Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who wanted to be the ''first of the Millennium. One guy called in and did the first official bong hit of the Millennium while another guy did the first ''Am I on the air? Is this Howard?'' phone call. There was also the first ''F-Jackie'' of the Millennium. Howard said that while he was on vacation in Anguilla there was a guy telling everyone about how this year is the real start of the new Millennium, not last year which most people used as the official celebration year. Howard said he doesn't get it though.
Howard said that he was enjoying 90 degree heat while New York was getting over a foot of snow this past weekend. Robin said that she stuck around her house during vacation so she was shoveling snow while Howard was on the beach. Howard asked her ''how many inches'' she got over the weekend. He wasn't asking about the snow either. Robin told him she got ''a foot'' and Jackie joked that it was ''six inches in the front and six in the back.''
A listener called in and asked Howard what he thought about Kate Hudson getting married to Chris Robinson during vacation. Howard said that it was a good career move for Robinson and that the marriage won't last more than 2 years. He said about 14 months in there will be cracks in the relationship and we'll read about them in the National Enquirer. Twenty to twenty four months from now they'll be divorced.
Howard said that he read a good book over vacation.. ''Batman : No Man's Land'' He said it's a Batman novel and it was very good. That led to Howard talking about Christmas gifts he got. The worst one he got was from Gary. It was a Sharper Image portable personal care kit. Howard said that there was nothing in the kit that he would ever use. There was a tiny comb, an electric razor and a bunch of other things that he'd never use. He complained for a few minutes about how Gary should get him something nice that he'd like because he's the reason he's got a job. Gary gave the same gifts to Jackie and Fred. He also gave Howard a couple of DVDs but he didn't like them either. One of them was ''The Best of Chris Rock on Saturday Night Live''. Howard said that even Chris Rock admits that he sucked on SNL and there's no reason he'd want to watch him on DVD during that time. Howard didn't know what Gary was thinking. Howard also got a crappy gift from Tom Chiusano. He got a gift package of chocolates and he doesn't eat chocolate. He said he'll be giving away the candy today. Howard couldn't remember what Stuttering JOhn got him. It was a pen from Tiffany. He finally remembered when John reminded him and said it was very nice but it was too small for his hand. Howard said he got Jackie and Fred digital cameras. John got a DVD player from Howard.
Howard reminded everyone that Stuttering John's wife had their second baby just before vacation. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on him because he's now got two kids, a wife and a nanny living in a one bedroom apartment in the city. John described his apartment and said that he uses a sheet for a wall between his bed and the rest of the big, open space of the apartment.
Howard and the crew spent some time discussing movies they saw during their vacation. Howard brought up Tom Hanks' ''Castaway'' and how well it did at the box office. John said that it was okay but the island scenes are like watching grass grow because they're so boring. Robin agreed and said it was awful. Howard said he saw an art film called ''Quills'' that was very good. Howard started to talk about one of the guys in the movie who shows his penis but the delay was hit... what do you know, the first delay hit of the new Millennium!
Howard was talking about his vacation all morning. He was talking about how little he did down in Anguilla. He said there was no TV or radio down there so he spent his time swimming, sitting, reading, sleeping or running. He came home on New Years day and didn't have a problem getting in even though the snow had caused a lot of delays over the weekend. Howard was very impressed with how the Mayor got the snow cleared out of Times Square for New Years Eve. He said that Mayor Giulianni should be President.
Gary came in and reminded Howard that he had a similar problem about a year ago. He thought he was farting but ended up having an accident in his underwear while he was at work. He was lucky because he had an extra pair of underwear in the gym bag he'd brought to work. Gary and Howard shared stories they've heard about others who have had these awful accidents.
One reporter asked Howard why his show can't be heard on the internet. Robin said that it's not on the internet and that's why you can't hear it. Howard went on to tell the reporter that if he offered his show for free on the web then it might ruin his syndication deal and no other stations would want to pick up his show. He said he's running the show like a dignified business and he's not going to give it away for free.
Howard was also asked what he thinks about these fan sites that report on what happens on the show each day. Howard said that he's not a fan of these sites and he will be shutting them down this year. He said that I.. I mean.. The sites should come up with their own material and not use his. He said he should be doing that on his own web site. (Do it already then!)
Howard said that this will be his last 5 years on radio so he's going to make it very special. (Where have we heard that before?)
Howard took a few more questions about various subjects before wrapping up the press conference.
After the press conference Howard said that he will be announcing a new affiliate later this week. He wouldn't say what city that is though.
Howard says he checked with his Magic 8-Ball last night to see if this will be his final 5 year radio contract. The ball told him ''No'' so he says he burned it.
Howard had fun yesterday when KC admitted that he accidentally crapped himself when he tried to fart on his girlfriend. He said he told his kids about it and they were disgusted by the whole story.
Crazy Cabbie called in this morning. Howard said he actually picked up the phone when Cabbie called him the other night and now he'll probably be calling in all the time. Cabbie told Howard about this guy who parachuted into Buckingham Palace and held up a ''Baba Booey'' sign. He also told Howard that Ray Walston died recently. Howard had Ray in his death pool picks but that's over now so he won't be getting any points. Howard spent some time discussing Walston and how he hated being the Martian in ''My Favorite Martian''. He also talked about how great he was in ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' and played a couple of clips from the movie. Howard also spent some more time talking to Cabbie. Cabbie says he's clean now but Howard told a story about Cabbie being out on the streets of New York City until 4am on New Years day. He ended up running into Ralph at some point. Howard wrapped things up with Cabbie and asked him not to call him so much.
Howard was one of the questions on ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' this week. The question was about who ran for Governor of New York in 1994. The woman who was playing didn't know the answer so she had to phone a friend to try and figure it out. Her friend didn't know the answer either. She used another lifeline and they took away two wrong answers. She eventually guessed Howard Stern and got it right.
Gary the retard called in so Howard asked him some sample Jeopardy questions. He asked Gary was 3+1 was. Gary said ''Two!'' Howard asked him a few other questions that Gary couldn't answer correctly. The Jeopardy game should be a good one. Howard asked him what month it is and he immediately said ''June!'' Gary did know that a cat is an animal. He also knew what sounds a bunch of different animals make. He even knew that he has 10 toes but when Howard asked him to add up all his toes and fingers he said he'd have 12.
Craig Gass will be appearing at the Comic Strip tonight in Manhattan and her performs regularly at The Boston Comedy Club in Manhattan regularly. You can e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Howard mentioned a sponsor they have called The Spy Shop which sells hidden cameras for spying on babysitters and nannys. Stuttering John said he caught his nanny using the phone to call 900 numbers while she was watching his kid. They somehow got on the subject of some guy who had a hidden camera on kids in a bathroom and then started talking about why schools used to make kids swim naked during gym class. Scott the Engineer was the one who brought that up one time. Gary said that in his school they used to have to wear bathing suits that the school provided. He said he would want to wear that before swimming naked. Everyone then spent some time talking about being naked in front of other guys and how uncomfortable it is.
KC was sharing some stories about the hijinks he and his buddies got into when he was in college. They'd fill up a condom with ranch dressing and throw it at people standing on the side of the road. He had a bunch of other stories about assaulting people in many different ways. Everyone else had their own stories that they shared also.
Mike Gange made the mistake of coming in to share his stories. He got goofed on for a half hour instead. Howard had him stand on the hidden scale so they could see how much he ballooned up over the holidays. He was at a hefty 236 pounds. Then they found out he'd been skiing during vacation so they asked him if he hooked up with any chicks. He said he didn't because he was busy skiing. Howard then spent quite a bit of time trying to give him some advice on how to pick up chicks at a ski lodge. He didn't want to hear it though. He had excuses for why he didn't have time to do it while he was there. Howard called him a girl and said he should stick something in him.
Howard was talking about how he didn't get to bed until 9pm last night. Robin said she didn't get any sleep last night because she had some dental work done. She had her root canal finished yesterday and she wasn't able to sleep at all. Gary said she was holding an ice bag to her face when she came in this morning.
A listener asked Howard what's up with his ''Doomsday'' cartoon that was supposed to be on UPN this past fall. Howard said that they're in the script writing stage. He said the deal is still on but the scripts have to be right before they start the animation process. He didn't say exactly when it would be starting though.
Howard was talking about some of the Christmas cards he got this year. He got them from Chuck Norris, Larry Flynt, Shelly Michelle the body double,Tony Bennett, James Brown and Ozzy Osbourne and his family. For some reason he got a card from the Dixie Chicks. Gary said it's because their publicist likes Howard. Gary Marshall sent one with a picture of his whole extended family. Howard said he doesn't get that whole picture sending thing. Danni Ashe from Danni's Hard Drive, Tim Burton, Jenna Jameson and Michael Buffer were among the others that Howard mentioned. Howard said he's amazed at Michael Buffer's career. He trademarked his ''Let's get ready to rumble'' saying and people have to pay him if they use that sentence. Howard doesn't know how he can make a living doing that. Gary said that Buffer has sued people like Don Imus and Oliver North for using his phrase and he's won. Howard thinks that the cases can't be worth more than a hundred dollars though.
Crazy Cabbie called in later in the show and told Howard that he read that Michael Buffer makes a million bucks an appearance. Another caller told Howard that Buffer once signed a contract for $1.5 million to do 25 fights but that was back in 1991 or so. Howard's buddy Wayne Segal called in and said that he saw Buffer at a car show introducing new cars. He asked around to find out what they paid him but all they would tell him was ''A lot''. No one knows the true story.
While Cabbie was on the phone he said he wanted to play Win Fred's Money so Howard told him to get down to the studio to play.
Howard played tape of a recording session for Beetlejuice where it was impossible to get him to say the line ''This is Beetlejuice in California''. Beet would keep adding more and more stuff as he was talking. It was another hilarious tape from the tiny headed man.
Howard took some phone calls from people and they all wanted to know if he's gay or something. It sounds that way when he talks about how dirty a woman's private parts are but he swears he's not.
Big Black called in with tape of Gary talking dirty to women from his web site. Gary said that was scripted so it's not really how he talks to women. Howard thought it sounded pretty good though.
You can find out why Gary and UGO.com are on a mission against Razor Scooters by visiting UGO.com
Howard also mentioned that one article that was written about his entrance into the market said that his company, Infinity Broadcasting, pressured the station into putting him on the air in Cincinnati. Howard said he didn't know that to be a fact but someone at the station said that there was some pressure from Infinity.
There were only 2 reporters at this press conference so it didn't take long. The two reporters asked Howard a couple of lame questions about why he hasn't been there sooner and if he thinks he can make it in a conservative market. Howard said that he's always been told that his markets are conservative and it doesn't take long for him to become number one. He's not worried about it. He predicts that he'll be number one in the market by 9:15 this morning.
Fred didn't know why he went back to the Barbra Streisand question. He thought he might get it if he heard it again but it didn't come to him.
Later in the show Gary came in and said that a bunch of people told him that because Cabbie is an employee of the station, he can't win the money. The rules said that no employees are eligible to win so he might be out of luck. Howard wanted them to give it to him anyway but they may have to wait until tomorrow when Tom gets back to find out. Cabbie said that's the story of his life. He won but then they yanked it back from him. Scott the engineer came in and congratulated Cabbie on being a bigger loser than him. Howard said that Cabbie deserves it and he'll fight for him to get it.
Howard took a phone call from some dopey 14 year old who thought he could request a song. The kid requested a Dave Matthews song so Howard played along with it at first. He then asked the kid what he was doing. He didn't explain himself very well but it sounded like he couldn't find the number for Z-100 so he called Howard instead. Howard gave up on the conversation after a couple of minutes.
Howard read an article about Helen Hunt in Star magazine that implies that she might be gay. They have a picture of her hugging her ''gal-pal'' Mandy. They say that the two of them got matching tattoos and have been seen hanging out quite a bit. Helen recently separated from her husband Hank Azaria after a long relationship.
Howard read that John F. Kennedy Jr.'s magazine ''George'' is folding. He said they show a bunch of covers from the magazine including his own awful cover. Howard said the magazine was awful so it's not surprising that it's folding. He said it was unreadable but it's kind of sad that it's folding after JFK Jr. died.
Jeff, a brain damaged listener, called in asking Howard to get him laid. Howard didn't know what to do for the guy at first but he eventually decided to offer the guy the chance to play Kendra Jade's Butt Billionaire the next time they play that game. Jeff said that he's not afraid of Kendra Jade's ass.. but he has to win it first.
Howard let a bunch of callers yell at both of them. There were callers on both sides. Some told Scott to shut up and even more people told Cabbie to shut up.
Cabbie really got angry and just yelled at Scott for most of the interview. Scott said he didn't want to just get into a screaming match but that's what it turned into. Howard thinks that Cabbie would get his ass beat by Scott if they actually fought. Cabbie told Howard he doesn't know him and he thinks he'd beat the crap out of Scott. The whole thing was a ridiculous waste of time. If you want to see the woman in the center of this whole fight just head over to MissBunny.com. Scott said he's also got his own Yahoo.com fan club under his full name Scott Martin Brooks. Howard had Cabbie leave the studio under the supervision of Ronnie ''Security'', ''The Limo Driver'' Mund. He spent another minute with Scott and wrapped things up.
The two of them later ran into each other and Scott wanted to go ''talk'' to Cabbie outside. Cabbie backed down though. He said he wasn't going outside with him. Ronnie came in and explained how the two of them came nose to nose in the lobby. Ronnie told them to take it downstairs but when Scott went to the elevator Cabbie went back inside the offices.
Nicole said that a fan has created the web site GetWellNicole.com. She doesn't have any health insurance so she needs some donations to pay her bills. She said she won't be able to make any money after she gets out of the hospital because she's not the woman she used to be. Howard and Robin said they hope she feels better as they were ending the phone call.
Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Lindsay about her TV show ''Grosse Point'' which airs on the WB network on Sunday nights at 9:30pm. She said that they haven't ''found their audience'' yet so the ratings aren't that great. She said the critics like it but they need viewers. She told Howard she started her acting career at the age of 8. Howard then went off talking about how parents shouldn't make their kids go into acting, they should let them grow up normally. He wasn't singling out Lindsay's mom, just the general public. Howard later took a call from a woman who said there's nothing wrong with kids acting. Howard ended up yelling at her for a couple of minutes and said it's not what the child wants to do, it's what she wants her kid to do.
Lindsay told Howard about how she was on ''The Wonder Years'' for a while as the awkward girl Alice. She said all of her parts were the ''quirky girl'' because she was kind of odd looking. Howard called the parts ''ugly girls'' but she prefers ''awkward '' over ugly.
Ralph called in and said he's a fan of the show but they move it around too much. Lindsay said they were trying to find that audience that they're lacking. Now it't on Sunday nights as well as Wednesday nights.