- Various Stuff. 10/9/01. 6:05am
Comedian Artie Lange was sitting in this morning. Howard said he heard there was an article in the paper (NY Post) that said Artie is Jackie's permanent replacement... it's not true. Artie said he read it too and he thinks the rumors started after the Hugh Hefner roast. They don't know where those rumors are coming from but Howard said they aren't doing any deal like the article says they are.
Howard said he and Artie went out together on Saturday night. They went out to dinner and to a club and Howard was drinking a bit. Apparently Artie had his ''girlfriend'' with him at the club and he was making out with her. Howard said it was a disturbing sight for some reason. Artie said that he and his girlfriend look like the average Jersey couple while Howard and his woman look like a Hollywood couple. He said Howard's female friends were really hot. Howard said they had 10 people there and he had a bar tab of $720. Artie said he had another $500 and Howard thought he'd picked up the whole tab himself.
Howard said they were at this club called Go. He was making out with his girlfriend, Artie was making out with his girl and Howard's buddy Richie was just about banging his girlfriend on a couch according to Howard. Howard was so drunk that he was dancing doing The Robot moves on the dance floor. Artie said that the bathroom had lights that changed color and at one point he was taking a leak and the light turned red. When the light went red he said it looked like his urine was blood red which freaked him out for a second.
Howard said that when they all went out to dinner he noticed that Scott Einziger's fiancee Maya got a little upset when Scott wanted to pay the dinner tab. Howard had offered to pay but Scott said he'd pay. Howard said he overheard Maya telling Scott that he should let Howard pick it up. Scott said Howard was nuts and that didn't happen though.
A listener called in and changed the subject by asking Howard if he feels unsafe in New York City now. Howard said he's uneasy about being in the city but he's not as upset as his daughters are. He went on to talk about how scared people are after the World Trade Center tragedy and with the Anthrax scare down in Florida. Howard said we can't just hide inside being afraid all the time. You have to go out and live your life the way you did before as best as you can. And that's just what he seems to be doing.
- Gary Garver Celebrity Interviews. 10/9/01. 6:45am
Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing Ed Asner at the Hollywood Collectibles and Autograph show. Asner has been on the show before and has stated he's very much against capital punishment. So they sent Gary off to ask Ed some questions about killing Osama bin Laden. Gary asked Ed if he'd want to see Osama executed. Ed answered with something like ''No, just Howard Stern...'' and then went on to say he's against capital punishment again. Gary asked him a couple of other questions about Mary Tyler Moore and then he asked him ''Do you think it's a cruel joke that God gave you more hair on your back than on your head?'' Asner told Gary he hasn't seen his back so he doesn't know that he does have more on his back than on his head. He wrapped up by telling Gary he doesn't think much of Howard.
Gary interviewed a couple of other guys including Soupy Sales. Howard said that one is really sad because the poor guy is so old sounding. Howard said he's made up with Soupy in the past few years and he thought that Gary should have just left him alone. When he played the tape Soupy sounded like he's really aged. It really was sad to hear it and it wasn't really a funny interview... interesting but not funny.
- Howard Talks About Deaf Rush Limbaugh. 10/9/01. 7:10am
Howard spent a short time talking about the latest news story about how Rush Limbaugh says he's going deaf. Howard said he hasn't been a fan of Rush's over the years but he hates to see a guy go down with such an awful condition. Limbaugh claims that he's lost almost all of his hearing since May of this year. Howard read an article and played some audio clips of Limbaugh talking about how he can't listen to radio or watch TV because he can't hear it anymore. He said he can still talk to people one on one sometimes but he can only hear them if their pitch is at the right level.
Howard pointed out that his father called him recently and pointed out that Limbaugh has been sounding a little different on his show. That seems to have prompted Limbaugh to come out and tell his listeners why he sounds odd.
- Playboy Model Angelica Bridges Comes In. 10/9/01. 7:20am
Model/actress Angelica Bridges came in this morning to promote the latest edition (November 2001) of Playboy magazine in which she appears. Howard said Angelica was on the show one other time (1998) but he doesn't remember it. Artie Lange said he remembered seeing it on the E! show though. At the time Howard got to touch her breasts when she invited him to do that. Howard tried to cop another feel today because it's breast cancer awareness month. Angelica said that because he couldn't remember her last appearance she wasn't going to let him feel them today.
Howard said when she was in last she was flirting with him but she didn't tell anyone that she was dating model Marcus Shankenberg. Howard was married at the time so he couldn't take her up on her offers at the time. Angelica said that if he wasn't married and she wasn't dating Marcus, they'd probably be a couple now.
Howard spoke to Angelica about her Playboy shoot and about the guys she has dated and is friends with now. Rod Stewart is a friend of hers and she claims she's never slept with him. She also denied ever sleeping with Hugh Hefner.
Angelica said that everything in her life is going really great right now. She's got a Miller Lite promotion deal and she's done 6 movies recently. She's got the Playboy thing coming out and next February she'll be in Maxim magazine (only in the UK).
Howard tried sweet talking Angelica for a few seconds but he quickly gave up after Robin spoiled it by talking to him while he worked. He told Angelica that he was very aroused during the interview and that she shouldn't look down when he says goodbye to her. As Howard was wrapping things up he asked Angelica if she uses a vibrator to get off since she doesn't have a boyfriend. She said after hearing Howard talk about this Pocket Rocket thing she got one. She said she doesn't use it a lot because she's always working. He ended up talking to her about what she's like in bed and how she's multi-orgasmic. Howard finally wrapped up the interview and said that Angelica will be in an upcoming ''Baywatch'' TV movie where they'll be bringing back quite a few of the original cast members like Pam Anderson and Nicole Eggert. Angelica was also on ''Baywatch'' for a while.
- No Breast Exams For Howard Today. 10/9/01. 8:05am
Howard said that his offer to check women for breast cancer this month isn't going so well. Not many women are coming down for him to check them. Agatha, a 19 year old came down the other day but she didn't have ID to prove her age. Today she tried to come down again but she got robbed on her way there. Some guy held her up and stole her purse. She called in and said that she wouldn't be in today because of that. Howard spoke to her for a couple of minutes and moved on to other things.
Howard said he got a hold of the plot for the new ''Baywatch'' TV movie that Angelica Bridges mentioned. Howard said that David Hasselhoff's character, Mitch, will return to the show even though it was thought that he died in the final episode of the series. The new plot brings him back thanks to a migrating whale that saves him and drops him on an island.
Stuttering John came in and brought up the fact that Robin's episodes of ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' have started airing. He watched last night's episode and couldn't believe that Robin didn't get the ''fastest finger'' questions. One of them had the contestants putting movies in order of release. Another one had famous catch phrases that Robin wasn't able to get. Robin said she just didn't know the catch phrases and she's not fast with her finger. She said she was the slowest person with that thing. Howard thinks that she'll be the last celebrity in the chair but she's not allowed to say exactly when she gets in the hot seat. The rest of the episodes will air for the next 4 Monday nights on ABC right before Monday Night Football.
- Carnie Wilson Comes In. 10/9/01. 8:20am
Singer Carnie Wilson came in this morning to promote her new book ''Gut Feelings: From Fear and Despair to Health and Hope.''
Howard immediately got into a discussion about her weight and how she still looked fat the last time she was on the show. He said that when guys see women at say 160 pounds and 5'4'' tall, they look fat to them. Guys don't really know if they're going up or down in weight. The woman might be satisfied with having lost 100 pounds but she still looks big to guys according to Howard. Carnie said that she is now down to 145 pounds and she wears a size 6... and she's happy with that. Carnie had an operation where they stapled her stomach so it was much smaller than normal. She lost a ton of weight but Howard was still telling her that she's not down to the ideal weight yet. He asked her if she is doing any exercise. She said she walks but Howard thinks she should run. Carnie told Howard that running is bad for your knees so she only does a light jog once in a while. Howard said that's not true and she should be running. Artie Lange said he lost weight by using cocaine. Not the ideal way to do it but it worked.
Howard interrogated Carnie about everything she does in her life. He found out that she plans to have more surgery to improve her appearance. She's going to have a tummy tuck to get rid of the nasty looking fat on her stomach and she'll probably do other stuff. Carnie also said she's planning on having a baby at some point. Howard said that just means she'll get fat again. He complimented her on having a great face but didn't say the same thing about her body. He continued to tell her that she still needs to lose another 20 pounds or so. Meanwhile, she'll be autographing copies of her new book at Barnes and Noble at 600 5th Ave and 48th St. in New York City tomorrow from 12:30pm to 1:30pm.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Carnie before ending the interview. One guy told Howard he was all wrong about some of his diet advice. Howard insists he knows more than Carnie and the caller though. Another caller said that Carnie would still be fat if she hadn't had the surgery. Carnie agreed but said she needed an aid to help her lose weight and that's the route she chose for herself. Yet another caller said that Howard has the genes that allow him to maintain his weight. Howard had to explain to her that at one point in his life he weighed 250 pounds. He didn't know how to eat correctly and his family did an intervention and straightened him out. He was always sick and his family didn't like what they saw. He's been dieting and exercising ever since.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that she needs to cut out some of the food she's still eating. She ended up calling him a ''schmuck'' and Ralph called her ''fatso'' so things got a little heated. Ralph also said that Carnie isn't comfortable with her body even though she claims she is. She's going to have more surgery including breast implants so she's really not comfortable with her body.
Ralph was in the back room at the studio so he ended up coming into the studio to evaluate Carnie. Ralph said she does look good but she needs to lose a few more pounds. He suggested 10 pounds but Howard said it's more like 15 that she needs to lose. Carnie eventually went over and let Howard hug her and feel her to see if she really does need to lose that much. Howard said 10 pounds would be good but if she lost 20 she'd be ''smokin.''
- Playboy Evaluations And Other Stuff. 10/9/01. 9:10am
Howard had a bunch of guys in the studio for an evaluation. King of all Blacks was in for a visit as well as Ralph and Mr. Skin from MrSkin.com. Howard brought up his night out at dinner and club Go on Saturday night and talked about some more of what went on there. He brought up how Scott Einziger and his fiancee didn't seem to be very physical with each other. Howard thought that was kind of strange since they're going to be getting married soon. All of the other unmarried couples were making out while Scott and Maya were just hanging out. Mike Gange had a hot chick with him at the club but he wasn't getting anywhere either. Mike came in and Howard brought up the fact that he still can't work the deal to get laid even with this new chick. Gange said that he knew this girl years ago and just recently ran into her again. He wasn't able to close the deal with her that night which is normal for him. Howard has spoken about this many times in the past. Gange just becomes friends with these women and never gets laid. Everyone tried to give him advice like they have so many other times in the past. Gange says he doesn't know what he's doing wrong. Apparently he thought that he was going to be able to close the deal that night but it just didn't happen for him.
Gange's date Lorraine called in and tried to explain what went on. She said it was more complicated than it seemed to Howard. She said they were friends and there was a lot of stuff that complicated the situation but when Robin asked her if she would have been against Gange trying to kiss her, she said ''no.'' So he should have tried something because it may have led to more. Lorraine said she really didn't expect anything to happen that night even though it wasn't their first date. Everyone in the studio agreed that Gange is a mess. Howard moved on to do an evaluation.
Howard spent a minute talking to Mr. Skin about his web site where you can find out where your favorite actress appeared nude. He said that the movie ''Swordfish'' will be coming out soon on DVD so you'll be able to get an extra clear picture of Halle Berry's breasts. Howard took a quick break and then came back to do a couple of evaluations. He first spoke to King of all Blacks about his beauty tips. King was telling Howard how he tries to keep his skin young but he goes to a tanning booth for some reason. After talking to him about all of that Howard brought in the first woman, Dacia I believe. Howard said she was really hot. She said she's already a model and she was only 21 years old. She was 5'10'' tall and weighs only 105 pounds. Howard asked her if she was going to get topless for the evaluation and she said ''no'' to that. KC came in and said he spoke to her about this and she'd agreed to get topless. She refused but Howard kept her in the studio to evaluate her anyway. It turns out she's not 21 years old either. She's at least 24 and she just had a baby not that long ago so she needs some work done on her to fix her body. That's why she wasn't getting naked. All of the guys tried to get her to get topless but it just didn't happen. Howard had the guys give their thoughts about whether or not she could be in Playboy or not. The votes were split. Gary said her face will probably age very quickly but right now it's good. Mr. Skin said she probably could be in the magazine but he couldn't certify that without seeing her cans. Ralph said she was too thin and she needed a little work on her ass. The guys finally got to see a bit of her body when she pulled down the front of her pants a bit to show her scar and her tattoo. They also noticed a bit of moose knuckle in her underpants. As she was wrapping up her segment she sang a little bit of ''Amazing Grace'' for everyone. Fred played some barking dog sound effects which seemed to upset her. She stopped halfway through the song.
Howard moved on to the second evaluation. Yolena, a personal trainer, came in but her story was similar to the other woman's. She said she just wanted to meet Howard and she didn't want to get topless. KC said he spoke to both of these women about getting topless and they both agreed to do it. For some reason they changed their minds. She did take some of her clothes off but she was trying to hide something. Gary pointed out that she must have bad implants or something. They finally got her to take her top off while she covered her nipples. She did that but Gary noticed her really bad boob job. He described them as being off center and way too fake looking. The right side was like 5 inches off of where it should have been. Ralph chimed in and said that her legs were too stubby. Howard, Artie and Mr.Skin all said that she was hot enough for Playboy though. King of all Blacks said she wasn't good enough though.
Howard wrapped things up and let Dacia give out her many plugs...
After taking a break Howard came back and said that he was hoping to rap to the girls but they ran out of there so quick that Robin didn't even have time to come in and say goodbye to them. Howard said he's never seen anything like it.
King of all Blacks stuck around and ended up hitting Howard up for $500. He said he needed some cash to pay some bills and he didn't have it. He's never done anything like this before so Howard didn't know what was going on. A lot of the people in the studio told Howard not to loan the guy the money but Howard broke down and lent him the cash. King said he needed the money to pay his car loan bills or else his car would be taken away. Robin was just about yelling at Howard for doing this. She said that he should treat King like a man and not give him the money. Then Stuttering John came in and told Howard that King has money saved up in his pension plan that he can borrow against. Howard then rescinded his offer and let Robin do her newscast so he could get out of there to go to a meeting.
- Various Stuff. 10/10/01. 6:05am
Comedian Craig Gass (IHateComedians.com) was sitting in the funny chair this morning. Howard came on first thing and said that this deaf Rush Limbaugh thing has him freaked out. He said he's turned down the level of his own headphones because he usually runs them at full blast. Howard also wanted to credit his father with picking up on the sound difference on Limbaugh's show and letting him know about it last week. Howard also said that he read that Rush probably knew about this deafness thing before he signed his new contract with a $35 million signing bonus. Howard has theories on what's actually going on with Rush. He said that perhaps he has a tumor or something else going on and he's trying to cover it up by just saying he's losing his hearing for no obvious reason. Whatever it is Howard said he feels sorry for him. But then he also said that Rush has never looked like he's been in good health. Howard also made some comments about Rush's political stance even though he never listens to the show. A listener called in and confronted Howard about those comments and that led to a short discussion about how Rush seems goes along with everything the Republican party says.
- The 2001 F-Emmy Awards Begin. 10/10/01. 6:30am
Howard started off this year's F-Emmys talking about the award they'll be giving to each winner. It's a bronzed replica of Howard's nose. Howard and the crew then performed a song parody to the tune of ''Because I Got High'' about the show. Each person took a turn singing a couple of lines about their job on the show.
Best Wack Pack Fight was the first category. Howard played clips of each nominee and then announced the winner. Here are the nominees:
And the winner is... Beetlejuice vs. Hank the Dwarf. Beetlejuice and Hank's mother Claudette were on the phone to accept the award. Beetlejuice thanked Howard for the award but he seemed a little sleepy or something. Howard let Claudette say a few words about the late Hank but she was overcome by emotion after hearing Hank's voice in the tape Howard played. Neither of them had much to say so Howard moved on with the rest of the F-Emmys. He did his usual goof talking about celebrities in the audience. He mentioned a few names of celebs and made some jokes about each of them.
- Beetlejuice vs. Hank the Dwarf in the halls of K-Rock
- John the Stutterer vs. Ralph
- John the Stutterer vs. Hank the Dwarf
- Elliot Offen vs. Gary Dell'Abate
- F-Emmy Awards Continue. 10/10/01. 7:00am
Howard spent a little more time talking about Rush Limbaugh and then moved on to the next category, Grossest Show Moment. Here are the nominees:
The winner was vomit guy Jeff Levy who was on the phone to accept. He read his speech and thanked many people for helping his cause.
- Jeff Levy gets vomited on
- Guy eats ice cream out of Crazy Cabbie's ass
- Guy who ate light bulb
- Denise's self castration story
A short time later Howard got to the next category which is very special. It's Gayest Show Moment and we were able to vote on who the winner would be. Howard gave out an e-mail address (vote@HowardStern.com) and gave us the nominees. Everyone with e-mail was able to send in their vote and the winner was announced later in the show. The nominees were:
Gary thought that they should just give him the award right then because he figures that was the gayest show moment. Howard wasn't so sure about that though because Crazy Cabbie's anal sex thing was a really gay moment. At around 9:50 Howard announced the winner of the category. He spent a couple of minutes talking to KC about his erection problems but then got to the vote... Here are the results:
- Gary's videotaped apology to get his girlfriend back
- KC admits he's had trouble ''getting it up''
- Howard spanks High Pitch Erik
- Crazy Cabbie admits he had anal sex with guys
- Benjy kisses High Pitch Erik
- High Pitch Erik cries about the death of Hank the Dwarf
Crazy Cabbie won by a narrow margin but they weren't able to get him on the phone to accept it. ''Gene Simmons'' (Craig Gass) accepted the award instead.
- High Pitch Erik cries about the death of Hank the Dwarf - ? Votes
- KC admits he's had trouble ''getting it up'' - 80 Votes
- Benjy kisses High Pitch Erik - 97 Votes
- Howard spanks High Pitch Erik - 420 Votes
- Gary's videotaped apology to get his girlfriend back - 1,569 Votes
- Crazy Cabbie admits he had anal sex with guys - 1,633 Votes
Howard moved on to the next category which was Best Celebrity Argument. Here are the nominees:
And the winner were... AJ Benza vs. Donald Trump. Trump was on the phone to accept the award but AJ Benza just sent in a statement and refused to appear with Trump. Howard spoke to Donald for a little while and let Gary read AJ's statement. In the statement AJ said something about accepting the award and not wanting to put it on his mantle. He said he'd rather shove it up the ass of ''Intern X'' which may have meant Stuttering John... who knows. Howard and Donald Trump spoke about many things other than the F-Emmy award. They talked about the World Trade Center tragedy and Donald says he doesn't think they'll ever build those buildings as high as they were ever again. He thinks it would be like putting a bulls eye in the city again. That upset Robin and Donald said he hated to tell her that but it's probably true. Trump also spoke about the airlines and how he doesn't think they'll ever recover from this. They were already struggling before the attacks and now it's even worse. He had an idea for protecting everyone from terrorists. He suggested that they install sleeping gas in the planes and when a terrorist attack happens the pilot can hit a button and put everyone to sleep until they land. Howard wrapped up the call after speaking to Trump about his lunch date with Stuttering John down in Atlantic City and a couple of other things.
- Sharon Osbourne vs. Insane Clown Posse
- Crazy Cabbie vs. Scott the Wazzup guy
- AJ Benza vs. Donald Trump
- Alec Baldwin vs. Richard Johnson
- Joe Rogan vs. Vinnie Favale
- More F-Emmy Awards. 10/10/01. 8:35am
The F-Emmy Awards continued through the morning. The next category up was Best Celebrity Impression and here are the nominees:
And the winner was Gilbert Gottfried as Groucho. Gilbert was on the phone to accept so Howard spent a short time talking to him. Gilbert and Howard spoke about the World Trade Center tragedy and Howard tried to find out if Gilbert even knew what went on. Gilbert jokingly said he had no idea but then said that now he's got an excuse for not working.
- Bob Hope by ?
- Billy Crystal by ?
- Al Pacino's Baby by Craig Gass
- Gene Simmons by Craig Gass
- Old Groucho Marx by Gilbert Gottfried
- Dracula by Gilbert Gottfried
- Wood Yi Allen by Steve the Engineer
- Jerry Lewis by ?
- Sam Kinison by Craig Gass
- Jay Leno by Daryl Hammond
- Chris Kattan Comes In. 10/10/01. 8:50am
Saturday Night Live star Chris Kattan came in this morning to promote his new movie ''Corky Romano'' which opens this week. Howard asked Chris if he feels a lot of pressure with this movie opening soon. Chris said it's really not the ideal time to be out promoting a comedy at a time like this and there is some pressure there. Howard asked Chris how he ended up on Saturday Night Live so Chris told him how he was discovered while performing in the improv group The Groundlings. Chris said he and a couple of other SNL people were discovered at the same time. Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri were all asked to audition at the same time and they all got the jobs. Chris described how they auditioned up on stage at the SNL studio all alone with no laughter or response from the people watching.
Howard also discussed the feuds Chris has had with people like Andy Dick and Norm Macdonald. Andy Dick didn't like the impression Chris did of him on SNL and it led to him writing a nasty song about Chris which he performed on Howard's show. Howard replayed some tape from that song and spoke to Chris about the feud. Chris said that he ran into Andy since then and he seems to be over his hatred.
Norm Macdonald was another story and Chris went through a bunch of things that they did to each other over the years that led to Norm's dislike of Chris. Chris doesn't seem to have a problem with Norm though. He mentioned one time when he and a few of the other cast members did a photo shoot for Rolling Stone magazine and Norm apparently showed up and wanted to be in the middle of them all in the picture. Artie Lange called in a short time later and said that wasn't true. Artie is good friends with Norm and he knew what went on at that time. Artie said that Norm really didn't want to do the photo shoot at all and the story Chris told wasn't quite true. Chris didn't seem to have anything else to say about it though.
Howard spent a short time talking to Chris about his mother who apparently posed for Playboy magazine when she was younger. Chris had never seen any of the pictures of his mother but Howard said he wanted to hunt them down to he can check them out. Chris said his mothers name is Hajni (Heiny) or something like that.
Howard took a few phone calls for Chris and started to wrap up the segment. Howard then started digging to find out who Chris was dating. Chris said he'd just broken up with a woman but he wouldn't mention her name for some reason. Howard kept digging and eventually got Chris to tell him who she was. She was an actress that Howard had never heard of. She appeared in the movie ''Almost Famous'' but Howard seemed to lose interest in the story when he didn't know who she was.
- Various Stuff. 10/11/01. 6:05am
Artie Lange was sitting in this morning and Howard said he just gave a donation of $3000 to the Howard Stern Disaster Relief Fund. Artie said his buddies stood outside of the Giants Stadium and sold some stuff to people to raise the money. Howard said the fund will be shut down on Friday so you have to hurry to get your donations in. Check out HowardStern.com for more info.
Howard spent some time talking about Osama bin Laden's apparent ''secret messages'' that may have been sent in his videotaped statements. Howard said his girlfriend told him about that the other day and he thought she was nuts. Now there are news reports saying that it might be true and Howard had to apologize to her for goofing on her. Gary also came in and talked about an e-mail he got that might be phony. It basically says that there may be attacks on shopping malls on Halloween. Gary thinks it's a fake but people are still going to avoid going to malls that day. This all led to a discussion about everything that's been going on lately.
A phone caller brought up this Miss Puerto Rico pageant that was on recently. Howard said he saw it too and at one point one of the contestants accidentally pulled off her bikini bottom and you could see her vagina for a short time because the show was live. Gary came in and told Howard she put one hand over her butt crack and the other hand over her ''pooch.'' Howard ended up goofing on Gary for using the word ''pooch'' instead of ''cooch'' which is the right word according to him.
- The F-Emmy Awards Day Two. 10/11/01. 6:40am
Howard had more F-Emmy Awards to give out this morning. He started off with the Best Celebrity Street Interview category. Here are the nominees:
And the winner was Walter Cronkite and Stuttering John. Howard said Cronkite wouldn't accept the award. Gary came in and explained that he actually called and tried to get Walter to accept but his people didn't want anything to do with it. Accepting on behalf of Walter was ''Sam Kinison'' from hell... Craig Gass. ''Sam'' ended up bad mouthing the people of the Emmys calling them ''pussies.'' His phone connection from hell was really bad so it wasn't a very clear call. Gary said he may have been staying in a hotel somewhere in hell.
- Kirk Douglas interviewed by Gary Garver
- Walter Cronkite interviewed by Stuttering John
- Joe Pesci interviewed by Gary Garver
The next category was Best Crying which included any celebrity that has cried in a news clip or on the show. Here are the nominees:
The winner was Rosie O'Donnell but there's no way she'd accept the award on the show so Jeff Probst, host of ''Survivor'', was on the phone to accept for her. He was really calling in to promote the third season of ''Survivor'' which starts tonight at 8pm on CBS. Jeff did some fake crying of his own for the acceptance speech. Howard went on to talk to Jeff about the new season and about his recent divorce. Jeff gave Howard some vague details about the new season of the show. He said that the people can't bathe while they're over there because the water is so filthy. Their stomachs are also always in turmoil according to Jeff. Jeff also told Howard about his divorce and how he did it similar to the way Howard did it. He and his wife just got a mediator and settled on everything instead of getting lawyers involved. Jeff said that his wife will be getting some of his future earnings and that seemed to freak Howard out a bit. Jeff was only married for 5 years and his wife is going to be getting money that he hasn't even earned yet.
- John Elway
- Rosie O'Donnell
- Dennis Rodman
- Bob Dole
- Bryant Gumbel
- Mike Schmidt
- Donny and Marie Osmond
- Jennifer Capriati
- Stuttering John
The next F-Emmy category was Best Band Performance: Female. The nominees were:
The winner was Anne Previn who was on the phone to accept. She made a short acceptance speech and spoke to Howard for a couple of minutes. She said that her latest album deal was in the toilet for some reason so she won't have anything new coming out anytime soon. Howard told her that she might not have a new album coming out but she did win an F-Emmy award. She seemed to be happy about that.
- Dido performing ''Thank You''
- Kay Hanley performing ''I Want You to Want Me''
- Anne Previn performing ''Torn''
- Rose McGowan Comes In. 10/11/01. 7:55am
Actress Rose McGowan came in this morning to promote the new season of ''Charmed'' which airs Thursday nights at 9pm on the WB network. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about that new venture and then moved on to talk about her break-up with Marilyn Manson. Howard also asked her if Marilyn was coming on to him the night they all went out to dinner. Howard explained this story a couple of times. He and Marilyn were sitting next to each other and while Marilyn was talking to him he had his hand on his knee and was squeezing it. Howard thought Marilyn had mistaken his leg for Rose's leg. Rose told Howard that Marilyn wasn't coming on to him and she hinted that it might have had something to do with drugs. She later sort of told Howard that ''D....S'' were the reason she broke up with Marilyn. She didn't say that drugs were the exact reason but she said that the reason ''started with D and ended with S'' She did say that she didn't want to marry someone who might continue to have a lifestyle that she doesn't want any part of. Howard tried to find out all of the details about the break up but she didn't give them all. She told him a few of the details about how she may have spoken to some of her friends about the relationship before the break up. Howard's theory was that the relationship just fizzled out and they weren't into each other as much as they were at one time.
Rose said she had a guy after Marilyn who banged her good. Artie and Howard said that he must have ''banged the Marilyn'' out of her. Rose then told Howard that she's dating Ahmet Zappa which took Howard's breath away. Artie couldn't believe it either. He kept yelling out ''Say it isn't so Rose!'' after she revealed that. Howard spoke to her about Ahmet a little bit and got a nod from her when he asked if Ahmet pleases her in bed better than Marilyn. Once again she wouldn't come out and admit it verbally but Howard took the nod as a yes.
Howard took a few phone calls for Rose to wrap up the interview. Callers asked about some of the movies she's been in and stuff like that. One caller mentioned a movie called ''Louis & Clark & George'' and said that Rose shows her breasts in it. He told Howard that Rose's nipples are very ''perky'' in that movie. Howard plugged ''Charmed'' a couple more times and ended the interview saying that ''Rose is in 'Charmed' and Ahmet (Zappa) is in Rose.''
- More F-Emmy Awards. 10/11/01. 8:45am
Comedian Bobby Slayton stopped by to hang out for a while this morning. He was very hyper today. He said a hell of a lot of stuff in a short amount of time. He also had a game for Howard to play. His concept was to take names out of a plant book and a book of African American names. He would then give Howard the name and Howard would guess whether it was a plant name or a black name. Here are the 5 names Bobby had for Howard:
Howard only got two of them right but it was a fun game to play.
- Ewart - Black name
- Akebia - Plant name
- Clethra - Plant name
- Wubnesh - Black name
- Anthemis - Plant name
Howard moved on to give out another F-Emmy Award. The next category up was Best Trashing of Howard Outside of the Show. Here are the nominees:
The winner was Paul Rodriguez and he was on the phone to accept the award. Paul said he wasn't happy to win the award and he thought Garner should have won so he decided to give his award to him instead. Paul plugged a couple of appearances and gave a short speech before Howard moved on.
- James Garner on the Tonight Show
- Bobcat Goldthwait in his HBO Special
- The cast of ''The View''
- Paul Rodriguez backstage at an award show
Howard let Bobby Slayton tell a few stories before doing the next F-Emmy. Slayton was trying to cram in as much stuff as he could in his short visit so he was talking very fast. They spoke about the Arab terrorists for a few minutes and Bobby talked about his flight out to New York from L.A. He also talked about the movie that he's in called ''Bandits'' which is coming out tomorrow. He got in a few plugs for his stuff and told a hell of a lot of stories in a very short amount of time. Very hard to follow it all.
Howard gave out another F-Emmy Award and this one was for Most Insane Guest. Here are the nominees:
The winner was Mr. T of course. Mr. T was on the phone to accept. Like Bobby Slayton, Mr. T was very wound up and said a lot of stuff in a short time. He thanked everyone from his doctors to his friends for everything. He went on and on thanking Howard for recognizing his talent and said that now he might be able to get more money and more commercials. He was going on so long that Howard said he'd won another F-Emmy Award for Longest Acceptance Speech. Mr. T continued to ramble on and on for a couple more minutes. Howard said Bobby Slayton sounds almost the same as Mr. T today.
- Mr. T gets pissed at Howard about a mention of his mother
- Vinnie Favale talks about how great the Cindy Margolis show is
- Melissa freaks out when she sees little John the 26 year old who looks 13
- Mariah Carey voice mails from her web site
Howard had one last F-Emmy Award to give out which was Best Band Performance: Male. Here are the nominees:
And the winner was Staind. On the phone to accept was ''Billy Crystal'', Mr. ''It's not fun, it's not funny'' himself. ''Billy'' was upset that he didn't win yesterday's celebrity impression F-Emmy so he said a few words about that and complained about being on the phone so long.
- Lenny Kravitz performs ''Are You Gonna Go My Way''
- Dave Grohl performs ''Everlong''
- Staind performs ''It's Been Awhile
- Stone Temple Pilots performs ''Days of the Week''
- Green Day performs ''Good Riddance''
- Type O Negative performs ''Cinnamon Girl''
- Train performs ''Ramble On''
Bobby Slayton had promised to give $500 to Howard's relief fund earlier in the show. He wrote out a check for Howard and Gary came in to give a total for what they've collected so far. He said that it's almost $3.5 million! Howard gave out the phone number once again and said that the line will probably be shut down after tomorrow. Visit HowardStern.com for the phone number or snail mail address.
- Various Stuff. 10/12/01. 6:05am
Howard said that Mayor Giuliani would be in later this morning to accept the money he collected with his disaster relief fund. He said they'd be presenting him with a check for $3.5 million!
Artie Lange was sitting in this morning and he and Howard were goofing on some of the stuff President Bush said about watching out for suspicious people around us. Howard also said that Crazy Cabbie left him a message last night before the President's speech in which he told Howard to ''mark my words... Bush is going to announce that they've caught Osama bin Laden.'' Needless to say, Cabbie was wrong. Cabbie has called in with many bits of ''inside'' info but now it looks like he might be misinformed.
Howard said that he felt ''impotent'' as a country after watching the President's speech last night. We haven't caught Osama yet and Howard can't seem to believe that.
Howard brought up Donald Trump's phone call from the other day when he said that the airline industry is doomed because everyone is afraid to fly now. Howard said he's been putting off meetings out in Los Angeles for a month because he's afraid to fly. Robin told Howard that they're still not scanning all of the luggage that makes it on the airplanes. You don't even have to get on the plane if your luggage makes it on.
- More F-Emmy Awards Given Out. 10/12/01. 6:35am
Howard had more F-Emmy Awards to give out today. The first category he got to was Best B Celebrity Street Interview. Here are the nominees:
The winner was Buddy Ebsen. Buddy didn't want to accept the award so some Hooters girls came in to accept instead. Howard admired their breasts for a few seconds and spoke to the girls a little bit. They actually came in to present Howard with a check for $5000 for Howard's disaster relief fund. Howard accepted the check and told the girls they couldn't stick around to meet Mayor Giuliani. He then gave them a few quick trivia questions to see how smart they were. They knew all of the answers except for ''Who is Artie Lange?'' When the girl answered ''I don't know'' Howard told her that was actually the right answer.
- Robert Loggia interviewed by Gary Garver
- Alan Young interviewed by Gary Garver
- David Leisure interviewed by Gary Garver
- Tyne Daly interviewed by Stuttering John
- Buddy Ebsen interviewed by Gary Garver
Howard spent a few minutes talking about other stuff before giving out the next F-Emmy. Stuttering John got to see Gary in a Spin class where he looked really gay. John and Gary told stories about each other and argued with each other for a few minutes.
The next category for an F-Emmy was Weirdest Guest Involving an Animal. The nominees were:
The winner was Mike who used to have sex with dogs but now runs the animal abuse group. He was on the phone to accept. Howard spoke to him about the same stuff they discussed when he was on originally. Then Mike gave his acceptance speech and a plug for his web site.
- Guy who smells dog crap to identify the breed
- Guy who used to have sex with dogs but now runs an anti-animal abuse group
- Guy who poisons and kills cats in his neighborhood
- Mayor Giuliani Comes In. 10/12/01. 7:30am
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani came in this morning to accept the money that Howard raised with his disaster relief fund. Howard was overcome with emotion when Rudy came in and he claimed that he was almost tearing up as he thought about the events of September 11th. That didn't seem to last very long though. He moved on to talk to Rudy about the money that he raised and how it will go to help the families of the public workers who lost their lives in the disaster. Giuliani will be in charge of the fund even after he leaves office.
Howard has always been a supporter of Giuliani's and he made sure to point that out this morning. He's so impressed with the job he's done so far that he wants to run for mayor himself and then just put Rudy back in his rightful place as Mayor of New York City. Giuliani said that's not a good idea though. Howard might get stuck with the job himself and he doesn't want that responsibility.
Giuliani also spoke about his fight with cancer and said that he seems to have beaten it. He said if all of this stuff had happened last year at this time, he probably wouldn't have been able to do the job he's done.
Howard pointed out that it seems that Giuliani never takes a vacation like the President does. Giuliani said he would take a vacation at a Camp David-like place if one existed in the area. Rudy said that he is a big supporter of the President and he doesn't have a problem with him vacationing at Camp David.
Howard told Giuliani that he didn't want to keep him too long so he wrapped up the interview after bringing in Jodi from his radio station's promotions department. Jodi wanted to thank Rudy for everything he's done because she lost someone in her family. It sounded like she was on the verge of crying as she thanked him. Howard thanked his ''highness'' as he ended the interview. Rudy didn't want to be called ''your highness'' because he doesn't think of himself that way. Howard said you can still donate to this fund. Just visit HowardStern.com for the information.
- Miramax Studio Head Harvey Weinstein Calls In. 10/12/01. 8:00am
The guy who runs the Miramax movie studios Harvey Weinstein, called in to promote their latest release ''Iron Monkey'' which comes out today. He told Howard that it's actually a release of a movie that's about 8 years old. It's a karate movie that was brought over from Japan because it had some amazing action scenes in it. Harvey spent a couple of minutes talking about the movie and then Howard told the story why Harvey was really on the show.
Howard's 18 year old daughter is in college and she needed to see a movie called ''The Importance of Being Earnest'' for class. She didn't know where to see it and then one day some guy just walked up to her, handed her a piece of paper and asked her if she wanted to see ''The Importance of Being Earnest.'' She couldn't believe her luck so she went down to see it. Unfortunately there was a huge line and it was a test screening that they were only allowing people over the age of 35 into. She called Howard down and he eventually got her in by name dropping and demanding that she be allowed in. So Harvey got word that Howard was trying to get his daughter in and he made sure that happened. After that Harvey figures Howard owes him something so that's why he was on the show this morning.
- Even More F-Emmy Awards. 10/12/01. 8:15am
Howard gave away another F-Emmy Award. This category was Best Bashing of a Celebrity. Here are the nominees:
And the winner was Evil David Letterman. Evil Dave was on the phone to accept the award. He went on and on with bad jokes about Jay Leno and many other people once again. His speech was very long but very funny. He screwed up a couple of the jokes but that didn't stop him. After a couple of minutes Howard had to cut him off so he could take a break.
- Joan Rivers bashes Janeane Garafalo
- Evil David Letterman(the fake one) bashes a few celebrities
- Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes bashes John Popper of Blues Traveler
- Henry Rollins bashes many celebrities
After the break Howard gave away the F-Emmy for Worst Guest Moment and the nominees were:
The winner was Richard Lewis who was on the phone to accept his award. Richard didn't think he deserved the award because all of the others were so bad. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that discussion they had about Richard drinking champagne in his days of being an alcoholic. Howard goofed on him a little bit about that and moved on to the next category.
- Richard Lewis talks about his alcoholism
- Warren Beatty hesitates to answer any of Howard's questions
- Don King just keeps promoting as Howard questions him
- Rabbi Schmooley won't talk about the stuff he's done with Michael Jackson
Best Battle of Wits was the next Award up. Here are the nominees:
The winners were Beetlejuice and Gary the Retard. They were both on the phone so Howard spoke to them for a short time. Neither one of them seems to have a clue about what's going on though. Beetle really has no clue so Howard concentrated on Gary. He questioned him about the World Trade Center tragedy and stuff like that and Gary gave his wacky opinions about what's going on.
- KC vs. High Pitch Erik
- Beetlejuice vs. Gary the Retard
- Playboy Playmates take a quiz
- Humiliation Day For KC. 10/12/01. 9:10am
Attorney Dominic Barbara recently made an offer to KC to help get him out of debt. He offered to give him a bunch of cash to pay his debts if he dressed up in a dress as a woman and went to the horse track to place some bets. KC eventually accepted the offer and today was the day he had to change from KC to Stacy. Dominic came in and spoke to Howard about the money situation and then ''Stacy'' came in. He was wearing a dress, a wig, high heels, stockings and lipstick. Artie Lange said he looked like an ugly Nicole Bass. Everyone else was laughing hysterically when he came in. KC refused to make his voice any higher and Gary said he wouldn't even let the women's panties he was wearing touch his skin. He put them on over his boxers. Dominic said he has a limo all set up to take his ''date'' to the track in. He's already gotten approval from the Belmont race track to go there and make a scene with KC. He'll be parading him around in the dress and he'll be placing bets this afternoon. KC said he's still going to try and act like a man when he gets there. He's going to be chewing tobacco and other manly things so the guys won't pick on him while he's there.
- The Mike Walker Gossip Game. 10/12/01. 9:35am
Dominic Barbara and his date ''Stacy'' stuck around to play the Gossip Game with Mike Walker from the National Enquirer. Mike called in and told Howard about his experiences with the anthrax scare at the building his magazine the National Enquirer is based out of. Mike had to be tested for the virus after a few people in the building were exposed to the virus. One man is dead and two others were found to have been infected with the virus. Mike said he doesn't work out of that building but he was there for about 3 hours back in August. Authorities were suggesting that anyone who was there for more than an hour after August 1st should be tested for anthrax. Mike got tested but it wasn't easy to find someone to test him. He told Howard that it took quite a while to find a doctor to do the test on him. He said no one is prepared for an anthrax attack because there aren't that many places that can do the test in a timely manner. Mike told Howard he doesn't feel this anthrax attack was a terrorist attack but Dominic Barbara disagreed with him. Mike seems to think that it's not an Osama bin Laden attack.
Howard moved on and let Mike play his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard and Dominic picked number 4 as the false story. Robin, KC and Artie all went with number 2 while Fred went with number 1 as the false story. The actual false story was number three so there were no winners today. After the game Howard let Robin do her news to wrap up the show.
- Bruce Willis is demanding that his daughters be allowed to appear in his next movie.
- Whoopi Goldberg has agreed to appear on Drew Carey's show ''Whose Line is it Anyway'' as long as they don't show her ass.
- Leonardo DiCaprio will play the part of Howard Hughes in an upcoming movie because he thinks it's the role of a lifetime for him.
- A bartender at a Jennifer Aniston party had the nerve to ask for tips and was promptly kicked out of the party.