Howard said he spent his vacation in The Hamptons and he loved it. He spent some time talking about that and his experiences out there. He complained that people are allowed to park their cars on the beach and take up all the room. He said he was ready to call the Governor to complain about it. He said it looks like a mess and he wonders why it's allowed.
Howard also kept mentioning some woman by the name of Lizzie Grubman who goes out to The Hamptons and gets into arguments with people. She's apparently the daughter of some rich guy. She ended up running over like 16 people at some club but claims that she didn't know she did it. The authorities called it road rage but now the woman is saying that she wishes that people would respect her privacy because her mother is dying of cancer. But she just ran over 16 people. It's a local New York story so Howard had to explain it all to everyone listening. Now Howard thinks that when he goes out to the Hamptons, people must hate him because he ''invades'' their town like all of the other famous people like Lizzie Grubman. You can read about the mess in the NY Post.
Howard got into his ratings a little bit and said he really doesn't care what happens to them because he's doing 4 more years of radio and he's done (We've heard that one before). He complained about how everyone is doing what he does and it's diluting what he's been doing for 20 years. Howard said that John Mainelli from the NY Post really hates him. Howard went off on all of the so-called journalists who are spending their time writing about celebrity gossip and how they must wonder how they ended up doing that when they should be reporting on real stories instead of Howard's ratings.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about Rush Limbaugh's $285 Million deal that was reported in the NY Post. No one can believe the guy is getting that kind of money.
Robin is having problems with her neck. She told Howard that she thinks she might be on her way out because she has a piece of bone intruding on some nerve in her neck or something like that. Howard said the only ''bone'' intruding Robin is her boyfriend ''Mr. X''. Howard had to take a break before hearing the whole story but she eventually shared it with everyone. Robin said she was having problems with a numbness in her hands. She said it happened once in a while and she eventually went to the doctor to see what it might be. She tried a bunch of stuff to get rid of it but nothing worked. She says her whole arm throbs and aches. Robin said after a Chiropractor took some x-rays they could see that there's a bone protruding into her neck. Howard thinks it's mental so he suggested his favorite doctor, Dr. Sarno. Robin says it's not mental so she's going to go to regular doctors.
Howard brought up how he had some people over to the house he rented out in the Hamptons. Stuttering John and his wife came and John was up to his usual crap. Howard said he found John using his bathroom even though John had his own bedroom with its own bathroom downstairs. Howard said he was so pissed that he did that but John didn't think he should make a big deal out of it. Howard said that John took a shower in his bathroom. He later found pee on the rim of the seat but John said that could have been Howard who left it there. Howard said that he pees sitting down all the time so it's not him. He said he's willing to admit that he sits while he pees even though his girlfriend makes fun of him about it.
Howard said John also ended up coming out to the pool one time where Howard had his own chair set up with a towel on it. He looked over at one point and John was sitting in his chair on his towel. Once again, John was someplace he shouldn't have been. John thinks nothing of it.
Howard said he saw the movie ''Dude, Where's my Car'' over vacation and Stuttering John appears in it real quick and the scene is just like the real John. He comes out of his room at one point and pees in a flower pot, walks back into his room and the guys ask each other who it was who just did that. One of the guys says ''I don't know, I think he lives here...'' or something like that. Howard said other than that the movie was horrible though.
KC told Howard about what he did over vacation. He was a lifeguard out at some beach for the two weeks they were off. He made some good money while he was doing that. He said his boss was like 16 years old and he was goofed on a little bit by the kid. He said the job is great though because there are so many hot chicks there on the beach at Port Jefferson or someplace like that.
Howard spent a little bit of time talking about the shark attack that happened down in Florida while they were away as well as another attack by some type of piranha in New Guinea where a guy lost his penis because the fish were attracted to urine. The guy apparently peed in the water and the fish came and bit off his penis.
Bridget said she wants to come in and meet Howard and he agreed since he was curious to see what she looks like. That may happen in the near future sometime. She said she'd wear a bikini for Howard if he wants her to. That got Howard talking about a picture of Mariah Carey that was in the paper recently. He said she's easily 10 pounds overweight and she's wearing a bikini that she shouldn't be wearing. Howard and the other guys spent a few minutes talking about how so many women wear bathing suits that they have no business wearing.
Howard had to take a break shortly after introducing Tim and Victoria. When he came back he said that Victoria is the hottest chick around. Robin pointed out that any hot woman sitting in the studio becomes the ''hottest'' one around. Howard said he thinks Victoria is hotter than Pamela Anderson... at least today she is. Howard questioned Victoria about whether or not she shaves ''her bird''. Victoria said she doesn't have to shave because she's blonde and she doesn't have all that much hair down there. Howard said he has his girlfriend shave his chest hair and stuff like that. He trims his own ''bird'' so he looks good for her too.
Howard talked about the episode of ''Son of the Beach'' that Victoria appears in. He explained how she gets abducted by the guy who played Big Pussy on The Sopranos and he puts her in a cage and makes her do porn movies. Notch Johnson and B.J. Cummings are also abducted and forced to do porn movies. Tim's character, Notch, ends up in a gay porn movie called ''Schindler's Fist''.
Howard said that Victoria's character also ends up hugging Jaime Bergman's character B.J. about 20 times during one sequence and they're both in bikinis. Howard said he was lucky enough to have been there when the hugging scenes were shot months ago. He says he didn't plan that but Victoria thinks he may have.
Howard and Tim also discussed that day because it was the same day a few women refused to kiss Tim for a scene. They tried paying a woman to kiss him and she demanded more money than they wanted to pay. Eventually they found a woman who was willing to do it. Tim said she was fresh off the bus in L.A. and that's probably the only reason she did it.
Howard tried not to concentrate on Tim too much so he kept getting back to Victoria's stories. A caller told Howard that she was once caught with a big black dildo in her luggage in Customs and she doesn't like to carry it around now. She said it was a gift from a friend and she really doesn't use a vibrator. She uses her hand if she needs to get off.
Howard asked her about whether or not she wears panties all the time or not also. She said it depends on the weather. If it's ''hot and sticky'' outside she doesn't wear underwear. Craig Gass' ''Al Pacino's Baby'' said that he was hot and sticky after hearing that.
Howard asked Victoria what her measurements were but she wasn't quite sure. She said she's a 36½ C or D cup but she wasn't sure of her other measurements. For some reason Howard told her she was so hot he'd ''gargle with (her) douche water''. He also said he'd let her give him ''golden showers'' which he'd never let any other woman do to him. Victoria later said that Howard is very smooth when he comes on to a woman. You wouldn't know it with comments like that though.
Victoria is married so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard also asked her some of the places she's had dirty sex. All she could really come up with was being on a jet-ski one time. Howard also tried to get Victoria to give the guys in the audience some advice on how they can pick up a hot chick like her. She said it's usually a physical thing at first so she didn't have any advice for us. Don't miss tomorrow night's episode of ''Son of the Beach'' because it's the last one of the season according to Tim.
Howard got off the subject of motorcycles and on to the Chandra Levy / Gary Condit news story for a few minutes. Howard discussed that for a few minutes before talking to Gary about going to Massachusetts during vacation. Gary talked about seeing a bunch of obese kids out with their parents while he was up there. He feels that it's like child abuse to let your kids get as fat as these kids were.
Howard also got to talk about Mike Gange, an E! show producer who started out as an intern on Howard's show years ago. He's now 31 years old and still working there. Anyway, Mike went to Paris, France and hung out with his ex-girlfriend Jen who used to work with him. They slept in the same bed but never made love and he didn't get laid the whole time he was over there. Gange doesn't think that it's that ridiculous. Howard says that Gange has to be gay not to bang her. Gange said he was afraid it would bring back so much other stuff in his life so he didn't even try. He said he did get aroused but didn't even reach around and try to cop a feel. He kept saying that he didn't think it would be a good idea to do anything with her. Even Robin said all he had to do was just touch her and he probably could have gotten something from her. Everyone then jumped on him and told him how he could have gotten laid over there. When he was asked by someone why he didn't try to pick up some topless beach chicks, he said it was because he was with his ex-girlfriend and he didn't feel right doing it. General Manager Tom Chiusano even made a trip into the studio to tell Gange how dumb he was. He said that it was a new place and it could have been a new experience for the two of them. Gange said he just didn't want to open that ''can of worms'' all over again. He just sounded like a big pussy to everyone. Tom said that Gange might be asexual. Mike said he just didn't want to go back to the past. He never even pleasured himself while he was there.
Howard wouldn't give up on the story. He kept digging deeper and deeper and found out that Mike and Jen held hands at one point but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. They even snuggled with each other a couple of times but then they'd just go to sleep. Howard summed it up best when he called Mike a ''fag''.
Doug Goodstein from E! called in and said that Gange did something odd when a ''Perfect 10'' girl called him and asked him to show her around the city. They hung out, drank together and Gange ended up with a new friend. No sex. Gange said that she just wanted to go home after they went out so that's what he let her do. Everyone thinks she wanted him to go with her, he just didn't see the signs.
Howard said he was watching one of those Entertainment Tonight-like shows last night and they were showing Regis Philbin's co-host Kelly Ripa returning and talking about her baby. Howard said Regis just rolled his eyes and said it was going to be a long week. Howard discussed how it's kind of like Kathie Lee Gifford and how she acted on the show with Regis. Then she left the show and went on to do an E! special movie. Big career. Greg Fitzsimmons said he knows where Kelly will be in 5 years too... nowhere. Howard spent some time discussing Kathie Lee's life and how she can't decide what she's going to do with her career. Howard also said that Kelly just aspires to be Kathie Lee so you have to laugh. Howard compared that career to Greg Kinear and John Henson's who were both on E!'s ''Talk Soup''. Howard can't believe that Greg has made it as big as he has and poor John Henson hasn't been able to follow in his footsteps.
Howard has a theory about the Chandra Levy disappearance. A listener asked him what he thought about it and Howard said he thinks that newscaster Dan Rather killed her because he refuses to talk about it during his newscast. Howard spent a little while discussing Chandra Levy and Gary Condit for the second day in a row trying to figure out what might have happened there. Gary and Howard also talked about whether or not they'd get into kinky sex with whips and chains with a woman if she initiated it. Howard said he might but Gary said it doesn't do anything for him. Greg Fitzsimmons said he gets into some odd stuff with his wife just to keep the sex new and exciting with her. Howard said he tied up one of the girlfriends he has after the separation from his wife. He said he'd just mention it to the woman and she'd get excited. He finally did it with her and tied her up with a couple of neck ties. He then had to decide what to do next. He could drip candle wax on her or use a vibrator on her. He decided to take pictures of her! She didn't want it but it made it more exciting that way. Then he left for 5 minutes and the woman fell asleep. He woke her up and lit a candle. He dripped some candle wax on her but it was too hot for her. He moved on and tickled her a bit until she begged for the vibrator. Then he had to untie her so he could spank her. He then decided he just wanted to have sex so he untied her. Howard joked that this was Cindy Adams the old gossip columnist but he just said that so he wouldn't have to mention the real name of the woman. Howard said Robin knows who she is but we'll never know.
Howard got a call from a listener who brought up Jennifer Lopez and how she uses the word ''niggas'' in her latest song. Howard spent a few minutes goofing on the whole situation while Big Black called in and played tape of Jennifer and Sean ''Puffy'' Combs defending the song and the use of the word.
Montel came in looking all pumped up. Howard and Robin were both surprised that he looks so good for a sick guy. Howard was ready to take off his shirt to show Montel how he's in better shape than him but he changed his mind.
Montel complained that Howard ignores him when he ''scooters by'' Howard's building with his son on the weekends. Howard said he hears his name yelled out all the time and he usually goes on with his business and ignores it. He told Montel that he has to say ''Hey Howard, it's Montel'' to get his attention.
Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, who was sitting in today, said that Montel ruined all future Friars Club Roasts because he got upset with Ted Danson when he put on black face to roast Whoopi Goldberg. He said that now they don't allow anyone to record the shows and they're televising the shows. Montel was apparently so upset over the whole thing that he walked out during the roast.
Howard brought up Montel's ex-wife and how Howard always called her a stripper but Montel would deny that she was ever a stripper. Now that he's left his wife he's willing to admit that she was a stripper. Howard thinks that Montel stopped talking to him because of that whole thing. Montel said that wasn't the reason though. He went on to talk about why he and his wife split and he blames it all on himself. Howard warned Montel that the marriage wouldn't work 10 years ago. He told him to get a pre-nuptial agreement but Montel didn't listen and now he's paying for that. Howard thinks the ex-wife must have gotten a lot of money out of him because he's got to be worth big bucks after being on TV for 10 years. Montel said he makes about 35% less money than a comparable white guy on TV... He was saying that as a joke though. He was kidding around to hide the fact that he makes a lot of money from his ex-wife.
Howard asked Montel what he thinks of Jennifer Lopez's use of ''nigga'' in her latest song. Montel said he doesn't use the word himself but he's never taken offense to it either. He sees that it's being used in a lot of rap songs and it doesn't really bother him but he'd like to see people move on and just let it go.
Montel spent the rest of the interview talking about his illness Multiple Sclerosis and how he's dealing with it by working out and snowboarding. He has pain in his feet and ankles and the snowboarding helps him work on his feet. He works out to stay in shape for his future. He wrote his workout book ''BodyChange'' with his trainer. Montel said he's very happy with his life right now because he has four great kids, 3 of which are named Montel, and he's enjoying his life.
Howard took a few phone calls for Montel and wrapped up the interview after only 40 minutes or so.
Howard said that gave him a great idea because he always gets these ridiculous calls. He said he's going to pleasure himself to any female telemarketer he gets. KC came in and said on one track Jim does that with a guy who calls him. Howard played the track and it was hilarious. Jim moans and breathes heavy as the telemarketer gives him directions to visit whatever it was that he was supposed to visit. The telemarketer would say key words like ''..get off at..'' and Jim would breathe and say ''...get off, right... keep going''.
Tune in tomorrow for more or check out Jim's web site JimFlorentine.com for some free clips.
A few people called in and told Howard there are ways to try and stop these telemarketers. One woman, Howard's sister, said New York has a consumer web site where you can put your name on a list to be removed from telemarketing phone call lists. She said it was consumer.state.ny.us or something like that. Or you can call 866-622-5569 to find out more about the movement to get off of these lists.
The band came in and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the lead singer Pat about his cool look and stuff like that. Howard then had them perform their hit ''Drops of Jupiter'' which sounded great. Then they did their cover of ''Ramble On'' and it was even better. Gary said the lead singer's voice is great. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from listeners and everyone was impressed with their performances. Gary was also impressed and he told them that they sound better than a lot of great bands that come on the show to perform. Howard wrapped things up with the guys and said that they'll be touring with Matchbox Twenty starting on July 31st.
Howard said it was nice to have a house again even though it was just for a couple of weeks. He enjoyed being able to entertain his family at a house since he lost his in the divorce. He jokingly said he's thinking of asking his ex-wife Alison if he can rent the old house from her sometime.
Howard killed some time doing his ''Top 5'' songs in the country along with some new phony Casey Kasem intros that someone did. Howard also replayed the ''Booey Maguire'' song parody he played on yesterday's show. Of course this led to everyone goofing on Gary for the length of the song parody. Gary buzzed through on the special microphone he has in his office and asked Howard how long the song is. Howard said it's 4 minutes 24 seconds. Gary said it felt like an hour.
Since Jim Florentine was goofing on Gary's ''Booey Math'' that he used in his apology tape years ago. Howard asked him if he's married himself. Jim said he's got a girlfriend and his personal life is at a 10 and his professional life is also at a 10 right now. He said his ''Jim Florentine is Terrorizing Telemarketers'' CD that Howard mentioned on the show yesterday was number 282,484 in the Amazon.com sales ranking. After Howard mentioned it, it shot up to number 7.
Howard replayed a little bit of Train's performances of ''Drops of Jupiter'' and their cover of ''Ramble On'' from yesterday's show. He and Robin were finally able to figure out what ''Ramble On'' was about after being able to understand the words during Train's performance.
Howard got a letter and a tape of some songs from some woman who saw him on the beach while he was out in the Hamptons during vacation. The woman left the stuff in his driveway. He doesn't think that's right so he was going to throw it away. He decided to keep it. One embarrassing thing in the letter was the fact that Howard was flying a kite when the woman saw him. Howard said Scott Einziger from E! was the one who brought the kite to fly but he tried it himself. He got the kite up but it came crashing down soon after. Howard moved on to read the letter that the woman left. He said she wanted Howard to listen to some songs that she sings. It was actually on a videotape so Howard was watching it in the studio. Howard wonders how these people think that they can possibly be talented enough to bother leaving the tape on his driveway. The songs weren't good and the quality of the tape was horrible. Howard said he watched every minute of it when he got it though. The woman eventually called in and Howard told her how horrible the tape was. She said her excuse for the poor quality was her quick editing on a machine she had in her shed. Howard told her that she can re-record the songs and he'll listen but she's a little old to be starting a singing career at the age of 44.
Howard replayed Jim Florentine's telemarketer calls that he played on yesterday's show. They were just as funny the second time as they were the first.
Also calling in quickly during this segment was this guy Jeff who was on the show a back in December. He likes to have women puke on him and one woman actually did it to win a Playstation 2 back then. Today he called in and said he has an e-mail address so women that want to puke on him can contact him. If you are a woman who likes to puke on guys (how many can there be?) his e-mail address is WomenVomitOnMe@yahoo.com. Howard didn't spend much time talking to Jeff because he was kind of rambling about stuff they already knew about.
A couple of people called in and gave Joey some advice about his problem but he still needs more advice. One woman said her boyfriend had premature ejaculation problems and he ended up putting on like 4 condoms at a time and worked his way back to one eventually. Joey also shared some stories about how just touching a woman would finish him off and embarrass him.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Parapsychologist Andy Reiss who says that Chandra Levy is still alive. Andy claims that he can leave his body and go out to different planets and crap like that. Howard let Andy know that he doesn't believe in any of this stuff but he let the guy tell him why he thinks Chandra is still alive. Andy said that he thinks Chandra just left her life and has taken on a new personality to get away from all that's happened in her life. He said he thinks she's moving in a north/south direction.
Howard went through a whole bunch of tabloid stories to kill even more time. He went through about 5 different tabloids and picked out stories that he found interesting. He brought up an OJ Simpson article in which he makes some dopey comments about women that make him look more guilty than ever.
Howard can't believe that Matt LeBlanc from ''Friends'' is dating some woman who has two kids of her own. He doesn't get when a famous guy dates someone who has kids already.
Matthew Perry from ''Friends'' was also pictured in a tabloid article. Howard said he's like the poster boy for not doing drugs. They had before and after pictures and Perry is all fat with a bad beard now. Howard said he wants to interview the guy because he's so f'd up.
Howard read an article about Matt Lauer that said he fainted in the delivery room when his son was born. Howard said that makes him look like he's gay. This story led to Brian from E! coming in and talking about how he got queasy when he watched his wife's sonogram. He's afraid that he's going to pass out in the delivery room also. Howard told him to just not go in there but his wife is demanding it.
Howard talked about Tom Hanks and how charmed his life is. He's been helping his first wife with her cancer treatments and the tabloids are talking about him like he's the greatest man alive. Howard said if it were anyone else the papers would be calling it guilt and say that the guy is a scumbag. Howard knows that's what would happen to him if he did something like that. Jim Florentine joked that Tom should be happy that he won't have to pay alimony when she's gone.
Howard saw pictures of Jennifer Lopez's big fat ass in a thong in ''The Globe'' and said he doesn't get that whole attraction. He said her ass is really huge.
Razor magazine did an interview with model Shaune Bagwell and in it she says that she was very attracted to Howard when she was on the show recently. She says that Howard was much more attractive in person than he is on TV. Howard said he felt that there was something going on when she came in the studio and this article confirmed it. Gary said when he reads something like that he sees a future news story ''Shaune Bagwell-Stern $20 million richer'' when she divorces Howard like she did to baseball player Jeff Bagwell.
A comedian who hosted a show that Jim Florentine was at called in and said Jim banged a chick in a bathroom at the club they were at. The woman ended up losing her footing, slipped, banged her head and slipped her foot into the toilet. Jim said he was almost finished with her when it happened. He said she had one leg up on the toilet and the other foot on the floor which was wet with piss. That foot slipped, her other foot went in the toilet and she banged her head on the soap dish. He wasn't able to complete the act since she was injured too bad to continue. We also learned that Jim had a girlfriend who used to drink his urine for no particular reason. He said she'd just do it once in a while and he wouldn't kiss her after she did it. He said she even had him do it in front of some of her friends one time.
Howard brought up the sex tapes he played a couple of weeks back. They were the ones where the woman talks dirty on a CD so you can get off to them. Howard said they were okay but they kind of sucked but not really... Then he said that there's a lot of different ones out there. He had one called Trucker Fantasies. He held off playing it for a few minutes. He was wondering how and why you'd use them. He didn't think they'd be good to beat off to in your car because it's too hard to do in there. Artie said it's really not though. It's tough to do while driving but Ronnie the Limo Driver has done it. He told a story about a woman who flashed him and he got so horny that he had to beat one out. Stuttering John has also done it in his car. Ronnie said he used a fur lined glove to finish himself off in. He then threw it out the window. KC shared a story about just trying to pee in a Gatorade bottle when he had to pee one time. He ended up pissing all over himself and his seat because he experienced ''shrinkage'' because he had to pee so bad. Gary shared a story about getting oral while he drove. Artie took a dump on the side of the road but ended up getting it all over his clothes and back in the car. His buddies made him take his pants off but he still stunk like crap so he ended up walking around with no pants on. He said he was drunk at the time. Ronnie also told a story about another limo driver who used a box he had in his trunk to take a dump while he waited for one of his pick-ups.
Artie got back to his story and said he had to walk 5 blocks after crapping himself. He got home, figured out his wallet was in his pants and ended up breaking into his parents house. He banged his head on the sink as he broke in through the kitchen. Then he just laid down and fell asleep until his father found him the next morning... no pants, passed out on the floor with crap on his ass.
Ronnie then told a story about getting a bloody nose while pleasing his girlfriend in his car while they were having fun. He didn't realize he had the bloody nose because it was so dark in the car. He said the girl had blood all over her bright yellow dress and it was all over his car seat. He said it was his most embarrassing moment ever. Ronnie then told a story about hitting on a woman he saw in a car. He asked her out for drinks but when they found a place to go the woman got out with braces on her legs and big metal crutches. Ronnie took off as soon as he saw that getting out of the car.
Howard moved on to other stuff and spent some time talking about this Lizzy Grubman story that's been ignored by entertainment TV shows for some reason. The woman, a publicist, allegedly ran over a bunch of people at a club out in Long Island after leaving the place all pissed off for some reason. Gary said that web sites are taking down negative comments made about the woman because they're afraid of Grubman's rich father. Everyone's afraid to comment on her and that seems to be why the story is being ignored.
Howard replayed the hilarious ''Booey Maguire'' song parody and ended up goofing on both Gary and Bruce Springsteen for a few minutes with Artie Lange. It brought tears to my eyes it was so funny.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape where they mention David Spade and how he almost got arrested for an outstanding warrant for wreckless driving on a jet ski. Howard said that's kind of a gay thing to get arrested for. Artie Lange wondered how Spade was even able to get on a jet ski because he's so short.
Howard played one of Confederate Fagg's songs for us and it wasn't horrible but it wasn't that great either. Teabag said that they can't get anyone to manage the band for some reason. Artie Lange yelled at him to change the name of the band. That's probably what's holding them back from anyone representing them. Howard ended up goofing on the guy for screwing up his name. He was calling him Teabag Seatback which upset Teabag. He didn't want to believe he was wrong about it. Howard kept the call short so he could take a break and move on to other stuff. Confederate Fagg will be playing a show down in Columbia, South Carolina on September 13th. Howard told him to come in sometime but Teabag said they need Howard to manage them and get them a gig up north somewhere. That probably won't be happening anytime soon.
Ryan's 18 year old girlfriend Lisa was able to get him out of the whole shoplifting thing and they're planning on getting married some day. Howard had Lisa come in and she was really cute but way too young looking. Howard actually let her play along with Ryan because he figured they didn't have a chance against Fred.
Howard sent Fred into Robin's booth and went on to ask Ryan and Lisa their 7 questions. They had to answer as many as possible in one minute. Here are the questions:
Lisa actually wanted to get naked for Howard but he passed on it because she was wayyyy too young looking. His daughter is the same age and he just felt wrong about it. Gary agreed with him.
Howard ended up talking to the kids for quite a while about how great it must be to have Ozzy as a father. Kelly, who said she's almost 17, is driving around in a Mercedes Benz SUV after getting rid of her PT Cruiser because she felt it was too ''unsafe'' for her. Jack, 15, is scouting for bands for Epic Records and he's putting together his own record label with a partner. Ozzy also told Howard that his other daughter, Amy, is working on her own singing career and she's got a great voice. He was amazed the first time he heard her sing on a recording that someone played for him.
Every time Ozzy is on Howard estimates Ozzy's worth and tells the kids how they'll be inheriting the mother load when Ozzy is gone. The kids don't really seem to think much about it though. Jack says he wants to do everything on his own and doesn't want to take his father's money. Howard said it's still nice to have that cushion just in case things don't work out for him. Howard said that he's probably got trusts set up for them that will set them for life.
Ozzy said he has sex discussions with his kids because his father never did that for him. He says it's a different time now and things are much crazier than when he was a kid. He said the kids hate to hear it but he does it to be a good parent. Howard said he wants to do the same for his 18 year old but she doesn't want to hear it from him. Howard said he wanted to discuss how great committed relationships are and that if all she wants is an orgasm, he'll buy her a vibrator.
Howard was under the impression that Ozzy would head home to England when his kids were grown up but Ozzy says things have changed over there. He says he's not going to move back home after seeing how much it's changed.
This woman Janice came in to meet Ozzy this morning. She claims that she's been a fan half her life and Ozzy actually saved her father's life. She explained how her father had a kidney transplant and after he came home he was unable to get any rest. He loved her Ozzy albums so she loaned them to him and he was able to relax to his music somehow. Howard joked that Ozzy's music has healing powers or something. Gary came in and said he saw a picture of Janice's room from when she was 16 and she had Ozzy posters all over her room and even over her bed. Howard asked her if she ''touched herself'' while laying in bed to Ozzy's image. She told him that was a possibility.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls from fans and one woman brought up a recent show down in West Palm Beach. Ozzy quickly remembered the woman after she described the situation. He'd given her a harmonica for some reason. She was amazed that he remembered her and Ozzy said the reason he remembered her was because she had ''big knockers''. That embarrassed his kids of course. Howard wrapped up the interview after talking to Ozzy about the time he snorted ants off of a popsicle stick when he was hanging out with Tommy Lee one time. He said he did it because he was stoned and the ants came crawling out of his mouth.
Howard was promoting Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs coming in later during the show. He said he was listening to the new CD ''P. Diddy & The Bad Boy Family-'' and he was dressed in Sean John clothing. He was all set for the appearance. Howard played a couple of cuts from the CD and talked about it for a while.
Fred got thrown out of a taxi cab this morning. He said the driver started going the wrong way and when Fred tried to get him to go the right way the driver just argued with him. After complaining a couple of times the driver just told him to get out of the cab. Fred said he actually left $3 in the cab for some reason. Everyone wondered why he bothered to do that. He's Fred, that's all the explanation you need.
A phone caller said that Artie Lange was at some golf tournament and he drove a cart into a lake or something like that. Artie denied the story but said there was some kind of incident there. Then Howard said that KC told him about how Artie was walking around smoking a cigar and drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels when they went to the horse races the other day. Howard said Artie acts like a 65 year old guy and he's only 33. This all led to everyone discussing various stories about the track and how KC is blowing all of his money there even though he's always complaining that he doesn't have any money.
Big Black called in and said he was hanging out around the ''Late Show with David Letterman'' studio yesterday. Howard said that there are always people doing that over there and it's kind of weird. He went on to talk about his own experiences going on Dave's show and even Jay Leno's show. While he was talking about all of this Big Black was unable to say the word ''intricacies'' until Howard offered him a special prize if he could actually say it correctly. Gary said the guy is just lazy because he could say the word fine once he was offered a prize.
Stuttering John told a story about how he was able to sneak onto the set of Conan O'Brien's show by giving a fake name to the security desk. He said his name wasn't on the list so he looked at the list the person had and picked a name that he saw. He was able to get up to the studio no problem after that. Artie said his buddies were able to do the same type of thing when they told security they were his managers one time. Artie said his buddies looked like construction workers when they showed up but they were still able to get in.
''Tomb Raider'' was also a subject of discussion. They talked about how there was no plot yet it made big money. Angelina Jolie is the reason for the big money according to Michael.
''Planet of the Apes'' is one movie Howard can't wait to see. Robin said that she sees stuff wrong with it already and she's only seen the trailers.
''Spiderman'' is another one Howard can't wait to see. Michael said he's been hearing some stuff about it and it should be good. But he didn't have anything bad to say about anything at this point in the interview. He even said that ''Jurassic Park 3'' was okay, not great though.
''American Pie 2'' looks really funny to Michael also. Howard ended up playing tape of Shannon Elizabeth talking about how she had to take her top off in the first movie. Now she's thinking that she's a real actress even though she wasn't very good in the first one. Howard said her breasts are the only thing that have gotten her where she is. Howard proved how bad she was by playing a clip of her doing her awful accent during the first ''American Pie''.
Howard asked Michael what was up with ''Scary Movie 2''. Michael wondered why Beetlejuice has a movie career and Howard doesn't. Beetlejuice appears in ''Scary Movie 2'' and another movie that'll be out soon. Howard said he's got offers but he hasn't signed to do anything yet. Howard talked about shooting ''Private Parts'' and he said that he thinks doing that actually killed his marriage. Stuttering John laughed when Howard said that the movie about how great his marriage was actually ruined that marriage.
Michael said that ''Scary Movie 2'' is doing okay for a sequel. He said that sequel's hardly ever do better than the first one so it's not doing all that bad.
Michael invited Howard to go see the ''Planet of the Apes'' premiere next week but Gary said that they're already setting up a special screening just for Howard. Gary asked Michael what movie he thinks is the best one of the year. Michael quickly said ''Shrek''. Howard went on to take a few phone calls before he wrapped up the interview with Michael.
Howard was happy to see that the girls weren't ''too muscular'' like some women who wrestle seem to be... Chyna was one wrestler that was mentioned as being too muscular for a woman. The girls also had feminine voices that certain so-called female wrestlers don't have.
The girls told Howard how they'll start out in wrestling gear and they'll try to strip down the other one to her bra and panties during the match. Howard says they're doing this to get into the whole lesbian fantasy thing for the guys that are watching wrestling. One of the girls said that she gets quite a few lesbians showing up at her autograph signings. They both claim they don't have boyfriends but that's just to keep the fantasies going for the guys out there.
The girls told Howard how they got into the whole wrestling thing and all of that stuff before Howard got to the gossip game. One of the girls said she wrestled down in Mexico to get her training. The girls will be wearing thongs at the event since it is a pay-per-view. They also said that there is always the chance that a boob will pop out during a match.
Howard moved on to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game to get that out of the way. Howard spoke to Mike for a couple of minutes about Chyna and how Stephanie McMahon stole away Triple H from her when she left the WWF. Now Chyna is all upset over the loss. She's also upset that she had to leave the WWF because she couldn't get more money. Now Mike says that she has her own web site (BodyByJoanie.com) but she's not allowed to use her name anymore. She's back to her real name of Joanie Laurer.
Howard also spoke to Mike about the Chandra Levy, Gary Condit story for a couple of minutes. Mike said he personally thinks that Gary Condit did have something to do with Chandra's disappearance... but that's just his personal opinion. Mike said that Condit is a scary guy and he should resign from his position.
After all of that Howard got to the game. Here's how it goes...Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard was wearing one of P. Diddy's SeanJohn shirts this morning. He said he likes the SeanJohn clothing line and wears it quite often. Robin didn't like the shirt he had on. She said it was ''just a shirt'' with an ''ugly design on it'' that was nothing special. Howard didn't know what she was expecting. She was expecting something other than a plain old shirt with an ugly design on it. P. Diddy sounded a little upset with Robin for dissing the shirt so much.
Howard eventually got off the shirt subject and talked to P. Diddy about his life and the people he hangs out with. Howard said he has his posse from the 'hood and then he has friends like Jerry Seinfeld that he hangs out with. Howard wondered how he became friendly with Jerry. P. Diddy said that he's not really friends with Jerry, he'll just talk to him if he runs into him while he's out.
Howard brought up Jennifer Lopez and was going to show Sean the pictures he saw in the tabloids where they show her big, giant ass in a thong. Howard asked him if it's painful to see his ex with a new guy. Sean didn't seem upset over it. Howard said her ass is as big as a truck and asked if she should be designing clothes because she doesn't know how to dress herself. Sean said that she's got her own style and it works for her. He also told Howard you have to be into asses if you want to be into Jennifer's ass.
P. Diddy told Howard that he's now going to be known as ''H. Diddy''. Howard said that he likes that and then asked when the name changing ceremony will be held for ''P. Diddy''. That whole thing will eventually happen but he didn't have a date set. Howard thought he was going to give up on that whole nutty idea but it's not out of the question yet.
P. Diddy asked Howard about his marriage break up and how he's handling that. Howard said it's over and he's trying to move on.
Robin brought up Sean's mother and how she's always around when Sean is in court or out in public. She said that any woman who wants to get to P. Diddy is going to have to go through his mother.
Howard asked Sean about how much he's worth and what he does with his money. Sean said that he's got a nice house out in the Hamptons that's ''only'' 8-9000 square feet. He's got a bunch of places in different parts of the country where he can stay. He said he likes to keep it moving.
Howard asked Sean about the women he's dated and what that's like. Sean was pretty quiet about all of that stuff though. Howard was calling all of the women his ''bitches'' but Sean said you might get your penis cut off if you call a Sister a ''bitch'' to her face. Sean did share the story about how he met Jennifer Lopez and eventually dated her. He had her do one of his music videos after being friends with her for quite a while. It took a long time for him to get her in bed. Howard kept asking about Jennifer but Sean just wanted to move on. He asked Howard if there was any way they could do that but Howard wouldn't let it happen. He wanted to know everything about the relationship. Sean said that Jennifer was really just a ''good, sweet girl'' and they didn't have a bad break up.
Howard did move on and let some phone callers talk to P. Diddy. One guy asked him if when he's in the studio and he gets it right if his trainer gives him a banana. P. Diddy told the guy to come down to the studio and say that. He said he'd shove that banana up the guys ass if he did show up.
Yesterday this black woman, who ''sounded white'' to Howard, called in and said she wanted to come down and meet P. Diddy. Howard let her come down with her friend today and she was a black woman. Howard said she didn't look like she was from ''the 'hood'' though. She was pretty cute according to him and Gary told Howard she has 4 kids and she's only 28 years old. Howard let her friend talk to P. Diddy for a few seconds and she tried to hook up with him. That won't be happening though.
Howard got rid of the girls and played a clip of ''Bad Boy for Life'' from the new album. Robin tried to get into a discussion about how P. Diddy seems to settle his problems with fighting but Sean said he's taken his anger management classes and that stuff is behind him now. He's enjoying his life and getting away from that stuff.
Howard took a few more phone calls and one woman ended up yelling at P. Diddy about some nonsense about him not being a business man so he told her to calm down and stop yelling so early in the morning. He then pointed out that those anger management classes were paying off because he didn't yell back at the woman.
High Pitch Erik called in and mentioned he'd be making an appearance out in the Hamptons and tried to hook up with P. Diddy. Of course that would never happen but at least Eric tried his best. Howard's buddy Ralph also called in and said that P. Diddy parties are the best. Robin brought him to one and it was great. He just called in to talk about how cool it was. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. P. Diddy thanked everyone out there who has supported him over the years as Howard wrapped it up.