Howard said he had a few more people on his private jet going home than he did flying out. A bunch of his buddies wormed their way on to the plane.
Gary said people were asking him what Ralph does for the show because they saw him out there doing nothing. Howard explained that he really doesn't do that much. He was there to unpack Howard's clothing and stuff like that but he doesn't do much else. Gary said one thing Ralph does is tug at Howard's shirt to straighten it out during breaks. Howard said that makes him look busy. He tried to get in on the final hand of Black Jack on the last day there but there were too many other people there so they had to tell him no.
Howard said Ralph is able to latch on to his guests and work his way into celebrity lives. He said Ralph hooked up with the Bumble Bee tuna guy who appeared on the show a couple of times and somehow met Chelsea Clinton. Ralph worked his magic and got invited to a Bill Clinton Christmas party but didn't end up going.
Howard also talked about how strange Dominic Barbara was out in Vegas. He was apparently telling people that he's Howard's lawyer and latching on to Sam Simon who brought ''The Simpsons'' cartoon to TV. Someone said that before Dominic knew who Sam was he just ignored him. As soon as he found out he was Sam Simon he was his buddy all of a sudden.
Howard talked about this group that stopped Artie out in Vegas and gave him their music CD called ''Die Faggot Die.'' Howard said he wants to have the group on the show sometime.
Howard got a plaque from the people at ''Survivor'' that was made by ''Big Tom'' from the last season of the show. The plaque had a raccoon penis attached to it and said ''Good luck'' to Howard. Howard doesn't know what that's all about but it was pretty interesting.
Howard brought up Gary's chocolate eating and how fat he's gotten lately. They goofed on him about that for a short time and said that Artie is getting pretty big too. Some people thought that Artie might have fallen off the (cocaine) wagon while he was out in Vegas but Artie says that will never happen. He still drinks but he claims he won't do coke again.
Howard says Stuttering John is never going on a trip with the show again because he always acts inappropriately. Howard said he heard that John was belching in the dealers face at a one of the tables he was playing at. He also heard that John went to the high roller bathroom and took a nasty dump and stunk it up. Howard said their rooms were right upstairs and he could have gone there. Howard and the other guys all busted on John about all of the inappropriate things he did out there. John tried defending himself but KC saw him doing a lot of this stuff that he was being accused of and his defense was weak.
Howard and the rest of the crew shared stories about what they did when they weren't taping the show out there. Howard's girlfriend showed up on the last day of show tapings so she made a quick appearance on the show. Howard spent the rest of his time out there with her.
Howard finally got an edited version of the ''Die Faggot Die'' album that he talked about earlier in the show. He played a couple of clips and read some of the stuff the band wrote for the CD. The first song was ''Kill Every Gay'' which was a thrash metal song about... you guessed it, killing gays. The second song he played was ''Women's Lib'' which sounded pretty much the same. He played a couple of other clips too but they all sounded very much the same. Howard said he thought the singer was pretty good though.
Howard killed more time talking about some of the news stories they missed while they were out in Vegas. One story was about weather man Spencer Christian who apparently has a gambling problem.
Howard said Sal the Stockbroker and this guy Joey Boots made phony phone calls to Gary's hotel room while he was out in Vegas. Sal called in and said you can hear the calls at SingAndSmoke.com. Sal also plugged his own web site HorseToothJackass.com. Gary goofed on Sal for not having a job at the present time. Sal also told Howard he thought it was a bad idea to have his girlfriend as one of the judges of the big $100,000 bet last week. Howard said he thought it was a good idea because his fans hardly ever hear or see her on the show.
Howard read an article about this woman Marie Massa who came on the show to find a match for Howard earlier this year. The article said that Marie was arrested for aggravated assault on her husband while they were out at a restaurant. Howard read through the whole article and said he has to get her on the phone to find out what that was all about.
Stuttering John claims that he was talking to one of Howard's trainers out in Vegas and the guy told him that the reason Howard isn't bulking up his arms when he's working out is because he's really not trying hard enough. Another one of his trainers claims that because Howard has such long arms it's harder to bulk them up. Howard agrees with that and wanted to know who said he wasn't trying hard enough. John said he couldn't remember the guy's name. The guys also talked about how skinny Howard has gotten lately. John thinks that he's way too skinny and should gain weight. Howard said he thinks he can lose another 5 pounds. Robin told him he's just right and shouldn't lose any more weight.
Howard gave a quick review of the Jennifer Lopez layout in FHM magazine and said that her pictures aren't that great and she doesn't look that good. He also mentioned that his girlfriend Beth's layout should be in the next issue which will be the April issue.
Howard had KC come in to talk about how he almost killed his girlfriend's dog. Howard said he lives in such a horrible place that he's got rat poison laying around the apartment. The dog ended up eating some of it. KC called a vet's office and they had him do some stuff to try and get it to puke it up. That didn't work so they had to bring it to the vet and they got the dog to puke. KC said the dog was fine for a week and then one morning they woke up and found the dog stiff as a board in bed with them. Howard thinks that the poison killed the dog but KC said that the Vet's office told him it could have been something else that killed it. Robin thinks it was the effects of the poison that killed the dog but KC refuses to take responsibility for killing it. Robin thinks it damaged the dog's liver or kidneys and slowly killed it.
KC bought his girlfriend a squeaky guitar toy from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino because he thought she was going to get another one. When he got home she didn't have a new dog but he gave her the squeaky toy anyway. KC said she's still looking to get a new dog. KC said he really did care about the dog and he's actually upset about it dying.
Howard tried getting in contact with the dog psychically as a goof. Fred played some dog barking sound effects so Howard could ''speak'' to the dog. He asked the dog, who barked once for ''yes'' and twice for ''no'', if he blames KC for his death. Of course the dog barked once. Howard also barked yes when Howard asked him if he thought KC was gay and if he's ever seen KC have gay sex.
Howard said Courtney Love called and left him a message the other day. She called to tell him she was with some porn star working on new songs. Howard thought about playing it for us but Courtney told him not to at the end of her message.
Howard's not watching the winter Olympics so the other guys and Robin all filled him in on some of the stuff that's been going on. They spent some time talking about the different events that have been covered so far. Robin then mentioned figure skating and the discussion changed to gay guys in sports. They also brought up Rosie O'Donnell who is apparently coming out with a book (''Find Me'') where she reveals that she's gay.
A listener called in and asked if Howard saw Don Imus on ''The Larry King Show'' last night. Howard said he's gotten a lot of feedback about it but he didn't get to see it himself. Jessica Hahn called in to tell Howard what Imus was doing on the show. She said Imus was complimenting Howard after a caller mentioned his name. Gary asked Jessica when she has time to sleep because it seems like she's always up. She was describing what she does and mentioned her piano playing. Howard said she's really talented and had her demonstrate for Artie who had never heard her. She played some over the phone and Artie didn't believe it was her. Gary said they videotaped her once and it really is her. Howard thinks she should go on tour to play around the country. He thinks she should be naked when she does it though.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of Don Imus on Larry King from last night. The clip Melrose larry played was King complaining about the unfunny calls they get from Stern fans. Howard explained why they are funny and why Larry isn't funny.
Howard took a call from this guy Zolar who saw the E! show last night where Jenna Jameson got tickled by Yaqi. Tonight Tabitha Stevens is featured on the E! show. The rest of the week features the Las Vegas trip.
Howard had the soundtrack album to the movie ''I Am Sam'' which features a lot of big name doing remakes of Beatles songs. After playing the remakes from people like Amy Mann and Michael Penn, Rufus Wainright, The Wallflowers, Eddie Vedder, Ben Harper, Sheryl Crow, Ben Folds 5, The Black Crowes and many others, Artie said he was sold and was going to go out and buy the album this afternoon. Robin liked it a lot too.
Howard played a few voice mails he's gotten lately and then moved on to talk about the new TV show he's got in the works called ''Kane.'' It's not guaranteed to get on the air though. Howard said they have a meeting coming up with the head of CBS comedy and they'll find out if it's going to be an hour long or half hour long show. Howard thinks that it will be a number one show if he gets it on the air.
Howard received word that he was voted ''Best Radio Personality'' by truckers who were surveyed for ''The Trucker'' magazine. Howard said he thinks that's more meaningful than any of the other awards that the radio industry gives out.
Howard noticed that Gary has a lot of crap on his walls in his office so he spent a short time talking to him about that. Gary described a bunch of the stuff he's got hanging there including a couple of gold records from Kid Rock and Fiona Apple.
Howard said he's gotten a lot of letters from women who want to meet Artie. He said he doesn't think Artie should meet women like that so he's just thrown the stuff out. It sounds like Artie would like to meet some women that way though. Fred met his wife through the show so maybe Artie could meet someone. Howard ended up talking about Fred's relationship and how that survived some rough times. Howard also talked about his own failed marriage for a short time. Joe Piscopo's name also came up. Howard claims that Joe ''ruined it'' for guys because he showed up to his divorce trial with his girlfriend on his arm. Howard said the ''future earnings'' rule was created around Joe's divorce and that's how he ruined it for other guys.
Stuttering John came in and said that he's had women come up to him asking about Artie too. Howard said that maybe they'll do a Dial-a-Date for Artie.
Gary was talking about how he was in a shower with model Marcus Shankenberg and actor Matthew Modine but didn't get a look at their penises. Howard thought he must have gotten a look but Gary swears that he made it a point not to look at them because it would have been too obvious. Gary then revealed that he got some kind of foot thing walking around in public showers even though he wears shoes into the showers. He took his shoe and sock off to show Howard what it looks like. The most disturbing thing to Howard was the length of Gary's toe nails. Gary said he knows he has to cut them but no one sees his toe nails. He got some kind of crap on his pinkie toe that spread across his foot. Gary said he has an option of putting cream on his foot for a year or taking a pill that could cause liver failure. He said he's not going to do either thing.
Joey also called Fred as High Pitch Erik which was pretty good. Joey called Gary and said that he had some coke down in Artie's room and invited him down. Gary said he'd be right down but said that he knew it was a phony call. Gary got another couple of calls but they really didn't go anywhere and they didn't really annoy anyone. Howard told him he needs some material to use before he calls them. Howard said they were some of the worst calls he's heard. He played one he made to Joe Rogan and Joe just got pissed. Joey pretended to be Artie but Joe didn't fall for it.
Joey made one to Scott the Engineer as High Pitch Erik and seemed to fool him for a short time. Scott just hung in there and let him do his thing and then hung up on him.
Artie Lange was under another name so Joey wasn't able to get through to him. Howard thanked Joey and got off the phone with him. You can hear all of Joey Boots phony phone calls at SingAndSmoke.com.
Scott the engineer was in so Howard told a story about how he was Dominic Barbara's lucky charm one night. Dominic won like $15,000 that night with Scott at his side. Howard heard that after the lucky streak Scott was complaining that Dominic didn't throw him some cash. Scott said that he never complained about that, he was asked if Dominic threw him some money and he just answered saying ''no.'' No one believed him and Stuttering John claims he can call some people to confirm the story.
Gary and Howard asked him why he didn't say something to her before paying her. He didn't really say anything after she asked for the money. Artie said he was stunned after the money demands so he just gave it up. Stuttering John said he heard that another guy got a $150 prostitute out there so he was overcharged. Artie said she carried about 30 condoms with her so he should have had a clue that she wasn't a regular chick.
Howard then got to Riley's latest story. He claims that he spoke to the aliens last year and they gave him clues to the September 11th disaster. He now claims that they're telling him that more terrorist attacks may take place on the east coast. He warned Canadians to guard their power stations because they may be attacked to cut off power to the east coast.
Riley is also giving away tickets to the mother ship that is by Saturn right now. You can find out more about that at his web site TheComingOfTan.com. You can also find out about his book ''The Coming of Tan;'' on the site.
Howard told Riley that he has a talking bagel, cinnamon-raisin, that told him that there will be armageddon in 2004. He claims that the bagel only talks to him and won't talk to anyone else. Of course Riley is too smart to believe that.
Howard took some phone calls for Riley and one of them was from one of these aliens that Riley talks about. The caller, using a voice synthesizer, told Howard that Riley was just a ''dumb nig*er'' who didn't know what he was talking about. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker. Another caller told Howard that the alien wasn't real and you can get one of those voice synthesizers at Radio Shack. The guy seemed to think that Howard actually thought it was a real alien.
After getting off the phone Howard and the guys goofed on Riley a little bit. Howard said the guy's got an interesting rap but it's just crazy.
Howard told the story about Artie's whore during yesterday's show and they already had a song parody about her to the tune of ''Jessie's Girl'' that he played first thing.
Howard said that he gets mail from people who hear rumors that he's moving to different areas around the country. The latest one said they heard Howard was moving to Warren, New Jersey but Howard says that's not true. He said that happens to him quite often for some reason.
Howard played tape of Don Imus talking about carrying a concealed weapon on Larry King the other night. Imus basically said that if someone broke into his house it would be the first and last time for that person to do that.
Howard got back to Artie's whore and spent some time telling us about that again. He also replayed the song parody that he played earlier. Howard was thinking that Artie's throat might be bothering him because of the whore. They wondered if Artie gave her oral and caught something from her. Artie said he didn't do that to her though. Artie said his mother heard the story on the radio yesterday and she was a little upset about it but Artie told her he thought he was getting a normal chick. The girl Artie is trying to date heard about the story second hand from her sister. Artie said he had a fun day after that story came out yesterday.
Howard said his girlfriend gets reports about stuff he says on the air from her friends who listen. He said it's really weird that they tell her about anything he says about any other women. Gary said he gets the same thing from his wife whose friends tell her half the story. Robin also has similar problems with her man Mr. X.
Artie said this girl he's dating is pretty cool with the whole situation since they're really not a couple right now. Howard joked that he heard that she was billing Artie now for dating him.
Gary said he's actually brought home tape of the show for his wife to let her hear certain things for herself. He said she doesn't usually listen to it though, just seeing the tape is proof enough.
Howard and the crew were talking about TV shows that they're getting burnt out on. Howard said he thinks he's burnt out on ''Fear Factor'' because he's been fast forwarding through all of the talking and he doesn't care how people do in the stunts. He also mentioned ''Temptation Island 2'' and ''Smallville'' as getting old to him. He went into a whole discussion about ''Smallville'' and how they just keep doing the same story each week. Howard made a bunch of suggestions how the producers of the show could fix it. He said they should have him start using his flying powers and start creating his outfit. Right now Clark Kent is just using his running super power. He was also upset that after Clark got shot they showed bruises on him. Howard doesn't think that's right because he's Superman. He said the series started out great but they just keep doing the same stuff every week.
Howard took a call from someone who said they're looking forward to seeing the new season of ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard told the caller that they've been shooting non-stop lately and they've got 3 shows in the can so far. He said they have a lot of special guest stars and a new lifeguard whose character name is Porcelain Bidet. He didn't saw when the new shows would start airing though.
Howard was puzzled by the Academy creating a new category just for animated films. He wondered why they don't have separate categories for comedies and dramas too. Peter said that might be a good idea since comedies don't usually win ''Best Picture'' awards.
Howard moved on to talk about some of the nominations and made his own predictions about who will win the awards. Peter also made a few predictions and talked about some of the people who were nominated. After making a few predictions Howard got back to complaining about not being nominated himself. He kept telling Peter that his movie got the best reviews and yet it was still overlooked by the Academy.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Peter and let some people ask him some questions. Howard also told Peter about Artie's Las Vegas whore. Peter hadn't ''seen that one'' so Howard had to fill him in on the details. Peter didn't seem to know what to say about it though.
One phone caller asked why Peter wouldn't badmouth anyone while he was making his predictions. Howard tried to get him to say something bad about anyone but he would only say that the worst movie he saw was something Christopher Reeve was in back in the early 1980's. Howard asked him to bad mouth a movie or an actor from last year but it just wasn't happening.
Howard received this audio tape from a guy who is upset with Oprah Winfrey for some reason. The guy sent a copy of a tape he sent to Oprah after she didn't respond to a couple of pieces of certified mail he sent to her. Howard played the tape and the guy goes off on Oprah calling her ''Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman of the south.'' He said that he had her on his wall as a role model at one time but since she wasn't responding to his certified mail he finds her disgusting now. The guy kept repeating key phrases throughout his tape and Howard found it fascinating. The guy kept saying the ''negro woman of the south'' line and kept saying that he's ''keeping it real'' over and over again. He also repeated that he was disgusted with her over and over again. He also told Oprah some of his current role models but he kept calling Harvey Firestein ''Harvey Finestein.'' The tape must have been 5 minutes long but he could have said it all in 30 seconds if he didn't repeat himself so much. Howard played the whole tape and couldn't get enough of it. The guy admitted he was gay during his ranting. Howard said he sounded like a cross between Rue Paul and John Hinkley. Howard told Robin that she should pose as Oprah and call the guy to goof on him.
Howard got an article about how Artie may have gotten a strip club in trouble because of his run in with the whore out in Vegas. Some people thought it was the club that all of the guys were visiting but Artie said it wasn't that club.
Howard spent some time talking about the latest news on some terrorist who bought a bunch of weapons and stuff at a Wal-Mart.
King of all Blacks called in and asked Howard if he's going to help out people like Gary and Stuttering John to prepare for his retirement. Howard said everyone is a grown-up there and they can handle their own futures. He's not going to counsel them or anything like that. They all know Howard is planning on leaving in 4 years so they have to do their own thing. Howard said he thinks Gary would have the toughest time after the show is over. After talking about it though, he said Gary could probably produce for another radio show or something.
Howard ended up talking about how he's hated by people in show business. Everyone had theories on why he's hated so much. Gary said that a lot of people's lives would be perfect without Howard around. He mentioned Kathie Lee as one example. Jealousy was another thing that they brought up as why people seem to hate him so much.
A listener called in and asked Howard if any of his old video tapes are available to buy because his local video rental store doesn't carry any of them. Howard said they're not available anymore but sometimes you can find them used on ebay.com. He said he'd like to bring some of those out again sometime. The channel 9 (WWOR) TV shows are still being held hostage by someone at the station who was there back when Howard first aired them. There's a lot of hostility toward him for some reason and they won't release them to Howard so he can put them out for us.
At one point in the interview Howard freaked out because his general manager Tom walked in and gave Robin some roses for Valentine's day. Howard went off on him for interrupting his show. He finally settled down and got back to Dr. Fleming.
Dr. Fleming said he believes that George Clooney has had some kind of hair thing done at some point in his life but he doesn't know exactly what it was. He and Howard also talked about other celebrities like Al Pacino and Joan Rivers who have had ''too much'' plastic surgery. Dr. Fleming also had a list of the most popular features of celebrities that his patients ask for. People will request eyes, jaw lines and other stuff from their favorite celebrities. Howard read through a bunch of those which included the body of Britney Spears, the jaw line of Sandra Bullock and the jaw line of Johnny Depp.
When Howard asked about the surgery Cher has had the Dr. Shut his mouth and refused to comment. That led Howard to believe that he's done some of that work. The other names Fleming refused to talk about were Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Stuttering John came in and said he thinks Brad Pitt had a skin peel because his acne scars have cleared up.
Howard took a couple of calls and one woman asked what happened to Farah Fawcett's face. Fleming said that she's had some tough times in the past few years and they've taken a toll on her. Dr. Fleming didn't do any work on Farah so he was willing to talk about what he thinks happened to her. Another caller said he thinks Howard has plugs and was willing to bet on it. He asked Dr. Fleming if he thinks Howard has plugs but the amount of money Howard was willing to put up made it sound like he doesn't have plugs.
Howard had asked Dr. Fleming what they could do about Gary's gummy smile. The doctor said he can do a lip relaxing thing that would keep it from showing so much gum when he smiles. Porn star Tabitha Stevens called in and said she spoke to a surgeon about it and they told her it would be a bad idea because she'd have to be wired shut and bones would have to be broken. Dr. Fleming said it is possible that if her upper jaw protrudes then that might be true but it's rare. Howard said he'd never go as far as having his jaw broken to make him look better.
Gary asked if there are any older women in Hollywood who look great but haven't had any surgery. Dr. Fleming said that's unlikely. He did say he believes that Pamela Anderson hasn't had any surgery other than her breasts though. He also thinks that Heather Locklear and Madonna have had some work done. You can find out more about Dr. Fleming at BevHills.com
Gary kept hounding her about the disease thing during the interview and that's what set Howard off. He said of course she doesn't care about being tested, she's a whore! That hurt her feelings for some odd reason.
Gary went out in the hallway and tried to get her back in the studio. Howard tried to get the E! audio feed so he could hear what Gary was saying but it wasn't working. The girl ended up coming back in. Gary offered her $500 to get topless but Howard said that wasn't enough. Howard said $300 and she has to get down to her panties. She also demanded that they not call her a whore anymore. They finally settled on her getting topless in a bikini bottom for $300. Plus, they couldn't call her a whore anymore. She came in, got a bikini bottom and came out to show her top.
Howard was afraid of losing her again so he kicked Stuttering John out because he was still making dumb comments. Howard was also upset that Gary let the hooker use his private bathroom to get changed. He's paranoid about germs and it upset him a little bit. She came out and took her top off. KC thought her breast implants were too big until he saw them out of their harness. Howard said she had a great body and she's good looking and that's all that counts in life. Howard also tried to get her to let them throw stuff at her. She agreed to let them throw marshmallows at her for an extra $100. It turns out they didn't have any to throw so Howard asked if they could smear her ass with mayonnaise and throw baloney at her. She wouldn't allow that. She also said she wouldn't show her ass for any amount of money. She also claims that she hasn't hooked since before Christmas and she's now a ''born again virgin.'' No one understood that. She said she's really horny right now and she's looking for a guy to fall in love with. She said she's never going to hook again. Howard later said that with her attitude she'll probably end up hooking again. He also wondered why she didn't just become a stripper instead of a whore. She said she's too klutzy and she falls a lot so that's out of the question.
Another caller asked when the Miss Howard Stern contest will air on E!. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said it's airing next week. The E! coverage is going over 5 days because they have so much to cover.
Howard spent a short time talking about the French judge who says he was pressured by the Russians to vote for their figure skating team in the Winter Olympics. Howard said the French are ''just ridiculous'' and shouldn't even be dealt with. He said he feels bad for the other teams in the competition because they worked so hard. He read that the voting won't be overturned even though this scumbag admitted he was coaxed into voting for the Russians.
Howard went off on this guy Dr. Phil who yells at people on the Oprah Winfrey show. Howard's not allowed to play tape from Oprah's show anymore because they sent him a cease and desist after he goofed on the guy a few times. Howard did have tape from his appearance on ''The Tonight Show'' with Jay Leno though. He played a few clips and goofed on Dr. Phil once again calling him a ''phony.'' Artie and Howard both goofed on the guy for a little while. Howard said he's ''sickened by him'' and called him a ''stupid clown face'' at one point. This also led to Howard talking about how he sometimes gets bitter about his own failed marriage. He said he sometimes wakes up in the morning and wants his cars and house back from his ex-wife. A little earlier he'd said he had to borrow his housekeeper's car to go pick up his daughters because they don't like when he shows up in the limo. That's what led to a woman calling in and asking Howard if his wife still has his cars and house.
Howard said he had his big telephone conference with CBS about the new show ''Kane'' that he's got in development and it went very well. Ron Zimmerman, who writes the show, was in on the conference as well as Howard's agent and a few other people. He said meetings like that usually don't go well but he said he was encouraged by the call and things are looking good for the show.
Artie has been using all of these real and fake Italian phrases on the show lately. This morning he was spouting off a bunch of them like he was doing in Vegas when he'd drink. He and Howard just made stuff up that sounded kind of Italian but wasn't.
Howard got back to his Valentine's day story. He said that he gave Beth a gift and he got some stuff from her. Howard said they ate first before opening the gifts. Howard gave her earrings that match a bracelet he gave her some other time. Beth got him a picture frame with a picture of both of them in it and an incense burner that he likes and a few other things. Howard didn't want to get into what they did after dinner and gifts.
Robin said she and Mr. X had a nice day too. Mr. X got some brownies from Robin and she got a ''huge bouquet'' of roses from him. They spent the afternoon together and ran errands and stuff like a couple.
A listener called in after all of this Valentine's Day stuff and asked Howard when he lost his balls. Howard said he was never romantic in his life before so now he's making up for it. He said he's trying to embrace his nice life now and he's enjoying it.
Howard played some angry voice mails he's gotten lately. This one guy calls in constantly and talks about everything he dislikes. He complains about everything from Oprah to Artie Lange's clothing. Other calls included a guy who kept repeating ''Jew Bastard'' over and over again and a call about Artie's Las Vegas whore story.
Howard spent a short time talking about people who have left the show in the past year or so. The two names that were brought up were Crackhead Bob and Jackie ''The Joke Man'' Martling. Howard and Gary went over what happened to Bob and how he thought being on the show was a bad influence on him. The Jackie story was also retold. Stuttering John and Gary said Jackie hasn't called either of them since Christmas time and they were pretty close to him. John said Jackie never did figure out what happened even though it was very clear to everyone else that he left the show, was given the chance to come back and he blew it.
Stuttering John came in and told a story about an upcoming vacation he'd planned a month ago. He made reservations for his kid to ski up in Vermont. He thought everything was all set but last night he got a call from the company and they told him the ski school was all booked up. He told the woman that the whole reason he was going was for his kid to ski. Then he asked her if it would help if he told her he was from the Howard Stern Show. That set her off and said that just ruined it. She told John she didn't think that he could possibly care for his family because Howard treats his family so poorly. John said he then spent a few minutes trying to convince her that Howard isn't a bad guy. He now says that he's thinking of suing the company that this woman owns because of all of this. Howard told him that was a good idea because it sounds like discrimination now that she said what she said about him.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in to talk about getting married yesterday. Howard and the guys wondered why Dominic would rush to get married for a third time after 2 failed marriages. Dominic married his second wife on the day he got his divorce from his first wife. He and his second wife split about a year ago and now he's married once again. Even Dominic admits if he heard that kind of story from a client, he'd tell them to get some help. Dominic doesn't believe that Howard will never get married again. Howard swears that he won't get married and he won't even live with another woman. He said his kids can move in but he's not going to have his girlfriend living with him. He said he's in love with himself. He said he hasn't even given Beth a key to his apartment. She can sleep over as many nights a week as she wants to but she doesn't live there.
Jessica Hahn called in to give some advice on relationships. She's been with this guy Ron for 10 years now and they don't live together. She's got her own home and he's got his. She told Howard he's got the right idea and he should stick to it. She also thinks that people who get married so quick, like Dominic, aren't happy with themselves so they have to latch on to someone else to stay distracted. Dominic said he felt like he was in the ''Twilight Zone'' getting advice from Jessica Hahn.
Jessica apparently had some news about the Robert Blake's wife murder thing but she wouldn't talk about it on the air with Howard. Gary heard it off the air and wanted her to share it with Howard but she wouldn't for some reason. Howard said it was probably slanderous information anyway so he just put her on hold and let John get the info for him.
Elliott and his 19 year old girlfriend Nadia came in. As soon as Robin said one word to Elliott he went off on her. He was yelling and calling her a ''bull dog'' and a lot of other stuff as the two of them went at each other. Howard said Nadia was really hot and way too hot for Elliott. Nadia claims that they really are a couple. She said that women are always staring at him when he runs 17 to 20 miles a day. Howard said that's because he's dressed like a woman.
Howard said he doesn't believe that the two of them have ever kissed or made love. Elliott said that he just met her a few weeks ago and wouldn't talk about having sex with her. Howard tried to get her to swear that she was actually with the guy but she refused. Elliott wouldn't let her do it either. Elliott did cop a feel at one point and said that no one else in the studio could do that. Howard and Artie said that Nadia looked like she was scared for her life.
Elliott went on and on ranting and raving about how everyone in the studio is out of shape. He really went crazy on Robin who he said has ballooned. He claims that he's going to live 180 years and has written a book about how he's going to do that.
Howard just wanted the two of them to kiss each other but they refused. Howard was just trying to prove that they are't a real couple. Howard said she wouldn't kiss him because she hates him. He asked Nadia if she knew what Elliott's favorite food was. She didn't know so Howard said it's penis. He said Elliott is more likely to want to kiss KC than Nadia.
Elliott ended up walking out of the studio with Nadia for some reason. Howard then tried to wrap it up and said he was done with the whole thing. Gary said Elliott was out in the hall trying to convince the girl to kiss him but she was refusing.
Howard wanted to get Nadia back in the studio alone but Elliott wouldn't have it. They came back in and did kiss each other. Gary said she looked like a clown after the kiss because he was wearing so much makeup. Someone said it looked like a rape. They also said it was obvious that Nadia didn't enjoy the kiss. Robin said the only person who enjoyed it even less was Elliott himself. Howard said you had to see the look on her face when he kissed her. She was apparently repulsed by it but wouldn't admit it. Howard gave Elliott his plug and ended the interview. Robin and Elliott had one last yelling match before the commercial break.
To get Elliott's photos and book ''Living the Optimum Life for 180 Years'' you can call 1-212-988-8882.
Howard went through a list of celebrities she's been romantically linked to but she said all of the guys he mentioned were just friends of hers.
Howard also said he read that she's very difficult to deal with on her show. He read that she showed up late so much that the syndication company actually charged her for being late and since then she's showed up on time. Ananda said that wasn't quite true. She said she is late sometimes because she has a hard time getting into the city from New Jersey. She said she is also hard to deal with because she wants her show to go just right and she's not afraid to say something if it doesn't.
Howard took a few phone calls for Ananda and talked to her about a few other things before getting to the Gossip Game.
Mike Walker called in and played his weekly Gossip Game with the crew. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Jim also talked about his girlfriend and how he had her pretend to be a non-English speaking housekeeper. The two of them did a role playing thing and had sex. Jim said he told her not to talk to him because she wasn't supposed to understand english. He also held off on having sex with her because she was actually cleaning up his house.
Howard said he role plays with his girlfriend too. He said he plays a massage boy at a hotel and his girlfriend begs him for sex. Massage boy tells her that he doesn't want to have sex with her because she'll tell on him. He said it always ends up the same too. He has sex with her and she calls the hotel and tells on him.
Jim is appearing at The Stress Factory comedy club in New Brunswick, New Jersey tonight and tomorrow night with Stuttering John and KC Armstrong. You can also visit his web site JimFlorentine.com for more info and clips of some of his phony phone calls.