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Howard was back live after a three day weekend. He said he was sorry to see that weekend come to a close. He had the opportunity to go to the Florida Keys during that three day weekend. Robin was down in Miami and didn't even realize Howard was down that way. She also went to racing school to the Skip Barber racing school. She learned how to drive a racing car and had a lot of fun driving to work today because of it. Howard said she's turning into Ronnie the Limo Driver who has gone to racing school as well. She told Howard she has a 6 speed in her Porsche so she and a couple of other people from work went to the driving school. Tom Chiusano was supposed to go but he had to back out at the last minute. Robin said she got to drive a Dodge Viper which has a V-10 motor and somewhere around 500 horsepower. While she was talking about that Howard and Artie were making fun of Tom by doing their robotic voices.
Artie said he took Dana out to Craft for dinner. He said that the place was great and he enjoyed the meal. He ended up eating Dana's meal because she didn't want to finish it. He had that plus desert and then she wondered why he didn't want to go dancing. He was supposed to go to the World Series if the Yankees had made it in but that didn't work out so he went out to dinner instead.
Howard went to a wedding down in Florida over the weekend and he loved the weather down there. Robin said she loved the weather as well and thought about how much it was like paradise. Howard said they should live down there but then they'd be too happy and they'd lose their edge. Howard talked about how miserable the weather is getting in New York already and how cold it's getting. Robin said she almost got sick just seeing all of the wealth down in Florida. Howard was down there watching a bird catching fish down in the Keys. He was also watching some guys fishing and just relaxing down there. He thought that he should be doing something like that to relax. Both Howard and Robin said that they'd like to live down there but they'd never get any guests to come on the show if they did it from down there. Howard said there were some interesting things that happened down there that he can't talk about for some reason. It must have something to do with satellite radio. He went on to talk about this festival, Fantasy Fest, they have down in Key West this week where the women are walking around topless and stuff. It was just starting when he left though so he missed out on it.
A guy called in and told Robin she'd probably like it down in Florida because she could climb some trees like the monkey that she is. He also told Howard that he'd enjoy it down there because there are a lot of gay guys in the Keys. Howard hung up on him shortly after that. He was talking about how overdressed he got for this wedding they went to down there. They had ''Beach Elegant'' as the dress code for the wedding which was held on the beach. Howard was wearing a black suit and black boots for the wedding so he was way overdressed. People were wearing jeans and stuff like that. Beth's ex-boyfriend was at the wedding as well so it was a little weird for Howard. He said the guy was a nice guy but he had to put him down for about an hour afterward. The guy was really nice and he figured that Beth should be with that guy instead of him. Artie said he met one of Dana's ex-boyfriends one time and the guy was really good looking, like Rob Lowe, so he asked Dana ''I thought I was your type.''
Howard was drinking pretty heavy down at the wedding. He didn't like the wedding until after he had a couple glasses of vodka. Then it was fine. He said a lot of people down there knew of his show but he wasn't aware that he was on down there. He figured maybe it's the E! show that they know him from. A phone caller told Howard about the Fantasy Fest down there in Key West and how unbelievable it is. Howard said a guy told him about it down there and how the women do body painting and walk around naked.
Howard had a bit planned for today but the Coors Twins backed out at the last minute. They were supposed to do a bit with this hypnotist Marshall Sylver. Howard said they'll have some other girls from Scores come in instead. He took another phone call from a guy who wondered when Howard is going to expand his bulletin board. Howard said he almost closed down the bulletin board this weekend because it's still so out of hand. The guys convinced him to keep it going for now though and the registration is back up and running. He mentioned that the Uncensored E! show with the World's Largest Hemorrhoid contest is up on his web site now as well. He said that some people seem to be afraid to download those shows from his web site because they're afraid of the technology for some reason. He said it's really easy and the quality is great though.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard about this toga party that they have at this Sloppy Joe's restaurant in Key West. He said it's a bunch of people running around naked there. He also brought up something that happened on Saturday Night Live with Ashlee Simpson. There was a technical issue that showed how she lip synchs to the songs she sings. She ended up walking off stage a few seconds into the song. Howard played tape of Ashlee saying that her band started to play the wrong song and that's why she walked off stage. She's got a hit album right now though. Howard played a clip from SNL where they screwed up the song. The band continued to play even after Ashlee walked off stage. Howard said he thought they were better without her. Robin thought that the band wasn't really playing either because they were playing the same song they had played earlier in the show. Howard thought it sounded pretty live to him though. He said he really doesn't care about that stuff because there are guys dying over in Iraq.
A guy called in and complained about the uncensored E! shows from Movielink. He said that Apple's Quicktime technology is much better than the way they're doing it on his web site. Howard tried to explain to the guy why they do things the way they do but he sounded like he was pleasureing himself over the phone. Howard goofed on him about that and explained to him why he went with this Movielink company to distribute his uncensored E! shows. They're big enough to handle the traffic and any customer service phone calls they may have to take. Howard had to go to break shortly after that.
Gary the Retard called in to tell Howard about how he has cast his vote for John Kerry already. Howard asked him how he was able to do that since he can't even read. Gary said he has a worker who helps him out and can go in and cast his vote for him. Robin said that it would be pretty easy for the guy to vote the wrong way if he wanted to. Howard also heard that Gary has a girlfriend but she's in prison now. Gary told Howard that he's known her for 13 years and her name is Jennifer. Gary said he hasn't had sex with her yet but he's known her a long time. Howard wondered when she became his girlfriend. Gary claims that it was before she went to prison but they never had sex. He also told Howard that she was accused of forgery so that's why she's in prison now. She apparently told Gary that she wants to live with him once she gets out of prison in June of 2005. Gary keeps in contact with her by writing letters to her. He claims that he can read a little bit but Howard didn't believe that. He asked him top spell THE. He spelled it ''THD.'' He did spell AND correctly but when he spelled BLUE ''BUED'' Howard was pretty sure he couldn't read. Gary doesn't have any books in his house so there's not much of a chance that he'd be able to read his love letters from Jennifer. Howard doesn't think that she's even saying that she wants to be his girlfriend.
Howard asked Gary if he had any magazines or anything with words on it in his apartment. Gary said he doesn't have any of that stuff there. That led to him asking Gary if he has a pillow in his bedroom. He wanted him to read the tag from the pillow but he claims that he didn't have one on his pillow. Howard had him take his t-shirt off and read the tag from that instead. He took the shirt off but claims that he couldn't read it because the words were worn off. Howard had him get his tube of toothpaste to read that. A guy called in as Gary's girlfriend and asked him to send her some more smokes and stuff like that. Gary said he can't send stuff like that to her.
Howard heard that Gary was working now as well. Gary told him that he's working at a burger joint called Burger Bill or something like that. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that. Howard said he likes when places like that hire the retarded to work for them. Artie was goofing on Gary a little bit so Gary told him to shut up as usual. Howard told Gary he was doing good with the prank calls he's been making lately. Gary said that Miss Howard Stern has been calling him lately as well. Howard said that she was there in the studio and did a female voice and had him fooled within a few seconds. There's no telling who was actually calling him. Howard did another impression as President Roosevelt and had Gary fooled again. He had Han Solo from the Star Wars movies talking to Gary as well. Then he did another goofy voice as Indiana Jones and then Jackie the Joke Man who asked him how to get a job at Burger Bill. Artie got in on the fun and said that the Pope was there. He then yelled out something about his retard. He also did his High Pitch Erik / Kelly Clarkson impression. Howard did a couple more impressions including his Poland Spring bottle that was talking to Gary. The bottle asked Gary what kind of water he drinks. Artie took out his car keys and said they wanted to talk to him. He was jingling the keys and did his ''Hey Retard!'' voice again telling Gary that he'd fooled him again. Gary told Artie that he was fired when he heard that. Howard did a George Michael impression for a few seconds and then had to take another break.
A phone caller told Howard how funny the Gary the Retard bit was that they'd done before the break. He liked Artie's keys talking to Gary. Howard played a prank call they made to Gary using some porn clips where a girl asks Gary to take his clothes off. Another phone caller brought up the troubles Crazy Cabbie has been having with the IRS lately. Howard read an article about the case that's going on with Cabbie and they have his full name in the article. Howard said that he loves Cabbie's last name Mroszak. Artie said that even his last name is crazy. In the article they bring up Howard's name because Cabbie once claimed that he dosesn't pay taxes. Tom Chiusano came in to help out with the story a little bit. Artie suggested that when Cabbie wants to announce that he's not paying his taxes, he should say it on his own show that no one is listening to. Howard remembers telling Cabbie that it wasn't a good idea to announce that stuff on the air. Cabbie can't talk about this stuff right now and he's trying to work things out. Tom said that he told Cabbie that he should have just paid his taxes and he wouldn't have gotten into trouble. Howard said he'd like to not pay taxes but he knows better than that.
Howard told Tom he needs some money to buy something he found on the web. It's a ''RoboSpanker'' with a vibrating spanking bench. He said they could use that for like 500 shows. You can adjust the spanking power and the vibration levels on the bench. Howard read through the description and said that he wants to get one for the studio. It's only $1,045. The place that sells it is down in North Carolina and they offer free demonstrations down there. Howard wanted it ordered today so they could have it by tomorrow. The spanker can be adjusted for tension and for spanking speed. They even claim that you can disguise it as a desk if you don't want people to know what it really is. Tom left a short time later. Robin said they could do a lot of stuff with that spanking machine.
Another caller told Howard how funny the Gary the Retard thing was earlier. He liked when Howard told Gary to read the pillow tag. The caller also told Howard that Mroszak sucks. That got Howard back on the subject of Cabbie and how dopey he was thinking that he didn't have to pay taxes. The caller told Howard he has his own spanking machine... and it's called his hand. Howard said that the spanking machine is going to be cool and they have to get one.
Howard played a prank call that Gary and Wendy the Retards made recently. He then talked about how much publicity Jon Stewart is getting lately. He's on the cover of a bunch of magazines and he was on ''60 Minutes'' last night. He's been treated really well by a lot of these magazines and news programs. Jon was on C-Span recently talking about indecent broadcasts and defended Howard over the FCC fines that he's been getting. Jon said that it's a loss for the public when Howard has to make a move to Sirius because of the way the FCC is treating his show.
Howard gave a shout out to his buddy Bruce Mendel who got married over the weekend. Robin wondered who that was so Howard told her that he works for Trio which is the brand of phone that he uses. He also mentioned the Takeman's whose wedding he went to over the weekend.
Howard gave another shout out to his buddy Red Peters who is on the Grammy nominee list for his song ''I Can't Say These Things.'' You can vote for his song to be an Grammy award. Howard also read that there's a guy out there trying to get tickets to the World Series and he's offering up his wife as payment. He wants to get the guy on the phone so they can talk to him about that.
Howard had tape of this guy Bill Bennett talking about him on his show. Howard said that this guy mentions his name in just about every interview he does for some reason. Robin reminded Howard about this guy and gave him a little history on that guy's dealings in the past. He isn't the most moral guy around but he goes around complaining about Howard all the time.
Howard said that Tommy Lee will be coming in tomorrow. He said that Tommy is dating this chick Jesse Jane who is now rumored to be dating Kid Rock just like Pam Anderson did. He said that Tommy must be going nuts over this Kid Rock guy because of that.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if his psycho-therapy sessions have changed much since he made his decision to move to satellite. Howard told him that has nothing to do with his therapy and just brushed off the question. Bobo also asked Howard if he thinks that Stuttering John regrets leaving the show now that all of this stuff is happening. Howard said he thinks that John is just fine because he's getting paid a lot of money to do nothing on Leno's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to hear the prank call they've played where Gary the Retard calls himself. Howard asked the guys where it was but Sal the Stockbroker and Gary were arguing over who is in charge of keeping track of that stuff. Fred eventually found the clip and gave it to Howard to play. Sal the Stockbroker actually created the call where he played clips of Gary the Retard talking to the real Gary the Retard. He had the two of them arguing with each other. Howard had to take a break before bringing in the hypnotist they had there. They made some plans for what they were going to make people do once they were hypnotized.
Howard introduced Hypnotist Marshall Sylver next and asked him about how he got into this hypnotism thing. Marshall told Howard that he was never able to get a date so he learned how to do it when he was about 17. He found a mentor who taught him how to do this stuff. Marshall got the confidence to get women after learning the hypnotism thing. Howard had him do his thing with the three people he had in the studio. He counted down from 5 and made all three of them ''SLEEP!'' after the countdown. They took off the headphones so they wouldn't hear Howard's voice. The three people were good candidates for the demonstration. Marshall told the girls that they were going to wake up and if they felt his finger on their knee, they were going to feel orgasmic. He woke them up and then touched the girls on their knees. They started to moan as if they were really having an orgasm. Howard had Marshall put them back under and asked him to have Ronnie feel like he's having an orgasm when someone touches his knee. Marshall didn't want to do it so Howard had Gary do it instead. Marshall told Ronnie what he was going to feel and when he woke up Gary touched his knee. Ronnie started to moan like he was in the middle of having sex. He asked Gary to cut it out. Artie said it was pretty creepy and asked them to let one of the girls to touch him instead. Ronnie kept asking Gary to cut it out because only girls were supposed to do stuff like that.
Howard told Marshall about the fight that he and Ronnie have been having over the new limo he got. He wanted to have Ronnie do a truth serum or something. Marshall told Howard that he was going to have the girls do something as well. He told them that they would have a special peep hole in their fingers os they could look through it and see people nude. Ronnie was going to have to tell the truth no matter what happened. He woke them up a few seconds later. Howard asked Ronnie about the limo and asked if he's mad at him about the whole thing. Ronnie said that he's not mad and he will do what he has to do. He said he's kind of disappointed about Howard not getting more involved with the whole process. Howard also asked Ronnie to talk about Robin. He said that he doesn't know what happened to her because she doesn't hang out with them anymore. She has changed a lot and they don't seem to be friends anymore. Ronnie sounded very relaxed today, unlike the past couple of weeks when he's come in pissed off at Howard. Howard asked him about Gary and if he thinks his marriage is good. He said he seems to be happy and his marriage is just fine. He was asked about Scott the Engineer who isn't hanging out with him that much these days. Ronnie said that his party is at Scores and Scott won't tell him if he's coming or not. He's also upset that Howard isn't coming to his party even though he knows that he has his daughter that night. Ronnie was supposed to be telling the truth and Marshall touched his neck to remind him that he was supposed to be pouring out the truth. Ronnie talked about some of the other guys in the studio and said that Benjy is a psychopath. He was also asked about who he doesn't like on the staff. He couldn't come up with any names though. Howard had Marshall put him back under.
Marshall was going to have Marshall put Ronnie under and have him think that Artie was a hot Scores girl. He was going to put on a blonde wig so he'd look a little bit like a Scores chick. Marshall told Ronnie that he was supposed to be attracted to Artie the Blonde. Ronnie was waken up but Artie just said to him ''What's up man?'' Ronnie was laughing and said that she was hot. Howard told him to go over and sit in his lap but Ronnie wanted ''her'' to sit in his lap instead. Artie, as Arthera, went over to him but refused to sit in his lap. Artie kept calling Ronnie a ''fag'' and refused to go over to sit in his lap. He had Marshall put him back under so they could change things around. Artie told Howard that Ronnie started to pull him into him and he didn't want to do that. He was afraid that he was going to feel something in his lap if he did that. Marshall changed it around and had Ronnie wake up as Ronnette who was going to be attracted to Artie. Ronnette told Howard that she makes like $3,000 a night and she's the best. Howard had Ronnette go over to Artie and dance for him. Artie didn't want him anywhere near him. Ronnette said that she weighs in around 175-178 pounds depending on what time of month it is. Howard had Ronnette go over to the spanking area so Artie could spank her. They had her dance a little bit for them before doing that. Ronnette bent over and told Artie that she doesn't like it hard. Artie got something to spank him with. Ronnette told Howard that she doesn't like it hard or she'd kick Artie's ass. Artie was whacking her pretty hard and she asked for more money because it was too much for her. Marshall put Ronnie back under after that and the guys thought that he was really good.
The under-utilized Scores girls were still there so Marshall had them come out of it so he could use his finger on their knees again. They moaned a little bit while Ronnie was slumped over with his ass up in the air as if he'd just been raped or something. Howard wanted Jason to come in and take a picture for his web site. They came up with some more stuff for Marshall to make Ronnie do. They decided to have him fall in love with Howard and think that he was having his baby. Artie asked if they could make the girls attracted to them. Marshall told him that he can't make miracles happen but he was just kidding. He brought the girls out of it and said that they were going to be attracted to Benjy. Gary said it was funny because they were mocking the nude picture of Benjy in the green room earlier. Howard introduced Morgan to Benjy and she started to rub his leg. Howard asked Benjy how he felt about it. The two of them ended up kissing for a few seconds until Marshall snapped her out of it by telling her she'd see him for what he really was. She backed away immediately. Chase was next up and she had Artie next to her. She was told she would be really into him. She liked his hair and said she wanted to make out with him. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and worked her way down his neck. Artie didn't want to kiss her on the lips though. Marshall snapped her out of it by telling her she'd see Artie for who he was and that he smelled really bad. She came out of it and backed away. She denied having even kissed him after that. Marshall snapped his fingers and said that Artie smelled 10 times worse after that. She moved even farther away.
Ronnie was still laying down with his ass up in the air so Howard had Marshall bring him out of it after telling him that he's pregnant with Howard's baby. He was also going to put on a bikini top because it was irresistible to Howard. Ronnie came out of it and wondered what he was doing there. He didn't want to take his shirt off because he didn't want to show his pregnant belly. He told Howard that he doesn't want to have an abortion. Ronnie started laughing and said that Howard was playing dumb because he knows he's in love with him. Howard told him he wants him to get an abortion or he wouldn't see him again. Ronnie was laughing hysterically and tears were running down his face. Marshall said that Ronnie was going to have his baby right there in the studio. He sat down and started grunting and groaning as if he were having the baby. Fred threw in a crying baby sound as he did that. Marshall put him under and then brought him back saying that he was going to hand him the baby. They talked to Ronnie about the baby and told him to flush it down the toilet so they could get back to having sex. Marshall had Ronnie breast feeding the baby a few seconds later. Ronnie named the baby Joey and started to sing to him. Marshall put him back under and started to wrap up the segment.
Marshall said he does seminars around the country and he can teach people how to do stuff like this. You can find out more about that at Sylver.com. Howard had Marshall bring Ronnie out of it again and had him feel major love for Robin while they talked to him. He was told that he wasn't going to forget everything that happened and wouldn't believe any of what was being said. Marshall tried to get him to serenade Robin by snapping his fingers. Howard had him singing a song that didn't make much sense. Marshall snapped Ronnie out of it again and made him fall in love with Scott the Engineer. He resisted for a few seconds but then Marshall worked his magic again and had Ronnie singing to him and kissing him on the hand. Scott thought he felt something in his pants but it was just his phone. Marshall wanted to hypnotize the fans over the radio but Howard said they can't do that because people are driving in their cars. Marshall woke the girls up and told them to bounce on the couch if Howard wiggled his finger in the air. Howard did just that and had the girls bouncing for a few seconds before going to commercial break.
Shaune Bagwell called in and asked Howard to take the pictures of her off his web site. She said she was frightening looking and got a lot of mail about that. Howard told her that she looked good to him. She said that she wanted to come back and have them take better pictures of her. He told her to come in and they'd take more pictures of her.
Gary came in and told Howard that Scott DePace was wondering how Howard could believe in hypnotists are real, why doesn't he believe in god. Howard said that they aren't the same thing. Howard didn't know what he was talking about so they moved on. Al and Scott ended up arguing about politics for a short time. Scott said he doesn't believe that President Bush is stupid like so many people are claiming. Al agreed and said that Bush does have above average intelligence. Al went on to tell Scott some facts about the President but Scott thought he was taking too long and kept interrupting him. Scott and Al went back and forth over a bunch of issues regarding the Iraq war. Howard was on Al's side in the arguments because Scott argues with him about all of this stuff as well. Scott told Al that he was annoying and that's why he was arguing with him about some of this stuff. Al was trying to speak calmly to Scott but Scott was yelling with his comebacks. Jason came in and read an article he found about one of the subjects that they were arguing about. Scott said he would have to look into that more later. He had a bunch of questions for Al and said he wanted to talk to him for days. Howard told him to listen to his radio show, Air America, and he could talk to him all he wanted to. Scott said that he has tried to listen but they take commercial breaks at the same time Rush does so it makes it hard to switch back and forth. Al eventually started to yell back at Scott over some of the things they were arguing about. He remained calm as long as possible but Scott insisted on yelling at him.
Howard wanted to have a vote there in the studio so they could see who was voting for who. Scott figured that everyone was going to say Kerry because they're all following him. Robin said that they can all make their own decisions and they're not just following what Howard wants. Howard said that there would probably be one Bush vote... from Scott. Scott said that it would just prove that he's smarter than everyone there. Howard found one vote that said Libertarian and he knew that it was Benjy who wrote that. Howard read through the votes and found that there was one Bush vote and it was Scott's. He hasn't been able to sway anyone there at the show.
Gary said that Will went for a ride in Scott's car one day and saw notes that Scott takes when he's listening to Al's show. He had written something on a napkin about Franken and Kerry flip flopping. Scott just laughed as Gary was telling the story. Jason brought up a story that Scott has brought up before about an oil pipeline up in Alaska and how he believes that it will provide shelter for the Caribou up there instead of killing them off like some people think. Scott said he was joking when he told Jason about the Caribou actually liking people being around them up there. Jason seems to think that he wasn't joking around and he was serious.
Howard asked Al about having gone out to dinner with the woman who is accusing Bill O'Reilly of sexual harassment. He wasn't sure exactly how long ago it was but said it was probably about a year. She told him that O'Reilly was saying that they were going to come after him and ''get him'' somehow. Al also talked about this kid who lost a family member in the 9/11 attacks. O'Reilly ended up telling the kid to shut up during the interview for some reason. Franken said that O'Reilly lied to some interviewer about what really happened on the show and allegedly made up some story about why he told this kid to shut up that day. Al said that the woman had dinner with him to talk about the way O'Reilly was smearing this kid and she said that she wouldn't be able to talk about that stuff. Al didn't want to talk much about the other things they discussed at dinner that night. Howard was wondering if she said anything about the sexual harassment stuff. Al gave Howard a ''No comment'' on that question but did say that she talked to him about the environment there at FOX and at CNN.
Howard gave Al a few plugs for his radio show and web site AirAmericaRadio.com. Al told Scott that he would like to discuss some of the things that they were talking about earlier at lunch or dinner sometime. He'd like to do that calmly though.
High Pitch Erik called in and said he had a bad weekend because people had posted his phone number on Howard's bulletin board. He said he got a bunch of phone calls because of that so Howard asked him if he wanted the board shut down because of that. Erik said that people would come after him if he gave him the word to shut it down. Howard said that he would shut the board down if he wanted him to and all he had to do was say the word. Erik wouldn't give him the word but asked him for a prize for all of his trouble. Howard said he didn't have anything to give him and let him go a short time later so Robin could finish her news.
A phone caller told Howard that he had a suggestion for an uncensored E! show they could put on his web site. He had a guy on who was dying and the guy and his girlfriend got it on the studio floor. Howard said he knew what he was talking about and he'd see what he could do. Howard said they've added a bunch of new shows over there lately that you can check out. The caller said he likes the World's Biggest Hemorrhoid contest episode because he can't stop laughing during that. Earlier in the news Artie told Howard how great James Taylor's rendition of the National Anthem was at one of the World Series games was. Howard got an audio clip of it a short time later but didn't think it was hitting the right spot for him. He wasn't that impressed but that's because the song is so tough to sing.
Howard said he was working over at their ''new home'' yesterday. He said he's working everywhere these days and he really is the King of all Media. It sounded like there was a delay hit when he mentioned the new home for some reason. He then went on to thank Cleveland for supporting the show. He got some ratings information, but not from management there at his station. No one is filling him in on that stuff since he's going to be leaving the company. He talked about how that's kind of ruining it for these reporters who want him to go out without a bang. People don't understand why he's leaving a successful show on broadcast radio to go to satellite. The shows he's doing now are his final shows and the stations are selling them as a ''Friends'' goodbye. Howard said the company isn't looking at it that way, they're just all pretending that he's not leaving, or that he's going away for good and he won't be back. Howard said that people are already joining him and they're setting up for the change. The goodbye is going on but no one is mentioning it. Howard said he was kind of peeved yesterday when he found out that Tom and Dead Air Dave were bleeping out the word ''Sirius'' when they mention it on the air. He said he was already agitated by the FCC fining his show for saying things like ''Blowing smoke up their ass'' while a show like ''Survivor'' lets it air. He sees the double standard there and gets very agitated by that. He believes that he's the greatest radio performer ever and that's why he's getting record high ratings in cities like Cleveland and Philadelphia. He's going out on his own terms and he will win when he makes the move to satellite.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that they've never edited that term ''Blowing smoke up the ass'' so Howard said that he's going to say it and say it often. Tom asked him not to say it too much though. Howard went on to talk about how he's going to be saying goodbye for the next 14 months. He also said he read that Donald Trump was one of the possible replacements that his company was looking at. Howard thought it would be funny if Trump got on the air and said ''You're Fired'' to Tom. The guys talked about what that radio show would be like for a few seconds.
Howard got back to thanking the fans for supporting his show at this time and how great it is that he's going out on top. Howard said he knows that people are upset that he's leaving but he had to do what was right for him. The sales department is going around selling the show as a big goodbye show so if that's the way they're going to do it, he's not going to pretend that he's not leaving. Robin wondered who's pretending that he's not leaving but Howard didn't want to get into it. Tom wondered as well but he didn't want Howard to talk about that on the air. Howard also wanted to know who gave Tom the authority to bleep out the ''Sirius'' mentions. Tom said he wasn't going to give names but he's also not going to let Howard do free commercials for a company. Howard told him that they're doing free commercials all the time and he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard had Tom get out of the studio and said that this kind of stuff went on with his show ''Son of the Beach'' and other things that he's done on the air as well. Howard says that he's not going to be competing with their station once he moves so there is no reason he shouldn't be allowed to talk about satellite. Tom still sees it as an advertisement though. Howard said that his books, his movie and ''Son of the Beach'' were things that he was allowed to plug on the show and they never had a problem with that stuff in the past. Tom said that they had ties to the company and they were not competing technologies. TV is a competing technology and Howard tried to explain that to Tom. He also told Tom that he's probably going to bomb over there at Sirius so he really shouldn't be worried. Everyone is reporting that the satellite stuff will never be bigger than broadcast radio so Tom shouldn't worry. Right now there are only 700,000 subscribers on Sirius so Tom has nothing to worry about. Even if it goes up to 1 million, Tom still has nothing to worry about according to Howard.
A woman called in and complained that Howard is leaving radio and said that he shouldn't be allowed to give free ads for the satellite stuff. She also suggested that Tom hire Imus to replace Howard. She said she's been listening to him since she's trying to wean herself off of Howard's show. She refuses to pay for radio. She does pay for cable though. The woman told Howard that ''no one is going to pay for radio.'' She also suggested that Robin get her own radio show and keep Artie as her sidekick. Howard let her vent for a couple of minutes and then told her that she will eventually get satellite radio. She refused to believe that but he believes that's what will happen when she buys her next car. Another caller told Howard that it's the wave of the future and he's following Howard over there. Howard said that this is a big goodbye for him and the station is selling it that way so he's going to say goodbye in his own way. Tom said that people already know that he's leaving so that's why it's a goodbye. Howard told Tom that they could blow him out of there before the end of his contract and he may not have the chance to say goodbye. Tom had Howard wrap up so he could take a commercial break and make the company some money while he's still there.
Howard had a clip from ''Celebrity Justice'' where they talked about Crazy Cabbie's trouble with the IRS. They played a clip that was supposed to be Cabbie but it was actually another DJ on Howard's station. Cabbie came in this morning to talk to Howard about what's been going on. Howard finished up the audio clip and then moved on to Cabbie. Howard wondered when he finds out if he's going to be doing time. Cabbie said he finds out around November 9th or so. Yesterday Cabbie said that he did pay taxes but he didn't file his tax papers. Cabbie wasn't commenting on any of that today though. He said he should have thought before he talked about not paying his taxes in the past. Artie was doing his impression of Cabbie while they were talking to him. Cabbie wondered how all of this stuff came out in the news if the IRS isn't supposed to be commenting on it. The court papers were released and they've been shown on some web sites like TheSmokingGun.com.
Gary told Howard that the IRS guys came in and talked to him about Cabbie. Gary said they were really serious and told him that if he didn't come clean, it would mean trouble for him down the line. Gary also quoted Cabbie as saying something about not paying taxes until he gets some compensation for his Gulf War Syndrome and that's one of the things that led to this investigation. Cabbie said that his arthritis is hitting him pretty hard these days so he wants to get some money for his service to the country.
Artie said that he doesn't think Cabbie will serve any time for this. The guys also said that Cabbie has alluded to killing people in the past but no one did any investigations of that. The tax stuff was more important. Cabbie says that he has figured out what kind of money he has to pay and it's pretty high. He couldn't say how much it is because it's all still pending. He had a lot of ''No comments'' for Howard when he was asking them about it. Cabbie was also saying that he's made a lot of money for a lot of people like Trim Spa and Hemorrelief but he didn't give a reason for saying that.
Gary said that they questioned him over a year and a half ago about this stuff so it's been in the works for quite a while. He also said that Cabbie's fiancee's birthday is today and he told the office what he's going to be doing to her and he can't even repeat it on the air. He's going to be eating an area that most people won't go to. Howard said Cabbie likes that area for some reason. Howard said he saw that Cabbie was listed as ''divorced'' on one of his old tax returns. They spent a minute on that but didn't get into too many details.
Cabbie mentioned Sirius toward the end of the conversation but the delay was hit on him. Howard told him to behave himself and not talk about that stuff if he wants to keep working there. Cabbie was talking about how nice the studios are over there and how he wanted to work at both places but they won't allow him to do that. Tom Chiusano came in and complained about some of the things that Cabbie has been doing. He snapped his fingers at him earlier in the morning so he asked him not to do that. Tom also made a comment to an intern about making sure she got paid when she went to get Cabbie some breakfast. Cabbie didn't think that was necessary to tell someone like that about money. Tom and the guys said that there have been issues with Cabbie paying off his debts so that's why Tom told her that. Cabbie apparently owed Artie a few bucks but he also owed Tom some money and didn't pay him off first. Tom said he'd like to get paid as well. Cabbie then went on to complain about how some of the other deejays at the station are working for both XM satellite and that station but they won't let him do that. Tom told Cabbie that if he doesn't like it, he can leave. Cabbie said that he may just do that. Tom told Howard that the one DJ they're talking about had obligations there at XM before they hired him there. Once he's done with that obligation, he's not going to continue over there. Cabbie doesn't even think that satellite is a competitor to their radio station.
The guys were still wondering why Cabbie hasn't paid off his debt to Tom while he's paid off other debts. Tom was the guy who loaned him money when he really needed it. Cabbie was talking about how Tom kept a lot of money out of his hands working there but the money that Tom loaned him was personal so he should have paid that off first. Artie was going to give Tom the $200 he won from Cabbie to help him out. Cabbie was getting pissed at Tom because he seems to think that some personal stuff about his life has gotten out because of someone there at the station. He wasn't blaming Tom directly. Cabbie was worn out from the fighting so he was ready to leave. Fred played Cabbie's theme song as he left the studio. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Howard brought in Tommy Lee after that. He's written a new book called ''Tommyland'' and he writes about some of the women he's been with over the years. Howard saw that Tommy ''dated'' Carmen Electra for a little while so he wondered if the term ''dating'' means that he banged them. Tommy said that it usually does mean sex. Tommy talked about how he can't remember a woman ever turning him down but he thinks that it must have happened sometime.
Howard read that Tommy used to shoot up coke and heroin and to come down off of that he'd inject Jack Daniels. The delay button kept getting hit for some reason while they were talking about that though. Artie said he used to snort Jack Daniels and it would give him a high that would only last a short time. Tommy told the guys that you can get that high by smoking a cigarette through your nose. Artie said he's done that and wanted to demonstrate it for Howard. He lit up a cigarette and showed Howard how it went. He had the cigarette hanging out of his nose and he was coughing as he was doing it. Tommy had him switch it to the other nostril and Artie started to cough even more. He said he had a little rush going though. Artie said he'd continue to do that as long as he's alive. Artie said that, unlike Tommy, he doesn't go home and bang chicks after doing that kind of thing in his show.
Howard asked Tommy about this porn star Jesse Jane who claims that she's been with Tommy. Tommy said she's not his girlfriend but he has had sex with her. Tommy tried to tell Howard about how great her oral is but the delay got hit. He said that she's a professional and she's got it together. He thinks she's really cute but he doesn't think he'd be able to stay with her since she is a professional. Now Howard has seen that Jesse is with Kid Rock so he wondered if Tommy finds that odd. Tommy said it is kind of weird and maybe she's just trying to be like Pam (Anderson). Howard got back to Tommy's drug use in the past and asked him about the Jack Daniels shooting stuff. Tommy said that he and Nikki (Sixx) would do that when there was just nothing left in the room to shoot up.
Tommy told Howard that maybe people can just stop asking him stupid ass questions now that he's written about all of this stuff in his book. He just wants to move on from here and if people ask him questions, he can just refer him to the book. Howard read that Tommy said that they're good friends. Howard was going to quiz him to find out if he even knows anything about him. Tommy said that he's friendly with Howard until they get on the air when things just go bad.
Howard asked Tommy about his relationship with Pam Anderson. Tommy says that they're getting along very well right now and things are going okay for them. He doesn't think he could ever be friends with Kid Rock again though because of some of the things that went on between him and Pam. Howard then moved on to some of the women that Tommy has banged over the years. He was doing a ''six degrees of separation'' for some of the women. Jenna Jameson was the first one so Howard asked him about her and if she was better than Jesse. At first, Tommy said that Jesse was better but then he said that they were both good in their own way. Jenna had just gotten her clitoris pierced at the time he was with her and the piercing ended up getting lost during sex. Tommy had to go in and retrieve it for her.
Howard asked Tommy who was better, Pam Anderson or Heather Locklear. Tommy said that if he had to choose one to take to a deserted island, he'd have to pick Pam. Howard asked him to pick between Carmen Electra or Heather Locklear. He picked Heather. Howard also said he was surprised that he slept with Pink. He said he thought she was hot and sexy as hell. Howard then asked him to pick between Pink and Jenna Jameson as far as sex goes. Tommy didn't want to do that. He said he didn't even mention Pink in his book so he wanted to move on even though Howard told him that it was all part of the book promotion.
Tommy's most depressing time was when he spent some time in jail. He was in solitary confinement and it was very strange for him. Once he got out of jail he went out and got a couple of hookers. The sex was awful though and it cost him $1000. That led to the guys asking him about the different types of women he's been with over the years. Artie was wondering if Tommy has ever been with Paris Hilton. Tommy said she's got some busted toes and he's not into bad toes.
Howard brought up Heather Locklear again and how she slipped and said Tommy's name when she was on Live with Regis and Kelly. Tommy said that does pump him up when he hears something like that. Howard moved on and asked Tommy about this new reality TV show that Tommy is involved with and how he's in college taking courses. He's taking a horticulture class so Howard asked him to identify a bush in a picture he had. Tommy didn't know what it was so Howard showed him a couple of others. He wasn't able to identify them. One of them was Hemp and the other was Sweet Chestnut. He showed Tommy another one which was Hemlock but Tommy didn't know that either. There were a couple of others that he didn't know... all of the pictures Howard showed him he wasn't able to get.
Howard gave Tommy a plug for his book ''Tommyland'' and spent a little more time talking about that. There are a few rock star books out now and the guys are all showing nude pictures in them. Tommy said there's one picture of his ass in the book and he thinks that it was either Pamela or Heather that took the picture. Gary thought it was funny that he couldn't remember which one it was. Howard gave him a couple of plugs for appearances that Tommy is making and you can find out more about that at TommyLee.tv
Gary asked Tommy about the home movie that he and Pam made that was released. He thought that the two of them made a deal to make some money off of it but Tommy said that never happened. Gary said that video made like $77 million so Tommy and Pam didn't get anything out of that. Howard took a call from a woman who said that Tommy and Carmen Electra checked into a hotel one time as Heywood Jablowme and after they left they found that it was Carmen's time of the month. They tried to talk to the caller about that but the delay was hit a few times as they discussed it. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Tommy about other hot chicks out there. Tommy was talking about how he'd like to get Angelina Jolie because she looks like the dirty type of girl he likes. Women like Halle Berry don't do it for him.
Howard told Tommy that they have ordered the RoboSpanker machine that they talked about on the air yesterday. Tommy told Howard that there's a great web site called FuckMachines.com where you can check out some really cool sex machines. He wasn't allowed to say the F-word on the air of course. Tommy told Howard that he'd like to come in and drive that RoboSpanker sometime after they get it. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard said they're having the Amputee Beauty Pageant later this week so they have a song about it. It was a David Lee Roth impersonator singing the song about the contest to Van Halen's ''Jump'' and it was called ''Stump.'' Howard said it's going to be a very big event when the contest happens. They have five amputees coming in for the contest later in the week.
A phone caller from Boston told Howard that he's going to miss him when he leaves radio. Howard said that he has gotten record high ratings lately and started to talk about his move to satellite but the delay button hits starting coming thanks to Tom Chiusano. Howard said that his ratings in a bunch of cities have gone up a lot and he's thrilled about that. He really likes to see that happening in cities where Clear Channel yanked him off. He said that people can't believe that he's going to walk away from this medium but he will still be on radio, it'll just be satellite radio. Howard is going to give us a great farewell year and he'll give us a great ''hello'' when he makes the move. Both Artie and Robin have visited the new company and Artie said that it's really nice over there. There are a lot of hot chicks over there according to Howard and Artie. There are a lot of people over there that Howard knew already. Robin said it was like a reunion over there when she went to visit.
Howard continued to talk about how huge his ratings are right now and how these reporters can't write the articles they want saying that he's leaving regular radio because his ratings are down. He has bigger ratings than ever and he's still going to make the move. He kept talking about his big farewell and how he is just as relevant as ever no matter what people are going to write. He read some of the ratings he's gotten in some of the markets and they've gotten huge in Cleveland. That led to Howard talking about how much the Tommy Lee interview got chopped up by Tom. He said when he makes his move, we'll be able to hear everything.
Howard took a call from a guy who heard that Howard has a new book coming out. Howard said that the two books he wrote in the past took a lot of time so that won't be happening. He's got so many things going on right now that he doesn't have time to get to that stuff. Howard said he has been thinking about another book because of all of the stuff that's been going on with his show lately. He talked about the same stuff he was talking about earlier in the show about the station selling his show as a ''farewell'' show for the next year. He wants to do the farewell right so he's going to embrace it. If he's not allowed to talk about that stuff on his show, he'll go to other TV shows and talk about it there. He doesnt' think that he should have to give that up on his own show just because his company doesn't want him to say anything. That got him thinking about writing a new book last night so he does have that on his mind. He said that he's very excited about his future and you can hear it in his voice.
The caller Howard had on the line told a story about his honeymoon. He said his wife gave him the best honeymoon ever. Artie heard that and said ''She left?'' The guy went on to talk about how he had a threesome with his wife and another woman. The guys didn't seem all that interested though so Howard bailed out on the call.
Howard played a voice mail from a guy who wondered why E! was censoring out the word ''wet'' from George Takei's ''Hot, Wet, Bitches'' clip that they play on the show. Howard doesn't know what that's all about and no one at the network will help him out with that stuff so he's given up on trying. He played another voice mail from a guy who did an impression of Artie's ''Wah, Wah'' bit that he did last week. The guy made some references to a story Artie told a while ago about finding a White Castle pickle in his underwear.
Howard played a clip of Ashlee Simpson talking about her Saturday Night Live screw up and now she's blaming it on her acid reflux. There was another clip of her on a different show talking about the same thing and saying that she needed the backing vocal to help her sing. Howard said you know that it's not true. He also said that Madonna started all of that crap and she just recently won an award for ''Best Live Performance'' even though she lip syncs during her shows. Gary said that Ashlee was in some sketches on Saturday Night Live so she's obviously making up this story. She also blamed her band on Saturday night and now the story has changed. Howard said that Ashlee should come in and sing on his show if she wants to prove that she has some talent... just like Enrique Iglacias had to do. Fred played a clip of Enrique singing horribly at a concert one time. That was the clip that led to him coming on the show to prove that he can actually sing.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and played a voice mail they got from a guy who sounded gay to him. The guy was going on and on about Ben Stiller being in another movie and he sounded very effeminate as he was talking about it. Howard had to go to break right after that.
King of All Blacks called in after that. He said that he's kind of upset that his company shouldn't be so upset with him talking about satellite because he's done so much for them over the years and he's being forced out by the FCC and the fact that they have to censor the show. Howard said he doesn't get it himself. He's going to do what he can to give his farewell over the next 14 months though. He said that the station wouldn't care if he'd announced that he was going to start a TV show or something. He let King of All Blacks go after that so he could talk to Elizabeth who was rejected by Scores.
Howard explained that this woman, who was very good looking according to him, was rejected from dancing at Scores as a stripper. She's 5'9'' tall and lives in New Jersey. She's 21 and has never danced anywhere else. Howard and Artie said she had a great ass, pretty face, and big boobs. She said she was able to fool the people at Playboy who thought they were real. She was in a special edition of Playboy. Gary came in a minute later and told Howard that she's got a skin condition on her face so that might be one thing that turned off the Scores people. Howard told her that she should try Acutane. Her doctor won't give it to her though. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked her some questions. He found out she was 18 years old with her natural boobs when she did the audition. Elizabeth said that she was told that they didn't want a pole dancer there either. Howard asked her to dance for them but she didn't want to because everyone was staring at her.
Howard wanted to see Elizabeth up close to check her out and smell her. The guys said that she had zits on the rest of her body as well but she didn't think that was true. Howard took a whiff of her and had Artie come over and smell her as well. They didn't catch any nasty smells when she came over. She said that she cleans up back there just fine. She said she takes a shower after taking her daily dump so she never smells back there. Howard said that some people can't control when they go to the bathroom like that. Elizabeth said that she usually uses dry toilet paper down there but if there's a problem, she'll clean up with something else. Howard said that she looks like she could dance at Scores so he didn't get why she'd be turned down. Ronnie said it was probably because of her age and the fact that she didn't have the breast implants at the time. Ronnie said he thinks he could hook her up with Lonnie over at Scores. She's afraid she's going to screw things up with Playboy though. Howard and the guys told her that she's not going to be in Playboy so she might as well give that up.
Fred played some music and Howard made her dance for them to show how she moves. She moved just fine according to Howard and Artie. Gary noticed that she had zits at the top of her ass and on her shoulders so she really does need that Acutane. Elizabeth showed the guys her breasts which cost her $5,000. Gary noticed some zits on her chest as well and had to point them out to her. She had some scars on her chest as well from her breast surgery. She didn't want to ruin her nipples by going in there. Artie told her that she could work at a ''Zitty Bar'' after seeing her. That took her down a little bit but Howard said she could work around that stuff.
Howard took a call from Dr. Judy Hellman who wondered why she wasn't getting this Acutane stuff. She told Howard that it's possible that there could be problems from taking the stuff. Dr. Judy said it's an option for her and she'd be willing to look at her and see if she can help her out. She got in a plug for her web site BigAppleSkin.com.
Howard talked about how well everyone from his movie ''Private Parts'' is doing these days. Paul Giamatti is doing great, Mary is doing great, Allison Janney is doing really well and they all worked with him in the movie. He spent a few minutes on that and then got to the reason Mary called in. She wanted to talk about why she's for stem cell research. She said that her husband had diabetes and she believes that stem cell research will eventually lead to curing all of these diseases. She was pushing for the stem cell research stuff and there's no reason not to do the research even if it's not a definite thing. Howard believes that if President Bush's kids had diabetes or something like that, they'd change their tune. Mary said that's why Californians have to vote yes on 71. You can find out more about that at YesOn71.com.
Howard asked Mary how long it took for her to go back to having sex with her husband. She said it wasn't all that long because she had a C-section birth. Howard said that she didn't want to stretch out her private parts but she said that's not exactly what she said. She didn't want to destroy her body and she doesn't get why people would want to do that. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been in love with Mary ever since he saw her strip down to her bra in ''Private Parts.'' Howard told the guy that he got to feel her up a couple of times in the movie as well... and they were unscripted. Ralph Cirella called in a short time later and said that Mary has gotten all political since she got on ''The West Wing'' but she said that's not true. She thinks that she'd be for his even if her husband didn't have diabetes. Ralph asked Mary what's up with her hair on ''The West Wing'' because she had bangs. Mary said there were 2 episodes that she shot last year and in the newer stuff she doesn't have bangs. Another caller said that he's rubbed out probably over 100 times to her. He said that the stem cell research thing has been proven to work so everyone should vote to keep it going. Howard let Mary go a short time after that.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that they're playing a great song by Snow Patrol on the station so he told him to play that with his new system. Howard wasn't able to find it. He did a search but it didn't come up with it. Jason came in and said it was actually ''Run'' by Snow Patrol. Howard still couldn't find the song. Vinnie requested another song so Howard played ''Meant to Live'' by Switchfoot. That wasn't what Vinnie was looking for though. He'd actually requested ''Dare You To Move.'' Howard liked the ''Need to Live'' song though. Howard played the Snow Patrol song ''Run'' for him a few seconds after that. He wanted Howard to wait for the hook before shutting off the song. Howard wasn't into it and he said the song was very ''faggy'' so far. He waited for the hook and no one else was impressed. Howard started singing about Vinnie being gay to the song. Vinnie requested a few other things but Howard ran into trouble with the system again. He took a call from a guy who requested some Audioslave a couple of minutes later. Howard did his best lame-deejay talk up and played the song. He took another call a few minutes later from a guy who requested the remake of ''Imagine'' by A Perfect Circle. Howard quickly played a few seconds of that song as well. Robin tried to finish up her news after that.
Howard was reminded of a song by Hum called ''Stars'' earlier when he played another song. He played the Hum song after taking a commercial break during the news. Howard said the band came in and performed the song but they didn't talk to him much when they were there. They kind of disappeared after that one hit wonder of theirs. He said that the song makes him mental and it almost brings him to tears. He said he was thinking of his oldest daughter during the song and it almost made him cry for some reason.
Howard was singing a bunch of show tunes during the news and goofing around with Artie for a while. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that he should really go to Broadway with the songs he was performing. Artie got into it as well and made up some songs of his own. Howard was singing about his problems at work not being able to talk about satellite and stuff like that. Fred was doing his impression of Tom during the bit as well. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:00 this morning.
Howard started off the show playing an audio clip of a news report about a phone call he made to a San Francisco morning radio show (KGO 810 AM) yesterday to confront FCC Chairman Michael Powell. Howard said that he had a busy day yesterday because of that. He said the phone call was very nerve wracking to make the call. He took a phone call from a fan who told him it was great that he made that call yesterday. Howard went on to talk about how weird it was to call into a radio show like that. He later heard that Michael Powell's people freaked out after the call because they didn't know that he was going to call in. The guy shouldn't be so hard to talk to because he's a public figure. Howard and the caller felt that you could hear the uncomfortableness in the studio on the other end as you listened. Howard said they kept cutting him off when he was trying to ask questions. He was trying to ask Powell about the fact that his father helped get him that job. Powell denied it saying that he was qualified for the job but Howard kept telling him that there are a lot of people qualified for that job but his father's position helped him get to that job quicker. Howard said he also asked Powell about a bunch of other things but they kept cutting him off and didn't let him ask the questions he wanted to ask.
Howard wants to get this guy Ronn Owens on the phone later to ask him what was going on in the studio while he was on the phone. He knows that the guy must have been afraid to ask Powell questions because he'd probably run out of there. That's what's wrong with interviews these days according to Howard. That led to him talking about how George W. Bush has been going around laying his hands on children like those phony preachers do on TV every week. He said that we really have to get this guy out of office now.
Howard played some more news reports about his phone call to KGO yesterday. They played clips of Howard confronting Powell about how he got his job and other various things. Howard took a phone call and said that Powell sounded like he had a load in his pants during the call. Howard told the caller that Powell should be available to talk to him at any time because of the position he's holding. Another caller told Howard that he heard the interview over the internet and he was very respectful to Powell while he was questioning him. The guys on KGO kept knocking Howard's call down so he couldn't get questions in. He said if they were smart, they would have just let him go because he had a gold mine. Robin said it seems like people are afraid to ask that guy questions and that's why they'd just knock Howard's voice down. Another caller said it sounded like Powell avoided some of Howard's questions. Howard said he avoided most of them. Powell has turned down the offer to do an interview with Howard on an ABC special that he was asked to do. Howard claims that Powell lied about a couple of things during the interview. He'd be playing the full after taking a commercial break.
Howard is afraid that the call is going to lead to more trouble with the FCC because Bush's administration might look at the call as being an attack on them. He's afraid he's going to be put on a list of enemies of the administration and things are going to get bad for him before he makes his move to satellite. That led to Howard talking about how other people in the industry are complaining that Howard is bailing out on them and not being loyal. Howard said that he's trying to create even more jobs for the radio industry by making satellite great but they don't see it that way. Robin said she hopes that the Howard Stern imitators out there heard that call and realized that he's the only one who is willing to take that fight on.
A phone caller told Howard that he saw him on the news last night and he saw Ronnie the Limo Driver's Escalade and it really has to go. Howard agreed but the guy hung up before he could talk about it anymore. Another caller told Howard that he heard the interview live out in San Francisco and thought it was great. He said that Ronn Owens wasn't supposed to take calls for Powell but he convinced him to do it and the fact that Howard got through was great. Howard had to take a break before playing the rest of the tape he had.
Howard took a call from a guy who remembered Howard talking about how he met Michael Powell's sister a few years ago and she was very nice to him. Howard said he's sure that the whole family is ''nice'' but when they're regulating the industry, they're not so nice. Another caller told Howard that, no matter what people say about him, people fear him because he has balls to do the things he does. He told him to keep it up.
Howard told Robin how he heard about this Ronn Owens radio show having Powell on their show yesterday so he decided to call, even though they may be up against the show in that market. The call was made around 9:30 am Pacific time. Howard had audio of the full phone call he made to Powell on this Ronn Owens show. He started off talking to Powell about how he probably got the position he got because of his father. He also said that the FCC does some sneaky stuff behind the scenes when companies like Viacom try to take the fines to court. He claims that the FCC holds back licenses if they try to back out of paying the fines that are brought against them. Powell denied that they do anything of the kind of course. Ronn Owens asked Powell about the FCC possibly regulating the satellite industry. Powell later said that it would probably never happen. Powell told Howard that the indecency fines are not just Republican based either. There are Democrats on the FCC and they have voted for the fines as well. Powell also didn't think it was fair for Howard to say that his father got him his position. That's when Howard told him that he came from nowhere yet he has a guy who was moved to the front of the class because of who his father was. Just like George W. got out of the draft, Powell was appointed to the head of the FCC.
Powell also denied ever saying that the reason they didn't fine Oprah over some sexual discussions was because she was a beloved public figure while Howard isn't. Powell also said that the Oprah Winfrey case is still at the commission and it's still up in the air so Howard shouldn't complain about it until they don't fine her. Howard said he had about 10 zillion questions for Powell but he knew that he was going to get cut off. Howard asked Powell why they would fine Viacom for the Janet Jackson breast incident while they let people say the F-word on the air. Powell said that they do fine over the F-word and that's what one of their fines was over earlier this year. Howard told Powell that he wasn't taking this stuff personally and he's happy that he's making his move to satellite radio. He thinks that there is some hypocrisy when it comes to radio and late night programming when teens are listening to sex-related shows like Love Lines. Ronn Owens had to cut Howard off because he said he had to take a commercial break.
Howard said that all hell broke loose after his phone call from what he heard. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard it sounded like he got his point across but Howard didn't feel he did. He wasn't on equal footing because he was on the phone and they would just knock down the volume to let Powell talk over him.
Ronn Owens called in to talk about what went on yesterday. Howard asked him what happened after the call yesterday. He heard that Powell has an entourage that follows him around. Ronn said that was true and went on to talk about how Powell's people told him that they didn't want them to take phone calls during the interview. Ronn convinced him to take the calls. He said that Powell showed some discomfort on his face when he realized that Howard was on the phone. Howard said that it's ridiculous that a guy who is employed by the taxpayers is so hard to get an interview with. Ronn told Howard that they had to work on making the interview happen because they were supposed to do it in Washington DC. Howard thought that Ronn cut him off a little early but Ronn told him that he had a lot of commercials he was supposed to get to. Howard wanted him to just let him go at it with Powell while he walked out of the room. Howard said it's going to be interesting to see what happens to regular radio when he makes his move to satellite. He thinks they're going to turn back the clocks 20 years and no one will be saying anything offensive to anyone on the air. Things have gotten completely insane and people shouldn't be shocked that someone wants to talk to someone like Powell who is a public official. Ronn doesn't think that Powell will ever come back on his show. Howard told him he'd like to debate Powell and he'd have Ronn as the moderator. Ronn told Howard that the press secretary for Powell was very upset about what happened. Ronn said he told them that he couldn't turn down the chance to let Howard confront him though. Ronn said that the last hour of his show is on against Howard's shows out there in San Francisco. Howard was actually competing with his own show by calling into Ronn's show. He let him go a short time later and thanked him for calling in.
Howard said that a guy he knows told him about Powell being on the show out there so that's how made the call. Howard just wants one hour with Powell to ask him the questions he has. He knows that he'd have to sign away his life to actually make that happen though. He had to take another break after that.
A caller from Ohio called in and said that he told Howard about some Bush ads that were running on his station out there last week. Since he made that call the ads have stopped and now they're only running Kerry ads. Another caller told Howard that it does appear that government officials are holding positions for their family members like Colin Powell and Michael Powell. Howard said that Powell has a perfect life. He doesn't think he ever had to earn anything on his own and there's nothing upsetting in his life. Howard said he was upset yesterday because no one ever questions him about stuff like that. Howard said that the FCC has ignored things that he and his people have sent into the FCC complaining about people cursing on the air. Tom Chiusano came in and said that Powell was not telling the truth about the Bono cursing thing. There were never any fines over that curse word and when Howard heard that he flipped out and said he has to get out of there. They caught Powell in a bunch of lies and no one is reporting on that.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy wanted to play the Sulu Dance game but Howard said they didn't have the time for that. Another caller said that Imus was talking about him this morning and they were saying that Powell should have hung up on Howard. Howard said that's what Imus did to him a couple of months ago when he called into his show. He's too much of a pussy to talk to him. The caller also believes that Powell thinks that the only differences between them are that Howard believes there should be no limits on radio while he does. Howard said that's not the case. He does believe there should be some limits, he just wants the FCC to define them instead of just making up the rules as they go along. Another caller said that it was President Clinton who appointed Powell to the FCC to begin with. Howard said that it was Bush who elevated him to the position he's in now though. Howard also said it was kind of weird how both the Democrats and Republicans embraced Colin Powell's son and kept him in the FCC. Howard played John Fogarty performing ''Fortunate Son'' and told the fans to join him when he makes his move to satellite. He also told people to vote for Kerry so they can get rid of guys like Powell. Howard let the ''Fortunate Son'' song finish up and said he had to take another break.
Howard wondered what was behind that fetish. Dave said he remembers being in 1st grade and having her teacher spank her. He remembers trying to peep under her dress when that was happening so that may have led to this fetish of his. Gary asked him how much time he spends in this machine. Dave said he once had a session that lasted about 5 hours. He said he told his wife that he was concerned that the machine might work a person too much so he tested the endurance himself. He said his wife got carried away and lost track of time. He planned on only doing it for an hour or two but it ended up going 5 hours. He was very sore after that of course. Dave said he doesn't do it in the nude. He said he can't take the pain when he's naked. Howard wondered when he will be getting his RoboSpanker. Dave said that it takes about a week to build the machine but it's very heavy duty so it should last a long time. He said that they sell about 2 machines a week on average. They sell to doctors, lawyers and a wide variety of other people. They all ask that they not release their names though. He said that it seems that there are a lot of guys who are into that stuff too. Robin wondered if there is a weight limit or anything on the machine. High Pitch Erik might be one of the guys getting spanked in there.
Robin picked up on the fact that ''Dave'' was black from hearing his voice. Howard jokingly told Dave that his mother would never recognize his voice either. It was very distinctive so if she heard the show, she'd probably know who it is. Dave told Howard that they're going to throw in a few extra features since it is Howard Stern after all. They've added a remote control and a 30 minute timer. Dave is also working on a new sex machine that he talked about a little bit. He said that it's tough to make them for men because they're so delicate. Howard read that Dave is also part of a bondage club so he shows off his machine there. Dave told Howard that he should get the machine sometime after the 1st of November when it ships. He said it should be there by November 3rd. Gary came back in and asked Dave how many types of material he's tested out for the spanking wand. It's some kind of material that is as close to the human hand as possible. Artie said he didn't think they could find someone creepier than Yaqi the Tickler but he thinks they've done it.
Howard picked up the phone and let a woman ask how much these things cost. Dave said they start at $845 and go up to $1045 for the model with more features. Another guy asked Dave about the vibrator feature and if it works for women. Dave said that it works for both sexes. He said they've had a lot of women test it and you can tell by their body language that they are being stimulated by it. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and gave Dave a plug for his web site RoboSpanker.com.
Howard told Robin that they'll put it on the lowest setting when they put her in the machine. She didn't know that she was going in there. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that the press needs more interviews like the one he did with Michael Powell. Howard got back on that subject for a couple of minutes because it's become such big news. Another caller told Howard about some stuff that the FCC is up to behind the scenes. He says that he's had a beef with the FCC for a long time and they are extorting money from the public. Howard had to cut him off because he was dragging out the call too much. He went on to play some audio from The Today Show where they talked about Howard's call to Michael Powell. Robin found it funny how the FCC will respond to a Janet Jackson breast flash immediately but when they fine Howard, they go back three years to find things to fine him over. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard said that Joe was out giving them sex advice in the green room but he can't talk about what Joe was saying on the show. He's going to have to save that for about a year until he's on satellite and can talk about anything. Howard told Gary to write that down and make sure it's one of the first things he talks about when he moves to Sirius. Howard mentioned the animated show that Artie was in on the WB network. He said that it only lasted 1 episode. Artie corrected him and told him it lasted 6 episodes. Artie said it was just another failure in his career. He thought that everything he's done has been a failure but Howard reminded him that the gig with his show didn't fail.
High Pitch Erik called in and gave Howard the very important news that there are reports about his call to Michael Powell available on AOL today. Howard ended up hanging up on him a short time later. Gary came in and told Howard that Erik was up at the station yesterday and he smelled awful. Howard had to move on to Joe Frazier so he had to cut Gary off as well.
Howard said he heard about what Joe said in the green room earlier. He'd asked an intern if he was married yet. Joe suggested to him that he should sample all of the P-word he can before he gets married. Joe told Howard that his son came to him and said he was going to wait for ''the right woman'' to come along so he told him he can't find the right one unless he samples as many as he can. That led to Joe talking about how he got into a fight with his 12 year old son who ended up calling the cops on him. The kid is only 12 but he weighs in at 212 pounds. Joe joked that he sleeps in the kitchen. Gary came back in and said that he heard that the mother of the son was there and she might have had some marks on her. Joe talked about the woman for a short time. Howard wondered if he bothers to wear a condom when he's with women. Joe pretended he didn't even know what a condom was. He said that there's no reason to kiss a woman if he's going to put a napkin between their lips. He said he uses the withdrawal method instead. He gives them a little dab here and then... out. Joe said back in the days when he was fighting, he would refrain from sex completely. Robin said that must be why he was so angry in the ring.
Joe was in to plug a book today so Howard talked to him about that. It's called ''Garden of Dreams: Madison Square Garden 125 Years.'' Joe didn't write the book but there are some stories and pictures of him in the book. Howard gave him a plug for that and spent a short time on that subject. Robin wondered how Joe felt when he went up against George Foreman. She wanted to know how it felt to be knocked out by Foreman. Joe jokingly said that it was a fluke so that's why he went in the ring the second time. Howard started to wrap up the interview but ended up talking to Joe for a few more minutes about Muhammad Ali before going to commercial break.
A phone caller said that he couldn't sleep last night after seeing the E! show where he tickled the 20 year old Playboy model and former Miss United States Teen Kari Ann Peniche. The guy said that if he'd been able to tickle that chick, he'd never wash his hands again. Howard jokingly said that he hasn't washed his hands since then.
This woman Sonya called in and asked Howard to play a tape she had but he didn't understand what she was talking about so he hung up on her. Another caller told Howard that his show has been great lately and he can't wait for the move to satellite. Howard spent a short time talking about how he realized he wanted to keep doing radio and that's why he ended up signing on with Sirius. He just couldn't take the censorship on regular radio anymore so he had to make the move. He played some more of the news reports about his call to Michael Powell yesterday. He said that this country is becoming like Russia as far as asking questions to government officials.
A phone caller had some audio tape of Jackie the Joke Man selling his stuff on a TV shopping channel. Jackie was pushing his joke machines and cracking some lame jokes. The guy did a bong hit before Howard hung up on him. A woman called in a short time later and told Howard she had her first lesbian experience last night. She said that when she was done, the woman demanded $300. It turned out she was a prostitute and she wasn't aware of that. She ended up giving her the money because she had a guy with her. The woman said that she did get off and had a good time with her. She claims that she's good looking so Howard told her that she should have demanded money from the other prostitute because she's even better looking. She said that the guy who demanded money was asking for $500 at first. She was able to knock it down to $300 though. It was her birthday and she thought it was going to be a great day. It turned out to be one of the worst when she had to pay for sex.
Howard said that his buddy Marshall Fine, who is working at Star Magazine, sent him an e-mail because he saw the movie ''Ray'' and it wasn't as great as the hype is saying it is. Marshall said that he is looking forward to ''The Incredibles'' though. Howard moved on to read some facts about his career that were printed somewhere. There were a lot of little facts about what he did on radio, some of the appearances he made and stuff like that. There were some facts that weren't quite right though. One of the notes said that Howard wanted to play a part in the movie ''Halloween'' as a radio DJ but he was busy doing his own movie. Howard said that wasn't true though because he never heard that before. Howard's dog Bianca Romijn-Stamos was mentioned in that article so Howard ended up talking about the real Rebecca Romijn. He saw a picture of her walking down the street with Jerry O'Connell making out with him. Howard wondered if that's what she was looking forward to when she left John Stamos. Robin thought that Howard was a little jealous of Jerry. Howard finished up that quick article and then had Robin start her news.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who suggested that they cancel all of the E! shows this week and just play the Ronnie the Limo Driver stuff from the other day. A short time later Robin read a story about antacids and how they might be lowering the body's immune system to the point that people could get the flu and other illnesses. Gary told the guys that he takes like 4 or 5 Tums every day because he gets some heartburn for no apparent reason. Howard told him to stop with that already. Gary came in to talk about it for a few seconds but they ended up playing a Baba Booey opera song parody.
Howard read an e-mail from a fan who complained about the write ups on his web site because there was a lot of spelling errors and repeated lines for some reason. Howard said that they're not the New York Times and they don't really have a staff for the site at this time so they just throw that stuff together in about 20 minutes.
A woman called in during the news and asked Howard what his show is going to be like when he makes his move to satellite. Howard told her that it's not going to get extremely dirty all of a sudden. He's not going to just start using the F-word all over the place. He said he'll be able to say that stuff if he wants to but he's not going to go crazy. Robin wrapped up her news after that. They ended the show around 10:30 this morning.
Howard's breakfast wasn't there yet this morning and he was complaining about not eating in 2 hours. Will came in a short time later and told Howard that the guy shows up late like once a week so that's what was holding it up. Howard said he ate dinner around 4 o'clock yesterday so he was a little hungry this morning. He's been trying to cut down on the food intake because he just recently gained 5 pounds and doesn't know how he did that. He barely eats now and works out in the afternoon. He said he loves food but he hates being fat. Artie said that eating and sex are the two best things. Howard finished up that when he said that eating leads to not having sex.
Howard said that Colin Powell defended his little boy in the news yesterday after Howard bad mouthed him on a San Francisco radio show. Colin said that his son did not get his job because of him and it was Clinton who appointed him to the FCC to begin with. Howard said it just shows the ''good ol' boys'' sticking together in Washington again. He read a story from the AP where they called him ''Foul Mouthed Radio DJ Howard Stern'' when they shouldn't be giving their editorial opinion. The article goes on to explain how Colin defended his son after hearing what Howard said about him getting his job because of who his father is. Howard says that he's thinking of doing a ''Roger and Me'' type thing with Michael Powell until he'll talk to him. Howard is starting to do an investigation into Michael Powell's life now. He said he's in touch with some people who served with him in the Military. He left the military early so Howard is looking into that further. He's going to look into his past just like Powell looked into the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident. He said that Powell claims that he has ''investigated'' that whole thing and decided to fine CBS over the whole thing. He's got a lot of questions about that and he's going to track down Powell and try to get him to do a real interview with him. He wants to talk to him about the mishandling of funds and much, much more.
Howard said that everyone is so uncomfortable with him that they can't let him talk to Powell for more than 10 minutes on the air. Howard went on to complain about the article about him from the Associated Press where they called him the ''foul mouthed radio DJ.'' They shouldn't be giving their opinion like that in an article like they wrote. Howard read more of the article and read the quotes from Colin and how he wasn't even the Secretary of State when his son was getting the jobs he was getting that led to the FCC job. Howard said that his comments were incorrect and it's obvious to him that the reasons that his son was appointed and given jobs was to show him what they could do for him. Howard also complained about Powell constantly talking about how everything is going just fine over in Iraq. Gary came in and told Howard to play some audio from a news report where they played some of Howard's call to Michael Powell. They also had some audio of Colin defending his son saying that Michael had the job with the FCC before he was Secretary of State and he thinks that Michael may have had an influence on helping him get into that position.
Howard said he was going to blow some minds with this next thing he was going to talk about. He said there are some programs in the government that are supposed to help minorities to own broadcasting companies. They give them a tax break so they can help them get into the business. The program is fair according to Howard, but in 1985, OJ Simpson, Patrick Ewing, Colin Powell and a couple of others like them took advantage of that program. They were not the economically disadvantaged that were supposed to be taking advantage of this program. There were some others that Howard mentioned who got into the business and then sold out for a profit a few years later. Howard said that he works his ass off for his show every day and it's gotten in the way of his relationships over the years. The women he's been with tell him that he doesn't have time for them because he's working constantly during the week and on the weekends, he's sleeping it off.
Howard believes that he has some interesting information for a news organization that could do some investigating of Powell and the FCC. He talked about how the government is bilking companies out of millions of dollars over really dumb things like the Janet Jackson thing. They don't share any investigative reports about things like that, they just fine the company and take money from them. Howard said he doesn't think that Michael Powell knows what it's like to work hard in the media industry. He's never had a hard day's work as far as he can tell. It's tough for a company to make half a million dollars but the FCC blows that off saying that it's just a drop in the bucket for the company. He continued to complain about the AP article he read and how they didn't even mention the writer's name. Howard said the reason he's leaving radio to go to satellite is because of people like Powell.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that Powell mentioned that his resume justifies his existence in the position he's in. He wondered what Howard thought about that. Howard said that some of his credentials are okay but there are people out there who are just as qualified and they've worked in the broadcast industry. Powell's jobs before the FCC were working with Dick Cheney so there's a whole circle of friends there that appear to be helping each other out. Cabbie was also wondering how a reporter can call Howard ''foul mouthed'' when he's never sworn on the radio. Howard went on to call the press ''Cowardly'' because they refuse to ask the tough questions with people like Michael Powell and the President. Howard wondered what Powell was doing on a morning radio program to begin with. He's constantly flying around the country first class and doing interviews like he's got something to promote. Cabbie seems to think that he's planning on writing a book eventually. Howard and Cabbie talked about the Janet Jackson thing and how the FCC was able to straighten things out after no one else could. He was amazed that they were able to do an investigation and figure out that Janet ''conspired with CBS'' to reveal her breast. Howard keeps inviting Powell to sit down with him to do an interview but he knows that won't happen. He thinks that the press should be questioning the guy about flying first class around the country on the taxpayer's bill. He said they're afraid to question him and they're afraid to question the President these days. Howard had to take a break after talking to Cabbie.
Howard brought up Riley Martin who has called into the show many times about his experiences with aliens. In a voice mail, Riley asked Howard to please, never give him a job. He also talked about Robin and how much he loves her. He told Howard that the only reason he loves Howard is because he's running neck and neck with him for being a dirty bastard. Robin said it sounds like Riley may have fallen off the wagon but no one was sure about that. Howard said he wishes they had the longer version of that because he loved it.
Howard played some clips of Zeneida the crying chick singing a song in the studio a few weeks ago. He laughed as he heard that again. He also replayed the segment where Sal the Stockbroker called in as a record company exec and told her that he might have a job for her. He had to take another break after that. He said he was going to try and recreate his ''interview'' with Bill Clinton that he did the other day. He played some of the clips from that but most of them were just Clinton saying ''Monica Lewinsky is a dry hole.''
Howard mentioned the upcoming Amputee Beauty Pageant they have coming up tomorrow. The $10,000 grand prize is courtesy of the new movie ''Saw.'' The women will be judged on looks, extent of amputation and other things. He's played a couple of song parodies earlier in the week about the pageant. Today he had one from a Bon Jovi impersonator. He sang ''Wanna Bang That Sweet Gimp'' to the tune of ''Wanted Dead or Alive.'' They're going to have Beetlejuice read the rules for the contest as well. Howard played the David Lee Roth song parody about the Amputee pageant. That one is called ''Stump'' and it's to the tune of ''Jump.''
Howard said that something was rubbing him the wrong way. Janet Jackson was getting a Lifetime Achievement Award recently and she had a Make a Wish kid with her at the event and she made the kid stand up as she was accepting her award. Howard played some audio from that and the way she made herself seem like she's wonderful wasn't cool with Howard. It just rubbed him the wrong way. He's all for the Make a Wish stuff but he doesn't think she has to show him off on TV. Howard said he has a weird feeling about things like that every day of his life though so maybe it doesn't mean all that much.
Captain Janks was on the phone but it sounded like he'd fallen asleep as he was waiting to get on the air. He must have been out late at Trivia Night last night and couldn't stay up. Howard listened in as Janks was sleeping and breathing heavy over the phone. Fred played some audio clips trying to wake Janks up but it wasn't working. Janks continued to snore so Howard said ''Snore once if you're gay'' and ''Snore once if you're an evil little troll.'' Of course Janks had no idea what was going on so he kept snoring. Howard said ''Keep snoring if you're a power bottom'' and ''...if you've received Bukkake.'' Howard said that could go on all day so he put him on hold and moved on.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he saw one of the Amputee Beauty Pageant chicks on the bulletin board and she's stunning looking. He said that it's going to be an intense contest tomorrow. Howard said that Chaunce is way into the amputee thing and he knows how to get a chick off by rubbing her stump the right way. Howard said they should have all of the contestants pictures on his web site already so people can see them. Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard that Chaunce once got oral from a quadriplegic. She was paralyzed from the neck down but she was gorgeous according to Chaunce. She was in a car accident and that's how she got paralyzed. He had her on his radio show and that's where he got the oral. Robin wondered how that worked out but Chaunce said that she asked to give him oral there. Howard talked about how much of a scam that whole ''radio show'' was. Chaunce said that they had a million listeners a week on that radio show but Howard didn't believe it. He said there's no way he had that many listeners. Gary came in and told Howard how Chaunce was having sex with girls on that radio show quite a bit. Chaunce said that it was the best 2 years of his life. Howard got back to the quadriplegic discussion. Chaunce said that she had to have a nurse around all the time to move her around so it was weird. Chaunce said that the nurse had to stick around while he got oral from her. Chaunce said he actually completed with her and the guys sounded kind of disturbed by that. Artie wondered if Chaunce ever banged a dead chick. He said that if the show had gone on another year, he may have done that. Chaunce said some things about Jackie Mason coming on to that chick but Howard said that he misinterprets what people say quite a bit. He can't believe those things. Chaunce also said that the woman actually got pregnant and had a baby even though she was paralyzed. Howard and the guys thought it was wrong that he got oral from that chick. Chaunce doesn't see anything wrong with it though. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who saw one of his E! shows last night with Savanna Samson. Howard told the guy that she used to dance at Scores so he got some lap dances from her. Another phone caller told Howard that he made him want to get out there and vote. He said that he doesn't like Bush and he wants him out. Howard said he can't wait until the election when we get ourselves a new President. That led into Howard playing one of the news reports about his call to Michael Powell.
Howard had the Top Five songs to play. He played some song parodies like ''I Like Bukkake'' and a couple of Dan the Song Parody Man's Aurora Snow porn clip remixes among some other goofy song parodies. He was going to move on to the real top five but a caller wanted to complain about how disgusted he was with Chaunce Hayden's revelation about getting oral from the quad. Another caller asked Howard when he's going to run for President. Howard thought about running but then he signed on to do ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' and it tied him up. Howard finally got to the real top 5 songs. Howard missed one for some reason. He didn't really seem to care because the songs were so bad. Here are some of the songs.
Howard let High Pitch go a short time later and then played yet another news report about his call to Michael Powell. This one was really wacky though because the news reporters were acting very strange as they listened to the clip. They mentioned that they thought that Powell was powerful enough to pull the license of KGO (the station Howard called into) just because they let Howard call in. That just shows how afraid people are of the guy. Howard said that the FCC fines that have come out over the past 10 years or so have been levied against his show. That shows how they do have it in for him even though Powell denies it. He talked about how he really wants to get a one on one interview with that guy so he can ask all of the questions he has for him. He said that Powell cracked when he talked to him for just 10 minutes. The guy claimed that they had fined Bono for using the F-word when they never did. Howard said the guy didn't even know that much. He demanded that he be allowed to have an interview with the guy. He said that his fans should call into every radio show he appears on and ask him why he's ducking Howard Stern. Howard claimed that he had about 700 tapes in front of him with reports about his call to the show that Powell was on two days ago. Howard played another one and said that these so-called journalists really aren't doing their jobs. He complained about how his fellow broadcasters are complaining about him making his move to satellite but they haven't backed him up in his fight against the FCC so it doesn't make any sense.
Howard read an article from the NY Post where they wrote about Howard's ''ambush'' on Powell the other day. Howard doesn't understand why there's so much fear of talking to him. They talked about Ronn Owens kind of bailed out on his phone call kind of quickly. Howard thinks that he may have gotten cold feet and that's why he bailed out on the call so quickly. Howard said he had a lot of great stuff to talk about with that subject but who cares?
Howard said he gets these form letters from parents who tell him how their kids are doing drugs and stuff and then straighten themselves out because of Howard. They ask for autographed pictures using those lame letters. Howard said that Richard Christy said his mother used to help him write letters like that. Howard ripped up the letter and said that's what he thinks about using your kid to get autographs.
Robin asked about Scott the Engineer was doing because he was sick a few days ago. Scott came in and said that he had some chest pain the other day so he spent the night in the hospital. They found that his arteries were fine and his lungs were clear but he's still having problems breathing. Scott said it may have to do with the fact that he used to smoke. He's quit smoking and his lungs looked fine to the doctors. Howard said he figured that Scott would have been dead long before now. He met him about 19 years ago and he would have thought that he'd be dead within 3 years, but that never happened.
Gary is in the middle of trying to pick his new publicity photo. Howard said he heard about that but hasn't seen them yet. He's got a convict photo, a baseball picture, Gary as a cabbie and one where he's throwing his arms in the air like a nut. Howard suggested that they post them on his web site and let the fans pick the one he should use. Gary said that a lot of people like the picture of him as a cabbie for some reason. Howard said there should be one of him washing dishes at home. Gary said they should have one of Howard writing his alimony check. That shut Howard up pretty quick. He told Gary to get those pictures up on the web site so they can have people vote on them.
Howard moved on to try his Bill Clinton phony interview again. He had a bunch of clips that they put together using many clips of Clinton saying things. That's where the clip of Clinton saying ''Monica Lewinsky is a dry hole'' came from. Howard tried to make the bit work but it sounded kind of tough. He asked the Clinton clips questions about his wife's C-word and Clinton came back with a choppy ''Hillary was a meaty 21 inches.'' He also said ''Hillary loved Monica Lewinsky's box.'' and ''Hillary loved Monica Lewinsky's finger.'' Howard still seemed to like the ''Monica Lewinsky is a dry hole.'' line.
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten lately. People wrote in about the Michael Powell call. The fans seemed to like what he was asking Powell. Howard said he made the call but he feels like ''Roy's lion'' because he had the freak in his mouth and he couldn't finish the job. Artie said that Ronn Owens should have just let the call go on instead of cutting Howard off the way he did. Howard said that there were some people who wrote in and said they didn't agree with the ''personal attacks'' on Powell. Howard said he didn't think they were personal though. There were some other e-mailers who thought that Howard was wrong. One person said that out in Las Vegas, they cut out Howard's interview with Powell for some reason. Howard asked Gary to find out if that's true or not.
Howard read through a bunch of other e-mail about various subjects. He got one from a guy who couldn't find the link to the RoboSpanker web site. Howard said they have links and pictures in their daily rundowns so he should be able to find it there. He was also asked about the great version of ''Fortunate Son'' that he played on the show yesterday. Howard said that it was John Fogarty playing the song and Fred said it was from the ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' soundtrack album. Someone wrote in and complained about Howard's morals and told him he should get down on his hands and knees and pray for forgiveness for everything he does on his show.
Howard mentioned that Jennifer Tilly would be coming in to promote yet another Chucky movie. Gary came in and told Howard that Chucky the puppet bangs Jennifer Tilly and uses a turkey baster on her or something. Howard said he thought they were all out of Chucky movies and this is like number 5. He said he's going to have a lot of questions about that. He went to break playing John Fogarty's ''Fortunate Son.''
Howard said that Jennifer Tilly is in the latest Chucky movie called ''Seed of Chucky.'' He said that Chucky still freaks him out a little bit these days but he's not as scary as he used to be. Jennifer still looked pretty good to him. Jennifer said hello to her buddy Artie who she did a movie with. She was all over the place already and gave him a Chucky t-shirt.
Howard heard that Jennifer was a fan of the show and she listens about 45 minutes a day. Howard wanted to quiz her on the show to find out if she's really a fan. He had some audio clips to play for her to see if she really knows the show. The first clip he played was Wendy the Retard. Jennifer really didn't know who it was though. Jennifer said she knows of Wendy but she didn't recognize her voice. Howard played a clip of Jeff the Drunk but she didn't know it was Jeff. She knew it was ''someone the drunk.'' Howard played the third clip of Beetlejuice which she got no problem. Next up was High Pitch Erik doing his Kelly Clarkson impression. She didn't know it was High Pitch Erik. Jennifer went on a tangent and told Howard that she was once pulled over for driving under the influence and she hadn't been drinking that much. Howard got distracted by Jennifer's breasts which were on display. He thought that she was showing about 80 percent of them but Robin estimated it was more like 35 percent.
Howard asked Jennifer about the guy she's dating who is a professional poker player. She said he's the guy they call the Unabomber because he's always wearing a hood. Howard heard that she also dated a gay guy for a couple of months. She said that was true but it didn't last all that long. She said she has a big gay following for some reason and she'd just come out of another relationship. That led to Howard asking Jennifer about her divorce from Sam Simon. She said she made out pretty well in that. Howard had her get back to the gay guy she dated. Jennifer said the guy was really into her and he'd laugh at all of her jokes no matter how funny they were. Howard said he had the guy on the line but it was actually audio clips of Richard Simmons that someone was playing. Howard asked Richard some questions but things didn't work out very well so Howard bailed out on it.
Howard played a clip of George Takei for Jennifer and asked her who it was. Jennifer didn't know, she thought it was someone who sits in on the show. Jennifer said she is a big fan of the show and she didn't come in to be quizzed like that. Howard asked her more about this gay guy she dated. She said she did have sex with him but when he'd open his eyes and look at her, he'd lose his erection. He figured he just wasn't into her that much.
Howard asked Jennifer about her childhood and what went on that makes her act the way she does. She started to think about things and started to weep a little bit. She said that her father was a hippie and he was kind of a cult in his own way. Howard realized he wasn't going to get a straight interview out of her about that stuff though. Jennifer told him that was true and told Howard about a story Artie told on the show one time about the movie they did together. She said that Artie said that she ate some chewed up hamburger from his mouth and ate it. That's not what happened but Artie said that he had hamburger in his mouth when she kissed him at one point.
Howard was getting a headache from the whole thing so he took a call from Jennifer's ex-husband, Sam Simon. Jennifer now has a Black AmEx card because of the divorce. She says that the money is still coming into her so it's never going to end. Sam said that Jennifer actually told him not to have any dealings with The Simpsons back when they started out. Howard wondered if Sam has given Jennifer more than 20 million. Sam said it has to be more than that but Jennifer said she's going to get an auditor to find out if that's right. Sam told Howard that she keeps demanding more and more money. He said that she recently came to him and said she wanted to talk to him about something. He was hoping that she was going to give him his points back for The Simpsons but all she did was thank him. Jennifer said that she wanted him to put his talents into something that would be successful, because she didn't think The Simpsons would be successful. Jennifer says that she still has to work these days to pay her bills to live her lifestyle. Sam said that she bought her house for cash and she lives down the street from Don Simpson who is a producer.
Artie said that Jennifer comes across as being very charming when you work with her. He could see how Sam fell for her. He thought she was cool but didn't think she was worth half of Sam's money. Howard told Sam that he's lucky to have banged her but he lost half the money. Gary came in and said that Will did the pre-interview with Jennifer yesterday and she told them about how much money she has. Sam told Howard that Jennifer has the same car as he does, a Bentley. He said the guy came to drop off the car one day and the guy asked him if he'd ever driven the Aston Martin that Jennifer has. Sam said that wasn't it though, she bought the car for her boyfriend! Jennifer claims that she was conned into buying that car for the guy. She didn't want to give all of the details but did say that she signs things without reading them.
Ralph Cirella called in and asked Sam if Jennifer's voice ever got to Sam. Sam said that Ralph seems to get annoyed with any woman who talks. Howard said that when she's sitting there with her breasts hanging out, he's not annoyed by her at all. Howard let Sam and Ralph go after that. Sam congratulated Howard on his call to Michael Powell and got off the line.
Howard said that he thought that the Chucky movies were all over after ''Bride of Chucky'' but now there's another one. He got distracted and said that he really is falling for her. Artie said that she grows on you like that. Jennifer told Howard that she was listening to an old show of Howard's one time and she heard this voice that was really dopey. She realized a short time later that it was her. Howard tried to get her back on the subject of ''Seed of Chucky.'' He wanted to know what the plot of the movie was. Chucky had already turned her into a puppet in the last movie. They had sex in the last movie so they had a baby. She explained how they're making a movie about the Tiffany doll in this new Chucky movie so she's playing the part of Tiffany in that movie. Howard must have made a face so Jennifer asked him not to do that. He said he didn't make a face and had her continue her description of the movie. She thinks that Howard would love the movie.
Artie got in a quick plug for the movie ''Perfect Opposites'' which is that he and Jennifer started together in. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Jennifer that she's a role model for women across the United States. She also asked Jennifer if she knew who she was. Jennifer said that she's heard her on the show before and knew who she was. Another guy said that he was losing brain cells just listening to the interview today. He had a few insults that he threw at Jennifer. Howard tried to wrap up the interview a short time later. Jennifer said she'll be getting Sirius installed in her car when he makes the move. Howard gave her a plug for the new Chucky movie and said that it opens on November 12th.
Howard played some more Bill Clinton clips before having Robin start her news. He also played a new bit that Dan the Song Parody Man came up with. He used clips of Michael Powell to create a phony interview. A guy called in during the news and told Howard that he's heard that his company is going to try and get him off the air before his contract is up. They're apparently looking for loopholes to try and get him out of his contract. Howard said it's possible that they could kick him off before his contract is up and he doesn't really care. Benjy asked him if he would start at Sirius right away if Viacom fired him. Howard said he'd let Viacom pay him and he'd take a vacation. He also said he'd work on his new studio and get ready for the new show. Artie didn't think he'd be able to take a vacation for long. Howard said he'd be out in California working on the many projects he has in the works. He's got movie remakes, a cartoon and other stuff that he's working on that could keep him busy. Howard told Benjy he doesn't have a preference for what happens. He asked Benjy if he had a preference. When Benjy said he didn't, Howard said that's good because no one cares anyway.
A caller told Howard that they are mishandling votes down in Florida once again. There are something like 58,000 missing absentee ballots in Broward County. Howard said they didn't straighten things out after the last election and they're going to screw it up once again. Howard seems to think that it's because George W. Bush's brother Jeb knows that it will favor his brother in the election so that's why things haven't been straightened out.
After a break during the news, Howard said that Tom Chiusano was out in the hallway playing football with JD and a couple of the other guys. He heard about that and asked when they're going to let him out of his contract so he can get away from that place. Robin wrapped up her news after that and they ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said they had a huge show coming up today. They had Beetlejuice in his Halloween costume, Sandi Taylor and her friend and much, much more. Howard was also counting down the days until he gets a new President. He asked his fans in Cleveland to get together and vote for Kerry next week. He was also talking about how the FBI is finally investigating Haliburton. He read through some stories about the Supreme Court and what will happen if there is an electoral tie. Benjy got in on the conversation and argued with Robin about what will actually happen. Howard didn't know either way what happens so he told both Robin and Benjy that he's not sure but he knows that he needs his fans to vote. Howard asked the guys in the studio who they think will win, not who they want to win. Fred, Benjy, Robin and Howard all said that Kerry will win. Artie said there are people around the country that you just can't talk to and he believes that Bush will win. He's traveled around the country doing comedy shows and he's heard feedback from the people. Howard thinks that Kerry will win and Bush's administration is going to be investigated for some things that are going to be Watergate-like in importance. He believes that the people will come through and vote for Kerry.
Howard read an article from the NY Post today that talked about all of the lame TV show hosts that are going to get dressed up for Halloween on their shows. He said that people like Ellen Degeneres, Mat Lauer and Regis and Kelly are going to be getting dressed up for their shows so Howard doesn't want to be grouped with them. Howard is going to a Halloween party but he's refusing to dress up. Artie is going to wear something but he's going to do something easy and punk out like he did last year. Howard had to take a break after talking about that.
Robin brought up how there's an American Al Queda group and they have tape of a guy talking about how the people of America are guilty just like President Bush. The guy says that 9/11 was just the beginning of the war against this country. Howard said they need to get that guy and string him up... or put him on Hollyweird Squares with Daniel Carver. Artie has seen the video of this guy and it's pretty scary. The guy claims to be an American but the tape was made in Pakistan.
Howard had a phony phone call to play. Fred the Elephant Boy was at the station the other day so High Pitch Erik found out about that and got jealous. They had Fred make a prank call to Erik telling him that he was there recording the same lines that Erik is known for these days to make him jealous. In the call Fred and Erik catch up with each other and then Fred does some of Erik's infamous lines like ''Who's High Pitch'' ''I'm Kelly Clarkson'' and stuff like that. Erik demands to talk to Sal the Stockbroker or Richard Christy but he says that they left the room. Erik gets pissed that Fred is stealing his lines and calls Fred a ''bitch'' and says that he's the real Kelly Clarkson. Howard played some more of the lines that Fred recorded for them. High Pitch called in a short time later and did his Kelly Clarkson impression. He asked Howard if he can come in and get spanked in the RoboSpanker when it gets there. Howard said they should get Fred the Elephant Boy to come in instead because Erik wants it too much. Erik was doing his lines and saying that he hates Fred. Howard was trying to get him pissed off even more and told him that Fred was better at the Kelly Clarkson thing. He had the Fred tapes arguing with Erik on the phone. Erik insisted that he's better at it than Fred is. Howard was going to let Erik go but he kept playing the clips of Elephant Boy saying his lines. Erik asked him to stop playing them and that it was enough already. They also had Fred saying Gary's ''Hello, hello?'' line that Howard thought was pretty funny.
Erik had mentioned that he told some new neighbors of his to vote for John Kerry next week. Artie wondered if they run from him like the people on ''The Munsters'' do when they see them. Erik told Howard that he's going to war with Fred because of this stuff. He was getting pissed at Fred even though it was Howard who was playing the clips. Erik eventually got off the line and told Howard to have a good Halloween.
Howard said that they have Bobby Kennedy Jr. calling in later in the show and he's going to talk about how he was scheduled to do Bill O'Reilly's show but he was told that he couldn't badmouth President Bush in any way. Howard said that should be a pretty interesting call. He finished up the O'Reilly clip and said that he thought Bill would have had a good case against that woman if he'd gone through it. Jason had gone down to talk to O'Reilly at Rutgers recently to interview him but they canceled the Question and Answer segment.
Howard told Robin that Will came in dressed like Scott DePace for Halloween today. He said he was dressed up like him and had some padding in his ass. He wanted to have his picture taken for Howard's web site but Scott didn't want to stand next to him for the picture. Scott didn't think it was that funny and it was a lot of work for one little laugh. Will came in a short time later and showed the guys the costume. Howard thought that it was pretty funny. Will was putting on a southern accent and telling people to Vote Bush. Scott refused to admit that it was a good costume though. Scott said that he would never wear a shirt like Will was wearing. He seemed kind of pissed off about the whole thing and wanted Will to change out of the costume.
A phone caller told Howard that the High Pitch Erik and Elephant Boy thing was really funny so he replayed the prank call that Elephant Boy made to Erik. Howard seemed to find it even funnier this time. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard told the guys that Beetlejuice will be coming in later in the show dressed up for Halloween. He actually sat through the making of a cast of his head so a special effects guy could make a mold of his face. Howard said he sat through that one time and thought he was going to suffocate. Ralph was the one who actually did it and it freaked him out.
Howard brought Beetlejuice in after that. He was dressed as Howard Stern. He had baggy jeans, a black turtleneck and a mask on. You could barely hear him speak through the mask though. Beet said he wasn't having any trouble speaking. Howard said that they have a whole plaster cast of Beet's head since they had to take the mold of him anyway. Robin said that Beet was actually white this morning because they had his hands made up as well as his head. Beet's manager Sean was dressed up as Mike Myers from the ''Halloween'' movies. Howard liked the mask that Beet was wearing but he wished that he could rip it open more so he could hear him. Howard thought the whole thing was kind of weird.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said he was actually Beetlejuice. They had someone playing clips of the real Beetlejuice. The real Beetlejuice and the clips were arguing with each other for a few seconds. The real Beet was goofing on the caller by doing a high pitched voice. He kept telling himself that he was Howard Stern. It was kind of weird. Howard gave Beet a plug for an appearance he's making at the Haunted Woods in Smithtown, NJ this weekend. He said you can find more information at JollyDwarf.com. He's going to be playing a Vampire in a coffin. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial break.
Howard told the girls what he wanted them to do for him today. He said he wasn't going to give them any plugs unless she agreed to do something. Sandi told Howard she'd be perfectly happy if she didn't get any plugs today. Howard asked Sandi who she's voting for this coming week. She said she's going to vote for John Kerry. He asked her who his running mate is and she said George Bush. He then asked her who Bush's running mate was. She paused and said that it was John Kerry. Howard thought she might have had too much wine the night before. Sandi had no idea who John Kerry's running mate was. She knew that he had one but didn't know his name. Howard asked her what country we live in instead to give her something easier. She knew it was the United States of America. Howard gave them a plug for a party they're appearing at tonight but didn't give the complete plug. Howard told Sandi that he needed to know who John Kerry's Vice Presidential candidate was. She guessed that it was Dick Cheney. Gary told Howard that Sandi used to study before coming on the show but she didn't do that this time. Sandi did write down a question on her hand though. She wanted to know who Jack Mehoffer was. Howard thought it was funny that she had that written on her hand.
Howard told the girls that he wanted them to get dressed in the white tank tops they had for them to wear. For every plug they wanted, they had to let them shoot them with water pistols to wet down their shirts. Sandi said she couldn't get her hair wet though. Sandi distracted Howard for a second asking him if he thinks that Donald Trump would really be replacing him. Howard said that it would be kind of funny if they had him replace him but he's not sure if it will happen. Sandi and Alana eventually agreed to get into the tank tops. They went into the bathroom and changed and came out looking great according to the guys. Howard said that's what they should be wearing to their appearances. A few seconds later Artie was spraying them down with a big water pistol. He soaked them down immediately and said that he had perfect aim. Howard said that it was the greatest water pistol ever. Artie thought it might be a Super Soaker but he wasn't sure. Howard thought it was great. He gave them some plugs for the appearances they're making this weekend at the Chiller Theatre Expo in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Howard asked them if they wanted more plugs but they were freezing and didn't want to do anything else. You can check out these web sites to find out more:
The girls didn't want to get changed into anything else but Sandi asked for some water. Artie sprayed her down again. She was so cold that her teeth were chattering while Howard talked. Sandi told Howard that Alana would get into the tickle chair but she didn't want to get into a bikini bottom. She eventually agreed to get in it after Artie sprayed her down again. She got into the chair and Artie sprayed her down before Howard went over to tickle her. Howard talked about how great Sandi was looking today. She says that she's been working out and has a six-pack stomach now. Artie sprayed down Alana quite a bit while Howard made his way over to her. He then had one minute to tickle her. Gary kept track of the time for him. She asked him not to tickle her feet because they're the most ticklish part of her body. Howard had Artie take her shoes off so he could get her down there. He counted to 3 and then started to tickle her. Alana squealed out as Howard was tickling her. She managed to get in a plug for her web site AlanaCurry.com as she was screaming.Howard gave the girls some more plugs for their gig this weekend. Sandi said that there are a bunch of other celebrities that will be at the gig they're appearing at. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Bobby also points out how vulnerable our nuclear power plants are. Bush's administration has done nothing to protect them from terrorist attacks. There is nothing stopping terrorists from flying over the Indian Point nuclear power plant. He said they have no-fly zones over the Super Bowl and Disneyland but not over nuclear power plants. Howard gave Bobby a plug for his book ''Crimes Against Nature : How George W. Bush and His Corporate Pals Are Plundering the Country and Hijacking Our Democracy'' which is available now. He let him go right after that. He said the book is a really important read. Robin said that the Europeans are upset with our country because we pollute so much and Bush has done nothing to stop it.
Howard talked to Artie about how hot Sandra Taylor and Alana Curry were when they were getting soaked down earlier. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about how well Sandra has held up over the years. She's actually gotten better looking as she's gotten older. She's 37 now but she looks great according to the guys.
Al asked Howard if Benjy has been eating because he recently posted on the board that he was going on a fast. Howard said he brings in a ton of food every day and he's not fasting. Benjy said that he was going to go on a fast but he didn't get to it yet. Howard let Al go after that and said he's really sick of Benjy and his dopey diets.
Howard had Gary bring in Chaunce Hayden who he said looked horrible. He had dark hair today and it looked kind of odd to the guys. Howard thought he was wearing a hair piece or something but he swore it was his hair. Gary gave it a pull and it was stuck to his head. Chaunce tried to change subjects and goofed on Ronnie the Limo Driver's new limo. Howard said he didn't pick that limo though and the hair on Chaunce's head was something he did on his own. Howard said they reason he was in was to judge the Amputee Beauty Pageant. He has a fetish for the amputation thing so he was a good candidate for the job. Chaunce told a story on the show yesterday about how he got oral sex from a quadriplegic on his internet radio show one time. She couldn't move anything but her head but Chaunce said that she had feeling in her nipples. Howard said that was irrelevant though. He heard about this whole thing from someone and heard that he was running around the studio naked while it was all going on. He put the woman's hand in his lap and then put her foot down there. Chaunce claimed he was pushing the limits of FCC radio but Howard figured he just wanted to get oral. The woman ended up falling in love with him and wanted him to come visit her down in South Jersey. A phone caller told Howard that he heard that the woman fell down in the back of the van they brought her to the studio in. Chaunce said that was right and she did fall over in there. Howard played Fred the Elephant Boy's introduction for the Amputee Beauty Pageant and said he'd introduce everyone after the commercial break.
Howard introduced the first contestant, Hillary Link, who lost part of her leg to bone cancer. She was wearing her prosthesis so Howard wondered what was up with that. She said that it was kind of a pain in the ass for her to take it off because it was above the knee. Howard said that it might hurt her score. Hillary told Howard that she's met guy's like Chaunce who are into amputation thing. He had a guy come up to her at a park and asked her for her e-mail and stuff. She realized later that he was a ''Dev'' which was short for devotee. She told Howard about her cancer and how she suffered through that. She turned to drugs in her 20's after losing the leg in her teens. She's now drug free after going to rehab. When she got out of rehab she got raped by a guy who had just gotten out of prison. The guy broke into her house and raped her after peeking in her window. She said she asked the guy to use a condom but he told her he didn't have anything that she had to worry about. Artie started to do his ''Wah, wah'' bit that he did last week. Hillary said things are going pretty good for her now and it's not so bad. Howard asked her what the most offensive amputee joke was she ever heard. She said she doesn't get offended by them but a guy did make a crack about her having a wooden leg when she was out drinking one night. Howard asked the guys in the studio to come up with a score for Hillary.
Jeff the Drunk did some amputee stand-up comedy for the guys while they were scoring her. He'd taped a bunch of jokes about amputees for them. He wasn't live in the studio. After that Howard had Robin give her score for Hillary. Robin gave her an averaged out score of 7.5. Howard gave her a 6. Chaunce gave his score of 6. Artie gave her a 7. Howard told her that if she showed the stump, she would have had a higher score. She said it would be too tough for her to do that so Artie started in on her ''Wah, wah'' stuff again. Fred came in with his score of 6.
The next contestant up was Corrine Murray. She is missing an arm. Her hand was lost in a lawn mowing accident. Her grandmother took her for a ride on a lawn mower and she ended up falling off and got her hand stuck under the mower. Artie did some more of the ''Wah, wah'' stuff after hearing that. She said she used to think about that stuff as she was growing up but she was told that it wasn't really her fault because she was only 5 at the time it happened. Howard said that she looks good and has nice breasts. She offered to show her stump to the guys so Howard said to go ahead. Chaunce said ''nice'' in a very creepy way. He said that a beautiful girl with a stump is erotic and sensual to him. Corrine said that she's also been in two car accidents as well as the loss of her hand. She had the two accidents in 1997 within 4 months. Howard asked her a personality question about who her favorite amputee is. She said it was an olympic gymnast by the name of Amy Mullins. They talked to Corrine about the prosthetic she has and if she leaves it on when she has sex. She said that she takes it off because it's not very sexual. Artie asked her if he'd be able to take it on the road with him to use it on himself if he was with her. Corrine demonstrated the hand she has because it is able to move. She's only had it for 10 months so she's still trying to figure out how to make it work. Artie said ''Look what I can do!'' and started clapping. Howard had the guys give their scores after that. Fred gave her a 7.5 score. Artie came in with a 9, Chaunce also gave her a 9 while Robin gave her an 8. Howard gave her an 8 as well.
The third contestant came in after that. Jennifer Crum came in and took her arm right off. She looked smokin' hot according to Howard. She lost her arm in a car accident when she was 5 years old. Howard wondered if she was bitter about losing the arm. She said that she's not but Gary thought she wondered why her parents didn't sue over the accident. She said she didn't remember saying that. Jennifer said her arm ended up getting crushed in this accident and she has no idea what actually happened that day. She said she doesn't want to know either. Howard figured that her parents may not have had her buckled in or something but she didn't even want to think about it. Jennifer told Howard she has a boyfriend now and she's engaged. Howard asked if he does anything weird to her with the missing arm. Gary told Howard that Jennifer can also queef on command. Howard had her demonstrate so she had to lay down on the floor as she inhaled and exhaled air from her private parts. Chaunce was ready to give her an 11 as a score after that. She also barks like a dog so she demonstrated that for the guys. Howard then had the guys give their scores. Chaunce gave her a 10. He said there was nothing wrong with her at all. He said that he would lick her stump and do other things to her. She said that she actually puts the stump in her boyfriend's mouth and it looks like he swallowed her whole arm. Robin came in with a score of 8 while Artie gave her a 9. Fred gave her a 9 and Howard gave her an 8.
Howard brought in the fourth contestant who was missing her left leg. Her name was Dina. She lost her leg at age 11 to bone cancer. Howard wondered why they can't save a leg instead of just cutting it off. Dina said that it was pretty tough going through puberty without that leg. She would beat herself up mentally more than anyone else. She never had anyone pick on her or anything like that. Dina has a boyfriend right now. She's able to drive but can't drive a manual transmission. Howard had her take off her prosthetic so they could see her stump. Chaunce said it was hot. He said that he didn't think she had much of a personality though. Howard asked her if her man ever asks her to use the sump sexually. Chaunce believes that some women can have an orgasm if their stumps are rubbed the right way. Howard asked Dina if she would move to Mexico and never see her family again if she was offered the chance to have her leg back. She would not do that because she has come to accept it. Howard got everyone's score after that. Robin gave her an average score of 8. Fred came in with a 9.5 average. Artie gave her an 8.5 while Chaunce gave her an 8 and Howard gave her a 9.
The final contestant was Angela Shaner. She lost her left leg and ring finger. Howard found that to be interesting. At the age of 22 she lost the leg in a car accident. She was involved in a car accident but the other person wasn't drunk but they did have some alcohol in their system. Angela said that her leg was hanging off by a small artery and a tiny piece of skin. She was in a coma for 30 days after that and woke up to find her leg missing. She said she had a boyfriend at the time of the accident but he didn't have that many bad injuries. He's still with her to this day. Gary said that the finger was reattached at the time but it kind of fell off a couple of weeks later. They weren't able to reattach it a second time but she refused to let it go until it started to stink. The other people in the accident wished that she'd lost her other leg in the accident after she brought them to court. Angela showed the guys her stump after that. She thought that it looked kind of like ''a man's dingaling.'' Angela says that she can't afford a new prosthesis because her father left her mother for a 27 year old and ended up taking the money that was sent to her for the hospital bills and stuff. Howard had the guys give their scores after that. Chaunce gave her a 7 because she didn't turn him on enough. Robin gave her a 7.5 while Howard gave her an 8. He wants to give her the money so she can get a new leg. Artie gave her an 8 and Fred came in with a 8.5. He said if she had makeup on, she may have been knocked up to a 9.
Howard said that all of the women were beautiful and wished that they could all win the $10,000. There were other prizes for them that Gary would talk about later. Howard had Gary tell them who the winner was. It was Jennifer who won by 1 point. Howard asked her if it was worth losing her hand to win the $10,000. She said ''Absolutely!'' The prize money was courtesy of the movie ''Saw'' which opens today. Gary told the girls about the other prizes they had to give the girls who didn't win. They had a DVD player and some cell phones that they'd be giving them. Howard also said that he would personally buy Angela a new leg because he felt bad for her. He said she really needs the leg and he is willing to buy it. He doesn't want to get one too fancy though. A minute later he took a call from a guy, Mark Goldberg, who was willing to offer a free prosthesis to Angela. Howard was relieved because he was off the hook. He got in a plug for his Prosthetic lab. Robin figured Howard knew that the guy was on the phone so that's why he made his offer to begin with. Howard swore he didn't know the guy was going to offer a prosthesis though. One of the other girls needed help with a leg as well so Mark said he'd see what he could do to help out. Howard had to go to commercial after that.