Howard gave up on the questions and had her strip down and lay on the floor. He said she really didn't look all that bad. Howard told her she had to do it for a full 2 minutes and she tried getting out of it again. He told her she had to do it or she wouldn't get the tickets though. She lasted about 10 seconds before she completely freaked out. She was covering her face and moving around so much that Howard had them start the clock over 3 times. She finally laid there and took the nasty, long, juicy farts in her face but she cursed a couple of times. Howard penalized her for doing that and extended her time by 30 seconds each time. All in all it was about 5 minutes worth of farting that she took right in her face. She was screaming and telling Howard she was going to throw up because she was so disgusted with the whole thing. KC and Artie were laughing hysterically through the whole ordeal.
Howard finally ended the farting and joked that they didn't have tickets for her. Artie told her that she was the lucky winner of 2 tickets to the Stuttering John comedy show instead of the fight. Kristen said that it wasn't worth it to do this. She said she was embarrassed and degraded.
Howard also got to meet Dan the Farter's fiancee Danielle. Howard said she was really cute also. He spoke to her for a short time and learned that Dan is not allowed to fart around her. She said he's not allowed to fart on her or in bed. Dan said she does laugh at his farts as long as they're not near her. Howard wrapped up everything and invited Dan and his fiancee down to Atlantic City tomorrow so he can fart in the ring to kill some time.
Later in the show Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said this segment will air sometime next week.
Howard said Dave was happy as he always is when he comes in. Sam was on the phone from California so he was 3 hours behind on time so he was a bit sleepy. Dave was wired as he usually is and he wouldn't stop talking. The two of them were getting along pretty well when the interview started. It didn't take long before Dave started making little digs at Sammy but Sammy just sat back and took it.
Dave told Howard that this tour is kind of an ''F-You'' to the guys in Van Halen just to prove that they both still have careers even though they were tossed out of the band. Sammy said that he's doing this to prove that he's just as good or better than Dave.
Dave said that he's going to stick to Van Halen songs in his act but Sam said he's going to play some Van Halen stuff but most of his show will be his solo stuff.
This tour was Dave's idea and he had his assistant contact Sam's manager. They later met in a meeting and got along just fine when they decided to forget about everything from the past. The agreed to do the tour and will even take the stage together if the fans want that. Sam said that he will even play guitar during a song for Dave if he wants.
Howard reminded both Dave and Sam about what they've said about each other in the past when he replayed some old interviews. Sam said he regretted calling Dave a goofball when Howard asked him if he'd ever hook up with Dave to tour way back in 1997.
Sam and Dave are going to flip flop opening and closing the show during this tour. Howard was set to do the first coin toss to find out who will open the first show. Both of them think that they should close these shows so they had to agree to flip flop them. While Howard was talking to them about all of this they were both making little digs at each other. Dave made a lot of jokes about Sam and Sam said he's going to do his best to blow Dave off the stage at these shows. Of course Dave thinks he's better than Sammy so he thinks he's going to blow Sam off the stage. They both agree that these will be great shows.
Artie Lange spoke up and said that he's a huge Van Halen fan. He said if he goes to one of these shows and Dave opens up with a bunch of Van Halen songs, he's probably just going to leave when he's done. Howard tried to convince Sammy that he's going to need to play more Van Halen songs. Sam said he opens up with ''Shockadoobie'' while Dave opens up with ''Hot for Teacher.'' The guys all think that Sam needs to open up with something other than ''Shockadoobie.'' Someone even suggested that they both perform the same songs and have a competition. That's not going to happen though.
Howard moved on to do the big coin toss to decide who will open or close the first show on the tour. Sam took heads while Dave got tails. Howard took the coin and flipped it and got tails. Dave won the toss and said he's going to headline the first night. Sam said no one is ''headlining'' the show. One band opens and one closes the show. Dave gets to close that first show. After that they'll start flip-flopping back and forth. The first show of 'The Song for Song Tour' takes place in Cleveland, Ohio on May 29th.
The way the guys were going at each other makes it sound like this tour may not last long. Howard and Robin want to see them if they make it to New York though... if they last that long working together.
Howard took a few phone calls for the guys after Sammy threatened to get off the phone. Sam thought for sure that Howard was going to have someone on the phone bashing him. The first caller was a Sammy fan though. A few callers asked some questions and didn't get too nasty when they called in. Howard wrapped up his call with Sam after the fans called in. He spent a few more minutes with Dave and then wrapped it up with him too. Dave was still making digs at Sam so it's sounding more and more like they're not going to be able to get along during this tour.
Howard said that Katia is really cute and has a great ass. He was checking out her pictures out in Mystique Magazine. He also noticed that her pants were unbuttoned this morning. She claims that she bought them but didn't realize that they were missing a button. Howard read that Katia is 5'3'' tall and weighs only 103 pounds. She said that's not quite true... She actually weighs about 107. She'll be appearing at Midtown Comics, 200 W. 40th Street in New York City today from 12:30 to 2:00pm.
KC wanted Katia to get into a bikini but she said she wasn't going to do that. She told KC that she thought he was really cute but Howard told her that he's the retarded guy who just took the IQ test. Katia claims to have a 136 IQ.
Howard read through some of her bio and talked to her about the guys she's dated before asking her to get into a bikini again. She said she's trying to get past that part of her career because she's an actress. She told Howard she's done a couple of movies that haven't come out yet. Gary came in with some iWon.com money for her to get into a bikini. She finally agreed to do it as long as the guys all got down to their underwear. Howard didn't care and agreed to it right away. She wasn't going to wear a thong so Gary said he wasn't going to do it. He then offered her $2000 and she said she'd do it.
Howard sent Katia off to change while the guys all took off their pants and got down to their underwear. Everyone noticed that Gary's package looked big for some reason. They thought he might be excited but he said he wasn't. They also noticed that he still had the GoldenPalace.com tattoo on his back. He said it wouldn't come off.
Katia came out and said that he wasn't wearing underwear. Katia looked great to Howard. He asked her what she was worried about because she looked really good. He had her spin around a couple of times so they could all check out her ass. Artie said she has a perfect ass. She thought they were lying to her.
The guys wanted to know if she's ever had another woman. Katia said she hasn't but she has fantasized about it. She said she's had women come on to her but she usually turns them down. She said she's fantasized about going down on another woman. She said she had her first sexual experience when she was 9 years old with another girl. They played house and kissed and humped each other until Katia orgasmed.
The E! guys had a shot of Katia's ass that they put up on screen. While they were looking at that they noticed that Gary was semi-aroused. Gary swore that he wasn't though and ran into Robin's booth to prove it.
Stuttering John asked Katia what her favorite sexual position was. She said she likes them all. Howard got back to the lesbian stuff and asked her if she's had any other experiences. She said she's had lap dances but that's about it. Howard kept digging and found out that she has touched her friends breasts and stuff like that.
Katia said that Stuttering John had really nice nipples. She said that she always tries to concentrate on at least one nice thing about guys she meets... and that was his best feature. Howard said he and the other guys were going to impregnate Katia during the commercial break.
O.R. Said that he did research by reading books and watching gay videos so he could learn the 8 most common depraved things they do with each other. He also claims that some schools actually teach homosexuality to students! He said that those references are in his book. He told Howard that this book is not just for heterosexuals, it's also for homosexuals.
O.R. Told Howard that he'd like to see morality come back to this country. He doesn't think that we should kill homosexuals and he doesn't think they should be arrested unless they're convicted of sodomy.
Howard told O.R. That it's a good thing that homos come out of the closet because if they don't, they end up getting married to women who they don't love. Then they're both miserable.
O.R. Told Howard about some of the things that homos do that upset him. The delay was hit at one point and Howard said that women also do that with men so I'm assuming it was either oral or anal sex he was talking about. O.R. went on to complain about homosexuals who roll around in excrement and get peed on among other things. Howard said he doesn't care what people do in their own bedrooms. He thinks that they should be allowed to do whatever they want to do in private. Robin tried asking him what he does with his wife but he wouldn't talk about it.
Howard eventually gave up on trying to convince the guy to be more lenient. He said you can get the book at WinePressPub.com. ''Sam Kinison''(Craig Gass) dropped in for a couple of minutes. He told O.R. That he doesn't know what he's missing not having anal sex. He also told Howard that he was reading some of the book and found that some of the schools that were listed as teaching homosexuality included Rock Hudson Secretarial, Judy Garland University and Glory Hole University.
Jimmy said he doesn't know what the show will be yet. He's going to give up ''The Man Show'' and poor Adam Carolla isn't going to have him to work with anymore. He won't be doing the show with Jimmy.
Jimmy told Howard his new show will start on Super Bowl Sunday next year. He wants Howard to be his first guest. The show is going to be an hour long. Howard said it's smart for ABC to get rid of ''Politically Incorrect'' because it was a horrible show.
Howard guessed that Jimmy will be making about $2 million for the show and Jimmy said that's about right. Howard also asked him if he gets a guaranteed payout in case the show gets canceled. He said he's all set on that stuff. He said he thinks he'll be okay even if he's only on the air for 9 weeks.
Jimmy said he's got to do ''The Man Show'' until August and then he has to work on FOX football coverage until a week before he starts this new show.
Jimmy told Howard that ABC approached him about doing this show and the guys who came to him are guys that listen to Howard all the time.
Howard and Robin both think that Jimmy will be divorced pretty quick if his show takes off. Jimmy has been married since he was 19 so it might be time for a change. Robin told him to get out quick because he's going to be making big bucks soon. Now is the right time according to Howard and Robin.
Vinnie Favale from CBS was sitting in this morning and a phone caller brought up Rosie O'Donnell's awful singing on the ''Survivor'' thing last night. Jimmy Kimmel said something about how awful Rosie was which led to everyone talking about how Jimmy probably won't be able to get any guests or he'll have to kiss up to all of the people he doesn't like to get guests.
Howard got back to Ronnie being a ''Jew-Gene'' and how he really is Italian in the way he acts. He acts tough and talks in a way that makes him seem Italian. Gary said sometimes he gets asked what Ronnie is and when he tells people that he's Jewish it surprises the hell out of everyone. Howard said Ronnie even puts up Christmas decorations that blow away most Catholic homes.
Howard quickly played a game of Rock and Roll Jeopardy with Hank and Mark. Hank has beaten two other people in the game including Gary and John the Stutterer. Howard ripped through 20-some questions and neither Hank or Mark were doing very well. Hank didn't seem to be his usual drunken genius self. Mark said he's not up on the classic rock stuff, he's more into the '80's stuff. By the end of the game Hank had about 5 more correct answers than Mark did so he won once again.
Howard then brought in a couple of interns who had gotten all dressed up for Mark. After checking out Shannon and Angela Howard told Mark that he's more than made up for losing to a drunken dwarf. Shannon also shared a story about how her mother used to hang out with Gene Simmons of KISS and Ozzy Osbourne when she was younger. Shannon said her mother says she wasn't a groupie though, she just hung out with them.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls for Mark. A majority of the callers asked Mark about dating Maya and what kind of sex he had with her. He said he never did anal with her but he did say that he slept with her well over 10 times.
Howard also had notes on Mark that said he's in some kind of war with a guy by the name of Matt Zane but Mark said he had no idea what he was talking about. He said ''it's all about love'' and he has no battles to speak of.
Howard killed a few minutes by listening to a song he heard his music director playing in the hall. It's a remake of Peter Cetera's ''Glory of Love'' song that he thinks will be a huge hit. He played the whole thing and said he likes it. Robin didn't enjoy it though. When the chorus came in it sounded kind of gay to Gary. Howard never mentioned the name of the band but I've been told it's New Found Glory.
Howard finally got to the trivia game. He asked a total of about 30 questions alternating between Gary and Hank. Hank, who was extremely drunk, ended up beating Gary by a few correct answers. Gary is scheduled to appear on VH-1's Rock and Roll Jeopardy sometime in the near future so this was good practice. Here are a few samples of the questions they were asked:
John the Stutterer, another Rock and Roll trivia buff, called in and said he could beat Hank. The two of them ended up calling each other names and yelling at each other for a few minutes.
Through the whole game Hank was on the edge of his seat almost falling off because he couldn't keep his balance. Toward the end of the segment Howard had KC take Hank out of his chair and put him on the couch. At one point Hank put his head down and passed out. He fell asleep and started lightly snoring. Hank's manager, Doug Goodstein from E!, came in and said he's never seen Hank like that. Then they started talking about how Hank is in love with Doug's wife Marlo, who's really hot (check out HankTheDwarf.com under Hank's Posse for a pic), and he does some very inappropriate things when they go out to dinner. While Doug was talking about the things Hank does to Marlo, Hank awakened from his short nap. He said he'd never do anything to hurt Marlo. He then asked what time it was. Someone told him it was Saturday at 1am but he knew better. Howard told him it was February 2010 and that he's Rip Van Winkle.
A listener called in and told Howard that Hank's liver is failing and that's what caused him to pass out so quickly. He suggested that Hank go to a doctor and get his enzymes checked to see just how sick he really is.
Kendra Jade gave Hank a flash of her breasts and he got his second wind. He said that he was awake again after seeing that. Howard then wrapped up the segment and said that you can see Kendra at Al's Diamond Cabaret in Pennsylvania. Hank stuck around on the couch through the Robin's news.
Howard said David left a message on his machine recently saying that he really likes Beetlejuice when he's on the show. Howard decided to have Beet come in to hang out with David today. Beetlejuice came walking in ''like Apollo Creed in Rocky..'' David said. David said he loves when Beet says ''Who me!?'' Spade spent a minute talking to Beet about weight lifting and his small head. Beetlejuice said his small head is all fake. He doesn't really have a tiny head on a big body?
David talked about his movie ''Joe Dirt'' a little bit. He said that he and Fred Wolf wrote it together.
Howard changed subjects and asked David what he's done about an assistant since his last assistant, Skippy, tried to kill him. David said he got a new assistant and Gary broke in over the speaker and said that she's a piece of ass. She was in the green room so Howard had her come in.
The new assistant, Lindsey, came in and spoke to Howard for a little while. Howard tried to find out what she does for David but they both kept saying that it's just a day to day thing. Howard said she's really cute and asked David if he's banging her. He's not but Howard soon found out that he's dating some chick from ''Baywatch''. Howard checked out some pictures of her and said that he can't believe he's getting her.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls and started to wrap things up with Spade pretty quick. He said Spade had to get out of there. One woman called in and said that David's ex-assistant Skippy actually took some people on a tour of David's house. David had no idea that happened.
David said that he may do a quick appearance on Saturday Night Live this week. He said Kid Rock may also show up with him.
Howard and David spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit more before the end of the segment. Howard asked Beet if he knows when his movie is coming out. He plays the part of a Pinhead in the film but he's not sure when it'll be out. He just said ''in a couple of days...'' when Howard asked him about the release date. He's also going to be in the Wayans brothers movie ''Scary Movie 2''. He plays the part of a kid who gets a blood transfusion and dies in that movie. You can find out more about Beetlejuice at JollyDwarf.com and more about the movie ''Joe Dirt'' at JoeDirt.com