Robin asked Howard if he saw ''The Sopranos'' last night because she thought it was horrible. Howard said he only saw 20 minutes of it and didn't want her to spoil it for him. Stuttering John came in and said it was pretty disappointing. Gary then came in and said that Robin has brought in pictures of her cats before so his pictures of the dog aren't that unusual. Howard went on to talk about how he found this breeder. Gary asked Howard if he will continue to go to the dog shows like he was doing while researching the dogs. Howard said he probably won't but he may go because he does have friends in the Bulldog community now. Stuttering John asked Howard if he's going to clean up after the dog himself. He kept calling the dog ''him'' so Howard had to correct him a bunch of times. John has a male dog so that's why he kept making that mistake. Howard said Beth has been the one picking up the dog crap so far. He hasn't had a chance to do that himself yet. Howard talked about how he's been taking the dog out to get her into a routine. He said he's been taking her out like 7 times a day but eventually she'll just need to go out 3 times.
Stuttering John congratulated Howard about getting the dog. Gary wondered if the dog knows how lucky she is to have been picked by Howard. Howard said he told the dog when he picked her up that he was going to name her Lucky because she was the luckiest dog in the world. Stuttering John then asked Howard how expensive the dog was. Howard said she is a show quality dog so Gary guessed $2500 or so. Howard said he was a little high and then said that it was actually $2000. Howard said they have to go through a lot just to get the dogs pregnant so that's one reason they're so expensive.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that there's no way Howard is going to walk this dog every day. Howard said he loves walking dogs and it's not going to be a problem. He told Dominic that he should get a dog so he can get a little exercise. Howard said he's got people who will help him take care of the dog when he's not around. He goofed on Dominic a bit and said that he really doesn't know him as well as he thinks he does. Howard ended up changing subjects and asked Dominic when he's going to pay off the bets he has with Artie and Robin that he's been putting off for months now. Howard spent a couple more minutes goofing on Dominic and then hung up on him.
Crazy Cabbie called in and congratulated Howard on his dog. He spent a minute talking about that and then Gary came in and said he may have big news about the search for Cabbie's parents. This has been going on for years and they just found out they'll be getting an e-mail today about what's going on. Gary said he's going to get an e-mail that may or may not tell him who Cabbie's mother is and whether or not she's alive. Cabbie got back to his girlfriend's dog, Diva, and talked about her for a little while. He was also asking Howard some questions about Bianca. Howard said he almost named the dog Diva because her name was Reba.
Gary mentioned that Howard went out to dinner with William Shatner on Friday night. Howard said he'd talk about that later because he had to take a commercial break. Howard played with some Star Trek sound effects for a few minutes before actually taking the break.
Howard changed subjects and said that he asked William Shatner to go to Nobu with him on Friday. He then interrupted the segment to say that Adam Carolla was joining them this morning. He was live via ISDN line. Adam didn't sound so thrilled to be on though. He must have been tired or something. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Adam and then got back to the Shatner story. Howard has turned down dinners with people like Tom Green and Steve Martin in the past so Robin said she wasn't so sure he was going to go with Shatner. Howard said Shatner brought his wife and another person. Howard said he called Shatner and invited him out to the dinner. He wasn't sure what to call him but most people seem to call him Bill so that's how he referred to him. Howard said that Bill's wife is a really nice person. Adam asked Howard if Shatner's ex-wife ever came up in discussion. Howard said they did talk about Shatner's ex-wife Nareen, and Shatner accidentally called his new wife by the ex's name. Howard said she got over it though. Howard said Shatner's wife looks very young sitting next to him. Howard said that Shatner also brought along someone from Priceline.com.
Howard said that Heather Locklear was at the restaurant at the same time so she came over and said hello to both of them. She worked with Shatner on ''TJ Hooker'' when she was only 19 years old. Howard said it was a quick visit though so he wasn't sure if she likes him or not. Shatner claims that they get along well though.
Howard said Shatner picked up the tab that night so he was happy since he's not used to that.
Howard interrupted that story when he found out that Penthouse Pet of the Year Sunny Leone was there. He said they have the Wheel of Sex to play with her. He went over some of the stuff that was on the wheel and then said he also has to play the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest finalists. He had a whole bunch of things to do today. He mentioned that Jerry Springer has a Christmas song out so he had to play that. Howard said he couldn't believe what he heard and then played it. Howard said it's supposed to be funny but it's not. Howard also wondered why a Jewish guy is putting out a Christmas song. Robin said ''this is horrible'' after hearing a couple of lines. Howard also had the latest Corey Feldman Christmas song that he played the other day. That's a remake of ''Jingle Bell Rock'' that's pretty horrible. Howard goofed on that for a short time and then took another commercial break.
Howard asked Sunny if her pictures were airbrushed at all because her private parts looked really pretty. She said they didn't and that's really her.
Howard asked Sunny if she'd be willing to spin the Wheel of Sex while she's there. She wasn't sure she wanted to do that though. She said she's seen the show before when people have done it. Howard read the choices on the wheel and she wanted to pass on the spin and just have Howard spank her. Here are the things that were on the wheel:
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Sunny about her Penthouse Pet of the Year win and how she found out she won. She said she found out a few weeks ago and cried when she found out. Howard told her that this is the height of her career and there's no where else to go from there. She said there are places she can go from there but the guys said the only thing left is porn movies. They also pointed out that they had a former Penthouse Pet on the show who is now working at a whore house.
Howard spent a short time asking Sunny about the chicks she's been with. She said that she had a slumber party one time with like 15 chicks. They got a male stripper and had some fun together. Adam Carolla heard this and said ''I'm going to spank you so good...'' and then said that he was actually talking to his penis, not to Sunny. Howard then ended up talking about how he had to whack it the other night because Beth was sleeping and he couldn't fall asleep himself. He hadn't masturbated in such a long time that he didn't have any good porn to look at to get off to. Howard said he was going to do it at his computer table but figured that if Beth saw him she'd think he was whacking it to computer porn. He said even after he did whack off he couldn't fall asleep because he was so charged up about getting the dog. He told the story to let Sunny know how sweet it was that he wanted that dog so much.
Howard got back to the story Sunny was telling about the slumber party. She went on to talk about the party and what went on. She told Howard what she was wearing and what the other girls were wearing at the party. She was jumping ahead quite a bit so Howard had to slow her down so she'd give more details. She talked about the girls drinking and the male stripper they had at the party. She also talked about how it became a lesbian party after a couple of chicks started making out with each other. Sunny said one girl started running around with a 10 inch strap-on too. Howard interrupted the story to talk about Sunny's light skin and what her father looks like. Adam interrupted that and told them to get back to the strap-on story. Howard said Adam's right and got back to that stuff. Sunny continued to tell the story and how more and more women started making out at the party. She said she started touching herself while she was watching it go on. She said most of the women left but two others stayed and wanted to fool around. She said they all started taking each other's clothes off and touching each other. She said she picked up a strap-on to use on the other girls. She said they were all performing oral on each other and then she put on the strap-on. She said it was so big that it didn't fit though. She said they all tried it and it just didn't fit.
Howard had Sunny come over to him so he could spank her. He told her to say something or he'd spank her harder. She wanted that though so she kept telling him to spank her harder. He said she smelled really good while he was doing that. He wrapped up the interview shortly after that. Check out Sunny's web site at SunnyLeone.com.
Howard started to talk to Steve about how annoying he's been around the station this morning but then he lit his head on fire for a few seconds. Howard tried to stop him but it was too late. A few seconds later Howard was complaining about the burnt hair smell.
Howard asked Steve O what the movie ''Jackass'' made in the theaters. He said it was like $63 million and it hadn't gone international yet. Robin read something about Steve snorting salt to impress some woman. It turns out he was on the show Blind Date and ended up getting her a couple of months later. He bragged that he got to bang her but it only happened once. He said she wouldn't return his calls after that. Steve said she's a ''lingerie model'' which usually means she's a stripper. Howard said when a woman says she's a lingerie model, her face is usually busted.
Howard said that the last time Steve was on he said he didn't have a signed contract for the ''Jackass'' movie. Steve said he got the up-front money but still hasn't signed a contract. He didn't want to talk about the situation though. Steve said he's making money doing live shows around the country. He said he gets really drunk before the shows and has a lot of fun doing the shows. Howard said he has to get drunk to do all of the crazy stunts he does. Howard said he thinks Steve will end up with arthritis and crap when he gets older. Adam said that Steve is just sacrificing himself for the people like Jesus did. Steve said he thinks he's cooler than Jesus.
Howard got back to the money thing but Steve still wasn't talking about the contract. He said he thinks he may have his own TV show called ''Alpha Male'' that will be on MTV. He said he and Chris Pontius will be doing that show. He and Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the live shows he does and some of the crazy stunts he performs in those.
Steve talked about all of the staple holes he has in his body and the other injuries he has. Adam told him he should try taping his nuts to his leg instead of stapling them like he does now. Howard said he doesn't know how he can do that because it's the most sensitive skin on the male body. Steve O has a new DVD coming out tomorrow, Steve O Video Volume 2, and it's already gone platinum.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Steve has been hanging out with Val Kilmer lately. Howard wondered how anyone can hang out with Steve because he's all over the place. Steve said he and Val have fun hanging out. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how they met on a movie set.
Steve O was all over the place talking about using PCP and how he found God and all of this other crazy stuff. He said he didn't really find ''God'' but something he's just calling miracles. He said that all of these miracles have been happening around him and that's what he's calling ''God.''
Howard spent a couple more minutes with him and then wrapped up and took another commercial break. Check out SteveOVideo.com for more on that new video.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about United Airlines filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy. Robin said that she has a flight booked for her Christmas vacation and it's with United. She's supposed to fly to London during that time so they spent a couple of minutes talking about how the airline will probably have to cut back somewhere and it might be more than just peanuts and drinks.
Howard took a phone call from one guy who complained about the new Jackie the Joke Man commercials that have been running during Howard's E! show. He said it's like a slap in Artie's face. Jackie has a new joke box that has over 1000 of his infamous jokes in it. The guy wondered if Howard could put a stop to the commercials. Howard told the guy he doesn't care if Jackie runs commercials during his show. He even played audio from the commercial a couple of times to let everyone hear what Jackie is up to now. Stuttering John came in and said that Jackie has started calling him again. He hadn't called him in like 2 years. Howard said that's good because it means there's some healing going on.
Howard took another call from a guy who got screwed out of a prize he'd won on the show a couple of months ago. While the guy was asking for Howard's help he asked Howard if he'd ever have Jackie on the show as a guest. Howard said ''sure, I'd have Jackie on'' and he'd do a reunion show. He said he'd spend all four hours on that if Jackie would come on. Howard moved on to Kim Kelly after the Jackie discussion.
Howard and the guys asked her a bunch of questions about this wacky diet and then gave her a plug for the web site where guys can volunteer to donate their man juice. She doesn't have enough to just live on that alone though. That's why she needs more volunteers. She was supposed to start the diet on the first of the month but she doesn't have quiet enough to live on. Howard asked her if she has ever tried eating her own boogers instead of the man juice. She said she hasn't done that. Howard jokingly said he's tried booger casseroles.
Howard said he'd be interested in talking to Kim when she's living on the man juice alone. It turns out she's given up on the whole thing until next month.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from some guys who wanted to donate their man juices. She said you can go to ManJuiceDiet.com and find out how to participate.
Howard took a couple of other phone calls for Kim and then had her get on the studio scale. Howard said she still weighs 238 pounds even though she'd been on the diet for a week. She said she needs that man juice and wants Howard to help her get it. He wrapped up the segment a short time after the weigh in. You can also check out BBWLive.com for more on Kim.
Howard moved on and said tomorrow they'll be doing Celebrity ''Win Fred's Money'' with Jason Alexander. Rob Schneider will be on later in the week and they have a former breast implant winner coming in to show her new breasts. He also said that they have Stacy Rucker coming in to perform her new song while nude. They also have Carly Simon coming in and the Winter Intern Beauty Pageant is also coming up. Porn star Mary Carey is returning to try and redeem herself after having to flush her head in the toilet when she couldn't answer a few simple questions.
Howard goofed on Jerry Springer's new music for a few minutes and then moved on to KC who has a spot on a cable TV show where he's a guest handicapper for horse racing. KC said it's a good gig and he's getting a little money for it. Howard played a clip and spent a couple of minutes talking to him about it. KC made a bunch of picks but told Howard he only got one of the 10 or so right. Howard moved on to Robin's news after that.
Howard said he's been discussing this obsession problem with his psychiatrist and it seems to come from his mother. He and the guys talked about that for a few minutes. Gary said he tries not to act like his parents did with him. He said he tries not to yell at his kids like his parents did.
Howard changed subjects and spent a few minutes talking about the season finale of ''The Sopranos.'' Howard said it didn't feel like a season ending episode. Everyone talked about what went on in that episode and how much of a let down the show was.
While they were talking about ''The Sopranos'' they mentioned Fred's wife's store that she used to have. Howard asked her what happened to that. He said that 9/11 did it in and she no longer has the store. Howard joked that 9/11 was a blessing to Fred because his wife wasn't running the store anymore. Howard then said he was down by ground zero not too long ago and he was blown away by how large that area was where the World Trade Center was. He said it's 14 acres just like the size of Billy Joel's house out on Long Island. He ended up talking about Billy Joel for a few minutes before getting to ''Survivor.'' Howard and the guys talked about how lame this season seems to be. Gary talked about how there are no ''villians'' in this season and he just doesn't seem to care about any of the contestants this season. They talked about some of the people on the show and the unusual things that they've done.
Robin managed to get the dog statue she was talking about earlier and gave it to Howard. He said he'd be able to get some sleep with that dog. He took it out of the box and admired it for a short time. He said it actually looks like his real dog. Howard was talking to it as if it was the real thing for a few seconds.
Howard had to take a break but he said they have Al Goldstein calling in as well as some other guests including a couple from a show called ''Extreme Makeover'' and Jason Alexander who will be taking on Fred in ''Win Fred's Money.'' Howard also ended up talking more about his Friday night dinner with William Shatner a little more. He told the story yesterday and said he heard from some of his friends that they were jealous that he got to have dinner with him. After that he took a break.
After the break Howard said that Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne are going to come in later this week. He said that really pleases him because they haven't been on much lately. He said he used to have them on back when no one else wanted them and he'd like to think that they'd get paid back for being loyal.
Gary mentioned that Cabbie has been getting a lot of tattoos lately and he's covering up his body for some reason. Howard said he's on some kind of rampage with the tattoo thing. Gary told Howard that he thinks that Robin might be the person who should call this woman because she has more finesse than he does. Robin said it's a horrible position to be in because they have no idea how this person is going to react. Howard asked Gary if Cabbie was the oldest of the children. Gary checked his notes and it turns out Cabbie is the middle child. He's not sure if the woman kept the other two kids though. Howard said just knowing Cabbie's birth name was pretty freaky.
Gary said he tried calling the woman yesterday but there was no answer or answering machine at the number. He said he's going to try and call today around 8 or 8:30. Howard had Stuttering John call Cabbie to get him on the air to talk about this. Gary said that the people who got him all of this information are so scary that they had his maternal grandmother's address and phone number. He then realized that she's actually dead.
Cabbie was on the phone and barely awake. Howard started breaking the news to him. He told him about the grandmother, the brother and the sister and the fact that he's the middle child. Howard then joked that Cabbie was a Kennedy. He filled Cabbie in on the details of everything else too. He said he's dying to have this reunion. Howard said it was really freaky knowing his real birth name and then asked Cabbie if he wanted to know it. He said that he wanted to know but Howard had him guess at it. It turns out his first name was Timothy... Crazy Timothy. Howard said when you put his full name together it seems regal. He then told Cabbie his middle name was John. He went on to tell Cabbie that his mother is 55 years old and still alive. Howard asked him if it was freaking him out or not. Cabbie said it hasn't sunk in yet so it's no freaking him out yet. He said he's not going to start going by Timothy John or anything like that though. Gary told Cabbie that he just realized he's also an uncle.
Cabbie said the good thing about this is the health thing. He can now find out if his family has a history of cancer or anything like that. Gary said the info he has is kind of random so he has the height and weight of his brother's wife. Howard said he doesn't want to know that though. Howard asked Cabbie if when he meats his sister, if she'd be willing to play ''It's Just Wrong'' with him. Cabbie just laughed.
Howard took a call from this guy Jeff who claims he used to work for the Rikki Lake show and used to call people in situations like this. He told Howard it's a tricky situation and it can ruin people's lives. He said they used to do all kinds of wacky things to let people know about this stuff. The guy said you just have to do it and hope for the best. Cabbie said it's a roll of the dice and you don't know what's going to happen. Jeff said that they may have to entice the woman with a free trip to New York or something like that to get her to come out. Gary said he doesn't have a problem doing that. Jeff said that some people will hang up if they want nothing to do with their kids but they used to call back a few days later to try again. He said they'd keep calling until the people threatened to call the police. Howard thanked Jeff for calling in and got back to Cabbie.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy wanted to guess what Cabbie's last name was. He said it was probably Spa... Tim Spa (a reference to the Trim Spa product Cabbie is always promoting). The guys thought that was pretty funny. Howard took another call from a guy who wants to know the name of the company they used to find Cabbie's parents. Gary said the company doesn't want any publicity for this so they didn't give it out on the air. Howard told the guy they'd give it to him off the air.
Gary asked Howard what his opening line should be when he calls this woman. Howard told him what he should open with and how he should go about it. Howard wondered when they should bring up the drug use, rehab, gay sex stuff and all of the other wacky things Cabbie has done in his life. Gary said that can wait until they meet. Howard said he's not going to give Cabbie his last name until he meets his birth mother. Cabbie said that's probably best because he might start looking for her himself then.
Cabbie got in a plug for the big K-Rock Claus Fest concert that they've got coming up. He said there are still tickets available for the concert and they have some great bands playing in it. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard had a new High Pitch Erik phony phone call to play. He called a Mexican restaurant and said that the spices in the food caused his voice to get f'd up. He argued with the guy who answered the call for a minute before the guy hung up on him after saying that he's probably a homo.
Howard had Al Goldstein on the phone so he could talk to him about the wacky letter he published in his magazine ''Screw'' where he bashes his son. Howard mentioned some of the stuff Al wrote in this letter and told him how crazy it was to do something like that to his son. He basically accuses his son of being a thief and asks the New York Bar Association not to let his son in because of that. Howard also brought up the stuff Al wrote about the amount of money he spent on his son supporting him through his life. Al told Howard he wants to adopt some other people as his son because his real son is a ''common thief.'' He said he doesn't even want his son using his last name anymore. He went on and on making accusations about his son that Howard didn't want him to mention on the air. Howard told Al it seems sad to him that he has a son that he can't get along with. Howard said he thinks Al is a difficult guy to get along with. He said he's sure it's no easy for his own kids to get along with him but he doesn't cut them off if they don't agree with him on something. Al argued with Howard about the whole thing for a little while. Howard then took some phone calls for him. A bunch of people called in to complain about Al. One guy complained about the tips he leaves at the restaurant he works at but Al denied ever being there. Another guy called in and said that Al is a ''typical Jew bag'' and yelled at him for a few seconds.
Howard said he feels bad for Al and wants him to come in with his son to straighten things out. Al said he'll be in the city next week with his new 27 year old girlfriend. Howard told him to come in with his son then. Howard got off the phone with Al and blasted a nasty fart before taking a commercial break.
After the break Adam Carolla was finally awake and on the show. Howard said earlier that they weren't able to wake Adam up. Adam said that his alarm went off at 3:30am and he just shut it off and fell asleep. He said he went to bed at 1:30 so he didn't get that much sleep.
Howard played a new ''The Onion Radio News'' phony news bit where they talk about magazines that are doing special sex issues. After playing the bit Howard talked about the issue of Movieline he did when his movie came out that was one of those ''sex'' issues. He said there were a bunch of those sex issues out around the same time. Robin interrupted and said that they might have to go over the ''bases'' of sex again because she thought they'd changed. She watched some report on a news show where they said that third base was getting a hand job or oral. Howard told Robin that it's always been that way though.
Howard moved on and read some e-mail that they've gotten. Some people are happy that Artie is away for a few days this week. Howard also said that people want to see some pictures of his dog so he said he'd put some up on HowardStern.com sometime soon. He said Beth is bringing the dog in tomorrow so they'll also have footage for the E! show. Howard got some e-mail about a bunch of other things too. One person wrote in and complained that E! bleeped the word ''bush'' while Howard was interviewing Brooke Burke.
The girls said that their lives have changed since their makeovers. They said they get noticed a lot more now that they've had the work done. Howard asked them how hold they were. Stacy is 31 and Stephanie is 24. Howard had them get up and checked them out again. He said they both have to lose a little weight. He said Stacy needs to lose 10 pounds and Stephanie needs to lose 20.
The girls said that there is a third person on the show but it's a guy. They said that they gave the guy a tummy tuck and a nose job. Howard wrapped up the interview less than 10 minutes in. Howard said he knows that they could take a woman and turn her into a Carmen Electra like they did with Brittany Murphy. The girls said that the doctor who did their nose jobs was Dr. Fisher who is Brooke Burke's husband. Howard checked out their asses as they walked out. He brought up this woman he saw on some show who spent like $230,000 on plastic surgery to look like Barbie.
Howard said he can't believe how cruel some of these entries were.
Howard took a call from a 10 year old kid who said Howard is a ''stupid idiot.'' Howard figured that the kid's parents put him up to it. The kid said they didn't but it sounded like he was being fed some lines. The kid eventually hung up on Howard before he had the chance to do it himself.
Before Jason came in Howard mentioned that he was best known for his ''Seinfeld'' role. A listener called in and told Howard he's not best known for that now, he's best known for his KFC commercials. Howard also pointed out he was in ''Son of the Beach'' when that was still on the air. When Jason came in Howard asked him if he's offended when he introduces him as being from ''Seinfeld'' and he kiddingly (I think) said that he was and would prefer the KFC mention instead. The guys asked him if he gets free chicken since he works for KFC. Jason said he gets ''Chicken Bucks'' from the company so he gets free chicken at KFC if he wants it. That led to the guys talking about the urban myths about KFC and some other fast food restaurants that were spread over the years. Howard ended up telling a story about how his father could have gotten in on the Kentucky Fried Chicken thing when they first went public many years ago but his mother talked him out of it.
Howard eventually moved on to play ''Win Fred's Money'' with Jason. He was playing for a $10,000 prize. If he won he said he'd be giving his money to a charity. Howard said he shouldn't do that, he should keep the money for himself. Howard sent Fred off to Robin's cubicle so he couldn't hear the questions. He then asked Jason the seven questions. He had 60 seconds to answer as many of them as possible. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Howard spent a little while longer talking to Jason before ending the interview. He talked to Jason about ''Seinfeld'' and how little money he's getting from the syndication deal. Jason said that he and the rest of the guys, except Jerry, are just getting the minimum SAG residuals for those reruns. Stuttering John said he heard that Seinfeld is thinking of doing a reunion show but Jason said he's heard nothing about that at this point. Howard and the guys talked about Julia Louis-Dreyfus' semi-successful TV show also. Jason said he heard that her show was actually picked up again for a mid-season replacement so it hasn't been canceled yet.
Howard talked about his new dog a little bit with Jason who sounded pretty excited that he'd gotten the dog.
Howard gave Jason a couple of plugs for some of the other stuff he's doing. He's going to be starring in ''The Producers'' opposite Martin Short. Howard and the guys made a couple of cracks about how Martin will probably be over the top in his part.
Howard said he's been in therapy lately learning about some of his obsessive behavior and what the root cause of it is. He said all of this dog stuff has helped get into that because he's so obsessed with her.
Howard told Robin that he feeds the dog just one time a day and gives her two biscuits after that. Robin said it sounds like all this dog does after eating is make doody. Howard said that's about it.
Stephen Baldwin called in for some reason this morning. Howard and Robin pointed out that he's starring on this new show ''Celebrity Mole'' and brought up the story Kathy Griffin told about how he went nuts and almost choked her during the shoot for that show. Stephen said he's got his own side of that story but he wants to come in and talk about it. Stephen ended up talking about Kathy Griffin's husband and said something about him being a ''minute steak'' but didn't explain what he meant by that. Stephen told Howard that he's not supposed to talk about this stuff yet because the show hasn't aired yet. He said when he does tell him, he's going to laugh his ass off. Stephen said after their little fight Kathy's husband was staring him down and giving him a look that was pretty mean. Howard still couldn't figure out what Stephen was saying. He pointed out that Stephen was fighting with a woman. Howard said that Kathy is actually afraid of Stephen after this fight they had. Howard wrapped up the call with Stephen and got off the phone. Gary told Howard that Stephen is supposed to come in on January 6th.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who said that Robin is such a bitch talking about Howard's dog the way she is. She went off on Robin for a short time and pointed out how Robin just has nothing good to say about Howard and his dog. She keeps goofing on him about some of the stuff he's been doing with the dog and Jessica doesn't like it. She said that Robin is like ''ice cold'' with the situation. Robin said she was just having fun with Howard. Howard told Jessica that it's okay and he doesn't mind it. He told her not to worry about it and got off the phone with her.
Howard took a call from a guy who complained about Howard's water training. The guy said that the dog is not a convict and it needs access to water 24 hours a day. Howard said it's just a dog and he shouldn't worry about the water training.
Howard took a call from Double A who had some questions about Howard's dog and picking up women. Howard said just having a dog is a great way to pick up chicks. He said a ton of women will come up to you when you have a dog with you. He said Ronnie the Limo Driver walks around with his grandson and women come up to him too. Howard spent a short time talking about how Ronnie's grandson calls him Pop Pop. Ronnie came in and said that the kid calls him what he wants and right now, he's calling him ''Pa.'' Ronnie also said that he saw Howard picking up his dog's doody this morning. Howard said he walked the dog earlier this morning and it took a dump right on the cement sidewalk. Double A asked when Howard is going to put up pictures of his new dog on his web site. Howard said he's bringing the dog in today so he can get some pictures to put up there. He didn't say when they'd be available. Double A told Howard that he'd be willing to be the designated walker for his dog if he wanted. Howard said people are sick of him talking about the dog already. He read a few e-mails from people who complained about the dog discussions. One person suggested that Howard could have saved money by just having Artie as a pet instead of paying $2000 for a dog. Howard took a break after reading the e-mail.
Jeff is supposed to do a duet with Carly Simon when she comes in but Howard wants him to clean up first. He's supposed to perform ''Mocking Bird'' with her but Howard told him he's got to clean up first. He told KC to get some baby wipes and some new underwear, maybe some adult diapers, so he can get cleaned up. KC said he should sing while he's wearing just the diaper. Jeff said that just isn't right though. Howard told KC to take the dirty underwear and rub Jeff's face in it like he's a dog. KC pointed out that Jeff was touching his face with the hand he stuck in the dirty underwear. Howard had KC get him out of the studio to get cleaned up. Howard said he had to have him cleaned up in a half hour because Carly Simon is due in. Howard said it was a full load in his underwear after someone called in and asked about it.
Howard read a couple more e-mails before taking another break. Someone complained that on E! last night they blurred out the whores from the ''Freaky Feud'' when they turned around and showed their thongs. The guy said you can see thongs on E! an hour later on other shows but not on Howard's. Howard said he doesn't get that either. Howard read some e-mail about how disturbing Sal the Stockbroker's ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest entry was. One guy thought it was very disturbing and other people don't think he deserves to win, or even be in the contest. Howard said the listeners will be the ones voting on who the winner will be so it's up to them. He then played Sal's entry where he rapes Baba Booey the monkey. Howard said he'll be playing other entries as the show goes on today.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who complained about Ozzy Osbourne coming on the show to promote ''Kelly's horrible'' album. Howard said he's not going to turn his back on Ozzy because he's been interviewing him for years before he was on MTV. Howard read some other e-mail about Robin being wrong during some of her news reports yesterday. There was also some controversy over the ''Win Fred's Money'' game yesterday. Howard read some corrections for some of the questions they had. He said that there was a question that went ''What sport gives strokers and crankers a chance to score with love taps?'' Howard said the answer was bowling but the e-mailer said that it's actually croquet which is called bowling over in England. Howard took another break before bringing in Chuck Zito.
Jeff the Drunk came in so Howard spent a minute talking to him. He said that Jeff was trying to put on his headphones again and it wasn't working. Jeff and Erik went at each other for a few seconds and then Howard told Jeff to be a man and go put on his adult diapers. Jeff told Howard he wanted an apology but he wasn't going to give him one. Howard kicked him out of the studio and brought in Chuck Zito.
Howard said Chuck had on some ''bling bling'' this morning. He had a Rolex that was given to him by a friend that he claims was worth $110,000. Howard asked him about some of the other jewelry he had on and wondered if he worries about someone beating him up to steal it from him. Chuck said that's how he stays in shape.
Howard brought up a story about Chuck and his wife having problems and how she put up a protection order against him. Chuck said she wanted him out of the house so she got the protection order to make that happen. Chuck said he refused to leave and that's why she brought it against him. He eventually left but then made a phone call to her and his daughter on 9/11 because he was worried about them. That meant he broke the protection order and he had to go to court over it. The judge wanted him to go to anger management classes but Chuck refused to do that. He said he was supposed to go to this class for a full year and he had to pay for it. He said it was every week on a Monday night and he heard that it was for guys who battered their wives. Chuck said in 29 years he never touched his wife so he didn't belong there. He had to go back to court and the judge said he was going to send him to jail for 15 days. Chuck decided to take that over the anger management classes. He told the judge he'd bring his toothbrush the next time he had to show up in court. He said he only ended up spending 7 days in jail. Gary came in and said Chuck got hurt in prison... but it wasn't because he got in a fight, he got a hernia after doing too many leg lifts. Chuck said he had an operation to fix that a couple of weeks ago.
Howard talked to Chuck about what it was like in jail and it didn't sound all that bad. Chuck told Howard about what goes on during that time.
Howard spoke to Chuck about his new book and what that's all about. He got Sean Penn to write some stuff for the book too. Howard read some notes about the book and Chuck talks about losing his virginity at the age of 13 to a 12 year old. He also talks about being Liza Minelli's bodyguard for about 10 years on and off. He said it was pretty strange. Howard wrapped up the interview after about 15 minutes or so.
Rob talked a little bit about his days on Saturday Night Live and how some of the stuff he did on there was embarrassing to him. He said he tried to make it work but it was tough. Rob mentioned Adam Sandler's name during that discussion and Howard said that he's not really a fan of his but he is a fan of his dog. He talked about how Adam sat behind him on a flight one time and didn't say a word to him. Howard said he really doesn't care if he's liked or not. Howard said Sandler isn't his type of comedian and he doesn't get his stuff. Rob said he's the kind of guy you have to watch over and over before you get it. Howard said he just doesn't have time to do that though. Howard brought up ''Deuce Bigelow'' again and said it was really funny and he knows that Sandler had his hand in that. They spent a couple more minutes talking about Sandler but Howard got back to Rob's career. He also pointed out that Rob just married a 20 year old. Howard said he finds that a perfectly reasonable age spread. Rob is like 39 and she's only 20. He met her when she was only 19 years old. Rob said her parents have the same age spread so they don't have a problem with it. Rob said she didn't return phone calls for over a month but he eventually got her. Howard pointed out that she hasn't dated that many guys so that might be a problem. Rob said he doesn't want to date anyone in show business.
Howard read that Rob stole one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends one time. Rob said he's good friends with Hef and everything has been smoothed out over that situation. Howard told Rob about how one of the playmates was talking to him when he did a show from the Playboy mansion and told him that Hef doesn't like them talking to anyone. Howard said Hef came running over when he saw her with him and took her away.
Rob wanted to correct some stuff Eddie Griffin said when he was on the show not too long ago. He claimed that he ad libbed some of the stuff in ''Ace Bigelow'' that he really didn't come up with. Rob gave credit to the guys who actually wrote the lines but said that he does like Eddie and they'll use him in the next Ace Bigelow movie. He said that movie will be called ''Deuce Bigelow, Electric Giggalo.'' Howard said he'll be there to see that one.
Howard took some phone calls for Rob and let some people ask him a couple of questions. Howard then got back to his notes about Rob and some of the women he's dated. Howard had some stuff that wasn't true but there were some women that were interesting. Howard read that Rob was married to a model many years ago. Rob said he had a daughter with her and she's now 13 years old. Robin said that his new wife and his daughter aren't that far off in age. Rob joked that he buys them the same toys and CDs.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Rob about the movie and how much he needs to make so he can keep making movies. He said he needs to make something in the $20 million range. Rob told Howard the plot of the movie and how goofy that is.
Howard spent a little more time talking about Rob's days on Saturday Nigh Live and how he didn't like it all that much. He talked about how they didn't always put on the funniest stuff each week. He said if Mike Meyers had a movie out they'd put him in a skit that might not be that funny.
Howard read about one incident where Rob quit a movie because he was dropped on his head. Rob told Howard what happened and how the movie was made a few years later and it went straight to video. He said the director made another actor tackle him really hard and it screwed up his back. He ended up going to the doctor and quit the movie. He said they threatened to sue him over it but nothing ever happened. Howard spent a few more minutes with Rob and then wrapped up the interview.
Artie told Howard the idea for the show and it sounds kind of like his real life. He said he'd be playing the part of a comedian who has a semi-popular sitcom possibly called ''Fatty and the Robot.'' He thinks he's got it made so he buys a nice condo and has to go to the co-op board to get in. He has some trouble getting that done but gets the place. Then he loses the sitcom and all of the money he has coming in so he has to do comedy shows at places like small comedy clubs and construction sites (which he actually did recently) to make money to cover his rent. Howard told Artie that he likes the sitcom idea and they shouldn't drop that from the show. He said he thinks they should keep that in but that's just his opinion.
Howard also had a special guest sitting in with him this morning. Dan Gross who is working with him on the remakes of ''Rock and Roll High School'' and ''Porky's'' said about 4 words after being introduced. Howard said Dan is the guy who got the rights to the movies. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then took a break so he could get to Carly Simon. Artie also defended Sam Simon because Howard had said some stuff about him earlier in the week about him that wasn't very nice. Howard wasn't sure how Sam was responsible for ''The Simpsons'' success and how he was such a powerful guy. Artie told Howard that Sam worked on shows like ''Taxi'', ''Cheers'', ''The Drew Carey Show'' and some others. Howard was wondering if Artie knew any of Sam's failures. Artie could only remember one which was the George Carlin show that only lasted one season. He said he couldn't remember any others.
Howard said Carly was in to promote a couple of albums this morning. She has a two CD ''Anthology'' album and a Christmas CD called ''Christmas is Almost Here.'' Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about what she was going to be performing and then told her about Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro and what he was going to be doing. Howard said he had him memorize ''Mocking Bird'' so he could sing a duet with her. Carly told Howard that she wasn't mad at him for springing this surprise on her. Jeff came in and said he'd behave around her. Howard asked him to act professional around her. Jeff said they were giving him a hard time this morning and he was upset about that. Carly started to sing the song and Jeff jumped in with his side of the song. Howard then told the piano player to start playing so they could really sing. Jeff was doing his part but Carly screwed up and started laughing. She started over and the two of them did the duet. It was very entertaining. Howard said they were even giving each other ''the glance'' as they were singing to each other.
Howard talked to Carly about living out on Martha's Vineyard for a short time and then asked her to perform some of her other songs for him. Howard told her he wanted to hear some of her big hits that are featured on the anthology album. He ended up talking to her about where the idea for ''Anticipation'' came from. She said she wrote it about waiting for a date with Cat Stevens. She spent a short time on that and then Howard had her perform a little bit of that. She was complaining about having a voice earlier but she sounded fine. Howard then had her do a little bit of ''Let the River Run'', ''Jesse'' and ''You're So Vain.'' Howard asked her to make history and tell him who the song was written about. She's never revealed that before and she didn't do it today. She said that she would say something she's never said before. She said that it wasn't written about just one person. That was it. Howard gave her a couple more plugs for her albums and played a clip from her Christmas album. He also took a few phone calls for her and let some people ask her some questions. Guys are still horny for her even now. Howard said when he was a young man he wanted to bang her too. Howard was starting to wrap up the interview when he heard that his girlfriend and his new dog Bianca Jane were there. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to bring them in on the air because he's gotten so many complaints about talking about his dog from listeners. Carly wanted to see the dog so Howard had Beth and Bianca come in. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the dog with Carly and then wrapped up the segment and took a break.
Howard's girlfriend Beth was still there too so Howard spent some time with her. They talked about the jewelry she got from David Blaine's girlfriend Manon. They spent a short time talking about that and Beth gave Manon a plug for her web site where you can find out more about the jewelry... Manon.net
Stuttering John also came in and brought up Beth's calendar (BethO.com) which he has a copy of. He was trying to find out how many copies she's sold so far. He asked her if she's sold over 10,000 copies. She said it hasn't sold that many but she wouldn't give the actual number. Howard had to take another break after all of that. When he came back from the break he had Robin do her news. Beth and Bianca stuck around during the news segment.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Fred about his 6 week old daughter Tess. Fred said they celebrated her 6 week birthday and Howard said he's never heard of such a thing. Fred said his whole family is happy about this baby. He said his brother is even excited about it and he's not sure why because he's got his own kids. Howard said this baby and even just the whole vagina thing has cured Fred over the years from his previous strange self. Howard said he never thought he'd see Fred so happy. Howard and Robin talked to Fred about his relationship with his wife and how it was a little bumpy there for a while.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he wants to get a tattoo of Fred on his back one day. He said Fred is the genius behind the show. Fred thought the guy was going to crack a joke about him but the guy was serious. The guy said he'd even come down to the studio and have it done there. Howard said he'd let him do that if he wants to. Howard said he wouldn't be the first one to get a Fred tattoo though. Crackhead Bob would probably be the first one. The guy said that he might get an Artie tattoo then. Artie told Howard he was once handcuffed to a guy whose whole back was a Speedy Gonzalez tattoo.
Howard changed subjects and said that Stuttering John came in this morning in a cab and called up to one of the guys in the office and asked him to come down to pay for the cab because he didn't have any money on him. John came in and said that he had money in his pocket but his wife may have taken it out without telling him. Howard said John does have money but he's always asking to borrow money. Howard said before he gets in a cab he counts his money 20 times to make sure he's got enough. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to John about this strange behavior. John said he tipped the cab driver $5 for the hassle this morning. Howard told Robin not to lend him money anymore. Howard told Jason, who gave John the money this morning, not to lend him any more money. Gary came in and said that he won't lend John money. He learned years ago not to do that. John said that Gary is cheap and getting money out of him is impossible. Howard said ''What about you?'' when John called Gary cheap. Howard asked Robin if she could believe John's life. She found this stuff hard to believe too. Howard asked John why he doesn't just get $400 a week from the ATM so he's always got money. John said that if he has $200 in his pocket he'll start taking everyone out to lunch. Artie heard that and said ''You're going to start doing that?'' Artie is the one who usually pays for lunches. Artie told a story about John throwing down a $2 tip one day when they went out to eat. Artie said luckily he saw that because it wasn't enough. Howard told John that maybe he should stop going out to eat since it seems like he can't afford it. Stuttering John somehow knows about how much money other people have though. They told a story about how Robin asked John for some money one day and he apparently told her to ask Artie because it was a Tuesday and Artie should have about $120 in his wallet. Gary told a couple of stories about how John doesn't like to pay for stuff. He just refuses to pay for stuff when they go out. He seems to be proud of some of that stuff too. Howard told John that he once forgot his money clip when he went out to see his kids on Long Island. He said he asked his limo driver to borrow $50 and paid him back as soon as he got home. Howard said that's only happened once but John is constantly doing it. Howard told John that he's a grown man and he should be able to cover himself when he takes a cab somewhere. Everyone was getting on John's case about all of this stuff. Gary, Howard and Robin were trying to give John some advice about getting himself organized. Howard told John that he wants to see John with a knapsack that contains his money, paper, pen and some other stuff in it so he has what he needs when he's out. Howard said he carries a bag with all of his essentials. He showed John his ''purse'' and he thought it was pretty gay looking. Howard and Robin told him it's gay that he won't carry something that he can put his stuff in. Howard then showed John what the bag contained. He had his money clip, mints, a pen and a pad of paper, keys, receipts, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, cell phone and a movie he borrowed from Gary. John argued and said he'd still lose stuff if he had a ''purse'' to carry around. He said that he'll give it a try anyway but he knows he's still going to lose stuff. Howard said the bag he had this morning is his ''summer bag'' and he's thinking of getting a ''winter bag'' to carry some other stuff that he needs. Howard and the guys continued to rag on John about all of this stuff until he agreed to try and get organized. They told him to have his wife get him $200 a week so he always has money. Gary said he once let John borrow $5000 for a few days when he was buying his house so he really isn't cheap. John tried to say that he didn't call Gary cheap but he really did. John said he forgot about that $5000 loan so he took back the ''cheap'' comment. Howard ended up yelling at John and tried to kick him out of the studio. Howard was done talking to him so he wanted him out of the studio. Gary started to tell Howard another story about John and the E! crew but Howard said he didn't want to hear any more stuff. Howard then took a break from everything and went to commercial.
After the break Howard said he wanted to drop the whole John thing but it was still disturbing that Jason, who may be one of the lowest paid guys in the building, has loaned John money about a dozen times. John came back in and said that he pays these people back but Howard didn't want to hear it. He called John a baby and made baby crying sounds as he did that.
Howard dropped that and talked about ''NYPD Blue'' and how they're using the S-word just about every week now and no one is getting after them about it. Howard said that he can't believe that because his career was almost ruined by the FCC for other language that's not even close to that.
Howard replayed the duet that Carly Simon and Jeff the Drunk (JeffTheDrunk.com) did on yesterday's show. Robin thought it was hysterical. Howard and Robin said that Carly even went over and shook Jeff's hand after the performance. Howard said he wouldn't even consider shaking Jeff's hand.
Howard covered the Top 5 Songs and threw in High Pitch Erik's new ''Hot for KC.'' Hear are the Top 5 going from 5 to 1:
Howard said he hasn't gotten much sleep lately because he's had some anxiety. He said he's a very uptight guy and the new dog has thrown in some new pressure. He said he doesn't want to talk about the dog anymore because he gets so much negative e-mail after he does. He said he put a picture of the dog up on HowardStern.com so people won't bug him for that. He said one of the E! guys had a really small digital camera that they used to take the picture. He said that William Shatner had a really small digital camera that he really liked. He said he'd be willing to carry that around if he just knew what kind it was. Howard also brought up the cell phone that he got for his daughter that allows you to take pictures and send them to people. He said it's got a color screen and you can e-mail people with it. Robin said Howard sounded like he'd just landed on Earth or something. Howard said she didn't know about all of that stuff but Robin said she sees commercials for that kind of stuff all the time.
After the break Howard took a call from a woman who was complaining about cigarette taxes in New York City. Howard said he doesn't mind if people smoke, drink, do heroin or anything like that, as long as he doesn't have to deal with it. Howard said he would like it if he didn't have to smell cigarette smoke in a restaurant or a bar. Howard said everyone who smokes may get cancer some day and he will have to pay for it though his health care fees. Howard said he applauds Mayor Bloomberg for doing what he's doing. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the woman about smoking and suggested that she put a gun to her head so she can end it quicker and he won't have to pay for her health care in the future.
Another listener called in and said that a co-worker of his thinks that a game he plays with his 4 year old daughter isn't right. He said one time he dropped some ice cream on his inner thigh and his 4 year old daughter licked it off. He said it was good for both of them so he continues to do it. He said he does it about once a day now and has the kid lick it off. Howard and Robin asked him why he continues to do this. He said it's no a sexual thing but Howard disagreed and said it is sexual and he's a sick man. Howard then thought that the guy was putting him on. Howard asked the guy if he thought the image of his daughter putting her tongue on his thigh was disturbing. He didn't think so and his phone connection was horrible so Howard had to hang up on him. Howard couldn't believe the guy would admit to something like that and think that it's not wrong.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to hear replays of a few things he's heard on the show lately. Howard replayed the Mike Walker tirade from last week when he was yelling at someone off microphone. Howard also replayed the ''Scott from the Block'' song parody and the ''Open Letter to Robin'' entry for the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest. It wasn't a finalist but the guy who called in requested it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who thought Howard's thoughts on smoking were a big hypocritical. Howard asked him to tell him how it was hypocritical but the guy's explanation wasn't that good. He told Howard that he goes out and drinks... but he doesn't drive so he's not hurting anyone but himself. John came in and asked Howard if he thinks it will hurt bars and restaurants if people aren't allowed to smoke. Howard said he doesn't think it will. Howard and the guys spent some time goofing on those groups of smokers who have to go outside and smoke together. Howard said when he sees groups like that he thinks of babies with their bottles.
Howard said yesterday he was in the limo with Ronnie the Limo Driver and they got pulled over because his EZ Pass (toll collection device) was expired. Howard said Ronnie has to go through a whole thing to get another one because they confiscate your pass when you go over your allotted amount. That led to everyone talking about tolls and how ridiculous they are because all they do is hold up traffic. Howard said anything that slows down traffic should be taken away. Ronnie came in and said the EZ Pass thing was so stupid. Ronnie said he went to the EZ Pass office and the woman there told him there was nothing wrong with his credit card and didn't think much of it. They said that the toll takers were really snotty and moved really slow getting things done.
Howard also spent some time complaining about how much info this cell phone place needed from him to set up an account. While he was talking about that Robin let the F-word slip out so the delay was hit. Howard continued to tell the story about getting his cell phone and what a hassle that was. He said it was as annoying as Radio Shack. He said he's been boycotting that store for years because it used to be such a hassle to get stuff without giving out all of your personal information. Gary said they're still bad about it because they look you up each time you want to by a $3 part. Gary told Howard they should move on to Mary Carey so they're not late with the Intern Beauty Pageant later in the show. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the ''Extreme Makeover'' show that was on last night. He didn't see it but he interviewed the two women from the show and they weren't all that hot.
Mary said she was tested on Saturday and her IQ was down to 122. Howard said he heard that she got an eye infection after flushing her head but she said it may have been the fake eyelashes she was wearing. Howard quickly moved on to the game and said the questions were from a standard IQ test. Howard said he'd give her a plug for her web site each time she got one right. Each time she got one wrong, she had to flush her head in the toilet. Here are some of the questions:
Howard had Colin Quinn, Craig Gass and Mailroom Mo in to judge the girls. Howard spent a short time talking to Colin about the last time he was on the show and he admitted to having gay sex with some guys and a Priest. Colin also got in a plug for his new Comedy Central show ''Tough Crowd'' which airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm. Howard spent a short time with him and then moved on to Mo who works in the mailroom at the station. Howard has talked about him before because he used to do his own radio show on his voice mail message. Howard talked to him about that and about his hot chick shrine that he has in his office. Howard said Tom made him stop his voice mail radio show. Howard said he also heard that he had to take down his hot chick shrine but Mo said that part isn't true. Howard played Mo's old voice mail radio show that went on for a good minute and a half or so. He said every time someone called him they had to sit through that to leave a message. Next up was Craig Gass (IHateComedians.com) who does the great Sam Kinison impression and many others. Howard had him do his Kinison impression as well as his Gene Simmons and Adam Sandler. Howard also said he was chosen to judge the interns this time because the last time he was on the show he admitted that he'd been with 3 interns in the past.
Howard moved right into the game after talking to Craig, Mo and Colin. The first intern up was Krista. Howard played an intro for her and spent a couple of minutes asking her a few questions. He also threw in one of the old Dion Sanders questions that they played after he hosted a beauty pageant. Howard learned that Krista goes to Pace University and she has kissed another girl. She sang a song parody to the tune of ''Girls Just Want to Have Fun'' for her talent portion. She was dressed in a mini-skirt and an open back halter top. Howard had the guys rate her on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. All three judges gave Krista a score of 8.
The second contestant was Christina. There was a quick intro for her also. Howard said she was wearing tight jeans and a lingerie-type top that was pretty sheer. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Christina about her life and found out she tried out to be a contestant on ''American Idol'' but was dropped. She said that she thinks that the judging wasn't really fair and that they picked some people who weren't as good as her. A couple minutes later she performed her song parody to the tune of ''So Alive'' that was called ''The Other Girls Suck.'' Colin and Mo gave Christina scores of 10 and Craig gave her an 8. He'd originally given her a 9 because he heard her say that she might show her boobs if she won. Then he changed his mind and dropped it to an 8 when he thought about the ''might'' part of that statement.
The third contestant was Kerry. Howard played her intro and spent a short time talking to her. Howard said she was wearing a mini-skirt and a little top with her stomach showing. She told Howard she goes to NYU. Kerry claims to have been ignored by David Spade at some event she was at. Howard asked her about that and found out that he turned his back on her when she spoke to him. In her intro they say that she has tried anal but she didn't enjoy it. Howard talked to her about that and then played one of those Dion Sanders questions. Kerry then performed her song parody to the tune of ''Sweet Home Alabama.'' Howard then had the guys give their scores. Craig and Mo gave her 8's and Colin gave her an 8.5.
Gary announced some of the other prizes that the girls are going to get. There were a lot of different things they get just for being part of the pageant.
The fourth, and final contestant, was Kira. Howard played her intro and spoke with her for a short time. Howard said she was wearing a ''school girl'' outfit that was pretty sexy. He said she was showing off her sexy stomach. Kira said she goes to Penn State. Howard read some of her notes and found out she fooled around with a couple of other friends in a hot tub one time. He spent a short time talking to her about that. They found out she kissed other women but never went very far with that. Howard had her sing her song parody to the tune of ''Piano Man.'' After the song Howard got the judge's scores. Mo and Colin gave her 9's and Craig gave her a high score of 10.
Once all of the judging was done they discovered they had a tie between Kira and Christina. Howard then had to have the judges pick which one they wanted to win. The girls said they'd be willing to split the money if they both won but Howard said they had to pick one winner. Both Colin and Mo picked Christina. Craig wanted Kira to win but his vote didn't count at that point since the two other judges picked Christina.
Christina ended up winning a $5000 cash prize and a Sony digital camcorder. The second place winner got a diamond bracelet. Howard wrapped up the segment after giving out all of the info about the prizes. Earlier he mentioned that this segment will air on E! tonight so there won't be any waiting to see the hot interns. After taking a break Howard moved on to the news after arguing with a phone caller about the problems in the mid-East.
Stuttering John got to introduce Ozzy Osbourne last night at a concert and after Ozzy introduced his daughter Kelly, he started to walk forward and almost walked off the stage into the crowd. Howard had tape of Kelly on stage saying some weird stuff about bribing the station manager and Billy Corgan having sucked the manager or something like that. There's all kinds of weird stuff going on there. Howard also had tape of Kelly performing her song ''Shut Up'' at the concert. He played that and Fred threw in a Jeff the Drunk ''Shut Up!'' Howard thought she wasn't so bad but Robin said there was something wrong with the mix. She also thought the band didn't match Kelly's singing but she wasn't sure which one was off.
Howard said Richard Jeni will also be sitting in later in the morning.
After taking a break Howard spent some time talking to Scott the Engineer about living in New Jersey. Scott was bitching about everything that goes wrong over there in Jersey and how there are no good restaurants over there. Scott also said that everyone forgot his birthday again. Howard said ''who cares?'' and didn't think much of it. Scott said he just turned the big 50. Howard goofed on Scott a bit doing his impression of him. Fred also got in on it and goofed on him. They also played the ''Scott from the Block'' song parody. Howard and Artie love the song. They said they can't stop singing it after they hear it. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Scott about some of the other crap that's happened to him. He said his wife went to a dentist that mutilated her after giving her a root canal. Scott DePace came in and said that Scott just lives in an area that's not like the rest of the state. Howard said it was interesting to talk to him after not seeing him for a while. He said that Scott is pissed at the mayor of New York City because there's supposed to be a transit strike and they're not going to allow anyone into the city unless they have 4 people in their car. Scott comes in at 3:30 in the morning.
Howard changed subjects and said that after the long discussion he had with Stuttering John about organizing his stuff, he left his cell phone on the table in the diner he ate at. Artie said they were a block away when he decided to tell John he forgot the phone. He said John freaked out and went back to get it.
Howard took some phone calls and Double A asked him when he's going to get this uncensored E! show special out. Howard said it's coming along well now but it's a bigger project than you'd expect. He said it'll be jam packed with stuff and he's not just going to rush it out. Robin suggested that they go back and find some of the girls from years ago and see where they are today. Howard liked that idea.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the show can't be heard while you're on hold anymore. Howard said that's probably Tom Chiusano being cheap again. He probably doesn't want anyone being put on hold to listen to the show. The guy told Howard some of the stuff he wants to see out on this uncensored E! show video. He said there was a really hot chick that came in with the band Wolfpac years ago. Howard said he'd see what he can do. The caller also brought up Dawn Marie and the story line they're doing with the WWE.
Stacy asked Howard if he's banging Robin. Howard said he was and he's been banging her since they worked together at WNBC. She believed him so Howard played with that for a minute.
It turns out that Stacy's mother got a hold of her and told her not to perform naked in the studio. She'd originally agreed to do it but when her mom heard about it, she put a stop to it. Howard played a clip of her new song and laughed while he played. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Stacy and a couple of guys told her she's no good and she needs to come in and get naked. Howard tried to find out how old Stacy is but she wasn't talking about that. Howard said her career isn't really going anywhere at this time and she needs to do this naked. She said that she has written four songs about Howard and she's doing promotion for him. She said they're great songs but Howard disagreed and said they aren't great. He took a couple more phone calls for her and let a couple more guys complain about how she doesn't stick to her word anyway. Howard said he wasn't going to beg her to do it. He told her to give him a call when she's ready to do it naked. He got off the phone with her and played a little more of her song. He and Artie goofed on it a little more and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard said he finally got laid last night after not getting any for a few days. He's been so obsessed with the dog lately that he hasn't had sex with Beth. He said last night they finally got into it and had a fun time. He said he fell asleep for like 2 hours and then woke up and couldn't fall asleep again.
Howard tried to get Mike Walker on the line so they could get to his game. He wasn't there for some reason so Howard got a little pissed. He explained the game to Dawn and spent a short time talking to her before getting Mike's line set up the right way. Howard asked if they could get this better produced. Mike showed up all of a sudden and said he was just picking up the headphones when he heard Howard speaking. Mike took the blame for the screw up. Howard then had Mike play his game. Here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard talked about some movies that are coming out this weekend. He mentioned ''The Hot Chick'' and ''Star Trek Nemesis'' and how the reviews are all over the place for them. He said in one paper they get bad reviews and in another paper they get good reviews. Howard also brought up the new J-Lo movie ''Maid In New York'' and how he hopes it bombs.
Howard got back to Claus Fest and played a couple of clips from the concert. He played the clip of Kelly Osbourne rambling on and on about Billy Corgan having to suckle the station manager to get into that concert. He played Kelly's song ''Shut Up'' again also. DJ Booker got an interview with Kelly back stage so Howard played that. In the interview she talks about Billy Corgan and how her mother used to manage him. Kelly explained why she was talking about Billy on stage. Howard had a clip of Cane and Cabbie doing some strange stuff at the concert. Cabbie went nuts when he introduced the band Boxcar Racer. They were doing some bit about having Ben Affleck's wig up there with them too but no one could figure that out. Artie did an impression of Cabbie doing the Boxcar Racer intro. He did that and threw in the old Chris Farley bit ''I live in a van down by the river'' because Cabbie sounds like Farley when he yells like that. Robin was laughing pretty hard at Artie's impression.
Since they were talking about Cabbie Howard had Gary come in to talk about the latest details about the search for his birth mother.
Comedian Lisa Lampanelli (InsultComic.com) called in to talk about the black dude on ''Survivor.'' Howard couldn't remember who Lisa was so Gary had to remind him that she's the comedian who was on the show not that long ago who dates black guys. Howard spent a minute with her before getting off the phone.
Howard had a new Jim Florentine (JimFlorentine.com) Terrorizing Telemarketers phony phone call to play. He said he hadn't even heard it himself. Jim takes a call from a woman who was looking for a payment that he hadn't made. Jim just throws in lines that have nothing to do with what the woman is talking about. She asks him if he has a son and he has to go check for her. She flips out after that and tells him that most people can tell you if they have kids without checking. Jim and the woman went back and forth for a minute and then she decided to turn him over to the fraud department because she thought he was playing games with her. Howard said he hates those telemarketers and tells them not to call him anymore. Artie said Jim is like a hero because he goes after these people and goofs on them.
Howard said he just got a copy of the latest Maxim magazine that has Christina Aguilera as naked as she can be without showing everything. Howard said she looks really hot in there. Howard showed the guys the pictures and talked about how good she looks.
Cabbie called in and said he just heard the end of the conversation about his mother. He wanted to know what was going on but Howard didn't want to repeat anything. Gary gave him a quick run down and told him she was considering doing the show. Howard said he's not going to give Cabbie the info about his mother unless she comes on the show. He said they paid for it and won't give up the info unless the reunion happens on the show. Gary is trying to make it happen before Christmas. Gary also told Cabbie that he screwed up about the brothers and sisters. He actually has two brothers and a sister. They don't know that he exists at this time. Howard said it's possible that Cabbie could have had sex with his brothers if they were gay. If he'd met them in the days when he was having gay sex, he could have done them without knowing they were his brothers. Howard took another break before bringing in Ozzy.
Ozzy was out of it as usual and said he was out of his mind over all of the stuff that has been going on. He said the whole year has been extremely successful and sad at the same time. Howard said he never expected Ozzy to do the TV show at all. Howard asked Ozzy if he's sorry he got started with that show. Ozzy said he is kind of upset about that but he's just got lousy timing. Howard spent some time talking to Ozzy about Sharon's chemotherapy and why she's going through that. Ozzy said Sharon won't lye down and relax. Howard said that's what's going to get her. She needs to take it easy and deal with this cancer thing. Ozzy was a bit unintelligible as he described what was going on with Sharon. He was saying stuff that was hard to understand. Howard seemed to catch most of it though and responded to Ozzy. Ozzy said that Sharon is going to do some show for VH-1 and he thinks that she needs to forget about that and just relax.
Howard said he got an invitation from Ozzy for this New Years Eve thing where Ozzy and Sharon are going to renew their wedding vows. Ozzy said he knew nothing about it but Kelly did. She said it's their 20th anniversary and that's what Sharon wants to do. Howard said he'd go but he doesn't want to be on TV if they're going to tape that event. Kelly wasn't sure but said they might be taping it. Howard and Ozzy talked about how they want Sharon to take it easy so she doesn't kill herself by overworking. Howard said he's worried about Ozzy too because Sharon means so much to him. Ozzy said he's doing great but Howard said he's shaking like a leaf so of course he's no alright.
Howard told Ozzy that he just got an English Bulldog just like they have. Ozzy said they're great until they fart. Howard said he loves the farts though.
Howard brought up Sharon's interview with Barbara Walters but Ozzy brought up Greta Van Sustern and how she somehow got into their lives. Howard wondered what that was all about so Ozzy told Howard about how that all came about. Ozzy said Barbara Walters ended up getting pissed because Greta had Ozzy and Sharon on her show and she thought she was going to have an exclusive.
Howard asked Kelly about the comments she made at the concert last night. She just laughed when Howard asked her about the Billy Corgan comments. She told Howard some stories about him and why they don't get along. She also talked about her boyfriend and how her father doesn't want her having sex with him. Howard said he heard that Kelly has a wedding ring tattoo on her finger but she said it's not a wedding ring, and it's on her pinkie. It's just a pinkie ring tattoo.
Howard and Ozzy got back to Sharon for a little while and how she really doesn't deserve this in her life. Howard said she's really got to slow down. Howard said Ozzy knew something bad was going to happen when they went out to dinner months before Sharon was diagnosed with cancer. Howard said they were at dinner and Ozzy was saying that things were going too well and something bad was going to happen. Howard said he told Ozzy not to think like that but then a couple of months later they found out she had cancer.
Howard talked to Kelly about this boyfriend of hers and said he heard she's engaged. She says she's not but Howard told her not to get married so young anyway. Ozzy claims that he doesn't even remember meeting this guy.
Howard also brought up the time he saw Kelly at this concert and she blew him off. Kelly said she had a conversation with him and walked away, she didn't blow him off. Howard said she should have spent more time talking to him because he had his kids with him.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Kelly and Ozzy before wrapping up the interview. One guy said he saw Kelly doing coke but Kelly denied ever doing it. Another guy called in and told Ozzy what a god he is to him. Howard didn't want to hear that though so he told the guy to write a letter instead.
Leslie West of the band Mountain called in and asked Ozzy if it was true he said that he'd turned him on to cocaine. Ozzy came back with a quick ''yes.'' Leslie said that was pretty funny because it was Ozzy's road manager who had turned him onto the drug. Leslie also told a story about Ozzy taking a dump in a limo one time and trying to throw it out the window but the window was closed. Howard asked Ozzy if it was true. Ozzy said he doesn't remember, but it could be true. Kelly thought that was pretty rude to bring up stuff like that. Leslie had also said something about how you only have to listen to the first and last words of Ozzy's sentences to get what he's saying. You don't have to listen to the parts in between. Kelly thought that was pretty mean too.
Howard took a few more phone calls and talked about Ozzy's son Jack a little bit. Howard asked Ozzy if Jack is getting laid. Ozzy told him that Jack is getting some and he's walked in on him while he's had 3 girls in bed with him. Kelly wasn't talking about her sex life at all so Howard gave up on trying to get anything out of her. Howard wrapped up the interview and wished Ozzy and his family luck with everything.
This woman Caroline was on the show back in June to be fitted for a bra. Howard ended up giving her implants so she came in today to show them off. Dr. Sal Calabro did the surgery and has before and after pictures of Caroline on his web site SalCalabro.com.
Howard spent a few minutes reminding everyone about how she ended up getting the implants and talking to her. He had her show off her new breasts in a bikini. Dr. Calabro also called in and told Howard he did some liposuction on her to get her thighs down a little bit as well as some other problem areas she had. Howard checked her out and said she looked great. Dr. Calabro told Howard that she was 45 pounds heavier before the surgery. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to her about getting hit on by a professor at her college and stuff like that.
Gary came in a few minutes later and said he had a couple of E! interns who wanted to thank him for some reason. Howard never saw them before so Gary wasn't sure why they wanted to thank him. Gary told Howard they were ''insanely hot'' so that's why he was letting them come in. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them. One of them works as a bartender at Scores. Howard said they were both really hot. One of the girls said that Mike Gange from E! is always hitting on her but she's not interested in him. Doug Goodstein almost got in trouble too when one of the girls said that he was IM'ing her in the office the other day. Doug said that she was sitting just a few feet away from him and it was just for fun. Howard said he probably never does that with the guy interns but Doug said he does. The intern said she's seen Doug's wife and that she's beautiful. Howard wrapped up the segment and sent the interns on their way after they thanked him for the opportunity to work there on his show.
Howard read an article about how the French are trying to attract more gay people. He and the guys spent some time talking about that wacky concept. Howard said that maybe they're going to rename baguettes to faggettes or something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who just got divorced after a 3 year marriage and he's only 21. Howard and the guys thought he was crazy for getting married so young. Artie told him that he's 21 and he should be doing coke and having fun. Howard said he wouldn't go that far though. Howard bailed out on the call and had Robin do her news. Richard hung out and didn't tell one joke from his act.