Howard joked that they caught Artie over the weekend. He said he looks similar to Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who was caught over the weekend. Howard said Artie actually looks more Arabic than the terrorist. Howard and Artie talked about how disturbing that guy looks. Robin and Howard spent some time discussing the terrorist's capture. This guy was apparently the mastermind behind both World Trade Center attacks and a bunch of other terrorist attacks against the country. Howard figured he'd be coming back here to the U.S. but Robin said hopefully they'll keep him out of this country and keep him somewhere where they won't let the lawyers get hold of him. Howard said he'll probably be talking to Barbara Walters someday. He ended up doing his Indian accent and somehow worked the ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here!'' TV show into it as if he was forced to watch it. Howard goofed on most of the celebrities that are in that show. He said that Maria Conchita Alonso has a funny nose twitch. He also wondered why John is this helpful guy around the camp on that show when they can't get him to do anything there. Howard said he hasn't been watching it but Gary has. Gary came in and told Howard why Nikki Ziering was kicked off the show. He said it was probably because she was using the camp's drinking water to wash her hair. He also talked about how wacky Tyson Beckford is. Howard wondered how Gary can even watch the show because it's so boring. Gary said he watched the 2 hour show from last night in about 22 minutes. He just blasted through it. Howard said it's not a good show if you can do that though. Gary said the parts that are good are worth watching though. Gary also told Howard how different Nikki Ziering's sister was when she showed up to greet her when she got kicked off. He said she was heavier and no nearly as good looking as Nikki. Gary also told Howard about how John seems to be rubbing Bruce Jenner the wrong way. Howard said he just can't watch the show. Gary said it's a train wreck that he just has to watch.
Howard felt it was very hot in the studio this morning and was ready to stage a walk out. Artie said they could go to the diner for breakfast. Howard got back to the ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!'' discussion. They talked about John crying and how crazy the celebs get. John's wife flew down to Australia on Saturday so when he does get kicked off, she can greet him. Howard and Gary talked about how Tyson got jealous of Cris Judd becoming friendly with other guys on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there were rumors or Tyson hooking up with baseball player Derek Jeter. Howard said that's not true though.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of Robert Blake singing during the second part of the Barbara Walters interview which aired on Friday night. He played the tape where Blake sings his own version of ''Thanks for the Memories.'' Howard said ''Wow! He's sick.'' after hearing that. Gary wondered if the guy is insane of if he's actually so smart that he's just acting insane. Howard said it's not an act. Melrose told Howard that Blake used the ''I'm not your monkey'' line that he used when he spoke to Howard years ago.
A listener called in and said that Gary missed the biggest part of Nikki Ziering's speech on ''I'm a Celebrity...'' last night. He said that Nikki said she could see herself falling in love with Stuttering John. Howard said wait until she get's off that island and comes to the station where she'll see John answering phones.
A woman called in and said there was a one page article about Howard and Beth. She said that Beth has been out trying on bridal gowns on weekends. It turns out Beth works for a modeling company where she models bridal gowns. Star Magazine took some of those pictures and said that Beth is demanding that Howard marry her and she's going out trying on the gowns on weekends. Howard had to take a break after talking about that crazy article. He said he doesn't want to believe that all of the article in that tabloid are wrong but he knows that one is.
After taking a break Howard said he knows he had a wild dream last night but now he can't remember it. All he knows is that it was wild. Howard took a call from Bobo who calls in quite often. Bobo said his therapist is working miracles because he actually went up to talk to Scott Shannon, a local DJ, at a party he was at recently. Howard talked about how uncomfortable he was talking to the guy because he was acting so strangely. Bobo asked Howard if he thinks Artie is nuts for thinking that he can play with a women's basketball league and be competitive. Howard said he is nuts for thinking that. Artie said he really thinks he could be competitive. Artie says he's really good and with the size of the women that play, he could do it. Gary said he's working on setting up a game of one on one with one of the NY Liberty players. KC came in and said that it's going to be tough for Artie to play against one of them. Bobo also asked Howard how bad the race between Stuttering John and Marco Battaglia was. Howard said Marco beat John by so much that he was running backwards at the end. Robin said that will air at the end of a show in a couple of weeks.
Gary had tape of Julie Brown reading a letter to John from his wife on last night's ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!'' Howard said Suzanna really missed John because she has to serve him hand and foot. He said he thought the letter was kind of lame. Gary then had tape of Cris Judd talking to Tyson Beckford about how he was crying when he saw John crying. Howard said those guys should just butt slam right there. Howard goofed on them a little bit and made up some stuff they might say to one another if they were gay. Robin and Howard also goofed on John a little bit. Howard said he doesn't even know the John that's on that show. Howard said the show just sucks even though Suzanna seems to think that it's great because John is on it.
Melrose Larry Green called back in with tape of Charles Grodin talking to Regis Philbin on ''Late Show'' the other night. Howard wondered if Melrose could replace John answering phones and playing these clips for him live. Gary said he doesn't think he could do that because he would wreak havoc on the show. Howard told Melrose to just play the clip. Grodin claims that he left ''60 Minutes 2'' because he was hoping to take over Andy Rooney's job on ''60 Minutes.'' Rooney never left so Grodin claims he left. After hearing that Howard said he's lying about his reasons for leaving.
Howard told a story about being out in the Hamptons over the weekend and how he went to dinner. He said one of the tables in the restaurant was going to be taken up by Christie Brinkley. He figured she must hate him so he figured it would be weird. The table was right next to his. Gary said Howard has said some stuff about her that she might find offensive. Howard said he heard a lot of gay sounding guys at her table talking to Christie. Howard said he was just sitting there minding his own business and never looked up. He said Beth wanted to look but he told her not to. She could see Christie's husband but not Christie. Howard said he spent about a half hour not looking. He said when he got up to leave, the whole table went silent. Howard wondered if it was his imagination. Beth told him it wasn't, they did go silent when he stood up. Howard said some people seem to think that famous people are supposed to say hello to other celebrities. Howard said he just got up and left without saying anything to Christie though. Artie said there's no reason to meet her now anyway. He said she's just shy of being a personal trainer at this point in her career. Howard said Christie should have been the one to say something to him. Howard said some people tell Beth she looks kind of like Christie Brinkley so she would have liked to have met her. He said Beth asked him if he would want to meet another big radio star if he was there. Howard said he's the biggest so there is no one else he'd be happy to meet.
A guy called in and brought up Christopher Reeve's appearance on ''Smallville last week. Howard already talked about it though so he didn't want to get into it again.
Howard said Artie's face was covered in ''black war paint'' again this morning. It turns out that he touches the back of his head after it's been spray painted by Toni the hair stylist to cover up his bald spot. The stuff itches and Artie has to scratch his head. Then he touches his face with his dirty fingers. Artie said he really doesn't care if people see his bald spot anymore so it's kind of pointless to do it. He says it covers his pillows, his TV remotes and everything else. Artie said he might give it up. He also told Howard he got back his biopsy from the big zit he had on his nose and he's all clear.
Howard had some quotes from celebrities who are talking out against this possible Iraq war. He read quotes from Janine Garofalo, Spike Lee, Susan Sarandon, Martin Scorsese and others.
Howard said tonight's E! show features the ''Stump the Booey'' where they were scammed and the woman who was supposed to get naked ran out of the bathroom wrapped in toilet paper.
Howard asked Kat how she was able to give Erik oral. She said he was clean and she didn't kiss him. Howard said he thinks Erik might be gay because he's not able to get it up for her. Erik says he's not gay and he likes women. Kat wondered if she was screwing a homo. Erik said ''No'' but Howard said she was. Kat said Erik thought he'd finished at one point but she said he hadn't. Howard explained what happened because he saw the video. He said Erik never completed the act so he's got to be gay. Gary said Erik wasn't able to get aroused at any of these porn shoots he's been at. Erik didn't remember the first time. He said maybe there were too many cameras in the room or something.
KC came in and told Erik that he wanted him to just admit he's gay already. Howard and Gary brought up how Erik calls cops and TV weather men to invite them over to his house. KC said he always calls him and DJ Cane all the time too.
Robin asked Erik if he pleasures himself at home and who he thinks about when he's doing it. Erik said that he pleasures himself before certain TV shows like ''King of Queens'' and ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' He said he likes the women on those shows. He also said he does it before watching Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said he's a well known celebrity so that's why he does it. Howard and the guys didn't understand that and goofed on him about it.
Howard played some tape from this porn and asked Kat about how much she made doing it. Howard heard she made $20,000 doing the movie but all she would say is that there was one check cut for that amount. In one of the clips the girls were making all kinds of noise but there was nothing going on with Erik's penis. Kat sends Erik back to the fluffers and still nothing happens. Howard asked Kat about how Erik not finishing with her even though he kept saying he was going to. Kat said she did feel something down there but he never finished with her. Howard continued to tell Erik that he's gay and just doesn't know it. Howard said he's going to put him in gay porn next. The guys wondered if he could have gotten it up if Kat was wearing a Jimmy Kimmel mask. The guys also asked Erik why he wanted to take the strap-on from that one porn star. He said he just wanted to do it for the publicity, not because he's gay. Howard played some more clips from the porn and then took a call from this guy Jonas who manages ERik. He claims that Erik has high blood pressure and that's why he can't get it up sometimes. Howard and Gary still tried to convince Erik that he's gay though. He kept saying ''I'm not gay'' over and over again. ERik claimed that he could bang Kat right there if she wanted to. Howard said there's no way he could get it up for her though. Erik said if they had a fluffer there he could do it. The guys wondered why he'd need a fluffer if he's got Kat there.
Kat's 50 fat guys gang bang is available at LegendDirect.com. She also has her own web site at KatKleevage.com.
Howard started to wrap things up but this guy Phil was on the phone to talk about Erik. Phil says that Erik hired him to drive him to Philly and now he owes him $2,300. Gary heard that Erik wrote the guy a check on a closed account. Erik said he'd call him later and straighten everything out. Howard said Phil thought that Erik was a celebrity and would pay his bills. Howard and Gary asked him what he was thinking. Erik claimed that he didn't know there was no money in the account. Gary said it was closed though. He also told Phil that he was only going to be in the city one day this month. He lied about that and he was saying that he had another credit card coming to him in the mail today. Gary said that Phil is thinking of filing charges against Erik and he may end up going to jail. Erik told the guys that he pays credit card bills with other credit cards.
The guys told Erik that he shouldn't be taking $2,300 limo rides. Erik kept saying that he was going to take care of it this afternoon and he'd call him later. Phil said Erik would be doing pornos in Riker's Island if he doesn't pay.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said he's heard stories about Erik taking other people's credit card numbers and charged a lot of stuff to them. Erik has also apparently used car services from places that have set him up with cars for appearances. Gary was questioning Erik asking him if he's done any of this stuff and Erik folded and admitted to doing some of the stuff they were asking about. Howard told Erik he has to take care of this and never do it again. KC then told Howard that he had Erik's answering machine message. He says that he's flying all over the country just to avoid this guy Phil. According to the message, Erik would be in Chicago right now. He's not smart enough to carry that off according to Howard.
Cabbie called in and said Erik isn't going to pay this guy. He said he'd give the guy $300 today. Gary wondered what Erik got paid on that trip to Philly. Erik said he got $300 that time and the limo ride was $1,500.
KC came in and asked if Erik has ever charged a car to K-Rock. Erik claimed that was a mistake and it should have been sent to him. Doug Goodstein asked him how he got there today. Erik said he took a limo in. Howard wondered how he paid for that. Howard asked who drove him there and wanted to talk to him. Robin told Erik that he's a thief. Howard asked him how much it was costing him today. Erik said it was $65 and he already paid it. Then he said he got the bill and had to give him the payment. Gary said that Erik told the producers of the Kat Kleevage movie that he had his own car to bring him to the set. He was going to get a free ride but he turned it down to take his own limo. Erik told Gary that he was going to pay this limo driver today with the credit card that's ''supposed to come in the mail today.'' Gary asked Erik if he had a car waiting for him downstairs. He said there wasn't one but he did have one coming back at one o'clock this afternoon. Howard told Erik he's insane and the homo thing doesn't matter to him now. Gary said he's going to call Phil a week from now and find out if he paid up yet. Howard said he's going to follow up on him every day.
A woman called in and said that there's a bus that goes from New York to Philly for $20. Howard said Erik was scowling at the thought of that. Erik said he's never heard of anything that cheap. Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks Erik wants to go to jail. He said he will go to jail if these companies go after him. He's broken many laws. Dominic said he has no idea what will happen to him in jail. Howard asked Erik if he wants to go to jail and get raped by guys. He said he doesn't.
Joey Boots called in and said he's been picked up at least 4 times by a limo and Erik told him that it was on his father's account. Joey said he's sure that there are other companies out there who have been ripped off. Howard told Erik he has to straighten up and stop doing this immediately. Howard told him ''No more limos.'' or he'd ban him from the show. Erik apologized to Howard about the whole thing. Howard told him he should apologize to the limo services, not him.
Sal the Stockbroker's cousin, Tony Landolfi, called in and said that Erik always tells them he has a limo for them when they go to gigs and stuff. Tony said that Erik gets drunk after these shows and then hits on him in the limo. He said he hits on him like you wouldn't believe. He said one time Erik took off his shirt and asked him to massage him in the limo. He also said he wanted Tony to be his daddy. Tony's wife was with him and thought it was funny. Tony said he just tells him to get away from him. Howard said you have to admit, this stuff is funny. Doug Goodstein said there was an incident with Marco Battaglia where ERik said he wants Marco to be his daddy. The guys thought that was kind of weird. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Erik about this stuff. He also gave Kat another plug for her porn and web site as he was starting to wrap things up. Erik asked him to play his ''High Pitch is Gonna Knock You Out'' rap song. Howard played it but said it was really bad. He said his ''Hot for Teacher'' remake was better. That's where he sings ''Hot for KC.'' Howard goofed on him about that and finally wrapped up the very long segment.
Howard got off of Erik for a while and talked about NY Yankees pitcher David Wells. He recently revealed that he was drunk when he pitched a no-hitter one time and there's a lot of controversy surrounding that. The Yankees management is upset with that but Gary and Artie pointed out that Babe Ruth was always drunk. Howard said there was another pitcher who admitted to being under the influence of LSD when he pitched a few no-hitters.
Howard and the guys talked about the ''Baywatch'' movie that was on over the weekend. Howard said he saw some of the girls on the show but didn't watch the movie. He said Carmen Electra looked great. A couple of phone callers told Howard what they thought about the show too. One guy said that Carmen was the hottest looking and the worst was Yasmine Bleeth. The guy said she looked ''bloated'' in some of the scenes. Howard said he saw Nicole Eggert and she looked good too. A couple of people told Howard what the plot was on that special ''Baywatch'' movie. It was crazy. Howard took a break shortly after that discussion.
Howard also had some e-mail to read before getting to Robin's news. One of the letters he got was from Meg Griffin. She used to be a DJ at Howard's station in New York and last Friday Chaunce Hayden said he thought she was coming on to him one time. He also said something about how she'd probably do a guy if he had Rolling Stones tickets. Meg wrote to them and said that she'd never come on to him and working at radio stations means she doesn't need someone to get her tickets to a concert so that was a lame statement to make. Howard said he hasn't heard from Meg in years but that brought her out of the woodwork.
Howard read some e-mail about the Tabitha Stevens Dial-a-Date thing from last Friday. Howard said he was going to get Tabitha and the winner on the phone but he ran out of time today.
Another e-mail was from a guy who found a copy of The Losers ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' on Kazaa. The writer said he's now a fan of The Losers because the song was ''fantastic'' in his opinion.
Howard got some e-mail about his goofing around with Neil Young music last week. He also got ''a billion'' hate mails about Chaunce Hayden. There were some about how he doesn't talk about ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here.'' Howard said the reason he hasn't talked about it is because he's not a fan of the show. He and the rest of the guys talked about it earlier this morning but he doesn't see a need to promote the show. Howard and Robin talked about how there's no point to that game. They talked about that for a couple of minutes and then Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in. He said he's happy that people hated his appearance. Howard told him he did have a few funny things to talk about when he was on last week. They spent a minute talking about the Meg Griffin thing for a few seconds and Howard got him off the phone so Robin could get to her news.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy brought up this show that was on last night called ''Married by America'' which Howard said he couldn't watch. The kid on the phone said it was pretty lame but he watched quite a bit of it. He said he was switching between a few different shows. Howard ended up talking to the kid, who was 15, about school and stuff like that. The kid said he's not very popular and has smoked pot. He said his mother knows about that but he doesn't talk to his father. His father works at a KFC somewhere nearby. The kid and Howard shared stories about chicks and family for a short time. Howard got off the phone with him and had Double A on the phone. Double A said that show last night was another rip off of Howard's show. Howard said there's some Stern Show influence in a lot of these shows. He mentioned the ABC show ''Are You Hot'' without mentioning the name and how they ripped him off with the laser pointer. He said that was his ''ex-good friend, Scott Einziger's idea.'' He said that was the worst mistake ever having him work for him. He went off on that for a few seconds before taking another phone call.
A woman called in and said some nice words about Howard's girlfriend. She talked about how beautiful she is and how she should have more modeling gigs than she does. The woman kept saying how ''sweet and cute'' Beth is so Howard and Artie ended up making fun of her about that. After she was off the phone Artie did an impression of the woman for a few seconds before Howard took his first break.
After the break Howard had some music playing. He said he doesn't get many people sending in tapes of their bands these days. He said he never got anything good though. He said the only good thing he got was a song from Kid Rock years ago. He said he couldn't even play that one on the radio though because it was so dirty. Howard said some guy just recently sent in a CD so he had Gary bring that in. Gary said that has been coming in every day for months now so that's why they're finally going to play it. Howard wondered if he should listen to it first or call the guy. He decided to wait until he was on the phone. Robin said she likes the guys that are like 40 years old and still trying to get famous.
Howard changed subjects for a minute and asked Robin if she knows which celebrities are the biggest money makers even after they're dead. Elvis is number one, Charles Schultz is number 2. Howard said that John Lennon is number 3 and Dale Earnhardt is number 4. Dr. Seuss and a few others came after that. Tupac Shakur is up there at $7 million. Robin said he's probably making more now that he's dead. Howard said he thinks he won't be bringing in any money when he's dead. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to talk about Dale Earnhardt for a minute so Howard ended up goofing on him about hunting and NASCAR.
Howard took a call from a woman who wants to play ''Stump the Booey'' and is willing to get naked if she loses. Gary wondered how they're going to make sure she gets naked. Howard said she could play from the bathroom or maybe they could wrap her in a sheet suspended from the ceiling while she's playing and lift it off if she loses. She said she looks kind of like Gwyneth Paltrow but she's shorter. Howard told the guys to put her down to play this week.
Howard ripped through a bunch of the other celebrities on that list he started earlier. It was the Forbes Richest Dead Celebrities list. Jimi Hendrix was on the list but he was below people like Dale Earnhardt which surprised the guys.
Howard had this guy George (from Elements of the Soul) on the phone. George is the guy who sent in the CDs that they were going to play. The guy said he was taping the show for his lawyer because they're in negotiations with some record companies. Howard asked him what he's going to do if he thinks the song sucks. The guy said his band is doing something that no one else is doing right now. Howard told the guy he was going to be honest with him. He then played the song ''Porno.'' Howard, Robin and Gary were going to judge it. Howard said it started out good but the singing was like a rock opera. Howard said it wasn't all that good and the singer kind of sucked. George told Howard he should have played more of it than he did. Robin agreed with Howard but said she was questionable with the start of the song. She said she was devastated by the singing. Gary gave his thoughts and said it was a little derivative of some older music. Howard gave it a 3 out of 10 as did Gary and Robin. Howard was happy about one thing... George's phone quality. He said he was glad he was able to hear what he was saying. George thanked Howard for letting him be on the show and thought being compared to Guns N Roses and Rush, which Gary did, was a great thing.
After the call Howard said it really is hard to tell someone they suck so now he knows how Paula Abdul feels on ''American Idol.'' Howard played a few more seconds of the song and said ''let's never do that again.'' Howard had to take another break before getting to the 80 year old banging list Gary had for him. Howard said they should do an ''American Idol'' type of show when they go out to Las Vegas. He said he used to do stuff like that years ago on radio and even won an award for it. He said he had no idea it would be a big hit like ''American Idol.'' Howard said they're going to put out the call for people's rock and roll tapes and they'll hold a contest out in Vegas. Right now they don't have a set date for Vegas but Gary said it might be late April.
Howard said that tonight's E! show is the Fred Durst interview where he talks about his relationship with Britney Spears. After that he had Gary play his old hag game.
Gary has come in with a couple of these games over the past couple of months. He has a list of older women and Howard has to eliminate the ones he wouldn't want to sleep with. Today's list was women 80 years old and older. Gary said all of these women are alive as of today. Here's the choices and who Howard picked:
Howard asked Bridget to tell him how strippers are treated unfairly. She said that they don't get any benefits and some clubs even want them to pay them for their benefits. She rambled on about a club that wanted $55 for benefits. Howard wondered why she was complaining about $55 when strippers can make a ton of money. Howard went on to tell Bridget that in other jobs have to pay for that stuff and she's in a business where she gets paid for dancing. Howard told her he thinks it's a great job and she shouldn't be complaining. She said she doesn't feel that she should have to pay to work. Howard took some phone calls and let some guys yell at this stripper. One guy said it shows how much strippers hate guys. Howard also asked Bridget if she gives guys knee jobs when she's lap dancing. She said she doesn't have a problem with that but she's not allowed to in the club she works at. She said she'll slide down a guy. Howard said that hurts but she said guys love it. Jeff the Drunk called in and told her she's nothing but a ''skanky ho.'' Another person told her to just get a different job if she doesn't like the way she's treated.
Gary brought in a picture of Bridget and Howard said she wasn't bad. He said he couldn't see her very well though and she didn't look like Heather Graham like she said she did. Howard let a few other guys call in to yell at her. After that Howard told her she really doesn't have it that bad. He told her to stop her bitching. Even more guys called in and told her she was nuts to think that she shouldn't have to pay to work as a stripper. She makes a lot of money dancing while the bartenders and people like that aren't making that kind of money. A couple of women called in too to bitch at her. She was saying that she makes between $150 and $300 a night so one guy called in and told Howard if that's all she's making, then she's not fly. Bridget and the guy argued about that for a couple of minutes. The guy suggested that she should go all the way with the guys she's dancing for. After that Howard gave her a plug for this web site she's promoting. It's at EDA-SF.org. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who begged him not to put Mark Harris on today. Howard said Gary was talking to Mark and he's saying that he's getting his own radio show on satellite radio. Robin reminded Howard that he's claimed to have a lot of projects in the works in the past and nothing ever comes of it. Howard told the guy on the phone that he had to put Mark on so he could hear his delusions.
Another caller told Howard has to play that Casey Kstern stuff because it's funny. He said he's black and it doesn't bother him.
Howard brought in Mark Harris a short time later. Fred played the Michael Jackson song Mark wrote as he came in. Mark was wearing a leisure suit when he came in so Howard asked him if that is back in now. Mark said ''according to 'That 70's Show' it is.'' Mark got in a plug for his web site AKAMarkHarris.com where he claims to have gotten 22,000 hits since January. Howard talked to Mark about all of these projects that never come out. He wondered why he thinks this radio show will work out. Mark said he has a meeting with Sirius radio today. Robin brought up the ideas that Mark has had over the years like the Broadway show about Martha Ray, a cooking show and some other stuff that never worked out. Gary said he was going to have a hotel at one time and that didn't work out. Gary had some other stuff he asked him about and none of it ever worked. Mark said he didn't want to rehash the past. Howard asked Mark who called who at Sirrius. He said they called each other but didn't say who called first.
Howard had Mark's new CD there with him so he played some clips from it. He had the wrong CD though so Mark had his assistant Andrea come in to help him. Gary asked him how many people he has on his payroll. He has a driver, a gardener and the assistant among others. They also talked about Mark's house and how it's red, white and blue. He said the Oxygen network did an interview with him one time. Howard told him they're goofing on him when they do that stuff but Mark doesn't care.
Howard played the song that Mark wanted him to play about Jennifer Lopez. Howard said he didn't even know what it was about and stopped playing it after about 5 seconds. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard to play one of Mark's songs that's from the 50's. Mark said he didn't record one like that and thought Vinnie was kidding.
Howard talked to Mark about dating and Mark is saying that he's seeing women right now. Howard seemed to find that hard to believe. Mark asked Howard and Artie if they're banging chicks. Mark had no idea who Beth was though. Vinnie still insisted that Mark covered the Rawhide theme song but Mark said he never did it. Howard said Vinnie listens to all of Mark's stuff.
KC came in and said that Andrea was saying that Mark is an incredible pain in the ass. When she came in Howard said she looked like she was about to cry. She said she gave them the CD and then Mark was asking for another one. She told Howard that Mark does sleep with women too. Mark didn't understand the fascination with his sex life though. Howard said there's nothing else to talk to him about.
Howard played the song that Vinnie was talking about. It was a song called ''Chiller'' which was about Michael Jackson. Howard said if Jackson came to Mark tomorrow, he'd be right there as his friend. Mark said that's not true and he has no desire to be friends with Jackson. Howard spent some time talking to Andrea and Mark about his CD and his life. Mark said he has a box set of CDs out now and the ''Chiller'' CD will be out in a week. Howard also asked him about his radio show. Mark said it will be gossip and comedy if it works out. Mark said he'll also sing on the show if he gets it. Mark also rapped a little bit before Howard wrapped up the interview.
ARtie was out shopping at a Kings Supermarket yesterday when he ran across some Imus Brothers Coffee. He brought in the package for Howard to see. Howard read the package and talked about how lame it is that Imus will sell just about anything to his audience. The tiny bag of coffee cost Artie eight bucks.
Howard talked about the TV show ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!'' that Stuttering John is on. He had tape of Melissa Rivers falling in love with Cris Judd. He played that and goofed on her a little bit. He also complained about how the show has no point and it doesn't make sense that the celebrities are so happy to get out of camp when they're not even making money for themselves. He talked about how some people have been calling in to say how nice the show has been without Stuttering John around. Gary said that John is a great guy but Will has been doing his job and he's been doing it really well. He said John thinks that if he left the show would fall apart. Now that he's been gone for 3 weeks, it's obvious it wouldn't. Gary and Howard also discussed how John really didn't give them all the details about how long he was going to be gone from the show. Gary said that John told him he told Howard he was going to be gone for two weeks after their vacation but then said he wasn't sure if he did or not. It turned out he didn't tell him until after he spoke to Gary. Gary said John told him when he went on the show that he wasn't going to ''rock the boat'' there so he wouldn't get kicked off. That's exactly what he's doing and he's still on the show. Gary also pointed out how low the ratings have been on that show so far. He said it's consistently in 4th place. Some night's it gets ratings as low as the WB Network. He said he's surprised that they're doing it 15 nights in a row.
Howard read through some e-mail he's gotten lately. He got some about his views on the upcoming war in Iraq. Someone told Howard his views were just as wacky as the celebrities who are coming out against the war. He read through some of that and then read some stuff about Stuttering John. Howard read one from a person who wondered why Howard's not supporting John on this show he's on. Howard said maybe it's because he feels ''used'' and ''ripped off.'' He said he doesn't like having someone like that on a lame show. Then he'll come back and look lame on his show. Someone also complained about Howard not talking about Gary being on ''Hollywood Squares.'' He has done that though. Howard said these shows hire people from his show and expect him to talk about it without advertising on his show. He said he doesn't get anything from promoting the shows.
Howard got some positive e-mail from a guy who liked Howard's band The Losers cover of ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' so he played it while he was talking about it. Howard bragged that it wasn't recorded in a studio, it was live on the radio. Robin heard the backup singers and wondered who it was. Howard said it was probably Stuttering John who he told not to sing. Gary came in a short time later and said that wrestler Chris Jericho wants to get on the show and they may have to do a Battle of the Bands with them. Howard and Artie talked about how bad of a singer he is for a couple of minutes. Howard played some of The Losers other stuff where Artie just couldn't get it right. When they were rehearsing for ''Spirit in the Sky'' Howard told Artie he wasn't needed so he left while everyone else stayed late to rehearse. Howard goofed on Artie about that a little bit while he was playing the song. Robin said the whole idea of the band is to have mediocre singers and band members and Howard ended up throwing out the mediocre Artie. Howard said Artie ruined that song when they were performing. Howard Artie must have been thrilled when he got kicked out of the studio that day. Howard and Artie continued to talk about that day for a few minutes. Artie had a big Nestle Crunch bar at the time and Howard ended up smashing it because he was eating it while they rehearsed. Howard also ended up playing some old tapes of guys who came on to Robin when they were on the show. Clarence Clemens sweet talked her and they play that once in a while. There was also Joe Frasier who sang to Robin when he was in one time. The guys also brought up this guy Frank Gannon who used to work for David Letterman who once told Robin that ''Time has no diminished your beauty.'' Howard talked about that uncomfortable discussion and how he didn't want to leave Robin alone with the guy. Gary also brought up Robin's date with Dennis Rodman before Howard had to take another break. He still had Tabitha Stevens waiting to tell her Lesbian Dial-a-Date story.
A guy called in after the girls were off the phone and went off on them. He was talking about what whores and sluts they were. Howard let him go off on them for a minute before telling him they weren't on the phone anymore. Howard said he'd pass it along to them though. Howard and Robin talked about how Amanda might, one day, leave her husband for a woman if she keeps that up. He said the best example of that was Lou Diamond Phillips who lost his wife to a lesbian.
One guy asked Howard when he was going to put this on tape and sell it. Howard told the guy he is working on doing that with uncensored E! shows. A guy called in and told Howard after hearing Tabitha and Amanda's story that his hands looked like he'd just wrestled a yogurt machine. With that Howard moved on to Robin's news.
Howard said Beth recently told him that he's always sick or exhausted. He said he really is tired all the time lately. Artie said he waits for Howard to call in sick once in a while but he never does. Howard said he never misses a show even when he's sick.
Howard said they got hold of the guy who is in charge of this company that creates diamonds from dead people's ashes. Howard said they also have Dr. Amy coming on later in the show. He also gave some plugs for upcoming shows. He said they have David Wells, AC/DC, Chris Rock and Lisa Marie Presley coming in soon. Artie wondered how good Lisa would look in person since she looks good on TV sometimes. Howard said he's seen her in person and she sometimes looks too much like her father. Howard took a break after that.
When he came back from break Howard was singing a song that he wanted to play on the air but it contained the F word. He said it was Harry Nilsson's ''You're Breakin' My Heart'' from his album ''Nilsson Schmilsson.'' Gary said he didn't have it there though.
Howard said he watched the first 15 minutes of ''Married By America'' yesterday after the show. He said he couldn't get through it. He said he also got some sickening news about a TV show he was producing. He said that he can't talk about what happened but it turns out he can't do the show now because he was ripped off and people made him look bad. He said he'd talk about it in three weeks or so. Howard mentioned Scott (Einziger) as being the one who ripped him off. Howard joked that Scott was also going to be putting out ''Howard Stern The High School Years'' which is one of his own original ideas. He went off on Scott and this guy Mike Fleiss who do the ''Are You Hot'' show for ABC. Howard said he had a great deal going with a certain network and was going to do that show but because ABC is already doing it, they canceled his idea. Howard said he went to the shrink right after that. Robin asked what the therapist does when stuff like that happens. Howard said he's not even sure what the guy does but he said it works.
Howard said a couple of the guys at the station told him they took Viagra's yesterday and then went out looking for chicks. Howard had Terry the intern come in to talk about it. Terry said a few of them went out to a bar and split a Viagra. He said there were a couple of girls next to them making out and then the Viagra kicked in. They didn't have any chicks to bang so they were chubbed up the rest of the night. Terry said he had to finish himself off last night because his chubby wouldn't go away. He said as soon as you start thinking about it, the harder it gets. He also told Howard that whne he was 17 he took some Viagra but it had the reverse effect on him and he wasn't able to get arroused. Howard asked Terry if he's able to bang ugly chicks after taking the Viagra. He said ''yes'' to that. Howard said he used to bang some heinous chicks when he was younger and on drugs. He said he was embarassed by how ugly she was. He said he ended up doing her twice because he was so horny though. Howard sadi he didn't understand the reason for taking a Viagra if the guys didn't have any chicks to bang. Terry said it's also supposed to give you energy which it did. Gary came in and said that he read an article where a couple tried taking Viagra together and it turned out to make sex great for both of them. Howard said he's really horny all the time but this week he's not feeling so good so he hasn't banged Beth. He said he did it a couple of times over the weekend though.
Howard said he was told that Star Jones was on the Wayne Brady show. He said all she did was talk about rotisserie cooker and eating while she was on the show. Howard had audio from the show so he played it and goofed on Star talking about the cooker. Howard said she can barely talk because she's so fat. Howard said Wayne Brady sings a song to her too. He said he might have to start watching the show because it sounds like it might be the worst thing on TV right now. Howard said he was going ot sing a song to his guests today. He said he'd sing to Greg Herrow from the company that makes diamonds from human ashes. Brady sang how happy he was to have Star Jones on his show. Howard said he's a Jack of all trades with his singing and comedy bits. He goofed on him for a couple of minutes.
Howard got a copy of the song he was talking about earlier in the show. Gary said he found the song on a CD that was for people who just got divorced. In the song the guy talks about someone breaking his heart and then says ''F*** You.'' Howard said he heard that song many years ago.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he worked on a Payless Shoe commercial with Star Jones. He told Howard how she was too far from the set in her dressing room and she had to struggle to walk the 20 feet to the set. Howard said she's probably too stubborn to get the operation on her stomach so she'll lose some weight. The guy who called in told Howard about some of the stuff Star was eating on the set also. He talked about how she breathes so heavy that she sounds like Darth Vader in Star Wars. The guy on the phone was doing an impression of Star Jones and each time Howard would ask him what her favorite food was, the guy would do the impression and say ''I loves the lamb chop.'' Howard asked the guy if he thought he'd be able to bang Star Jones if he had to do it. He thought about it for a second and said ''No.'' Howard brought up the story about how he saw her one time when he was on vacation. He said her head was the size of a basketball back then. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Greg told Howard that a quarter carat starts at $2,200 and it goes up from there. Howard still doesn't know how someone can prove that this is actually their loved one's remains in the diamond.
A caller asked Greg if a big fat chick like Star Jones would create a larger diamond. Greg said a normal size person has more than enough carbon to create a large diamond. Greg told Howard that they'll also do this for pets. Howard said that's even ''creepier and gayer'' than doing it for a loved one. Howard said he won't be doing that, he'd probably just flush the dog down the toilet. Howard got ready to wrap up the call but wanted to sing a song to Greg like Wayne Brady did to Star Jones on his show. Howard sang to a Jimi Hendrix song about throwing your grandma in the fire. He also gave Greg a plug for his web site LifeGems.com.
Howard had the top 5 songs to play. He threw in a couple of song parodies while he was doing that. He didn't have the Casey Kstern intros that he talked about yesterday. He did play the Jennifer Lopez intro as a goof. That's the one where he says ''Here's Spic'y from the block who sucks Ben Affleck's cock...'' He also did a really racist intro that Howard also played. KC came in and said he doesn't know why it's wrong. Howard explained to KC that he doesn't use racist stuff like that in his comedy and that bit was part of his show. KC still didn't get it so Howard just got back to the top 5 and finished that up. He also played some more of the Harry Nilsson song he was playing earlier. He and the rest of the guys talked about Nilsson and some of the other songs he performed. He's the guy who performed ''Everybody's Talkin'' and ''One.'' He didn't have a hit with ''One'' but Three Dog Night did. Howard said Nilsson wrote ''One'' but didn't make it a hit. Howard played a couple of other songs that he did. He had quite a few hits. Gary came in and helped out with the conversation.
Howard took some phone calls and said he figures that everyone on the show is despised by the audience. He said he's the only one who isn't despised but sometimes he even gets some negative stuff via e-mail or voice mail.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up a story about a guy who killed his neighbor recently. The guy said the kid was his niece and it was a 17 year old who killed his 12 year old niece. The kid was caught when the mother turned him in. That led to Howard talking about some other stories about women being abducted. He also spoke to the guy for a couple of minutes about what happened to his niece. Howard said the worst part is that they never kill younger guys like this 17 year old. Howard also gave the guy $500 courtesy of the movie ''Willard'' which opens March 15th. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about the movie. Robin said she thinks that Krispen Glover may be ''camping it up'' a bit too much in the movie so she's not sure how good it's going to be. Howard took another phone call and ended up talking about Wayne Brady again. He wondered why a guy who has talent is wasting his time doing stuff like he does on his show. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard brought up the Robert Blake hearings and how that's being dragged out for a few days. Howard brought up some of the stuff witnesses are saying about Blake and stuff like that. He moved on to talk about some other news stories. Robin brought up the plane crash where a few kids managed to survive. Three kids survived but their parents died. They were stuck out in the cold for a while and rescuers were amazed that they survived.
Howard said People (actually US Weekly) magazine did a Fred Durst article and quoted his show. He said they did give his show credit though.
Howard read an e-mail from a person who said she'd be willing to have sex with a dog for $100,000. Howard had asked Kat Kleevage if she'd do it and she said ''no.'' Howard read the letter that was from a 48 year old woman who admits she's not attractive.
Howard played an Onion Radio News phony news bit in which they talk about Dr. Heimlich and how he wants royalties from people who use the technique to save people's lives. He also played a clip of Beetlejuice rambling on about some nonsense.
Howard had a list of celebrities who charge people to appear at their houses or other places where they make speeches and stuff like that. He said they contacted some place that books people and they gave him prices. Here are a few of the celebrities and what they ask to make appearances:
Howard read some mail from his Sacramento, California station because he didn't even realize he was on there the other day when he took a call from a listener there. The program director from KXOA said he's sending some stuff to Howard so he'll remember them.
Double A called in and asked Howard how much it would cost to get Beth to come hang out in his bathroom. Howard said she doesn't make appearances though.
Howard played some more voice mail messages from this woman who always badmouths him. He and Artie talked about how ugly she must be and how wrong she was about some of the stuff she was saying. She was even singing about him in one of her messages.
A woman called in to correct Howard about the magazine that quoted his show about the Fred Durst interview. She said she was from US Weekly, not People like Howard said. Howard ended up telling the woman that they really should have given him credit on the cover of that issue, not a small mention in the article.
Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about this story of the triplets that were reunited after years of never knowing they were twins. They talked about some other similar stories for a few minutes.
Howard said he saw Charlize Theron on some show the other night and she's gained 30 pounds for a move role she's taken. Howard said she really looks like a pig now and she should have left that part to another woman who is already fat.
Howard threw in some phone calls from listeners. A few of them basically said that Dr. Amy is a quack and doesn't know what she's talking about. Howard ended up asking her what she thinks about people who want to have sex with animals. She didn't say it was wrong so Howard went off on her about that for a minute. He let a few other callers ridicule her. Dr. Amy told Howard what she thought about him also. She said that he probably has a lot of fun when he has sex or something wacky like that. Howard wrapped up the interview a few minutes later. He also gave her a plug for her web site DoctorAmy.info. After getting off the phone with her he checked out her web site and said she's not too bad looking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should be ashamed of himself. Howard got off the phone with him a short time later.
Howard took some other calls after that. One guy talked about the ad he saw for Imus salsa and chips in the paper. The ad said that all proceeds from the sale of those items goes to the ranch for kids that Imus runs. Howard said what people don't realize is that the ranch is also Imus' house.
Howard said they got some good news yesterday. Wrestler Chris Jericho has accepted their offer to have a battle of the bands. Howard's ''The Losers'' will take on the wrestler's band Fozzy sometime in the future. Howard said Artie isn't in the band this time. It's Howard, Fred and Scott the Engineer. Stuttering John is too busy with other stuff. Howard said all he has to do is come up with a song to perform. He played a few songs from Neil Young and Harry Nilsson and sang along to them. He eventually said he was going to do T Rex's ''Jeepster'' but he still wasn't committed to it. He said he wants to cover an old song that no one has heard in a long time. After that Howard had Robin do her news.
When Howard came back from break he had an audio clip of a NAMBLA guy talking about why his love for boys is okay. He then brought up his illness and how bad this cold is that he has. He said he called to cancel his gym appointment and his trainer told him to go to the doctor. The doctor told him not to even bother because it sounds like he's at the end of it. Howard said he took an hour and a half nap after the show yesterday in his office. He said he doesn't have a sore throat or anything, it's just a rattle in his chest. He said he's in a bad mood when he's sick but hasn't been bitching about it much. Artie said he could hear the voice mails now with that woman who always goes off on him saying ''No one cares about your cold!''
Howard said he had a tape of the Bruce Springsteen concert that aired recently. He said he's not a big fan of Springsteen's and it's kind of funny to see him singing with that scrunched up face. Yesterday Robin said the band is looking like Cool and the Gang and Howard agrees with her. He talked about Little Steven's ''babushka'' on his head and how he looks like an old Italian woman. He also likes to walk over and sing into the same microphone as Bruce and it's disturbing. He said Patty also comes running over when they're doing that and gets between them. He said it's really weird. Howard said the coolest guy in the band is Nils Lofgren who stays in his ''rock and roll station.'' Gary came in and talked about some of the stuff that goes on with the band too. Howard said he enjoyed one of the songs, ''Rise Up'', but the stuff they do during the song is weird.
Howard said he purposely didn't mention the show Stuttering John was on for the past 2 weeks, ''I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!'' He said he thinks these shows are using him for publicity and he had no reason to mention it. Robin and Howard said that the show bombed in the ratings. Howard said you look at the celebrities that were on it weren't people you want to watch. Gary said he liked watching it with John on there but when he was voted off he went to bed. Howard said they should have made more of a game out of the show. As it was, they didn't have to compete against each other. Gary said they're supposed to be suffering out there but he swears he saw John, Cris and Bruce having a beer at one point. They all smoked too. He said they should have taken away their cigarettes. Howard said when you lose, you win on that show because you get to go home. Howard said if you don't win, you get to go back to a five star hotel. It made no sense because there was nothing to win. Howard talked about how Bruce Jenner would break down crying whenever his family was mentioned. They talked about how strange his face looks these days too. Howard said his nose was made too small for his face. Howard also talked about how boring Cris Judd was on the show. Gary told Howard about the story Cris told about meeting Jennifer Lopez. It was really a nothing story. Howard talked about how Cris must be good looking because someone who doesn't talk much doesn't get Jennifer Lopez unless they are good looking. Artie said that's true because if he doesn't talk at a party or something, women wonder who the quiet, ugly guy is.
Howard changed subjects and brought up baseball player David Wells who has written a book. In the book he wrote about how he pitched a no-hitter game while he was drunk. There was a lot of controversy over it and everyone is angry with him. After all of the controversy now he's saying that he was just hung over during that game. He's trying to smooth things over and it's coming off like he was misquoted in his own book. Howard and the guys talked about a couple of interviews they've done where they bring stuff up from the book and the people have no idea what they're talking about because they don't even know what's in the book. That led to Howard bringing up Michael Jackson and how wacky he is. Gary wondered if it's over for him after all of these bad interviews he's done. Howard said anything is possible in the music industry and he could be a star again but he might be too old for that now.
Howard said that Gary is in an awkward position with Robin for some reason. Robin got Gary a flat screen TV from Amazon.com for Christmas. He decided he wanted to exchange it because it was too big. Gary jumped in and said that he sent the TV back and it cost him $45. He was going to get a gift certificate back but he kept waiting and waiting and nothing came. He finally found out that when you send back a gift that was purchased by someone else, the refund goes back to the person who purchased it. So now Robin has a gift certificate for that amount. Robin said she was going to take care of it for him. Howard said he never buys anything from Amazon.com. Robin said now she'll never purchase anything from them either. Gary said you have to go through a really long document to figure out that the money doesn't come back to him. He said there's no explanation. Howard said that's why the internet sucks. Robin said she tries shopping on the web every year and every year it sucks. Howard has had problems with his Canon printer ink and it's driving him nuts. Robin apologized to Gary about the whole thing. Robin said ''See ya internet, see ya Amazon.com...''
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Erik has a great job at a car dealer right up the street from him. He's not cleaning cars though, he's working in the parts department. Mariann spent a couple of minutes talking to Howard about Erik and the limo driver who he owes a lot of money to, is going to take payments on that amount. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
A listener called in and complained about John calling in. Howard said he didn't mention the show and it ended up tanking. Howard wondered why John wasn't there instead of on the phone calling in. Howard said he didn't want John going on any show. He said he didn't say ''no'' to it but John shouldn't have lied about it. Howard said that Will has to do John's job while he's away. He's no sure if John is losing out on any salary or not. He said that's between John and Tom Chiusano. Howard said maybe John can get adopted by Joan Rivers or become a model along with Tyson Beckford. KC came in and asked Howard if he could have three weeks off. Another phone caller said that Will is doing a good job answering the phones and he's not confrontational like John is.
Howard let some phone callers through to talk to her. One guy said he'd like to know where this class was so he could join. She said it's in Virginia and it costs about $10,000 a year. Howard read that she was once arrested for showing her boobs to a cop after being pulled over for speeding. Jeff the Drunk called in and called her a ''wanky bitch.'' He said what she's doing is wrong. Howard wondered what she was trying to tell people. She said she'd like Howard to get on the bandwagon and promote this type of thing. Howard just laughed when he heard that. He asked her if she thinks it's wrong to not tell parents about something like this. A woman called in a short time later and said this has to be a fraud. Dominic Barbara also called in and said that in Virginia the law says doing stuff like that can get her 25 years in prison. It's considered a sexual performance for children. Dominic said the jail time in New York for that is only 10 years so maybe she should move up there from Virginia. Howard told Dominic that he doesn't believe any of this anyway. Howard said he doesn't wish her luck and said she's nuts if she's really doing it. Another teacher called in and said that kids at 2 and 3 years old are very sexual but they don't encourage anything like this woman does. Howard told Candace, once again, he doesn't believe her but she does sound convincing. She has a meeting with the father of one of the girls in the class because she told him something. Howard said he wants to know what happens with that. Howard got off the phone and played that NAMBLA guy talking about young boys again. The guy sounded kind of like Mr. Rogers so Howard goofed around with that for a couple of minutes before taking another break. Howard also mentioned that AC/DC will be performing live in the studio tomorrow.
Howard said he had this woman Florence on the phone. She's one of these ''Raelian'' cult people. She was calling in to talk about the anti-war march they're doing in Washington. Howard wanted to know how hot she was. She said she's pretty good looking and told him to go to their web site Rael.org/RaelianWomen to see her. Howard said she actually is pretty hot. He asked her a few questions about her body and then got to her anti war march. She said they're going to be down in Washington DC on Saturday. They're going to be naked when they're down there. She said they'll also be in LA that day on Wilshire Blvd. Howard spoke to her about this march for a couple of minutes but then got back to stuff like whether or no she shaves her bush. She said she is shaved down pretty good. Howard said she has to prepare for this nude march. Robin asked her if her under arms were shaved. She said they are even though she is French. Howard told her he thought it was great that they're getting naked for this thing but her political views are kind of wacky. Howard said these are women who are bored with regular religions and have to be special. Howard asked her how many guys she's banged since becoming a Raelian. Howard thought that part of the cult was to bang the Raelian leader. She said she wasn't going to discuss that with him though. She told Howard he should talk to Rael himself about that. She and Howard ended up talking about aliens. She believes that they have visited us. Howard told her there are no aliens and the only leader she needs is Howard Stern. Howard asked her if she had a reason to be getting naked for this anti war march. She said they do have a statement to make so Howard asked her what that was. She said they want to unite people and bring them together for this cause. Howard wondered what the cause was so she explained to him that they don't want this war to happen. Robin suggested that they all go to Iraq to protest then and see what happens. Howard brought up World War II and how we saved France from the Germans. They argued about that for a short time. Howard then asked her how many people they had lined up to get naked this Saturday. She said she didn't have the numbers yet. Howard asked her when she first started having sex but she didn't want to answer. Howard also asked her how many guys she's banged in her life. She wasn't talking about that either. Howard asked her what she would be wearing to this protest. She said it will be an all white dress. He wondered if she'd be wearing panties under the dress but she wasn't sure about that at this point. He asked her about what kind of shoes she'd wear. Howard said he had to know because he was curious how she'd strip down. He wondered what order she'd be taking off her clothes. Florence said that it will be a ''very religious'' thing where everyone will strip down. This all starts at 11am. She said the stripping down will start at 1pm in front of the Federal Building in Washington DC and Wilshire Blvd in L.A. He tried to get as many details out of her as possible. She told Howard how she'd take off the dress first but she wasn't sure of the order she'd remove the rest of her clothes. She said she'd leave her shoes on while she's naked. He told her to wear something with a heel. Howard also wondered how long they'd be naked. She said it depends on how long this ceremony goes on. Howard wrapped up the call and told his listeners to head out to these protests with pizza and beer because it should be a good show. Florence thought that no one would be down there to just look at her naked. Howard said she's nuts because all of his listeners will be there to see her naked. Howard spoke to her for a couple more minutes and took some phone calls before ending the call. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked her if she likes anal sex. She kind of laughed and didn't give him an answer. A guy called in and said that he dated one of these Raelian women and there were a lot of strippers in the religion. Howard said he wants to send his guys down to get video of this march. He said he wants a close up of her ''beav.'' Howard wrapped it up after asking her if she has sex with guys and girls at the same time. She giggled when he asked her that so he took that as a ''yes.''
Howard said he'd go to this thing if it was taking place in New York City. He spent a couple of minutes goofing on the religion after the call. He was still checking out her picture and said she really is pretty hot. He said that was killing him that she was so cute. He said the other woman on the page was ugly though. That seems to be what he expects women like that to look like. Howard said he'd go down and watch the girls get naked and yank one out. Artie said a little piece of duct tape would make Florence perfect. She was a little to talkative for Howard and Artie. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard had the picture of Charlize Theron 30 pounds overweight to show Robin. He wondered why they don't just get a fat, ugly chick who needs work, to play the part Charlize plumped up for. Howard joked that Artie did that for a role he played.
Howard got a letter from a 19 year old girl who said seh needs her first breast exam and she wants Howard to do it. Howard told Gary to set it up. Robin told Howard that the number one killer of young men is testicular cancer. Howard suggested that she check some guys but she doesn't want to do that.
Another e-mail told Howard he has to talk up ''Enterprise'' because it's losing ratings. Robin said it's really not a very good show so she doesn't watch it. The person also asked Howard if he saw the FOX show ''Firefly'' which was already canceled. Howard said that show was created by the guy who created Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he should have just concentrated on that. Robin compared the guy to David E. Kelly who made so many shows that they just started getting worse and worse.
Howard got an e-mail from a guy who wondered if when Spider-Man orgasms, does it come out like webbing. Artie said that happened to him after a night of drinking one time.
A woman wrote in just to tell Howard he's a sick and disgusting loser he is. The woman said she hopes he'll figure that out some day. Howard wondered why he would want to figure that out and feel bad about himself.
A religious nut wrote in and said that she tuned into his show ''accidentally'' and found it very empty. She said that God told her to write to him but she didn't want to. She eventually follwed his guidance and wrote to him. Howard called her a nut. He said seh has to blame God for this even though it's just her wanting to write to him. She told Howard that God wants him to follow him and said that she'll pray for him. Howard said both of those women gave their names so he was thinking of calling them.
Howard said it looks like Jamie Lynn Siegler from ''The Sopranos'' got a ''big ass nose job.'' He said that nobody's talking about it but her new nose is disturbing. He said she really didn't need it. Howard said her parents should get a handle on her.
A Canadian guy called in and asked Howard what's going on with Jimmy Kimmel's show up there. He said they're showing repeats. The guy also asked when Adam West is going to be on the show. Howard said he'll be on tomorrow. The guy told Howard he was from Toronto and said a couple of words about Q107 which dropped the show. The guy, who sounded a little ''slow'' to Howard, kept asking strange questions. Howard decided to find out if he was slow. He asked him what kind of work he does. He said he does freelance movie reviews. He said he's from a very wealthy family so he doesn't even have to work. He has some kind of nervous disability that's promoted by the government up there. Howard said he was able to pick up on that easily but thought it may have been very obvious. Robin said she'd love to read those reviews. Howard said it's probably something like ''I saw a good movie!'' Howard and Artie goofed on the guy for a few seconds before Gary came in and told Howard that Susan ''Underdog Lady'' Muldowny was on the phone.
Underdog Lady is upset with rumors that Disney is going to ruin the cartoon character by making a live action movie about him. According to Susan, the movie will show that Underdog got his powers from an explosion in a chemical factory. She told Howard that the creator of the character never had an explanation for that and this shouldn't happen. She was whispering on the phone becuase she was so nervous about talking to Howard. He told Susan that perhaps they should team up on this and do something about it. Susan said that she's afraid that people will forget, or refuse to believe, that she exists. Robin asked her where Underdog actually got his powers. Susan told her that they never explained that. He was ''just there.'' Gary said Susan is afraid that this could mean the end of her and the fact that she keeps the character alive. She said people may think that it's the quintisential story and will overlook her. Howard wondered if they should be consulting her for the script. Susan said that the person who does play the character may take her place. Howard said she should listen to Adam West tomorrow because he had a similar situation. She seemed to agree and said Adam begged to play Batman in the movies and was turned down.
Gary asked Howard if he thinks Underdog would be played by a male or female actor. Howard said it'll probably be a guy but it could be a woman. Susan pointed out that Sandy Duncan played Peter Pan and other people have played characters of the opposite sex. Howard said the people in the industry are very narrow minded and are looking for a big star to play the part. Howard ended up asking Susan if she'd be willing to play the part of Underdog if he made a half hour, straight to video, movie. She said she'd have to read the script to make sure it all makes sense first. Howard agreed with her and said it would be straight Underdog, no nudity. Howard said he was going to try and get an original cartoon script and perhaps, create a live action video. Howard took a call from a guy who said the Underdog movie is going to be CGI (computer graphics), not live action. He said the worst part will be the person doing the voice. Susan hung up at this point for no obvious reason. Gary went back and caller her again a short time later. Meanwhile, Howard wondered who would play some of the other parts. He also took some phone calls. One guy said that Underdog's alter-ego was Shoeshine boy and when he wanted to become Underdog, he took a pill. Howard wondered where the pills came from but the guy didn't have the answer. Artie said there were times when he took ''super energy pills'' and he flew pretty high on those. Howard said he wished Susan hadn't hung up on him. He really wants to make this movie with her. He said he'd go shoot it with E! if they'll give him the money. He said he could probably raise the money himself and have it go straight to video. He said it would be awesome.
Gary got Susan back on the phone and told her about the power pills. She sadi those were just recouperative pills and they don't explain where his powers came from. She said he didn't take them in every episode. Susan claims that someone has been filming her for the past 4 years and is putting together a movie of her dressed as a bunch of characters. Howard asked her if she'd be willing to appear in this movie if he puts it together. Susan said Howard once told her that Underdog was just a ''silly show.'' Howard told her that he's grown since then. Susan told Howard that she has revised all of the scripts to make Underdog smarter than he appeared back then. Howard wondered why she'd want to change them though. Howard offered her a great deal to do this movie but she was resisting. Howard said he'd look into the possibility of making a Broadway play out of it too. Howard asked her to make a commitment to him but she said they have this documentary coming out already. He and Robin tried to talk her out of doing that and told her that taking on Disney is going to be tough. Susan told Howard she'd have to see what he has to show her for this movie. Howard said they'd shoot it up in Toronto and asked her if she'd be able to do that. She said the character was created in the United States. Howard told her they were just doing that to save money. Susan didn't seem to like the straight to video part of the deal. Robin told her that the Olsen Twins do a ton of movies that go straight to video and they're millionaires. Howard said he'd even ask Mary McCormack to play the part of Polly and John Lithgow to play Simon Barsinister. Susan thought it might be better to have a more updated evil presense in the movie. She suggested having a drug dealer as the evil character. Susan then told Howard she had to get going. Howard tried to keep her on the phone for a few more minutes. She sat and listened to Howard as he told her about what he'd do with the movie. She eventually hung up on Howard when he continued to beg her for an answer. Howard said he's going to give up on it if she's going to be like that. Howard told Gary to get her back on the phone again.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard that he has the name of the guy who is producing the movie. He said he'd give it to him off the air. Howard said he'd go to that guy and ask him for the rights to do this half hour short. Howad was about to take a break but Gary got Susan on the phone once again. She hung up but he was able to get her again a minute later. Susan told Howard that he just kept going on and on after she told him she'd look at whatever he puts together. Howard apologized to her about that and let her go off on him for a minute. He spent a coupel more minutes talking to her about what he's going to do and let her go. A listener called in and said he has to make that video happen. He said he'd buy 20 copies. Howard said he never thought he'd be working on a project like that with Susan after she got mad at him and refused to come on his show for ten years. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Bob is the winner of the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest where he won $25,000 and a Dodge Durango. Howard said that Bob sold that vehicle for $19,000. He almost got a divorce over the whole thing because his wife wanted some of the money and he refused to give her any. He told her that he won the money, not her. This guy Kidd Chris came in with Bob. Kidd Chris is responsible for the ''Sulu Dance'' song parody and a bunch of funny phony phone calls that Howard has played. Howard played the ''Sulu Dance'' song parody and then played the George Takei (Sulu) phony phone call he made. Chris called Takei as Ricardo Montalban and goofed on him for a couple of minutes. Howard said that might be his favorite phony phone call of all time. He told Chris it was nice to finally meet him. Chris thanked Howard for all that he does. The guys spent a couple of minutes goofing on the George Takei laugh.
Howard asked Bob about this $25,000 winnings and how his wife wanted the check when he got home that day. He said that she told him she was entitled to half of it and he told her that she wasn't because she didn't write any of that stuff. He said he told her to enter her own contest. Bob said they almost did get divorced over it. He said he was going to give her the big, phony check they gave him when he won instead of the real one. KC came in and said that Bob intercepted some e-mail that his wife sent about him. He said she sent some mail out to friends of hers. He said she wrote that her stomach cringes when she sees him. Bob said she also wrote one about how he's gotten very arrogant since he won the contest. She also said that she was only going to stay with him until she finishes school, then she's going to divorce him. Bob was laughing so Howard wondered what he found so funny. Bob said it was funny to him. Bob said the mail was in his deleted box for some reason. They even hired a divorce lawyer and Bob had to pay the bill with the money he got from the contest. He said they're trying to get everything together but it's tough. They have a kid and Bob said his mother-in-law lives with them. He said she's always complaining about her leg hurting. He said ''Like I'm a doctor, Just shut up and die... I don't need this.'' Howard said he feels bad for him. Bob said his wife has purchased a bunch of new stuff like a new stove, bathtub and dishwasher with the money he won. Howard said that's what happens when you're in show business.
Howard had Robin get to her news after that. Bob and Chris stuck around to comment on some of the news stories Robin read. Howard took a call from a guy who told him about this Priest who tried to get Howard's movie banned back when it came out. Now that same guy has been accused of child molestation. The guy had tape of Howard talking about the article where the priest was trying to shut it down. At the time Howard asked ''Isn't anyone concerned with priests molesting young boys?'' The caller said that the priest was the guy behind the whole boycott of the movie and he's allegedly been accused of molesting kids. Howard got back to the news but a short time later Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com) called in and said that Bob shouldn't have won the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest. He thought he was better and wanted another chance to beat Bob. Bob said Yucko was ''shaking like Michael J. Fox'' during that show. He said he looked like a parent that lost his kid or something. Yucko offered to fight Bob to double his money. Howard told Yucko his money was on Bob. Bob said he would beat the stink out of Yucko if they fought. Howard said he doesn't think he could do that though. No one could get the stink out of Yucko.
Howard said Adam West is coming in today and he's thinking of becoming Fartman so he and Batman can call Iraq. They also have AC/DC coming in to perform. Next week they have Spice Girls Geri Halliwell coming in as well as Lisa Marie Presley and a few others.
Artie asked if he could have a beer during the AC/DC performance. Howard told him that's fine. Howard played some AC/DC to warm everybody up and Artie was singing along to ''Back in Black.'' Howard told him he was actually pretty good singing that song. Artie says they're one of his favorite bands of all time. He sang along to a couple of other songs too. Artie said he wanted to do ''Hell's Bells'' so Howard played that one. He also did ''Highway To Hell'' for them.
Robin suggested that The Losers cover one of those songs when they do the Battle of the Bands against wrestler Chris Jericho. Howard was calling Artie ''Artie/DC.'' Howard said they could go on tour as an AC/DC cover band. Artie had the vocals down and that's the hardest part. Howard suggested doing a 10 song set of AC/DC songs when they go out to Las Vegas. Robin thought they were nuts.
A listener called in a short time later and said he was trying to find a bridge abutment to drive into since Artie was singing. Howard played a few more songs and let Artie yell out the songs. Artie had Howard laughing pretty hard a couple of times.
Howard said he's not sure what he'd do in the band if they do cover the AC/DC songs. Howard said he might be able to play drums. He said they could go to some club out there in Vegas and perform for a few people. Robin said she hopes they actually do it. Howard wanted to rehearse some stuff but they don't have drums set up there. They have bongos so Howard asked for that instead. Artie said he'd like to play ''Dirty Deeds.'' Fred played guitar while Howard pounded on the bongo. Artie forgot the words and just started making noises until he came to the chorus. Howard said they could charge $100 a head at the club.
They tried a second song, ''Highway to Hell,'' and Artie remembered the words to that one. Howard was ready to go at that point. Scott the Engineer came in and asked Howard if he was being cut out of The Losers again. Howard told him that he was being cut. He was playing the bongos just fine. Howard said they can call themselves ''Hell's Bells'' instead of The Losers. Howard said they could play ''You Shook Me All Night Long'' as their closing song. Howard and Fred started to play the song but Artie forgot the first line. They started in the middle of the song instead so Artie could remember the words.
Howard decided to stop so they shouldn't give it all away for free on radio. Artie said a cool move would be to schedule a show and then cancel it because of throat problems. Howard said they just need a couple of hours worth of a sound check and they'd be set.
Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people goof on Artie. There were some people who thought he was pretty good too. Howard took a break a short time after that.
Howard said he's going to do the Fartman thing when Adam West comes in. He hopes that West will read the lines they wrote for him. Howard and the guys talked a little bit about Adam West and some of the stuff he's done since the Batman TV series. Gary said he liked the movie he did with Richard Belzer's wife which was soft core porn. That was ''Lady Chatterly's Lover.''
Howard said he was looking through the National Enquirer and saw a picture of Brigitte Nielsen who used to be married to Sylvester Stallone. Howard said that picture is an advertisement for not getting married. He said she looks really bad and there's no way she's only 37 years old. Robin saw the picture and let out an ''OHHHH!'' and said there's no way she's in her 30s. The guys said she looks like she's been partying hard for years. Howard said she looks like a crack addict or something even though she's not.
Howard read a story about Mr. Rogers and how he was still worried about kids in the Iraq war right up until he died. The guys said that he was a little too worried about kids. Artie said ''Start worrying about some adults...''
Howard said he thought President Bush did a great job talking about the reason we have to go to war against Iraq. He said he's very proud of our President after seeing that. He said Bush could drop all of this and leave it for our next President but he's actually doing something.
Howard said President Clinton ignored the terrorist threat and didn't do anything. Fred started playing a bunch of Michael Buffer ''Let's get ready to...'' clips while they were talking about that. Howard said he loves that guy.
Howard started preparing for his Fartman and Batman bit. He read a few lines and said it will probably go horribly.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if we're going to see Stuttering John fight Mr. X when they go out to Las Vegas. Howard said he's heard enough about that fight but he might have to cancel it. He said he really wants to see the fight but it isn't coming together. He said there are too many rules surrounding the fight.
Robin asked Howard if he was up in the air about the fight or what. She said her boyfriend Mr. X has been training for this fight and John would have had a good fight on his hands. She told Howard about some of the stuff he's been doing and how serious he's been about it. Howard said he really would like to see them fight. He said it's not impossible to make it happen but it's really tough.
Robin said Mr. X has been watching his diet and jogging as well as other stuff. She said he's been moving right along with his progress. Howard told Robin to give him until Monday to make it happen. He said it probably won't happen though. Robin said he's going to have to fight somebody after doing all of this training. Howard said we should drop him into Iraq or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jillian Barberie from ''Good Day'' stole the Gossip Game idea from Howard and did it on her show recently. Howard said he doesn't really care about that and he doesn't get that upset. He was about to talk about ''Are You Hot'' and how pissed he is about that show but he said he has a lawsuit going with them so he'd better not. Howard talked about some of the other bits he's had ripped off by people like Jay Leno. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said Adam also worked with the Three Stooges in one of their movies. He said it was probably in the Curly Joe Besser days though. Howard was waiting for West to get in there but Gary said he was busy reading reviews and fixing his hair. When he did show up Howard told him he doesn't look 74. He kept telling the guy to sit down but Adam just kept talking. West said that he doesn't feel 74. He finally found Robin in her booth after looking for her for a minute.
Howard went on to ask Adam about the whole Batman thing and asked him if it was a curse to be stuck in that role. West said he couldn't be any bigger and people smile at him wherever he goes. There was a time when he was upset about losing the Batman thing and rushed into a bunch of bad movies and that didn't include the soft core porn he did later.
Howard had to tell Adam to put on his headphones so he could hear Robin. Robin asked him which Three Stooges he worked with. He said it was Joe, Moe and Shemp. Howard told him he got the worst batch.
Howard heard that Adam changed all of the lines they gave him to read during the Fartman bit they were going to do. Adam asked Howard if his movie is still playing out there. Howard told him that's pretty much over. West said he's watched it a bunch of times and loves it. Howard told Adam some of the other stuff he's been up to with TV production and a couple of movies he has in production.
Howard told Adam what they were going to do with the Fartman thing. He played the Fartman intro and read his part of the script. Adam didn't stick to the script very well though. Howard talked about his farts and what they'd do to the people of Iraq. Adam overacted just as he did 30-some years ago on Batman.
Howard eventually dialed a number in Iraq so he could talk to someone there. Howard got a dead signal when he finally dialed the 20 digit long number. He said they tried that number all morning and it worked. Howard tried again but Batman figured they'd gotten jammed. Howard dialed the number again and gave it a half hearted attempt to goof on the guy who answered the phone. He told the guy he and Batman were coming to their country to liberate them. The guy who answered the phone stopped responding to him and hung up.
Howard decided to try another number. He told Batman he was a jinx. The two of them read through some of the lines they had written before someone came in and told Howard they had the hotel on the line. Howard picked up the phone and asked the woman if she knew who Fartman is. Howard, I mean Fartman, decided to turn off the echo on his voice but she still wasn't responding.
Gary came in a short time later and dialed the number again for Fartman. This time it was the number of a private citizen. Fartman got the same signal he got earlier with that number. Fartman asked Batman if he was still away at this point. He'd stopped talking by then. Howard bailed on the whole thing. He had Adam read a few more lines that they'd written and moved on to talk about that TV show Adam was in to promote.
Adam said they got a great screenwriter for the special. Howard cut him off and asked if they could call Iraq again. Howard asked Adam if he really is 74 years old. He said he is and his health is very good. Howard wondered how often he has sex these days. Adam wasn't giving a straight answer though. Howard asked him how old his wife is. Adam joked that she was 13. She's really 50. Howard said that he's a smart man marrying someone 24 years younger than him. Howard said ''So the Batpole still works?'' Adam just laughed and said ''Yes, it does Howard.''
Adam went on to talk about this CBS special for a couple of minutes. Adam said he plays himself in the show. He plays a ''fictionalized Adam West'' while Burt Ward plays the fictionalized Burt Ward. Gary came in and asked Adam how old his wife was when they got married. She was 19. Howard and the guys tried to figure out how old she was when they started banging. Howard said he bets that she was like 16.
Gary mentioned something about a deal Adam had for the Batman series and how he didn't get the money he was supposed to get. Adam said he'd rather not be an aging actor who goes around suing people so he just let it go.
Howard took some phone calls for Adam after that. A couple of people had some nice words to say about him. The ''slow adult'' that called in yesterday called in to ask Mr. West some questions. He was yelling into the phone as he talked about this stuff so Howard ended up hanging up on him. Julie Newmar appears in the special on Sunday night so Howard talked about her for a short time.
Howard asked Adam if he's going to be buried in a Batman outfit. He said he won't do that. Gary asked him if he's allowed to go around dressed in his old costume. Adam said they'd probably stop him from doing that.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Adam about this show of his. They also had some other questions for him about stuff they've heard about him. Adam's answers are so goofy sometimes you can't tell if he's telling the truth or not. Howard wrapped up the segment and took a commercial break after that.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute from MrSkin.com. In the clip Mr. Skin talks about some new movies and the nude scenes that are featured in them. This week he talked about the movie ''The Weight of Water'' featuring Elizabeth Hurley. He said 24 minutes in she's laying naked on a boat. She takes an ice cube out of her mouth and slowly runs it down her naked body. He also had some news about the movie ''Monster'' which features Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci doing lesbian scenes that he hears are really hot.
Howard talked about AC/DC for a few minutes. Artie was singing along again. Howard wondered if the whole band was coming in. Gary told him they have Malcolm, Angus and Brian coming in to perform. Artie talked about the scene in ''Private Parts'' where AC/DC played and how great that was. Howard said when they play out in Vegas he wants to light off pyrotechnics. He said he wants to make sure they have a place where it's okay to do it though. He played a couple more AC/DC songs as Artie sang along at full volume. They were goofing around talking about how they'd probably blow holes in the ceiling of the club with the pyrotechnics. Howard said he can't wait for the band to get there so they can play along with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who says that Osama bin Laden was caught but they're no announcing it for some reason. Howard told him he wants some of whatever it is he's smoking.
Howard sent Fred off to Robin's booth and got ready for the game. He told John how to play and got right into the questions. He had one minute to answer seven questions. Here are the questions and correct answers:
Joey came in and said that it was a bit ''swampy'' down there by his balls. He asked Chris to give him a courtesy touch while he was in there. Joey told him that it wasn't gay. Howard told him he had to pull down Joey's pants and then take the quarters off. Gary interrupted and said the original idea was to have him reach in there and feel around for them. Chris wasn't too thrilled with that.
Howard told Chris he had to hurry up because they had to get the band in there. Chris reached in and tried to get the two quarters out pretty quick but it didn't work so he had to go in for a second time. Joey was laughing and yelling as he went in there. Chris managed to get both of the quarters and the tape out on his second try. Howard had the two of them sit in to watch the band after that.
When the band came in Brian shook Chris' hand after it had been down Joey Boots' pants. AC/DC is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they're re-releasing their music catalog so that's what they were in to promote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them about the Hall of Fame induction. Brian Johnson, Angus Young and Malcolm Young were all there. They said that they're not even sure what they get for being in this Hall of Fame. They said that The Police are also supposed to be inducted at the same time.
Howard brought up their music catalog re-release and asked the guys if they knew anything about what's up with that. Brian said he has no idea what the idea is behind that. The albums have been ''re-digitized'' according to Brian. He said he has no idea what that means though. Gary came in an short time later and said that the albums are ''linked'' so when you put them in your computer, you can go to their web site and stuff like that.
Howard told the guys that they were going to perform and then Artie/DC would play like they did earlier in the show. Brian had written lyrics for ''The Jack.'' That was the first song they performed. When they were done with that song Artie performed ''Dirty Deeds'' along with Howard and Fred. Fred's guitar wasn't on the mic so Howard asked him to get closer to it. He kept telling Fred to get his acoustic guitar but he just kept playing. He eventually got on mic but it was so loud that Howard told him to put it down and get the acoustic again. Fred finally listened to him and did that. They got back to playing the song after that.
Howard said the guys will be playing at Roseland in New York City on Tuesday night so he can't go see them. Howard wondered why they can't do it on a Friday. He also talked to them about their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a minute. He asked them if there will be another album anytime soon. They said they may do one eventually.
Howard started to wrap up the segment but Artie had to sing some more. The guys in AC/DC started to play along with him but Howard asked them to play ''You Shook Me'' to end the segment. They did it but it was a little early to be singing so much. Brian had Artie sing the second verse because he couldn't quite remember it. He joined in and sang along with Artie for a minute. After the song Howard wrapped up the interview and went to commercial.
Howard said he didn't think the band knew the lyrics to their own songs. Artie knew them better. Howard said Brian gave him the lyric sheet he had for ''She's Got the Jack.'' The lyrics were apparently written for him. Howard said he felt uncomfortable playing in front of those guys. Howard said he should have stuck to acoustic instead of having Fred play electric. His guitar wasn't working but Fred kept trying to mess with it. Fred said he was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Howard said Scott the Engineer should have come in to fix it. After talking about that for a couple of minutes Howard had Robin get to her news.
Robin went through her news stories and had the guys commenting on the stories she read. She read through a bunch of stories and then wrapped up. Howard ended the show around 9:40am (Master Tape Theatre time).
When Howard came back from break he said they were going to go song for song against AC/DC when they come in. Howard was almost ready to start doing a couple more songs but decided against it. He said he's going to do the Fartman thing when Adam West comes in. He hopes that West will read the lines they wrote for him. Howard and the guys talked a little bit about Adam West and some of the stuff he's done since the Batman TV series. Gary said he liked the movie he did with Richard Belzer's wife which was soft core porn.
Howard said he was looking through the National Enquirer and saw a picture of Brigitte Nielsen who used to be married to Sylvester Stallone. Howard said that picture is an advertisement for not getting married. He said she looks really bad and there's no way she's only 37 years old. The guys said she looks like she's been partying hard for years. Howard said she looks like a crack addict or something even though she's not.
Howard read a story about Mr. Rogers and how he was still worried about kids in the Iraq war right up until he died. The guys said that he was a little too worried about kids. Artie said ''Start worrying about some adults...''
Howard thought President Bush did a great job talking about the reason we have to go to war against Iraq. He said he's very proud of our President after seeing that. He said Bush could drop all of this and leave it for our next President but he's actually doing something. Howard said President Clinton ignored the terrorist threat and didn't do anything. Fred started playing a bunch of Michael Buffer ''Let's get ready to...'' clips while they were talking about that. Howard said he loves that guy.
Howard started preparing for his Fartman and Batman bit. He read a few lines and said it will probably go horribly.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if we're going to see Stuttering John fight Mr. X when they go out to Las Vegas. Howard said he's heard enough about that fight but he might have to cancel it. He said he really wants to see the fight but it isn't coming together. He said there are too many rules surrounding the fight. Robin asked Howard if he was up in the air about the fight or what. Howard said he's fallen out of the air and is giving up on the whole thing. Robin said her boyfriend Mr. X has been training for this fight and John would have had a good fight on his hands. She told Howard about some of the stuff he's been doing and how serious he's been about it. Howard said he really would like to see them fight. He said it's not impossible to make it happen but it's really tough. Robin said Mr. X has been watching his diet and jogging as well as other stuff. She said he's been moving right along with his progress. Howard told Robin to give him until Monday to make it happen. He said it probably won't happen though. Robin said he's going to have to fight somebody after doing all of this training. Howard said we should drop him into Iraq or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jillian Barberie from ''Good Day'' stole the Gossip Game idea from Howard and did it on her show recently. Howard said he doesn't really care about that and he doesn't get that upset. He was about to talk about ''Are You Hot'' and how pissed he is about that show but he said he has a lawsuit going with them so he'd better not. Howard talked about some of the other bits he's had ripped off by people like Jay Leno.
Howard went on to ask Adam about the whole Batman thing and asked him if it was a curse to be stuck in that role. West said he couldn't be any bigger and people smile at him wherever he goes. There was a time when he was upset about losing the Batman thing and rushed into a bunch of bad movies... and that didn't include the soft core porn he did later. Howard had to tell Adam to put on his headphones so he could hear Robin. Robin asked him which Three Stooges he worked with. He said it was Joe, Moe and Shemp. Howard told him he got the worst batch.
Howard heard that Adam changed all of the lines they gave him to read during the Fartman bit they were going to do. Adam asked Howard if his movie is still playing out there. Howard told him that's pretty much over. West said he's watched it a bunch of times and loves it. Howard told Adam some of the other stuff he's been up to with TV production and a couple of movies he has in production.
Howard told Adam what they were going to do with the Fartman thing. He played the Fartman intro and read his part of the script. Adam didn't stick to the script very well though. Howard talked about his farts and what they'd do to the people of Iraq. Adam overacted just as he did 30-some years ago on Batman. Howard eventually dialed a number in Iraq so he could talk to someone there. Howard got a dead signal when he finally dialed the 20 digit long number. He said they tried that number all morning and it worked. Howard tried again but Batman figured they'd gotten jammed. Howard dialed the number again and gave it a half hearted attempt to goof on the guy who answered the phone. He told the guy he and Batman were coming to their country to liberate them. The guy who answered the phone stopped responding to him and hung up. Howard decided to try another number. He told Batman he was a jinx. The two of them read through some of the lines they had written before someone came in and told Howard they had the hotel on the line. Howard picked up the phone and asked the woman if she knew who Fartman is. Howard, I mean Fartman, decided to turn off the echo on his voice but she still wasn't responding. Gary came in a short time later and dialed the number again for Fartman. This time it was the number of a private citizen. Fartman got the same signal he got earlier with that number. Fartman asked Batman if he was still away at this point. He'd stopped talking by then. Howard bailed on the whole thing. He had Adam read a few more lines that they'd written and moved on to talk about that TV show Adam was in to promote.
Adam said they got a great screenwriter for the special. Howard cut him off and asked if they could call Iraq again. Howard asked Adam if he really is 74 years old. He said he is and his health is very good. Howard wondered how often he has sex these days. Adam wasn't giving a straight answer though. Howard asked him how old his wife is. Adam joked that she was 13. She's really 50. Howard said that he's a smart man marrying someone 24 years younger than him. Howard said ''So the Batpole still works?'' Adam just laughed and said ''Yes, it does Howard.'' He went on to talk about this CBS special for a couple of minutes. Adam said he plays himself in the show. He plays a ''fictionalized Adam West'' while Burt Ward plays the fictionalized Burt Ward. Gary came in and asked Adam how old his wife was when they got married. She was 19. Howard and the guys tried to figure out how old she was when they started banging. Howard said he bets that she was like 16.
Gary mentioned something about a deal Adam had for the Batman series and how he didn't get the money he was supposed to get. Adam said he'd rather not be an aging actor who goes around suing people so he just let it go.
Howard took some phone calls for Adam after that. A couple of people had some nice words to say about him. The ''slow adult'' that called in yesterday called in to ask Mr. West some questions. He was yelling into the phone as he talked about this stuff so Howard ended up hanging up on him. Julie Newmar appears in the special on Sunday night so Howard talked about her for a short time.
Howard asked Adam if he's going to be buried in a Batman outfit. He said he won't do that. Gary asked him if he's allowed to go around dressed in his old costume. Adam said they'd probably stop him from doing that.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone a short time later. Mike said that they have a story about Adam in the Enquirer this week. He said they have a picture of his daughter and she's very beautiful. Mike said Adam couldn't stay in the room as she did a sex scene with the young Robin. Adam denied it at first but admitted to what Mike had said. Howard moved on to the game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Adam about this show of his. They also had some other questions for him about stuff they've heard about him. Adam's answers are so goofy sometimes you can't tell if he's telling the truth or not. Howard wrapped up the segment and took a commercial break after that.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute from MrSkin.com. In the clip Mr. Skin talks about some new movies and the nude scenes that are featured in them. This week he talked about the movie ''The Weight of Water'' featuring Elizabeth Hurley. He said 24 minutes in she's laying naked on a boat. She takes an ice cube out of her mouth and slowly runs it down her naked body. He also had some news about the movie ''Monster'' which features Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci doing lesbian scenes that he hears are really hot.
Howard talked about AC/DC for a few minutes. Artie was singing along again. Howard wondered if the whole band was coming in. Gary told him they have Malcolm, Angus and Brian coming in to perform. Artie talked about the scene in ''Private Parts'' where AC/DC played and how great that was. Howard said when they play out in Vegas he wants to light off pyrotechnics. He said he wants to make sure they have a place where it's okay to do it though. He played a couple more AC/DC songs as Artie sang along at full volume. They were goofing around talking about how they'd probably blow holes in the ceiling of the club with the pyrotechnics. Howard said he can't wait for the band to get there so they can play along with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who says that Osama bin Laden was caught but they're no announcing it for some reason. Howard told him he wants whatever it is he's smoking.
Howard sent Fred off to Robin's booth and got ready for the game. He told John how to play and got right into the questions. He had one minute to answer seven questions. Here are the questions and correct answers:
When the band came in Brian shook Chris' hand after it had been down Joey Boots' pants. AC/DC is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they're re-releasing their music catalog so that's what they were in to promote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them about the Hall of Fame induction. Brian Johnson, Angus Young and Malcolm Young were all there. They said that they're not even sure what they get for being in this Hall of Fame. They said that The Police are also supposed to be inducted at the same time. Howard brought up their music catalog re-release and asked the guys if they knew anything about what's up with that. Brian said he has no idea what the idea is behind that. The albums have been ''re-digitized'' according to Brian. He said he has no idea what that means though. Gary came in an short time later and said that the albums are ''linked'' so when you put them in your computer, you can go to their web site and stuff like that.
Howard told the guys that they were going to perform and then Artie/DC would play like they did earlier in the show. Brian had written lyrics for ''The Jack.'' That was the first song they performed. When they were done with that song Artie performed ''Dirty Deeds'' along with Howard and Fred. Fred's guitar wasn't on the mic so Howard asked him to get closer to it. He kept telling Fred to get his acoustic guitar but he just kept playing. He eventually got on mic but it was so loud that Howard told him to put it down and get the acoustic again. Fred finally listened to him and did that. They got back to playing the song after that.
Howard said the guys will be playing at Roseland in New York City on Tuesday night so he can't go see them. Howard wondered why they can't do it on a Friday. He also talked to them about their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a minute. He asked them if there will be another album anytime soon. They said they may do one eventually. Howard started to wrap up the segment but Artie had to sing some more. The guys in AC/DC started to play along with him but Howard asked them to play ''You Shook Me'' to end the segment. They did it but it was a little early to be singing so much. Brian had Artie sing the second verse because he couldn't quite remember it. He joined in and sang along with Artie for a minute. After the song Howard wrapped up the interview.
After the commercial break Howard said he felt really big next to the band. He had to stand up next to them to say goodbye and they're pretty tiny. Artie said he's the coolest guy in his neighborhood today. He got to sing with AC/DC and Brian Johnson kept asking him for help singing. Howard said he didn't think the band knew the lyrics to their own songs. Artie knew them better. Howard said Brian gave him the lyric sheet he had for ''She's Got the Jack.'' The lyrics were apparently written for him. Howard said he felt uncomfortable playing in front of those guys. Howard said he should have stuck to acoustic instead of having Fred play electric. His guitar wasn't working but Fred kept trying to mess with it. Fred said he was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Howard said Scott the Engineer should have come in to fix it. After talking about that for a couple of minutes Howard had Robin get to her news.