their contract and 12 months is a long time.
A phone caller suggested that Howard give Jackie Martling his own show on Sirius. Howard said he'd give Jackie a half hour show of his own. Howard wrapped up the show shortly after the call. It was about 10:30 when he ran off to the bathroom to squirt a little more.
Howard said that he was feeling a little better today after his about with diarrhea yesterday. He wasn't able to stop going during the show yesterday. He had plans after the show but had to cancel because he didn't want to be stuck in the limo for the whole afternoon. As he was talking about that he noticed that Robin had done something to hurt herself. She said that she hit herself in the face with the headphones and thought that it was going to make her lip swell up because she hit it so hard. It actually brought tears to her eyes.
Howard said he went home yesterday after the show and tried to get some sleep. He didn't eat or drink anything for a while because he was afraid to go to the bathroom more. He's thinking that it was actually caused by stress. He was talking about that when E! told him they had video of Robin hitting herself in the face with the headphones. They watched that and Howard said he was thinking about trying something different with headphones. He wants to get something that fits inside his ears instead of on top of his ears. He's not sure about them yet. Artie likes his headphones because they cover his bald spot. That led to Fred and Howard suggesting that he get a hair piece glued to the headphones to cover up the bald spot. Howard got back to yesterday's discussion and how he had a little bit to eat last night for dinner. He ate some soup, rice and bananas to try and bind himself up. Artie had some Keebler cookies that they sent over for him. He was trying to pass them off on Howard but Howard doesn't eat stuff like that.
Howard thinks that he had the upset stomach because of the stuff that was going on yesterday. The four stations that are cutting his show off at 10 because they think he's doing a 4 hour commercial for Sirius. He got an e-mail from a guy who said that leaving radio the way he is will turn out to be like a divorce. There is no way to reconcile the relationship now and the audience will be the people who have to suffer. Howard pointed out that his ratings are at a record high right now because people are tuning in to find out what he's going to do for the next year. He wondered if he should talk about his move and have other stations think that he's doing a four hour infomercial, or if he should just pretend that it's not happening. Howard said that he believes that people want to hear what's going on in his life. He got an e-mail from one of the Program Directors from one of his affiliates. He said that the letter made him sad that he's leaving terrestrial radio. He read the letter which was from the PD up in Albany. The guy said that Howard has been an inspiration to him and other broadcasters. The guy knows that the industry has to make changes to survive and he thanked Howard for inspiring them all. Howard wants to have a party in each market to say goodbye but some people are so upset that they're leaving that they're cutting out the word ''Sirius'' and stuff like that. His show is also being chopped up like crazy and on Tuesday, there were 27 edits during the show. Howard said that Jason told him about a line that Artie said about a woman's breasts feeling real being cut out of the show as well. The show is being destroyed by edits these days.
Howard said he has accused many people he's worked with of being idiots. He knows that people want to tune in and hear his show for the final year even though some people don't want to believe him. He brought up the divorce analogy again and that this is like asking for a divorce and telling the wife that you're staying in the house for the next year. He was also saying that he's moving to an industry that will not bankrupt the radio industry. Tom Chiusano came in and listened to this stuff so Howard told him that he wants to go out with a bang. He wants to go to every market and say farewell to everyone the right way. Tom agreed with Howard's analogy and said that the show really has been about his life and the audience does want to know about that stuff but the divorce is something that the wife didn't expect. Howard told Tom that he told Joel Hollender that he didn't want to sign another contract with them and that he was working with satellite radio before he signed with Sirius. Tom said that there are problems because it was still a surprise to them. Howard said that he'd like to take half the assets of what he built with that company. Artie said that he hopes there's no custody battle for Benjy. Tom said that they can take Benjy with them... That's when he noticed that he wasn't there, he was late once again.
Dominic Barbara called in and tried to help out with the divorce analogy. He was saying that the audience is like the kids in the relationship and stuff like that but Howard was getting creeped out by the stuff he was saying. He was ruining the whole analogy. Then they analogy led to them calling the affiliate stations the ''aunts and uncles'' of the children. Dominic said that the ''kids'' are probably going to go with their father (Howard) when he gets remarried (to Sirius). Artie said that the wife (radio) is saying that the kids (audience) can still see their mother for free. Tom said that custody hasn't been figured out yet, we won't know until the divorce is final. Robin thought that Dominic was saying that the wife is delusional and that all of the kids are going with their father.
Tom said that he had an update for the book review he gave on the show yesterday. He mentioned the book ''Shadow Divers'' quickly and got a call from the author yesterday. The author is a 20 year fan of the show and let him know that they're working on a script. Robin interrupted Tom and asked what the bracelets were on his arm. Tom was wearing a Lance Armstrong cancer awareness bracelet and a breast cancer awareness bracelet. That led to Howard talking about how people are making fake bracelets and selling them which is really sleazy. He was also talking about those giant ribbons people are putting on their cars and how sickened he is by them. He said that if those people are so supportive of the war, why don't they join the service. Howard said that Tom is a cancer survivor himself. That's why he's wearing that Lance Armstrong bracelet.
Howard said that they have Grace Morley, ex-wife of Montel Williams coming in later this morning as well as Korn coming in to perform ''Another Brick in the Wall.'' Tom said that Korn is also playing their Claus-Fest concert tomorrow and Robin will be introducing them. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy up in Syracuse who said that they're bleeping out the word ''satellite'' now up there so the show is being chopped up even more. Howard said that his whole agenda for the next year is to bring in a big audience for the stations he's on and if they decide to do that kind of stuff, there's not much he can do about it. He also talked about how his agent called this guy Tim Sabien yesterday and told him that he doesn't know why these stations are getting so upset and chopping up the show, they should just take advantage of the next year and have fun. Howard played tape of Sumner Redstone, the head of Viacom, talking about satellite radio and how he doesn't think that it's a viable medium even though Howard Stern and Mel Karmazin seem to think it is. Howard said that he really is walking away from a lot of fans. They only have about 800,000 subscribers with Sirius right now and not all of them are going to be Howard's fans. He said he could flip on the switch and broadcast to 15 people in 2006. He doesn't know why these radio stations are so upset about this stuff. He said he's not doing an infomercial for the service like Citadel seems to think he is. Not only that but Sirius is still at just 800,000 subscribers even though he's announced that he's making his move to the service.
A woman from Syracuse said that she called the radio station up there trying to talk to someone but they put her through to voice mail and hung up on her when she called back. Howard said they're not doing right by the audience up there and he doesn't understand it. The woman said that she will not listen to that station when Howard leaves because of what they're doing. They're only hurting themselves by cutting off Howard's show at 10 sharp.
Howard said that Nicole Bass has this sex phone call business and one of their interns called it and they'll be talking about that later. Howard said that the intern asked her to take out her male genitalia and she played along with it all. She charges $30 for a ten minute call. Chaunce Hayden was on the line and asked if she pays them or if the guys pay her. Chaunce went on to say that he interviewed Anna Benson yesterday and she has a problem with Howard now. Howard said he read the interview and it didn't seem like she had a problem. She knew what she was getting into and said that in the interview. Chaunce thought she was more upset than that and didn't appreciate the way Howard asked her about anal sex and talked to her about being a gold digger. Chaunce played a clip of Anna talking about penis size and how it really does matter. Howard had to cut Chaunce off because of where he went with the interview. Howard said that they will have to play it at the new place when they make the move. The delay had to be hit. Gary told Howard that she was the talk of all of the sports radio shows yesterday because of what she said about how she'd sleep with the whole team if she ever finds out her husband, Kris Benson, cheated on her. The guys talked about that for a couple of minutes and then had to take a commercial break.
Howard mentioned the B.E.T. Source awards and how Vivica A. Fox keeps using this term ''droppin' it like it's hot'' all the time. Howard played a few clips of her saying that to just about everyone she was talking to. Artie said that if the term ever was cool, it's not anymore. Howard asked Robin if she related to any of the stuff that the people were saying in the clips he was playing. Robin said that Vivica was just playing a role because she doesn't act like that normally. Howard said he dated a black chick for a while and he'd only realize he was dating a black woman when they went and hung out in a place where there were a bunch of other black people and they'd start talking like that. Howard asked Robin if she'll talk like that when she does her TV show. Robin said she doesn't think that she'll ever say ''drop it like it's hot.'' Howard said he once went to a club where a guy was rapping while standing on his head. He looked in, saw that and turned right around and left. Howard wondered if it looked weird when he was dating a black chick. Gary said that it wasn't the black-white thing that was weird, it was the height difference that looked weird. Howard didn't mention the woman's name during all of this. He said that he dated that woman for a month or two but he stopped dating everyone when he met Beth O.
Howard played a clip of Fat Joe and Terror Squad accepting an award and no one understood what they were talking about in their acceptance speech. Howard wondered if those guys think it's cool to not be understood. One of the guys accepting an award thanked the man who invented covering the lighter with your hand when you're lighting up. Howard said that Minister Farakan was given a lifetime achievement award and he thought that was ridiculous. He has done nothing but cause mayhem and hatred in his lifetime. He's also got nothing to do with music. J.D. came in to try and explain why he got he award but Artie and Howard ended up goofing on him and sent him on his way. Howard wrapped up the Source award audio clips and then had to take another commercial break.
A woman called in and told Howard she used to love him but now she has realized that he knows nothing. She told him that he knows nothing about black culture so he shouldn't be commenting on the Source Awards. The woman said she can't understand why she listened to his show for so many years. She told Howard that he's two faced. Howard started to ask the woman some black history questions and she wasn't able to answer them. He asked her who the first black senator was and she had no idea. He asked her a couple of other questions and she didn't know the answers to any of them. She went off on Howard about how he doesn't know anything about black culture but she didn't know any of the answers to his black history questions. She figured that the guys in the studio were writing the questions for Howard and he didn't even know the answers. Howard and the woman went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes. Howard was going to hang up on her but she called him a moron and stayed on the line a little longer. She claimed to know a lot more about black culture than Howard does but it certainly didn't come off that way. Howard got her off the phone so he could talk to Montel Williams ex-wife.
Howard asked Grace about her stripping career. She said that she and her mother were not a team, her mother used to dance back in the 1950's and she appeared on Montel's show with her one time. That's how Montel met Grace. Now she's married to a 26 year old guy and she's 40 herself. Howard asked her if she's living in Montel's old house when she mentioned she lives up in Connecticut. Grace said she didn't fight for the house and Montel didn't do right by their family and didn't give her the house and she didn't bother fighting for it. Grace said she ended up getting about $2 million total in the divorce. Montel still pays child support though. Grace started to get upset as she was thinking about how money is everything to Montel. He allegedly complained about her spending $300 on kickboxing lessons for their child. She claims that he told her not to spend more than $100 on stuff without asking his permission.
Grace says that Montel was caught cheating on her by the National Enquirer. She said that she had a premonition and thought that he might be cheating. Howard asked Grace how much money of her own she's put into this record business. She said it's a couple hundred thousand dollars so far and that's why she has other people coming in on the business. Howard also asked Grace how long it took for Montel to get her into bed. She said it was actually quite a while and they both took AIDS tests before they did it. She didn't bother to ask her current husband to get an AIDS test though. She said they're different people.
Howard gave Grace a couple of plugs for her record company and for this guy Griz that she has on the label. You can find out more at RaginGrace.com and GrizRock.com. Howard played a little bit of Griz's music and Artie told her to get out of the business now. Chaunce Hayden called in and asked why a woman would go on and trash the father of her children. She said that he has trashed her in his books so she doesn't feel this is wrong. Grace told Chaunce that Montel doesn't see his kids very often. They just recently got to see him after about a month of not seeing him. Grace also said that she wanted to let people know that the real reason for their divorce was the fact that he cheated on her, not for any other reasons. She also thinks that after this show, Montel will want to take her back to court and try to get custody of the kids again. Howard let Chaunce go a short time after that.
Another caller told Howard that he's tired of Howard having these women on the show who get divorced and get millions of dollars in their settlements. The caller said that the woman doesn't deserve to get any money other than some child support. Gary came in and asked Grace if she thinks that Montel exaggerates his M.S. claims. Grace apparently said that Montel snowboards and you never see Richard Pryor doing stuff like that. Grace said that he is definitely ill but he doesn't follow the standards of people who are sick. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and defended Grace a little bit. Joey Boots called in and said that she should go back to having guys do coke off her ass. Grace said she never did that but he seems to think she did and yelled at her for a minute. The delay was hit at least one time during that call.
Howard played his Backside Boys song ''The Gay Way'' for Grace trying to get a record deal with her company. She said she kind of liked that one. Fred played her some of his other songs and Grace was apparently laughing at him as she heard them. Howard asked Grace to lose the poncho she was wearing next time she's on the show. She took it off right there. Howard wondered if her big breasts were real or not. She claims they are. Gary brought in a clip of one of the bands that Grace has on her record label. Howard played a short clip of Eight Days Gone but got sidetracked and ended up talking to her for another minute. He then brought in Grace's 26 year old husband who is working with her at this record company. Howard asked him what he does. The guy said that he has a 24 hour a day job and that is living with Grace and helping her out with her business. Grace gave Howard a guitar as a gift as she was leaving. It was a nice Gibson Les Paul guitar from her record company and from Gibson. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Benjy why he was late again this morning. It makes him look really bad to him when he shows up late that often. Benjy apologized and said he's got some things going on that he doesn't want to talk about on the air, and it's all his fault. Howard said that it's almost every day that he's late and it's making him look stupid for keeping him there. Even Fred and Artie are able to show up on time. Howard said Artie is an alcoholic and he's able to show up on time. He comes in a stupor and he's still able to show up on time. Howard told Benjy that if he's late again he's going to fire him. He knows that he's a pushover and won't fire him. Howard told Benjy that he's really not that important to the show and it wouldn't bother him if he didn't show up anymore. Benjy agrees and doesn't blame Howard if he wants to fire him. Howard thinks that Benjy looks at all of this like a joke but he's serious. Benjy said that if he were in his place, he'd be pissed off as well. Howard noticed that Benjy was scratching his face quite a bit and it was turning his face red. He had Jason take some pictures of that for his web site.
Gary told Howard that he really does have to tell Benjy that he has to show up on time or he'll be fired. Howard thinks that it makes him look bad that he lets Benjy get away with this stuff. Gary said that if he were in his position, he wouldn't do anything to draw attention to him. There's a lot going on at the company and if he wants to keep a job, he should be there on time. Gary also pointed out that Artie can go out to a Yankee game, get drunk, come home at 4 in the morning and still get to work on time. Howard really wanted to know why Benjy is showing up late so often but Benjy didn't want to talk about the issues on the air. Howard wasn't even sure if he's got a real excuse. He tried to find out why he was late this morning. Benjy just said that he messed up. He was very vague with his answer but eventually said he just wanted to sleep another 5 minutes and shut off one of his 3 alarm clocks. Howard said that when his alarm clock goes off, he hops out of bed immediately. That way you can't oversleep. Howard said that he's serious when he says that he'll be fired if he shows up late again. Benjy thinks that it's going to become a game if he says that. He thinks he'll end up sleeping at the station if Howard threatens to fire him.
Artie told Benjy that he has to think about what he's doing as a job when that alarm clock goes off. Artie used to hate getting up when he had jobs that sucked. Now he gets up no problem because he enjoys the job. Benjy should do the same thing, it's just a 4 1/2 hour gig. Gary said they have an intern that commutes from Albany, 2 1/2 hours, three days a week and she gets there on time. They had another intern who commuted from Philadelphia five days a week and she was never late. Benjy lives around the corner and can't get there on time... and they don't even get paid. Howard said he'd hate to lose the guy but he has to crack down.
Howard played some of the Nicole Bass sex phone call that one of their interns made. Howard played like 30 seconds of it just to give us a tease for tomorrow's show. Artie said that was a bad tease because Nicole was clueless about the call. She eventually figured it out and realized it was supposed to be a sex call. Howard gave a few more seconds of a tease and then had to take a break before Korn played.
Robin said that she heard that Jonathan almost walked out because his microphone stand wasn't there. He's got a special stand that's a piece of art and he's never performed without it. He's not superstitious but he likes the mic stand a lot. Howard asked the guys about their dreadlocks and how they keep them clean. He was also checking out all of the tattoos. Jonathan has one of a Priest giving an abortion to a Nun which Howard thought was kind of interesting. Jonathan said that the whole church thing is really fake and a mess, that's why he's got the tattoo going on.
Howard had the band go ahead and perform their cover of ''Another Brick in the Wall'' after that. The song is on their Korn - Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 CD which is out now. They sounded great too. Howard let them fade to a few seconds of silence after the song. He then asked them if they watched ''Smallville'' last night. They had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said that means they're enjoying their lives. Howard talked to Jonathan about what it was like in school when he was growing up. It wasn't good and he still gets calls from people he went to school with but he pretends not to know them now. They treated him like crap back then so revenge is sweet.
Howard asked the guys if they cover any other songs. They said that they do ''Jesse's Girl'' so Howard asked to hear that. Howard likes to hear bands play songs that kind of sucked but make them cool. Howard gave the guys a plug for the concert they'll be playing at tomorrow night. It's his station's Claus Fest concert. Robin will be introducing the band when they go on since she's a big fan. She said that she wishes that she could sing like Jonathan. Howard said that Robin told him that the band is all over the place during their performances. She claims that they came back stage in the middle of a song but they said that it was during a break. Howard thanked the guys for coming in and wrapped up the interview after that.
Richard went over and prepared to play but most of the equipment was gone. They had to bring in a seat for him and hook up some other stuff so he could play. Richard pounded on the drums for a few seconds but Robin wanted him to play an actual song. He was pretty good according to Howard and Robin. Howard said he's finally found someone he can jam with. Howard had Scott hook up his guitar so he could do that. Howard was pretty impressed with Richard's drumming but his guitar was out of tune so he couldn't jam with him. Artie cracked a joke about how there are probably a lot of people who wish they were in Syracuse right now (since their show cuts off at 10 sharp). Howard finally got a guitar hooked up and jammed with Richard for a few seconds. Artie said it sounded like ''Stink Floyd'' to him. Howard had a real guitar player get up and play... Fred. Fred got up and played something that was almost Led Zepplin but not quite. Fred said he couldn't play with the guitar he was using. The guys also pointed out that Richard had dropped his sticks about 8 times and hit himself in the head a bunch of times as well. Richard said it had been a while since he played.
Fred and Richard played some ''Another Brick in the Wall'' while Howard sang along to it. Robin got in on it as well. Howard told Richard that he wasn't playing as well as the Korn guy either. Richard said he never said he was better than that guy. He also said it was tough to play in front of just a few people like he was doing. When he played in his band, they used to play in front of big crowds which is easier. Artie said ''Richard drums like I act.'' Howard had Robin get to her news after that. They wrapped up the show around 11:00 this morning.
Starting off the show was a clip of Mariann from Brooklyn announcing the guests that were coming up on the show. She announced that Beetlejuice, Paul Fishbein, Jeff the Drunk and High Pitch Erik were all coming up. Artie said that he saw Mariann yesterday and he was hitting on her because she's much better looking than you'd think. Howard said he's had the same thing happen to him when he's run into Mariann.
Howard had the guys bring in his morning bagel. He's still on his post-diarrhea diet trying to keep himself bound up. He went on to talk about how he had a weird meeting with Tom yesterday over running his Best of Stern stuff. They have to go over all of the tapes that they want to play to make sure they don't need to be edited. These days they edit out every single funny joke so Howard doesn't want to have them play any Best of Stern when they go on vacation later this month. Tom still wants to run Best of because they make money selling it. Howard wants to go talk to his agent about that but he's not sure there's anything he can do about it. Howard wondered if his contract has anything in it that says he can stop them from playing that stuff. He talked about his contract with Clear Channel and how they decided not to pay him even after they yanked him off the air. He said he thinks that if he took them to court that they'd have to pay their bill to him but they're going to jerk him around and not pay him. It's like contracts mean nothing these days. Gary seems to think that pre-nups don't really stand up these days either. Robin thought that they were holding up pretty good but the guys said that not all of them do. Howard believes that he'd win in court against Clear Channel but by the time he gets there, he'd have millions of dollars in lawyer bills.
Howard isn't even sure that Viacom would honor their contract if they fired him tomorrow. He said that everyone walks away from their contracts while he stays and honors his. He said that he'd let Clear Channel pick his lawyer and the judge if he could just go to court tomorrow. He thinks that the judge would read the contract and find that the contract is iron clad. Instead, he has to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers while the case drags out.
Fred was making some noise in the back of the studio and Robin picked up on it. Howard said that's why he always turns down Fred's microphone and he never has it up when Fred has something to say. Howard got back to his discussion about the Best of Stern discussion. He said that back when he first started at the station, Tom wanted to reuse the tapes that they were recording his show on. They didn't even want to play Best of Stern back then. Howard said that Tom was kind of dopey back then and wanted him to pay for his own tapes. Gary said the first three weeks of the show on the station were unusable because they had an intern recording them on a boombox on cassette. The reception on the radio was horrible so they can't use them now. Tom came in and said that he admits that was a dumb idea and he has admitted to that. Howard said Tom has wised up since then after Robin asked if he's still using that same brain to make decisions today.
Gary wondered if Tom is having problems with Robin. Tom said he really loves Robin but Robin said that he's hardly talking to her these days. Tom said he congratulated Robin about her new TV show but she doesn't recall that conversation. Howard told Tom that he really doesn't want to play Best of Stern but Tom keeps telling him that it's a good idea to keep it on. Howard thinks that Tom should go and threaten to quit if they keep making him censor the show like he is. He and Tom talked about how they don't believe that the shows they're airing are indecent and they want to fight those charges. The company isn't going to back them up in that fight though. Howard said that every mention of sex is censored out these days so it's really changed the show. Howard really wants to get out because he knows that one bit they're doing today is going to get censored like crazy and no one is fighting for him.
Howard started to get even more pissed because he is number one in Syracuse. He wanted to get a tape of what the guy said on the air this morning. The caller told Howard that they were basically calling Howard a rip-off artist. Howard asked the caller to get him a tape of that show as soon as he can. Another caller said that he listens on the Lancaster station and they cut him off around 9:30 so he tunes over to WYSP to hear the rest of the show. Gary said that the people in Providence may be able to pick up WBCN out of Boston if they lose the show at 10.
Howard said that he's also going to have tapes of the show airlifted and dropped on each of those markets that are losing the show at 10 sharp. He said he was serious about that.
Another caller asked Howard if Benjy made it to work on time this morning. Howard said that Benjy was there nice and early. He was there by at least 10 minutes before six. The guy said that it's a good thing because the guy has the greatest job in the world and he was screwing it up not getting there on time. The guy made a good point when he said that Howard has had girls hypnotized to make out with Benjy and the guy didn't appreciate it. Howard talked about what he had to tell Benjy yesterday about being late all the time and how he had to threaten to fire him to get him to come in on time.
Howard read some e-mail about Korn's appearance on the show yesterday. A lot of people wrote in and said they were impressed with the band's performance of ''Another Brick in the Wall'' yesterday. There were some negative e-mails about the band as well. Some people thought their cover of the Pink Floyd song was horrible. Howard read through those e-mails but said that the positive e-mails outweighed the negative ones. Howard played some of the audio of that performance after reading those e-mails.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that Howard really doesn't like or understand black people. Yet another guy wrote in and said that Howard does know black people and respected the way Howard defended himself when a woman called in to yell at him yesterday. There were some e-mails about Richard Christy's drumming on the show after the Korn performance. A bunch of people wrote in and gave some praise to Richard and his old band Iced Earth. Fred had some of Iced Earth's stuff so he played it for Howard so they could hear Richard's drumming. The album he played was one that had a bunch of cover songs on it. They played an AC/DC cover and Artie said he really liked it. Richard came in a short time later and said that he left that band to try out for John's job earlier this year. Howard had Fred play some more Iced Earth and Howard seemed to think that the band was pretty good. Richard said it was a tough decision to make because they were on tour at the time. He was able to get a friend of his to come in and take over for him so the band wasn't too upset about him leaving. There were some other e-mails that Howard read about Richard's band. Fred played some speed metal songs that Richard played drums on with the band Death.
Another woman from Syracuse called in and said that they are playing a message during Howard's show bad mouthing him about how he's going to be charging his fans to listen to his show when he moves to satellite. Howard got upset and said that if they don't want to see anyone pay for anything, then they shouldn't put any commercials on during the show. People also have to pay for their regular radios, they don't come free. Howard said that the sponsors of his show ask the audience to pay for their products so it's not really different than what he's going to be doing when he moves to satellite. Their reasoning up there in Syracuse is just not making any sense. The woman told Howard that she can't wait for Howard to make the move to satellite. The station up there is not hurting Howard, they're just hurting the fans. Howard also told the woman that they're going to be setting up trucks up there in Syracuse so the fans can hear the rest of his show. Howard played an audio clip from a news report where they talked about the Citadel decision to cut Howard off at 10 sharp. Howard doesn't understand why there is so much bashing of his show going on with that station.
The Today Show did a report about satellite radio because it's a hot item right now. Howard pointed out that regular radio is still free to listen to so he doesn't know what the big deal is around him making the move. Howard said he's not just going to sit around and let people bash him without defending himself. Another caller told Howard that he subscribes to another satellite company and once you hear it, you'll never turn back to terrestrial radio.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Howard not to play that Nicole Bass tape because his stuff crawled back inside of him like a turtle when he heard it. That led to Howard playing more of the tape of course. Nicole played the part of Jesse the Intern's coach pretty well. Howard said she'll apparently do anything for thirty bucks. Nicole hung up on the intern as soon as his 10 minutes were up. Jesse hadn't finished yet so he begged Nicole to keep going. That was it for the Nicole Bass tape.
Howard played a voice mail that Crazy Alice left recently. She was rambling about a bunch of stuff but it wasn't making a lot of sense. Howard took another call from a guy up in Rochester, New York who said that the show is being cut off about 15 minutes early every morning. That's an Infinity station though so Howard doesn't know what's up with that. He doesn't know how it affects him though, it's just the fans that they're chasing away.
Howard brought up the story about baseball player Jason Giambi and how much flack he's getting about using steroids. There's also a lot of talk about Anna Benson's claim that if she ever finds that her husband, Kris Benson, cheats on her, she's going to sleep with everyone of his teammates. Howard played an audio clip from Cold Pizza where they talked about what she said during the interview with Howard. Howard and the guys were goofing on the weird audio clips they were playing during the Cold Pizza show. They had some strange sound effect that they were playing over the show while they were talking so Fred found a similar one to play over Howard. They had some fun with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that Beetlejuice was there to promote his headcast and 2005 calendar that they have available at JollyDwarf.com. Howard asked him how much they charge for the cast head and Beetle said it's up to the people, how much they want to pay. Robin asked if she could pay just a dollar if she wanted. Beetlejuice said that was fine with him.
Howard took a call from someone using clips of Beetlejuice to make a prank call to the real Beetlejuice. The real Beet said that the guy was faking it and didn't sound real to him. Beetlejuice was arguing with himself on the phone for a couple of minutes. Beetle threatened to smack the phone Beetle in the back of the head if he ever saw him. Howard let that go on for a few minutes before he hung up on the phone Beetlejuice.
Howard asked Beet what he's doing for the holidays. Artie said that all he wants are his two front teeth. Beetlejuice said that he already lost those two teeth but keeps them in a box. Double A called in after that so Howard played a song that Double A did for the show. His singing was horrible so Beet yelled at him to stop because the singing was so bad.
Gary told Howard that Beet's manager Sean wanted to come in the studio for some reason. The last time he was on he was yelling about the E! guys cutting out their plugs. Howard wanted to let Sean come in but he had to take a break a short time later. Sean was upset that he wasn't in there from the start and now he's mad at the one person he wasn't mad at before, Gary. Howard was thinking about buying a bunch of these Beetlejuice heads to give away as gifts. He wants to get like 300 of them. Howard wondered how much Beet's actual head would cost him. Even Beetlejuice knew that was a crazy idea and wouldn't give him a price. Gary came in and told Howard that if people want to know how much Beet's cast head is, they can go to JollyDwarf.com. Howard told Beet that he wants Beet's real head to put on his desk. Howard collects skulls and would love to get Beet's for his collection. Howard went to break a short time later.
Paul Fishbein runs the Adult Video News magazine and he was in today to judge a couple of women want to get into porn. The porn stars were in to judge as well. They are Teagan Presley and Cytherea. The two girls were pretty hot according to Howard. They've both done quite a few movies in their short careers. Teagan told Howard about getting into lesbian sex with this one woman she met and ended up staying with. Howard asked her about the relationship and managed to get the delay hit a couple of times. Cytherea claims to have had sex with a governor at one time but she doesn't remember what state he was the governor of. She also had sex with a Prime Minister but doesn't remember what country he was from either. The interview was getting all chopped up during that discussion. Cytherea stood up for some reason but we didn't know why because of the delay hits. Cytherea and Teagan both took their tops off and showed the guys what they looked like. We didn't even hear Howard ask them to take their tops off because of the delay hits.
Howard gave the girls a couple of plugs for their web sites, ClubCytherea.com and DigitalPlayground.com, and then brought in the girls who wanted to try out for porn. They also had High Pitch Erik and Jeff the Drunk Curro in to act with the girls while they try out for porn. Howard heard that Jeff the Drunk was being a pain in the ass this morning. He's threatened that he's not going to do the show anymore because of that. Howard said Jeff can do what he wants but he doesn't want him to be quiet on the air. Jeff was complaining about the green room he was put in and that his cigarettes were taken away from him in the green room by Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard was pissed that Jeff was so drunk that he probably wouldn't be able to act. Jeff said he could do it and demanded to see the cue cards.
Howard brought in the first contestant, Julie, who wants to be in porn. Jeff the Drunk was still complaining about the desk they put him in for this acting thing. Howard asked Julie a few questions about the porn thing. She had a bit of a speech impediment and said that she has gotten into some amateur porn so far and would like to get into it professionally. She claims that she lost her virginity at 13 to a 37 year old guy. She claims that she was in love with him. She ran away from home and ended up meeting the guy at a truck stop. She was trying to get into the exotic dancing business at the time. She somehow managed to get into the business even though she was only 13. She claims that she's attracted to older guys and she had sex with the truck driver the same day she met him. She's making money these days doing the exotic dancing thing.
Howard told Julie and Jeff what they were supposed to do but Jeff was still being a pain in the ass. He eventually got them to ''act'' but Julie was just horrible. She was reading her lines like a 6 year old. Jeff was actually a better actor. It seemed like Jeff had more lines than she did and he seemed to be throwing in some extra lines as well. Julie went over and got spanked by Jeff but she wasn't exactly moaning like she was being turned on. Howard had to yell ''Cut!'' a few times to direct her as to what to do. She wasn't able to do the sound effect that Howard asked her to do. It was the worst porn movie ever. Howard told the two of them that they had to take a break and clear the set for the next couple.
Howard asked Cytherea and Teagan what they thought about the acting. They weren't impressed because it wasn't ''believable.'' Teagan gave Howard an example of what she would do if she was being spanked. The delay ended up getting hit during that little demonstration. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard got back to the porn star judging and talked to Julie a little bit about her performance. Julie thought she did well even though she was a big nervous. Howard told her she sounds kind of like Holly Hunter when she talks. Robin thought it was more like Ann Landers. Howard had High Pitch Erik come in after that. He was going to be acting with Karma. She has danced as a stripper for more than 10 years and would like to get into porn. She looked like a light skinned black woman to Howard. She said that she's quite a mix of Spanish, Hawaiian and some others. She claims she wants to get into porn to piss off her family. She said it's a long story but Robin told her they have plenty of time. She told some of her story and then Howard gave her some ideas for her acting. High Pitch was going to be playing Kelly Clarkson and Karma was going to be Fantasia Barrino. They were going to get it on back stage at American Idol. High Pitch did his Kelly Clarkson impression and read his lines trying to pick up Fantasia. There was a bit of confusion during the acting so Howard kept cutting and had to tell them what to do. High Pitch had to give Karma some direction on the gagging/quacking sound that they wanted her to do while she was pleasuring Kelly. Howard cut the whole thing because it was such a disaster. Karma didn't think it was very sexy because it was more of a joke.
Howard asked the judges to give their thoughts on who should win. Teagan was first up and said that she'd pick Karma as the winner. She thought she was a little more into it than Julie was. Cytherea also chose Karma even though she didn't think it was right to get into porn to get back at her family. Paul Fishbein also chose Karma because her performance was better than Julie's. He also didn't think that Karma should get into it to get back at people. Cytherea thought it's better to get into it because she loves sex, not as revenge. Howard thanked everyone for coming in and wrapped up the segment. High Pitch said that he'll be making an appearance at Kahunaville in Wilmington, Delaware. He'll be doing his Kelly Clarkson impression and some stand-up comedy at the event. You can find out more at revboblevy.net. Artie is going to be there as well and he said that Erik isn't going to be on stage all that long. Erik said that he's headlining the show but Artie is actually the one headlining. Howard told Julie that he felt sorry for her about the whole 13 year old with a 37 year old story but she didn't have a problem with it. She said that's what she wanted at the time. Howard gave her a prize of a Samsung Napster MP3 player. Karma won a trip to Las Vegas for the AVN Awards. Howard gave Teagan and Cytherea plugs for their web sites before he went to break. Once again, ClubCytherea.com and DigitalPlayground.com.
Dom Irrera was sitting in for the news as well so Howard talked to him a little bit. Dom brought up this news story about a teacher who had sexual relations with a 14 year old student of hers. Dom and Howard said that the teacher was really hot and if they had sons, they'd be proud of him.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play his weekly gossip game. Before he got to that he talked to Dom about Rodney Dangerfield who was the greatest guy. Howard told Dom about how nice Rodney was to him and how cool he was. Dom said that he did the eulogy at Rodney's funeral. He told some stories about the funeral but the delay was hit a few times during the discussion so we missed quite a bit of the conversation. Howard eventually moved on to Mike Walker and had him start his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard talked about how disturbing it is that the porn star audition segment was taken off the air down in Miami because the station is afraid of getting fined by the government. He took a phone call from a guy up in Syracuse who said he's not going to use the sponsors that are advertising on the station up there because of what the station is doing. Howard said this was the idea of this woman Judy Ellis at Citadel and he knows that it's a bad idea that she will regret in the future. He said that even Pig Virus, who worked with him at WNBC, admits he was wrong about what he did to Howard back then.
Ralph called in and said that Howard was forced off the air by the FCC and it's not his fault that he's got to make the move to satellite. Citadel's decision to try and punish Howard makes no sense. A woman called in and said that she wrote a letter to the FCC about what they're doing to Howard but they don't respond to those letters.
Nicole Bass called in to get a plug for her web site NicoleBass.com. She told Howard that she doesn't just do sex calls and the call that Howard played earlier was the only one she did like that. There are other calls she makes where she talks about nutrition and stuff like that.
Howard took another call from an angry listener who complained about the station up in Syracuse. He said that he turns his radio off after Howard gets off the air and turns on his $200 CD player that holds 100 CDs so he can have commercial free music. He said that's what Sirius is offering him and he believes it's worth it to pay a few extra bucks to have commercial free radio. Howard let the guy rant for a minute and then had Robin start her news.
Robin read a story about Les Moonves wanting to get out of his marriage immediately so Howard ended up telling Dom about how he ran into Les and Julie Chen at Gucci the other day. He talked about how hot Julie looked that day and now knows why Les wants out of his marriage so bad. Robin finished up her news after that.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk come in around 10:50 to sing a song for them but he was so drunk they had to wheel him in because he couldn't walk. Howard asked him what song he was going to perform but he couldn't even come up with the name. They played his backup music and Jeff attempted to sing along to ''Snap Your Fingers'' in his drunken slurred voice. He was able to follow the song pretty well. They wrapped up the show at about 10:55.