The death of George Harrison was also a subject for discussion this morning. Howard and the crew spent some time talking about the news coverage of his death.
Howard said he went out to dinner on Saturday night with Stuttering John and Scott Einziger who is leaving the show. Howard said Scott had more ''good bye dinners'' than anyone who's been on the show. Howard said when someone leaves the show he ends up just forgetting about them so it wasn't upsetting for him to say goodbye to Scott. He said he was a good friend of his and he'll miss him but he didn't shed a tear when they said good bye. Robin Radzinski has taken over Scott's spot as Executive Producer of Howard's E! show. Howard also said that he and his girlfriend had sex in the limo on the way over to the dinner. They ended up telling everyone they did it too. Howard said his girlfriend looked really hot while they were driving over and he couldn't get rid of his erection so he had to bang her in the limo. He didn't want to embarrass himself walking around with a boner.
Howard took a call from this guy Double A who calls in quite often. He had a game for Howard to play where he would pick his favorite women out of a list. After going through a ton of names he ended up with three which Double A then had Howard do an F***, Marry Kill game with. The final three were:
Howard killed more time talking some more about his weekend and about some news stories that interested him. He spent some time talking about Imus and his cancer ranch. He also played a clip of Tony Bennett forgetting the words to ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'' at the Thanksgiving Day parade in New York. Gary came in and told Howard about the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting and how there were some Rockettes dancing that had to have been 60 years old. He wondered if they can fire any of them for being too old. Everyone spent a couple of minutes discussing how they probably can't fire anyone for stuff like that anymore because it would mean a lawsuit.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and at one point gave a prize to a guy he liked. The caller had to answer the following question:
Howard got off the subject for a couple of seconds when he announced that Mr. Methane would be coming on the show in the near future to perform some Christmas songs. Howard played a few clips of those farting songs before Toni got to perform.
Toni finally got her chance to sing and she performed part of Aretha Franklin's ''Chain of Fools'' and then went into Whitney Houston's ''I'll Always Love You.'' She wasn't bad. Howard thought she had a great voice but she was singing other people's material. Gary thought she was a little flat when she sang and KC thought she needed to move around more while she was singing. The guys convinced her to get into a bikini to perform her original song. She got changed and came back out in a bikini top. She then performed the song and the guys didn't think she sounded bad at all. Howard said he doesn't like the kind of music she was singing but she doesn't sound any worse than the pop singers that are out there today.
A couple of guys claiming to be from record companies called in and said they might be interested in her. Howard told her to lie about her age and lose 10 to 15 pounds and she'd be all set. He was actually surprised that she had a nice ass. She didn't want to show it but she did give them a quick view of it somehow. Howard let her go after talking to her for a couple more minutes.
Howard went on to play this game. They had a group of 3 kids, one of them wasn't a kid but a 28 year old who looks like a kid. Howard and the crew had to pick the 28 year old out of the lineup. The 28 year old was pretty obvious to most of the people in the studio but Howard played the game anyway. He asked each of the three ''kids'' questions about what they do for fun and stuff like that. The first kid, Mike, said he's 14 and he likes riding his bike and hanging out. The second kid, Mario Bosco, said he was 13, likes riding his bike, hanging out and listening to music. When Howard asked him what kind of video games he likes he slipped and said he likes Playstation because he can play games like Ms. Pac Man that he wasn't able to play when he was younger. The third kid, another Mike, ended up telling Howard about going to Catholic school.
Everyone knew that Mario was the 28 year old so Howard gave the two Mikes some plugs. Both of them were actors so they had some agents to plug. Howard then spent some time talking to Mario who is only 4'10'' tall. He told Howard he has a Hyper Pituitary problem and that has kept him from aging the right way. Gary told Howard he met Mario on the set of ''NYPD Blue'' where Mario was working. He's an actor and he also sells candy like a school kid would do. Gary said he sells chocolate and if you don't buy from him he makes you feel guilty until you do buy it. Mario said he can't make a lot of money selling the candy but it does help to put clothes on his back.
Howard asked him a bunch of questions about body hair and whether or not he's gotten laid. Mario said it's pretty tough to get chicks because he looks so young. He thought the pubic hair questions were a little too personal. He said he shaves his face once in a while even though he doesn't really need to. Mario said he has even passed his driving test so he can drive.
Howard and the guys have plans for Mario. They want to do stuff like hire a babysitter for him. Mario would then come on to her and try to make out with her and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Mario a plug for his agents. He's up for a part in an Ivan Reitman film so he wants Howard to call Ivan for him.
Howard started off the show talking about what they had coming up. They had Marilyn Manson coming in and a woman who wants to meet him. She'll be spinning the wheel of sex to meet him. They also have the Singing Psychic calling in and some other things to fill up the morning.
Howard said that tomorrow they have Mr. Methane coming in to perform some Christmas songs for them. He played some examples of his Christmas songs after mentioning that. The guys talked about how unbelievable his farts are. Howard said they also have porn star Mary Carey coming in with her retarded mother later this week. She's coming in to meet Gary the Retard. Howard said they'll see if that connection works out. KC said that she's bringing her grandmother who is slow as well. If that doesn't work out Fred will go out with them instead according to Howard.
Howard said they also have P.O.D. coming in soon and also Jaime Pressly. He went on to talk about some of the e-mail he's gotten lately. He said he heard that they were on high alert yesterday but he had no idea at the time. He was working out at the time so he didn't hear about this ''high alert.'' He didn't know why they were doing those alerts though.
Howard said he was reading GQ magazine where they talk about some overrated things like Mariah Carey being crazy. He also said that Lauren Hutton is in the news and she's on every TV commercial talking about Menopause. No one wants to hear about her old age and she should just go away. He said he's also pissed about the area codes that they have out there in New York now. He read through some of the other overrated things that were on that list. He said that he likes when women show their thongs but that was on the most overrated list he was reading. $15,000 flat screen TVs are also on the most overrated list. He wondered when the prices of those things are going to come down. He also talked about some terms like ''flu like symptoms'' are on that list. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard said that iced wine is also on the list. He said that regular wine is fine. He talked about the egg white diets that are a pain in the ass. He was also talking about everyone wearing the FDNY caps even though they didn't have anything to do with the fire department. He also talked about the some songs that are used instead of the national anthem sometimes. That led to them playing one of the songs that Mark Harris sings. Howard said he hates that song and Mark's version of it especially.
Howard read through a few more things that were on that list. He said that actresses getting fat for roles is annoying. He said that tattoos are annoying too even though he has some of his own. Cops asking ''Do you know why I stopped you sir?'' is also overrated.
Howard said a lot of people want him to play some Gay Chicken with Tom Chiusano. He also found out that there's a gay chicken web site for sale on ebay.com. He said he's auctioning off the .net domain name. He also said that people were asking him about who the plastic surgeon is that he always recommends. Howard said it's Dr. Dan Baker. That led to him talking about the laugh lines on his face and how he might want to have them taken care of Artie told Howard to look at him and see what a 34 year old looks like. Artie also mentioned that he's been having his bald spot painted lately so it's not seen on the E! show. He said that Toni, Howard's hair stylist, has been doing that for him. Howard wants to get that video taped so they can put it on the show. Howard said that it looks great because you can't tell he has a bald spot. Howard told Artie not to shower it off and it'll look like he's not balding. Artie said that's what he did yesterday after the show.
He took another call from a guy who said that Artie is the most overrated man in show business. Howard didn't agree with him and hung up on that guy as well. Another caller told Howard that OJ Simpson was on the news this morning because his house was raided in connection with an Ecstasy drug ring. Howard didn't believe it at first but after talking to the guy for a minute they found out it was true. It was news that seemed to make everyone on the show very happy. Howard said it was too good to be true. He offered to give the guy an Xbox if he was right and not lying. He said it was better news than if Osama bin Laden had been caught. The caller told Howard they had video of OJ answering his door in his white robe when they served the search warrant. Howard stayed on the phone trying to get more details but the caller's phone kept crapping out when he'd put it near his TV. Another caller tried to give Howard more but the newscasters kept putting it off saying they were waiting for more details.
The caller on the line was a record producer that worked with Stuttering John. He was up for a Grammy award one time and he was going to thank Howard if he had won. He ended up losing so that never happened. Howard let him go a short time later. He heard that Randy was addicted to Ritalin so the guys spent a minute talking about that. Artie said that when he was in rehab he saw people in there for just drinking beer. Some people are addicted to strange things. Robin said they knew a guy who was addicted to pot which is kind of lame. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Randy used to snort Ritalin and he was able to get that out of him. Randy interrupted and said he had more on the OJ case but the report he played wasn't all that informative. Howard talked more to Randy about the Ritalin thing and also talked about Stuttering john's drinking a little bit.
Artie said that his shrink actually gave him some Ritalin and that stuff can make you crazy. Stuttering John said that Randy's dog died and he took the dog, put it in a plastic bag and tied it to a cement block and threw it into a lake. Howard talked to him about that a little bit and let Randy go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had an update on OJ Simpson. He said that they kept going in and out of the story on the news. They spent a short time talking about what had gone on earlier in the morning with OJ in the news. Howard took another call from a guy who said that KC had blown it with that interview he did. Artie disagreed and thought that it was very funny.
Howard read an article in New Yorker magazine about a woman who had been hired to work with Bill Clinton. He said that they went through the application process and followed this woman Esther. She was going to apply until she heard Howard Stern talking about Clinton dissing him back stage at an event he went to. Howard said he loves when his fans stand up for him and he wanted to talk to this Esther woman and maybe hire her there at the station.
Howard moved on to the next segment which was the Wheel of Sex. This 23 year old woman by the name of Theresa came in to try and get the chance to meet Marilyn Manson. Howard said she was pretty cute. He spent a few minutes talking to her about what she does for a living. She said she was in the computer industry but she got laid off so she's been cleaning houses with her aunt. Artie couldn't believe that a hot chick like that would clean houses. Gary said he's never seen anyone like her cleaning houses before. Artie said it made him want to get a house.
Howard moved on to talk to her about why she wants to meet Marilyn Manson. She's a huge fan and she's actually met him before. She has a tattoo of him above her ass too. She said that she and a friend made Marilyn a tape one time and sent it to him. They were dressed up in Saran Wrap and tin foil when they did that. She also said that she would bang him right there if she got the chance to meet him.
Howard told Theresa that she had to complete whatever came up on the Wheel of Sex that they have in the studio to get the chance to meet Marilyn. The wheel included things like:
Marilyn Manson came in after that and sat down to talk to Howard. Marilyn offered to wipe the fish guts off her ass since she was willing to go through so much to meet him. Howard asked Theresa to say what she wanted to say to Marilyn. He told her that she was going to have to leave soon so she had to say what she wanted to say now. She said she needed a drink first. Marilyn remembered getting the video tape that she and her friend sent to her. He thought that his guitar player had sex with one of the girls but Theresa said that wasn't her. Marilyn said his guitar player likes to shoot his stuff on girl's breasts and lick it off. He just saw him getting a hand job the other day and saw him licking it off the girl's hand that day.
After a few minutes Howard sent Theresa off and spent some time talking to Marilyn. He asked him about his breakup with Rose McGowan. Marilyn says he broke it off with her because she wasn't happy with his rock star life. She made it seem like she broke up with him because of his drug use when she was on the show a couple of months ago. Marilyn said he really doesn't have anything bad to say about her and he'd rather not waste all day talking about her. Howard wouldn't mind doing that though. He said he loves that stuff.
One of Howard's interns, Carrie, used to work for Marilyn and she claims that he used to make her call him ''Daddy'' when she spoke to him. Marilyn said it was true. She told Howard that she's been to 302 of Marilyn's shows. Howard said that's crazy, he's a fan of Marilyn's but he's only been to two or three of his shows. Carrie said that she was honored to be in the room with Marilyn and Howard because she thinks they're two of the greatest media marketers ever. She told Howard about some of the odd things Marilyn asked her to get for him while she was working for him. She said he asked for a bunch of prosthetic legs for his birthday one year and she went out and got them for him.
Howard got back to Marilyn and spoke to him about the sexual assault case that's been brought against him. Marilyn claims that it's all untrue and he never exposed his genitals to this security guard who says he was assaulted. Marilyn said he thinks this guy is just looking for a ''free ride'' so he's got this case against him now.
Howard brought up Marilyn's new girlfriend Dita Von Teese and spent a little while talking about her. Howard ended up getting back to Rose though and they spent quite a while talking about her. Marilyn mentioned his new song, a remake of ''Tainted Love'', which is featured in the new movie ''Not Another Teen Movie.'' Howard played the song and said the video looks really good. He also brought up Trent Reznor who used to work with Marilyn on his stuff. Marilyn said he and Trent have made up and he does talk to him once in a while. He said Trent is pretty reclusive and he doesn't think that he can keep up with the changing music industry.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn and then gave Marilyn a plug for his new song, available on the ''Not Another Teen Movie'' soundtrack album as he wrapped up the interview.
Howard said that High Pitch Eric was there to spin the wheel of sex for some reason. KC said they could put him in a bikini if he wanted. Howard said they should do that and have him get into a thong. He told KC to get that ready to go while he read some news stories. He read a story about some of the most powerful women in show business. He was surprised by some of the names that were on that list.
Howard asked KC for an update on High Pitch Eric. He was fatter than ever according to KC. Howard said Eric is such a retard and had him spin around in his thong. Howard had him stand on the scale in the studio to see just how fat he is. He ran the scale up to 311 pounds. Last time he was on he was 305. Howard told him he's just gross. He said he thinks he ate Hank the Dwarf's carcass.
Gary came in and said he heard that Eric was really annoying to this guy Eric from Elektra records. Eric from Elektra called in and told Howard how he ran into High Pitch at the Hank the Dwarf memorial they had on the street and he was really annoying. He said he was a douche that day and was bugging him for all kinds of stuff. Eric said he gave High Pitch his business card and he ended up calling him up asking him for all of that stuff. High Pitch ended up asking Eric for a bunch of stuff including his credit card number so he could pay for his cable bill! He barely knew the guy and he was asking for his credit card number.
High Pitch asked for some free CDs and stuff and he wanted an alphabetical list of what he could have. Gary wondered how he went from getting free CDs to asking for the guy to pay his credit card bill. High Pitch said he wasn't sure. Eric from Elektra said that he didn't hear from High Pitch for about a month and then one day he gets a call from him asking for his credit card number. High Pitch said that he was put on welfare so he needed some money to pay some bills. Howard told High Pitch is insane. Eric said he was just going insane, that's why he did it. High Pitch apologized to Eric but Howard wanted to move on to the game. He said goodbye to Eric on the phone a short time later.
Howard moved on to let High Pitch spin the Wheel of Sex so he could play for a Microsoft Xbox video game system. Someone was playing with the cod they'd used earlier in the show and Eric was freaking out. He hates fish and he didn't want it anywhere near him. He was screaming like Mickey Mouse being murdered as someone put the fish near him. They then put three fish near him and he went crazy screaming ''NO, NO... Get it away!'' They kept this up for a couple of minutes because it was so amusing to see him freak out. Since he was so freaked out by the fish Howard wanted to make him either make out with a fish or put one down his pants to win the Xbox. Eric refused to kiss the fish but he wanted to make a deal. Howard told him there was no deal, he had to either kiss the fish or put one down his thong bikini. Eric wanted nothing to do with the fish at all. He turned down the $300 Xbox because he doesn't like dead fish! KC was making the fish talk to Eric so he was completely freaked out. Eric said he wanted to do something with Benjy instead of the fish. KC continued to torture Eric with the fish for a few minutes.
Stuttering John came in and asked Howard to get Eric to stop bothering Chef Bobby, the guy who makes Howard's lunch. Chef Bobby was on the phone to tell Howard that Eric is always hanging out at his business bothering him for food. He said he's always asking for free stuff and he has a budget to worry about there.
KC and Mike Gange continued to torture Eric with the fist while Eric screamed out to stop it over and over again. Eric was so freaked out he was on the verge of tears according to Howard. Eric asked to spin the wheel just to see what it lands on. They kept going after him with the fish and he was yelling out for the police to come and help him. Eric ran out of the studio so Howard told him it was over. He wasn't going to give him an Xbox since he refused to put that fish down his pants. KC told Eric they were going to give him 3 seconds to get out of there. The fish was going to come after him after that. Eric bolted out of the studio as the guys chased him down the hall with the fish. Artie was laughing his ass off as he was watching it happen. The E! cameras were watching him out in the hall.
This guy Jonas called in and said that Eric is also afraid of the dark and of moths. He said if they turned the lights out and beat him with the fish, he'd probably really freak out. Jonas told him about the moths too and how he had freaked Eric out with a dead moth and he was acting like he was with the fish. Howard wanted to lock him in a bathroom with the fish and with a moth to see what happened.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. She went through a bunch of news stories but Howard and the guys were still goofing on High Pitch Eric about his fish issues. Robin got back into her news and went through a bunch of stories. Howard, Artie and Fred were all doing their impressions of High Pitch Eric throughout the news. They ended the show around 9:55 (Master Tape Theatre time).
Artie Lange says he's on his second day of having makeup on his bald spot. He said that Howard's hair stylist Toni is doing it for him. Artie said he kept the makeup on all day yesterday and it looked like he didn't have a bald spot. He thinks if he keeps that up he won't have to wear a hair piece.
A listener called in and told Howard that OJ Simpson was on the news this morning because his house was raided in connection with an Ecstasy drug ring. Howard didn't believe it at first but after talking to the guy for a minute they found out it was true. It was news that seemed to make everyone on the show very happy. Howard said it was too good to be true. He said it was better news than if Osama bin Laden had been caught. The caller told Howard they had video of OJ answering his door in his white robe when they served the search warrant. Howard stayed on the phone trying to get more details but the caller's phone kept crapping out when he'd put it near his TV. Another caller tried to give Howard more but the newscasters kept putting it off saying they were waiting for more details.
Howard moved on to talk to her about why she wants to meet Marilyn Manson. She's a huge fan and she's actually met him before. She has a tattoo of him above her ass too.
Howard told Theresa that she had to complete whatever came up on the Wheel of Sex that they have in the studio to get the chance to meet Marilyn. The wheel included things like:
Marilyn Manson came in after that and sat down to talk to Howard. Marilyn offered to wipe the fish guts off her ass since she was willing to go through so much to meet him.
After a few minutes Howard sent Theresa off and spent some time talking to Marilyn. He asked him about his breakup with Rose McGowan. Marilyn says he broke it off with her because she wasn't happy with his rock star life. She made it seem like she broke up with him because of his drug use when she was on the show a couple of months ago. Marilyn said he really doesn't have anything bad to say about her and he'd rather not waste all day talking about her. Howard wouldn't mind doing that though. He said he loves that stuff.
One of Howard's interns, Carrie, used to work for Marilyn and she claims that he used to make her call him ''Daddy'' when she spoke to him. Marilyn said it was true. She told Howard that she's been to 302 of Marilyn's shows. Howard said that's crazy, he's a fan of Marilyn's but he's only been to two or three of his shows. Carrie said that she was honored to be in the room with Marilyn and Howard because she thinks they're two of the greatest media marketers ever.
Howard got back to Marilyn and spoke to him about the sexual assault case that's been brought against him. Marilyn claims that it's all untrue and he never exposed his genitals to this security guard who says he was assaulted. Marilyn said he thinks this guy is just looking for a ''free ride'' so he's got this case against him now.
Howard brought up Marilyn's new girlfrined Dita Von Teese and spent a little while talking about her. Howard ended up getting back to Rose though and they spent quite a while talking about her. Marilyn mentioned his new song, a remake of ''Tainted Love'', which is featured in the new movie ''Not Another Teen Movie.'' Howard played the song and said the video looks really good. He also brought up Trent Reznor who used to work with Marilyn on his stuff. Marilyn said he and Trent have made up and he does talk to him once in a while. He said Trent is pretty reclusive and he doesn't think that he can keep up with the changing music industry.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn and then gave Marilyn a plug for his new song, available on the ''Not Another Teen Movie'' soundtrack album as he wrapped up the interview.
Gary came in and said he heard that Erik was really annoying to this guy Eric from Elektra records. Eric from Elektra called in and told Howard how he ran into High Pitch at the Hank the Dwarf memorial they had on the street and he was really annoying. High Pitch ended up asking Eric for a bunch of stuff including his credit card number so he could pay for his cable bill! He barely knew the guy and he was asking for his credit card number. High Pitch said that he was put on welfare and he's going crazy. High Pitch didn't have an explanation for what he did.
Howard moved on to let High Pitch spin the Wheel of Sex so he could play for a Microsoft Xbox video game system. Someone was playing with the cod they'd used earlier in the show and Erik was freaking out. He hates fish and he didn't want it anywhere near him. He was screaming like Mickey Mouse being murdered as someone put the fish near him. They then put three fish near him and he went crazy screaming ''NO, NO... Get it away!'' They kept this up for a couple of minutes because it was so amusing to see him freak out. Since he was so freaked out by the fish Howard wanted to make him either make out with a fish or put one down his pants to win the Xbox. Erik refused to kiss the fish but he wanted to make a deal. Howard told him there was no deal, he had to either kiss the fish or put one down his thong bikini. Erik wanted nothing to do with the fish at all. He turned down the $300 Xbox because he doesn't like dead fish! KC was making the fish talk to Erik so he was completely freaked out.
Gary came in and asked Howard to get Erik to stop bothering Chef Bobby, the guy who makes Howard's lunch. Chef Bobby was on the phone to tell Howard that Erik is always hanging out at his business bothering him for food. He's got to keep up that physique somehow.
KC chased Erik out of the studio with the fish. They gave him a count of three and he ran out of the studio. This guy Jonas called in and said that Erik is also afraid of the dark and moths.
Howard said they're rushing this segment to air on tomorrow night's E! show.
Howard said yesterday he'd hoped to go home and see more OJ Simpson news coverage but there was nothing. He said it was only a small article in the newspaper today. He read the short mention which was on page 14 of the NY Post today. Unfortunately OJ was not arrested in the drug ring bust yesterday so there wasn't much to report on. Melrose Larry Green was on the phone with some reports that he got on tape. He played tape of OJ's lawyer talking about what happened and how innocent OJ is. The tape was boring and didn't go anywhere so Howard was ready to hang up on Melrose but he had more. He played tape of Matthew McCaugnahey rambling on and on at the Billboard Awards about John Mellencamp. Melrose told Howard it was the best tape he ever played for Howard but Howard was ready to bail out on it after 20 seconds. Howard eventually hung up on Melrose because he didn't want to listen to that stuff.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had a game to play. He called it ''What Show Member'' and it was just questions about which show member would do certain things. Here are some of them:
Howard took a break, came back and spent some time talking about Artie's strange behavior on Monday after they goofed on him about his appearance on Conan O'Brien's show. Artie got really quiet after the goofing and Howard got a lot of voice mail from people who had theories about why he went silent. Artie ended up telling Howard that he was kind of bummed out because Howard had said something about Artie not really being Jackie's ''permanent'' replacement. Artie said this is the best thing that's ever happened to him and he'd love to be known that way. Howard said he thought he didn't want to be known that way in case he wanted more work. Some people thought Stuttering John's constant goofing might have had something to do with Artie's silence but he says he enjoys when he does that stuff.
Howard also read through some e-mail comments that listeners have sent in lately. Fred has been taking the e-mails and gives Howard percentages for the number of people who have similar questions and comments.
Howard spent some time talking about the radio station and why there's no Christmas party this year. A bunch of people noticed that there was no announcement about a party this year so they asked General Manager Tom Chiusano why. Tom said something about ''..No one's in the mood for one...'' Gary asked him ''Is no one in the mood for the party or is no one in the mood to pay for it?'' Gary also said that Tom claims to have asked around to see if anyone wanted the party but no one knows of anyone who was asked about it. Howard seems to think that they're just trying to save money and he doesn't understand why he doesn't just tell people the truth. Gary said there actually was a date set up but it ended up getting canceled.
Howard wanted to talk to Tom about the party but he wouldn't come down to the studio for some reason. Howard tried to call him in his office but his secretary Denise said he was in a meeting. Denise told Howard after 20 years of Christmas parties she doesn't mind that they're not having one this year. Gary said she's the wrong one to ask because most of the work usually falls on her each year. Howard called Tom in the conference room instead and finally got him on the phone. Tom told Howard that he asked all of the department heads if they wanted a party and the general consensus was that they don't want the party. Howard said he doesn't believe Tom and he's going to do his own survey of the department heads to find out if they really want a party or not.
Howard asked Mr. Methane if he'd be up for a full hour long show on Broadway. He said he could probably do a 50 minute show no problem. Howard was wondering what he could charge for a show like that. He was thinking somewhere around $20 or so.
Mr. Methane was going to blast out some tunes for people to guess at. He first ''tuned up'' by sucking some air in his ass and then blasted out his first tune. It was obviously ''Jingle Bells'' and everyone knew it. KC said that his farts are really stinky today. Mr. Methane said that when he travels the food he eats cause some stink down there so that explains why it's' so bad.
The second tune he blasted out was ''Silent Night'' which Robin actually knew. Howard thought it was ''Deck the Halls'' but he was wrong. Howard still found it amazing that anyone could fart out a song that's recognizable. Mr. Methane went on to blast out a few more quick tunes like ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'', ''We Wish You a Merry Christmas'' and ''Deck the Halls.'' Howard wrapped up the interview after taking a couple of phone calls for Mr. Methane. He told Mr. Methane he's going to work on getting him that Broadway gig. Mr. Methane says he's looking forward to it. You can visit his web site MrMethane.com for more information.
Howard also spent a couple of minutes talking to Bobby about how he's home-schooling his 13 year old daughter. Howard thinks he's nuts because he can't possibly have the ability to teach. Bobby said it's a web based schooling thing that he and his wife are letting their daughter try out for a year. He said that she seems to be learning more than she would have if she was in school.
Bobby is appearing down in Washington D.C. at the Improv tomorrow through Sunday.
The Christmas party discussion continued for a few minutes after that. Howard took some phone calls from people who wanted to comment on it.
King of all Blacks called in and said that he just heard that Howard's ex-wife Alison just got remarried. Howard said that was true and it sounded like King couldn't believe what he was hearing. He said that she has no right to do that but Howard said he didn't want to talk about it. He said that he's happy for her and of course she has the right to remarry.
Last night the High Pitch Erik episode aired on E! so Howard took a call about that and Erik called in to talk about it. Erik said he's working on getting over his fear of dead fish. He said something about practicing by putting a fish down his pants this weekend.
Howard killed some time doing some other stuff before Beetlejuice came in. He said they were contacted by Tony Bennett's son after playing the tape of Tony screwing up some lines in ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'' at the Thanksgiving Day parade. Bennett's son said that Tony was unable to hear the music that day and he tried to make the best out of a bad situation, that's why it sounded as bad as it did.
Howard also spent a couple of minutes playing the new Mick Jagger CD ''Goddess in the Doorway'' which hasn't sold all that well since its release. Howard listened to a couple of tracks and said he didn't think it was all that bad.
Two women came in to play for different things. The first woman, Christy, is 5 months pregnant and she was playing for the chance to play her husband's band's CD on the air. Howard said she was pretty attractive even though her body was distorted from being pregnant. She had 30 seconds to do her best at making out with Beetle. To make things worse Beetlejuice ate some sardines before the make out session. Christy went ahead and made out with Beetlejuice and the crew sounded stunned by they way she kissed and grabbed Beetle's package. Robin said there was no way anyone could outdo her. Beetlejuice said it was great and he really enjoyed it. They said that Christy just about swallowed Beetle's head when she was kissing him.
Next up was Sarah who was playing for breast implants. She's a 21 year old bartender/stripper who just wants an extra cup size. The guys all said that she'd be really hot with implants. She didn't seem like she was into making out with Beetlejuice but once she started she really got into it. She took her top off and rubbed all over him while she kissed him. After her 30 seconds the crew were once again amazed at her performance.
Howard had everyone give their votes for who should win. Howard and Robin both picked Sarah as the winner but Artie and Fred went with Christy because she was so into Beetlejuice. Since there was a tie they decided to have a run off to pick the winner. The girls had 10 seconds to do their best. Once again Sarah got really into her erotic dance and Howard said she took Beetle's hand and put it on her chest. Christy did something similar and grabbed his package again. Once again the vote was split so they had to have KC break the tie. This time Robin and Fred picked Christy while Howard and Artie went with Sarah. KC broke the tie when he picked Sarah as the winner because of her ''unbridled passion'' during her make out session.
Howard told Christy that he'd give her a plug for her husband's band since she was such a good sport. The band is called Loaded Poets and you can check out their music at LoadedPoets.com
Howard had Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) on the phone to talk about what he's going to do for Sarah. He said it sounds like she's a candidate for just a minor cup size upgrade.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Beetle and a phone caller told Howard that one night Beetle was making an appearance where they forced him to vomit by giving him some ipecac. They didn't tell Beet they were doing it so he was a little upset by it. Beet's manager Sean came in and said that they did that just one time and it was to liven things up at the party. He also claimed that it was this guy Joey Boots who suggested doing it. Joey called in and said Sean was lying about the story. Beetle and Sean ended up yelling at Joey on the phone a little bit. Beetle's buddy Drunken Jamie was also there yelling at Joey. It sounds like they really hate each other. Howard wrapped things up a short time later.
Howard also had tape of Robin running into Sarah in the women's bathroom after the Beetlejuice thing. Sarah told Robin that what she'd just done was ''terrible'' and she almost threw up while she was doing it. Robin told her she was quite an actress because they couldn't tell she was repulsed. Howard felt bad for Robin because she got stuck in the bathroom talking to Sarah when all she wanted to do was pee.
Howard went through some e-mail that they got. Some people complained about comedian Bobby Slayton being on the show. There were also some complaints about Stuttering John that Howard read through.
Howard was doing the Top 5 songs on the charts when he came across the Enrique Iglesias song ''Hero.'' Howard doesn't get how that can be in the top 5 and he said the video for the song was really disturbing.
Ralph, Bill the slow adult and Mr. MetRx were all in to evaluate the woman. Howard spoke to each of them for a short time. He didn't have much to say to Ralph other than to tell him that they keep him off the show because so many people don't like him. Howard spoke to Bill the slow adult who made his first appearance a few weeks ago. Bill was very excited to be in today. Mr. MetRx, Frank Sepe, was also in to judge. Howard spoke to him for a short time also.
Kendra told Howard she's never even opened a Playboy magazine but she's been told she has the body for it so she wanted Howard's opinion. Howard said she was in a black bathing suit and she looked pretty hot. She said she's 5'8'' tall and weighs 118 pounds or so. She has a C-cup and Howard thought they looked pretty nice on such a skinny frame. He spent a short time talking to her before the evaluation.
She took her top off and there were some comments made about them not being that good. Howard liked them but Ralph wasn't a fan. Ralph was first up to pick her apart. He pointed out some of her bad spots and gave her suggestions about how to improve. Howard said that he's insane. Frank Sepe was up next and he pointed out even more minor flaws than Ralph did. He saw some cellulite and said that her calves were too small. He said that she had a roll of fat on her back too but it was all minor stuff. Bill the slow adult didn't have much to say at all so Howard had to take over. Howard told Kendra that she was as hot as hot could be and all of her small flaws could be airbrushed out. Stuttering John came in and said that he's seen some Playboy models and they're not as hot as this chick. Most of the guys said that she's really not Playboy material. Kendra said she was ready for the evaluation so she wasn't upset by anything they said about her. Howard wrapped up the segment after 20 minutes or so.
A caller was telling Howard how gross some of the stuff has been on the E! show lately. Howard said that the stuff on E! isn't as bad as Gary and his phlegm-filled throat. He told the caller about how he hates when Gary clears his throat so Gary's not allowed to do that while he's talking to him. Howard said Gary was talking to him this morning and the phlegm filled up in his throat and it grossed Howard out. It sounded like Howard was about to puke as he described it.
Howard had tape of himself recording commercials after the show yesterday. He was going nuts reading the poorly written commercials and he cursed up a storm during each one. Scott the Engineer came in and said Anne Marie dreads every Thursday because that's when Howard does these commercial reads. Scott doesn't like it either and he's learned to keep his head down and not look at Howard during the recording sessions.
Gary came in and said Scott was yelling about being discriminated against at the station yesterday. The company has decided to give most of the people there an extra vacation day on December 31st. Scott doesn't get that day off and he thinks that the company has an anti-union policy. Scott is in a union and he thinks they should get the day off too. Howard said he's in a union too but he's getting the day off so there goes the anti-union policy theory.
A woman called in and said that just because a person fantasizes about the same sex doesn't mean they're gay. She said she sometimes fantasizes about women while she's masturbating. Howard told her that means she's gay. She argued with him over that but Howard insists that she's gay if she does that.
Howard said that Jerry might not be too far gone so he suggested that he ditch the strap-on and have regular sex with his wife. He also told Jerry to call back in about a week after having normal sex with his wife.
The main reason the women were down was so that Howard could introduce the retarded mother to Gary the Retard. Gary came in and Howard tried to hook him up with Judy but Gary, even though he's a retard himself, wanted to go out with Mary. He had no interest in her mother at all. The grandmother didn't do anything for him either. He wouldn't even look at Judy. Howard kept telling him that it was the woman sitting next to him that they were trying to hook him up with but he just kept looking at Mary.
Howard was wrapping things up and mentioned Mary's web site MaryCarey.com. Gary the Retard said he has a web site also... ''WWW dot com'' is exactly what he said. He didn't know the full address.
After taking a break Howard said that was either the worst bit he's ever done or it was the most fascinating. He said they were booked for sometime in January but when Howard heard about it he rushed them in.
Howard has also thought about doing another movie but there's a lot of things holding him back. He said he's not allowed to fail because he's in the spotlight all the time. He also said that the ''fifty'' movie scripts he's been offered have all sucked.
Howard played some tape of Jim Carrey on Oprah Winfrey's show getting all spiritual and wacky. Howard said he thinks it won't be long before we'll see Jim at the Scientology center. Jim was getting all serious and Howard said ''Just be funny dude!'' Howard seems to think that Jim is taking himself way too seriously and it's going to ruin him. He said he thinks he's already gone the way of Eddie Murphy.
Howard read in the news that this web site NakedNews.com was recently sold to InDemand Pay-Per-View so they can show these people reading the news while they're naked on TV. Howard said he had the Naked News chicks on the show and it wasn't all that sexy. He said seeing it once on the web is enough and he can't imagine why anyone would watch it on TV.
Geraldo Rivera was in the news today because he was shot at over in Afghanistan. Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of Geraldo talking about the situation but he screwed everything up and wasn't able to play the part Howard wanted to hear. He ended up hanging up on him and said he couldn't call back.
Fred the Elephant Boy, who hasn't been on the show much lately, called in and told Howard he'd be willing to spin the Wheel of Sex for the chance to win a Microsoft Xbox. Howard asked him if he'd perform oral sex on a strap-on if that came up on the wheel. Elephant Boy said he wouldn't do that. Howard told Elephant Boy that they'd put him on the list of people who want to spin the wheel for prizes. Maybe by then he'll decide to do anything for the Xbox.
Howard checked out some stuff in the tabloids and came across a picture of Nicole Kidman who apparently has some nasty cellulite on her legs. Howard said there were pictures of that in two different tabloids.
Melrose Larry called back and played the clip of Geraldo getting shot at. After he played it he wanted to talk about something but Howard hung up on him after saying ''Oops, lost the connection...''
Artie Lange told Howard that he just got the new Pink CD so he could just keep playing ''Get the Party Started.'' For some reason he's really into it. Howard said he really likes the new Blink 182 song that's out. He said he actually gets upset listening to it. He played some of it and said he starts thinking of one of his daughters while he listens to it and he gets upset. He had to stop listening to it so he wouldn't cry. Artie told him to get back to the Pink song because it's so shallow.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and mentioned this song ''Superman'' that he's heard lately. This led to Howard and Ralph getting into a whole discussion about Superman and whether or not he actually has any problems in his life. Howard believes that Superman wouldn't have any problems because he's Superman. The song that Ralph mentioned is all about the problems Superman has. They discussed that for a few minutes before Howard had to take a break.
Howard said that they're going to take Holly on a trip, probably to Las Vegas, and she'll pick one of his listeners to marry at that point. That way they'll be able to have the marriage quickly.
Holly showed Howard her giant 34-DD cup breasts but she didn't want to show him her ass for some reason. She was wearing a thong and didn't want to show it.
KC came in and said that Holly was a good candidate for ''Turkish Millionaire'' questions. He asked her a bunch of general knowledge questions but she wasn't all that bad. She knew more than KC thought she did. She didn't know the square root of 81 or how many pencils are in a gross but she did know who the Vice President of the United States is. She screwed up when she said that Korea was one of our opponents in World War II.
A 20 year old student called in and said he wants to marry Holly. Holly didn't sound so thrilled about him not having a job though. It sounds like she wants someone with a steady income to help support her in her marriage. Howard said they'd put him on ''the list'' for the upcoming ''Marry a Porn Star'' contest. Howard mentioned NYExotics.com for more information about Holly.
Howard had to take a break and when he came back he had Mike Walker on the phone to play his Gossip Game. Howard quickly had Holly tell the story of how she got into porn. She said when she was 7 years old her step-father left a porn video in the VCR and she was fascinated by it. Howard then moved on to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Holly before wrapping up the interview. Mike Walker had asked her what her most famous porn movie was. She said that she's been in ''The World's Luckiest Patient'', ''Snatch Adams'' and ''Legs Wide Shut.'' She said she almost got into ''A Midsummer's Night Cream'' but there was some conflict so she wasn't able to do it.