Howard talked about the weather and what he did over the weekend with the kids out on Long Island. He had a house and a pool and the kids so he spent some time poolside with them. He said he tries not to spend much time in the sun these days because of the risk of skin cancer. He said his father has had stuff removed from his skin and General Manager Tom Chiusano had his about with skin cancer a few years ago. That led to Robin talking about Tom Chiusano and his new Porsche. She said Tom used to have a Boxter but he sold it because he didn't want a convertible anymore. He didn't want the sun shining on him anymore. Howard went on to talk about how he went through the sports car phase in his life when he bought a Corvette many years ago. He said it lasted about 2 months. He only put 1,500 miles on it before he sold it to a friend of his.
Howard reminded everyone that Tom doesn't even masturbate ever since his about with cancer. Howard goofed on that for a couple of minutes too.
Robin said she went down to Baltimore to visit her mother for a couple of days over their long weekend. Howard asked Robin if she actually spoke to her mother during the visit. She said she did and it sounds like they had a good time. Robin said they went out to eat and her mother said she's been seeing some guys since her father died. She's even seen a white guy which seemed to surprise Robin. She said her mother didn't come right out and say she was dating people. She was talking about the guys she spends time with and then Robin realized she was talking about her dates.
Howard said he saw the coming attractions for the next Anna Nicole Smith show and they're going to feature Benjy making out with her in that episode. Howard spent a short time talking about that show and how E! has stopped bragging about the ratings of the show for some reason. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said they're still getting good ratings for Anna's show but they have dropped of a little bit.
Robin (Quivers) said she read some articles about Anna possibly being addicted to drugs.
Artie called in from L.A. where he said he couldn't sleep. Howard ended up talking to him about his Tiger Woods bets. Artie had placed $2000 on Tiger with 2-1 odds and $1000 on Ernie Ells with 12-1 odds. Artie said he's lost about $21,000 on Tiger over a year and a half. Howard asked Artie if he took his girlfriend with him to L.A. Artie said he didn't bring her since he's just there for a few days. He's out there for some big show biz meetings. Howard said he has to start flying back out there to have some meetings because his phone meetings aren't working. He said he ends up calling to pitch shows and stuff and it's just not working. Howard had to take a break so he told Artie to call him later. Then Howard asked him what his next big bet is going to be. He mentioned that there's pre-season football games going on now and said that he could win some money on that. The guys all spent a couple of minutes talking about the upcoming football season before Howard finally took his first break.
Howard came back from break and talked about his weekend in The Hamptons. He said he was looking to buy a house out there but everything is really expensive. He said the real estate agents make him feel like he should be able to buy just about anything with the money he makes. Howard then brought up a story about him that talked about a $19 million home he looked at. Howard said he just wanted to see what it looked like for that amount of money. Howard said he thinks that place should have been leveled and it was ''gross'' inside. He said he was nice and didn't say anything bad about the place while he was there. He left and the next thing he knows it's in the paper that he's buying it. He said he wouldn't give them $100,000 for that place. He went on to read the article after describing how his mother read it to him over the phone after she read it. The article talks about the home and how much he hated it. The article described Howard as ''the lanky, raven haired, shock jock...'' Robin thought that was a nice description of him. Howard said his mother was convinced he was buying that house so he had to convince her that the story wasn't true.
Howard took a call from extreme fan Bobo who asked him if he gets jealous when guys hit on his girlfriend when they're out. Howard said no guys are hitting on her while he's out so he didn't have an answer for him. Howard went on to talk about his kids and the time they spent with each other on Long Island.
Howard told Bobo that if he hadn't spent money on all of his hair pieces and stuff he'd be a millionaire. Howard talked about how glad he is that he still has his hair. Bobo ended up talking about his hair piece and how it's bonded to his bald head. Howard said if he were him he'd just go bald and forget about the hair piece.
Howard got off the phone with Bobo and talked about the movies that were big hits this weekend. He also talked about how poorly the new Eddie Murphy movie did. It made less than $3 million in its opening weekend.
Howard said that his girlfriend got a letter in the mail from Macy's. The letter says that because she's a good customer, they have a special free gift for her. She went to the store to collect her free lipstick and the woman was so snotty that it turned her off to the store. Howard said the people at Macy's have the right idea but they don't know they have employees like that working for them. Howard said Beth couldn't wait to get out of the place. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about poor customer service and stuff like that before taking another commercial break.
Howard said he was watching the tape and it was distracting him. The tape Howard was watching was about a half hour long or so. Howard went on to say that this guy doesn't show any faces on the tape. He was trying to figure out if he's hurting anyone by doing this without showing faces. Citizen Cane said that his lawyer told him everything is cool as long as he doesn't show faces. Howard said he tells his daughters never to wear skirts because of guys like this.
Howard said some of the women in the tape have great asses. Cane claims that one bike messenger caught him doing this but he thought it was funny and didn't tell anyone. He said no woman ever caught him either.
Howard plugged the tape and said it's not something you'd masturbate to but, out of curiosity you'd want to see it. Howard said he'd check out some more of the tape and see what was going on. He said it was pretty hot but some of the girls look pretty young. After getting off the phone Howard said he knows what this guy is doing is wrong. You can get the tape at CaneCam.com
Howard also said that Benjy wants to go out to Anna Nicole's home in L.A. and chain himself to a pole in her yard to get her attention again. He tried to give her oral sex on the show recently and almost got to do it but now she's kind of giving him the blow-off. Howard told Benjy to just go do it.
Howard was proud to read in the National Enquirer that they printed the story about Angie Everhart talking about what a great lover he is. He said that his girlfriend wasn't so thrilled to read it but she didn't get upset about it.
Howard read through a bunch of e-mail they've gotten lately and then talked about this DJ Mark Parenteau who used to work in New York City as an afternoon DJ. Howard and Robin both knew him. The article talked about how Mark allegedly sexually assaulted a 14 year old boy. Howard said he'd heard rumors that Mark was gay but wasn't sure. He and the crew spent a short time talking about that and how most DJs are pretty skeevy.
Howard took a call from a woman who says that her husband of 4 years has been acting very oddly lately. She said he recently came home from a night of drinking and took their baby's bottle, laid down in bed and took a crap in his pants. She said he also does some other strange stuff like sitting in the shower just letting the water run over him. Before the woman even told Howard her story he told her that she should get a divorce. She didn't seem to want to do that but he told her she'd be fine if she did it.
Howard took another break. After the break he spent a little time talking about how his daughter Debra is driving now. She's got her learner's permit and he went out driving with her over the weekend. He said his older daughter, Emily, never bothered to get a license. He said Debra did pretty good driving too. He said he hit the dashboard a couple of times because she made some scary moves but he tried not to freak out. Gary came in and said that he's driven with Howard and he's really cautious when he drives. He goes very slow and stays in the right lane when he drives. Howard said Gary hasn't ridden with him in 20 years though.
Howard took a call from a guy who was complaining about how his wife has gotten fat since they got married. After talking to him for a couple of minutes Howard gave him the prize he was giving away. The prize included the $500 and a chance to win a trip to the Playboy mansion. Howard told the guy he hopes he wins the trip.
Howard took another call from a guy who had some stories to tell about his divorce and how it drained him of everything he had. Gary then told a story about how he knew a guy who got divorced and had to go live with 2 other divorced guys in a house with only one bathroom. There was no furniture and the guys had to have their own hot plate in their rooms. The caller told Howard he loves hearing him goof on Gary about this stuff.
A woman called in and told Howard she thinks that working is much easier than taking care of a kid. She said she loves working and finds it much easier than taking care of her 3 year old. Howard and the guys spent a little time talking to her about that and Howard told Gary again that he shouldn't have to spend all of this time taking care of the kids when he's the one working for a living. Gary ended up telling the guys that even though sometimes it is tough to deal with the kids, he actually enjoys being with them sometimes. Howard said he enjoys being with his kids too but he never had to sit with them all day long while his wife went out and did something. They always had someone to watch them so Howard had free time for himself. Stuttering John said the same thing. He and his wife hired a nanny to watch their two kids when they want to go out together and John never has to do any of the things that Gary does.
Howard wanted to get off the subject of Gary's life so he was going to take a break. Gary had come in to read some tabloid stories but he didn't get the chance to get to them. He did quickly mention a story he read about this guy Dr. Phil who Howard has made fun of on the show many times. The story said that Dr. Phil allegedly used to fondle his assistant's breasts and touched her inappropriately. The story claims that the assistant said he was actually found guilty of misconduct after she reported him. All of this allegedly happened back in 1984 but Howard said he thinks that guy is disturbed and it doesn't matter how long ago it happened. Howard took a break after that.
Howard took another phone call from a woman who told him that work was easier than raising a kid. Howard started to argue with her but ended up hanging up on her saying that he didn't want to argue. He pointed out that she was sitting at home listening to a radio show so it can't be that hard raising a kid.
Howard had tape of their line producer Jason going out to interview Indians during an Indian parade. His questions were about American Indians but the parade was for India Indians, not American Indians. He asked this one guy a bunch of questions about stuff that may offend American Indians. The guy tried to explain to Jason that he had the wrong Indians but Jason continued to ask the questions. Robin thought Jason managed to make the parade pretty funny.
This week Mr. Skin's latest skinfo says that there's plenty of bikini shots in the new movie ''Blue Crush'' but no nudity. He also says that there's no nudity in Eddie Murphy's new movie ''Pluto Nash'' and the movie is so bad that the only way someone could get him to watch it is if Robin showed her ''jiggly wigglies'' in it. Mr. Skin goes on to give some of the latest DVD releases that feature some nice ass shots. He says that Nicole Kidman shows her very white ass in the movie ''Birthday Girl.'' Kelly Lynch shows off her ass in the Tom Cruise movie ''Cocktail'' and Jessica Tandy shows off her old, wrinkled ass in ''Rear View.'' To find out what movies your favorite female celebrities have been nude in, check out MrSkin.com.
Howard had a clip of a movie that they show to young girls in school which shows them how to use maxi-pads and stuff like that. The guys spent a short time talking about what their schools did when they showed the tape to the girls. Howard said they'd put all of the girls in a room and put brown paper bags up on the windows so none of the boys would see it. Robin said when she first started using pads she would get them on wrong and have a mess in her panties. Howard changed subjects and said that he still thinks he was never taught how to wipe correctly so he still has a mess in his ass after going to the bathroom. He talked about the mess he made yesterday after going to the bathroom at the gym. That led to him talking about how he has an ear hair now that he's got to cut with his nose hair trimmer.
Gary asked Robin when she first got her period. Robin said it was at the age of 11. The guys thought that was pretty young but she said that's about average. Robin said girls have no idea when they're going to get it for the first time. She said once you get it, you can feel signs of it coming on so you don't make a mess. Howard continued to play the tape of the really bad actors talking about periods and pads.
After taking a commercial break Howard had some voice mails to play. He played a few from this one guy who calls in pretty often. He calls Robin the N-word and talks about how he'd bang her. He also goes off on a bunch of other things. He goes off on ''American Idol'' and even Artie. Other voice mails were from some other angry guys. One guy was freaking out while watching the ''Anna Nicole Show.'' Then there was this guy John Solari who claims to be Robert Blake's friend who wants people to mail Robert Blake in jail. He said you can get the address for Blake on his web site Acting101.com. Howard wrapped up the voice mail with one from a guy who had his really young son say ''Robin you got big jugs!''
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time. One guy called in to talk about losing pets. Howard talked about how he lost his dog in the divorce and how tough that is. He really misses the dog. The caller then asked Howard for some advice on pre-nuptial agreements and how to approach a woman about signing one. Howard told the guy that if she doesn't want to sign one then you say ''good bye!'' to her. The caller went on to ask Howard a few other questions. He asked about the cartoon ''Doomsday'' that Howard was trying to produce. The caller heard that the show ''Jeremiah'' was a rip off of that show or something like that. Howard told the guy that ''Doomsday'' was going to be a comedy and ''Jeremiah'' is supposed to be a drama so it's not a rip off of his show. The caller also shared some stories about being goofed on in school. After that he asked Howard if he could win one of the prizes he started giving away yesterday. Howard said he has a new rule about people asking for prizes but he decided to give the guy the $500 prize anyway. The guy won him over with his stories about being goofed on in school.
Robin said she was still trying to figure out who has it worse as far as being goofed on and stuff, Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) or Howard. Howard said it's obvious that Vern has it worse than he does. That led to Howard talking about his horrible looks and how even after working out he's still all gangly looking. He complained about his teeth being all pushed in and stuff like that too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to get laid all the time when he lived in Manhattan but then he moved and now he gets nothing. He claims that he looks the same as he did years ago but he doesn't get anything. Once he told Howard he only makes about $35,000 a year as an Auto Tech, it was obvious why the chicks weren't attracted to him. Howard told him he needs to make at least $60,000 a year to get chicks. The guy told Howard he lives in upstate NY now. Howard told him that's the problem. He needs to be in a big city to find chicks. Howard told him he's also got a bad personality. The guy said he was thinking of moving down to Daytona Beach to help his handicapped sister out. Howard then told him he should date handicapped chicks. He said he shouldn't have any trouble picking up those chicks. Howard went on to tell the guy that he should go car shopping with a chick he's dating. He said you go to a Porsche or Mercedes dealer and just shop. You fill out some paperwork and put a deposit down and the chick will be impressed. He may lose a few bucks but that's the price he has to pay to get laid. Howard got off the phone with him and took another break.
Howard then changed subjects and said that George Takei was scheduled to call in to promote tonight's episode of ''Son of the Beach'' which is titled ''Empty the Dragon.'' Howard said when they tried calling him he said that he told them that he wasn't going to do interviews at four in the morning. Howard did his impression of George as he described what he said to the guys in the back. Howard went on to talk about ''Son of the Beach'' and the giant chicken that attacks Tokyo in the episode.
Howard moved on again to talk about Stuttering John's afternoon radio show which airs from 12 to 1pm on WXRK in New York. Howard said the guy that records John's show took some of John's best stutters and put them on tape. Howard said John puts on some weird persona that doesn't even sound like him. He played some of the stutters and said that the show sounds unlistenable. Gary came in and said that John was walking the halls talking to Howard... even though he's nowhere near him. Howard goofed on that for a short time and then moved on to talk about The Teen Choice Awards.
Howard talked about the Teen Choice Awards and how Britney Spears and her sister are awful at reading their lines. That was about all the tape he had from the show otherwise he probably would have gone off on other stuff too.
Howard took a call from an oral surgeon who says there is no evidence to support these claims. He said they've been using this stuff for years and no one has proven anything.
Dr. Asdare said that to clear out all of the mercury fillings in your mouth and replace them with gold would take about 100 to 200 hours. Gary came in and said he doesn't think he's spent that much time in the dentist chair in all the years he's been having work done on his mouth... and he's had a lot of work done. Howard kept calling this guy the ''hippy dentist'' because of his views on this stuff. He told Adam Carolla that he wears Hawaiian shirts and ''beach walkers'' to work.
Howard asked Dr. Asdare what we learned today. Dr. Asdare went on to explain what he'd explained about the electrical charges these materials cause. Howard ended up talking about Dentists that have been charged with molesting people while they've been in the chair. Dr. Asdare said that he gets a list every month that shows the people who lost their licenses. He said that most of them lose it over sex or drugs. Adam Carolla said that it's got to be pretty tempting when a hot chick is laying there with her mouth open and that sucker thing just waiting to suck up the DNA evidence.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before getting off the phone with Dr. Asdare. He also asked Dr. Asdare if he does any veneers or anything on any of his patients. He said he's only done about 4 veneers in his 25 year history. He's against all of that stuff. Howard asked him if he's got anything to plug today but he didn't. He just wanted to talk about this stuff. He said he doesn't even have a computer so he doesn't have a web site. China got back on the phone to say goodbye to Howard. She said before she had all of her mercury fillings removed she had all kinds of health problems. Once the fillings were gone, her health problems cleared up.
Frequent caller Chauli called in and had a game for the guys to play. He asked Howard who he thinks is the craziest on the show. He gave examples of the crazy stuff that some of the guys have done on the show and had Howard pick out which guy was the craziest. He had competitions going on between people. He'd give an example for two people and have Howard pick from the two. Chauli had way too many facts about these guys. He knew every wacky story about each of the crew. Howard cut it short and ended up picking KC as the craziest of the bunch. Chauli was doing an elimination game but Howard could pick the winner before they went through all of that. Chauli gave himself a plug for a show he's doing out in Vegas at The Junkyard Live tonight.
Howard read some stuff from her fact sheet and some of the stuff was apparently wrong. She thought it was written by Chaunce so she said she was ready to kick his ass. She explained some of the stuff that was in the story about this stripper she hooked up with a bunch of guys. The fact sheet also said that she tries to hook her boyfriend up with other women but he doesn't take advantage of that. There was one fact that said she has very little hair on her private parts and doesn't need to shave. She wondered how anyone would know that about her. Howard said he wanted to see it but she wouldn't show him. The sheet also said she's going to be featured in FHM magazine and Playboy is looking to get her also.
Gary came in and said that Katrina told him she doesn't believe in marriage. She said that's not exactly what she said. She actually said that she doesn't think that two people are going to have sex only with each other for the rest of their lives. Howard said she's right.
Adam Carolla asked Howard what she was wearing. Howard said she had a belly shirt and some jewelry on. He also said that whatever she was wearing was too much.
Howard read that Katrina wants to have sex with Gina Gershon. She said that's true and then went on to talk about a lesbian experience she had. She said she was in a lesbian relationship with this woman for a few months and then she got a boyfriend. They eventually hooked up and had a threesome. She said that she made up rules about the threesome and said that her boyfriend was not allowed to penetrate the other woman but he could do anything else. If she got uncomfortable she'd end it. She said she went on and said they fooled around a bit and eventually had to get a glass of water. When she got back her boyfriend and the other woman were doing it. He peeked his head around and said ''It's not what you think!'' Katrina said she broke up with both of them after that.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Katrina was saying that some of his facts were wrong but she wasn't arguing them. She gave one of the examples and what Chaunce had written was just a little bit off of what she actually said. She corrected him and Howard hung up on him. He then asked her if she wanted to sing. She took off her top and got ready to perform ''Bobby McGee'' for him. Howard said her breasts were really nice. He said he loves topless women. Katrina said she doesn't like her breasts that much. KC came in and said that they were really nice. A short time later she sang the song and sounded very much like Janis Joplin. Howard and the others thought she sounded really good. Katrina said she didn't listen to much of Janis' music because the director didn't want her to do an impression of her for the show.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Katrina is putting too much thought into it and sang a little bit for her. She sounded almost as good as Janis also. Fred had the crow cawing in the background as Howard hung up on her. Another guy called in and sang a little bit for them too. He was horrible but said a few funny lines that Adam seemed to enjoy.
Howard asked Adam what happened to the movie that Adam and Jimmy were going to make. Adam said they just didn't want to make it so it's been dropped at this point. Howard said he read about half of it and liked it. Gary has it too but hasn't read it.
Gary asked Howard if he'd be able to put together a TV and VCR and make them work. Howard said he can do that. Robin then asked him if he knows the difference between digital, optical, composite and component video sources. Howard didn't know all of that but she thinks that she does. Howard then went on and said that none of them could get a first class radio license. He knows his radio stuff even if he doesn't know about cars and pumping gas.
Double A called in and said that ''Son of the Beach'' was better than every last night. Robin said she missed it. Howard said he wished she'd seen it because it was a good one. Double A told Howard that Tuesday's are great because ''Son of the Beach'' runs 2 episodes starting at 10 o'clock and then his E! show is on at 11 o'clock so it's a couple of hours of great shows. Howard spent some time talking about ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard ended up talking about how his girlfriend didn't want to audition for the show because she didn't think much of him before she met him. That led to him talking about the recent FHM quote from Angie Everhart where she said Howard was the best she ever dated. He said once women meet him in person they do find out what a great guy he really is.
Howard talked about his relationship with Beth for a little while and how great it's been for the past couple of years. He still insists that she doesn't live with him and she doesn't keep any of her stuff at his apartment. He said she's got one drawer where she has a pair of shorts and that's it.
Howard changed subjects and said that Stuttering John is a scatterbrain. Howard said John wants him to watch his dog but the date they picked to drop the dog off isn't going to work because Howard is staying out in The Hamptons every weekend this summer. John came in and said he was going to bring the dog to the station to have Howard take it but that didn't work out. Howard said he really doesn't want to watch the dog anyway so he said he's glad it didn't work out. Stuttering John said the dog was injured the vet's office made him sign some kind of legal form that said he won't play with the dog for a month or something like that. Howard went on to talk about how irresponsible John is and how he claims he doesn't know how the dog got injured. Howard said John has to know what actually happened to the dog but John swears he doesn't. Howard and Gary goofed on John about the legal form he had to sign and how they're treating him like a child. Gary wondered if it's like a restraining order or something. Robin said she's had animals break bones and she never had to sign anything like that. The guys then talked about John's beer drinking. They found out he'll actually have a beer at 10:30 in the morning on the weekends. He doesn't think that's strange though. Gary was trying to point out to John how he really is an alcoholic but he's not willing to admit it. Gary seems to think that John is unable to have fun without drinking. He asked John if he would enjoy his upcoming vacation without drinking. John said he could but he doesn't choose to do that. Gary wanted to know if he could stop drinking for the next 9 days. John said he could but doesn't want to. He still doesn't think that he's an alcoholic.
After taking a commercial break Howard talked about the Playboy models that were coming in. He went on to talk about how smart Anna Nicole Smith was to marry that old guy who had the big money. One of the girls bio's said that she met Tobey Maguire at the Playboy mansion so Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time.
Howard took a phone call from a listener who wanted to know what Howard's idea of a good comedian was. Howard said he'd say that they'd have to be funny. The caller brought up Jackie the Joke Man so Howard talked about the goofy jokes that Jackie does in his act. He said you can only take so much of that but some people enjoy his act. Howard said a great stand-up comedian is someone like Eddie Murphy who was great when he was doing stand-up. The caller also asked what the selection process was for Artie. Howard said it just kind of happened because they enjoyed it when he was on the show. Howard and Robin ended up talking about how Artie will probably end up getting married to this woman he's dating now. Howard said he thinks Artie will be single again one day but not before he's married.
The same caller asked Howard if he and Robin would ever hook up if he loses his sex drive. Howard didn't get the question because a guy wouldn't hook up with a woman if he didn't have a sex drive. They spent some time talking about Robin and her boyfriend Mr. X for a short time. The caller then asked when the next celebrity boxing match is going to take place. Howard said as far as he knows it should be in October sometime. He said Tom Chiusano is working on setting things up but he apparently hasn't shared much info with Howard at this point.
Howard moved on and read some e-mail about yesterday's show with Adam Carolla sitting in. Some people thought Howard was mad at Adam for some reason but Howard said he wasn't. Howard said the audience is split on whether or not they like Adam on the show.
Howard also got some e-mail about his discussion about sitting on the toilet to pee. Gary argued that it was gay to do that but Howard got some support from the listeners who e-mailed him. Some people agreed with Gary and said that Howard is gay for doing that. Howard also got some e-mail about his poor grammar. He read some of the things he says the wrong way. He said he probably can't correct some of the things he says though. Howard wound up giving some personal hygiene tips about how he cleans his ass after taking a dump. He said sometimes, after going to the bathroom while working out, he'll do some sit-ups and gets a whiff of his own man-ass smell. Howard went on to say that some guy sent him a bottle of ass spray that makes your butt smell better. It's called Sphincterine. Howard thought it was a goof but it turns out it's a real product. KC came in and told Howard about what it says on MintyAss.com and it sounds like a gay guy must have invented it according to Howard.
Howard moved on to talk about ''American Idol.'' He and Robin talked about who they think will be voted off the show next. Howard talked about each of the remaining people on the show and what he thinks may happen. Howard also talked about how they ruin these people's looks by giving them make overs. Howard quickly mentioned watching Montel Williams' show where they did a make over thing and ruined people's looks also. Howard continued to talk about the judges and contestants for a short time before taking another break.
After the break Howard spent some time taking some phone calls before getting to the Playboy models. Howard quickly spoke to a few people including Debbie Schlussel (DebbieSchlussel.com) who had more info on some woman she talked about last year with Howard. She and Howard spent some time talking about that and
Howard eventually let Jeff Curro come in to hang out with the girls. You could hear how turned off the girls were when they saw what a mess poor Jeff is. He was all drunk when he came in so he was cursing as he tried to get his headphones on. He has one bad arm that he can't use so he had a really hard time getting the headphones on without removing his hat. Howard made him take his hat off but the girls told him to put it back on as soon as they saw the mess under it.
Howard continued talking to the girls about their jobs with Playboy while Jeff would yell out a curse here and there. Howard threatened to kick him out if he continued to do that.
Gary came in late in the interview and offered the girls to get into a bikini for $2000 worth of iWon.com money. Jennifer took him up on the offer after a little bit of coaxing. She went into the bathroom and made the change. Howard continued to talk to Nicole and Jeff while Jennifer made her change. When she came out KC said she asked him to help tie the bikini so he was thrilled. The guys were all impressed with how great she looked in the bikini.
Howard took a few phone calls for the girls and asked them about when they lost their virginity and stuff like that. They both said they lost it around the age of 18.
Jeff performed for everyone this morning. He sang ''You Were Always on my Mind'' for the girls and did pretty well for a drunk. It didn't seem to turn on the girls though.
Howard started to wrap things up and gave plugs for the girls and Jeff. You can find out more about the golf tournament at PlayboyScramble.com. Jeff the Drunk has a new web site at JeffTheDrunk.com and Jennifer gave a quick plug for her site JenniferWalcott.com. Nicole also has a site at NicoleWood.net. Howard spent a little while longer talking to the girls before ending the segment.
Howard said as Jennifer Walcott was leaving she asked him if he'd seen her ''Barefoot Beauties'' video. Howard pretended that he had seen it but really hadn't. He ended up talking about how funny it is that Playboy puts out stuff like that. He said it would be really funny if they had shots of his feet and then panned up to see him standing there while guys were wanking it to his feet.
Howard moved on to talk about the softball team they have at the radio station they work at. Howard said they were challenged by The Daily Show with Jon Stewart crew and won. The Daily Show challenged them again and won this time but none of the radio station's good players were there to play. Artie and Stuttering John couldn't play so that may have been one of their problems. Jon Stewart mentioned the game on his show and was bragging that they'd won. Issac from E! played in the game and said that The Daily Show people hung around after the game and had speeches and pep rallies. Mike Gange and KC didn't do too well in the game so they came in to talk about it. Howard told the guys that they should play these games on the weekend when all of the good players can play. The E! guys said that The Daily Show team takes the game really serious when they play. They said they had about 40 people there while the radio station and E! only had about 11. Stuttering John said that between Artie, Jim Florentine and himself they had about 4 runs in the last game. None of those three played in this latest game.
Howard moved on and talked about a bunch of other stuff. He played tape of boxer Tommy Hearns talking about Layla Ali and how she could be world champion some day. Howard said he could listen to that guy talk all day long.
Howard got back to Henry and asked what he was calling in for. Henry wanted to know what Howard's favorite Italian meal is. He said he wants to cook for Howard and Robin because he's got a cook book coming out. Howard said they don't do cooking segments on the show though. Henry asked him to please do it so Howard made a deal. He said Henry could come on and do a cooking segment if he agrees to show them where one of the bodies he knows about is buried. Henry said he had a deal so that may happen in the near future.
Howard asked Henry what's up with his kid. Henry said the kid is doing well and he's not with the black family that he used to be with. Howard later said that would have made a great movie. Henry and Howard spent a little while talking about that and some of the other stuff Henry is up to. Henry is taking anger management classes so Howard spent some time on that. Henry told Howard his father had some anger issues when he was growing up. Howard said that's probably why Henry ended up killing people. Howard said he was probably taking out his anger against his father on other people. Howard said that Henry couldn't take out the anger on his own father, he had to take it out on these other people who died.
Howard took a call from an angry guy who is angry at Henry about turning in all of these other mob guys. The guy ended up cursing a few times so Howard had to end the call with him. He was goofing on Henry about what he's done and what a pussy he is. The guy said he'd take Henry on but he's tough to get to these days. Henry said he'd let him know the next time he's at the radio station and he could come up and try to do something if he wanted to.
Howard took another call from Pauly, a 49 year old guy, who wants to take Henry on in the boxing ring. Henry said he'd take him on anytime. Henry, who's 59 years old and only 5'5'' tall, is willing to do it even though the other guy is 6 feet tall. He thinks he can beat this guy's ass. Howard put Pauly on hold so they could try and hook this fight up for the Nicole Bass vs. Joey Buttafuoco fight that should be taking place in October sometime.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims to be the nephew of this guy Pauly who Henry squealed on. The guy said that he's forgiven Henry for what he did. Henry said he wouldn't have taken back what he did for any reason. He didn't feel sorry about what he did.
Howard took a few more calls for Henry and ended up hearing about killing and beating guys. After Robin asked Henry if he'd ever boxed he said that he only boxed with a baseball bat. He said that when you hear the noise of bones crunching, you never forget it. Gary came in and asked if Henry had ever stuck anyone with a knife. Henry told him he'd used an ice pick but never a knife. Howard and the guys asked Henry about how he would get instructions for beating or killing people. He said he'd only use a bat to beat someone. It was too messy to use a bat to kill someone. Howard wrapped up the call after taking a couple more phone calls. People were calling in bringing up people Henry used to know back when he was involved with the mob so Howard said it was like a reunion or something.
Howard spent some time talking to Andrea about how he'd like to mentor her for her career. She wants to become a casting agent so Howard said he'd like to mentor her over a candlelight dinner.
After talking to the interns for a few minutes Gary told Howard that the guys around the station really like these girls but they're not allowed to date them while they're working there. He said Jason and Will are close to these girls in age but they're not allowed to date them. He said it's pretty tough for them to work with them because of that. Jason ended up coming in after Howard and Gary mentioned that they heard he has a small penis. He came in and talked about that for a short time before Howard moved on to do the news with Robin.
Artie told Howard that he was out pitching an idea for a sitcom out in L.A. and there was some interest in it.
Howard spent a short time talking about what was coming up on the show today. He then said that on ''American Idol'' last night Brian Dunkelman, one of the hosts, said ''Baba Booey'' at one point. Howard has been watching the show since the beginning so he knows all about what's happening on the show. He got sidetracked for a few minutes when he and Robin talked about how it's possible for them to change the rules of the competition on that show. Artie brought up how they changed the rules on their show one time when a woman came in to get farted on by Dan the Farter and Howard kept changing the rules for her to keep her on the floor where she was being farted on. Artie said he was also listening when Howard and the guys were talking to Chauli about who was the craziest on the show the other day. Artie thought it was funny when Howard just ended the game they were playing and said that KC was the craziest. Howard got sidetracked even more and ended up talking about how nutty he is himself. He talked about how his mother always told him not to do certain things because they would cause him problems. She would tell him not to run because it would run him down. He said whenever he'd get sick he'd believe what his mother told him and believed that it was the running that made him sick. Robin told Howard that she could see similar anxiety in Howard's oldest daughter when she was young. Howard said she's over that now though.
Howard had to take a break before getting to his discussion about ''American Idol.'' After the break Howard talked about the upcoming Intern Beauty Pageant. Artie said he's always checking out the hot interns around the station. He said that he's a big fan of Andrea who has the big rack. Gary came in and said that some people are thinking that Snoop is going to like Andrea for her big chest but others think he'll like Dana for the song she's going to sing. Gary mumbled something and stopped talking about that because he didn't want to give anything away. Howard wanted to bet on who was going to win so he wanted to have the girls come in early to check them out. They'd already started getting ready for the pageant so they were all hot looking. There were 4 in the pageant and a fifth who wasn't in it but Gary picked her as the hot one.
Howard spoke to each one starting with Amy. Howard started to talk to her but they were all so hot looking that he got off track. Each of the girls introduced themselves. Amy, Dana, Stacy and Andrea were all competing while Lauren was just there for Howard to see. He spent a short time talking to them and learning about what they're up to. He talked to Lauren about how smart she is and how much she drinks. Howard heard that she puked at work because she was so drunk one time. She said that wasn't true though. Howard moved on to Andrea who they spoke to yesterday. Gary said she brought in her hot sister to help her out with her outfit today. Gary told Howard that Andrea told him if she weren't an intern, she'd take $3000 to get naked for them. When Howard heard that he said he's going to pick her to win. If she's willing to do that she's probably going to win. Gary had Andrea's sister come in so Howard could check her out. Howard said she looked just like Andrea even though she's older than her. Artie said they blow the Olson Twins away.
Howard moved on to Stacy next. He said he was going to put money on her to win. Howard talked to her about how smart she is with a 1560 SAT score. He said she's got a great body and a great face but he's not sure about the personality yet.
Dana was up next and Howard said she's cute also. Gary said she was the one who asked him what she had to do to win this contest. Howard thinks she might go berserk to win this thing. Gary said she's the one who's least afraid of her parents and what they think of what she does. All of the girls so far said they'd be wearing jeans which Howard didn't seem to like.
Amy was next and Howard said she could take the whole thing because she's cute. Howard talked about how Snoop will find them all cute but Ralph will probably pick apart Andrea because she's so hot. Howard asked Andrea if she's wearing a bra for this thing. She said she has to because it would be ''too much'' for the guys if she didn't.
Howard took a few phone calls about the pageant and one guy said he wanted Howard to have the girls brush each other's hair. The guy said it's hot to see girls brush each other's hair since they know they won't be kissing each other. Howard discussed the betting and what he was thinking. He had a tough time picking one to bet on. Robin immediately picked Andrea to win. Stuttering John went with Stacy. Howard couldn't pick so he told Lauren she should get in this thing because it would throw a wrench into things. She said she didn't have anything to wear though. Howard suggested a bikini since they have a rack full there. Gary told her the outfit was under the clothing she was wearing.
Howard didn't bet on the pageant, he moved on to play some voice mails instead. This guy who calls in and yells racist stuff all the time had left some more angry, racist calls for them. Howard played them and the guy went off on Tiger Woods and the Harlem Little League team. He also brought up Robin and talked about having sex with her but also called her the N-word. Another guy called in and said that Gary looks worse than he ever has since he lost weight. The guy pointed out how much more prominent Gary's teeth are now that he's lost the weight. Howard agreed with the guy and said he looks kind of like Freddie Mercury did before he died.
Howard got off the phone with Criss and said that he's really talented but he just doesn't get the David Blaine chicks. They spent a short time discussing that. Howard got back to the discussion about all of the magicians there are doing these tricks. Howard then moved on to take some phone calls and stuff.
Shuli went ahead and asked questions like:
Howard wants to have a full game with everyone in the studio sometime in the near future too. That will also include Robin and her man Mr. X.
Howard also spoke to Don ''The Bishop'' Magic Juan who was also in. He's been hanging out with Snoop for a while now and he's impressed with him not smoking or drinking. Robin asked when Snoop thinks all of the drugs will be out of his system. Snoop said it'll probably be two years before that happens.
Gary the Retard was there and had his fake teeth in. Howard said they looked odd but Ralph said he almost looked normal. Ralph told him to take them out. Everyone clapped when that happened. Then they noticed that all of his upper teeth were taken out so they could fit in the fake teeth. Artie joked that he must give good oral (sex) with no teeth.
Howard moved on to the pageant and explained the rules. They'd have three different criteria. First was how the girls were dressed, then the talent and then the personality. Each would be judged on a scale of 1 to 10. Howard announced what the prizes were and they totaled over $12,000 worth of stuff. They included $5500 cash courtesy of Trim Spa and the DVD release of Van Wilder, a mattress courtesy of Dial-A-Mattress, diamond earrings courtesy of Steven Singer Jewelers, a Brite Smile treatment, a membership at Bally Total Fitness, a Pajamagram, a Lobstergram and a Vonage digital phone system from Vonage.com. There may have been other stuff too but they rattled it off pretty quick.
The first contestant was Stacy who is a college student at Princeton. Howard said she was wearing tight pants and a metallic shirt. Her thong was sticking out of her pants. Howard quickly had the judges give their scores for her looks. Stacy then went on to sing a song to the tune of a Michael Jackson song. Howard said she was dancing and shaking it for the judges. He then had the guys give their scores for her talent. Personality was up next. Howard asked Stacy a bunch of questions to find out where she's had sex and stuff like that. She told a story about having sex with her boyfriend while he was driving a car. She said she sat on his lap while he drove and he did her. She's never had sex with a girl. She said she's done anal but it's not her favorite thing. Howard also asked her who she'd sleep with if she had to. She picked Snoop. Howard then had the judges give their scores for Personality. Here's how the scoring went...
|Don Magic Juan||7.5||7||9|
|Gary the Retard||10||10||9|
Up next was Amy the intern. She's a 26 year old senior at East Stroudsberg University. Howard quickly had the judges quickly give their scores on looks. For talent Amy performed a song to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song. Personality was up next. Gary told Howard about some of the crazy things she's done. She's had sex in public and has had some fun with her girl friends. Howard went on to ask her a few more questions to find out what her personality was like.
|Don Magic Juan||6||6||8|
|Gary the Retard||10||10||10|
The third contestant was Dana who goes to the University of Florida. She was wearing low cut jeans according to Howard. For her talent portion Dana performed a song to the tune of I Love Rock and Roll. Howard asked Dana a bunch of questions for the personality portion. She talked about how she likes black guys and dated one who she was scared of at first. She said she's never tried anal but she's up for trying things. She said the right person might get it. Howard also asked her if she could bring world peace by having sex with a horse, would she do it? She thought about it for a short time and said she would do it for the world.
|Don Magic Juan||8||9||10|
|Gary the Retard||10||10||10|
Finally they had Andrea who has DD cup breasts. Howard thought she wasn't wearing a bra but she said she was. She's only 21. Howard quickly had the guys give their scores. Andrea performed a song to the tune of a Britney Spears song which the guys seemed to like quite a bit. For personality Howard asked Andrea a bunch of questions. She said she's never had sex with girls but she has hooked up with some and made out with them. She said one girl did touch her one time. She talked about that and about a guy who stalked her one time. The guys continued to ask her questions about the sex on the beach thing and about other parts of her sex life. They were obviously into hearing her stories more than any of the other girl's.
|Don Magic Juan||10||10||9|
|Gary the Retard||10||10||10|
Howard waited as the scores were tallied for the game. He took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know when this was going to air on E!. Howard said he'd like it to be on as soon as possible. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said it won't be on tonight because it'll be a two parter. She said they'll air it sometime in the near future though.
Gary came in and said that Andrea won by a slim margin. He said it was closer than he expected it to be. Howard let Andrea say a few words after she heard she won. She told the judges she loved them and said it was very exciting to win. She said her ''I love you'' to her boyfriend and said they were going shopping later on. Howard said all of the interns were beautiful and congratulated them all. Howard told Andrea all of the prizes she won, and there were a lot of them. The other contestants won a bunch of the prizes that the winner got. They got a lot of the smaller things as well as a few other prizes that Andrea didn't get.
A woman from Trim Spa came in to present Andrea with the prize money. The woman who came in looked great according to the guys. She lost a bunch of weight with Trim Spa and she's married to the guy who runs the company. They also had a couple of people who were Trim Spa success stories. Ralph was ready to judge one of the girls who was in for the Trim Spa thing. The woman who had the check presented it to Andrea.
One of the girls in the studio said she was at Snoop's house one time. She was amazed that Snoop was sober this morning. They spent a few minutes talking to each other while Howard just sat back and kept quiet. He then thanked everyone and played some of Snoop's album ''Snoop Dogg Presents: Doggy Style Allstars 1'' before taking a break. He also gave Snoop a quick plug for his ''Girls Gone Wild Doggy Style'' video that's out now.
When Janice came in she was very hyper so Howard said he had to calm her down a bit. She was talking non-stop and kissing Howard's ass. She said she's been listening to Howard since 1996 and she loves the show. She even gave Howard a mention in her book.
Janice mentioned that she has a 15 year old son so Howard figures she must be a MILF (Mother I'd Like To F***). Howard asked her if any of her son's friends have hit on her. She said that Jack Osbourne did hit on her a little bit but she never did anything with him because he's under age.
Howard spent a little time talking to Janice about her book. He spoke to her about her father and how he allegedly molested her and one of her sisters. Her younger sister wasn't effected by any of this and she doesn't approve of the book. Janice said that both of her parents are gone now. She said that her mother told her she should have tried to stop the father from molesting her daughters before she died.
Howard went on to ask Janice about all of the celebrities she slept with. She was with Warren Beatty, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Nicolson and Mick Jagger. Howard tried to find out who she thought the best one was in bed but she didn't want to answer it at first. Ralph eventually convinced her to give a top three and she broke down and said that Mick Jagger was great in bed. She said he liked to ''go south'' on her and their lips together were great. Howard asked her about some of the other celebrities she slept with. She talked about some of the strange things Warren Beatty and Jack Nicolson did. She claims that Beatty would stare at himself in the mirror after having sex with her. She didn't think it was that weird though. Gary came in and told Howard that he didn't do it right after sex. Janice woke up at 3 in the morning and saw he wasn't in bed, he was looking at himself in the mirror.
Janice also dated Bruce Willis when, she claims, he was a drunk bartender. She said she went with him for about 8 months and there was nothing strange about him. In the book she also talks about a bunch of other celebrities she's had run ins with.
Howard took some phone calls for her and one guy told Howard to get her off the show because she's so obnoxious. She just let the guy go off on her and said she'd take him on if he came up to the studio. A couple of other callers also called in and said she was obnoxious. She was talking so fast and furious that it was actually annoying people. She slowed down her speech for a short time but that only lasted about 5 seconds. Gary said that at least she had stories to tell even if she was talking fast.
Janice said back in her day she was making $10,000 a day walking the runway. She said now that's up to about $50,000 a day for 4 minutes of work.
Howard had Janice stand up and show off her body for them. The guys were all impressed with her body. Howard said it was a ''kick-ass'' body. She said she wishes she was 10 years younger. She's 47 now. Artie was amazed when he heard how old she was.
Howard started to wrap things up but Gary asked a few more questions. They found out she's single and available but she did have sex last night with some famous guy who's name she refused to give out. She also told Howard that she has had sex with other women and she's still willing to do that. She spent a short time talking about her friendship with Elle McPherson before Howard had to take a commercial break.
During the news Jeff The Drunk (JeffTheDrunk.com) called in. Howard wanted everyone to guess what kind of job Jeff holds. He has an arm he can't use so Howard was surprised to hear that he had a real job. No one knew what he did so Jeff let them know that he works at a pool stamping people's hands. KC came in and told Howard that Jeff's ride to the show ended up leaving him on the side of the road on their way home. Jeff said they left him and his bag on the side of the road. The guy who drove him down there called in and said they did that because Jeff wasn't paying tolls for him. Jeff said all he had was a $100 bill and he didn't want to give that guy the big bill. That's why they ended up leaving him behind. The guy said that he just drove Jeff down so he could get into the station to give Howard a copy of his CD. In other words, they used Jeff to get on the show and didn't care about getting him home.
After talking to Jeff for a few minutes Howard played some clips of Jeff saying some stuff in his unique, drunken, slurred voice. He had him saying ''Shut up you bitch!'', ''You dumb bitch!'' and a few others that Artie loves. Artie always does his impression of Jeff when he's on and seems to love every word the guy says.
The first thing they had Fred think was that he was in a love triangle with Howard and Robin. Paul did his hocus pocus and brought him out by saying ''Eyes open, wide awake, wakie, wakie...'' as he's done many times in the past. Howard then went on to tell Fred that he was sleeping with Robin at the same time as he was. Fred told Howard that he has been seeing her since 1981 or so since they met. Howard said he was also sleeping with her and they argued about it for a couple of minutes.
Howard then had Paul put Fred under again. This time they had Fred take on the personality of Jackie. Paul told Fred that he would take on both physical and psychological characteristics of Jackie that he remembers. ''Eyes open, wide awake, wakie, wakie'' Paul said as he brought him out. Fred then went on to do an impression of Jackie that he's never done before. He wasn't as hyper as usual and he actually had discussions as if he was Jackie. Howard and Robin asked him why he left the show and stuff like that. Howard said he was even taking on the facial characteristics that Jackie has. ''Jackie'' said that now that he's not on the show he's going to go around and dust individual houses. Howard had him sing a little bit of his ''Pot Song'' but ''Jackie'' said he forgot the words because he's so old. Fred started laughing at himself sometimes.
Howard had Paul put him under again so they could try something else. They talked about it and settled on having him become Robin. Paul did his thing again and out he came as Robin. He took on the Robin accent and spoke to Howard for a short time. He got confused when he saw the real Robin so Howard told him it was a Robin impersonator.
Howard then had Paul make Fred become Howard. As soon as Fred came out of it he turned his back on Howard and looked at Robin. He tried to ignore Howard, who was supposed to be Fred, but he didn't have control of the microphone. He kept telling ''Fred'' to turn off his mike so he could have Robin do the news.
Howard took some phone calls and people told him it was a really funny bit. A few people don't believe in it but it really was funny. Ralph called in and said it was funny and suggested that Fred become Stuttering John. They did that quickly but there wasn't much material. It sounded like replays of a bunch of ''Best Of'' shows with the arguments they had.
Fred then became Gary for a short time. Once again, it sounded like old shows being replayed. Paul then turned Fred into a Martian. He spoke in babble that no one could understand. He was able to sing a little bit in english though. The only words you could understand were ''I can't believe I am what I am''. He said he has sex through his ear on Mars.
Next up was Crazy Cabbie. Fred became Cabbie for a short time and did a pretty good impression of him as they talked about his tattoos and stuff like that.
Howard was done with Fred so they took him out of the hypnosis. Fred said it was a great feeling and he really wasn't just ''acting''. He didn't have time to get into more detail.
Someone asked Paul if he ever hypnotizes celebrities. Paul said he actually does hypnotize some celebs. He said a few months ago he hypnotized Darryl Hannah so that she wouldn't have stage fright. He said it worked for her. He didn't mention any other celebrity names though. Even if you don't believe in the hypnosis thing, the segment was funny.