Howard talked about how he saw Artie Lange on a rerun of ''Mad TV'' over the weekend. Gary came in and said he saw the same thing. They both agreed that the skit they watched just wasn't funny. Artie said he didn't even remember doing the skit they were talking about. Howard reminded him that he was all coked up while he was doing that show so that's probably why he doesn't remember it.
Gary talked about going to a boxing match during his vacation. That led to everyone talking about how it seems that only minorities can make it in professional boxing here in the United States. Howard played old tape of Jimmy ''The Greek'' talking about why blacks are better athletes to someone who interviewed him.
After taking a break Howard told a story about how Crazy Cabbie scared Gary's youngest son Lucas. Gary brought Lucas to the station one day during vacation and Cabbie came in and greeted him. When Lucas saw Cabbie's scary tattoos and stuff he took off and hid in Gary's office. Gary said that Lucas then asked him if ''that scary man'' was gone yet.
Howard spent a short time talking about how their sales manager Ed Moyer is retiring. Howard said Ed has been at their station as long as they've been there and now he's leaving.
Howard and the guys talked about how Scores is opening a second club soon. Howard says he's going to be going to the new place once it opens. The guys shared some stories about Scores and Howard said his broken thumb has kept him away from there because of the giant cast he has on his arm.
Howard talked about some of the places he went to eat during vacation. He usually has great experiences when he goes out to eat. He wouldn't mention the name of this one place but he had some bad Japanese food at one place. He said the people who ran the place were really nice so he ended up hiding some of his food in his napkin. He said he felt like he was on ''Fear Factor'' or something because the food was so bad he couldn't eat it. Howard said the place was a five star restaurant in the guides he read and he didn't understand how that was possible.
Howard said he got the latest issue of ''Perfect 10'' magazine and he wants to ask the publisher, Norm Zedah, what's going on with it. Howard said all of the models in the magazine are from places like the Ukraine and Russia. Howard said some of the women have misshapen heads. He read off some of the names of the models in the issue and they all had Eastern European names. Gary said he wants to see some hot chicks from the mid-west. Howard said Norm did tell him one time that it's hard to find American women who have natural breasts to model for the magazine.
Howard said that this guy Richard Johnson who writes a gossip page for Page Six has written more lies about him. Howard said Johnson had gotten stuff wrong in the past and he's gotten it wrong again. Johnson wrote that Howard is getting sick of the city and he's going to sell his apartment. Howard said he's not selling his apartment and he's not sick of living in the city. Howard said none of it's true. Howard is also pissed that the guy printed his address in the article. Howard said now that he's seen so many things incorrectly reported by Johnson, he finds it hard to believe anything he writes. Howard said he did talk about finding someplace out on Long Island to use on weekends when he visits the kids but he's not selling his apartment.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about upcoming movies after a caller asked him if he'd seen any previews of the new ''Spider Man'' movie. Howard said the commercials look great but he hasn't seen any other previews at this point.
Howard said he saw this new thing called a ''Genie Bikini'' that dissolves in water while a woman is wearing it. Howard got one in the mail and showed it to some of the guys in the studio. Artie checked it out and said it felt like a plastic bag. Howard wanted Robin to try it on but that would never happen. Howard tried dumping water on it to see what would happen. Howard said it disappeared into the garbage after that.
Gary says he wants to fight Jason Priestly because he's become such a pompous ass in the past few years. Jason is pissed at Howard for some reason and he's taken it out on Gary at a celebrity hockey event. KC has a call into Jason's agent and he's waiting for a call back to see if the guy will do it. Gary said he thinks he could beat the crap out of Jason.
Howard got sidetracked and ended up talking about the Israel, Palestine battle that's been going on. He and the rest of the guys spent some time on that also.
Howard also talked about how KC did an interview for some men's health magazine and posed for some pictures that make him look really gay. Howard spent a short time goofing on him about that. Even KC admits that the pictures are kind of gay. Howard asked KC if he'd be willing to fight anyone in this Pay-Per-View event. KC said he'd be willing to take on Henry Rollins when Howard asked him. KC said he'd even take on boxer Shannon Briggs who has done the show a few times. Howard said he thinks that KC might actually be able to beat Shannon Briggs. KC is in it for the money of course, so he would agree to box just about anyone Howard mentioned.
Howard said he likes taking his own home videos and the site gave him some ideas for some scenarios with his girlfriend. Artie brought up the nude Polaroids Howard has of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and asked if he'll ever bring them in to show the guys. Howard said he'll never do that and he has them locked up in a vault so no one will ever see them.
Howard read that Gina was the National Watermelon Queen one year. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about that odd title. She said that she became a spokesperson for the watermelon council after winning the title.
Howard moved on to talk to Gina about ''Survivor'' and her life. Howard heard that Gina had a thing going with her tribe-mate Hunter and she moved out to L.A. To live with him. She said that's not quite true though. She said she didn't move in with the guy.
Gina was a teacher for a little while so Howard brought that up and asked her about what that was like. Howard heard that she quit teaching biology because of a 16 year old girl who wasn't even in her class. The girl apparently came on to her. Gina said the girl started leaving ''secret admirer'' notes on her car and made phone calls to her at all times of the night. Gina said the girl wasn't even in her class. She was just a student at the school. Gina said it was the first time someone came on to her at school. Gina said she had to quit because the girl eventually started interrupting her class with phony notes and stuff like that. Her car was also keyed by someone so she had to get out of the school.
Howard got back to talking about the show for a short time but when he started taking phone calls they got back to the secret admirer story. A phone caller said the story was great and wondered why he never had teachers like that when he was in school.
Gina told Howard that she isn't with any guys right now but she was engaged for 4 years at one point. She said she hasn't had sex since her last boyfriend who she hasn't seen since last July. Howard found it hard to believe that she hasn't had sex since then. She said she might take care of things herself if she gets horny.
Gary came through with some iWon.com money and asked Gina if she'd be willing to get into a bikini for $1000. Gina said she wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that. Howard and Gary convinced her CBS wouldn't have a problem with it and convinced her to do it. Gary showed her the rack of bathing suits they had and she picked out a suit she thought would be okay. She did't want to wear a thong though. After a short time she came out of Howard's bathroom and showed off her great body. The guys said she had a really nice ass. Gary then offered her more money to take her top off. She turned down the offer though. She turned down $10,000 to take her top off. Howard said Gina didn't have an ounce of fat one her body.
The conversation soon changed to whether or not Gina ever pleasures herself. She said she has never done that in her life. She said she never really gets the urge to do that to herself. She said she's not uptight and she would admit it if she ever did that. She said she has had orgasm's during her life but the guys found that hard to believe. They don't believe that a woman who won't pleasure herself can have an orgasm.
Howard and the guys spent quite a bit of time trying to get more out of the conversation but Gina didn't have much more to offer. Stuttering John then suggested they put her in the ''tickle chair'' and tickle her. Howard offered her another $2000 to get into the chair and let some of the guys tickle her. She asked how long it would be and asked that they not touch her in any private areas. Howard said they wouldn't do that and they'd be arrested if they did. Artie Lange said he wanted to be the tickler. During the negotiation the publicist for ''Survivor Marquesas'' sent in a note to Gary and said she had to talk to him. Howard told Gary to ignore her though.
The CBS publicist came in but didn't put a stop to the tickling. Gina sat in the chair to see what it would be like. She said it was really uncomfortable. Howard then found out that Gina's 19 year old sister was there. He had her come in to watch. Gina wouldn't let her sister do any of this stuff.
Gina finally agreed to let them tickle her. Stuttering John got the job and tried to find a ticklish spot. She told them earlier that she wasn't ticklish. She did start laughing during it but Gary said she was laughing at how John was acting. After her minute long session was up she told them she's only ticklish under her ribs on occasion.
Howard spent a short time talking to Gina's sister after the tickle session. Her sister said she never pleasures herself either, just like Gina. Howard took a few more phone calls for Gina including one from a 40 year old woman who runs fan sites for all of the ''Survivors.'' Howard ended up goofing on the woman about what a loser she is running fan sites for the ''Survivor'' contestants. She got very defensive and got pissed that he was goofing on her. Howard let her ask the question she wanted to ask but it was such a dopey question that Howard just goofed on her some more. He eventually just hung up on her and wrapped up the interview with Gina.
After taking a break Howard spent more time talking about Gina. Gary came in and said that Gina was being weird about taking the money they offered her. She didn't want to take the money but the publicist told her that she should just take it. Howard said he was cleaning out his apartment over vacation and found a video that teaches guys how to turn on any woman. He said he didn't remember the name of the tape but he'd bring it in tomorrow to let everyone know. Howard said he'd love to take a woman like Gina, who's frigid according to Howard, and loosen her up.
Artie said he used to work construction and would sometimes stink up people's bathrooms by taking a dump. He worked for his uncle and the guy would cringe every time he'd ask to use the bathroom. Artie said if they couldn't use that they would use empty spackle buckets as toilets.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the upcoming Pay-Per-View event that he's planning. It all came up with Crazy Cabbie said he wanted to fight Stuttering John. Now it's going to be something like a 3 hour long Pay-Per-View event that takes place at the end of May or the beginning of June. He's keeping some of their ideas secret so no one else steals them before the fight but there should be a bunch of under card fights.
Jessica Hahn called in and there are a few people she'd be willing to box. Crazy Cabbie also called in and had no idea this was going to be a Pay-Per-View event. Howard told Cabbie the fight will probably take place on Friday, May 31st. Stuttering John came in and started bad mouthing Cabbie. The two of them spent some time trash talking each other. John seems much more confident now that he's been training for a while. He told Cabbie he won't be happy unless he leaves in an ambulance. Cabbie is also training but he's been ready to beat John's ass since this all started a few weeks ago.
Howard eventually changed the subject and said that he noticed something odd on ''The Osbournes'' during one show. He said there's a blackboard in the kitchen and it has the word ''Jew'' and then it says F*** and the Jewish star on another line. He said he thinks there should be an explanation about that. Cabbie said it might have something to do with the band Jimmy Eat World (J.E.W.) because they were thinking of putting that band on the Ozzfest tour so that might be why it was on their blackboard.
It didn't take long before they got back to the fight discussion. John and Cabbie continued to badmouth each other. They were also badmouthing each other's women. John called Cabbie's girlfriend ugly so Cabbie returned the favor and did the same for John's wife.
Howard took a break after the John and Cabbie fight discussion. He spent a short time talking about kids movies that he has watched with his kids. Gary joined the conversation and talked about some of the stuff his kids like to watch also.
This guy Shuli calls in once in a while and he called in with some good subjects for Howard to talk about today. He read an article in one of the tabloid magazines about how Cindy Crawford's husband has allegedly been cheating on her. That led to Howard talking about hot chicks and this article in FHM magazine where they list women who are single, hot and rich or single, pretty cute and rich. Howard went through some of the women on the list and talked about how he could put up with some of the women who aren't so hot because they have a ton of money. There were sons and daughters of very rich people and even Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs' mother who is 61 years old but single. The article says that her son spoils her so any man lucky enough to get her would probably be spoiled too.
Howard brought up the ''Health & Fitness'' magazine that KC is appearing in this month. He quickly mentioned it yesterday and said that the pictures of KC make him look really gay. He spent a few minutes talking about that and about what everyone on the show is going to do when Howard retires. Shuli brought that subject up and some of the guys talked about what they think they'll do when Howard's contract is up in about 4 years.
Howard talked about how he found out about Uzo when he read an article about her arrest in the paper. Uzo made sure to tell Howard that she was never a prostitute herself. Howard said she did offer to give this guy from IBM oral if he gave her two computers one time. She denied that story though and said that would be prostitution.
Uzo went on to talk about how she got into this escort service thing because she was on the web and had the idea to start it. Howard interrupted her and said she still looks hot after all of these years.
Uzo got back to her explanation and said she had set up this web site for guys to hook up with famous models for ridiculous amounts of money. She said that some of the women got as much as $300,000 for a date with these guys who wanted to hook up with them. Uzo said she took 60 percent of the money that came in for setting up the deals.
Howard asked Uzo if she'd be willing to fight Heidi Fleiss at the big Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. Uzo called Heidi some names and said that she wouldn't fight her.
Uzo told Howard how the cops busted her one morning while she was still in her night gown. She said they let her change into normal clothes and took her into book her. They apparently asked her to turn in the ''big gun'' of her business but she was the one running it. She said she spent some time in Riker's Island waiting to find out what she'd be prosecuted for but they ended up letting her off.
Uzo says she has been a millionaire since the age of 22 and she now lives in an exclusive section of Palm Beach in a beautiful apartment. You can see pictures of where she lives on her web site Uzo.com.
Uzo said she has her own album coming out this year and she won't be going back into the escort business. The album was supposed to come out a couple of years ago but she was in trouble at the time so she put it off. Howard wanted to hear the album but she hasn't released it yet. She said she'd like to come back and promote it when it's released.
Several times Uzo said that she never robbed or embezzled from anyone so she did nothing wrong. She said she was the best at what she did.
Howard just wanted to see her ass so he asked her to show it to him. She did that and Howard wrapped it up shortly after taking a bunch of phone calls for Uzo. A guy claiming to be a detective said that Uzo doesn't make all of this money she claims to make. He said when they arrested her she only had $188 in her checking account. Uzo said she didn't know who the guy was and it doesn't matter what he says. Howard said the clothes she wears and the way she lives sure make it seem that she's making some kind of money.
Howard read some e-mails that they've gotten lately. One guy said Howard still needs a lot of therapy because he's still got issues with his father. Howard said he knows that and that's why he's in therapy 3 days week. He said he's tried to get in 4 days a week but that's not happening at this time.
A woman called in and said there was some kind of contest in Chicago on a radio station where people had to tell the oddest places they've had sex. The winner was someone who had sex in the Chuck E. Cheese kids balls room. That's where they have a bunch of small plastic balls filling a room that kids play in. Gary had brought it up earlier in the morning and said that it's a disgusting area because kids snot all over the balls all day. Howard said people who have sex in public are doing wrong and he never does stuff like that. That led to another discussion about places where the crew have had sex. Gary said he's done it in an elevator and Robin said she's done it in a car when people could see right in. Howard said he's done it in a limo. Gary said that's like doing it in public because it's the limo driver's car.
Howard read more e-mails which included a bunch from people who are upset that he takes vacation. People think he takes it too often and doesn't warn people when he's going. Gary said they don't warn you ahead of time when ''Friends'' is going to be a rerun so why should they.
One guy sent an e-mail with some suggestions for naming the upcoming Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. Howard liked the first one on the list which was ''The Junkie vs The Flunky.'' He liked some of the others including ''Two Dopes Between The Ropes'' and ''The Beer Factor vs. The Queer Factor'' and some others. There will probably be tons of names for the fight in the coming weeks but those are the first, unofficial names.of names for the fight in the coming weeks but those are the first, unofficial names.
Howard had to wrap things up a little early today because he had to go to the doctor to see if he could get the cast taken off his right arm. He said he's hoping to get the cast off so they can put his broken thumb in a smaller splint-like cast so he'll be able to move his hand more freely.
Howard said he got a call from Adam Carolla from ''The Man Show'' who told him he'd like to fight Stephen Baldwin in the upcoming Pay-Per-View fight. Howard said that came out of nowhere and none of the guys seem to think that Adam would be able to fight.
Todd Bridges called in and said he wants to fight Howard. Howard told Todd that he had a broken thumb and he can't even make a fist so that won't happen. Todd has a feud going on with Danny Bonaduce so he would like to fight him too. Todd said Danny won't fight him though. Howard said he'd like to set that whole thing up to see that fight. Todd said he'd do it for free too.
Todd told Howard that he'd like to see his grandmother fight Robin. He also said he thinks Gary Coleman could whoop Robin's ass too. Todd told Howard he's ready to fight anytime.
Late in the show yesterday KC came in and announced that Jason Priestly had turned down the chance to fight Gary. Today Gary said he really wanted to try to beat the crap out of Jason's face but he's too much of a pussy to actually fight him.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this show ''The Bachelor'' that he's been watching. He talked about this week's episode where one of the women he didn't pick to stick around ended up hyperventilating. Howard said he also saw on the coming attractions that next week the guy picks up this little kid by the arm and almost pulls it out of the socket. Howard said the guy comes off as a real ''dick head'' in that preview.
Howard said some of the guys on the show are going to be having this weight loss challenge that they'll discuss later in the show. Gary, Artie, Mike Gange and Benjy will be competing against each other to see who can lose the most weight. It will be based on the percentage of weight lost, not total pounds though. Howard said the guys were all set up with trainers for the competition. Gary was the only one who got a hot chick to help him out though. Artie, Mike Gange and Benjy are stuck with guys. Howard said he'd rather have a guy train him because he might pitch a tent working out with a hot woman and he wouldn't be able to work out.
Howard said Mike Gange won't win and Artie can't win because he won't give up drinking alcohol for a month. Howard thinks Artie will actually gain weight. Howard seems to think that it will be either Gary or Benjy. He told Gary that he's actually got muscle so it won't be easy to lose weight. Benjy just can't seem to lose any weight so it should be close.
The guys started taking side bets on this competition. Benjy and Gange bet $1000 with each other over who will lose the most weight. Howard then said that he saw that there's a site taking bets on the Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. He went to the site and tried to find the section where he could place the bet. He found it and the site had more info on the fight than anyone else. They had a date and a time set already and nothing has even been announced yet. You can check it out yourself at InterTops.com (listed under Entertainment). There was some confusion about the odds and how much you'd win if you bet $1000. The guys ended up arguing about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard played a Touch Tone Terrorists (''Customer Service Crackpots'' CD) phoney phone call that he just got. This woman calls a phone company and gets this guy who does all of the voices for the Touch Tone Terrorist calls. The woman tells the first guy, Willie, that she got a disconnection notice. Willie tells her to just pay her bill and it won't happen. She gets pissed and Willie transfers her to some other guys who tell her the same thing.
Howard told a story about how Gary tried to book Sandra Bullock on the show this week after he saw that she was doing ''Late Show with David Letterman.'' He said Gary called her publicist and asked if she would do the show. The publicist said she was working on a movie all week and wouldn't be able to do the show. Gary said ''but she's doing Letterman...'' He said the publicist just said ''Yeah...'' and there was dead silence. A short time later she just said ''Okay, goodbye.'' and that was it. She gave no explanation of why she didn't want Sandra on the show. Howard and Gary figure Sandra never even hears about stuff like this and she probably doesn't even know they wanted her on the show.
Howard said that he thinks she needs mental therapy because she seems to love chickens more than people. She defended herself and said that she has helped people in her life also. She was a teacher, a corrections officer and she ran an apartment building for elderly people. She was offended that Howard would say that she doesn't love people. Gary told Howard that she loves chickens so much that she missed her father's funeral to save some chickens. Howard said there's something really wrong with people who love animals more than human beings.
Howard and Karen argued over the value of a chicken's life for some time. Howard told Karen that he had chicken this morning for breakfast and it's a good source of protein. Karen says we don't need to eat animals though. She said she has lots of recepies for vegetable meals on her web site UPC-Online.org.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy told Karen that if she's eating vegetables then she's eating a living thing. She said that there are a lot less vegetables being killed than animals. She said the problem is with the people who are killing animals to feed people. Howard eventually told Karen that he wants to open up a Kentucky Fried Chicken place right across the street from her sanctuary. He also told her he doesn't think what she's saying is right but she has the right to say it. She thanked Howard for letting her get her web site out there too.
Howard changed subjects and brought up ''Son of the Beach'' which is in production for the new season. Howard said FX put a new show called ''The Shield'' in the ''Son of the Beach'' time slot. Howard said ''The Shield'' got great ratings on the first episode but it's dropped off since then. Howard said he's thrilled by that because they stole his show's time slot. Howard said he's not sure if ''Son of the Beach'' will return to that time slot or if FX will put them somewhere else.
Robin asked Howard if he's still watching the FOX series ''24'' anymore. Howard said the first 3 episodes were great but then it became the same thing over and over again so he stopped. Howard then read an article about how the final episode is being kept top secret and all of the cast members had to sign a confidentiality contract so they won't disclose what happens on the final episode. Howard started yelling that no one cares about the show anymore so there's no reason to keep it secret. Howard said FOX is running the show on FOX stations and even on the FX network. Howard said they could put it on 12 channels and still no one would watch it. Howard said he liked the show in the beginning but it just got ridiculous.
Howard read an article about how Tara Reid was all mental after her break-up with Carson Daly. In the article she says that she had to go to 5 shrinks and nothing made any sense. She also said that she couldn't even listen to singer Dido for the longest time. Howard ended up playing Dido's live performance from his show and goofed on Tara for a few minutes.
After hearing the Jennifer Tilly thing Artie Lange told Howard that he did a movie one time and Jennifer played his wife. He said during one scene she improvised a kiss. He said he was eating a hamburger and she decided to kiss him. She ended up tongue kissing him and physically took some of the hamburger out of his mouth with her tongue. He said the director had to cut and ask her why she was doing that. She told him she thought it would be good for the scene.
The rest of the guys were also dressed in thongs so that they couldn't cheat with other heavy clothes or jewelry.
Howard checked out Benjy's ass because he heard that Robin Radzinski from E! said the skin on his ass looked ''angry.'' He was disgusted by the look of it. KC said Benjy was stinky just standing there.
Kevin Makely from Bally's was doing the weigh in. He said Benjy weighed in at 265 pounds. Benjy thinks he weighs more than that. They were doing the weigh in on a balance scale like they use in a doctors office. Howard wanted to use the digital scale they have in the studio but that didn't happen.
Artie was up next and Howard said he had stretch marks on his stomach. He weighed in at 224 pounds. Stuttering John said Artie has a ''fat man's ass'' because it's just one big thing on his back.
Mike Gange was up next and he weighed in at 231 pounds. Howard thought that was a lot for him. He weighed in more than Artie.
Gary came out in his thong and Howard said he's gotten really fat. Gary said he bulked up for the contest. Gary weighed in at 208 pounds.
Whoever loses the higher percentage of weight at the end of a month will win $10,000! Each week they will weigh in each of the guys to see where they're at.
Each of the guys have been set up with their own personal trainers. Gary was set up with an attractive woman while the other guys got stuck with male trainers. Gary said she's smokin' hot. She even called him this morning to wish him luck. The Bally's people have offered the guys a full 7 days a week personal training if they want it. Artie said he's only doing one day a week at this point. Gary said he's got a whole plan going where he'll be working out 4 days a week at Bally's and doing all kinds of other exercise the rest of the week. Benjy joked about everything when Howard and Gary asked him what he's planning on doing. He just told lame jokes when Howard asked him questions. Howard had them take the microphone from him for a short time. Benjy finally got serious and said he's going to run and eat only 1000 to 1200 calories a day. The guys know that's not possible for him.
Artie is already in trouble because he has season tickets to the Yankees games this season. He likes to eat and drink at the games so his weight may go up. He told Howard they have some great food at the stadium and he'll be eating next Tuesday night, the day before their next weigh in. He said he won't be drinking alcohol that night but he loves the giant size fountain Cokes that you can get at 7-11. He said he hates diet sodas so he won't be drinking that at the game. He'll be drinking the sugar filled regular Coke.
Since it's the 10th anniversary of Sam Kinison's death, Sam (comedian Craig Gass) decided to visit today. Howard had Sam sit in during Robin's news so he could comment on some of the stories. Howard spent a short time talking to Sam about what he's been up to down in Hell lately. Sam told some jokes about Rosie O'Donnell coming out of the closet recently. He also said he had a message from Nicole Brown Simpson for O.J. Simpson. He said that Nicole just wanted to say that she knows that O.J. is looking for the ''real'' killer but... ''YOU DID IT!'' Sam yelled. Sam also said that Milton Berle just joined him down in Hell and he's still a dick. ''Uncle Penis'' as Sam called him, is still the pompous ass he always was.
Sam stuck around to comment while Robin did her news stories.
Craig Gass will be doing his Tribute to Sam Kinison at the Comedy Connection in Boston tonight. He's got a couple of other appearances coming up in the near future. You can find out more details at IHateComedians.com.
Stuttering John said that he thinks Artie is already out of the weight loss program they started yesterday. John described what Artie ate at lunch yesterday and he hasn't slowed down with his food consumption. Artie said he went to his trainer right after lunch so he wasn't really on the diet yet. Artie told Howard his trainer had him working out for an hour and a half yesterday. He made it sound like he was being worked out pretty hard. Someone asked Artie what he ate for breakfast this morning. He said he had a chocolate milk. Gary thought he meant that he had one of the Bally's Total Fitness chocolate drinks that they supplied him with but Artie told him that it was a real chocolate milk from a diner. He said his trainer told him that would be okay to have for breakfast. Howard tried to tell Artie that he's not going to lose weight on a diet like that. Howard seems to think that Artie is actually going to gain weight over the next month.
Benjy is also on this diet thing and he told Howard he ate the Bally's food. He had 4 of the Bally's bars for lunch. Howard said he's probably going to make a lasagna out of the bars too. While they were talking to Benjy, Gary said the women from their station asked that he ask Benjy not to zip up his fly out in the hall after going to the bathroom. For some reason he walks into the hall after taking a leak and zips himself up.
Gary and Mike Gange also filled Howard in on how they exercised and ate yesterday. Artie got back to his lunch with Stuttering John too. He said John ordered a chili cheeseburger and french fries. Artie said John's long hair was dipping into the gravy on the fries while John ate. John said he's going to shave his head for the upcoming Pay-Per-View fight.
Howard took a call from this woman Sharon who said that she wants to get liposuction and breast implants for her daughter. She told Howard that her 18 year old daughter used to be fat but she lost a lot of weight. She went from a DD-cup to an A-cup when she lost the weight and she apparently needs some other work done. The daughter works in strip clubs so mom wants her to look better. Howard said he's got to meet a mother so nutty that she's willing to get her daughter implants so she can look better working at a strip club. He put her on hold and had them book her for the show.
Howard said he was getting his hair done this morning and took his special, protective hand sock off and stunk up the room. Even Toni his hair stylist could smell it. Howard said he had lotion on his hand and it must have gotten absorbed into the sock. Howard said he enjoys his own stink and wanted to share it with some of the other guys. He asked them if they wanted to smell it but none of the guys wanted to do that.
Howard was starting to read some e-mails but got sidetracked when he came upon the word ''asshole.'' He said he's not allowed to say the word but other people can say it on the show. Then he told a story about his General Manager Tom Chiusano and this guy Andre who just quit. Andre was the guy who hit the delay button when Howard said something that might get them in trouble with the FCC. Yesterday was Andre's last day and he went to say goodbye to Tom. Howard heard that Tom said he had good and bad things to say to Andre. Andre asked for the bad and Tom told Andre he ''left him in the lurch'' by only giving him 2 weeks notice before leaving. Howard heard that Andre then asked what the good news was and Tom just walked away. Tom came in to say that didn't happen the way Howard heard it happened. Tom said 2 weeks notice was a little short but he didn't just walk away from Andre. He said he wished him luck.
Tom also told Howard they're training a couple of guys to hit the button now. They have this DJ Dead Air Dave who will be doing it and another guy by the name of Tim Reed. Howard wasn't happy with that news though. He said he's got to talk to the head of the company about this because he doesn't want these guys in charge of the button.
Howard says he's out of there when his contract is up. He's got 3 years and 8 months left on his contract. He said he's giving Tom his notice now so he'll have plenty of notice. Tom jokingly said it's not sufficient notice though.
Howard interrupted them and said he had a meeting about the upcoming fight. He said everything is still up in the air but they're working on getting things set. Howard said right now it looks like they're going to be holding the fight on May 17th. It will be a Pay-Per-View event but they don't have a venue picked out yet. Howard has talked about it being in either Las Vegas or Atlantic City but that could change.
John and Cabbie continued to badmouth each other for about 35 minutes. John was yelling at Cabbie at the top of his lungs. Cabbie fought back but seemed to be a little calmer than John. John claims that after Cabbie fought Angry Black he got a call from him and he said they should also fight. John claims that Cabbie said he loves him and they should just do the fight for money. Howard and Robin both say that they think the hatred between the two of them is real though. John also keeps bringing up this story about how Cabbie shot a porn movie in Howard's studio without permission. He says the movie is coming out soon and when Howard sees it he'll never be allowed on the show again. Cabbie just blows the story off and won't comment on it.
John said he would be willing to fight Cabbie with no gloves and no head gear but Cabbie doesn't want that. He thinks that in the boxing ring they should box. Cabbie said he's willing to go with 8 oz. gloves and no head gear. John seems to be okay with that plan. Howard had to take a break after 35 minutes of this stuff. After the break Donald Trump called in and said he's got to get Tom to work out the deal with his Taj Mahal Atlantic City casino so they can hold the fight down there. Trump really wants that fight held there but Tom wants some ridiculous amount of money from Trump to hold the fight there. Tom said he'll call Donald today and see what he can do. Howard said they're going to have to charge people for tickets but they will give away some free tickets to listeners.
Howard is going to set up some celebrity under card fights for this event too. Howard keeps bringing up that how he had a celebrity fight on before FOX ever did it. He had Geraldo Rivera and Frank Stallone fight back in the late 80's or early 90's and it was big. He said he now wants to become the ''Don King of Celebrity Boxing'' by putting these things together. Howard said FOX pre-taped their celebrity boxing event so it's not ''real'' but his will be live and real. Trump said he's got a boxing ring at the Taj Mahal that seats 5000 people so he's ready to go.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Trump about other stuff before ending the call. Trump asked Howard not to ''let him down'' with this fight. Howard told Trump he'd never do that to him but it's not up to him. It's all up to Tom Chiusano.
Howard said he's still trying to think of a name for the John vs. Cabbie fight. He's gotten some suggestions like ''The Stutterer vs. The Smuggler'' or ''The Flunky vs. The Junkie'' or ''The Lackey vs. The Crackie'' or ''The Stutterer vs. The Butt Plumber.'' He said the name of the Pay-Per-View event will probably just be something like ''Friday Night Fights with Howard Stern'' or something like that but the main event with John and Cabbie will have one of those goofy names.
The next intern, Kevin, gave Gary a CD with a song from his band on it. When he came in this morning he told Howard that the song was done without him in the band but he's part of the band now.
Finally they brought in Lauren the smart, hot, 19 year old intern. All of the guys say that Lauren wears really sexy clothes to work and it's distracting to some of the guys. Ronnie the Limo Driver is really hot for her but Lauren says she thinks that he's always mad at her. Ronnie came in and said that he sits in the hallway and she'll come up to him wearing a belly shirt with her belly button right in his face. He tries not to talk too much to her because he thinks there would be trouble if he did. Ronnie also said that she sometimes wears really low cut, loose jeans that allow you to see right in when she bends over. He said he's seen down the front on at least one occasion. He said he could see her red thong that day. Gary said you can tell what color thong she's wearing every day because her jeans are so low cut. He said anytime she bends over to do something everyone can see the back of her thong. Ronnie even knew what color she was wearing this morning... pink.
Howard said he never sees any of this stuff going on so he asked Lauren to wear her shortest belly shirt and jeans tomorrow.
Howard asked Lauren what she got on her SATs. She said she got a 1450, 720 math and 730 verbal. Artie sounded stunned when he heard that score. Lauren also told Howard that Steve is one of her favorite co-workers. Gary said that unfortunately Steve is the ''F-Word...Friend'' to Lauren. Howard asked her if she'd go into the woods with him like the cheerleader did. She just laughed it off though.
Lauren told Howard that she went to a deli the other day and they gave her a free sandwich because she was pretty. Gary said that happened to Anne Marie the office manager when they went to get ice cream from Mr. Softee. Gary said the guy gave her free ice cream for about a month just because she was hot. Gary said women think that it's because they're being nice and smart but it's just because they're hot.
While Howard was talking to Chaunce he asked him what was up with his hair. Chaunce pretended that he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said it was obvious that he had hair plugs done. All of the other guys and Robin also said it was very obvious. Someone said it looked like Barbie doll hair. Chaunce said he didn't know what anyone was talking about and he didn't know why Howard would pick on him like that. He tried to change the subject but Howard had a hard time letting go. Chaunce said he wants to fight actor Corey Feldman in the upcoming Pay-Per-View event but Howard's not that interested in that fight. He got back to the hair plugs and asked him if he had a veterinarian do them or something. He also asked him if he had them done by one of the doctors that advertises in his free ''Steppin' Out Magazine.'' Chaunce just kept denying it the whole time. He said it would be funny if he were a celebrity but he's just a ''regular guy.'' Howard said that Chaunce asks celebrities dopey questions like that too. Chaunce said he's not a celebrity though.
Chaunce said that he's going to be doing celebrity interviews for this new magazine ''Perfection Magazine'' that is a rip off of ''Perfect 10.'' Howard wondered why anyone would rip off ''Perfect 10'' because they're not making any money. Chaunce said that's because the publisher, Norm Zadeh, is just doing it as a hobby and he doesn't have a marketing plan in place. Chaunce said that ''Perfection Magazine'' does have a marketing plan and there is money to be made.
After talking about the movie and talking to Chaunce, the director of the movie called in and spent a couple of minutes talking to Howard about it. This guy Brian directed it and told Howard about the amount of money they spent on the movie and how a lot of people walked out of the screening they had for it. Gary told Howard he didn't make it through the whole movie either so the reviews don't seem to be that great. After talking to Brian Howard said he might show the clown rape scene on the Pay-Per-View event.
Howard went to ''thumb therapy'' yesterday and he says it was really painful. He has to do about 12 weeks of therapy for the thumb before he'll be able to pick something up without noticing that his thumb isn't working quite right.
Artie told Howard about what he's been eating since this big weight loss contest started on Wednesday. He said he had Mango Chicken for lunch and his girlfriend made him pasta for dinner. Howard said he's going to gain weight if he continues with this diet. He also pointed out that his trainer is trying to put muscle on him in his workout and that's just going to make him heavier. Artie said the salad he ate at dinner also had mozzarella balls in it.
Gary told Howard what his routine was too since he's also in this diet contest. He's eating right and exercising all the time.
Benjy is also in the contest so he gave Howard an update on his progress. He told Howard about his 14 to 20 a day egg diet. Howard said he didn't think that was such a bad thing. Benjy thinks he's already lost weight so they put him on the scale in the studio to see what he was up to. The scale in the studio said he was 255 pounds. He weighed in at 265 on Wednesday. They ended up putting him on the real scale and it came up with the same result. Gary seems to think that Benjy may have done something to the scales and perhaps he's cheating. Gary said if he finds out that he cheated he's going to fire him. Howard thinks that maybe Benjy stuffed 10 pounds of weight up his butt on Wednesday when they were weighed in. He did drink a lot of water on Wednesday but it probably wasn't 10 pounds worth. Benjy says he can gain and lose 10 pounds no problem.
Gary said that Mike Gange is under the watch of the E! crew who smack food out of his hands whenever he eats something. Gange came in and said that he's eating vegetables and a little protein. He said he's not eating mozzarella balls like Artie is. Gange also has a side bet with Benjy that says he'll lose more than Benjy by the end of this thing. Gange is convinced that this 10 pounds Benjy lost was just water weight. He said Benjy isn't working out at all so he'll eventually plateau and not lose anymore weight.
After taking a break Howard spent some more time talking about his stinky thumb splint. He said whenever he takes the splint off his hand it really stinks. He said the physical therapists told him to clean the splint with baking soda to get the stink out of it. Howard told Artie that he should go to therapy with him because there are some hot chicks down there. Artie said he's in... He'll even have his thumb broken to get in there.
Howard talked about last night's ''Survivor'' and how two of the contestants got to drink beer. Howard said his girlfriend said that the woman would have given the guy oral sex if she had the chance during that segment. Howard then talked about how great alcohol is for relationships.
Artie told Howard about his latest gamble. He said that he's got a bet going on the Masters golf tournament that guarantees him money as long as Tiger Woods does not win. He said he put $5000 to make $2600 if anyone else wins except Tiger. He said he got burned one other time so he thinks that won't happen again. Artie said his buddy Norm Macdonald got him into this bet. Artie did his impression of Norm telling him how it's one dude against 140 others.
Howard brought up this web site HowsYourNews.com recently and talked about how they send out retarded people to do interviews. Today he had a CD that they've put out with retarded people singing on it. He said he doesn't understand why these schools and web sites put out CDs of retarded people singing. He also played a couple of clips from ''The Kids of Widney High'' CD which features retarded school kids singing. Howard thought that it actually sounded better than the latest Bob Dylan CD. He ended up playing clips from both of them and said that the Widney High kids are better than Dylan is now. He combined the two songs together and it actually sounded okay.
Leeann also told Howard that she thinks he's pretty sexy. Everything she was saying was just right for him. Howard then asked her if she'd like to smell his stinky thumb splint. She turned down the offer and asked him how he broke his thumb. Howard went through the story and told her how a weight was smashed into his thumb at the gym.
Leeann used to work for Frederick's of Hollywood as a model and she says that Jerry Springer hit on her once when she appeared on his show. Leeann turned down his offer to go on a trip with him somewhere.
Howard and Leeann talked about some of the other guys she has been approached by. She said Derek Jeter wanted to date her but she turned him down too. She said her last boyfriend was a World Superbike motorcycle racer (Ben Bostrom) but he wasn't around much. He was flying off to Europe to race all the time. She said they lived together 3 years but it didn't work out.
She said she hasn't been with a guy lately so Howard asked her what she does when she gets horny. She said she's been busy out on the road lately. Howard tried to get her to talk about what she does but she didn't say all that much about doing herself or anything like that.
Leeann told Howard that she has never used drugs or even smoked in her life. Howard thinks that keeps her from loosening up. He thinks that she's a good girl and it would be tough to get her going. Leeann said he doesn't know if she's a good girl or a bad girl though.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play his little gossip game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a few more minutes with Leeann talking about the upcoming Pay-Per-View event. You can read about that nightmare below.
Howard finally moved on to the interview and spoke to The Rock about hanging out with Arnold Schwarzenegger on the set of this movie ''The Scorpion King.'' The Rock said that he knows Arnold and hangs out with him sometimes. Paul Newman also showed up one time and hung out for a little while. The Rock said Arnold isn't really a ''real'' friend. He just knows him enough to have dinner with him on the set.
Howard spoke to The Rock about how Vince McMahon owns his name and how great that guy is as a businessman. Howard said that Vince is given Executive Producer credits in this movie that The Rock is in. Howard asked The Rock what he's going to do if this movie hits big and he could get out of wrestling. The Rock isn't sure about what he would do but he wouldn't be able to keep ''The Rock'' as his name since Vince owns it. Artie made a crack about him actually being ''The Bitch'' because Vince owns him. Howard was making some suggestions about what to call himself if he leaves the WWF. Howard said that Hulk Hogan called himself Hollywood Hogan so The Rock could call himself ''Hollywood Rock'' or ''Holly-Rock.'' They also said he could call himself ''The Cock formerly known as The Rock'' or something like that.
Howard spent a little time talking to The Rock about how he beat up a few people in his life. The Rock said he got arrested four times for fighting. He told Howard that one guy he beat up found out he had a brain tumor because of the fight. The Rock said he pounded the guy's head into a wall so he had to have some x-rays taken of his head. The doctors then found that he had a brain tumor. So he may have actually saved his life.
As Howard was wrapping up the interview Robin said she was taking back what she said about The Rock being a bad interview. Howard then took a few phone calls for The Rock. KC also came in and said that The Rock had liposuction on his breasts to remove a little fat. The Rock said he did that because there were some small pockets of fat that didn't look good on him. He said there are very small scars from the surgery.