Howard and the guys returned from their summer vacation this morning. Howard started off talking about how pissed people get when they take vacation and how it's kind of a compliment. Howard pointed out how all of the TV shows like ''Friends'' take months off at a time and no one yells about that.
Howard asked Robin how her trip to Amsterdam was with Gary. She said it was actually very good. Howard said it must have been good because Gary was clearing his throat this morning like crazy. Gary came in and said he left the studio when he had to start doing that. Gary went on to tell Howard that Stuttering John and Robin are still at odds over the whole Amsterdam trip because of the fight they had before the vacation. Gary said something about Robin saying to John that she wanted to crap in his mouth or something like that because of the whole Amsterdam trip.
Howard changed the subject and said that there's a lot of stuff to talk about today. He brought up the Kobe Bryant story and how people are jumping to conclusions about him before they even know the facts. Howard and the guys talked about that for a short time and Howard said he might not be a rapist like they're saying in the news. Howard said this woman who is claiming that Kobe raped her may have issues of her own. Howard read some stuff about her and she might be a little wacky herself. Gary said he was checking out her web site recently. Howard wanted to check that out so he asked Gary to forward the address to him. While he was doing that Howard took a commercial break. They never did give out the address.
Howard moved on to talk about staying out in The Hamptons during his vacation. He said there are a few other celebrities out there. He mentioned Billy Joel and talked about that for a minute. He went on to talk about going to some place out there and picked up a copy of a free newspaper. A woman came up to him when he grabbed it and this woman told him she was the publisher of it. A short time later she asked him if she could take a picture of him with her paper. Howard told her ''No'' because he didn't know what the paper was like and didn't want his picture put in it. Howard said he went on to go shopping in this store and the woman followed him around the whole store. Howard said the next thing he knew the woman was on the news talking about his food shopping trip and how she followed him around. He said it's a big deal for some reason when he goes shopping for himself out there in the Hamptons. Howard said he went to dinner with Billy Joel and his girlfriend and that didn't make it to the news but his food shopping trip did. He seemed to think that was kind of strange. Howard said he was thrilled that someone would be fascinated by his shopping trip but it is kind of annoying.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him how his trip to the casino was over vacation. Howard said he went to the Mohegan Sun casino with Dominic Barbara. He was going to get to that story but he had so many other things to talk about he said his head was spinning. He talked a little more about Kobe Bryant before telling that story. He eventually got back to it and talked about how he didn't want to get on a boat with Dominic again after the last trip he had where it was almost like ''Gilligan's Island.'' Dominic hired someone to drive the boat for him and convinced Howard to go. Howard said Dominic had him, Wayne Siegel from Legend Porsche Audi and some others. Howard spent a minute talking about how much he likes Wayne because he sold him this Audi A8 recently and how great the car is. Howard said the GPS system in the car is great and he loves it. He said it's easy to operate and it gets him where he wants to go. He said a couple of times it did take him to the wrong place but he just hit a button and a live operator helped him get to the right place. Robin wondered if we were going to see Howard on a commercial pushing this On-Star thing after the way he was talking about it. Howard said the service is great and told everyone about how helpful it was.
Howard got back to the boat trip and said his buddies Artie, Ross and Richie were also on the trip. None of their girlfriends or wives went along. Howard said he drove the guys to the boat and said he wasn't going to get on the boat if Dominic was going to drive. Howard said he asked this boat Captain how he was supposed to know he was a captain. The guy told him he has a license but he didn't have it on him at the time. Howard said once they were on the boat Dominic demanded that he wanted to drive his boat with the captain helping. Howard said as soon as the pulled out Dominic ran over some guy's dingy and the guy was almost drowning in the water. Dominic blamed the guy in the dingy and said it was all his fault. Howard said after that they headed up to the Mohegan Sun casino and said the guys were all goofing on the fact that they were going to an Indian casino. They were starting off a lot of their sentences with ''Me this... Me that...'' Artie said that the guy who Dominic was running over had his wife on the dock and she was staring at Howard as they were pulling out.
Howard said a little while into the trip they had military guys coming up to the boat with guns pointed at them because they were too close to a military zone. They made Dominic go very slow as they passed by. They eventually got out of there and could get back up to speed. Howard said there was a woman anchored out in the area and she was just laying there sunning herself. Dominic gunned the boat and created a wake that almost rocked her out of it. Artie said there were also some girls rowing out in the water and he almost tipped them over as well. Howard said Dominic was having trouble with his radio and couldn't get the right channel. They eventually docked after that and Dominic was able to do that pretty well. Artie said that Richie was petrified when he saw Dominic running the guy over earlier in the trip. They were lucky that they could dock after almost running the guy over earlier.
Howard said they had a limo waiting there at the dock for them. Dominic was giving the guy a hard time about the way they were driving to the casino. Then the driver had some ideas he wanted to give to Howard but Dominic got pissed and thought he was driving the long way to the casino so he could talk to Howard. Howard said the driver was really cool and nice and told Dominic to stop complaining. When they got to the casino they had a lame spread of food. Dominic was telling them that they were going to have a great spread but it wasn't all that great. It turns out Dominic was dropping his name and told the casino that they were bringing Howard there. Howard said there's no telling how much he dropped his name before they went up there.
Howard said they spent an hour and 15 minutes playing craps once they started gambling. While he was talking about that Dominic called in and said he had a great line when he ran over the guy in the dingy. He said he was going to sue the guy for hitting his boat. Howard went on to talk about how much they were gambling. Howard said when they were getting read to leave Howard was playing some Blackjack and actually won some money. He won about $1,600. Artie said he lost about $3,500 that day. He was up some money but ended up losing it all on a hand of Blackjack. Howard said Artie is such a loser when it comes to gambling.
Howard said they lost Ross at the casino and he got really pissed at him. They said some things to one another and it wasn't pretty. Artie said he had to walk away because it was so scary. Howard said the two of them ended up fighting and telling each other about things people have said about each other. They made up with each other a short time later though. Howard said he put some toilet paper in Ross' pants so it was hanging out the back. He said he was so drunk he didn't know it was there. Howard said when Ross got home his girlfriend was massaging him and found some of this toilet paper in his underwear and thought he had an accident or something.
Howard said he and Ross are best friends again after that fight. He said it didn't last long and now they don't hate each other but hate Linda Lopez. He said he was just kidding about that though. He said Linda and Ross had words with each other over something one time but that should be taken care of as well. Gary said Ross told him about the trip but left out the argument with Howard. Howard said he was so drunk he probably doesn't even remember it. Howard was also drunk so the fighting was all nonsense. Howard talked about how funny their fight was and about some of the stuff they were saying to each other. Ross was claiming that Linda Lopez said that Beth (Howard's girlfriend) is in love with her boyfriend so much that she'd leave Howard for him in a second.
Howard took a call from a guy who was at the casino. He said no one was keeping people from hanging out near them so he asked Artie for an autograph. The guy didn't have much of a story but he did say that Dominic got pissed at him because he was smoking a cigar. Howard said Dominic ended up getting all freaked out by the cigar smoke and asked him to put it out. Howard said the guy might have had an interesting story but his phone connection sucked so he hung up on him.
Howard and Artie spent a few more minutes talking about their Craps game and how much fun they had doing that. Artie said they played it for like 5 hours and it seemed like it was only 5 minutes. Howard also mentioned that Beth is on the cover of Hampton's Magazine so they went to a party one night for that. He said he's been drinking so much lately that when he had a straight vodka, he thought it tasted like water.
Howard said even though they were at an Indian casino, he never saw any Indians there. He figures the place is probably run by some guy named ''Joey'' and there's no Indians running it. He talked about how well Dominic was doing playing craps and how Artie brought the winning streak to a halt when he started playing. Wayne Siegel was on the phone and mentioned something about a little Asian woman who wanted to play at their table but Dominic wanted her thrown out because she was going to ruin the win streak. They talked about a couple of other things before Wayne got off the phone.
Another phone caller mentioned that Cher was up there at the casino that day. Artie said he heard they were in the suite right next to Cher while they were there. The caller told Howard about some of the other stuff they have going on up there at that casino. Howard said he had tons of other stuff to talk about but he had to take another break first. He ended up talking about this Chinese woman that Dominic had kicked out and how pissed she was. He went to break right after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was joking about how Howard shouldn't be bashing the Germans. He then said he lost a relative in the concentration camps during World War II... because he fell out of a watch tower. Howard seemed to find that kind of funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Kobe Bryant story. That got Howard talking about it again. Howard said he can't believe how the news stories about him are already bashing him even though he hasn't been convicted of any crime yet. Howard read one of the articles about Kobe and this girl and talked about it for a short time. Howard said people are surprised that Kobe was caught cheating on his wife behind her back but it's really not that surprising. Howard explained why guys have to cheat on their women because they eventually get sick of them. Guys want a little bit of strange poon tang once in a while even if their wives or girlfriends are really hot.
Howard changed subjects and brought up this story about the ''Bambi Hunt'' story out of Las Vegas. This is where guys hunt naked women with paintball guns. Howard explained the game and how there may be some trouble over the whole thing out in Vegas. Howard said the women get $2,500 if they don't get shot but only $1,000 if they do get shot. Howard said it's probably a bunch of older fat dudes chasing these girls around in 110 degree heat. Howard said they tell the guys to aim for the women's asses in the game but they're taking shots at their breasts of course. Howard said the game probably attracts heroin addict women to play the game. Howard said the game costs guys $10,000 and he'd rather get a hooker and shoot her with paintball guns alone. Howard said you can actually buy video tapes of these Bambi Hunts for like $20. He seems to think he's going to be blamed for stuff like this as well.
Howard brought up the story about the 86 year old guy who killed 10 people when he ran his car through a market out in Los Angeles while they were on vacation. He talked about that for a few seconds and then took a phone call from a woman who said she believes that Kobe Bryant is innocent. Howard and Artie ended up goofing around talking about the story for a minute. Howard said he had the press conference on tape and was going to play that. Captain Janks called in and said that Kobe was only charged with sexual assault and not rape. Howard said he wants to believe that Kobe is innocent until he's convicted of a crime. Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard what he thinks of the whole thing. After talking about that for a minute Howard said Artie and Dominic drove back to the city together and stopped to eat. Howard said Artie told him that Dominic was eating a ton of linguini when they ate. They talked about that a little bit before Howard got him off the phone. Debbie Schlussel called in a short time later and said Kobe Bryant was biting his lip a lot during his press conference and she hasn't seen someone do that since President Clinton talked about not having sex with Monica Lewinsky. Debbie also brought up the fact that Dr. Phil is coming out with a diet book later this year and he's not thin. Howard said there are a lot of diet people who write books and stuff and they're still fat. He mentioned that Richard Simmons and a couple of others who aren't skinny by any means and have no reason to be writing diet books. Howard said he'd play the Kobe Bryant press conference thing after the break and went right to commercial.
Howard said there was a lot of other stuff going on over vacation. He said the grill guy Steve Raichlen came by his place to teach him some grilling stuff. Howard said Fred showed up to the event and they had a bunch of grills there to play with. Howard said he's been talking about how cool grilling is and how he bought this guy's book ''How to Grill: The Complete Illustrated Book of Barbecue Techniques'' and how great that was. Howard had been talking about how good the book was and how easy it is to cook with his recipes. He said the guy describes how to do everything in the book and even he was able to grill. After he got the book he talked about it on the air and it shot up to number 7 on the best seller list. The guy was thrilled and offered to give Howard cooking lessons. Howard wasn't going to do it but a bunch of the guys on the show were interested in learning so he did it. Raichlen offered to cook them dinner as well. Howard said Steve and his wife and some kids came along with him. Howard said he wasn't sure about how they were all related but he didn't care, all he wanted to do was learn how to grill. Howard said he was grouchy all morning before the guy came because he wasn't sure it was going to work out. He didn't think he'd want to talk to the guy and his family. Howard said Steve's wife was thinking the same thing and actually taped up her breasts and wore a tight shirt so he wouldn't see her breasts. She apparently though he was crazy and didn't know what to expect.
Howard said Scott DePace from E! was there at the grilling class as well. Steve brought along a bunch of Weber grills with him so they could have everyone working on grills. Howard said he was using his grill and everyone else was using the other grills. Howard said the food turned out great and he's never seen it come out so good. Stuttering John was there and got some lessons as well. John came in and said the beer can chicken they made was amazing.
While John was in Howard asked him about his fight with Robin. John said he tried calling Robin to make up but she never called him back. Robin and Gary ended up going to Amsterdam over vacation and had a great time. John had backed out of the trip weeks ago so Robin took his spot and got in a fight with him over the whole situation. Gary is now getting all of the bookings with the Heineken people. Gary and Robin talked about how funny it is over there in Amsterdam. Robin said she got her share of weirdness to last her a lifetime. She said they have banana bars over there and the women serve them by holding them in their private parts so the guys can eat them. Gary said he and his wife went out to check out some of the hookers on a Thursday night and the women got better looking on the weekends. He told Howard that they went to a live sex show one night and it was kind of a let down. He said it was more like a bad Bachelor party. He said it was more like a dance than regular sex.
Robin and Gary talked about their tour of the Heineken factory museum and stuff like that as well. They were very impressed with that and Robin started drinking the beer. Gary said everyone there in Amsterdam rides a bicycle so when they were being driven around in this 1970's Cadillac limo, people were yelling and spitting at the car. They said everything there is small. Robin said the houses are so small that Howard wouldn't be able to live there. They went to the Anne Frank house and the Van Gough museum too. They talked about some of the other odd things they saw there as well. Gary said Robin and Mr. X were only there for 2 days. Gary stayed for 4 days. Gary said Robin was pounding down the Heineken's there and stayed out really late with Gary.
Robin mentioned how strong the pot is over in Amsterdam and how much John would have enjoyed it. John said he's now quit smoking pot because he got so wasted over the weekend that he doesn't want to do it anymore. He said he was so high he was having hallucinations. John was rambling about that night but Howard couldn't understand what he was talking about so he cut him off and let Gary tell more of his stories.
Gary told Howard about how the prostitute thing works over there and how they're all segregated for some reason. He said there are blocks of black chicks then a block of Asian chicks and then the next block would be the local blond chicks. Gary said some of the women were almost supermodel quality. Robin said there were actually day care centers on the same streets that the whore houses were on. There was also a blue light district for transsexuals. He and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about that stuff.
Howard mentioned that they're looking for people to play ''Naked Daredevil'' next week. They just want people to do stunts in the studio naked and the winner will get $5000 and a trip to the Playboy mansion. Call the show 1-800-44-STERN to get in if you're interested.
Howard brought up the fact that singer Barry White died while they were on vacation. Howard said he didn't have any tape of him singing but he did have tape of him freaking out while taping a commercial one time. He played that and we heard the late singer getting pissed as he tried to read the lines for the commercials. The guys found some Barry White music for Howard to play. He played that and said that White was good. He said he pictures a couple of gay guys dancing to it when he hears it though.
Howard said he bought a bunch of CDs while he was on vacation. He talked about some of the odd stuff he was listening to at his grilling party. He said he had one called the Buddha Bar collection. He described it and said it made his party sound like a night club. He said it only sounds good when a lot of people are over. Artie said you need to have over a lot of people to drown out the music. He also liked the band Evanescence.
Howard said his parents came out to his place so he grilled them up a bunch of stuff. He told Robin about all of this stuff he made and how they were all eating but not saying much. He said his mother loved the salad. He went through this whole thing to make up the grilled stuff and his mother was thrilled with the salad. He said they didn't say a thing about the 2 day marinaded chicken. He said his mother told him to keep up with his grilling lessons instead.
Howard played a track from Evanescence's album Fallen. He said he listened to Norah Jones' album and Coldplay as well. He quickly mentioned that he liked Pete Yorn too. Stuttering John came in a few minutes later and told Howard they were getting calls from people who said that the lead singer chick from Evanescence hates him. He took one of the calls and the guy said she bashed him in a local radio station bumper. Howard said he doesn't care, he still likes the music. Howard went on to say that he also liked the Justin Timberlake album that his buddy suggested he get. None of the guys were happy to hear that though. He said he threw it out after listening to it. Artie said he really enjoyed the new White Stripes album. Howard said it was okay but he wasn't thrilled with it. Howard said he listened to some Metallica over the break but it was the old stuff, not their new album.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can come in for the Naked Daredevil contest. He said he can bench press naked and his nutsack will disappear into his body. Howard said that he was afraid that this was the type of thing people were going to want to do. He talked to the guy about that for a minute and how odd it was that someone would bench press nude and want to do it more than one time. Howard put the guy on hold and told him they'd take his name if they were interested in having him come in.
Howard mentioned a picture they had of Arnold Schwarzenegger over the vacation. He said the picture was of Arnold in a speedo type bathing suit and it was very disturbing. He said he would have looked great if he was wearing some shorts or something. Howard also said he saw a picture of Charlize Theron without makeup and he's over her now. He doesn't know why he was so excited over her after seeing that picture. That led to the guys talking about how ''Charlie's Angels'' flopped while they were on vacation so Howard was thrilled about that. He said that means all of those annoying chicks have to shut up now. Robin brought up the ''Pirates of the Carribean'' movie with Johnny Depp and how good that was. Howard and the guys talked about a couple of other movies before Howard had to take a break.
Howard moved on and played the Kobe Bryant press conference tape to start off Robin's news. Howard and Robin described the scene as Kobe broke down crying as he talked about his legal troubles. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) also called in with some details he's heard about Kobe. There were some other callers who also had their thoughts on the whole situation.
A woman called in at one point and said she heard that Howard and Beth got married recently so she wanted to know if it was true or not. She said she heard it from someone Howard probably knows but she wouldn't say who that was. Howard eventually got fed up with trying to figure it out so he hung up on her. Howard said he's not married and he's not getting married.
Howard mentioned this story about the guy who recently came out of a 19 year coma. He said they haven't told the guy yet but the daughter he had, who was only 6 weeks old when he had his accident, is now all grown up and a stripper. His wife moved on and got married to another guy and had some kids with him as well. Howard said they'll probably tell the guy about all of the good things before they break that bad news to the guy. Howard said they'll probably tell him about the technology that exists and how there are 100 TV channels and DVDs and stuff like that. Then they'll quickly tell him that his daughter is a stripper. The guys had some fun talking about that for a couple of minutes before Robin started her news segment.
Howard said he had a tape of Benjy making a phony phone call to an old lady as a horse and has phone sex with her. Howard asked Benjy when he made the call but he wasn't in the studio yet. Howard said he was laughing at the call so hard he was crying as he listened to it off the air. He didn't play it right away though.
Howard said they have P. Diddy coming in later in the morning. They spent a minute talking about him and how he throws these white parties where everyone dresses up in white. Howard said they have this guy Curly coming in as well. That guy has his body covered in Three Stooges tattoos. Comedian Scott Thompson will also be sitting in for the news. Tomorrow Tommy Lee is stopping by so Howard said he's going to talk to him about the whole Pamela Anderson thing. Joan Rivers will also be in later in the week.
Howard said they're having basketball player Daryl Dawkins in so they're going to talk to him about the Kobe Bryant thing. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that before moving on to other stuff.
Extreme Fan Bobo called in and asked Howard about his dinner with Billy Joel during his vacation. Howard didn't say much about it other than who paid for dinner. Bobo also asked him about his grilling party. Howard didn't sound like he was into talking about that stuff and gave a couple of details about Stuttering John getting into the grilling and that was about it. Howard ended up asking Bobo about his hair piece and goofed on him about that for a short time. He got off the phone after that and took another call. The caller asked Howard about Fred showing up to his place for the grilling party. Howard had to hang up on the guy but talked to Robin about how Fred was at the party. He ended up talking about himself after that and how much he was drinking over vacation. He said he drank every day while he was off. Artie said he did the same thing. Howard said he was drinking so much he ended up talking to his drink telling it that he couldn't see it anymore. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that he hung out with Fred at the party and had some conversations with him. John said Fred was okay at the party and he had some good talks with him. Howard said he rarely talks to Fred and doesn't get to know him very well at things like that. Howard also said that Fred never invites him over to his house. Fred said that he figures Howard is always so busy that he wouldn't be able to come over anyway. Howard said it was a mistake to even mention that and told him he doesn't have to invite him over. Fred said he gets mixed messages like that all the time from him.
Howard said Scott DePace from E! was telling him that Fred spent most of his time talking to his lawyer friend most of the time he was at his party. Fred said that wasn't true but he did bring that friend to the party. DePace came in and spent a short time talking about the grilling party. Howard said he and Scott had some fun at the party and got to know each other a little better. Howard spent a short time on that before taking his first break of the morning.
A caller told Howard they call his sticky ball problem ''Bat Wings'' because that's what it looks like when the sack sticks to your leg. Another guy called in and told Howard what to use on his balls to keep them from sticking. He told him to use Lotramin for jock itch. Howard said he's not itching though so he doesn't need jock itch stuff. Yet another guy called in and said to use Gold Bond Medicated Powder instead of talcum powder. Robin told Howard to just use corn starch and not use talcum powder. She said she still couldn't stop picturing Artie powdering himself either.
Howard brought up this Latin singer Celia Cruz who recently died. Yesterday Robin mentioned that her body is out on tour before she's buried so Howard was saying that's what he wanted to do with Sam Kinison when he died. He said he's going to ask Joan Rivers about doing something like that with her when she comes in this week. Robin said tens of thousands of people lined up to look at her yesterday. They're actually dressing her up in different outfits while she's out on this tour as well. She apparently had this idea before she died and they're granting her wish. Robin said the news coverage is like a Presidential death or something like that. They're down at these places interviewing people and Howard said they're thinking of televising the tour and the funeral. Howard read an article that said a few channels will be covering it in the New York area. Howard went on to talk about what an uproar there was when he mentioned he didn't like Selena's music after she was killed years ago. Howard said people got so pissed that he was almost charged with her death. He said he was going to play Celia's music and just say he likes it so he doesn't get in trouble. He played some of it and said he could lift weights to it. Howard played another track and said ''Well, I like it.'' Artie said if you walk out of Yankee Stadium and make a right, you'll hear that music. Howard said when they sent someone down to get her music, all they could find was her double box set that was $40. Everything else was sold out.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she watched this guy Michael Savage every night and he was a no-nonsense type of guy who didn't take crap from anyone. Howard spent a minute on that but told the woman that claiming he didn't know he was on the air was kind of strange.
Howard took some calls from people who brought up Celia Cruz and told him how much happiness she brought to people around the world. One woman said she knows that Howard might not like the music but a lot of people loved it. Howard told her that he said he liked it and had to defend himself already and he hadn't said anything negative about her at all. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said they have this game ''Naked Daredevil'' coming up next week and they need people to play. The winner gets $5,000 and a trip the Playboy mansion. He said the person who does the wackiest thing while they're naked will win. Howard said the only call they've gotten so far is the guy yesterday whose balls get sucked into his body when he bench presses weights.
Howard read an article about Kobe Bryant in the paper and ended up talking about him for a while. He and the guys talked about how strange it is that Kobe's wife sticks by him through all of this stuff. They talked about Darrel Strawberry's woman and Hillary Clinton as a couple of other examples of women who stick by their men through some weird stuff. Howard brought up Marcia Clarke who was interviewed about the Kobe Bryant thing. He said Johnny Cochran will probably be brought into the whole thing as well. The guys talked about the case and what they think about it. Artie said the town where the case is going to take place has only 142 residents that are black out of 40,000 or so. Howard said they did some interviews out on the street on the news last night and all of the black people who were interviewed think that Kobe is innocent.
Howard said he saw the web site this guy set up showing pictures of the woman who accused Kobe of raping her. Howard said he didn't give it out because he didn't feel it was right. He said Joey Boots found out her ICQ address and started asking her to do the show. When she said she wouldn't do it, he started calling her names and stuff. Howard saw what Joey wrote and said it was pretty funny.
Howard gave Curly a plug for his album ''Poop and Turds'' which is available on his web site CurlyComic.com. Howard was starting to wrap up the interview but Curly wanted to show him the biggest tattoo he has on his body. He had to turn around to show him his back. Howard and the guys couldn't believe all of the stuff he had on him. Robin wondered how far he went on his body so he showed her his legs that are also covered in tattoos of the Three Stooges. He has different scenes pictured on his body. He said he doesn't have anything on his ass yet. Howard told him to leave that space open. He said he does have one of Larry down by his private parts so his penis is Larry's nose. Howard told him he should have come in for the Naked Daredevil contest or something. He said he'd get his nutsack pierced if he wanted. Howard didn't sound interested in that though. Howard gave Curly another plug for his album and ended the interview. He asked Curly if he could take a picture of him so he could get him tattooed all over his body. He took a break shortly after that.
Henry got in a plug for this art show he's doing. It's going to be at 2001 Lincoln Blvd. in Venice, CA. Henry says he's doing some good stuff before he dies so he can get into heaven when he dies. He said he paints these water color paintings and he is giving some money to some charities. He claims he's giving 25 percent to charity and the show people take a percentage of the sales as well. He got in a couple more plugs for the art show and was ready to get off the phone. Robin said she saw Henry out in Las Vegas at a restaurant when they were out there and Henry kept staring at her while she was eating. Henry said she's the most beautiful black woman he's ever seen and couldn't take his eyes off of her. Howard got him off the phone and Robin talked about how strange it feels to have him staring at you with those beady eyes of his.
Howard got back on the subject of Celia Cruz and mentioned that this guy Paco is helping out with her funeral. Paco is this guy who they used to talk to on the show and actually helped him out when he was in jail. Howard said they helped the guy out years ago but now Gary is telling him that the guy blows him off when he sees him. The guys spent a few minutes talking about the Celia Cruz funeral. Gary came in and said that Will from the back office went down to the funeral and the line to get in was about a six hour wait.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up how hot the chick that Vern Troyer is dating is.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that the pictures that are circulating on the web of the girl who is accusing Kobe Bryant of raping her may be the wrong girl. He said that CNN reported that earlier in the morning. Howard only spent about 30 seconds with Chaunce before chasing him off the phone.
Howard took a call from another guy who wanted to get in on the Naked Daredevil contest. He wanted to do something with poop in a pool or something wacky like that. Howard put him on hold so they could set him up.
Howard said J.D. Taped a bunch of stuff for them to play while they were on vacation. Howard had a clip from a news program where they interviewed this actress Shelley Morrison from ''Will and Grace'' who was arrested for shoplifting. In the clip she basically says she doesn't remember stealing anything. Howard said that's the Halle Berry excuse because after Halle hit some people in her car, she drove off and claimed that she didn't remember doing it. Howard had to take another break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard said he read that P. Diddy was at a party out in the Hamptons and ended up bringing that party back to his place. Howard also heard that Bruce Willis heard the party was going to be so good that he flew in by helicopter. He said he heard that everyone at the party was getting naked as well. Combs said that it was an adult party and there was some nudity there at the party but it wasn't mandatory. Combs said that he usually has a ratio of 3 women to 1 man at his parties. Robin said that's where she saw Star Jones talking to another woman and it looked like she was about to eat her. Howard and Artie were goofing on Star but P. Diddy said she's a beautiful woman and wouldn't say anything bad about her.
Howard talked to P. Diddy about his clothing line Sean John (SeanJohn.com) that is doing really well. Howard said he wears his stuff all the time and likes his products.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she heard that people who didn't get naked at his party had to get out of the pool and leave. She also asked him if he's really trying to buy the NY Knicks basketball team. He said he would like to do that but all he's done so far is put the word out. He hasn't heard back from them yet. He said they need to get some new blood in their to make the team great. He said he'd have to have a winning team and would like to put people like Yao Ming on the team.
Howard asked Diddy about the many women he's banged in his life and how he keeps them from talking. He said he doesn't just pick up women and bang them the same night or anything like that. He said he has to spend some time with them first to get to know them.
Howard said they have a couple of interns there at the station who want to bang P. Diddy. He brought the girls in and let them talk to him. The girls said they just wanted to meet him, not bang him. Howard said that means the same thing to him. A third intern came in so Howard had the girls talk to him a little bit. One of the girls said she'd love to go to one of his parties. Gary came in and said that one of the girls made a special trip in this morning just to meet P. Diddy because she wasn't supposed to be in. Howard asked the girls if any of them have been with a black man before. None of them spoke up.
Howard got back to P. Diddy and asked him about this Rat Pack thing with Ashton Kutcher. P. Diddy said he's putting together a group of guys that includes Ashton and Jamie Foxx. He's got more in the works but said he can't talk about it right now. Howard asked Diddy about hanging out with Ashton and Demi Moore. He didn't have a lot to say about her but did say that she is a lovely woman.
Howard took some phone calls for P. Diddy and let some people ask him some questions. One guy brought up this Rockefeller drug law thing so Combs spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Double A also called in and asked Sean about J-Lo's ass and if it's the best in the business. Sean said it's definitely the best in the business. The guys also asked him about what he thinks of Jennifer's relationship with Ben Affleck. He didn't have anything bad to say about that either and said he likes the whole ''Ben and Jen'' thing.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked P. Diddy if he still smokes weed but Diddy changed the subject and brought up the ''Bad Boys II'' soundtrack album. Another caller asked him if Jennifer is shaved down below. P. Diddy said that he didn't want any more questions about that because he doesn't have answers to those questions.
Howard got to the soundtrack album and played the track ''Shake Your Tailfeather'' that features P. Diddy, - Nelly and Murphy Lee. He played a minute or so of that track and then played ''Show Me Your Soul'' that Lenny Kravitz worked on with P. Diddy, Pharrell Williams and Loon. Howard had to cut the song off because there was some cursing in it.
Howard took a few more phone calls for P. Diddy after that. Some racist calls got through but P. Diddy handled them just fine. He also got a call from a guy who had some Knicks questions. Diddy said that he'd make the Knicks City Dancers dance topless. Howard and Artie liked that idea. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Comedian Scott Thompson came in to hang out during the news today. Howard said he looked a little more relaxed this time. He was wearing shorts so he looked more relaxed. Scott picked up on Howard's muscle t-shirt so Howard joked that he wore it just for him.
Howard asked Scott, who is gay, which guy on the show is the most attractive to him. He said it's Gary. Howard and the guys said Gary gets that all the time for some reason. Scott said he likes Gary's face. Gary said he has a swarthy look that gay guys seem to like. Scott said it's his full lips as well. Gary said this gay comedian Gay Jaffe once told him that he pleasured himself to his image one time. The guys were talking about Gary's big teeth at one point and Howard said he heard that he chipped one of his teeth recently. Gary said he did that while he was over in Amsterdam. He said he was really drunk and hit his tooth with a glass of water and chipped it. Scott said he likes bad teeth like that and he should have left it alone.
Howard also heard that Gary has gotten his son involved in Water Polo. He asked him about that and said it's kind of a gay sport. Scott said Water Polo is really not a gay sport. Gary said it's actually a pretty cool sport.
Scott had said something about Gary having a ''rumpled'' face so Gary asked him about that. Scott said it was as if someone created his face and then decided it wasn't right so they rumpled it up and went over it with a roller or something. Howard said he figured Scott would have gone for someone like Fred instead of Gary when he was asked about who was attractive to him. Scott said he also likes Vin Diesel and George W. Bush for some reason. He spent a couple of minutes talking about some of the other guys he finds attractive before Howard had Robin start her news.
Howard started off talking about how, when he was a little boy, he used to practice talking into a tape recorder and dreamt he'd one day be able to broadcast over the air. His dream came true and now he's doing that. He mentioned that Artie was there helping him bring that dream alive. Artie said when he was a kid he dreamt about playing for the Yankees. Howard said he had more realistic dreams than Artie did. Howard also mentioned Fred and Benjy being there and Artie asked if they could get Benjy a big towel because he was soaking wet from the rain. Robin was also there so Howard spoke to her for a minute. He said that Joan Rivers would be in later and comedian Reverend Bob Levy would be sitting in during the news.
Howard brought up the funny phoney phone call Benjy made to this 66 year old woman. He played the call during yesterday's show and replayed it this morning. In the call Benjy has phone sex with the woman pretending that he's a horse. He has the old woman telling him that she wants to screw her horse and stuff like that. Howard said that it's funny how Benjy puts on a phony voice when he calls the woman and there's no way that anyone is going to recognize him so there's no reason to do that. Benjy wasn't sure why he did that. The woman also named her horse ''shorty'' which was kind of odd. The guys talked about the call for a minute and then went to commercial break.
Howard had a clip from the ESPY Awards where this handicapped guy received an award. The guy was rambling and making some unusual sounds that the guys found pretty funny. Robin said she had to listen to that again because it was so strange. Howard said that Robin Williams made a speech after that and he sounded almost like the handicapped guy. Williams was all over the place trying to be funny. Howard replayed the handicapped guy and compared it to the Imus show because you never quite understand what either of them are saying. He said between that guy and Robin Williams, you don't know what's going on. The guys were trying to figure out what the handicapped guy was talking about but it was tough. They were picking up bits and pieces of the speech but still couldn't quite understand what he was talking about.
Howard had tape of this woman talking to Larry King about Kobe Bryant recently. The woman was saying that she finds it hard to believe that Kobe could have allegedly raped a woman. She said he was never like that with her. Howard said some friends of the 19 year old accuser were interviewed and they were all over the place like 19 year olds can be. He played that clip and some others. He had a clip of Patsy Ramsey making the 911 call after their daughter Jon Benet was killed. In the call she freaks out and tells the 911 operator that her daughter was kidnapped. She was very upset sounding and out of breath. Howard said it sounded pretty convincing to him. Robin said she still wasn't convinced even after hearing the tape.
Howard said that P. Diddy's mention about wanting to buy the NY Knicks made the news yesterday. Howard played some clips of the news coverage. The reporters were all over the place in one clip so Howard could barely understand what the guy was talking about. There were other clips that Howard quickly went through as well. A listener called in and said the news even made the local 1010 WINS news this morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the woman who was interviewed by Larry King never even dated Kobe Bryant so it was a pointless interview. Howard and the guy talked about how lame that is and how they don't even bother to check into the history of people like that who appear on shows like that. Howard went on to talk about this A&E Biography special that was done on him years ago. He said the people they interviewed for that show were people he kind of knew but not well enough that they should have been interviewed as ''friends'' of his. He compared that to the woman on Larry King.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who saw Beth on ''Less than Perfect'' last week. Howard told the guy that it was a rerun of a show she did quite a while ago. The guy said she looked good on the show.
Howard said they have a guy coming in tomorrow to eat a sandwich out of High Pitch Erik's ass to get his band played on the show. Howard said they have some other interesting stuff coming up but noticed that Tara Reid wasn't on the list. Gary told Howard that she may not make it in because of a scheduling conflict. He said she's only supposed to be in New York for 3 hours that day and had to cancel. Gary said he was going to call her publicist and try to get her to come in. He said Carmen Electra also canceled because she's not coming to New York at all. Howard took a couple of quick phone calls after that and then took another break.
Howard read an article about Jackie the Joke Man and how he's divorced now. Howard read the article and Jackie claims that Nancy is his ''ex-wife'' when asked about what his wife is up to. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Jackie is still giving her plugs when he talks about her though so Howard found that kind of unusual. Robin figures that since Jackie paid for all of her band's albums and stuff, that he's still plugging her. Howard said he predicted that Jackie would be the next one to get divorced after he got divorced. Howard said divorce is no fun. Robin said it sounds like Jackie and Nancy are still friends though. Howard said he still talks to Alison but didn't say anything about them being friends.
Howard read through a bunch of e-mail after that. He said a lot of people liked Scott Thompson sitting in during the news yesterday. Someone wrote in about how disturbing it is that Scott finds Gary to be the most attractive guy on the show. Howard read a bunch of other quick e-mails about stuff that's been going on. He said people liked that phony phone call that Benjy did as the horse having phone sex with the 66 year old woman. Some people also wanted Howard to post pictures of Curly, the guy that was on the show yesterday who has all of the Three Stooges tattoos all over his body, on his web site. Howard said he will be on E! soon enough and won't be putting pictures on the web site. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said it shouldn't be too long until they put that guy on E!.
Howard said he got a million e-mails about the conversation they had about Kobe Bryant being named after Kobe Beef. Some people were arguing that he was named after a bean called Kobe Bean. Howard got an e-mail that said he was named after Kobe Beef and the bean part was a name that his father gave him.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about the conversation he had about his nuts sticking to his thigh and whether or not he should use powder. He said people told him not to use talcum powder and he should use Gold Bond instead. Howard told Gary to go out and get him some of that stuff for him.
Another e-mailer complained about the way Gary did the Bukkake thing on E! the other night. He said that Benjy had the right idea the way he shot his load of mayonnaise all over Dynamite the porn star. The writer wrote that Gary walked over to her as if he was dribbling in the toilet while Benjy shot it like a bazooka.
Howard said he got an e-mail about Rosie O'Donnell apparently going nuts during a play rehearsal. He read through that and goofed on Rosie for a short time before moving on to take a few phone calls. A caller told Howard that he's got to bang Jackie's ex-wife like he said he'd like to do years ago. Howard said if Jackie was still on the show he might do that. It wouldn't mean much now. Howard said he follows the ''Code of Men'' and wouldn't bang another dude's wife like that. He said he has banged married women before but he'd never do the wife of a guy he knows like Jackie. Benjy asked him if he's ever been in a situation like that. Howard said he did get an offer from the girlfriend of a friend of his and turned her down. He said that she told him she was interested in him and he told her that he wasn't interested. Howard said he went to the guy and told him what happened. The guy then told him to go ahead and take her so he did and banged her. Howard said in college he had a similar situation and the guy told him to go ahead and take the woman because he had a tougher time getting chicks than he did. Stuttering John came in an short time later and asked Howard if he ever banged Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Howard said that never happened and he wouldn't do that to John Stamos. He said if John told him it was okay to bang her, he'd do it though. Howard and the guys talked about other situations like that where guys have done things to other guy's women after break ups. Artie said he's got friends who are still protective of their high school girlfriends. It's a guy thing according to Gary and Howard. They get very protective of the women they've banged. Howard said if he and Beth ever broke up, he'd hate for any of the guys he works with to bang her. He said it would never be something he could deal with.
A caller asked Howard who the first woman was that he banged after his divorce. Howard wasn't giving out that information though. Howard said those women he banged might not want to be known as the women who banged him. He said those women are all very special though because they gave it up for him and that means a lot to him. Artie said that's true especially after getting turned down by so many women over the years. Those few who actually do bang you are very special. Howard took some other phone calls and had a couple of other conversations about banging friend's girls and stuff like that.
Howard had to take a break but he ended up talking about Joan Rivers and how she looks after all of her plastic surgery. He said that he thinks that Stuttering John could probably bang Joan if he wanted to. KC was in so Howard asked him if he'd do Joan for $10 million bucks. KC said he wouldn't even do her for that amount of money. That led to the guys talking about older women and whether or not they'd bang women like Sophia Loren. KC told the guys that if they jumped on top of Joan they'd probably break her hip. Howard said he should have goofed on Joan and done something off the air where he asks her to do a Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher thing where he'd pretend to be dating her. He said that would have been pretty funny. He had to take a break right after that.
Howard had Joan Rivers come in right after that. She came in and told Howard how someone recently told her that she ''looks good for her age'' which didn't make her feel so good. Howard and Joan went on to talk about how old she is and how she still feels like she's 25. Howard told her she looks good and she's staying pretty thin. Howard asked her if the skin on her arms looks bad and if she keeps them covered up for that reason. She said she works really hard at keeping her body in shape. Howard wondered if she ever feels that it's a waste of time though. She said that hasn't happened yet.
Joan told Howard that she's taking care of her grandchild for a few days and she doesn't like to hear him call her ''grandma.'' She joked that she has him call her ''Aunt Joan'' instead. She said that the child does call her grandma.
Howard said a lot of the guys on the show say they'd bang her or take oral from her even at her age. Artie said he'd like oral from her and Howard told him he could even keep eating while she gave it to him.
Howard talked to Joan about her daughter Melissa and how she was apparently offered half a million dollars to do a Playboy shoot. She didn't do it right away so the offer was taken off the table. They spent a few seconds on that and then quickly moved on to other stuff. Joan said she's appearing at this club Fez for the next 6 weeks on Wednesday nights to work out some new comedy material. She's also appearing at some other clubs later in the year.
Howard pointed out that Joan finally got invited on David Letterman's show after many years of not being on any late night show like that. She claims that she wasn't allowed on those shows because of someone who used to work for Johnny Carson having it in a contract or something like that. She said the contract said that Joan wasn't allowed to appear on The Tonight Show or David Letterman's show. Howard said he wanted to see that contract because he didn't seem to believe what she was saying.
Howard and Joan spent a couple of minutes talking about some other stuff before Howard gave her a couple of plugs for her appearances. She's at Fez starting tonight and will be at the Canon theater in Los Angeles November 11th. She's also going to be on QVC on August 8th. Howard and Joan spent a short time talking about the Kobe Bryant case. Howard then ended the interview and went to commercial break.
Howard said he had KC in the studio because Stuttering John saw him the other day walking around with no shirt on in the parking garage. KC said it's summer time so he'll get out of the shower and just walk to his car with no shirt on. KC said he doesn't feel uncomfortable walking around with no shirt on. John said that all of the people in the parking garage were staring at him because he had no shirt on. Howard and John seem to think he does it because he just wants people to see his body. KC gives them a hard time in the studio if they ask him to take his shirt off so he said that's because he's at work and it's not appropriate. One of the E! guys came in and said that when they go to the horse track they yell at KC to put his shirt back on. KC claims that he has friends who look like Artie and do the same thing. Artie said he doesn't have any friends who look like him.
Howard changed subjects and said that the station recently put in some new carpet and it made the station looks disgusting because it shows how dirty the walls are and how bad the paint looks. Robin said there's no padding under the carpet so it's hard as a rock. Howard said he was walking around and noticed that his office and the studio are the only two places that weren't carpeted. Someone asked Tom about it and Tom said that they ran out of money when they carpeted those sections. Howard said the company is a billion dollar company and they ran out of money on bad carpeting. He said they last time the place was painted was probably 6 years ago.
Howard spent a minute talking about how this gay guy came up with the ''Miss Gay Universe'' contest and now Donald Trump is upset because he created the whole ''Miss Universe'' thing. Howard played a clip of a news report about the situation and how the creators of the Miss Gay Universe thing don't think Trump should be coming after them.
Howard asked Tommy about his old girlfriend and how he still gets to bang her even though they've broken up. Tommy told Howard that he decided to stay friends with her and would rather do that than keep fighting with her while living with her. Howard asked him how he's able to make that work though and how he was able to kick her out of his house and still be able to bang her. He's still friends with Pamela Anderson as well but he said he's not still banging her. Howard said that Tommy has great timing because he broke up with the old girlfriend and then Pam and Kid Rock broke up. Howard said when he had Pamela on the show a few weeks ago, she said she wouldn't say that she wasn't banging Tommy again. Tommy said that he hasn't banged her lately though so he doesn't know what she's talking about. They have kids together and they have to see each other.
Tommy had some words to say about Kid Rock as well. He said that Kid Rock is a ''punk'' and actually got some calls from him after he and Pam started going out. He said he didn't need to hear that stuff from him and it was just a punk ass thing to do. Robin reminded Howard that he also tried to pick up Pam at Scores one night. Howard quickly moved past that story though. Tommy said he and Kid Rock were buddies for a while and it wasn't cool how he got Pam. Tommy said if Kid Rock had asked him if he could date Pam, he would have been cool with that.
Howard spent some more time talking to Scott about his big money deals. He said he spent a lot of his millions on planes, trains and automobiles. He has a private jet now so Tommy flies around with him. Tommy and Howard shared some stories about gambling. Tommy said he was playing craps one time and after putting down just $200 he walked away with like $5000. He didn't even know what he was doing.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy asked Howard about Robin Givens and whether or not he banged her. Howard said she's a friend of his and she's a really nice person. He said they went out a few times but that was it. Howard and the guys ended up talking about Robin's boobs at one point and Tommy was under the impression that she'd gotten implants at one point. Howard told him that she never got implants and had a breast reduction years ago. He also asked Tommy if he thought that Pam got her boobs too big the last time she got her implants done. Tommy paused for a second and said ''Yeah.'' Howard took some more phone calls and Jeff the Drunk called in to ask Tommy if he's ever measured his penis. Tommy said he never has so Jeff asked Howard about how his movies are doing. That led to Howard talking a little bit about the remakes of ''Porkys'' and ''Rock and Roll High School'' that he's working on as well as the cartoon he's working on for the SPIKE (formerly TNN) network.
Tommy said that he's working on his autobiography now and he's going to have a lot of great stuff in the book. The guys ended up talking about some of the strange offers Tommy gets from fans. He said women will ask him to bang them but their husbands want to watch. Howard said Tommy has had a hell of a life. Scott told Howard that a woman walked up to Tommy and told him that he was on her top 5 guys she'd like to bang. Tommy said he never banged that chick though. Scott and Tommy were talking about one chick who had a butter face. Howard asked Tommy if he'd do a butter face at this point in his career. Tommy said every guy has banged a butter face at some point in their life.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claimed to have been hit in the eye by one of Tommy's drum sticks. He said he only got a $25,000 settlement and wanted some more money. Tommy said the guy was probably standing there begging for a stick and he threw it to him. The guy said his eye isn't back to normal and his lawyer sucked. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy after telling him that Tommy would bang his wife while he watched with his lazy eye if he wanted. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that. Howard gave Scott a plug for his BuyMusic.com web site which has over 300,000 songs available to download. He wrapped up the interview right after that.
Howard said he wasn't happy with his lunch today. He had grilled chicken and it wasn't grilled very well. It had grizzle hanging from it and it wasn't cooked enough. Robin wondered if they got it from the usual place or not. Howard said it had weird cuts on it and he could see veins and stuff in it. He said he doesn't want to know it was once alive. Howard had KC come in and told him to get him some grilled chicken, not whatever it was on his desk. He told KC that he'd give him some money to go get something to eat at a store. KC said he had some shakes to give him if he wanted it. He said the Twin Labs stuff tasted the best so he'd give him that instead. KC went out to get it because Howard was starving. Howard asked KC if he could use it as a meal replacement or not. He wasn't sure about it but said he could do that if he wanted. Howard checked out the stuff and said he had to eat something. He drink it and said it wasn't too bad. Howard went on to say that KC sent him a memo the other day and misspelled the word ''PAID'' by spelling it ''PAYD.'' KC said his spell check didn't even catch it for some reason. Howard said it doesn't matter for him because he's got that great body of his.
A guy called in and said that he was at a diner the other day and overheard John trying to figure out how long Howard's contract was. John came in and said they were having trouble figuring it out. It turns out his contract goes through the end of 2005... but they're not even sure about that. Howard said he might not even make it that far though because it's such a mess there. He said it just sucks working there.
Howard had the guys bring in Reverend Bob Levy (winner of Howard's World's Meanest Listener Contest) a short time later. Artie was trying to eat the chicken Howard had but even he couldn't eat it. He said it was kind of shiny and funny looking. Howard told KC to get him some real grilled chicken tomorrow. Levy came in and told Howard not to take that protein drink of KC's because it probably had seamen in it. KC said that he might be a bad speller but Levy is even worse. He wanted him to spell commander and apparatus. He got commander right but didn't even attempt apparatus. He screwed up the word fierce when he spelled it ''ferce.'' He misspelled presidential when he forgot the last 'i.' Howard told KC to get out after he tried to get him to spell a few other words. Howard gave him a couple of plugs for some comedy shows he's doing in the near future. He's appearing at the New York Comedy Club in Boca Raton, Florida on July 25th and 26th. He's also going to be at Zanies in Vernon Hills, Illinois on August 1st and 2nd. Check out revboblevy.net for more info and other dates. Howard moved on to Robin's news after that. Bob stuck around to comment on the news stories Robin brought up. He had some great one liners and other jokes that he told during the news.
Howard started off complaining about the heat in the studio. He said he's going to keep his shirt on unlike KC who walks around Manhattan with his shirt off. They talked about that yesterday on the show. Howard said he asked a couple of his friends about that and they seem to think it's kind of gay to do that. Howard told KC he's gay but KC defended himself saying he doesn't just walk around the city with his shirt off all the time. Howard continued to say that he's gay and the sooner he comes out of the closet, the better off he'd be. KC said when you go to a concert or a baseball game you take your shirt off and it's no gay. Gary came in and said he's been to a lot of concerts and baseball games and he doesn't have the physique to take his shirt off. He asked KC how many guys he sees walking around the streets with their shirts off. KC avoided the question and said that he's not working so walking down the street with his shirt off isn't that strange.
Howard took a call from a guy calling in as his old dog Java. Howard let the guy go on for a few seconds with that bit but moved on to talk about how he brought in his dog Bianca this morning. He said no one was home to take care of her today so Beth told him to bring her in. Gary told him all of the guys were out playing with her to keep her company.
Howard and Gary complained a little more about the heat there at the station for a few seconds. Another caller got them back on KC when he told KC how gay he is walking around with no shirt on. Howard said he really does believe that he's gay after hearing that he was walking around the city with his shirt off. He brought up the recent story about KC going to an audition and had to take his shirt off to get photographed. It was yet another ''gay incident'' in KC's life that Howard pointed out. KC tried to defend himself but Howard kept letting more callers through to tell him how gay he is. One guy said unless he's a landscaper or someone like that, he's got no business walking around with his shirt off.
One listener changed subjects when he brought up this news story that Robin brought up yesterday. Kate Hudson said some dopey stuff about how the French have good reason for hating us. She said we're very annoying and boisterous when we go over to France to visit. Howard got really pissed at what she was saying and went off on her during the news. He said she really hasn't lived long enough to talk about the stuff she was talking about. Howard explained why he was so mad and how the French are the most ungrateful people on the planet. He talked about how we saved them in World War II and they treat us like crap. He also said that the reason she has a film career is because of the people in this country and she's bad mouthing us saying that we're annoying to the French. Howard replayed the tape a couple of times and went off on Kate again. The caller wondered why more people weren't picking up on Hudson's comments. Howard said no one really cares about what she said. Artie said no one really knows who she is anyway so they don't care. Howard said that she should really move to France and try to have a career over there. He replayed the clip again where Hudson talks about how annoying we are when we ask for ketchup or something like that over in France. Howard also kept correcting Hudson's pronunciation of ketchup. She said it in a way that seemed to annoy the hell out of him for some reason. Howard said if she's so annoyed by us, she should go over and live in France along with Roman Polansky. He said he's sick and tired of people saying we suck. Howard and the caller he had on the phone said that he's not going to go see any of her movies now that he's heard this tape. Howard said no one goes to see them anyway. Howard said she was just in a flop movie called ''Alex and Emma'' and it didn't make any money. Robin said she's got another one coming out soon and she just keeps making movies even though they don't make money. Howard let some other callers go off on Kate for a short time. He had to take a break a short time later.
Phony phone caller Captain Janks was on the line to talk about a prank call he made yesterday after a New York City Councilman was shot and killed yesterday. Howard explained what happened with that shooting. He said the Councilman was shot by a guy he kind of knew that worked with him. Robin and Gary also threw in what they knew about the incident. Howard then said that Captain Janks was right there on the line doing a prank call. Howard had the tape of the call so he played it. Janks called in as another councilman claiming he knew the guy who was shot and killed. Janks dragged it out for a couple of minutes while the reporters on WNYW questioned him about the dead councilman. Janks told the reporters that the councilman was a big Howard Stern fan and they used to listen to tapes of Howard together. The reporters eventually figured it out and Janks told them ''No shit Sherlock'' as they were hanging up on him. Janks said he wasn't even aware that the ''No shit'' part made it on the air. Janks said he tried to get on a bunch of other shows before he got on this TV station. Howard said all of the other councilmen were all over the news last night and none of them knew any more than Janks did.
Howard had High Pitch Erik come in after that. He said Erik is fatter than ever and Doug from E! told him he stinks worse than ever as well. Erik claims that he took a shower before he left this morning. He said he sweats a lot and that's probably why he stinks. Erik said he's actually lost weight since he's been working. He told Howard that he's working at Toyota of Manhattan in the parts department. He said he pulls parts for the mechanics. KC told Howard that Erik's breath really stinks this morning as well. He said he hasn't brushed his teeth yet because he was in a rush to get out of the house.
Howard told Erik to shove the sandwich in his butt so they could get this over with. Erik folded the sandwich in half and shoved it into his ass crack. Howard then had him lay on the ground. Erik said it was going to fall out if he did that os Howard told him to just do it and shove it back in. Howard wondered why Danny was going to do this after seeing him shove the sandwich in his ass. Danny said he had to do it. The guys said the sandwich looked like a baloney hemorrhoid sticking out of his butt. Danny grabbed the sandwich a short time later and started to eat it while it was still wedged in Erik's ass. He said it tasted like a corn dog. The guys were all disgusted by the whole thing so there were some gagging sounds going on. Danny continued to eat the sandwich while Howard took some phone calls. He had to lean down and take bites while it was in Erik's ass. Erik wasn't saying much so Howard asked him why that was. Erik said it was because ''...it feels weird.'' Howard wondered if Erik was getting turned on while this was going on. He said he wasn't but it tickled as Danny was going down there to eat it. Danny said he wasn't able to get in far enough to get the whole sandwich because his nose was too big. He eventually went down and got it out. Erik said Danny bit him as he took the last bite.
Howard gave Erik a $500 prize for being such a good sport with this. Erik also got in a plug for a comedy show he's doing Saturday night with Sal the Stockbroker at McGuire's Comedy Club. Howard took a call from the limo driver who is owed about $2400 from Erik. He said Erik has only paid him $40 so far out of that money so he was wondering what was going to happen with the $500. Erik said he was going to send the whole thing to him.
Howard played some of Danny's band's music since he earned it. The name of the band is Facial. You can find out more about them at FacialBand.com. Howard wondered if it was worth it for Danny to eat the sandwich out of his ass to get it played on the air. Robin said it wasn't worth it and she'd give the song a 2 out of 5. Artie said he'd eat a sandwich out of Erik's ass if Howard would stop playing the song. He also gave it a 2. Fred gave it a 1.5 saying the music was good but the singing was bad. Howard gave it a 2 saying he agreed with Fred.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that Erik had sex with a love doll and he ended up getting stuck in it when it burst on him because he's so fat. Erik said that was true. He asked Howard if he wanted to hear some jokes since he's doing comedy now. He told a joke but Howard had to hit the delay on him for some reason. Erik went on to do some impressions. He did Robert De Niro but it was his regular voice. He did James Earl Jones and tried to lower his voice so Artie told him he should have just kept doing his own voice as the impressions because that was funny. Erik then stuck to his own voice and said ''Luke, I am your father!'' as James Earl Jones. They told him to do Mel Gibson but he had no idea what Gibson says. When they told him to do Kate Hudson, he said ''Who's Kate Hudson?'' Howard had to wrap up the segment right after they did that.
Howard said there were some weird things going on there today. Across the street the guys could see a naked guy walking around on the roof of the building. The E! guys had the guy on camera so Howard and the rest of the crew were checking him out as he was walking around.
Howard said the newspapers are finally picking up on the fact that Dr. Phil is putting out a diet book... but he's fat. Howard had some clips from Dr. Phil's audio book that he played after talking about the diet book. The clips had nothing to do with the diet though. It was just Dr. Phil rambling on and on about stuff that no one understood. Howard played a couple of those clips and goofed on Dr. Phil for a short time.
Howard had some more voice mail to play after the Dr. Phil thing. He was having some trouble finding his tapes though. He was fumbling through the tapes and couldn't find what he was looking for. He spent some time talking about the new Jennifer Lopez movie ''Gigli.'' Howard said she's supposed to be a Lesbian in the movie but they're not promoting it that way. He read that the ending was so bad that they had to reshoot it already. He also heard that she uses a strap-on when she kills guys in the movie. Howard seems to think that after this movie, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck will probably break up.
Howard and KC were trying to find the voice mail clip that Howard lost. He said someone must have taken it because it was nowhere to be found. Robin said she was looking for it in her office even though she hadn't been in the studio.
Howard brought up a story about how the Chicago police had to apologize to rapper Ice Cube because they said that a suspect in a crime looked like him. Howard said Jerry Lewis was on this show ''The Pulse'' the other night and he's claiming that the Kennedy's weren't banging Marilyn Monroe back when they claim they were because she was involved with him. The interview is supposed to air tonight on FOX. Howard said he thinks that Marilyn probably banged Jerry and then decided to kill herself. Robin and Artie wonder why Jerry thinks that she'd stick with just him and not bang other guys.
Howard read a story about this 12 year old kid in India who has flies coming out of his penis. Howard said it's a true story he read. He had the article so he read it to Robin. The doctors there think that some eggs may have been hatched inside of the boy's body and the flies are coming out through his penis. Howard said India is the filthiest place in the world so it's not surprising that there are flies coming out of someone's penis. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if the fly is the national bird over there.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he agrees with some of the stuff that Kate Hudson was saying in the clip that Howard was playing earlier in the show. That led to Howard going off on her once again. He replayed the clip of Kate talking about why the French hate us again and continued to complain about the French and Kate. He said the French don't need even more reasons to hate us with Kate talking about what we do over there. Howard said he'll never go see another one of her movies again after this. He said he doesn't care if it's the greatest movie ever made, he won't go see it.
Howard finally found his voice mail so he played some of those. He replayed the clip of the angry woman who calls in quite often to complain about his looks. She went off on him about how he poses for pictures so he can look his best. Howard played another voice mail where a guy said he'd let people break boards on his head and punch him in the nuts to play Naked Daredevil. This guy Howard is now calling ''Hate Man'' called in to leave a few messages about Robin. He calls in often to call her names and racial slurs. He now leaves a message and yells out his catch phrase a bunch of times at the end. The first one was ''Chocolate nig*er baby bitch.'' The second one led to him yelling out ''Weak Minded nig*er'' over and over again. Howard said Hate Man left so many messages that he filled up their machine. In one call he called Kobe Bryant a ''Horny Monkey Ape'' over and over again. He left a second message about Kobe where he called him a ''Mandingo nig*er'' a few times. The guy then went off on Celia Cruz and yelled out ''Road Map Looking Spic'' over and over again.
Howard moved on and took a phone call from a guy who said he agrees with Howard about what Kate Hudson was saying but there are also people working for the BBC here in the United States who are bashing us as well. That led to Howard continuing his discussion about the French and Kate Hudson. He ended up yelling out ''Rich Hollywood Bitch'' just like Hate Man does when he leaves those messages. Howard went to commercial break right after that.
Ben wasn't changing his mind about the contest and said that he's fighting for what he believes in just like Howard did when he was starting out. Howard said he didn't rip someone off when he was starting out though. Howard ended up saying that it seems like Ben may be looking for a father figure so that might be why he's not complying with Trump's wishes. Howard went on to ask Ben about what he was wearing this morning. Ben said he wasn't going to go there though. He said he would talk about what he was going to wear to court instead. He said that he may or may not go dressed in drag.
Gary came in and said that he had Donald Trump on the phone to talk about this. Ben was thrilled to hear that Trump was on the phone and he was going to get to talk to him. Howard told Trump what he was telling Ben about the whole thing and asked him what he thinks. Trump said he spent millions of dollars on the company that does the ''Miss Universe'' show to make it as big of a hit as it's become. Howard asked Ben to just rename his contest and this would all be forgotten. Ben asked Donald why they haven't done anything about the Miss Nude Universe people. Trump said he was unaware of that and now that he's heard about it, he may do something about it. Trump went on to tell Ben that they got a lot of phone calls about this whole thing and there was some confusion between the two contests. Both Howard and Donald told him to just change the name of the contest and work to get his pageant as popular as Donald has over the past 5 or 6 years.
Howard was going to wrap things up so Donald wished Ben luck with this whole thing. Trump got off the phone so Howard spent a little more time talking to Ben about the whole thing. He finished up a little while later after asking Ben if he's a fat female impersonator of one that looks like a woman. He said he thinks he looks like a woman even though he's 44 years old. Howard asked Ben about dressing up as a woman and whether or not he's ever picked up a straight guy and then revealed that he was a guy later on. He said he's never done that to someone. He and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Ben said he doesn't even shave his legs. Howard also asked Ben about KC walking around with his shirt off on the streets of Manhattan. Ben told Howard that KC is not gay doing that unless he folds his shirt perfectly and stuffs it in his shorts so it hangs out like a tail. Howard said that was good news. He ended the call right after that.
Yesterday comedian Reverend Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) was in and left some roasts of Tommy Lee and Joan Rivers. Howard played the clips of those and went off on them. The roasts were hilarious as all of them have been. He goofed on Tommy Lee's arrest record and huge penis. He also threw in some jokes about Pamela Anderson's Hepatitis C and Kid Rock. Then he roasted Joan Rivers and made fun of her daughter saying that he didn't know that Joan had sex with a monkey. He also said he was sad to hear that Joan lost her dog Spike because that means she has just one dog left in the house... Melissa her daughter.
Howard took a few phone calls and ended up giving away a few $500 prizes to people who had some interesting things to add to the show. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard had some money to give away so he had a caller on the line to play one of KC's games. KC had some 80's songs lyrics. The callers had to guess who the band was. Here are the lines with the correct answers listed below for those who want to play along.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd like to go out with Robin Radzinski from E!. He saw her on the show the other night and thought she was pretty hot. Radzinski came in and said the guy was very sweet but she prefers to date guys who are old enough to enter a bar.
A listener called in and asked who picks those lame songs. Howard let the guy play but he wasn't able to get the correct answer. He won the $500 anyway. The prizes were courtesy of the new Tomb Raider video game. Howard had to take another break before getting to Robin's news.
Howard started off talking about the guests they had coming in later in the morning. They had Maxim Swimsuit model Carol Grow and basketball player Darryl Dawkins. Howard wasn't sure why he was having Daryl in so he and the guys talked about why they were interested in having him in. Gary came in a minute later and told him that Daryl wrote a book where he talked about banging a ton of chicks. He claims to have slept with over 1000 women so that's why they were interested. That led to the guys talking about Wilt Chamberlain and how many women he claims to have banged in his life.
Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning and couldn't fall asleep. He said he turned on the TV and tried to watch Bill O'Reilly but he wasn't all that good last night. He said he was interviewing Dixie Carter and it wasn't very entertaining to him. He said O'Reilly is usually pretty good. Robin brought up the interview Jerry Lewis did with someone and how odd he's looking these days. They spent a minute on that.
Howard played a clip of VH-1 talking about him being an icon. In the clip Dick Clark, William Shatner, Dave Grohl, Colin Quinn and a few other celebrities talked about how great Howard is. Howard said he was number 67 on the list of the top icons in Hollywood on that VH-1 special. Howard ended up talking about Oprah Winfrey being on the list and having no reason to be on there. That led to Howard talking about Dr. Phil and how he's coming out with a diet book. Howard talked about how out of shape Dr. Phil is and how there's no reason he should be writing a book like that. He said the same thing about Oprah because she can't keep the weight off either. Howard read some excerpts from Dr. Phil's book and goofed on that for a short time. Everything he said in his book was the same crap that's been written 50,000 times in the past according to Howard. He said they've named the book ''The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom.'' He said the only way you're going to lose weight with that book is if you have someone hit you on the head with it whenever you eat something. He ended up calling Dr. Phil a scumbag and said that they should have called it ''The Ultimate Money Maker.'' Howard went off on Dr. Phil for a couple of minutes before changing subjects to hot models.
Howard said he was looking forward to seeing this Maxim swimsuit model later in the morning. Artie brought up the latest issue of FHM magazine that featured Carmen Electra. He said that picture is something that stops you on the street when you see it on the newsstand. Robin mentioned that Carmen is on the new ''Dance Fever.'' She said that the show is pretty funny and odd with the judges they have. Howard was wondering if anyone has ever seen Carmen Electra dance before. He said she claims to be a dancer but he's never seen her actually dance. He said they should have her dancing on ''Dance Fever.'' Artie said he spent about 20 minutes looking at Carmen's pictorial the other day at a newsstand. Howard wondered why he didn't get a copy because he used to get one every month. Gary found a copy for him so Howard asked him why he didn't get it sooner. He figured that he had to wait for 20 other guys there to beat off to it first. Gary came in and tried to explain to Howard what might have happened but Howard didn't seem to want to hear what he had to say. Howard checked out the magazine and said Carmen looked great. He said she's a little too short for him though. Artie said he doesn't mind a short woman though. Howard spent a short time looking at all of her pictures talking about how great she looks. He said they should put her in every week while she's still hot. Artie said she doesn't seem to have any known talent but if he sees that she's on a talk show, he tapes it. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that Carmen does dance with this Pussycat Girls show. He said it's kind of weird but she does dance. Chaunce and Howard spent a minute on that and then changed subjects to the Kate Hudson discussion Howard had yesterday. He said he agrees with Howard about what he was saying about her but Johnny Depp is even worse. He had some quotes of Johnny Depp talking about why he prefers to live in France. He says some stuff about the French being ''more civilzed'' than us. Howard said he didn't really like that comment either but the whole Kate Hudson thing is what really drove him nuts. He ended up going off on her again like he did yesterday. He was saying that she's calling people in the United States names saying that we're ''annoying, boisterous creatures'' but she's had this charmed life and has no reason to be saying this stuff. Howard said she doesn't criticize the government like Johnny Depp does, she insults us as individuals calling us annoying creatures. He said he feels bad enough about himself and he doesn't need her saying stuff like that. Chaunce said at least Johnny Depp left the country to live in France. He can bad mouth the country if he wants but at least he doesn't stick around and enjoy the benefits of living here while he does it. Kate Hudson bad mouths us but stays here. Howard wrapped up the discussion but Chaunce told him that he looks younger now than he did in the clips they were showing in that ''Pop Icon'' special that was on last night. Chaunce also brought up Dee Snider and how he claims he's the one who told Howard to grow his hair long. Howard explained what really happened and how Dee did encourage him to grow his hair long again after he met him on David Letterman's show one time. Dee seems to be taking credit for turning Howard into what he's doing today. Howard gave credit to some of the other guys who have helped him lose weight and stay in shape. He said Ralph and his trainers have helped him achieve the look he has today. Howard ended up talking about plastic surgery and how he doesn't think he'd ever do anything to himself because he'd never look the same. He said he sees people who have plastic surgery and they never look the same. Howard was about to wrap up the discussion but he brought up the interview Barbara Walters did with Angelina Jolie recently. He talked about how stunningly beautiful Angelina was in the interview. He talked about her for a minute but Chaunce changed subjects and brought up some other stuff but Howard had to bleep some of the stuff for some reason. He got back to Angelina Jolie and said that she took that great body of her and put 13 tattoos on it. He said she's got a perfect stomach but she tattooed it. Robin said that's like porn star Janine who has done the same thing with her body. She's filled it up with bad tattoos as well. Howard said Angelina didn't seem all that weird in the interview with Barbara. Howard and Artie were talking about who they'd rather bang, Carmen Electra or Angelina Jolie. Artie was saying he'd have to go with Carmen. Chaunce told him that he could go to a strip club and find women who are just as good looking as Carmen. Artie doesn't seem to believe that's possible. Howard said that's kind of true and there's no chance you can find someone like Angelina Jolie at a strip club. She has a face that you can't find anywhere according to him. He took his first break after that short discussion.
Howard changed subjects and played tape of some other news shows picking up on the whole Kate Hudson thing that Howard spent hours on yesterday. Howard said comedian Bob Levy also got worked up on the thing so he left a roast for her. Howard played that clip and Levy roasted her really good. There was a lot of cursing going on in the roast. He said the only thing she'll be remembered for is falling out of Goldie Hawn's C**T.
Howard and Gary had been talking about drinking a little earlier and how people aren't supposed to drink in the back of a limo. A guy called in and said that it's true that you're not allowed to drink in the back of a limo because it's considered an open container. Gary didn't seem to be aware of that fact. Another guy called in and said that he's not sure where Artie and Gary picked up their Italian accents. Artie said he was brought up in an Italian family and picked up on the pronunciations there. The guy on the phone agreed with Howard saying that it was low class. Howard wanted to get his buddy Pat on the phone because he knows real Italian and will tell them how to pronounce these words correctly.
Howard played some new Onion Radio News bits. In the first phony news report they report that hot, sexy girls are waiting to talk to guys just like you. He played another one that he played yesterday. It was one about how they have a new reality TV program that will pick the replacement for Saddam Hussein. He had a third one that he also played yesterday. It was about a couple of kids who like their ''new mommy'' better than their old mommy.
Howard took a phone call from another guy who said they were wrong about the drinking law they were talking about a short time earlier. The guy said that in Pennsylvania you're not allowed to have an open container on a state road. In other local municipalities you can have an open container. Stuttering John said you can just tell the cops you're heading to the supermarket to return your cans. Howard said he can't wait for a cop to beat John and rape him with his night stick when he tries to use that excuse. Howard said in his limo, they had to take out all of the booze because they're not allowed to let people drink in the car.
Howard played another Onion Radio News bit where they talk about a guy who ran out on a date when he saw a bunch of Jesus stuff in a woman's apartment. Howard said that's a good idea to run when you see stuff like that. Howard said he met a woman one time who claimed that she didn't drink and she was really religious. He said he knew to get out of that situation when he heard that. He figured it wasn't going to be a fun time with her. Howard said he got to sit next to this Shaun Robinson chick on a plane one time but he had his kids sitting right behind him so he wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway.
Howard said that they got a lot of e-mail about the High Pitch Erik thing they did on the show yesterday where a guy ate a sandwich out of his ass. Howard said it really did look like a baloney hemorrhoid. Howard played this guy's band on the air after he ate the sandwich. Howard replayed some of that segment where Erik wasn't even able to speak because he was so freaked out by it. Howard said Danny was too relaxed when he was doing it too. Howard said that should be airing on the E! network sometime soon.
Howard took a couple of phone calls about the drinking laws they were talking about earlier. One guy claims that you can drink in a limo but Ronnie the Limo Driver says he's wrong. The guy on the phone claims that he's a State Trooper and people are allowed to drink in the back of the car if they're in a separate compartment from the driver. Ronnie came in and argued with the guy on the phone for a minute. The guy gave up on his argument and wanted to talk about the Italian thing some more. Howard said he didn't care and he'd clear that up when he got Pat on the phone.
Stuttering John said he called a cop friend of his and asked him about the drinking thing. He said the cop friend wasn't even sure what the law was about that. Howard said all he knows is what Ronnie told him about it. Howard was sick of the whole discussion so he said he had other things to get to. He wanted to play Benjy's phony phone call to a 66 year old woman where he had phone sex with her. He did it as if he were a horse. Artie said he can't get enough of that call. Howard was about to play it but a cop called in and said that you have to have a permit to let people drink in a vehicle. He said you can get that from the DMV or something like that. Howard got right back to Benjy's phony phone call after that. He played that as he went to commercial break.
The E! guys hooked Howard up with some photos of Carol so he could check her out. Howard said she was really hot but he could see some hair down on her private parts. Howard and Carol talked about shaving and whether or not it was best to shave it all off or not. She said she likes a little bit down there but Howard likes it all off. He said he'd just shave her down if she was his girlfriend. She's actually married to an ex-football player, Monty Grow. She told the guys that she doesn't get to see her husband the whole year. She travels a lot to model and stuff. She said he's living down in Florida but she has to go to California quite a bit. She talked about the jobs she's had over the years. Howard said if he were Monty he would have gone to California with Carol. He figures she has a lot of spare time on her hands and probably gets tempted quite a bit by other guys out there. She said everyone gets tempted at some point but wouldn't risk losing her husband by cheating. She said she trusts her husband not to cheat on her. Carol said her husband is now in orthopedics and puts together implants for orthopedic surgery.
Howard asked Carol how many guys she banged before she got married in her early 20s. She said it was under 10 guys. She said she lost her virginity around the age of 16. She said she never really did anything too wacky in her sex life. She said she's never been with a woman and she's not into anal sex. She said she does find women to be very attractive but hasn't done anything with any women. She said she will go to strip clubs and stuff and has had lap dances but that's about it. She said she has touched other women's breasts but just as a test to see how they felt after they had implants put in.
Gary came in and told Howard about how Carol backed out of a job with the XFL after she saw what they wanted her to wear. She said she called her agent and said she wanted nothing to do with it. She saw the woman who replaced her and the outfit consisted of a string that went up her butt and two strings that covered her breasts. She said she just wasn't interested in wearing something like that in a football stadium.
Howard said Carol is appearing in a show called ''Pieces of Ass'' at Theatre 80 in Manhattan. She described it as being something like the Vagina Monologs. She gets to do a monolog of her own during this show and she talks about women who do ''butt checks'' where they check to see if their butts have fallen yet. Carol told Howard about how they have about 10 or 12 other women who do monologs about various things like rape and other stuff.
Gary brought up one of the things he saw in the notes about Carol being involved in a drive by shooting. Howard said he really wasn't interested in talking about that though so he didn't bring it up.
Howard took some phone calls for Carol and one guy brought up how he was on a show that she hosted. He said she was the biggest bitch off the air. He told Howard that she refused to take a picture with a guy one time and walked away. She claims that she has never refused to take a picture with someone like that though. She went on to talk about how competitive she was on the show at the time. Howard took a couple more phone calls after that. One guy said that he used to whack off to the fitness show she used to host. Howard told the guy that he was kind of whacking it himself as he was talking to her. Howard asked Carol how she pleasures herself when she masturbates. She said she doesn't use a vibrator and ''probably'' uses her hand. She said she has a goody bag of stuff that she uses to get herself off. Howard said she looked kind of embarrassed as she was talking about this stuff. A few other callers asked her about stuff like if she's been with a black guy or any other famous guys. She said she hasn't been with black guys and hasn't been with any famous guys either.
Howard said he was going to make their researcher, Will, happy by asking Carol about the shooting she was involved in. He read the notes about that and how she was shot in the hand after a friend of hers called a guy a ''nig*er.'' The guy came after them, stuck a gun in their faces and ended up shooting her through the hand. Howard spent a minute talking about that and then wrapped up the interview. He gave her a plug for the show she's in and then went right to break. You can find out more about Pieces of Ass at PiecesOfAss.com.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who said she wanted to bring her boyfriend in on his birthday. Howard told her he was busy that day when she told him the date. When she sadi she was willing to get naked for them, Howard sdi his schedule cleared right up. She said she thinks she's attractive so Howard said she'd have her in. She said she's been told she looks like Claudia from ''Party of Five'' but that was when she was 15 years old. Howard said they'd have her and her boyfriend in and if she's ugly they'll just kick her out.
Howard said that Kelly Ripa is looking good these days. He saw a picture of her recently and she looked really hot. Howard changed subjects after that and said that the judge in the Kobe Bryant case is telling people to stop talking about what went on. He's put a gag order on all of the people involved because they're all running to TV programs and doing interviews.
Howard brought up the pictures of Saddam Hussein's dead sons that are all over the place. He sadi the quality of the pictures is pretty bad and he can't believe they couldn't have taken better pictures. Howard said even though they're showing those pictures to the Iraqis, they still don't believe that they're dead. Howard sid they should take them on tour to show everyone that they're actually dead. He also said that one fo the pictures looked kind of like Scott the Engineer.
Howard read through some e-mail they've gotten lately. He said a lot of people e-mailed in about Joan Rivers being on the show the other day. He read a couple of them and people aren't happy about her being on the show. He said he got a lot of mail about the Kate Hudson discussions he's been having over the past couple of days. He ended up playing the Kate Hudson clip again and then read some of the e-mail he's gotten about that clip. The people who wrote in agree with what he said about her and they're pissed at what she was saying.
Howard read some e-mail about KC and how he's been walking around the streets with no shirt on. Howard thinks he's gay doing that and so did some e-mailers. Howard said they got a bunch of e-mail about High Pitch Erik's ass sandwich and the other stuff they've been doing lately. Howard didn't read them all but gave a quick synopsis of what people have been writing in about.
Darryl came in and looked for Robin as soon as he could. He was hitting on her so Howard asked him about all of the other women he's been with in his life. Darryl claims that he's been with over 1000 women so Howard wondered why he would get married. Darryl told him it was time for him to calm down with that stuff so that's what he did. Howard also asked Darryl about Kobe Bryant's troubles. Darryl said he thinks that the girl probably gave it up to Kobe willingly but then when he kicked her out of his room she got pissed. Darryl said that kind of thing happens all the time. Darryl said that he loved when women like that would come to him and make him feel attractive. He said he began to feel that he was actually a good looking guy after all of those women told him he was ''gorgeous.''
Howard asked Darryl about the NBA and if there's still a lot of drug use these days. Darryl said he thinks it's been cleaned up pretty good over the past few years. He and Howard also talked about the amount of money these guys are making these days. Darryl said he was making pretty good money in his day as well but it wasn't close to the big contracts guys get today.
Howard asked Darryl about his marriages and how he had to give up about a quarter of his income when he'd get divorced. He said it's all about the way you get rid of the women. You have to talk to them nicely and also have to convince the judge that it was the right thing to do. They also talked about Darryl's current wife who is white. Howard wondered how that went over with her family. Darryl said her father was ready to shoot him when he started dating his daughter. Everyone is cool with him now though. They live in Allentown, Pennsylvania now and have a couple of kids. He said he calls his boy ''Mocha Thunder'' and wanted to call his girl ''Zebra'' but his wife didn't want him to do that.
Gary came in and asked Darryl where the best and worst places were to pick up women. He said the best place was in Utah and the worst was in New York. He said people always say Utah is tough because they're all Mormons out there but he was able to get some chicks. That led to Howard talking to Darryl about the size of his penis. He said he tried measuring it when he was younger but the measuring tape ran out. Howard also asked him about wearing condoms. Darryl said back in his day he didn't wear a condom. Back then they didn't worry about diseases because most of that stuff could be cured with a pill. When Robin asked him if he'd slept with any famous chicks, he said he had to plead the fifth and didn't want to answer. He started pleading the fifth on a bunch of the stuff they were asking him about. They asked him about Magic Johnson's infamous parties and he didn't even want to talk about that. He claimed that he would go to Magic's house and hang out until the party started. Then he'd leave because he didn't want to end up on the news.
Darryl said he learned to use drugs from the white guys he was in the league with. He said he also learned about oral sex from the white guys. He said he didn't know anything about it until the white guys told him about it. Gary told Howard Darryl got in a little hot water about a comment he made one time about there being no gay guys in the NBA. Gary said he said something about how the game is too physical for a gay guy to play. Darryl said that he was never hit on by any guys and if any guy had hit on him, he would have hit on that guy in his own way.
Howard brought up Darryl's book ''Chocolate Thunder: The Uncensored Life and Time of Darryl Dawkins'' and mentioned some of the things that he talks about in that. Howard then took some phone calls for him. One guy shared a story about meeting Darryl who helped him out with a practical joke on a friend of his. A woman also called in and said that Darryl once threw her a sweatshirt. She was thankful for that but never banged the guy. A guy called in and said that Darryl is a really nice guy to the kids he coaches. Another guy who knows Darryl said that he used to go out and pick up some girls out in the crowd for Darryl. He said Darryl would keep one eye on the crowds as he was playing and would pick out women for him to go pick up. They spent a minute on that and then took some more phone calls.Artie asked Darryl who he thought was the best guy he played against when he was playing. Darryl said Dr. J was probably the best guy he played with. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and took a break.
Howard got to Mike after that and talked about how much stuff Mike must know about celebrities that he can't even print in the Enquirer. Mike said he does know a lot of stuff about a lot of celebrities.
Howard moved on to the game shortly after that and had Mike play his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: