Howard says he'll have the last laugh in all of this. He said when he retires in 3 ½ years, all of these guys will have to get real jobs and they won't be able to do anything like this at a real job.
Howard moved on to other things after that discussion. He talked about the Lennox Lewis vs. Mike Tyson fight. He said he knew Lewis would win but didn't put any money on him. Gary came in again and talked to Howard about how he got into the mind of a gambler over the weekend. He got to see how Artie gambles on sports and stuff. He was telling Howard about going to a Lakers game and compared Shaq to King Kong on the Empire State Building because he's so huge and he's swatting away the other players like King Kong did with the air planes. Howard told him that was probably not a good analogy to make and goofed on him for a short time. Gary talked about how Artie lost his bet on the Nets/Lakers game and got all bummed out after that. He was in a better mood on Sunday because he won some other bets he had on baseball games. Artie told Howard about the bets and how he won $10,000. Howard ended up talking to him for a few minutes about his betting.
Howard also talked about the Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert that his station sponsored over the weekend. He said he went into some suite that they had for the guys at the station and saw General Manager Tom Chiusano watching a golf game. Howard said when Tom saw him come in he quickly changed the channel so Howard wouldn't see him watching it. Howard said today Tom is out golfing and not working. Tom was also supposed to be working at the concert but he was hanging out watching golf that day.
Gary got back to the gambling discussion and said that KC was betting on the horses while they were out in L.A. He also won out there and has money to pay his bills this month. The guys brought up the IQ test that they gave KC last week where he ended up with an IQ score of 90. Gary said he had Jason regrade the test over the weekend and they found out the score was wrong. KC actually has an IQ of 89.5, not 90. KC doesn't believe that's possible though. He thinks he's got a higher IQ than that.
Howard said during a commercial break they had all kinds of great conversations that he wished everyone could hear. They talked about how Tom Chiusano was complaining about a joke that KC told last week. Not because it was against FCC rules but because morally he didn't think it was right. He also said something about sponsors ''worrying'' about Artie. No one knew what the worry was about and Howard freaked out when he heard that. He said that Artie should avoid talking to Tom and if he does start to talk to him, he should just walk out of the room. Howard was really pissed about that.
Howard got off of that and talked about the MTV Movie Awards for a short time. He said that Nicole Kidman has lost her looks. That was about all he mentioned for that before talking about the Dysfunctional Family Picnic. He said he saw Kelly Osbourne at the DFP and he was going to introduce his daughter to her. Kelly blew him off just saying ''Oh, hello'' like he was just some douche bag. Robin said when she ran into Kelly she was fine. Howard said Jack was really cool and Sharon was a doll. He thinks that this fame thing might be going to Kelly's head.
Howard spent a while talking to David about all of this and telling all of the ladies out there that David is free again. David said that he's probably not going to date women in their 20's like he used to do. He's looking for an older woman who he can be companions with. Gary brought in a 22 year old intern who sounded interested in him but David said she was too young for him.
David also has some comedy shows coming up soon. He'll be appearing at Bananas in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ on June 14th and at The Paris Las Vegas from June 20th to 23rd. For more info check out DavidBrenner.net
Howard got back to his DFP (Dysfunctional Family Picnic) discussion. He talked about how cold it got at Jones Beach while he was there. He also brought up Kelly Osbourne blowing him off there. Howard got on the air with Cane, Cabbie and Booker for a short time too. Robin was there so she talked about how great KoRn was. She said she was ready to take off her top and jump on their tour bus because they ''rocked!'' Robin said the band Incubus stuck around to watch KoRn perform because they were so good.
Howard complained that Ronnie the Limo Driver was his bodyguard at the concert and ended up walking him out into the crowd through the stadium instead of through an underground tunnel that they usually use. Howard said he felt like a riot was about to break out when they did that. Ronnie came in and defended himself saying that it wasn't him who made that decision. He said it was the guy who runs the place that made the decision. Howard ended up lecturing Ronnie about what he should have done. He said that Ronnie should have stopped him and told him not to go that way to get out of the concert. He said he had his kids with him and he was embarrassed to have everyone see him leaving the concert. Howard said there was a band playing at the time and the crowd was going nuts when they saw him so it was crazy.
Stuttering John came in and just laughed at Ronnie the whole time Howard was complaining about what happened. Ronnie didn't understand what was so funny though. Howard says it might be time to get someone else to do security for him. He compared himself to Whitney Houston in ''The Bodyguard'' during the conversation. He told Ronnie that he's Kevin Costner and he's supposed to be in love with him. Ronnie said he doesn't even get paid to do the bodyguard thing. He said that they do it for the station every year for free. Howard said if he knew that he wouldn't have even listened to Ronnie at all.
Crazy Cabbie called in and told Howard that Kelly Osbourne may have been upset about something when Howard spoke to her at the concert. That may be the reason that she was blowing him off when he said hi to her there. Howard didn't think that was what was going on though.
Gary came in and said that Cabbie may have said something about the fight being fixed so he couldn't have won. Scott DePace from E! came in and said that he said something in passing about how it was fixed by someone. He said that wasn't true though. Howard ended up getting off the phone with him after that discussion.
Howard ended up complaining about John using his show to book these comedians for his comedy show. Greg told Howard he signed on with John because he knew that it would get promoted on Howard's show. Then he didn't even get top billing at the show. Somehow Robert Schimmel and Richard Jeni got booked for the show and they got top billing while John and his ''flunkies'' like Greg and all of the others would ''try'' to make everyone laugh. Howard went off on John for a short time about that and said he's going to put a stop to it.
Howard changed subjects and went on to complain about the Puerto Rican day parade that was going on over the weekend. He said he was going over to Doug Goodstein's apartment one day and wanted to cut across Central Park. They were kept out by the cops who told him that they were reseeding the lawn. Howard figured out that they actually meant that they were keeping the Puerto Ricans out of the park so they don't take it over like they do every year. Howard said he had to walk around the park and he almost got run over by people who just refused to obey the traffic laws during the Puerto Rican day parade. He also said that there were people everywhere taking over the city. He thinks that they should ban all parades because they're pointless and just cause problems in the city.
Howard took a call from Debbie Schlussel who calls in often with info about all kinds of current events. Howard said she's going to be on Politically Incorrect tonight. Howard spent a short time goofing on Bill Maher while Artie did his impression of Debbie. Howard had to take a break shortly after that so he ended the call with Debbie.
Howard came back from break and spent a little time talking about Mike Tyson and how he was almost begging for another fight with Lennox Lewis because he's got no money. Howard and the guys find it hard to believe that he's broke but it's apparently true. Howard also told Robin that Angry Black is trying to get out of paying the bet he had with Robin. Howard played a couple of voice mail messages he left and he was saying that Robin backed out of the bet even though she really didn't.
Howard said that two of the female DJs on his station kissed each other at the DFP on Saturday. Howard played a clip from that and goofed on it after hearing Julie and Danni's kiss. They went right into introducing the next band. Howard said that they're always DJs ready to do the intros. That got Artie and Greg doing some goofing around with the DJ announcer thing.
Chaunce (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he thinks that the contest was fixed. He also said he noticed that Howard didn't put up the 900 number like he suggested. He thought that the viewers would have voted for him if they were given the chance. Most of the calls Howard was taking were people saying that Chaunce looked either gay or retarded on the show. Howard ended up hanging up on Chaunce when he got tired of his complaining.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know if his girlfriend is in the latest Victoria's Secret catalog. Howard said she doesn't appear in that one but she'd probably like to. Gary then came in and said that he was on the phone with Howard last night and something odd was going on. He asked Howard what it was but Howard said it was nothing. Gary said at one point Howard told him that Beth was walking around in nothing but a thong which irritated Gary. He's stuck at home with the wife and kids while Howard's there with a half naked model.
More people called in to talk about Chaunce on the E! show. He ended up calling in again to defend himself. He said he knows he's ugly but still thinks he's better looking than Howard. People continued to call in and goof on him though.
Howard took some more phone calls before taking a break this morning. One woman got him revved up when she complained about him dating 29 year old Beth. They argued about divorce settlements and whether or not the woman deserves half if she wasn't working during the marriage. Extreme fan Bobo called in all pissed off about that woman's call. He vented his anger at his ex-wife who he doesn't seem to think deserved his money.
Even after taking a break phone calls about last night's E! show kept coming in. People were commenting on Howard's looks as well as Chaunce's and it was upsetting him. Howard said he has a horrible self image already and the calls don't help. That didn't stop them from coming in though. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she knows how Howard feels. She said she always wished that her kids wouldn't end up with her nose and luckily they didn't. She said she knows how Howard feels being ugly and all. Artie said she really isn't that ugly though. She has a horrible, grating voice but she doesn't look that bad. Artie ended up doing an impression of Mariann's voice that had Howard cracking up.
Howard has been playing phony news clips from The Onion lately. He had a new one this morning about infomercials for idiots. At the end of the clip they give TheOnion.com web site but I've been told the clips aren't available there.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about KC and how dumb he turned out to be. They gave him an IQ test and found that he's considered ''slow'' by IQ standards. Howard said it doesn't really matter for KC though because he's a good looking guy.
Howard said there are rumors that Cabbie has blown his $100,000 in fight money already. Howard said Cabbie bought a Rolex watch and he shows people all the time. Howard said it'll probably get stolen or lost and it looks ridiculous on Cabbie. Howard said the watch isn't even that nice. Howard heard that Cabbie paid his rent for a year which was $18,000. The watch was $7,000 and he bought one of his friends kitchen cabinets. They estimate that he's spent about $35,000 of the $100,000 already. Stuttering John still has his money but he'll end up investing it.
The guys got back to the KC discussion and talked about how they'd give up their IQs to look like him. The guys ended up talking about who was better looking, Gary or Artie. Robin said Artie looks slightly better than Gary. Artie thinks that if he lost 20 pounds he'd look pretty good. Robin said he'd zoom past Gary if he lost 20.
Gary and Mike Gange may also fight at this thing. Howard seems to think Gary would win because Gange is always the loser in just about everything he does. He said they could call that fight ''The Monkey vs. The Chunky.''
Drunken Jeff is the guy who was on a couple of months ago yelling at William Shatner to win him some anal sex with porn star Tabitha Stevens. He came in sounding all drunk once again. His famous lines include ''Nice!'', ''Oh... My... God!'', ''You Skanky Ho!'' and ''Shut up you bitch!'' He said a couple of those lines today too.
Howard spoke to Armless Mike for a short time about how he gets along with no arms. He has a job and has been able to get laid. He ended up cursing a couple of times while he was in so Howard kept having to hit the delay button on him. Howard said if he had the hook arms he'd hook up vibrators to them instead so he could please some women. Howard asked Mike how he's able to do things like masturbate and wipe his ass with those hooks. Somehow he's able to do it. He uses his feet to pleasure himself.
After seeing these two guys Kylie said she liked Mike but Jeff was another story. He's a pretty scary looking dude.
Howard spent a little while talking to everyone before getting to the game. He then told the guys that they were going to get 3 questions. Whoever won the competition would get two more questions. If he then answers one of those two correct, he gets anal with Kylie. Here's how the guys answered their questions:
Mike
Jeff
Gary asked Howard if Kylie would at least get naked for the guys. Kylie agreed to do it and took off her top. Howard said she had nice breasts. Drunken Jeff was begging for another chance to win after seeing her naked. Howard said he couldn't do that though. He wrapped up the segment after taking a couple of phone calls about this crazy game.
Howard killed some time talking about the death of John Gotti while he waited for this cheerleader to show up. He read an article that Cindy Adams wrote about him. She obviously kissed Gotit's ass and got to have dinner with the guy years ago. Cindy didn't have a problem with what Gotti did but she's got a problem with Howard because he won't kiss her ''fat, behive-hair-do ass'' like so many celebrities do. Howard said he usually doesn't talk about any mob related things but had to bring up this nice column Cindy wrote about Gotti.
The cheerleader showed up so Gary came in and told Howard he was going to have her get into a bikini before coming into the studio. Howard killed a few more minutes talking about some news stories he's seen lately. Angelina Jolie is apparently going to be a U.N. Good Will Ambassador for Equador. Howard talked about how nuts that is and wondered if anyone in Equador even know who she is. Howard said she should be concentrating on being a hot chick and an actress instead of going to Equador. He said that's where she should go when she's an old, washed up actress.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco called in asking about what happened on the show yesterday because she got a ton of phone calls about her being a horny broad. Artie was the one saying that she was running her hands through his hair saying that he reminded her of a young Joey Buttafuoco. All of the guys were saying that she's looking pretty good these days. She and Howard spent a short time talking about Joey and how they're divorced. They still talk to each other and she has no anger toward Joey.
Lindsey the cheerleader finally came in and everyone thought she was extremely hot. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her and found out that she doesn't work, she's not a cheerleader now. She said she inherited a lot of money from her grandparents and she doesn't have to work. She can live off of that money without a job. She said she just hangs out and plays tennis most of the time.
Artie said she just came up to him at this diner he was at yesterday and sat next to him. She told him she loves him and the show and hung out talking to him. He doesn't think he could get her though because she's got a boyfriend.
Artie wanted Howard to check out Lindsey's boyfriend because he really isn't her caliber. They had him come in and Howard said he wasn't what he expected. The guy wasn't that good looking according to the guys and Howard couldn't figure out how he got her. He said the guy was in pretty good shape so he kind of understood that. The boyfriend said that he just approached her on the street one day when he saw her walking by and she eventually fell for him. She said he kissed her very passionately the first night they met and that turned her on. He didn't try to sleep with her that night though. He got her on the second date.
The two of them went on and on about each other for a little while. Howard tried to figure out how the 35 year old guy got the 24 year old hot chick. He figured that he must have had a better rap than the other guys in the bar where they met.
Lindsey told Howard she had a gift for him when she came in. It turned out that it was a screenplay that the guy wrote. Howard told the guy that there's no way it's a good script and he refused to even take it from him. Howard told both of them to just go enjoy Lindsey's grandparent's money and forget about the screenplay. He said if they really want to submit the screenplay, they have to contact his agent through their agent. Gary came in and told them that if Lindsey got topless he'd personally give the script to Howard's agent. That didn't happen though. Howard wrapped up the segment and took a break before Otto and George came in.
Howard played tape of that last appearance to let everyone hear what happened. Otto was upset about not being funny and Howard was trying to tell him that he was funny.
Howard noticed that George was a new puppet today. Robin said it looked like the puppet got a face lift or something. Howard said it looked a little bit like Jay Leno. Both Otto and George dislike Leno so they went off on him a little bit. Otto seemed to have gotten over his last appearance and was on a roll going off on people and telling some jokes.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Michael Skakel trial and how they're tying him to the Kennedy's even though he's not really a Kennedy. He's been called the nephew of Ethel Kennedy so he's barely related.
Howard was giving Otto and George a couple of plugs for his upcoming appearances. He mentioned that they'll be at The Stress Factor in New Brunswick, New Jersey on July 14th. Otto said that The Stress Factory is the best comedy club in New Jersey and that Rascals sucks. He said that he doesn't like the ''fat Spic'' owner of Rascals. He told Howard that the guy tells him that he has to appear on radio to get people to show up at his shows. Otto said that he was drawing 300 people to his show before he was on any radio show so that's a bunch of crap. He went off on that guy for a short time and plugged The Stress Factory a few more times.
Howard moved on and had Robin do her news stuff. While they were doing that the owner of Rascals, Ed Rodriguez, called in to talk about all of the stuff Otto was saying. Ed said that he's only spoken to Otto one time and he didn't know they'd even had a falling out until today. He said something about Otto having spit on a picture of someone at the club. Otto was still pissed at Ed and continued to complain about him and call him names like ''ass face'' and ''jerk off.'' He also mentioned something about David Copperfield during all of this so he also ended up calling in. Otto said he was pissed that David didn't introduce him to the hot chicks that he hangs around with all the time. It turns out he's really good friends with David and he was just joking around when he called him a ''cheap Jew.'' David said he wants to own George the puppet for some reason. He wanted to know how much Otto wants for it. Otto said $60,000 and he'd put it in the box for him. Howard went on to say how great the last David Copperfield special was. He asked David how he did some of the tricks that he did. David wasn't talking so Howard asked him when he's doing a show in New York so he can go see him. David said he's going to China for 7 weeks and didn't say when he'd be in New York. Howard wrapped up the call with David and let Robin get back to her news. Otto and George continued to go off on Ed Rodriguez and even comedian Paul Rodriguez who Ed apparently plays golf with or something. Otto has a problem with that for some reason and continued to go nuts through the whole news segment. You can find out more about Otto and George at MillerComedy.com
Howard was talking about Cher's son Elijah Blue appearing on the show later in the morning. He ended up talking about how good Cher looked on ''The Divas'' special he saw recently. Robin couldn't believe Howard was saying that. Howard also said that Celine Dion looked good to him. Robin was having trouble believing what he was saying though.
A listener called in and suggested that Howard play more Daniel Carver KKK messages to keep the people down in Louisville, Kentucky happy. Howard played the message he played recently where Daniel goes off on the World Trade Center attacks and everyone who he thinks don't belong in this country.
One caller brought up last night's E! show which had Chris Rock and Nicolas Cage on it. The caller thought it was kind of strange the way Chris Rock had to run out after a few short minutes. Howard said he doesn't really get it either because Chris lives right near them in New Jersey.
The caller said he wished that he could swap TV shows over the web. Howard mentioned the ReplayTV units that can actually do that. Howard said he wished that his TiVo could do stuff like that because he loves that thing. Gary came in and said that he has both TiVoand ReplayTV and he just set up his ReplayTV to swap shows over the phone line. He hasn't tried it yet but heard that there's a web site where you can request shows you missed and people will swap with you.
Howard took a phone call from a guy (Joe Starboard) who may have been schizophrenic. The guy thought that he'd met Howard on the set of the movie ''Face Off'' at one point. Howard said he was never there though. Howard ended up telling the guy that his assistant Wendy (Wendy the retard) would give him info about how he could get on the show. He put the two of them on the phone together and they talked about Howard for a minute and then babbled back and forth with each other. Wendy took down his name and address so they could contact him later. Howard just listened in and goofed on them while it went on. Howard cut in once in a while to tell Wendy what to get from the guy. He told her to make sure she got his credit card info for no good reason. The guy wasn't quite as dumb as they thought. He wouldn't give his credit card info out to her. He said he doesn't have a credit card but his fiance does. She was there and actually got it for her just because ''Howard Stern needs it'' according to Wendy the Retard. He gave it out no problem so Howard had to mute the call so no one would hear it. Howard cut in again and told Wendy to get the guy's height, weight and penis size. He said his penis size was ''nine.'' He gave his weight at 235 pounds. Howard cut in once again and had Wendy get the guy's fiance's breast size. He said she didn't want to tell them that info... but he eventually got ''32 B'' out of her. Howard hung up on the guy and asked Wendy if she had any of the info. She knew the guy's penis size, ''nine'', but didn't get any of the phone numbers or credit card info because the guy was speaking too fast.
Wendy was a little sick so she explained how she got sick and rambled about some other stuff. Howard had to take a break but Wendy wanted to sing for him first. She gave a bunch of shout-outs to her friends and then did some Karaoke to some song that was unrecognizable.
After taking a break Howard came back and played a song that some rapper put out about the Nets basketball team. Howard thought it was pretty lame but some of the guys liked it. Howard said he's also got the song that the guy Pharrell from N.E.R.D. put together for him. He didn't think it was good so he didn't rush to play it. After killing some time he got around to playing it. Howard said he thought it was stupid but when he played it Artie laughed. Howard said it was ridiculous. Howard yelled out a bunch of stuff about Robin and Gary that was just vicious.
Howard played a couple of audio clips including one where James Garner bad mouths Howard on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno for the second time. Howard pointed out that it was the same thing he did a couple of years ago and it was pointless.
Howard had a new phony phone call that he played. It was this guy who takes Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice from a movie and calls people to bother them. This call was to an Asian woman who was freaked out when Arnold asked her ''Who is your daddy and what does he do?'' and called her a ''Son of a bitch.'' I believe the clips are available at CelebrityPrankCalls.com.
Jessica Hahn called in quickly to talk about the death of John Gotti. It was rumored that Jessica was dating Gotti at one point but she denies it. She had called in to find out how much coverage there was on the news in New York about Gotit's death.
Mr. Skin eventually got around to his top ten after Fred guessed what number one was. He guessed that Phoebe Cates getting topless in ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' was number one. Mr. Skin then went on to give most of his top 10 favorites. Howard cut him short so he had to skip a few. Some of the actresses and movies he mentioned were:
Howard took a few phone calls from people who brought up even more movies for Mr. Skin to comment on. He said that he only picked one movie per celebrity for the list so there were some people who brought up women who were on the list but not for the movies that they suggested.
Howard told a story about seeing a hot Asian chick on the street the other day. As she walked by she said ''Hi'' to him. He didn't realize it until she walked by that it was Lisa Ling from ''The View.'' He said she was really hot and went on to talk about how he'd bang her if he had the chance.
Howard wrapped up the interview with Mr. Skin shortly after that and took a break.
Joey and Nicole went at each other for a few minutes. Joey said that Nicole is just a weight lifter, not a boxer. Nicole said she has boxed and trained with the same guys that Stuttering John trained with. Nicole was really pissed and said she's going to kick Joey's ass up and down the boxing ring.
While they were talking Howard said that Nicole actually has a deeper voice than Joey does. Joey said she sounds like Herman Munster so Fred did his Herman Munster impression a little bit.
Joey said that if Nicole wins this fight he'll kiss Nicole's ass in Macy's window. Howard said that Nicole has a height advantage on Joey. She's 6'2'' tall while Joey is 5'11'' tall.
Howard asked Joey what makes him so confident. He just said that he knows that he can kick her ass, simple as that. The two of them continued to call each other names. Joey called her a ''steroid monkey'' while Nicole called him an ''old man.''
Howard said they'd like to do a 5 round fight and he's going to talk to General Manager Tom Chiusano about setting up the fight. Howard asked them how much time they need to train. He interrupted their arguing by saying ''Gentlemen... How much time do you need to train?'' Stuttering John came in and said that he hopes the best man wins but he thinks that Nicole will beat the crap out of Joey because she's training with Derek Panza who trained him.
Howard said he has no problem going right back down to Atlantic City again to hold the fight. He said he'd go wherever he needs to if A.C. can't be done though.
Howard said he doesn't know who will win this fight. He said he'll think about it and announce his predictions on Friday. He also said he'll see if they can have Gary fight Mike Gange as the under card fight.
Cabbie called in and said that he'll fight John again as the under card. He wants a rematch but John said that his fighting days are all done. Cabbie is going with Nicole Bass because he doesn't like Joey.
Howard said they have some names for this fight but haven't settled on any yet. Here are a few examples:
Howard spent a short time talking about Paul McCartney's marriage and how he doesn't have a pre-nuptial with this new wife. He also read that the new wife is jealous of Paul's dead wife for some reason.
Howard went through a bunch of other quick stories to kill some show time before his next guests came in. He also had some clips from a new show that was on last night where people audition to become singers. The judges then destroy them and tell them how bad they are. Howard played the clips he had and you hear the judges blasting the people who couldn't sing. One woman freaked out when the judge told her she sucked.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jonathan about his life. He's dating a porn star so Howard spoke to him about that. Davis says that he's dating porn star Devon Davis and the sex is definitely different with a porn star. He talked about his childhood and how he was molested when he was a young kid. He said he told his parents about it and they just laughed it off at the time. Jonathan has a son of his own now but not with the porn star. He had the kid with his wife at the time but they've since broken up. Howard found out that Jonathan's porn star girlfriend lets him bang other women in front of her so he's got it made. The two of them talked about that for a little while.
Howard also read that Jonathan collects a lot of John Wayne Gasey's old clown stuff and some other criminal's stuff. He owns Ted Bundy's Volkswagen as well. Howard wondered if that's just ''Rock star schtick'' or if he's really into that stuff. Jonathan said it's the genuine deal.
Korn's new album ''Untouchables'' was just released yesterday. Howard said that the band has done so well that now Jonathan is able to produce other band's albums. That's where Elijah comes in. Jonathan's record label Elementary Records has signed the band. Jonathan said he's known about Elijah's band for about 6 years now and liked what they were doing. Howard ended up talking to Elijah for a while about his life. He talked to him about his father Greg Allman and his mother Cher. Elijah said he didn't spend all that much time with either of his parents while he was growing up. He was sent away to private school at the age of 8. He did get to hang around with them a little bit but he thinks it was probably best that he was sent away so early. Elijah said that he respects the longevity of his mother's music but he didn't sound like he was a big fan of the music.
Howard read that Elijah had dated porn star Amber Lynn at one point in his life and his mother got upset about that. Elijah said that the story was completely false though. He never even met the woman.
Howard spoke to Elijah about some of the famous women he's dated in his life including Bijou Philips and Heather Graham. Elijah called Bijou ''Three o'clock slop'' and basically called Heather a moron. Howard lost his list of women Elijah has slept with so he ended up moving on to other stuff.
Howard gave the Deadsy album a plug and said that they'll be opening for Korn when they go out on tour. He spent a little time talking to the guys about that and then played a clip of ''The Key to Gramercy Park'' which is the first single from Deadsy's album ''Commencement.'' He also played some of the new Korn album ''Untouchables.'' Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. You can find out more about Korn's upcoming tour at Korn.com
Stephen Baldwin called in on a cell phone to talk about the ''golf thing'' and how it's going to be held on Long Island. He thought it was a big deal but Howard didn't seem to. Gary came in and asked Stephen what happened to him fighting KC. Stephen said he never said he'd fight KC but Stuttering John said he did. John said that Stephen told him back stage at Saturday Night Live that he could beat the crap out of him. KC came in and said he'd take him on no problem. Stephen did the Crazy Cabbie thing by telling KC that he would take him one on one out on the street with no TV cameras around. Howard and Gary tried to get him to agree to fight by offering to donate a large amount of money for his mother's charity. He said it would have to be a large amount of money for him to do it though. He said he'd talk to Gary off the air about it. Artie told him that if he wants to say that the money is going to the charity, and he buys a Corvette, they're okay with that.
Gary says that they're working on more under card fights for the Joey Buttafuoco vs. Nicole Bass fight. He said that they may be able to set up Manute Bol with Big Foot Matt. Artie said he came up with a new name for the Nicole vs. Joey thing too. He'd call it ''The Big, Ugly, Hulking, Scary Guy vs. Joey Buttafuoco.'' Robin said Nicole might not like that title though.
Both Stephen and John are really proud about being from Long Island and Howard said he doesn't understand that. He grew up on Long Island too but he had horrible experiences there growing up. He said he's not really ''proud'' to be a New Yorker or anything like that. All of this came up because Stephen mentioned something about fighting ''Long Island style'' while they were talking about the fight.
Howard took a break and when he came back he played a new prank call from the Comedy Central show ''Crank Yankers'' which airs Sunday nights at 10:30pm. The call was a guy calling a flower shop and telling the shop owner to write some funny stuff on the card that goes with the flowers.
Howard said when Miss Universe comes in later in the morning they're going to tell her that Artie is a Billionaire. Gary said when she sees him dressed the way he's dressed, she'll know he's not rich. Howard said they'll tell her he made his money in computers or something like that.
Howard brought up some news stories that interested him. He talked about the Robert Blake case for a little while and then moved on to Steven Seagal. There's some story about him in the news so Howard ended up goofing on how dumb the guy seems to be. Howard took a few phone calls to kill a little more time.
Howard said that they're rerunning The Flunky vs. The Junkie in the Brawl at the Taj Mahal on E! tonight for those of you who missed it.
Stuttering John and Artie went to a Yankee game last night. John came in to talk about what Artie ate when they went. He said the first thing Artie got was a shish-kebob with bread from a street vendor. He had a slice of pizza shortly after that. John was also eating some of this crap too. He said Artie then had a hot dog... and then 4 more in the sixth inning. As Howard was listening to this he said he must have some amazing bowel movements. Artie said that it's obvious that a man has been on the toilet when he's done. John continued the story and said that Artie had 7-9 Jack and water's but Artie claims it was only about 4. After the game they went to a restaurant and on the way there Artie got a slice of pizza. Howard said they have to weigh Artie now. They went to the restaurant and he ate more pasta and a salad. Howard seemed amazed by the amount of food he ate. John asked him if he ate when he got home from the game. He said he had one of these new big Kit-Kat bars that he loves. He said it was only one though.
Artie continued to talk about all of the stuff he likes to eat. Gary came in and said he has a 10 pound Nestle's Crunch bar that he wants to sit next to Artie for a few days. Artie looked at the label and it said that it's 90 servings per container. The guys want to see how long that candy bar will last sitting next to Artie.
Howard had Artie get on the scale they still had left from the Bally Total Fitness weight loss challenge. He weighed in at 214 pounds at the end of the challenge a few weeks ago. Today he weighed 230 with clothes on. He started the contest at 225 or so. The guys were amazed that he doesn't weigh more.
Howard then moved on to talk to her about her web site. She told Howard she gets $25 a month for membership and has about 1000 members. She's nude and has some video clips on there doing stuff with other women and stuff like that. Howard took some phone calls and one guy claims that Dominic Barbara might not be a lawyer himself because he got one of the questions wrong when he asked Victoria about it earlier. Howard spent some more time talking to her about the web site and took a few more phone calls before he ended the interview.
The Dolly Parton discussion changed when Gary said he and John were trying to figure out what woman Howard dated who was older than him. He'd mentioned the other day that he dated an older woman after he got separated from his wife. Gary wrote down who he thought it was and got it right. We'll never know who it was though. Howard said he just dated this woman and didn't bang her.
Howard went on to talk about how he found women when he started dating. Robin wondered where he picked up women. Most of the dates took place at his apartment but he met some women at parties or night clubs. Robin continued to question Howard trying to find out more. Gary brought up a few things that he noticed while Howard was dating and figured out who some of the women were. Howard refused to give names of any of the women he dated. Gary knew more names than anyone else and Robin was kind of upset about that. She really wanted to know who he dated but Howard wasn't telling. The guys also asked how the women thought he was in bed. Howard said some thought he was okay and some were disappointed. He said with one woman he lasted about 30 seconds or ''two strokes'' while other women were satisfied by him. Howard said he warned the women that it had been a long time since he'd been with anyone but his wife.
Stuttering John figured out who one of the women was so he asked some questions about her. He asked Howard if he'd given her anal or not. Howard said he didn't but Gary didn't believe it. Howard said he really didn't though.
KC even came in and wrote down a couple of names. Howard said he didn't want to talk about the two women he wrote down and the discussion was getting uncomfortable. Artie then took a swing and got a couple of guesses correct. Howard mentioned something about having two chicks in bed at the same time but he was pretty much just sitting on the side watching. Howard went on to say that he has fallen in love with his girlfriend Beth and none of this stuff matters. Howard said he dated about 7 women before he went out with Beth.
Howard told the guys that when he met Beth he had to tell other women that he couldn't see them anymore. He said he was really cool about it with the women and he's still friends with them today. He said the women wondered why he couldn't continue to see them while seeing Beth. Howard said he was honest with them and told them that he really liked this woman and wanted to concentrate on her.
Chaunce Hayden called in at one point and asked Howard if he dated Robin Givens. He said that he interviewed her one time and all she would say is ''No comment'' to him. Howard told Chaunce that they went on a date one time and they talked about doing that on the radio show one time.
The big surprise is that none of the women who have dated Howard have squealed about it at this point. Howard said the women he dated were all bright, nobel women. He said they were classy women who aren't like that.
The questions were flying left and right during this discussion. Robin wanted to know if Howard had any ''freaky'' chicks that wanted strange stuff. Howard said they were all pretty normal and he's a loving guy so none of that happened.
Howard said he wasn't sure if he dated Penthouse Pets and Playboy Playmates when Robin asked. He said he's never dated a porn star though. When this was all winding down Howard said he was embarrassed by the questioning. Gary told him he had nothing to be embarrassed by.
Howard took some phone calls and guys wanted to know about some of these women. Howard said that if any of those women want to talk about dating him they can come on the show to talk about it. Gary said that any of those women who have dated Howard should contact him so he can book them for the show.
Howard read her bio and talked about her Miss Universe win as well as other things about her life. She won $250,000 in the pageant as well as the use of a posh apartment in New York City for a year. She also knows Karate and knows how to assemble a certain Russian rifle in 18 seconds. Howard eventually got around to asking some sexual questions through the interpreter. He asked when she lost her virginity and said she didn't remember as she giggled through the answer. She told the interpreter she lost it at 16. Howard also asked her if she shaves her genital area. She said she shaves most of it but leaves a landing strip. He asked her if penis size is important and she said that it's not for her. Howard told her she'd found her man then because he's small. Howard asked her if she prefers circumcised or uncircumcised guys. She said she prefers smart guys and the circumcised thing doesn't matter to her. Oxana didn't really want to answer any of the sex questions. She told her interpreter she didn't have time to think about some of the stuff he was asking. Howard joked around asking more sexual questions. He asked her if she ever had a burning sensation while peeing. She laughed and asked if he was serious. Howard continued the questioning and asked if she ever made love to another woman. She said she hadn't yet but she might.
Oxana would speak one or two sentences of English at certain points when she could give her answer in English. Howard continued to ask her a bunch of sexual questions and took some phone calls for her. The callers just asked dopey questions like ''Would you fart to blow out a birthday candle?'' to which she told Howard she would if that's what the guy wanted. Another guy wanted to know if she spits or swallows. She said ''however it works out'' to that question. Howard wrapped up the interview and thanked Faye for helping them out with the interpreting.
Here's how the game goes. Fred is sent into Robin's sound-proof booth where they have music playing to keep him distracted. The player then has 60 seconds to answer 7 questions. If he gets them all they stop the clock. Fred then comes in and answers as many as he can. If there is a tie they go by whoever answered quickest. If the player wins he gets $10,000 courtesy of CBS.Sportsline.com. Here are the questions and answers:
Howard said now that Artie has bet on the U.S. Open for Tiger Woods to lose, it's actually worth watching.
Howard said he's liking this new show ''Idol Maker'' that's on FOX. It's people trying to become big singing stars but a lot of them just get rejected. The rejections are pretty good according to Howard. He said the guy that judges the people will be on the show next week. Howard invited any of his listeners to call the show it they want to be judged by that guy when he's on.
Paula Abdul is one of the judges on ''Idol Maker'' and she feels bad for some of the people who get rejected. She suggests to them that they keep trying but the one guy tells her not to tell them that because they're so bad. Paula thinks that she was bad at one point too and that they can become better. Howard ended up talking about how bad he was as a DJ when he first started out. He said he thinks that you can become better at some things if you keep trying.
Howard announced that the new season of ''Son of the Beach'' starts next Tuesday at 10pm. Stuttering John came in and said that before that airs there will be a ''lost episode'' of ''Married with Children'' on FX. Howard said the first episode is called ''Penetration Island'' and features the host of ''Temptation Island'' Mark L. Wahlberg and Jason Alexander.
Howard played a song parody to one of R. Kelly's songs. It was all about ''underage booty'' it was a parody of R. Kelly's ''Booty'' song. Howard thought it was a pretty good parody.
A guy called in and complained about ''Son of the Beach'' having too many dudes and not enough chicks. Howard said there will be plenty of chicks on the show. They have a new lifeguard by the name of Porcelain Bidet who is played by Amy Weber. Artie asked when the ''Stink Finger'' episode will air. Howard said the name of that episode is actually ''You Only Come Once'' and it's scheduled to air on July 30th.
Howard started to do a Top 5 list of songs but ended up playing a song with some retard singing about Las Vegas. He goofed on that for a couple of minutes before giving the real top 5.
Howard brought up some of the strange shows that air over in Japan. There's one show where women just come on and cry as much as possible. There's another one where women have to change into bikinis behind a screen that doesn't stay up very long. Then there's one where people are put into scalding hot water and if they make it through that they can plug something. Howard thought that some of the stuff was kind of similar to what they do on his show.
Howard ended up talking about these ''Candid Camera''-like shows that have been on lately. Robin told Howard about some of the stuff they do on ''Spy TV'' and how funny it is. Howard said the funniest thing is when people do stuff and don't tape it. KC and Jim Florentine (''Terrorizing Telemarketers'', ''Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 2'') went out to lunch the other day. When the waiter asked Jim if he wanted any fresh pepper he said yes. He then had the waiter continue to grind fresh pepper on his salad for about 5 minutes. Howard heard about this and Jim had a mound of pepper on his salad. The manager of the restaurant came over and asked if everything was okay. He said it was fine, he just wanted more pepper. They actually ran out of pepper in one pepper mill and had to refill it. He eventually stopped the pepper and ate his salad. KC told Howard that they were sitting outside and looked in to see 3 or 4 waiters inside elbowing each other as they watched Jim eat his salad. KC said there's something wrong with Jim because he will actually do stuff like that when he's by himself. Howard said they should at least let them videotape stuff like that.
After taking a break Howard said that Benjy must have been inspired by his stories about dating chicks yesterday. He's apparently now eating the same food that Howard eats. Artie and Fred said he still eats some stinky foods that don't mix well with his body stink. Fred said Benjy was stinky today for some reason but Benjy said he doesn't stink. Benjy pointed out that Artie wears cologne that Fred might be smelling. Fred said that smell doesn't bother him though. Gary walked over and said there is an odor but it's not b.o., it's something else that they can't quite describe.
Howard said that Gary's breath has been really bad lately and he hasn't said anything to him. Gary said he wishes he would say something and not say it on the air. Howard doesn't seem to think that's a nice thing to do though. Howard said even when Gary eats mints the stink is still there.
Howard said he only wears a little cologne when he goes out with his girlfriend. He said the only way she smells it is if she gets up close to him. He took a whiff of Artie's cologne and said he was wearing too much. They got back to Benjy and tried to figure out where the smell was coming from. They thought it might be his clothing but they weren't really sure. Howard told Benjy that Fred isn't the type of guy who makes that kind of stuff up. He asked Artie to cool it with the cologne and told Benjy to do something with his clothes. He also told Gary to do something with his breath.
Gary said that Benjy has something going on with his skin too. He's got dry patches on his face so they wondered if that had something to do with his stink. Poor Benjy was getting picked on big time and Howard thinks that he's going to crack one day. Howard said everyone there has their problems including KC who wets his bed once in a while. He also said that when Scott Einziger worked there he had really bad breath.
Howard took another break. When he came back he complained about how one of his girlfriend's friends told her about him talking about the women he dated before he dated her. Howard thought it was this guy Eddie who is friends with Beth and he was badmouthing the guy on the air. Beth called the back office and told them to make Howard stop because it wasn't this guy Eddie who told her. Howard said that whoever it was told her that he was talking about ''the women he banged'' and didn't say anything about him talking about how great their relationship is. Howard later said that Eddie was off the hook and now he doesn't know who it was that told her about the discussion.
Gary talked about a bunch of tabloid stories that he found interesting. He shared them with Howard and talked about them for a while during the controversy with Eddie and Beth.
Howard asked Alexus if she's had sex with Melissa too. They said they haven't. They were out having fun at Scores last night but haven't had sex.
Howard said Melissa was in to promote Looks For Less Inc. She said they do plastic surgery and they did her breast augmentation. She said they have doctors around the country that are part of this group. Alexus has her natural breasts and Melissa said they are going to give her bigger ones. Howard told her to just leave them alone because they looked great to him. Alexus said she wants to go a little bigger though. Melissa says that the bigger boobs changed her life. You can find out more at LooksForLess.com.
Howard moved on to the Mike Walker Gossip Game. He got Mike on the phone and spent a short time talking to him before the game. Howard brought up some stories in the news that he'd seen and discussed them with Mike. He brought up Ben Affleck after seeing a picture of him in his Daredevil costume. Howard doesn't think that he's going to add anything to the character.
They finally got to the game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard wrapped up the interview with the girls and took a commercial break.
Howard ended up talking about a bunch of quick news stories before bringing Ms. Gellar in.
Howard said she looked really cute this morning. She brought in her Scooby Doo doll that they're going to put out. Howard said it didn't look anything like her. Howard wondered if she gets any money from the sales of the dolls. She said she doesn't and she's not getting any points on the movie either. She said that she's not famous enough for that yet.
Sarah talked about how she's against filming in Canada because it takes jobs away from the people in the United States. She did film Scooby Doo down in Australia though.
Howard said that the reviews of ''Scooby Doo'' are pretty bad but they're saying that Sarah is too good for the role. She said she'll take that.
Howard said that he loves ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' and loves her. Sarah said she almost wore a shirt that says ''Howard Loves Me'' on it but it was too cold this morning.
Howard told Sarah that ''Buffy'' was really good this season but there were a couple of bad episodes. He said they should never do another musical episode again. Sarah said she's on the same page as Howard on that one. She didn't seem to think that it was that great either.
Howard talked about how hot Buffy's sister has gotten lately in the show. That led to them talking about hot sisters like The Barbi twins and the Olsen twins. Howard ended up complaining about Jay Leno's interview with them the other day. He said he was the worst interviewer. All he did was ask them about driving when he should have been asking them more about their lives. Howard complained about that for a short time before getting back to Sarah.
Howard asked Sarah if she's planning on leaving ''Buffy'' anytime soon. She said she's not really thinking of doing that yet. She said that if you ask her half way through a season she might say she's ready to quit but by the end of the season she's ready to do another one.
Howard asked Sarah about some of the guys that she's dated and about her fiancee Freddie Prinze Jr. She mentioned Jerry O'Connell as being a friend of hers. Howard said that he deserves to have sex with her before Jerry O'Connell does.
Sarah told Howard that her first on screen kiss was when she was 15 and it was with a 50 year old guy on a soap opera. Howard thought that was really wrong. They moved on to talk more about Freddie Prinze Jr. and their relationship. Sarah said they have already bought a house together and they split that 50/50. She said their business managers handle all of the finances and split everything 50/50. She also told him that they have talked about a pre-nuptial agreement but haven't settled on anything yet. She seems to think that Paul McCartney not signing a pre-nuptial is kind of crazy.
Howard asked Sarah how she met Freddie and how long it took for her to be attracted to him. She said he wasn't single at the time so she had to wait for that to happen.
Howard was bouncing from one thing to another during the interview. Robin also brought up a few things to mix it up. Robin wondered what the problem was with Susan Lucci when they worked together on a soap opera. She didn't want to bad mouth her on the air apparently.
Howard asked Sarah about her boobs and if she'd ever get implants. She said she'd never do that and hers are just fine the way they are. She said they're nice and firm the way they are now. Howard asked how big Freddie is in his pants. She said she has no complaints.
Sarah told Howard how she commuted between L.A. and Australia while she was filming ''Scooby Doo'' and ''Buffy.'' She said she took commercial flights because she doesn't like flying private jets. She said they're too cramped while Quantas has sleeper seats where you can lay down.
Howard spent a short time talking about the new movie and the bad reviews it's getting. She started to say that Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' got bad reviews but Howard told her it got great reviews. She then told Howard that she's seen ''Private Parts'' about 30 times. She loved it. Sarah told Howard that ''Scooby Doo'' really is a good kids movie and there is some stuff for the guys to see. She wears short skirts and there's lots of cleavage for the men to see.
Howard asked Sarah if she's blonde all over and if she shaves completely. She said she's not blonde but she does wax completely.
Howard was surprised to find out that Sarah isn't making huge money working on ''Buffy'' which has been on the air for 7 years now. Howard figured she'd be getting like half a million but she said it's not even close to that. One of the guys came in and said that their research says that she makes between $100,000 and $150,000 per episode. Howard said that's pretty good money but not for a hit show like that. Sarah told Howard to give the producers of the show a call to complain about it. Howard told her that's her agents job though.
Sarah seemed to be having a good time talking about all of this stuff with Howard. He didn't bother taking any phone calls for some reason. Sarah mentioned something about possibly adopting kids some day. Howard asked her if she was going to adopt some black kids like Steven Speilberg and Tom Cruise did. She said it would probably be Korean girls that they would adopt. Howard and Artie played around with that concept for a couple of minutes before Howard wrapped up the interview.
Howard first spent some time talking about Sarah Michelle Gellar's money discussion and how surprised they were about how she's not making all that much.
A listener called in to give Artie an update on the Tiger Woods bet he has. Tiger had birdies on the first two holes of the game he was playing today. It looks like Artie is going to lose this bet he has against Tiger.
Howard had Modi come in after talking about a couple of other things in the news. Howard said that before he was a comedian, Modi was studying to be a Jewish cantor. He came in and told Howard some stories about how he saw how much money a cantor could make so he figured that was for him. Howard had Modi sing a little bit for him to demonstrate what he'd learned. He sang some of them and got some laughs out of Artie. Howard then did a duet with Modi. Robin said it was like a Jewish ''I've Got You Babe.'' Artie said it was ''I've Got Jew Babe.'' Howard spent a short time talking to Modi and gave him a couple of plugs. He's got a web site at Modi.cc and Howard wondered where the ''dot com'' was. Modi said that the dot com, dot net and all of the other dot were taken so he had to go with dot CC. Modi stuck around while Robin did her news segment.