Scott the Engineer is usually the one who loses all the bets around the show so now he's not really the biggest loser. Artie is on his way to taking his spot. Howard changed subjects and said he's got $10,000 on Stuttering John in the upcoming Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight and he just found out that Scott is taking John too. That means that he's almost sure to lose. Artie said he's also taking John so now he's really jinxed.
Howard said he was entertaining model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos on Sunday... by himself. He said that his girlfriend was working and Rebecca's husband, John Stamos, was off rehearsing for some play. Gary called Howard on Sunday while he was entertaining so Howard put her on the phone with him. Howard said nothing happened with her because Rebecca is really into her husband. Howard said it was hard to be around her though because she was wearing little sweat pants and a belly shirt without a bra on. He had a lot more of the story to talk about but he had to take a break first.
Howard ended up talking to Artie a little longer about how he has to bring money to his bookie at a gas station. He told Howard about how he goes to the bank, takes out his losses and puts it in a white envelope for the bookie. Then he brings it to the gas station and gives it to the guy. Sometimes they go out to lunch after Artie pays the guy too.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Rain Forest concert he went to over the weekend. A listener who won tickets from Howard's show called in and thanked him for them. Howard then spent a few minutes talking about the concert and how good it was.
Howard eventually got back to the Rebecca Romijn-Stamos conversation. He talked about going to the Rain Forest concert with them and then went out to dinner around 11pm. Howard ended up talking about the concert again and then got back to goofing on Artie for losing his golf bet. He got back to Rebecca and John and gave more details about their evening out.
Howard said that John Stamos is taking over the ''gay role'' in the ''Cabaret'' musical so he's starving himself to stay thin. Howard said they all have to go see John in this role because he looks like a total ''tart'' in the musical.
Howard went on to talk about how Rebecca decided to hang out with him while John went to rehearse for ''Cabaret.'' Howard asked John if he trusted him with her. John said of course he did because if he did anything with her he'd just steal his girlfriend from him.
Howard said he and Rebecca drank wine, watched movies and just hung out. His apartment was really hot because there must have been something wrong with his air conditioning so Rebecca wasn't wearing all that much. Howard said when his girlfriend Beth came home he felt kind of guilty like he'd done something wrong... even though he hadn't.
After talking about the Rebecca stuff Howard said he knows that he's an ugly dude because some web site has ratings for celebrities looks. He said he gets an ugly rating of 4.2 on a scale of 5. He said he's only beaten by people like Michael Jackson and Tiny Tim. He said he's tied with Linda Tripp. Other people who are rated less ugly than him included Mr. Bean, Pavarotti, Yaser Arafat, Joey Ramone and Marilyn Manson among others.
While Howard was talking about this cool Saki taste test event that they've been invited to Gary came in and said he'd love to do it but it's 4 days before the final weigh in for this Bally's Total Fitness weight loss contest they're doing. Howard ended up talking about how Artie is having a problem sticking to a diet. He ate a bunch of junk food on Friday. Howard had him talk about all of the junk he ate. It took a couple of minutes before Artie admitted to what he actually ate over the weekend. He said he had a grilled chicken sandwich without the bread in Atlantic City but then he said he had onion rings with that. No one thinks he'll lose any weight during this contest.
LaNease did most of the talking during the interview. Howard read that she's friends with Bill Maher and asked her if she ever slept with him. LaNease said she's best friends with the guy and didn't say anything about sleeping with him.
Gary came in near the end of the interview and asked Amanda if she'd be willing to show her giant breasts for $1000 in cash from iWon.com. She refused so Howard asked the other girls if they'd show anything. None of them took them up on the offer so Howard wrapped it up.
Howard also talked about how he put $100 in for the Big Game lottery that was up to $200 million last week. No one won so it's going up to close to $300 million for tomorrow's drawing. He put in another $100 for that. Howard had Gary check all of his tickets for him and said that if he won he would have given Gary $1 million for doing the checking. Howard did have a couple of numbers which was enough to get him $2.
Howard talked about this movie ''Vulgar'' that he watched last week. He said this clown gets raped by 3 guys in the movie and it was really disturbing. He said he threw it out but his assistant fished it out of the garbage because she wanted to watch it herself. Howard didn't know that until she told him she enjoyed the movie. She figures Howard's a guy and that's why he didn't want to see a guy getting raped. She said it was pretty fun for her to watch.
Last week Howard played tape of these retarded people singing songs. They were from this web site HowsYourNews.com so Howard says he checked it out and there was some funny stuff on the site. Apparently these retarded people interview people and it's pretty entertaining. KC was having a problem getting the tape for Howard. While he was waiting he said that Stuttering John is obsessed with Artie's diet. John seems to be fascinated with what he eats and drinks during this weight loss contest. Howard said that Artie looks chubbier now than he did a week ago.
KC finally found the retarded guy clip so Howard played it. They could also see the video in the studio. The interview was with an auctioneer and the retarded guy just babbled nonsense for a few seconds while the auctioneer auctioned off something for the interview.
Howard spent a short time talking to Rob about the way he was playing the game on the last few shows. He told Rob that he was very combative on there and that's just not the way to win. Rob said he was just getting fed up with everything and had to go off.
Howard asked Rob if he banged ''that chick'' that he was sleeping with on the show. Rob said it was too dirty there on the island and he didn't bang her.
All of the guys seemed to think that Rob was wasted this morning. Howard asked him if he was high but he said it's just been a long weekend in New York. Howard couldn't believe that he wasn't wasted so he spent a couple of minutes trying to figure out what he was on. He even had Gary smell his fingers to see if he had been smoking. Gary sniffed them and didn't pick up any scent of anything. Rob told Howard that he was really nervous to be on the show because he's a big fan.
Howard talked to Rob about the last show where he went off with ''the ugly broad'' and got to drink beer with her. He asked him if he banged her but Rob said he didn't.
Howard talked to Rob about what he does for a living and where he went to school. He graduated from Boston University which is where Howard graduated from. Rob said it took him 5 years to graduate though. He still lives at home with his parents too. Rob said he gets laid in his parents house. He said he tells the women that it's just temporary. Gary asked him if he's ever had to put his hand over a girls mouth because she's making too much noise. Rob said that's not a problem in his parents house.
Howard took a few phone calls for Rob and let some people complain about him. Some people said they'll miss him on the show though. He was one guy who wasn't afraid to say something on the show. Howard said the next guy to go has to be ''the black guy'' who is really annoying to him.
Howard asked Rob if he made doody while he was on the island. Rob said by the 9th day or so he was able to go. Howard also asked him about whacking off and if he did that. Rob said after the third or fourth day you forget about that and he didn't do anything. Stuttering John came in and brought up Sarah again. He asked Rob if he got anything off of her while she was there. Rob said he didn't get anything other than a kiss. He said that she's got a boyfriend now too. It sounded like he was holding something back and he wouldn't swear on his mother's life that he didn't get anything off of her.
As Howard was wrapping up the interview he asked Rob was his home video submission was for the show. Rob said he taped himself trying to squeeze into a side-by-side freezer. He said he took everything out of the freezer and put it on the floor and tried to squeeze in. He didn't fit and his mother ended up yelling at him for putting her meat on the floor while he did it. Howard said he'd love to see that tape. During the interview the guys said Rob was like a Beavis and Butt-head type of guy. They also goofed on the Boston accent for a few minutes before Howard ended the interview.
Howard played tape of what he said was Sting's wife Trudy Stiler singing at the Rain Forest concert. The woman in the song was screeching out ''What You Want'' so it obviously wasn't Trudy. Howard later said it was one of the retarded women from the HowsYourNews.com web site CD.
Last week Howard talked about how this puppet Greg the Bunny wanted to do the show but he wasn't sure he wanted him on the show. He talked it over with the guys and they were going to have him in and just throw stuff at him. When Gary called his people to book him they said that he had to go back to Los Angeles so he wasn't available.
A woman called in and asked Howard if he had tickets to the upcoming Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. Howard said they haven't even booked a venue yet so nothing is set yet. Cabbie called in a short time later and asked Howard if he had any info about when the fight will happen. Howard said he doesn't have any more info for him yet.
Howard played a bunch of voice mails that they've gotten lately. There's one guy who just curses out every ethnic group he can think of when he calls. There was a woman who read a poem about Howard and his big nose and later sang a song about him in another voice mail.
After taking a break Howard came back and said that someone in their office saw that there was a hot chick and a guy hanging out on a balcony. The E! crew put a camera on the people and taped them doing coke together. They watched them for 20 minutes or so and just watched what they did. Howard said there are tons of empty beer bottles on the table too. Some of the guys think that they just finished having sex this morning and they're waiting to see if they do anything else. Gary said he's hoping that she's going to give him oral next. Howard had them shut the video off so Robin could get to her news stuff.
The subject changed to religion when someone brought up how the Pope is calling in all the Catholic Cardinals for a meeting about all of the child molestation going on.
They got back to the fight discussion and Howard is really pushing for the Thursday night fight and replay on Friday morning.
Howard took a break and came back to talk about how he got sick to his stomach watching Rosie O'Donnell's show. He said that Rosie was talking about how much she loves ''The Osbournes'' on MTV. Howard said that he got sick because the show is getting tons of exposure and he had the idea to put them on TV a couple of years ago. Howard ended up talking about how the Osbournes are thinking of doing a second season but they want to shoot it over in England instead of Beverly Hills like they did this season. The guys were wondering if Ozzy really needs money so bad that he's willing to do this show. Howard said apparently Ozzy does need the money because they go through it so fast and they've been ripped off in the past. Howard said he should have just gone ahead and done the show with Ozzy himself. He then said that they're doing a ''Cribs'' spoof with Beetlejuice for the E! show that's pretty fascinating. He talked about what Beetlejuice does in the show and how funny it is to see.
A listener called in and let Howard know that actor Robert Urich died yesterday after battling cancer since 1996. Howard said he was never a fan of any of Urich's TV shows. Robin said that ''Spencer For Hire'' was great though.
One of the other contestants, Levi, also called in. He said that he had an allergic reaction to the cockroaches they ate in the second event. His tongue swelled up and he had to be taken to the hospital that night.
Robin asked Lorinda if all of the guys on the show had decent sized penises when she saw them naked. Lorinda said they were all pretty big. She said the one bald, fat guy didn't have any body hair on him at all. She said she found that kind of odd.
Howard read in Lorinda's bio that she hasn't had a boyfriend in 2 years. She said she works 3 jobs, goes to school and doesn't have a lot of time but she does date a lot.
Gary pointed out that Lorinda's parents bought her breast implants for her 21st birthday. She said she was a AA-cup before the implants and now she's a full D-cup.
Lorinda said she's been offered jobs working in strip clubs but the clubs down in Mobile, Alabama aren't that great. Howard said he'd have her interview at Scores in New York and she'd be working a lot. She said she wasn't wearing anything while she was on the phone.
Howard spoke to Levi a little bit too but he was focusing on Lorinda. Mike, one of the other contestants from last night's show, also called in. He told Howard that he has all of his body hair waxed off for some reason. Howard said that dudes just don't do that though. Mike ended up asking Howard if he and Levi could fight at the upcoming Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. Howard asked them if they'd fight naked. When they said they would Howard said he'd try to hook them up.
Howard wrapped up the calls with the ''Fear Factor'' contestants and ended up talking about personal trainers since Levi is one in New York. Howard told stories about his personal trainer and everyone else had stories about theirs. Some of the guys on the show are in a weight loss contest so they all have personal trainers to get them in shape. Artie told a story about how his trainer had him doing abdominal exercises that made him look really gay. He said he had to grab the trainer's ankles and lift his legs up. Artie said he looked like he was having sex with the trainer. Gary said he had to do the same exercise with his hot, female trainer and he didn't mind it at all.
Artie also told Howard about what he ate yesterday. He told Howard he only ate a chocolate milk for breakfast. Later in the morning he had a egg white omelet and a bowl of oatmeal. Later in the day he had a protein shake and that was it other than water. Howard found that hard to believe though. He couldn't believe that's all Artie ate but he swore that's all it was.
George the puppet ended up yelling at Otto about really sucking as a comedian. Howard said he loves when Otto just starts yelling as the puppet and doesn't even stop moving his lips for the ventriloquist dummy. Robin said he sometimes even forgets to move the dummy's mouth when he's talking as the dummy. Howard gave Otto and George a couple of plugs for upcoming appearances. They're appearing at Bananas in Elmsford, New York this Saturday and at The Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey on Sunday. You can also get their video ''American Dummy'' at MillerComedy.com.
Howard spoke to Artie's trainer, Naquam, for about a minute when he called in for some reason. Howard didn't spend a lot of time with him though and got back to Otto and George pretty quickly.
Howard told Otto and George that he's going to take them to Scores to get them some chicks. George (the dummy) said he got a lap dance from a fat chick one time and she erased his penis.
Gary came in and said that Otto used to dislike Andrew ''Dice'' Clay because he stole some of his material. Otto said it was more of the ''working dirty'' thing that ''Dice'' took from him. He said that Clay used to do John Travolta material and later started doing his dirty stuff. Otto said he used to do dirty nursery rhymes and had outgrown them. Then he heard that Clay was using them out on the West coast.
Howard changed subjects for a minute and talked about last night's ''The Bachelor'' that he's now addicted to. Howard said he stayed up until ten o'clock last night to watch it. He brought up how the Bachelor, Alex, pulled a kid up by his arm at one point and hurt the child. Howard said the guy didn't even apologize after he did it. Howard also said it looks like the guy might close the deal with some of the women on next weeks show.
Howard got back to his interview of George the puppet. He tried asking the puppet some questions. The puppet made a bunch of masturbation jokes and stuff like that. Howard also took some phone calls for them and let some people badmouth Otto and George. Howard also killed some time just doing other stuff while Otto and George were there. He read some e-mail they've gotten at the show lately.
After hearing a few phone callers say that they weren't funny, Otto said that he just didn't feel like he was on today. He said it felt too ''forced'' to him because he's used to cursing like crazy in his stand-up act. He said he thought Howard got pissed at him when he let a curse word slip at one point. Howard said he wasn't mad at him though. Howard told Otto that he was laughing at his stuff and he shouldn't feel that way. Howard told Otto that he has a really thin skin and he let one phone caller get him down. Otto said he's just not built for radio. He said he felt like he was going to be funny today but it wasn't coming across that way once he got on the show.
Everyone on the staff started telling Otto that he was being funny and they didn't understand where this odd behavior came from. Howard said he'll have Otto back so he can prove how funny he really is. He wrapped up the interview after that.
Howard was telling Robin some of his problems and how he's unable to get close to people. Robin just laughed that off and said that he should just be able to change that. Her theory is that if he wants to change he can do it. Howard said he couldn't believe that they've worked together for 20 years and she doesn't know him that well.
Howard told Robin that you can't just do something with your emotions just because you want to. Robin said Howard was just telling Artie that he can lose weight ''if he wants to'' so he should be able to change his emotions. Howard said they're two different things.
Chaunce Hayden (Steppin' Out Magazine) called in and said there have been studies about Male Menopause lately and maybe that's what Howard's problem is. Howard ended up goofing on Chaunce's bad tattoos and then mentioned bad hair plugs. Chaunce was off the phone within seconds after he brought that up.
An angry listener called in and complained about how Howard was bitching about his problems. He called Howard some names but Howard fired back at him telling him that he's sitting at home listening to him for 4 and a half hours a day. He told him to get a life of his own if he doesn't want to hear about his problems.
Robin said that she's concerned about Howard and just wants to know what she can do for him. Howard said there's nothing she can do. He's working things out in therapy. More phone callers bitched at Howard about his crying and therapy. Howard let some people vent on him and ended up hanging up on most of them.
Dominic Barbara called in to get in on the conversation. Howard ended up telling Dominic that he doesn't like him and what he's about. He said he went on Dominic's honeymoon vacation and saw what he's about. Howard said he doesn't want to hang around with Dominic anymore. He said Dominic is always telling everyone about what he does with him and it really bothers him. He said there's nothing private with Dominic. Howard said he enjoys hanging out with people like Stuttering John and Ralph. He said Dominic goes around telling people that he's his lawyer... and he's not. Dominic denied doing that but Howard has heard things from people about him doing it.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and talked about how strange Dominic is for a minute. Stuttering John then asked him if he's going to fight Gary at the upcoming fight. Ralph says he's not sure yet. Gary said he's not really out to fight Ralph but he will do it if Ralph is up to it. Howard had to end the conversation because it was getting late in the show. He told Robin that he'd planned on playing some Gary Garver celebrity interviews but this conversation killed too much time.
Today is the weigh in for the Bally's Total Fitness Weight Loss Challenge. Artie was afraid that he was going to drink and eat a lot last night because he went to a Yankee game. Artie ended up telling Howard about how he tried not to over eat last night at the game. He tried not to eat that much but he did have some drinks. The E! crew caught some of that on tape so Howard got to see it. After the game John took Artie to Mcdonald's and had him order some more crap to eat. Artie said that John didn't order anything himself, he just wanted to see Artie order some junk food for the E! cameras. Artie said they also went to Scores last night after the game. He did some shots while he was there too. Then he went to a pizza place at two in the morning and had 4 slices of pizza. Howard watched tape of him eating the pizza and said he's never seen a smile on his face like that. He was so happy eating that pizza that it looked like he'd just won the lottery according to Howard. Artie is still hoping that he was able to lose a couple of pounds in spite of the eating.
Gary said all he ate last night was 8 shrimp. He said he even ran 3 miles on the treadmill this morning so he'd be thinner for the weigh in.
Benjy has been doing some weird stuff himself. The guys said Benjy was out on the streets of New York. The E! crew also got tape of that but it wasn't ready for Howard yet.
Howard took a break and came back to talk about hanging out with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. He said John is living in the city while he's working in ''Cabaret'' so the two of them are hanging out. Howard talked about how much he's been hanging around Rebecca lately. John produced a TV program called ''The Virgin Chronicles'' about Rebecca's life so they all watched that yesterday. Howard said it's been everything Rebecca lately.
Somehow Artie ended up talking about how his mother helped him decorate his apartment in Jersey. Howard spoke to him about that and said they need to do a ''Cribs'' type program on his apartment to see how his mother decorated it. Artie said he would be up for doing that. Howard said he decorated his own apartment (with the help of a designer) when he and his wife split up. He said the place has a ''masculine'' look to it.
Howard spent some time talking about how America Online is having trouble making money even with the millions of customers they have. Howard said he only has AOL for the Instant Messenger feature. He said that's the only thing he uses it for and he assumed that everyone else is doing the same thing. A few people then let Howard know that the Instant Messenger feature isn't exclusive to AOL. Anyone can download it and use it. Howard had no idea so he said that he really doesn't need AOL. Gary and Mike Gange said that they use the downloadable version of the program so Howard said he wants them on his buddy list.
Howard said he can't understand how AOL isn't doing well with the number of people they have using their service. He said all of his daughters use the service all the time. Howard said he read the article in the New York Times so he didn't quite understand it all. He had Gary read the article to interpret it for him.
John Rieber from E! came in to say his goodbyes this morning. John has been with E! for 15 years and has helped Howard set up his TV show for years. Howard seems to think that John was pushed out the door by the new head of the company, Mindy Herman, but John said that's not true. He told Howard that he's produced many shows for the network and he's going to continue to produce shows for them. Howard said his thank-you's to John and told him he thinks their two production companies should work together in the future.
Howard also spoke to Susie for a little while. He figured that she was 21 or 22 years old but it turns out she's only 19! She said the two of them met in a club on her 19th birthday celebration. Howard asked her if her large breasts were real or not. Corey said they're ''real'' but Susie said they were a ''great investment.'' Corey said that she's working as his tour manager and she's doing a great job. Everyone got a laugh out of that. You can get more info on Corey's tour on his web site CoreyFeldman.com.
At one point Artie Lange made a joke about how Susie was born on the same day that Corey's career ended. Corey got a little pissed and started bad mouthing Artie ''the new guy'' saying that he's no Jackie Martling. Artie and Corey went back and forth for a few seconds until Howard told Artie not to fight with his guests.
Howard played some of Corey's music and told him he didn't like it. A listener called in and asked Howard if he was playing one of those retard songs that he's played recently. Howard told him it was the real song.
Howard said that Corey has a history of getting engaged to women and never getting married. He seems to think that this is the same thing that will happen with Susie. Corey said they're going to wait until he's done touring to get married. The two of them have only known each other for about a year.
Corey told Howard that he's still allowed to flirt with chicks at clubs and stuff but Susie has to be involved. They don't cheat on each other because they do stuff like that together. They will actually bring other women home with them sometimes. Howard said Corey hit a home run with this girl. Corey said she really is ''the one'' for him. After hearing that Robin said that Corey really is a good actor.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Corey and let some people badmouth Corey a little bit. There was actually one positive call for him which surprised Corey. He usually gets all negative calls from Howard's fans.
Corey said that he still wants to take Howard and The Losers on in a battle of the bands competition. Howard said he'll do it and it was Corey who couldn't get things together for this appearance. Corey made it sound like it was Howard who wasn't ready to battle.
Corey asked Howard what happened to Jackie so he had to go through the story of why the Joke Man left the show. Corey then said that he really doesn't like Artie on the show. Artie then joked that he's just doing this until his album comes out. A nice dig at Corey's singing career.
Howard was wrapping up the interview when he mentioned how great it is that Susie brings women home for Corey. She then said that she also brings guys home for herself. She said she gets to mess around with other guys just like Corey gets to mess around with other women. They didn't have a lot of time to talk about this subject so Howard said they have to have them back to talk about it. Howard told Susie the key to a happy marriage is to ''stay 19 years old.''
Gary's hot chick trainer, Nikki, was up next. Gary said he loves holding her ankles when he does his ab exercises. Howard quickly had Gary get down to his thong to get weighed in. Stuttering John burst out in laughter when he saw what Gary looked like. He said he looks worse today than he did a week ago. Gary said John doesn't look any better than him. This guy Kevin weighed Gary and said he was down to 199.5 pounds. That was with a hidden 5 pound weight on the scale though. Stuttering John thought it would be funny to do that. He actually weighed in at 194 pounds.
Mike Gange was up next. Howard said his trainer, Sheri, is pretty hot too. Kevin weighed Gange and he came in at 222 pounds.
Benjy was next. He took off his clothes and everyone let out sighs of disgust when they saw him. He weighed in at 249 pounds.
Finally, Artie Lange hopped on the scale and weighed in at 226 pounds... a gain of 2 pounds! Howard called it just right. He knew Artie was going to gain weight during this contest. Artie didn't seem to understand how he could actually gain weight though. Howard told him all of the crap he ate yesterday is still sitting inside of him. He might actually be even if that food is still in his system.
Howard congratulated Gary's trainer for doing such a great job. Artie had to apologize to his trainer for letting him down.
Since the contest is for the biggest percentage of loss, Gary is in the lead. Of course, Artie is in last place because he actually gained weight.
He then asked Evander why he continues to fight after the whole Mike Tyson ear biting thing. Evander said there's one belt that has eluded him and he wants to get that belt. Howard asked Evander what he did with his ear after Tyson bit part of it off. Evander said he just left it the way it was.
Howard spoke to Hasim a bit too. He asked him if he thinks he can actually beat Holyfield. Hasim said he wouldn't be fighting if he didn't think he could win.
Howard also asked Hasim about the rumor that he had a big $100 million deal with HBO and Don King came in and offered him a couple hundred thousand in cash to fight for him. He took the money from Don and blew the HBO deal off. Hasim said that wasn't quite true. He said King made him a $75 million deal but he hasn't gotten the money yet.
Howard asked the two if they have hatred toward each other. Evander said he doesn't hate anyone and he doesn't have to work up any hatred for the fight.
Howard talked to Evander about his bad marriage and how he didn't have a pre-nuptial agreement when he got married. He told Howard he knew the marriage wasn't going to work the day after he got married. He said he doesn't believe in pre-nuptial agreements so if he ever does get married again he still won't sign one.
Hasim told Howard that he doesn't get any hot chicks because he doesn't look for that. Howard told him that's the best part of being a celebrity though. He can get hot chicks being a fighter.
Robin says she thinks that Evander will beat Hasim in their upcoming fight. She said that Evander is an amazing boxer and has skills that Hasim just doesn't have. Hasim actually agreed with Robin about Evander having better skills. He said that he's been boxing guys who are better than him since he started though. He said he's fought them and won so he's used to it. He thinks that he can beat Evander even though his skills aren't up to the level of Evander's.
Howard talked to Evander about the house he lives in down in Atlanta. Howard read that he has a 135 seat theater and 17 bathrooms in his house. All of the guys were wondering who uses all of those bathrooms. Evander said he's got a bunch of kids and they can all use the bathroom when they need to. Hasim said he only has 5 bathrooms in his home.
The Holyfield-Rahman fight will take place down in Atlantic City and will air June 1st on HBO.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys and spoke to Evander about his 9 kids for a short time before wrapping up the interview. Howard said he'd make a prediction about the fight but he knows nothing about it. He asked Artie who he's going to bet on. Artie said it's tough to bet against Evander again but Rahman looks tough.
KC said he lost his virginity at 13 to a girl who was probably older than him. He said he didn't get her number and she was from another school so he might not be able to find her. He said he took a couple of girl's virginity over the years and both of them told him that they were scared of him after it so they'd never have sex with him again.
Howard had his first on the show one time and he said he thought she turned out to be pretty good looking. Artie told Howard that he was almost 18 when he lost his virginity. Howard told him he wasn't all that surprised at how old he was. Artie then said he'd better just sit down and shut up if they don't find it that hard to believe. He also told Howard he got his first oral sex in a bathroom at a basketball game. He said it cost him five bucks. He said the girl made change for a $10 bill and stuffed the money in her pumps.
Before moving on to Robin's news Howard showed her his 2001 Billboard Award for Nationally Syndicated Radio Host award that he just got. They said the award actually looked pretty nice for what it was. Robin said it's something that he could actually display without being embarrassed.
Gary told Howard about the America Online thing that Howard asked him to read earlier in the show. Gary said from what he read it seems that AOL isn't growing as fast as it has in the past and it seems to be because a lot of people are going to broadband connections and dropping regular dial-up services. AOL hasn't gotten into the broadband thing yet so they haven't been keeping up. Gary also said the article said that they gave away a lot of free trials and lost out on quite a bit of money that way. For some reason Howard seems to think that the Instant Messenger thing is what everyone is on AOL for and he can't understand why they're not making more money.
Stuttering John has cut off all of his hair in preparation for his upcoming fight. Howard and Robin said that he actually looks pretty good without his greasy, long hair.
Artie called in to talk to Howard about being sick. He barely had a voice to talk though. Howard told him he can't go out eating and drinking every night and then go work out like a maniac when he hasn't done that in a while. Artie told Howard that his trainer worked him pretty hard yesterday. Howard told him he's out of the weight loss challenge because of this. Howard said Artie gained 2 pounds in the contest so he's got to give up on this because it's now effecting his work.
Artie told Howard that he left a message for Gary on his beeper but Gary says he never got the message. Howard said he has had a lot of problems getting hold of Gary with that beeper in the past also. Gary said he's heard other complaints from people about not being able to get in touch with him. Howard told him to tell the people at the company that it doesn't work and get a new one. Howard said he also has trouble beeping Ronnie the Limo Driver and he doesn't answer his pages. Ronnie came in and argued with Howard about whether or not he turns his beeper off on the weekends. It eventually came out that he might leave the beeper home when he goes out driving on the weekends.
Ronnie ended up leaving and then coming back into the studio. He and Howard argued with each other about whether or not Howard calls Ronnie. Howard usually has his assistant Laura make the call when he needs a limo.
Stuttering John was goofing on Ronnie the Limo Driver the whole time this was going on. John said that he went to the NASCAR races with Ronnie and he claims he wears his Dale Earnhart outfit. Ronnie said he wore a Dale Earnhart sweatshirt and that was it. Ronnie warned John not to go there with the goofing but he did it anyway. John talked about how the sweatshirt had sponsor logos all over it which got Robin laughing at Ronnie. John and Ronnie went back and forth goofing on each other for a couple of minutes. John laughed it all off but Ronnie got really angry. Howard said that's the problem with Ronnie, he gets really defensive and angry if anyone says anything to him. Howard said he complained about the phone in his limo not working but he was afraid to tell Ronnie about it. He told Mike the limo driver about it and he had to tell Ronnie. Howard said Mike cringes when he has to tell Ronnie about problems like that though because he knows how Ronnie is going to react.
Ronnie ended up threatening to give up his limo business because Howard wasn't happy with him. Howard doesn't want Ronnie to give up his business. He tried to give Ronnie some advice on how to handle people instead of yelling at them. Ronnie was still a bit defensive during this conversation but he did let Howard give him the advice. Howard said Ronnie's the angriest guy in the world.
Robin brought up how Rosie O'Donnell will be on Prime Time Thursday with Diane Sawyer tonight. They're claiming that Rosie is going to shock us with something on the show tonight and Howard can't imagine what that might be. He said she's already ''shocked'' everyone with her homosexuality. He said maybe she's going to have her boobs removed and turned into testicles or something like that. He said perhaps she's going to tell us that she's not really fat, she's just been hiding Elian Gonzalez in her stomach.
Howard spent a short time talking about how much he's looking forward to the upcoming Spider-Man movie. He said it's already getting great hype and hardly anyone has seen it yet. He said he's also read about some other movies that are on the way like ''Essential Hulk'' and ''Batman Year One.'' After reading about what they're going to be about he said that maybe it's time to do his ''Fartman'' movie because of all of these super hero movies coming out.
After taking a break Howard came back and plugged a few more appearances for Dave. He also told Dave how Stuttering John and KC have stand-up careers going now. Howard ended up playing tape of one of the comedians that works with KC and makes a lot of racist jokes. Howard thought the guy was actually pretty funny. He then played tape of another guy before playing tape of KC's stand-up act. KC does a lot of child molesting and gay jokes in his act which are pretty disturbing. One tape he played was of an audience memeber heckling KC and cursing at him. KC said the guy eventually came up on stage wanting to fight him.
KC also brought up some other stuff that goes on at the comedy show. This one guy Bob Levy apparently eats a woman's doody or something like that at the end of his act. Bob ended up calling in so Howard asked him if he's afriad of catching diseases or anything when he does that. Bob didn't seem to have a problem with that. Stuttering John said the guy has kids and is, or was, married. For more info about where these nutty comedians are appearing just check out TheMurderersRow.com. KC said he's not the headliner of the show. He just appears in the group of comedians that do the show.
A listener called in and told Howard that the show has been so much better without Artie around today. Howard said when people say that stuff on the air it drives Artie nuts and he turns into a mess. Howard said Artie stopped doing his hillbilly impression after some people complained about it. Gary came in and said a lot of people call in just to bust balls and a lot of people really do like Artie. Howard said it's not up for debate because he likes Artie.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about this David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar concert that's supposed to happen. He played some tapes of David Lee Roth talking about what he and Sammy are going to be doing together.
Howard was saying that he's also feeling a sense of loss with Ozzy and his family. He said he sees Ozzy's wife Sharon on Rosie O'Donnell's show and gets jealous that other people are hanging out with them. Howard said he thought he discovered this great family and now that MTV has exposed their life to everyone, other people are taking them away from him.
Howard moved on to the homeless game after talking about the Osbournes. He had this guy Larry on the phone to play the game. He played the warm-up questions for the guy but they were kind of depressing. Benjy found this homeless woman, Grace, and asked her questions about her education and what it's like to be homeless. She said her educational background was ''singing'' and she didn't go past 8th grade. Larry had to guess whether or not the homeless woman would answer the questions correctly or not. He had to get 3 out of 5 correct to win the money. Here are the questions and the homeless woman's answers:
AFter the game Howard took another break and moved on to let Robin do her news segment. Dave Chappelle stuck around to comment on the news with Howard.
Howard wondered what Rosie O'Donnell's big revelation was last night on Prime Time Thursday. Robin forgot to watch it so Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of the interview. Howard asked him what the big revelation was but even Melrose couldn't figure out what the ''big'' revelation was. He told Howard about some of the stuff that Rosie talked about but none of it was all that shocking. Melrose also told Howard that he had tape of the police press conference where they talked about the arrest of Robert Blake. Howard spent a short time talking about that before getting back to the Rosie stuff. Howard talked about how arrogant Blake was when he was on his show years ago. Howard and Robin think that this will be another fiasco like the OJ Simpson trial and it will probably be covered on TV.
Melrose kept saying stuff to Howard but Howard said he didn't hear a word he said. Larry told Howard he's been on the show for 10 years now but Howard really didn't seem to care one bit.
Howard finally had Melrose play some of the tape he had for him. He played the tape of the police press conference where they talked about what Blake will be charged with. Howard was getting fed up with Melrose and his tapes within 30 seconds. Howard tried to keep things moving and had Melrose get to other tapes. Melrose had tape from a news program where some friend of Blake's was talking about the guns Blake had and some other odd details. Melrose also had Geraldo calling in from the Mid-East to argue with Blake's buddy. Howard got so fed up with Melrose within minutes so he ended up hanging up on him as he usually does.
Howard talked about a meeting he had yesterday with the Dial-A-Mattress people. He said he usually doesn't meet with advertisers anymore but the Dial-A-Mattress people had a new pitch they wanted to discuss. Howard said that went okay but he almost didn't meet with them because he was in a huge fight with General Manager Tom Chiusano. He threatened Tom saying he wasn't going to meet with them but eventually broke down when Tom begged him to do it.
Howard said he met with the people from E! yesterday too. He said he pitched some show ideas to the head of the network, Mindy Herman, and she apparently told him they'd work with him on some of them. Howard said he had some original ideas for shows but Mindy told him they thought of doing them a couple of years ago. Howard said the idea was so original that there's no way they could have had that idea years ago. Howard then spent a few minutes joking about some fictional shows that he could have come up with that Mindy would have claimed were ideas they already had.
Howard said he ended up screaming and yelling at Tom after his meetings and he thinks everyone at the station could hear his yelling. Gary told Howard that some people did hear him yelling and told him about it. Scott the Engineer said he was walking down the hall and he heard Howard yelling. Another guy who works for Howard's show also heard him yelling about how he was ready to leave the company.
Howard ended up going to Tom's wife's art show last night even after fighting with Tom. He said he also went to his shrink to talk about his anger. He said he doesn't get that angry that often anymore. He seems to think that's because he's getting laid regularly. Howard said Tom should praise Beth (his girlfriend) because she's been keeping him calm for a while now.
Howard's busy day continued when he went to physical therapy for his broken thumb. He said they're doing a great job with that but it hurts. After that he went to dinner at an Italian place. After that is when he went to Tom's wife's art show. He said that she's a very good artist. Robin said she bought one of her pieces and Penelope gave her another one. Howard said he wants to purchase one too. Penelope painted one of Howard that his girlfriend wants so he said he'd buy it. Tom said they'd give that one to him but Howard insists that he wants to buy it from her.
Howard had a letter that someone wrote about Artie and his behavior on the show. The writer said that he went to a rehab center and wondered how Artie went through one and still drinks and gambles. The writer told Howard that Artie's life will surely end tragically if he continues to do what he's doing.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to stay in this weight loss contest or not. Artie says he's still in. Gary then asked him what he ate yesterday. Artie told them that there was a Dunkin' Donuts right next to the doctors office so he had to go there. He had a big lunch and dinner too. Howard told him to just give up on the contest. He asked for just one more week to see what happens.
Stuttering John came in and got Artie upset when he brought up how Artie once said he'd never drink during the work week. But then he goes out and drinks at the Yankees game. Artie told John he was messing with his livelihood and he might have to leave the show if he wants to start getting honest. Artie said his job on the show isn't to snitch on other people so it sounded like he had something on John. John said he doesn't know what that could be though.
Jessica Hahn called in to defend Artie for some reason. She said they were all ganging up on Artie when they should be ganging up on Howard about his drinking too.
Artie said that when his mother hears about this stuff it upsets her. He's just trying to protect her from that stuff because he put her through so much in the past.
Howard talked about this movie ''Vulgar'' (calling it ''Vulgar the Clown'') recently and said that this clown gets raped by guys. Howard said the movie was really bad and disturbing. He read that it's opening at the Angelika Theater in New York City on April 26th so he was recommending that his audience go see it to see if they can get through it. He said someone wrote to him and said he has to see it after hearing Howard talk about it on the show. Howard described it again and how horrible it was to watch. He said he threw it out before he even got through it. His assistant said she fished it out of the garbage and watched it herself. She said she didn't find it that disturbing. She's since passed it on to Robin so she can watch it. Robin said she's looking forward to watching it now that she's heard Howard talk about it. The director of the movie, Brian Johnson, called in a little while later and said that it's opening in Los Angeles at the same time it's in New York City. You can find out more at VulgarTheMovie.com. Howard said if he hadn't talked about this movie no one would have ever known about it.
John was claiming that Howard is the one who calls them to do things together. Howard said Rebecca is the one who called him first. John said that Howard also showed up at their apartment unannounced one morning. The two of them argued about who wants to see who. Howard and John also talked about the morning Rebecca and Howard hung out together watching movies and drinking. Robin sounded surprised that Howard was drunk with Rebecca that day. Howard was saying that John and Rebecca like to watch themselves on TV quite a bit. John said that Howard also pulled out a photo album of he and Beth and showed them the pictures. Howard said John found the album and pulled it out himself though. Howard called John a liar and said he wasn't telling the truth about the album. Both of them ended up calling each other names. John told Robin that Howard never wears shoes around his house and he's even got pictures of his bare feet in that photo album that they looked at. Howard said it's a nice feature he has that he shows off. Howard got off the phone with John after 15 minutes or so.
Croy put the word out to Mike Piazza and Robert De Niro that she'd like to meet them. Howard and Gary told her it won't happen with De Niro because she's white.
Howard sent Croy off to the bathroom to change into another bikini. While she was in there he took some phone calls. Croy came back out and showed her second bikini. Howard said it looked similar to the first but KC said the back was cut different. Croy told Howard that she doesn't want to be a round card girl. She wants to be a powder puff girl for the Jessica Hahn fight. Howard doesn't think they need a powder puff girl though.
Howard asked Croy if she has ever had a relationship with another woman. Croy told Howard that she has had lesbian sex in her life but it was against her nature. One time it happened while she was in jail for some reason. She then went off on a tangent talking about nonsense that no one understood. She talked about having a summit (or summitual as she called it) with boxing on the side and some other nonsense about a blue fly. No one understood it.
Croy changed into another bikini. Howard said he liked this one. It was gold and she was wearing a garter with it. Howard told her she passed the audition. Croy then asked for $200 to do her appearance. Gary started to say no to her but Howard said she's been on the show a long time so they could probably hook her up with the cash.
Croy started rambling again about her big ''plans'' for the U.S. That she wants President Bush to look at. She mentioned George Lucas and Steven Speilberg while she was talking about this stuff but none of it made one bit of sense. Howard wrapped up the interview after telling her they'd see her at this fight.
After she left Benjy and Artie figured out that she was actually smarter than they thought. During a phony phone call from a guy claiming to be Mike Piazza he mentioned a ''Louisville Slugger'' and Croy mumbled something about the only Louisville she knows are Johnny Depp, Muhammad Ali and someone else. They figured out that those people are from Louisville, Kentucky. They figured that perhaps she's idiot savant or something. Howard had her come back in and gave her a few more cities to name celebrities from. She was able to name a couple but she wasn't quite as amazing as they thought she'd be.
Howard said ''I love you'' as soon as he saw her walk in. He said she's very beautiful. Robin said Mike Gange was out in the green room just holding the E! camera on her so he could be close to her for a little longer. Kelly started out on ''Nash Bridges'' with Don Johnson so Howard asked her what that was like. Howard wondered if Johnson was a ''total load'' on the set. Kelly said Don has an amazing side to him that she saw. She said he helped her out quite a bit. Howard figures that's because she's a hot chick. She said he flirted with her the whole time she worked on the show.
Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) was also in to talk to this fine Asian woman. Howard has him on whenever they have a hot Asian chick on. She said she was born and raised in Hawaii though. Wood Yi is fed a bunch of lines to say to Kelly. His delivery is kind of like Woody Allen's... That's where the name Wood Yi comes from. Some examples of his lines were...
Kelly told Howard that she had to go through a few auditions before she was put into her costume which was basically a bikini. Howard seems to think they wanted to see her in a bikini right away but they had to go through a couple of auditions first. Kelly said that you don't see her nipples in the movie because it's rated PG-13. She said her hair was strategically placed over her nipples in the movie.
Howard read that Kelly was once groped by a stranger on the street but she'd been taking karate lessons. She said she'd just started with the lessons though. She said she was wearing a bra at the time. KC came in and asked her if she secretly thought it was erotic. Of course she didn't and everyone said that KC probably thinks about doing stuff like that to women.
Kelly talked about her boyfriend a little bit and said that they have a restaurant out in Los Angeles called Basic Bites.
During the interview Howard would let Wood Yi say one or two of his lines to Kelly. Artie noticed that every line becomes a question when Wood Yi says it. The way he ends the sentence makes it sound like he's asking instead of just saying the line.
Howard asked Kelly if she's ever had a lesbian experience. Kelly said she hasn't but she recently had a massage and the woman giving it to her ended up rubbing her stomach and then her breasts. Kelly said she was horrified when it happened. Howard said he had to know more details about the massage when he heard that. He wanted Kelly to reenact the breast massage but she wouldn't do it. Kelly said she just let the woman keep going because she didn't know what to do. She said the woman massaged her chest for about a minute.
Howard had Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the phone to play his gossip game. He spoke to him for a short time before the game. Mike said that some women he spoke to said that Kelly is a very beautiful woman. They were straight women so Kelly thought that was a nice compliment. They eventually got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard wrapped up the interview after the game and gave Kelly a plug for her web site KellyHu.com