Howard said he had a lot to talk about this morning as usual. He decided to take a break first before getting to any of it though. After the break Howard said he was listening to a tape that virgin J.D. gave him. Crazy Cabbie was interviewed during a race since he's part owner of an Indy Car team. Howard said Cabbie is really upbeat about everything he does. KC came in and said that Cabbie started to creep him out the other day when he went to the bathroom with him. He said Cabbie was asking him if he wanted to have oral with him in there. Howard said he's done the same thing to him. Robin said there are stories about how gay guys have gotten into NASCAR racing a lot lately so maybe that's why Cabbie is so into it. Howard played the tape of Cabbie talking to the announcer during this race. He was all pumped up about how intense the racing was and encouraged people to come out to the races. Cabbie called in and told Howard he was down in Richmond, Virginia for the races over the weekend. Artie was goofing on the tape that Howard had just played doing an impression of him with the race cars zooming past him in the background. Cabbie said his team's car was in 3rd place at one time but they ended up finishing 12th after having a spin. He said there were about 20 cars in the race so it wasn't that bad of a finish. He was telling Howard how much money some of the other teams have and how they can throw money at the cars and stuff. Cabbie's team has only one car so if they crash, they're done for the season. The other teams with all the money can just get another car and throw it in the next race. Cabbie said this was the first race he'd been to. He wants Howard to come out to one of the races. Howard said he might go to one someday but racing around in circles is lost on him.
Howard ended up talking about the new Audi A8 that he finally picked up. He was talking about how ''James Bond'' the car is because of all of the screens that pop up and stuff like that. He said he was going out to visit his friend Ross' house and the car told him how to get there. He said he always gets lost when he goes to that place and the car was able to get him there no problem. Howard said the radio is smart too because it'll tell you what stations you can pick up on the dash. The car also raises and lowers itself at different speeds. Howard said the car fits him perfectly and that's why he likes it. The car is really powerful so Cabbie was asking him if he'd opened it up yet. Howard said he probably never will open it up because he's not a fast driver. Cabbie mentioned that he has an Infiniti FX45 and opened that up going down to Virginia. He said that thing has a lot of balls as well. Howard asked Cabbie about the oral sex thing he did to KC in the bathroom. Cabbie said he was just goofing around with him with that and he wasn't serious. Howard said he's done the same thing to him though so he's not so sure he's kidding. Cabbie ended up back on the racing again for a minute. Howard was done with that conversation though so he started to wrap things up with him. Cabbie said that he and Cane won some radio broadcasting award for their show. Howard joked that they gave it to him for ''loudest broadcaster'' or something like that. Howard was about to hang up on Cabbie when he remembered that he'd called him with some gossip about Renee Zellweger. He told Howard that she was rumored to have been dating Jack Black but Howard later found out he was wrong and she's supposed to be dating Jack White from the White Stripes. Howard goofed on him about that for a minute and got him off the phone. He replayed the tape of Cabbie being interviewed at the race. Artie did his impression a little more before Howard changed subjects.
Howard had a picture of himself from the premiere he was at that he showed to Robin. Howard said he looks so bad in that picture but Robin said he looked fine. Howard got back to the ''Legally Blonde 2'' premiere and talked about how Reese Witherspoon and her husband Ryan Phillippe were there. He said hi to Ryan but they ended up walking out 5 minutes into the movie and Reese grabbed his arm and told him everything was good between them. Howard said he was a big fan of the first ''Legally Blonde'' movie but this one wasn't his thing. He said Kelly Ripa's husband was sleeping during the movie. Howard said his daughter didn't like the movie either. He said it's tough to write a sequel to a movie like that. He also talked about how bad he found the first ''Charlie's Angels'' and how he knew the second one would be.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him how bad he looked in those pictures from the premiere he was at. Howard let the guy goof on him for a few seconds and got off the phone with him. Howard talked about how all of the people at those premieres are good looking.
Howard said he watched ''Sex and the City'' last night and they were eating pizza in one scene and it was making him really hungry. He said he's been dieting and the food was looking really good to him. He said he started thinking that he might as well get fat. He said he's been losing his motivation to stay thin. He said he was in the bathroom shaving down his chest hairs because he doesn't want them poking his girlfriend in the face when she's giving him oral. He said he looked like a plucked chicken while he was doing that.
Howard said he was grilling like crazy over the weekend and thinks that he's going to do that for a living when he leaves radio. Howard and Artie talked about the Yankees games over the weekend. Howard said that Gary went to a game and had Neil Young sitting next to him which was kind of cool. Howard said he's a huge fan of Neil's so they talked about that for a minute. Artie ended up telling Howard about his weekend out eating at some Italian restaurant with his uncle. He was talking about some of the food he had and how unhealthy it all was. He had soft shell crabs and pasta as well as desert. It was all fried and filled with fat. He also had hot dogs at the baseball game after that. Howard wondered if he farts constantly eating the way he does. Artie said it was a pretty rough ride home after all of that. Howard said he loves when Stuttering John goes to eat with Artie because he keeps track of everything Artie eats. He figured Artie wasn't telling him about every single thing he had. Artie then remembered he had a ''Dip and Dot'' ice cream treat at the game as well.
Robin said she hung out with Fred and his wife Alison and new baby Tess. She told Howard about that experience for a few seconds. Mr. X wasn't there because he was on a fishing trip. Robin said the baby looks like Fred but a cute version of Fred. Fred said they left the baby with Grandma Furman, Alison's mother, while they went out to dinner. She was a little nervous taking care of the baby because it was the first time she did it.
Howard brought up the fact that Catharine Hepburn died over the weekend and how she's the ''third'' in the celebrity deaths lately. The guys all spent a little while talking about Hepburn and what she was known for. Howard mentioned some of the guys she went out with and how she took care of Spencer Tracy for years and stopped doing movies for a while. Artie said he watched the Robert De Niro tribute over the weekend because it was being rerun all weekend. He said that guy really did do a lot of great movies. He said it was kind of awkward how they had Beyonce Knowles appearing on the special. He said it was really weird. Howard quickly mentioned Gary being at the Yankees game with Neil Young sitting next to him. Gary said he didn't know what to say to him while he was at the game so he didn't bother. He said he only saw one woman bug Young for an autograph the whole time he was there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was the only black guy at the Neil Young concert the other night. Howard said ''Oh you're that guy.'' Howard said there's always one black guy who shows up at shows like that. Artie said there's always one black guy at the Bruce Springsteen concerts he goes to... and he's up on stage playing saxophone. Howard said that's got to be a lonely job to be the one black guy at a Neil Young concert.
Howard said he was out at the ''Legally Blonde 2'' premiere and his old friend Chris Booker was there doing celebrity interviews for Entertainment Tonight so he goofed on him a bit about his makeup. Booker ended up walking away and said he didn't want to deal with that. Howard talked a little more about how bad the movie was and how bad the ''Charlie's Angels'' opening was on it's first weekend. They talked a little bit about ''The Hulk'' as well and how that dropped off by 70 percent over the weekend. Howard said he liked the movie but it did have problems. Robin didn't like it at all.
A listener called in and made some tasteless joke about the porch collapse out in Chicago. Howard talked about that for a minute before the guy asked him to play the prank call they made to Beetlejuice. They took this Mr. T talking box thing and made it talk to Beetlejuice one day recently. Beetlejuice was arguing with the Mr. T voice box for about a minute. He played that and then took some more phone calls.
A caller brought up this movie ''28 Days Later'' that came out this past weekend. Howard said he saw some of the movie when the movie company sent him an advance copy on DVD. The DVD crapped out about 20 minutes in so he didn't get to see the whole thing. He said it started out really good but he doesn't want to talk it up until he sees the whole thing.
Comedian Shuli called in and asked Scott the Engineer if he's going to sit his son down and lecture him on show business. Howard played with that idea for a few seconds but he had to take another break so he got off the phone with Shuli, took one more call from a guy who wanted to play a game, and then went to break. He said he had a game to play but wasn't going to do it at that time.
Howard brought up how Gary noticed that Lindsey isn't wearing a bra to work. She said that she has a really bad sunburn so that's why she's not wearing a bra. It's too uncomfortable for her.
Howard moved on to some e-mail. Someone wrote in and told Howard that the New Jersey rest stop that was named for him was finally closed for good recently. Howard wondered where all of the lonely, gay men will go from now on if his rest stop is closed. Another e-mailer wrote in about how great Mr. T was on the show last week. There were a bunch of other people who hated the interview though so Howard went through a couple of those. He also read some e-mail about Kendra Jade who they've been talking about lately. Someone wrote in and said that all she's good for is banging guys anyway so they don't need her on the show. Howard said there are a lot of bad feelings all around between them and Kendra so it's kind of sad. Howard said he read an interview she did on some web site recently and she says that Gary told the story wrong and she wasn't the one who called them, they called her asking her what was up.
Someone wrote in about the song parodies about KC that they played last week. The writer liked the songs so Howard replayed them. He played ''Shove a Gerbil In Me'' to the tune of ''Pour Some Sugar On Me'' and a couple of others. Howard thought he liked the ''Shove a Gerbil In Me'' but when he heard ''Gay Photographs'' again, he said he might like that one better. It had both Howard and Robin laughing pretty hard.
Howard said he was glad that ''Charlie's Angels'' didn't do very well because that means they don't have to listen to Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore anymore. He said that he had a bunch of clips loaded in his computer that he wouldn't have to listen to. Robin said she had them loaded in because they're just so stupid that she figured he'd want to hear them. Howard broke down a few seconds later and played some of them. He goofed on them a little bit and then played a voice mail that some guy left for him. The guy thought that something was up with Howard and wants him to stop being so angry. Howard said the guy may be right and he is angry at any given time. Howard said he usually talks about stuff with everyone. He said he didn't talk about his divorce all that much while that was going on though. He said when he got divorced he didn't even take anything with him other than his clothes and a couple of pictures. He said he took the Leroy Nieman picture of himself and a picture of a woman's foot in a shoe that he had. He said he was by some famous gay photographer whose name he didn't know.
Howard's buddy Wayne Siegel called in to talk about Howard's new car. Howard said he already talked about his new car for a half hour. He said he paid full price for the car so he didn't have to give Wayne any plugs for his dealer. He ended up talking about how great the car is again though. He said if you lose control of the car, it'll take over and get it back under control. He also talked about the navigation system again and how great that was. He was still amazed that the thing helped him get to his buddy Ross' house over the weekend. He and Wayne were also talking about the car's suspension that automatically raises and lowers at different speeds. Howard said it's the best car he ever bought. He said he hasn't owned a car since his divorce (1999). He told Wayne to tell Audi how much he likes the car. He joked that he drove the car into a lake and it turned into a boat. He said it's like a James Bond car. He said it also has this On-Star system. He described that and how they can unlock the car remotely if you're locked out of it somewhere. Howard also heard that Artie was getting a new car too. Artie said he just got it over the weekend. He said he got a Mercedes Benz S430. He said he's had Mercedes Benz vehicles for years. He said he wanted something with more room in it so he went to a 4 door from a convertible. He said it's really nice and he got it through a family friend who works at a Mercedes Benz dealer. Artie said it sounds like Howard's car is a lot more James Bond-like than his but he does have navigation systems. Gary came in a short time later and said that Artie looks like an old man driving the Mercedes. Artie said he doesn't get that because all of the young rappers are driving Mercedes Benz's. Robin chimed in and said that she has an Audi TT so she's in the Audi family with Howard now. Artie said his car was about $81,000 and Howard told him his car was even less than his. Both of them are leasing their cars though. King of All Blacks called in and told Artie that Mercedes is changing the body style for next year so he shouldn't have gotten it at this point. He also told Howard that his car is the baddest car out there right now.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard that he was following Artie one time in his convertible and all you see from behind is his bald spot sweating in the sun. Artie thought that was pretty funny and said he got sunburned one time driving around in his convertible. A listener called in and told Howard he has to be careful with those navigation systems because they can bring you to some weird places. Howard said he knows the basic direction to go but the nav system helps him get around the back streets that he doesn't know that well. Another caller told Howard that the On-Star system can get him in trouble if he gets pulled over for speeding. He said the On-Star can tell law enforcement officials how fast you were going. Howard said he knows it's kind of weird that someone can tell where you're at but he doesn't mind it too much. He said that can be helpful in some situations.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw a guy out on the streets over the weekend wearing a t-shirt with his phone number on it. He said the guy was trying to pick up women that way which is kind of lame. Howard said the only people calling that number will probably be dudes.
Howard was talking about dating this black chick he was dating sometime after his divorce. Howard said the woman was black so he was talking about how much blacks like him. He said they'd go to clubs and stuff and the guys actually liked him. He said he was shocked to find that out. He said black people loved his Channel 9 (WWOR) TV show when that was on as well. He said it was kind of weird when he'd be sitting there as the only white guy in those clubs though. He said he'd get nervous that they were going to steal his pants like they did when he was a kid living in Roosevelt.
Artie told Howard that he brought in the picture of himself from his high school days where he was actually a good looking young dude. He showed it to Howard first and then to Robin. Robin gave it a ''Wow!'' when she saw how good looking he was. She said it was amazing. Howard said ''That was Artie 18 million calories ago...'' He also said it's sad what he's done to himself since then.
Gary told Howard that they got some calls in the office about that Giuliana chick. He said that the guys are saying that she's not as good looking as her pictures would lead you to believe. He said one guy said she has a funny shaped head.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard about how far technology has come and how they're able to catch guys cheating on their wives by putting in a cigarette box sized tracking device. Howard was kind of pissed that Dominic would do that to other guys. He also yelled at Dominic about how he doesn't check his messages and stuff. He said he left him a message over the weekend and never heard back from him. He goofed on him about that a little bit and about the night he was on a boat with Dominic and how he thought he was going to die that night.
A woman called in and said that Kelly Ripa had just given Howard a huge compliment on Live with Regis and Kelly. She wasn't aware that Howard had gone to the movie premiere that he talked about earlier in the morning. Howard ended up talking about Kelly for a short time. Howard was also talking about Kelly's husband and how he was sleeping through the movie premiere. He spent a couple of minutes talking about Reese Witherspoon as well. He said she was pretty cute even though she's apparently knocked up.
Howard said his girlfriend's mother was out visiting them over the weekend so they didn't have sex. He said Beth didn't want to have sex with him since her mother was in the same house. Howard said he wanted her to do something to him but she didn't want to do anything. He said he was fully aroused then and he was fully aroused just talking about Reese Witherspoon there in the studio. Artie said he felt a spontaneous Scores party coming on. He said that Ronnie the Limo Driver was at Scores last week because Gene Simmons was there doing a book signing. Howard said that's a great idea to have a book signing at Scores. Ronnie told him there wasn't a big turn out there though.
Howard played a clip of Kelly Ripa talking about him on her show this morning. She quickly mentioned how ''fun'' and ''lovely'' he was at the movie premiere they were at. Howard said when he hears that he thinks that Kelly ''wants it'' from him.
Howard had a clip of Cameron Diaz making an ass out of herself talking about some nonsense during an interview. He played the tape and goofed on how dumb she sounded talking about eating. Howard had a bunch of other tapes he wanted to play as well. He had some clips of Jimmy Fallon hosting David Letterman's show recently. He played some of his monolog and a song that he performed. Jimmy and Paul Shaffer had some strange conversations that didn't go over very well. Howard said those went on for a while and they were pretty boring.
Howard said he had to thank his audience for all of the grilling utensils he got after talking about how much he enjoys grilling. He got wire grill brushes and all kinds of crap like that. He ended up talking about grilling a little bit and Stuttering John came in and suggested using tin foil to clean his grill. Howard told him to get out of there because he didn't want to use the foil to clean his. He just wanted to do it the way he wanted to do it.
Howard said when he was at the ''Legally Blonde 2'' movie premiere and Star Jones was there. He said she was even bigger looking while she was there because she was with some young black kid. He said some people were freaking out because they thought there might be a confrontation between them there. Howard said nothing happened though.
Howard had a quick game to play with this guy he had on the phone. He said he'd play a Gary the Retard game but it would take too long. He said he'd come up with something quick and just let the guy try to win. He said he picked a number between 1 and 5 and wrote it down. The guy guessed that it was 3 but Howard said it was number 2. He gave him the prize anyway because he didn't want to hear the guy beg for it.
Howard took a call from a woman from a dog food company who said that she knows he uses this brand of food. Howard was curious to know who told her that he uses that type of food. She just wanted to thank him for using the food and wanted to come in and bring him some more food. He said she just wanted to do that because of who he is. She said that's not true and has done some crazy things to deliver food to people. Howard was trying to give away a $500 prize but she didn't want to take it. He ended up taking a break right after that strange call.
Howard said they have a lot to get to today. They have ''Porn Star Quizmaster'' and Lisa the blind Playmate coming in. Howard heard that Benjy slept with Lisa so he asked him about her when he came walking in about a minute late. Benjy said he had sex with her one night. Benjy had no ability to talk to Howard about the situation so they bailed out on it. Howard told Benjy he's retarded or something when it comes to having a conversation. He also told him that this isn't the right type of show for him and he might be better off being on a puppet show or something. Gary came in a short time later and said that Benjy comes to him sometimes and asks him how he can be better on the air. He's told him to just talk and not make stuff up in conversations but he just doesn't listen. They told him how he just didn't get to the point when he was talking about sleeping with this Playboy model. Benjy said that he makes Howard laugh off the air all the time when he says ''Hey Now!'' to him. Howard said he didn't know what he was talking about with that either though.
Howard said they have some stuff coming up later this week like ''Guess Who's Under House Arrest,'' ''It's Just Wrong'' and the band Staind will be in. He also said they have a woman coming in who claims that she's the ''Most Downloaded Woman'' on the internet. Her name is Estelle Reyna. He had to take a break after mentioning all of that.
Howard interrupted that to say that Buddy Hackett passed away. Howard said he found Buddy funny which surprised Robin. The guys were talking about how Hackett was asked to be in the Three Stooges at one point. That led to Howard talking about the history of the Three Stooges because KC wasn't aware that Shemp was in the group before Curley and after Curley left.
Dead Air Dave came in to tell Howard the history of Queens of the Stone Age and how Dave Grohl ended up playing drums for them. Howard let him talk about that for a minute and then told him to go back to hitting the delay button on him. A listener called in a short time later and told Howard how bad Dead Air Dave is as a DJ. He said he's on overnight on Howard's station and the guy thought he sucked. KC came in and said that yesterday Crazy Cabbie told him he was serious about giving him oral sex and started to perform it on a Coke bottle as he walked by. Howard told KC that's sexual harassment and he should tell Tom about it. Howard said Tom will probably make Cabbie sit through a sexual harassment video tape if that happens. He said that would be pretty funny to do to Cabbie. KC said he's going to do it and told Howard how he's going to approach Tom. Gary came in and told Howard about how Benjy was harassed by an intern at one time so they had a whole big thing going on with a sexual harassment case. The male intern was touching Benjy's leg in a sexual way. Benjy said he told him he didn't have to do that and eventually went to management about it. He said the guy would also rub his shoulders and stuff like that as well. Gary said he heard that the intern started to cry when Tom approached him about it. He said it would never happen again and it was just a goof for the show. Gary said it never did happen again. They also heard that the guy went into Cabbie's office one time and exposed himself to him as well. That led to Artie doing his impression of Cabbie that he was doing yesterday. Cabbie had been interviewed at an Indy car race and there were cars zooming by in the background. Artie was doing his impression of Cabbie and the cars zooming by at the same time and he had Howard laughing pretty hard.
Howard got back to Benjy's sexual harassment story and asked him a little more about that. That led to them talking about their sales manager Tom Gisimundo, who is in charge of the sexual harassment stuff. KC wondered why Benjy just didn't tell the guy to stop with the gay stuff. Benjy said he did but the guy kept doing stuff to him over a period of a week or so. Howard also told KC to go to Tom Chiusano about Cabbie instead of going to Tom Gisimundo. Howard said it would be more fun if he goes to Chiusano instead. Howard goofed on Gisimundo a little bit but said he can't say anything bad about him because he taught him his favorite game, Craps. He said he and Dominic are going to be out on his boat playing craps and stuff when they go on vacation. Howard invited Artie to go with him and then told KC that he doesn't want to gamble with him because he shouldn't be gambling at all. He interrupted that conversation to say that he's been thinking of Bukkake a lot lately and has to talk to Beth about doing it to her. He didn't spend long talking about that though.
Howard said when he was out in the Hamptons at the ''Legally Blonde 2'' premiere, he saw reporter Richard Johnson there with a woman who wasn't his wife. He thought he had some gossip on Johnson but found out later that he'd divorced his wife a couple of years before. Howard went on to read an article that Johnson wrote about him being at the premiere of the movie. Howard went on to read some reviews of the new ''Terminator 3'' movie. Howard said one paper gave it three stars and the other gave it just one. He said he liked the movie though.
Howard was still waiting for the guys to get him a copy of a Crosby Stills and Nash CD so he could play ''Deja Vu.'' Gary told him one of their affiliates was sending it to them. Howard said it was too late by that time though. He said the bit was over and ended up complaining about how the company won't let them download from the internet anymore. Gary said they won't even allow them to download from pay sites where you do it legally. Howard ended up goofing on Tom Chiusano about the whole thing because they threw out all of the classic rock music albums they had there. He was doing an impression of Tom as if he were a robot while Fred played some sound effects Tom putting up walls that Howard just can't get past. He went on to talk about how their old Program Director, Steve Kingston, is over at another station and he's thrilled to be working with someone other than Tom. Howard couldn't get over the fact that they aren't allowed to download songs from the internet. He said record companies beg them to play their music on the air and they certainly wouldn't go after them for downloading songs from the web if they're going to play them on the air.
Howard was also talking about how he thought Tom was going to be taken out of the loop with his show but that never did happen. He said he just can't get away from that guy. Everyone else that has been to the station ends up leaving to go work with other people and he just gets stuck with him. He pointed out that even cancer can't survive with Tom. He also joked that he's the one who's been slipping Tom carcinogen's to try and give him cancer. Howard said even Mel Karmazin, the owner of the company, left him with Tom. Robin said that the cancer that Tom had usually kills people and Tom somehow survived it. Howard said Tom told him that everyone else on his floor in the cancer treatment center has died since that time but he has survived. Howard was making up stories about how he's been trying to put Tom out of his misery and said it would make for a great cartoon. He said it could be like the Road Runner cartoons where he's just trying to kill Tom and never is able to do it. Tom called in and told Howard that they didn't get rid of the old music library and they were wrong about that. Gary told Tom that they didn't get rid of it but people picked through it before they were given the library so they don't have the good stuff. He said they have the Crosby, Stills and Nash rejects and not the song Howard was looking for. The guys also brought up the sexual harassment thing that KC was going to talk to him about. Fred ended up telling Howard that the other day Tom was standing behind Robin and motioned like he was grabbing Robin's ass from behind her. Tom denied the accusations though and said that didn't happen. Howard finally had his ''Deja Vu'' song but had to take a break before playing it.
John the Stutterer called back and Howard told him ''Way to go!'' John told Howard that she's hot and he's banging her. He was stuttering up a storm though so Howard had to ask him questions to get a story out of him. Howard said he had a million questions about it. He asked him how much it's costing him. He asked if he has to just feed or something to pay her. He said he doesn't even have to do that. Howard said he figured the stuttering problem would be helped if he got laid but it wasn't helping at all. Robin told Howard that the woman could be a problem if she's sharing needles or anything like that. The woman got back on the phone and Howard told her not to break his heart. She said she won't do that and said that he really is a good guy. She talked to Howard a little bit and said that her drug habit is costing her between $150 and $200 a day! Howard said he'd like to help get her into a rehab or detox center so she can get off the drugs. She said she'd love to get into something like that. Howard had her put John back on the phone so he could ask him what he wanted to do. John wasn't sure if he wanted her off drugs or not. He sounded as though he was kind of confused. He eventually told Howard that he'd like to see her clean though. Howard wanted her back on the phone because he couldn't take John talking. He told the woman that he was going to try and clean her up but he knows that she'll leave John if she gets clean. Howard wanted Gary to come in to talk about this one place that has been advertising on the show lately. Gary said they claim that they can clean you up in 24 hours. Artie told her that this place could get her clean before John could say ''I love you.'' Howard was going to put her on hold to set her up with this thing. She said she has no money at all to pay for this stuff so Howard told her they're trying to get it for free for her. Howard got John back on the phone and found out he's not using a condom with this chick. Howard thinks he's nuts because she's on drugs and he doesn't know her past. John figured it was his first relationship with a woman so he doesn't mind. He said he gave her oral sex for 4 hours at one point as well. Howard finally got the info on the detox place and said they'd hook her up later.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that she'll probably be back on heroin in a week or a month after getting off. He said she'll probably be dead in a year as well. Howard told Chaunce that they're just going to give her a shot and see what they can do for her. Howard said he knows that Chaunce had a girlfriend who died from drug use but not every woman is that woman. After hearing this Howard said he didn't want to be involved. He said he didn't want to help her now because of what Chaunce was telling him. Chaunce said that they have to go to the source of the problem as well as the drug problem. Howard ended up goofing on Chaunce about his other problems like the bad hair plugs and the free newspaper he works for. He also talked about the bad tattoo he has on his back. Howard asked Chaunce why ''Steppin' Out'' magazine doesn't help her out then if he doesn't think that Howard is helping her enough. Chaunce wanted Howard to go beyond detox and help her out after that. Howard said he can't help the world and this treatment may work for this woman even though it didn't work for his girlfriend. He and Chaunce argued about this for a couple of minutes and got nowhere. Howard told Chaunce he was idiotic about the whole thing. He was telling Howard that if he doesn't help the girl, she'll die and if he does help her, but doesn't help enough, she'll die. Howard said they could give the detox a try and see what happens. Howard bailed out on the conversation and called Chaunce an ''ass'' before hanging up. Robin was upset with what he was saying as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said what he was doing to help this woman was a good thing and Chaunce was nuts. Robin said Chaunce is crazy. Artie said he was able to get off drugs and he thinks that it's a good idea to at least do the detox. He said it's a positive thing. One caller said he never calls in but he had to call in to complain about Chaunce. Howard interrupted that call to bring in Playboy model Lisa Huen.
KC came in and said she was in the bathroom about 4 times before coming in so he wondered if she had diarrhea or something. She said she was fixing her makeup. Howard told her to get rid of her chewing gum because she was chewing into the microphone. Howard told her that her boobs looked awesome and she looked great except for the hair. She started to tell more jokes but Howard wanted her to stop with that. She just kept rambling as if she was reading them from a piece of paper. The jokes just weren't funny though.
Howard said she used to claim that she was a ''blind Playmate'' but he thinks that she's fine and can see. She said she wears really thick contact lenses but Howard didn't want to hear that. He went on to bring up the Benjy sex story. Howard told Benjy to be real about it and tell the truth. Lisa started to tell more booger jokes and stuff like that. She just wouldn't stop with the bad jokes. Gary came in and told her if she ever wanted to come back again, she had to stop with the jokes. She just kept going though and wouldn't stop. Gary threatened to throw her out if she didn't stop. She didn't get it though.
They finally got her to quiet down a little bit. Howard went on to ask her about Benjy having sex with her. Benjy told the story about how she used to tell him that she would have sex with him so Stuttering John used to tell him to just bang her. He eventually did. Howard said she once told him that she slept with over 5000 guys but she said that wasn't true. She was still telling bad jokes so Howard was going to bail on the interview. Gary yelled at her to shut up already. He sounded really pissed at her. Benjy continued to tell his story and how he went over to her hotel room after she called him from a bunch of different places. He said she took her top off and they went to the bathroom for some reason, then went to her bed and had sex. She said she didn't remember it at all. Howard wondered if that's part of her illness or something. She started telling more jokes so Howard was going to bail on it. Gary congratulated her on blowing her appearance. Howard kicked him out of the studio though because that's just her personality.
Benjy said that she was really hot back then but she wasn't quite all there at the time... kind of like she was today. She was telling more jokes but they were getting worse and worse as she went along. They were so unfunny that they sounded more like political statements than jokes. Listeners started calling in telling Howard to get her off the air already. Lisa was still saying that she didn't remember having sex with Benjy. Benjy told Howard he gave her oral sex for a while and spent about an hour and a half with her before he had to catch a train to go to a family function.
Lisa wondered if Howard knew what he'd done to her. Howard had no idea what she was talking about so Gary told him a strange story about how she thinks that there's some kind of conspiracy against her on the show. She said that's not what she was talking about though. She was going to tell a story but she told more of her lame jokes instead. Howard decided to wrap it up after that and let her get in some plugs for where she's appearing doing this lame stand up. She's appearing at Yuk Yuk's up in Toronto. She had been telling a bunch of ''How many cops does it take to drive a cop car?'' jokes during her appearance so Artie asked her ''How many cops does it take to drive a cop car?'' When she said ''how many?'' he yelled ''GET OUT!'' Howard ended it a few seconds later.
Howard said there's this guy who wrote a book about John F. Kennedy Jr. and his relationship with his wife. He talked about that for a minute and then brought up a few other quick news stories. He talked about this guy Andrew Cuomo who is breaking up with his wife. He also quickly mentioned Buddy Hackett's death and discussed that for a minute. He also played a couple of clips of his comedy and realized he may have been wrong about him being funny. He said he liked the guy though. Artie said the guy was funny when he did talk shows and stuff like that. Howard mentioned Katharine Hepburn's death as well and how she had a charmed life from the start. He read some stuff about her and found out she had about $40 million when she passed away. She also saved a lot of her old movie costumes and stuff so that's probably worth some money. Howard and the guys talked about her for a couple of minutes. Howard then talked about how kids are having their tongue's sliced in half as a new fad. He read an article about this one kid who had his cut in half and learned to wiggle each half independently. It can be very dangerous to do though.
Howard started Porn Star Quizmaster after that stuff. He introduced each of the porn stars and Dan the Farter who was going to be farting on the losers of the game. He had Dan fart a couple of times to warm up. He blasted out a bunch of wet sounding farts for him.
Howard spoke to Kaylynn (Videos) the porn star first. She has done over 250 films. He read some of the other stuff in her bio and found out she hasn't done more than one guy at a time. She is into anal sex though. She got into porn after seeing an ad in the paper for a modeling gig. Howard was trying to figure out why she got into porn though. She said she hasn't seen her father since she was 5 years old so Howard figures that's part of the reason.
Howard spoke to India Videos next. She told Howard she's always wanted to try porn since she was younger. She said she was trying to get into music but it wasn't working so she moved on to porn. She's done over 100 movies. She said she knows a few celebrities and has hung out with people like Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre as well as a few others. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her after that.
Next up was Felecia (Videos). She said she's done about 400 films and all with women. She never does guys in her movies. She said she's married to a regular guy in her normal life. She said it's not that he won't let her do guys, she just prefers not to. She said she can bring other women into bed with her husband as well. She said she lets him bang the other chicks as well.
Howard asked the girls about how much money they can make as porn stars. They were telling Howard how much they can make per scene and for feature dancing as well. Howard asked the girls what kind of education they have. Felecia went to college and graduated with honors. India went to college for a while but didn't graduate. Kaylynn didn't go to college at all, she just graduated high school. He spent a short time talking to the girls a little more before getting to the game. He let the girls get in some plugs for their web sites and stuff like that before getting to the game. Here are their web sites:
Howard wasn't sure he wanted to do the quiz game but went ahead with it anyway. Howard moved on and gave the girls different categories for the game. He then asked each of them questions. Here they are:
The girls (India and Kaylynn) gave Dan and J.D. Their lap dances. Howard wrapped up the segment right after that.
Another caller claimed to be related to Norm MacDonald in some way and that he and Artie had parted ways since Artie became part of the show. Artie said that's not true and he just spoke to Norm a few days ago. The guy was making up the whole thing.
Howard was talking about how big the show was today and how the even managed to squeeze in Beth and J.D. during the Porn Star Quiz Master thing. He was telling Robin how Beth wants to bring J.D. Somewhere that he can keep shopping to keep up the look. They're not so sure that will happen though. After talking about that for a minute Howard had Robin start her news.
Howard said they have a new game coming up today called ''Guess Who's Under House Arrest'' today. They also have Staind coming in to perform and Casey Kasem's daughter Kerri coming in. Tomorrow they have ''It's Just Wrong,'' model Estella Reyna and Beetlejuice will be dropping by.
Howard said his girlfriend took virgin J.D. out to do a make over on him yesterday after the show and they'll have them on today to show the results. He had to take a break before getting to all of that though.
Howard's girlfriend Beth was in to talk about her make over of their virgin intern J.D. Beth came in and said that she thinks J.D. looks really good after the make over. Howard took a few phone calls before bringing J.D. in and one guy insulted Beth saying she needs another nose job. She was thrown off a little bit about that so Howard tried to move on.
Howard said they were going to send J.D. To some make over place but decided to get someone like Ralph to make him over. The people at E! said they wouldn't work with Ralph so they found someone else. Howard spent a short time talking about how Ralph can't do things fast enough for them. Howard said it would have been a drawn out process that may have lasted for months.
Double A called in and told Beth that she doesn't need any work done no matter what that caller said earlier. He was down yesterday to get her autograph yesterday so the guys were goofing on him a little bit about that. Howard asked him if he whacks off to pictures of Beth. He said he has done that sometimes. He was having trouble getting his camera to work yesterday so he could see himself with Beth but it eventually worked. Howard went on to talk about beating off to images of dead people. He brought up John F. Kennedy Jr. and how his picture is all over the place right now for some reason. That led to him talking about women who have died and how they stop being beat off material when they die. Howard mentioned some cartoons that he used to beat off to as well. He said he liked Fritz the Cat and some of the other cartoons that were on when he was young. He said he never beat off to Wilma Flintstone but thought she had a great body.
Howard got back to Ralph and how difficult he is. He said his staff refused to work with him. Robin told a quick story about how Ralph puts stuff off forever and sometimes never gets around to doing things. Howard said Ralph was going to put a birthday party together for Howard but he wasn't able to do it so Howard ended up doing it himself. Howard said they decided to use Beth to do the make over on J.D. instead of Ralph. They were going to have him go to a tanning salon and Beth put a stop to that right away. She looked over him and decided that the first thing they should do is whiten his teeth. Beth said she noticed a yellow film over his teeth so they had that fixed first. She also decided that he needed to look like a normal guy instead of having a biker look or something like that. Doug Goodstein from E! was in and he said J.D. looks better but he's still the same ''worm'' he was before. He said he won't look at anyone when he talks to them. He just looks at the ground and laughs.
Howard had J.D. come in a minute later and all of the guys said he looked better. Howard said he didn't want to say he looked great but did say he was better. He got new glasses, a new hair cut and the new white teeth. Howard said he didn't want to throw up when he saw him. He was wearing some nice clothes. Howard thought he'd look better with his shirt untucked but Beth didn't want that to happen. Howard just wanted to see him with a different look. His glasses were much better according to everyone. The intern that J.D. is in love with wasn't in this morning so Howard said that was the whole reason they did this. She won't be in until tomorrow morning. The guys continued to talk about him for a short time while they had him modeling his new look. They had a before and after shot to put up on their TV screen. Robin asked him what he thought of the new look. He got all shy so the guys said that's what he has to change. Doug said he needs a woman who can bring out his wild side. He said there's an animal waiting to come out of him. They were also telling him to stand up straight and change his attitude. Howard said the teeth whitening thing was a major thing in his make over.
Gary came in and said that the intern J.D. is in love with found a cockroach yesterday and asked him to kill it for her. He wouldn't do it though so he may have blown it again. Howard thanked Beth for helping the guy out even though that's not her line of work. Doug was still goofing on J.D. about the way he looks at the floor when he talks to people. He said he really wants to help the guy out, that's why he points that stuff out. Howard said they'll have more of J.D. and the intern he's in love with on tomorrow's show. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said the best story in the paper today was about this guy Justin Guarini from ''American Idol.'' He was riding a jet ski and lost control. He ended up no the beach and almost killed a little kid. He was within 3 feet of the little girl who was playing on the beach. Kelly Clarkson was also there and she started to get confrontational with the father of the girl when he asked Justin what he was doing speeding around like that.
Howard said the reviews for ''Legally Blonde 2'' are out and they seem to agree with him that the movie sucks. He said it got some very poor reviews. Howard talked about how Reese Witherspoon is good but the script just sucked.
Howard asked what the weather was supposed to be like on the Fourth of July. Robin told him it's supposed to be hot and humid which is just what he wanted to hear. He's looking for good pool weather. The guys were talking about fireworks and stuff like that for a few minutes.
Howard said they have the ''It's Just Wrong'' game going for tomorrow's show but there are still openings left if anyone out there wants to get in on it. He said some of the contestants are people they don't really want to see naked so they're still looking for Brother/Sister teams or Twin sister teams. He pointed out that they have a $10,000 grand prize for the winners. Gary said they had a huge list a few months ago but people have changed their minds since then.
Howard said some people wrote to McDonalds about them not advertising on the show. Howard thanked these people for doing that. They e-mailed them about how Artie's mention of the McGriddle sandwich got them to go out and buy one. They got a lame response from the people at McDonalds that Howard read on the air. Howard told McDonalds to get some balls and just advertise on a show like his. He said they're not John George or something like that, they're McDonalds and shouldn't be backing off from his show. Howard said everyone at McDonalds probably listens to his show anyway. He said after they mentioned the McGriddle all of the local stores were sending over sandwiches and were probably thrilled that they were mentioning the sandwich. Howard said he'd love it if his audience boycotted them. He also talked about boycotting the French as well. He ended up going off on them even more than he was doing with McDonalds. Howard said he doesn't even look at French wines when he looks at a wine list. Artie said he's had his last McGriddle sandwich... after today anyway. Howard said ''McDonalds McSucks'' and said that they've been doing that to him for years.
A few listeners called in to talk about the whole McDonalds and French thing. One guy said to make sure to tell people not to boycott French restaurants here in the States because those people aren't necessarily evil like the real French. Howard said that's true and he hates to see that these French restaurants are going out of business.
A listener called in and said that he found out that Ashton Kutcher is supposed to be the next Batman. Howard ended up talking about how famous this guy Ashton Kutcher has gotten just from dating these famous chicks like Demi Moore. Howard said Hollywood just doesn't get it when it comes to stuff like that. Howard said the source of that story about Ashton came from The Sun newspaper over in England and they don't have much of a reputation for being accurate. The caller said the story is all over the web as well. Howard said he doesn't trust anything online unless it's a newspaper web site or something like that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard and the guys tried to figure out which one of these three people was actually under house arrest. Their stories started to fall apart after a few minutes. Joe and Jodi were talking about how their ankle bracelets beep and/or vibrate. Each of them had different stories so no one was sure what was true. Howard asked them to get more specific. The stories were falling apart even more which stumped Robin and Howard even more. None of them had a straight story. Howard said he believed that all three of them were involved in some type of criminal activity though. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he thought it was Joe who was the criminal. Howard told the guy that Joe was the one who wasn't sure about the vibrating or beeping thing.
Howard went with Tina as being the person actually under house arrest. He figured that she knew the most about the ankle bracelet. Robin picked Jodi, Fred picked Jodi, Artie said he sort of knew one of the people so he didn't vote. Howard then had them reveal who was actually under house arrest. It turned out to be Jodi. Howard said Tina fooled him so he asked her about how she did it. She said she's an actress and read some news stories and asked Jodi about what it was actually like. Joe said he's a stand-up comedian, not a criminal. Howard spent a short time talking to Jodi about her drug habit. She said she was doing about 5 bags of heroin a day at her worst. She was spending about $50 a day. Jodi said she was grooming dogs during that time and would even take Ecstasy while she was doing the grooming. Howard and the guys asked her some other questions about her life and tried to figure out what happened to her to get her involved in drugs. She had a relatively normal life so Howard and the guys were kind of surprised by it all. She said she has about 2 months left of being under house arrest before she's done. Howard asked her what it was like being in prison with other women. She said there was no fighting or anything like that but there were some corrupt guards who would have sex with the inmates. It turns out Jodi isn't supposed to be there at the show. She said she turned the box off at home so it wouldn't go off. She said she really had to be on the show so she snuck out. Howard wondered why she didn't just ask her parole officer if she could be on the show. She said she did mention it and the parole officer said there's no way that would happen. She said if she breaks parole she could possibly be back in prison for another two years. Howard told her to get right back home before anyone finds out she's not home.
Howard said Tina the actress was a dancer at Doug Goodstein's bachelor party. She wasn't the one who Benjy performed oral sex on though. She said she knows that woman and Benjy didn't use a cookie wrapper like he said he did. Howard didn't get any dances from Tina at the party. She said he was busy with a petite chick that was there. Howard said Jodi was supposed to do a layout for Hustler magazine at one point but she never did it. Chaunce Hayden apparently hooked her up with that. Howard gave Jodi a couple of plugs as well. She was promoting S&J Limo in NJ and her lawyer Baldie in Patterson, NJ. Howard said Joe Picolli will be appearing at a couple of comedy clubs in the near future. He'll be at the Dancing Monkey and at the Dunellen Theater in the coming weeks. Tina also had a plug for the web site where you can book her for appearances. She can be found at DialADancer.com.
As Howard was wrapping up the segment a guy called in and said he didn't want to be on the air. He wanted to talk to Gary off the air about Jodi. Turns out it was her parole officer and he wanted to talk to Gary. Howard told the guy to take it easy on her because she doesn't have the best judgment. She said she couldn't believe he actually called in. Howard told her to come back when she gets out of prison in a couple of years. He also told her to offer the guy oral and to be very nice to him when she sees him. Howard wrapped it up right after that.
Howard had the top 5 songs to get to. He said he was inspired by Case Kasem to do them and since Kerri Kasem was coming in, he figured he'd do that. He played the top five which included songs by 50 Cent and Nate Dog, Lil' Kim, Jay-Z, Ruben Studderd and Clay Aiken. Howard also threw in a couple of song parodies and did his Casey Kasem impression. Artie said that all five of the top songs ''sucked the big one.''
Howard played some voice mail that they've gotten lately. One guy called in and left a message about a guy who was killed in the recent deck collapse in Chicago. He said the guy was a big fan of the show and he just wanted Howard to give him a shout out. Howard talked about the deck collapse for a minute. Artie said he thought the guy was a stock trader or something downtown. Howard said he was sorry to hear he was gone. He then went into his Casey Kasem impression and dedicated some songs to that guy and Jodi the house arrest chick. They were Roger Alan Wade songs like ''Shoot You in the Ass with a BB Gun'' and ''She's Gone Back to Whoring.''
Howard played another voice mail from a guy who pointed out that the Chicago Cubs have a pitching coach by the name of Dick Pole. Another guy called in and complained about Artie complaining that people talk about where he lives when he's mentioned it himself a few times. Howard thought he caught a whiff of pot at one point. The band Staind was out in the green room so he thought that maybe someone out there was smoking pot. Howard played a few more voice mails and then moved on to Kerri Kasem.
Kerri told Howard that she's single right now. Robin wondered what happened between her and Corey Feldman. She said things didn't work out between them and didn't say much more than that. Kerri said that she's 30 years old now and didn't really want to talk about that. Howard told her that she doesn't look 30 at all. Howard read that Kerri claimed that the best sex she had was with Corey Feldman. She said she never said that though. Howard heard that he might be bi-sexual or something but Kerri told him that she never heard that and he's married to a very cute girl now.
Howard talked to Kerri about her father and his current wife a little bit. She was talking about her father when Howard interrupted her and told her how hot she is. She apparently had a nice rack and claims that it's all natural.
Howard thought he remembered a story about her getting molested as a kid. She said she really doesn't think it was molestation though. She said she was about 7 or 8 and this kid who was a couple years older messed around with her. She said it was like a ''You show me yours, I'll show you mine'' type of thing. She said she thinks that all kids go through stuff like that.
Kerri said she went through a phase in her life during her 20s where she thought she might be a lesbian. She said she hated guys and thought she might be gay. She said she kissed another woman but that was about it. She eventually came around and started liking guys again.
Howard read that Kerri dated Ryan Seacrest. She said she went out a couple of times but never had sex with him. Howard said he must be gay if he didn't bang her. She said he's a really sweet guy and had nothing bad to say about him. She told Howard that he takes care of himself and dresses nicely and that doesn't mean he's gay.
Kerri appeared in Maxim magazine at one time so Howard said he's going to have to check that out again since he's now met her. He went on to talk to her about how she has her own radio show now just like her father. She also has this TV show called ''Beg, Borrow and Deal'' that airs on ESPN. She explained the show to Howard and he said it sounded like ''The Amazing Race'' or something like that. She said she's actually part of the show and had some fun doing it. It starts airing next week. Howard gave her a plug for that and for her web site KerriKasem.com. She said there's no nudity on the site or anything like that.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Kerri about her father and took some phone calls for her. One guy asked her if she's into anal. She said she's never done that before. The guy also asked her if she ever saw her father naked. She said she never saw that and changed subjects by telling Robin how beautiful she is. Howard got her back to the sex talk a short time later though. She said she hasn't gotten laid in a couple of months so Howard wanted to know who it was that she banged back then. She said it was her ex-boyfriend. Howard also asked her about pleasuring herself. She said she doesn't use a vibrator but hinted that she might use her fingers. Howard ended up asking her about shaving her bush as well. She said she has a ''landing strip'' down there. Howard told her she should shave it all off. She said she likes the landing strip though so it's not going anywhere. Howard wrapped up the segment after giving her another plug for the ''Beg, Borrow and Deal'' show.
Howard said that he loves the band but doesn't get to see them much. Their microphones weren't working so he wasn't able to talk to them right away. They eventually got the mics working and Aaron thanked Howard for the positive words. Howard said he was thinking that Aaron might be getting too ''happy'' and it might affect his music. Howard told him not to go and get too happy because it might ruin it. Aaron said that his life is much better than it used to be so he is a little happier. He said it's not all good but he is a little better off now. Howard told him he was miserable as well and things never really change.
Howard said he heard that they used to have to mow lawns and stuff to make a living. A couple of the guys did that and it was a miserable job. Howard said at least they have a career to fall back on if the whole ''rock star'' thing doesn't work out.
Howard played on of the tracks from the band's new album where they do a tribute to the late Layne Staley from Alice in Chains. They were big fans of the band and wrote a song for him. Howard wondered why no one writes songs like that for him. The guys told him he has to die first, then there will be people writing songs like that for him.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the guys about their lives on the road and stuff like that. Aaron said he brought his family out with him last year which Howard seemed to find kind of strange. Howard figured they'd be out alone so they could bang chicks.
Howard requested that the guys perform their hit song ''Outside'' for them this morning. The guys talked a little bit about how their families didn't think they'd ever go anywhere as a band and wanted them to get ''real jobs.'' Howard said he had an uncle like that who didn't think he should be in radio.
The guys talked a little bit about downloading music over the web and how they think it's stealing. They said they've never downloaded songs from the web themselves. Howard said he agrees with them and thinks it is stealing.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guys and then had them perform their song ''Outside.'' They were great as usual. Howard told them it was ''beautiful'' and asked Aaron if he still thinks he's ''ugly on the inside'' like he sings in the song. Aaron said that's the way he'll always feel. Howard said he feels ugly on the outside and on the inside. He talked about how cool they looked as they were performing and how he'd love to be able to harmonize like they did. Howard said he just sucks though so he can't do that. He had them harmonize without the instruments to demonstrate how they do it. Howard and Artie then tried to do it and made a complete mess out of the song.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guys and people were talking about downloading their songs from the web to goof on them. One guy said he downloaded their whole album but then went out and bought it because it was so good. Sal the Stockbroker called in and told the guys he's no gay but he just pleasured himself to the song. They thought that was pretty gross. One caller said he loves the show but hates the band. He complained about how long the song was. Howard told him he was gay and had a song for him. He then played some Clay Aiken for him. Another guy called in and told the guys they saved him from suicide after listening to their music. Howard said their music makes him suicidal so he didn't know how that worked. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and sang a little bit of their song and told them she sings it with her daughter all the time. She started to sing a little more so Howard had to hang up on her because it was so bad.
Howard played a track off their new album called ''So Far Away.'' Howard asked them what that was about but the guys told him it's pretty self explanatory when you hear it. Howard let the whole song play through which is kind of unusual for him to do. He said the song moved him. Howard said the nightmare seems to be over for Aaron and he's happy for that. He said the song gave him goose bumps and he almost cried but he's no pussy so he didn't let that happen. He wished the guys luck and said he'd love to see them perform. They're performing down in Atlantic City tomorrow and up in Hartford on the Fourth of July. Howard saw them perform one time and they were so upset with how bad they were that they were throwing stuff around. Howard said they were actually very good that day but they weren't happy with their own performance. Howard wrapped up the segment after that and took a break. You can find out more about the band at Staind.com
Howard said Beetlejuice would be stopping by later in the morning. They also have the ''It's Just Wrong'' game and model Estelle Reyna coming in as well. He took the first phone call of the morning and there was a guy who thought Howard was holding John back from going on a trip to Amsterdam during their vacation. Howard said he heard that John and Robin got into an argument out in the hall yesterday for some reason. Robin was saying that John is a really scummy person because the whole Amsterdam trip came out of a meeting between John, Gary and some guys from Heineken beer. John was supposed to go but he backed out recently and decided not to go. Robin took his place because the Heineken people needed someone to take his spot. Gary and Robin were supposed to go there during their vacation. Robin said she wasn't planning to go and she sure didn't want to be ridiculed about it by John. John was in the studio and said he wasn't ridiculing her but Robin said he was giving her a hard time about the itinerary she had. Robin said it's a very busy quick vacation and she was upset that John was making fun of that. Robin went off on John for backing out of the vacation and then goofed on her. John was explaining his side of the story but Howard thought he was changing it from what he'd heard earlier. Robin was completely freaked out by the whole thing so John told her she may need to go back to therapy. Stuttering John says that he has never received anything for saying how much he likes Heineken on the air. That apparently came up in their argument off the air so they brought it up again during this little fight. John said he'd like to get a little something from them but he isn't demanding it. The two of them continued to argue with one another for quite a while. Robin was really pissed at him and told him to stay out of her face. She said she can't stand how ''dense'' he is. She claims that she kept her mouth shut about the whole thing until he started goofing on her. She said that really upset her. Howard tried explaining to John why this was coming back to him and how upset Robin was with him about goofing on her after he backed out of the trip. Robin said he was goofing on her off the air which is what really upset her. If it was on the air it may have been less of a problem. Howard said the whole trip came about because of a meeting that John was involved with. He told John that Robin didn't want to be goofed on about a trip that she's going on because he backed out of it. John said it was funny to him and he's not going to stop laughing at something he finds funny. He was also saying stuff about how Robin needs to go to therapy over this but Howard and Robin said that he's got plenty of problems himself. Howard and Robin tried to get through to John about how he kind of screwed things up with Heineken even though he went through the right channels to cancel his part of it. John said his wife decided she didn't want to go on the trip and then he decided not to go. Once again Howard tried to explain to John how the whole trip came about because of that meeting he had with Gary and the Heineken people. Then he goofed on Robin off the air and it ate away at her until she finally exploded and went off on him.
Howard let a few people call in and yell at John and/or Robin. One guy said the argument was the longest Heineken commercial he'd ever heard. Other guys complained about John and the way he acts on the show. One guy offered to come down and just punch John in the face for Howard. Someone said this fight was better than the fireworks display he'd seen the night before. One guy said that Robin could use about 6 months of anger management. A bunch of other guys called in and picked their sides. Some thought Robin was nuts and some thought John was nuts. One guy felt that Artie was being left out of the whole thing so he mentioned his name.
Howard found out that Robin wasn't all that thrilled to be going on this trip. She said that she was basically doing it because she felt it was good for their relationship with a major sponsor of the show. Stuttering John said that he helps the station out doing appearances for the station and sponsors. Gary heard that and told Howard that he hasn't done anything ''for free'' because what he was talking about was something he was doing as an employee of the station so he was getting paid to do it. He has a lunchtime show and he's doing this ''free'' appearance for that show. John said he has done free stuff though and told them about what those things were. He said he did a golf thing one time and the only payment he got was a couple of beers. Howard had to wrap up the 40 minutes of arguing but there were still people calling in and giving them even more stuff to talk about. He took a couple more phone calls and then went to break. John just wouldn't let it go though and continued to say that he was going to be laughing at Robin while she's on that vacation to Amsterdam while he's sitting next to his pool.
Yesterday during the news Robin brought up this story about a college administrator who was apparently fired after about 10 women complained that he didn't look them in the eye, he stared at their chest. Howard went nuts when he heard that so he said he spend the rest of the day telling other people how ridiculous it was. He said that the guy didn't touch any of the women, they just thought that he was looking at their breasts and that led to him being fired. Howard read a news article about it and said it just seems kind of nuts to fire a guy for looking at women't chests. Howard had a guy Mel Feit on the phone who was from the National Center for Men who may get involved in this case. The guy told Howard that there have been other similar cases where guys looked at women in bathing suits and stuff like that and it was considered sexual harassment. He said the sexual harassment charges are so vague that you don't know what exactly should be considered harassment. He said men have to be educated about what they should and shouldn't do. They also have to start filing sexual harassment charges of their own when women do similar things to them. He said men are just too ashamed to fight back over this stuff these days. Howard said he'll talk about his divorce on the air and how his wife took half his money and stuff like that and he'll get an e-mail from some guy goofing on him about it. He said he's fighting for all men when he complains about that stuff. It can happen to anyone.
Howard asked this guy what the college administrator guy should do now that he's had these charges filed against him. The guy told Howard that the guy should sue over the whole thing.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said he got a woman pregnant who told him she was on the pill. Turns out she wasn't on the pill so she got pregnant. Mel told him that he should fight this and sue her over it. Robin wondered if this guy Mel dates at all. Howard said he's probably got lawyers on retainer for his dates. Mel said he's never been married but he's still looking for the right woman. He said he'd make this a whole personal ad. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later. You can find out more from Mel by e-mailing him at MensCenter@aol.com or call him at (516) 942-2020.
Howard said Beetlejuice was out in the green room but he wasn't in a good mood. KC told Howard that he was very upset this morning and didn't even want to see him. Howard had to take a break before getting to more of that story though.
Howard said Beetlejuice will be appearing at Mardi Gras Southampton in Southampton, NY tonight and at the NY Comedy Club in Boca Raton, Florida on July 25th and 26th.
Howard had the Mr. T talking Bobble Head Doll on the phone to talk to beetle. Someone was on the line playing with this talking toy with Mr. T's voice on it. Howard tried to get Beetlejuice to get pissed off like he did a couple of weeks ago when they called him at home with the same bit. Beet was very mellow today though and didn't have a lot of comebacks for Mr. T. He did seem to think that it was really a person on the phone with him. Howard let that go on for a couple of minutes but Beetlejuice wasn't getting all that upset. He took some phone calls from real people and that got Beetlejuice pissed. He ended up cursing and had the delay hit on him. Mariann from Brooklyn called in at one point and asked him what was wrong with him today. She told Beet he knew who she was but he didn't know who she was.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he thinks that since Sean isn't around to get Beetlejuice drunk and give him a pep talk, he isn't that thrilled to be there on the show. Howard figured he might be right and asked Beet about it. Beetle didn't seem to know what he was talking about though and said he just wanted to give Sean a shout out. Howard hoped that Beetlejuice would be better tonight at this appearance he was making out in the Hamptons. Beet said he'd be fine and Sean would be there with him. Howard ended up singing a song to Beetlejuice as he was wrapping up the segment. He gave him a couple more plugs for his appearances and his web site JollyDwarf.com.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice studied at Harvard and Princeton. Howard asked Beetlejuice about that and thought that he may have gone to Princeton for ''maybe two years.'' Howard wrapped up the segment a short time after that.
Howard said he'll be grilling and drinking over this Fourth of July weekend. He said everything is dangerous about this weekend... fireworks, grilling, drinking, car accidents, people shooting guns off and acting surprised when the bullet comes down and kills someone...
Howard said Scott DePace from E! had been walking around with a big red spot on his head for a few days. Howard said he had a great story to tell about the spot. Howard said Scott was thinking that he may have had shingles or something from the grilling he was doing was causing it. Scott thought he may have had an allergic reaction to the mesquite wood he was using to grill. Howard heard about that and figured he might have to give up grilling because he might be allergic himself. Then Howard found out that Scott had poison ivy, not shingles or an allergic reaction. Howard said Scott was listening to Paul Harvey and heard a commercial for some kind of poison ivy itch relief thing. It turned out to be a $40 tube of paste that you put on the poison ivy. Scott said he tried it and they tell you to rub it in, leave it on for 5 minutes and take it off. The day after he tried it his whole face broke out. Robin said she wondered why that was but she was afraid to ask him what was causing it. Howard said if he hadn't found out that Scott had poison ivy, it would have ruined his whole weekend because he would have been thinking that the mesquite wood caused the problem.
Howard moved on to play tape of Oprah Winfrey fans talking about how great her show is. Oprah made a quick speech as well about all of these women who showed up to see her and paid $180 to be there. He had another tape of Oprah talking about how she was born to take care of these kids that she went to see in another country. Howard said she's like ''Jesus Winfrey'' or something.
A listener called in and said that he got poison ivy after throwing some leaves into his grill. The stuff gets airborne and can get all over you. Another guy said he tried that product that DePace tried and it worked for him. He said DePace used it the wrong way and was only supposed to leave it on for 15 seconds, not 5 minutes.
A caller told Howard about a firecracker accident his buddy had a couple of years ago. He said a bottle rocket hit his nuts and blew up one of his testicle. Howard said Stuttering John used to do that stuff and it always bothered him.
Howard moved on to the game and asked Mark and KC alternating questions. Here are their questions and the answers they gave:
Howard asked Benjy if he'd take $500 to let KC kiss him. KC wanted nothing to do with that or ''Gay Chicken.'' KC just kept saying ''No'' to Howard when he asked him if he'd be willing to play. Howard ended up giving Benjy and KC $500 each for playing the game. When Benjy heard that he jumped on KC while he was still completely naked. Howard wrapped up the game a short time later and went to commercial.
Howard said another guy wrote in and said the guy who called in the other day and told them that Ashton Kutcher was going to be playing the next Batman was wrong. It turns out it's some other guy. Howard went on to read some other e-mail as well. He said he got one from a guy who wants to see Stuttering John's feet on Howard's web site.
Howard finished up with the mail and got right to Estelle Reyna who claims that she is the ''most downloaded woman'' on the web. Howard read that she also claims that guys have fainted when they've met her. He said she was pretty hot when she came in. She had a bit of an accent so Howard asked her where she came from. She said she's from Puerto Rico originally. She speaks six different languages. She and Howard spent a minute speaking to one another in Spanish. Howard was holding up pretty well. He told her that her breasts were very large in Spanish. He then got back to English and asked her about her breasts and how she stays thin. He also asked her if she gets naked on her web site. She doesn't but she claims that she gets about 300,000 unique visitors per day. Howard wondered how she gets that many people. She said that she has an interactive screensaver that updates daily or weekly so you always have fresh pictures of her available to check out.
Howard said she also claims to have an IQ of 140-150. He was surprised that someone that smart would be doing something like that. She told Howard that she has started her own company called Estelle Reyna Inc. which just went public a couple of months ago. Howard asked her when she last had sex because she seems so busy. She said it hasn't been that long because Latin girls can't go very long without having sex.
Howard and Estelle talked a bit about her web site and how it's not just about her dressing sexy. She has a technology company as well and you can find out more about that at her web site EstelleReyna.com. As she was explaining it all to Howard he said his head was spinning. He asked her how much she's worth because it was all so fascinating. She said the company is worth about $22 million.
Howard let a couple of callers through and one guy said all he wanted to know was if she was shaved or not. She said she's not shaved completely. Another guy wanted to know if she's really as smart as she claims. Howard asked her how much 200 percent of 150 was. She quickly said 300. Howard didn't get to any other questions right away because she had so much to say. She was telling Howard how she e-mailed her 300,000 fans and how Howard has another 300,000 listeners this morning. Artie told her she had it wrong and those people were already listening to him, she just let them know she was going to be on the show.
Howard asked her about some of the celebrities who have come on to her in the past. She has had Bruce Willis, Kevin Costner and a couple of others who have come on to her. She told Howard about each of them and nothing seems to have happened with any of them. Howard also tried to talk to her about some other stuff but she had a lot to say about her web site and all of this other stuff she was talking about. He found out she danced with a woman in college and the woman seduced her. They were at a beach party and ended up kissing while they were in the water together. She said they made love to each other on the beach after that. Howard asked her if she gave her oral and stuff like that. She said she did that so Artie joked that by ''oral'' she meant that she described her web site to her. Estelle took it all pretty good and was able to handle the joking around pretty well. After telling the lesbian story, she asked Howard if he has a favorite charity. That was a downer for Howard. He told her that his favorite charity is ''Howard Stern.''
A listener called in and said that her monotone voice was really boring. Howard told him to go check out her web site EstelleReyna.com and he could see why he was spending so much time talking to her. Once the guy saw her, he backed off of his complaining.
Howard asked Estelle another math question that was fairly complicated and she was able to come up with an answer immediately. That kind of blew Howard away. A short time later a caller asked if she was into anal sex. She eventually said she's not really into it. She was getting some laughs out of the fart sound effects that Fred was playing in the background. Howard started to wrap it up shortly after that when Artie asked if they could see her cans. That wasn't happening though. Estelle brought a gift in for Howard so he quickly opened that up before ending the interview. It contained some ''Anatomy'' fragrance that she sells through her site. Howard thanked her for that, said he'd spray it on his crotch, and wrapped up the interview.