For The Week Of 7/10/2000 to 7/14/2000

• The Best Of Stern. 7/10/00.
  We're down to the last week of vacation. Here's what we heard on today's show:
  • ''Philadelphia Retarded Kids For Cops'' commercial parody
  • ''My (radio) Niggaz'' song parody
  • Ozzy Osbourne comes in to promote his album ''Ozzmosis''. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 1-29-96. Ozzy came in for a visit this morning and was amazingly sober! Although he started off sounding drunk out of his mind. The guy was actually very funny to listen to. Howard just let Ozzy tell his f'd up stories about his drug days and his visit to the Betty Ford Clinic. Ozzy's wife's idea was to send him to Betty Ford to teach him how to drink like a gentleman. Ozzy walked in to Betty Ford and said '..direct me to the cocktail bar...' while his pockets were full of coke and ludes. Ozzy let us know that he's not smoking and he's only using legal drugs now...Prozac to be exact. He says that he's 'Psycho' without the prozac...hmmm...seemed like he was pretty 'Psycho' WITH the prozac! Ozzy also let us know that his married life is just like everyone else's...a nightmare. Howard played a couple of short snippets of Ozzy's current album and kissed his ass about how great it is.
  • Angry Haitians call in after Howard makes comments about immigrants
  • Jessica Hahn's smelly belly button
  • Howard yells at Scott the Engineer about poor quality microphones at his birthday show
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John at the ''Beautiful Girls'' movie premiere. Interviews included:
    • Rosie Perez
    • Supermodel Frederique
    • Mira Sorvino
    • Michael Mustow
    • MTV VJ Kennedy

• The Best Of Stern. 7/11/00.
  Here's what we heard on today's ''Best of Stern'':
  • ''The Psycho Friends Network'' commercial parody
  • Gary sings the ''Goodbye Yellow Brick Teeth'' song parody
  • ''The Noises of Jackie Martling'' commercial parody
  • An angry black caller complains that Howard should be taken off the air
  • Kathleen Kinmont tells Howard about her breakup with ex-husband Lorenzo Lamas
  • John Stamos and his girlfriend (at the time) Rebecca Romijn visit the show. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-6-96. John Stamos and his girlfriend, Rebecca Romijn, came in for a while this morning. Rebecca is in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and has done modeling for Victoria's Secret catalog. John is now starring in a broadway play. Howard was fawning over Rebecca through the whole interview. Tori Spelling also called in during the Stamos interview to plug her CBS movie that's on tonight. She plays a hooker...mmmmm sounds like a good one. Howard was talking about how small Tori's ass is and asked her how big her bowel movements are...and of course the delay was hit at least twice during the conversation so the good stuff was missed. They said something about her doody being the size of a Q-Tip.
  • ''Hank the angry dwarf bear'' commercial parody
  • Howard gets hate mail and angry calls from anti-abortionists after telling Stuttering John to have his wife get an abortion
  • Howard talks to some adopted kids who aren't happy being adopted
  • Howard takes a call from a Minister who is against what Howard says on the radio

• The Best Of Stern. 7/12/00.
  Here's what we heard on today's ''Best of Stern'':
  • ''The George Michael Movie Marathon'' Movie Phone parody
  • Fiona Apple performs ''Sleep to Dream''
  • Basketball player Bill Walton promotes his book
  • An adoptive mother calls in to complain about Howard's comments about how adopted kids aren't as loved as biological kids
  • Hypnotist Paul McKenna hypnotizes Scores Girls to think they're in love with Elephant Boy and Big Black. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-15-96. Paul Mckenna, The Worlds Funniest Hypnotist, came in this morning to hypnotize some Scores girls. I don't believe in any of this crap but it really was entertaining. Howard's idea was to bring in Fred The Elephant Boy and Big Black. Then they would hypnotize the Scores girls in to thinking that Fred and Big Black were the hottest guys on earth. Well eventually they did that but first Paul hypnotized the girls so that when Howard made a certain noise with his megaphone, they would orgasm. Howie played that game for a while and the girls really went nuts. That was really funny. After that crazy stuff they moved on to Fred and Big Black. One of the bits had 'Pamela' falling in love with Fred and wanting to tear off all of his clothes. She started to take off his shirt but almost vomited when she got a whiff of his B.O.! She then said that she'd have to bathe him before they did anything. Fred is known for always having B.O. and today was no different. Howard later asked Fred what the hell was going on. Fred said that he had showered last night and didn't know why he stunk. Mr. Hypnotist was on most of the morning and the bits got old pretty quick.
  • Howard talks about how wacky Jurors are after the Lorena Bobbit verdict
  • Stuttering John interviews Bozo the Clown. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-21-96. Yes, John was out once again getting another great interview with a damn clown. John asked Bozo why so many clowns become child molesters?, are you allowed to fart in the Bozo costume, where do you get odor eaters for those giant shoes, etc etc. Bozo actually hung in there until his publicist chased John away.
  • Howard wants Playboy Playmate Carrie Ann Wescott to do some outrageous stuff to get on the show so he has Gary call her P.R. guy to break the news

• The Best Of Stern. 7/13/00.
  Here's what we heard on today's show:
  • Stern cast Horse Race parody
  • Redrum Republik sings ''Howard Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong''
  • Latoya Jackson and husband Jack Gordon visit
  • Mickey Rooney calls in
  • Mike Gange complains about being ''stuck'' in his job
  • Howard yells at an ''old crow'' listener who calls in to complain about the show. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-7-96. Some old bag called Baba Booey in the office and started freaking out about Howard's belching on the air. Gary sent the call through to Howard. This old woman started out kind of calm but then Howard told her to turn down her radio and while she was doing it he called her an old crow...she FREAKED. She started yelling and screaming at him over the stupidest things. A little while after she hung up on Howard, she and her son called back. Her son was just as mental as she was. He was telling Howard that his mommy wasn't an old crow and how dare he say such a thing. The old bag got back on the phone and went nuts again. Howard yelled and screamed for a few minutes and she vanished.
  • Stuttering John interviews Anthony Keidis backstage at the Red Hot Chili Peppers show. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-16-96. Today's show was packed full of good stuff. For starters we have yet another Stuttering John interview. This one was with Anthony Keidis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. John asked such questions as: 'Are you guys queers?', 'Did you date an underage girl and why?', and 'Does anyone in the band have plans to overdose on Heroine' . Anthony answered all of these questions as if John was serious. Anthony says that they are not homosexuals and that he likes to bang chicks.
  • Stuttering John evicts Mike Gange and Steve Grillo from his apartment. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives... 2-21-96. Mike Gange and Steve Grillo are losing their home. Stuttering John has been subbing out his NYC apartment to Mike and Steve but John's landlord want's John evicted. From what I gather, John isn't supposed to be renting his apartment out to anyone and the landlord found out about Mike and Steve. John, Mike and Steve got in to a huge yelling match late this morning about this matter. Grillo thinks that John can't throw him out because he doesn't have any where else to go. That's not John's problem. Mike seems to understand this but he doesn't really want to move out either. All three say that they have lawyers trying to stop the eviction but one of the lawyers called in and told them all to shut up because they're all ruining the case. More on this when we get the whole story.
  • Howard and Billy West discuss gay marriage as Ramond Burr and his gay lover
  • The Backside Boys perform ''Backside's Back''

• The Best Of Stern. 7/14/00.
  Finally... Two weeks of reruns come to an end. Here's what we heard today:
  • Red Peters' ''Peen Itch'' commercial parody
  • Scott the Engineer sings ''Brown Fingers'' song parody
  • Howard listens to tape of James Garner bad mouthing him
  • Howard talks about Soupy Sales bad mouthing him in an article
  • Stuttering John interviews Ann Margaret
  • Howard talks to Tineen Howard who was arrested in front of the Governor's Mansion in Virginia and yelled out Howard's name
  • Black Jeopardy. From the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-21-96. Every year Howard likes to take part in Black History month so he does his version of the game show Jeopardy. Today's contestants were Big Black the black nerd, King of All Blacks, and Tineen Howard the guy who was recently arrested in front of the governors mansion in Virginia with a gun...he was also yelling out 'Howard Stern is the king of all media'. So you can see that we have quite a collection of wacky people. Big Black was 'sipping' on a 40oz. Malt Liquor to make himself seem more like a real black man. Uzo the big breasted sex kitten was also in to turn over the Jeopardy question cards. King of All Blacks spent his whole morning goofing on Big Black's look and his glasses. Howard was dressed in his big afro wig and goofy glasses. They went through the usual black questions and came down to the Final Jeopardy. The question was: 'How do you spell Cochran?'. Big Black came out the winner with 230 points, King of All Blacks had 80 points and Tineen had 210 points. Uzo tried to spell the word but was unsuccessful. She spelled it Cockran. Big Black came away with a $500 gift certificate for Tops Appliance. Everyone came away a winner when Howard gave gift certificates to all three goofballs. Big Black wants to become an entertainer and put the word out that he's up for hire. King of All Blacks told Big Black to sing a little of 'Ben' for us and he screeched out a tune.
  • An Orlando listener calls in and complains about how the station starts the show
  • Howard goofs on Gary about an interview he did about his animation art