Howard started off the show talking about what they had coming up. He said he had a lot of stuff to talk about but had to take a break first. He went right to commercial a few seconds later. After the break Howard talked about his Halloween night dressed as a Hooters girl. He said he was wearing a blonde wig and big boobs. There are a couple of pictures out there and Beth told him that he was the ugliest woman she'd ever seen. He said he felt pretty in the wig and all but he was ugly. He said guys were being much nicer to him as a woman though. Artie saw him and said that he did go with very comfortable shorts so he wasn't wearing the official Hooters shorts. Howard told them that he couldn't wear the shorts that Beth bought him because they were way too small. Stuttering John came in and said that he'll never be able to go to Hooters again because Howard looked so bad.
Howard said that guys were coming up to him and feeling his boobs. He had one of the nipples poking out of the shirt as well. Artie said he was more willing to dance dressed as a woman. Howard said he felt free in the wig and danced like he was a woman. Howard said that Howard was hooking Beth's brother up with some girls at the party they were at. He said that Beth told him that he didn't need help getting hooked up with girls though. He said she seemed a little pissed that he was doing that. Artie said he was impressed with Beth's brother Doug because he's a big sports guy. They talked about that for a few seconds.
Howard said he was online playing checkers recently and he got beaten every time. He went on to talk about his Treo 600 cell phone he got over the weekend. He said that he was reading the manual and text messaging the guy who hooked him up with the phone. He said the thing can do a lot of amazing stuff but he has to learn it all. He said he spent the whole weekend learning how to use it. He said he likes all of the stuff you can do with it but he spent a lot of time learning how to use it. He said they're even going to hook him up so he can get his Lotus Notes e-mail and stuff. Stuttering John said that Gary is good at figuring out how to do all of that but he's not. He said he can't even hook up his TiVo. Howard said he hires people to hook all of that stuff up. Stuttering John said that he hires someone to come over and pick up his dog doody. He said he cleans up the whole back yard for $7.50 a week. Artie said he'd pay someone $100 to do that job.
Howard said it was Ross' party that they went to on Friday night. He said Artie was just walking around with a drink and a cigar and no costume. Artie said he was dressed as Tony Soprano though. Howard said Stuttering John went as Norm Zadeh from Perfect 10 magazine. He said only a couple of people got that one. Beth's brother went as Kobe Bryant according to Howard. He said Beth was changing outfits through the night. She dressed as a school teacher at one point and all she did was put on a pair of glasses to look like a teacher. Howard complained that his fake boobs were plastic and scraping his real nipples. He also said that no one recognized him dressed as a chick.
Artie said that Mike Gange went dressed as Don Zimmer and put some effort into his costume. Howard said that Richie Notar didn't put any effort into his outfit. Howard also noticed that Artie's girlfriend Dana wasn't at the party and said that they must be sick of each other or something. Artie asked how anyone could be sick of him and laughed as he said that.
Stuttering John said that Doug Goodstein went as Doug Goodstein from 10 years ago. He just had longer hair according to John. Howard talked about some of the other costumes before Doug came in and said that he was dressed as an 80's rocker, not himself.
Howard said he was brought to the wrong hotel that night and was there for a while before he realized that he wasn't at the right place. He eventually got to the right place and found out that they had a cash bar. He wondered what kind of party that is. Robin reminded him that he has paid for drinks at some of Ross' other parties. Artie said he thought it was an open bar so he tipped the bartender $5 and started to walk away. She called him back and told him it was $8.50.
Howard said there were some things going on with Ross' record company and how he may be looking for a new job soon. Something happened on Friday and Ross was telling some people that he might need a job.
Artie was telling Howard how funny it was when Stuttering John had to pay for a round of drinks. He said when he handed off his card it was like the most painful thing he'd ever done. John told Howard that he wasn't able to find a cab that night so he had to take one of these bicycle guys that take you around in a rickshaw. He said it cost him $30 but he got home pretty quick.
Stuttering John said he went out with Artie on Saturday night and saw Ray Romano at the Comedy Cellar. He said he asked Ray to do the show but Ray said ''Maybe sometime..'' Howard did an impression of Ray that sounded like Kermit the Frog. He was probably in town to do the big 75th anniversary show for CBS. That led to Howard saying that he wasn't invited to that big party even though he's been part of the company for a while. John said the show was maybe one of the most boring shows he's ever seen. Gary came in and said that Carol Burnette and Mary Tyler Moore have started to look about the same as they've gotten older. The guys talked about how hot Mary used to be. Stuttering John said that he used to get off to Rhoda.
A listener called in and complained about Howard's girlfriend and how she always has to be the hot chick when she goes out. He complained about how all of Howard's guys fawn all over her. He went off on Howard for a minute and said that he's waiting for the show to get better. Howard told him to just go listen to some other show or something. Gary said that he gets calls on his voice mail every morning from people who are waiting for A-list celebrities but even after they get someone like James Caan on the show, they're still not happy. He said that some people think that Stone Cold Steve Austin is an A-list celebrity.
Howard said that they have psychic James Van Praagh on the show today. Gary told him that they made sure to tell the guy that they're not believers but the guy still wants to do the show for some reason. Howard goofed on that for a few seconds and let some callers through to goof on other psychics like John Edwards. Howard goofed on Edwards a little bit as well.
Stuttering John said that he saw the worst movie over the weekend... ''The Human Stain.'' Robin saw it and said she would have rather have had her eyes gouged out. John told Howard about how Anthony Hopkins was supposed to play the part of a black man. He was also supposed to be from New Jersey but he had a British accent. It was pretty bad according to both John and Robin. John said that Nicole Kidman was nude in some of the movie and you could see her boobs but no vag. He and Robin told Howard that she was playing the part of a janitor at the school where Hopkins was teaching. Howard sarcastically said that it sounded really good.
Howard said that he was watching the mini-series ''Taken.'' He said it's really good. Robin said she was a Matrix geek over the weekend. She said she saw a sneak preview of the new Matrix movie so she had to watch the two other movies to get it all. That led to Howard talking about how downloading movies is just as easy as downloading songs. He said that the movie companies are freaking out because it's so easy to find them on the web. Gary and Howard talked about how angry some of the directors and other people are about how the movie gets released on the web before it even comes out in the theaters.
Howard and Robin talked about the guy who was on the news shooting at his lawyer while the guy hid behind a tree. He didn't get shot that bad. There were a bunch of TV crews there shooting for the Robert Blake trial so it was caught on tape. They spent a couple of minutes on that subject before Howard had to take another break.
Howard had this guy Kenny Baker from Us Magazine on the line. He said that they have a story where they out some of the celebrities who have had plastic surgery. Howard said that Jamie Lynn Siegler had a nose job and they show the pictures in the magazine. They also claim that Britney Spears does not have breast implants. Kenny told Howard that they have had experts look at them and they found that she was just a late bloomer. Christina Aguilera is the same story and they see that there are blue veins that are noticeable and that means there's a lot of blood flow to the breasts. They're also claiming that Tori Spelling never had implants done. She admits to having had a nose job but won't admit to the breasts. He says that she claims she has oddly shaped boobs and wears a miracle bra and that's why they look so odd.
Howard read a bunch of other quick plastic surgery stories and asked Kenny about some of the other people in the magazine. They talk about Carmen Electra and how she had a lump removed from her breast and decided to have implants put in at that time. Howard and Kenny talked about Meg Ryan and how she screwed up her face. Kenny said that he got to see Jessica Simpson do an Us Magazine shoot and she looked really good. She was showing clevage and she wasn't wearing a bra. Howard said that Jessica Simpson's father wouldn't let her come up to his show but they let her do a shoot where she's not wearing a bra and all. Ken told Howard that they (her breasts) are real and they are perfect.
Howard told Robin that they've talked to this guy Ken before. He was on the show talking about how he had a tumor that made his body produce huge amounts of estrogen. He eventually had it removed and became a guy again. They talked about that for a minute and then got off the phone and moved on to other stuff.
Howard talked about how fast the winner of the marathon was able to do it in. It was in 2 hours and some minutes. He said it was a Kenyan woman who won so that led to Artie and Howard talking about why Kenyans are so good at running. Howard said that they train for runs like our athletes train for football or baseball. He also said they don't have sneakers over there so they run in their bare feet. Howard took some calls about the marathon and why there's a difference in the official time and what P. Diddy's people are saying he did it in. Howard said there are so many people that it takes people like 15 minutes to get to the start line.
Howard got to the big $25,000 football pool picks. He said that Artie finally lost another one and Daniel Carver won so they're tied in this thing right now. Sanders the Chicken also lost but Gary the Retard won. Here's how everyone stands at this point:
Howard talked about a 13 year old surfer girl who lost her arm to a shark attack over the weekend. Howard said he read that it was taken off below the shoulder but in the paper today they say that she lost it below the elbow. Howard said he feels bad for her. She was really cute and it just sucks to lose your hand and arm. She managed to hold on to the board so she wasn't killed by the thing. Howard said he hates the sharks so much that he thinks we should have a war against them. He said we should forget about the terrorists and go after sharks.
Howard and the guys talked about terrorists after the shark thing. Howard said he would just nuke them all over there if he was President. They spent a minute on that and then took a call from Wendy the Retard.
Wendy said that she knows how to keep score so that's what she'll be doing. She said the tournament takes place from December 5th to the 7th up in Tampa, Florida. Wendy asked Howard if he could help her out with some money for food and stuff. Howard didn't have any prizes to give to her so he told her to call back some other time when he has money to give away. Howard then said that he had $500 courtesy of ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' Wendy then went on to play drums and tried to sing a song to Howard. Howard cut her off after about 2 seconds. She was pounding on the things so Howard turned her back up and listened for a few seconds. It turns out she lives in an apartment. He said he can't imagine what living next to her would be like. Howard talked about how great it would be to be retarded. You don't care about anything and you're happy all the time. Howard said that she's always happy and the only miserable person is the guy living next door to her while she's playing the drums.
Jeff the Drunk called in all pissed off with Howard. He said he was upset that Howard had given Wendy the money and wouldn't help him out. He then threatened to shoot himself and a gun went off. Howard didn't understand what he said so Robin told him he was just joking around. A few seconds later Jeff was alive and kicking and said his buddy was shooting a shotgun in his yard. Howard spent a few seconds talking to him and then took another break.
Howard talked about a news story about some 12 and 14 year old kids who may have had oral sex in a science class down in Texas recently. Howard joked that enrollment in the school has gone up 200 percent since that incident. Howard said the closest he got to having oral in school was when they did nuclear attack drills and they had to put their heads in their own laps. He and the guys talked about how early kids are getting into sex these days. Howard read another story about a couple of high school kids made a sex tape and distributed it on campus. Howard said the kid is considered a success in L.A. where he's from. Howard joked that he just signed a 3 picture deal.
Howard said that Kobe Bryant got cheers when he made his return to the NBA. Howard talked about that for a short time and how they're still trying to settle that whole rape thing with his accuser.
Howard asked Artie what he was eating. Artie told him it was some of comedian Nick DiPaolo's home made meatballs that Stuttering John brought back for him. Artie said he makes some of the most amazing food. He told Howard that he had potatoes and sauce on it all. Robin actually came in to check out the meal that Artie had in front of him.
Howard brought up Bob Barker and how he just keeps going on and on with The Price is Right. He was going to play some tape from the show but he couldn't find what he was looking for. KC came in to help so Howard was grabbing his nips and stuff. He eventually found the tape of Bob doing his 4 second tribute to Rod Roddy. Howard then played tape of the late Rod Roddy telling people to ''Come on down!'' That led to Howard saying that he could do that job and doing his impression of Rod. They had the Price is Right music playing in the background. Howard said it makes him sick when he hears it. Howard goofed on the show a bit and the lame prizes they give to people. He said sometimes they give people a car but it's usually a grandfather clock or a waffle maker or something. Artie remembered the days when he's whack off to Diane Parkinson who was one of the models on the show. Howard said he had her on the show one time when she was in Playboy. He said he can't imagine what she looks like now though. Howard said Bob Barker is like 80 years old but he still sounds pretty good. He said there aren't many people who could hold on to a job at that age.
A listener called in and brought up Britney Spears and how he saw her out at some club. He said he saw her take her top off and the bra came with it so his girlfriend took some pictures with her cell phone. The camera ended up getting broken by some bouncers. Howard asked him how she looked. He told him that her breasts were really perky and she looked great. Howard talked to the guy about the club. He was saying that it was an ''after hours club'' but Howard said it was just a regular club after hearing about it. He and Robin talked about the club scene for a short time after that.
A listener brought up the fact that Shannen Doherty is in Playboy. Howard said he talked about that last week. He said she doesn't show any beaver in the pictures though. Howard said he doesn't get that because it's all inside anyway and there's nothing to show. Robin said if she did Playboy she wouldn't show her beav either.
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten. He said some people want him to post a picture of himself as the Hooters girl on his web site. He said he might do that. Howard was interrupted when a girl called in to tell him about how she was able to download movies weeks before they were available. She told Howard that most of the movies she downloads have Japanese subtitles on them. Howard said that would drive him crazy. Howard said it's got to be the special effects companies who are releasing these movies like this. The girl on the phone was a 19 year old who was very informed about all of this stuff. She said that she thinks she's a 7 on a scale of 10 but Howard wanted to see what she looked like. Howard told her to send over a picture so they could check her out.
Howard got back to e-mail and said that some people were upset with the World's Most Tasteless Costume contest they had last week. Someone was upset that there was someone as a World Trade Center victim. The person was very offended by it so Howard said he was offended by it as well. He got some angry e-mail from people who were upset about Quentin Tarantino's comments about Roman Polansky having sex with a 13 year old. Howard said he was kind of upset that Quentin was saying that the girl was a ''party girl'' and she knew what she was doing.
Howard read an e-mail about how Pam Anderson never looks at Howard when she's answering his questions. She always turns to Robin. Robin thought it was kind of strange as well and said she can't imagine what's going on there. Howard said that there were some people who didn't like the James Caan interview. One guy broke the news to Howard that he can't sing and everyone on his staff must be afraid to tell him that. Howard said he knows he can't sing and no one on the staff seems to be afraid of him.
Howard said that Dominic Barbara showed up to the Halloween party he went to on Friday. He said Dominic didn't wear a costume or anything and he hates that. He said that Dominic kissed him when he saw him and creeped him out. He said Dominic told him he loves him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Howard said he doesn't want Dominic kissing him on the cheek. He said something about his breath stinking and how he doesn't want that on him. The guys said he has lost weight but he's still overweight. Stuttering John told Howard that Dominic had his boat shipped down to Florida so he can go boating down there. Howard doesn't get the whole boating thing and doesn't know why people are into that. He said he hates the wind in his face so he doesn't even like a convertible car. He said he doesn't even like a sunroof. Stuttering John said he loves boating and fishing from the boat.
Howard told James that if any of these guys knew anything for real, they'd be able to tell people where dead people are buried and what their full names are. James told Howard that they don't always give full information, they just give bits and pieces. He said that he just does what he does and it would be a bigger crime if he didn't do it.
Howard asked him if he does readings for people who lost friends and family in the World Trade Center attacks. He said he could have gone down there to take advantage of those people but he doesn't do that stuff. Howard asked him why he thinks his TV show didn't work. He wondered if it was because John Edwards is a better con man than he is. James said he doesn't know exactly what it was. He said that John is a good psychic as well.
Howard asked James to do him a favor and contact KC's father. James said he was seeing a horse around Robin and there was some concern surrounding that. Howard got back to KC and asked him to find something out about him. James was only seeing stuff about Robin's horse. He said he can't control what he gets coming in. He told Robin that she may be changing where she lives or something in the place where she lives now.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked James to tell her something about her. She told him he had no clue about anything. He told her that he just can't control what comes in and that's why he didn't have anything for her. Howard went on to tell James that he had some intuition that James is gay. He asked him if anyone had ever told him that he sounds like of effeminate. He didn't seem to get it and didn't know what he was talking about.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that 20/20 caught James on camera interviewing someone he was about to do a psychic reading for. James said that they skewed the show they way they wanted to and made him look like he was a phony. Scott the Engineer's wife Robin called in a short time later. She is a fan of James so James asked her if she's ever gone skiing. She quickly said ''No'' and he had no clue as to why he was seeing that. Howard and Robin said it could be Scott's bald head that he's seeing. She also asked him about the number 7 and what it means to her family. James said something about there being a synchronicity or some nonsense like that.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in from the bus and whispered some questions. Howard told him not to whisper and ended up hanging up on him. Before getting James off the line he let him say some stuff about Robin and him. He saw the number 8 and August or something for Robin. Her birthday is August 8th but that's not a hard thing to figure out. KC said that this guy probably is for real because his father probably wouldn't talk to this guy if he tried to contact him from the dead. Dominic Barbara called in and asked James a couple of questions and made some jokes. Howard told James that Dominic recently lost a friend and that friend was him. He hung up on Dominic after saying that.
Howard gave James a couple of plugs for his book ''Looking Beyond : A Teen's Guide to the Spiritual World'' and talked to him a little more about his psychic abilities. He also let a few phone callers through. One guy said he was at a taping for one of his shows and the guy just exploited the family of a fisherman who was missing out at sea. James said that was a great reading and he was able to talk about the car that the guy had just purchased the week before. Howard wrapped up the call a short time later and got James off the line. He took a commercial break right after that.
Howard started off the morning saying he had a beautiful show for us. He said that he watched a show on VH-1 about ugly guys who get hot chicks and he was one of the featured guys. They also had guys like Bobcat Golthwait. Howard wondered who the head of VH-1 is because he might have to find out what she looks like and who she's dating. Howard wondered why they're bashing him because he's part of the same company that owns VH-1. He said the piece wasn't all that bad but he doesn't need them telling everyone that he's ugly even though he knows he is ugly. Gary told him the name of the show was ''Hot Babes, Ugly Guys.'' Howard said he's going to ruin the head of that channel now. He said he doesn't need them doing stuff like that. He said she must be one ''angry bitch'' to do something like that. Robin backed him up and said that he's got to do something and not just sit back and take it.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him it was true about him being ugly with a hot girl. Howard told the guy he knows that but he doesn't need other people telling everyone that. Another guy said he wouldn't even care because Beth finds him attractive. Howard said he doesn't need his own company bashing him. He gets enough crap as it is. He said he's going to make the head of VH-1 a huge star. More callers told Howard that he shouldn't worry about this stuff. Another caller told Howard he was on the show after that one which was called ''Awesomely Bad Hair.'' Howard found out about some of the other people who were on the ''Hot Babes'' show. Some of the guys weren't so ugly according to Howard. They threw Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel in that group as well as Bobcat Golthwait and Nikki Cox. He spent a couple of minutes on the
Howard changed the subject and said something very creepy happened to him out in the hall. He said every day Cabbie is out there because he has the air shift right before his show. Howard said Cabbie says to him ''Hey sexy man!'' whenever he sees him. Howard said he wonders if Cabbie is still gay. He claims that he told Cabbie that he's creeping him out with that stuff.
A minute later Gary came in with a picture of Christina Norman, the General Manager of VH-1. Howard said he can't wait to put her picture up on the web. He wanted Robin to come over and look at the picture because she looked like a man in a dress. He said she's a mess and she has the ''Fugly bag on.'' They went on to goof on her for a short time. Robin said she looked like Artie. Howard couldn't believe she's the one putting him on a show where they talk about ugly.
Howard was about to take a break but then Gary came in with a picture of the woman who is the President of the MTV groups, Judy McGrath. Howard said she needs to hit the gym. He goofed on both Judy and Christina for a short time. Will came in a minute later with another picture of Christina Norman. He wondered if she was losing her hair or something. He told her to hide her ugly friggin hair. He went off on her for a little while longer and told Gary to post them on his web site (HowardStern.com). Robin wondered who produced the show because that's the person he should be going off on.
A woman called in and said that a lot of people wonder how Howard hooked up with Beth. Howard asked to see a picture of her and her husband so he can wonder why he's with her. He said she's probably half-a-man. He went off on her and called her a ''Hairy nippled cow'' right before she hung up on him.
Cabbie called in a short time later and said that no one watches that channel. He also talked about how he calls Howard ''Beautiful man'' out in the hall. Howard told him how creepy that is. He and Cabbie also talked about some TV shows for a short time. Howard was talking about how great this mini-series ''Taken'' was. He's got it on DVD and said it's really good. Cabbie was talking about how great ''Average Joe'' was last night. They spent a minute on that and then Howard told Cabbie to stop calling him ''Beautiful Man'' out in the halls. Cabbie was surprised that he was creeped out by that. Artie said he calls him ''Big Nuts'' and he doesn't mind it. He told Cabbie he can keep doing that if he wants. Cabbie got in a plug for his air shift which is from 2am to 6am on the station Howard broadcasts from. A few more people called in to tell Howard that he is ugly. He already knew that and told everyone that they don't have to tell him that. He took a break a short time later.
Howard said that Stuttering John came in and told him that Artie was crying yesterday. Artie said that he wasn't crying, he was just talking about how he was in a hotel not too long ago getting depressed about the hotel room and the club he was going to be performing at. He said it was a bunch of stuff that was getting to him. John came in and said that Artie is miserable when he hangs out with him sometimes. Robin said he does have that miserable look on his face sometimes but Howard said he thought that he just had gas when he looks like that. Howard also said that Artie does have a bad self image of himself. Artie described the hotel he was in and how he let out a whimper when he was laying there.
Benjy broke down and admitted that he cried over something that happened on the show. Benjy said it was something that went on during the news when Robin and Howard were yelling about something he'd said. It wasn't long but he went home and cried over it. Benjy said normally he's treated horribly on the air. Howard told him he was going to turn his microphone off because the story wasn't even that good.
Howard said that he cried about a week ago in the psychiatrists office. He said he was sad about his life and that's where he does most of his crying. John said he can't cry in a psychiatrists office no matter how hard he tries. Howard said he has things going on inside of his head that make him feel depressed. Gary said he didn't know that Howard was still going to the shrink 4 days a week. Howard said it had something to do with his kids but he didn't want to talk about it. Gary said he can't bring himself to cry in front of a shrink. Howard said it is tough to cry for some people, including himself. He said that he was moved to cry and he didn't realize what was happening. He said he was going to cry again with the sad piano music Fred had playing in the background. Artie said the Jack Daniels cheers him up when he's depressed.
A listener called in and said he ran into Mary McCormack the other day at a bar. He kept repeating himself but eventually got out some of his story. Howard jerked him around and had him tell his story over and over again. The guy dragged it out forever and then he ended up using the F-word. Howard went off on him and yelled at him for a few seconds. He let the guy continue his story but he was still dragging it out. The caller told Howard that he could see her bra strap and stuff. The guy's story went no where and he didn't end up doing anything except say ''hello'' to her. He claims that she was taking off her clothes for her co-star that she was out with. There was no story there though. Howard told the guy it was the worst story ever. Howard said he needs to be neutered and got off the phone a few seconds later.
KC came in and said that Andrea is ready to go and she's going to win. Gary's stripper Iliana is taking her on. Howard said that Iliana works at Scores. Andrea works all over the place. Howard goofed around with Iliana's name a little bit and then told her that her outfit looked great. Artie said he was at Scores on Friday night for the Scores Costume Contest and Iliana was mad at him because he wasn't voting for her to win. She said she was dressed as a candy girl. Artie said she looked great but a girl dressed as a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader won the contest.
Howard moved on to Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' after that. He was having some trouble hearing her talk because she doesn't speak up. Howard said some people were surprised that she made it that far. Howard talked to Andrea about her horrible headaches she's been having for the past couple of years. She said she wasn't able to get any aspirin from the hotel she was in. KC said that he tried to help her out by sending some over to her. Howard and Gary wondered why he doesn't just bang her. Andrea didn't seem interested in that though.
Illiana was shaking according to some of the guys. She was cold, not nervous like some of them thought. Howard moved on to the game and asked the girls if they were ready to start. He sent Iliana off to Robin's isolation booth and then asked Andrea 7 questions. Here are the questions and her answers:
One guy called in and said that Howard was changing the rules as he went along. He said he wasn't being fair to Andrea with the way he was taking her answers. Howard said everything was fair and he didn't cheat anyone. Howard wrapped up the game and said he'd give Andrea a prize if they had one for her. Gary said she could have a ladies watch or a digital camera. She took the watch from Steven Singer Jewelers.
Iliana asked if Howard could get her in Playboy. Howard said he wasn't sure because he hadn't seen her in a thong. She showed him her ass but Gary said he needs to see her implants as well. That didn't happen so Howard went right to commercial break.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to tell Howard that he fell off his roof putting up a weather vane. He told Howard that it was going to cost a lot of money to get it painted so he decided to do it himself. He ended up falling off the roof with the ladder as it fell. He said he fractured his elbow when that happened. He said it gets worse from there. He said he was getting x-rayed and they found that his knee isn't too bad but they found a tumor on the knee. He's not sure if it's cancerous yet. They're doing all kinds of tests. Howard asked him how his penis is doing. He recently revealed that he has scar tissue on it from masturbating. He said he may have to have an operation but that will remove 2 inches from his length. He's a complete mess.
A listener called in and said this is payback for all of the bad things Chaunce has said about Scores in the past. A few people asked Howard why he has this guy on the show. They said he's just as bad as Dominic Barbara. Ronnie the Limo Driver (aka ScoresMan923) came in and laughed at Chaunce's bad luck. Chaunce said that he still has more class on his worst day than Ronnie does on his best. He said even if they amputated his leg he's still better than Ronnie because he's not pretending to be Al Capone like Ronnie is. Howard wished Chaunce well since Ronnie had run out of the room after laughing at him. Chuance said he's tried to help out the show over the years and he appreciates what Howard does. He said it's getting to be a little too much for him with all of this stuff. He said there has to be other options for his penis problem Howard had to cut him off because he just didn't want to talk about the penis problem anymore.
A couple of callers gave their suggestions for what this guy should do. One guy said that he shouldn't do anything because he was young when it happened and he's moved on. Another guy said he should have a bachelor party and get his brother anally raped while he's drunk. Another guy suggested that he out him to his employer and stuff like that. A caller told him to make a movie out of the whole thing and tell everyone at the end of the movie. Howard said he would at least tell the woman he's marrying so she knows what the guy is about. A woman told the guy that he should do something because the brother has already stolen his masculinity. Dominic Barbara suggested that they give the guy his number so they can talk about it. He said that he may want to do something legally before he goes off and tells people at the wedding or something crazy like that.
Howard moved on to other things after getting off the line with that guy. He had tape of Star Jones on a home shopping channel. Howard just wanted people to hear her breathing. She inhaled after each line and it sounded like she was gasping for air. In the clip she mentions something about having 17 2x dresses left in stock. Robin said that's the size she used to wear and it was like a tent.
Howard said that David Letterman didn't tape his show last night because he was at the hospital waiting for his baby to be born. Paul Shaffer covered for him so Howard played his monolog. Shaffer said he didn't even know Dave was getting laid. He made a couple of funny comments about Dave during that bit. Howard went on to talk about how Dave has gotten bashed in the news lately for losing to Jay Leno in the ratings. Howard seems to think that people tend to tune into shows like that for the guests and Jay has better guests because he's out in California. He said that's just part of it but he seems to think that's why he's winning.
Howard played a clip from some game show where his name was mentioned. He got back on the subject of that anal rape story they heard a little earlier. He then moved on to talk about how James Garner was taking over for John Ritter on ''8 Simple Rules for Dating my Daughter.'' Howard said they're also bringing in Suzanne Pleshette but he doesn't think it will last. He said it didn't work with News Radio when Phil Hartman died. Howard went on to suggest some other ideas for the show and said that Roseanne should be on there and have her eating and going nuts on the family. He also suggested having Barney Miller on the show. He had a bunch of suggestions for other old shows that aren't on anymore.
Howard said he got a lot of mail after suggesting that we kill all the sharks we can. He said a lot of people were upset with those comments. He read some of the mail. One guy said that he's been bitten by a dog so maybe we should kill off all the dogs. Howard also got some mail about Rod Roddy's death and Howard's comments about him. Howard said he wasn't making fun of the guy though. Howard went through a bunch of other mail as well.
There were some people who wrote in about P. Diddy's marathon run and how the timer that they put on people doesn't start counting until they cross the start line. Howard thanked that person for straightening that out for him. Howard read an e-mail from someone who seems to think that he's bi-sexual because he dressed up as a woman for Halloween. Howard said the love in the e-mail is amazing. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard told everyone how this TV show thing all came about. Howard explained how Bob fell in love with Jessica's friend and eventually married her after divorcing his wife. Jessica is living with Bob and his wife and their baby. Bob said he never expected to get anyone pregnant after 9 months of chemotherapy and one testicle. Howard and Robin said she doesn't seen to respond to any of this stuff either. He just keeps rolling along.
Howard said the WB Network contacted them and want to do a show based on his life. Howard wondered if they're going to include the cheating and all of the other wacky stuff Bob has done in his life. Bob said he's buried in scripts now that they're looking for a writer. He said he's even getting scripts from people who aren't script writers. Howard said the WB is hot on this series and want to get this thing rolling. Bob said they sent over 5 scripts recently so they're not just sitting back waiting for them. Howard joked that they got Jeffry Tambour to play his part. He also said he can't believe the WB is actually going along with this because Bob's life is so crazy.
Bob told Howard that Jessica isn't in show business and she doesn't realize that there are people listening when she talks to Howard on the air. He said she got a lot of calls after their last appearance.
Howard asked Jessica who she wants to play her part. She said she wants someone really beautiful. Howard suggested Carmen Electra. Bob also said he wouldn't mind having a black wife on the show and they wouldn't even make reference to it. Bob told Howard they've gotten some really funny scripts so far. Howard said they really have to get a great writer for the show. Bob told Howard that he did a comedy show out in L.A. recently and a bunch of people from the WB showed up.
Jessica told Howard that her boyfriend broke up with her because of all of the stuff he has to go through. They talked about that and how Jessica wants to date older guys now. She said her mother isn't so thrilled with her living with her father either. Jessica said that her mother seems to think the only reason she lives with her father is because she just wants to make sure she inherits his money.
Howard asked Bob who he would want playing his wife in the TV show. Howard suggested the Olson Twins. Howard said they really have to find a girl who looks 15 for that part. Artie suggested Britney Spears' younger sister. Howard was also thinking Elizabeth Smart for the part. He said he's really excited about this show they're putting together. Howard was wondering if he should go way back to where Bob's mother was in the concentration camps.
Bob said these writers don't know where to start with this show because of how much has happened in his life. Howard said he'd start in the hospital where he finds out he has cancer. His wife is there crying and when she leaves, she passes Jessica's friend who Bob eventually marries. Then they take it from there. Bob said the thing that makes it challenging compared to ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' is that he can't play a part, he has to play himself.
Howard asked Jessica if she hears her father and her step-mother having sex. She said she doesn't but she has seen the K-Y bottle on their night stand. Howard wondered why she needs K-Y. Jess said that it's probably because she just had a baby. Jessica said she tried out the K-Y warming jelly and bought it at the same time her step-mom did.
Jessica said she was talking to friends about having a lesbian experience after being dumped by her boyfriend. She didn't do anything and Bob said when he found out, he told her she was not going to do anything with her... unless he was there. Howard went on to ask Bob why he needs the lube with such a young woman. Jess said it's the warming type, that's why they have it. Bob said that maybe it's for when she's sleeping.
Howard gave Bob a couple of plugs for his upcoming gigs at the Improv's in Washington D.C. and in Tempe, Arizona this month. He's in Washington from the 6th to the 9th and in Tempe from the 13th to the 16th. You can find out more at RobertSchimmel.com.
Howard said they had a busy show today. He was watching David Letterman's show where he talks about the birth of his child. He said it's kind of weird to see a 56 year old guy talking about the birth of his first child. He said he should have done that 30 years ago. He thought it was pretty funny seeing Dave holding up the baby pictures and all. He said he didn't want to get started with all of that right away though and took a break a short time later.
After the break Howard spoke to Robin for a minute about how he saw a woman in the park the other day who had a very similar hair style to hers. He figured she was trying to look like Robin. Howard moved on to talk about how depressing the e-mail is that they get there. He said he's not going to read it anymore. Fred said he has become immune to the negativity because he's the one who reads it all the time. Howard gave out the e-mail address again because he's only given it out once. email@example.com is the address. Howard said he'd read some positive ones if they ever got any.
Howard said that the new ''Matrix Revolutions'' movie is getting bad reviews. Robin told Howard that it was great though and she has to see it again. She said she'll pay to see it again because no one else is going to give her a free ride.
Howard said he read that there's a tape of Paris Hilton having sex with Shannen Doherty's ex-husband out there. He said some people have seen this tape and it will eventually be on the web. He said that the guy from Us magazine, Kenny Baker, who called in the other day has seen it so he'll be calling in to talk about that.
Howard said he's been very busy with his production company working on all of his movies and TV shows. He said he was working on ''Etiquette for Outlaws'' and he's hoping that it works out well. He also said that Robert Schimmel's show is coming along as well but he needs a lot of maintenance. Robin said he sounds kind of burdened by all of the stuff going on around that. Howard said he may be but he seems to be very excited by it as well.
Robin said she tried to watch the original ''Porkey's'' movie the other day but she couldn't get through it. Howard is remaking it and said that it really does need to be redone. He said it was the original ''American Pie'' if you think about it.
Ken told Howard that Paris is on her back at the start of the movie. She has no ''grass on the playing field'' and she looks pretty good. Howard told him to bring the tape in when he found out Ken is in New York. Ken said he'd have to check with the lawyers first. Howard said Paris' parents came up to him at a party one time and thanked him for defending their daughter all the time. Howard said he didn't skip a beat and said it wasn't a problem. He really hasn't defended her at all but he took credit for it anyway.
Ken went on to talk about how graphic the tape gets when the camera gets within about an inch of the penetration. Howard talked about the Pam and Tommy sex tape and how great Tommy was at shooting his video. He spent a couple of minutes talking about Tommy using his penis to drive the boat with and stuff like that. Howard had Ken get back to the tape and asked him about some of the stuff that went on during that. Ken said that right at the beginning they zoom in on the penetration. Howard was making some comments about the video and then wondered when he's going to grow up.
Ken said that the one turn off was the fact that it seemed like Paris and this guy were watching TV and it sounded like an old episode of Mork and Mindy or something like that. Howard said they may want to remove the sound from that if that's the case. Howard said you want to hear the sex sounds, not a sitcom. Ken said that Paris has great hair in the video and she's pretty hot. Ken said that she was pleasuring herself in the tape. Ken also said she looked like she was a little bit ''out of it'' during the tape. He said that it may just be because you're not used to seeing someone like that having sex.
Ken said that the guy tells Paris to hop on top of him at one point and then they reposition the camera. He told Howard that this guy is just a regular looking guy but he's got a pretty big penis. Howard told Ken he was doing a pretty good job at telling the story but a minute later he used the word ''Pussy'' so Howard had to hit the delay. Ken told Howard more about that without using the same word. He said she eventually talks to the camera and Howard thought that was kind of embarrassing. There was no anal going on from what Ken could see. He said that the guy was ordering Paris around in the tape and had her getting in different positions.
In the last segment Ken said that she gives the guy oral sex. He said she looks at the camera most of the time and the camera was getting in on all of the action. Howard joked that they're going to call the tape ''The Invasion of Paris.'' He said it does sound like it's similar to the real invasion since Paris just laid down and took it.
Howard gave Ken a few plugs for his web site KenBaker.net and his book ''They Don't Play Hockey in Heaven: A Dream, A Team, and My Comeback Season'' which is available now.
Howard took some phone calls and spent a couple more minutes talking about the tape before taking a break. Ken said this tape isn't quite as good as the Pam and Tommy tape because they were all around the world shooting theirs.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he'll be talking to Paris about this tape this week. He said that he's hung out with her before and her beauty is amazing. He also said that her show ''Simple Life'' is going to be airing soon. He was wondering if this whole thing is a publicity stunt by FOX to promote her new TV show. Ken said that they're not sure who released the tape. Howard told Ken to stay on top of that and let them know what's going on with it. Howard also wanted to see a copy of the tape. Chaunce said that he thinks Howard will get his own copy within the next few days. Ken told everyone to pick up a copy of Us Weekly to read more about this tape.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after getting off the line with Ken. One guy wondered how old the tape was. Howard said that it was about 4 years old because it was shot when she was 19 and she's 23 now. Another caller brought up the Rush Limbaugh case and talked about how his friend got charged with possession of Oxycontin and got 180 years in prison but skipped bail and is on the run now. The guy said he's on Oxycontin himself but it's legal. He said that the stuff is really powerful stuff. The guys spent a couple of minutes on that subject before moving on.
Howard brought up this guy Mike who called in the yesterday and asked what he should do about his brother who raped him when he was a young kid. Howard said he told the guy he should tell the fiancee of his brother what happened. Mike told Howard that he got it off his chest and he feels better already. He said as soon as he got off the phone with him the other day he started hearing from people he knows. He said using a fake name didn't help and now a lot of people know what happened to him. Mike said when all is said and done he's going to call back and give them an update. He was a little drunk this morning so he was stuttering a little bit. Mike said he felt a lot better after calling in yesterday.
A listener called in and brought up the stories that Chaunce Hayden has been telling lately about losing 2 inches from his penis and breaking his elbow. Howard said that he can't even use his penis now that he's heard about the penis problems Chaunce has had. He and the guys talked about the issues he has with that. Howard wondered how he got so much scar tissue in his penis. Robin explained it to him and freaked out all of the guys in the studio.
Mike said that he called Dominic yesterday but he never got a call back from him. Dominic called in during the discussion and said he wasn't in the office yesterday so he'll call him back today. Mike thanked Howard and everyone else for how good he feels now that he's gotten all of that stuff off of his chest.
Howard called J.D. in to ask him how he could possibly cry during the show. J.D. Said he wasn't balling during the show, he just shed a couple of tears when the people would cry on the show. Gary had a clip from the show that made J.D. cry. Howard played it and J.D. Started to tear up according to Howard. In the clip his TV show daughters were talking about how their father died. It wasn't even that touching. Howard called J.D. ''Gay D'' after hearing the clip. Gary asked him if he cries easy or if this really got to him. He said that he gets emotional when he sees people crying.
Howard wondered if J.D. is hooked on the show now. He said he's not but he likes the hot chick on the show. J.D. Said he made the mistake of telling Ronnie the Limo Driver that he'd cried during the show. That's how it eventually got back to Howard. Howard said ABC is going to milk that show for all it's worth.
Howard took a few phone calls to kill some time. One guy pretended to be pissed at Howard for spending so much time on the ''8 Simple Rules'' show. Another guy brought up this mini-series that CBS canceled and won't be airing now that there has been some controversy surrounding it. Howard went on to talk about Ronald Reagan and how much he liked him as a president. He said the show may have had some fictional stuff about him in it but they could have just run a disclaimer that said that's what it was. He said that Les Moonves claims that they didn't like the show but that's not true, because they were going to put it on the air. Howard said it all has to do with the FCC and how CBS doesn't want to piss off the Right Wing so they caved in and decided not to air the show. Howard went off on all of that stuff for a short time. He said he was exhausted after giving that explanation.
Howard said they'd be talking to a woman later in the show about how she takes Hummel figurines and puts them in a bad place. Howard said they're going to talk to her and find out if they should have her in the studio or not. Howard brought up the Rosie O'Donnel trial and read that she was dressed in all red the other day. He said someone described her as looking like the Fruit of the Loom Apple guy from the TV commercials. Howard said he saw a picture of her with her mouth open and that it's probably a common look for her since she's either eating or yelling all the time.
Howard ended up talking about Ronald Reagan and how he was like the only president that didn't bang Marilyn Monroe. That led to him talking about how sex symbols these days don't sleep with President's anymore. They go with rock stars instead. Howard said Pam Anderson should have been banging President Clinton. Howard spent a little time goofing on Reagan before taking a commercial break.
Howard talked about the fact that Dave doesn't mention his girlfriend or anything like that during his discussion about his baby. He said it's almost like an Arab family where the wife just stays in the background. Howard said he wants to find out more about this so he may have to book himself on Letterman's show so he can interview him. He said he wants to ask him about his girlfriend and if Dave is going to see the baby and some other stuff. He said he can't figure out if Dave is in a relationship with a woman or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's going to have another baby with Beth some day. Howard said he has no desire to have another baby. Howard and the guy ended up yelling and arguing with each other about that subject. Howard told the guy that he doesn't want to get married and he and Beth have already talked about that. He said Beth agreed that they wouldn't get married. Now Beth is saying that she may want to get married one day and she may be changing her mind. Howard said he's still not going to have kids or get married. He said both of those things will ruin the relationship.
Howard changed subjects and said that KC played an Adam Sandler comedy bit that he found pretty funny. He said he doesn't find all of his stuff funny but this bit was pretty good. It was called ''Toll Booth Willie'' from his album ''They're All Gonna Laugh at You.'' He played the bit where Sandler is a toll booth attendant who gets everyone yelling at him and calling him names. Howard thought it was pretty funny stuff. Artie seemed to like it as well. Howard had to take a break shortly after that so he could get to the woman who puts Hummel figurines in places they don't belong.
Sheila, who says she's 30, told Howard she wants to set up a web site where she could get other people's figurines and do stuff with them. She went on to describe herself as being 5'3'' tall and weighing 110 pounds. She said she doesn't have big boobs but they are perky. She went on to talk about how she still does this stuff with boyfriends. Howard asked her if she'd use a salt and pepper shaker or something like that. She said she might do that if they were cleaned out.
Howard said Sheila sounds hot but he wondered if she's got a ''busted face.'' She said she's told that she's very good looking and looks like Penelope Cruz. Howard read that her boyfriends also took the figurines and put them in their bad place. She said her ex-husband did that and it wasn't gay. She said she doesn't throw out the figures after they've been in her bad place. She said they're too expensive to throw away.
Sheila said that she's a massage therapist so Howard asked her if she does stuff with her customers. She said she works in a chiropractor's office with non-lockable doors so that wouldn't work. Howard said he can never find a massage therapist to do that stuff for him. Sheila said if she wanted to be a whore, she'd just go out on the street and be a whore.
Sheila said she wants to find someone to share this with and wants to come on the show so Howard could hook her up. She lives out in L.A. So Howard said he'd have her in to check it out. She said she doesn't have a problem meeting guys, she just wants to meet guys that are into the same thing as she is.
A listener called in and asked Sheila which one is her favorite. She told the guy that the ''Be Mine'' is her favorite because it's rounded and cylindrical so it won't hurt. She said you have to be careful with the ones you use. Howard told her he can't wait to meet her. He told her he'd use a baseball bat on her if she wanted. She didn't sound too interested in that one though. Howard put her on hold so they could set her up to come in.
Howard got a lot of mail about how ugly Christina Norman from VH-1 is. He read some of those and found out there are some people who work for MTV Networks who think that she really is an ugly person. Other e-mailers told Howard not to do a show with Bob Schimmel because it just won't work. One guy said that Schimmel looks ''like death warmed over'' and they should find someone else to play his part in the TV show.
An e-mailer complained about Howard's thoughts on killing all the sharks in the world and about the fact that he doesn't like snowmobiles. Howard went through a bunch of other e-mail and had one guy go off on him for saying that he ran 12 miles in an hour and 15 minutes. Howard said he didn't remember exactly how long the run was, he thought it was like an hour and 15 or an hour and a half or so. He had to take a break after reading all of that.
Howard talked about the ratings for ''8 Simple Rules'' from last night. He also told Belzer about how he would love to bring back all kinds of old shows to keep ''8 Simple Rules'' running since they've brought back James Garner and Suzanne Pleshette. He said that the show won the night with a 14.8 rating. Howard said the Jim Belushi show did well after that as well. Howard asked Belzer what show he's on these days. He couldn't remember so Belzer told him it's ''Law and Order SVU.'' Howard said they did pretty well in the ratings as well but they were beaten by Judging Amy.
Howard gave Belzer some plugs for the other stuff he's doing as well. He's on the National Lampoon Radio Hour that's syndicated on 40 stations around the country. Belzer also said that he's going to be at Caroline's comedy club this weekend and he wants only good looking people to show up. He suggested that they dress well when they come too.
Howard had Robin start her news shortly after Belzer came in. He interrupted that to talk to Belzer about David Letterman talking about his baby and not mentioning his girlfriend at all. Howard and Belzer goofed on both Dave and Jay Leno for a couple of minutes before Robin got back to her news stories.
Howard complained about being tired from getting up so early to do the show. He also said his nose was clogged up and he couldn't breath either. He and Artie talked about the many projects he's working on and how he's always working on that stuff. Howard also brought up how one of The Righteous Brothers died and didn't get a mention in the newspapers. He said that the guys in the band were still out touring and they were getting up there in age. Robin said a friend of hers just saw them not too long ago. Howard played some of their music to remind people of what they were famous for. Howard said the only place that mentioned the death of Bobby Hatfield was WCBS FM which is a local oldies station in New York City. Howard did an impression of what it must have sounded like on that station with the big echo they use.
A phone asked Howard about a song parody he did many years ago about Iranians blowing a plane from the sky. Howard and Robin sang it as one of the Righteous Brothers and some chick. Howard started to play the parody but he didn't want to hear it all because it was so bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Howard Dean running for President. The guy didn't know what he was talking about so Howard went off on him a little bit and explained to him what was really going on between Dean and Al Sharpton. The caller was saying that he thought Howard Dean was a racist and driving around with a confederate flag on his car. Howard told him that wasn't the story and asked the guy why he would call in and ask about something he doesn't comprehend. That led to Howard and the guys talking about how the guy isn't a racist just for making the comment he made about the confederate flag. Howard also talked about Al Sharpton and how there's no way he'll ever be President. Howard spent a short time on that subject and then took a commercial break.
Howard said that he asked Vinnie what time they start taping the show. Vinnie told him that they start at 4:30pm but he didn't remember them doing it that early. It turns out they do a double shoot on Thursdays and they do start that early. Howard said he talked to his agent about all of this and he thought they should have Dave on his show instead. That won't happen though so Howard has to go on Dave's show. Howard told Gary to go get any pictures of Dave's girlfriend that he could. Howard and Robin said they've never seen a good picture of her for some reason. Howard said that it seemed like a good idea yesterday when he thought about doing the show but now it's sinking in and he knows he's not going to be having a good time when he's on. He said his mind is racing and he's thinking of what to do when he's on the show.
Robin reminded Howard that Dave scolded him after he made a comment about his girlfriend on the air. He said Dave went off on him about that and when he came back from break he had to be funny again. He said it wasn't the best time to yell at him. He wondered if he should have told the audience what Dave had done during the break or not. Artie said that's what's good about Howard's show. When he yells at someone, it's on the air.
Howard wondered who else is appearing on the show with him. Gary heard that Iggy Pop is going to be on. Howard wondered if he's the musical guest or a regular guest. It turns out Iggy is the other guest and the band playing is Sum 41. Regis Philbin is probably the one who's getting bumped. Vinnie Favale called in and said that Regis was already on the show this week because they had to rearrange things after his baby was born. Howard said that he's going to go on and promote Artie's gig in Albany for him since he doesn't have anything of his own to promote. Howard said that he's not to be bothered by any of Dave's pre-interviewers. He doesn't want to do any of those pre-interviews like he has been in the past. He said he doesn't need anyone messing with his hair either. Vinnie asked him what he's going to be wearing. Howard didn't say what he's mentioning. Howard said he doesn't care about getting his hair done or anything like that. Vinnie told him he'd be fine and he'd look great. Vinnie asked him if he wants any special camera angles or anything like that. Howard joked that he wanted his microphone color changed to match his outfit. He said Barbra Streissand did that when she did an interview recently.
Howard said he's bringing a picture of Regina Lasko with him. Vinnie told him he doesn't have to bring anything. Howard told him to shut up and leave him alone. Howard said the reason Dave isn't beating Jay is because they don't let guests do what they want. He said that they should just let him bring props and do what he wants to do instead of trying to control him. Vinnie told Howard that they're going to have a huge audience tonight and they should be able to beat NBC. Howard said he doesn't want that pressure on him and said he doesn't even want the three segments that he usually gets on the show. He said he'll take just two. Robin told Vinnie to let Iggy Pop have two of his own.
Wendy the Retard called in and said she'll be watching him on TV tonight. Robin asked her to sing the theme song for David Letterman's show. She started making up lyrics right after that. The lyrics were just Wendy talking about how she was going to watch Howard on the show tonight though. Howard told Vinnie that he was going to bring Wendy on the show with him. Vinnie said that it sounded like some of his props might be kind of funny. Howard said he's going to load up the show with all kinds of stuff like that.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that the show might not be all that bad for him tonight. He said that Paris Hilton should be back stage because she's dating the lead singer of Sum 41. That led to Gary telling Howard that he had an update on the Paris Hilton sex tape. He said the guy from Us Weekly was going to come in but he called in after confirming his appearance and had to cancel because their lawyers wouldn't allow it to happen.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard they need him on late night TV. She screeched out some stuff about Howard being great but Howard had to hang up on her. Robin and Artie said she's kind of hard to take this early in the morning. Artie said she shouldn't be allowed on before 7am.
Howard said he knows when he walks out of the Letterman show he's going to be depressed. He canceled a meeting with a guy who was going to help him set up his Treo 600 phone. He wondered if he should bring that guy with him and have his meeting on the air and ignore Letterman. He had to take another break after that.
Howard said he saw a freaky accident when he was driving out to Long Island yesterday. He said there was a car that looked like it exploded on the side of the road. He said he saw a body wrapped in plastic and realized that the person was probably alive an hour before that. The caller said that he should talk about that on Letterman tonight. Robin said she had a similar thing happen to her and said that she got stuck in traffic one time and thought to herself that someone had better be dead after causing such a back up. It turned out there was a dead person up ahead.
Howard put the word out that he would love to do a product placement ad for anyone who is willing to give him $50,000 to $100,000. He made up a few of the placements he could do. He's goofed on other celebrities who have done that in the past and he'd love to take in that kind of money just for mentioning a product. Tom Chiusano came in and asked Howard how much he's looking to make. Howard told him $100,000 and Tom said he'd get right on it. He said Trim Spa, Heineken, Kuya Rum or one of those companies may do that.
Howard said that they have a new sponsor coming to the station soon and they sell hologram cards where you can tilt the card and see full nudity. Tom mentioned that MyGaydar.com could be one of the product placement companies. A short time later this guy called in and said that he'd pay Howard the $100,000 to mention his Sphincterine product. Howard thought about how he could work that into his discussion with Dave. Howard said he could tell Dave that he's only on the show to promote that product. He said he might be able to work in a few other products as well. The guy from Sphincterine said he can come up with the money if he's willing to do it.
Roberto from the sales department called in to tell Howard that Trim Spa was already offering him $50,000 to do a product placement ad. Howard said he's up to $100,000 now though. Roberto said he'd negotiate with them and see what he could do. Howard told the guy from Sphincterine (Bruce) that millions of people are going to see his product tonight. Bruce got in a plug for his web site MintyAss.com before Howard put him on hold.
A listener called in and told Howard that he should talk about how wrong he was about the war in Iraq when he does Letterman tonight. Howard said he doesn't think he's wrong and the war over there is justified.
Howard asked Dan what the best tip for picking up women is. Dan said you have to have a rap and be prepared to talk to the women. He said you just need to know what to talk about. Howard said maybe they should put J.D. in this program to see if they can get him some chicks. J.D. is 23 years old and still hasn't gotten laid. J.D. Told Howard about going out to a club the other night and how he was talking to some chicks. Howard didn't believe him because he saw him at Scores and he wasn't talking to anyone. Howard said that he heard that Tom gave people raises recently and J.D. ended up getting a 15 cent raise. J.D. Said that's per hour so it's just a few bucks a week.
Dan told Howard you can find out more about this program at their web site IPOVegas.com. He also told Howard to send J.D. over and they'd take care of him. J.D. Told Howard about how he did have a girlfriend before but they never had sex. He dated her a month and got to french kiss her. That was the last girl he got to do that with though. Dan gave J.D. Some advice about what to say to women. He told him to say something about making the woman feel like she's never felt before and ask her to come home with him. Howard said that they have a Scores girl there so they could let J.D. Test out his line on her.
Nilsa from Scores came in so J.D. could try out his line on her. J.D. mumbled out a line that wasn't really close to what Dan told him to say. Dan tried to help J.D. out a little bit and told him what to say. He gave him some advice about asking her what type of guy she likes to date and what her three values she likes to see in a guy. Howard tried it out himself and got some answers from Nilsa. It was easy for him but for J.D. it didn't come so easy. They suggested that he go to this course.
Dan told him they even have guys come in and give them suggestions on what to wear. Howard gave him a couple more plugs and got Dan off the phone. He spent a little more time talking to Nilsa. She was there to play in the semi-final round of the World's Smartest Stripper Contest. They took a break shortly after that.
Howard goofed on Tom for giving J.D. a 1 percent raise. Tom said he did that because he started a little late at the station and instead of holding off for a year before giving him a raise, they gave him an incremental one. Howard sent Tom off and moved on to the Smartest Stripper contest.
Nilsa and Heather from Scores came in to play the World's Smartest Stripper Contest. He spent a little time talking to the girls before getting to their questions. The girls were grabbing each other's boobs and just messing around a little bit. Nilsa said that they have messed around a little bit before as well. Heather didn't seem to want to talk about it. She said she was blushing as he talked to her about that. Stuttering John said that Nilsa messes around with a lot of girls. Howard said he's never seen a girl wear her belt right under her boobs like Heather was. Gary asked the girls how far they went when they messed around. The girls talked about how they were screwing around in the car while driving around.
Howard said he didn't believe that the girls mess around so he wanted to see something. The girls kissed and turned on the guys even more. Stuttering John said Nilsa kissed some other girls when he had her dancing for him.
Heather was sent off to the isolation booth first so Howard could ask Nilsa her 7 questions. Whoever wins this round moves on to the final round with Iliana. The winner of the contest gets $15,000 courtesy of Kuya Fusion Rum. Here are Nilsa's questions and her answers:
Howard asked the guys if they know how much they're worth. They claim that they don't know exactly what they're worth but Howard said he didn't believe that. Gary came in and said that they're all single but the youngest brother is rumored to be with Playmate Dalene Curtis. Howard said he'd get back to that later. He went on to ask the guys about how much the Kings cost them. They said that they paid $240 million for the team and they've been offered about twice that to sell it. Howard asked them if they have big houses and stuff like that as well. One of the guys said he's building a 12,000 square foot house. They also talked about their cars and how great their lives are.
Howard asked the guys how they tell women how rich they are. They said that Joe has the infamous business card that says ''owner'' on it. Howard heard that one of the guys dated Britney Spears but George said he just taught her how to play Black Jack. Howard also heard that he was romantically linked to Tara Reid. He said she's really hot and fun but didn't say what she was like in bed. Howard read the bio he had for the rest of the guys and read that one of them dated a Playboy Playmate. Howard said it's got to be a great feeling to be with someone like that. They weren't very revealing about what it was like though.
A listener called in and asked what's going on with the downtown arena in Sacramento. The guys said they're looking to build a new one but the land is owned by the railroad company. Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked which one of them dated Paris Hilton. They said their youngest brother did that. A woman called in and said that George had a one night stand with her. A minute later her voice changed to a man's (Zolar) voice. It was just a goof and the guys seemed to find it pretty amusing.
Howard read about how the guys helped bail out a celebrity friend who got a woman pregnant. One of the guys said the celebrity is a friend of his and he knew the girl so he helped out. The woman ended up getting an abortion but the celebrity paid for it himself. Howard thought the guys must have paid her off or something but they said that wasn't the case.
Howard read that the guys had to kick a female performer out of their hotel because she was having sex out in public too much. They said she was a young girl and she was having sex out at the pool and in the elevator. The guys wouldn't say what her name was though. Howard guessed that it was Halle Berry but they said it wasn't her. George said that she was a little drunk when he spoke to her and ended up apologizing to them afterward.
Howard asked George about how many chicks he dates every week but he wasn't talking. Gary said he's seen George out at his hotel and there are always hot chicks around him. Howard took a few phone calls and then wrapped up the interview and gave the guys a plug for The Palms Hotel and Casino. You can check out the web site for the casino at Palms.com
Howard talked about how much he hates the pressure of going on Letterman's show and he doesn't know why he's doing it. He said that Letterman should just cancel him. He had Robin start her news shortly after that. During the news Big Black called in and said that they showed some of the Paris Hilton sex tape on Jimmy Kimmel's show last night. He said he saw her on a boat with the guy. Howard didn't believe it and Gary came in a minute later and told Howard that they'd superimposed Paris' head on Pamela Anderson's body from her sex tape. It wasn't really the Paris Hilton tape. Howard wondered why Big Black didn't get that it was just a joke.
Howard said he was very excited about today's show. He said they have David Letterman's baby calling in, Joan Rivers, Shannen Doherty, Mary the queefer and the gossip game among other things. He took some phone calls about last night's ''Late Show with David Letterman'' since he was on it. One guy said he missed it so he wanted Howard to play some clips. He didn't have any right away though. One caller said he saw the show but when he told Howard he liked the product endorsements, Howard said that he didn't do them. He said he never got the chance to get them out. A couple of other people saw the show and told him he did pretty well on the show last night. Howard said he went on there and wanted to ask Dave questions. He said Dave actually answered a few things and he answered some of them but he was still guarded with his answers.
Howard went through a bunch of callers had comments about the interview and it came down to people wondering why he took off his sunglasses in the middle of the interview. Howard said this is the reason he doesn't want to do the show more often. He said they wonder why he takes his glasses off. He said Rob Burnett from the Letterman show asked him if he'd like to do the show more often and he told him his appearances are evaluated too much. Howard went on to explain why he took his glasses off. He said when he does that he can only see Dave and his attention is on him instead of the audience.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if he and Dave had a conversation during the break. He said that Dave ran long with the first segment and that means that Dave must have liked the appearance. She said they even brought up Evil David Letterman. Howard said they were going to have him on the phone and talk to him but they never got to it. Gary came in and said that Evil Dave almost died when he found out he was going to be on the show. Howard explained how they talked about how they were going to get him for the show and how it was Vinnie Favale who said he'd be able to get him. Gary found him and contacted him at work. He said Evil Dave was going to hyper ventilate when he found out he was going to be on. Howard said Evil Dave must have been crushed when he didn't get on. Howard said he was asked about Evil Dave by the real Dave and he told him that Evil Dave is in the audience at Dave's show when he's in town. Howard said he doesn't do an impression of Dave, he really has that voice.
Howard took some more phone calls about the Letterman appearance and he got some good feedback about it. One guy said it brought him back to the 80's when Howard would do Dave's show more often. Howard said he had some feelings like that when he was sitting there as well. He said it was nice to sit there thinking about how long they've both been in the business. He said he felt kind of comfortable there and had some warm feelings toward the guy. Howard said there was too much attention being paid toward the whole appearance. He said he showed up by himself to the show without an entourage so people were wondering where everyone was.
Howard said Dave asked him if he was going to bad mouth him on the air the next morning. Howard said he told Dave that he wouldn't do that. He didn't have a reason for that. Big Black called in and said that they must have edited out the Top 10 list last night because they got in a plug for it before Howard came out. Howard said they did tape the top 10 but must have cut it because they needed more time. Howard didn't stick around long after his appearance but he heard that Dave was freaked out about Iggy Pop taking his shirt off and getting too close to him. That led to Howard talking about how Iggy used to abuse himself on stage years ago. He said he used to break glass on stage and roll around in it and bleed. He said it's amazing he can even walk.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the lighting on Dave's show was good compared to the lighting in the radio studio. Howard said they have a lighting director over there, not like theirs who went to Glassboro State to learn that stuff. He said he was just kidding as Scott DePace from E! walked in and explained to Howard why they have a hard time getting good lighting in their studio. Scott said they had Howard a little brighter on the show than they do on the E! show as well. Howard said he likes that but then said he's not sure if he likes that or not.
Howard said he spent a little bit of time talking to a local CBS news reporter outside of Dave's show. He said he was signing some autographs when this reporter just started asking him questions. He went on to talk about how he didn't get a chance to plug any of the products that he wanted to plug. He said he started getting calls from lawyers and they didn't want him to mention any of that stuff. Howard said he tried to convince them that it was wrong and the whole thing fell apart by two o'clock.
Cabbie called in and said that CBS was treating the appearance like it was a news story. He also asked Howard if it's illegal to do a plug for a product on a show like that. Howard said it would be called Plugola if Dave went out on his own and mentioned a product for money without saying anything. He said it's okay if you disclose what you're going to do. Cabbie told Howard that Dave was very funny in the segment before Howard's. Howard said that he heard that when Dave heard he was going to be on the show he was inspired to get with it and do some funny stuff. Cabbie got in a plug for Trim Spa before Howard got off the line with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Paris Hilton back stage when he was there. Howard said she wasn't there and he didn't get to see anyone anyway because he was sequestered away in a room of his own. He took a couple more phone calls before going to break. One guy said he met Fred a couple of years ago down in Atlantic City and he talked to him like he was his brother. Howard said he doesn't know of anyone who talks to Fred like a brother. Howard said he doesn't even talk to him like a brother. A listener called in and told Howard that the reporter who interviewed him was Katie McGee. Howard said the way to get him to do an interview is to send out a reporter like her. The caller also said that they plugged Artie's movie during the report they did. Artie said that Dave seemed to be happy that Howard was on the show and even said a couple of things to Paul about that. Howard said he felt that way too and felt that Dave has been changing over the past 5 years that he hasn't seen him. Howard said he had fun on the show. Artie said he had fun watching it as well. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard moved on to this week's football pool picks. He said they weren't able to wake Gary the Retard up this morning so Howard just picked the Seahawks for him since that's who he picks every week anyway. Daniel Carver was awake and available. Howard spent a short time talking to him about being the Grand Clegal of the KKK. Daniel said that was probably the biggest accomplishment of his life. He told Howard about how he found out about the KKK when he drove through town and saw them handing out literature. He pronounced it ''Lit-ra-tor'' so Artie goofed on him for a few seconds over that. Howard talked to him for a couple of minutes about his racism. Daniel told Howard that back in his day it was illegal for a black man to hold a white woman's hand. He said that's the way it should be today as well. Daniel also said that his sister was killed by a black man so that's where some of his hatred comes from. Daniel said that it happens every day and that's why he thinks that we should be segregated. Daniel said that the Mexicans are even more violent than the ''nig****.'' Howard continued to ask him about the KKK and the whole Grand Clegal thing. Howard wondered if there are things that he has to do to get initiated into that position like smack around a black guy or something. He said there's nothing like that going on there. Daniel said he had to get out of there when he got sick of being sued by other people. He said when the Klan is mentioned in court you always lose. He also said that most people would rather be called a child molester than a racist. Howard asked Daniel if he saw a black woman being attacked on the street by some white guys if he'd do anything. Daniel said that if he saw any woman being attacked, he'd go to her rescue. He said he'd send her back to Africa if he could but he's not a violent person. Howard thought that was kind of shocking. Howard asked him if he'd give her mouth to mouth if she was dying. He said he'd call 911 and wouldn't give her that kind of help. He said his lips would never touch a black woman's lips. He wouldn't even hold her hand to comfort her.
Howard moved on to Daniel's football pick. He said that Daniel and Artie are in a dead heat for the pool. Daniel picked the Seattle Seahawks. Artie is going with the Minnesota Vikings. Sanders the Chicken pecked his pick of the Oakland Raiders. Here are the standings so far:
Howard said Joan Rivers came in to visit today. He said that Stuttering John and Benjy both say they'd bang Joan if they had the chance. Howard thinks she's a little too old to bang. She came in barely able to speak because of a cold she had. She told Howard about her trip to Italy and England and how she thinks she got the cold over there. Howard said he'd never go to Europe to promote anything. Robin said he'd go if he had a movie to promote. He said that's true but he wouldn't go to promote that junk that Joan plugs on QVC. Howard asked her how much that ''junk'' sells for. She told him about the jewelry and how much they charge for some of that stuff. Howard wondered how much money she can make selling that stuff. She said she didn't know how much it was but Howard didn't believe that. She claims that she designs some of that stuff with two other women. Robin said she's never seen Joan draw anything. She claims she paints and does draw.
Joan said she still likes going out and performing on the road. Howard interrupted that discussion to ask her about what her last surgery was. She said she hasn't had anything done lately. Robin said it seems that she's settled down a little bit with that. Howard told her to settle down a little bit with that stuff but she said she doesn't care if her eyes end up on the back of her head.
Joan claims that she still enjoys having sex even at her age. Howard wanted to know when the last time was for her. She said it was about 4 months ago. Joan and Howard talked about Joan Hepburn and how no one ever said a good thing about her when she was alive but now that she's dead, people talk about how great she was. She said the same thing about Bob Hope. She told Howard about some things she heard about Hope.
Howard told Joan about having sex with Beth last night and how pumped up he felt after doing the Letterman show. Howard talked about how Dave said he won't be going to PTA meetings and stuff for this kid of his. Joan said she used to go to PTA meetings and Elvis would show up with his daughter. She told Howard that The Carpenters would come to Melissa's birthday parties. She said that they had the same manager at the time.
Howard talked about Joan about the World Trade Center material she does in her act. She told Howard that there had to have been some guys who died in the attacks who beat the crap out of their wives. The wives probably feel relieved that they died but the $5 million in life insurance they got makes them feel a little better. Howard gave Joan a plug for the show she's doing at the Canon Theater in Beverly Hills, California. She's doing the show ''Broke and Alone in L.A'' from November 11th to the 16th. She's also doing some stuff for QVC from the 18th to the 24th. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard wondered if she'd be a firecracker in bed or not. She didn't seem to want to go there with him though. He asked her if she's open to anal and she said ''not yet.'' She said she might get fired talking about this stuff. Howard asked her if she has ever done a woman and if she's ever banged anyone in the newsroom. Her answer was ''no'' to both of those. Howard told her that he'd lick her in folds she hasn't even found yet. He also asked her if she'd bang Dan Rather to get a better job if she had the chance. She said ''no'' to that one as well.
Howard asked Katie if she's seen the Paris Hilton sex tape yet. She hasn't seen it so Howard said he might have a copy soon. He said that Paris' aunt called the show yesterday and said that she was very upset about the whole thing. Gary told Howard that she said the family is very distraught about the whole thing and they want to stop the tape from being distributed. She said that Howard has daughters of his own so he should understand. Howard said he can't understand that because his daughter hasn't done anything like that.
Howard and Katie kissed each other's asses a little bit saying how good the other one looks. Howard tried asking her more questions about being shaved and stuff like that but she said she just can't go there. Gary guessed that she is shaved because if she wasn't, she would have just said that everything was normal. She said she had to go after that. Howard kept her on the line for a little while after that before she really had to go.
Howard ended up talking to Artie about his two lunches yesterday. Artie said that he got a McDonald's double burger on his way to the diner to eat lunch. He and John talked about that for a short time. John came in laughing as he described the lunch and how funny how much food Artie eats. Artie had the two lunches and then a milk shake. Artie said it wasn't that much food for him either. Artie said that he did have a couple of hot dogs later in the evening when he got up to watch Howard on Letterman's show.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in with some Paris Hilton news. He said that the sex tape is apparently in the hands of just about every news company in the country. He said Mike Walker should have it as well. He said he hasn't seen it himself but he's heard from people who have and they're really blown away by it. Howard said that the Hilton sisters wanted to be famous and now they have what they wanted. Howard said that Nikki needs to do a video now. Chaunce thought that Nikki had a kid but Howard and the guys straightened him out and said that the kid he was thinking about was someone else's.
Howard brought up Chaunce's penis problems that he's been talking about lately. Chaunce said that they're going to try massive doses of Vitamin E to try and fix the build up of scar tissue in his penis. Robin said she wants to see it so Howard told him to come in and show it to her.
Fred played ''Somewhere Over the Rainbow'' and Mary tried to play along to it. Howard congratulated her on that and thanked her from coming in all the way from Cleveland. Gary said he could see her stomach muscles tightening up as she did it. He said he could see her private parts doing things as well.
Howard wanted to give her a prize but Mary said she wants to compete against other queefers to win the title of ''Queen LaQueefa.'' Howard had her do a 30 second queefing demonstration to find out how many she could do. She was able to do 22 in 30 seconds. Robin asked her to do the longest one she could do. You could hear the air being sucked in and then released. Howard said he would find her someone to compete against sometime in the future.
Some listeners called in and told Howard that the queefing is horrible. One guy said that his girlfriend does it sometimes and starts laughing. He said it's completely disgusting to him. One guy who called in a while back and complained about his girlfriend stinking down below called back to tell Howard that she smells like roses now after going to the doctor. She found out she had an infection and got that taken care of. Now they're talking about marriage. Howard hung up on the guy because he wanted to move on to some other stuff.
Baby Letterman called in a short time later. Baby Letterman (AKA Evil Dave) had a bunch of jokes about the real David Letterman. He said he wished that Howard was his father. Harry Letterman said some nasty stuff about Dave and Jay Leno. Baby Letterman said ''Hey Leno, at least my daddy can make a baby you faggot.'' He said a few other things like that as well. Howard let little baby Harry Letterman read a bunch of his lines before cutting him off so he could take a break before Shannen Doherty came in.
Howard and Shannen talked about the David Letterman show from last night. Shannen thought Howard did a great job turning around the interview and how he interviewed Dave instead of it being the other way around.
Shannen told Howard that she was too shy to show her beaver in the Playboy shoot. Howard said he'd be more shy about showing breasts before showing beaver. He said that breasts have size while there's nothing there in the beaver area. Howard brought up some of the crazier sides of her life as well. He asked her about the drunk driving charge she had and some of the other wacky things that have gone on in her life.
Howard read that Shannen once said that she would take back doing ''Charmed'' if she could take back one thing in her life. She said she doesn't hate any of the girls from the show but there were some tough times working on the show. She said she thinks they were treated as equals on the show and Rose McGowan is doing a good job keeping it going as it is. Howard found out that she has enough money where she doesn't have to work. He calls it ''F-You money.'' Howard wondered why she did Playboy because a lot of people do it to jump start their careers. Shannen told Howard she was on vacation in St. Barts with her boyfriend. It was her last two days and everyone there was topless but her. She decided to take her top off since everyone else was topless. She felt awkward but did it anyway. Someone snapped some pictures and they ended up on the internet. She wondered why she wasn't profiting from making showing her boobs so that's why she did the Playboy thing. She said she's making plenty of money from that but said she can't talk about exactly how much it was.
Shannen said that she loved some of the people on ''Beverly Hills 90210.'' She said that she loved Jason Priestley, Luke Perry, Tori Spelling and Brian Austin Green. She said that she and Jenni Garth were on and off.
Howard asked Shannen about Paris Hilton because the sex tape that's out now came from a guy that Shannen also dated. Shannen said she never made a tape with the guy because she was too smart for that. All she would say about the guy was that he was a great guy and they're friends. Howard also talked to Shannen about her marriages and about her drunk driving charge. She said she learned her lesson from that drunk driving incident.
Howard read about Paris Hilton claiming that Shannen punched and scratched her one night at a club. Shannen said that it was all a lie and she doesn't know why someone would say something like that. Howard asked her when she last hit someone. Shannen said she was 20 years old and she was at a club when this woman just stood up and clocked her. She said she heard that the woman did this regularly just so she could sue celebrities.
Howard was asking Shannen about her friends and asked if she has tried any lesbian stuff. She said she has experimented a little. Howard tried to get more info about that but she basically said it was just a kiss. She said that she doesn't talk to that person anymore though. She also said that she likes men too much to be with women.
Howard asked Shannen about how she refused to take a breathalyzer test. She said that it was a bad idea because the alcohol sinks in and makes the thing come up higher when you actually do take it. Howard read that her hands and legs were tied up after she punched a female cop. She denied ever doing that and said she was out of jail an hour later so it couldn't have happened.
Howard gave Shannen a plug for the show ''Scare Tactics'' she hosts on the Sci-Fi channel. She said she only works like 8 days a year on that show and it's great. She told Howard about one prank they pulled on a friend of hers on the show . It was very elaborate and involved. A guy called in and asked Shannen about stalking Eddie Vedder. She said that was a friend of hers who used her name and said that she wanted to meet Eddie. There was a lot of stuff that went on with that whole thing and Shannen was upset with her friend for doing that.
Howard asked Shannen if she ever does anal. She wasn't talking though. Howard asked her about some of the guys she's dated. He read that she dated Judd Nelson. She said they didn't really ever have sex. She said that they met on a movie but he had a girlfriend who was still in his life at the time. Howard read about a health club owner who Shannen called a scumbag because he charged stuff to her credit card. There were names on Howard's list that she never dated. Gary came in and said that there was one story about how she threatened to have a guy beaten up and sodomized. She said that one wasn't true though.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Shannen that he pleasured himself to her so many times he couldn't count that high. He also asked her if she would rather give or receive oral sex. She said she'd rather receive it. A few other guys asked her questions as well. One guy said that he made out with her at a bar years ago. Another guy told Howard she's got one eye that's higher than the other so they should tilt the E! camera up. Shannen said she knows that she does have a funny eye. She pointed it out to Howard but Robin said she wouldn't have even noticed it. Howard told her she's beautiful though.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that her show is much better than Punk'd and the Jamie Kennedy Experiment. He also said that the reason Tori Spelling didn't do the reunion special for 90210 wasn't because of Shannen, it was because Fox promised her a show after 90210 and they didn't give it to her. Shannen thanked him for straightening that out.
A couple of callers asked Howard to get Shannen off the air for some reason. One guy asked her to take a look at Artie and give her opinion of what he looked like. She said she found him attractive because he had ''that New York thing'' going for him. Another guy told Howard that maybe this Rick Solomon guy has a thing for chicks with strange eye problems because Paris Hilton has something funny going on there. That led to Howard talking to Shannen about how big Rick's penis is. Shannen was saying that he's not all that big and the video may make it seem bigger than it actually is. Another guy called in and said that he slept with her years ago. He gave some details about her house but she said it didn't sound familiar. Another guy asked her if she ever banged any ''nig*ers.'' Howard told him that it would be more appropriate to day ''black guys'' instead. Shannen said she hasn't dated any yet. The guy seemed to be pretty happy about that. Shannen said that's only because Karl Malone hasn't called her.
High Pitch Erik called in and said that he was pleasuring himself to her and then asked her if she wanted to have sex with him. Howard just hung up on him. He started to wrap up the interview after that and gave her a plug for her Playboy layout. Shannen said she's also got a sitcom in the works with NBC productions. Howard told her she was smart to come in there because a lot of guys will buy her issue of the mag. Howard took a break right after that.
Robin was very surprised to hear that Adam Sandler was there since Howard has had his differences with him. ''Sandler'' came in and said he knew that Howard was probably a fan so he came in. ''Sandler'' sat in while Howard played the Gossip Game. Vinnie Favale also called in to thank Howard for doing the show last night. He said that they haven't had ratings like that in years on a Thursday night. Howard said he was happy to be there. Vinnie said it was like watching two tennis pros playing going back and forth with each other. Howard spent a short time talking to him before moving on to Mike Walker.
Mike Walker joked that he was trying to get through to Vinnie along with the ''many people'' that were calling him about that Letterman appearance. Howard asked Mike if he'd seen the Paris Hilton sex tape yet. Mike paused and sighed when he heard that question. Mike said that the Hlton family has threatened to sue anyone who sue over the tape. Mike said that he has not seen the tape but he knows people who have seen it. Howard wondered if he was lying about not having seen it. He said it really is true that he hasn't seen it yet because he would have had to have gone somewhere to watch it.
Howard moved on to the game shortly after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard took some calls after the game and goofed on a guy who wasn't sure if he was on the line with Howard or not. That led to ''Adam'' and Howard yanking the guy around for a couple of minutes. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy after yanking him around. Another guy heard that guy get yanked around so he thought he'd get yanked as well. Howard had to bail out on that call as well.
Howard kind of broke ''Adam's'' cover when he gave Craig Gass a plug for some comedy gigs he had coming up. He'll be at the Comedy Cabaret in Bucks County, PA tonight and tomorrow night, November 7th and 8th and at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island November 19th to the 23rd. You can find out more about those dates at Craig's web site IHateComedians.com. He still played along with the whole ''Adam Sandler'' thing though because it was fooling some of the audience. He took a break before moving on to the news.