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Mark's Friggin' Night Out At Headliners @ The Holiday Inn in King of Prussia, PA - November 2, 2002

It had been over a month since I'd gone to one of these great comedy shows. I needed to laugh out loud again. Since I run the banner ads for the Reverend Bob Levy I saw that he and Artie Lange were doing a show with KC Armstrong, Don Jamieson and Jimmy Graham at Headliners at the Holiday Inn in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. King of Prussia? Where the frig' is that? I logged on to Yahoo Maps and plugged in the address. Sixty miles away and an estimated travel time of an hour and 40 minutes. Sounds good to me! Plus I heard that Yucko the Clown was added to the list of comedians. I had no idea what to expect from him.

I invited my sister and brother-in-law to go along with me and my girlfriend. We headed out around 6pm so we could get to the first of two shows at 8 o'clock. Little did I know the friggin' directions I got from Yahoo Maps sucked big time. Oh, they were accurate enough but they took us over the worst possible route. I hate that. About an hour and 40 minutes later (like I said, the directions were accurate) we got to the Holiday Inn and round some decent seats.

About 10 minutes after getting there all of the comedians came walking in. In the group I noticed someone who looked kind of like Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com but he was wearing a long leather jacket with a sword sticking out his back. Was it Mutt or was it part of one of the acts? A little later I saw Mutt's woman Widget also dressed up as if they were going to a costume party. A short time later Rev. Bob Levy stuck his head out from back stage so I went over to say 'hi' to him. Widget was there so I said hello to her and found out they were going to a costume party after the comedy show. That explained the crazy outfits.

Mutt and Widget were hanging out back stage with the guys so my girlfriend told me I should try to get back there. The show was about to start so I decided to wait for the end of the show instead of bugging the guys before. The show started up a little while later. Jimmy Graham opened the show and did a great job as usual. The sound system in the place was kind of lame so I had to concentrate on what everyone was saying. That was made tougher because there was a group of people sitting in front of me carrying on a conversation like they were out to eat at a restaurant. No whispering, just normal volume conversation. I almost told them to shut up but I'm too much of a pussy to do that... I didn't want to get my ass kicked.

Don Jamieson was next up on the stage. He did a great job but while he was performing this guy was standing off to the side of the stage flicking his lighter on and off. He kept doing it so I figured he had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or something. My sister figured it out and said the guy was timing Don and trying to let him know that he should wrap up his act. Don wasn't looking his way though so he kept flicking the damn lighter. Don eventually got the signal and finished up. My sister was really distracted by the lighter guy though.

KC Armstrong was up next and did his child molestation and ''YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?'' stuff. It's actually funny if you look past how wrong it really is. The lighter guy was back trying to get KC's attention. He kept flicking that damn thing over and over again. KC finally saw the guy standing there and asked him how he was doing on time. The guy flicked the lighter so KC finished up his time on stage.

The Reverend Bob Levy was up next. He did his act but never got around to doing his ass licking act. Lighter guy was waiting in the wings with his finger over the trigger anyway.

Little did we know how funny Yucko the Clown was going to be. The anti-semitic clown started rolling with his racial slurs immediately. He had me and my brother-in-law laughing hysterically. At one point in his act he sang the most disturbing song I've ever heard. He sings the song to the tune of that kids song ''Wheels on the Bus'' and it started off something like this... ''Jews on the train go to the camp, to the camp, to the camp...'' It only got worse from there. I think the next line went something like ''Jews in the camp go to the oven, to the oven, to the oven...'' That's went people started walking out. I saw at least two tables get up and walk out during Yucko's act (see the whole thing at DamnShow.com). It turns out there were some Jewish singles at the show out for some fun on the town. They had no idea what they were in for. I guess Jewish singles should avoid shows with Yucko the Clown. Yucko had more coming though. He kept yelling about how his wife (I think it was wife) was a big c-word. A short time later a dude comes walking out with this five foot tall fabric vagina replica attached to him. The guy was wearing nothing but the vagina and thong underwear. Yucko then asked the crowd if they wanted to see him f-the thing. He had a giant penis replica that he put up against his crotch and proceeded to f-the giant vagina. He ended up knocking the guy down and humped it for a few seconds. The guy wearing the vagina eventually got up and stumbled off stage. I later heard from Mutt that the guy who wore the vagina suit, Waco, slammed his head on the floor and knocked himself out for a second. He was stumbling off stage because he was all wacky from smashing his head on the floor.

Artie was up next after Yucko. He's always the big draw at these shows. When people see him they cheer and stick their beers up to toast him. When he started his act he mentioned that he's a NY Giants fan. Bad idea since he was in Philadelphia Eagle territory. The crown chanted ''ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE'' for a short time after he mentioned that. It was all in good fun of course. Artie calmed them down and went on to do his act. Earlier in the show Bob Levy was talking to this old guy in the audience. By the time Artie got on stage the guy had fallen asleep with his hand on his head. Artie noticed and pointed it out to the crowd. The 69 year old took a couple of naps during Artie's time on stage. It was pretty funny when Artie would point it out to everyone.

At one point during the show Jimmy Graham mentioned me and Mutt being in the crowd. I actually got a few cheers from some fans who visit the site. I waved to the crowd but someone didn't see me so they asked Jimmy where I was. I had to wave for a second time so they could see me. It still freaks me out when they do that. I'm no celebrity. A couple of people in the crowd acknowledged me when the show was done. They told me they love the site and stuff like that. Thanks guys!

After the show we all hung out with Mutt and his woman for a few minutes. We headed toward the stage where a bunch of fans were hanging out talking to Artie. He was taking some pictures with them so we got Bob to come down and hang out for a few minutes. Artie eventually finished up with the fans and came over toward us. He recognized me and said ''Mark! How are you doin' man?'' He spent a couple of minutes talking to us. He was distracted for a minute so this cute girl Carrie came over to me and shook my hand. She told me that she used to be an intern on the Stern show and told me how great the site is. I still love hearing that stuff. Artie eventually came back over and told me how much he enjoys the site. He just got a computer a few months ago and has started reading my stuff because he forgets some of the things that went on during the show. He also told me he tells his friends and family to check out the site if they miss the show and want to find out something that he did. How cool is that? Artie invited us to hang out back stage with them while they waited for the second show to start. How could we refuse?

Yucko the Clown and his buddy Waco were there so I hung out with them for a few seconds. Waco gave me a copy of The Damn Show DVD that I have to watch. They were really cool to me like all of these other guys have been over the past few months. KC was back stage and my sister is a huge fan of his looks, not his comedy, so she was saying hello to him while I was talking to Bob Levy. Don Jamieson, who produced the Terrorizing Telemarketers CDs along with Jim Florentine, told us that he just re-cut the first volume of Terrorizing Telemarketers. He said the calls were reedited and he added a couple of new calls. They're going to re-release that volume sometime in the next couple of weeks. Yay! That's great!

Each time we were getting ready to leave something else would happen that kept us there for a few minutes. Yucko was yelling at people and throwing stuff around like a psycho. Mutt was leaving and Yucko started throwing ice cubes at him. That friggin' clown is insane!

We finally said our goodbyes again and started to leave. Then Bob introduced me to Dan the Farter who was there to blast some farts for the show. As I was leaving I heard Dan say that he was going to open the second show with the National Anthem... and I was going to miss it because we were leaving. Damn! We headed out, said goodbye to Artie and Jimmy again and made a stop at the bathrooms. My brother-in-law came out and said Dan the Farter was in there ''clearing his throat'' for his upcoming performance. Unfortunately I missed the next show. I heard it was great though.

All of these guys are great, together or on their own. Check out their web sites to see if they're appearing in your area...

And I can't forget Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com.


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