Howard said he went out for his buddy Ross' birthday on Friday night and had a great time. He said he got there a little early and started drinking. After eating at Nobu the party moved to a club where they had a pool table. Howard said he was really wasted but he played some pool and sunk some amazing shots. He said he was so drunk that he bent down to the level of the ball and could actually see what was happening. He said he was able to beat a few people but someone eventually beat him.
Howard said they're flying out to Las Vegas after the show today. He spent a few minutes talking about the trip and what they'll be doing. This guy Glen who calls himself ''Zolar'' won a trip from Howard so he called in and talked to him about the trip. Howard told the guy that he could watch the show while he's there but once the show is over he should stay away from him.
Howard got back to the Super Bowl discussion and why he decided not to bet on the game. Howard also brought up the special ''Fear Factor'' that NBC ran during half time. Robin missed some of it because she didn't know that they were going to finish the show after the end of the Super Bowl.
Howard brought up Mariah Carey and her performance of the National Anthem. They spent some time goofing on her being kind of chubby and how they still think she's crazy even after her performance.
Howard and the crew also goofed on a lot of the other things that went on during the game. Howard missed Paul McCartney's musical performance because he was showering after going out to dinner. The guys also talked about some of the commercials that were on. Howard thought the ''Truth'' and Mlife.com commercials were annoying. Howard liked the Bud Light commercial where the guy slid across the satin sheets on the woman's bed and right out the window. Some of the guys missed that one though.
Howard spent a short time trying to find out why the guy is in this UFO center thing. The doctor said that he's now retired and this is his hobby. Howard seems to think that it's just a way for the 65 year old guy to get away from his wife of 30 years. Howard also pretended to be an alien voice himself. He spoke to the guy and goofed on him with that for a couple of minutes. Howard gave the guy a plug for his web site which is at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1341/index.html. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Since he mentioned ''FHM'' he said that his girlfriend's layout has been moved up since there's such a buzz around it. It was originally supposed to appear in the April or May issue. Howard said they've now moved it up to the March issue.
Howard killed a little time talking about a bunch of other stuff too. He wanted to get out of the studio and on his way to Vegas early so he had Robin start her news segment by nine o'clock. He said he wanted to be on his way out of there by quarter to ten or so. The Vegas shows will air Wednesday through Friday.
Howard ordered up some drinks first thing too. He and the guys sounded ready to get wasted.
After taking a break Howard came back and talked to some guests. Yucko the Clown (YuckoTheClown.com) was there as well as Yaqi the tickler. Howard spoke to both of them quickly but people in the audience were screaming at him to shut up. Howard said they're going to have Yaqi tickle Gary the Retard later in the show.
Also at the casino were Melrose Larry Green and Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard quickly spoke to them and moved on to more serious stuff. Joe Cancer is dying according to Howard and he's been given about a month to live. Joe Cancer told Howard his cancer has come back but he plans on beating it a second time. He was harder to understand than ever. Gary said he could hear the difference in his voice. Howard wanted to say goodbye to him even though Joe doesn't think he's going to die. Howard was also ready to place a bet for Joe to win $2500. He had that money courtesy of Risque Video and was ready to put it down on a hand of Black Jack. Howard introduced their dealer Erin and then placed the bet. Joe ended up with a 5, an ace and a 4 so he had 20. The dealer had a queen and a Jack so it was a push. Joe won on the second hand when he got a 10 and a King. The dealer busted with a 5, a 10 and a 9. Howard suggested that Joe spend the money on whores and booze. Howard wanted him to say goodbye to everyone but Joe said he's going to beat the cancer.
Howard talked about their trip out to Vegas on Monday afternoon. Everything went pretty good until Howard farted on the small private plane they took. Howard said he blamed KC for the fart. Howard said when he got to the hotel he ended up clogging the toilet in his room. He didn't have a plunger so he was poking at it with some folded up cardboard. It eventually went down on its own.
Howard spent some time talking about Gary the Retard and how women were running away from him at the pool. Gary was there screaming at the top of his lungs while Howard talked about him. Howard told him they were going to have Yaqi tickle him but Gary said he wants a woman to do that, not Yaqi.
Howard moved on to introduce porn star Jenna Jameson who was going to give a lucky fan a nude massage. Howard had three people who wanted the massage. One of them was a woman so Howard and the guys decided to just give her the chance to win. Howard played another hand of Black Jack with Lisa who was playing for the massage. Once again they won the hand and the woman won the chance. Howard said they had to send her off to a private room to do the massage but Joe Rogan was going to give the play by play from the room.
Gary the Retard begged to have Jenna tickle him so Howard eventually gave in. Jenna agreed to do it so they shackled Gary up to a bed and a little while later Howard had her tickle him. Howard spent a few minutes talking about some other things that went on out there before getting to Gary again. Jenna finally got to it and tickled Gary. At one point she said Gary wet himself but he denied that. Yaqi the tickler wanted to get in on the fun so he started to tickle Jenna. Howard got her in the bed eventually and Yaqi tickled her for a few seconds. Howard gave her a couple of plugs as she was going off to do the nude massage thing. Check out ClubJenna.com for her action figure and new movie.
Howard talked to a couple of the guys who will be playing to win the chance for sex with the mother-daughter whore team. He also talked about how much he enjoyed the movie ''Harry Potter'' which he just watched. Robin thought the movie sucked and couldn't believe Howard liked it. Howard took some more phone calls and killed some time just talking about various things. He talked to a couple of strippers from Club Paradise which is right near the hotel they're staying in. Howard and the guys said they'll be going there to have some fun too.
Jack Gordon and his fiancee were in the audience. His fiancee looked like she'd been beaten up according to Howard but it turns out she just had some surgery on her face and it was healing up.
''Who Wants to Marry a Porn Star'' was the next thing on the agenda. Howard brought in porn star Holly Landers (NYExotics.com) who will marry one of Howard's listeners on the show. He spent a couple of minutes talking to her about the wedding and who she's got in her wedding party. She's got a bunch of porn stars and whores with her. Ron Jeremy will be giving her away at the ceremony. After talking to her about all of that stuff Howard had to take a break before they got to the contestants. Gary said they had 8 contestants at one point but some of them couldn't make it for one reason or another. One guy wasn't allowed to come because he's on parole. Another guy flew out but never showed up for the event.
Howard came back from his break and brought in each of the 4 contestants. Yucko the Clown tried to get in on the fun too but after cursing a couple of times Howard kicked him out. Howard then introduced each guy and spoke to them for a couple of minutes. Here are the contestants:
Howard said goodbye to all of the guys who didn't win and then sent Carl and Holly off to get married. Holly first hugged all of the losers and said goodbye to them. Holly and Carl had to go get their marriage license right away so they could be married before the end of the show.
Howard moved on to Tabitha Stevens (TabithaStevens.com) who was willing to go out on a ''date'' with a lucky listener. Howard spoke to each of the three contestants and had Tabitha pick the one she wanted to play Black Jack. Two of the guys said they hadn't had sex in about 8 years or so. One guy said he had sex just a week ago so Howard eliminated him to Tabitha's dismay. She wanted that guy for some reason but Howard wanted one of the other guys to win. Tabitha ended up picking this guy Sean who works at a grocery store collecting shopping carts. Sean played one hand of Black Jack and ended up beating the dealer 19-18. Sean and Tabitha will be going on their ''date'', which actually meant sex, soon and will fill Howard in on the details in the near future. Howard wasn't allowed to say that they were giving away the chance for sex for legal reasons.
After taking another break Howard came back and had Dominic Barbara come up to place a $5000 bet on a hand of Black Jack. Dominic said if he wins he'll give the money to the World Trade Center victims. He ended up winning just like every other hand they played that morning.
Howard brought in another father-son team who will be playing for the chance to win sex with the mother-daughter whore team. Howard spoke to Brian and Dale about why they're doing this. Howard said he heard that the two of them are ''slow.'' Joe Rogan said they look ''inbred'' or something because they look way too similar. The son, who is 31 years old, was kind of chubby according to Howard. The guy claims that he's never had sex in his life. He's kissed some women but never got past that. He said he's never even had an orgasm. Artie, in a drunken state, said ''that explains the gut!'' The father said that his other kids up and left him for some reason. The son tried to explain what happened but it didn't make all that much sense so Howard moved on. After talking to them for a short time he ended the time with them.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time while they waited for Holly Landers and her fiancee to return to get married. Howard also had video of Jenna giving Lisa her massage. He spoke to Jenna and Lisa about the whole thing and they both enjoyed the experience. Howard heard that Lisa's husband was upset for some reason too. It turns out he wasn't allowed up to the room so he got a little pissed about that. Jenna plugged her blow-up doll and action figure which she's selling on her web site now. Howard joked that Artie is engaged to the plastic torso replica she has.
After the ceremony Howard was starting to wrap up the show when they lost power for a short time. He said he wasn't sure what happened. He ended the show right after that happened and said they'll be back tomorrow to do it all over again.
Henry Hill was there in Vegas so Howard spent some time talking about Henry's history. He then brought him up to talk to him for a short time. Joe Rogan was sitting in again on this show too. Howard spoke to Henry about how he used to fix professional basketball games by paying off a couple of players to throw the game. Henry claims to be sober now but he's said that many times in the past. He still says that he never killed anyone himself but Howard doesn't really believe that. Howard also said that his General Manager Tom Chiusano left Henry to play Black Jack with his money the other night when he had to go to the bathroom. Howard thought he was crazy to do that but Tom said that Henry actually did okay for a little while but then lost the money he was winning. You can check out Henry's web site GoodFellaHenry.com to see what he's up to these days.
Jimmy Kimmel sat in for a while. He said he just got back from 9 days in New Orleans where he was covering the Super Bowl stuff for FOX. Howard said he and the guys went to Club Paradise the night before they today's show and it was a great club. Howard said that Joe Rogan seems to think that he's above the strip club thing. Joe apparently said some things about the women at the club that offended them. He said the first group of girls they had were a little rough.
Gary the Retard was in the audience today and he said he won some bets while he was gambling. Howard found it hard to believe that they actually let him place a bet at all. Yucko the Clown ended up dry humping Gary for some reason while Gary was talking to Howard.
Howard also spoke to Fred the Elephant Boy for a short time. They talked about how Fred spits in people's ears when he tries to talk to them in the noisy casino. Artie joked that he had to get a blood test after he shook Fred's hand because it was so sweaty.
Artie was goofing on Gary the Retard a bit and that led to Gary saying that he wants Jackie back on the show. There was a short chant of ''We want Jackie! We want Jackie!'' from both Gary the Retard and Fred the Elephant boy.
Howard brought in another father-son team who will be trying to play for the chance to ''date'' the mother-daughter whore team Bianca and Lacey. He spoke to them for a short time about what they do and why they want the date. Dad said his wife is okay with the whole thing. Howard said they'll be playing a game tomorrow where one of these teams will win the chance at the date.
Howard killed some time talking to audience members and stuff like that before bringing in model Shaune Bagwell.
Howard was giving away a date with Shaune Bagwell (ShauneBagwell.com). They had a few guys who wanted to win the date. He first spoke to Shaune for a few minutes and then introduced each of the contestants. Here they are:
After talking to Arnold Howard moved on to the big $100,000 bet. GoldenPalace.com put up the money and one lucky person would get the chance to win it in a hand of Black Jack. Howard had a bunch of people who had sad life stories. Each one of them told their story and then Howard and the crew voted on the saddest story. Here are the three contestants and their stories:
Howard decided to give runner-up Gerri a chance to play for $5000 courtesy of RisqueVideo.com since he felt so bad for her. Howard took a break and then came back to play the big hand of Black Jack. Unfortunately Cheryl lost her hand and the $100,000. She had 15, took a hit and busted when she got a 10. The dealer had a 10 showing. Thanks to the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino though, she walked away with $5000. Howard said he had a bad feeling about Cheryl's hand because he'd seen Scott the Engineer up on the stage during the break and the jinx walked by her. He said he didn't want to blame Scott but bad luck really does follow him around.
Gerri came up and played her $5000 hand of Black Jack also. She also lost when the dealer beat her 17 to 16. Once again the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino came through and gave her $5000 like they did with Cheryl.
WWF Wrestler Stacy Keibler came in to let a fan get a chance to win a date with her. Howard spoke to her for a couple of minutes and then introduced the guys who wanted to win the date. Here they are:
Howard took another break and came back to talk to Holly Landers and her new husband Carl about their honeymoon night. The two of them got married on the show yesterday and had their honeymoon last night with a bunch of other women. Holly said they just exchanged phone numbers that morning... after the honeymoon. Holly said that Carl is a great guy so far and she seems to be having fun. Carl said he didn't have sex with his new wife yet. He and the other women all messed around and had fun but Carl didn't get to have sex with Holly. Holly claimed that she was on her period and that's why nothing happened. Carl said he just wasn't trying to go for that anyway. Gary came in and said that Carl was flying out that night and there's no telling when they might consummate their marriage. Carl said he had 17 phone messages from various people when he checked. Apparently his mother was a little upset that he would get married under those circumstances. After talking to the new couple Howard wrapped up the show.
Both Adam Carola and Jimmy Kimmel from ''The Man Show'' were hanging out with Howard during the show. Howard spent some time talking about the night before and how everyone spent their time. Howard went to Club Paradise again with the guys. Howard's buddy Ralph was there and had a strange night out so Howard had him tell his story. KC also talked about winning money on a ''Wheel of Fortune'' slot machine when he was down to his last 25 cents. Artie was drinking a lot and Howard said some people have come up to him and asked if he's worried about his drinking. Howard doesn't seem to be worried and neither does Artie. Ralph said he couldn't believe Artie could still stand up after drinking as much as he drank.
All of the guys ended up on Cindy Crawford's husband's party bus but it turned out not to be that great. Ralph finally got to his story. He thinks he was ripped off by one of the strippers at a club he was at. He remembers having like $200 in his pocket and this stripper had her hands all over him. He ended up with $20 in his pocket so he thinks she ripped him off. Everyone had a quick story to tell about something that happened to them.
Howard said hello to one of the strippers from Club Paradise who was dancing for him during a commercial break. She was wearing see through pants so Howard had to ask her about them. Artie said that she was one of the women who was dancing for him the night before.
Gary said he got a voice mail from a guy who claims that porn star Holly Landers gave he and his 6 buddies oral sex the other night after she got married on Howard's show. Gary also said that Benjy got something from her too before they went to Vegas.
Model Shaune Bagwell and her date Jarvis came in to talk about their date. Howard gave the date away on yesterday's show. Jarvis and Shaune had a good time but Jarvis ended up having more fun with some strippers. Shaune said she doesn't put out on the first date. They both said they were really tired that night so they were kind of laid back. Shaune said she had a great time with Jarvis though.
The mother-daughter date contest was next on the list so Howard introduced each of the 5 father-son teams who wanted to play for the chance to date the mother-daughter whore team from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. The father-son teams included:
Howard spoke to the mother-daughter team who had to stand out in the parking lot because they're not allowed in the casino. Apparently there's some rule about prostitutes not being allowed in a casino. They were ready to whisk the winners away to the Moonlite Bunny Ranch as soon as they won. Howard also said that Scott the Engineer was going to be the dealer because the casino won't allow a real dealer to give away a ''date'' (sex) to someone. Howard took a break first and came back at around 8am to play the game. (see below)
Howard took a couple of phone calls and killed some time talking about Robin for a little while. He also talked to his girlfriend Beth. Beth said she'd be part of the Miss Howard Stern pageant that was coming up. Howard took a break so he could get to the Miss Howard Stern pageant.
After the break Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to L.A. reporter Gary Garver about his divorce. He also spoke to comedian Jim Florentine who said he got kicked out of a club for having sex in a bathroom. He said he was there for three minutes and blew $75 before his girlfriend dragged him into the bathroom to have sex. A bouncer came in and threw them out of the club.
Howard had one other guest to get to before the Miss Howard Stern thing. Joe Francis, the guy who puts out the ''Girls Gone Wild'' videos, was there to talk to him. Gary told Howard the guy has a private jet because he's made so much money. He was willing to offer the jet to the woman who lost the $100,000 bet yesterday so she could fly wherever she needed to. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about the concept of his videos. It's just regular girls flashing their breasts in the videos. Howard said he's thinking of putting out some tapes of his E! show where the girls take their tops off. Joe said his first video was ''Banned From Television'' which Howard and Robin watched many times. Joe said he also puts out the ''Playboy'' party videos that are advertised on Howard's E! show. You can find out more and order the videos at GirlsGoneWild.com
Howard moved on to the Miss Howard Stern pageant and let Joe Francis hang out to be one of the judges. Howard started off with the first contestant who was 40 year old Robin Melanie Kirkendal (spelled wrong I'm sure). Howard was surprised that a 40 year old would enter the pageant but she thought she could win on talent alone. Howard spoke to her for a few seconds and let her sing ''Hit me with your Best Shot.'' She wasn't that bad but the audience booed her for some reason.
The second contestant was Chris Dyer who came out in a thong bikini. She said she used to be a Hooters girl. Her talent was clogging and duck calling. She danced around in tap shoes and then did some duck calls at the same time. Once again the audience booed.
The third contestant, Andrea, was on the show a few weeks ago as the world's hottest and dumbest stripper. She was very nervous for some reason. Gary said she was just as dumb as ever. Howard tried to fool her by telling her that Jimmy was the Vice President. Gary said he heard that she was pretty easy to get up to a room. Apparently she was getting hit on and going back to rooms with guys. She said she wasn't having sex though. Howard asked Andrea a few questions and let her show her talent by reading a poem she wrote. Everyone was booing her and heckling her. The poor girl just kept going. Gary the Retard yelled out that he thought she should win the pageant.
The fourth contestant Jaime Jornt is the daughter of one of the father-son teams that tried to win sex earlier in the show. Howard spoke to her for a short time about her family and how wacky they are. Her mother and father are cool with letting each other have some fun on the side once in a while. Jaime said that she has been a fan of Howard's since she was 12 or so. She sang Pink's ''Get This Party Started'' for the talent portion of her appearance. She had new lyrics which included Howard's name.
The fifth and final contestant was Amber. Howard said she's a lesbian and she has 3 way's with women all the time. Howard spoke to her for a few minutes and even met her wife who was as close to a man as possible according to Gary. Her talent was queefing or making fart sounds with her private parts. She demonstrated that talent for everyone by getting down on a pillow and making her queef sounds along to some music.
After meeting all of the contestants Howard had everyone vote on their favorite. Here's how the voting went... Adam, Robin and Artie all picked Amber as their favorite. Howard's girlfriend Beth picked Jaime. Howard, Fred and Joe Francis all picked Andrea the dumb stripper as their favorite which made it a tie between Amber and Andrea. Jimmy Kimmel was the tie breaker. He thought about it a while and said that the queefing is a talent but it won't last 9 years like the previous Miss Howard Stern so he had to go with Andrea. Andrea won $10,000, the title of Miss Howard Stern and a trip to Paris courtesy of TravelWorm.com. Howard sang to her and congratulated her. All Andrea could say was a very small-voiced, funny sounding ''thank-you.''
Howard moved on to the hand of Black Jack. Shuli lost the hand so he didn't win the ''date'' with Sunset. Howard gave her a couple of plugs for her web site SunsetThomas.tv. He also said she's auctioning off a ''date'' on Estarbids.com just like the other Bunny Ranch chicks are doing.
Howard took one last break and came back to do one last hand of Black Jack. He first let Yucko scream out some anti-semitic slurs to end the week. Howard then said he was going to bet a $1000 chip he won the night before on this one last hand of Black Jack. Everyone else was betting $200 or so. This guy known as Balloon Master was playing for a special $2500 bet courtesy of RisqueVideo.com. Natasha the dealer dealt out the cards and every single person at the table lost to her 20. Howard lost $1000 and the rest of the people lost about $200 or so.
Howard started to wrap up the show by thanking the people who were involved with the show. The girls of Club Paradise, Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carola, Greg Fitzsimmons and others were also thanked. Artie did one last shot of Jack Daniels to end the show. Gary then came in and read off a list of other people who worked really hard on the show this week. All of the web sites and other sponsors got quick mentions too.