Howard's own fund raising effort to benefit NYCPPI is still going on. He gave out the phone number he gave last week, 1-877-280-9200, as well as a second number they set up because of the overwhelming number of calls they got last week. The second number is 1-800-711-3050.
Howard said he watched some football yesterday. He watched the Cincinnati Bengals- Baltimore Ravens game. He said he's a fan of the Bengals because he's friends with Marco Battaglia who plays for the Bengals. Howard didn't remember the score of the game but he did remember the score at certain parts of the game. All he really knew was that the Bengals won the game. Robin couldn't believe that he didn't know the final score. He eventually figured it out in his head though and said it was 21 to 10.
On Saturday Howard said he took his 8 year old daughter to Stuttering John's house to go swimming. He said he doesn't really have much of a choice when it comes to stuff like that so he took her there. Howard said John's got a great house and he can't understand how he can afford it. No one can understand how John can afford to buy a house like the one he got. Even Howard said it was a great house.
Howard said that Stuttering John does nothing around his house. He sits in his chair and tells people what to do. He's got a nanny for his kid and Howard said he was even telling his neighbor to do stuff while he was there. Howard said he was jealous of John and his house. Everyone spent a little bit of time talking about how much of a slacker John really is. He manages to do as little as he can at work too. Gary shared a couple of stories about John getting out of doing stuff.
Howard said he went to see his dentist, Dr. Matthew Kauffman, over the weekend. Dr. Kauffman is a pilot and he told Howard that the safest time to fly is at night and during bad weather. The reason is that pilots have to fly by instruments during conditions like that and terrorists don't know how to fly by instruments. Howard seemed to think it was a good idea so he'll probably be flying at night from now on.
Mister Rogers' retirement was a subject of discussion for a little while. Howard said he's glad that guy is off the air. He finds that guy kind of creepy and thinks that shows like his have led to guys in this country becoming more and more feminine. He and the rest of the crew talked about how there should be more violence on TV to get the kids in this country to be less ''gay.''
Howard got back to talking about his relief fund drive. He talked about how the money will go to help the families of the city employees who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks. Howard said they raised over $1 million over the weekend. He wants to keep it going so he was pushing for us to give whatever we can. He also said they straightened out the problem with accepting American Express and they're now taking it.
Howard got back to talking about last Friday's TV telethon. He goofed on Mariah Carey for a couple of minutes. He also played clips from the telethon and discussed them with the rest of the crew.
Mark said he's going on a tour of the United States where he'll be stopping in cities on his way to New York City. He's going to be singing to people after ringing their doorbell. This is how he's spending Martha Raye's money. Howard said he wasn't going to make fun of Mark today because he does seem to be on the same side as the rest of the people on the show are. He did seem to want to goof on the song Mark sings but he went easy on him today.
Since he was on the subject of bad songs, Howard played some of the awful song parodies people were sending in to the show. There were bad parodies about the plane crashes and the Taliban and stuff like that. All of the parodies are awful and Howard can't believe people rush into their basements to write this crap at a time like this. Howard did like one of the songs. It was a punk version of ''God Bless America'' that he seemed to enjoy.
One fan, Kim, showed up at the studio to sing a live version of the National Anthem for Howard. She said she's been performing since she was a teenager and she performs at baseball, football and hockey games. All Howard could think about was how great her body was as she stood there. Gary came in with some iWon.com money and asked her if she'd take her top off. She didn't take long to accept the offer. She took her top off and everyone was impressed with her natural breasts. Howard then tried to get her to get completely naked to help promote her web site. She didn't want to get any more naked than she was so Howard let her go shortly after the topless thing. She gave out her web site address but I don't know how she spells her last name and the site doesn't go live until October 1st. Why promote it if no one can check it out yet?
Howard kept pushing the numbers for the relief fund and he spoke to a couple of people on the phone about some of the people who were lost in the World Trade Center tragedy.
Howard said Dominic got out of his first marriage and got married on the day his first divorce went through. Now he's out of his second marriage and he's doing almost the same thing.
Some of the people contributing to Howard's Relief Fund included Crunch Fitness who donated $15,000. The sales staff at his radio station also gave $2,000. Comedian Craig Gass raised $8,000 at his comedy shows and he said he'll be doing that for the rest of the year at his gigs. A lot of other people have contributed but Howard doesn't want anyone to give up just because they think their small donation won't mean anything. He keeps saying that ever little bit counts so give what you can.
Howard took some phone calls and played some tapes from last Friday's TV telethon. He had tape of Bruce Springsteen playing his song. Howard and ''Sam Kinison'' were adding the words that they thought should have been added to the song. It was too ''nice'' for Howard and ''Sam'' so they were adding lyrics about bombing and other violent acts. Howard also played tape of Muhammad Ali speaking as well as Julia Roberts breaking down and crying. Some of the crew thought that Julia's tears were fake. Howard said he got chills listening to Neil Young singing ''Imagine'' and said he wished he had the whole song. Howard played short clips of Robin Williams, Mariah Carey and a few other celebrities from the telethon and had Robin do a short news segment after that.
Howard also gave the numbers for The Howard Stern Show Relief Fund once again. They're still collecting for the families of the city employees who were lost in the World Trade Center tragedy.
Howard told us about how he was trying to get some web porn to wack off to last night on TabithaStevens.com but he couldn't find Tabitha herself. He said he heard that she's into him so he wanted to wack off to her but her site is full of other women that she sponsors. He said it was too confusing so he never did find her. He was eventually interrupted by his assistant Laura anyway.
Howard brought up last week's celebrity telethon, ''America: A Tribute to Heroes'', again and started talking about the Dixie Chicks and how the ''fat one'' has a really beautiful face. Adam Carolla said he went on a date to the Grammy's with ''the fat one'' about 3 years ago. He told the story about how he got hooked up with her. Adam said his girlfriend was upset about the date but she eventually got over it. Jimmy said that the ''fat one'' went to kiss Adam at one point and Adam pulled back because he knew his girlfriend would freak out. The day after the date Adam said he got flowers from the chick. She left a note telling him to call her so he did but he told her that he had a girlfriend. She kept sending him gifts after that and it got out of control. He called her a few times and tried to get her to stop but she kept sending more stuff... or so he thought. It turns out it was Jimmy sending this stuff as a goof. Adam kept calling the chick and telling her to stop but she wasn't doing any of it. The guys eventually broke the news to him as he was on the phone to her the last time. Of course he was very embarrassed and told her that he was sorry and he'd never call her again.
Howard got back to the telethon talk. He brought up some of the musical performances that he watched and the ones he fast forwarded through. He also thought that the celebrities taking phone calls was a goof because they were all laughing their asses off the whole time. Howard said Celine Dion's chin is huge and that she looks like Popeye from the side. Howard said he couldn't believe that Kelsey Grammer's wife Camille was there with the rest of the celebrities. Mariah Carey also has Howard feeling sorry for her. He said that it's pretty sad what she's gone through lately and he's feeling bad for her now.
Howard and Robin also spoke about the ''Who Wants To Be a Princess'' show that aired on FOX last night. Howard played a couple of clips from the show and talked about how heinous looking the Prince was that they had on the show.
Stuttering John came in and reported that the news service Reuters was apparently going to be calling the terrorists ''Freedom Fighters'' from now on. He said he saw that on one of the entertainment shows he watched last night. A short time later Howard got a copy of an article that mentioned something about ''one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter'' from the Reuters service. It didn't say anything about them deciding to call the terrorists ''freedom fighters.'' Stuttering John had made a mistake so he came in and apologized for screwing up.
Howard, Jimmy and Adam spent some time goofing on Gene Simmons about how old looking the guy is and how unattractive that long tongue of his is to women. They were also goofing on this one intro he did for the show where he just reads the lines they gave him in a long monotone. Jimmy and Adam said that monotone is probably why Gene's movie career never took off.
Howard mentioned that Larry King's final newspaper column has appeared in USA Today. Over the years Howard has goofed on Larry's ''...'' (dot, dot, dot) format and how lame the column has been. He read Larry's last column and Larry says that he's always thought that the dot, dot, dot format was great. He gives his whole history about his lame column and thanks the hundreds (!) of people who have helped put it out over the years. Larry ends his column with something like ''See you around...''
Howard brought up the discussion he had yesterday about the ''femininization'' of America. He was still pushing for more violence on TV. He says that the heads of the TV networks are hard at work cutting out any references to any type of violence in their TV shows. Howard seems to think that's all wrong because it's turning our country soft and we may lose sight of the business we need to take care of with these terrorists. Jimmy Kimmel said that his 8 year old son is great at these violent video games so he's prepared for the future. Jimmy said he has no problem giving his son toy guns either.
After leaving Rosie's show he went on to produce ''Vibe'' and then met Adam and Jimmy and now produces ''The Man Show.'' He had a few other stories that he talked about after Adam and Jimmy brought them up. He said one time he saw Rosie in her underwear. He didn't get into too many details about what she looked like but everyone had a pretty good idea what a sight that must have been.
Howard said he's heard that Rosie was known to throw stuff around the set when she'd get upset. Dan didn't say anything about that but either Jimmy or Adam said ''...barnyard animals can be ornery...''
Maxwell said that the casinos eventually catch on to you and won't allow you to play anymore. He said it usually takes about 60 days or so before they catch on though. Maxwell said he's allowed in the casinos but he's not allowed to play Blackjack anymore.
Howard ended up telling his girlfriend Beth what he did and she says she wants to see it. Then Howard found out that his girlfriend got a ride home with a cop who was at Ground Zero. The cop called in and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him. The guy said he was hitting on Howard's girl but he didn't get anywhere with that. He said he had to try though. The guy said he was talking to Beth for a few minutes and she eventually told him who she was dating. That's when the guy figured out he didn't have a chance with her.
Howard and the guys also talked a little bit about the new ''Star Trek'' series that's coming out soon. Robin also brought up the ''Love Cruise'' show that was on last night. She said it was a great show and Howard missed it. She said she'd give him a copy of it so he could check it out himself.
Howard asked Todd if he's going to try and buy Barry Bonds' balls. Todd said he'll see what he can do about befriending Bonds and he may bid on the balls when they come up for auction. Howard seems to think that it's ridiculous to buy these balls because you could mix them all up and no one could tell them apart anyway. Todd creates these action figures of various cartoon characters and real people so Howard suggested that he create a Todd McFarlane doll that just burns money. Howard spent a couple of minutes with Todd goofing around with him before wrapping up the call.
Gary came in and started talking about how he can't whack off in front of his pet bird. Howard had said that he couldn't do it in front of his dog so Gary had to share his story. He revealed some stuff about how he masturbates that made Howard sick. Apparently Gary just jerks one right into his toilet. Gary also described how he watches the porn from his bathroom, which has 2 doors for some reason, and he just completes the act right into the toilet. Howard uses tissues himself so just the thought of Gary spanking one into his toilet made him sick. Howard was disgusted by the whole idea of that so he just ended the conversation and took a break.
After the break Howard said that Fred did a really funny bit about Gary during the commercial break. He tried to have him recreate it. Fred took a few sound effects and put them together to make up what Gary had described before the break. He played the sound effect that sounds like someone masturbating, then footsteps going to the bathroom, a door opening and then the spitting sound effect they use for masturbation bits and then a toilet flush and then another door closing. It was hilarious.
Howard had more listener songs about the World Trade Center disaster to play today. He first replayed some of the awful Mark Harris song that he's played a couple of times in the past few days. All of the guys goofed on that for a few minutes before Howard played some of the listener songs. Howard said he hasn't asked anyone to send in their awful songs but they just keep coming in. Howard also said he goofs on them but people must not care because they just keep coming. Gary said he got about 20 new ones in the mail yesterday. Howard played a few of them and made fun of them. They were all bad just like they usually are. One of them sounded just as bad as a Charles Manson song. Howard played a Charles Manson song to compare it to the song parody and you really couldn't tell the difference other than the fact that the Manson song was produced better. Howard said they should have a contest to see if anyone can tell the difference between the Manson song and the listener's song.
Reporter Chaunce Hayden called in and played a clip of Alice Cooper talking about how Howard is a ''real New Yorker'' because of the funds he's raised on his show. It was a pointless call but Howard let him go through it anyway.
CBS guy Vinnie Favale called in and reminded Howard that he has a new Mariah Carey web site message to play. Howard got fed up with Vinnie's bad cell phone connection so he hung up on him but he wanted to try and play the Mariah message from his computer. He eventually found the clip and played it. Mariah didn't have all that much to say but after playing the clip Howard said he feels really bad for Mariah because of all of the problems she's had lately.
Mariann from Brooklyn showed up late this morning to drop off the gas mask that she promised Howard. Howard had mentioned on the air that he was thinking of getting a gas mask so Mariann got him one. She came in and Howard said he's still amazed she looks as good as she does with the horrible voice she has. Even Adam and Jimmy were surprised she looked as good as she did. Howard talked about the gas mask for a few minutes until Cabbie called in and told him that gas masks are pretty much useless for 90 percent of the biological warfare agents that are out there. Cabbie said that the gas masks are only useful for a few types of poisons and the other 90 percent will seep right in through your skin. The only way to protect yourself is with a full military-only suit that no one can get anyway. Jimmy Kimmel said his wife wondered if they should get gas masks. Jimmy said he'd rather die than live like that though. Howard let Mariann go and Robin did her short news segment to wrap up the show.
Howard read in the paper that actress Angelina Jolie donated $1 million to the U.N. To go toward helping the Afghanistan refugees who have been fleeing their country. Howard thought that was a little odd. Howard and the crew discussed some of the other celebrities who have been giving money to help out the people in our own country too.
Howard read a letter he got from Red Peters, the guy who does some of the goofy song parodies Howard plays on the air. The letter talked about his patriotism and how much of a patriot he is. Red wrote a new song parody called the ''10 second National Anthem.'' Here are the lyrics: ''Oh say can you see.... and the home of the brave.'' Howard said he'll be playing that a lot on his show. Howard also played clips of some of Red's other songs that he's played in the past.
Howard gave out the phone numbers for the disaster relief fund that he's got going. He also read some of the letters they've received through the P.O. box that they have set up for the fund. People have been donating money even though they really can't afford it and Howard said that some of them were really touching letters.
Howard brought up how now to get into New York City you have to have 2 people in your car. Ronnie the limo driver had his limo taken apart and searched when he came in to the city yesterday. Ronnie's son also had his truck searched and taken apart before he was allowed in. Howard doesn't think that will last very long though. He said he thinks they'll eventually relax the security and let people come and go as usual.
Everyone spent some time talking about a news story that says the Mafia has been taking stuff out of the dumps where the World Trade Center scrap has been dumped. Apparently the scrap has been moved to a landfill where the FBI will be searching for evidence and stuff and the Mafia has been taking stuff that they want. Howard said that's pretty low for these guys to be stealing from a disaster like that. Howard said Jesse Jackson is even lower though because he wants to meet with the Taliban to get some media attention. Howard read that Jackson claimed the Taliban contacted him to negotiate with them but it turns out he lied about that.
Lonnie from Scores came in this morning with a few of the dancers from the club. Lonnie wanted to make a contribution to the relief fund as well as a contribution of hot chicks for the show because there haven't been many on lately. Lonnie got quite an introduction from Howard. He praised Lonnie like he was the mayor of the city. Lonnie donated $10,000 to the relief fund after praising Howard for all that he's been doing since the World Trade Center disaster. Howard said that the 3 girls Lonnie had were very beautiful. Lonnie said that they've been helping out with the disaster recovery by donating their time. Lonnie also said that they've been entertaining the workers from out of town working at Scores too. One of the girls, Veronica, is from Hungary and she didn't seem to know much about the disaster or why she was dancing for free for the workers. She just said she does it because she loves them. Howard spent a few minutes talking to the girls, Scarlet, Adrienne and Veronica and then moved on to other things.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jason about the other ex-Seinfeld stars and whether or not he's happy that Michael Richards' show failed. Jason said he's not really happy about it but he would have felt worse if the other stars had gone on to do great things and he hadn't. After Michael Richards' show failed Jason said he wondered if he knows something that Richards didn't. His show might just fail like Michael's did.
Howard and Jason also spent a few minutes discussing the new ''Star Trek'' TV show ''Enterprise.'' Howard watched the new show and said he really liked it. He said he even liked Scott Bakula as the captain. Jason said he hasn't watched it yet but he does have it on his TiVo ready to watch. He has always been a big Star Trek fan and he's even gone to at least one convention.
Howard moved on to talk about Jason's visit to Ground Zero yesterday. Howard thinks that a lot of celebrities are doing that just for photo-ops But Jason said he just wanted to see what was going on down there. He ended up getting escorted around by a cop who recognized him. He ended up going to a firehouse to help cheer up some of the families of the fire fighters who are missing in the disaster. He didn't plan on doing that though, it just happened.
Jason told Howard a story about going to the Scores strip club a few years ago. He claimed that he never got a table dance. He said he just sat at the bar and had a Diet Coke or something like that. The next day in the paper they said that he'd been there for 4 days getting lots of table dances but none of that was true. Howard told him he has to go down there with them because Howard will show him how to do it right.
Mike Walker from the National Enquirer called in to play his game. Before they got to it though, Mike asked Jason a few questions and they got sidetracked. Jason ended up talking about how he's trained in a few martial arts forms and they've come in handy over the years. He told a story about when he was in college and 3 guys attacked him while he was walking home one night. They surrounded him and he took a stance to defend himself. All three guys then attacked him at once but he was able to throw a kick and a punch and managed to get out of the situation without getting hurt. Howard and the crew seemed impressed that he was able to do that. Mike Walker was also glad to get a story like that out of Jason... it'll probably end up in the Enquirer.
Mike finally got around to playing his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a few more minutes with Jason plugging his stuff before wrapping up the interview. Jason got a few plugs in for ''Bob Patterson'' and Howard mentioned that Jason will be in the new movie ''Shallow Hal'' which opens in theaters in the near future.
Earlier in the morning Howard announced that a Ford dealer in Brooklyn had donated $15,300 to the fund. Each day he announces these huge donations but he reminds everyone that even the smallest donations are needed. He's still asking for all of his listeners to just give $5 or more.
Howard changed subjects and spent some time talking about this new Anna Kournikova workout video ''Anna Kournikova - Basic Elements: My Complete Fitness Guide'' that just came out. Howard said it's like soft-core porn. He said she obviously doesn't know anything about working out and the whole video is like a soft-core porn movie. KC came in and said that Anna is ''perfect'' and really hot in the video. Artie said that he's going to buy the video and a pizza and then sit down to watch it. Howard played some clips and goofed on them for a few minutes.
Howard told Chris that he thinks that we should go out and get the families of the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and slit their throats on TV. He seems to think that it would send a message that we won't put up with this stuff. Chris seems to think that it's a little too irrational to do something like that at this point. He said it might seem like a good idea right now but in a week it might seem like a really bad idea. Howard stuck to that opinion through the whole interview though. He repeated his ideas more than a couple of times.
Crazy Cabbie called in and tried to get some info out of Chris. Cabbie asked if the FBI has thwarted any attacks since the Trade Center disaster but Chris didn't know or didn't want to say anything. He said that in the 15 years he was with the FBI they thwarted many attacks. We don't always know about that stuff though.
Howard plugged Chris' book a couple of times and talked to him about his work with the hostage rescue team for a short time before wrapping up the interview.