For The Week Of 12/24/2001 to 12/28/2001

• The Best Of Stern. 12/24/01.
  Here's what we heard on today's Best of Stern:
  • Wack Pack ''12 Days of Christmas''
  • Incubus performs ''Wish You Were Here''
  • Howard interviews Albert Brooks about his movie ''Mother.'' A couple of excerpts from the MarksFriggin.com Archives read:
    • 1/3/97. 8:20am. Albert Brooks, star of the new movie ''Mother'', was on the phone this morning. Howard had him on to tell him why he wasn't going to be invited into the studio. Howard explained how he really likes Albert and what a genius he is. Albert thinks the same of Howard pretty much. But the last time Albert was on the E! show the show got horrible ratings. So Howard told Albert that they had to do something a little crazy to keep the ratings up. Howard made the suggestion that they have a naked woman sit on Albert's lap while he's being interviewed. Albert agreed to it! He wants to be on the show so bad that he'll sit there with a naked woman on his lap. I believe that this will be happening sometime next week so stay tuned for more information!

      A few days later... 1/6/97. 7:45am. Well after last Friday's phone call who expected Albert to actually show up? Howard told him that he needed a naked woman to sit on his lap to bring the ratings of the E! show up to where they should be. Albert agreed to it so Brittany from Scores was in the studio right along side of Albert. Howard brought Brittany in before Albert to coach her a little bit. Howard told her to call Albert "Alan" when he came in just to freak him out a little bit. Albert came in and Brittany did her job. She kept calling him Alan but Albert just played along with the joke. Albert was in to plug his new movie ''Mother'' which will be released nationwide this coming Friday. It's already been released in New York and Los Angeles. Howard decided to take a couple of phone calls to see if people wanted to ask Albert anything. Each call was directed towards Brittany. Guys were asking her how much it would cost for a lap dance and stuff like that. Of course the calls were set up that way just to freak out Albert once again. Brittany showed her breasts once during the interview because things were going a little slow. A little later she showed everyone her ass. Howard said that the interview went pretty well since Brittany only had to show her stuff twice. At the end of the interview Howard had Scott Einziger from E! come in and give his opinion on how things went. He also said that it will make for a good E! show.

  • Howard interviews Milton Berle. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/30/96. 88 year old Milton Berle came in for a visit this morning. Uncle Milty brought his wife with him. She's somewhere around 40 years old, 1/2 his age. Milton was in to plug his comedy CD called The Funniest Roasts Of The Century. Howard and Milton talked about everything from Miltons penis size to the good old days in TV back in the '50's. For an 88 year old guy he still sounds like he's with it. He still bosses people around like he knows everything. Gary was telling Howard how Milton yelled at Steve Grillo and Mike Gange just before he came into the studio. Milton likes to have control over everything. He even wanted Gary to introduce him a certain way. Howard also spoke to Miltons wife about the first time she saw Milton's wiener. Howard has always wanted to see Milton's snake but he never gets to. Howard asked but Milton said there was a quarter charge to see it. Howard didn't take him up on that though. If you want to get Milton's CD just dial 888-LAUGH-ON.
  • Henry Hill receives an F-Emmy award
  • Stuttering John interviews celebrities at the ESPY Awards. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2/11/97. 8:35am. John was out trying to question celebrities once again yesterday. Most people are recognizing him now so it's hard to get any good questions asked. Wade Boggs was the first interview. John asked him if he's ''..ever farted in the catcher's face.'' Wade said he had done that a few times. Next up was Mark Curry from Hanging With Mr. Cooper. ''Why did you quit show business?'' was the first question. ''Who's invitation did you use?'' was the next. John just shoots these questions off like a machine gun now. He knows that these people aren't going to give him any answers. Dennis Hopper was next. ''Do you still smoke refer?'' led off the quick questions. Dennis just laughed off the question. The next question pissed off Howard because he thought he crossed it off the list. ''Did you ever void on a woman?'' was it. Howard freaked out for a few minutes about the question but John said it was on the list so he asked it. Dennis Hopper had no idea what the question meant so he never gave an answer. John questioned Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch, Paul O'Neil from the Yankees, Bridget Hall who's a model, Tyra Banks another model, and some other unknown sports guy. Bridget Hall recognized John but was scared off by the ''Do you allow yourself to be photographed while you're on your period?'' question. The other interviews were short without any good answers. Howard told John that it might be time to put him out to pasture because he gets recognized so damn much. Maybe it is time for a new interviewer...
  • Howard yells at Gary for letting his wedding videographer show shots of him to clients.
  • Howard tries to talk to Henry Hill about the O.J. Simpson case.
  • Howard lectures Steve Grillo and Gary about getting him fresh water and milk each morning.

• Merry Christmas! 12/25/01.
  No Best of Stern today. Christmas holiday.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/26/01.
  Here's what we heard on today's Best of Stern.
  • Sal the Stockbroker's ''Gary's a Horse Tooth Jackass'' to the tune of ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town''
  • ''Scott Salem's Hokey Smokey Christmas Album'' commercial parody
  • Noel Gallagher performs ''Don't Look Back in Anger''
  • Howard takes a phone call from an old lady who doesn't like his belching. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2-7-96. Some old bag called Baba Booey in the office and started freaking out about Howard's belching on the air. Gary sent the call through to Howard. This old woman started out kind of calm but then Howard told her to turn down her radio and while she was doing it he called her an old crow...she FREAKED. She started yelling and screaming at him over the stupidest things. Hear the woman for yourself! A little while after she hung up on Howard, she and her son called back. Her son was just as mental as she was. He was telling Howard that his mommy wasn't an old crow and how dare he say such a thing. The old bag got back on the phone and went nuts again. Howard yelled and screamed for a few minutes and she vanished.
  • Highlights from Howard's 43rd birthday show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/13/97. 6:00am - 7:00am. Today was the big Howard Stern Birthday show live from the Sony Music Studio's in Manhattan. This was the most expensive birthday show that Howard has ever had. Robin told Howard that it cost around $80,000! Howard started off the morning by saying that he spent the weekend out in California doing a music video with Porno For Pyros! That song will be the first one released off of the movie soundtrack album for Private Parts. He didn't get into much detail about his weekend since he had the big b'day show to keep him busy. The first guest to call into the show was Jay Leno. This seems to be Jay's normal time slot for calling in on the birthday show. Howard wound up just about begging Jay to come on his show to promote the movie. Jay was still upset about the last appearance that Howard made on his show. Eventually Howard got Jay to agree to let him on the show but it wasn't exactly the birthday gift that Howard was looking for. Howard announced some of the people visiting out in the audience. The guy with the world's largest feet was there, so was the tallest woman in the world.

      7:00am - 8:00am 1/13/97. During this hour Beck came in and performed a couple of songs. Howard talked with him for a little while. Comedian Chris Rock also came in and hung out for a few minutes.

  • Howard reads hate mail about comments he made about abortion then talks to the minister who wrote one of the letters.
  • Howard takes a Caviar challenge to see if he can tell the difference between the cheap stuff and the expensive stuff.
  • Howard goofs on Charles Grodin after hearing tape of him bad mouthing him. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/25/97. 7:25am. Howard spent a good part of the morning goofing on (Charles) Grodin and his stupid wig. He even wished cancer upon him. Just about everything Howard goofed on involved Grodin's wig.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/27/01.
  Here's what we heard on today's show:
  • ''Strangers on my Flight'' song parody
  • Sal the Stockbroker Christmas song about Gary
  • Train performs ''Drops of Jupiter''
  • A woman calls in crying over a Nine Inch Nails song Howard played. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/26/97. 9:05am. Howard was listening to a radio station in New York yesterday and heard this Bruce Springsteen song from the ''Jerry Maguire soundtrack that had audio from the movie played over parts of it. Howard thought it was pretty goofy so he played it this morning. To make a long story short, Howard decided to make his own song using audio from Private Parts. First he tried a Goo Goo Dolls song, then he tried a Nine Inch Nails song. He used the scene where his wife is all upset about her miscarriage and other touching scenes from the movie. It was pretty funny to hear but some of the female audience were very touched by it. Two women called in after Howard created the songs. Each woman was crying because they were so touched by it. One woman could barely speak because she was so upset. Howard just created the song while he was on the air but after the show he said he was going to work on it a little more. I'm sure he'll play it tomorrow.
  • Howard fully produces his Nine Inch Nails song and calls the crying women again
    • 3/27/97. 6:50am. Yesterday Howard was working on this song with sound clips from his movie played over the song. Today he played the fully produced version. He had each of the women that called in yesterday on the phone again. This time there wasn't as much of a reaction to it. One of the women said that it was over produced. Howard took notes on her complaints and will probably have it changed by tomorrow morning.
  • Stuttering John interviews from the Red Ball. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2-14-96. The stuttering fool was at it again last night. John was out at some function called the Red Ball. John asked Madalyn Kahn 'who are you' and 'what do you do that makes you famous'. Of course she responded as if John had punched her in the head. John also asked ex-mayor of New York City, David Dinkens, 'why do black people hoot and holler so much during movies'. Mayor Dinkens said to John '...do they do that?..' John also interviewed Robert Goulet(who touched John's nuts when asked 'is your voice affected if you get sore testicles'!), Kathleen Turner, Rex Reed, Cindy and Joey Adams.
  • Howard talks about an article written about Stuttering John and the guy who held the Red Ball. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2-15-96. This is the man that held the Red Ball where Stuttering John did some interviews a couple of days ago. Mr. Richards smacked John in the head for no apparent reason other than the fact that he didn't want John there. Howard read an article about this ass wipe where Richards boasts about his immature actions. He also lied about the E! camera hitting him in the head. They have this all on video tape and it shows John did nothing to provoke this crap. Chevy Chase was also at the function and made more of an ass of himself than usual. Chevy was up on stage drunk making a fool of himself.
  • Katie Couric visits Howard in his studio. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/4/97. 7:25am. Katie Couric from NBC's Today Show was in the studio to interview Howard a little bit this morning. Katie asked Howard the usual questions about the movie and Howard gave his usual answers. If you want to know what those questions and answers were just pick up any one of the many magazine articles about Howard and you'll see them. The Today Show part of the interview only lasted about 10 minutes. After that Katie hung around and asked some more questions. Howard never even asked Katie her cup size or any sex questions. He's trying to remain a little bit tame for the Today Show audience. That's who he's trying to get to see the movie.
  • Howard goofs on Scott the Engineer about smoking and his poor engineering.
  • Howard paints women's breasts green on St. Patricks Day. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/17/97. 7:55am. Since today is St. Patricks day Howard offered to paint any woman's breasts green. Howard does this every St. Patricks day but they forgot to announce it last week so not too many women came down to have it done. The first two who did come down were strippers. Cocoa and Ebony came in to let Howard finger paint on their breasts. These two strip at some club called ''Naked City''. The guy that brought them to the station got to come in for a little while. He's a white rapper. He and some guy on the phone got into a rapping contest... I don't know why and I don't care because they both sucked. So Howard eventually got to paint the breasts. While he was doing it he said that they were getting excited. The girls said it was just cold in the studio.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/28/01.
  Here's what we heard on today's Best of Stern:
  • Chris Rock comedy bit.
  • Train performs Led Zepplin's ''Ramble On.''
  • Howard complains about Scott the Engineer not getting his work done and then makes Robin the boss of Gary and Scott.
  • Matt Lauer interviews Howard on ''The Today Show.'' An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/5/97. 7:30am. Yesterday Katie Couric did an interview with Howard for The Today Show, today it was Matt Lauer's turn. It was basically the same thing as yesterday. Matt came in a few minutes early to set up. Howard talked with him for a little while and then did about a 10 minute interview live on the show. After that Howard spoke with Matt about his dating and how they used to work at WWOR together years ago.
  • Howard prepares Robin for her guest appearance on ''Celebrity Jeopardy.'' An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/20/97. 9:10am. Robin is going to be appearing on a Celebrity Jeopardy game sometime in April. Today Howard decided that they'd practice a little so Robin can kick some celebrity ass. Howard, Robin, Fred, Gary and Stuttering John all played. The funny thing was that Fred blew everyone out of the water. He kicked ass! Fred answered some questions that nobody else could have known. Howard thinks that Fred should be on regular Jeopardy, he's that good. Everyone was also betting on whether Robin would win or lose on Jeopardy. Howard thinks she will win. It should be interesting.
  • Mickey Rooney calls in to talk to Howard about doing a ''buddy movie'' with him. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2-9-96. Mickey Rooney called in while Howard was doing a bit on how easy it is to act like a retard in movies. Mickey is a really big fan of Howard's. Mickey was rambling on and on about doing a movie with Howard. I don't think that anyone knew what the hell he was talking about...not even Mickey!
  • Howard tests Steve Grillo on his phone answering skills.
  • Howard talks to a phony suicidal phone caller.
  • Howard takes a phone call from a guy who was shot during a robbery. He also talks to a guy who admits to molesting young children.