After the break Howard came back and said he was sick to his stomach over the weekend when he saw that Adam Sandler's new movie ''Mr. Deeds'' grossed $37 million. He said that he doesn't get it but Sandler is his hero. Stuttering John came in and said that he saw 13 year old kids at the theater asking when ''Mr. Deeds'' would be showing. He figures that's the only movie out there for that age kid so that's why it did so well. KC is a big fan of Sandler's so he came in to try and convince Howard that he's hilarious. Howard said he doesn't like Sandler's movies and the baby talk that Sandler does. Howard said he's seen Sandler do some funny stuff but not in the movies. He said that he can make it through a Sandler movie easier than he can make it through Tom Green's movie. KC mentioned a bunch of Sandler's movies and Howard had seen a bunch of them but didn't really like them.
Howard changed subjects and mentioned the date they'll be giving away to someone on the show tomorrow. One lucky guy gets to go on a 5 day vacation to Cancun with Michelle the Wrap Up girl from ''Son of the Beach.'' He spent a short time on that and then took some phone calls.
A caller brought up how this guy Dr. Phil is going to have his own TV show this fall. Howard used to goof on the guy when he was on the Oprah Winfrey show but Oprah's lawyers sent Howard a letter demanding that he stop. Howard said his lawyer checked it out and they can't stop him from playing the clips so he's going to start doing it again.
Howard mentioned that Robin went to some guy Greg's wedding over the weekend. They apparently used to work with the guy at WNBC. Howard said the guy used to be a geek when they knew him but Robin said he's straightened out since then. Robin said he looks like Eric Stoltz now. Gary and Robin told Howard about some of the people that they saw at the wedding.
Howard went to his cousin's wedding over the weekend too. He spent a shot time on that after a caller mentioned Howard's ''80's hair.'' Howard said he's cut it pretty short lately so it's really not the ''80's hair'' that this guy was complaining about. Howard went on to say that Alannis Morissette is one who has hair that's way too long. He said it's annoying to him with the hair down to the floor. He said he loved her ''Jagged Little Pill'' album but the past two albums weren't that good. That conversation led to Howard and the guys talking about who they'd bang. Howard said he'd do Alannis just to say he banged her. Gary then asked Howard if he'd bang people like Bea Arthur and some other old hags. Howard said he wouldn't do Bea Arthur but he'd do not so hot chicks like Julianne Margulies, Jennifer Capriatti and Lisa Kudrow.
Howard said they all went to a screening of the new Harrison Ford movie ''K-19: The Widowmaker'' on Friday. He said the movie was good but you have to be willing to invest some time in it. He said there's no sex or anything in it. Howard invited Catherine Bell to the movie screening after he did an interview with her. He said she hates him now though because He goofed on Scientology during the final 10 minutes of her interview. Howard said he also invited the girl he had sex with the first time and she showed up. Howard said he wanted her there to see his current girlfriend, Beth, since she broke his heart when he was a young man. Beth didn't show up for some reason though.
Howard and the guys were talking about some of the other women Howard dated and brought into the studio to show them how he works. They were talking about some girls who used to be really hot but turned out to be kind of nasty looking. They didn't put it in those words but that's basically what they were saying.
Howard moved on to the story about the wedding he went to. Gary and Robin also brought up some of the things that happened at the wedding they went to. The priest at that wedding was Catholic but was also Indian. Howard, Artie and Fred goofed on that for a short time. Robin and Gary also talked about some of the religious nuts they saw at the wedding. That led to everyone talking about how strange these religious nuts are. Howard mentioned how General Manager Tom Chiusano gave up masturbation after he had cancer. Howard said they should check in with Tom every week to find out of he's broken that vow since he gave it up. Tom came in and the guys all tried to figure out how that conversation with God came about. They also wanted to know why he'd give something like that up. Tom says it's not a bad thing to do but he just decided to give it up. The guys tried to figure out why but they couldn't get a straight answer out of Tom. He claims that he hasn't touched himself in 4 years now. Howard said he's only done it to himself a couple of times since he started dating Beth. Stuttering John said he's good for about 10 times a week. Gary said he's good for about 5. Artie has a new girlfriend but he still whacks one off once in a while. Artie said he doesn't live with his girlfriend so she's not always around to bang when he needs to unload. The guys continued to discuss the masturbation thing with Tom for quite a while before Howard had to take a break.
Tina told Howard about the sex with Hef for a little while and how she met Hef at a club one night and that's how she was discovered. Howard gave Tina a few plugs for all of her stuff and moved on to talk about how tough her life has been. Howard read that her brother was killed by his best friend's grandfather but Tina didn't want to get into that. Her father was also killed the day he got out of prison. She said she only met her father one time so she didn't know him very well. She didn't seem to want to talk about all of that stuff because it's too depressing and she doesn't want people to feel bad for her. She said all of that stuff has made her a better person.
Tina's not allowed to get naked for 2 years after her Playboy thing but she did agree to get in a bikini after she haggling with the guys for a short time. They settled on giving her $1000 of iWon.com money and the E! people told her they'd give her a two night special E! show. She went in the bathroom and changed and blew everyone away when she came back in the studio. Tina is a physical trainer in her spare time so she agreed to stretch someone out if they wanted to... while she's in her bikini. A couple of her friends were also there and they were really hot according to Howard. His buddy Ralph came in to check her out too. Howard didn't want to get stretched out because he was afraid he was going to get aroused. He started to wrap things up and plugged all of Tina's web sites and magazines. She's appearing in Gene Simmons' magazine ''Tongue'' this month. The girls convinced him to get the stretch though. Tina went over with the other girls and stretched him out while he laughed and said ''Oh baby, stretch me more!'' and stuff like that. Gary said the woman was putting her giant cans against Howard's calves. Howard said he was very aware of that. He wrapped it up a short time after the stretch.
Howard explained the game and told us who the Geeks were. Stuttering John was the Star Wars Geek, Gary was the Rock and Roll Geek, Artie was the Sports Geek and Howard was the Superman Geek. Vinnie Favale from CBS was the host of the game so he asked all of the questions. He'd ask each of the two contestants a question, then one of the geeks a harder question. The contestants, Billy and Steve, were playing for $10,000 courtesy of RisqueVideo.com. Vinnie did his thing and the Geeks didn't do all that well against the contestants. Howard did the best out of all of the geeks. He knew more about Superman than anyone should know. The two contestants were pretty close at the end. Billy ended up winning though.
After they were done Howard had them ask him a bunch more Superman trivia questions. He knew most of them but missed a couple. He also goofed on Artie and John for not knowing much about the questions they got. They really blew it.
Howard moved on to the girls after talking to all of the guys. First up was Melissa who was on the show a couple of years ago with a friend of hers when she showed off her white private parts (she was a black chick). Melissa also showed off her big private parts that day. The guys checked her out after she took off her top and spun around. The guys all agreed that she was cute but she wasn't centerfold material. Ralph said her hips were too wide but the brothers said that they were fine for Playboy. Chin said he'd give her a 10 and she could be in the magazine.
Next up was Krista. The guys checked her out and let her know what they thought. Ralph and Chin said no way to Playboy while Mike and Terry said she was Playboy material.
It was supposed to be just the two girls but Gary said they had a couple of extras as backups and one of them was crying because she wasn't going to get on. Howard had her come in. Andrea came in and said she really wanted to be evaluated. She had no problem taking off her top. The guys checked her out and Chin said she was Playboy material while the rest of the guys said she wasn't.
Finally there was Kau and Ya, two black chicks from some web site. They came in but refused to take off their tops. So Mike and Terry eventually told KC to ''...get these two niggas out of here!'' Howard had to boot them out since they refused to take their tops off. One of the girls said she wouldn't take her top off unless she had a signed contract with Playboy. Howard thought they were pretty hot but Ralph said they were just hot ''for black chicks.'' Someone noticed that one of the girls had a belly button that stuck out quite far so they ended up calling her back in to talk about that for a minute. Howard figures it's because they went to bad doctors when they were born.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Mike and Terry before he wrapped up the segment. Howard took a couple of phone calls for them and they did a quick rap song before Howard ended the fun.
Robin and Howard talked about Adam Sandler's new movie ''Mr. Deeds'' and how people are trying to justify why it's a hit.
Howard said he watched the full Barbara Walters with Tatum O'Neal interview that they listened to during the news yesterday. He said Tatum didn't look good at all and she's apparently a huge mess. They also talked about what a ''vulture'' Barbara Walters is in these celebrity interviews she does.
Howard read some e-mail they got about yesterday's show. Howard mentioned that he hasn't masturbated much in the past two years since he started going out with Beth. Howard said it's true though. That led to him talking about how weird Tom Chiusano is for having given up masturbation after his about with cancer. Howard tried to figure that whole thing out during the show yesterday with no success. The listeners don't seem to believe that Tom has given it up either. Howard said he's trying to understand Tom's decision. He said he wishes he had a microphone in the room when Tom made that pledge not to masturbate anymore.
Stuttering John said that he used to feel guilty masturbating but once he heard Howard talking about it, he realized he wasn't the only one doing it. Howard said no one should be ashamed to do it, especially if they've been in a relationship for a long time.
Gary and Howard ended up arguing with each other over how many times Gary gets laid. Gary said that he could have sex every day but he only gets it about 4 times a month. He said he might spank one off at 3 in the afternoon but he'll still want it that night. Howard said that his wife isn't giving him enough sex but masturbating takes away from your orgasm. Howard was trying to tell Gary that his wife just isn't giving him what he needs so that's why he's ''wanking it'' every day. Howard seems to think that Gary and John are bored with their women and they're not trying hard enough to get laid and that's why they're wanking it so much.
Howard and John ended up goofing on Gary for the amount of work he does when he gets home. They asked him about doing laundry and washing the dishes. Gary said he'll do laundry like once every two months. John said that he doesn't even know where the washing machine is in his house. John went on to goof on Gary about some other stuff relentlessly while he laughed at him.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in to talk about Gary taking home some porn movies or something but they ended up talking about the possibility of him fighting Gary at the big fight next month. Gary thinks that Ralph won't be able to take a punch because he's never taken one before. Ralph thinks he can take Gary though and he's ready to fight him. Ralph even said he'd wear a dress in the fight.
Nicole Bass, who will be fighting Joey Buttafuoco, also called in. She still thinks that she can beat Joey in the fight. Howard's not so sure about that. Howard said that Joey's a guy and he'll be able to beat a woman, even if that woman is Nicole Bass. Gary said that he's going to invite Amy Fisher to the fight also. Howard said that Amy is writing a column for the ''Long Island Ear'' and he read of her stuff. In the article she claims that she had to have plastic surgery so she wouldn't look like herself. She was apparently fired from a couple of jobs because of who she was. Howard said that the problem was that she was writing about the job in this article so she obviously wants people to know who she is.
Howard asked Nicole who she thinks would win in the Gary vs. Ralph. Nicole seems to think that Gary will take it. Howard said he thinks that Ralph will surprise everyone and take Gary.
Howard took a break and when he came back he took some phone calls. This woman Mariann called in and wanted to know what his worst personality traits were with his ex-wife and with Beth. Howard said he really hasn't changed at all but he has ''learned to listen'' since he's been going to the psychiatrist. Mariann also wanted to know if Howard and Beth have ever had a fight. Howard said they did argue over the interview she did with Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out magazine. It was aimed more toward Chaunce though. Mariann also asked Howard if Beth hangs out with his kids. He said they have done that a little bit but he didn't get into to many details. He's not sure his kids are completely comfortable with the relationship yet. Mariann also wanted to know if Howard has cheated or hit on any other women since he started dating Beth. Howard said he might flirt but he doesn't cheat on her. He said there's no one he wants to cheat on Beth with. Howard soon found out that this woman works for the NY Post and she's one of Benjy's friends. She said she wasn't doing it for the paper, she was just asking questions. She went on to ask Howard if there's anything he doesn't like about Beth. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for that one. She continued to ask a bunch of questions until she got to her last one. She asked what the most expensive gift was that he bought for her. He said it was jewelry but he couldn't remember if it was a necklace or a bracelet. The guys noticed that Mariann talks in a similar way to Benjy. It was very strange. Mariann said she's very good friends with Benjy and wanted to know why Howard doesn't let Benjy talk on the air. She said Benjy gets upset about that sometimes. Howard said Benjy is annoying and he sometimes tries to hard to make a bit out of everything he says. She went on to ask Howard about what condoms he uses (Durex) and if he'd get upset if Beth got pregnant. Howard said he would get upset about that and he may end up hating the kid if she decided to keep it. Howard said he uses a condom all the time so he's not that worried about it. Mariann kept asking questions even though she said she was done. Howard eventually got fed up with the questions and hung up on her.
John told Howard that Benjy really does get upset that Howard doesn't let him talk on the air. Howard said he's told Benjy many times why he doesn't let that happen. He said that Benjy is just not interesting on the air. Then he said in the last month that he's on the radio he'll let Benjy host a show one day to show this talent he claims to have. Benjy was trying to argue with Robin about his career but Howard had to cut him off. He turned off his microphone and said that he prefers silence from him. For those who don't know, Benjy is now writing jokes for Howard like Jackie the Joke Man used to do.
Howard talked to David about working with Kari Wuher on this new movie. Howard wondered how Kari is holding up these days as far as her looks. David said she's great but Howard's buddy Ralph called in shortly after that and said that he saw her recently and she's not holding up that good. He said she's probably got a year or two before she ''hits the wall.''
Howard also brought up how David wasn't actually in the studio to do this promotion. Artie said he wouldn't leave home if he lived in Courtney Cox's $10 million home either. He said he'd even do his movies from the house if he was her husband. The guys goofed around with that stuff for a short time.
Howard asked David why Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) was invited to his wedding instead of him. David said that Paul is a good friend of his. That led to a discussion about Paul's arrest for allegedly whacking off in a porno theater many years ago. Howard seems to think that David shouldn't allow someone like that into his home but David doesn't think it's a problem. The went back and forth with that for a short time but neither one would budge on their opinions.
Howard took a few phone calls for David including one from Wendy the Retard. Howard said that she was David's fan club president. He then asked Wendy if David had molested her and killed another woman. Wendy, who plays along all the time, said that he did molest her and kill another woman. David just yelled in the background ''Nooooo!!!!'' as he heard this stuff. Howard let that go on for a short time and then told Wendy he had to go. Wendy sang part of a song for Howard before he had to hang up on her. He then wrapped up the interview with David.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to talk about the Pee Wee Herman thing some more. Howard said that he doesn't think that the guy is the worst person in the world but what he did was kind of disturbing.
After that Howard played some clips from the final ''Politically Incorrect'' where his guests kissed his ass. Howard said that no one watched that show and the guests were just people who couldn't get on any other shows. He apologized to Artie for saying that since he was on the show one time. Howard also took credit for creating the show. He claims that he went to Comedy Central years ago and wanted to do that type of show, like they do with Robin's news, for them but they didn't want to pay him enough so they took Bill Maher instead. Howard played the clips and goofed on all of the guests who were kissing Bill's ass. One of the guests read a letter from Barbra Streissand who told Bill to keep doing what he does best. Bill and his guests went on and on about how great the show was. They read some other letter from Aaron Sorkin who produces ''West Wing.'' He also kissed Bill's ass and Artie was sickened by the whole thing. Howard played a few other clips and goofed on how bad the show was before moving on to other things.
Howard took a phone call from a 14 year old kid who wanted to know where he came up with his ''sick jokes.'' The kid claimed to be 14 but sounded younger so Howard called him out on that. It turns out he was only 13. He and his buddy were goofing around on the phone for a little while before Howard got off the phone with him.
Howard took another call from a black dude who called Howard his ''dawg.'' That set Howard off and he told him not to call him his dawg and to learn regular English. The guy wanted to complain about how Howard takes credit for creating ''Politically Incorrect'' but Howard didn't give him much of a chance. He continued to tell him to learn the language and ended up hanging up on him.
Howard spoke to Michelle about her life for quite a while. He had notes about the people she has dated so they spent quite a bit of time on that. She dated Vin Diesel but broke up with him the day he was going to break the lease on his place so he could move in with her. She says it was all just too much for her. She also said that he wasn't that good in bed. Howard found out that he couldn't give her ''the big O.'' She didn't have any complaints about the size of his package, just the big O thing.
Artie also had a story about hitting on her when they worked on a movie together. He got to hang out with her but she made it clear that nothing was going to happen. She said that Artie cleaned out her mini-bar, got drunk and fell asleep while eating a sandwich.
Howard read that Michelle was engaged to the lead singer of Puddle of Mudd (Wes) and got arrested for domestic violence with him. She went through the story and told Howard that they were in a limo on the way to a video shoot. Wes got angry with her when he thought that a guy answered her cell phone. She said that never happened but he yelled and screamed at her in her face. She told him to back off but he wouldn't so she slapped him. He jumped on her and put her in a head lock. The driver stopped the car and they ended up getting out of the car. Some people passing by thought that Michelle was getting raped so they called 911. They got back in the car before they knew the cops were called and drove off. Soon after that the cops were on their tail. They were pulled over and guns were drawn on them. They ended up going to jail and broke up after that.
Michelle told Howard that she was strip searched at jail so he had he describe that slowly. She said she had to get nude, bend over and touch her toes while she was nude. They had to search for drugs and stuff but she said no one touched her during that.
Howard moved on to the dating part of the segment. They had three guys in to try for this date. Michelle said she met the guys already because they all came in at the same time. She said it had to be all set up because of the guys they picked. Howard introduced them one at a time and spoke to them for a short time.
First up was Benjamin, a 22 year old, overweight guy who claims to be a virgin. He said he's gotten as far as 3rd base. He said that he's really shy and over weight so he has trouble getting women. He also just had heart surgery and has been having seizures for the past year or so.
Next up was High Pitch Erik who we all know. Howard asked him why he was there because they just played tape of him singing a love song to KC. KC yelled at him for being gay for a minute. Howard let him say a few words to Michelle and moved on to the next guy.
Finally there was James, a 27 year old virgin. James is also overweight and claims to be a virgin. He said that he's had oral sex but never completed. He said he worked at a night club and there were women around sometimes who offered to give him oral. It was always in the bathroom where people were knocking on the door constantly so he couldn't finish. Howard let him say a few words to Michelle also.
Howard let all three of them say a few more words to her and took a break.
During the break Michelle got into a bikini for Howard. She looked great according to Howard. He asked the guys what they thought and of course they were thrilled with her outfit.
Howard asked each of the guys a few questions. First was Benjamin who was asked what man he'd make love to if he had to do that to save Michelle's life. Benjamin couldn't come up with an answer. Howard asked the same question to Erik. Erik said he'd do it with ''Christopher Reeve because he's Superman.'' Artie said ''Christopher Reeve just snapped his own neck.'' James said he'd do Bill Clinton. Howard told them that the right answer was that they'd kill themselves before they'd sleep with a guy.
Howard had each of the guys sing a quick song to Michelle. They were all awful but only sang about 5 seconds each. Howard had to ask if Michelle was still awake after that.
Howard then asked all of the guys how they'd solve the problem in the middle east. Erik and James said they'd just bomb the whole area. Ben said he'd try to work with them.
Howard then asked the guys what they think of the Pledge of Allegiance. Erik said he thinks it's important for the country but couldn't recite it. James said he thinks they should keep it the way it is because it was written that way. Howard had to let him know that it wasn't written that way originally, it was changed in 1955. Benjamin also thinks that it should be left alone.
Howard asked each of the guys to tell Michelle why they're better than the other guys. They each talked about their best features and tried to convince Michelle that they were the one for her.
Howard let Michelle ask them a question too. She asked what their idea of fun was. They pretty much all said that dancing is the fun they'll have with her.
Howard then had Michelle pick her date. She went with Benjamin. She said she was sad she couldn't take all three but she was sticking with Benjamin. He ended up showing her his heart surgery scar. Howard said the trip was courtesy of ''Son of the Beach'' which airs Tuesday nights at 10:00pm. Howard asked Michelle to just pretend to be Benjamin's girlfriend while they're in Cancun together. He said if other women see that it might rub off on them and he might be able to get laid. He wrapped up the game shortly after that and took a break.