Howard returned from his week long vacation this morning. He started off saying that a lot of people were upset that he took off last week. Gary told him that he had a lot of voice mail from people who thought the Las Vegas thing was a vacation itself. Gary went on to say that it's a lot of work to go out there. Howard said he's never going on another ''road trip'' like that again. He said he had to decompress from that trip and it was a lot of work because of their General Manager Tom. He said they got the crappiest equipment out there and it made things worse. Howard said Tom refused to get the better equipment they were offered because it was going to cost them more. Robin said it was the worst trip they've had out there yet because of the crappy equipment they were using. Howard said Tom will probably come in and tell them some story about why they had to use that equipment thought. He said he's done with Vegas trips from now on. He said he knows people loved the shows but it went so badly out there that he can't do it again. Artie said he had two microphones on him during the basketball game but they never used them. Gary said they never turned the equipment on during the game so they couldn't use those microphones. Howard blamed Scott the Engineer for most of the audio problems. Gary said some of the hate mail they got was about how mean Howard was to his fans out there. Gary said Howard would get up during the commercial breaks and go say hi to the fans. He didn't get that. Howard said the crowds were really noisy out there while he was doing the show too. He went on to complain about the audio equipment again and how he never wants to do it again with Tom running things there at the station. He said if Tom isn't running things and undermining his show, he'd do the road trip show again. The Vegas shows start airing on E! tonight. Gary said the Artie basketball game will air tomorrow night.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said it was tough for the crowds to hear the show in the casino. Howard said they had to make sure the people could hear the show at home before fixing the audio problems in the casino. The caller also wondered why Howard isn't available out in Oklahoma where he lives now. Howard said he'd be on in every state if he hadn't had problems with the FCC in the past. The guy requested to be left on hold for the rest of the show so he could listen to the show that way. Howard did that for him.
Another caller brought up Beth and how hot she looked out there. Gary said it was tough to talk to her next to the pool and no stare at her. He said he couldn't help himself. Gary said he could lear at her all day long. Howard said there were a couple of people who work with him that were staring at her quite a bit while they were out there. Gary said Stuttering John stares at her a lot but he's open about it. Howard said he wasn't that bad out there this time though.
Howard talked about how he had his security guys following him around the whole time but he still got pummeled by some guy. He said he had to tell that story later on. Gary said Howard was the easiest person to find out there because he had a bunch of people in black following him around like he was the President. Howard said he wanted to hang out at the pool but he couldn't get close and get comfortable because so many people would try to take pictures and stuff like that.
The caller asked Howard how he did gambling out there. He said he found out he loves playing Craps but he lost a lot of money playing that game. He said he went down on one of his last days and played with the regular people instead of Artie. He played with some guy who was winning like crazy and that meant Howard was winning. Artie said he got in on the game and he started making money too. Howard said he has to teach Robin how to play the game because that might be their ticket out of there. Robin said Artie actually won her some money there too. She found Artie cleaned out at a table and she had an extra $200 in chips so she gave them to Artie. Artie put the money on some Blackjack hands and won her $800. She said he sat down and immediately hit Blackjack. Artie said he lost about $5000 of his own money out there.
Howard said he had stories to tell about going to see Siegfried and Roy out there with Artie and other stuff but he had to take a break. He was about to go to break but brought up how guys lear at his girlfriend. He said Gary seemed to hide it pretty well but there are always other guys hitting on her and trying to pick her up. Howard said Beth was out walking the dog yesterday and some guy who looked like Brad Pitt tried to pick her up in the park. Howard asked her why she doesn't just go. While he was talking about how guys try to pick Beth up, Gary asked him if he'd seen ''The Real Cancun'' because they have guys miked up who don't realize they're miked and try to pick up girls. He liked the movie and said Howard should see it. Howard said he hasn't seen it but he did see ''X-Men 2'' which made $150 million worldwide over the weekend. He said the movie was good but didn't spend a lot of time talking about it since he had to take a break. He saw that Ol' Dirty Bastard might be coming on the show today but Gary told him not to count on it.
Howard came back from break and said that he had a lot of e-mail to read. He said a lot of people think he shouldn't take vacation because they're missed so much. He said he takes that as a compliment because people miss it so much. Howard said one e-mail they got was about how great the next Matrix movie is going to be. The guy saw a preview and said the movie is amazing and gave it 2 thumbs, and 13 penises up, for the movie. He said it was worth the wait for the movie. Howard thanked The Washington Times for sticking up for him with the latest FCC fines that have been brought against him. Howard read the article where they back him up and basically tell the FCC to give him a break and let the people decide what they want to listen to.
Howard got a clip of a black chick beating up this guy while her children watch it happening. Howard said he doesn't know exactly what's going on in the tape. He said the woman weighs like 300 pounds and she just beats the crap out of this guy. He said it's obviously real and pretty funny. He said he'd give out the web site for it later in the show.
Howard got an e-mail from a woman whose husband was beaten up and is now in a coma because of it. She said she told the people in the hospital to leave Howard's show on every morning to try and bring him out of the coma. Howard said he'd never have the balls to ask for something like that. The woman asked Howard to say a few words to her husband for her so he mentioned his name and said he hopes he wakes up from his coma. He said he can't afford to have any fans go under.
Howard said he saw pictures of Catherine Zeta Jones over vacation where she's pregnant, smoking a cigarette and topless. Howard said it's sickening that she's smoking while she's pregnant. He went off on her about that and how selfish she is for doing that to her unborn child. Howard said that she's apparently suing the people who published the photos. Howard said Clear Channel put the photos up on a web site somewhere.
Howard brought up how Ozzy Osbourne's son Jack is now in rehab. Howard said a lot of people are saying that Ozzy's family isn't all it's cracked up to be. Howard went on to say that he knows a lot of families who think they're the best because their kids aren't in rehab and stuff but they turn out to be worse than those kids will ever be. Howard said he doesn't know what Jack is in rehab for but rehab is just summer camp for rich kids anyway. Howard said he had an article about weatherman Al Roker whose kid is apparently in rehab for smoking pot. Howard read the article from Page Six which claims that Al's 15 year old daughter was sent to rehab for smoking pot a couple of weeks before. Al apparently called her school and asked what was going on over there. Howard wondered why Roker called his daughter's school for something that actually happened in a car on the way to a train station. Robin and Howard talked about how disturbing Al Roker has become since he had his weight loss operation. Robin said they caught him at the Kentucky Derby over the weekend and asked him what he likes best about the races. She said he sadly said something about how he likes the pie down there or something like that.
Howard said they have to play the Gilligan's Island theme song this morning because the guy who helped compose it died over the weekend. He read an obituary about this guy George Wyle who passed away this weekend. Fred played the theme song while Howard read it.
Howard took a call from Double A who said he can't wait to see the E! shows from Vegas tonight. He also asked Howard what line it was he used on Beth to pick her up. Howard said he gave her a phony psychic reading. He said he was goofing on psychics and gave her a phony one. Howard explained that he was at this restaurant one night where Beth was and ended up getting in on this conversation about psychic readings. Howard said he took Beth's hand and started making up stories. Her friends told Howard to stop because he was messing with ''powerful forces'' and both of them looked at her like she was nuts. Howard said that started them talking and they eventually hooked up. Double A said that he's trying to pick up a bartender. Howard said that's what Artie did with Dana so they shared some stories. Double A said that he's name dropped a couple of times and Artie said he did the same thing. Artie told Double A that he has to get invited to one of Howard's private parties too.
Howard said they have guests like Jim Carrey, Mark Wahlberg, Johnny Knoxville and his cousin Roger Alan Wade coming in soon. Howard said Roger Alan Wade is his new favorite artist right now with the ''Little Poon Tang'' song. He played that and some of Wade's other stuff before going to break.
Howard talked about the X-Men movie again and how well it did. He said that means we'll probably be seeing more of those types of movies since that one did so well.
Howard said he hates rock climbing and he was out in Arizona on vacation last week. He said he tried the rock climbing thing while he was on vacation and Beth took some pictures of him doing it and he has to put them up on his web site. Howard said he had tried it like 5 times before but he told this couple they met, Tovar and Heidi, that he'd never done it before. He said it's fake rock walls but it's still tough. He said Tovar had some trouble but Heidi was pretty good. He said that women are good at using their legs for climbing while guys try to use their upper bodies. Howard said he doesn't know why he even tried to do it at all. He said they had Heidi coaching Howard on how to do it and he just didn't want to do it. He said he was able to get up the whole thing but it took him a while. He said he had to wear a size 14 rock climbing shoe and it was a used shoe. He said he's the one who got himself into the whole thing so he's got no one to blame but himself. Howard asked Robin if she's ever tried something like that. She said she never has and never will. Gary said he's afraid of heights and freaks out when he gets up there. Howard said he'll never do it again. He was also freaked out that Beth was there watching him and taking pictures. Gary told Howard a story about how he knew of a big fat guy who was climbing and fell and the instructor had forgotten to tie himself down so when the guy fell, he pulled the instructor off the ground and they met about half way. Howard thought that was pretty funny but then moved on to talk about this rock climber who cut off his own arm to get unstuck from a boulder that had shifted onto his arm. Howard said the guy was stuck there for like 5 days and used a knife to cut through his arm to save his own life. They talked about that for a couple of minutes before getting back to Howard's rock climbing story. He said he really is bad at it and doesn't want to try it again.
Howard said that he spent some time with Tovar and Heidi after the rock climbing and admitted that he just sucks at rock climbing while Tovar says he wants to be great at everything he does. Gary pointed out how Howard finds everything negative about the rock climbing.
Howard said he, Artie, Beth and Dana all went to see Siegfried and Roy before they left Vegas. Howard said his agent also wanted to go see them but he left early to go to L.A. So Howard invited Ralph to go instead. Howard said they weren't able to ditch him when they went out for a romantic dinner at this restaurant called Picaso. Howard said he felt bad for Ralph but he was a fifth wheel there at dinner. Howard said he felt that Ralph would have liked it better if Beth had bowed out instead. Howard said everyone was dressed up except Artie who was wearing blue jeans, and a Hard Rock bowling shirt. Howard said they went to this nice restaurant and didn't think they'd get in because of what Artie was wearing. Dana was all dressed up along with everyone else and Artie was like Mr. Green Jeans. They got in though and Howard said Artie attacked his meal before everyone even got their food. He said Artie doesn't have any manners when it comes to stuff like that. He said he figured that Artie would have some class but it seems that he doesn't have any at all. Howard said Artie had a lamb chop and he was done with it before everyone got their meal. He ate it so fast that the waiter came over and said it was obvious it wasn't enough food and brought him another one. Howard said he might as well have come over and called Artie a fat pig.
Artie said that he didn't know he was going to be going out to a nice restaurant while they were there so he didn't bring any nice clothes. He said he had his jeans washed and ironed though. He said he felt bad wearing sneakers though.
Howard moved on to talk about Siegfried and Roy who ended up talking about Howard while they were in the crowd. He said Siegfried, the blond guy, mentioned that Howard, ''King of all Media,'' was in the crowd and they put the spotlight on him. He said they were at the gayest show and he had the spotlight on him. He ended up toasting him because he wanted to embrace the moment. Howard said the manager gave them great seats and brought them back stage later on. He said they had photos taken and he ended up ripping them up because they were on his bad side. He said after that they had them hang out back stage because Siegfried and Roy wanted to meet them. Robin wanted to know what Howard thought of the show. He said ''What am I going to say?'' and explained some of the stuff they did. Howard said the show was fine and there was a lot of tricks they've seen done before. Howard said he couldn't goof on them because they were getting free drinks and got treated so well. Howard said they eventually met Siegfried and Roy. They took some pictures together and then they were asked to sign some stuffed pink rabbit. They also asked them to take a picture with the pink rabbit to prove they signed them. Howard said they were really nice but it was getting kind of gay. Robin wondered if they came out in their outfits and stuff. Artie said he was still in his jeans and bowling shirt and those guys were dressed like Diana Ross. Howard joked that they were asking him who his ''farmer friend'' was. He also goofed on the way Roy speaks because you can't understand what he's saying. Howard continued to goof on Artie's outfit and stuff like that. Artie said he was self conscious about what he was wearing that night. He said he wasn't going to argue about it because he knew he screwed up.
Howard said he got to see Stuttering John's toe nails out there in Vegas and they were disgusting. He said they're all curved over his toes and they're nasty looking. John said that he usually gets a pedicure but forgot about it this time. He said all of the hot chicks he was hanging around out there noticed them too. John said he doesn't think about them when it's not summer time. Howard said he thinks about his when they get long and doesn't understand it. Howard went on to talk about how hot Artie's girlfriend looked sitting by the pool. He said Artie stayed completely covered up because he's so fat and doesn't want to be seen. He was eating a basket of fries while sitting by the pool. Artie said Stuttering John had been jogging and came by, sat next to his fries and took off his socks. One of the ''fuzzles'' from John's sock flew into his fries and grossed him out. Howard said John was just gross when he showed up like that after jogging. He actually said that he was offended when Mr. X threw a drink on John a few months ago for farting at the dinner table, but now he understands it. He went off on John for a short time but John got back to how hot Beth and Dana were sitting by the pool in bikinis.
Howard was wondering why Artie stayed so covered up by the pool. Artie didn't even take his socks off. Artie said he has great feet but he just didn't feel like taking off his socks. Howard said Ralph was running around naked and there were a ton of hot chicks walking around by the pool. Artie talked about how great the Hard Rock was as far as the hot chicks and the great food they have there. Howard said he had a lot more to tell about Vegas but they had Ol' Dirty Bastard there. He had to take a break before getting to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Damon to leave the studio so Howard could do his interview the way he wanted. Howard agreed but Damon said he didn't want them to just talk about negative stuff. He said he wanted them to talk about some positive stuff. Damon apologized to the woman after she complained. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched out some stuff and asked ODB what's going on between him and Mariah Carey. Howard said that was a good question and asked ODB what was going on between them. ODB said they did a song together. Howard asked him if there was anything romantic going on there. ODB said she's ''good people'' and he got to hang out with her right after he got out of prison. Howard asked him if he ever thought about her while he was in prison. Damon said that she supported him like a real friend when he was in prison. ODB didn't really answer that one.
Gary came in and said that Damon is worth about $300 million and mentioned a few other things about him that were pretty interesting. He was dating Aaliyah at the time of her death and has dated Ananda Lewis as well. He didn't seem interested in talking about that stuff though. Howard asked him how you make that kind of money in the music business. He said he's also done some movies and stuff like that. Howard talked to him about the money thing for a short time and then took some more phone calls. He also gave ODB a plug for this live web chat he's doing tonight at 9:30 tonight. at DirtMcGirt.com. He told ODB he was happy he was finally out of prison and asked him what he has to do now. ODB said that he has to stay off of drugs and all of that negative stuff. Howard asked him what kind of drugs he was doing when he got in trouble. He said they were great but didn't want to say exactly what they were. Howard wished him luck and did the same for Damon. Damon said they'll send over the record on Wednesday for Howard to play. Howard told ODB that he thought they were trying to make an example out of ODB as far as the drug thing and that's why they treated him so harshly. He asked ODB a couple more questions about what he's going to do now that he's out of prison and then wrapped up the interview and went to break. He also found out that ODB wants to be known as Dirt McGirt from now on.
Howard said that Robin was voted one of the hottest women over 50 years old by Ramp magazine. He said she's in there with women like Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon, Pam Grier and Dolly Parton.
Howard got back to his Siegfried and Roy discussion. Robin was wondering how Artie, who grew up just 10 miles from New York, in New Jersey, could be such a rube. They didn't bother trying to figure that out though.
Howard said he got booked into a resort when he went on vacation and there were all kinds of events going on at this place that he was going to try and relax at. He said he called his travel agent freaking out and said that just wasn't for him. He said there was a prom going on and a bunch of other things. Howard said the travel agent usually checks stuff like that and this time they didn't. He said he ended up driving 2 hours away to another place he'd been to out in Arizona and stayed there instead. He said he's always wanted to live in Arizona since he was a kid. He did a bunch of cool stuff while he was there. He said they actually do this sweat lodge thing out there but they weren't doing it this time. He talked about walking in the desert and how cool that was. He said they had some healthy food at this place he was at. He said they tell you all of the nutritional information you want to know. They also have a pool and a bar where you can get smoothies and other health drinks. He said he had that asthma thing going on too so he wanted to go out and breath some good air out there. He said there's also this place where you work with horses. He said they have this ''cowboy psychologist'' who talks to you about your problems and that gets the horse to do stuff. He said the horse wouldn't lift it's hoof at first but then the psychologist talked to him about his problems and all of a sudden he was able to get the horse to raise it's hoof. Robin was saying that Howard is always talking about quack psychics and he was now believing that talking to a psychologist was making it possible for him to raise a horses hoof. Robin said it was all a trick. Gary said it's like Howard was paying to clean a horse's hoof and to brush it. Howard said there was a horse out there by the name of Imus so he asked the owner about it and ended up telling the owner to change the name of the horse because his ideas about Imus are all wrong.
Howard said Beth had a psychic reading done and the psychic ruined the day for him because she told Beth that Howard wasn't going to stay with her. Gary said he did that to a girl he was dating one time and the psychic told this chick that she belonged with the guy she was with before Gary. Howard and Gary thought that was ridiculous. Howard talked about how fake all of that crap is and how there should be a law against it. They never predict tornados or things like that, it's always some other nonsense.
Howard said he really enjoyed the whole horse thing but Robin still couldn't believe it. Howard said he was able to get in touch with some stuff while he was doing it. Steven Baldwin called in and said it was great that Howard was doing this stuff. Howard spoke to him about that for about a minute and then hung up on him and moved on. He and Robin talked about the psychic thing and about the psychologist Howard spoke to. Robin was still trying to convince Howard that they have a trick they do to make the horse raise it's hoof. He didn't want to believe that though.
Howard said he went to a book store and found a bunch of spiritual books so he bought some of them. He found a book about dealing with life after divorce that he bought. He said he and his wife still have dealings with each other but he only read about 5 pages of it before putting it down and never picking it up again. He also found a book about ''Tips for Teens'' (''Organizing from the Inside Out for Teenagers: The Foolproof System for Organizing Your Room, Your Time, and Your Life'') about organizing himself. Howard said he's really disorganized and wants to organize himself. Howard said he was embarrassed to buy it but the book looked good so he got it. He said that it was written by a teenage girl and he's actually following some of the stuff that's in the book. He changed it from a teenage girl to a man of 49. He said he also found a book about how to handle his anger. He said they suggest writing down stuff that angers you and Howard said he filled up about 60 pages. He said it ranged from how ''Extreme Makeover'' is a rip off and how bad the show is to Artie's shirt. Howard said he was also pissed about a printer he bought to print pictures from his trip to Vegas. Howard said he took a picture of Ronnie the Limo Driver on the plane. He set up the printer to print out the picture and when he came back, there were 78 copies of it waiting for him... all of the same photo. Howard was also pissed about Jenna from ''Survivor'' whose mother was dying of cancer and she was on ''Survivor.'' Howard said he hates Jenna because she's so full of herself and thinks she's so hot even though she's not. Howard said Rob rules on that show and he should win.
Howard got back to his books and anger management. He also talked about how he's drinking tea now. He said he got massages and all kinds of stuff while he was out in Arizona. Howard said he and Beth got a couples massage while they were there. Howard said they were almost close enough to hold hands but that would be gay. Howard wondered how it was going to work and if there would be more than one masseuse. He said when he sits next to Beth, he gets aroused. He said he wasn't able to get up if he stayed next to her so he had to go to the other side of the room and stop thinking about her. He said if he hears her talk, he gets aroused so he hoped she'd stay quiet. Howard said luckily they were face down and he didn't ''pop one.'' Gary said Stuttering John had a massage one time and he got turned on and popped a tent when he turned over. He said John apologized to the woman and she said it happens all the time. Artie said he farted one time during a massage so that was pretty embarrassing. Stuttering John came in and said when a masseuse went down to his feet one time, she put gloves on. Gary and Howard ended up goofing on him about the nails and what a baby he is. John said he just doesn't think about his toe nails. John talked about the massage where he got a boner. He said he's never had a ''happy ending'' during a massage though. Howard said that never happens. Artie ended up telling a story about getting a happy ending one time up in Toronto. He said some guy told him about the place and he went. He said he didn't have to ask because it was just implied. He said it started out like a real massage but within 4 minutes, he got the happy ending. Howard and Gary said it was a whore house. Gary said he should have known and then asked him if she was Asian. Artie just laughed and said she was. Artie said she rubbed him so fast that it was barely even sexual. He said it was like she was just doing a job. He said he was done within seconds. He said he was done with the whole thing in about 11 minutes. Artie said he requested a massage one time and a dude showed up at his door. Artie said he took one look at him and said ''Dude, you're not going to make me say this, are you?'' and the guy mumbled something and left. Artie said after that one massage from the Asian chick, he went and got an eclair from a bakery. He said he wished he had a picture of himself because it was probably the most relaxed he ever was. Howard said he had a lot of other stories to tell about their trip to Vegas but he didn't think he'd be able to get to it all today.
Howard brought up Johnny Knoxville and his cousin Roger Alan Wade and how they'll be in soon too. He had the guys play some of Roger's funny songs about shooting chicks in the ass with a BB gun and about going back to whoring. Howard said he'll put this record out on a record label no problem. He thinks the songs are that great.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's got an idea for when the E! show comes on featuring the Miss Butta Face contest. He said he's going to ''wack it'' to the chicks bodies and then check out their faces to see what he was wacking it to. Howard said that's not a bad idea but some of the women didn't even have good bodies. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about their Vegas trip before Howard had Robin start her news.
During the news Howard interrupted for a short time and talked about some more stuff that went on out in Vegas. He said Melrose Larry Green was all over the place out there making noise. He had tape of him just making all kinds of comments and laughing like crazy. Howard also said that Ralph was heckling the comedians at Stuttering John's comedy show on Thursday night. He said he was getting so bummed out that he ended up leaving. Howard said Artie was kind of bummed out too because he works with all of those guys. Howard said he was watching Jim Florentine, who was funny, and Ralph was just yelling out that he sucked and the whole show sucked. Howard and the guys also talked about how some people flew out there on their dime, showed up for a few seconds and then disappeared. Gary also mentioned that some of the Wack Pack and other people who appear on the show were out at Club Paradise causing trouble. They went through a few minutes of that before getting back to the news.
Howard said Johnny Knoxville and his cousin Roger Alan Wade will be on the show tomorrow. He also said upcoming guests will include Jim Carrey, Jimmy Kimmel and Mark Wahlberg. He said they have a guy coming in to play ''Shaved or Unshaved'' with them too.
Howard said he got a letter from Siegfried and Roy yesterday. They sent along a bunch of pictures that they took with him so he's probably going to put them up on his web site. They had one of Howard, Beth, Artie and Dana. Artie said his jeans didn't look so bad on him. Howard didn't think they were that nice though. Howard pointed out how Siegfried and Roy pose in the pictures and their skin is all pulled back. Howard went on to describe the show they do and how the men are hotter than the women in the show. He also talked about some of the other odd stuff they do in their show. He said they have a dragon that seems to like to chew on gay guys. Robin said a lot of people go to see them and don't even know what they do. Artie said they went to see them and they still don't know what they do. Howard also talked about the white tigers they use in their show. He seems to think that they inbreed the tigers to keep them white but Robin was pretty sure they're natural and don't need to be inbred. Howard wondered why they're so popular because their magic tricks aren't even that great. He said people like David Copperfield do amazing illusions and they don't. Howard goofed on their accents and the show a little bit. Artie said after the first few minutes of the show he was pretty sure he could do exactly what they were doing because it wasn't anything special. Howard said they got a couple of free drinks at the show that night which was great. Howard read the letter he got from Siegfried and Roy. It was supposed to be personal but Howard decided to read it anyway. They said if there's anything they can do for him, just let them know. Howard said he wants a tour of their home. He said he'd love to know the real story behind those two guys.
Howard said he had the web site for the video he saw on the web the other day. He said this big black woman beats the crap out of this guy on a home video. He said he'd give out the web site later in the show. He played the video for Robin so she could check it out. Howard said this big fat chick should fight Crazy Cabbie. Howard and the guys tried to figure out who the woman was in relationship to the guy she was beating. They thought that she might be the guy's mother or something. If you want to check it out, just head over to jimmcguire.org/sql-patch/beatdown.wmv if it hasn't crashed already.
Howard came back from a commercial break and mentioned Roger Alan Wade coming in tomorrow. He had Fred play some of Wade's songs which include songs like:
Howard said that Julia Louis-Dreyfus will be calling in to promote her TV show ''Watching Ellie.'' Howard said he hasn't spoken to her since she auditioned to play his wife in ''Private Parts.'' Howard said she was a little too short to play his wife. He said they just didn't look right together when they did the audition. Howard said they decided to go with someone who wasn't quite as well known as a Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Howard took a call from a Mexican guy and that led to Howard talking about Cinco De Mayo and what that's all about. He talked about his knowledge of what they were celebrating but the guy on the phone argued about that with him. Howard told the guy he was wrong and didn't know his history. Howard said that the holiday is very weird because they're celebrating this really minor skirmish that the Mexicans won over some French troops. Robin got in on it and said that the battle ''eventually'' led to the country getting it's independence but they don't say how long that took.
Howard took another call from someone who brought up the story Howard never finished yesterday about him getting assaulted out in Vegas. Howard said it wasn't really an assault. He said this big black guy kind of landed on his shoulders and it pissed Howard off because he had security around him. Howard said the guy was trying to attack him by jumping a barrier but didn't get in any punches or anything. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said by the time the guy was on Howard's shoulders, they had taken him down to the ground. Howard pointed out a couple of other occasions when his ''security'' guys have let people through to him. He said Dennis Rodman got in a couple of punches one time. Ronnie was claiming that didn't let the guy get away with anything though. Robin pointed out how Ronnie was in front of Howard though, so he didn't see everything that happened. Howard said the guy was just an over zealous fan who got hold of him.
Howard went on to complain about the equipment they had to use out in Las Vegas. He said at one point Tom Chiusano asked him how things were going and he was ready to kill him. Then Tom reminded him that they had a client party to attend after the show that night. Howard said that's when he got attacked going to that meeting. Then there were about 4 clients at the party. He knew two of the clients and then there were two more from the Vegas area that he didn't know. They met a couple of advertisers like Dr. Orgasm and this other guy who does some kind of doody thing. Howard said he stayed and took some pictures and then left to go get something to eat. Howard mentioned some of the other sponsors that were there and how he just wanted to leave. He said there were a lot of pictures being taken and he was going blind from it. Robin said he took off really fast. Gary came in and said he heard that Howard was yelling at Tom out there about how he'd failed him. Howard said that wasn't true and didn't know what he was talking about. Gary told Howard that Tom wasn't around today, he's been out since last Friday for some reason. That led to Howard talking about how hard Tom works out in the gym. He saw him out in Vegas working out and taking a steam bath. Gary said he had to ask Tom something while they were out there but he got him when he was in the gym locker room completely naked. He said he had to tell Tom that he'd catch him later because he didn't want to see the guy naked. Gary said he has no desire to see anyone he works with naked. Artie said he doesn't want to see any guy naked.
Howard took a call from a security guy who told him that he wants to send over a proposal to get Howard some real security. He said if Ronnie isn't licensed, he's just waiting to get into big trouble. He wondered what would have happened if that guy who ''attacked'' Howard had a knife. Ronnie said the knife would have been in his back or the other security guy's back. Howard said ''Bull!'' because the guy was right on him. Ronnie was still denying that the guy was on him though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was a special done on NBC about a film festival in New York City and they left out a bunch of mentions about Howard's movie. He said his company did interviews with about 100 people about their favorite movies that were shot in New York City. He said most people's answers were ''The Godfather'' or ''Annie Hall'' but there were a bunch of people who said ''Private Parts.'' The guy told Howard that they didn't put in those mentions in the special. Howard said it probably is a conspiracy like the guy was saying because he had a similar problem with Wal-Mart when his book came out years ago. He said they deleted it from the NY Times Best Seller list even though it was number 1. They just moved another book up into the spot. Howard and the guy ended up talking about when Howard is in reruns and how they don't really inform people of that fact. Howard said that there are a lot of people who listen casually and don't care if it's a rerun because they're laughing at stuff they haven't heard yet. The caller felt that Howard was ripping off his fans by not telling them he's in reruns. Howard said he's not ripping them off because they're still enjoying the show. The caller felt like he was winning his argument but no one agreed with that. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy so he could take a break.
Howard read a couple of phony news stories from TheOnion.com about how Saddam Hussein is very proud that he has killed more Iraqis than the Americans did. There was another quick story about how FOX is going to have a reality TV show where they'll pick the person who will rule Iraq.
Howard spent some time talking about ''American Idol'' and what went on while they were on vacation. He had some theories about who is getting more votes than the others on the show. They talked about how horrible the guest judges are also. Howard said Neil Sedaka was on last week and it was just horrible. Howard played a clip of him talking about how one of the contestants was ''Ear delicious'' to him. Howard said the guy sounded really gay to him even if he does have a wife and kids. Howard said he's never heard a straight guy talk the way that guy talks. He said they just have to get rid of the celebrity judges on that show because it slows down the process. Howard took a call from a black guy who said that no black people are calling in to vote for the ''America Idol'' contestants. Howard said he's probably right about that.
Howard said another thing that's pretty funny in the news is The Dixie Chicks. He said they've now appeared naked on the cover of a magazine. They're also crying during interviews. He played a couple of clips he had of them talking about how they support the troops over in Iraq. He said their album sales must have dropped off to nothing because they're out doing all kinds of interviews to try and change that. Howard played one clip where one of the girls broke down crying during the interview. They even talk about how they want to hunt down Osama bin Laden and torture him. One of the girls broke down crying as she was talking about how everyone who lost someone in 9/11 should be able to torture bin Laden just a little bit. Howard said that their album sales dropped from 124,000 to 33,000 after they made their comments about being ashamed of President Bush. Mariann from Brooklyn called in complaining about the Dixie Chicks. She said that they're just there for entertainment and should know to keep their mouths shut. Howard said they have the right to say what they want, they just don't know that they're stupid. Howard said he couldn't take her voice and ended up hanging up on her. Artie did his impression of her screaming while Fred played the crow cawing sound effect in the background.
Junkyard Willie (from the Touch-Tone Terrorists) called in and had some stuff to say about ''American Idol'' and why black people don't vote on the show. Howard asked him when he's going to have a new phony phone call CD out. Willie told Howard he's working on a movie. Howard wondered how that's going to work because Willie is actually a white guy. Willie said he's a white guy stuck in a big fat black guy's body or something like that. Howard hung up on him and took another call after that. The next caller told Howard that Neil Sedaka sounds very much like Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard had Fred try to find a clip of Elephant Boy so they could compare the two. Howard said he didn't see the similarity after they had trouble finding the clip to play. He moved on quickly after that.
Howard played a clip of a 12 year old girl who was singing the National Anthem at some sporting event and forgot the words. The coach of the team came out and helped her sing to get through it. The crowd wasn't too happy with her forgetting it. Howard said she'll probably be scarred for life because of that. Fred played another horrible performance of the song that Carl Lewis did one time. Howard said we need to find a different song because no one can seem to sing it very well. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard talked about Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco and how they're finally getting divorced. Howard talked about some of the stuff he's read about them and how Mary Jo wants to get $500,000 out of Joey in the divorce. Joey claims he met Mary Jo's new boyfriend because they're in the same ''social loop.'' Howard and Robin wondered how that is. It turns out the guy gets his car worked on at Joey's body shop or something like that. Howard read that Joey thinks that Mary Jo was upset with his acting jobs too. Howard said there were a lot of people pissed about those. Everyone who saw his movies was pissed about his acting jobs. Howard continued to read this article he had about Joey and Mary Jo for a few minutes. He said he loved it. Robin said she was amazed they stayed married as long as they did.
Howard said he saw a lot of weird stuff on TV when they were on vacation. He mentioned some of that stuff and said that he's not going to watch ''The Bachelor'' anymore because it's horrible. He said it's not just because Mike Fleiss is behind it either. He said the show was just bad. He said he's officially over that show. Howard played a couple of clips from the show and said he's sick of the psycho bitches on that show. One chick broke down and cried after being kicked off the show. Howard also complained about Heidi and Jenna from ''Survivor'' and what bitches they are. He said they have to be voted off the show already.
Howard played some voice mail they've gotten lately. One guy called in and told Gary how disgusting his teeth are but he also complimented the job Gary is doing. Howard said he noticed that Gary has gained a lot of weight. Robin said she didn't notice it until Howard pointed it out. Gary said he was sure someone would have picked up on that earlier. Howard said it's all gone down hill since his Bally Total Fitness challenge. That was over a year ago though. He said the final weigh in last year was May 8th. Gary is also smoking up a storm from what Howard has heard. Gary said he can't quit now because he'd gain more weight. Gary said he weighed in at 173.5 pounds last year after the Bally Total Fitness thing. Howard guessed he's up to 210. Artie guessed 203 and Fred guessed 215. Gary said he's up to 213 pounds! Gary gave the guys a run down of his weight gain and how it's just been ratcheting up and up since last year. Gary said he's pretty sure he was only 197 when they went to Vegas. He put on the rest of the weight out in Vegas drinking and eating all kinds of stuff. Gary said they always have junk food around his house because they have the kids and he's always eating that crap. Howard said his girlfriend loves to eat chocolate and she can down half a box of chocolate in an evening. He said she's no allowed to get fat though. Artie said he thinks that it's not in her genetics to get fat. Gary was drinking Sake on the drinking show out there and from what the guys have been able to find, the Sake has 180 calories per glass.
Gary told a story about this doctor he went to see out in Vegas. He said you expect a doctor to be pretty healthy but this guy was 350 pounds. He said he had a sore throat he was congested and his head was stuffed up. The doctor gave him a couple of pills to take but they turned out to be Vicodin. He also gave him a prescription for Cipro. He gave him a whole bunch of other stuff including a shot of Vitamin B12 in his ass. He said everyone was goofing on him that night because he was tripping on the Vicodin and wasn't able to walk because of the shot in took in the ass. Gary went on to tell Howard that he was talking to this doctor and they got on the subject of Williamsburg Brooklyn and Gary said the area has changed. The doctor then blurted out something about how he heard the place was ''full of Spics.'' Gary also had a quick story about getting a tire put on his car one time and this guy knew who he was. The guy told him he loves when Howard ''makes fun of them niggas'' which Gary thought was the most racist thing he'd ever heard.
Howard said he read that she made about $13.2 million during the 1997-98 season of Seinfeld. She said it wasn't quite that much though. She also talked about how they don't get great money from the show now that it's in syndication. She said they got a standard deal with that. Howard asked her if she's bitter about that and she just said ''next question'' and moved on. Howard asked her if she's seen Jerry's kid yet. She said she saw Jerry's first child but hasn't seen the second one. She said they're still all friends and she lives near Larry David. She's actually done his show.
Howard talked to Julia about her kids and he talked about his own kids. Julia asked if he lets his kids use Instant Messaging on the computer. Howard said of course he does. He lets the 10 year old do it but he prefers to have her stick to private chat rooms with her friends. Howard seems to think his 10 year old is smart enough to avoid getting into trouble on the web.
Julia pointed out the fact that there's a jewelry store with the name H. Stern. Howard said he knew about it and owns the web site name HStern.com and they wanted to get it from him but he didn't give it up. Howard asked Julia if she owns her own domain name. She said she doesn't own it and doesn't know how that works. Howard said he had to meet with the guy who owned HowardStern.com and it turned out he was a nice guy and gave him the name without a problem.
Howard asked Julia about this show of hers and how they've made changes to it since last season. The show has lost some of the odd stuff they had going on and it starts airing tonight at 9:30 on NBC. They talked about the ''Seinfeld Curse'' and how none of the shows that the old cast have done have gone on to survive very long. Howard said he's pulling for Julia because she's been nice to him. He asked Julia if she ever watched his movie and she said she never did. She told Howard she didn't want to watch it and wonder if she should have done it or not done it. Howard told her it would have been the highlight of her career. Robin said it made Mary McCormack's career.
Gary brought up the fact that Julia was on Saturday Night Live during the Eddie Murphy years. Howard wondered if she keeps in touch with Eddie. She said she hasn't spoken to him since then. The guys talked about how stuck up Eddie is so it's not surprising that he doesn't keep in touch with her.
Gary had some more facts about Julia's family and how they do own a big company worth billions of dollars. Julia said that she doesn't live off of that money though. She said her father never just hands her a million bucks once in a while like Howard figured. She said she doesn't even have a trust fund.
Howard also read that Julia owns a house that's solar powered and drives an electric car. Howard and the guys found that to be pretty funny. Howard goofed on her about the solar power thing for a short time and said that he has a hot-air balloon outside to take him home. He also joked that he washes in his own urine. Since Julia is into the electric car thing, the guys figured she must hang out with Ed Begley Jr. She said she's met him but doesn't hang out with him.
Howard asked Julia what her sex life is like with Brad Hall now that they've been married for 16 years. She joked around with him about her sex life but didn't want to talk about stuff like that on national radio. Howard asked her if she screws camera men like Julia Roberts does. She didn't know that was the case with Julia and the guy she married not that long ago. Julia asked Howard how often he has sex. Gary told her he's the wrong one to ask. Howard said he and Beth had sex 1 to 2 times a day the whole time they were in Las Vegas. Howard said they didn't miss a day. Gary also pointed out that Howard and Beth were playing a game of ''Dirty Little Whore'' while they were out there. Howard said he was calling Beth his ''dirty little whore'' for a night.
Howard figures Julia is like a hippie with the solar power and stuff so he asked her if she uses hemp tampons and stuff like that. She went along with the joke and said she uses those and hemp toilet paper as well.
Howard gave Julia a plug for her show and asked her what tonight's episode was about. She talked about that and Howard told her the next time she's in town he wants to go to dinner with her. Howard said he didn't think he liked Julia but after he wrapped up the call, he decided he does like her. Howard wondered how much sex she really is having after 16 years of marriage. He said he should have gotten Brad on the phone to do some marriage counseling.
Howard said they got another voice-mail from a racist listener who got upset about getting a ticket from ''the biggest, blackest, nigga cop'' he's ever seen. The guy, David who calls Howard Pinochio, went off on this cop for a couple of minutes and said he wanted the whole race out of the country. He said that Robin would be allowed to stay of course. David called back and left another message and went off on them again calling them every name he could think of. Robin wondered if there were no black people in the country if he wouldn't have broken the traffic law he broke to get the ticket. Howard said of course he wouldn't have.
Howard had another voice mail from a guy who wondered about Howard wiping from back to front. The guy said if he wiped that way, he must have dingle berries on his balls so he has ''shit balls.'' Howard said he wipes from back to front because the other way feels ''girlie'' to him. He said he washes after wiping so he doesn't have ''bleep balls'' like the caller was saying.
A listener called in and said he agreed with that guy David about the blacks in the country and he wants them out too. Howard said if they do that, they're not going to have the NBA or a lot of football. He said rapping and break dancing will be gone too. Howard wondered if Halle Berry has to go since she's hot. The caller said hot black chicks don't have to go, they can stay. Eddie Murphy's wife would also be allowed to stay. Howard asked the guy what he does for a living. He said he's a mechanic. Howard said he just wanted to know who he was dealing with as far as that goes.
A listener called in and gave Howard some advice for wiping from front to back instead of back to front. Howard said he's not changing his ways though. Another caller said Howard once agreed with Jackie when they were talking about how you sweep the dirt out of town going one way and sweeping it into town the other way. One caller said he wipes the way Howard does and he uses wet paper towels to do it. Howard went on to explain his wiping habits. He wipes dry three times first, then he wets some Kleenex and piles it up to do a final cleaning. He said he dabs with the wet paper. Then he uses one sheet of dry Kleenex to dry up the whole area. Howard said he stands up at the sink while he's doing the ''dabbing'' part of that cleanup. He then wads up the whole mess and tosses it in the toilet.
Howard joked that he was riding a horse when he was out in Arizona last week. He said he heard someone yell out ''Hey! Look at that big pussy on the horse!'' and that's how he knew he was on a female horse. He said he got that joke from Maxim magazine. Look at the big pussy on the horse! knew it was a female horse. He told another joke from the magazine that was pretty funny. It had an AIDS joke in it so Artie told Howard he had one that was pretty offensive. It went something like this... ''A guy goes to a doctor's office and says that he's not sure if his wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's. The doctor says 'Drive her 30 yards into the woods. If she finds her way home, don't F-her.''
Howard gave away a $500 prize to ProFlowers.com to a listener he just chose at random. He didn't bother playing any games.
Howard took a call from a guy who wants to get a sex change operation. He spoke to the guy for a couple of minutes and wanted him to come down so he could check him out. He said he was way out in Seattle, Washington so Howard told him to forget it then and hung up on him. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about transsexuals and how most of them can't fool you. Howard said there is one tranny in his building that does look like a chick. He figures most times he can tell though. Robin told a story about working in a hospital and how there was one tranny who had the doctors fooled for a while until he walked down the hall and the nurses all knew it was a guy. After talking about that for a couple of minutes Howard had Robin start her news segment.
After taking a break during the news Howard said he had a couple of things to put on his web site HowardStern.com. He's going to put the picture of Siegfried and Roy with him out in Vegas as well as a picture of their men's room there at the station. He said the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in three days and it's disgusting. Howard said Artie told him that he used to use bathrooms with dock workers and the bathrooms there were a lot cleaner than they are at the radio station. Howard said he just wants to put up this picture to gross people out. Artie said the bathrooms at the docks in Newark are ''insanely cleaner'' than the bathroom there at the station.
Howard said they have Johnny Knoxville and his cousin Roger Alan Wade coming in later this morning. He said he spoke to Roger last night and he's thrilled that he's going to be on the show today. He was told that this was the first time he's been to New York City. Howard said the guy must have been at a bar when he spoke to him. Artie said he has to apologize ahead of time because he might be staying out late with Roger tonight. Howard said he doesn't usually call guests ahead of time but he wants to put Roger's album out so it was a business call. Howard and Robin talked about some ideas for what they could do with him. Roger said he's Howard's ''soldier'' and will work with him in whatever way he wants. Howard played a few clips of Roger's songs to give everyone a sample.
Howard said Playboy Playmate of the Year Christina Santiago will be in today too. He ended up talking about Sarah Kozer being on the cover and how they really must airbrush those pictures because he's seen Sarah in person and she doesn't look like the pictures on the cover. He said he'd tell her that too if she was willing to come in to talk about it.
Howard spent a short time talking about New York Governor Patacki and how he's trying to make some tax cuts in the state. He and Robin talked about what's going on with that for a short time. Howard said that Patacki is a great governor and has taken the right stance on these tax cuts. Howard went on to talk about President Bush who is now on this strange thing where he's fought enough wars and now he doesn't want to fight anymore.
Howard brought up Artie's basketball game that aired on E! last night. He said he actually stayed up to watch himself to see how he did. He seemed to think he did pretty well. Robin talked about how rough he was with the chick he played against.
Howard was talking about the amount of money a person has to make to live in New York City. He was saying someone making $200,000 is going to be taxed more than people making less than that. Howard was saying that in New York City, $200,000 doesn't go very far and it doesn't make someone rich. Gary and Stuttering John were arguing about whether or not that's correct. They came in and talked to Howard about that. Howard said that kind of money won't make someone rich but Gary said that's pretty good money. Howard wasn't saying that it's not good money though. He said that kind of money in New York, would be considered ''middle class.'' Out in Arizona or something, that's doing really well. Howard continued to say that it's just shouldn't be considered ''rich.'' A listener called in a short time later and said he makes $185,000 a year as a business owner and he can barely survive on that. He said he can clear about $120,000 a year but after that he's got a $2,500 mortgage, $1,000 in health insurance costs and a bunch of other bills that drain him pretty good. He said he's not ''rich'' by any means. The guy said he's no starving but he's not going to be rich or be able to retire anytime soon.
Artie asked Gary if he thinks that he's rich. Gary said that he would say that because he brings $15,000 to gamble with out in Las Vegas. That led to Howard talking about how much some of the guys on the show are willing to gamble. He said KC isn't making all that much money and he was gambling a lot out in Vegas. Howard seems to think that KC has a gambling problem. He thinks that he has an illness because he was betting and losing so much out there. KC came in and Howard gave him some advice about gambling. He said he should really just stop all together. The guys said they saw KC throwing around $25 a hand on games of Blackjack. He admitted that he was betting up to $100 on a hand too. Howard said Artie has made some good money working on TV but he was never on a hit show. Artie said he doesn't think he's bet all that much considering the amount of money he's made doing the shows he's done. Scott the Engineer came in and talked about what he was gambling and winning out there. He said he walked away with about $800 and lost about half of what he went out there with. Howard said there were a lot of guys from the show gambling a lot more money than they should have been. Gary said he makes a lot more money than KC and he'd never bet $100 a hand in Blackjack.
Howard took a call from a woman who was arguing with Howard about the guy who called in earlier talking about how making $185,000 is just barely making it. She said his mortgage was very high and maybe he spent too much for the house he lives in. The woman was arguing with Howard about how these take breaks Patacki has in mind aren't going to help everyone. She said that the property taxes will go up so it's really not going to help the people who are making that amount of money. Howard eventually gave up on the argument and said he's not a political show. He hung up on her and took a break a few seconds later.
Howard said he just went on HowardStern.com to check on the pictures of the bathroom they were going to put up but the site was giving him an error. He said he'd have to call his computer guys to fix whatever it was that was causing the problem.
Howard took some phone calls about Artie's basketball game. One guy said they did a great job of covering it. He said that Artie was kind of a ''hack'' and was fouling Marissa Graby a lot during the game.
Howard said he was tired this morning because he was up at 3:30 this morning. He said he was hungry because he hasn't been eating that much lately. He said he can't get below 200 pounds which is what he needs to do to stop his stomach from jiggling. He said he doesn't even fit into his bathing suit. Artie talked about how he fit just fine into his jeans when he went to sit by the pool out in Vegas. Howard said that Artie was in a jeans, flannel shirt and socks sitting by the pool. Artie said he's really self conscious about sitting in a bathing suit in a place like that. Howard said he could cover up wearing a bathing suit and a t-shirt but he's not into that. Artie said he's accepted the fact that ''it's over'' for him. He said it's depressing because he used to be an athlete when he was younger. Now he's fat and out of shape. Howard heard that Mike Gange was getting goofed on because he's so out of shape and fat these days. After that he said maybe Artie's got it right not wanting to be goofed on. Howard said he's got some of those long, baggy bathing suits and Artie could have worn something like that. Artie said the one bathing suit he does have is that style. He said he's gone on the beach with his girlfriend but he wears sweat pants that he rolls up his leg enough to go in the water. He won't take his shirt off though. Artie told Robin he'd bring in some pictures from when he was in shape and she'll get turned on.
Howard brought up this guy Bill Bennett who used to be the ''Drug Czar'' for President Bush years ago. Howard said the guy started using Howard's name and how he sucked and was ruining society. Howard pointed out that the guy puts on one face in public and turns around and squandered $8 million and gambled it away. Howard said it's a terrible hypocrisy. He wanted to point out how guys like that can't tell people what they should be listening to on the radio. Howard said the guy is trying to get him off the radio but he's out of control himself. Howard said you'd think he was a moral guy but it turns out he's not. That led to Howard talking about Les Moonves from CBS and how he's the same way. He talked about how Les has lied to him in the past about the show ''Kane'' he had in the works and then just recently, told Howard he wanted to help him sue Telepictures, Scott Einziger and Mike Fleiss over ''Are You Hot?'' Then he goes and makes a deal with Scott Einziger and Mike Fleiss to produce some shows for CBS. Howard said he had some quotes from Mike Fleiss complaining about how ''The Real Cancun'' was a rip off of an idea he had and how he never rips off ideas. Howard pointed out that he ripped off the idea for ''Are You Hot?'' from his show. Howard went on to talk about how Les Moonves is getting divorced and how he hates to side with women in those cases but he's willing to pay for Les' wife's lawyers so he gets screwed as much as possible. Howard said this probably doesn't help his chances of doing business with CBS but they weren't going so well anyway.
Gary the Retard called in so Howard told him that the woman he was standing next to in Las Vegas got pregnant and he must have done it by standing next to him. Howard said that was Benjy's idea to goof on him. They were all talking about whether or not Gary knows how babies are made. Howard asked Gary the Retard if he knows what happens. Gary started to talk about what happens but Howard had to cut him off because he was getting graphic. He obviously knew how it was done. Gary said he still hasn't had sex yet and he's almost 50 years old. He knew what a condom was so Howard asked him if he's going to wear one when he has sex for the first time. Howard and Robin asked him if he wants to be a daddy some day. He said he does but he's going to use a condom. Gary said he had a lot of fun out in Vegas with them. Gary (Baba Booey) came in and said that the E! guys were out at Gary's house one time doing a shoot and they saw a poster on his wall that showed a house with a plus sign then a fire and then an equal sign then the phone plus the number 9-1-1. Just in case of a fire. Howard spent a little while talking to Gary about that and then got off the phone with him.
Howard said that Ol' Dirty Bastard did a press conference so he played a little tape from some TV show coverage of that. ODB was talking about how he has to stay out of trouble now that he's out of prison.
Howard had a new ''The Onion Radio News'' bit to play. The phony bit was about how the NY Yankees have signed every player in pro baseball to make sure they can't lose.
Howard spent some time talking about last night's ''American Idol.'' He said that this guy Clay Akins really has to go. He said that the song he sang was horrible and he's back to making weird faces when he sings. Gary and his kid were watching the show and tried to vote for Ruben but weren't able to get through. Artie told Gary to get out and play some ball with his kid instead.
Howard brought up how the ''date'' they gave away to a skinny black kid out in Vegas didn't go off because the porn star said her porn star value would go down if people knew she went out with a black dude. Gary said her manager tried to make things right by giving him some other chicks and a trip to the AVN awards. Will from the back office came in and said her manager had to tell the kid that she didn't want to sleep with him. He gave the kid $300 and tried to make it go away.
Howard thanked E! for running promos for his show and also took away those horrible news scrolls from the bottom of his show. He was very happy about that.
Fred found a clip of that guy Bill Bennett he was talking about earlier. Bennett goes off on Howard and CBS over the syndicated show he did a few years ago. Howard said what the guy had to say would have been fine for someone with high moral standards but he's a phony. He went off on Bennett for a short time after that. Howard said that Bennett gave him the ''Silver Sewer Award'' for his radio and TV show a few years ago so he'd like to return the favor to the scumbag and give him the same award. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard said Roger has some wacky moves going on and he looks pretty strange so he's got it all going on. They said he's almost like Joe Cocker in the way he moves. Howard talked to him about some of the women he goes off on in the songs and Roger said he does have some songs about women he's loved too. Howard told him those are for a different album, not this one. Artie said that album could be called ''Women Who Don't Look Like Ernest Borgnine.''
Howard had Roger perform his song ''Shoot You in the Ass with a BB Gun'' which is one of his favorites. Roger said you want to shoot your woman in the ass with a BB gun when you get pissed but don't want to get charged with a felony. Howard and the guys were all really having a lot of fun and just laughing and singing together.
Johnny told Howard that he took Roger out last night drinking and he was drinking pretty fast. Howard and Robin asked Roger about his song ''She's Gone Back to Whoring'' and if it was a true song. He said the woman had more than one shot at ''the rodeo.'' Howard asked him to perform that one for them real quick. Roger performed it and got some laughs out of the guys in the studio. Artie seems to be one of his biggest fans because he was laughing really hard at the songs. Howard told Roger that his buddy over at Dreamworks is ready to cut the deal with Roger already. Howard said he wants to get the song out as soon as possible. He doesn't want to wait at all. Howard asked why Johnny was keeping him hidden so long. Johnny said the CD he had was just recorded recently so he was just waiting to get that done and he sent it to Howard as soon as he had it in his hands.
Howard asked Roger about his ''Poon Tang'' song and how that all came about. Roger said he didn't even know what it meant so he went to his daughter and asked her what it meant. She told him and he thought that was the thing to use in his song. Howard took some phone calls from people who love this guy's songs. Robin said there will be some uproar when the CD comes out from women who find it offensive. Artie said they won't find it offensive unless they're whores. Howard asked Roger to play their favorite song ''Poon Tang'' before he left. Roger kept thanking Howard for having him in. He performed the 30 second song and then took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was singing the song when he put her on. It was frightening to Johnny and he said it was killing him. Howard said he thinks this CD is going to be big and he wants to get it out as soon as possible. Robin asked if he's going to work on new songs for the CD. Roger said he's going to go finish up ''Skanky Ho Dog'' and ''Can't Afford to Feed Her'' today. Artie said he had a couple of song titles of his own like ''She Told Me She Wasn't a Whore'' and ''She Said She'd Leave Me Unless the Knicks Didn't Cover.'' Howard also suggested to Roger that he do a duet of ''Butt Ugly Slut'' with Reba McEntyre. Roger thought that sounded like a great idea.
This chick Francesca called in yesterday and asked to come in to meet the director of the ''Jackass'' stuff, Jeff Tremaine, but he wasn't there. Howard told her she could come in so they could check her out. When she came in Howard said she actually looked pretty good. She's 28 years old but looks much younger than she is. Howard said she is good looking too. She said Jeff Tremaine is great and she loved the ''I'm Not Leaving'' bit he did on ''Jackass'' where he refused to leave a bar and ended up getting choked unconscious at the bar he was at and dropped on his head. She said she'd just love to meet him. Johnny said he'd hook her up with him and he'd probably go for her because he's got nothing else going on right now. She was talking non-stop so Howard told her that even a train comes to a stop. He asked Roger if he had a song about women that don't stop talking. Roger yelled out ''Shut Up!'' He eventually got her to stop talking and sent her on her way.
Howard asked Johnny what he's up to these days and he said he's going to be doing a John Waters movie later this year and he has a couple of other deals in the works. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Howard said when they were out in Vegas Tom had him reading commercials during the commercial breaks and they caught him ranting about the equipment. He didn't know they were picking up all of this stuff. Howard was banging equipment and complaining about the sound not working. Scott the Engineer said that he didn't change anything when the sound came back so Howard went off on him about that in the studio today. He said he caught Scott lying about what he was doing out in Vegas. He said that's why he doesn't want to go to Vegas again. Howard just wanted to know if Scott made a change to the microphone out there and Scott kept saying they didn't make any changes... even though they did change some settings. Howard said he got so frustrated with that and the fact that Tom was giving him live commercials to read out there in Vegas when he'd just done them in New York the week before. You could hear Howard complaining to Tom asking him to give him a break. Then he goes right into a Heinekin commercial and says he loves the stuff. Howard sent Scott on his way and Gary told him that they had to get ''that chick in'' because she had to leave soon. Gary told Howard that she has to go do some satellite radio interviews. Gary said he tried to explain to her publicist that their show is more important than that.
Christina said she doesn't date Latin men because they tend to expect her to cook for them and stuff like that. She doesn't like that but she will cook and clean if she wants to. Howard told Christina that guys will tell women stuff when they meet them and they mean it at the time. They just change when they meet someone else. Howard and the guys talked about how sexy Latin women are. Howard said they're so hot they're willing to go to a very ''dark place.'' He said he'd be on all fours with her. Howard told Christina that this Sarah Kozer must have been heavily air brushed because she doesn't look like that in person. Howard said he could tell that Christina wasn't air brushed but she said they did do some air brushing on her. She said you can see it in her face. Howard said Christina is shaved completely and he loves that. He played a little bit of Roger Alan Wade's ''Sweet Poon Tang'' song for her after talking about that.
Howard asked Christina about what she gets for being the Playmate of the Year. She said she gets $100,000 and a car as well as a few other things. Howard asked her about some celebrities and whether or not they were the one she was going out with. He mentioned a bunch of names but she didn't want to talk about it. Howard moved on to give her a couple of plugs for the stuff she was there to promote. Howard said she's promoting this ''Chillin at the Playboy Mansion'' CD and the June issue of Playboy. She told Howard she didn't even know she was the Playmate of the year until she opened the issue of Playboy. She said no one even bothered to tell her about it.
Gary and Howard continued to try and find out who Christina was dating. She didn't want to talk about it but Gary tried to convince her that it was the right thing to do. She did end up talking about how she had sex with him on their first date. She told Howard about how he called her the morning after she met him and asked her to come over to share a meal with him that he got from room service. She talked about how he didn't seem to enjoy kissing her that much in public. She said he would dis her in public and she actually walked out on him at a club one night. She said in his own mind he's a big star. She said he's 29 years old but that was about as far as she'd go. The guys asked her a ton of questions trying to find out who he was but she wasn't giving in. Howard asked her about how many times they had sex on their first date. She told Howard that the guy was 29 years old so they kept trying to guess but it wasn't working. Stuttering John came in a few minutes later and said they found out through some people at Playboy that it was Steven Dorf. She laughed and said it wasn't but eventually broke down and admitted they were right. She said at least she wasn't the one who said it. Howard and the guys couldn't believe that was the guy who she was going out with. Howard asked her if he made her watch his movies and stuff like that. She wouldn't give a straight answer but did kind of lead Howard in that direction. She said she didn't care about any of that stuff. Howard took a phone call for Christina and this guy called her a ''Dirty Spic'' and some other stuff. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker. That led to Howard asking Christina if there are people upset that she's not the usual white, blond who gets to be a Playmate of the Year. She said no one has said anything to her face and anyone who doesn't like it should just ''deal with it.'' Howard wrapped up the interview a little while later after giving her a plug for an appearance she's making at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square, New York City at 5pm tonight. She said she's not sure what she'll be wearing tonight but it'll most likely be a dress since she didn't bring any skirts with her. Artie asked her if, after she walked out of Steven Dorf's room after having sex with him, she thought to herself ''Christina Dorf'' and how that would sound. She wasn't too happy with Artie's comments and said she didn't have anything to say to him at that point. Howard ended the interview after that.
During the news Howard interrupted and said that a lot of people wanted to know what book it was he was talking about yesterday that has helped him organize his life. He'd talked about how it was a teen book about organizing lockers and homework that he found while he was on vacation out in Arizona. He said the book is called ''Organizing from the Inside Out for Teenagers: The Foolproof System for Organizing Your Room, Your Time, and Your Life'' by Julie Morgenstern and Jessi Morgenstern. He said it really has helped him get organized. He said that his girlfriend is also very organized and she's helped him out a lot also. He showed Robin how he uses colored stars to mark important dates and appointments. He even showed the guys that he had their birthdays marked down in his appointment book so he wouldn't forget. They all seemed to be surprised that he was going that far.
Howard started off the morning burping. He said he heard they found a sponsor for his belches and farts. That will be starting in June according to Gary. He said the movie ''Dumb and Dummerer'' will be the sponsor for that. Howard ripped a quick fart and gave them another plug. He and Artie thought it was kind of funny that they have a sponsor for that. Howard didn't think the novelty of that idea will last long though. Robin wondered if they pay a flat fee or if they pay per burp or fart. Howard wasn't sure how that will work.
Howard said he got an e-mail from someone who wondered why Howard is having Jim Carrey on the show because he blew him off in the past. Howard said he's run into Jim a few times over the past couple of years and he thinks Jim has realized that he's not such a bad guy. Howard said he's happy Jim is coming in.
Howard mentioned a few other guests that are coming up like Beetlejuice, Mark Wahlberg, Jimmy Kimmel and others. He also read some e-mail from people who liked the discussion they had about his father and the ''green type of tube'' thing he said in one of the old family tapes he has. Robin said she loves when he says ''testing, testing, ONE, TWO.''
Howard finally got the pictures of the station's bathroom up on HowardStern.com. He said people found them disgusting. Howard also got some complaints about how he doesn't smile in pictures. He said he tries not to smile in any pictures because he doesn't think he looks good. Howard said he loved taking the picture with Siegfried and Roy but hates to smile.
Howard got a lot of mail about his discussion about people who make $200,000 not being ''rich'' they had yesterday. Howard talked about that for a minute and then moved on to e-mail about how great Roger Alan Wade was yesterday. He said a lot of people want to know how to order that guy's CD. Howard said there isn't one yet. He said he was on the phone with Johnny Knoxville yesterday talking to him about it after the show. Howard said he would like to be part of that and give them some suggestions. Johnny said he thinks that would be a great thing so they're all going to sit down and talk about it. Someone e-mailed in and suggested that Roger sing with Daniel Carver from the KKK. Howard said he really was a fun guy to be around yesterday. A listener called in and said he almost got fired for singing some of Roger's songs yesterday. He said he works as a mechanic in a shop around customers and some old lady got upset about the ''Poon Tang'' song.
Howard read through some other e-mail. They got a lot of mail about Artie's basketball game out in Vegas. Someone pointed out that Artie really did win the game because of the way he was taking shots from the 3 point area and was only getting one point for the shots. Robin wasn't giving Artie a break about it and told him he lost either way. Howard said he also got some other Las Vegas e-mail. Someone didn't like the drinking show. Another person didn't like Ross and his ''HOW ARE YOU!'' comments over and over again. There were others who loved the Miss Butta Face contest. Howard finished up reading the e-mail and took a break a short time later.
Howard said he saw video on a news program where they had a bunch of girls hazing each other by pouring excrement on each other and it was pretty wild. Robin said five girls ended up in the hospital over that. She also brought up a story about one of these ''teen nights'' that young girls go to. She said the story said that the DJ at the party had sex with a bunch of these young girls. Howard said his daughters have gone to things like that but they haven't done anything like that.
Howard said he saw ''American Idol'' last night and seems to think this guy Clay is going to win the whole thing. Howard pointed out how gay Clay comes off even though he claims he's not gay. He makes all kinds of weird faces and bats his eyes when he's singing. Artie said he has no idea what the show is about and doesn't understand how it works. Howard told him he might want to tune in once in a while to see what it's all about. Artie said he has no interest in watching something like that at all. KC came in and said he hates music like that and actually said something to a kid who was wearing an N'Sync shirt. Artie said he knew the kid and when he told the kid it was a gay shirt, the kid came back with ''You're gay!'' Artie said he didn't have a comeback for that so he just walked away. He said it's his cousin's kid.
Robin also brought up a story about some high school sports team that went to a strip club when they went down to Florida on a road trip. Howard said kids are lucky today because there's so much porn available to them these days. He said the only porn he found as a kid was a magazine thrown in the bushes near his house. The magazine was laying there with a few used rubbers. Howard said he took the magazine and hid it in his sister's doll house along with his cigars. He said he was about 7 years old when he was smoking cigars and looking at porn. Artie said if he came home and found his 7 year old checking out porn and smoking cigars, he'd call all of his friends and tell them he has the coolest son in the world. Howard said back then his parents would have killed him if they found him doing that. Howard and Artie talked about how easy it is to get porn these days. You just turn on your TV and pick a channel. When Howard was a kid he said he had to get off to weird stuff. He said he had a Honey West book that just mentioned something about her getting naked and he used to read that over and over again to get off. He said he also learned to be fast and quiet beating off because he had to do it in the bathroom next to his parent's room.
Howard remembered how his mother used to yell at him not taking showers often enough. He said he was taking Judo classes and remembers washing his feet and dirt just coming off in the sink. He also had such long toe nails that the instructors had to take him into the back and clip his nails for him. He said that was really embarrassing to him. He also talked about the kids who used to beat him up as a kid. He remembered Johnny Mendola and how he came on the show one time and turned out to be an okay guy even though he used to be a bully as a kid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wrote to Playboy about not putting Christina Santiago on the cover of the magazine even though she was the Playmate of the Year. Howard talked to him about that and also about what Howard did after 9/11 raising money for the families of the victims. The guy said he'd been trying to get through to him ever since then. The caller also asked Howard to put dates on the E! shows so he'd know when they were recorded. Howard said he knows of people who think the E! show is taped separately from the radio show so he's going to leave it that way.
Howard had a Mystery Record to play so he had Gary come in with that. Howard played it and figured it out immediately as did Robin. It was Mariah Carey covering Def Leppard's ''Bringing On The Heartbreak.'' Howard goofed on the way she was singing the song and muttering the words. He also wondered if she lost her voice because the singing wasn't that great. He said it was just creepy after listening to it for a short time. Gary had a second Mystery Record which was Chrissie Hynde singing with someone. Howard was supposed to figure it out. He played the song and guessed a bunch of people from Jim Florentine to Marissa Graby. It turns out it was Russell Crowe. Gary wondered why she'd sing with him because no one is going to buy that album. Howard said he might have to bring The Losers out of retirement to play against Crowe. Gary said that won't be happening though. He said Crowe would want Howard to play his album every day for a month to come on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the woman who played basketball against Artie. Her name is Marissa Graby and the caller thought she was pretty hot. He wondered how tall she was. Howard said she wasn't all that tall but that led to a quick discussion about Gary's wife and how much taller she is than him. Gary said he looks ridiculous in their wedding pictures because she was wearing heels and was even taller than usual. Howard wondered if it's tough to do her doggie style because she's so tall. Gary thought about it for a second and said it's not a problem. Howard had to take another break right after that.
Howard said Gary had another Mystery Record to play. He played the song and it was so bad it sounded like it was recorded 40 years ago. It turned out to be Renee Zellweger and Ewan MacGregor. Howard and Gary talked about how odd Renee Zellweger has become over the past few years. It turns out the song is from a movie that Renee and Ewan are in so it's supposed to sound old. Howard said he wants that song transcribed so he and Robin can try singing it together.
Howard had a new Mr. Skin Minute to play this morning. He said he feels sorry for Mr. Skin these days because there's not much new nudity coming out in theaters. He reviews a movie featuring Shannon Tweed in this week's ''Mr. Skin Minute.'' Here's the run down of this week's ''Mr. Skin Minute.'' There's no nudity in ''Daddy Day Care.'' Mr. Skin said he was hoping to catch a breast feeding scene or something... no such luck. Mr. Skin went on to said that there's a new DVD out about Marilyn Chambers, ''Marilyn Chambers' Bedtime Stories 1993,'' featuring Kelsey Grammer's wife Camille Donatacci where she gets naked and shows off her ''Donna Doozers'' and ''Ravishing Rump.'' Mr. Skin also brought up the movie ''Naked Lies'' featuring Shannon Tweed. He says that 1 hour and 15 minutes in there's a ''poon-tastic'' scene where she shows one breast and some ''bloomin' onion.'' You can find out more at MrSkin.com.
Howard brought up how Rebecca Romijn-Stamos was goofing on that psychic John Edwards. He played tape of her talking about how she doesn't believe in it. She brought up Harry Houdini and how he proved that there was no psychic abilities when he told his wife a password he would tell the psychic to get in touch with her. It never worked. Edwards had some B.S. Story about how she actually did hear the password from a psychic but they wouldn't allow her to publicize it because it would hurt her family somehow. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on Edwards for a couple of minutes and talked about what a scam that whole thing is. Howard said he had him on the show one time years ago and goofed on him the whole time.
Howard took a call from Francesca who stopped in yesterday when Johnny Knoxville and Roger Alan Wade were in. She thanked them for being so nice to her and wondered when that show will air on E!. Howard said he's not sure about the schedule at this time.
Howard took a call from a Chinese/Korean woman who claims she feeds cat and dog meat to white people in their Chinese food. Howard wondered why she would tell him that though. She went off on ''big, fat, arrogant white people'' because they'll eat anything she puts in front of them. She claims that she marinates the meat and serves it up. She said she'd just finished up marinating some St. Bernard. Howard ended up hanging up on her. A guy called in and said that Chinese people will eat anything that they put in front of them. Howard and the caller didn't really believe her story though so Howard got off the phone with her a short time after taking her call.
Howard had the Top 5 songs of the week to play. Those included songs like ''Can't Let You Go,'' ''In the Club,'' ''Ignition,'' ''Get Busy'' and a couple of others including Jeff Curro and Carly Simon singing ''Mocking Bird.''
Howard took a call from one of the lesbian sisters, Jane, (FunSisters.com) who claims she and her sister are going to go have sex with soldiers to thank them for their work over in Iraq. They're going to a North Carolina base to hook up with a bunch of guys there. She said they want to encourage other women to do the same thing around the country. She got in a mention for their web site so he wondered if she was just calling in to get that out. She said that's not the reason she was calling in and said they really are going to have sex with the guys.
Howard took a few other phone calls after that. One guy asked why so many people love that ''nig*er music'' he was playing a little earlier. Howard and Artie goofed on the guy a little bit and played along with his racist comments. The guy wondered what ever happened to good old rock and roll. The guy had them talking about other famous black music stars like Jimi Hendrix, Lenny Kravitz and Living Color for a short time.
One caller told Howard a story about just getting out of jail after getting caught selling drugs. He ended up losing most of the stuff he bought after getting busted for it. He was clearing about $150,000 a year until he got busted. He said he wasn't using his own products though so he didn't turn into a base head. Howard suggested that the guy go out and do a lecture series to tell kids not to use or sell drugs. The guy said he could probably be good with something like that. He claims that he even felt bad selling to some people because people were in such bad shape. Howard asked him if he ever traded sex for the drugs. He said he had a lot of propositions but there aren't many good looking chicks on crack so he didn't go for that. After that call Howard took a commercial break.
Frequent caller Shuli called in and said that Gilbert Gottfried has been dropped as the Afflac insurance duck for the Japanese commercials they're going to run. Howard didn't seem to care though. Shuli went on to ask Howard some questions about the Las Vegas show where they were all getting drunk. He wondered if Howard forgot anything while he was drinking. Howard said he's not sure about that so Shuli mentioned one thing he did that he actually forgot about. He'd asked Robin Leach if he sleeps with 14 year old boys or something like that. Shuli also asked Howard if he ever felt scared for Artie at any point. Howard said he was scared for him because he was drinking so much. He was also taking Vicodin on the flight out to Vegas. Robin talked about how sad Artie looked after he lost so much money at that Blackjack table. She said that's why she gave him her last few chips to gamble with. Howard also talked about how much Artie was eating out there and how he was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt while sitting next to the pool. Howard said Artie would hide his basket of french fries next to his chair at the pool so no one would see how much he was eating. Shuli had some questions about Dominic Barbara being annoying as well. Howard said Dominic was a little annoying out there. He told a story about how Dominic went out to Nobu there in Vegas and claimed that he was Howard's lawyer. Howard said he's never been his lawyer and he wouldn't want him doing that even if he was his lawyer. He said he heard that Dominic gave the hostess a $100 to get a table but when he didn't get a booth, he took back the money and left the restaurant. Howard said Dominic is relentless when he's doing stuff like that. Robin wondered how Ralph was out there. Gary apparently had a discussion with Ralph out there and he was very well behaved. Howard said he didn't want Ralph just walking up on stage grabbing a microphone like he has in the past.
Shuli had a game to play with Howard. He had quotes from the Inside the Actors Studio TV show and had Howard and the guys guessing at who said them. He gave Howard and the guy choices for the answers. Here are a few examples:
Crazy Cabbie called in to brag about how well his race car team is doing. Howard asked a few people if they wanted to hear about it but no one did. Howard let him on the air anyway. Cabbie said their Indy car is doing really well in practice and the car ran 229 MPH. They were goofing on Cabbie for bragging about having a car that's fast in practice. KC said he thinks that Cabbie might have a crush on his driver because he was showing him a picture of the guy and how bright his teeth are.
Gary also mentioned that Cabbie's mother and her husband are adopting him officially into their family. Cabbie will also get to meet the rest of the family he never got to know. Cabbie kept pushing for Howard to check out his race car team at IndyRacing.com but Howard had other things to do. He had to take a break so he cut him off and did that. Cabbie said they're the first number 13 in Indy Car racing ever because ''they're lucky.''
Howard had Evan Mariott from ''Joe Millionaire'' on the phone to talk about what really went on behind the scenes on that show. Howard said Evan was under contract with FOX for a while and he wasn't allowed to talk about it. Howard asked Evan about the one chick who is on the cover of Playboy, Sarah Kozer, and how much they must have air brushed her. Evan said she doesn't even look the same. Howard said that she told him she'd never do Playboy but then she turned around and did it. Evan said that it's obvious that money has a lot to do with stuff like that.
Howard asked Evan about what went on behind the scenes on the show too. He said that the producers showed him a bunch of pictures of women before the show that weren't the same chicks that showed up on the show. He said some of the women were the same and some were different. He said they weren't up to the quality of the photos they showed him. Howard also heard that Evan was pissed that Zora didn't bang him because he helped get her half a million dollars. Evan said he had a feeling that he was going to pick her after a short time. He said that Zora was telling him that she wanted to go home not long after she got there. He kept her around because she seemed so real compared to the others. Evan told Howard that she was pretty cold to him after the show and they never hooked up. They both took their money and ran after the show.
Howard asked Evan if he's getting any chicks out there in Los Angeles. He said a lot of chicks come up to him and recognize him from the show. Howard also heard that he got $7000 to make a speech at some event out there. He found that hard to believe. He's never even been to college. Howard wondered if he's getting better quality women now that he's semi-famous. Evan said he's a little more aware of who he's dating because so many women know about the show. Howard asked him if girls just walk up to him and offer to have sex with him. Evan said that he does get offers like that. He wouldn't say if he's taken any of them up on it. Evan said he's been in a different city every week since the time he was on Howard's show. He said he's not getting laid all that much because of that.
Evan appears in a Mariah Carey video so he talked about that experience. He said that she was really nice to him in the helicopter they were in. He said that she invited him to her trailer and he had to wait for a half hour or so before they let him in. He decided to walk but her people got upset and let him in. He then bowed down to her like she was a queen and her people got pissed about that too.
Howard said that Evan is going to be judging a bikini contest at some night club Washington, DC tomorrow night. He asked him if he's making over $5000 for that appearance. Evan said ''maybe'' but didn't give an exact number.
Howard took a call from a guy who seems to think that Evan might be gay by the way he's talking about women's motives with him and stuff like that. Evan said he's getting laid plenty and he's doing just fine.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Evan to tell her what 10 times 15 was. He answered 25 the last time he was on. The phone went dead so Howard thought he hung up on them. Evan was back a few seconds later but there was another problem with the phone so he got cut off again. Howard complained about the quality of their equipment there and said he has 2 years and 7 months left on his contract and he's out of there. Evan was back on the phone a minute later. Howard asked him what 10 times 15 was. He answered 150. Howard then asked him what 9 times 8 was. He said 56. Howard said that doesn't mean he's dumb, he's just not good at his times table. Howard told him he's flunked every math test he's taken on the show so far. Evan said he failed out of school so it's not surprising. Artie said it doesn't matter because he'll be able to get a decent job now. He also pointed out that the women at the station applauded him when he was there last time. Howard told Evan that he should be using women and banging everyone he meets these days. Evan said he has been meeting plenty of women and he is banging them, he just doesn't talk about it that much. Howard asked him about the last chick he banged 2 weeks ago. He said he ''hit that'' a couple of times that night and hit the road after that. He said he's known that chick since before the show though. Howard was surprised to hear that. He figured he'd be banging new chicks. Evan said Howard could do the same thing but he's steady with Beth. Howard said he did go out and bang a bunch of chicks after his divorce. Then he found Beth, liked her and now he's staying with her. Howard asked Evan why he hasn't done the same thing. Evan said that he's really not a big movie star or anything so he can't get chicks like Howard can.
A woman called in and said that she has had sex with Evan and he's a respectful guy and doesn't talk about the chicks he bangs. She said her name was Janine but that wasn't the name she gave him. Evan didn't recognize the name and where she said she met him at. She said she'd call him on his cell phone. Howard told her to go ahead and do that but the call never came through.
Artie was busting Evan's balls asking him the 9 times 8 question until Evan finally gave them the right answer. He asked Howard to stop busting his balls about the math stuff. Howard continued to ask him math questions like ''There are 60 people. You break them up into 5 groups, how many people are in each group?'' Evan answered 12 and got it right. Evan had a math question of his own that he asked but Howard couldn't figure it out. He gave Evan another plug for this appearance he's making at the VIP Night Club down in Washington DC. The woman who called in earlier called back and said she called his number, he just didn't answer. She gave the guys the first six digits of his number but he told Howard to get her off the phone because she was full of crap. Howard got her off the phone and then wrapped up the interview with Evan.
Howard and Artie continued to goof on Evan after the call. Artie joked that he heard Evan is up for a new show on FOX called ''Mr. Mathematician.'' Howard said he thinks it would be funny if people just started yelling out math problems at his appearances.
Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about ''American Idol'' again. Howard said he doesn't like any of the finalists in this season of the show. He felt like Kelly Clarkson was kind of normal in last season's show and actually bought her CD because he wants her to be the ''American Idol'' she's supposed to be. This season, he says he doesn't want any of them to win. He doesn't want any of them to be famous. He and Robin agree that none of them are likeable. Howard said even with that he has to watch every episode. Artie doesn't have any desire to watch it even though Howard and Robin are always talking about it.
Robin said one of their interns won the chance to have sex with Tabitha Stevens so she was wondering what happened with that. Howard said the date went off already and he's going to have everyone on the show to talk about it sometime in the near future. He said he knows what happened already but he wants to wait to have them on the show to talk about it more.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks it's ridiculous that this guy who called in earlier was even in jail for selling drugs. Howard said he doesn't even like being around people that smoke pot or stuff like that but he does believe that drugs should be legalized. That led to a discussion about fast food and some guy who wrote a book (''Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs, and Cheap Labor in the American Black Market'') about the people who work in fast food restaurants and how they can't even speak English. Gary told a story about going to McDonald's the other night and the person behind the counter just knows to push the pictures of the meals they have on the register. He said the person kept hitting the button when he was trying to find out what was in this Mighty Kid's Meal or whatever it was. Gary went on to talk about some other stuff he got from a book about the illegal drug industry. The marijuana crop in the U.S. created like $25 billion last year and the corn crops only created $19 billion. The caller was saying they could wipe out the national debt in just a few years if they legalized drugs. Gary had a few other facts that he went over before Howard moved on to Robin's news.
During the news a guy called in and said that his girlfriend works at NBC and she said that Artie's sitcom is dead and it was never going to happen. Artie said he's known that for quite a while now and it seems that they don't like him over at NBC. He said that guy Ted Harbert isn't a fan of his and seems to hate him for some reason. Howard wondered why that was. They ended up talking about that for a few minutes and tried to figure out what's up with them over there at NBC. Howard talked about Ted Harbert and how he got a job at ABC years ago because his father was working there. Howard said he was jealous of the guy at the time because he got the job so easy. Howard and Artie talked about that for a couple of minutes. Howard told Artie he was surprised NBC got started with him at all talking about that sitcom. Howard said it doesn't matter though, because he likes Artie. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard said they were trying to do Gary's kid's third grade homework before starting the show and they weren't able to do it. He said he's not able to help his fourth grader with her homework either. He read the question they were working on. It was ''Find the number that doesn't belong: 8, 26, 35, 14, 2, 21.'' It was 35 that didn't belong. Howard had Robin try to figure that one out herself and she wasn't able to do it. Gary told her that 35 was the only number that didn't contain an even number. Robin said she doesn't remember doing anything like that in third grade. Howard read another one that gave a bunch of letters with two spaces after it. It was something like this ''O,T,T,F, F, _, _.'' It said something about it having a ''real answer'' for it. Then there was something Gary described as having a hand to the right and then ''B with G.'' They didn't have the answers to those questions though.
Howard said that he thinks Dead Air Dave is back in the back room editing his comments about Les Moonves. Howard said he reads the logs about what happens during the show and he read that when he said something about Les Moonves sucking if he was listening to him. Dead Air Dave came in and said that Tom Chiusano did it. Dave said he didn't know why he did it either. Howard said that's it, he's done and won't be back to work on Monday. He said that is a violation of his contract and Tom should tell him if there's an issue with him talking about Les. Howard said he hates Les and he doesn't want to hide the fact that he dislikes that snake. Howard pointed out that Les doesn't like Tom either and would wipe his shoes on him if he could. Howard said that was more mind boggling than those third grade math questions. Howard said Tom is one of the nicest human beings off the air but running the radio station is abysmal. He said Tom doesn't have any game plan for running the station except saving money. Howard said the bathroom at the station has doody all over the toilets and it's a mess. He blames that on Tom too. There's a picture of that on HowardStern.com. Howard said that picture of Siegfried and Roy is there as well and to the guy who edited that picture (that would be me!) with Siegfried and Roy holding his penis, he liked it, it was funny. He said he has this big nasty penis sticking out of his pants and the guys are busy with it. Robin said when you look at that picture your mind starts to wander. She hadn't seen the penis enhanced picture yet though.
Robin asked Howard if he found out what Steve Kingston's big news was yesterday after talking about it during the show. Howard said he did find out what the news was and it was depressing to him but it doesn't matter if he's leaving the station because of what Tom did. He said either Tom leaves the station or he's leaving. He never did say what that ''big news'' was though.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will be on the show next week. He talked about how often Jimmy has his girlfriend Sarah Silverman on the show now and how he doesn't interrupt her at all while she's doing her thing on the show. He also mentioned that Jenna Jameson (Videos!) and Tabitha Stevens (Videos!) will be on next week. Tabitha will be in to talk about her ''date'' with the intern from their show that they set up while they were out in Las Vegas two weeks ago.
Heidi from Survivor will be in today. Robin talked about how everyone who has been sure they're staying on the show always gets kicked off. Howard and Robin said that the show has been great this season and is the best season so far. Howard and Robin talked about Heidi's breast implants and how they didn't move while she lost her weight. Artie asked if she was hot. Howard said it's hard to say after seeing her losing all of that weight and getting too skinny on that show. Robin wondered why Jenna broke down on this week's show. Howard said it was because her favorite guy left the show a few weeks before. Robin didn't know that was the case and found it odd that it took so long for her to break down.
Howard took a call from a listener who can't take it if Howard leaves radio. Howard said he'll have to go to Satellite radio after this issue with Tom hitting the button on his show. He said that's probably going to be the next big thing for him. He said Tom has no finesse and just does stuff to his show without telling him about it.
Howard ended up talking about talking to someone recently about doing a movie but wouldn't say who it was. Robin guessed at who it might be but Howard wasn't talking. He said he and the guy talked about this idea for a movie and it would be great. He said that meeting was yesterday and he had another meeting yesterday with some people from TNN about his cartoon and they gave him this nice portable DVD player that had a DVD of what they're doing to change that network over there. Howard said they're changing the name of the channel to ''Spike'' instead of TNN (The National Network). He said it's got a lot of male-related TV programming. Robin said they should just call it ''Men TV'' since there's a women's channel too. He said they're doing a whole block of cartoons for the station including ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' and ''Striperella'' featuring Pamela Anderson. That's being produced by Stan Lee. Howard said they had some sketches of his parents and his father had a head four times the size of his body. Howard said he has a lot of ideas for the cartoon. He was really busy yesterday after the show and was exhausted after everything. He said that he had some tea after the day of meetings. He made it in the new tea pot he bought out in Arizona while he was on vacation last week. He had to take a commercial break after talking about that.
Robin brought up a story about John Walsh and his talk show. He was doing a show with a bunch of kids riding skateboards and stuff and he tried riding a rail on a board and ended up breaking his ankle. Robin wondered what he was thinking doing something like that. Howard couldn't understand it either. Howard brought up Walsh's other show ''America's Most Wanted'' and how great it's been for catching criminals. The guys talked about how Walsh losing his son sure changed his life.
Howard said he saw that Anna Kournikova is going back to the ''minor leagues'' of the tennis world to try and improve her ranking. She's apparently gone from number 8 to number 72. Howard said she doesn't get it, no one cares how she plays tennis, they just want to see her. Howard said she ranks number one with his erection. He talked about how you get to see her panties and the other sexy stuff she wears on the court.
Howard found another story about a doctor who created a bionic eye that can restore sight to the blind. Howard said it's been fitted to 3 blind people and it's working. They can see something, but it's not very detailed. Howard said the guy who created that should be like a rock star. Howard said when Stevie Wonder gets these eyes, he's going to be pissed when he sees how people have been dressing him all of these years. Howard said they credit a group of scientists for the creation of the eye so there's no single person. Robin wondered what this ''eye'' looks like. Howard said the blind should just prepare to wear sun glasses all the time. He joked that they'd probably look like Benjy's eyes.
Howard said there was a story that read ''Moron Breaks into Sing Sing.'' He thought the title of the story was pretty funny. Howard read a quick bit of that and moved on to Heidi from ''Survivior'' who will be in this morning. Howard talked about how she's a gym teacher and they're thinking of firing her because she got naked on the TV show.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said there was an article about Playboy Playmate of the Year Christina Santiago is in the newspaper today. He was wondering what issue she's in. Howard had to tell him it's the current issue with Sarah Kozer on the cover. The guy said he had no idea because he'd been under a rock for a while. Speaking of being under a rock, Howard brought up the guy who got stuck while rock climbing and had to cut off his own arm to free himself after being stuck for 3 days. Howard and Robin talked about how it took the guy about an hour to cut off his own arm with a pen knife. Howard said if the guy had a cell phone with him, he might still have his arm. He was all by himself so you'd think he'd have a phone with him. Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he had tape of the guy talking about cutting off his own arm. He played the tape and the guy talks about how he had to break the bone to break free. He explained how long it took and how the doctors joked with him about how his career as a surgeon ended before it could start. Melrose had some other tape that he wanted to play but Howard said he couldn't take him anymore. He went right to break, hanging up on Melrose as usual.
Howard said the Confederate flag has been banned down in Georgia so the first person he thought about was Daniel Carver from the KKK who they have on the show once in a while. He had Daniel on the phone to ask him what he thinks about it. Daniel said that they just added that flag to their state flag not that long ago and then the Governor changed it so there's no Confederate flag at all. Daniel said people can still fly it in their yards if they want. Daniel said you can ''...still hang a nig*er in your yard.'' Howard wanted to know who sent him the article so he could check it out. Daniel said Howard was wrong about some of his facts though. Daniel said some people have hung even more Confederate flags to fight back at this whole thing. Gary said they have people checking on the story to find out what the real deal is. Gary told Howard that Daniel has been living in the mountains these days as a ''mountain man.'' Howard said that Richie Wilson sent him the story about the flag and he should never write him again because he gave him bogus information.
Howard asked Daniel if he's against the Iraqi people since they have dark skin. Daniel pointed out how he's against them coming to our country but he's not against them staying in their own country. He said we went over there and didn't find any ''weapons of mass destruction'' like we'd hoped to. He said we should just leave them alone and leave them in their own country. He told Howard he doesn't have a problem with apes running wild in Africa so just leave them alone too.
Daniel said that the whole KKK thing has been toned down these days because they get sued over harassment and stuff like that. He said they can't burn a cross in a ''nig*ers yard'' and they've never been able to do that. They do it on private property where no one else will see it. Daniel said that the KKK has been a dying breed for a while now and there aren't many of them left. Daniel said that once you let the blacks put their foot in the door, you can never get them out. He said they can live next to you and you can't get rid of them unless you go to war with them. He was also complaining about the Mexicans and the fact that they're taking over the country.
Howard told Daniel about how this porn star just recently refused to have sex with a black guy who won a ''date'' with her on his show. Daniel talked about how that would be considered ''bestiality'' if she did it and that's why she probably didn't do it.
Howard took a few calls from people who were backing up Daniel's thoughts on the Mexicans and others who come into their neighborhoods and ruin them. Howard says he has Daniel on the show to point out what a kook he is but Daniel says that Howard has him on because he's afraid to say what's really on his mind. This guy David who calls Howard Pinocchio all the time was calling Daniel a racist but he called in recently and went off on an African American cop who gave him a ticket. When Howard brought that up, David said he had to go to work and got off the phone. Daniel started quoting the bible and saying what they say about the Jews and stuff like that.
One caller said that he never got the catalog from Daniel that he sent away for. Daniel said if someone sends him three dollars, he'll send them a catalog. Daniel told him to ''...check his Post Office, there's probably a nig*er there.'' He said the post office is good but they're not perfect.
A woman called in and asked Daniel where she should live if she's half Mexican and half German. Daniel said if she's got any black in her, and apparently he thinks Mexican's are ''black,'' then she doesn't belong here.
Robin asked Daniel about giving blood and what happens if he gets in an accident and needs blood. Daniel said he's never seen a black person giving blood in a blood donor location and he's sure they keep the blood separated from the white blood. Howard asked him if he'd have sex with Halle Berry if he was stuck on an island with her and they were the last two around. Daniel said he'd pass and wouldn't have sex with her. He said that he can't have sex with a ''half breed'' or anything like that. Howard asked him if he'd have sex with Bea Arthur. Daniel said that would be a tough call too but not for the same reasons.
Howard kept asking Daniel about banging Halle Berry. He asked him if he'd bang her if all the black people in the country agreed to leave the country after he did it. Daniel said ''You got me...'' and that he'd have to do that but he'd have to commit suicide the next day. Howard asked Daniel about ''American Idol'' and who he's going to vote for. Robin was amazed when Daniel said he loves the show. He said he doesn't vote for anyone on the show but he does watch it. He also said he enjoys watching Eddie Murphy and George Jefferson on TV and movies. He said he likes black comedy but not the blacks. Howard wrapped up the call after that and took another break.
Howard said there's an article about Demi Moore being sued for sexual harassment because she allegedly tried to seduce him. Howard read the article that said this guy claims that she was rubbing this guy's leg. He's the care taker of one of her homes or something like that. Howard said a regular guy would get a boner and let her do it. The guy protested and after it happening two times, he was fired. He's also claiming that Bruce Willis confronted him and told him to stay away from his family. Howard said the guy could have just gotten up and left but he stayed around.
Howard also had a story about Carnie Wilson who has been on the show a few times. She has gotten fat again according to Howard. He had a picture of her fat again even after having her stomach stapled. Artie said if you love eating like that, nothing can stop you.
Gary had a story about what the number one killer of pregnant women was. It turns out it's murder. Robin guessed it correctly.
Howard had Robin guessing how much money the people at ''Survivor'' are making selling those ''buffs'' from the show. He said it's $8 million! Howard said he should be selling t-shirts if that's the case. He couldn't believe that people are actually buying stuff like that.
Howard played some voice mail that they've gotten lately. One guy complained about Howard talking about his girlfriend too much on the show. Another guy goofed on Artie for losing to a girl in his basketball game. A guy asked if whacking off in front of a mirror is gay or not. He thought it was weird to look at himself while ''punching the munchkin'' so he asked if Howard thought it was gay. Howard said he has done that in front of a mirror. Artie said nothing makes him lose an erection quicker than seeing himself in a mirror. Fred said he's never done that to himself in the mirror. Howard said he admires his physique sometimes and starts thinking about sex and gets aroused. He said it doesn't feel gay to him. Benjy said he does it and it's perfectly normal to do that in front of a mirror. He even checks himself out at different angles. A caller said he puts his balls on the bathroom sink to put some pressure on them like a chick is doing something to him. Howard said that's normal. A few other callers had some thoughts on that and said they do it while looking at themselves in the mirror. One caller said that Howard has a girlfriend who looks like a man and he likes doing himself in a mirror so he's got to be gay. Howard didn't get the reference to his girlfriend looking like a man though. He said Nicole Bass looks like a man, not his girlfriend. Howard said he sees it as a fantasy and he'd have women around him.
Howard had Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the phone and he told Howard that doing that in the mirror is gay. Mike said he's seen the movie ''Chicago'' twice now and that was gay to him but this mirror thing was gay to him. Howard quickly got to Mike's weekly Gossip Game since he was calling in from London. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard had more voice mail to play after the Gossip Game. One guy left a message for KC. He had a sitcom idea for him where there would be a siamese twin where one is gay and one isn't and they'd have to share an ass. Howard thought that sounded like a good idea. Another caller wanted Robin to shut up already about everything. He went off on her about rooting for the female basketball player instead of someone who works on the show. There was another caller who left a funny message about Artie playing ball and how it looked like he was handling the basketball like a meatball he was going to put in a sandwich. Howard played a couple of other quick messages that were left for them and then brought up how Kelly Osbourne's record label just dropped her because she only sold like 150,000 copies of her album. Howard said Sharon is apparently freaking out because Ozzy has been on their label for 20 years or something like that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had some complaints about the E! show censoring nudity and certain words like ''homo'' and stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't know what that's all about but there' not much he can do about it. He said they're even allowed to show nudity on a cable channel like that but they won't do that either.
Robin said she woke up singing Roger Alan Wade's ''She's Gone Back To Whoring'' this morning. Howard ended up playing a little bit of that song and talked about how Johnny Knoxville and Roger sent him some flowers after their appearance on the show the other day. He said that's the first time he's gotten flowers from a guy. He had to take a break shortly after that discussion.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know where to get Roger Alan Wade's album. Howard said it doesn't exist at this point, they're working on it now though. He played a few clips of the songs that Howard has played before.
Howard played a clip from Jimmy Kimmel Live where this comedian Neil Hamburger told some funny jokes while making some odd noises and crap. Howard also played a clip from The Tonight Show where Lisa Marie Presley mentions Howard's name and Jay Leno just blows past it. He brought up something that was mentioned during the interview Howard did with her and Leno just refuses to give Howard credit for it.
Howard had Beetlejuice there coming in to promote something. He wasn't even sure what it was that he was there to promote. They had disco lights flashing and gave him quite an intro. Beetlejuice came in along with John the Stutterer who has had issues with Beet in the past. Howard asked Beetle what was up with that. Beet said that John wasn't there with him, he was just there. Howard asked Beet why they were there and Beetlejuice told Howard that John is just trying to hang out with them. Beetle also mumbled something about a new web site with Drunken Jamie but it wasn't making a lot of sense. John the Stutterer said that about 3 years ago he and Beetle had a little fight and he's made up with him since. While John was trying to talk to Howard Fred was in the background doing his ''I, I, I, I...'' thing getting John to stutter even more than usual. John explained to Howard that he thought Beetlejuice was laughing at him maliciously back then. He was mistaken. Howard got back to Beetle and asked him about his origin. He asked him where he came from. Beet said he's from Jersey but Howard wanted to know why he hasn't ''grown'' as a regular person. Beetlejuice said he's been growing since he was two years old. Howard asked him if all of ''his people'' look like him. Beet said his mother is alright but his father is dead. He said that his father was about ''foo seven'' and he's about ''foo five.'' He told Howard that his sister is taller than him even though he's been growing since he was two. He did some weight lifting when he was about nine. He dropped out of school when he was about 15 years old and never got a diploma. Howard and Robin continued to question him about that kind of stuff and Beet seemed to be making up answers as they went along. Beetlejuice said he studied ''ologies'' like doctors and stuff when he was still in school. He also said they studied stuff like how to turn off the stove which took about a year to learn. Howard asked him if they taught him the color of milk. Beet said they did do that and it's like ''green, yellow, green'' to which Robin said ''I guess they didn't teach him that.'' She asked him what kind of grades he got. He said they gave him grades like ''7s, 8s and 9s.'' Howard asked him if his teachers wanted to kill themselves after trying to teach him. He said that most of them did kill themselves. He was also claiming that he used to work in the computer rooms and stuff like that. Howard asked him if he used Apple computers. He said he did because they taste good. Howard asked if he was able to use the bathroom himself. He said he's been able to do that since he was 8 years old.
Howard said Beetlejuice's web site has been revamped and asked Beet if he did it himself. Of course Beet took credit for it. John the Stutterer said that Sean, Beet's manager, is going to try and help him get some appearances and stuff like that. You can check out the site at JollyDwarf.com.
Howard heard that Beetlejuice and John the Stutterer picked up a hooker while they were out in Las Vegas. John tried to explain to them what happened but Howard wanted Beet to explain it. KC said that they would pick up hookers out there and when they were asked to pay, they wouldn't do it so the hookers would leave. John the Stutterer said he'd show the girls his tongue and try to get it for free or something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he got some drugs with Beet and some guy one time and he was really wacky after getting some drugs in him. Howard took a few other phone calls for the guys too. One guy said his hot girlfriend went up to him but Beet blew her off. Howard said that Beet has the choice of whoever he wants out there so he doesn't have to take every hot chick that comes up to him.
Howard told John the Stutterer was a pleasant surprise coming in today. KC said that he was out in Vegas smoking pot but he claims that it was a contact high from being near Beet's manager Sean who was smoking the pot. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Howard told Heidi that this season of ''Survivor'' is the best so far and he thinks that Rob should win. Heidi said that she agrees with Howard and thinks that he's right about Rob because he played the game the right way. Howard told Heidi that he really started to dislike her when she was mean to the deaf girl, Christie. Howard said all of the women were mean to her and dissed her on the show. Heidi said that Christie wasn't all that nice to them either. She said that Christie judged her before she knew her so it went both ways. Howard said it made Heidi look bad though. Howard pointed out that the guys treated Christie much better than the girls did. Heidi agreed with him and admitted they were a little mean to her.
Howard asked Heidi if she believes that Jenna is really a swimsuit model. She said that's what she was told so she believes it. Howard pointed out that Jenna is from Pittsburgh and wondered what kind of modeling you do in Pittsburgh. Howard said that Heidi is hotter in person than Jenna and still can't believe that she's a model. Howard told Heidi that in person she looks a lot better because she doesn't have the zits she had on the show. Heidi said she gets a hives-like rash when she's under stress. Howard figured that was a warning to guys not to marry her. Howard talked to Heidi about her implants which she had before she was a gym teacher. She said she got them when she was 21 years old when she was a ''permanent student.'' Howard said he read that the school was going to fire her for getting naked on ''Survivor'' but she said only two people on the school board wanted her gone. She said everyone else backed her up so she still has a job. Heidi said she doesn't believe that the kids in the school want to pleasure themselves to her image. She said she just wears gym clothes to school and doesn't show off her body or anything. She said she teaches kids who are 12-15 years old. Howard wondered if she gets to see the young girls showering at that age. She said they don't allow that anymore so she doesn't get to see that.
Howard asked Heidi how much she weighed when she got voted off the show. She said she was about 93 pounds but at one point, around the Peanut Butter Challenge, she was probably less than that.
Howard asked Heidi about the guys on the show and if she was interested in any of them. She said she did like the Rocket Scientist for who he was. She said she slept in his arms to stay warm on the show. She said she would have slept in Rob's arms to stay warm too. Howard asked her about the food they ate and if they had diarrhea after eating the peanut butter and stuff. She said that was a problem.
The season finale of ''Survivor'' is this coming Sunday night and Gary thought that they voted on that show but Howard told him they've already voted, they just count the votes on the live show.
Heidi claims that she's a genius in some kind of test but she wanted to give back to the kids so she became a gym teacher. She said that the leading killer in the country is cardiovascular disease so she wants to teach kids about how to stay in shape and avoid that. Howard asked Heidi what 12X13 was. She didn't have an answer immediately so they goofed on her a little bit about that.
Howard asked her about boyfriends and stuff like that. She didn't have a lot of boyfriends in high school but she did lose her virginity in her last year of school. She said she was 18 at the time. Heidi said that she was really into school. She said she's only been with about 5 guys and has never tried lesbian sex. Howard said he's never going to forget the way she treated ''the deaf girl'' on the show and even if he was banging her, he'd spank her to punish her for that. Heidi told Howard that Christie told her, point blank, that she hates pretty girls so how is she supposed to react to that?
A listener called in and asked Heidi if she got the implants to pick up more guys. Heidi said it wasn't about that but she didn't say what it was about. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and went off on Heidi about her treatment of Christie. She even insulted her by saying her teeth are even bigger than her breasts. Howard told Mariann that she's actually a very beautiful woman. Artie did his impression of Mariann for a short time before Howard got off the phone with her. Howard started to wrap up the interview a short time later. He asked Heidi if she plans on splitting the money with Jenna if Jenna wins. Heidi said she wouldn't do that because Jenna's mother is dying of cancer and she needs the money more than she does. Howard said he found it kind of horrible that Jenna went on ''Survivor'' leaving her mother behind to deal with cancer. Heidi said they really need the money to pay the bills though so you can look at it that way too. Howard read that Heidi is a poet so he asked her to do a poem for him. She said she didn't have any that she could recite. Howard gave ''Survivor'' a plug for the season finale which airs Sunday night on CBS from 8-10pm.
After the break Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Heidi will ''pimp her body out'' after this stuff blows over a little bit. Howard said she really was better looking in person and her stomach was flat and hard. He said some of the guys there didn't think she was so hot but he thought she was. Howard agreed with the guy on the phone and said he thinks she'll eventually do Playboy or something like that. The caller also said he didn't believe the ''genius'' claims she was making. He said he's a paramedic and even he knows 12X13. Howard said she's no genius. Artie said she might not be a genius but she is a poet. He joked that she wrote a poem before she left that went something like this... ''Your name's Artie, not Mark or Jeff. Lets get together and make fun of the deaf.'' Howard had Robin finish up her news after that.