Mike was on the phone shortly after L.T. came in and Howard ended up talking to L.T. about his relationship with OJ Simpson. L.T. defends OJ when the whole murder thing comes up. Howard and the rest of the crew were goofing on him for defending OJ but he didn't have anything bad to say about the guy. They play golf together down in Miami and they're pretty close. Howard asked L.T. a bunch of questions about OJ and he tried to answer them but Howard and the other guys were making so many jokes about him that he didn't get the chance to answer.
L.T. admitted that he's probably seen OJ naked at some point in his life but when Howard asked him who's penis was bigger, he didn't have an answer. He said when he showers with other guys he looks at the wall, not at their penises. Howard plugged the ''Toughman 911: New York Cops vs. New York Firemen'' that airs at 9pm on the FX network. L.T. is hosting that show.
Howard then moved on to play the Gossip game with Mike Walker. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to L.T. after the game. They talked about L.T.'s past drug and alcohol problems and how he went through rehab. Artie Lange said he went to the same rehab center so they swapped a couple of stories with each other. L.T. Said he was put in charge of the sports events while he was in rehab while Artie claims he was in charge of cleaning the toilets. L.T. Said he never had to clean the toilets while he was there.
After the interview Howard took a break. During the break Howard said that L.T. got a call from OJ Simpson and OJ wanted to talk to Howard. Howard ended up talking to the guy but he said he's not sure what he was saying. He said OJ said something about L.T. being ''Mrs. OJ Simpson'' or something like that.
Comedian Paul Rodriguez came in right after hearing Beetlejuice screwing a whore on the phone. He wondered how he's supposed to follow an act like that. Paul said that Beetle has great management because no manager would ever do this for him. While they were talking to Misty the whore their hour of time was up so Misty said they were done. She just stopped the whole thing and Beetle had to go to the bathroom to put on another condom or something. Howard asked Misty if she was going to finish him off or not. She wasn't sure if she could do it or not. Beetle was taking so long that she was worn out. Howard and Paul convinced her that this was a big deal and everyone listening around the country wanted to hear the finish. She agreed to stay around until he finished when Howard said he'd fly her down to be on the show with Beetlejuice sometime soon. Howard was feeding Misty some lines to say to Beetle while she let him screw her. She's the mother of 3 kids so Artie told her to say ''Give my 1 year old a black brother!'' All of the guys in the studio were giving her lines to say and she was actually doing it. They had her saying stuff like ''Give me your Beetle-Batter'' and ''Punch me in the head.'' It was really funny stuff and Paul Rodriguez was having a fun time with it all. He didn't even want to do a regular interview before Beetle was done.
Howard convinced Paul to talk about other things because the Beetlejuice thing wasn't even close to coming to an end. Howard put Missy on hold and gave up on the Beetlejuice thing.
Howard got Bill on the phone and told him what he thinks about his comments. He said he doesn't think that what was said was right and he didn't apologize the right way about them. Bill then told Howard what really happened that night and it sounded like he was adding on to his initial thought. He tried to add to what he'd originally said. He added that he should have said that we were cowardly in the past by bombing from a distance and perhaps we haven't fought this war on terrorism the right way up to this point. Bill also pointed out that no one had a problem with his comments that night. It was 2 days later when a couple of DJs down in Houston picked up on them and made them seem worse than they actually were. They got the attention of the media and they picked up on it and made it even worse. Howard and Robin seem to feel that he is just making more and more excuses for his comments. Bill says that he wasn't saying that our Military is cowardly, it's the politicians in the country that have acted in a cowardly way in the past.
They all argued about the whole situation for a few minutes and Bill wasn't changing his mind about any of it. Neither were Howard and Robin. They both think that Bill should have just apologized for what he said. He didn't do it that way. Actor Stephen Baldwin called in and backed up what Robin and Howard were saying. Everyone seemed to agree that it was very bad timing for Bill to have made those comments because it's a very sensitive time for the country. Stephen told Bill that he should think more before making comments like that ''at this time.'' He kept emphasizing the words ''at this time'' over and over again.
Bill said that he sure wishes that he never said any of this but one of his guests brought it up on his show and he commented on it. Howard told him he should just admit that his comments were stupid. He should say that what he was thinking and what he actually said were a little different.
Artie Lange got his digs in at Bill too. He got to say the same words Bill said to him on his show. He got to tell Bill ''Thanks Bill, for the DUMB opinion!'' Fred also got to speak out for a few seconds but his argument didn't go very far because Howard took over once again.
Howard tried to change subjects a bit by asking Bill if he's been out picking up hot chicks since all of this happened. Bill said there's a moratorium on picking up hot chicks right now because there's more important things going on. Everyone continued to pile on top of Bill though. They were all goofing on him and making fun of other things Bill has gotten in trouble for on his show. He once compared retarded people to pets so that was one of the things they goofed on him about.
Bill said he doesn't know if his show will be canceled or not but it's been dropped in 3 cities so far. Howard joked and said that it may have been dropped in 3 cities but it was picked up by the Taliban. Bill said he'll understand if ABC drops the show because they're trying to run a business there. He also said that he'd rather not have to watch every single word he says on the show because that's not what he does. He said he just wants to speak his mind and be honest.
Bill refused to say that his comments were dumb after Stuttering John asked him if he would. He said his comments were something that needed some explanation and what he said was not dumb. After almost an hour long, very entertaining discussion Howard finally brought it to an end and moved on.
That play is what got Howard interested in this guy's story. David said that after his father, who is a Rabbi, read the play he had David committed to a mental institution. David said he flew into L.A. one day after working in Miami and his father was there with two bodyguards who told him to come along peaceably or they'd have to take him by force. He was then committed to a mental hospital where they tried to make him take drugs. David said his lawyer sister was able to get him out when she threatened his father with a lawsuit. Howard found all of this fascinating. According to David there's a law in California that says a family member can have you committed to a mental institution for 72 hours if they tell a psychologist that you're mental.
David went through his TV show history with Howard talking about how Ellen just fired him after he put in 3 years of hard work for her. He said she never called him after she had him fired by the head of the company they were working for. He also bad mouthed Michael J. Fox who no one ever bad mouths. Howard said he's never heard anyone say a bad word about Fox. David said that he was a really demanding guy when they'd be writing scripts for ''Spin City'' and he'd make them throw away thousands of man hours worth of script and start from scratch in the middle of producing a show. David called Michael the ''great pretender'' but he also said he was very brave the way he has suffered through his health problems while working on ''Spin City.''
Howard told David that he doesn't think he's mental but he is kind of ''hard to take'' when you talk to him. He's kind of annoying when you talk to him. David admitted that he's hard to take but he doesn't really seem to care. David also told Howard that the only reason he ever went to Hollywood was to write and to bang models. He said he didn't do it for the money but he realized you need a lot of money to get models. Howard wrapped up the interview after taking a couple of phone calls for David. A few of the callers said they didn't want to hear about this guy's life so they wanted Howard to just get him off the air already.
Howard had Bobby Badfingers perform his first snapping display to the song Wipe Out. Bobby did an amazing snap drum solo that was pretty impressive. Howard told Bobby that he had one of those useless talents that will get him nowhere in life. Howard said it's amazing but useless. Bobby went on to demonstrate his talent doing various solos for everyone.
Bobby told Howard he can't disclose how much he gets paid but he's trying to get to the Snapple juice drink people to get some kind of commercial job going. He also said he's trying to get a sponsor for the Guinness book of World Records so he can be known as the fastest snapper.
Howard challenged Bobby to snap to a bunch of songs and stuff including the Lone Ranger theme song and Dueling Banjos. The guy was pretty amazing and Howard told him that the next time he and The Losers challenge another band to a Battle of the Bands they'll have to have him as the ''drummer.'' Howard told the guy his talent was stupid but he's really good and talented at it. Robin found no entertainment in it whatsoever. Gary said he was thoroughly entertained for the 5 minutes the guy was in there. Howard felt the same way as Gary. You can find out more about Bobby at his web site BadFingers.com
Howard asked Beet if he knew what he was dressed like today. He thought he was dressed like a clown. Howard told him he was dressed as Uncle Sam and he said ''Yeah, uncle Junior'' from The Sopranos. Obviously Beetlejuice had no clue what was going on. Howard asked him what he thought happened to the World Trade Center buildings. First of all he thought that the buildings were in Jersey. He did know that the ''F-ing Arabs'' made them fall down though. Howard had to hit the delay on him when he cursed. Howard asked him if he knew when they fell and he said ''82 or '86.'' Howard asked Beet if he knows who the President of the country is. Beet said that George Washington is President. At least he got the first name right.
Howard then started asking Beetlejuice who he hates other than the ''F-ing Arabs'' that he'd mentioned earlier. Beet said he hates the Jews and that he thinks they're the ones who actually brought down the towers. Howard then started mentioning groups of people like the Amish, the Eskimos and Antarcticans. Beetle said he hates them all. He hates the Indians, the blacks, the Eskimos, the Antarcticans, the Whites and just about every other group that Howard mentioned to him. He loves women though. It seemed that Howard found one group of people that he likes but then Beet said that he hates ''Jewish broads.''
Howard took a few phone calls for Beetlejuice and got him all wound up. He ended up saying that he was going to kill one of the callers after he called Beet some names. Howard wrapped up the interview saying that Beetle has an action figure coming out by the end of the year. To find out more info on Beetle and everything he's got going on just head over to JollyDwarf.com
Howard and Robin did a short news segment after letting ''Evil Dave'' do some comedy material before ending the show.
The Rock said he had a remembrance of meeting the late Hank the Dwarf one time when he was doing an event at the Nassau Coliseum. He said he ran into ''The Hank'' accidentally and Hank told him to go f-himself. The Rock said he just laughed and shook The Hank's hand. Howard was goofing around with The Rock's name so everyone became The-(insert name here). Kendra Jade became The Kendra when she spoke to The Rock. Kendra Jade, who vomited on a guy earlier in the show for the chance to meet The Rock, showed him her tattoo that she has on her ass. She said she's a really big fan of his and that's why she got the tattoo.
Howard told The Rock that The Kendra was the stripper who set up Jerry Springer 4 years ago and ended up in a tabloid magazine. Kendra just wants to forget about that whole thing so she asked Howard not to bring it up anymore.
Howard spoke to The Rock about his movie and how popular he's become in the past few years. Then he brought in a guy Eddie who showed up to meet The Rock. He has the same tattoo that The Rock has on him but Howard didn't think it looked like anything. Apparently Eddie actually chose to be a fan of The Rock over his girlfriend. Howard was blown away by that fact and thought he might be gay or something. Eddie just wants to follow in The Rock's footsteps though. Howard kicked him out shortly after he came in.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about The Rock's life and how he grew up an angry guy. He used to get into a lot of fights as a young man. He also let Howard know that his father and uncle both worked for the McMahon family as wrestlers in the past. The Rock shared his first sexual experience with Howard also. He said he lost his virginity at the age of 14. He was in a park with an 18 year old girl but the cops ended up breaking up the fun. He and the girl had to finish up somewhere else.
Howard took a few quick phone calls for The Rock and plugged his web site TheRock.com before wrapping up the interview. He also let Kendra Jade tell The Rock that she ''wants his strudel.'' We also learned that Kendra has a band called The Stone Movement and you can find out more about them at StoneMovement.com
Fred didn't know why he went back to the Barbra Streisand question. He thought he might get it if he heard it again but it didn't come to him.
Later in the show Gary came in and said that a bunch of people told him that because Cabbie is an employee of the station, he can't win the money. The rules said that no employees are eligible to win so he might be out of luck. Howard wanted them to give it to him anyway but they may have to wait until tomorrow when Tom gets back to find out. Cabbie said that's the story of his life. He won but then they yanked it back from him. Scott the engineer came in and congratulated Cabbie on being a bigger loser than him. Howard said that Cabbie deserves it and he'll fight for him to get it.
That's right! After all of the buildup and interviewing, Howard announced that the whole thing was one big hoax. He said he wouldn't have been able to pull this off around April fools day because no one would have believed him. Well he had a lot of people fooled today. It turns out that the piece of head was just a pig brain. Well this was one of Howard's more interesting hoax's. He's done others in the past like once he had everyone believing that his station had gone to an all Elvis format. This whole thing is supposed to air on E! tonight at 11:00.
Luke Perry Comes In. 5/2/97. 7:05am
Since Zach was still nude Howard had him escort Luke Perry into the studio. It must have been some sight. Luke was even goofing on Zach's penis size. Luke Perry used to be on Beverly Hills 90210 as many of you may know. Today he explained why he left. Luke was also the person who introduced Howard as Fartman at the MTV Music Video Awards back in 1992. If you saw Private Parts you noticed that Luke didn't appear as himself at the beginning of the movie. John Stamos took that part. Howard was curious as to why Luke turned down the part. He gave a little bit of an explanation on the phone a few weeks back. He explained it once again today. He said that he was in the middle of doing a low budget film and there was no way he could get out of it so he turned it down. Howard thinks Luke turned it down because he thought it would be some crappy film. Luke doesn't seem too upset about not taking the roll though. He's doing other things now. He'll be starring in an NBC TV show this Sunday, May 4th called ''Invasion''. Howard has seen the coming attractions and said it looks really good. Luke is also in the new Bruce Willis movie ''The Fifth Element'' which comes out this summer. That's something else Howard said he wants to see. He said from what he's seen of the coming attractions it looks pretty good.