When Howard came back from break he was giving Artie his toast. Artie said he likes his toast burnt. Howard said he likes it that way too but the guy that makes it for him doesn't burn it. Howard said he only eats the edges of the toast anyway. He said Ralph got him on that kick. He said that keeps him from eating a lot of bread. Howard said he went to the gym the other day after staying away for two weeks and he'd gained 10 pounds. Artie found that hard to believe but Howard said he was too sick to work out.
Howard talked about how he was supposed to go to a surprise birthday party for Marco Battaglia on Friday night but he had his daughters that night. Howard said he heard that Lorraine Bracco was there. He said on Saturday night he got to go to his friend Ross' birthday party at Nobu. Gary was also there with his wife. He said he was wondering who would show up there. He said that their program director Steve Kingston was supposed to be there but he didn't show up. Howard said he decided that Steve is just rude because he said he was going to show up but didn't. Gary told Howard that the party was Ross' East coast party and he still had a West coast party to go to. Howard and Gary said there were 16 people there at the party. Gary said a lot of the people there were big people in the entertainment industry. Howard said there was a lot of drinking going on there and a lot of eating. Howard said there was enough food left over that they could have fed Korea. He said at the end of the night the bill was just sitting there on the table. Howard told Robin he figured that since he was invited to the party he wouldn't have to pay for the dinner. People started throwing in their credit cards to pay for the dinner. Ross then said he didn't want people to pay for the dinner. Gary told Howard that his wife doesn't eat sushi and Ross was ordering all of the food at the party. She didn't eat anything until the 6th or 7th course of food. Howard went on to talk about how some people still didn't pay because they didn't have credit cards. He said that Ross could have written this off as a business expense because he threw the party. Howard said he heard the bill was almost $2000. Howard said he paid about $500 of it. He said some people weren't leaving tips so he threw in some extra. Howard said he's no longer going to these birthday parties. He said it's tacky to invite someone to a party and then make them pay for it. Howard said he ended up treating people to dinner that he didn't even know. Howard said that Ralph put down about $40 for his share. Howard and Gary continued to talk about the dinner for a few minutes. Both of them were kind of upset that they had to pay for other people's dinner.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the same thing happened to him one time. He told his story and Howard said they should invite Ross to a party and make him pay next time. Howard still couldn't believe that he paid for these other record company executives meals when it wasn't even his party. Howard said Ross could have taken the bill and paid it himself but he didn't even bother. Howard said Ross wanted them to pay otherwise he would have grabbed it himself. Robin said Stuttering John throws parties like that all the time and that's why she doesn't go to any of them.
Howard ended up talking about how his dog ended up peeing in his apartment because she can't make it through the night. He also took a call from a guy who asked him why he didn't get Ross on the phone and ask him what was going on with that whole thing. Howard and the guys ended up talking about other celebrities who do the same thing. Stuttering John came in a short time later and said that Ross wasn't answering his phone.
Gary and the guys said that pitcher Randy Johnson was there at the party. Gary talked about him a little bit. They brought up a few of the other people who were there before Howard took another call from a guy who had a story to tell about how he had to pay for a party he was invited to. After that Gary said that Beth told some people about a dream she had about Howard proposing to her. Gary said he heard that Howard asked her to repeat the story to him 3 times and told her not to leave out any details. Howard said most guys would run away from something like that but he just let it happen. He said he's still not going to get married again. Robin and the guys seem to think he's ready to get married again though.
Melrose Larry Green called in and asked Howard what he was whining about. He makes plenty of money. Howard told Melrose that no one expected to have to pay for the dinner and he shouldn't have to pay for every dinner he goes out to.
Howard played the clip of Dan Rather talking to Janks. Janks tells Dan that some debris fell in his yard and thought that it might be one of Baba Booey's teeth. Someone tells Dan that it's a prank call but Dan tells him to hold on and talks to Janks for a few more seconds until Janks calls him an idiot. Dan then admits he's an idiot and talks about how prank callers do get through sometimes. Gary told Howard that he has a list of area codes next to his desk so he can look up numbers that prank callers give him. Howard said it is true that they don't check their sources but it was still the wrong time to do that.
Melrose Larry Green called in again and thanked Howard for a great E! show Friday night. That was the one where they showed his apartment on their ''Cribs'' segment. Howard and Gary talked about how filthy the place was for a few seconds but Melrose started to change the subject. Howard cut him off and let a caller tell Janks what a douche he was for doing this phony phone call. The guy said he just went over the line with this call. Gary said the call that drove him over the edge was when he made a prank call after the Oklahoma City bombing. Howard said Janks is like the guy who steals watches from dead guys arms. Janks said that people always tell him that it's not the right time to make calls like that but there is no good time to make them.
Gary wondered what's going to happen to the Astronauts that are up in the space station now. Robin said they have a special shuttle up there they can use to come back in if they have to. If they don't, they may have to wait for the next Shuttle to go up to get them.
Janks said his line was drawn at the World Trade Center bombings. He said that was a whole different story back then and he didn't want to make any calls at that time. A listener called in and said there were two Marine's killed a couple of weeks ago and there was no big deal made about that. Howard said he cared about that though.
Howard asked Janks about the other call he made over the weekend. He called MSNBC as a NASA spokesman and told them that Jackie shot down the Shuttle because he thought Howard Stern was on board. Gary thought that was MSNBC's fault because they called Janks back and he lives in Pennsylvania. Why would a NASA spokesman be calling from Pennsylvania? Howard took a few phone calls and let some people bitch about how unfunny Janks is when he does this stuff. Most people thought that it was wrong. Howard said he should call in and make a phony phone call when Janks dies. Janks said that would be fine.
Janks had one last call to play for Howard. He'd called in as a hostage in the Miami postal van chase. Janks put on his female voice and told a fake story about how she was kidnapped by a guy named Artie. He also threw in a couple of other names like Bianca his dog (Howard's dog) and told fake stories for a couple of minutes. The news anchors had no clue as usual. He weaved stories from the Stern show into his fake stories. He said that the guy who kidnapped her, Artie, was mad at his wife Robin because she didn't want to go to parties anymore. Howard said it was amazing that they went through that whole story and they didn't know until minutes later. One of the callers Howard had a little earlier was the guy who told them that the call was a fake. Howard wrapped up the call after that. Janks said you can hear all of these calls at SongParodyMan.com
Howard changed subjects and said that Britney Spears was at the Sundance Film Festival and she was seen walking out of a movie. When asked why she walked out, she said that she doesn't like some of the movies because they make you think too much. Howard said he agrees with her and he's seen some movies lately and they do make you think too much. He mentioned a couple of movies that he didn't like. Robin disagreed with him on a few of them. Howard said he also saw ''My Big Fat Greek Wedding'' and it was the worst. He said it just wasn't good. He mentioned that they're making it into a TV show now too. Howard said that ''Friends'' is starting to suck now too. He said whenever they do the ''super sized'' episodes, they suck. He said that they should leave it at a half hour.
Howard said on Saturday in Iraq, Saddam Hussein was saying that the Space Shuttle disaster was God getting back at the United States. Howard said we just have to blow that whole country up. He went off on Hussein for a short time and said that everyone forgets that we're at war. Howard spent a couple more minutes on that and then changed the subject.
Howard brought up this chick Jeannette Walls who wrote an article about him recently. Howard said that she wrote another article(click here) about him and got her facts from this lame web site. Howard said that shows that she's not a real journalist. Howard read some of the article which mentions this web site. She quoted something I mentioned in my write up from the week before and said that there were women at the bar he was at. Those were waitresses, not women that Howard and Carson Daly were trying to pick up. Howard read through some of the other stuff and she claims that he didn't give a tip. Howard said that he did tip the waitress a hundred bucks as he was leaving the club. Robin wondered what kind of source ''Marks Friggin web page'' was. Howard said it's not a reliable source and I have to agree. Howard was calling her a ''Sunt'' today since he can't use the ''c-word.'' Howard said if Robin read the whole article she'd die laughing but he didn't want to bore everyone.
Crazy Cabbie's birth mother, Audrey, called in to thank Howard for everything he did for her. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about how she and Cabbie are getting along. She said they're doing just fine and thanked him for the way they portrayed her on the E! show.
Howard took a call from a guy who has an Arbitron ratings book. Howard said he can't tell the guy what to put in the book because Arbitron will take away all of his ratings and delist him. Howard has taken calls from other people who have Nielson ratings books and he tells them what to put in those but he can't do that with the Arbitron books. The guy changed subjects and said that his wife once touched Jackie's nuts. Howard asked the guy how that happened. The guy explained how they went to see Jackie one night and after the show they went to a club and Jackie ended up having his wife touch his nuts. Howard got off the phone with that guy and said that those ratings books are off limits to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Billy Joel wasn't given a DUI test after smashing his car into a tree recently. Howard said he doesn't know why that is but he heard that Joel was bleeding so much that they didn't bother taking a breathalyzer test on him. Howard and Robin discussed that for a short time and said the guy who called in didn't know anything about the story either.
Howard sent Allison to the bathroom and told her she had to get completely naked. Howard told her that was Carl's fault and if she didn't get completely naked, he'd kick them out of there. Carl told her not to worry so she took her clothes off. Howard asked her if she wanted a drink or something to calm her down. She said it was a little early for that.
Howard got to the game once they got Allison's clothes. Howard explained the rules to Carl and got ready to play. Howard plays 5 songs and both Gary and Carl have to write down the name of the song and the artist that performed it. The songs are mostly from the 1980's.
The clothes eventually came out of the bathroom so Howard had KC check the bra size. KC said it was a 34 B even though she claimed it was a 35 C. Howard started the game a minute later. Here are the 5 songs and who got them correct:
Howard took a call from a woman who wants to play Gary in the game but she doesn't want to get naked. Howard told her that if she can find something to barter with, she can play. He put her on hold and told her to find someone to get naked or something.
Howard said that Allison isn't going to come out of the bathroom. She locked the door and said she wasn't coming out. Howard asked her to unlock it so they could talk to her on microphone. Howard told her she'd have to come out to get her clothes eventually. Howard told KC to confiscate the clothes and take them away so she wouldn't have any to sneak back on. She said she'd just wait until ten o'clock to get the clothes. Gary said he'd put him on his desk and wait until she came out. She ended up cursing and refused to come out. Howard told her she wasn't going to get out with her clothes until she comes out naked. She still argued that she was told she'd just be topless if he lost but Howard said that wasn't their fault, that was Carl's fault. Howard told Carl he could leave but his sister was staying in the bathroom because she welched on the bet. Howard said from now on they're going to make contestants come in with a $5000 cashier's check as well as the chick to get naked because of this. Howard and Robin told her they could leave her in there all night if that's what it takes. Stuttering John told Howard to just go in to use the bathroom but Howard said he doesn't do that. Howard said if Carl had won, they would have taken the $5000. She lost the bet and she was supposed to come out naked. Gary told Carl they'd eventually break her and she'd come out naked.
Howard took a few phone calls and let people complain about what Allison and Carl did to them. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard said that KC wasn't watching the door to the bathroom during the break and Allison escaped after wrapping toilet paper around herself. She ran and put her jacket on so no one would see her body. Howard had Carl back in and told him he was really pissed about what they'd done. Carl claims that he didn't plan on scamming Howard during this. Howard said after he saw her run out he knows why she didn't want anyone to see her body, she had cellulite on her legs. He kept getting more and more upset the more he talked about it. He even said that Allison had a ''butter face'' (Everything is good 'but her face'). Allison said Howard could say anything he wanted to about them, she didn't care. Howard said they have to change the rules to the game because of this debacle. He said that from now on when a woman comes in, they're going to stand her behind a sheet and if the contestant loses, they'll just drop the sheet. Howard got rid of them a short time later. Howard later said he was kind of upset that he called her names and pointed out the cellulite. Gary said it her attitude sucked and that didn't help things.
A couple of times during the interview Howard said that the whole Stump the Booey thing was throwing him off. He said he was kind of upset that he said some of the things he said. He said it ruined his day.
Howard got back to Barry and talked about how much money his contract is good for. He said it's a 6 year contract and it's worth about $17 million. He said he only got $50,000 for getting the Cy Young award. He told Howard that Pedro Martinez came in second place and got $500,000.
Howard read that Barry's father quit his job and trained him every day so he'd become a great pitcher. He also got training from Randy Jones for a while. He said when he'd screw up, Randy would spit on him.
Howard spoke to Barry about his dating life for a little while too. Barry told Howard that when he goes into spring training he has to focus all of his attention on that so women don't like that and end up getting upset. He talked about dating this Mexican soccer player.
Randy told Howard about working on the Chris Issac show and how he got to make out with some hot chick on the show. Howard asked him if he got a boner while he was doing the scene. Barry said that it's not like a real kiss because you're trying to remember you next line. Artie asked him if he got a boner after the shoot when he was banging her. Barry said he didn't bang her though.
Howard mentioned that Barry was in to promote this National Donor Day thing and said that no one was interested in that and even Barry didn't care.
Gary brought up a few interesting things about Barry during the interview. One of them was the fact that he sometimes sends his sister his scabs through the mail. Barry said the two of them just try to gross each other out.
Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to get some info out of Barry about this Mexican soccer chick he dated. Barry wasn't giving him much info though. He said he met her at her at her job when she was working at a Sushi bar. He said she wasn't all that nice to her when he first met her. They eventually hooked up with each other though.
Howard took a few phone calls for Barry and Gary threw in a couple more interesting facts about him. Gary said that he knows Barry isn't gay but he does do yoga and lights aroma therapy candles before games. He also said that Barry carries around stuffed animals and two satin pink pillows. Barry said that he used to have a stuffed animal he carried but that was just in his rookie season. Robin wanted to know about the pink pillows but he never got to that. Artie joked and said that he read that Barry once had sex with a man... but that's not gay.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and let some people ask Barry some questions. One guy asked Barry who has the biggest schlong in the Oakland A's locker room. Barry said ''Oh wow!'' and didn't really answer. Artie and the guys took some guesses but didn't get the real answer out of him. Howard gave Barry a plug for this Doner Day thing and said you can find out more at SaturnUAW.com. Howard and the guys talked about how strange that would be to have your organs donated. Howard said he'd be afraid that if he had a doner card, some guy that was trying to save his life might have an incentive to not save his life and save the life of someone who is on the edge of death. Robin thought that was ridiculous though. Howard said he could hear someone in the operating room saying ''That Howard Stern always annoyed me...'' and the next thing he knows they're removing his eyes. Howard said that he's not going to be donating anything of his. He suggested that everyone else should be a doner just in case something happens to him.
Howard gave Barry some suggestions about his career and told him not to hurt himself over the next four years. He needs to save himself so he can get the big money when this contract is up. Howard told him he has time to have fun in 20 years when he retires from baseball. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Barry before wrapping up the interview.
Ralph called in and said he didn't throw his credit card in because he's not rich and can't afford to just have someone take it and charge an unknown amount on it. Gary said that they split it between 6 couples so he ended up paying for Ralph's dinner. The guys pointed out that this has gotten a lot of problems between some people like Gary and Ralph. Gary said he was kind of upset with Ralph because he didn't put in his credit card with everyone else who put in their's. Gary broke it down for Ralph and told him that it cost him an extra $80 to feed him and this guy Edipis. Howard told Ross to let them know next time they do something like that so they know what to expect. Howard told Ross that it was a ''classless'' act. Ralph continued to try and defend his actions but it wasn't working. Howard pointed out how Ralph doesn't pay for much of anything at all. Howard told a story about Ralph inviting a bunch of people to dinner and then not paying the bill. Howard said he's the one who paid for the dinner. Howard ended up hanging up on Ralph when he started to say something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knew the right thing to do. He said whoever was throwing the party should have given his credit card to the manager and told him that he, or she, was paying for everything. Howard wrapped up the conversation shortly after that.
A listener called in and said that Jimmy Kimmel used one of Howard's ideas on his show last night. They even used the same name of ''Gay Chicken'' on the show. Howard didn't seem to upset about it but did say that Jimmy told him that they got their idea for the opening of the show from old Steve Allen shows.
The caller had a bunch of questions for Howard but he wouldn't even let Howard get out an answer before going on to the next subject. He got off the phone before he really got much out of him.
Howard got to the John Minelli article that was written about him. Howard said the title of the article makes it sound like Howard was laughing along with Captain Janks' phony phone call to Dan Rather during the Space Shuttle disaster coverage. Howard read through the article and said even the article doesn't prove that he was laughing at the phone call. He was quoted saying something to Janks about how it was too depressing to even make the call. Howard said he is very depressed about the Space Shuttle crash and he feels bad for the families of the people lost in that crash. Robin wondered why they don't question CBS about why they let people like that get through to them when he gives them his home phone number. Howard said Janks is proving a point that these news people don't check their sources. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with that because he's had articles written about him where people don't check their sources. Howard said this guy John Minelli has never written a nice thing about him in his whole career and he finds that fascinating. He said he wants to call the guy and ask him what his problem is. Howard and Robin said Opie and Anthony had positive articles written about them all the time. Howard said he thinks that the guy once applied for a job with Howard and Mel when they were starting up a radio network but they didn't even have a network at the time. He's not sure that's the reason but the guy just seems to hate him. Howard said he used to get upset about stuff like this but he really doesn't care anymore. He said even if it works up into something bigger and he gets fired, he doesn't care. He said he'd like to sit at home doing nothing.
Howard said his dog Bianca peed in her bed last night and laid in it. He said she doesn't seem to care about it. The dog usually warns him when she has to pee but last night she didn't for some reason. Howard said he can't even get mad at the dog because she's so cute. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
After the break Howard said he can't wait to see the Michael Jackson special that's going to air soon. He read an article that was written about the show and they pretty much tell you everything that happens in the show. Howard said that the guy sound's completely f'd up in the article. Jackson apparently thinks that he helped cure a 12 year old boy who had cancer by letting him sleep in his room. The article also talks about the many wacky things that have happened to him throughout his life. The show is called ''Living with Michael Jackson'' and it was put together by a British TV channel called ITV. Howard continued to read through the article and all of the strange things that Jackson reveals in the special. He apparently claims that he likes water balloon fights better than making love. He also talks about how he would like to adopt two kids from each continent. Jackson talks openly about letting kids sleep in bed with him too. He talks about being beaten with a belt by his father when he was younger also.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about ''Joe Millionaire'' for a little while. They mentioned some of the stuff that happened on the latest episode. Howard then brought up record producer Phil Spector who was recently arrested for an investigation about a woman who was killed at his estate. Howard read through an article about that and talked about him for a while. The guys talked about how the guy hasn't produced an album since 1980. Howard said the reason for that is people don't want to get shot if they screw something up. Howard said that Robert Shapiro is representing Spector in the case.
Robin brought up a story about a cop who was attacked when he tried to get a group of people to move their car from an intersection. Robin said the people brutally beat him and bit off his nose. They stood there and watched until they were arrested.
Howard took a phone call from an odd sounding man who was complaining about Howard making fun of Tiny Tim or something like that. The guy was telling Howard about how he has Tiny Tim's final recording. The guy claims that he wrote the song but Tiny Tim performed it. Gary told Howard that the guy called every day last week a few times each day and talked for a long time. Howard had the guy play the song for him and he told the guy it was beautiful even though it was horrible. Howard said all of these people Tiny Tim had to deal with were all mental. Howard said the guy probably thinks that the song is gold even though it sucks. He said the caller probably thinks it's still 1924. Howard wondered if the guy ever listens to radio these days and realizes that the music isn't relevant anymore. The song sounded like a bad song from the Wizard of Oz or something. When the song was over Howard asked the guy if he listens to music these days. The guy was 88 years old and said that Tiny had great taste and it would be relevant today. Howard said there's nothing like that on the air these days and the song was horrible. The guy told Howard not to miss his opportunity to grab the song. He said it will help sell pizza in the pizza industry. Howard told the guy he'd like to give him $100,000 but he had to send him $5000 to get that. The guy said that he could only afford to send him ''five thousand dollars minus five thousand dollars.'' He told Howard he wrote another song about Valentine's Day also. He didn't have the recording that Tiny Tim did though. He said that he would sing some of the song to him over the phone though. The guy asked Howard if he was going to shoot him over the phone because he can't sing very well. Howard said that unfortunately, there's no technology to do that. The guy sang the horrible song and Howard said it was kind of sad. He wondered if that will happen to him someday in the future. Howard told the guys to get some of Mark Harris' songs to play for the guy. Howard said he'd pretend to be Mark and tell the guy that he wrote the awful songs. Howard told the guy that he needs someone talented to sing his songs for him and he gave Mark Harris as an example. After playing a few seconds of one of Mark's songs he asked the old guy what he thought. He said that Mark's voice was okay but he didn't care for the melody. Howard played him another example and he didn't care for that one either. That song was about Michael Jackson so Howard played another one about Zsa Zsa Gabor. That was even worse and even this guy knew it sucked. Howard eventually got off the phone with that guy because all he wanted to talk about was Tiny Tim. Howard and Artie continued to goof on the Mark Harris songs. Artie did his impression of Mark and goofed on him for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who missed part of the show yesterday when the chick refused to come out of the bathroom naked. Howard told the guy that the chick came out of the bathroom with toilet paper wrapped around herself and never got naked for them. Howard ended up singing a song about that with his best Mark Harris impression. Everyone got into it after that. Robin, Fred and Artie all sang a few lines from it. Vinnie Favale then called in and told Howard he had to play the track that Mark sings about Princess Diana. He sings about her dying. Vinnie said that Mark calls him every day and he can't take it. He said he wants to kill him when he's on the phone. Vinnie said Mark has new projects every day that he wants to talk about. Howard continued to play the Lady Di song an goofed on it until the song ended abruptly. Vinnie said that Mark has Chinese and German versions of the song also. Howard said it might work in Chinese. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said the guys were talking about how they know a bunch of people who have killed other people. Howard mentioned people like OJ Simpson, Henry Hill, Don King, Phil Spector and a couple of others. Howard then had Justine Priestley come in.
Howard said Jason used to love them but now he hates them after some phone calls he got the last time he was on the show. Howard told Justine that he couldn't control the phone callers that day. Howard said he's not sure what the big deal was. Justine said she heard that Jason handled it well that day so even she's not sure what the problem is.
Howard asked Justine what she's doing these days. She said that she's acting but she also has to pay some bills so she's bartending at Hogs and Heffers. She told Howard what that's like and how she has to dress and what they have to do as bartenders there. She said her manager told her she had to dress like ''Daisy Duke, biker chick meets girl next door.'' Justine said that even famous chicks come to the bar and leave their bras hanging on the wall with the many other bras. She said the job is pretty cool and she has some fun there.
Justine told Howard that she tries to meet guys at the gym she goes to but most of the guys are gay. She said she has a tough time finding guys. She said she prefers guys who are at least six feet tall even though she's only 5'5'' tall. She said she likes to feel small. Justine told Howard that she was dating this Italian guy once but he was just so dumb that she wanted to punch him. Howard said that makes him feel better because at least he's smart.
Howard asked Justine how her brother is doing since his race car crash. Justine said that he's doing okay even though he died that day. Howard said that he feels bad for Jason and he really doesn't have any hatred for him. Howard asked her if she thinks he'll be mad at her for doing the show. She said she hopes not. Howard said that Jason could send her a few bucks to help her out. She said that he has been very generous with his family and has paid for some vacations and stuff.
Howard read some stuff from Justine's bio and she was by his side after the accident. She said his nose was detached from his face after the accident. She said her father took some pictures of it because it was just unbelievable. Howard wondered why anyone would take pictures of that. He also wondered why Jason would want to go back to racing after something like that. Justine said race car drivers have a gene that makes them crazy. Howard read some more stuff from her bio and she claims that Jason died on the race track that day.
Robin asked Justine if it's true that Luke Perry was the guy who got Jason to start talking after he came out of his injuries. She said that wasn't true and she explained how many other people were there in the room when he first spoke.
Howard went through some of her other bio and saw that she banged Ian Ziering from ''Beverly Hills 90210.'' She said that Jason, Ian and her all got drunk and she banged Ian. Howard asked her if Jason got upset about that. She said Jason was high-fiving both of them after their night together. Howard thought that was kind of strange. She said that Ian was pretty good in bed too. She said the whole thing was a little blurry but it was good. Justine said that Jason was a guy who banged all of her friends so he wouldn't be one to say that what she did with Ian was wrong. She said she went back the next night and got banged again. She said they had a fun weekend.
Howard tried to take some phone calls for Justine but no one was there for some reason. Gary came in and said that some of the guys were under the impression that she might be willing to show her breasts. She said she wouldn't but Gary was ready to offer her some money. Howard heard that she took some test photos with Playboy. Justine said she did but they changed their minds and didn't want her. Gary offered Justine $1000 to show them her breasts but she kept saying ''no.'' Howard told her it was a mistake to turn it down. Gary then offered her $2000 and a watch. She still didn't want to do it.
Howard took some more phone calls and there were finally some people there. One guy said he wanted to date her even though he didn't know what she looked like. Another guy said she was more interesting than Jason.
Howard gave Justine a plug for this movie she did called ''Speed Mating'' which you can find out more about at GuerrillaFilmMakers.com. Howard started to wrap things up after that but he threw in a few more phone calls. A couple of people said that her brother is a douche for not coming on Howard's show. Howard wrapped it up after the calls and thanked Justine for coming in.
Howard said he made it into Movieline magazine as one of the top ten unsexiest celebrities. Some of the other people on the list were Rosie O'Donnel, Martha Stewart, Kelli Rippa, Katie Couric and all of the Backstreet Boys. Howard read through some other stuff that appears in that magazine. They ask questions about why there's no sex in movies anymore and about what it was like to have sex with Cher in the old days. Howard said he's pretty sure he could get Cher. Howard also read through some other questions including one about which celebrities are really gay. Gary said he read about some guy who is playing a hapily married father on TV and he really has a gay lover who is in the army and was just shipped out. Howard read some other stuff in the magazine and then talked about Beetlejuice and Camille Juice. Howard said Beetlejuice ended up getting into a fight when Ronnie the Limo Driver was frisking him. Howard watched the tape and laughed as it was happening.
Gary came in with a list of old women for Howard to go through and pick which one's he'd bang. Here's the big list and the women Howard picked:
Another caller asked Howard what happened with that woman who was locked in the bathroom yesterday. Howard told the story once again and said the woman wrapped herself in toilet paper and ran out.
Howard had Camille come in to talk to Beetlejuice about how she wants to marry him. Howard said Camille's mother was looking for her this morning because she took the garbage out and just went right to the studio. Howard and Robin said that Camille was dressed up nicely this morning. Howard said he heard that she doesn't even know how old she is. She said she doesn't like to keep track of that but she's 40 or 41. Howard asked Beetle how old he is. He said 43 but numbers just seem to pop in and out of his head and he uses whatever is there at the time.
Howard asked Camille about this marriage thing. She said she loves Beetlejuice and would like to get to know him better. Beetlejuice said he'd marry this woman. Howard heard that Beet doesn't want to get married though. These two have met before and Beetle actually gave Camille a ring. She said she doesn't know what she did with it though and didn't have it on today. Howard and Robin asked Beetle if he'd be able to stay away from prostitutes if he gets married. Beetle said he would if he had to. Beetle said he should be called ''Superman Cat Pussyman'' because he gets the women. Beet also said a few other things that didn't make much sense. He was saying that he's already married to his wife, his ex-wife, his sister's brother's wife, his friend's sister's brother's wife... etc. etc. He also claims that he broke up with his wife a few days ago. He told Howard that he could call his ex-wife if he wanted to. Howard asked Camille when she first saw Beetljuice. She said she saw him on TV. Howard asked her if she's on medication. She said she is so Howard figures that might be the reason she finds Beetlejuice attractive. He asked her about what she does all day long while she lives with her mother. She said she tries to go out once in a while but she gets scared. She said she can't go out too long. She told Howard she'd like to come work for them. Howard said she really need some skills to do that but she doesn't have any. She claims that she used to be a Nurses aide assistant which surprised Howard and Robin.
Howard spent a couple more minutes with Beetle and Camille. Howard asked Camille if she has sexual feelings for Beetle. She said she sometimes pictures Beetlejuice f'ing her. They had to hit the delay when she said that though. Howard gave Beetlejuice a plug for his uncensored DVD which is available at JollyDwarf.com. Beetlejuice said he wanted to marry Camille out in Vegas and said that he has a ''Cuzzi'' for them to use. The two of them kissed each other before the end of the interview. After seeing it Howard said he wanted to throw up. Camille was going to take off some clothes to show her ''sexy underwear'' to Beetlejuice but Beet said something that turned her off and she didn't strip down. Beetlejuice was rambling on and on about something that wasn't making much sense. Howard kept trying to end the interview but Beet would interrupt him over and over again. Howard was eventually able to end it and took a commercial break.
Gary told Howard that Beetlejuice's entourage were kind of pissed about some stuff.. Drunken Jamie was pissed that Howard didn't let him come in. The last time he was on he was sober and Howard didn't like it. This time he showed up drunk and Howard didn't let him in. Gary also said that Beetlejuice's manager Sean was upset that they weren't in the main green room. Gary said he explained that they had a guest there, and if they don't know who Beetlejuice is, they might not be comfortable with him. Sean said he didn't care but Gary said he cares because they're guests. Gary and Howard talked about how drunk all of the guys were too. Howard said he had John the Stutterer there also. Howard had the guys come in so he could talk to them. He took a couple of phone calls in the meantime.
When John the Stutterer came in Howard said his nose was whistling into the microphone. John said it wasn't but both Robin and Howard told him to trust them, it was whistling. Howard moved on and asked John why he always fights with Beetlejuice. After a few seconds of silence, John said that they don't fight and they're getting along fine. He said the just fought one time. KC said he's pretty sure that Beetlejuice will say something to piss John off though.
Howard said he'd give Drunken Jamie and Sean in for two seconds. Jamie came in and cursed after just a few seconds. Howard told him he was fed up already and wanted him out. Jamie managed to stay in though. Howard asked Sean what he was drinking. He said he wasn't drinking though, he was just in with Jamie. Howard said that Jamie wanted to pitch a show to him so he let him go. Jamie rambled something off about Beetlejuice doing a reality TV show. Howard sarcastically said he'd love to do business with Jamie. Jamie figured Howard was scared of him. Howard agreed and said he is scared of him. Jamie ended up going nuts and yelled about how he wanted to talk about doing a reality TV show about Beetle. Beetlejuice came in and Jamie just kept yelling. Beetlejuice got into the yelling and the two of them had a drunken conversation that didn't make one bit of sense. Beetlejuice ended up cursing so Howard had to get them out of the studio. Beetlejuice didn't want to leave though. Sean thanked Howard for everything as they were leaving. It took them a couple of minutes before they were actually out of the studio. They could still hear them yelling out in the hallway.
Howard got to John the Stutterer and asked him about this anti-stuttering device they had on Oprah's show. John said he's heard a little about it. Howard said they can put something in his ear and it'll stop his stuttering. Howard asked him why he doesn't get it. John said that he doesn't want to get it though because it won't make his life any better. He said he still won't get laid even if he doesn't stutter. He explained to Howard what he thought about it. While he was stuttering and flailing around Fred was doing his impression which dragged out his stutters even longer. Howard told him to forget about the getting laid part and asked him why he wouldn't just want to get a normal life. John said something that got the delay hit so we missed part of the conversation. John went on to tell Howard that he knows a lot of shallow guys that get laid but he knows that he's got no chance of getting chicks because when he approaches ''these good looking sluts'' they call him ''stuttering retard'' or laugh at him. Howard told him he's pretty sure if he got rid of the stutter, he'd be able to get a chick. He also said that his nose was still whistling.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he thinks John is a faker and doesn't really stutter. Howard told the guy that he's as real as it gets. John went on to tell this guy who called in that stutterers sometimes have moments of fluency and it comes out when they get angry. He was trying to explain this to the guy and said the word ''Spontanuity'' which Howard corrected a few seconds later. The guy still thought that John was faking it.
Howard told Robin that John the Stutterer wanted to sit in during the news because he gets bored sitting around his house all alone. Howard asked him if anyone ever visits him. He said his parents visit him. Howard said FedEx might visit him too. Howard told Robin he's pretty sure they could get him a woman if he lost the stutter. John said ''I, I, I, I, I.. really do... I, I,.. really do get a lot of joy and pleasure...'' when he does the show. Howard told him to hang out and had Robin do her news after that.
Artie mentioned something about Miles Davis smoking while he plays on stage. That led to Howard saying they should make up one of those bits like they played on yesterday's show with James Brown and Ozzy Osbourne talking to each other. Howard ended up replaying that bit after someone helped him find it. Howard said he wants to hear more of that too.
Howard changed subjects and brought up Lisa Marie Presley who just put out a new album. He said that Gary told him she wants to come in and sit in on a whole show sometime in March or April. He said by then the album will be dead anyway so it might not happen. Howard said she's probably just waiting to see what happens with her album.
Howard had to take a break so he mentioned a couple of the things that they had planned for today and took a break.
After the break Howard replayed a voice mail message High Pitch Erik left for Artie. He sang ''Welcome Back'' to Artie and said he'd be at the Brooklyn Diner on Friday. Howard brought up ''Fear Factor'' and said on Monday night's show they had people swimming around in cow's blood trying to get stuff out of it. Robin brought up some of the other stuff they've done on that show. Howard played a voice mail they got from some guy who said he could picture himself banging one of the chicks from behind while she had her head in the blood. Howard said one of the chicks on that episode was really hot and had huge cans. He said she was showering off after the blood thing and she was pulling her bikini top away as she was showering.
Howard said some chick brought him a copy of an independent film to check out and this woman who dropped it off was topless in the movie. Howard said she looked nice in it but no one will ever see the movie. He said she was good in it too but it'll never be seen by anyone. Howard said chicks who would never get naked will get naked for these independent films. Howard and the guys ended up talking about going to the gym and working out. They brought up this one gym where they have smoked glass covering up a shower and you can see shadows of people taking showers. Gary said he waited 15 minutes just to avoid using that shower stall. The guys suggested sending someone like Benjy down there to ''jerk it'' in the shower while people are walking by that shower. They were talking about hot chicks going to the gym too. Artie said he never sees any hot chicks at the gym though. Howard said that a lot of hot chicks will cover up their asses with a sweater or something so guys won't check it out. Howard said he saw a woman who was walking around without any panties giving beaver shots to everyone. He said she had to know she was doing it too. Gary said he's heard this one guy at the gym screaming as he's lifting weights. Howard said that's a ''Look at me Daddy'' scream. Howard said Gary should tape that so he can hear it. Gary said he's seen KC work out with 80 pound dumbbells in each hadn and he doesn't make a sound. This guy at his gym is lifting like 25 pounds and screaming like he's being raped. Stuttering John came in and said that this guy he knows picks up guys at gyms and fondles them in the shower. Gary told a story about Scott DePace going out to L.A. and signing up for a gym that he didn't know was a gay gym. Gary said Scott's test to find out of the guy who was spotting him was gay was to say ''Boy, there sure are a lot of faggots in here.'' Gary said after Scott said that the guy walked away and never spoke to him again.
Joe did say that he's in pain and the doctors have him on meds to help that out. Howard told him he should try something radical, sleeping with Michael Jackson. He said Jackson is claiming that he helped cure a young boy of cancer after letting him sleep in his bed. Joe said he's got a couple of good friends that stay close to him. Howard asked him if he can get laid on his way out. Joe said that's the last thing on his mind though. Howard said he heard that Joe smokes a lot of pot too. Of course he does, he's dying. He said it also gives him an appetite because he's not hungry.
Gary came in and said one of the guys in the office knew a guy who was diagnosed with cancer and was told he had a year left to live. The guy quit his job and did all the stuff he wanted to do before he died... and ended up living for 8 years. The last 7 were in poverty because he quit his job. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Joe and said he had to go. He then thought about it for a second and said he didn't want those words to be the last ones he had with him. Joe said a few more, unintelligible, words before Howard wrapped it up. Howard told Joe he loves him and hopes to see him in Las Vegas the next time they're there.
Artie said if that call doesn't make you throw away your pack of cigarettes, nothing will. Robin said Artie will be going out to smoke a cigarette during the break though.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time. One guy asked Howard if his girlfriend is still talking to the ex-boyfriend she used to talk to. Howard said he does still call and it makes him seem pathetic. Robin wondered if he still thinks he's her girlfriend or something. Howard said he still invites her to dinner and stuff like that. He said it's not just the one guy, there are a couple of them who do that. Howard said some of them even put Howard down when they talk to her. Howard said he bangs Beth every night so she doesn't have time to cheat on him.
Howard took another call from a woman who told Howard to stop putting himself down. He said there are other celebrities like Rick Ocasek and Marilyn Manson who are uglier than him. The woman mispronounced Rick's name and his wife's name. Howard and the guys continued to goof on the woman after she got off the phone. Howard said that's what happens when you get old.
Howard said he's trying to get his father to get his hearing checked because he can't hear. He said his daughter goes over to him and gets behind him and starts talking. He doesn't hear a word. Howard said he's asked him why he doesn't get a hearing aid and he just yells that he doesn't need one. Howard said he's not even sure a hearing aid would help him. He said his father goes to see movies and complains about how dark the movies are and how the actors all whisper.
A listener called in and said that the Granny Smith apples he's eating are actually from Washington State. He said they pick them and put them in cold storage. Howard said the guy is crazy and that's no possible. He moved on to another caller who confirmed what the guy just told Howard. He said they do come from Washington and Tom Chiusano is an idiot. He said it's too early for Australian apples. The guy told Howard about the cold storage thing and Howard still didn't believe it. He said he buys apples and puts them in his refrigerator and they go bad after a few days. Howard went on to say that this country is great because you can get fresh fruit like that at this time of year.
Howard ended up talking about how great it is that we can see video of our country blowing up the Taliban guys in Afghanistan. He said he watched some video of our guys blowing up caves, buildings and people on this web site. Howard read a description of what the site features and then gave out the web site address(Note: The people who run the site asked me to take down the link to the site because it was crashing their server, sorry.)
Howard took a call from a guy who had a bunch of false info about how our country has killed people in Mexico and Russia. Howard ended up yelling at the guy for not knowing what he was talking about. The guy ended up hanging up on him so Howard got back to the bombing video. He spent a few more minutes talking about that while E! played the video for him. Howard described the video and said you can see guys running and getting blown up. Howard spent a few more minutes on that before moving on to other stuff.
A caller said that he was her cousin and this was all a scam. He said she's mental and needs some help. He was lying though. Another caller said that Howard should make her play Anal Ring Toss and just shove the stick in another 4 inches. Howard told her if she wanted the two grand, she had to come in and play Anal Ring Toss. She said she can't do that though so Howard got off the phone.
Howard moved on to talk about a bunch of other stuff. He brought up the new ''Daredevil'' movie and asked Gary to set up a screening so they can check it out. Gary said he'd do that. Howard said he hopes the movie is good because he loves the comic book character. Howard said that Ben Affleck isn't a daredevil. He said someone who bangs Jennifer Lopez isn't a ''daredevil.'' The guy who bangs Leona Helmsley is a daredevil. Howard also took some calls about the stuff he was saying about Afghanistan earlier. He said we have to show these countries what will happen to them if they attack us. Howard continued to talk about that for a couple of minutes. He also said that he's proud of what the President is doing right now also. Howard talked about Saddam Hussein for a little while.
Howard brought up how the Jenny Jones show is going to disappear finally. He said the show was in 104th place among syndicated shows so it's finally being canceled. Howard said no one even knew it existed anymore.
Howard brought up Courtney Love and the trouble she had over in England. He said she's looking a little strange with the lips that are getting bigger and bigger. He said they look like those wax lips that kids play with. He said there's still something sexy about her though.
Howard talked about the Leona Helmsley court case and how she got beaten up by the jury when they found her guilty of firing a guy because he was gay. The guy apparently had a history of being fired from places for inappropriate behavior. Howard said that's how much people dislike Leona though. Howard had to take another break after that discussion.
Howard took some phone calls and ended up talking about our possible war against Iraq. Howard had one guy on the phone who didn't think it was a good idea to attack this country. Howard and Robin ended up telling the guy that he really wasn't a big thinker and couldn't figure out what this is all about. Howard said there are a lot of people saying that we're doing this all for ''the oil'' but that's not what it's all about. Howard continued to talk about this subject for a couple of minutes but changed the subject to ''American Idol.'' Howard said he can't stand Paula Abdul on the show because she just can't say anything negative about the performers. Howard played a couple of clips from the show and pointed out how she can't say one negative thing. Howard said Simon is great though. Paula will even defend the performer when Simon or Randy say anything bad about them. Howard said she'll even run out of the room if she has to tell these people something negative. Simon was just telling these people what he thought and didn't care a bit about what the people thought. Howard took a call from a guy who noticed something that ran across the bottom of the screen during that show last night. He said that they said the ''phones will be open for at least 2 hours.'' He said it seems a little bit incriminating and said that they could just close the phones when they feel like it. He said if someone is winning that they don't like, they could just leave the phones open until someone else is winning.
The caller Howard had on the phone asked Howard if he had any prizes to give away today. Howard said he had a $500 gift certificate to give away if he played ''Mystery Record.'' Howard said it was from 1972 but KC came in and told him it was actually 1992. Howard played the song and said he knew who it was after a few seconds. Robin thought she had it figured out too. Gary had it but then said he was going to change his mind on it. The guy on the phone had no idea. Howard gave him the prize anyway just to get rid of it. Howard said they were all going to write down their answers. Robin, Howard, Gary and Artie all thought it was Carmen Electra. They were right. The song was horrible. Howard played some of the cheerleader song that he saw the video for on iFilm.com the other day. Howard and the guys talked about how bad the songs were and talked about her for a minute.
Howard changed the subject and spent some time talking about record producer Phil Spector and his recent arrest for allegedly killing someone. Howard said the woman that was killed was pretty hot in the pictures he saw. Howard wondered what the reason was for her being killed. Robin told him what she's heard and they don't have many details at this point. Howard said they have a lot of pictures of her on her web site LivingDollProductions.com. Howard got on the web site again and checked out her pictures again. Howard said she wasn't that bad looking for an older chick. Howard read through some of her bio and stuff while he was on the site. Howard went on to play some of the stuff that Phil Spector produced over the years. They went over some of the other details about the guy that they read in the news too. Howard played some other Spector produced stuff and talked about that for a few more minutes.
After the Spector stuff Howard said he saw a great article in Looker Magazine called ''MILFs I'd Like To F***.'' It was a top ten list of women who are mothers that are bangable. Howard gave the list and said some of them aren't on his list. Here are the ten according to Looker going from 10 to 1:
Howard told Gilbert that he shouldn't be cutting his hair so short. He said he still has hair and shouldn't be buzzing his head like that. Howard also heard that Gilbert was out at a Comedy Central party last night and he was stealing food at the end of the party. He heard he was shoving it into his knapsack. Gilbert said that wasn't true but Howard had Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) on the phone who said he saw him doing it. Chaunce said he saw Gilbert putting lasagna and baked ziti in his bag. He claimed that Gilbert put it in napkins and then into his bag. Gilbert denied it and Howard said he wasn't so sure that he believed Chaunce. Chaunce swore that he saw this but Howard said he's been the victim of Chaunce's ''I swear to god I saw...'' claims and they weren't true. Howard got Chaunce off the phone and the guys continued to goof on Gilbert about it. Gilbert said the only thing he would have taken were chicken wings and he would never put them in his knapsack. Howard said he doesn't think Gilbert would ruin his four dollar back pack to steal some food. Robin asked Howard who he thinks is weirder, Gilbert of Michael Jackson. Howard quickly said Michael Jackson. Even Gilbert isn't that weird. Artie and Gilbert goofed around with the food stealing idea and made jokes about it for a couple of minutes. Artie joked that they found cheese in Gilbert's wallet. Howard had to take a break after just a few minutes. When they came back Howard had Abe Hirschfeld on the phone.
Abe started to talk about some of the problems we have in this world. He said he wants to stop the many divorces we have. He said he's been married 60 years now. He said he was going to tell people how to have a good marriage. He went on to tell a joke that didn't make much sense. It was about a 10 year old boy asking his mother how old she is and how much she weighs. She tells him that it's not polite to ask stuff like that. He also asks the mother why she's divorced. She won't tell him so he finds her license and it says she's 35 years old, weighs 120 pounds and it says she got an ''F'' for Sex, that's why she got the divorce. Howard and Gilbert then proceeded to have Abe repeat that joke over and over and over again. They kept telling him they missed part of the joke or they just didn't get it. Abe would tell it over and over again while Howard, Artie and Gilbert laughed hysterically. Howard had the microphones down so Abe couldn't hear them. Howard asked Abe what the whole joke meant because he didn't really get it. He finally asked about it after Abe told the joke about 5 times. Gilbert told Abe that he didn't hear all of the joke so he asked him to tell it once again. Howard said he couldn't take it anymore. Howard said he'd love to meet this guy. He used to hang out with President Kennedy and now he's getting dicked around by Gilbert. Gilbert had him repeat the joke again when he said they wanted to record it. Howard and the guys continued to laugh as he told the joke for the tenth time. Howard said he wasn't even sure what Hirschfeld was calling in for.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Abe started to tell another story about ''Babahah Walters'' so Gilbert picked up on that and goofed on him some more. He started to tell another joke about Barbara Walters and President Clinton so they had him repeating that over and over again before he even finished it. Abe told Howard that he composed these jokes while he was in prison for 2 years. Howard and Gilbert continued to goof on the poor guy for a few minutes. Abe never did get around to plugging what he wanted to talk about. Gilbert asked him to tell his 10 year old boy joke again so Abe said he was going to start charging for it. He went ahead and told it again though. Howard told Mr. Hirschfeld that he would talk to him about the diet and his plans for the World Trade Center at a future date. Hirschfeld said he had to plug something and started talking about the divorce thing again. Gilbert kept goofing on his accent though. Abe told one last joke as Howard was trying to wrap up the call and it just wasn't working. Howard finally got him off the phone. Gilbert goofed on him a little bit more before Howard took his break. Gilbert hung around for Robin's news.
Howard said he watched ''American Idol'' last night and saw the elimination round. He said it's obvious that none of those people are going to go anywhere after the show is over. Howard said the blonde chick was all full of herself and she ended up getting voted off. Howard said he figured America saw what her mother sitting there on the couch and realized that she'll look like her mother in 20 years. Howard said she was voted the next big waitress at Hooters last night. Howard and Artie goofed on her about that for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he'd seen previews of either ''Daredevil'' or ''The Hulk'' yet. He hasn't seen either one yet but the movie studios will probably give them a screening. Howard said he's afraid the ''Daredevil'' movie will be bad. He said he thinks Jennifer Garner will be ''over the top'' with her acting and Ben Affleck has never done anything for him. Howard said that ''The Hulk'' looked a little too cartoonish in the commercial during the Super Bowl. Gary told Howard that he should have a preview of ''Daredevil'' on his TiVo unit. They send stuff over sometimes and that was one of the things they sent recently. Gary asked Howard about ''Daredevil'' and what his deal is. Howard has read the comic books and explained to him where his super powers came from. Gary said it looks like Jennifer Garner will be fine in the movie. He said it looks like she doesn't have to talk much in the movie. Howard wondered what they're going to do with Ben Affleck ''who sucks the life out of every movie he's in.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw the ''Stump the Booey'' game last night on E! and they didn't play any of the songs. Howard told him that the clearances for those songs are expensive so they can't play them. Howard said he figures the E! people think people are going to stick around for the naked chicks on that show.
Another caller brought up Chuck Norris and how it looks like he's wearing a wig now. Howard said he probably does and just doesn't talk about it. Howard ended up talking about what a pro Norris is in Karate. That led to them talking about Steven Segal. Howard said he loves all of his movies but he's a big fat guy who can't even raise his leg. Howard also mentioned Jean Claude Van Dam who was taken down with one punch by Chuck Zito one time.
A listener called in and told Howard that he's mentioned in this month's Playboy magazine as being a bad tipper at the Blackjack tables. Howard wondered if that was an old story or a new one. He said he doesn't know where that comes from. Howard said he doesn't tip the dealers at these tables because they're not doing anything to help him out. That might be where the story is coming from though. Howard wondered if it should even be legal to tip a dealer. He said it might be influencing them in some way. Howard said he's really not a bad tipper and gives 50 percent tips when he goes out to eat sometimes. Howard brought up that chick from MSNBC who wrote the inaccurate article about him not tipping anyone. Howard said he did tip his waitress there on his way out of the place.
Howard took a call from someone who told him that they screwed up some of the story in ''Daredevil'' but they did get the part right about him losing his sight as a child. Howard thought that wasn't right but figured he's just not up on his Daredevil history. Artie asked Howard a question about Superman also so Howard talked about that for a short time. Robin also asked him what state Smallville is in. Howard quickly said ''Kansas.'' He then asked if anyone else had Superman questions.
Crazy Cabbie called in from San Francisco to talk about hanging out with Metallica. He said they had a big press conference yesterday where they announce a tour with Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit. Cabbie said Fred Durst was there and he got a quick interview with him. He said he asked him a few questions but his people were pulling him away for some reason. Cabbie figured he wasn't as important as TV. Cabbie said he asked Fred about Britney Spears. Fred let him ask about Britney. While he was talking about this the delay button was hit so we don't know exactly what he was saying. It turns out Durst told Cabbie that he ''ate Britney's ass.'' Cabbie said they'll be playing tape of that interview on the Cane and Cabbie show this afternoon. Howard said he'd do that if he could too. Howard and the guys continued to talk about that subject so the delay button got hit a few more times. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
After the break Howard said there's a lot on TV tonight. The 20/20 Michael Jackson thing airs tonight. Howard seems to think that will get some big ratings. Howard said it's going to be great. He talked about what he's heard about the interview with Jackson and how strange the guy sounds. Howard then talked about the strange meeting he had with Jackson years ago. Howard said Jackson wanted him to rally people together to march the streets in support of Michael Jackson. Jackson would then magically appear on his show. Howard said it was a bad idea and he told them that at the time. Howard said he wanted to do an hour long interview with Jackson back then but it didn't happen. Howard said Jackson is so crazy that he thinks his kids want to walk around with masks on because that's what he wished when he was a kid. He said they get him doing a bunch of weird stuff in this special. Howard heard that he's goes on a shopping spree in Las Vegas and spends like $6 million on a bunch of ugly crap.
Howard took a call from a guy who heard that they're going to be closing the Howard Stern rest stop in New Jersey. The guy said they were waiting for a response from Howard about it. Howard said he didn't have all the details yet so he was going to have to find out more about it. Howard said he heard that the rest stop was a big gay meeting place. He said he backed Governor Whitman and she rewarded him with that rest stop. Howard said Gary was pulling the news report as he was talking. He took a couple more phone calls while he waited for that. One guy called in and brought up ''Jimmy Kimmel Live'' and how bad it was. They can't seem to get decent guests. Howard said he heard that Lloyd Braun may lose his job over the whole thing. Howard wondered why Jimmy doesn't just do ''The Man Show'' on ABC instead of doing this live show. The caller also brought up ''The Smashing Machine'' which aired on HBO. Howard said the show was great and suggested people check it out. The guy also told Artie that he was funny doing the Playboy photo shoot that they showed on E! last night. Howard said he did a photo shoot for Penthouse years ago but he didn't actually take the pictures. He said some Chinese dude took the pictures. Howard explained how creepy he felt telling the girls what to do. Artie said he felt the same way. Howard said he checked out the chicks while they were naked but he got his ass out of there pretty quick. Artie said the chick he was photographing was really cute too. Robin said she just watched the E! show where they covered the Perfect 10 mansion and Norm Zedah was showing everyone the shower he had built just for photo shoots. Robin said she as thinking that he was a ''perv.''
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard about some stuff including the fact that Z100 in New York was playing audio of Howard and Robin talking about one of their DJs and how he's doing Bat Mitzvahs. Howard said they shouldn't be so proud that their DJs are doing Bat Mitzvahs.
Howard read an article about the closing of his rest stop. It turns out there were budget cuts and the rest area had to be cut. Howard said it shows how bad the state is at running these places. He read that it cost a million bucks a year to maintain the rest stop. Howard said the story was on Newsday.com. Howard said he'll pay to keep that rest stop clean himself. He said he'd hire a Jamaican woman to do it for him and it'll cost about $20,000 a year. Howard said there should be live bands playing there for a million bucks a year. Howard said they have to be kidding with that million dollar fee. Artie said it only costs $10,000 to hire Cheap Trick to play an event. Howard said he could have them playing every Saturday at the rest stop and it would still cost less than a million dollars. He said he could hire the rest of The Ramones to be security guards there for less than a million. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said that this year's FME (F-Emmy) awards are animated. They air tonight on E!
Howard said they have a woman today who wants to sue her plastic surgeon because she got bad implants. She claims to have paid $10,000 for them. Howard asked the woman, Ronnie, why she paid so much for them. She said she also got a lift while she was in there. Howard said her breasts are huge. She said she's a 38 D and she's put on some weight because of the stress she's been under lately. Howard asked Ronnie what this doctor did that she wants to sue over. She said the asymmetry of her breasts was supposed to be corrected but she's not happy with that part of it. Howard checked out some pictures of her and said she wasn't that bad. She had some kids and Howard could tell from looking at the before pictures. Howard told women to never have kids because they ruin breasts. Howard had Ronnie show him her breasts so he could see what was wrong. Ronnie said she wanted perky breasts and didn't get them. Howard said they're so big that if they were perky, they'd look bizarre. Gary noticed that one of her breasts didn't point in the right direction. Ronnie seems to think that she didn't get much of a lift though. She also thinks that they're not symmetrical. Howard agreed and said it could have been better. Gary said he couldn't tell before she showed them how bad they were. Ronnie said the doctor is willing to fix her problem but Howard suggested that she not go to the same guy if she's no happy with the first job. She asked Howard if he could suggest a professional. Howard said ''where am I gonna find one of those?'' Howard told Ronnie that she should lose a few pounds and she'd look better. He suggested toning her arms and maybe even getting her boobs reduced. Robin said it seems like she wants to run around naked. Ronnie said she just wants to be able to walk around her house and feel like she looks good. Howard told Ronnie to make an appointment with Dr. Daniel Baker so he can fix them. He said that boobs are like snowflakes and every one is different. He agrees that they're not perfect. Howard told her not to even worry about it. He told her to just lose the weight. Howard asked Robin if her's are symmetrical. She said she doesn't pay that close attention to them. Ronnie said her's are really noticeable. Howard told Ronnie to ask for her money back if she's that upset about it. He said if she tells him she was on the Howard Stern show, it might scare him into giving her the money back. Howard told her that she could go see Dr. Calabro or Dr. Baker on her own. Howard said Calabro would probably check her for free. Howard told Ronnie that she should lose like 20 pounds in the beginning of the interview. It went up to 100 by the end of it. Howard told her that she should weigh like 100 pounds. She claims that she weighs 150.
Gary offered Ronnie a year membership to Bally Total Fitness so she could lose the weight. Howard said she looked miserable though. She complained that the Bally Total Fitness is like 45 minutes from her home. Artie joked that on the Bally Total Fitness program he went from 224 pounds to 226. Howard wrapped up the segment and sent Ronnie on her way. Artie told her to go to Belmont on a Thursday afternoon and she'd look like Claudia Shiffer to the guys there. Howard said ''In K-Mart, she's a goddess.'' Howard said she was a cute girl, she just needed to lose a few pounds.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he was thinking of giving Ronnie the name of his plastic surgeon... who used to be a garbage man. Howard said that he got a letter from a guy who claims to know Chaunce. The guy said that Chaunce lives with a hot chick and is having a whirlpool put in that's the size of a small pool. He's also adding a level to his house. He's doing pretty well for a guy putting out a free newspaper. Howard read through some other stuff about him that was kind of crazy. He's got a refrigerator full of Slim Fast. Chaunce said the stuff is true. He's not sure who the guy is though. He said every radio in the house is tuned to the Stern show, even the one in the shower. The guy claims that he has even pleasured himself in Chaunce's house many times. He used his porn collection to get off. Chaunce said the stuff was pretty accurate. Howard got him off the phone after talking about all of that.
Another doctor called in and told Howard that he'd be willing to offer his services to the woman for free if she wanted. Howard put him on hold so they could give her the number.
Howard brought up the bombing video he talked about on the show yesterday. He said the clip was great and he loved watching it. He said when you see our guys bombing the Taliban guys, you feel great. Howard said you see them picking off the guys running out of a cave like rats. He went on to talk about how what we're doing with Iraq is great. He talked about Colin Powell's speech and what a great case he made for going after Saddam Hussein. The guys all talked about that for a little while. Howard said Saddam Hussein is going down and he's glad. Howard said he had another address for the video since the site he mentioned yesterday crashed and no longer carries it. Don't be surprised if the site is down because Howard mentioned it. Here it is: Military.com/newscontent?file=fl_video_121802. If that doesn't work, just search for AC130_GunshipMed.wmv in any search engine like Google or Yahoo. Howard had to take another break after that.
When he came back from the break Howard said he had an easier site to find with that video clip. That site is at VampireBat.com/obeythefist.
Howard asked Gary to do a few things for him and then said that he's thinking of having a bra wall in the studio like that have at Hogs and Heffers in New York City. He said he thinks that some celebrities might do it. Artie suggested a panty wall but Howard doesn't seem to think women would be willing to do that.
Howard said he talked to Tom Chiusano about doing some shows from Las Vegas and he said Tom is okay with that. They're probably going to put together a fight between Stuttering John and Robins boyfriend, Mr. X. They're going to have to sell tickets to the fight to be able to pay the guys. Howard said there are no definite plans yet so they don't have any dates at this time.
Howard got an e-mail about a blind item that was printed in some online gossip column. The article is about a celebrity who may be splitting from his wife. The way the story was written made it sound like it was John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Howard said John should sue over it if it's not true. Howard said that's kind of damaging if it's no true. Howard said he figured he would have heard something if that was the case. Howard said if it's true, John probably needs someone who is around more because Rebecca is always away. He said he knows that John is lonely sometimes because he's told him that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to be part of the Lesbian Bachelorette thing. She said she's a virgin and hasn't been with guys or girls. She's only 18 years old. Howard said if that's the age of consent, she's in. He wasn't sure if she had to be 18 or 21. Howard put her on hold so they could set her up to come in.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he'd heard about how some Indians want to put up a casino out on Long Island. Howard and Robin had discussed it in the past but they spent a few more minutes talking about it. Howard said the traffic would be horrendous out by the Hamptons if they built something like that. It's already bad out there and this would make it worse.
Howard took some more phone calls from women who wanted to be part of the Lesbian Bachelorette thing. One of the women who called in, Heather, told Howard that she's a mortician. Howard seemed to find that pretty interesting so he spent a few minutes talking to her about her job. Howard asked her things like whether or not she has ever felt up a dead person or even checked out the penis of a dead guy. She said she doesn't do stuff like that though. Howard asked her if she's ever had people dress their dead relatives in strange things. She said one family had her dress a woman in a see through blouse with no bra. Another woman called in and asked Heather where she went to school for that because she wants to go to. Heather said she went to Nassau Community College for it. Howard asked Heather when she got this desire to become a mortician. She said when she was a kid she used to bring home road kill and bury it. A guy called in during that conversation and asked Heather if she needed to be hooked up with supplies. He was from a company that supplies clothing and other things for funerals. He said they sell shoes, dresses and stuff like that. Howard told the guy she'd call his place if she wanted to. Another guy called in and told Howard he works for a company that sells monitors that you put in a coffin when it's buried. Howard thought that was a great idea but it turned out to be a scam. Howard and the guys said that Cabbie's girlfriend is studying to become a mortician. Robin later told the guys that Cabbie keeps pictures of his girlfriend's ass up on the wall in her studio. Cabbie uses the same studio and had a bunch of pictures and stuff hanging there. Howard and the guys checked out the pictures and said she's got a pretty nice ass. Howard had another woman call in who wanted to date Tabitha Stevens so he questioned her and put her on hold. Stuttering John told Howard that this woman's father was the one who told her to call in this morning. Howard and the guys checked out the pictures of Cabbie's girlfriend's ass. Howard said they should all take pictures of their girlfriend's asses and hang them in the studio. Howard said he'd try to get one of Beth's ass. Artie said he'd ask his girlfriend too. Fred said his wife just had a baby so she's not going to do it. Robin told Howard about all of the wacky crap Cabbie had hanging up in the office. Howard said he though Robin worked in that studio alone. After doing that Howard took another break.
Howard talked about the closing of his New Jersey rest stop again. Howard said there's no way that the place should have cost $1 million a year to maintain. He replayed the ABC news clip about the closing and goofed on the news anchor who read the story. Howard said his delivery was almost unintelligible. He also talked about the ''Butt Bongo Dan'' inside joke that the guy made. Howard said Dan was his producer years ago at WWOR. Howard said Dan has called him and wants to do dinner with him. Howard said he's not sure he wants to kill night with Dan though. He said he cherishes his weekends and he's not sure he'd want to go out with Dan on a weekend night.
Howard and the guys talked about the rest stop a little more. The guys said they could keep that rest stop clean for a lot less than a million bucks. Jeff said all they have to do is keep kids out of the bathroom with their M-80s. Howard said when he was a kid his friends flushed an M-80 down the toilet and blew up the pipes. Artie said he misses the M-80s and it's stunts like that which make them hard to get these days.
Howard read a news story about a guy who beat a cat with a shovel and bit it's head off. He then threw the cats head at a car. The car's driver called the cops on him. Howard and the guys goofed on that for a short time. Howard moved on to talk about ''Star Search'' and said that he had to stop watching after seeing Little Romeo, a 13 year old, judging models. Howard said it was creepy and disturbing. Howard said he hates little kids that are famous for some reason.
Howard read through some e-mail he got. He said some people loved Gilbert Gottfried's appearance yesterday. Other people said they hated it so much that they had to turn their radios off. He read through some of those and couldn't get over how split the audience is.
Howard read some e-mail about Courtney Love. He said people seem to think she has a drug problem. Howard said that it's not surprising that someone would think that after some of her behavior. Jeff said his wife is drug free and she once called a flight attendant the C-word. He told Howard the story about how the flight crew brought them the wrong meal because they must have thought he was Pakistani or something. Jeff said that they tried to tell her it was the wrong meal but she wouldn't take it back. The passenger who it was meant for ended up asking for his meal. The Flight Attendant then came over and shoved her thumb in his wife's meal and told her she was eating the wrong meal. He said his wife them called her an ''F'ing C***.'' They didnt' get kicked off or even get in trouble for it. He said the rest of the crew didn't even make a big deal out of it.
Howard had another e-mail that he didn't understand. Someone said Howard was defending Pee Wee Herman recently but Howard couldn't figure out when that was. Howard read one other e-mail from someone who wonders when Howard thinks Jimmy Kimmel's show will be canceled. Howard said he really likes Jimmy and wants his show to do well. He had to take another break after that.
After the break Howard said that they've had a dead fan's ashes in the studio for the past 3 years. Benjy reminded Howard about it and said that the guy's name was Mark. They talked about that for a short time and then moved on to other stuff. Howard gave Jeff a couple more plugs for his gigs and web site. Jeff said bringing ashes into Howard's studio is kind of risky. He said they'd end up on a stripper's ass eventually. Howard had Robin do her news after that quick discussion.
Howard said he stayed up to watch the Michael Jackson special that was on last night. Robin said she had to watch the show after it too. Howard and Robin talked about Jackson sleeping with kids and tried to figure out if he does anything sexual with them. Robin said he says things that a pedophile would say but he also seems a-sexual. Artie wondered if they're in danger hanging around with him. Howard and Robin both said that of course they're in danger. They talked about Jackson's own kids and how they don't look like they have any of his DNA in them. Howard said he things Macauley Culkin is more likely those kids parents. Robin said that a real pedophile doesn't care where kids come from and might mess with his own kids. Howard pointed out how the skin under Jackson's nails is still black and you could see that on the special last night. Robin said his hands looked very odd. Howard said they're huge and when he met him he noticed that. He's also a tall guy. Robin mentioned how odd he acted when he was asked about sex. He would cover up his mouth and giggle uncomfortably. Howard said he should be arrested just for his taste in furniture and stuff. He picked out all kinds of strange stuff when he went on his shopping spree.
Gary showed up and said that there wasn't one road plowed from that to Connecticut, that's why he was late. He got in on the Michael Jackson discussion. He said it's weird that he has that amusement park in his back yard that he uses all by himself. They also talked about the host of the show who was relentless in the interview. Howard said he didn't watch ''Friends'' last night because he had to watch the Jackson thing. Gary brought up the store that Jackson was shopping in and how crappy the stuff was that he was buying. It was over priced and looked like crap. They brought up the color of his skin and how you don't just gradually lose the pigment in your skin like Jackson claims he did. Howard said he's seen people with this vitiligo that he claims to have. He said it's not even, it's blotchy. Robin said it looks like he's tattooed color on his cheeks and around his eyes like eyeliner. Stuttering John asked Howard if he thinks that Jackson has ever had sex. Howard didn't think so. John said Jackson reminded him of Willie Wonka walking around with the umbrella in the amusement park. Gary agreed with Howard that there's no way the blonde haired kid could possibly be Jackson's kid. They talked about Jackson thinking that he cured a kid of cancer. The guys said you could see the look on Jackson's face like he cured someone like magic. Everyone continued to talk about some of Jackson's other strange behavior for a while. They wonder why he hasn't been arrested for some of the stuff he does. He fits the profile of a pedophile according to Howard. He said the guy is just creepy. Howard talked about his meeting with Jackson that he wrote about in his book ''Miss America.'' He said Jackson didn't talk and just sat there while other people talked. He said he was just weird. Howard took a break after talking about that.
Howard came back from break and replayed the local news report about his New Jersey rest stop being close. He also played a couple of the clips that Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com) threw together of ''American Idol'' singers performing horribly.
Howard said they'll be playing the Gossip Game with guest Lisa Donahue later today. Howard wondered who she was and why she was on his show. He said he hopes she has some good lesbian stories.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who mentioned last night's E! show which was an animated F-Emmy show. Howard said part two is on tonight. The caller also asked Howard where he thinks Jackson guy that little blond kid because he wants one too. Howard ended up talking about Jackson again for a short time. He wondered what really is up with that guy. He said he reminds him of a combination of a mix of Hugh Hefner and Mr. Rogers. He said he expected to see half man, half animal people walking around his ranch. He said it was like ''The Island of Dr. Moreau.'' Howard said he's never seen plastic surgery like he's had. Howard said whoever did that work is right below the guy who did Robert Blake's work.
Howard said he spoke to John Stamos yesterday about the blind item story they read in the paper that made it seem like they were breaking up. John told Howard that they're not breaking up and they're going down to Mexico to bang. Howard said John thanked him for sticking up for him yesterday.
Howard got back to the Michael Jackson stuff again after that. Howard said he heard that they had to take out like 80 percent of the stuff Jackson was talking about but Robin said they only took out legal stuff that he's not allowed to talk about. Howard said Jackson's father looked pretty scary in the pictures he saw. Artie said that he saw Jackson's father at one of the shows he did out in Vegas and he was just as recognizable as Michael is. Howard talked about the host, Martin Bashir, but kept calling him Michael. He said when you see an Indian guy with a British accent it throws him off. He said it's almost as strange as seeing a black guy with that accent.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said he went to see Jimmy Kimmel's show the other night and it was great. Melrose said he had tape of Michael Jackson for him but Howard didn't want to hear it. He ended up hanging up on Melrose after he begged him not to.
Howard said that the new Jackie Chan movie is actually getting some good reviews which surprised him. He said the movie got 3 stars in a couple of the local papers.
Howard read through some e-mail they've gotten. He first read one that someone wrote about Artie's eating habits. The person brought up the comment Artie made the other day about putting butter on apples. He suggested that Howard put some butter on a turd and see how long it takes before Artie eats it. Howard said someone complained about him giving out the address to that Taliban bombing video yesterday. Howard told John to get him the address so he could give it out again. Meanwhile, he read a positive e-mail about Benjy's phony phone call from yesterday. People thought the call was really funny. Howard said he got some e-mail complaining about Chaunce Hayden being on the show yesterday too. Another person wrote in and warned Robin not to get a chimpanzee. The writer said that a chimp has the strength of many men and can rip your limbs off and stuff like that.
Fred was making some noise so Howard and Robin ended up talking about him for a minute. Robin said she saw him locked in conversation with Jeff Cesario yesterday out in the hallway.
Howard gave out the web site address for that bombing video he gave out yesterday. It was VampireBat.com/ObeyTheFist/.
Artie told Howard that everyone was talking about how good Benjy's phone call was and he wasn't even there in the studio. Howard said he didn't know that he wasn't there.
Gary came in and told Howard who Lisa Donahue was since he'd been wondering earlier in the show. Gary told him that she was the winner of ''Big Brother 3'' and she used to work at Scores. Howard had to take another break after hearing that.
Benjy showed up around 7:30 so Howard told him about the positive e-mail he got. He was going to replay the phony phone call he played yesterday but attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that they are going to prosecute Jackson because he admits he sleeps in the same bed as kids. Dominic said they have to because of the things he said. Dominic said that Jackson will probably end up moving out of the country because of it. Dominic said he doesn't believe that Jackson's kids are really his.
Howard got back to Benjy's phony phone call and replayed it. In the call Benjy tells this woman that he works for the sewerage authority and they've noticed that she's shitting gold. He has her go into the bathroom to do some flush tests so they can get a sample of crap from her. He has her doing all kinds of weird stuff and eventually tells her that they have a hidden camera in her bathroom. She believes him and ends up waving to the non-existent camera for him. Robin wondered what Benjy has planned for his next call in a couple of months. A listener called in and said that the reason Benjy was late was because he was up all night sending in those positive e-mails himself.
A woman called in and said that Michael Jackson's son's hair looked like it was bleached. Howard ended up talking about Jackson's finger nails and how strange those looked. Robin told Howard that could be from makeup and nail polish making them look dirty. Another phone caller brought up the fact that Jackson took his second baby home before it was even cleaned up at the hospital. Howard said the whole thing was just wacky.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in with tape of Brooke Shields talking about Jackson and how he's almost like a Saint because he's so nice. She rambled on and on about the reasons she thinks the stories about him aren't true. Howard said he was zoning out on the interview so he had to bail out on it. Howard talked to Chaunce for a minute and then got off the phone with him. He and the guys continued to talk about Jackson and the masks he made his kids wear. Howard said those kids should be allowed to take Heroin when they get older. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard took a phone call and another person brought up the Michael Jackson thing. Howard and the guy ended up talking about that for a short time. He then read an e-mail he got from movie reviewer Marshall Fine. He said he didn't give the new Jackie Chan movie a good review. Howard said Fine gave it a ''D'' in his review.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and one of them was High Pitch Erik. Erik asked Howard if he got the phony phone calls he sent in. Howard said he heard one of them and it was horrible. Howard said it went on for 25 minutes and it was boring. He said Jimmy was in on the joke and it was boring. Howard played a clip of Erik calling a video store as KC's mother. He tells the store owner that he found dirty magazines and a sticky vibrator under his bed. The call didn't go anywhere so Howard didn't finish it. He said the Jimmy Kimmel call was even worse. He said he'd give Robin a taste of it and said he'd play it for 30 seconds. Erik asks Jimmy to put him on the show. Howard wondered why Jimmy even stayed on the phone with Erik. He said he should be spending time working on his show instead. Erik made demands for all kinds of stuff like limos and food and stuff like that. Howard said that went on for 23 minutes and it went nowhere. Erik tried to get a plug in for HorseToothJackass.com but Howard hung up on him after ''Horse To...'' Howard goofed on him for a minute and then complained that he couldn't find his newspaper. Benjy said he took it but then said he was kidding. Howard got pissed and started looking over at his desk. There was nothing there. Gary came in a few seconds later and said he took them because he thought he was throwing them in the garbage. He has a ''garbage section'' where he puts stuff he's going to toss. Gary took it and threw it away. Howard said he uses the paper all morning. Gary said that Howard has told him for years that when he's done with something, he'll put it in this spot. Gary told Howard that Lisa Donahue was there so he had him bring her in. Gary whispered something to him as he was going to get her so Howard goofed on him about that for a minute.
Lisa said she remembered that Howard drank Yoo Hoos when he used to come in but Howard said he's never had a Yoo Hoo, ever. Gary told Howard that they did order some Yoo Hoos one time when they were there but Howard never had one.
Lisa thought that some of the women Howard had dancing for him at Scores were kind of ugly. Howard said he'd never tell any of those dancers that they weren't good looking enough for him so that's why she saw him with the ugly one. Lisa said she'd give him a dance with her clothes on. Howard told her to do that later after the show.
Vinnie Favale called in and asked Lisa if she had sex with the guy she was hanging out with. Lisa said she didn't have sex but did get friendly with him. She said he didn't get into her pants. She claims to be able to have an orgasm when a guy touches her naval in the right way.
Howard said Lisa looks kind of like a better looking Alanis Morissette. He asked her if she has a boyfriend or a girlfriend at this time. She said she's been single for a long time and she doesn't have either. Howard said she must be really sexual if she can orgasm through her naval. She said she just knows herself really well. She says that she's never had an orgasm during regular sex though. Howard said that's kind of weird. He wondered if it was the guys not lasting long enough. She said it's probably because she's more into pleasing them than they are into her. She said she gets too into the guys. Lisa said that she has touched other women's boobs at Scores but she never got into their panties. She said she did it to turn on customers, not as something sexual.
Lisa told Howard that she dated Jerry O'Connell a few times. She said he's more into dating a lot of people and she's not into that. Lisa was at Scores the time that Chuck Zito punched out Jean Claude Van Damme and said it really was just one punch that knocked out Jean Claude. Howard still didn't know how he didn't remember her from Scores.
Howard said Lisa is in Ramp magazine this month. He checked out her pictures and said she looked really good in there. She's nude in one shot. He said her body looks really good. Howard had to take a break before playing the Gossip Game. He ended up talking to Lisa for a couple more minutes about all of the money she gave away after winning the $500,000. She said she gave her mother, brother and friend each $5000. Her friend watched her house and cat while she was on the show so she got $5000. Howard told Lisa that he'd watch her pussy anytime. He took another break after that.
After the break Howard got Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the phone to play his Gossip Game. He asked Mike what he thought of the Michael Jackson interview last night. Mike said the first mention of the Jackson sexual abuse story first appeared in his column years ago. Mike said he heard that it was Jackson's father who read that article and caused the questions to be asked and the lawsuit to be filed. Howard asked Mike what he thought of that whole thing. Mike said that he thinks because Jackson seems to be so afraid of sex, that he may not be sexually assaulting these kids. Mike said the 12 year old boy holding Michael's hand was very strange for a kid that age. He said most kids stop doing that at that age. He said it was very unnatural and very defiant for Michael to do. Howard wondered what kind of 12 year old would do that without being trained to do it. Howard asked Mike if he thinks Michael will be prosecuted because of that interview. Mike didn't have an answer really but Howard said he doesn't think he will. Mike said the most frightening moment was when Michael was trying to shove a bottle in his baby's mouth when it was shaking and crying on his lap. They also talked about how having the kids in masks is almost asking for something to happen to them. Mike talked about a bunch of other things that Jackson said and did during that interview. He also agrees with Howard that those kids can't possibly be Jackson's offspring. They discussed how different the kid looked from Jackson and how they can't possibly be his. Howard said that there's no reason Jackson's kids can't go to a private school. Jackson says that they'd be bothered by other kids because they're famous. Howard said every kid out in Beverly Hills is famous and they wouldn't bother them. Mike told Howard a story about some pictures that were taken of Jackson in a hyperbaric chamber years ago. Jackson lashed out and said that the Enquirer had taken pictures of him at a burn center just testing out the thing. Mike said it was actually Jackson and his manager who brought the pictures to them. They were Polaroids so they told them they couldn't use them. Mike claims that they then went back and re shot the pictures and gave them the new ones. Mike told Howard that he doesn't think that Jackson will be prosecuted for any of this stuff. Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who wanted to talk about Jackson. One woman told a joke and another one said that Jackson is filing complaints against the people who produced that show. Howard said he thinks that the reason Jackson's kids are so white is that they're scared of him.
A listener called in and asked Lisa if she likes a ''little mud on the helmet.'' Lisa said she's not into that. Howard then moved on to the Gossip Game with Mike Walker. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Gary came in with some ratings news about the Michael Jackson special that was on last night. He said it didn't beat ''Friends'', but it came close. It beat a rerun of ''Friends'' at 8:30 but lost to some other programs that were on. Robin said they better bring ''Friends'' back next season if it's that strong. Howard spent a short time on that and then had Robin get back to her news.