Howard said that he's still thrilled that he won the Battle of the Bands against Tim Russ 2 weeks ago. He replayed both songs from the competition and thought that The Losers actually sounded pretty good. He said that the whole reason they have the battle is to show these celebrities that they shouldn't be singing. But that won't stop Tim Russ or Tina Yothers from playing.
Howard started to talk about the upcoming MTV Video Music Awards when they got on the subject of the Source Awards show that was taped last week. A mini riot broke out at the show so Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes on that subject. Then Scott Brooks, the ''Wassup'' guy, called in and said that he was there. He told Howard that he was supposed to do some bit on the show and it got canceled because of the riot. He said that a famous rap artist had walked in to the place with his posse. They had trouble getting down the aisle and when they saw someone they didn't like they started running over the seats and tried to beat the crap out of him. When they couldn't get to him with their fists they started spitting on the guy. That was broken up and the rap artists were allowed to return to their seats. Scott's segment was canceled so he went to his hotel room. A short time later he got a call from his buddy who said that the riot started up again outside of the event. Scott saw the riot outside of his hotel room window. Scott said that the cops had to come in and shut down the event. Howard said he wants to see tape of this but UPN has refused to release it. They're going to cut out all of the good stuff when they air the show.
Howard got back to the MTV awards. He is planning on doing a drinking show that night but General Manager Tom Chiusano got to Gary and told him that it's against company policy to glorify drinking. So what they're going to have to do is have a state trooper perform a breathalyzer test on them or something like that. Howard is pissed that Tom once again ruined a bit they were going to do.
Howard went out to eat at a gourmet restaurant during vacation and was really impressed with the food. He went to some place called ''Jean-George'' or something like that. He said he had the ''tasting menu'' where they brought him all kinds of different small meals. He also had 7 glasses of wine so he got pretty plastered. He said that one thing he tried was watermelon, tomato and pistachio nuts mixed together. He said it doesn't sound good but it was excellent. He said that he met the chef, Jean George, and the meal was comped. He did leave a tip of $300 for the waiter though. He said he has no idea what the meal would have cost him but a friend of his went there for lunch one time and spent $600. This great experience has Howard thinking that he wants to try more gourmet restaurants. Robin told him that's what she does all the time.
Gary told Howard that he saw the movie ''Bring it on'' this weekend and it was actually pretty good. Howard saw that it was the number one movie this weekend. Gary said that the story was pretty good and there were a lot of underwear shots of cheerleaders. Robin said she took Howard's word on ''The Cell'' and how good that was supposed to be but she was disappointed when she saw it. She thought it sucked like most movie reviewers did.
Howard also spent a couple of minutes talking about Rich and how he's suing the town he lives in for defamation. He was arrested for allegedly abusing his son. Now he suing them because he says his kid made up the story about being picked up by his ears while being forced to run 4 miles. Howard wants to know how a gay guy got a kid in the first place.
A listener called in and told Howard that he's mentioned in Maxim magazine this month. His estimated salary is listed in there as being $18 million. Howard says he doesn't make that much though. He says it's much lower than that. It also has Gary's salary listed at $140,000. Gary says he doesn't make that amount but he doesn't want to say if that's too high or too low. Howard and the crew spent a few minutes discussing some of the other celebrities that are listed. George Lucas' income was listed as $400 million! Oprah Winfrey brings in about $100 million.
Howard brought up an Page Six article that was written about him over vacation. He told Robin how Ralph had invited him to this party one night. The party was being held by restaurant owner Steve Lewis. He said he went and there really wasn't much going on there. He said the biggest celebrities he saw were Jaid Barrymore and supermodel James King. Ralph told Howard that a NY Post journalist was there so Howard got all bummed out. He spoke to the guy and told him he wasn't doing anything weird so he should lay off him in the article. Howard said he spoke to a couple of people at the party and the next thing he saw was the journalist speaking to those people asking them what Howard had said. Howard then read the article and pointed out that it was a non-story. Everything in the article was exaggerated. It said that Howard was the ''life of the party'' even though Howard claims he just stood there.
Howard also said that Beetlejuice was there as part of the dwarf tossing. He said that guy is weirder than you could possibly imagine. Howard said that he didn't want to toss Beetlejuice and the guy started yelling at him about what a pussy he was. Hank was also there and actually made up with Beetlejuice for some reason. Howard said Beetlejuice was walking around in brown shoes, black socks and a Superman outfit. At one point the outfit came off and he was wearing only a cape.
Doug somehow injured his ribs during the party but those details were also left for tomorrow's show.
Yesterday Howard saw a bunch of hot chicks in the hall as he headed to his office. It turned out to be interns being brought in to work at the station. About 6 of them are interns on his show. Gary had one of the hot interns come in to meet Howard. Jill, a college student at Rutgers, came in and spoke to Howard for a few minutes while he told her how cute she was. Howard questioned her about Rutgers and her SAT scores. Howard seemed surprised when she told him she got a 1090 on her SAT's. He thought that Rutgers was an Ivy League school for some reason. It's not. Gary said he's heard that it's the Ivy League school.. of New Jersey. Howard said that the other DJ's at the station will be hitting on her and the other interns all semester. Gary asked Howard if he'd fight her off if she came on to him. He said no. He'd love it if that happened but he wouldn't come on to her because he's trying to act like a professional.
The Losers will be battling Doug Flutie's band in the near future. Howard said that he also heard from John Popper of Blues Traveler who wants to battle The Losers. He told John that he's a pro and that's no battle. Howard and The Losers may take on Joe Frazier though. Joe wants to take them on. Gary said that they should get Jeff Bridges band in there also.
Howard played a few more song parody contest entries this morning. He played a song about Robin that he didn't really like. He also played ''Fat Bastard'' which was about Jackie. Another song, ''Nazareen'' was about the caller who threatened Joe Lieberman recently. Then there was ''The Bong Song'' which included everyone on the show. He also had one about ''O.J.'' and one called ''Uhh'' about KC. Finally he played one to the tune of Green Day's song ''Time of Your Life'' which was about the show. Get your songs in quick. The deadline is Thursday at 5pm.
Small headed dwarf Beetlejuice was also there. Howard said he was crying at one point because he thought that Doug didn't like him. Beet tried to kiss Doug for some reason and got pushed off on to the floor. He started to cry and Doug had to hug him and tell him it was okay. They also said that Hank the dwarf and Beetlejuice kissed each other for some reason. Howard said they were getting too far ahead and didn't elaborate on that story.
Howard said that Dominic was weird because he just sat there and stared at people. Vinnie Favale almost got beat up because he was so annoying.
The big story was Benjy. His behavior was very disturbing to many. Howard had to be careful describing what he did because of the graphic nature of it all. Howard said that there were a bunch of strippers having an orgy on the floor and Benjy became part of it at one point. He even performed oral on one of them. He claims that he had protection on his tongue but everyone said he's lying about that. He then claimed that he used vodka to ''sterilize'' the women before doing the oral thing. One of the strippers pulled off his underwear and tried to use her hand on him but he was like ''turkish taffy''. Everyone was telling Benjy how disgusting and disturbing it was to see him doing this stuff. Benjy said he was just trying to get his money's worth out of it. As the segment progressed we learned that Benjy was involved in a ''golden shower'' situation but he was also denying that. He said he watched a girl pee right next to him but he didn't let her go on him. Other people said that he was peed on.
A couple of guys who were at the party called in and said that Benjy's behavior was really weird. One guy said that Benjy was out in the street after the party yelling about how he's going to get AIDS because of what he'd done. Benjy denied that also.
Howard said that KC was kind of weird also. He left early for some odd reason. He later explained that he had an anxiety attack and had to get out of the place. Howard told him he should see a shrink. He thinks that he's really mental. Gary thinks that KC is one of those guys whose problems would all clear up if he just slept with a guy. More Benjy stuff came up near the end of this discussion. Benjy apparently pleasured himself while one of the strippers was watching. He did it to completion and the stripper was going around showing off ''the results'' of his project. Gary says that his whole view of Benjy has changed and he doesn't ever want him touching anything of his again.
2 months ago Gallagher had a heart attack. He told Howard about how he had to have a catheter stuck up his penis and how he asked to have a male nurse do the job instead of the female nurses. He said it was very painful and the gay nurse didn't put enough ''goop'' on the tube when he put it in. He said that the first meal he was served after the operation was spaghetti and meatballs which he thought was kind of weird because one of his arteries was clogged.
Howard finally got around to talking to Gallagher about how he had to sue his brother Ron. Ron Gallagher was using Gallagher's act but went too far so Gallagher had to sue him to put a stop to it. Gallagher said that his brother, known as ''Gallagher Too'', was given permission to do his act because he needed a job. Gallagher said he told his brother he could do the act as long as it wasn't on TV and as long as he made it clear that he wasn't the real Gallagher. He behaved himself for 5 years but then took it too far Gallagher says. He started billing himself as the real Gallagher and he didn't like that. He had to sue him to get him to stop the act all together. During all of this his family took the Ron's side so now he's estranged from his whole family. He won the lawsuit and now his brother isn't allowed to perform the act at all. He said the case isn't completely over yet though. He's got another case where he's trying to make something right between his brother and some people he allegedly ripped off.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from people and one guy told Gallagher the only talent he has it smashing melons. Gallagher said that he also tells jokes and writes them himself. He told a few of his one liners and they were kind of funny. He even claims that people like David Letterman, Carrot Top and Cher have ripped off his material. He even says that he's seen his stuff in movies like ''Stripes'' and ''Splash''. He's kind of like Howard. He invented all of this stuff and he thinks that everyone has ripped him off. He also has some kind of Ostrich meat thing going on and you can find info on that at GourmetOstrich.com. You can also check him out at GallagherSmash.com.
Howard brought up this movie ''Becoming Dick'' that Bob directed. Bob said that it had a $3 million budget. Howard thought that E! didn't have any money so that was a surprise to him. Howard also talked about how Bob got divorced from his wife a couple of years ago. They had a similar situation to Howard's so they compared stories about how they think they're better parents now that they're away from their kids more. Bob said that he has a girlfriend now but it took a year and a half from the divorce until he found her. One of his co-stars from ''Full House'' set him up with the woman. Howard asked him how he told his kids that he was dating. He asked if he just went up to them and told them to smell his hand. Bob said that he didn't do that, he just pulled down his pants and told them to smell his penis.
Howard let Bob talk about the movie for a couple of minutes and plugged some web site, BobSaget.Z.com, that Bob has. Bob told Howard that he'd try to find someone for him to date. He couldn't come up with anyone at that time but he said he'd work on it.
Howard was watching ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' last night and saw something that blew his mind. This hispanic guy had to use his lifelines on the first couple of questions. Howard said the first question was about what a ''Cover up'' would be called. Whitewash was the correct answer but the guy had to use the audience as his life line. By the 3rd question he had to use 2 more lifelines. The question was something about ''what do you call text that is slanted to the right?'' The guy had no idea and his phone-a-friend didn't know either. The correct answer was Italics. When Howard brought that up though, Gary wasn't sure of the correct answer either. He thought it was either superscript or subscript. Hello? Howard doesn't know how that guy even got on the show if he's that clueless.
A listener called in and told Howard that Mr. T was on the E! show last night. Howard was kind of upset that the E! guys didn't remind him to remind us about that fact. He said he just doesn't get those guys sometimes.
The caller also told Howard that before he went on vacation that one of his jokes was censored out of the show by Andre (the delay button controller). Howard was pissed because the word that was censored was Seamen. He was making a joke about the sunken Russian sub and Mark Harris and it got cut. Howard said he's done with all of this crap.
Howard and Les discussed the show a little bit. Howard also asked Les if he thought Bryant Gumbel did a lousy job with the town hall show after the series finale. Les thought Bryant did a fabulous job with it.
Howard and Robin wanted to know what other shows Les enjoys. The first one out of his mouth was ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' but they wanted something that's not on CBS. Les said he enjoys ''The Sopranos'' and ''The Practice''. Howard also asked Les some questions about ''Survivor'' to see if he actually watched the show. He knew more than Howard expected him to.
Howard also wanted to know if Les had anything to say about the horrible ''Cindy Margolis Show'' that's being put on a bunch of CBS owned stations. Les said ''No comment'' when Howard asked him about what he thinks of it. Les said that he never talks about his ''children'' even though Cindy's show is a ''distant cousin'' of the CBS family.
Howard let Les promote a couple of the new shows that will be on CBS this coming season. He mentioned Bette Midler's new show and ''The Fugitive'' as two to watch.
Dennis wasn't helping describe what his site is all about. Howard said that you can join the site for $24.99 a month (I checked, it's actually $29.95) and see Dennis doing his everyday stuff around his house. Dennis did say that there's no camera in his bedroom though. That's the one Howard would most want to see. Howard attempted to talk to Dennis for about 15 minutes but it wasn't happening. Dennis would start to answer questions that Howard asked 5 minutes before. Howard eventually gave up but Dennis hung up the phone before Howard did.
The other day we learned that KC gets anxiety attacks when he's out at different places. He explained some of those experiences to Howard also. He says that one time he was out apartment hunting and while he was in one place he got the feeling that the guy who was showing him the apartment had put some kind of poison in the air. He thought that the guy was immune to it himself so he had to get out of the place as soon as possible. He had a similar incident while he was at Doug Goodstein's bachelor party 2 weeks ago. He ended up leaving early because of one of these anxiety attacks. He told Howard that he's also gotten strange feelings like he wants to grab the knife he carries in his pocket to defend himself. He said he carries this small knife pretty much all the time.
KC says that he's at his wits end and doesn't know what to do. He says that he's been to a psycho-therapist but it didn't help him at all. Gary said that he thinks there's something going on in KC's head that could be brought out and it would straighten him out. He said it's not necessarily that he's gay but there's something going on in there. Jackie had the best suggestion when he said it could be something as simple as ''maybe he's just dumb!'' Howard seems to think that it has something to do with his father and how hard he was on him as a child. KC doesn't think that's it though. Howard said that KC has told him things about how his father forced him to wrestle and play other sports. KC thinks that his father just did that stuff because he loved him though. A caller claiming to be a doctor told KC that he may just have OCD and there are drugs to help him out. KC doesn't want to take any drugs to cure himself though.
Howard said he got a phone call from Carmen Electra telling him that she was in town and was leaving. She didn't meet up with him though. He did hang out with her a few weeks ago when he was out in Malibu.
Howard and the crew spent a few minutes talking about the ''Rudy-Palooza'' gathering for that guy Rudy from ''Survivor''. Howard was surprised that people cheered for him when he said something like ''Who'd have thought 20 years ago that I'd be friends with a queer.'' He thought that was really bizarre. He also can't believe that Richard, the queer that Rudy is talking about, isn't more upset with the way Rudy talks about him. Richard is scheduled to appear on the show next week.
For those fans of Anna Kournikova out there Howard brought up Kourni.com. He said that this guy has revealing pictures of the tennis player and you can vote for your favorite. He said there are pictures that show off quite a bit of stuff.
Mila said that they're having a ''hand relief'' party at the Bunny Ranch soon. Dennis told Howard that Mila is on the expensive side and guys can get a house girl for about $150. Mila said that the more movies of hers the guys have seen the more of a discount she'll give him. She told Howard that he'd get some free stuff if he went there. If you'd like more info on the Ranch just call 888-Bunny-Ranch. You can contact Mila at firstname.lastname@example.org.
A guy called in shortly after Mila left and told Howard that he had sex with her at the Ranch. He said it cost him $2000 for the first session which was about an hour. Then he bought another 6 hours for another $2000. He said that she was the best looking one there and picked her over all of the other chicks.
Howard also discussed how General Manager Tom Chiusano has issued a memo about how the new female interns have been dressing. He said that some haven't been wearing appropriate attire and wants them to dress for a more professional environment. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Tom about this and goofing on him about the whole situation. He thinks that Tom has issues and he's having sexual thoughts about the girls that he shouldn't be and that's why he wants them covering up more. Tom denies that of course. He said he's just teaching them how to dress for the real world. Gary said that he just figured they were wearing what 21 year olds are wearing these days and didn't think anything of it. Howard had Katie the intern come in to have Tom check her out to see if she was dress appropriately. She was wearing a tight shirt but that's not the problem Tom has. He's got a problem with cleavage. Gary said that he knows which girl it was that Tom got upset about. She was wearing a tight scoop neck shirt and was showing quite a bit of her ''ample bosoms''. Gary also said that this years Intern Beauty Pageant is going to be killer because there are so many good looking interns.
Jay is single so Howard was giving him advice on how he could use that office to get some chicks. He also tried to hook him up with Kelly but she's taken by a college guy. Howard said she's so good looking that she can get college guys.
Jay also talked about the many plans he has for his class this year. He's wants to have an outdoor pep rally with a bon fire but he's already being hassled over that. He also wants to do clothes drives for homeless and maybe a Thanksgiving cooking thing for people who can't have their own Thanksgiving. Howard told Jay that he's proud that he supported him because he's in to doing good things.
Before Howard dismissed the Pres and his VP he told them about KC's bed wetting incident. KC came in and told them that they should enjoy high school and college because once they get out all of this crap happens to you. He told them they should go to college and just stay there. Howard gave KC some advice about protecting his bed from wetting. He told him he should wear depends or put some rubber sheets on the bed.
Sean also said that the rumors about Jenna and him having a sexual thing are untrue. He said he joked about having sex with her on the island but it didn't happen. Howard asked Sean what he thought of Bryant Gumbel's hosting job on the Town Hall show after the finale. Sean said he didn't see the show but thought that Bryant was fine. He refuses to bad mouth anyone. Howard took a couple of phone calls for him and one woman told Sean how ''spineless'' he is. She said that he won't bad mouth anyone and said that he really is an idiot. Sean explained that because he's a physician he didn't want to come right out and bad mouth people on national TV. He said that's not his thing and he's not an idiot.
Sean told Howard that he got to see Richard's surgery scars when they appeared on the Letterman show the other day. Rich had lost 130 pounds and had a lot of flab. He had it surgically removed. Sean sat behind him on Letterman's show and saw the huge scar on Rich's back. Howard congratulated Sean on his new job and let him go.
Geraldo got to talk about this voyage a little bit with Howard. He had been telling Sean from ''Survivor'' about the pirates that chased his ship for 24 hours. Sean confirmed that there really are pirates out there because the island they were on was surrounded by pirate ships. Geraldo said the pirates never caught them but they were prepared to deal with them with small weapons.
Howard brought up a recent incident where Geraldo beat up some guy in Boston. Geraldo said that this guy came up to him while he was in his limo, stuck his hand in the car and gave him the finger. He also said something derogatory to him. Geraldo had to take care of the situation and a fight broke out. He said that street fights usually only last 2 or 3 punches so it didn't go on long. He claims that the other guy had to throw the first punch.
Howard had to keep talking to Geraldo about his many female conquests. He spent most of the interview trying to find out all he could about the women he gets. Geraldo didn't want to spend a lot of time on that though. He eventually got around to telling Howard that he had a ''katharsis'' while he was on the boat. He said there's more to life than work and all of the stuff that he's done. He wants to give back to the community he grew up in. So now he's thinking of running for Mayor of New York City when Rudy Giuliani's term is up. Robin kept saying that he's just coming to this conclusion because he's a bored rich guy. Geraldo says he wants to ''bring the city back together'' and get all of the races to get along. He thinks that Giuliani has created some kind of separation between everyone. Gary came in and asked Geraldo if he's worried that more people will come out of the woodwork and squeal on him about having sex with them and stuff. Geraldo says he'd rather be honest about that stuff than live a secret life so he doesn't have a problem with it.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Geraldo and most of them were negative. People called in to goof on him and ask him questions about his girlfriend. Howard finally wrapped things up and promoted his stuff. The ''Geraldo Voyager On The High Seas'' show airs tonight at 10 on the Travel Channel. This Sunday Geraldo hosts ''Deadly Justice'' on NBC at 7pm. That's a special about the death penalty. Geraldo looks at the competence of the justice system.
Michael said that he's now doing inspirational speeches at high schools. He said he does about 20 of them a year. He also told Howard that he'd like to find a job on a sitcom as a semi-regular kind of like Newman was on ''Seinfeld''. Robin asked him which shows he had in mind. He mentioned ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' and ''King of Queens'' as some possibilities. Howard said he has a show in mind. He said he'd like to have Michael, who's confined to a wheelchair, and Christopher Reeve as dance instructors. Or maybe do a ''Survivor'' type show where they just leave Michael in a shopping mall and he has to get around on his own.
If you'd like to get more information on Michael and how to book him for in inspirational speech visit MichaelAronin.com.
3-25-96. Today was the day to pick a rehab program for Kenny. Kenny was teaching the new producer how to run the station since he was fired last week. Howard got a couple of guys on the phone that run rehab programs in the New York area. They both pitched their programs to Kenny. One program was located in the Hamptons on Long Island. The Hamptons are a very ritzy area on the Island. The guy said that they'd fly Kenny in to the place with his family. Kenny chose the other guy. Go figure! Howard was curious about Kenny's bi-sexuality so he started in on him. He asked him if he ever took it up the rear. Kenny said that he'd never done that, he's only done the oral sex thing on guys. And they always wore a condom. Kenny says that he's about 75% women and 25% men.