Robin told Howard that someone called in to wish him a happy birthday since it was the day after his actual birthday. Jay Leno was on the phone as he is ever year to say hello to him and wish him a happy birthday. Howard and Jay spent a couple of minutes on the football discussion and then Howard told Jay that he should be asking for more money from NBC. Jay claims that he puts away the money he makes at NBC and only lives off the money he makes from his stand-up career. Howard asked him what he does for fun since he doesn't go on vacation. Jay told Howard that he doesn't want to go to Hawaii and he'd rather stay home and work on his cars. Howard also asked Jay about why he never had any kids. Jay said he's always on the road and the two of them just never wanted any kids. Howard said that's a good idea. He said he loves his kids but it's great that they don't have anything like that to tie them down. Howard asked Jay if people think they're weird because they've never had kids. Jay said people think you're weird if you're heterosexual. Howard ended up asking Jay if they have an open marriage. Jay said they're pretty tight so it's not an open marriage. Jay seems to think he's not as good looking as he was when he was 24 so women wouldn't be interested in him. Howard asked Jay if he gets chubbed up when he interviews someone like Reese Witherspoon. Jay said he likes more ethnic looking women than someone like Reese Witherspoon. Howard and Robin brought up the story about Sharon Osbourne and Jay dating years ago. All Jay would say about that is that they were good friends. Robin and Howard brought up the time Jay walked off his own show when Howard brought out some lesbians during one of his appearances. They spent a short time on that and then Jay said he had to get to bed so Howard let him go.
Howard took some listener phone calls after Jay got off the phone. One guy wished Howard happy birthday and said Jay sounds like a great guy. He also told Howard to buy a manly SUV like a Hummer H2 instead of the stuff they were talking about on the show recently. Howard said he read a story about SUVs being gas guzzlers and how these environmentally friendly celebrities hide the fact that they drive these things. Howard said he's been looking into the Cadillac Escalade and other big SUVs himself.
Howard was about to take a break when Robin told him he had another phone call to take. Jon Bon Jovi called in to with him happy birthday. Robin said he might be getting a bunch of surprise calls today. Jon was calling in from Japan. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about football. Jon hadn't seen any of the games that were played over the weekend so he didn't want Howard to tell him who won. Howard said he'd take bets on the games if Jon wanted to bet him. Jon didn't take him up on the offer. Howard asked Jon what they're doing in Japan. He said they're playing a lot of the big stadiums over there. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to him and then let him go. Howard then asked Robin when the real surprises were coming. Robin said she thought he'd like those two calls. Howard asked her ''what's next? Enuf Z Nuff?'' Howard did his Jay Leno impression for a few seconds and then finally took the first break of the morning.
After the commercial break Howard played a bit they put together goofing on ''Joe Millionaire.'' It was called ''Jew Millionaire.'' Howard said it turns out the goof is on us with the real ''Joe Millionaire'' because the guy isn't just a $20,000 a year construction worker. He's a successful model whose family has a lot of money.
Howard played a clip that Kidd Chris sent to him from a news station whose anchor had a coughing attack in the middle of a story. Howard thought it was pretty funny.
Howard brought up the death of Maurice Gibb who died over the weekend. He said that's why Fred played the Bee Gees clip at the start of the show. Robin said she was surprised to hear that he'd died because she thought they'd gotten him to the hospital in time to clear a blockage from his intestine. Howard ended up playing a song parody the guys did for him the last time they were on the show. They sang about John Bobitt losing his penis in a phony commercial. Howard played that and then moved on to some other stuff.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he thinks Howard is a homo. The guy wasn't making much sense talking about Howard hanging out with celebrities to help his daughter out or something wacky like that. Howard didn't put up with that for long though. He hung up on the guy and took another call. A guy called in to bitch about Gary and Artie because they thought the Jets would win and he put down a lot of money on the game. Howard said he'd like to have some calls that make some sense this morning. He wasn't sure why the guy was calling in.
Howard eventually moved on and talked about his birthday celebration over the weekend. He said Beth took him out to dinner and a show. He said they went to see ''Tuesdays with Maurey'' which he liked. He told Robin what the play was about and eventually broke out in song. He said the guys who starred in the play were very good but he wasn't sure what their names were. Howard said Saturday he went out to a dinner birthday party that Robin put together. He said he tried to call Robin to thank her for that but she didn't answer her phone. Howard asked her if she ever answers her phone. She said she was actually sleeping when he called. Howard said he took a picture of Robin and her boyfriend Mr. X and he didn't realize that Mr. X was holding a knife to her throat. Robin said she didn't even realize it because he did it so smoothly. Robin mentioned that Stuttering John is supposed to be on a diet but he was drinking like crazy. Howard said John was smoking too and he didn't know he smoked. John said he only smokes when he drinks. Robin said he bummed that cigarette off the bartender. Howard said he heard that John farted at the table and people were sickened by the stink. John said it happened accidentally and his wife pointed it out to everyone. Then Mr. X spilled a glass of water on John's lap. Howard and John didn't think that was very cool though. John said he was ready to punch the guy in the face when that happened. Robin said that Mr. X has a problem with rudeness and that's why he did that. Howard said pouring the water on his lap was pretty rude too. She said he likes to teach people lessons that way. John said he's heard other stories about him yelling at people who talk during shows and stuff like that. Robin said one time a fan sat down with them while they were out and Mr. X wanted to kill the guy. John said he didn't want to make a scene at the party so he kept his mouth shut after having the water poured on his lap. Howard told Robin she's got to keep an eye on this guy. Robin said if she had seen Mr. X doing that to John she would have done something about it. She said she didn't know it was going on. Howard said Mr. X must be a very angry guy to do stuff like that. Howard let a couple of phone callers talk to John about this stuff. One guy said John deserved it, another guy said next time, John should go right up to Mr. X and fart in his face. John said he thought Mr. X was a friend until that happened. Howard said he's still a friend, he just wants to kill him now.
Howard talked about some of the other people who were at the party with him. He said he had his friends Ralph, Ross and his girl Melissa, Artie and Dana, Stuttering John and Suzanna, Dominic and Leslie and Linda Lopez. Howard said DJ Booker, who is dating Linda Lopez, is working for Entertainment Tonight so he ended up getting called out on a story that night. Howard and the guys talked about the food and stuff like that. A phone caller asked Howard who picked up the tab that night. Howard said he was ready to cover it but Dominic came in and saved the day.
Howard ended up talking about marriage and how he really doesn't want to get married. He said he thinks that the next couple to get married will be either Ross and Melissa or Artie and Dana. Howard said he doesn't think Artie and Dana will last long enough to get married and neither will Dominic and Leslie.
John's farting came up again when a caller said they should have a fight between John and Mr. X. Howard said they could call it the X vs. Y fight. He said John is the Y because he wonders why he's on the show.
Dominic called in and told Howard he couldn't believe he said their relationship wouldn't last. Howard ended up talking to Leslie for a couple of minutes. Stuttering John got in on it too and asked her how she gets past all of that blubber on Dominic. She said she loves him and that doesn't matter to her. Howard took another break after talking to Leslie for a short time.
Stuttering John said he saw Gary's kids yesterday when he went to see Gary playing in this celebrity hockey game. Gary and the guys spent a little while talking about that event and some of the stuff that went on there.
Howard took a couple of phone calls to kill some time. One caller said he loved the Lord of the Anal Ring Toss game they played last week. Howard said the picture of Artie as Lord of the Anal Ring Toss is still up on HowardStern.com but it will be coming down soon so they can put a picture of Nikki Ziering up for the dial-a-date game they have coming soon. The phone caller asked Howard for some advice on how to get his wife to have anal sex. Howard told him he has to work into it slowly. Howard said he doesn't even know why guys are so into it because it's no all it's cracked up to be. Howard got off the phone a minute later so he could bring Jimmy Kimmel in.
Jimmy said he had Adam Carolla, Ben Stein, Kathy Griffin and a few others on for his test shows. Howard told Jimmy he thinks he'll be good at it.
Howard brought up Jimmy's recent divorce and congratulated him on that. Howard said he's probably having fun now but he's going to have to work hard. Jimmy said these days he comes home and doesn't want to work like he used to. Howard said he's going to have to spend more quality time with his kids too. Jimmy said he's already doing that.
Gary came in and said there were some weird things in the notes about Jimmy. He said he talked about some weird stuff in a recent Playboy interview. Howard said Jimmy talks about his urethra being really small and how he had to have an operation to make it bigger. When it healed it was even smaller. Jimmy said even now it's not that great. He said one time they just went in there and tried to stretch it out. Jimmy said it works but his aim is horrendous. Gary said he read that when Jimmy and Adam Carolla went on the road together, they'd sleep in the same bed. Jimmy said that they still do that. Gary read that one time Jimmy had to masturbate so he told Adam he had to take a dump. He went to the bathroom and spanked one out in the shower. Then Adam went to take a shower and started screaming when he saw the mess in the tub. Howard asked Jimmy if he ever does any gay stuff while he's sleeping with Adam. He said one friend told him he kissed him one night when he was sleeping in the same bed.
Howard asked Jimmy about his new girlfriend, Sara Silverman, who he's been dating for a while now. Howard asked Jimmy more about his divorce too.
Howard said Jimmy's show starts after the Super Bowl and it'll be live. Jimmy said he's no good at doing monologs so he won't be doing one. He said he'll just be doing the interview thing. Jimmy's penis came up again. He said he used to be able to pee for a mile when he had the small urethra but now he's like a normal person. Howard also brought up a story Jimmy told about getting headaches when he was having sex or masturbating. Jimmy said it's actually a problem that some people suffer from.
Jimmy ended up telling the guys that he's only had sex with 3 women in his life. Gary asked him why he didn't just get a few under his belt after the divorce. Jimmy said he tends to pick women he thinks would have liked him in high school. Gary asked him one last question about crying on the last episode of ''The Man Show.'' Jimmy said he did cry a little bit and added ''Some 'Man Show' huh?''
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Jimmy. Jimmy said he wasn't looking forward to hearing the callers. They weren't all that harsh on him though. Howard spent a little more time talking to Jimmy about his new girl and his new life. Jimmy said his life has become one big schedule. Howard asked him how long it'll be before he has Sara Silverman on his show. Jimmy said he won't have her on if Howard is on. Howard said that would be a great show though. Howard asked him how long it was after he separated from his wife that he slept with Sara. Jimmy said it was a while after that before he slept with her.
Howard asked Jimmy who his first guest will be. Jimmy said they don't even have a scheduled guest. He said that he probably won't have many scheduled guests for the first few shows. He did say that he'll have Snoop Dogg as his special guest co-host for the first show though. Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know how to get tickets to the show. Jimmy said you might be able to do that at the ''NBC web site.'' Howard had to correct him a minute later when he reminded Jimmy that he's on ABC, not NBC.
Howard spent some time talking to Jimmy about possible guests he could have on the show in the future. He also took a few phone calls and wished Jimmy luck with his new show before wrapping up the interview.
Howard brought up Dick's daytime talk show and how he can't believe it's still on the air. Dick told Howard he's surprised it's still on the air himself. He said he thinks they're just keeping them there until they find a replacement show. As Howard was getting ready to wrap up the interview he took a call from a guy who said he hates Dick Clark. The guy went off on Dick for a minute but Howard tried to defend Dick. The guy said he's sick of seeing Dick on New Years Eve screwing up celebrity names every year. After letting the caller yell at Dick for a short time Howard wrapped up the call and gave him a plug for the show. After getting off the phone Howard talked about how crazy it is that he's so involved with all of the stuff he has his hands in. Robin then told Howard that Carson Daly was there to say hi to him.
Howard had to take a commercial break shortly after bringing Carson in. After the break he spent some more time talking to Carson about the women he's dated. He brought up Tara Reid's name again and asked him if he gets jealous when he sees the guys she's dating now. Carson said he finds it humorous when he sees who she's dating. Howard moved on to talk about the other women in his life like Jennifer Love Hewitt. Carson claims that Jennifer's breasts are real too. Stuttering John asked that question and when Carson said they're real he told him he's the luckiest guy in the world. Howard asked him how long it took for him to get her in bed. Carson said he really doesn't remember how long it took but they weren't in any rush. He said he really liked her and wasn't just trying to bang her. Howard read that he also went out with Christina Aguilera. He said he did date her but it didn't go very far. He said she was a fun girl to date though. The guys also brought up the wacky behavior Mariah Carey showed on TRL one day. He talked about how she pulled off her top and showed her breasts for no obvious reason. Carson said he could tell that something was up with her when he saw that happen.
Howard had Carson put his hand on a pile of bibles and swear that he never slept with Christina Aguilera. He also asked him about Jaime Pressly who he was rumored to have dated. Carson started to clam up when Howard asked him if he ever tongue kissed Christina Aguilera.
Howard spent a little time talking to Carson about his NBC show too. That led to them talking about Jimmy's new TV show for a short time. Howard had a few other interesting facts about Carson that they talked about before they wrapped up the interview. Carson talked about spending time with OJ Simpson years ago when he was a caddy for the guy. He actually had lunch with him the day before OJ's ex-wife was killed. Carson said he played golf right behind him the day before the killings. Howard spent some time on the OJ subject and then wrapped up the interview with Carson and Jimmy.
Gary told Howard they tried to get a bunch of people to come in and make some appearances for the show. Gary said they tried to get Crackhead Bob to come in but he decided not to do it. Gary said he tried to get another old friend, Kimberly Taylor, but she wasn't anywhere to be found. Gary told Howard they also tried to get Bo the Lesbian but he couldn't find her either. They also tried to get Mariah Carey to come in but that fell apart and she was out of the country anyway.
Gary said that he's going to be shooting another week of Hollywood Squares shows this Saturday. He said he'll be on the show with other celebrities like Simon Cowell from American Idol, Martin Mull, Kathy Griffin, Brian from Survivor, Joan Rivers, Don King and comedian George Lopez. Howard said ''no wonder they're doing so good.'' Gary said at least he'll get picked now since the other guests aren't that famous. After that Howard had Robin do her news.
Howard had something stuck in his teeth so he asked Gary if he had a toothpick to get it out. Gary didn't have one and Howard thought if anyone would, it would be Gary. Gary said there were none in the building so they sent someone out to get some.
Howard took a call from a woman who said a family member died recently and he was a big fan of the show. She said he was even buried in a Howard Stern t-shirt. Howard said there are no Howard Stern t-shirts so he wondered where they got that from. He said he might have to have that confiscated. Howard said he was honored but still didn't understand the t-shirt thing. Howard said he wished he would have left him some money. The woman said the death was suspicious but didn't say exactly what it was that killed him. Howard tried to get her to come out with it and she eventually said it may have been some booze and some pills that killed him. The woman wanted Howard to say the guy's name but he said it may be best not to say it after saying that he died from drugs and booze.
Howard was still trying to get the piece of food from his teeth. He said that floss gives him bad breath too. He took a break a short time later.
After the break Howard said he was irritated by his hair being in his face and would rather be home sleeping this morning. Howard said he was going to play music all morning instead of talking. He had some Van Halen playing for a few seconds but gave up on it pretty quick. Robin brought up the conversation they had yesterday about Stuttering John getting water poured on his lap by Mr. X after he farted at the dinner table. Howard said he wasn't sure if Robin was defending what her boyfriend did or not. John said that Mr. X wanted to fight after that which he thought was kind of weird. Howard said that is pretty intense to pour water on someone just because he accidentally farted. John said he pissed off Mr. X one time when he asked if he was paying for the vacation they took in London recently. It turns out Mr. X didn't go to London so Robin paid for it herself. Robin and John had a stare down for a few seconds during this discussion. Howard told John that he should probably stay away from the guy because he obviously has a problem with him. John said the fart was accidental and he can't help it because he's been eating some food that has wreaked havoc on his system. Howard asked Robin if Mr. X has ever disciplined her for something. Robin said he hasn't but then told a story about how she was getting on his nerves so he chased her around the house with ice and eventually put ice down her shirt. John pointed out there's something with water and ice with Mr. X. Robin said that he has done some stuff to her when she has gotten on his nerves. She said she has poured water on her also. He'll tell her that she needs to cool off and do that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told John that he shouldn't have farted at the table and he's always doing this crap in front of Howard. John insists that it was an accident though. He said that everyone was done eating and it was between courses when he farted. Artie said he wasn't able to get down his third slice of cake after that fart. Robin said the fart went right down the table and got everyone that was sitting there. John said that Mr. X may get hurt some day if he decides to yell at the wrong person. Yesterday Robin said that Mr. X will yell at strangers if they're doing something rude.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered what Beth got him for his birthday. He said she took him out to dinner and a show and got him a few other things. The guy wondered if she gave him anal or anything like that. Howard said it wasn't anything like that. The guy also wondered what the tab was at this dinner Robin set up. Robin said it was at least $120 a head plus drinks. She said she set everything up so she knew the cost per person. The guys also drank quite a bit so the bill was probably pretty high. The guy on the phone said he had a question for Pete Townshend also. He said he wants to ask him ''Who are you? Who, who, who, who. I really wanna know.'' The guys all found that pretty amusing. They ended up talking about kiddie porn again after that. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that it is possible that Pete Townshend was doing research like he claims he was. He knew a lot about what was going on and seems to think that Townshend is innocent. The guy just wanted Howard to give Pete a chance and wait until the truth comes out. The guy said he thinks he was trying to do the right thing and he got caught up in this kiddie porn sting. The guy told Howard that just typing in the word ''boy'' will bring up kiddie porn sites. Howard told the guy that he's willing to wait to hear the whole story but if he did, in fact, do this, then we should throw a glass of water in his lap. Howard joked that he would chase him around with ice like Mr. X did to Robin.
Howard said that Robin was thrown out of her charity group recently because of the ''It's Just Wrong'' stuff they did last year. They didn't spend much time talking about that though. They quickly mentioned it and got back to the Pete Townshend thing for a short time. Howard said it's a weird story and he'd hate to see someone's career ruined if he wasn't actually doing anything wrong. Stuttering John said he thought he heard that Pete was under suspicion for creating kiddie porn but that may not be the case. Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who added to the conversation with some facts about some of these kiddie porn cases. While he was on the phone Howard asked Dominic how much the bill was for dinner the other night. He said it was $3000 including an $1800 tip. Howard had to take another break after Dominic's call.
After the break Howard said he had to take down the picture of Artie as Lord of the Anal Rings from HowardStern.com because they had to put up a picture of Nikki Ziering who is going to be offered up to a lucky listener in a dial-a-date. Howard checked out the picture and Fred kept playing this ''Behold the Lord of the Anal Rings'' sound byte they created. Howard ended up singing some Led Zeppelin. He also quickly plugged tomorrow's show because they'll be playing Stump the Booey.
After the call Howard said that the way divorces work out these days makes guys want to stay in the relationship just so they don't lose half their money. That leads to people staying in marriages they're not happy in and therefore, leads to guys cheating.
Howard took some other phone calls and talked about some other stuff after the interview. Shuli called in and brought up this show called ''Inside the Actors Studio'' that Howard likes. Shuli said at the end of the show they ask actors 8 dopey questions like:
After the break Howard said Ballys gave him a $500 gift certificate to Mercer Kitchen as a birthday present. Howard said he'll have to take some people with him when he goes. He said he should bring Stuttering John and Mr. X. Beth is going away for the weekend so he's going to be alone. Robin asked him how he's going to do with the dog and no Beth. Howard said he's going to have to bring the dog to the breeder to help him out over the weekend. He said the dog is on antibiotics and pees constantly.
Howard said he was going to do a special list of things to go over that happened over the past year but there were some things he didn't want to talk about. Instead, Howard remembered Abby Hoffman who did a lot in his life. He said he remembers him and wanted to talk about that. Howard said there were a bunch of other things that went on during the year like Artie and Dana meeting and stuff like that but he didn't really want to do that. Howard said the thing that made him emotional today was the Staind song (''Outside'') that was played before the show started this morning. He played the song again and tried to understand the lyrics.
Howard moved on to other stuff quickly after playing some of the song. He played tape of Larry King interviewing this guy James Van Prog who claims he can communicate with the dead. Larry takes the guy seriously and interviews him like he's legitimate. Howard said all of these guys talk real fast so you don't concentrate on what they're saying. Howard said Larry has wacky stories of how own so that must be why he gets along with the guy.
Howard asked Martin about owning guns but Martin tried to avoid answering the question directly.
Martin talked about having problems with weed in the past but now he's doing okay. He said he's still in the game though and he's doing okay. He talked about having a wife even though he's not married to the girl. Howard told him not to say that he's married to her if he's not though. Martin talked about his woman a bit and wouldn't let Howard bad mouth any of his buddies like Eddie Murphy. He kept cursing though so Howard asked him if he was doing it on purpose or not. He said it was just the natural environment he was in. He and Howard talked about Eddie Murphy a bit but Martin asked Howard to please not talk about him. Howard tried to find out who Martin hangs out with these days. He said he hangs out with people he grew up with.
Howard also asked Martin about being in a coma and what happened during that nightmare. Martin said it was some of the best sleep he ever got. He said when he woke up he had a catheter in his ''piece.'' Howard moved on to read some of the other stuff he had on Martin. They pulled some of the wacky stuff they have printed in the tabloids about him. Martin tried to convince Howard that not all of that stuff is true though.
Howard got back to the movie Martin was supposed to be plugging this morning. They talked about that a little bit and about his kids. Howard tried to get Martin to talk about the feud he had with Eddie Murphy but Martin didn't want to go there. Howard said he knows there was something going on between them at one point but Martin didn't want to talk about it. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard spent some time talking about last night's American Music Awards after bringing up how good Eminem's song ''Cleaning Out My Closet'' is. He said he finally listened to the song and said the lyrics are great and let you in on what his relationship with his mother is like. Howard also talked about how boring and horrible Christina Aguilera's performance was on the American Music Awards last night. He said she was wearing too much clothing and she didn't strip down at all. He said she's got a great voice but the song she sang was just horrible.
KC came in and told Howard a couple of facts about Pete Townshend that he found. He said that Townshend wrote a rock opera album about 10 years ago and it was about a rock star who had to create controversy around himself to sell albums. KC added that the controversy that was in that opera revolved around child pornography.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Shania Twain and the ''special'' thing they had her do on the American Music Awards last night. The guy told Howard that she just walked up to a balcony and finished her song up there. Dick Clark was making it soul like it was something people have never seen before and it would be great. That led to Howard playing tape of Gary Garver interviewing Shania at the awards show last night. Garver asked her what she thought of Howard Stern and she was already running away from him. He asked her if she'd date Howard Stern also and she told him that she didn't want him asking her dirty questions like that. He threw out a few other questions like ''Would you let R. Kelly watch your kids?'' and ''Have you ever had sex with any of your groupies?'' but she stopped answering him and walked away.
Howard had a game to play and a prize to give away. He had a watch courtesy of Steven Singer Jewelers for a listener if they could guess ''Who Said What'' in this game KC threw together. He had a bunch of statements that were said by either President Bush or Mike Tyson. Howard got a caller on the line and had KC read the statements. The caller had to get 3 out of 5 correct to win the watch. Here are the statements and the people who said them.
Howard gave a plug for tonight's E! show which is one of the ''Hot 25'' reruns that will finally end this week.
Howard read through a bunch of e-mail that they've gotten lately. One guy told Artie he doesn't think he needs therapy. Artie said he feels he needs the therapy because there's some stuff about his late father that he's not over yet. He told Howard he feels he needed to talk to a professional about it. He also said that when he spoke to his family and girlfriend about it, they agreed that he should go to therapy. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Artie about the heavy drinking and eating that he does. Howard seems to think there was one person who may have pushed him to go to the therapist but Artie says that's not true. He said everyone was equally for him going. Howard asked him if there were any threats from family but he says there really weren't any. Robin got in on the conversation and said that the other night when they were out, she saw a look of depression on his face that she hasn't seen. She described the scene and said that he was just sitting there with a drink in his hand and no one talking to him. Artie said Mr. X yelled over to him to ''cheer up'' at one point. Artie said that the birthday cake took a while to come out and that's what he was bummed out about.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Howard that he's no creepy like he said he was. Howard said he really is and when Erik started to plug the comedy shows he's doing with KC, Howard cut him off.
Howard moved on to more e-mail. Some people wrote in and complained about Stuttering John becoming part of the show more than he used to be. Other people complained about Jon Bon Jovi calling in to the show. There were also some angry e-mails about Mr. X and his treatment of Stuttering John the other day. One person picked up on the fact that Robin let Mr. X's real first name (Tony) slip out yesterday. Some people thought that Mr. X was right in throwing the glass of water on his lap after he farted at the dinner table.
Howard went through a couple of other e-mails and then took a call from Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com). He wanted to talk about Pete Townshend. Yucko said he couldn't believe Pete ripped off his act. Yucko also threw in a joke about Maurice Gibb saying that he was a fag. Yucko also complained that he got snubbed for the People's Choice award. Howard wondered when he was going to get to the jokes though. Howard said Yucko didn't put any effort into that call at all. Artie did an impression of Yucko for a short time after he got off the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the whole Artie going to the psychiatrist thing has got to be coming from his girlfriend. He goofed on Artie a little bit and then Artie admitted he was out with his girlfriend at a co-ed baby shower the day the Giants played the 49ers. The guys all found that pretty funny. Artie said he barely got home in time to see the game. Howard said he bets that $500 whore he had out in Las Vegas never made him go to a baby shower. After goofing on Artie for a couple of minutes the guy told Howard he should put his show on something like HBO or Showtime so they could show nudity. Howard said he's under contract to E! and ''who could resist being under contract to E!.''
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to talk about Pete Townshend and how he apparently wrote the lyrics to the song ''Uncle Ernie.'' Fred said that wasn't true though and John Entwhistle actually wrote it. Chaunce argued about it for a minute but then moved on to talk to Howard about how rude it was for him not to invite Gary to the dinner he had last week. Howard told Chaunce that it wasn't really a birthday celebration, it was just a small dinner that Robin wanted to put together. Howard said it was supposed to be a small dinner party and it was with people who like to have dinner together. Howard tried to explain it to Chaunce but he still thought it wasn't right. He said he could hear it in Gary's voice yesterday when they were talking about it. Gary came in and said he wasn't really offended by what happened. He said he just wanted to let Howard know that he is still available to do all of this stuff and he wants him to know that. Gary also said that if anyone should have invited him to this thing, it should have been Robin. They all went over this for quite a while. Howard told Gary that he wants to go to dinner with him sometime and he wasn't blowing him off.
Dominic Barbara called in quickly to tell Howard he thought Mr. X was right to have poured water on Stuttering John. John came in and defended himself but Dominic still said he thought Mr. X was right. Howard got Dominic off the phone and then took a call from an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator who said he'd like to invite Gary to one of his parties so his kids could jump up and down on his balloon lips. He made a couple of other jokes about his lips and teeth before Howard got him off the phone. Howard thanked Chaunce for the call and cut him off when he started to promote his comedy CD.
Howard spent a minute on the subject of Martin Lawrence and all of the cursing he did during yesterday's show. He also had something else to talk about but he had to take a break.
After the break Howard said they have Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles and Stump the Booey coming up later this morning. Howard said they'll also have a woman who accidentally chopped off her fingers with an axe in a movie she was in. Howard talked about a couple of other things they have coming up this week including a nude model by the name of Suzette Spencer. That led to Howard talking about seeing Artie doing a celebrity photographer thing for Playboy where he shot some nudes with a playmate. Howard said Artie looks really uncomfortable but he does do some funny stuff in it. Artie told him it's for the web. He told Howard it was Lindsey Vuolo that he was shooting and she was really cool. Howard had the guys play tape of the shoot where Artie has Lindsey taking pictures of him while she's naked. Howard said he thinks he could do some nice photographs if he had the chance. He said he's done some nice stuff with his digital camera that look great. Howard noticed that Lindsey's boobs must be real after seeing the video.
Howard talked about this new show on FOX called ''Man vs. Beast'' where humans and animals compete in different games. Robin told Howard that they're going to have a man and a bear in an eating contest. Howard said he believes that a man will beat a bear in a contest like that because when the bear gets full, it'll probably stop eating. The guy will keep going because he knows it's a contest. Robin told Howard they'll also have a man running against a giraffe and a sumo wrestler having a tug-of-war against an orangutan. Then there's a competition where little people and an elephant try to pull an airplane.
Howard read a story in the paper about this fan of this old TV show ''Dark Shadows'' who allegedly killed his girlfriend because she ripped him off for $95,000. It turns out the guy met the woman at a convention for ''Dark Shadows.'' Howard wondered where a convention like that even happens. Robin said ''In New York!'' Howard said the freaky part of the whole thing is that there's a ''Dark Shadows'' convention. Howard and Robin talked about how horrible the show was. They said it was horrible acting and horrible writing.
After talking about the ''Dark Shadows'' thing Howard played another Gary Garver interview from the American Music Awards. He got a quick interview with the group Nappy Roots and asked them stuff like:
Howard and Robin ended up talking about foreign films and the remakes of those movies. Howard said the reason they remake foreign films is because they suck.
Howard had tape of Fran Baskerville, the Singing Psychic, predicting that the Philadelphia Eagles would go all the way and win the Super Bowl. Howard played the tape and said she predicted that they'd go all the way. Howard then said if you think she actually has powers, she predicted that the Yankees would win the World Series.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about Fred being kind of rude to him at a show he was at. Fred said he was never at that place so his story was wrong. The guy wouldn't give up so Howard hung up on him. Another caller told Howard he wants him to get rid of Robin. He said he doesn't like her anymore. Howard said he's not going to do that though. The caller said she never even stuck up for Stuttering John after Mr. X tossed a glass of water on his lap. Another caller said he thinks that Robin is suffering from a ''battered woman syndrome'' and she defends her boyfriend's actions. He told Robin he just doesn't want to see her get hurt by this guy. He brought up how Mr. X chased her around with ice the other day and the next time, it might be an ice pick.
Howard took a call from someone who wanted to know what's up with the show these days. Everyone is in therapy according to the caller. Howard said he got some e-mail about that subject too. The writer said that there's something in the air on the Howard Stern Show and it's getting to everyone including Artie who recently admitted he's going to therapy.
Howard had some other e-mail about Robin's boyfriend that he read. One person wrote in as Ike Turner and told Robin to call him if she ever breaks up with Mr. X. There was some e-mail about Stuttering John being the dick in the whole water spilling incident. Howard read through some of that and talked about the whole thing. There were a bunch of people who thought it was right for Mr. X to toss water on John for farting at the dinner table. Howard said he thinks that Mr. X overreacted to John's accidental fart though. Howard then read more e-mail from people who thought Mr. X was wrong. Howard moved on and read some e-mail about Martin Lawrence's interview yesterday. A lot of people thought the interview sucked. Then there was an e-mail complaining about Crazy Cabbie's Trim Spa commercials. Howard said he got the most e-mail about Robin and Howard not inviting Gary to dinner last week. Some people thought Gary was a cry baby about the whole thing but then there were some people who thought he should have been invited. Howard said no one believed it wasn't a ''birthday dinner'' even though Howard explained the whole thing yesterday. Robin said she's going to have to do a dinner with Gary now. Howard said someone forwarded some posts from the alt.fan.howard-stern newsgroup because people were arguing over whether or not Gary should have been invited to that dinner party. Howard read through some of that and said it went on and on. One woman thought that the reason Howard didn't invite Gary or Fred because their wives don't kiss his ass enough. Some other people thought that Gary just isn't good at kissing Howard's ass off the air and that's why he wasn't invited.
Howard ended up talking to Fred about the time he quit the show after getting pissed off at something Howard had done. Gary came in and said that Fred really went off on them that day and the only other time he saw him like that was when they went through his bag. Howard said that was great but he'd never do that again to Fred. He said Fred has probably been setting mouse traps for him in his bag ever since then.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who had a theory about the Stuttering John/Mr. X thing. He said he thinks that Mr. X was probably taking out his anger on Stuttering John because he really dislikes Howard. Robin said King of all Blacks has never met Mr. X so he wouldn't know what his feelings are. King said he doesn't need to meet someone to know what they're like though. Robin said Mr. X really does like Howard though. Howard said Robin did call Mr. X Howard accidentally one time and that may have upset him a little bit.
King of All Blacks told Howard that he's getting sued for calling some of his co-workers ''nig*ers'' while he was working. He said he thought there was an unwritten law about black guys calling other black guys ''nig*er'' but that must not be true. Howard wondered if King will continue to call his co-workers ''nig*ers.'' King said he's going to keep saying what's on his mind. He's only got 5 more years left before he can retire. Howard wrapped up the call after that and took another break.
Howard mentioned some of the songs that they've put out and gave them a plug for their web site DickD.com where you can get their CDs.
Howard said Dick appeared on the Jerry Springer show as a pimp and the whole show was scripted from the start. He said the whole thing was lies. Howard said Dick wanted to thank the makers of LSD because he enjoys the drug so much. He said he's been arrested for having it before and he'd gladly be arrested again. He said jail sucked though. Howard wrapped up the interview after talking to the guys for about 10 minutes. He played them out to their song ''Diarrhea'' as they left.
Artie thought the guys were pretty cool. He said he probably could have hung out with those guys in the old days when he was doing drugs.
Howard moved on and did the Top 5 songs real quick. Howard talked about the upcoming Stump the Booey game and the guy who was coming in to play. Howard said the guy claims that he can beat Gary and has beaten him when he played along in his car. He's offering up his 28 year old sister as collateral in the game. If he loses, his sister has to get naked for the guys. Howard then took another commercial break.
George Clooney is in the city and Gary said he's been trying to get him on the show. Gary thought George walked right past John at this event he was at to do some interviews. John said his publicist wouldn't let him come over even though he wanted to. Howard had some interviews John did so he played those. Renee Zellweger was up first. Here's what John asked her:
Howard got back to John's interviews and played a quick one with Rex Reed. Howard said Rex was once accused of shoplifting but the charges were dropped. Here's what John asked:
Howard read a quote from Pete Townshend who said that all guys check out porn on the web and will eventually come across a pedophile site. Howard said he has never even thought about checking out a pedophile web site in all the years he's been on the web. Townshend is trying to compare himself to the normal guy but he's got problems. Howard read some other bizarre quotes from him and talked about that for a while. Howard took a call from a guy who said that anyone who goes on a porn web site has downloaded the porn. The guy said there's always wacky stuff that pops up when you do a search for porn on the web. Another guy said that you don't just get kiddie porn sites when you do searches. He said you have to go to chat rooms and places like that to find that stuff.
Howard claimed that he never used the N-word when he was growing up and getting beaten up in Roosevelt, Long Island. A caller told Howard he found that hard to believe but Howard swears he never did.
Riley Martin the space alien guy called in to talk to Howard quickly. He told Howard that even he has used the N-word in his life. Howard pointed out that Riley also spent some time in jail after getting caught with cocaine. Riley told Howard he's been clean for years now and his book is back in print. He said you can get that at TheComingOfTan.com. Gary said that it's a good thing Riley isn't ripping people off selling a book in which he claims to have met space aliens. He was saying that he never ripped anyone off when he talked about his time in jail. Howard wondered if Riley was with our country or not because of some stuff he'd been saying. Riley claims that he predicted the World Trade Center attacks two years before it happened. Riley and Howard argued about the war on terrorists for a couple of minutes before Howard asked Robin why he was arguing with a guy who claims to have seen space aliens. Howard wrapped up the call a short time after that.
A guy called in and said he wants to play Gary in Stump the Booey because he wants to find his mother. The guy wants Gary to find his birth mother but Gary said that service cost them $3000. Gary said the grand prize is $5000 so he'll give him the name of the service and he can use the money for that. The guy said he's got a girlfriend who will get naked for them if he loses. She's a teacher in a middle school and he claims that she'd be into this game. Howard told him they were all going to squeeze her breasts when she gets naked and he said she'd be into that. Howard was just trying to see how far this guy will say she'll go. That's pretty far.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw The Who play a concert one time and Pete Townshend made a comment about liking young kids after performing ''The Kids Are Alright.'' They also talked about the song ''Rough Boys'' and the strange lyrics that are in that song. Howard played the song and they talked about that for a short time. After hearing it Artie said ''Just arrest him!'' KC came in and said the song doesn't mean what they think it does and it's just a goof.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who talked about how old Don Imus looks. He said he looks like he's 125 years old. Howard said he doesn't know why Imus stays in radio. The guys all goofed on him for a couple of minutes. They also talked about tonight's E! show rerun of Erica the Gymnast coming in to get implants. Robin Radzinski came in to talk about the E! thing but Howard ended up talking to her about her trip to Africa for a little while. She didn't bang any Africans and nothing really sexy happened to her. Howard thanked her for coming in and got back to some other stuff. Artie said he was watching the E! show and he saw one of those horrible scrolls they run under the show. He said he saw one about Jennifer Aniston breaking her toe on a piece of furniture. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Debbie Schlussel called in and told Howard a strange story about Aretha Franklin and how her house burned down a couple of months ago. She had a lot of facts about the story and how Aretha is now under investigation for arson or something like that. She also said that Aretha apparently called some of her newscaster friends and they went on the air and defended her. Howard let Debbie go on and on without interrupting her but when she stopped, Howard asked her if she's getting laid. Debbie told Howard she doesn't talk about that stuff so he got off the phone with her and moved on to other stuff.
Howard played a couple of Onion Radio News bits including one that was bit about Craig Kilborn marrying himself and then going on a honeymoon. That led to Howard talking about how these late night guys don't have any worries and have it made because no one cares what kind of ratings they get. They brought up Conan O'Brien and Jon Stewart during the discussion.
Howard said that Beth gave him a bunch of pictures of his dog and her before she left for L.A. Today. The guys goofed on him for being one of those guy who carries around pictures of his dog but he said it was just today. He said Beth slipped them into his bag early this morning and he's not one of those guys who carries around dog pictures.
Stephen Baldwin called in to promote tonight's episode of ''Celebrity Mole.'' Howard told Stephen that they tried to get Kathy Griffin to come in with him on the show but she has refused to do it. She's also on ''Celebrity Mole'' and is afraid of Stephen for some reason. Stephen said he'd be willing to come in like Hannibal Lechter if they wanted him to. He said even if they locked him up like Hannibal, he'd still try to chew through the restraints to get to her. He also wants her husband to come in because he doesn't like him either. Howard and Stephen spent a little while talking about what that's all about. Stephen and Kathy just didn't get along during the Celebrity Mole shoot and Stephen really doesn't like her. He said he doesn't hate her but he doesn't like her either. Stephen was telling Howard that he knows who the mole is because they just shot the last episode recently. He said he knows who wins and who the ''Celebrity Mole'' was. Stephen said he wants to come in and tell Howard the truth about what actually happened behind the scenes. He told Howard that she ''couldn't take the heat'' during part of the show and threatened to back out of something and came off like a ''wuss'' according to Stephen. Gary came in and said he heard that Stephen will go off on the littlest things and he'll start calling her names when she starts going off on him. Stephen told Howard that he pretended to choke her on the show one time and she took a pen and stabbed him in the hand for some reason. He went on to say that she went crazy after that and started telling people that he tried to choke her. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Stephen and let some people yell at him. One guy told Howard to get him off the air. Another guy told Stephen to watch his step when he's out on the town. Another guy called in and said he still hasn't gotten a prize he was supposed to get. He told Howard he came up with another idea for a prize. He wanted to go out to lunch with Artie and Benjy at the Brooklyn Diner instead. Howard got off the phone with that guy and spent some more time talking to Stephen. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched at him for a short time too. Stephen didn't even respond while she was yelling at him though. A few other guys called in and gave their views on the whole thing before Howard wrapped up the call. Stephen also got in a plug for ''Celebrity Mole'' which airs tonight.
This guy who does a great Ozzy Osbourne impression called in made some jokes about the whole Pete Townshend thing. He eventually ran out of steam so Howard had to bail on the call. He had some fun with the phony Ozzy though.
Howard spent a little more time talking about the radio and then started the news himself. He talked about how AOL Time Warner is trying to get his old boss, Mel Karmazin, to straighten out the company. Howard said he knows Mel's answer and it's ''no.'' He said Mel doesn't have any reason to leave the company because he has so much invested in it. He said he'd have to cash out on his company to work for one that's in the dumps. Gary told Howard Mel may look at it as a challenge to him and he might just do it. Howard doesn't think that will happen though. That led to Howard talking about how his contract is going to be up in a couple of years. Then Gary asked Robin what she might do when the show is done. She said she's not sure she'd even stay in the same business. Gary also asked Howard if the rest of them are going to be kept in the loop when the end is near. Howard said he would sit down with the people on his show and get their opinions on what he should do. He said he's pretty sure that Fred wouldn't say anything at all if he asked him. Fred woke up and said he would probably tell Howard not to continue it if he wasn't into it. Howard joked that he would go to Gary last and talk to him. Howard said he will talk to everyone when the time comes. He said he'd probably give them warning about a year before the end of his contract. Howard said he's not even sure he's going to give it up. Howard said he has a friend that he hasn't spoken to in a couple of years and he's not sure he wants to talk to them at this point. Howard said it's a great story but he's not talking about it. It said he's felt used by this friend of his and he's had this dilemma for a while now and he's been trying to find out what people think. Fred told him that if he feels a certain way, he should go with it and cut off the relationship. Robin said she would love to know who that friend is so she can be in on the story but Howard wasn't talking. He eventually had Robin do her news so he could get off the subject.
Howard said he saw a Miller Beer commercial where a couple of women have a cat fight. Howard read that there was some controversy over the commercial and it may be banned eventually. He read the article and talked about how 200 people complained about it. Howard said guys like that kind of stuff and the people who complained just don't seem to understand that.
Howard said Beth was in L.A. last night and he couldn't fall asleep last night. He had to masturbate to get himself to sleep.
Howard and Robin talked about ''The Bachelorette'' for a short time. They talked about one guy who seemed like he wanted to kidnap her because he was so into her. Howard also talked about how hot Trista was in the football jersey.
Howard took a wrong number call from a woman who was looking for a Howard Greenberg. Howard pretended to be Greenberg and it turned out to be another one of these women who got scammed out of $10,000. Someone told her she won $500,000 and had to send in $10,000 to receive the prize. Howard took another call like this a few months ago and the story was very similar. Howard and Robin let the women ramble on about what happened and then goofed on her a little more. The woman was under the impression that Howard was in Israel. Howard asked the woman if she knew why she would have to send that money if she won a sweepstakes prize of $500,000. The woman told Howard how she had to send all this money for some reason and never got the prize. The woman claims that she used to be a business manager but Howard seemed to find that hard to believe. Howard had Wendy the Retard on the phone who was supposed to be his account manager. She mumbled out some nonsense and the woman didn't even seem to notice. Wendy claimed that her mother did the same thing but she got $9,000 back. Wendy told the woman that she would pay the woman back after telling her to sue the people who took her money. Howard told the woman that she needed to send another $4,500 to pay for some processing fees. Howard eventually told the woman that she should never send money to someone who tells her she's won a contest. He also broke down and told her that he's a radio guy. The woman thought that Howard was Howard Greenberg, an Attorney, so when Howard broke the news to her, she hung up on him.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Wendy the Retard. She sang The Monkees' ''I'm a Believer'' for Howard and then told him a bunch of nonsense before getting off the phone. Howard talked about that nutty woman for a couple more minutes too.
Shuli called in and asked Howard if he saw the FOX show ''Man vs. Beast.'' Howard said he forgot about it but said he wanted to guess who won each contest. Howard said he thinks the Japanese guy beat the bear in the hot dog eating contest. Shuli told him that the bear actually won. Gary said he saw it and the bear beat the guy by a long shot. Howard didn't know there was a time limit on the contest. He thought the guy could just keep eating for as long as he wanted. Shuli said that the most disturbing part of the show was that Michael Buffer did the announcing for the show. Even Gary said the whole thing was stupid. Gary told Howard about the runner vs. The giraffe and how that all worked out. Howard wondered what the giraffe's incentive to run was. Gary didn't know what it was but said the giraffe did run. Howard guessed that the guy won. Then they bring in a zebra and had the guy run against it. Brian from E! came in and got in on the discussion too. He corrected Gary about something that happened. Gary then continued to tell Howard how the zebra just blew away the runner. Next up was the sumo wrestler vs. The orangutan. Howard said he heard Robin say that the orangutan was really pulling hard on the commercial. It turns out the sumo wrestler lost. After that Shuli told Howard it was 50 little people vs. an elephant pulling an airplane. Shuli was laughing as he told Howard about the little people yelling and screaming as they tried to pull the airplane. Gary said it was pretty close at the end. The guys spent a few minutes talking about some of the other stuff that went on during the show. Artie also said that he thinks he could beat Howard's dog in a race. Howard said there's no way he could be the dog and said he would set up a race between the two of them. Stuttering John came in and said that he'd bet on Artie to win. He said there's no way that dog could beat Artie in a 50 yard run. Howard said he'd like to do a 30 yard run instead. John said that if they did that the dog might win because it would have a quicker start than Artie. Howard said that they'll do it next Friday but Artie thought they were going to do it after the show and said he had to fly out of there. Howard told him they're going to do it during the show though.
Gary almost forgot about one of the competitions in the show last night. He quickly told Howard about the monkey and the Navy Seal guy in the obstacle course. He said that the monkey looked bored with the whole thing and that's why it probably lost. Howard had to take a break at this point.
Howard brought up the Nikki Ziering thing again and said that they have 3 normal guys coming in and two goofy guys to try and pick her up. Howard said the two goofy guys are Double A and High Pitch Erik. Howard said each guy will have 2 minutes alone in the green room with Nikki so they can talk to her. We'll all hear what happens and then vote on who should win. Howard had tape of Double A telling Gary what he would say to Nikki and it was basically him saying that he wants to take her home and bang her. Howard also had tape of High Pitch Erik practicing what he's going to say to her. He has nothing interesting to say at all. Howard and Robin ended up talking about ''The Bachelorette'' a little more. They talked about her taking a shower with a guy and how horny the guys seemed. They said none of them really know what to do when they're with her. They discussed who they think could win the competition.
Howard took a call from Dave Jockers from their Cleveland affiliate. A caller told Howard that Gary Glitter had done a tour with The Who years ago but Howard wasn't sure that was true. Dave told Howard that he did tour with them at one point.
A caller brought up ''The Bachelorette'' and how she has ''man hands.'' Howard said he's right and when she paints her nails, her hands look like a drag queen's hands.
Howard said that Stuttering John said he'd bring in his dog next week when they have Artie running against Howard's dog Bianca. Howard said his dog loves other dogs so they'll have John's dog at the other end of the running field so his dog will run down there.
Gary told Howard the Stump the Booey people were there and the chick was worth seeing topless. That led to the guys talking about how 22 inch waists and 40 inch chests just don't happen in real life.
Howard and the guys talked about how they told this guy James that if he loses against Gary in Stump the Booey, they get to squeeze his girlfriend's boobs. Gary told Howard that he's not going first because it's too weird. Howard said he'd go first after Artie thought about how weird it would be. Artie told Howard he'd go first but Howard didn't want him to get in trouble with his girlfriend Dana. Stuttering John came in and said that might not go over very well at his house either. John also told Howard that the girl has a great body and she really should be in a bikini at least. She's apparently shy about her body and doesn't want to get completely naked. Howard had to take another break before getting to the game.
Howard introduced James and his girlfriend Jen. Howard said that Jen has some pretty big boobs. He asked her how large they are and she said they're a 34-D. Howard was having some trouble with hiss from the microphones so he had Scott the Engineer come in to check them out. Howard got back to James and said that James is pretty confident with this stuff. He said he used to be a DJ so he knows a lot of the stuff that Gary knows. Howard also talked to Jen about the fact that she might get fondled by the guys if James loses. Jen said she wasn't aware of that part but she'd wait to see what happens before she makes up her mind. Howard told her that he needed a definite yes on the topless thing and the squeezing of the boobs before they moved on. Jen said that her boobs are in pretty good shape since she's only 28 years old.
Howard gave Bally Total Fitness a plug since they were putting up the money for the game today.
Benjy asked Howard if he could give him $15 to get the chance to touch Jen's breasts. James told Benjy that she didn't want him touching her at all though. That isn't going to happen. Howard sent Jen off to the bathroom and had her take off her top just in case James lost. She did that and Howard got right into the game a few seconds later.
James claims that he has been able to beat Gary while playing along at home during other ''Stump the Booey'' games. Howard then got to the first song. Gary and James both wrote down their answers. They had to have both the group and the title of the song. The song was ''Once Bitten Twice Shy'' by Great White and both of them got it right. Howard played the next song and it was ''Somebody's Watching Me'' by Rockwell. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the third song and that one was ''Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You'' by Roberta Flack and Pebo Bryson. James screwed up and missed one of the artists. Gary got it right. Howard then played the next song which was ''Twilight Zone'' by Golden Earring. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the next, and last, song. Gary would have to screw it up for James to have a chance at winning. Howard played the song and James was stumped. He didn't even write anything down. Howard told him to just write down his girlfriend's phone number since they were all going to be feeling her boobs. He ended up writing ''I'm sorry Jen, I love you.'' Gary gave his answer of ''Walking the Dinosaur'' by Was Not Was. That was the correct answer so James lost. Howard wondered how he missed that after knowing so many of the other songs.
Howard had Jen come out of the bathroom and said her boobs were really nice. He asked her what size they were again and told her how great they looked. Howard told Gary that he really should go first because he won. He said they were all going to get in a line and cop their feels. Howard went over and got in line ready to feel Jen up. Howard went first and said he was going to take his time feeling her up. James told him to take as much time as he needed. Howard felt the right and then the left. Gary cut in line and said he was going to touch them both at the same time. Howard laughed as Gary felt her up. Stuttering John went next and quickly felt her up. Artie then went and got a feel. Fred ran up next and got a quick feel. Howard laughed and said this was sick. James said he was fine with it all and Jen wanted Howard to feel them anyway.
James told Howard that he just lost his job yesterday. He said he cracked a joke about his boss and how he doesn't get upset with him getting into accidents since he's a Jew. That didn't seem to make much sense to Howard so he moved on. Gary said that James is also trying to find his birth mother and he needed the money to go with the company that found Cabbie's mother. Howard decided to offer James another chance at winning some money. Howard said he'd give James $5000 and $1000 to Jen if they did something. Gary said she'd have to take off her pants. John suggested that she hug them while she's naked. Gary asked if they could get a hug and touch her boobs again. Howard told her she'd have to lose her underpants for a short time. Howard told her this is only if James loses. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to get an answer out of Jen. She went for it and said she'd do it. Howard sent her back to the bathroom and had her hand over her pants and panties to KC. She didn't have any panties though.
Howard started up the second game playing the first song which was ''Burning Down The House'' by Talking Heads. Both of them got it right. The song was ''The Look of Love'' by ABC. Both got it right. Up next was ''In a Big Country'' by Big Country. Both of them got it right. Howard said that was one of his favorite songs from the '80's. He listened to a little bit of it and said the lead singer killed himself. Howard then played the next song and James was a little stumped again. The song was ''Some Day, Some Way'' by Marshall Krenshaw. James got it wrong. Gary got it right. Howard played the last song and it was an easy one. It was Def Leppard's ''Photograph.'' Gary was having some trouble with it though. James wrote down the right answer and Gary still had a little trouble. He said he wasn't a fan of the band and wasn't sure about the answer. James got it right, Gary said it was Armageddon It and got it wrong. It was tied at this point so Howard had to play one more to break the tie. Howard played the song and Gary started to write immediately after hearing the start of the song. James had a little trouble with it. Howard started the song over again and James seemed to have a clue. James had nothing but Ray Parker Jr. on his paper. Gary had it right with ''Get Down On It'' by Cool and the Gang. Howard thought he was about to cry at this point. James said Jen really didn't want to get naked today. Howard had Gary bring Jen out and she looked really good according to Gary. Howard told her she looked fine too. Howard told Gary to go first since he won again. Gary said he was going to grab a boob and grab an ass cheek. Gary said she actually pulled him in. Howard went next and copped a feel again. He said James was staring him down as he went over. Stuttering John was next and he let out a ''yeah'' as he squeezed her ass. Artie went up next and grabbed her ass. Fred went up and tried to make up for the last time. Howard wrapped up the game after that and then took a break. Howard gave Jen the $1000 because she was a good sport. That money was courtesy of iWon.com
Gary told Howard that the winner of the Dial-A-Date would get to go ice skating then to the zoo, lunch and then to a full body massage where he'll be side by side with Nikki.
Nikki spent a short time talking to Howard about working on The Price is Right and how she was fired for no obvious reason. She said she wasn't even given a reason for her firing. She told Howard she heard rumors that she was fired because she was getting too much attention and Bob Barker doesn't like being upstaged. She also heard that she was dressing ''too sexy'' for the show even though she was wearing the same stuff the other girls were wearing. Nikki said she's kind of glad she was let go because she probably never would have quit. She said she was too comfortable there and would have stayed forever.
Howard read that Nikki and Ian share custody of their dog so he asked her about that. She said they do share custody but Ian has primary custody. She said she gets the dog on holidays and when Ian is traveling. Howard also wondered if she and Ian still have sex even though they're divorced. She said that doesn't happen but they are still friends.
Howard sent Nikki off to a room where she'd be isolated from everyone. Once she was set up he brought in the first guy, Daniel. He spoke to Daniel for a few seconds and then sent him into the room where Nikki was. He then had two minutes to talk to Nikki to sweet talk her. We all got to listen in as that happened. Daniel told her that he was a personal friend of Howard's and that he used to live in the same area she used to and he actually had his teeth cleaned by her when she worked as a dental assistant. When he was done Howard sent in Matt who talked about how he was a fan of hers. Howard said that was a mistake as soon as he heard it. He also told her that he relates to her being a klutz which he read about her Howard said Nikki was giving him the ''you're a loser'' laugh as he was talking to her. He also put himself down quite a bit.
Next up was John who was a short guy according to Howard. He went in and told Nikki that he talked to some female friends of his and asked them do describe him for her. He said they said he was thoughtful, sincere, funny, smart and generous. He also told Nikki how cute she was and asked her about herself. He also asked her where she meets other guys for some reason.
After ''the normal guys'' Howard brought in the first abnormal guy, Angelo A.K.A. Double A. Double A is a frequent caller and he decided to let loose and just tell Nikki the real reasons he wants to go out with her. He let loose and told her he'd bang her like no other man could. He told her some stuff that just freaked Nikki out. She later told Howard that she would not go out with him if he was voted the winner.
After Double A Howard brought in High Pitch Erik. He spoke to Nikki for his 2 minutes and tried to get her to fall for him. He told her that he was really happy to meet her and he liked her shoes. He bragged that he makes money doing comedy shows. When Erik's time was up Artie said that Nikki looked over him to find something about him to compliment and all she could come up with was his hat.
Nikki came back into the studio and told Howard there's no way she was going to go out with number 4, Double A. While all of this was going on they had voting set up on KROCKRadio.com. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Nikki and telling people to go vote. Nikki asked people not to vote for number 4. Gary tried to find out if Nikki found any of the guys attractive but she wouldn't say. He asked her to pretend that she was on a desert island and she'd have to sleep with one of them to save her life. She still wouldn't answer. Howard said she'd build a dildo out of sand and use that before she'd be with any of those guys. Howard then took a break and came back with the results of the voting.
Howard spent a short time talking to Nikki about the magazine she's in and about her web site for a short time. Howard said he was on her site pleasuring himself last night. Howard then got to the final results of the Dial-A-Date. He had all of the guys come back in so he could slowly remove each of them. He started off with Daniel. He told him that he got 22 percent of the vote. He didn't win though. Next was John. Howard told him he also lost. Howard said it was down to Double A, Matt and High Pitch Eric at this point. Howard told Matt that he only got 9 percent of the vote so he was out. That left High Pitch Erik and Double A. Howard asked Nikki which one she preferred. She didn't prefer either of them but definitely didn't want Double A. Howard dragged out the results for a few minutes to keep Nikki in suspense. He said that it was very close. One of them had 29 percent of the vote and the other one had 28. Nikki said that she's sure Double A is a nice person but the stuff he told her just turned her off. She said she might have to go out with him just to teach him how to act around women.
Howard had High Pitch Erik take off his shirt to show Nikki what she could be getting. Artie was laughing hysterically when he saw Erik's big belly. Fred started the drum roll and Howard asked Double A a few questions. Double A said he hasn't gotten laid in about a year or so. Howard figures it's probably more like 5 years. A minute later Howard revealed that Double A was the loser and High Pitch Erik won the date with Nikki. Double A then asked Nikki if he could have a consolation prize and stick his one eyed monster between her fun bags. High Pitch thanked some of his friends like Sal the Stockbroker, Beetlejuice and Joey Boots for helping out. Howard said Nikki's face was bright red and she looked stunned by it all. Erik went over and hung out next to Nikki for a little while. Artie said it looked like he was standing next to a cutout for a beer ad or something. Howard asked her how she envisioned the fist kiss with Erik. She said she doesn't kiss on the first date though. The guys said Erik was getting very comfortable with her while he was sitting there. Nikki said a few words to Double A about his approach before Howard wrapped up the game. High Pitch Eric also did some of the impressions he does in the comedy shows he appears in. He doesn't sound any different though. He just repeats lines from famous movies. He got in a few plugs for the shows he's doing in the near future. Howard took a break a short time after that.
Howard said he watched ''Friends'' last night and the Phoebe character gets worse and worse each week. He and Robin talked about how Lisa Kudrow is starting to look her age too. Robin said she has wondered if her character is supposed to be retarded or something.
Howard said he watched MSNBC last night waiting to see the tape of Robert Blake breaking down and crying but when he saw it, there was no crying. Howard said he watched for an hour waiting for him to cry and it never happened. Howard played an audio clip from the news and goofed on Blake for a short time. The guys said he really hasn't gotten out of his Baretta character. He said a couple of things that made it sound like he was shooting an episode of the old TV show.
Howard said he got some angry e-mail about High Pitch Erik winning the date with Nikki Ziering yesterday. He pointed out that it was the audience who voted for him so there's no reason to get mad at him. Howard read some of the notes about the date and said that Erik's toe nails were so green and gross that the massage therapist had to spray his feet for like 10 minutes. There was apparently an odor coming off of those green toes that the masseuse couldn't take it. Howard read the notes from someone who was on the date with them. The person wrote that they gagged when they caught a whiff of Erik's feet. He said that Erik got completely naked for the massage too. Robin said she can't wait to see that on E!. Howard took a phone call from a guy who couldn't believe that High Pitch Erik won that date. Howard continued to tell people that it's not his fault that Erik won. Howard had to take a break after the High Pitch Erik Discussion.
Howard said he's faced with dilemma this morning. He said some movie studio sent this hot chick down to promote a movie but she wasn't scheduled. He said she told them she's willing to do anything to get on so they decided to have her spin the Wheel of Sex. Howard talked about some of the wacky stuff they have on the wheel. Then Robin said that she should have to spin the wheel 3 times and do whatever it is that's on the wheel. Howard threw in a couple more suggestions like ''everyone impregnates her'' and stuff like that. Howard let her come in and told her what she'd have to do. Her name was Jodi. Howard said she was a black chick which threw him for a loop. She said she was on the show one other time. She got spanked with whitefish when she was on. Gary told Howard that she was wearing a jacket with the name of the movie she was there to promote. Howard said she's got some body. He talked to Jodi for a short time. She said if she doesn't get the plug in today she doesn't get paid. She wasn't sure how much she'd get paid though. Howard moved on and told her what was on the Wheel of Sex. Here are some of those things:
Howard said he was talking to Stuttering John yesterday about the whole Mr. X water spilling thing that happened last week. He said that John would be willing to fight Mr. X over it and he thinks he could win. Some of the guys said that Mr. X would beat the crap out of John though. John seems to think that Mr. X is an old man and he wouldn't have a problem beating him. Howard said that they're thinking of going to Las Vegas in March and they could do something like that there. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and warned John that Tony (Mr. X) would beat him so bad that he might not walk away from it. Howard asked Robin what she thought about it. She said that John carried himself very well in the Cabbie fight so he might be the front runner in this fight too. Stuttering John got upset with Ronnie taking Mr. X's side in this and ended up yelling at him a little bit. He wondered what Ronnie was thinking. Ronnie said that Mr. X has a loose screw and he wouldn't stop if he started to beat the crap out of John. Robin said that if Tony does hit John, it will hurt. Ronnie said Mr. X is the kind of guy who just won't give up until he wins. John wondered if Mr. X has trained in something that he doesn't know about. He asked Robin if she knew anything but even she wasn't sure. Ronnie said Mr. X is ''a man of steel'' and he'd take John in the fight. They went back and forth on that subject for a couple of minutes before Allison Janney came in. Stuttering John told Robin he'd love to break Mr. X's nose in the fight. Robin let out an ''Oh my god!'' when she heard that. Howard wondered if Mr. X would wear a mask in the ring since he doesn't want anyone to see who he is. Robin said she thinks the head gear would be enough of a disguise for him. Robin told Howard that John wouldn't have a chance in this fight. John told Howard that if he does win, he's going to fart in Mr. X's face.
Howard said he was offered a script recently and actually read it himself instead of having someone else read it. Allison said that her schedule doesn't allow her to read her own scripts these days. Allison told Howard that her agent and manager each get 10 percent of her income and other people get other percentages. Howard added it up and it was about 25 percent of her income. Howard also talked to Allison about working on ''The West Wing'' and how they all stick together as an ensemble cast so they make the same money.
Howard and Allison also talked about her failed relationship with the guy she used to date. She said she cried buckets when they broke up. She said they tried to get married for a long time but it never happened.
Allison thanked Robin for sending her flowers when she was doing a Broadway play one time. Howard tried to take credit for that but Robin was the one who sent them.
Howard brought up this movie ''The Hours'' that Allison is in. She plays a lesbian in the movie and gets to make out with Meryl Streep in the movie. She said it's not all that graphic and Howard and Robin will be kind of disappointed in it. Allison said that Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore have kissing scenes with other women in the movie too. The movie opens today.
Robin told Howard that Allison had a sex scene in ''The West Wing'' this week with Matthew Modine. Allison said she had a lot of fun shooting that scene. Howard took a call from a guy who wanted Allison and Robin to make out. Another guy called in and said he'd date Allison. He told them he has a cookie making business. Howard told him that he'd date him. Another caller brought up Allison's breasts so Howard spent a few seconds talking about how big they are.
Alison and Howard talked about an incident that Allison had with a gang of guys who robbed her one time. She said she was walking down the street when these guys grabbed her purse. She chased the guys and confronted them in an alley. She said she lucked out though because the cops showed up when the gang of guys surrounded her.
Allison claims that she's somehow related to President Bush so Howard spent some time talking to her about that. That led to Howard talking about a speech President Bush made about how he wants to get rid of medical malpractice punitive damages. Howard said the speech was brilliant and it's a good start at helping doctors out.
Howard told Allison about a scene in the movie where he had to kiss Mary McCormack. He said when he shot the scene he not only kissed her but grabbed her breast and squeezed it. He said it wasn't in the script but she didn't stop him. Howard said he wants to do movies now so he can bang his co-stars. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later.
Nikki said they had a lot of fun on their date. They went ice skating and Erik wouldn't let go of the railing at the rink. Howard said Nikki looked really hot in her outfit while she was skating. Meanwhile, Erik looked like ''the Elephant Man'' according to Howard. He said it was the funniest thing he ever saw. Howard read some notes that Doug from E! wrote about the date. Doug said that Erik put one of his ice skates on the wrong foot. Nikki said she learned some stuff about Erik that she didn't know. She said she didn't know he was in some movies. Howard said they were porn movies though. Howard played a clip of Nikki and Erik talking about the movie ''XXX Fat Gang Bang'' that he shot. Nikki asked him about the shoot and whether or not the chick he banged was fat too. Howard got back to Doug's notes and read some of the other wacky stuff Erik did on the date. Erik and Nikki talked about a bunch of stuff while they were out and Erik tried more than once to kiss her. Nikki said she had gloves on while they were on the date so she never felt Erik's sweaty hands.
Gary said Nikki asked him if Erik was ''slow'' after meeting him yesterday. Erik said that he was in the special ed classes in school but he's not retarded. Nikki told Howard that Erik was very nice on their date and opened every door for her. Howard played some more audio from the date where Erik tells her how pretty she is. Erik then tries to kiss her again. She keeps telling him that she doesn't kiss on the first date. Doug wrote that Erik had no idea what a side by side massage was and thought that it might be something sexual. The two of them then went in and got into robes. Erik eventually stripped down naked. Erik had big, nasty toe nails that made his feet stink. Doug said it smelled like a big pile of shit baking in the sun for weeks. Doug came in and told Howard there was no way to describe the smell. He said if crap could crap, that's what it smelled like. Howard played video to show everyone in the studio what it looked like. Howard wondered who the poor woman was that had to rub him down. They pan down to his feet and show his nasty toe nails. Everyone let out ''Oh'' or ''Oh my god!'' when they saw the mess. Doug wrote that the smell made him gag the first time he caught a whiff. When Erik stripped down naked it freaked out everyone in the room. The masseuse had to spray him down to get rid of the smell coming from Erik. Doug described some of the stuff he saw on Erik's feet. He said there was some kind of crust between his big toe and the toe next to it. Howard read some of the other notes that Doug wrote about their massage. Doug said that Nikki drank wine while they were getting massaged and got a little buzzed. He thought that she might be getting turned on my her masseuse. At one point Erik talks to Nikki about getting a massage and accidentally having an orgasm. Howard played the audio from that part and laughed as Erik described ''losing control'' and making a mess.
Howard said Nikki had quite an experience even though she didn't find love. Howard asked her if there was any amount of money they could give her to tongue kiss Erik. She said there was no amount of money she'd take to do that. She said she might do it for a movie role if that ever came up.
Howard took some phone calls. Double A called in and asked Nikki if she was thinking about him while she was with Erik. She said she did think about what the date might have been like if he'd won. Howard said that the date is supposed to air on E! in a few weeks. Howard had Robin Radzinski come in to talk about some of the upcoming shows they have. While he was waiting for her to come in Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if she's open to all inputs. She said that's none of his business. The guy also asked her if the paper has ever broken while she's been wiping. Needless to say she didn't answer that one.
Robin Radzinski finally showed up and said that they're going to be doing a whole week of ''Lord of the Anal Ring Toss'' next week on E!. Howard said they can't preempt that stuff.
Howard spent a couple more minutes with Nikki and gave her a plug for her web site NikkiZiering.com. Erik said he went on there and pleasured himself twice last night after the date. Howard told Nikki that he'd give her a better date next time she's on the show. He said he'd give her a preview of who that would be and then put Gary the Retard on the phone. Gary the Retard said he'd love to go on a date with her. Howard let Gary ramble on for a few seconds and then took another call from a woman, Nancy, who hung out with Nikki Cabo San Lucas. The woman on the phone said she lost her husband for while when Nikki walked into the room. Stuttering John said that there was something else in the story that Nancy wasn't talking about. John tried to get them to talk about it. Nikki said she'd gone down there on a first date with a guy and there was a time frame issue that they didn't want to get into. Howard knew he wasn't going to get to the bottom of it so he got off the phone and let Erik plug his web site HPErik.com and a few other things. He then took a break.
Mr. X called in to talk about this fight idea that Howard had for him and Stuttering John. Mr. X said that he likes John and really doesn't have a reason to fight him. He said John is too tough for him and he doesn't want to go through a fight. John said the same thing about Mr. X. He said he likes the guy and doesn't need to fight him but if they want him to do it, he has no problem doing it. They spent a few minutes going back and forth on that. Mr. X said that he'd talk to Robin about it this weekend and get back to Howard next week.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after Mr. X got off the phone. An 18 year old girl called in and said she'd been waiting on hold for 3 hours and she had a lot to tell Howard. All she really had to say was that she wanted to come in and show Howard that she can stick her whole fist in her mouth. Howard didn't seem to think that was all that interesting but Artie told him he had a friend whose girlfriend could do that and it was very impressive.
Another caller told Howard that he wants to go back in time a bit and see the fight between Gary and Sal the Stockbroker. Howard said that Gary talked to him about that and said he'd fight Sal for free. Sal wanted $250,000 months ago when they talked about that fight. Stuttering John said he thinks Sal will come down on that price though. That led to the guys talking about how Mike Tyson is looking to fight regular guys. Howard said he wouldn't do it for even $20 million. John said he wouldn't do it either because Tyson would beat the crap out of him. He said you'd get really hurt if you fought him.
Stuttering John is thinking about hiring a band for a party he's having sometime in the future. Gary said he was talking to John the other day and he asked him who he thought he could hire for less, Joan Jett, George Thorogood or Cheap Trick. Gary thought it was for a bit or something but John was wondering who he could hire for $10,000 to play at his party. That led to the guys talking about who they thought would actually play for that amount of money. The guys went through a bunch of different bands that they thought would play for that amount. Howard figures Joan Jett would play for $10,000 but Cheap Trick had to be higher than that.
Howard had to interrupt the conversation so he could bring in Suzette Spencer.
After Suzette Spencer's segment Howard said that John found a list of celebrities and bands that make appearances. The list had the dollar amounts that the people request for the appearances. Here are some of those bands and celebrities that John mentioned:
Suzette got back to her lesbian story and gave Howard all of the details about what happened. She said Megan's boyfriend was in the shower and Megan asked her to surprise him by getting in there with him. She said he was really surprised and amazed that the two of them were there. The two of them then started drinking small bottles of liquor. She said they got out of the shower and then Megan and her guy banged each other. Suzette said that he did a little bit to her but didn't finish her off. Megan came on the show after that happened and told part of the story. Suzette said her husband heard about it and got upset but she smoothed it out with him. Gary asked her if she did some stuff with Jenna Jameson also. Suzette said she did get her first lesbian kiss from Jenna but didn't do anything else with her. Howard said all of this stuff was a lot better than any legal stuff she'd be talking about if she was a lawyer. Gary said he'd pay her more per hour to hear these stories than he would to hire her as a lawyer.
Mike Walker said he'd run a picture of Howard and Suzette if she took off some clothes. She didn't want to do that though. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Suzette and gave hear plug for her web site SuzetteSpencer.com. He then had Mike play his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a couple more minutes with Suzette before taking a break. Suzette told Howard that she finds him attractive and he thought she was pulling his leg. Howard then sang ''Light My Fire'' to her for a minute. He wrapped up the interview a short time later and took a break before getting to Robin's news.